R
RyuShiKan
Guest
I got this from Mr. Cobb from “Down Under”.
This is pretty funny stuff to most people not from the Midwest.
However, when you actually are from there, like Yiliquan and myself it just seems normal.
------------------------------------------------
A message from the Rural Midwest
Because of the constant misunderstandings that frequently develop when
East Coasters and Californians cross our beautiful lands here in the
Midwest, the state tourism councils for the eleven states have adopted a
set of information guidelines to help those outsiders understand us a little better. The following list will be handed to each driver as they enter the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get the Hell out of the way!
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. We
saw Bambi too, but we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn-fed" women will get you your *** whipped... by
our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for....bait.
6. Pull your pants up...you look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, you might not want to put it up to your ear. Just a little
friendly advice.
8. That's right. Whiskey costs two bucks. We buy a fifth for what you paid
at the airport for one drink.
9. You bring Coke into my house....it better be brown, wet and served over
ice.
10. So, you have a $60,000 Mercedes you only drive on the weekends?
We're not impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines we only use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We might even stop if it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish and drive trucks, because they want to. So,
you're a feminist.....isn't that cute?
13. Yes, we eat catfish. Carp, too and sometimes turtle. If you want sushi
and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They're cows. They smell like that. Get over it. Don't like it...
I-70, I -80 and I -90 go East and West. I-29 and I-35 run North/South. Pick one and get the Hell out.
15. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
experience. You can get breakfast at the church.
16. Yes, every person in a pickup truck waves. It's called being friendly.
17. Yes, we have golf courses. Don't hit it in the water....it spooks the
fish.
18. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot....his name is Sir....no matter how old he is.
This is pretty funny stuff to most people not from the Midwest.
However, when you actually are from there, like Yiliquan and myself it just seems normal.
------------------------------------------------
A message from the Rural Midwest
Because of the constant misunderstandings that frequently develop when
East Coasters and Californians cross our beautiful lands here in the
Midwest, the state tourism councils for the eleven states have adopted a
set of information guidelines to help those outsiders understand us a little better. The following list will be handed to each driver as they enter the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get the Hell out of the way!
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. We
saw Bambi too, but we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn-fed" women will get you your *** whipped... by
our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for....bait.
6. Pull your pants up...you look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, you might not want to put it up to your ear. Just a little
friendly advice.
8. That's right. Whiskey costs two bucks. We buy a fifth for what you paid
at the airport for one drink.
9. You bring Coke into my house....it better be brown, wet and served over
ice.
10. So, you have a $60,000 Mercedes you only drive on the weekends?
We're not impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines we only use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We might even stop if it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish and drive trucks, because they want to. So,
you're a feminist.....isn't that cute?
13. Yes, we eat catfish. Carp, too and sometimes turtle. If you want sushi
and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They're cows. They smell like that. Get over it. Don't like it...
I-70, I -80 and I -90 go East and West. I-29 and I-35 run North/South. Pick one and get the Hell out.
15. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
experience. You can get breakfast at the church.
16. Yes, every person in a pickup truck waves. It's called being friendly.
17. Yes, we have golf courses. Don't hit it in the water....it spooks the
fish.
18. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot....his name is Sir....no matter how old he is.
