How to avoid the coming storm

[KempoGuy06]

Ive got a little problem that I know is coming but I dont know when or where. I recently started dating this girl that ive known for about 4 years. We were really close when we worked at the same resturant 4 years ago but kinda of fell apart when she started dating this guy that also worked there. We talked every now and then over the years and just recently connected last December. Weve only been dating now for about a month.

Now my problem is the ex-boyfriend. Ive known him longer than ive known her but only because he is one of my older brother's good friends. I dont like him and he doesnt like me. Weve had some verbal confrontations here and there but nothing more. Well over the years he has kind of become a loose canon, he drinks and does drugs and is generally out of control. I dont see him a lot but he is still friends with my brother and I know that I may run into him at my brothers house.

My question is what do I do when the meeting finally occurs? Im not scared for my safety or that of my girlfriends in any way. If I were I would go to the cops, but Im affraid this idiot will do something stupid and force me to take action which I dont want to do. Should I be worried or just forget about it and deal with it when it happens

Thanks in advance

B

 

[bluekey88]

Personally, there are a LOT of what ifs. Has this guy done or said anything that may indicate he's looking to cause trouble for you? If he has, then you've got something to deal with. If not, be wary in any situations where he's about, try not to be alone with him...otherwise get on with your life.

Sounds like this guy isn't worth losing sleep over at this time.

Peace,
Erik

 

[newGuy12]

he drinks and does drugs and is generally out of control.

*IF* this guy is cultivating some kind of alcoholism, and / or addiction (this is not for me to say), *THEN*, he is going to end up doing himself MUCH MORE damage than you or any other human being could.

If this is the case, he will end up loosing his spirit. He may die from the inside out. You don't want to get caught up in that. Then again, this may not be the case.

 

[exile]

over the years he has kind of become a loose canon, he drinks and does drugs and is generally out of control. I dont see him a lot but he is still friends with my brother and I know that I may run into him at my brothers house.

I wouldn't become preoccupied with the problem, KG, but I wouldn't disregard it either. One practical thing is this: if your brother's house is the place where the undesired meeting is most likely to occur, then you and your brother should work out some way of ensuring that it doesn't happen. Call him in advance if you're going there, and ask your brother to let you know if he's expecting this guy over at his house, before you go there. That sort of thing. It's a big world, and the likelihood the two of you will find yourself in the same place at the same time doesn't have to be very great, if you do a little basic strategizing to minimize the chance of running into each other at the main 'intersection point' you're concerned about...

 

[morph4me]

If you can avoid him,do it, if you can't avoid him, increase your awareness. I wouldn't waste the energy worrying about him, until and unless the situation warrants it.

 

[jks9199]

Ive got a little problem that I know is coming but I dont know when or where. I recently started dating this girl that ive known for about 4 years. We were really close when we worked at the same resturant 4 years ago but kinda of fell apart when she started dating this guy that also worked there. We talked every now and then over the years and just recently connected last December. Weve only been dating now for about a month.

Now my problem is the ex-boyfriend. Ive known him longer than ive known her but only because he is one of my older brother's good friends. I dont like him and he doesnt like me. Weve had some verbal confrontations here and there but nothing more. Well over the years he has kind of become a loose canon, he drinks and does drugs and is generally out of control. I dont see him a lot but he is still friends with my brother and I know that I may run into him at my brothers house.

My question is what do I do when the meeting finally occurs? Im not scared for my safety or that of my girlfriends in any way. If I were I would go to the cops, but Im affraid this idiot will do something stupid and force me to take action which I dont want to do. Should I be worried or just forget about it and deal with it when it happens

Thanks in advance

B

Be careful that you don't create the problem because you're expecting it. If there were no hard feelings about the break-up, no cheating, etc., why expect that the guy is going to go off the handle over you dating his ex? Especially since it seems like it was a couple of years ago?

 

[elder999]

Be careful that you don't create the problem because you're expecting it. If there were no hard feelings about the break-up, no cheating, etc., why expect that the guy is going to go off the handle over you dating his ex? Especially since it seems like it was a couple of years ago?

....and does he have a girlfriend now? These would all be indications that he's moved on, and you can forget about it for the most part.....

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

This is a very tough situation to know how to deal with. I have been in a similar situation in the past and it ended up being absolutely a non issue when we met. Here is hoping that your situation ends up the same way.

 

[KempoGuy06]

Be careful that you don't create the problem because you're expecting it. If there were no hard feelings about the break-up, no cheating, etc., why expect that the guy is going to go off the handle over you dating his ex? Especially since it seems like it was a couple of years ago?

There are hard feelings about the break-up (she wanted it, he didnt). Ive known this guy most my life and have either seen first hand how he acts or heard stories from my brother

I fully expect him to flip at me since 3 weeks ago he took a swing at my brother when he was drunk and my brother is supposedly his best friend (so he says)

....and does he have a girlfriend now? These would all be indications that he's moved on, and you can forget about it for the most part.....

He doesnt have a g/f now as far as I know but I dont think he does.

thanks for the advice

B

 

[terryl965]

KG like others have said I would let sleeping dogs lay and keep up my awareness just in case. Since he took a swing at your brother you can only assume the same will be with you know that and try to avoid places he might be at. Best of luck.

 

[Kacey]

Avoid him when you can, do your best to conciliate him when you can't avoid him - and above all, don't let your guard down anywhere near him. Make sure that those around you know about your concerns, and don't start anything - but if he starts something, protect yourself and get away as quickly as possible.

Good luck in your new relationship!

 

[MrE2Me2]

Best case scenario: Nothing happens and you get on with your life.
Worst case scenario: He goes crazy and you are forced to defend yourself.

Just remember, drugs and drink do funny things to a guy's mind.

I have been in similar situations and sometimes just being aware and ready was enough. I hope your situation works out well.