Winter
Pros:
- No Mosquitos or other bitey insects
- Superbowl
Cons:
- Car doesn't want to start
- Can't go outside without 68 lbs. of coats, touques, mitts, boots, etc.
- No golfing
- Everyone on the road is trying to kill me
- Regular falling on *** due to ice
- Snotsicles
- Peeing outside is really uncomfortable and potentially dangerous
- No outdoor marital relations
- Travel time increases by 300%. (time spent travelling is time wasted)
- All vegetation goes dormant. I find this to be very depressing. I love vegetation.
- 8 hours of sunlight. I find this to be very depressing. I love sunlight.
- Due to a lack of sunlight and heat, my tan disappears, and I take on a pale, sickly skin tone.
- BBQing becomes less enjoyable, therefore happening far less frequently.
- Heating bills skyrocket.
- No golfing
- Proliferation of colds, thus increasing the likelihood of rather large and unmanageable snotsicles.
- Due to above, Kleenex budget increases.
- Rising Kleenex budget pressures encroach on liquor budget.
- Christmas. I really don't care for Christmas.
- The only places to be other than home are filled with other people who need to get out of the house, stamping around all grumpy. I hate crowds, especially stir-crazy, grumpy crowds. Due to this, I avoid malls, thus increasing the concentration of stir-crazy, grumpy crowds I encounter when doing Christmas shopping at the last minute, due to my previous avoidance of the mall. I hate Christmas.
- No golfing
- Everything mechanical fails in the winter. Ever try to fix your car in the winter? **** man, I hate winter.
- I have to shovel the walk regularly, or else the mail carrier leaves bitchy notes in my mailbox. Without fail, this causes more snotsicles.
- Stress of winter living, added to stir-craziness of remaining indoors too much causes me to want to drink whiskey. Whiskey budget is tight, due to Kleenex usage, causing angst, guilt, and increased desire to drink whiskey.
- Late sunrise creates a tendency to sleep in. This in turn reduces income potential, further pressuring the Kleenex and whiskey budget.
- No golfing
- Large snowdrifts increase fear of dropping keys to extreme phobia status. This fear is further exascerbated by the numbness and lack of dexterity in hands, due to extreme cold.
- Knee high arctic boots must be worn to protect toes from frostbite. Knee high arctic boots + business attire = very unhip combination. Self esteem declines.
- Unhealthy amounts of time spent on XBox due to lack of enthusiasm regarding outdoor activities. Bill Gates steals my power, damaging the balance of power in the force.
That about wraps up my feelings regarding winter. Honestly, I don't care for it much.