History of Liberals and Conservatives

[Tgace]

History of Liberals and Conservatives



:rofl:

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.......

 

[KenpoTex]

Nice!

 

[heretic888]

Nice!

If by "Nice!" you mean "Moronic, imbecilic, absolutistic, and polemical", then sure.

The article began on a humorous note with the whole thing about beer and BBQs. Then the partisan bickering, anti-intellectual posturing, and xenophobic jingoism reared its ugly head about a third of the way through.

The declaration of non-Christians to be lacking in principles is typical of Far Right rhetoric in this country. Also, I did find the open admittance of women being second-class citizens to be particularly, um, nice!

 

[RandomPhantom700]

You know, I was gonna tell Heretic to get a sense of humor.....then I read the rest of the article. Particularly the part about women. Too scathing to be a joke, at least a tasteful one.

And before anyone who buys into this ******** asks, I prefer domestic.

 

[heretic888]

You know, I was gonna tell Heretic to get a sense of humor.....then I read the rest of the article. Particularly the part about women. Too scathing to be a joke, at least a tasteful one.

Y'see, that's the whole clever thing here.

The author begins his article in a humorous, joking fashion. Y'know, to lighten the mood of his (and make no mistake, its a he that authored this) audience and to basically lower their political defenses. Nice strategy.

But then, about a third of the way down, he just begins with the partisan bickering and ideological extemism --- with the typical assortment of the "lib'rals" being unproductive, atheistic, value-less, sissy, America-haters.

I personally know a friend of mine --- who makes great BBQ, by the way --- that would be offended by most of the article.

Um, nice!

 

[RandomPhantom700]

I personally know a friend of mine --- who makes great BBQ, by the way --- that would be offended by most of the article.

Nukes!!

 

[Cryozombie]

But then, about a third of the way down, he just begins with the partisan bickering and ideological extemism --- with the typical assortment of the "lib'rals" being unproductive, atheistic, value-less, sissy, America-haters.

I personally know a friend of mine --- who makes great BBQ, by the way --- that would be offended by most of the article.

Um, nice!

You know what statistic this makes me wonder? Not that it has ANY bearing on ANYTHING but this has made me curious?

What % of Liberals are Vegatarians, and what % of Conservatives are?

Heh heh.

 

[heretic888]

You know what statistic this makes me wonder? Not that it has ANY bearing on ANYTHING but this has made me curious?

What % of Liberals are Vegatarians, and what % of Conservatives are?

Heh heh.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[RandomPhantom700]

"(Author not mentioned)"

Speaking of sissies...

 

[RandomPhantom700]

You know what statistic this makes me wonder? Not that it has ANY bearing on ANYTHING but this has made me curious?

What % of Liberals are Vegatarians, and what % of Conservatives are?

Heh heh.

Here's another percentage to ponder, since these godless, Satan-worshipping, sex-crazed liberals prefer to "govern": what percentage of current government leaders are conservatives?

 

[Tgace]

The difference between liberals, conservatives, and Southerners?

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family What do you do?

Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer:
BANG!

Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

 

[Tgace]

http://www.worldmagblog.com/blog/archives/014688.html

No jokes, please, we're liberal

"How come right-wing pundits are funny, while their left-wing counterparts are stuck in plodding solemnity?" In the current issue of Vanity Fair (no online article access available), columnist Michael Wolff -- a liberal who wrote for New York Magazine before it lost its witty edge -- explores the "humor gap" between conservative and liberal media.

Why aren't liberals funny?...The complicated condition for liberals...is that so much of the liberal media has defaulted to a kind of consensus [New York] Times-ness...We are all...self-serious, earnest, striving, humorless, correct people, seeking to become ever more earnest, faultless, evenhanded. We're Hillary (or we're her base, and she's courting us by becoming as worthy and flat as we are)...
Conservative opinionists...are, on the other hand, often facile, funny, irreverent, eccentric, jaunty, pithy, as well as aggressive and wrongheaded...

Obviously, conservatives have reason to enjoy themselves, while liberals do not. But then, too, it may reasonably be the conservatives' sense of verbal sport, of going too far, of showing off, that's helped get them into their catbird seat. And, conversely, the liberals' dullness and depressiveness -- "little constipated souls," in the recent description by Ben Bradlee, who is from the liberal media's jaunty age -- that's contributed to their fate.
So why no oomph? No joy? No jokes?

 

[Sapper6]

way too funny! :roflmao:

 

[kelly keltner]

Moral of this story: Never bring a knife to a gun fight
kelly

 

[KenpoTex]

If by "Nice!" you mean "Moronic, imbecilic, absolutistic, and polemical", then sure.

The article began on a humorous note with the whole thing about beer and BBQs. Then the partisan bickering, anti-intellectual posturing, and xenophobic jingoism reared its ugly head about a third of the way through.

The declaration of non-Christians to be lacking in principles is typical of Far Right rhetoric in this country. Also, I did find the open admittance of women being second-class citizens to be particularly, um, nice!

Dude, get a life. Yeah, it was a stupid, satirical overgeneralization. But it was meant as a friggin' joke and I found it amusing. I'm not going to waste any more time talking about it either.

 

[heretic888]

"How come right-wing pundits are funny, while their left-wing counterparts are stuck in plodding solemnity?" In the current issue of Vanity Fair (no online article access available), columnist Michael Wolff -- a liberal who wrote for New York Magazine before it lost its witty edge -- explores the "humor gap" between conservative and liberal media.

Why aren't liberals funny?...The complicated condition for liberals...is that so much of the liberal media has defaulted to a kind of consensus [New York] Times-ness...We are all...self-serious, earnest, striving, humorless, correct people, seeking to become ever more earnest, faultless, evenhanded. We're Hillary (or we're her base, and she's courting us by becoming as worthy and flat as we are)...
Conservative opinionists...are, on the other hand, often facile, funny, irreverent, eccentric, jaunty, pithy, as well as aggressive and wrongheaded...

Obviously, conservatives have reason to enjoy themselves, while liberals do not. But then, too, it may reasonably be the conservatives' sense of verbal sport, of going too far, of showing off, that's helped get them into their catbird seat. And, conversely, the liberals' dullness and depressiveness -- "little constipated souls," in the recent description by Ben Bradlee, who is from the liberal media's jaunty age -- that's contributed to their fate.
So why no oomph? No joy? No jokes?

Nice try, Bill, but no cigar.

Not a Liberal, not a Conservative. Nor do I care to be either.

I just call bovince feces when I smell it, and that article just stinks to high heavens!

 

[heretic888]

Dude, get a life. Yeah, it was a stupid, satirical overgeneralization. But it was meant as a friggin' joke and I found it amusing.

I could understand how certain persons could find the article in its totality to be a joke. But, then again, a lot of that depends on your personal intelligence and reading skills.

For example...

"The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement."

... was actually moderately amusing. I prefer more intelligent satires (say, Jon Stewart or Dennis Miller) myself, but its kinda amusing nonetheless.

But...

"Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.

Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives. Satan is a liberal (as the "father of all lies" he invented liberalism) And someday soon he will call his flock home.

Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals.

Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.

Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons.

Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model."

... is not a joke. Its a personal attack in a thinly veiled guise.

Like I said, I call bovine feces wherever I see it. And the author of this article is absolute full of it (notice the abdication of naming himself?).

Laterz.

 

[Sapper6]

I could understand how certain persons could find the article in its totality to be a joke. But, then again, a lot of that depends on your personal intelligence and reading skills.

so if one found it humorous, it means we are stupid and illiterate? wow, thanks for the compliment.

i've seen tons of rock throwing toward the conservative leaning people here at this forum, lacking of tantrums. it seems you can't handle a little in return. you call BS, i call funny. who really gives a damn.

 

[heretic888]

so if one found it humorous, it means we are stupid and illiterate? wow, thanks for the compliment.

Strawman much?

i've seen tons of rock throwing toward the conservative leaning people here at this forum, lacking of tantrums. it seems you can't handle a little in return. you call BS, i call funny. who really gives a damn.

Once again, I'm not a Liberal. In fact, I've criticized really stupid ideas like affirmative action, 'hate laws', slavery reparations, radical communism, 'tabula rasa', liberterianism, and cultural relativism far too many times for anyone to make such a crass assumption.

I call bovine feces where it is. This article smells of it.

 

[Sapper6]

Strawman much?

oh no, that's your area of expertise.