Funny fight stories

[Steve]

my little story will never compare to rolling in dog crap....some bars are just to high to reach.
it was my Uechi black belt test. there were a few of us from my dojo going up. we had to travel to another state to test under a testing board. my dojo never wore protective equipment other than a GI and and a cup. but for some reason we were required to wear head gear, gloves, and a chest protector. we were full grown adults. i felt it was ridiculous but you got to do what the testing board and school owner wants. they randomly paired people up for the sparring, and by chance i was paired with my dojo buddy Sean. now at home we were used to going at about 70 % power and speed. so that is how we started. the Ref/ testing senior was a women mid 40's (nothing against women or anyone in their mid forties, it just makes a better story to have that image) however she had a reputation for being a bit soft in teaching. so me and Sean start sparring making contact ,,,cuz..... we got the gear on,,, and we are used to going at each other at 70% anyway.. the Ref stops us and says " light contact" we start again this time Sean really wacks me good so of course i come back at him harder. Ref stops us again " i said light contact" this happend a few more times and each time me and Sean crank it up,, we ended up looking like an epic Wanderlei Silva battle standing there toe to toe trading, rocking full bore thowing everything......................She stops us screaming like a Nun teacher yelling at her class " stop it! stop it! i said light contact ...this is not rockem sockem robots ,,,taking each others heads off . go take you gear off and go sit down" so me and Sean walk off sweating and he says to me ....oh she said light contact? i thought she kept saying MORE contact. our teacher was on the side lines laughing his butt off. so our sparring bout "the rockem sockem robots" was a testing legend retold for many years.

Did you get promoted?

 

[hoshin1600]

Did you get promoted?

oh yeah. my teachers school had a reputation as being knuckle dragging neanderthal anyways so it was no big surprise there.

 

[JR 137]

The Last Dragon - Several years before it opened, when they were having readings for that movie, Billy Blanks had a copy of the second draft of that script. They wanted him to read for Sho-Nuff part.

So....a whole gang of us, his students and mine, went to a local movie theatre run by a friend of mine, and acted out that scene, and a good part of the third act as well. I remember thinking, "Oh, my God, this is so fricken' awful, this will never be a movie". (again, can I call em' or what?)

I really enjoyed the film, it was fun. What was strange when I first saw it in the theatre - I knew every line that was coming.
And if you ever see it again, and look closely, you'll see that William H Macy and Chazz Palminteri also appear in it.

Billy Blanks, as in Tae Bo Billy Blanks?

I own the movie. Which part(s) are those guys in?

Edit: I can't imagine anyone else playing Sho 'Nuff. It was like that part was made for the guy who ended up playing it. Kind of like OJ Simpson was originally slated to play The Terminator. They reportedly passed on OJ because no one would believe him as a cold-blooded killer. I guess things change.

 

[Buka]

Billy Blanks, as in Tae Bo Billy Blanks?

I own the movie. Which part(s) are those guys in?

Edit: I can't imagine anyone else playing Sho 'Nuff. It was like that part was made for the guy who ended up playing it. Kind of like OJ Simpson was originally slated to play The Terminator. They reportedly passed on OJ because no one would believe him as a cold-blooded killer. I guess things change.

here you go, bro.

He Was in That? William H. Macy in The Last Dragon

Arcadian’s thugs like Rock played by Mike Starr (Mobster in Dumb and Dumber) and Hood #2 played by Chazz Palminteri– the limo driving thug who gets his *** kicked by Leroy while trying to kidnap Laura Charles
In one of his first roles William H. Macy plays Laura Charles’ producer JJ who begs her to meet with Eddie Arcadian or else he’s gonna get it. He tells Laura “there is a point. The point of a knife that is pointed at this point on my neck, he’ll slit my throat if you don’t do this for me.”

 

[jobo]

nor really funny ha ha, more funny strange and not really a fight, but it made me stop and think

I was in the woods with my niece and little dog and every thing was lovely and laid back, I was playing tag with the girl and the dog was wandering around. Then suddenly there is this man shouting at me. The little dog has gone near hislittle lad who is scared of dogs and he is threatening to kill me and the dog. We had an exchange of view's at about 30 Ft. Which ended with me saying try it and see what happens.

at which point he charges towards me, he is huge, 6 Ft 7 and 250 lbs which is 6" and 50 lbs more than me. His calves are bigger than my thighs. He has his arms turned inwards like the incredible hulk and the veins are popping on his forehead

I stood my ground, I had decided to clothes line him when he got within 6fy of me. He stopped just short of that distance and started bellowing at me at the top of his voice. I laugh at him and gave him a Bruce lee come on.

he didn't know what to do next, he clearly wasn't used to people standing their ground, sp he just stood their with the popping veins and the inward arms. So I got in a conversation with his wife about what she was doing with such an idiot.

slowly his rage subsided and he just stood there looking like a lost little boy. Then he turned and with out a word walked away

it was then I noticed that he had a baby in a sling on his back and if I had knocked him down it would have killed the baby.

all of which left me wondering about what sort of looney starts a fight. Whilst carrying a baby and how close I came to a manslaughter charge

 

[Headhunter]

Here's one I've just remembered from a very long time back.

It was in a point tournament and I was fighting this guy and I threw a jab which completely missed but he took a dive and through himself to the floor holding his face and acting injured when it was so obvious I didn't touch him. I just looked at the ref like come on really and the ref knew it to and said to him "hey get off your *** he didn't touch you" the guy just stayed down groaning so the ref counted to 5 and when he didnt get up he disqualified him and then ref said "want to lie on the floor without getting punched go do judo" that just made me laugh how the referee acted and was really giving him **** for faking

 

[stingrae]

nor really funny ha ha, more funny strange and not really a fight, but it made me stop and think

I was in the woods with my niece and little dog and every thing was lovely and laid back, I was playing tag with the girl and the dog was wandering around. Then suddenly there is this man shouting at me. The little dog has gone near hislittle lad who is scared of dogs and he is threatening to kill me and the dog. We had an exchange of view's at about 30 Ft. Which ended with me saying try it and see what happens.

at which point he charges towards me, he is huge, 6 Ft 7 and 250 lbs which is 6" and 50 lbs more than me. His calves are bigger than my thighs. He has his arms turned inwards like the incredible hulk and the veins are popping on his forehead

I stood my ground, I had decided to clothes line him when he got within 6fy of me. He stopped just short of that distance and started bellowing at me at the top of his voice. I laugh at him and gave him a Bruce lee come on.

he didn't know what to do next, he clearly wasn't used to people standing their ground, sp he just stood their with the popping veins and the inward arms. So I got in a conversation with his wife about what she was doing with such an idiot.

slowly his rage subsided and he just stood there looking like a lost little boy. Then he turned and with out a word walked away

it was then I noticed that he had a baby in a sling on his back and if I had knocked him down it would have killed the baby.

all of which left me wondering about what sort of looney starts a fight. Whilst carrying a baby and how close I came to a manslaughter charge

Now I'm imagining a beefed up Eric Bana charging while carrying a kid. Hulk...

 

[stingrae]

Here's one I've just remembered from a very long time back.

It was in a point tournament and I was fighting this guy and I threw a jab which completely missed but he took a dive and through himself to the floor holding his face and acting injured when it was so obvious I didn't touch him. I just looked at the ref like come on really and the ref knew it to and said to him "hey get off your *** he didn't touch you" the guy just stayed down groaning so the ref counted to 5 and when he didnt get up he disqualified him and then ref said "want to lie on the floor without getting punched go do judo" that just made me laugh how the referee acted and was really giving him **** for faking

Hope his coach chewed him out. Funny how the ref reacted, sad why he had to say that.

And what's wrong with laying on the floor, huh? Judo's awesome. Tosses and chokes and locks, oh my!

 

[jobo]

I was sat in a pub having a catch up with a lad id know for a long long time . When a bloke came in selling pens. They were posh pens and he was selling them three for a tenner. Sp I paid up and he left the pub.my mate said," he has only given you two pens" I looked down and there were only two pens on the table. So i ran out of the pub and caught up with him, grabbed him by the throat and insisted he gave me another pen. Which he did, returning to the pub, there were now three pens on the table. My mate said," I knew you would do that. This pens mine now "and popped it back in his pocket

 

[stingrae]

I was sat in a pub having a catch up with a lad id know for a long long time . When a bloke came in selling pens. They were posh pens and he was selling them three for a tenner. Sp I paid up and he left the pub.my mate said," he has only given you two pens" I looked down and there were only two pens on the table. So i ran out of the pub and caught up with him, grabbed him by the throat and insisted he gave me another pen. Which he did, returning to the pub, there were now three pens on the table. My mate said," I knew you would do that. This pens mine now "and popped it back in his pocket

That's so British I taste scones.

 

[Headhunter]

Hope his coach chewed him out. Funny how the ref reacted, sad why he had to say that.

And what's wrong with laying on the floor, huh? Judo's awesome. Tosses and chokes and locks, oh my!

Nothing when it's judo plenty when it's karate lol

 

[jobo]

still not can actual fight, i was in club frequented by a lot of students, really good music and a life sized darlek. And there is this thick set guy in his 30s all bull neck and biceps, strutting about banging in to the kid's and asking if they wanted to fight him
. A while went by and id not seen him for a bit, when I decided a needed a pee, outside the toilet was a long line of students waiting to use the toilet. What happening here I asked. It's that bloke in the red tshirt said, he holding the toilet door shut
right I said , so I push at the door and he banged it,shut again in my face, so I took a three yard run at it , caught him unexpectedly and the door flew open and trapped his head between the door and a durex machine, where I held it for a minute. He was shouting and threatening to kill me

. I released him and he came charging out with his fist clenched , sees me rather than some 100lb students and changes his mind, gets his coat and leaves. i didn't buy another drink all night, as grateful students kept popping another bud on the table

 

[stingrae]

still not can actual fight, i was in club frequented by a lot of students, really good music and a life sized darlek. And there is this thick set guy in his 30s all bull neck and biceps, strutting about banging in to the kid's and asking if they wanted to fight him
. A while went by and id not seen him for a bit, when I decided a needed a pee, outside the toilet was a long line of students waiting to use the toilet. What happening here I asked. It's that bloke in the red tshirt said, he holding the toilet door shut
right I said , so I push at the door and he banged it,shut again in my face, so I took a three yard run at it , caught him unexpectedly and the door flew open and trapped his head between the door and a durex machine, where I held it for a minute. He was shouting and threatening to kill me

. I released him and he came charging out with his fist clenched , sees me rather than some 100lb students and changes his mind, gets his coat and leaves. i didn't buy another drink all night, as grateful students kept popping another bud on the table

Again, so British I taste scones.