There is no question who broke the plate, so it's a matter of what you're teaching the kid. Are you teaching them to not overreact, not lie, and help fix the mistake? Or are you teaching them that any mistake no matter how small is a big deal, and it's better to risk lying about it, because you're going to be punished anyway?
This was entirely my point (which for some reason you disagreed with after). I was never spanked for any one action I did. If I was spanked, it was for cumulative actions for which I had many, many outs (given to my by my parents) and I refused at every level. If I admitted to breaking the plate, the
only consequence is that I had to take responsibility and clean it up. If I refused to clean it up, there were other punishments given. Each successive punishment was not the result of breaking the plate, it was the result of my failure to own up to it and be respectful to my parents.
In fact, what I learned is exactly what you described. Mistakes can be made. Risking lying about it is what was going to get me in trouble. Lying about it was the
only thing that got me in trouble.
I was never afraid after breaking a plate. As I got older, if I broke a plate, I would clean it up, and then tell my parents I broke a plate. I'd get "thanks for letting me know." That's because I was never spanked for anything I did to start an argument with my parents. I was spanked because of my continued disrespect and misbehavior.
You're going to hit a kid for throwing a tantrum? You know how many times each of my kids threw a tantrum? Once each. You know how many times I beat them in their lives? Zero.
Each kid is different. Sounds like your kids didn't need spankings. Prisons exist, and certainly some people deserve to go there. But they're also usually a last-resort. Most people don't need prisons. Most people should fear going to prison if they commit a crime.
I certainly needed the few I got. My nephew needed the few he got.
I'll also say there is clearly a difference between a spanking and a beating. In addition to what I've mentioned before (regarding beatings being an off-the-cuff response and spankings being handled more formally), a spanking is done in such a way that there's no lasting pain or marks. The pain would last literally a few seconds. It was a light slap with no follow-through, onto what it probably the most padded part of the human body. My friends and I would roughhouse and hit each other harder than that. I've taken harder hits in light-contact sparring than I ever took from a spanking.
I don't know what other people picture when they hear "spanking". I don't know if you're picturing several full-force hits with a belt or a weapon. If you are, then understand that that's not how spanking is for everyone. For me, it was more like one hit, like you'd use to kill a mosquito that's on yourself or your friend.
On the other hand, if you consider that single light hit to a well-padded to be the equivalent of a hard smack across the face, giving your kid a black eye, or repeatedly hitting them over and over again...then I'd say you've made this into a binary option instead of a scale with different degrees.