Favorites: Should You Have Them?

[dancingalone]

I may have started a similar topic before but I'm minded to discuss it again. I have a very promising girl in my class right now. She's only been with me about 8 months but shows technical maturity way beyond her time. It's obvious she pays attention to instruction and that she works on it at home a great deal. Her parent is very involved - comes to every practice and often asks for permission to video the class for reinforcement at home or asks politely after class for clarification on a particular point.

In other words, they are ideal students/parents and I can't resist jumping back flips to help them any way I can. So much so, that I think others have noticed.

Good or bad? As in most cases, I know my course of action. I am just curious what you all think and have deliberately been somewhat vague to let you be free to write what you will.

 

[miguksaram]

I may have started a similar topic before but I'm minded to discuss it again. I have a very promising girl in my class right now. She's only been with me about 8 months but shows technical maturity way beyond her time. It's obvious she pays attention to instruction and that she works on it at home a great deal. Her parent is very involved - comes to every practice and often asks for permission to video the class for reinforcement at home or asks politely after class for clarification on a particular point.

In other words, they are ideal students/parents and I can't resist jumping back flips to help them any way I can. So much so, that I think others have noticed.

Good or bad? As in most cases, I know my course of action. I am just curious what you all think and have deliberately been somewhat vague to let you be free to write what you will.

You're a horrible person and you will burn in everlasting dojo/dojang hell where you have to teach basic forms to white belt 5 year olds.

Face it, no matter how hard we try to be "fair" as instructors, we will always show slight favoritisim to one or two individuals who really stand out. Why not? If they are putting in the work and going that extra mile, they deserve an extra smile or a back flip from you to help them out. Just because you have a favorite doesn't mean you neglecting the rest of the students, at least I hope not. We have a running gag at Sharkey's about one student being the "Golden Child". This student can do no wrong and Sensei will always side with that student. (For the record I have never been the "Golden Child" ~sniff sniff~).

So go on and enjoy that "Golden Child" of yours.

 

[TaekwondoDad]

From a non-instructor/parent's point of view:

I can totally understand giving more attention and extra help to students who excel. I am not sure that in and of itself qualifies as "favorites". It is always nice when an instructor goes the extra mile for/with the student who is willing to go the extra mile him/herself.

Having a favorite, or even the perception of a favorite, often breeds jealousy and contempt in a school. Then you get a situation where the "favorite" spends his/her time walking around with a target on his back with other students out to get him. I think it needs to be handled carefully.

Then there are instances where an instructor sees potential in a student, tries to cultivate it and although it never materializes, the instructor of course can't be wrong and keeps spending more time, effort and attention on the favorite to the detriment of other students. In this situation, you see praise and privilege given to a student who hasn't earned it and it causes much spite and damages the instructors relationship with other students.

I have seen my daughter be the favorite and be hated for it by those who are jealous (most often parents). I have seen people be given special treatment, promoted early, invited to perform in special events reserved for "team members" etc, when they have not met the "requirements" previously set forth by the instructor. Neither of these situations are good for a school.

So, I would suggest spending additional time/efforts on a student who is excelling is wonderful and you are to be applauded for it, as long as you are willing to offer the same benefits to anyone who excels and treat all your students based on how they perform and not hang on to a favorite despite how they perform.

 

[puunui]

Obviously you shouldn't have favorites. But for those who excel, you can invite them to special training, for a "competition team" or other such sub group within the school. But resentment and jealousy will always be a potential problem no matter what you do.

 

[seasoned]

In life and at certain times there is someone you will just seem to click with. Hard to explain, but, never the less it happens. So, in a martial setting it only seem fitting that this could happen also.
It has nothing to do with kissing up or brown nosing the Sensei, but more to do with a special bond that happens between teacher and student where you are both on the same page, and a total understanding connects. I have been on both sides of this, and as long as it does not get out of hand, there is nothing wrong with it.............

 

[ACJ]

For those that charge more than a nominal fee, it would seem only fair that each student receives an equal amount of time and attention.

This is easy enough to say, but can be hard to put into practice. I always naturally just move to where I can help most, and most of the time, this means the talented students are getting more time. This is because the ones who are still learning or having trouble with a technique or drill, usually have one or two bigger issues, that need a cue from me to fix, and their partner can often monitor and provide feedback. Whereas the more advanced and talented students that are refining a technique, are trying to clean up a few smaller issues; issues which correction may lead to other issues, and issues which need an experienced eye to provide feedback, both of which the instructor can provide.

So the talented students generally end up with more time with me anyway, but I try to optimize everyone's time.

 

[ralphmcpherson]

My instructors have always had an "unwritten rule" that the harder a student wants to train, the more effort they will put in on their part. If someone in my class is really struggling with something and my instructor knows they dont train hard and dont practice in their own time, he will generally just tell them to practice more and work harder. If a hard working student who puts a lot of hours in both at the dojang and at home is having trouble with something he will spend as much time as the student wants either before or after class helping them out one on one.

 

[WaterGal]

Of course you're going to have favorites, but showing a lot of favoritism in the class is just going to cause problems. Now, I think you should praise students who're dedicated and work hard, but don't just praise the most talented students. Some people aren't graceful or athletic at all but will work really hard to become average martial artists. Those people should get praised too.

 

[WaterGal]

Obviously you shouldn't have favorites. But for those who excel, you can invite them to special training, for a "competition team" or other such sub group within the school. But resentment and jealousy will always be a potential problem no matter what you do.

How my school addresses this is to have open tryouts for the demo/competition team, instead of having to get invited. That way there's no favoritism or resentment - it's just a matter of whether the student knows their forms, is reasonably fit and is willing to work hard.