Euphemisms

[Black Bear]

Now when you're at parties and stuff, people always ask what you do for a living. I never say I'm a psychologist. I find that when I do, I either get the same lame lines like "So you're analyzing me right now?" or people excuse themselves to the snack table and don't come back. No, seriously, some are reluctant to self-disclose when they hear it, others are way too eager. So instead, I say I'm an educational consultant, and people start asking "normal" questions about my work, and the conversation gets rolling.

Likewise, when it comes to hobbies, I don't always feel like saying "I do martial arts". It depends on how it'll play in the crowd, but I don't even think of the stuff I do as MA, not really. I'm not going to tell some girl "I fight" or "I do self-defense" either. Those sound even weirder. What do you call it when we do this cross-training stuff that is reality-oriented but we mainly do it as an athletic hobby--see it's not a sport either, really--and is highly eclectic? If I said I do greco-roman, well I feel a bit pretentious. Our present training focus is on pummeling skills, etc. but I can't say I'm really a greco guy. I mean, those guys are killers. Boxing? Brazilian JJ? Tactical training? Bleah. Depending, I'll just throw out some ambiguous line. "Jerry? Oh, I work out with Jerry. Good guy." If they ask, then I can take a minute to explain properly. Sometimes I'll say kickboxing. It's so vague and popular, there's everything from cardio KB to muay Thai, so most urban folks don't have a strong iconic association with it the way they have with other words, not a strongly negative one anyway.

For you guys, can you say "kenpo" at a party and expect that the guy knows what you're talking about? I thought not. Do you say it anyway and secretly feel smug for the two seconds between their furrowed-browed "KEN-po???" and when you explain? JKD? etc.?

Other times when I need a euphemism are just for convenience. We don't say "Brazilian Jujitsu" in normal conversation, and BJJ sounds too much like BJ. It's 'jits. At home, it's "I'm going to train tonight" or "beating". "Yeah, beatings finished early tonight." "Yeah, I haven't gone beating all week."

What are your euphemisms? How do you talk about your training to outsiders?

 

[bdparsons]

I tell them I practice martial arts, period. Cut to the chase, no dancing around the subject, and every body knows what you're talking about. You get q uick read if you want the discussion to go any further in that direction.

Methinks you're trying to overanalyze the situation!

Respects,
Bill Parsons
Triangle Kenpo Institute

 

[OULobo]

Monkey, I know exactly what you are talking about. I don't mind the proffessional side, because I usually just get "Oh, then you must be pretty smart." line (I'm a chemical engineer / chemist), but I don't bother with telling them I do any MAs. If I do, it's because I think the party I'm talking to is mature and intelligent enough to handle it. Most people, especially drunk people, either say "Well, I know not to mess with you." or "Wow, so you know how to beat people up.". That is really annoying, but the worst is the guys who ask, "so what would you do if. . . . ." or "If I grab you like this. . . . .". If they are mature enough, they usually just ask what type of arts I do. I just say that its from the Philippines and Malaysia. Then we talk about the Philippines and Malaysia.

 

[Jason Davis]

I am an ERSISA Benefits Consultant so when people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I work in insurance. It saves alot of time and just makes my life alot easier.

As far as Martial Arts goes i don't tell people. Reason being, I really don't like the follow up questions.
i.e.
"Can you beat up (insert name here)?"
"So, you could probobly (insert special feat here)?"
"What about those UFC guys?"
"So, your like a weapon then, huh?"
"So, you mean to tell me you could kill somebody with your bare hands?"
"So you do that Crane stuff?"
(add any other annoying questions I'm sure you've been asked)
also, if someone thinks they are a bad A** they will try to make trouble with you. That's just my personal expierience, mabey not everyone elses.
So i just keep my mouth shut about it so i don't have to tell anyone only my close friends know.

 

[loki09789]

FOr profession, teacher simplifies things. THey either go "oh!" with the upslide in tone (respect, interest...) or down slide (you people make too much money for the vacation time you get... or 'I am having a Post Traumatic emotional reaction because of some teen age angst moment in school I haven't resolved). I ALWAYS avoid talking shop about students if I can in general company. At home, with trusted friends, I can vent without feeling like I am betraying a trust or bashing other teachers or students - everyone needs to vent.

As far as martial arts, I don't really mind talking about it, good or bad audience response. If they ask, even the dumb questions, I will try and give the tactful/informative answer. I don't like it, but I feel like it is the equivelent of a sports interview w/ a team rep/player. You follow the same rules:

Never make statements that leave the impression that you are more important that the team

Respond to generalizations with the standard "well, there are some that make the whole look bad", "there are jerks in every job/activity"

Present a graceful, positive front, don't get indignant or defensive: They are generally ignorant on the topic.

Take specific and individual compliments by giving credit to your teachers, peers and the training/activity.

Be honest, but hopeful and positive about the institution.

 

[Zepp]

Never needed to use euphemisms. I find that martial arts don't usually come up in casual party conversation, unless there's someone else besides me that also trains in a martial art and a mutual acquaitance of ours brings it up. The other times it has come up have been on dates when we discuss hobbies. I usually just say "Tae Kwon Do a few times a week," since pretty much everyone knows what TKD is. The typical response is "oh, cool" or "how long have you been doing that?" The conversation then usually switches to something they're more interested in. It's rare that I mention the other arts I've cross-trained in, unless I was currently doing it.

 

[Mark L]

I don't usually bring up martial arts as one of my activities in casual conversation for alot of the reasons already mentioned. I'll refer to my MA friends as folks I exercise with. I most often have to decide whether to fess up when someone asks about the visible results of my training (cuts, bruises, limp, etc.). Usually I'll just say "Contact sports", or if the individual reads genuinely interested I'll come clean.

As for my profession, I push around electrons.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Now when you're at parties and stuff, people always ask what you do for a living. I never say I'm a psychologist. I find that when I do, I either get the same lame lines like "So you're analyzing me right now?" or people excuse themselves to the snack table and don't come back. No, seriously, some are reluctant to self-disclose when they hear it, others are way too eager. So instead, I say I'm an educational consultant, and people start asking "normal" questions about my work, and the conversation gets rolling.

Likewise, when it comes to hobbies, I don't always feel like saying "I do martial arts". It depends on how it'll play in the crowd, but I don't even think of the stuff I do as MA, not really. I'm not going to tell some girl "I fight" or "I do self-defense" either. Those sound even weirder. What do you call it when we do this cross-training stuff that is reality-oriented but we mainly do it as an athletic hobby--see it's not a sport either, really--and is highly eclectic? If I said I do greco-roman, well I feel a bit pretentious. Our present training focus is on pummeling skills, etc. but I can't say I'm really a greco guy. I mean, those guys are killers. Boxing? Brazilian JJ? Tactical training? Bleah. Depending, I'll just throw out some ambiguous line. "Jerry? Oh, I work out with Jerry. Good guy." If they ask, then I can take a minute to explain properly. Sometimes I'll say kickboxing. It's so vague and popular, there's everything from cardio KB to muay Thai, so most urban folks don't have a strong iconic association with it the way they have with other words, not a strongly negative one anyway.

For you guys, can you say "kenpo" at a party and expect that the guy knows what you're talking about? I thought not. Do you say it anyway and secretly feel smug for the two seconds between their furrowed-browed "KEN-po???" and when you explain? JKD? etc.?

Other times when I need a euphemism are just for convenience. We don't say "Brazilian Jujitsu" in normal conversation, and BJJ sounds too much like BJ. It's 'jits. At home, it's "I'm going to train tonight" or "beating". "Yeah, beatings finished early tonight." "Yeah, I haven't gone beating all week."

What are your euphemisms? How do you talk about your training to outsiders?

I say that I have been taking karate lessons, and that its really fun. What I don't say is how long, unless they ask. Its the truth, but somehow it makes me seem like one of them. I look like I'm twelve, so people seem at ease with me anyway.
Sean

 

[Black Bear]

OULobo and Jason Davis know what I'm talking about. Sean's phrasing "I've been taking... lessons" gives it a different flavour, that I like. Shrewd, shrewd.

 

[Cryozombie]

I tell people I am a ninja and if they ask to many questions I will have to assassinate them.

Hahah.

No. Seriously, I tell them I study "Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu" and I say it quickly, and then let it go at "it's harder to explain then pronounce" when they say "What?"

The most common followup then is "So you do karate" and I say, "Nope, its not like that." They usualy drop it after that.

 

[theletch1]

I tell folks I'm an overland bulk materials relocation specialist....that's truck driver to ya'll. I usually just tell folks I study Nihon Goshin Aikido and answer the question of "What the hell is that?" with a simple "It's a type of martial art and go from there. I don't do parties, crowds bother me. If I'm in a conversation long enough to get to my past times then I've already had time to measure the mentality of the person I'm talking to.

 

[Kembudo-Kai Kempoka]

As far as Martial Arts goes i don't tell people. Reason being, I really don't like the follow up questions.
i.e.
"Can you beat up (insert name here)?"
"So, you could probobly (insert special feat here)?"
"What about those UFC guys?"
"So, your like a weapon then, huh?"
"So, you mean to tell me you could kill somebody with your bare hands?"
"So you do that Crane stuff?"
(add any other annoying questions I'm sure you've been asked)
also, if someone thinks they are a bad A** they will try to make trouble with you. That's just my personal expierience, mabey not everyone elses.
So i just keep my mouth shut about it so i don't have to tell anyone only my close friends know.

Awesome list, btw. I tried the straight-forward thing, and it never got me to even first base with the ladies (I think is scares them); now I'm ambiguous: "I do various self-competitive athletics. You know, hiking, biking, rock climbing...things of that sort. I've got some kuh-roddy buddies I work out with once in a while; great cardio..." and keep talking to gloss over the details and smother them with other data so the stupid questions don't start.

 

[Gary Crawford]

I never mention it or admitt MA at parties,too many drunks look for fights anyway.I tell them I sell anything I can get hold of for a dollar and tell them where my store is,then start asking them questions about them, which is much more interesting for me.People like to talk about themselves and I like to listen(usually).I consider parties and other social functions oportunities to have fun and be humorous.I have never heard much laughter when discussing MA.

 

[hardheadjarhead]

Likewise, when it comes to hobbies, I don't always feel like saying "I do martial arts". It depends on how it'll play in the crowd, but I don't even think of the stuff I do as MA, not really.

<snip>

What are your euphemisms? How do you talk about your training to outsiders?

Anymore, it seems most people in town know what I do for a living.

I can relate, though, to the bit about going to parties. I've gotten this:

"Whoa! Martial artist, eh? I wouldn't want to run into YOU in a dark alley!"

Or I get introduced in this way:

"This is Steve...he's a BLACK BELT. You better watch yourself around him, or he might give you a chop!"

I'm not making this up. I'm taking this verbatim from conversations I've had.

I've also gotten the middle-ages realtor with the martini in his hand, going into a crouch, making a shuto out of his free hand and then saying, "Hi-yah!" at me. Later during a conversation his wife started vainly examining my hands to look for callouses. She didn't find any, to her disappointment. I felt badly that I didn't have a bull to kill right there and then for her so that I could atone somehow for my lack of callouses. I'm sure she would have been impressed. She'd have had so much to talk about at the next party.

I generally try to steer the conversation back to what THEY do. Realty. Particle physics. Economics. Computers. People love to talk about themselves, and the general public is so clueless as to what WE do, it makes many of them uncomfortable asking questions. They don't know what to say. They search for some snippet of information they can latch on to...a common thread so they can talk with this strange fellow who--they suspect--can kill a bull with a karate chop. So what do they come up with?

"My cousin's son takes karate."

"Oh, really? That's nice."

"He's a second degree black belt. What is he, Ruth? Seven now?"

"Mikey? No dear. He's nine. And he's a third degree."


At this point, I shift the topic to religion, politics, global warming, terrorism, world hunger. ANYTHING more cheery than talking about Mikey and his rank. And then I reflect how much I miss drinking.

Regards,


Steve

 

[Black Bear]

KKK, kuhroddy is not hyphenated, I believe.

 

[KenpoTex]

If asked I just say that I study martial-arts and generally leave it at that. Although, I don't tell that many people.

As far as Martial Arts goes i don't tell people. Reason being, I really don't like the follow up questions.
i.e.
"Can you beat up (insert name here)?"
"So, you could probobly (insert special feat here)?"
"What about those UFC guys?"
"So, your like a weapon then, huh?"
"So, you mean to tell me you could kill somebody with your bare hands?"
"So you do that Crane stuff?"
(add any other annoying questions I'm sure you've been asked)

My favorite...I was actually asked this by someone the other day: "So are your hands registered as deadly weapons?"

...people in general are so stupid...

 

[MichiganTKD]

I generally do not tell people that I am a Tae Kwon Do Instructor because they have so many misconceptions about it. The wife has tried to get me to be more open about it, but she tends to think that martial arts and aerobics are the same. I have many of the same reasons listed previously. My favorites (or least favorites if you will)
1. The ones who make the forementioned knife hands and say "Hee-Yah!"
2. The ones who say "Watch out, he's a Tae Kwon Do Master, he'll beat you up!"
3. The ones who say "Hey, do you know ______? He's a 10th Degree in _____ organization."

 

[Ceicei]

I learned my lesson the hard way.

I ran into a former roommate from college. We had the sort of friendship when we could talk openly about anything back then.

We started a good conversation catching up. We talked about family, careers, pets, current events, and sports. She asked what I play (she was an avid basketball player and still goes out to play ball with friends). I told her I took martial arts. She gave me that disgusted expression, "Why?" The conversation stopped there when she gave me the excuse she needed to go get her kids ready for their basketball practices and just left. I was thinking I didn't even get the chance to tell her my kids are into martial arts too.

When I contacted her twice about meeting together again at her convenience, she says she doesn't have time now.

That might be true, but I have a distinct feeling she feels uneasy.

I guess our days of "talking about anything" is really over.

- Ceicei

 

[edhead2000]

I haven't gotten any of that with MA yet, but since I just started and haven't told many people, I'm not surprised. I get that a lot with my job (soon-to-be-job) though.

"I'm a pharmacist (or I'm in pharmacy school)."

-- Oh, wow, you count pills.

-- So you put pills from a big bottle into a little bottle.

-- Why do you need a doctorate to do that? Don't robots do that? OR Why do you have to go to school for THAT long?

-- Ah, so you have a pretty easy job?

-- Why are you guys always behind a tall counter? What's going on behind there?

-- Why's it take an hour to fill a prescription?

-- I heard about this pharmacist that's addicted to drugs or who killed a patient or who ripped off a patient, etc.

-- Why's medicine cost so much?

-- I went to the pharmacy the other day and _________________ happened.

-- So you can give me free drugs, huh? *wink, wink*

 

[OULobo]

edhead reminds me of one I get from some old druggie friends of mind that I run into from time to time. They know I'm educated in chemistry so they ask me how to get supplies, build a lab and run it. Like I'm gonna give them info. like this.