corny joke time

[Buka]

 

[Buka]

Walk with me by the water, worth the read...

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER:

Crap...I forgot the words....

 

[yak sao]

You are being attacked by a group of clowns...what do you do???

Go for the juggler!

 

[Buka]

 

[Buka]

Kiss Cam at Chicago Bulls game. (watch to the end!)

2015 01 03 Chicago Bulls Kiss Cam Barbershop Hashimoto - Safeshare.TV

 

[Elbowgrease]

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says "Man this place is happening!"

 

[Buka]

Dear Abby,

I've been married to my husband since college, but he is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job fourteen years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?

Signed: Clueless


Dear Clueless:

For crying out loud grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman, think about it. You're running for President of the United States. You don't need him anymore.

 

[donald1]

Last week I was so excited to be joining a ninja club! Swinging nunchuks like bruce lee and round house kicking bad guys like chuck norris (my 2 favorite ninjas afcoarse)
A couple days ago one of my friends their asked me if I wanted to help him share the clubs secrets with the community. I still havnt heard from him since... its like he disappeared completely.
When I went to my first ninja convention I was somewhat disappointed because I didnt see not even one person show up.
Just recently I was told I was to attend mandatory jury duty. I told them I would go to jury duty dressed as a ninja so I could stay at home and watch tv

 

[elder999]

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "You wanna beer?"
To which Descartes replies, "I think not."
and vanishes.

 

[donald1]

How to prepar tofu:
STEP #1: throw it in the trash
STEP #2: grill some meat

I hate when you sincerly give someone s complement on their mustache and all a sudden shes not your friend any more

Sometimes I like to take my married friends cell phone, change my contact name to "katie from the bar" then call him several times 3am and hang up

The other day I saw a redneck driving home when he pulls up to red night and he sees this young teen texting. The man was so mad he threw his half a can of beer at her.

 

[pgsmith]

Those were even funnier due to the fact that the spelling looks like you were drinking heavily when you wrote them down.

 

[donald1]

I just now realized some of the words misspelled (I blame the cell phone) but atleast its not this bad:

 

[Buka]

 

[donald1]

Q. You find yourself on a horse riding full speed next to a zebra and a lion is chasing you, what should you do?
A. Get your drunk ___ off the carousel

 

[Buka]

 

[donald1]

Im so smart I could be a super doctor ya know the other day

I helped 3 people in one day!

There was this old lady complaining about her back and about 20 minutes later I noticed something wrong with her hand... there was a stick in it... I threw it over the bridge.she was so happy she smile and yelled "my cane" out of respect I only charged her $20

I also saw this young boy sitting in the dentists office I could tell his mouth was sore. He said he got 3 of his teeth filled and one removed. As doctor I noticed he had paper in his mouth. I told him to spit that out and to enjoy this snickers candy bar instead. I only charged his mom $50

Naturally like all doctors I go to the hospital where all doctors go when they want to enjoy a beer or stand around a bonfire or watch sunday night football. I saw a young teenage boy sitting there waiting to get a flu shot and I sat there for 45 minutes telling him the danger of not getting a flu shot (I mean I really put the fear of god in this kid, he really wants to get that flu shot!!) But like all doctors I help because I must not because I can but since I need to.

 

[donald1]

I signed my son up for karate a month ago but he has not yet waxed the car

My neighbor complains his son wets the bed so when his son's birthday came I bought him an electric blanket

 

[skribs]

My neighbor came knocking on my door at 3:00 AM this morning! Can you believe it? Luckily I was still awake playing drums.

 

[donald1]

Texting for senior citizens
ATD- at the door.
BFF- best friend fell.
BTW- bring the wheelchair.
BYOT- bring your own teeth.
FWIW- forgot where i was.
GGPBL- gotta go pacemaker battery low.
GHA- got heartburn again.
LMDO- laughing my dentures out.
OMMR- on my message recliner.
OMSG- oh my! sorry gas.
ROGLACGU- rolling on floor and cant get up.
TTYL- talj to you louder.

 

[donald1]

Officer: why were you speeding?
Me: im trying to keep up with traffic
Officer: there is no traffic.
Me: I know! Thats how far behind I am

The other day i called shotgun but the cops still made me sit in the back...