Confrontation?!?

[tko4u]

Okay, before I got into martial arts, I was very confrontational. I was aggressive. Now, I dont really feel the need for confrontation or arguing. I think maybe it was the first time I saw what my hands and feet could do that I thought maybe confrontation was ridiculous. Dont get me wrong, I'm not going to get bullied around, but it has calmed me down a lot. I no longer see a point in fighting or arguing.


Anybody else out there like this?

 

[Kacey]

I was never confrontational - but I was shy, and convinced of my own inability to anything physical well, and that's certainly not nearly as much of a problem any more.

 

[IcemanSK]

When I was in high school, I hung out with a bunch of guys who also trained. We were nerds/geeks & ripe forbeing picked on. My buddy was philosophical even then. He'd say, "why would I want to get in a fight outside of class when I pay someone to beat me up in class? Besides, there's nothing this joker is gonna do to me that my instructor can &/or does to me already."

It's a cock-eyed way of looking at things, but I think it works. We spend a lot of energy in class trying to face a bad confortation. Hopefully, it takes some of the desire to start a bad confortation out of us.

 

[girlbug2]

Now that I have some base level of self defense ability, the fear is gone and I can approach potentially scary situations more calmly. That automatically makes me less confrontational, and also tends to calm down the more emotional people around me. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

[terryl965]

For me I just walk away, it is not worth the hassle to betrying to prove myself anymore.

 

[morph4me]

I wasn't confrontational as much as "offensively defensive". Growing up where I did, I used to get beat up alot, and it got to a point that as soon as things started going south I'd attack, because I knew where we were heading. I now have a more laid back attitude, and more conifidence, which keeps me out of those situations.

 

[BrandonLucas]

I was never conforntational before, and I find it harder to be confrontational in situations where I should be now.

It's almost like a disadvantage for me: I'm too scared of hurting someone else, and I don't really want to risk getting into trouble with the authorities.

And, for some weird reason, I really, really enjoy sparring and fighting in a controlled environment, and I love the feeling that comes with it. But, in several cases where I managed to get myself out of a confrontational situation, I feel like I'm going to be sick if it escalates.

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

I wasn't confrontational as much as "offensively defensive". Growing up where I did, I used to get beat up alot, and it got to a point that as soon as things started going south I'd attack, because I knew where we were heading. I now have a more laid back attitude, and more conifidence, which keeps me out of those situations.

I was more along these lines. Less getting beat up than just in an environment where there were other kids that always wanted to fight, for whatever reason.

Daniel

 

[MJS]

Okay, before I got into martial arts, I was very confrontational. I was aggressive. Now, I dont really feel the need for confrontation or arguing. I think maybe it was the first time I saw what my hands and feet could do that I thought maybe confrontation was ridiculous. Dont get me wrong, I'm not going to get bullied around, but it has calmed me down a lot. I no longer see a point in fighting or arguing.


Anybody else out there like this?

Before I started training, I was the opposite of what you describe above. I always did my best to avoid something, and usually as a result of this, was still picked on.

After training however, I'm more inclined to stick up for myself. Don't mistake this as me doing a 180 and think that I go out looking for trouble, because thats not the case. However, while I still do my best to verbally defuse something, I still stand up for myself.

 

[ackks10]

well i remember being put in a trash can by the school bully(i was 10) and after that i started kenpo, but i never liked to fight, (still don't) but sometimes it can't be helped, i don't mean standing there sucking air with someone,(kenpo don't work like that) i do kenpo so i don't have to do what i can do,but like Mr Parker said" know what you know, know why it's so"

 

[JBrainard]

For most of my life I was terrified of physical confrontation. With a lot of emotional help and my martial arts training... yeah, it still scares me. But it no longer scares me to the point of not being able to react appropriately to confrontation or the possibility thereof.

 

[zeeberex]

well i remember being put in a trash can by the school bully(i was 10) and after that i started kenpo, but i never liked to fight, (still don't) but sometimes it can't be helped, i don't mean standing there sucking air with someone,(kenpo don't work like that) i do kenpo so i don't have to do what i can do,but like Mr Parker said" know what you know, know why it's so"

I don't advocate this in adult life, but growing up, the quickest way I found to defalte a bully in front of his friends was a punch in the face. The bully would bark threats to save face (In front of his fellow sub bullies), but it almost always ended there. Bullies like victims much better than they like fights.

 

[shihansmurf]

For me I was ppretty young when I started so I had to deal with that whole entering the teenage years bit and all that entails. I used to fight quite a bit as a kid, gotten a bit smarter as I"ve aged.I save it for the mat nowadays(although in light of a recent injury I'm not sure how much more of that I'll still be able to be participating in).

I am by nature assertive and my profession encourages that. As I age, however, I find that I am less and less apt to engage in confrontations just for the sake of doing so. Rather this is because I am maturing as a martial artist, a person, or just attaing a bit of perspective isn't clear.
I still have a definite line that I will not be backed back accross, irresspective of the costs. I do believe that martial arts traing encourages aggressive behavior, especially at the earlier stages of traning. As the student builds skill and and ability I belive that the tendency towards aggression is replaced with confidence and a mentally stronger martial artist is the end result.

Just my thoughts
Mark

 

[zDom]

Yep, it has done me a world of good, too, in this area

Woe to those physically attack me, however, as I will do all I can to make them regret it.

 

[Odin]

Not sure if im honest, ive always fought with people my whole life, not in a I go out of my way to cause trouble but I lived in a council block in Northwest london and i was in a ''gang'', i fought with other gangs, I fought at school, i fought at raves, in the street.....So i have never really been shy of a fight, and now I fight in a ring or a cage, i dont think its the martial arts i think its more me maturing as a man, most kids and teenagers fight when they are growing up especialy where i live, now im older i just look for other things.

 

[Deaf Smith]

I never was much at being confrontational.

I feel if you know yourself well and have self confidence you won't be confrontational. You don't sweat the little stuff.

What enlightend me was 'Dear Abby'. See once in a colunm she wrote this person was feeling they have been shafeted.

And Abby wrote, "Don't get even. Get ahead."

And that clicked with me. It clicked deep and it felt that was the right way.

So I don't spend my time thinking about revenge or showing somone up. I got lots better things to do, like get ahead in life.

Deaf

 

[tko4u]

Deaf, things in life do have a way of coming around in life, dont you think?

 

[zDom]

Who is it who said, "The best revenge is living well"? George Herbert?

 

[Nolerama]

I've always been confrontational. But it's always been constructive, at least for the most part. My trick is that I'm confrontational without being abrasive.

If someone's talking on their phone in the movie theater, I tell them that. They might need that skill later on in life. If they get all puffy about it, then I do something about it and get them kicked out. Physical confrontations are usually the last thing on sober peoples' minds.

Drunk people at my bar are the same way. I tell them that they're cut off. They're too drunk to drive and I'm going to call a cab. I'm respectful. They tend to reciprocate that respect.

A friend does something to annoy me. I tell him/her the truth: "You pissed me off the other day by doing ____ and I reacted like ____." That kind of thing usually works and ends up in a much more resolved way IMHO.

Constructive confrontation is good. What you have left is passive-aggressive beatings around the bush. I hate that. Get to the point already.

 

[morph4me]

I've always been confrontational. But it's always been constructive, at least for the most part. My trick is that I'm confrontational without being abrasive.

If someone's talking on their phone in the movie theater, I tell them that. They might need that skill later on in life. If they get all puffy about it, then I do something about it and get them kicked out. Physical confrontations are usually the last thing on sober peoples' minds.

Drunk people at my bar are the same way. I tell them that they're cut off. They're too drunk to drive and I'm going to call a cab. I'm respectful. They tend to reciprocate that respect.

A friend does something to annoy me. I tell him/her the truth: "You pissed me off the other day by doing ____ and I reacted like ____." That kind of thing usually works and ends up in a much more resolved way IMHO.

Constructive confrontation is good. What you have left is passive-aggressive beatings around the bush. I hate that. Get to the point already.

That isn't confrontational, that's assertive.