Blond Joke

[TimoS]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down andsquealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know -- I thought you were watching."


MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

 

[lulflo]

Two blondes were driving to disneyland, they were just about there and saw a sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home.
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Three blondes were at the pearly gates of heaven and were met outside by Saint Peter. Saint Peter said to the first blonde that she could come inside if she could tell him what Easter is. The blonde replied, "um, isn't that when the whole family comes together in one house and we eat a big turkey and watch football and eat pumpkin pie"? Saint Peter says "no" and she is sent to hell. The second blond is asked the same question to which she replies, "oh yeah, Easter, that is when the house is all decorated with lights and a tree and we all get to wake up and open a bunch of presents and have a big dinner together, right"? Saint Peter says, wrong and sends her to hell. The third blonde is asked the same question and she says, "Oh, that is when Jesus was crucified and then buried behind a giant boulder, three days later they move the boulder and jesus rises from the grave, etc"...full on disertation of Easter...Saint Peter is shocked and exclaims that he has never heard such and accurate depiction of Easter, not even HE could have given such a detailed depiction, "that was AMAZING"!

Then the blonde says, "yeah, then every year we move the boulder and if Jesus sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of basketball"!
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Did you hear what the blonde mom said to the blond daughter?

If you're not in bed by 11:00pm, COME HOME!
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These are kind of bad, skip them if you don't like the bad ones

-Why do blonde's wear panties?
To keep their ankles warm.
-What did the blonde say after having sex?
You guys all on the same team?...
-Why do blondes wear large hoop earrings?
So they have a place to hold their ankles.
-How do blondes turn on the light after having sex?
Open the car door.
-What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Is it mine?...
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A brunette is jumping from railroad track to track yelling out "21...21...21...21. A blonde notices her and decides to join her, jumping from track to track yelling 21...21...21...21, a train approaches, just before it hits, the brunette jumps off the tracks and the blonde is killed. After the train has passed, the brunette gets back on the tracks and yells "22...22...22...22..."
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Some more bad ones. Warning

-What do you call a brunette standing with three blondes?
Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks.
-What do you call 5 blondes sitting on a park bench?
A wind tunnel
-What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
All you can eat under a buck.
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Last one.

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head and they worked at a factory. Everyday their boss left one hour early and this had gone on for over a year. So one day, the brunette said that they should wait 15 minutes after the boss left and then they should leave, they decided to try it the next day. 15 minutes after the boss left early as usual, the brunette went out and did some shopping, the red head got her haircut and the blonde decided to go home to get some rest, but when she got there, her boss's car was in the driveway. She crept inside and saw her husband having sex with her boss so she ran out without a noise.
The next day, the brunette was talking about how much shopping she did and how she was going to do that everyday, the red head was so happy she had time to get her haircut and was talking about going with the brunette shopping, they both looked at the blonde who said "I'm never doing that again, I almost got caught"!!!

 

[kid]

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?


You slap one and it keeps on sucking!

 

[lulflo]

One day a blonde came home and said, "Mommy! Today at school we were counting and the other kids could only count to 3, but I counted to 7. Is that because I am blonde"?

"Yes dear, it's because you're blonde",her mom said.

The next day, the blonde came home and said, "Mommy! Today at school we were doing our ABC's and the other kids only got to C, but I got all the way to F. Is that because I am a blonde"?

"Yes dear, it's because you're a blonde", her mom said.

The next day, the blonde came home and said, "Mommy! Today at school we were comparing our chests and none of the other girls had a bra, but I wear a C cup. Is that because I am a blonde"?

And her mom said "No, that's because you're 25"

 

[mrhnau]

1 . Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as
opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

2. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

4. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.

5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

6. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow stepped on her.

7. How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for French fries.

8. Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to amuse.

9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted flakes.

10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammer.

11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air?
She missed.

12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear?
Data transfer.

13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
Because she read that one child out of every four born was
Chinese.

14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up
her mind.

15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out
light bulbs?
She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
16. Why are the Japanese so smart?
No blondes.

17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde?
You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.


A nice looking blonde was driving and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner, seeing she was a blonde, decided he
would have a little fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the
tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So the blonde goes home, gets down on her hands and knees and starts
blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blows a little harder
and still nothing happens.

Just then, her roommate, another blonde, arrives home and sees what she
is doing.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

The first blonde tells her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate, rolling her eyes, looks at her and says,
"HELLOOOOOOO....you need to roll up the windows first.