Blinders Needed

[bignick]

oh indeed...bright and sunny...in fact...when you visit make sure you look out for coconuts falling out of the palm trees...


TW, i'm sorry to hear about this...to me martial arts are a way to relieve stress and it sounds like all that's happening is that it is creating more stress in your life...

I have a motto, that I live by, "If it's not fun, don't do it"....now fun doesn't necessarily mean "good times"...because there are plenty of times in the dojang when i'm not having "fun"...but I am being rewarded for my work...I don't know how many times I've thought to myself, "Man, I don't feel like working out tonight...I really neeed to stay home and work on stuff....I'm just not up to it."...and before I know it, I'm at the gym working out and at the end I always feeling better...at any point, if I stopped getting that feeling at the end of the night, I don't know how long I would last....

life is too short to waste time on things that aren't worth it....

 

[Blindside]

You know those black belts that aren't coming to class anymore? Call them up, get together for a workout.

Your Grandmaster despises your instructor? Call him up, ask him about moving to a new instructor.

Talk to that other school, try to take privates from the instructor.

I'm not sure you have said one positive thing about either his teaching or your relationship with your instructor. Why are you staying? There are other options, they just may not be easy options.

Lamont

 

[Ceicei]

This thought kept sticking in my head, but I've resisted saying this for a long time. I hope you don't have this, but I do know of some people that have the "martyr complex", if you know what I mean....

- Ceicei

 

[TigerWoman]

You know those black belts that aren't coming to class anymore? Call them up, get together for a workout.

Your Grandmaster despises your instructor? Call him up, ask him about moving to a new instructor.

Talk to that other school, try to take privates from the instructor.

I'm not sure you have said one positive thing about either his teaching or your relationship with your instructor. Why are you staying? There are other options, they just may not be easy options.

Lamont

Thanks Lamont for the suggestions, you're right though, nothing is easy.

The BB's are teens, college age, relatives of the master, instructors of other towns who can only come specific nights, my own grown kids who quit a long time ago, the BB's who just tested but never come to class, BB's who get their belts and leave for one reason or another...

I don't need another workout. I don't need an instructor to work me out, to allow me to test for yellow belt or to get to 3rd..not possible nor desired. The master/my instructor is just that, owner of the school. No affiliation for twenty years with his grandmaster. I stay because TKD does give me joy. It gives me life at 55. I can workout with others and give to others-teach. I want my 2nd dan belt. I earned it. I am relentless in that. Oh, my instructor is a good teacher when he wants to be, when he demands his students to be. I think he has lost sight of that though. Now he desires money not good students as if they aren't interchangeable. And that is the crux of the problem. TW

 

[TigerWoman]

This thought kept sticking in my head, but I've resisted saying this for a long time. I hope you don't have this, but I do know of some people that have the "martyr complex", if you know what I mean....

- Ceicei

That was not a kind thing to say. TW

 

[Ceicei]

That was not a kind thing to say. TW

I apologize for hurting your feelings.

I am not saying that you have that complex. I really don't think you do, but I will admit the thought did cross my mind several months ago. I've got to know you better since that time. You've worked hard where you are and you've earned what you've got. You more than deserve that 2nd Dan. I do admire you very, very much for your tenacity.

If you don't mind my asking, why do you want to stay there in spite of what is happening? I know you said there aren't very many martial arts within a 30 min/1 hour drive from where you are. There must be something there that you truly enjoy for you to be able to stay there so long. Is it the association with other martial artists at the dojo that make it worth it to stay? If it is not the association with others, but for your own personal progression regardless of circumstances, you are a much tougher woman than I am. For that, you have my respect.

- Ceicei

 

[Raewyn]

Hi TW. Have you ever thought of trying another style of MA??? Even if its in the meantime to try get everything in perspective about whats happening in your dojo at the moment??

 

[terryl965]

TW well first off non competes are illegal in the US especially in small business. America was built on the right of freedom. Everybody and anybody can open a business, all it does is bring competition, you my friend already have a customer base weather you like it or not. All of the ones that are going to quite or has quite will be apart of your Dojaang all you need to do is do it. So my 2 cents wroth is try all that can happen is you become a success. As far as the 2nd Dan there are plenty of people on this Chat line that would help you they helped me in my hour of need.You have all the intigity of a fine MA'er don't let one man lack of respect effect you. Take care and I hope that peace will find you your answers.

Terry Lee Stoker

Twin Dragons MAS

Arlington .TX 76010

 

[TigerWoman]

I apologize for hurting your feelings.

I am not saying that you have that complex. I really don't think you do, but I will admit the thought did cross my mind several months ago. I've got to know you better since that time. You've worked hard where you are and you've earned what you've got. You more than deserve that 2nd Dan. I do admire you very, very much for your tenacity.

If you don't mind my asking, why do you want to stay there in spite of what is happening? I know you said there aren't very many martial arts within a 30 min/1 hour drive from where you are. There must be something there that you truly enjoy for you to be able to stay there so long. Is it the association with other martial artists at the dojo that make it worth it to stay? If it is not the association with others, but for your own personal progression regardless of circumstances, you are a much tougher woman than I am. For that, you have my respect.

- Ceicei

You are forgiven, everybody makes mistakes. I'm so glad that you really don't mean what you say, after the damage is done. If you are truly a martial artist, you would realize why I continue to work on my art and why I want what I've earned or nearly earned. I think most of the martial artists on this board who have reached black belt the hard way, do. I hope someday, you will understand this too. TW

 

[Zepp]

TW, sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here, but why not contact the former Grandmaster of your instructor directly and ask him if he can set you up with a decent teacher. He may be willing to recognize your rank afterall if you speak with him directly.

Also, non-competition clauses are usually limited by state laws that regulate contracts. You might want to to take a look at Minnesota law and see what loopholes you can find. You certainly wouldn't be violating the non-competition clause if you taught classes for free.

TW well first off non competes are illegal in the US especially in small business.

Sorry terry, but I think you're wrong here. Contracts are regulated at the state level. Non-competition clauses may be illegal in Texas, but I know for a fact that they are legal elsewhere, though they are limited by time and distance.

 

[MJS]

TW-

After going back and re-reading the posts on this thread, it is very obvious that you're a very dedicated Martial Artist! However, it is apparent..well, it seems that way to me...that despite the things that are happening at your school, that you don't want to leave. It appears that your instructor is not open to any suggestions, comments, etc. and seems to be controlling.

I would think that if someone isn't happy with something, but they still continue to do it, that they will always have counter-productive results. I guess a good example would be a female in an abusive relationship. She knows that she's miserable but continues to stay.

There comes a time in life when certain changes have to be made. It could be leaving a job after 7yrs. to go do something else that you enjoy much more than what you were doing. Is your boss going to miss you? Will they have to hire a replacement? Will it take time and effort to train that new person? Is there a chance that new person may not work out, and they have to try and find someone else? Yes to all of the above, but again, thats part of the change.

Please don't take anything I've written as being disrespectfull, because that was not my intent. Just simply trying to give a fellow MAist some advice.

Again, I wish you the best in your decision. :asian:

Mike

 

[Mark Lynn]

TW

From your reply to my post I commend you for sticking to the school for as long as you have. And it appears that things are much worse than what I had thought they were. Now that I have a slightly clearer idea of your situation.

1) I agree with Zepp, talk with the GM, if he is in a relationship with the other school he might be able to smooth the way for you to go there.

2) At the other school did you talk to the owner or the lower level/instructor/head instructor whatever. Sometimes the schools are owned by an individual who gives over the instruction to someone to run the school. If this is so, maybe by talking to the owner he might help pave the way.

3) Try and cut a deal with the other school. You might agree to retest for your current rank in say a year, and your next rank a year after. Agree to do things their way and that you would be glad to help out teach a beginner's, kids class, women's, something. Sell yourself as an asset who's not learning (happy) in your current situation, and under used. Try and make them want to have someone of your character, dedication, teaching ability, etc. etc. in their school.

If they are so disgusted with your current instructor you are probably looked at as a liability instead of as a potential asset. Becareful about complaining about the other instructor to much though.

4) If all else fails then check out another system even if it's 1 hr drive. Find another instructor in another system and throw yourself into it.

With respect
Mark

 

[Flatlander]

TW, I concur with these sentiments. I just can't see the positive side of being in a situation that troubles you so deeply. I understand and admire your dedication.

On a side note, I am also impressed with your humility in bringing such a personal dilemma into public discussion.

Much respect, TW.

Dan

 

[Ceicei]

You are forgiven, everybody makes mistakes. I'm so glad that you really don't mean what you say, after the damage is done. If you are truly a martial artist, you would realize why I continue to work on my art and why I want what I've earned or nearly earned. I think most of the martial artists on this board who have reached black belt the hard way, do. I hope someday, you will understand this too. TW

Thank you. Occasionally I do swallow my whole foot in my mouth. When I've put in the time as much as you have, I'll understand better and be able able to empathize more.

Have you always been with the same dojo the entire time? If you have, then that may explain part of the attachment? I've always stayed with the same primary art, although I have studied under five different schools along the way (the school changes were for different reasons)....

- Ceicei

 

[sifu Adams]

Hay TW. from prev. thread it sounds like you have the mind set 2-3 black belt. each level I believe you learn something about yourself. you seem to have done that. as for the testing. something to think about. Are you getting what you wont out of the classes? if you are stay and learn. if not you may wont to find another school. aslo keep in mind I have tested and passed student in lower rank (white, yellow) when they were not ready to go on to push the student. some students the first step is the hardest. maybe that what he saw? I have seen student light up after testing. I do use the testing to calm them down as well. I will fail a student in a hartbeat if I think it will make them better in the long run. As for changing the requirments did you ask him why?

 

[TigerWoman]

Hay TW. from prev. thread it sounds like you have the mind set 2-3 black belt. each level I believe you learn something about yourself. you seem to have done that. as for the testing. something to think about. Are you getting what you wont out of the classes? if you are stay and learn. if not you may wont to find another school. aslo keep in mind I have tested and passed student in lower rank (white, yellow) when they were not ready to go on to push the student. some students the first step is the hardest. maybe that what he saw? I have seen student light up after testing. I do use the testing to calm them down as well. I will fail a student in a hartbeat if I think it will make them better in the long run. As for changing the requirments did you ask him why?

Yes, I get what I want out of classes and I smile and try to do other stuff before and after class for me. But prority to me is to do my break and probably stop jumping for the sake of my knees. And I want my belt. Everyone has no idea what I went through so far, for it. And I would like it to mean something. But if not for one 2nd dan over me who earned his belt, I would say it's losing its value by promoting black belts that can't even do grade 6 form, can't do most of the kicks, any breaks or even bother to practice for bb test (they didn't).

The black belt test was essentially a watered down test (but pumped up-said to be harder) so that the would-be-black belts could pass. $$ and his relatives/support is the motivator. The rest of the tests stayed the same for the colored belts. This was clearly for the black belts. TW

 

[bignick]

I just want to tell you, TW, that the value of your rank is not diminished because others that are less prepared or deserving are promoted...

If anything, the value of their rank is less, because they did not put in the effort or demonstrate the ability that you had to do...

The rank is something you have worked for, and honestly, it only has a symbolic value. But symbols can be important to people, as this is clearly very important to you. I think you've already chosen your road when you decided not to get your rank by doing an easier break. As long as you continue to work hard and put your sweat into this it will never lose its value, importance or meaning.

 

[TigerWoman]

Thanks Bignick, I needed that. TW

 

[sifu Adams]

I know the feeling. I wonted the Grand Master as well as the Master I trained under to test me for 3rd black untill I found out he (GM) wonted me to put my forms on video and send it to him then pick 10 to show him. I wonted to do all my forms. My instructor (Master) tested me instead over all 45 instead. Not to prove to him but to prove to myself I could preform all katas at at a 3rd degree level. I didn't even ask him about my 4th I went strait to my Master. Sounds like you need to just do the breaks you wont to do and once you achive your goal maybe look around and a diffent system or school

 

[Adept]

What is actually the problem here? Is your training suffering? Are you becoming less of a martial artist as a result of other peoples ranks? Are your skills and strength fading?

if not, then there is no problem. Do not concern yourself with the skills and ranks of others. Just train how you want to train, instruct how you want to instruct, and let the rest be damned.

I know it can be hard to get over, I've had the exact same thing at my school. Simply put, their rank and whether they deserve it or not is not your problem. So dont make it your problem.