At what point do I become the aggressor????

[Brian King]

Hope that things are going well with the fathers treatment and with the families healing. Breaking things is easy, putting them back together not so much. Prayers lifted.

Brian

 

[PhotonGuy]

Can I paint a situation please.. imagine you are walking.. you have some one you are with (a minor 14yr) her 'father' has come for her (ok she is a handful and wayward) anyway.. he has stated as clear as there is no mistake that he intends to smash her.. beat her flat is his words..

Is there any thing at all to be done that I am NOT the aggressor?? she is many colours of the rainbow from his hand already.. I am sick to my stomach of this it is like I let her down every time this happens..

I am caught between doing zero or doing some thing that will serve no good purpose.. there is no answer to this??? I have spoken to him when he is off the barbs and but that is rare and all I want is STOP him from doing this to her.. I am not her family.. I am here in no capacity except I found her in a place she should not be.. I am always put where I am..

I could give background - it is never B&W issue there are so many problems and but I think I am probably just venting.. what would you do in this situation? Surely any thing at all will transmute your good intention into you as aggressor? what do you do.. say to your self this is just what the whole world is like and leave it at that??

He is a drinker along with the barb and ok there are too too many family difficultes and but understand that here (Paris) it is like family 'ties' are sacrosanct and unassailable and understand that social services have an horrible disinterest and moreover it is a minority community and very insular and untrusting and unliked moreover.. Granted it is not his fault he is how he is and but it is LESS her fault and she is not to blame for his problems with himself.. I took her to police my self and they made social services involved and but that was 7/8mth ago and still it is no change for her.. The police are not friends with this community they do not much come here except if there is a raid for substances. This itself is understandable I am not against the police it is hard enough for them because they see this place it self-policing.. which it is.. gangs within they try to take the young girls fight among their selves extort for rents it is like a hopeless slum.. I am not here to save every body.. impossible.. it is not like TV.. it does not ever work out that way.. I only want to help one person who means more than a lot to me and I am bereft.. I could do this and that with him it would achieve no good thing so I am to do no thing at all??? Does it matter that I become the aggressor? I do not know legally or even right now morally..

It is like a pattern that I only come here when I am needy of advice.. so what.. that does not mean any thing.. I post this a lot of other places too for help.. if you have a any idea I am grateful.. you have a prayer I am grateful I think I am venting.. probably this is not a question for this forum.. forgive me only some times there is insight I am incapable of.. you know more than I know or have been where I have not been.. Thank you kiss Jxxx

I believe that would depend. In some places you could take out a gun and shoot that jerk of a dad and they wouldn't so much as bat an eye. In other places you would have to just watch him smash and beat her flat and if you intervene you're looking at a prison sentence.

 

[pgsmith]

I believe that would depend. In some places you could take out a gun and shoot that jerk of a dad and they wouldn't so much as bat an eye. In other places you would have to just watch him smash and beat her flat and if you intervene you're looking at a prison sentence.

You should try actually reading threads before spouting whatever comes to your mind. It would save a number of people from having to face -palm themselves when reading your posts!

 

[PhotonGuy]

It would save a number of people from having to face -palm themselves when reading your posts!

That's a risk people take when they choose to read my posts, or any posts for that matter.

 

[ballen0351]

That's a risk people take when they choose to read my posts, or any posts for that matter.

So you purposely spout nonsense to get a reaction or well the alternative is you just lack normal social skills. Not sure which it is.

 

[pgsmith]

So you purposely spout nonsense to get a reaction or well the alternative is you just lack normal social skills. Not sure which it is.

Judging from his posts, I feel that he's still young enough to believe he knows a lot more than he actually does.

 

[Steve]

I believe that would depend. In some places you could take out a gun and shoot that jerk of a dad and they wouldn't so much as bat an eye. In other places you would have to just watch him smash and beat her flat and if you intervene you're looking at a prison sentence.

PhotonGuy, this is inappropriate and very insensitive. I don't believe you intended it to be so, but I hope you understand how it appears to other people.

 

[jks9199]

That's a risk people take when they choose to read my posts, or any posts for that matter.

True... But with some of yours, the likelihood of it is much, much higher... You're still locked into some really screwy, naive ideas.

 

[Brian King]

I believe that would depend. In some places you could take out a gun and shoot that jerk of a dad and they wouldn't so much as bat an eye. In other places you would have to just watch him smash and beat her flat and if you intervene you're looking at a prison sentence.

If a person looks merely at prevalence the above is certainly a valid mindset. It is one duplicated all around the world in nearly every community. This or that, total violence or total passivity. Both are instinctive fear based responses that are ultimately selfish and doomed to damage and failure, to all involved.

As Jenna so positively models, there are other options. The father, the mother, daughter, Jenna, and the community are all unique humans. All have dreams and desires and all have disappointments. No little boy or girl dreams of growing up some day to become a drug addicted abuser, nor an enabler, and especially not a victim. The two options - violence and passivity ignore and blind so many people to other options and paths. Life can be ugly and messy and there are no guarantees. Healing and peace are achieved in tiny little positive steps over extended lengths of time with no guarantee of long term durability. Since nothing is forever, I think that every opportunity should be made to take one of those positive steps and if successful to take time to savor that tiny success.

All violence is ugly and uncertain even if it is called for and perhaps necessary. It should never be taken lightly in thought or deed. Passivity, depending on the reason for it, can also be very ugly and damaging and also should be considered seriously.

Regards
Brian King

 

[PhotonGuy]

If a person looks merely at prevalence the above is certainly a valid mindset. It is one duplicated all around the world in nearly every community. This or that, total violence or total passivity. Both are instinctive fear based responses that are ultimately selfish and doomed to damage and failure, to all involved.

Im just pointing out what's allowed in some places and what isn't. Im not saying I would or wouldn't use any such methods or anything in between, Im just stating what I've heard concerning the legal actions you can take in such situations.

 

[PhotonGuy]

PhotonGuy, this is inappropriate and very insensitive. I don't believe you intended it to be so, but I hope you understand how it appears to other people.

Well that's how the law views it, not me.

 

[PhotonGuy]

So you purposely spout nonsense to get a reaction or well the alternative is you just lack normal social skills. Not sure which it is.

I really don't care what kind of reaction, if any, that I get with my posts. As it is, I find it a bit ridiculous that people do get so worked up over posts sometimes, and Im not excluding myself since I used to get like that but I've since worked on it. If somebody you don't know from Adam posts something on some message board and you get all worked up about it than you've got issues.

 

[PhotonGuy]

Judging from his posts, I feel that he's still young enough to believe he knows a lot more than he actually does.

So you equate being young with being a know it all? That's stereotypical if not to mention prejudicial.

 

[Brian King]

Im just pointing out what's allowed in some places and what isn't. Im not saying I would or wouldn't use any such methods or anything in between, Im just stating what I've heard concerning the legal actions you can take in such situations.

Ah, thank you PhotonGuy. It is so often assumed, that unless questioned, that a person would be familiar with the legalities of their own geographical location and physical circumstances. It does not often occur to others to state the seemingly obvious range of legal options that might be available world wide even if not in the OP's own location. Since what we post may last years and years on the net, perhaps if not Jenna, someone, some day, somewhere, will find the information useful and enlightening, one never knows.

Regards
Brian King

 

[ballen0351]

I really don't care what kind of reaction, if any, that I get with my posts

So if you dont care why bother posting? Posting is to exchange ideas and thoughts. If all you want to do is say your piece and dont care about the response go start a blog

As it is, I find it a bit ridiculous that people do get so worked up over posts sometimes, and Im not excluding myself since I used to get like that but I've since worked on it. If somebody you don't know from Adam posts something on some message board and you get all worked up about it than you've got issues.

Nobody is worked up its just hard to communicate with you when your only goal is to spout nonsense and not seek real communication.

 

[ballen0351]

Back to the topic. SOS Femmes Accueil - Saint-Dizier - France there seems to be some good info on this site that might help you both.

 

[tshadowchaser]

Jenna any update on the situation?

 

[Jenna]

Goodness.. I am so sorry this has turned to discord.. please I only want you to know I value you ALL I am grateful to you ALL for your compassion and courtesy in thinking to reply.


@PhotonGuy thank you for your thoughts I am grateful you are trying to help in the way you know.. I respect this and want you to know my appreciation Jx


@ballen0351 thank you my friend, I am very grateful to you for passing this on.. there is great information here from this I had made contact with a lovely woman from the Solidarite organisation listed and got their helpline number which I had given out here for more advice.. so thank you it is very useful and your help is not forgotten! Jxxx


@tshadowchaser you are kind to ask my lovely friend.. I send out my hopes that the worst is passed even just for the moment.. I have found a very kind social worker who is actually prepared to come here when most are just not.. The girl and her mother had been shown to a refuge while the father is being treated in the rehabilitation - some days he is not so good there - and but they neither of them wanted to stay in the refuge though they have been promised safety and protection at any time there was an emergency and but even they both miss the father while he is away and they are free of his rages which is the hard part for me to accept. She is so special, her name is Edina so beautiful if you could only see.. even the mother she is younger than me and you would think she was much older because of what has been happening and how it has aged her.. ahh.. anyway it is all good my friend it will happen as it is meant thank you again for your concern if you imagine it all working for Edina and her mother the way that is best overall for them then I am certain it will happen that way Jxxx

 

[Jenna]

If a person looks merely at prevalence the above is certainly a valid mindset. It is one duplicated all around the world in nearly every community. This or that, total violence or total passivity. Both are instinctive fear based responses that are ultimately selfish and doomed to damage and failure, to all involved.

As Jenna so positively models, there are other options. The father, the mother, daughter, Jenna, and the community are all unique humans. All have dreams and desires and all have disappointments. No little boy or girl dreams of growing up some day to become a drug addicted abuser, nor an enabler, and especially not a victim. The two options - violence and passivity ignore and blind so many people to other options and paths. Life can be ugly and messy and there are no guarantees. Healing and peace are achieved in tiny little positive steps over extended lengths of time with no guarantee of long term durability. Since nothing is forever, I think that every opportunity should be made to take one of those positive steps and if successful to take time to savor that tiny success.

All violence is ugly and uncertain even if it is called for and perhaps necessary. It should never be taken lightly in thought or deed. Passivity, depending on the reason for it, can also be very ugly and damaging and also should be considered seriously.

Regards
Brian King

Brian, what you say always is clear and objective even if some times it would not be what the impulse in me would desire for itself.. What do you think if I say there is not such thing as a bad person? Do you think this is right?? This is what I think I am being shown..

We are all in charge of our selves yes ok and but if I cannot immediately see the good in a person it is me at fault for not being rigorous enough to understand the life that has shaped that person. Is this right do you think??

Thank you again for all of your help!

Jxxx

 

[Instructor]

I think you handled this situation with real honor and integrity Jenna. Bravo!