Anger.

[Hagakure]

Get yourself up to us, not just to train but to get you into an atmosphere you understand. We have various options here that you are still entitled to use due to your previous employment.

What is it that I'd be doing? We'd thought of moving up north, got many relatives in and around the Sheffield area. Whatever it is I do, has to be capable of getting us into NZ in a few years?

The best man at my wedding is from Leeds. Yorkshire, the way counties used to be.

 

[Flea]

Hi Hakagure,

I'm a bit late to this thread, but I wanted to offer you my support. I used to be explosive myself, and then one day it dawned on me out of nowhere - right in the middle of an outburst! - that I'm just not a happy person. It would have been easy to repress that and go right back to my regular program, but I didn't.

My first step was catching myself in the act of blowing up, because I often did it unconsciously. That was probably the hardest part, and I still slip sometimes. Once I learned to do that, I would ask myself the crucial question of what am I really upset about? Often it was something unrelated, like having burned my toast that morning. Or it was something deeper, the person had touched one of those deep psychic nerves we all have - survival, abandonment, pride. Then the real work began of examining those feelings and learning to separate them from the external stimulus that touched off the surface reaction.

Finally, and I looked to professionals for this, I learned more constructive outlets for that energy (which still ran really strong.) Nowadays I go with common-sense assertiveness, a skill I had to cultivate. And more importantly, keeping my fear in check. For me, a lot of these outbursts are overcompensation for fear.

Naturally I only speak for myself on all this. I thought it might be helpful though, so there you have it. :asian: Please, keep us posted if you wish. I for one am rooting for you.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Seeing as we have similar jobs I can tell you that things got better at my job when I did something that many IT people might consider blaspheme.

I stopped multitasking I now only do one thing at a time whenever possible. But the nature of IT and my little corner of it does mean that at time it is not possible. But I have found it was a lot easier than I thought to stop multitasking and I found that I did not need to anywhere as much as many IT types are lead to believe, also doing this cut down on issues at home. And I found the most amazing thing one day when I stopped feeling guilty about not rushing home to watch my daughter or rushing to my wife's office to wait for her to finish. I just went to a local mall (outdoor mall) and stop, got a cup of tea and an oatmeal cookie and just sat there, watched the world go by and relaxed.

And I just can't go without some sort of quote, the second one worked for me

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned - Buddha

When anger rises, think of the consequences - Confucius

There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot. - Plato

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

OK the last one has little to do with the situation but I was getting to serious and I had to lighten things up a bit

 

[bluekey88]

Good luck man...sound slike you're taking hte right steps. I'd like to reiterate that, when it comes to anger...it's a legitimate emotion. Not one to be avoided. However, the crucial task is to learn to express it effectively. Also, and this will probaby come out in therapy, anger (in males usually, but not always) can often mask more painful and complex emotions.

Anyhow, good luck and keep us posted.

Peace,
Erik

 

[Hagakure]

Once again guys, thanks for the replies. It's quite a cathartic process as I've mentioned, but I feel better for having taken this decision.

Cheers,

H.

 

[Hagakure]

Hey guys,

Well, I went to the docs tonight, and was prescribed some happy pillz for stress, not depression as I'd thought. Also, booked into see a counsellor for a regular session, and have been recommended to try CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Treatment), so will look at that over the next day or so. Feel a lot better already.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback guys.


Hagakure.

 

[MA-Caver]

Hey guys,

Well, I went to the docs tonight, and was prescribed some happy pillz for stress, not depression as I'd thought. Also, booked into see a counsellor for a regular session, and have been recommended to try CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Treatment), so will look at that over the next day or so. Feel a lot better already.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback guys.


Hagakure.

I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers

 

[jks9199]

I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers

In the cases of clinical depression caused by imbalances in your brain chemicals, all the pills are doing (if they're prescribed appropriately) is bringing you back into "normal" functioning. It's kind of loosely like the tire weights an auto shop will use while balancing your wheels; they're bringing the wheel back into balance, not elevating it.

 

[girlbug2]

It would be prudent to consider if the change in your temper might have come about after starting or changing prescriptions. I mention this because my dh noticed a change in his personality after he started blood pressure meds several years ago. It used to be quite difficult to upset him, but after being put on the meds he realized his temper was much shorter. No way to prove that that was a side effect, but we've always suspected it. It's been a long and difficult road to adjust them for other various side effects, and the current "cocktail" seems to be the best compromise. However, simply going off blood pressure meds(which would be the only way to know for sure if they have really been affecting his moods) is not negotiable.

 

[MA-Caver]

In the cases of clinical depression caused by imbalances in your brain chemicals, all the pills are doing (if they're prescribed appropriately) is bringing you back into "normal" functioning. It's kind of loosely like the tire weights an auto shop will use while balancing your wheels; they're bringing the wheel back into balance, not elevating it.

Well that's the thing isn't it? To my knowledge nobody has stuck a needle in my brain and drawn out whatever chemicals to measure what I lack and have nothing to compare them with do they? No, I realize it isn't done that way... but just what IS normal?
I am under a deal of stress at this time in my life... but is it just stress or is it a chemical imbalance? When things in my life are at a low stress point I'm not as quick to anger nor am I that depressed. So it makes me wonder... I don't want to try to "experiment" to see if this or that helps. There are far too many drugs out there that have far too many individual side-effects to literally gamble with my mind.
As I've said I'm in therapy right now (non-medicated) for my anger issues and in-so-far doing alright with it. I honestly don't foresee myself going on a shooting rampage anytime soon... or distant future. I just acknowledge the fact that I am in a stressful situation but now some things have changed and I expect it to get better as it did before so time will tell.

By the way girlbug it's been a very VERY long time since I've had any mind-altering drugs in my system (legal or otherwise) so I'm not in the middle of starting or changing any prescription. In fact it's been a while since I've had any prescription with my name on it.

 

[jarrod]

Well that's the thing isn't it? To my knowledge nobody has stuck a needle in my brain and drawn out whatever chemicals to measure what I lack and have nothing to compare them with do they? No, I realize it isn't done that way... but just what IS normal?
I am under a deal of stress at this time in my life... but is it just stress or is it a chemical imbalance? When things in my life are at a low stress point I'm not as quick to anger nor am I that depressed. So it makes me wonder... I don't want to try to "experiment" to see if this or that helps. There are far too many drugs out there that have far too many individual side-effects to literally gamble with my mind.
As I've said I'm in therapy right now (non-medicated) for my anger issues and in-so-far doing alright with it. I honestly don't foresee myself going on a shooting rampage anytime soon... or distant future. I just acknowledge the fact that I am in a stressful situation but now some things have changed and I expect it to get better as it did before so time will tell.

By the way girlbug it's been a very VERY long time since I've had any mind-altering drugs in my system (legal or otherwise) so I'm not in the middle of starting or changing any prescription. In fact it's been a while since I've had any prescription with my name on it.

that is the million dollar question...what is normal? a recent trend in psychology has been to suggest that happiness is not a normal state. that stress & the emotions that go with it are crucial to our survival more than we realized. so that's the trick with pills: find something that doesn't completely kill your emotional response, but keeps you from climbing water towers with a high powered rifle.

jf

 

[Hagakure]

I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers

The pills given, I actually asked for mate. The docs assessment was that depression was only a by-product of major league "stress" (as has been pointed out on here). Her belief was that depressed people tend not to (and she freely admitted that she was generalising) be "go-getters" in my case, I recently gained a First Class Honours degree, got onto a highly competitive graduate scheme where around 7,000 people apply annually, and around 200 are selected. Her view was that I was experiencing chronic stress as a compounded result of the last 2.5 years of life. I, for one, think she was spot on. The medication itself, is less targetted towards anti-depression apparently, and more towards anti-stress. That, combined with counselling, and the CBT, and the fact that I've sought professional help makes me feel better already. The stress still exists in my life, anyone with a toddler that doesn't want to sleep much and a high powered job will testify, it's just that now, I'm determined not to become a slave to my circumstances. MA-Caver, if you feel similar to me, you have the power to stop/change your circumstances now mate, all you have to do is make that first step. Free your mind, and your *** will follow.


Hagakure.

 

[Jade Tigress]

The docs assessment was that depression was only a by-product of major league "stress" (as has been pointed out on here).

This is so true. I suffer from Major Depression as a result of long term stress. Finding the right antidepressant was a chore in itself, but has helped immensely. It's not a happy pill by any means, but it can certainly help you function again when you're at the end of your rope.

In my research on depression years ago I found this, bold mine.

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Recently, a study has been done on the way chronic stress contributes to depression (Health Magazine, April 2000). Researchers believe that continuous stress over a long period of time "hard wires" the brain into operating in stress mode all the time, triggering depression. [/FONT]

 

[Hagakure]

This is so true. I suffer from Major Depression as a result of long term stress. Finding the right antidepressant was a chore in itself, but has helped immensely. It's not a happy pill by any means, but it can certainly help you function again when you're at the end of your rope.

In my research on depression years ago I found this, bold mine.

That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure.

Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes.


Respectfully,


Hagakure.

 

[Carol]

That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure.

Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes.


Respectfully,


Hagakure.

Sometimes a layoff is like being in a bad relationship...and suddenly your partner breaks up with you. Not what you were expecting, not on your terms, sometimes it can hurt. But...its still the end of a bad relationship.

You're an intelligent, literate, and hard-working man. Sending good thoughts and prayers that you'll find a new opportunity soon, and that its a much better relationship. Hang in there! :asian:

 

[MA-Caver]

That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure.
Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes.
Respectfully,
Hagakure.

Sometimes a layoff is like being in a bad relationship...and suddenly your partner breaks up with you. Not what you were expecting, not on your terms, sometimes it can hurt. But...its still the end of a bad relationship.

You're an intelligent, literate, and hard-working man. Sending good thoughts and prayers that you'll find a new opportunity soon, and that its a much better relationship. Hang in there! :asian:

What she said.

I hate those kind of talks from the boss(es). They try to sound soooo sincere about letting you go yet don't care to hear from you ever again. Life goes on, so screw 'em.
I've had far too many of those for various reasons. It doesn't surprise me at all anymore... it still hurts like Carol said but... it goes away.
Hang in there... I'm finally working after a l-o-n-g period of unemployment and while I'm not making the money that I used to... at least, in this recession... I'm making money.
As that self-confessed "go-getter", you'll be working again here soon yourself. :asian:

 

[Hagakure]

I've been applying for other roles, even though I don't HAVE to.

It's an odd setup where I work. It's such a huge company, even though I've been released from this role officially today, I could just sit on my *** and get paid an above average salary for very little. The only issue is, if my graduate line manager recalls me to another part of the country (180 miles away from home, wife and kids). Not much of a distance for the US, but here it's the width of the country (England anyway). Plus, I get to be moved at random every 6 months anywhere in the country, so have little control over where I end up. Ok if I were a younger grad, a total mare if you're older with family. So, for all intents and purposes, I'll be looking elsewhere.

Only got 7 or 8 months real experience now though when looking for my next IT job. That's a bummer.

 

[Carol]

Its not a bad start at all. IT/Tech is turbulent, and a good manager will hire good skills. Personally I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with my employer, and this is the first time I have ever worked anyplace for 3 years straight (15 years in).

 

[Hagakure]

Its not a bad start at all. IT/Tech is turbulent, and a good manager will hire good skills. Personally I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with my employer, and this is the first time I have ever worked anyplace for 3 years straight (15 years in).

Wow. No more than 3 years? If I'm honest, I've never really stayed longer than that either, with the exception of the RN, and I didn't have any say in the matter then.

I'm just open to all suggestions within IT at the moment. Anyone in the Midlands area of the UK need a junior support/technical analyst? No? Ah well.

I'll wait and see how it goes, in fairness, the instability of this job has seen the stress levels rise exponentially, so without it, hopefully it'll be quite apparent, and life will slow down a little...

 

[jks9199]

I've been applying for other roles, even though I don't HAVE to.

It's an odd setup where I work. It's such a huge company, even though I've been released from this role officially today, I could just sit on my *** and get paid an above average salary for very little. The only issue is, if my graduate line manager recalls me to another part of the country (180 miles away from home, wife and kids). Not much of a distance for the US, but here it's the width of the country (England anyway). Plus, I get to be moved at random every 6 months anywhere in the country, so have little control over where I end up. Ok if I were a younger grad, a total mare if you're older with family. So, for all intents and purposes, I'll be looking elsewhere.

Only got 7 or 8 months real experience now though when looking for my next IT job. That's a bummer.

Moving you around like that, with no control over it, is stressful in and of itself. I'd encourage you to get those applications & resumes out...