Am I being a baby about this?

[Stac3y]

Last night when I came home from class, my husband asked me when I was going to get rid of my karate tournament trophies. This isn't the first time this has come up--he had mentioned it a few days ago, also, but in a gentler way. It really hurt my feelings--I love karate, and I love to compete; he's not a big MA fan, which sometimes causes some marital friction (not the good kind). I don't want to get rid of them, or not all of them, anyway, and thinking about doing it kinda bums me out. He has a good point in that our house is small, and some of the trophies are ridiculously huge, and I bring home about 3 a month. He doesn't want them in the common areas of the house (they clash with the decor, apparently), so they are all in our bedroom, and it's getting crowded in there. I know that trophies aren't intrinsically important, but they are a tangible symbol of achievement, and I think some of them are pretty cool-looking, too. I had suggested that I might get rid of the ones that are not from the current year, and just keep this year's (until next year, that is.)

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

 

[Jaspthecat]

Compromise....

Agree between you that you will keep some of them out (those that you are most proud of) and box the rest.

Then tell him that if you had a bigger house there wouldn't be an issue.

 

[celtic_crippler]

Not at all.

Those are symbols of your achievment in something you love to do.

However, in all fairness you should ask yourself if he loved bowling and had tons of trophies would you ask him to put them away?

At any rate, you're married and that means finding compromise on many things. I think your suggestion about keeping current year trophies on display is fair.

Is there no room for a trophy case or something? Some designated area for your stuff?

 

[Bill Mattocks]

If it was the other way around, what would you want him to do with his (golf, baseball, etc) trophies?

Not to be too sexist, but it's not unusual for guys to have a 'man cave' room in which they have the obligatory "I love me" wall or trophy case. Why shouldn't you have one?

If space is the issue, and you think someday you might have more room, then perhaps an offsite storage locker is a good solution - gets them out of the house until you have a bigger house with a proper room where you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your efforts.

 

[Omar B]

Sounds like a bit of fear of achievement. Your victories are making him a bit self conscious (about his achievements or lack of) and he doesn't like it. There's a deeper issue here to be sure, talk to him about it, but in the meantime keep 3 on display and store the rest till this can be sorted out in a civil manner.

 

[terryl965]

Stacey we all have certain things that we treasure, can you not explain to the man you love what it goes mean to you and why you feel the need to have them. Try to keep a few and put the rest in a box or warehouse somewhere.

 

[blindsage]

Sounds like a lack of realistic, respectful compromise on both sides. You should be proud of your accomplishments and if you want to keep all of your trophies, you should, but it's not reasonable or considerate to your husband to keep all of your trophies out and on display if you don't really have the room for it, or the ability to have a designated space for it. On the other hand, it is not reasonable or considerate to you that your husband doesn't seem to respect your MA endeavors, or that your achievements mean something to you and should be supported because you care about them. I think you need to sit down and have an open, honest (and non-defensive) discussion with your husband about what your MA accomplishments mean to you, and how you can compromise on the trophy issue. Take Bill's recommendation and get a storage space to put the majority of your trophies in until you guys have a larger space in which displaying them all (or most of them, if that's what you want) is more reasonable.

 

[still learning]

Hello, Congratutions on all your achievements.....and trophies! 3 per month X 12 = 36 X 2 years = 72 plus trophies + years earlier!

I guess anyone would complain some what!

Someone mention just keeping the latest trophies and box the rest? or donate them to a cause? "Great idea here that was mention earlier"

Nice to keep records and pictures on files ( these will not take up lots of space!) Photo albums...computer files...

...sometimes it is a good idea to see things from his point of view? What happens when a "baby" comes along....

MY brother-in-law was a Professioal Horse Jockey for 20 years...boxes and boxes of photo's and albums....and if he kept all the trophies? ....a warehouse would be needed!!!

As one gets older and more wiser? .....the need for showing off trophies? ...feeling for them will grow smaller and smaller...off course the big ones should be kept!

A balance will need to be found here..

ASK what your husband wants - specfic - exactly what he expects or wants...I am sure he doesn't mind a few...

Trophies "have you notice's" makes great DUST collectors? ....as you get older....you will see them just that...dust collectors? ....

Times changes everyone............regarding the value of a trophy?

Accomplishments will always be remember more.....

Nice thing about catching fish? ...you can eat them...and take pictures too... WE have muliple ablums all over the house from 30 plus years of fishing...( NO mounts) whew....( we do have fun sharing the pictures with friends) .....people like looking at the fish...NOT us?

Aloha, ...going fishing again.......

PS: Trophies size fish? ...always wanted here....for a trophy!

 

[Big Don]

Three of my cousins raced Semi-Pro Motor Cross. My aunt's house has DOZENS of trophies in every room. When the question of getting rid of, or even my cousins taking the trophies to their homes has come up, it has always been my aunt who refused.
He should be PROUD of your trophies, as should you!

 

[still learning]

Three of my cousins raced Semi-Pro Motor Cross. My aunt's house has DOZENS of trophies in every room. When the question of getting rid of, or even my cousins taking the trophies to their homes has come up, it has always been my aunt who refused.
He should be PROUD of your trophies, as should you!

Hello, It is nice she likes them....Off course this will vary person to person.....

...some like them hot..some like them cold and some like in the pot..nine day old...? UM?

Aloha, medium for us...

 

[Frostbite]

I'm going to play a bit of the devil's advocate here and say that it's safe to assume some of your trophies will probably end up having more personal meaning than others. My advice would be to pick out some of the more significant awards and display those and store the rest.

If he still has a problem with that compromise, maybe he should look up the definition of the word compromise (hint: it doesn't mean he gets his way).

 

[Haze]

Whats more important, your trophies or your relationship?! You need to see why this bothers him so much.

I took my trophies and took the name plates off them and mounted them all on a wooden plaque. I have reminders of what I did but takes up a lot less room.

 

[crushing]

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

Maybe he separates the accomplishments themselves from the awards that represent them? Just because he may not be into the hardware doesn't mean that he isn't into you and what you have done. Substance over symbols.

There have been some good suggestions in this thread on possible compromises. I wish you two the best in finding an understanding.

 

[jks9199]

Y'know... In all honestly, trophies in martial arts tournaments have gotten kind of ridiculous. To begin with, I've seen tournaments with something like 80 divisions... 2 year age breakdowns through adult, then about 5 year breakdowns in the adult range... not to mention belt ranges. Open forms, style-specific forms, and more... Then you add in that the 1st place trophies are running in the 5 to 6 foot tall range... You can easily & quickly end up with a whole heck of lot of trophies taking up a whole heck of a lot of space. Especially if you compete in one of the less populated divisions, virtually guaranteeing a trophy every time you go out. (I'm not trying to cheapen the training, the competitor, or even the competition. It's just a fact of life; if you enter a division that typically has 3 people... you're pretty likely to place. Like when I placed 4th out of 4 the last time I competed...)

I like the plaque idea... but a lot of the trophies I've seen only include the place and event, maybe not even the date. (Probably so they can reuse trophies in divisions that aren't awarded... or use them across divisions for ties.)

I'm actually a fan of medals instead of trophies... They're smaller, they take up much less space, and they're usually cheaper for the tournament promoter! I guess they're just not flashy enough... Or, when I was a kid, for swimming, we got ribbons from each event, and divisionals awarded plaques to the first 6 places or so (or 12 or maybe 24? competitors). Personally -- for small tournaments, I like that idea, too...

For the OP... maybe find a storage space you can put the trophies in? Or even see if your teacher/school can give some of them a home for you... Keep a few that have the most meaning to you at home, and put the rest somewhere else. You can always make a photo portfolio of 'em all to have around.

 

[Ironcrane]

Could you keep some of your trophies at your school, instead of your house?
Anyways, I have trophies myself (only six) and if someone told me to get rid of them, they'd suddenly find themselves turned into my new trophy case.

 

[Big Don]

Could you keep some of your trophies at your school, instead of your house?

That is a great idea!

 

[Rich Parsons]

Last night when I came home from class, my husband asked me when I was going to get rid of my karate tournament trophies. This isn't the first time this has come up--he had mentioned it a few days ago, also, but in a gentler way. It really hurt my feelings--I love karate, and I love to compete; he's not a big MA fan, which sometimes causes some marital friction (not the good kind). I don't want to get rid of them, or not all of them, anyway, and thinking about doing it kinda bums me out. He has a good point in that our house is small, and some of the trophies are ridiculously huge, and I bring home about 3 a month. He doesn't want them in the common areas of the house (they clash with the decor, apparently), so they are all in our bedroom, and it's getting crowded in there. I know that trophies aren't intrinsically important, but they are a tangible symbol of achievement, and I think some of them are pretty cool-looking, too. I had suggested that I might get rid of the ones that are not from the current year, and just keep this year's (until next year, that is.)

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

Stacey,

I friend mine explained to me that one day when he came home and was frustrated that his wife had yet again dropped her jacket on the floor and kicked her shoes off on the way through the house. At first he thought the problem was hers, but the problem was his. He could either accept her as is or talk to her about the issue and see if some form of understanding could be reached.

I had another friend explain to me that in a marriage if only one person is compromising then that person compromises everything and in the end they comproise themselves and are no longer themselves.

Having lots of useless junk lying around the house can be a problem for some people. Junk being nick knacks to shoes to jackets to pillows to wall art to trophies to sports stuff to ... , .

But, as stated already, the trophies show accomplishment. If you have lots of them, he could possible not see the benefit anymore. If you have reached a certain rank such as black belt he could wonder why you would still train or practice as you have accomplished the end all of being a black belt.


And here is a possibility, and look at the male ego. He could be threatened by your accomplishments and or your skill set. Be kind, the male ego is fragile.



Talk to him, and try to understand what the issue is. Have as you suggested the compromise of only the recent trophies on display and other options as they might be considered or arise during your talk.


Good Luck and best wishes.

 

[K-man]

If my wife was collecting MA trophies I'd be rapt! However horses for courses. Looks like compromise is in the air as per many great posts.

 

[Ken Morgan]

Three a month gets added to your collection??!

Congratulations.

That adds up to some serious metal lying around the home.

I have all my grading certificates sitting in a box somewhere, I don’t even know where. They’re not important to me, my practice is what’s important. I will never frame or display them. My bodybuilding trophies and MA trophies were in a box until the kids found them and put them out, unbeknownst to me. I grade this December, if I succeed, the certificate will go in a box too.

When I pass by a dojo in a mall and they have windows full of trophies, it puts me off, it screams ego to me.

Pragmatically, I’m a pack rat, I like saving stuff from the past, but over the last few years I realize, that I can’t save every little thing that comes into my life, there’s just too much stuff. Every few months I grab some garbage bags and go though everything and start throwing stuff out. I keep all photos, anything of value or potential value, items seriously sentimental. Sometimes stuff I save this month, gets thrown out next.

Sorry Hun, I know you’re proud of them, but can you just not keep the really important ones?

 

[Marginal]

This is just me, but if I was getting three trophies a month, I'd be mighty sick of getting trophies. There's no real place to put 'em, and the fact I'd have so many of the things would diminish their value as a whole in my eyes.

I'd probably keep one or two that represented some kind of major achievement and/or sentiment, but I don't think I could personally justify keeping a few dozen of the things.