Cuong,
When a person confines himself to a pattern of thinking, it is very difficult to see outside that pattern to observe all available courses of action.
So in order to break that pattern and look towards more viable solutions to our problems, we sometimes have to ask ourselves some tough questions. And often, when we are caught in a dilemma where it seems that we have to choose between 2 or 3 choices with potentially bad consequences, it is because we aren't asking ourselves the RIGHT questions.
But, sometimes the right questions can be difficult because at best it requires a person to step outside of his comfort zone to look at other possabilities. This can be both difficult and frusterating because at the time that one is caught in a particular thinking pattern, THE ONLY SOLUTIONS that are apparent are THE ONES CONFINED TO THAT PATTERN, and anything else seems absurd. At its most extreme, the right questions may require one to really look inside himself, and answering the questions honestly will mean a REAL CHANGE to ones actual personality. Change is difficult. That is why difficult questions are often denyed, washed over, or met with extreme resistance. I, in fact, know that by me being the one to ask difficult questions, I open myself up to possible hostility!
Now, you said:
So, do I do my best to try to avoid her all together (so I don't do anything to get shanked/shot/stabbed/run over), or do I try my best to help her (and try to avoid her jealous, short tempered, violent lunatic boyfreind)?
The above statement demonstrates a particular pattern of thinking where there is 2 solutions to your problem; and each solution has potentially bad consequences, thus a dilemma. If you "help" her, you risk your safety; if avoid her, then you risk your emotional/psychological well being (knowing that you turned away from someone and why and the list of reasons to go with that). In this pattern, neither are good solutions.
However, outside of that pattern, there are other solutions. You just have to ask the right questions.
Why can't you simply tell her, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry about the loss of your brother, and if you ever need anything, someone to talk to, a friend, or whatever, then I want you to know that you can come to me for help." Then, you leave it at that. Your offering help. It is her choice to take it. It is also her choice to leave or stay with her disfunctional boyfriend, and it is also her choice to leave or stay in a gang. You see, she is not a helpless victim here; she has choices too.
If she comes to you for "help," by choice, then you can figure out how to deal with the issue of her friends. If not, then there is no dilemma; you offered help, the ball is in her court, and you move on with your life. But you know, at least I would guess, that she ISN'T going to come to you for help. (Not your fault, dude, there are a multitude of reasons for this that have nothing to do with you)
This solution is a very easy one to come up with. You are a smart enough guy to have come up with this yourself; yet you either didn't, or you did but you for some reason discount this as a viable solution.
So, the question is "why?"
It is going to boil down to this: you have a desire (no matter how strong or weak) to directly involve yourself in this girls drama story, where the outcome for you is not likely to be a good one. If this desire is strong enough, you will repeat this pattern of behavior either with this girl or others down the line until you overcome this desire that you have.
So, again, the difficult question we are left with is "What need are you either getting satisfied or looking to get satisfied by dealing with this girl at all?"
Asking the right questions and searching for the right answers will offer the real solutions to your problem here.
And as you can see, it has really nothing to do with being the "nice" "gentleman" that you are; there is a lot more to this. Furthermore, this doesn't specifically pertain to this girls attractiveness either (although I am sure this weighs in a lot more then your willing to admit, but if your willing to ignore that for now, then so will I
).
C.
Edit: I just wanted to add one thing. I am only posting here to be helpful to you in a topic that is interesting too me. If you feel that I am not being helpful, or if I am frustrating or annoying you, then let me know. I will be happy to stop posting on the subject with no ill feelings, as I not only understand, but I certainly don't want to waste my time.
