A sticky situation

[CuongNhuka]

Here's the skinny. First of all, I hate gangesters. They can burn in, well, they can burn. Second, a girl I kinda get along with just suffered a severe family trauma, her brother died. The problem is I constantly want to do what ever I can to make her feel better, but she is in a gang. That's not too bad really, but her boyfreind is also. And he's really jealous. So, if I even think about offering the symbolic 'shoulder to cry on', he'll get a bunch of his freinds to kill me.
So, do I do my best to try to avoid her all together (so I don't do anything to get shanked/shot/stabbed/run over), or do I try my best to help her (and try to avoid her jealous, short tempered, violent lunatic boyfreind)?

The reason I post this here is I'm sure that somewere out there is someone who might have run into a similar situation, and I'm sure there will be more. I'm also sure that someone might be able to give me advice if he finds out, and tries to kill me.

 

[jks9199]

Here's the skinny. First of all, I hate gangesters. They can burn in, well, they can burn. Second, a girl I kinda get along with just suffered a severe family trauma, her brother died. The problem is I constantly want to do what ever I can to make her feel better, but she is in a gang. That's not too bad really, but her boyfreind is also. And he's really jealous. So, if I even think about offering the symbolic 'shoulder to cry on', he'll get a bunch of his freinds to kill me.
So, do I do my best to try to avoid her all together (so I don't do anything to get shanked/shot/stabbed/run over), or do I try my best to help her (and try to avoid her jealous, short tempered, violent lunatic boyfreind)?

The reason I post this here is I'm sure that somewere out there is someone who might have run into a similar situation, and I'm sure there will be more. I'm also sure that someone might be able to give me advice if he finds out, and tries to kill me.

Real simple...

Keep your distance. She's a banger. He's a banger. They'll get their support from within the gang and will only draw you in if you try to get involved. (Especially since, given the facts as you present them, I wouldn't be at all surprised if her brother was a banger, and didn't die of natural causes.)

Gangs and people in them are enough to wear out experienced mental health professionals and cops. You lack the training, experience, and wisdom to do very much. If you want to express your sympathy or the like to her, go for it. But that's about all you can do.

 

[KenpoTex]

Follow the "3 stupids" rule: "Don't go to stupid places, Do stupid things, or hang out with stupid people."

people with gang affiliations count as stupid people and if you associate with them you'll eventually end up with problems.

simple as that.

 

[theletch1]

Matt's post says it all, really. If this girl is some one you "sorta get along with" then I have to think that your relationship is not so deep that she'd expect you to be a shoulder to cry on. If you're wondering for purely altruistic reasons then I admire the sentiment but discourage the act.

 

[Tames D]

Yeah, I would steer clear. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose.

 

[Kacey]

Real simple...

Keep your distance. She's a banger. He's a banger. They'll get their support from within the gang and will only draw you in if you try to get involved. (Especially since, given the facts as you present them, I wouldn't be at all surprised if her brother was a banger, and didn't die of natural causes.)

Gangs and people in them are enough to wear out experienced mental health professionals and cops. You lack the training, experience, and wisdom to do very much. If you want to express your sympathy or the like to her, go for it. But that's about all you can do.

I agree. As said, if you want to, express your sympathy - but I'd stop there.

 

[TheOriginalName]

I have no real useful advice to post here...but perhaps this;

It is clear you care about this person, otherwise you would not have posted this question. So my heart bleeds for your situation - to care about someone and to not do anything to help hurts.

However, don't rush into anything. Don't let your heart and emotions overule your good judgement.

It may be that you simply have to stand back for the moment, watching and waiting. There may be a time or sitation in the future where it will be safe for you to assist her - but now may not be the time.

Whatever happens, stay safe. You sound like a good friend.
And the best kind of friends are the ones that are alive to help when help is needed\wanted.

Again, i do feel for you - and i wish you all the best.
Stay safe!!

 

[Rob819]

Ask yourself the following question:

Is your bond with the person so strong that you are willing to kill someone or multiple someones in order to protect that person or to defend the relationship? If not, then stay clear of her. Reguardless of your motives, you are clearly entertaining the idea of offering her a more personal relationship. Doing this will cause a problem, and when dealing with the bottom feeders of society, "problems" mean guns, knives, violence and death. So choose your actions wisely.

 

[Drac]

Real simple...

Keep your distance. She's a banger. He's a banger. They'll get their support from within the gang and will only draw you in if you try to get involved. (Especially since, given the facts as you present them, I wouldn't be at all surprised if her brother was a banger, and didn't die of natural causes.)

Gangs and people in them are enough to wear out experienced mental health professionals and cops. You lack the training, experience, and wisdom to do very much. If you want to express your sympathy or the like to her, go for it. But that's about all you can do.

jks beat me to it......You don't need that kind of drama in your life..You want to help and that's a wonderful thing, but like jks posted "She's a banger"...I've delt with street gangs for 20 years and the mere though of having to deal with them makes me crazy..I don't know how the juvenile officers do it..

 

[bydand]

I'll second all the posts above. As hard as it is to hear, your best bet would be to let this time pass and look at what you really want. At a future date when the focus will be on something else and less notice will be taken when you talk. Right now you are asking for some very bad "Ju-ju."

 

[BrandiJo]

I would have to side with everyone else, Stay safe and that pry will mean being very hands off. I would extend verbal sympathy "sorry for your loss if i can do anything to help let me know" type thing then wait it out from a safe distance. Gangs are not something to mess with if her bf is nuts and not afraid to harm you then you should be very leary of doing anything that would get his attention and that means anything to do with "his girl"
​

 

[MarkBarlow]

One of my grandmother's favorite quotes. "Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas."

Send positive thoughts and prayers her way but keep your distance.

 

[meth18au]

"Don't go to stupid places, Do stupid things, or hang out with stupid people."

I love that quote- so simply yet so true!!! Much wisdom can be found in commonsense statements like this.

simple as that.

Here,here!!! Stay away buddy. There's plenty of nice ladies out there that won't land you in ****.

 

[MJS]

Here's the skinny. First of all, I hate gangesters. They can burn in, well, they can burn. Second, a girl I kinda get along with just suffered a severe family trauma, her brother died. The problem is I constantly want to do what ever I can to make her feel better, but she is in a gang. That's not too bad really, but her boyfreind is also. And he's really jealous. So, if I even think about offering the symbolic 'shoulder to cry on', he'll get a bunch of his freinds to kill me.
So, do I do my best to try to avoid her all together (so I don't do anything to get shanked/shot/stabbed/run over), or do I try my best to help her (and try to avoid her jealous, short tempered, violent lunatic boyfreind)?

The reason I post this here is I'm sure that somewere out there is someone who might have run into a similar situation, and I'm sure there will be more. I'm also sure that someone might be able to give me advice if he finds out, and tries to kill me.

I can only echo what the others have said. IMHO, I'd avoid this situation. Given the environment that she is putting herself in, if you get too involved with this girl, you could be bringing on more headaches than you need.

If you want to express your sympathy for her loss, thats fine, but I'd avoid engaging in too much conversation with her, calling her, etc.

Mike

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Five Words:

"I'm Sorry For Your Loss".

*mimes zipping his mouth shut*

 

[CuongNhuka]

Some of you seem to get the impression that either:
A, I have some kind of deeper, not returned, feelings for her. Or,
2, I'm going out of my way, and out of my nature.

Neither are true. I have no feelings for her, and she tends to get on my nerves. Just, not so much that I would consider her an enemy, or do nothing under normal circumstances. I'm also not going out of my way, since I have a class with her, and I'm on Raider team, and she is trying to join. I also tend to do my best to help people such situations. Infact, I tried to talk to a differnit freind about his brother who was recently killed as well.

Also, I'm pretty sure that, while her brother was killed by a gangster/banger, he was not a gangster/banger himself.

 

[Drac]

Some of you seem to get the impression that either:
A, I have some kind of deeper, not returned, feelings for her. Or,
2, I'm going out of my way, and out of my nature.

That's good to know

Neither are true. I have no feelings for her, and she tends to get on my nerves. Just, not so much that I would consider her an enemy, or do nothing under normal circumstances. I'm also not going out of my way, since I have a class with her, and I'm on Raider team, and she is trying to join. I also tend to do my best to help people such situations

Like I said in an earlier post, giving a damn and wanting to help is a rare and wonderous thing

Also, I'm pretty sure that, while her brother was killed by a gangster/banger, he was not a gangster/banger himself.

Unless you see the dead brothers police report and CCH ( Current Criminal History) don't take ANYONE's word for granted...When bangers do drive by shootings do you think they are concerned with hitting non gang members?? ANYONE, ANYTHING not with them is against them..

 

[still learning]

Hello, NO one wants problems especially like this girls's boyfriend. Jealous in a person makes them go "NUTS". Especially gang members who thinks only of violent ways to get back at someone.

Jealous means that person has a poor self-respect for themselves, very little care for anyone else, has no pride in themselves as a normal person and is very weak when it comes to really caring of someone. They have NO trust in themselves too. (this people do not know what "LOVE" truely is!

So far everyone is giving you sound advice. Do not create more problems for yourself. Be nice and act dumb to her, and NOT let her tell you of her problems.

Just be nice and polite, and leave her problems to herself...she is looking for attention....don't give it to her? or her boyfriend will be looking for you (just to talk right?).....

Avoidance is taught in all martial arts..........learning the meaning!

Aloha ( from someone who is trying to AVOID fat food) ....fat food 8, avoidance 3 ....

 

[DavidCC]

Here's the skinny. First of all, I hate gangesters. They can burn in, well, they can burn. Second, a girl I kinda get along with just suffered a severe family trauma, her brother died. The problem is I constantly want to do what ever I can to make her feel better, but she is in a gang. That's not too bad really, but her boyfreind is also. And he's really jealous. So, if I even think about offering the symbolic 'shoulder to cry on', he'll get a bunch of his freinds to kill me.
So, do I do my best to try to avoid her all together (so I don't do anything to get shanked/shot/stabbed/run over), or do I try my best to help her (and try to avoid her jealous, short tempered, violent lunatic boyfreind)?

The reason I post this here is I'm sure that somewere out there is someone who might have run into a similar situation, and I'm sure there will be more. I'm also sure that someone might be able to give me advice if he finds out, and tries to kill me.

you could tell her that her brother's death was a consequence of being involved with gangs and that the same thing will eventually happen to her... and tell her that she can't join the Raiders while she is in a gang. Then you need to forget she exists, becasue she sounds like more trouble than a box full of scorpions and dumber than a bag of hammers. Do the police liasons at your high school know about their gang membership? I would make sure they do. there is no point at all in having anything to do with these people...

 

[CuongNhuka]

you could tell her that her brother's death was a consequence of being involved with gangs and that the same thing will eventually happen to her... and tell her that she can't join the Raiders while she is in a gang. Then you need to forget she exists, becasue she sounds like more trouble than a box full of scorpions and dumber than a bag of hammers. Do the police liasons at your high school know about their gang membership? I would make sure they do. there is no point at all in having anything to do with these people...

Again, pretty sure her brother wasn't in a gang. I'm in no position to tell her anything about Raider team (not commander). And our liason officer doesn't really do anything. I'm not even sure he's allowed to.