2 or three months income for a ring

[tellner]

I use to get a kick out of the DeBeers commercials that were saying “3 months Salary”

With the undertones of if you don’t think she is worth 3 months salary you don’t deserve her you pathetic low-life looser.

That's exactly the message. If you don't waste money on us you don't love her, and she shouldn't love you. Things like that can poison a relationship at its roots if the participants don't know their own minds and can't recognize the programming for what it is.

The TOS will not permit me to use all nine parts of speech in the manner which the diamond and wedding industries deserve. They hold Love hostage to their extortion and are happy to kill it if they don't get a cut. To my mind that's blasphemy.

Of course I could have been over reacting and overly sensitive, I was recently divorced and not liking anybody to much at the time.

Nope. You got the shot right in the ten ring.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. I hope you recovered in time.

 

[Xue Sheng]

We don't have wedding rings.

We have wedding bands but that was my doing not hers, they don't have them in Beijing. I did get a gold ring from her family, it is tradition to give the groom one I guess but I don't wear it, to heavy and to soft they use 24K in China.

We didn't have a professional photographer, flowers, a wedding consultant, a dress with an unchristly price tag that will never be worn again, a rented tux, a monumental cake or a honeymoon

we did not have any that either.

But we did get a GREAT dinner at the #1 Duck restaurants in Beijing out of the deal. Also tradition to go out to eat with the family.... the rather large and extended Chinese family. I found out I am into at least 4 different families here, I lost track after that.

EDIT

Sorry to hear about the divorce. I hope you recovered in time.

Thanks but that was years ago, I am remarried and rather happy, see above.

 

[Flying Crane]

The diamond ring I gave my wife cost about 1/2 of one month's salary for me. It was a simple design that we liked, and I got it from a family member who is a third generation jewelry store owner in my home town. He gave us a very nice deal.

My own gold wedding band cost very little, as I was able to get it wholesale from a jeweler's supply shop (I have been dabbling a bit in making some jewelry, so I have this connection). Of course this was over 6 years ago, before gold hit over $1000 per ounce.

I think the costs of modern weddings are rediculous. Everything is marked up, if it is for a wedding. I suspect that if you hired a caterer for a wedding reception, you would pay more than you would for the same service, if it was just a big party for your friends and family and wasn't connected to a wedding.

We managed to keep our wedding cost down, compared to the national average. And the average for our area, San Francisco, is much higher than the national. I felt pretty good about that, but it also meant I could not have as large a guest list as we would have liked. But we just couldn't see spending any more than we did, for a one-day event. Weddings are nuts.

 

[Flying Crane]

But we did get a GREAT dinner at the #1 Duck restaurants in Beijing out of the deal. Also tradition to go out to eat with the family.... the rather large and extended Chinese family. I found out I am into at least 4 different families here, I lost track after that.

My sifu brought two lion dance teams for our reception. Most of my family is from the Wisconsin area, so they never had a chance to experience that kind of thing. It was very cool, and we still have people tell us how much fun they had at our wedding.

Kinda funny, before the wedding I was mentioning the lion dance. My brothers, who were all groomsmen, were kind of hesitant about that, and asked me, "ok, so what's up exactly with this line dance thing, when are we doing that?" I started laughing and told them not to worry about it.

Also, I was the only one with a rented tux, I told everyone in my family to just wear something nice but comfortable that they already have. My wife wore her grandmother's wedding gown, but it did need extensive tailoring and that was a bit pricey.

In the end, I didn't want anyone else to experience any unnecessary expenses or discomfort. We just had a short ceremony, then it was a party and nobody was expected to do, or not do, anything. I figured, if you can't eat, drink, and be merry without me telling you how to do it, then you got problems I can't help you with. Just enjoy yourselves.

 

[tellner]

Xue Sheng, if you had had a Chinese wedding without enough food to sink a Nimitz Class aircraft carrier something would have been seriously wrong. The Chinese take their food almost as seriously as the Jews do.

Flying Crane - you said the Unvarnished Word about the markup in the bridal industry. What's worse, the moment the planning starts the bride and all her female relatives are encouraged to throw out all higher faculties and turn into a brainless emotional wreck. "Bridezilla". "Mother of the Bride". *snarl*

We looked at wedding sites. At least a thousand bucks to rent any place decent as a wedding venue. Rent the local Irish pub for the morning? Six hundred bucks, and they were sentimental enough to toss in the first set of the Irish fiddle band that was playing in the afternoon. The owner was tickled. A friend of the family had been ordained as a priest recently. The ordination couldn't be in the cathedral (mold abatement issues), so they held it in the same pub. An ordination. A wedding. Several wakes. I'm betting there have been christenings there since.

Wedding caterer? Twenty or thirty dollars a head for pretty lame "wedding food". Arrange to pick up the barbecue and Lebanese food that morning from local restaurants? Maybe fifteen a person for really good eats.
Decorated wedding cake? Hundreds.
Cakes from a local bakery? Very reasonable and tasted just as good.

Wedding dress? Even in those days five or ten thousand easy.
We could have hired a seamstress to do just as good a job for a grand. But Tiel went with a very nice black dress painted with Calla Lilies that had belonged to her grandmother. Total cost, zip. And it brought a tear to her mother's eye to see her wearing it.

Rings? See above.

Booze? We weren't about to pay for that. Many couples don't. We were in a pub. The owners probably doubled their profits for the morning.

Attendants? We didn't have any. We could have had a few friends wear LBDs (for the women) and suits (for the men). We did have a few of the guests who were staying with us help set up the food and decorations the morning of the wedding. Five people got everything set up for about sixty guests in a couple hours. All it took was a little organization.

Total cost for everything? About $3000.

Turn the whole thing over to a Consultant? The sky's the limit. But only until they get the idea of space-tourism nuptials.

When our dear friends Neil and Maritza got married it was even smaller and easier but just as nice as your average fifteen thousand dollar bridal extravaganza.

A year and a half ago our dear friends Neil and Maritza got married in Neil's aunt's house. The women of the family cooked lunch. I performed the ceremony. Their wedding rings were a suitably geeky yet attractive titanium. Tiel stood in for Maritza's family and kept her from bolting. It was sentimental, beautiful and cost a few hundred bucks tops.

According to a couple articles the average American wedding costs close to thirty thousand dollars. Thirty. Thousand. Dollars. That was three years ago. It's not just an outrage. It's obscene.

 

[Sukerkin]

I completely agree with that post, Tellner. It is the non-wartime equivalent of profiteering and something really should be done about curbing the pressures put upon people to waste so much money. If they can easily afford it then there's no harm but it still causes what you might term competative-unhappiness for those who cannot afford an extravagant 'do'.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Xue Sheng, if you had had a Chinese wedding without enough food to sink a Nimitz Class aircraft carrier something would have been seriously wrong. The Chinese take their food almost as seriously as the Jews do.

Flying Crane - you said the Unvarnished Word about the markup in the bridal industry. What's worse, the moment the planning starts the bride and all her female relatives are encouraged to throw out all higher faculties and turn into a brainless emotional wreck. "Bridezilla". "Mother of the Bride". *snarl*

We looked at wedding sites. At least a thousand bucks to rent any place decent as a wedding venue. Rent the local Irish pub for the morning? Six hundred bucks, and they were sentimental enough to toss in the first set of the Irish fiddle band that was playing in the afternoon. The owner was tickled. A friend of the family had been ordained as a priest recently. The ordination couldn't be in the cathedral (mold abatement issues), so they held it in the same pub. An ordination. A wedding. Several wakes. I'm betting there have been christenings there since.

Wedding caterer? Twenty or thirty dollars a head for pretty lame "wedding food". Arrange to pick up the barbecue and Lebanese food that morning from local restaurants? Maybe fifteen a person for really good eats.
Decorated wedding cake? Hundreds.
Cakes from a local bakery? Very reasonable and tasted just as good.

Wedding dress? Even in those days five or ten thousand easy.
We could have hired a seamstress to do just as good a job for a grand. But Tiel went with a very nice black dress painted with Calla Lilies that had belonged to her grandmother. Total cost, zip. And it brought a tear to her mother's eye to see her wearing it.

Rings? See above.

Booze? We weren't about to pay for that. Many couples don't. We were in a pub. The owners probably doubled their profits for the morning.

Attendants? We didn't have any. We could have had a few friends wear LBDs (for the women) and suits (for the men). We did have a few of the guests who were staying with us help set up the food and decorations the morning of the wedding. Five people got everything set up for about sixty guests in a couple hours. All it took was a little organization.

Total cost for everything? About $3000.

Turn the whole thing over to a Consultant? The sky's the limit. But only until they get the idea of space-tourism nuptials.

When our dear friends Neil and Maritza got married it was even smaller and easier but just as nice as your average fifteen thousand dollar bridal extravaganza.

A year and a half ago our dear friends Neil and Maritza got married in Neil's aunt's house. The women of the family cooked lunch. I performed the ceremony. Their wedding rings were a suitably geeky yet attractive titanium. Tiel stood in for Maritza's family and kept her from bolting. It was sentimental, beautiful and cost a few hundred bucks tops.

According to a couple articles the average American wedding costs close to thirty thousand dollars. Thirty. Thousand. Dollars. That was three years ago. It's not just an outrage. It's obscene.

My first wedding was an extravaganza

I have always maintained that if you VERY first thought after hearing the priest say "until death do you part" is "That is a VERY long time" you are in the wrong place and a few years later it was (happily) all over. But at least I got the ring back.

 

[Flying Crane]

Flying Crane - you said the Unvarnished Word about the markup in the bridal industry.

yup, and that carries over into the jewelry business as a whole. I know what materials cost. I suppose a jewelry designer deserves reasonable profit for his design and whatnot, and he is entitled to make a reasonable profit to stay in business and make a living. But that $500-$600 plain 14k or 18k gold band probably has about $60-$100 worth of gold in it. Maybe less.

My own 6mm wide plain gold band cost about $80 from the wholesale supplier, about 6 1/2 years ago.

What's worse, the moment the planning starts the bride and all her female relatives are encouraged to throw out all higher faculties and turn into a brainless emotional wreck. "Bridezilla". "Mother of the Bride". *snarl*

perfectly reasonable and lovely individuals completely lose their minds. it's amazing.

Decorated wedding cake? Hundreds.
Cakes from a local bakery? Very reasonable and tasted just as good.

We did not have a "wedding cake". Instead, we picked up my wife's favorite cake from a local bakery, along with three or four cheese cakes. I think the whole bit cost us about $100 or so. Compare that to a wedding cake, at a cost of about $25 per person, for a 1 inch square serving.

According to a couple articles the average American wedding costs close to thirty thousand dollars. Thirty. Thousand. Dollars. That was three years ago. It's not just an outrage. It's obscene.

Yeah, back when we got married, I think the national average was about $21 thousand. We managed to come in a few thousand under that. I was happy we managed that much. It was still so much money it blew my mind, but here in San Francisco it's pretty hard to do it for less than that without simply eloping.

 

[tellner]

yup, and that carries over into the jewelry business as a whole. I know what materials cost. I suppose a jewelry designer deserves reasonable profit for his design and whatnot, and he is entitled to make a reasonable profit to stay in business and make a living. But that $500-$600 plain 14k or 18k gold band probably has about $60-$100 worth of gold in it. Maybe less.

My own 6mm wide plain gold band cost about $80 from the wholesale supplier, about 6 1/2 years ago.

For that kind of markup just sell me the raw gold. I rent a jeweler's torch with acetylene and buy either a tiny anvil, hammers and stakes or wax, a centrifugal casting machine, casting medium and files and still come out on top.

In the immortal words of the great Sages of my Tribe:

Oy gevalt. Such meshugas!

 

[Flying Crane]

For that kind of markup just sell me the raw gold. I rent a jeweler's torch with acetylene and buy either a tiny anvil, hammers and stakes or wax, a centrifugal casting machine, casting medium and files and still come out on top.

Or you talk to someone like myself who has the right connections to the wholesalers and isn't inclined to put a 1000% markup on the transaction because I am not a full-time jeweler trying to make a living doing it. I'm plenty happy with a small markup for my time and effort.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Or you talk to someone like myself who has the right connections to the wholesalers and isn't inclined to put a 1000% markup on the transaction because I am not a full-time jeweler trying to make a living doing it. I'm plenty happy with a small markup for my time and effort.

Many moons ago when I fixed cars for a living I worked with a guy that was also a Jeweler and he pretty much told me the same thing about markup. But he added if you want to pay less markup buy a larger diamond they were already to high priced to begin with to do the average 1000% make up. He made the most money on smaller stones. But this was many years ago back around the time mammoths went extinct

 

[Rich Parsons]

I honestly believe this "custom" was started by a jewelry store somewhere. My fiancee's ring was nowhere near that amount. I just asked her to pick a ring she liked, and went with that. In turn, she decided to buy me a vocal processor that I had been looking at for my band, as an engagement present.

Hmmmm Both of you happy? I am not sure that is how it is supposed to work.

It does sound like a good thing to me though.

 

[jks9199]

My wife picked her engagement ring and matching wedding band out. I knew better than to try on my own! It was reasonably priced, all things considered, about 1 pay period gross. I paid it off within the 1 year interest-free promotion...

It's not the dollars that go into the ring. In fact, it's not even the ring at all. It's the time and work that you put into the relationship.

 

[Kacey]

As bad as this is - spending several months income or more for a wedding band - today I ran across this article about divorce rings:

Industrious women are buying rings for their right hand to celebrate their independence, hard work, and accomplishments. Or are they?
<snip>
While I love a diamond as much as the next gal, I have to wonder if this isn't all a clever marketing trick, designed specifically to prey on our culture's current obsession with working, powerful women and mothers. And even if it is such a ploy, is it harmless, or should we be worried? American consumerism is great, and is largely why our opportunistic country can thrive the way it does. But do we really need another Hallmark Holiday, wrapped up in shiny paper and aimed directly at some perceived flock of unwitting female consumers with money to burn?

Has anyone else heard about this... uh... trend?

 

[terryl965]

As bad as this is - spending several months income or more for a wedding band - today I ran across this article about divorce rings:



Has anyone else heard about this... uh... trend?

Yea we have a student that bought herself a divorce ring when it was over. Society needs to get a grip on things.

 

[Rich Parsons]

As bad as this is - spending several months income or more for a wedding band - today I ran across this article about divorce rings:



Has anyone else heard about this... uh... trend?

I have heard of this and know of some women who have gone out and bought themselves a ring to celebrate or reward themselves.

But to me this is no different then the guy or gal going out and buying the new convertible or motorcycle or big screen TV.

I know some that use to have Divorce parties to burn pictures and other items to show an ending. If this helps them then good.

The only problem I see in all this are those who are compulsive spenders to make themselves feel better. The items does matter, only the buying matters. In this case then it is continuing a problem for a person.

 

[Xue Sheng]

As bad as this is - spending several months income or more for a wedding band - today I ran across this article about divorce rings:



Has anyone else heard about this... uh... trend?

Would not surprise me I once dated a woman (prior to meeting my wife) who had bought herself a gift, just before we meant, to celebrate her divorce... a Rolex to the tune of about $2000... of course she was wondering if she could make mortgage payments but she had a Rolex.

 

[Nolerama]

I've always thought getting a Roth IRA or down payment on a home would be a great token for an engagement, alongside an affordable ring and bands.

Besides, I think I'd rather spend the money on an awesome wedding reception. I'm certain she feels the same way.