2 or three months income for a ring

[Sukerkin]

I think it's most interesting the love affair women have with diamonds, especially given the truth behind their value and the abominable conditions under which they are mined.

Hush, Georgia, it's supposed to be a secret that the value of diamonds is artificially inflated to a vast degree .

As to the conditions part, I wholeheartedly agree - that's why the stones in my missus's ring are certificated as Conflict Free. It's awfully easy for a supplier just to claim that tho' and print up a nice document to the effect. As a consumer you can only try to make your choices ethical and hope you're not being hoodwinked.

 

[Rich Parsons]

Oftentimes it is the bride (and her family) who pays for the cost of the wedding dress, cake(s), and all the costs associated with the wedding. This could easily equal to or be more than the cost of the ring.

I can see your point, about cost. Her family pays for the wedding and he pays for the ring.

In olden times (and still going on with other areas of the world), the bride comes with a dowry which will then belong to the groom. It is not strange for this to be an agreement between families rather than between couples--sometimes love plays little or no part of the equation.

And in those cultures, the advertisement is much different then 3 months gross salary for a ring. And if it is an agreement between families most likely the family on both sides is helping as per tradition calls.

Now the weddings, at least currently, appear to have the wedding costs shared by both the bride's and groom's families. The traditional ways of "she does/pays this" and "he does/pays that" seem to be evolving more into unique and unusual types of weddings that are more of an expression of the couples' shared love for certain places/activities, and or hopes/goals.

- Ceicei

What I have had to explain to some including my ex, is that at some point, the wedding no longer is about the couple. The wedding might still be about her, butin most cases from what I have seen it turns into the mothers wanting this picture perfect wedding and will spend what ever it takes to make up for their wedding and or to show the rest of thier family and friends this great party.

Some of the biggest weddings I have seen have not had long marriages, but some of the cheaper have had longer marriages. Although there are cases on both sides that are still married to show that it is up to those involved as well to make it work.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Rich Parsons]

I got married not to long ago, and i can not see spending THAT much money on a ring. Had my husband not been able to get his great grandmas ring (free) i wouldn't have wanted him to get one at all. Not because i want a pricey family heirloom but because i don't want him to spend the money on something like that. THe same came into play with our wedding bands, we wanted something strong, unique and cost effective, we chose 60 dollar titanium matching bands that came with a free inscription. I thought that we had better things to spend our money on then a set of rings. Granted i love my wedding and engagment rings and i am glad we where able to go the route we did, but if we had to do with out or if he couldnt get this ring i would have been just as happy not getting anything at all. Love is far deeper the the size of your ring or how much it cost.

As for the splitting of costs, again the huge 5k weddings are over rated. the Dj was the most expensive thing we had and he was 400 bucks. My family and i paid for most of it but we did it on a budget and pry a whole lot less then what my ring is worth, and again no where near what our love is or means.

I knew of one couple where the great grandmother's ring was good enough for a place holder but she wanted her own ring. Now I can understand someone wanting something for them form their loved one. But in this case it had more to do with size and bragging rights amongst her friends and family.


Personally I like the simple bands and the harder the better as I end up bumping it all the time.

 

[Rich Parsons]

I must be from the Civil War era.... when we became engaged in 2005, we discussed what we could realistically afford.... we visited a jeweler who was an old friend and my wife designed it and picked the stones and we both came out happy. What a day when she received it!

Now, thanks to what I've learned here, I know better.

The silly jeweler was pre-occupied with making us happy instead of skinning us for an unearthly sum. He never applied any pressure. I shall never go there again.

I shall have to tell my wife tonight that we may have failed the, "3 month test" and that she must now resent me and hate the ring.

She constantly gives me small tokens and reminders of her love, but since none of them cost her 5k, I'm not liking her much anymore, either.

You can tell her all the things you posted here. You could also tell her that the norm or average is for people to get a divorce. You could add this into your failure, of having of loving spouse who shows you with little things over time and you the same for her.

Personally I wish I could fail on the same magnitude.

 

[Rich Parsons]

Caver makes a very good point whereby the retailers apply a pressure of their own to urge people (well, men, let's be honest) to burn huge amounts of cash on something which is merely a visual recognition symbol of a question.

This is not an issue that is simple as that tho', as there are inferences of status involved for both sides of the proposal and the problem is further clouded by opinions that are external to the couple.

I know that the latter played a role in my ring choice. I know full well my missus would've been happy with a 'cheap' ring, it was the 'question', asked the right way in an appropriate setting, that she wanted. However, there was no way I was going to put a bottom-end ring on her finger.

Why?

Because I did not want people to look at the ring (as they inevitably do) and ponder to themselves "Is that all he thinks of her?". It's silly but it has an effect. I spent a quarter of a years income just so other people would not think that my love was not real. Also, I did not want my missus to be ashamed when people asked to see it, so I spent more on that diamond band than I have on all the cars I have ever owned combined.

How stupid is that?

EDIT: BrandiJo makes some very good points too. In fact, she also raises an intriguing cultural aspect with regard to wedding costs. It seems that in America the trend is for the costs to be shared by both families and for the 'price tag' to be quite low. In England, it is still held to be the bride's father's responsibility to foot the bill and that bill is an average of £18000 ($36000). I think that is wrong, plain and simple. Most families are not forging great political alliances with their betrothals and that magnitude of expenditure would be crippling for the majority of families in this country ... and yet they still do it!?

So you gave in and bought her the big ring.

She has it and wears it? I hope she does.

She is happy. You are happy.

Maybe you could have spent the money elsewhere but you both are happy which in the end is what it takes. right?

 

[shesulsa]

The ring my husband wanted was out of my price range - and at least as expensive as my set, btw.

 

[Rich Parsons]

The ring my husband wanted was out of my price range - and at least as expensive as my set, btw.

I understand this. And this should be a major point for both sides as stated by many. Buy what you can and want and are happy with. There are to be compromise as there will be in the marriage.

 

[Cryozombie]

When I proposed, my girl was an office manager for a jewelry store.

You can be damn sure that her ring cost ME more than 3 months salary.

She kept hers AND mine in the divorce.​

 

[SensibleManiac]

Here's my 2 cents for what it's worth:

I spent 2 months salary on the ring, just made sure I got something that she would love.
I spent over $20 000 on the wedding but made that back in gifts from the guests plus the money our parents both gave us.
In many peoples' eyes this was a pretty simple wedding.

In the end though, the most important thing should be the investment of time and energy to make the marriage work.

I agree that conflict free diamonds should be sought, (you can never be 100% sure of what you're getting though but it is worth it to try). One suggestion would be to try and get Canadian diamonds. They are stamped with an almost microscopic maple leaf that can be seen under magnification. Ask your jeweler about them, they are incredibly difficult to forge.

Back to the original topic, you can always deal for the price especially if you pay cash at most jewelers. Also tell them you'll be buying the wedding bands from them if they make you a good price.
2 months salary (depending on your salary) is usually more than enough.

 

[FearlessFreep]

My wife's engagement ring and wedding band were pretty simple, no where close to 2-3 months income (even at the time where that income wasn't much). My wedding band was pretty simple/cheap too.

But yesterday we just had our 18th year Anniversary, so I guess we did something right

 

[shesulsa]

My wife's engagement ring and wedding band were pretty simple, no where close to 2-3 months income (even at the time where that income wasn't much). My wedding band was pretty simple/cheap too.

But yesterday we just had our 18th year Anniversary, so I guess we did something right

artyon:

Congratulations!

 

[Sukerkin]

artyon:

Congratulations!

I second that emotion :rei:.

 

[terryl965]

My wife's engagement ring and wedding band were pretty simple, no where close to 2-3 months income (even at the time where that income wasn't much). My wedding band was pretty simple/cheap too.

But yesterday we just had our 18th year Anniversary, so I guess we did something right

Congratulation

 

[Kreth]

I honestly believe this "custom" was started by a jewelry store somewhere. My fiancee's ring was nowhere near that amount. I just asked her to pick a ring she liked, and went with that. In turn, she decided to buy me a vocal processor that I had been looking at for my band, as an engagement present.

 

[MA-Caver]

My wife's engagement ring and wedding band were pretty simple, no where close to 2-3 months income (even at the time where that income wasn't much). My wedding band was pretty simple/cheap too.

But yesterday we just had our 18th year Anniversary, so I guess we did something right

Way to go! Both of you! Gee only 32 more years til your golden anniversary... keep it up!

 

[Xue Sheng]

I honestly believe this "custom" was started by a jewelry store somewhere. My fiancee's ring was nowhere near that amount. I just asked her to pick a ring she liked, and went with that. In turn, she decided to buy me a vocal processor that I had been looking at for my band, as an engagement present.

Actually I do beleive it was started by these people... I can't imagine why

MY wife didn't want an engagement ring, she had no idea what they were, they don't use them in China and they are too expensive. I got her one last Christmas, my westerner guilt kicked in, but she still was going to take it back it was too expensive and silly in her thinking. I did talk her into keeping it but she still does not wear it much.

I do love that woman.

 

[little_miss_fracus]

'Scuse me, but have any of you guys seen MA-Caver? There's a missing persons thread on him.

 

[tellner]

The wedding band used to be a plain metal (usually gold) ring.

The diamond wedding ring and the engagement ring, especially with a piece of fused carbon of its own, is a recent development. It is entirely the product of marketing.

The diamond industry started the "tradition" explicitly and calculatedly. Early movie stars were showered with diamonds and money in return for wearing them in public and talking them up. Jewelers were encouraged to push diamonds for wedding and engagement rings. Prices were kept artificially high by the campaign to "Never sell a diamond". It makes no sense at all that any other material would have a resale price, but that fused lumps of carbon are somehow special.

The "three months' salary" rule of thumb was, again, a product of the diamond miners' advertising. It makes no sense at all. Three months' salary could put a down payment on a farm, buy some good horses or turn a hovel into a decent house. And all that money is, again, going into something which can't be sold. It's not an investment. It's an expensive rat hole.

Weddings have always been celebrations. What is more worth partying about? The things we think of as Ancient Hoary Traditions - the Dress, the Cake and so on were there to show off the bride's family's wealth. They are potlatch-products of mid- to late-Victorian culture. Come to think of it so is the bridesmaid. In earlier days it was traditional include as attendants friends who were pregnant or had small children. The magical aspects should be obvious. Choosing attendants specifically because they can't demonstrate fertility seems a little odd in context.

The White Queen has been dead for a long time. Most of us have better use for money than throwing it away to fatten the Anglo-American Corporation's bottom line. If you want to give your Intended a nice expensive gift there are other things that would be just as nice. If you want to symbolize the permanence of your connection you could plant a thousand Bristlecone pines together; with luck they'll be around for four millennia. Buy a baby tortoise to pass on to your grandchildren. Get her a couple shares of Halliburton stock.

 

[Xue Sheng]

I use to get a kick out of the DeBeers commercials that were saying “3 months Salary”

With the undertones of if you don’t think she is worth 3 months salary you don’t deserve her you pathetic low-life looser.

Of course I could have been over reacting and overly sensitive, I was recently divorced and not liking anybody to much at the time. :idunno:

 

[tellner]

Tiel and I don't have engagement rings. The betrothal wasn't planned. I didn't want to spook her, so I let her catch me and and do the proposing.

We don't have wedding rings. Her parents offered to give us their wedding bands, but there didn't seem any point. We thought of exchanging kerises at the wedding but decided against it. Seriously.

So far we've been married seventeen years in sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer and poorer - yep, all of those. We don't have any rings. We didn't have a professional photographer, flowers, a wedding consultant, a dress with an unchristly price tag that will never be worn again, a rented tux, a monumental cake or a honeymoon where the innocent virginal girl disappears and emerges as a sexually realized woman.

But we have a marriage that has lasted more than a standard deviation past the mean and which will last until one of us is put in the ground G-d willing. I can't see how the things that you're supposed to buy to make a marriage conform to the commercial standards of the time would have made it any better.