15yo Kills Herself After Being Bullied

[Blade96]

I don't recall bullying at university , I enjoyed university much more than high school. Maybe because to get into university you have to be at a certain level of intelligence, maturity or maybe simply because of the age where you can be tried as an adult.

I was bullied at university some, (even sexually assaulted there by a guy I fought with and got away from) but there is much less of it. There still are the jerks who make plans without inviting you and stuff though. Most recently, because I am different from the common shmuck one of my friends at the time a few years ago told me that he overheard somepeople talking about me behind my back at university and calling me an FAS person. I never had the chance to confront them and say maybe they should try reading some books before attempting to talk **** about people and about a disorder they knew absolutely nothing about because if they did they would know I don't have it. and my mother wouldnt touch so much as a little vitamin during her pregnancies with my older bro or with me. Another guy had also overheard them and told them to pretty mcuh STFU because as he said 'she isnt here to defend herself'

Some people no matter how old, are just sad. even in university. and that is the honest to god's truth. (whether you believe in god or not. lol.)

 

[Carol]

I don't recall bullying at university , I enjoyed university much more than high school. Maybe because to get into university you have to be at a certain level of intelligence, maturity or maybe simply because of the age where you can be tried as an adult.

Or maybe it is because even uni students are still naive enough to believe they are 10 feet tall and bulletproof. My freshman year at Berklee College of Music, an international student bullied by other international students. The student committed suicide in 1988, allegedly by jumping off the Tobin Bridge.

 

[Archangel M]

School administrators have no spines. They are so afraid to lawsuits and appearing "not politically correct" that the bury their heads in the sand and brush this stuff off as "kid stuff".

There was bullying in my day too, but the threat of "the paddle" by the teacher kept it in controlable check.

I think it's tougher for girls. They never quit and they snipe and stalk all day, everywhere, on the net, in the lunch room etc. They are more "psychological terrorists" than boys seem to be. With boys it's the physical stuff that seems dominant.

I was picked on twice that I recall. After fighting with each of them (wrestling pretty much) and puttting a kids arm in a sling once I was not picked on again. Wasnt "popular" but wasn't picked on. And strange by todays standards my parents were never told of the "sling incident" and the kids parents never made a stink. Probably because a lunch monitor saw him punch me in the stomach so he "got what he deserved" according to all involved I assume.

Different times.

 

[Gordon Nore]

School administrators have no spines. They are so afraid to lawsuits and appearing "not politically correct" that the bury their heads in the sand and brush this stuff off as "kid stuff".

I'm sure there are admins who put their head in the sand. With all due respect, I would suggest these are the ones facing the lawsuits. If I were an admin, I'd rather get sued for raising the issue that one kid bullied another, then get sued for not having responded.

I was picked on twice that I recall. After fighting with each of them (wrestling pretty much) and puttting a kids arm in a sling once I was not picked on again. Wasnt "popular" but wasn't picked on. And strange by todays standards my parents were never told of the "sling incident" and the kids parents never made a stink. Probably because a lunch monitor saw him punch me in the stomach so he "got what he deserved" according to all involved I assume.

Different times.

I totally hear you on this, and I wrestle with this all the time as a parent and a teacher. I fought back too. My worry nowadays is that it doesn't end with a one-on-one fight between two students. The next day someone comes back with a weapon or a group of friends. I had this discussion with my son many times when he was in high school. There had been a fatal stabbing of a students in front of a restaurant adjacent to his school. My son, now twenty, is heck of a fighter and Kali practitioner, but he operated on the assumption that anyone he might get into a conflict with could be carrying -- a wise precaution -- and just avoided trouble as best he could.

I have to confess the day he graduated from high school, I was relieved.

 

[Joab]

Yeah, I was bullied as well, and my heart goes out to this girl and her family. I think there is a larger question that the media has focused upon which had been ignored in this thread, which is should bullying be illegal, should the bullies be prosecuted? That is in fact what is happening, the bullies are being prosecuted for their harrassement and stalking, and two boys have been charged with statuatory rape.

 

[Ken Morgan]

Yeah, I was bullied as well, and my heart goes out to this girl and her family. I think there is a larger question that the media has focused upon which had been ignored in this thread, which is should bullying be illegal, should the bullies be prosecuted? That is in fact what is happening, the bullies are being prosecuted for their hasrrassement and stalking, and two boys have been charged with statuatory rape.

I understand what it is you're saying but then we need to get into a definition of bullying.

If I don't invite you for lunch with our friends is that bullying or a slip up on my part? or did you piss me off that morning?

For the women, as someone here pointed out, its more mind games.
If I hurt your feelings, is that bullying?

Again I understand, but i just don't know how you could ever do it.

 

[Joab]

I understand what it is you're saying but then we need to get into a definition of bullying.

If I don't invite you for lunch with our friends is that bullying or a slip up on my part? or did you piss me off that morning?

For the women, as someone here pointed out, its more mind games.
If I hurt your feelings, is that bullying?

Again I understand, but i just don't know how you could ever do it.

What was going on with this girl was far beyond what your describing! I agree that a definition is in order, and certainly the extent of the bullying considered. Prosecuters believe this was so extreme it constituted illegal actions. She was harrassed rather severely, stalked, statuatory raped. Read the original post's link for details.

To be honest, I had similiar things done to me in junior high school, I'm sympathetic to what the prosecuters are doing.

 

[Gordon Nore]

Yeah, I was bullied as well, and my heart goes out to this girl and her family. I think there is a larger question that the media has focused upon which had been ignored in this thread, which is should bullying be illegal, should the bullies be prosecuted? That is in fact what is happening, the bullies are being prosecuted for their harrassement and stalking, and two boys have been charged with statuatory rape.

Interesting that you put it that way. I noted the charges in the case. If the story is being reported accurately -- headline notwithstanding -- this has progressed far beyond bullying. If someone is being criminally harassed, stalked and all the rest, it's not simple bullying.

 

[jks9199]

Parents need to be involved in their childrens lives, that's their job.

If they are the parents of bullies, they need to nip it in the bud as early as possible and reform the behaviour. If they are the parents of the victim they need to be positive to their kids, ride the schools ***, contact the bullies parents, get them into self defence, essentially whatever is necessary to stop the **** from happening again.

I don't know why so many people still think that being bullied is part of growing up, its not.

Sorry, but bullying and being bullied is a part of growing up and a part of life. For whatever reason, it appears that we're wired to single out and attack those that are different -- and if there's not an obvious difference, we'll invent one. Most of us have experienced being bullied, even if it's as mild as being pinched for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. And most of us have bullied, too, in a similar fashion.

Recognizing that it goes on is not the same as condoning it -- especially as bullying reaches extremes. There's quite a bit clearly not being told in this account; stat rape and stalking charges are not lightly made, especially when the suspects are also juveniles. When bullying moves from occasional or sporadic incidents, victims need to be able to report it -- and teachers, staff, or management (yes, bullying still happens with adults, as several accounts above have demonstrated) need to respond.

Zero tolerance policies, "bully awareness weeks", and the like are not really that effective; they tend to ignore the root causes, and they treat offenders and victims the same. Teaching and modeling compassion and mutual respect goes a lot further -- as does responding directly to the problem. We've got some parents today that are afraid to discipline their kids because the kids will call the cops! You want a shocked look -- you oughta see the kid who was sure that, because Mommy dared to spank him, he called the cops... and had the cops ask what he did wrong, and tell him he ought to be grounded, too. Yeah -- a lot of cops do understand the difference between parental discipline and child abuse.

 

[MJS]

School administrators have no spines. They are so afraid to lawsuits and appearing "not politically correct" that the bury their heads in the sand and brush this stuff off as "kid stuff".

And why they do this amazes me. Lets see....if I had the choice of doing something and having to answer to my actions, vs. not doing something, having some kid kill themselves, and having to answer to my actions, it doesn't take my thought for me to pick what I'd do. If they're questioned as to why they suspended a kid, then they should have the balls to tell the dumbass parents of the punk kid, that it was HIS actions that were a result of the suspension. Its all about the paper trail.

I was picked on twice that I recall. After fighting with each of them (wrestling pretty much) and puttting a kids arm in a sling once I was not picked on again. Wasnt "popular" but wasn't picked on. And strange by todays standards my parents were never told of the "sling incident" and the kids parents never made a stink. Probably because a lunch monitor saw him punch me in the stomach so he "got what he deserved" according to all involved I assume.

Different times.

Sadly, this is what it comes to. The kid has to stand up to the punk to make the problem end. Fortunately, I always had the backing of my parents....providing that I was not to blame for anything.

 

[xJOHNx]

You know, Ken, I think the bullies learn a lot of the bad behavior at home. One of the bad kids I mentioned earlier - turns out she was regularly beaten by her nutty father; mom never did anything about it.

Problem is, as a society we then let the products of this ysfunction wreak havoc on others outside the home.

We do need to reinforce with our kids that they can come to us and that suicide is never the answer.

The cycle of frustration always has to start somewhere, as well as end somewhere.
Like when you are angry, you kick your cat. Your cat is frustrated so it goes out and kills a mouse for fun. The cycle ended with grief.

Same goes with children who are nothing more but a white page, where people leave their desires, hopes as well as frustrations on. Bullies are nothing more but echoes of the words written on their page.

I never bullied, nor did any of my brothers. We had a decent upbringing.

I'm currently at university and even here there are bullies.

Apart from that: signing your kids up for a martial art is one of the best thing you can do. It also prevents fatty disease.

 

[Blade96]

Sorry, but bullying and being bullied is a part of growing up and a part of life. For whatever reason, it appears that we're wired to single out and attack those that are different -- and if there's not an obvious difference, we'll invent one.

I agree that it is normal when growing up to be a bit wary of people you dont know, or people who are different.

It is not a normal part of growing up to seek out the person who is different, stalk them, and actively persecute them, sometimes to the point of creating insanity in the victim or even suicide.

Sorry, I dont think stalking and etc is a normal human instinct.

People invented something different in my case. I was not all that different tbh...I liked all the normal things that teens liked at that age, even the new kids on the block when i was 12 and 13 (lol, don't laugh) plus I was sporty and very into hockey. (In fact the guys who thought I'd pick players for a RP hockey team because they were good looking - the sexist attitude - were quite impressed when they found out how good my hockey knowledge was.)

So you are right again when you say sometimes evil people will invent reasons. I still dont know why to this day I was bullied.

 

[Ken Morgan]

http://www.slate.com/id/2249424/

 

[MJS]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36122394/ns/health/

If we're lucky, the people involved will be heading up the river.

 

[Steve]

I agree that it is normal when growing up to be a bit wary of people you dont know, or people who are different.

It is not a normal part of growing up to seek out the person who is different, stalk them, and actively persecute them, sometimes to the point of creating insanity in the victim or even suicide.

Sorry, I dont think stalking and etc is a normal human instinct.

People invented something different in my case. I was not all that different tbh...I liked all the normal things that teens liked at that age, even the new kids on the block when i was 12 and 13 (lol, don't laugh) plus I was sporty and very into hockey. (In fact the guys who thought I'd pick players for a RP hockey team because they were good looking - the sexist attitude - were quite impressed when they found out how good my hockey knowledge was.)

So you are right again when you say sometimes evil people will invent reasons. I still dont know why to this day I was bullied.

Bullying and stalking are two different things.

 

[RandomPhantom700]

I really don't have anything to add to the topic that hasn't already been covered. Clearly, some teasing is part of growing up, and parents shouldn't teach their kids to be super-sensitive, but bullying to this extent...which apparently is more common than I thought...goes well past the line of "just being kids".

I recall an interview of one of the creators of South Park regarding Columbine, in which he said that high schoolers who are considering such drastic action need to realize that it'll be over in a few short years. I hope such a message reaches victims of bullying so less tragic suicides like this one occur.

 

[searcher]

Being bullied is why I started Hawaiian Kenpo. I was constantly being beaten by the same 3-5 guys on a daily basis. I was driven by the desire to get back at the ones who were hurting me. I never went after the guys, but I wish at times I would have.

My heart goes out to the girl and her friends and family.

Should bullying be illegal? Yes, but it does need to be difined as to what is and what is not actually bullying.

 

[MJS]

Sorry, but bullying and being bullied is a part of growing up and a part of life. For whatever reason, it appears that we're wired to single out and attack those that are different -- and if there's not an obvious difference, we'll invent one. Most of us have experienced being bullied, even if it's as mild as being pinched for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. And most of us have bullied, too, in a similar fashion.

Recognizing that it goes on is not the same as condoning it -- especially as bullying reaches extremes. There's quite a bit clearly not being told in this account; stat rape and stalking charges are not lightly made, especially when the suspects are also juveniles. When bullying moves from occasional or sporadic incidents, victims need to be able to report it -- and teachers, staff, or management (yes, bullying still happens with adults, as several accounts above have demonstrated) need to respond.

Zero tolerance policies, "bully awareness weeks", and the like are not really that effective; they tend to ignore the root causes, and they treat offenders and victims the same. Teaching and modeling compassion and mutual respect goes a lot further -- as does responding directly to the problem. We've got some parents today that are afraid to discipline their kids because the kids will call the cops! You want a shocked look -- you oughta see the kid who was sure that, because Mommy dared to spank him, he called the cops... and had the cops ask what he did wrong, and tell him he ought to be grounded, too. Yeah -- a lot of cops do understand the difference between parental discipline and child abuse.

I agree that it is normal when growing up to be a bit wary of people you dont know, or people who are different.

It is not a normal part of growing up to seek out the person who is different, stalk them, and actively persecute them, sometimes to the point of creating insanity in the victim or even suicide.

Sorry, I dont think stalking and etc is a normal human instinct.

People invented something different in my case. I was not all that different tbh...I liked all the normal things that teens liked at that age, even the new kids on the block when i was 12 and 13 (lol, don't laugh) plus I was sporty and very into hockey. (In fact the guys who thought I'd pick players for a RP hockey team because they were good looking - the sexist attitude - were quite impressed when they found out how good my hockey knowledge was.)

So you are right again when you say sometimes evil people will invent reasons. I still dont know why to this day I was bullied.

I have to wonder....does the level of the bullying, determine whether or not a child will be driven to kill themselves or will it depend on the person? I mean, I was picked on, but I never had so much disgust that I felt like taking my life.

On the other hand, is it a part of life? I mean, if we say that it is, then technically, abusing your wife or husband is part of being married. In all of the years that I've been married, I've never abused my wife, nor has she abused me. I doubt that every kid in the world is a victim of bullies, just like I doubt that every marriage results in abuse.

 

[Sukerkin]

A very important last paragraph there, MJS.

 

[Gordon Nore]

On the other hand, is it a part of life? I mean, if we say that it is, then technically, abusing your wife or husband is part of being married. In all of the years that I've been married, I've never abused my wife, nor has she abused me. I doubt that every kid in the world is a victim of bullies, just like I doubt that every marriage results in abuse.

A very important last paragraph there, MJS.

Agreed, Suke. I must say, I'm a bit disconcerted to hear 'bullying is a part of life' as an argument. I think it's important to understand that bullying -- as defined by educators and psychologists -- is persistent. In other words, we're not talking about a kid getting picked on on any given day. We're talking about a pattern of behaviour.

Consider also, please, some kids who are typically targeted for bullying: Spec Ed kids, ESL kids, kids who are poor at sports... I see this all as very predatory and quite sickening.