# I need some advice regarding fear.



## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

I’ve practiced Martial Arts since grade school, I enjoy the whole thing the drills, the forms, the sparring, the tournaments, etc. About 6 months ago I injured one of my peers during practice, I was doing a Morote Seoi Nage something went wrong and I broke his arm. 

I didn’t intent to do so I messed up, my peers and teacher tell me that it was an accident and the guy told me not to worry accidents happen they were very nice and understanding. However ever since the incident I’m unable to go on the offensive, I just freeze and stick to defense only blocking and dodging.

I really want to regain my former self, so to speak, I want to fully engage in combat but my body just wouldn’t listen, I’m afraid to hurt someone else. Can you offer me some advice to deal with this fear so I’m able to fully engage in practice? I still love Martial Arts and I don’t want to quit but this fear really isn't helping.


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## now disabled (Aug 15, 2018)

you have a mental block and are suffering a confidence problem in that you think you cannot control what you do 

You don't plain and simple ...it was a freak accident and that happens 

The only way imo is to get back in the saddle like when you fell of your bike when a kid ....you got back on ...same thing ...

The more you continue to debate it the harder it will be 


get back to it young man


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

now disabled said:


> you have a mental block and are suffering a confidence problem in that you think you cannot control what you do
> 
> You don't plain and simple ...it was a freak accident and that happens
> 
> ...




Thanks for the advice I'll get on it.


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## hoshin1600 (Aug 15, 2018)

Yes you have to keep training. But maybe you are putting pressure on yourself.  Try not to put pressure on yourself to perform the way you were before. Relax and try to enjoy your training time.  You had a bad experience and it is imprinted on your brain. You need to replace that with more good experiences. If you just focus on enjoying your training, in time the hesitation and fear will go away.


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## pdg (Aug 15, 2018)

Think about the roles being reversed.

Would you lay blame for the same type of accident that led to you being injured?


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

pdg said:


> Think about the roles being reversed.
> 
> Would you lay blame for the same type of accident that led to you being injured?



I hadn't thought of that. I'm sure I wouldn't as there was no ill will. As Hoshin1600 said I need to focus on the possitive experiences and get back to it. Thanks for your perspective.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 15, 2018)

When my teacher was young, one day he trained the square bag throwing with his classmates. When he caught the bag, turned, and threw to his next partner, an old lady passed by. That 23 lb bag hit on the old lady's head and killed her. That accident didn't stop my teacher's MA training for the rest of his life.

At least in your MA training, you have not killed anybody yet.






Accident could happen in the past, it can happen during the present time, it will happen in the future too.


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## pdg (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> I hadn't thought of that. I'm sure I wouldn't as there was no ill will. As Hoshin1600 said I need to focus on the possitive experiences and get back to it. Thanks for your perspective.



It's a perspective I kind of know - a few weeks back I got a cracked rib from a kick.

Stuff happens, I'd hate for him to feel guilty about it to the extent it affects his performance or training.

I think you'll find there's a fair few people here who have been on one side or the other of this type of thing.


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## dvcochran (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> I’ve practiced Martial Arts since grade school, I enjoy the whole thing the drills, the forms, the sparring, the tournaments, etc. About 6 months ago I injured one of my peers during practice, I was doing a Morote Seoi Nage something went wrong and I broke his arm.
> 
> I didn’t intent to do so I messed up, my peers and teacher tell me that it was an accident and the guy told me not to worry accidents happen they were very nice and understanding. However ever since the incident I’m unable to go on the offensive, I just freeze and stick to defense only blocking and dodging.
> 
> I really want to regain my former self, so to speak, I want to fully engage in combat but my body just wouldn’t listen, I’m afraid to hurt someone else. Can you offer me some advice to deal with this fear so I’m able to fully engage in practice? I still love Martial Arts and I don’t want to quit but this fear really isn't helping.


Curious how/when the arm was broken. Not being familiar with the move I youtubed it. It looked like it would be very hard to injure an arm with the arm bar. Did the injury occur during the fall? Either way it is just part of good, realistic MA practice. As long as you didn't lose your composure and intentionally try to hurt the other person you should not let it "hang you up". It would be wrong not to feel some remorse; someone got hurt. But remember it is MARTIAL Arts, not ballet class. 
When I have gotten in a funk in the past, going really, really hard on the bag for a few days always helped. Talk to your instructor, they may already see your hesitation and are waiting for you to approach them. It is a sign of character.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

dvcochran said:


> Curious how/when the arm was broken. Not being familiar with the move I youtubed it. It looked like it would be very hard to injure an arm with the arm bar. Did the injury occur during the fall? Either way it is just part of good, realistic MA practice. As long as you didn't lose your composure and intentionally try to hurt the other person you should not let it "hang you up". It would be wrong not to feel some remorse; someone got hurt. But remember it is MARTIAL Arts, not ballet class.
> When I have gotten in a funk in the past, going really, really hard on the bag for a few days always helped. Talk to your instructor, they may already see your hesitation and are waiting for you to approach them. It is a sign of character.



Thank you for your consideration. The injury happened right before I lift him he threw himself backwards and grabbed my shirt, however I kept my grip on his arm, so when I fell on him something broke.


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## Martial D (Aug 15, 2018)

There is no fear in this dojo!

No but seriously, something like this recently happened to me, only it was a rib and I was on the other side of it.

I would imagine he, as I, understand the risks and is willing to field the consequences. We aren't doing knitting here.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

Thank you all for your kindness it really perked me up, during tomorrows practice I'm letting loose.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> The injury happened right before I lift him he threw himself backwards and grabbed my shirt, however I kept my grip on his arm, so when I fell on him something broke.


This is why in Chinese wrestling, the moment that you feel that you lose your balance, you release all your grips and ready to fall. This way, less chance to have injury. Unfortunately the BJJ pull guide violates that guideline big time.

When I was a beginner, one day I wrestled with someone. When he threw me, I didn't release my grips on time, I pulled him down with me (like BJJ pull guard). he dropped his elbow right on top of my heart. When I got back up, suddenly everything turned to darkness, and I fell back down again. I almost got myself killed that day.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> This is why in Chinese wrestling, the moment that you feel that you lose your balance, you release all your grips and ready to fall. This way, less chance to have injury. Unfortunately the BJJ pull guide violates that guideline big time.
> 
> When I was a beginner, one day I wrestled with someone. When he threw me, I didn't release my grips on time, I pulled him down with me (like BJJ pull guard). he dropped his elbow right on top of my heart. When I got back up, suddenly everything turned to darkness, and I fell back down again. I almost got myself killed that day.



Ouch! You are right my master told me some time ago to release my grip when I lose MY balance, I practice Judo so this happens often and the one time that I don't release this happens, thanks for the advice. By the way you say Chinese Wrestling could you provide me with a more specific name please? It really picked my interest and I want to do some further research in your MA style.


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## Martial D (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> Ouch! You are right my master told me some time ago to release my grip when I lose MY balance, I practice Judo so this happens often and the one time that I don't release this happens, thanks for the advice. By the way you say Chinese Wrestling could you provide me with a more specific name please? It really picked my interest and I want to do some further research in your MA style.


I believe it is Shuai jiao, but I might be mistaken


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

Martial D said:


> I believe it is Shuai jiao, but I might be mistaken



I just googled it and looks like you hit the nail in the head, thank you I'll get to reading ASAP.


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## frank raud (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> Thank you for your consideration. The injury happened right before I lift him he threw himself backwards and grabbed my shirt, however I kept my grip on his arm, so when I fell on him something broke.


You don't typically fall on someone in a seoi nage throw, this sounds like his attempt to escape(throwing himself backwards) caused you to lose your balance. Did you complete your throw and land on him, or was your balance disrupted?


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

frank raud said:


> You don't typically fall on someone in a seoi nage throw, this sounds like his attempt to escape(throwing himself backwards) caused you to lose your balance. Did you complete your throw and land on him, or was your balance disrupted?



I didn't complete my throw I lost my balance and fell backwards with/on him while holding his arm.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> By the way you say Chinese Wrestling could you provide me with a more specific name please? It really picked my interest and I want to do some further research in your MA style.


Chinese wrestling - 摔跤 Shuai Chiao, Shuai Jiao.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> Chinese wrestling - 摔跤 Shuai Chiao, Shuai Jiao.



Great thanks a lot!


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 15, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> I didn't complete my throw I lost my balance and fell backwards with/on him while holding his arm.


If you can roll over your opponent's body, you can prevent injury.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 15, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> If you can roll over your opponent's body, you can prevent injury.



I see, thanks I’ll practice that.


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## frank raud (Aug 16, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> I didn't complete my throw I lost my balance and fell backwards with/on him while holding his arm.


As I read this, the fall was caused by your uke trying to push off of you, which seems an odd way to counter seoi nage.


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## dvcochran (Aug 16, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> Thank you for your consideration. The injury happened right before I lift him he threw himself backwards and grabbed my shirt, however I kept my grip on his arm, so when I fell on him something broke.


It is hard to blame anything on anyone during an awkward fall. It is largely out of anyone's control. I have a very hard time seeing how it was anyone's fault. Life happens. I hope you can think through it and move forward.


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## pgsmith (Aug 16, 2018)

Here's a little psychological insight (strictly amateur!)



Obsidian Fury said:


> About 6 months ago I injured one of my peers during practice, I was doing a Morote Seoi Nage something went wrong and I broke his arm.



  This tells me you have been feeling guilty about what happened, so this is stopping you from going at it the way you're used to. The best way to get past guilt is to analyze why you feel guilty, and resolve the guilt by doing what you can to ensure that you don't repeat the incident that caused the guilt. From your initial statements, you hadn't gotten to that point yet. However, during this thread, I have seen this ...


Obsidian Fury said:


> The injury happened right before I lift him he threw himself backwards and grabbed my shirt, however I kept my grip on his arm, so when I fell on him something broke.


 ... and this ...


Obsidian Fury said:


> I didn't complete my throw I lost my balance and fell backwards with/on him while holding his arm.


  Which tells me you have thought about it and now understand exactly how it happened. Then you wrote this ...


Obsidian Fury said:


> You are right my master told me some time ago to release my grip when I lose MY balance, I practice Judo so this happens often and the one time that I don't release this happens, thanks for the advice.


  Which tells me you have acknowledged that you forgot to do something you were taught (that happens to all of us, me more than most it seems!  ) and will now be doubly sure not to forget it again. To me, this says that you have devised a plan to prevent it from happening again, so you should now be able to move on from the guilt and no longer allow it to affect your performance. If you carefully consider each step ... event that caused the guilt, reason the event happened, and the plan to prevent a reoccurrence, you should be able to put the whole thing behind you and move forward as an improved person since we all learn and grow from examining our mistakes.

  There you go. That will be 5 cents please ...


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 16, 2018)

Just got back from practice and it went great! I’m not quite there yet but I was able to be more aggressive and go on the offensive, with time I might even progress further. Thanks everyone.


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## Deleted member 34973 (Aug 16, 2018)

Just remind yourself that this is what the technique was for, it worked. You need to understand that this is the risk of Martial Arts. If you train and you are training intensely, people will get hurt. 

Get with the same person when they are healed, and go over the technique with them again, but dissect it and the situation that led to the break. This will help both you and him/her and will allow you to turn the destructive fear you have, into a constructive fear.

Work through it and you will be the better for it.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 16, 2018)

Obsidian Fury said:


> I didn't complete my throw ...


Old saying said that if you want to hurt your opponent, you only throw him half way. For example, when you use hip throw on your opponent, in the middle of the throw, you stop and move your body side way, your opponent's head will slide straight down to the ground.

I can use hip throw on my opponent and his body won't even touch on the ground. I can hold my opponent in my arms as holding a baby. To protect your training partner, that may be the extreme.

Here is one example to protect your opponent in training.


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## Tony Dismukes (Aug 17, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> This is why in Chinese wrestling, the moment that you feel that you lose your balance, you release all your grips and ready to fall. This way, less chance to have injury. Unfortunately the BJJ pull guide violates that guideline big time.
> 
> When I was a beginner, one day I wrestled with someone. When he threw me, I didn't release my grips on time, I pulled him down with me (like BJJ pull guard). he dropped his elbow right on top of my heart. When I got back up, suddenly everything turned to darkness, and I fell back down again. I almost got myself killed that day.


There's a technique to pulling guard properly so you maintain control of your opponent and protect yourself.

I agree that just holding on to an opponent as you are being thrown is usually a bad idea. I drill that into my beginning students because they often have an instinctive reaction to stiffen up and grab on to the person throwing them, both of which increase their chance of getting hurt.


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## watching (Aug 24, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> When my teacher was young, one day he trained the square bag throwing with his classmates. When he caught the bag, turned, and threw to his next partner, an old lady passed by. That 23 lb bag hit on the old lady's head and killed her. That accident didn't stop my teacher's MA training for the rest of his life.
> 
> At least in your MA training, you have not killed anybody yet.
> 
> ...


Why was an old lady just walking by while these guys were training?


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 25, 2018)

watching said:


> Why was an old lady just walking by while these guys were training?


Not sure, may be ask her grandson to go home for lunch.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 25, 2018)

Guthrie said:


> Just remind yourself that this is what the technique was for, it worked. You need to understand that this is the risk of Martial Arts. If you train and you are training intensely, people will get hurt.
> 
> Get with the same person when they are healed, and go over the technique with them again, but dissect it and the situation that led to the break. This will help both you and him/her and will allow you to turn the destructive fear you have, into a constructive fear.
> 
> Work through it and you will be the better for it.





Thanks I’ll try my best today.


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## Obsidian Fury (Aug 25, 2018)

Thanks everyone for your mindful replies.


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