# "Distort my wish" game.



## Sam

pretty simple. Your an evil genie and screw everyone over, so you give people what they wish for, but change something that they didn't think of, which puts them worse off than they were before.

For example: I wish for world peace. (yeah, right).

so you could come along and say, ok, there is absolute peace on earth... because your the only living thing on it.

You can be as evil as you'd like.
(anyone tell I'm bored?)

ok, I wish that we had a different president.


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## MA-Caver

Samantha said:
			
		

> ok, I wish that we had a different president.


and it's Ah-nold Swartzenegger! 



I wish that I had a real million dollars that was tax-free, completely negotiable, interchangable in any country/planet, and readily accessable and would always be there even if someone robs me. 


(beat that one... )


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## shesulsa

... and everyone else on the planet gets it too. (There!)

 I wish for an end to religious oppression ....


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## bignick

Though it was tax-free the law enforcement agencies and the IRS was extremely suspicious about your increased spending habits and it turns out the money itself was real, and taken from a financial institution which you are blamed for and you spend most of the next couple decades in prison and most of your "magic" money on legal fees...


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## Flatlander

Sorry Nick, G's was first....


			
				shesulsa said:
			
		

> ... and everyone else on the planet gets it too. (There!)


:rofl:



			
				shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish for an end to religious oppression ....


Because, with the landing of the aliens, nobody supports the religions anymore.....

 I wish for a schooner of beer...


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## The Kai

MACaver said:
			
		

> and it's Ah-nold Swartzenegger!
> 
> 
> 
> I wish that I had a real million dollars that was tax-free, completely negotiable, interchangable in any country/planet, and readily accessable and would always be there even if someone robs me.
> 
> 
> (beat that one... )


Sure, you got your money from a lawsuit over the nasty, itchy, incurable and unsightly skin rash ("I'm not an Animal" type rash) from the skin care lotion you've applied for years


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## Bammx2

MACaver said:
			
		

> and it's Ah-nold Swartzenegger!
> 
> 
> 
> I wish that I had a real million dollars that was tax-free, completely negotiable, interchangable in any country/planet, and readily accessable and would always be there even if someone robs me.
> 
> 
> (beat that one... )


 But as soon as YOU spend one dollar,you no longer have a million......and it all goes away.......


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## OUMoose

Flatlander said:
			
		

> I wish for a schooner of beer...


And so you shall receive.  A full size schooner full of liquid (you didn't say in containers) appears over you, falls on you, and kills you instantly.  Thanks for playing.



I wish for the djinn (since we all know genies are actually good) to have never existed, thereby undoing all the wrongs he's committed.  Even if it winks me out of existance by some twist of fate, i'll go with a clear conscious.


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## someguy

I wish for the djinn (since we all know genies are actually good) to have never existed, thereby undoing all the wrongs he's committed. Even if it winks me out of existance by some twist of fate, i'll go with a clear conscious. 

Thus causing some one who had wishes that our civilization are based on to never have made them causing the world to be ruled by a ruthless dictator(me).

I wish to be a ruthless dictator over the entire world.


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## shesulsa

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I wish for the djinn (since we all know genies are actually good) to have never existed, thereby undoing all the wrongs he's committed. Even if it winks me out of existance by some twist of fate, i'll go with a clear conscious.


 ... and, thus, all wishes ever granted by said djynn have been reversed, though absolutely none have to do with you, but all good wishes granted by said djynn have also been reversed and you now live in a New World Order headed up by a puppet called George W. Bush puppetteered by George H. W. Bush and ... (oh, wait ...)

 I wish the existence of plutonium to be nullified ....


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## The Kai

Then we'd replace it with Goofynuim


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## Sam

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish to be a ruthless dictator over the entire world.


I don't even think we have to distort this.
that would be the suckiest life ever.
everyone in the WHOLE WORLD would harbor resentment from you and you would never know if the chicks wanted you or power.

But, if you insist...

You're so ruthless that in a drunken stupor angry at your army for waking you up at 6 am you order your entire military to comitt suicide and now you have no one to protect you from all your not-so-loyal subjects. 

Or

 There's no martial arts left because you don't want anyone getting any ideas about overtaking you. You've killed every martial artist in the world.

(that one is my personal idea of hell)


I wish my studio was open all 7 days of the week - its closed on sunday and it shouldnt be!


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## rutherford

It's open all 7 days of the week, but rats have started holding Fight Club in the building every night as well.  Every morning, there's a few dead and bloody on the mats.  And a few have died in the walls and are starting to smell.

. . . 

I wish for the genie's power, without any limitation on living space or requirement to make other people's wishes come true


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## Cryozombie

rutherford said:
			
		

> I wish for the genie's power, without any limitation on living space or requirement to make other people's wishes come true


The Genie grants your wish, imprisons you in a bottle and buries you in a dungeon for archeologists to dig up 10,000,000 years from now.

I wish that I could turn invisible/visible at will...


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## Thesemindz

Technopunk said:
			
		

> I wish that I could turn invisible/visible at will...



You didn't specify who's will. Everyone else gets to decide when you're visible/invisible.


I wish everyone on earth did Kenpo.


(This should be easy, they'll probably just do some crappy commercial cheesball kenpo that doesn't work and offends all martial artists everywhere.)

-Rob


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## Sam

kay, everyone on earth does kenpo. But most of them don't want to. They disrupt class with stupid questions, slow us down because they are tired and lazy and dont want to be there, and basically make it miserable for those of us who are sane and love it. 

I wish Jim Croce hadnt died.

"you don't tug on superman's cape, you dont spit into the wind, you dont pull the mask off the ol lone ranger and you dont mess around with jim!"


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## Cryozombie

Jim Croce lives, but it's another dude named Jim Croce... not the one you want to not have died.

I wish that all chicken tasted like Buffalo Chicken.


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## Flatlander

Technopunk said:
			
		

> Jim Croce lives, but it's another dude named Jim Croce... not the one you want to not have died.
> 
> I wish that all chicken tasted like Buffalo Chicken.


Suddenly, all chicken tastes like buffalo chicken, but, alas, Technopunk's taste buds stop working due to the sensational taste overload, and he's unable to enjoy this perpetual chicken tasting extravaganza.

I wish for another cold, tasty, Canadian beer in a glass on the table in front of me, as I sit alone in a room that's quite comfortable to be in, with a bit of blues on the jukebox, while my mouth is not sewn shut, and my tastebuds work just fine, and there's plenty of room in my belly.


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## Cryozombie

Flatlander said:
			
		

> I wish for another cold, tasty, Canadian beer in a glass on the table in front of me, as I sit alone in a room that's quite comfortable to be in, with a bit of blues on the jukebox, while my mouth is not sewn shut, and my tastebuds work just fine, and there's plenty of room in my belly.


The beer is on the table, sealed in an unbreakable glass with no openings so you cannot drink it, and while their is indeed some Blues on the jukebox, the jukebox only accepts tokens from the Scandia Family Fun Center in Las Vegas Nevada, USA, so you cannot play any of it.  There is plenty of room in your belly... in fact, you are ravenously hungry and there is no food present.



I wish my puppy would quit peeing in the house.


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## MA-Caver

I wish my puppy would quit peeing in the house. = Your puppy died


I wish there was an endless cave with a permanent opening and an everlasting batteries that never dies out in my headlamp


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## Shaolinwind

Bammx2 said:
			
		

> But as soon as YOU spend one dollar,you no longer have a million......and it all goes away.......


:waah:


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## Shaolinwind

Samantha said:
			
		

> pretty simple. Your an evil genie and screw everyone over, so you give people what they wish for, but change something that they didn't think of, which puts them worse off than they were before.
> 
> For example: I wish for world peace. (yeah, right).
> 
> so you could come along and say, ok, there is absolute peace on earth... because your the only living thing on it.
> 
> You can be as evil as you'd like.
> (anyone tell I'm bored?)
> 
> ok, I wish that we had a different president.


So let's say someone wishes to make love to some particular famous woman/man. How would the evil genie distort that one?


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## someguy

I wish there was an endless cave with a permanent opening and an everlasting batteries that never dies out in my headlamp
So you keep going and going but unfortunatly it also is a labarynth that never ends so you get stuck in it with little to eat...


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## bignick

l





			
				Chobaja said:
			
		

> So let's say someone wishes to make love to some particular famous woman/man. How would the evil genie distort that one?


 STD


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## Shaolinwind

bignick said:
			
		

> l
> STD


Too obvious.. I know there is a real bastard of a trick to go with that and I can't think of it.


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## MA-Caver

Chobaja said:
			
		

> So let's say someone wishes to make love to some particular famous woman/man. How would the evil genie distort that one?


they're gay


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## Sam

er, someguy forgot to make a wish for us to distort. someone wish something!


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## Marginal

Chobaja said:
			
		

> So let's say someone wishes to make love to some particular famous woman/man. How would the evil genie distort that one?



With no timeframe specified, that opens up a lotta potential evil. Don't know when it's going to happen, or what state the celeb is in (such as dead) by the time the wish is actually fufilled. 

As for a wish...

I'll wish for perfect health.


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## rutherford

Technopunk said:
			
		

> The Genie grants your wish, imprisons you in a bottle and buries you in a dungeon for archeologists to dig up 10,000,000 years from now.
> 
> I wish that I could turn invisible/visible at will...




That's the whole living space angle.  Genie blatantly ignored part of my wish.  I'm trying to correct Jafar's error.


Marginal, the reason you have perfect health is because you've been abducted by aliens.  They use their advanced medical science to keep you healthy for their tests.


I wish the genie would spend the rest of its life as a cocker spaniel.


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## shesulsa

rutherford said:
			
		

> I wish the genie would spend the rest of its life as a cocker spaniel.


 The Djynn automatically turns you into a female cocker spaniel and marks you as his lifelong concubine (which, by the way, for a djynn, is eternity).




 I wish stupid people could not procreate ...


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## silatman

rutherford said:
			
		

> I wish the genie would spend the rest of its life as a cocker spaniel.



And it comes to pass that the genie was turned into a cocker spaniel till the end of his days but the genie by virtue of a clause in his employment contract is reborn 24hours later and you are then cursed to have a divine cocker spaniel until the end of your days that can never be house trained.



I wish to win undisputed any and all competions I enter whether it be the lotto or a running race until I die of natural causes without suffering any ill health or unexplained expiriences until that time.


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## OUMoose

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish stupid people could not procreate ...


hmmmm...  Since everyone has done something stupid in their life (notice, you didn't give a threshold or anything), no one can procreate and you've effectively wiped out the human race. 



			
				Marginal said:
			
		

> I'll wish for perfect health.


Okay.  Your wish is granted, and you're instantly turned into a statue, your mind trapped in a body of solid stone.  You can not move, nor see, nor smell, nor taste, but you'll never get sick, never be injured, and never die (that's pretty perfect from a health P.O.V.).  



			
				Silatman said:
			
		

> I wish to win undisputed any and all competions I enter whether it be the lotto or a running race until I die of natural causes without suffering any ill health or unexplained expiriences until that time.


Right.  You start winning everything, and become famous as the luckiest man on earth.  Your luck knows no bounds, and you're investigated repeatedly for fraud charges, but nothing sticks.  Your wily mind soon looks for loopholes, "racing" to cure cancer against the pharmacutical companies, and you win.  You're seen by relgious groups as the second coming, and chaos insues in society as people think judgement day has come.  As a last act of desperation, you are killed in your sleep to prove you're just a man, using a concoction that can only be attributed to natural causes...  



As a side note, has anyone seen the X-files where Mulder found a djinn, and was trying to come up with the perfect wish?  He had like 3 typed pages for the wish trying to clean up every loophole, and finally threw it away and wished the djinn away since he knew he couldn't get it perfect.

That being said,  I wish for the dijinn to tell me the perfect wish with no loopholes for world peace without any harm to myself or loved ones.  Then, I'd give it to the next person in line.


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## Rich Parsons

OUMoose said:
			
		

> That being said,  I wish for the dijinn to tell me the perfect wish with no loopholes for world peace without any harm to myself or loved ones.  Then, I'd give it to the next person in line.



As Peace mean no killing. All form of killing would have to be removed. Invluding all the weather which might kill someone or a plant or an ant. Therefore the perfect wish for world Peace with no loop holes, would cause either no life, (* unless as a loophole, or life as we cannot concieve it, i.e. a new universe, and we know from Quantum Mechanics  that that cannot happen, so the Djinni, just makes you into another Djinni, to solve the problem yourself. 

I wish to be happy.


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## OUMoose

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> ...so the Djinni, just makes you into another Djinni, to solve the problem yourself.


Works for me!!


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## shesulsa

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> I wish to be happy.


 One can not understand happiness without feeling abject sorrow, so ... you are thus sad for a large portion of the future.





 I wish for alternative fuels to override our need for fossil fuel.


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## evenflow1121

Yeah, they made a movie similar to this here, called djin or jin or something along those lines.


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## kenpochad

rutherford said:
			
		

> I wish for the genie's power, without any limitation on living space or requirement to make other people's wishes come true


 
OK but you cant grant your own wishes


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## mj-hi-yah

shesulsa said:
			
		

> One can not understand happiness without feeling abject sorrow, so ... you are thus sad for a large portion of the future.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I wish for alternative fuels to override our need for fossil fuel.


It turns out human blood is the only remaining resource available, and it's quite suitable...but you must personally give a little each day or give up your wheels...

I wish for unlimited wishes...:uhyeah:


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## OUMoose

evenflow1121 said:
			
		

> Yeah, they made a movie similar to this here, called djin or jin or something along those lines.


There were 4 movies made called "Wishmaster" about a djinn.  Good Saturday afternoon movie watching material. 



			
				mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> I wish for unlimited wishes...


Ah, but you didn't say _your_ wishes, so all the wishes of the world that have ever been wished (by good OR evil) all come true, thereby destroying all of society...   


I wish for the power to control human life and death in this world for all time.


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## shesulsa

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I wish for the power to control human life and death in this world for all time.


 
 Thus you find yourself making what you think are sound decisions on who should live and who should die only to find that you can't possibly make those decisions because 90% of your decisions are wrong, you can't handle the grief and stress from it all and end up self-skewered on your own sword and the rest of the world holds an annual barbeque in your name where they gleefully roast the most recently passed relative.



 I wish all my shoelaces would tie and untie at the appropriate times by themselves.


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## Cryozombie

You are killed, stripped of your skin, given a robe, and a Scythe, forced to speak in a jamacian accent and you become death.

Unfortuantly you are tricked by a Snobby little girl, and the worlds dumbest little boy, and forced to do their bidding most of the time.

I Wish that I could "channel surf" at will from Tv sho to tv show, living for a short time on each program.


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## Cryozombie

Damnit shesulsa.

lol

They Tie and Untie at the appropriate times.  Unfortunatly, the shoes are given free will, and decide when THEY feel its appropriate. 

My wish from above stands.


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## shesulsa

Technopunk said:
			
		

> I Wish that I could "channel surf" at will from Tv sho to tv show, living for a short time on each program.


 ... and as you live a short time on each program, you suddenly feel the urge to vomit and wind up having an arterial rupture like John Ritter and die. (see? you're not the only evil one...)




 I wish to see Technopunk decked out in black leather, studs and sunglasses frollicking in a field of blossoming wildflowers happy as can be that life dances inside his body.  :boing1:


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## Flatlander

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish to see Technopunk decked out in black leather, studs and sunglasses frollicking in a field of blossoming wildflowers happy as can be that life dances inside his body. :boing1:


Unfortunately, he forgot his pants.....

 I wish for a big glass of beer....


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## Cryozombie

You get a big glass of Beer.

Its Odouls, Non-alcoholic beer.

I wish Juan could escape from the LLR


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## shesulsa

Technopunk said:
			
		

> I wish Juan could escape from the LLR


 Juan escapes from the LLR, but all you men are completely intimidated by his excellent appearance, aplomb and *gifts* and drive him back.




 I wish Dan would stop talking about beer.


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## Flatlander

Technopunk said:
			
		

> You get a big glass of Beer.
> 
> Its Odouls, Non-alcoholic beer.


Aaaaaakkkk!  *spits*


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## Cryozombie

Dan Stops talking about beer, and instead rambles incessantly about Juan's Pecs.

I wish dan had a glass of Fresh Clean Captain Bigbelly's Cutthroat Pilsner.


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## Flatlander

Well, how'd they get so big?  I mean, are they real?  Wow.  And obviously he's been waxing.....


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## shesulsa

He had the same gluteal transplant surgery that Stimpy gave Ren.  Didn't you ever wonder what happened to your ***?


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## mj-hi-yah

shesulsa said:
			
		

> Didn't you ever wonder what happened to your ***?


I wish I got that joke...:lookie:


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## shesulsa

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> I wish I got that joke...:lookie:


 The animated show 'Ren & Stimpy' was a hilariously funny, outlandish comedy about a cat (Stimpy) and a chihuahua (Ren). Ren is a skinny runt who has a bad attitude about everything, is selfish, mean and treats Stimpy like an idiot, which Stimpy is.

 Ren and Stimpy go to the beach one day and Ren becomes jealous of these muscle men he sees getting girls, so he whines about having no pecs.  He finds out about a plastic surgery procedure where the glutes are removed and implanted into the chest to make massive pecs.  But the problem is, Ren has no glutes either. So Stimpy, with never-ending adoration for Ren, donates his own glutes so Ren can have awesome pecs, get girls, and be happy.

 Stimpy sits idly by on the beach knitting and doting over how happy Ren is with his new pecs while Ren's pecs (a.k.a. Stimpy's ***) rule the dunes.

 One of those 'gotta-be-a-fan-to-appreciate-it' jokes, I suppose.


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## MA-Caver

I haven't appreciated modern cartoons like a lot of people have... they're just not the same ah say they're just not the same doc. 
 :idunno:


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## dubljay

MACaver said:
			
		

> I haven't appreciated modern cartoons like a lot of people have... they're just not the same ah say they're just not the same doc.
> :idunno:


 [RANT]
 Hear hear! modern cartoons are really quite bad. It sickens me to see what kids are growing up watching these days. The innocence and carefree simplicity of cartoons has been lost to a increasing trend of lack of decency.[/RANT]

 on this note I wish that new cartoons would be more like those of the old time WB cartoons, and in said wish no harm or misfortune come to anyone or anything, especially any old cartoon.


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## Cryozombie

:-offtopic :-offtopic :-offtopic :-offtopic


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## shesulsa

dubljay said:
			
		

> ... I wish that new cartoons would be more like those of the old time WB cartoons, and in said wish no harm or misfortune come to anyone or anything, especially any old cartoon.


 ... Maya and Miguel begin to beat each other over the head with baseball bats, the dragons in Dragonland are all ordering ACME products and setting up roadblocks and parachuting and rocketing to get each other.



 I wish some people would get over themselves ...


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## evenflow1121

OUMoose said:
			
		

> There were 4 movies made called "Wishmaster" about a djinn. Good Saturday afternoon movie watching material.
> 
> 
> Yes, lol Wishmaster that was it, thanks.


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## Sam

some people get over themselves... but its the people you will never know... and all the idiots you know are still high on themselves.

I wish I could remember everything that happened at chief stock VI last night...


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## shesulsa

Samantha said:
			
		

> I wish I could remember everything that happened at chief stock VI last night...


 You remember what happened and are so mortally embarrassed you never leave your house again, thwarting your training, killing your social life an wreaking havoc upon your suntan.



  I wish my husband to be happier with the choices we make together.


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## KenpoEMT

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish my husband to be happier with the choices we make together.


Your husband becomes very happy with all the choices you make together...only they're all the wrong choices.  You gleefully decide to redecorate your home in black-and-white plaid with neon highlights...artyon: 


I wish for the winning mega-millions ticket...


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## dubljay

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your husband becomes very happy with all the choices you make together...only they're all the wrong choices. You gleefully decide to redecorate your home in black-and-white plaid with neon highlights...artyon:
> 
> 
> I wish for the winning mega-millions ticket...


 You recieve the mega-millions ticket, just as the stock market crashes sending inflation through the roof, making your mega-millions worthless


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## KenpoEMT

um...that sucks. :toilclaw: :wah: 

you forgot to make a wish :lookie::lookie:


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## Sam

I wish he had made a wish


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## KenpoEMT

Samantha said:
			
		

> I wish he had made a wish


:roflmao:


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## Flatlander

Samantha said:
			
		

> I wish he had made a wish


Your wish comes true, and dubljay wishes that you hadn't made a wish, and you both disappear into a singularity.

 I wish for a long life.


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## Lisa

Flatlander said:
			
		

> I wish for a long life.


   Your wish comes true.  You somehow fall into a time loop, reliving the same day over and over again as a trainee for a major company living in a downtown hotel in Winnipeg in January 

  I wish summer would never end.


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## Sam

Flatlander said:
			
		

> Your wish comes true, and dubljay wishes that you hadn't made a wish, and you both disappear into a singularity.


he couldnt wish that I had not made a wish, because I hadnt made it yet - I only made it after he didnt wish....

wait a second...

*head explodes*

I'm not going to think about that anymore


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## KenpoEMT

Nalia said:
			
		

> I wish summer would never end.


Your wish comes true. 

Only, it's the most annoying woman :vu: (with a high pitched, nasaly, whiney voice) :tantrum: on the planet named 'Summer' who moves in with you and won't quit talking about Brad Pit and Jennifer Annistan's tragic divorce. 

I wish for peace and happiness.


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## someguy

The english language is rewriten so that peace means eternal suffering and happiness is a horror so indescribable you don't want to think about.  
I wish for an end to drunk driving.


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## KenpoEMT

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish for an end to drunk driving.


Your wish comes true!

Unfortunately, a severe rash of 'drunk walking' breaks out across the world with people plummeting  to their drunken deaths from very high tourist attractions.

I wish my dog was still alive. :sadsong:


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## KenpoEMT

I wish someone would have distorted my wish


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## someguy

Ok uhh your dog comes back as a zombie.
I wish I was an oscar myer weiner???


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## MA-Caver

someguy said:
			
		

> Ok uhh your dog comes back as a zombie.
> I wish I was an oscar myer weiner???


You're the first thing that Theban_Legion's zombie-dog eats.

Wish I had a million dollars


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## KenpoEMT

MACaver said:
			
		

> You're the first thing that Theban_Legion's zombie-dog eats.
> 
> Wish I had a million dollars


Your wish comes true!

Only, you are overcome with a single minded course of compulsive philanthropy aimed soley at Theban_Legion... :wavey:

I wish more people would contribute to this wonderful thread!


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## Loki

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish comes true!
> 
> Only, you are overcome with a single minded course of compulsive philanthropy aimed soley at Theban_Legion... :wavey:
> 
> I wish more people would contribute to this wonderful thread!


 Your wish comes true!

 But it's Loki, and he's spamming.


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## Loki

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish comes true!
> 
> Only, you are overcome with a single minded course of compulsive philanthropy aimed soley at Theban_Legion... :wavey:
> 
> I wish more people would contribute to this wonderful thread!


 Your wish comes true!

    But it's Loki, and he's spamming.


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## Loki

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish comes true!
> 
> Only, you are overcome with a single minded course of compulsive philanthropy aimed soley at Theban_Legion... :wavey:
> 
> I wish more people would contribute to this wonderful thread!


   Your wish comes true!

   But it's Loki, and he's spamming.


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## Loki

I wish for a dollar.


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## ed-swckf

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish comes true!
> 
> Only, you are overcome with a single minded course of compulsive philanthropy aimed soley at Theban_Legion... :wavey:
> 
> I wish more people would contribute to this wonderful thread!


Granted, and here is my contribution!

I wish for cheese


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## Loki

No, wait. I wish for Legend of Zelda to be released on time (and not in 2006), for it to be the best game ever, and to have a working copy to play on my working Gamecube with no blackouts in the forseeable future (gotta cover my a** when Zelda is involved).


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## ed-swckf

Loki said:
			
		

> I wish for a dollar.


Granted you now have one dollar to your name



			
				Loki said:
			
		

> I wish for Legend of Zelda to be released on time (and not in 2006), for it to be the best game ever, and to have a working copy to play on my working Gamecube with no blackouts in the forseeable future (gotta cover my a** when Zelda is involved).


Granted, but it is released at a price of two dollars 

I still wish for cheese


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## Loki

ed-swckf said:
			
		

> Granted, and here is my contribution!


 I hate you...


----------



## ed-swckf

Loki said:
			
		

> I hate you...


That hurts.


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## KenpoEMT

ed-swckf said:
			
		

> Granted, and here is my contribution!


:lol: :rofl: :lol:


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## Loki

ed-swckf said:
			
		

> That hurts.


  Those rusty nails I put in your wished for cheese should hurt even more! Muahahaha!

 I wish for arnisador.


----------



## KenpoEMT

ed-swckf said:
			
		

> I still wish for cheese


Your wish comes true, but it's _bad_ cheese...very bad :whip: .

I wish for _good_ cheese.


----------



## KenpoEMT

Loki said:
			
		

> Those rusty nails I put in your wished for cheese should hurt even more! Muahahaha!
> 
> I wish for arnisador.


Damn! I was out speed-posted (or whatever).

You wish for arnisador, but arnisador doesn't like what you wished for and you get banned from the forum...

I still wish for good cheese.


----------



## Loki

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Damn! I was out speed-posted (or whatever).
> 
> You wish for arnisador, but arnisador doesn't like what you wished for and you get banned from the forum...
> 
> I still wish for good cheese.


 arnisador doesn't like arnisador?


----------



## Cryozombie

You get good cheese, but its in a giant mousetrap, and it catches your leg and you have to gnaw it off to escape.

I wish I knew what was wrong with you people.


----------



## KenpoEMT

Technopunk said:
			
		

> You get good cheese, but its in a giant mousetrap, and it catches your leg and you have to gnaw it off to escape.


...ouch :barf:



> I wish I knew what was wrong with you people.


You are gifted with the sudden knowledge that we are the only ones in the world who are truely sane...and it drives you deeper into your own circus of madnessartyon: .

I wish I were an astronaut.


----------



## shesulsa

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> I wish I were an astronaut.


 You become an astronaut and gallently wander out of the shuttle only to accidentally have turned one too many somersaults and twisted your tether right off, leaving you in cold, vacuous space to die a lonely, slow, wandering death.

 I wish the construction in my area would end.


----------



## KenpoEMT

shesulsa said:
			
		

> You become an astronaut and gallently wander out of the shuttle only to accidentally have turned one too many somersaults and twisted your tether right off, leaving you in cold, vacuous space to die a lonely, slow, wandering death.


 Good god, that's ghastly...


----------



## shesulsa

... well, it's probably not scientifically accurate as to what would really happen to you, but ...


----------



## KenpoEMT

> Arni doesn't even work here anymore! Puh-lease!


Thanks for the negative rep hit. I don't even know who you were talking about.


----------



## Xequat

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish the construction in my area would end.


All construction ends in your area...permanently.  The people that make orange barrels go out of business, leading to a worldwide depression, roads and bridges collapse in your area, the price of tires goes up 5000% there because the potholes in every road everywhere keep destroying them and hurricanes and tornadoes and lightning permanently destroy houses and buildings and the whole area becomes a wasteland with half-finished buildings and exposed wiring all over town and nobody can fix anything because all construction has been stopped.


----------



## Sam

I wish my women's studies teacher wasnt a biased idiot who's sole purpose in life is to propogate ignorancy in women


----------



## someguy

Your wish is granted and you teacher propagates ingorancy in all people instead.

I wish I knew what to wish for...


----------



## KenpoEMT

Thanks for the offset


----------



## KenpoNoChikara

I wish for the perfect boyfriend


----------



## KenpoEMT

KenpoNoChikara said:
			
		

> I wish for the perfect boyfriend


Your wish is granted...so, pick you up at 7 o'clock?


----------



## KenpoEMT

:lol: Just teasing :lol:


Although, it probably WOULD be the mother of all distortions


----------



## Rich Parsons

KenpoNoChikara said:
			
		

> I wish for the perfect boyfriend




Too Easy,

He is your Boy Friend, but he is Gay 


I wish you could find the perfect single and _Straight_ Boy Friend.


----------



## Xequat

You find him, but then you turn gay, hehe.

I wish I knew everything (even though I sometimes act I do already).


----------



## OUMoose

Xequat said:
			
		

> You find him, but then you turn gay, hehe.
> 
> I wish I knew everything (even though I sometimes act I do already).


*snaps his fingers*

You know all there is to know, however you're crippled, deaf, mute, and blind (think Hellen Keller's condition crossed with Steven Hawkings').  You have no way to communicate or interact with the outside world whatsoever.  You're forever alone with all your infinite knowledge...


I would like to be independently wealthy (not massively, but enough to live comfortably) without the death of any being, nor dimentional crossrips, nor alien invasion, nor anything else that would be detrimental to the planet or population.


----------



## shesulsa

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I would like to be independently wealthy (not massively, but enough to live comfortably) without the death of any being, nor dimentional crossrips, nor alien invasion, nor anything else that would be detrimental to the planet or population.


 You are independently wealthy but immediately lose any and all sense of money scruples and lose every penny you ever earned and or saved by spending indescriminately.

 I wish everyone would lighten up.


----------



## Sam

I wish everyone would lighten up. = everyone in the whole world ligthens up - imensely. You look extremely large in comparrison.

I wish I hadn't injured my back in kenpo and be forced to stop for a week. GRR. (And I dont want something else to be hurt/be killed, or be hurt longer than a week, either)


----------



## someguy

You go to Kenpo class but realize that you don't really want to study any martial arts ever again.  

I wish for the greatest wish ever with no negitive consequences.


----------



## shesulsa

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish for the greatest wish ever with no negitive consequences.


 Your wish is granted and you discover that without negativity there can be no positivity because nothing can exist without its opposite and fall into a daze of mediocrity where everything is the same and nothing feels terriffic or loving or exhalting and you fall into despair thus restoring the negative, thus restoring the positive, thus restoring order to the universe.


----------



## Sam

someguy said:
			
		

> You go to Kenpo class but realize that you don't really want to study any martial arts ever again.


NEVER happen.


----------



## KenpoNoChikara

Originally Posted by *someguy*
_You go to Kenpo class but realize that you don't really want to study any martial arts ever again._

NEVER




			
				Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish is granted...so, pick you up at 7 o'clock?


lol



> Your wish is granted and you discover that without negativity there can be no positivity because nothing can exist without its opposite and fall into a daze of mediocrity where everything is the same and nothing feels terriffic or loving or exhalting and you fall into despair thus restoring the negative, thus restoring the positive, thus restoring order to the universe.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> hehe... that was a good one
Click to expand...


----------



## someguy

Well seeing as there aren't any other wishes uh...
I wish for a bag of tater chips.  Good ones.  Not to salty and not to ummm not salty.  It must be easily opened but not to easily opened.  It must taste good and be heathly.


----------



## Sam

your chips taste wonderful, so wonderful you become addicted. you quit the martial arts so you can use your fees on your potato chip obsession. the chips have zero calories, but the dip that you HAVE to have with it is extremely fattening. That, added with the fact that you've gained so much weight because of the dip, causes you to become morbidly obeese and end up on jerry springer where they show video of the paramedics having to take a wall out of your house to get you out. and you never stop eating those chips.


I wish I could truely know how good I was without thinking too high or too low of myself (and still be able to do the martial arts, with no physical or mental or any other kind of limitions on myself or my fellow students or my instructors)


----------



## someguy

Ok you know how good you are but this changes your out look on life which causes a chain of events that ends up resulting in the end of the world.  Don't ask me how but I'll say it invovles  a bath tub full of cottage cheese, a stick of dynamite, a bowling ball, and some other stuff.
I wish I had a wish.


----------



## KenpoEMT

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish I had a wish.


Your wish is granted...by the MT Make A Wish Foundation which, unfortunately for you, is the only foundation in the world that likes to be the first to inform the unlucky Martial Artist that he/she has been diagnosed with an unusual form of relapsing/remitting Progeria which strikes only those Martial Artists who are daft enough to tell a genie that they wish for more wishes.

I wish I would not have distorted so many wishes.


----------



## shesulsa

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> I wish I would not have distorted so many wishes.


 Some of your wishes are revoked and you find that you miss all the fun you had so terribly that you can hardly stand to look at yourself in the mirror and begin wishing randomly, rapidly, enraging the genie who then destroys your wishing ability, leaving you serenely sated with all you do and achieve even if it might be as simple as tying your shoe. You spread your newfound Zen all over the world and bring joy and happiness to many, alleviating your spirit and you achieve nirvana.

  I wish I had thought of that earlier.


----------



## someguy

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish I had thought of that earlier.


You do...as a matter of a fact you think of it before it even is wished for.  You can now see the future and as such you find life boring.  Everything you do you know before you do.  You are eternally board.
I wish I could wish upon a star and get the wish I wish I wished.
(Say that ten times fast)


----------



## OUMoose

someguy said:
			
		

> You do...as a matter of a fact you think of it before it even is wished for.  You can now see the future and as such you find life boring.  Everything you do you know before you do.  You are eternally board.
> I wish I could wish upon a star and get the wish I wish I wished.
> (Say that ten times fast)


*snaps fingers*

Granted!  You are now trapped forever in the technocolor hell that is a direct-to-video re-RE-release of Disney's Peter Pan.... as Tinkerbell...

I wish that this thread, nor it's kind, had ever existed.


----------



## KenpoEMT

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I wish that this thread, nor it's kind, had ever existed.


Your wish is granted.

Unfortunately, for all of humanity, this thread was designated by god to be the source of all life on this little planet, except yours.  When this thread flashed out of existence, so did every human life on earth but one. Your friends and family had only half a second to give you the evil eye before they vanished.
You end up wandering the earth for the rest of your life searching for a companion to ease your loneliness.  Your cry of, "Stella!!!" echos emptily about the forsaken planet.

I wish that there were many, many more threads like this!


----------



## OUMoose

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> I wish that there were many, many more threads like this!


*snaps fingers*

Done.  

However what you didn't realize is this board is part of a reality that only exists in your mind.  Threads like this spawn other threads, that spawn even more threads, slowly encroaching on every bit of free room.   The sharp increase of activity causes a drastic increase in the electrical impulses in your brain, subsequently causing a spike in heat.  Due to the expansive nature of the tissues, your brain expands causing tremendous pressure on your skull, causing it's failure.  (read: your head just exploded).

I wish I had put some money into a dry cleaning place before Thebian's head just exploded.


----------



## shesulsa

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I wish I had put some money into a dry cleaning place before Thebian's head just exploded.


 You buy a dry cleaning business close to Theban's locale and pass out your business cards to his bereaved family and others in proximity of the explosion who also are in need of your services only to find out all the clothing which was spattered with debris was collected by a Marg Helgenberger look-alike as evidence in a potential crime scene and cannot be cleaned. You also find out Theban's family owns and operates a chain of drycleaning stores in the area which largely monoplize the business and you ultimately lose everything.

 I wish my car would go invisible ....


----------



## CrankyDragon

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish my car would go invisible ....


 Which seamed like a great idea, only the last time you went to Wal Mart, you couldnt remember where you parked, and had to call a taxi to get home. Only later did you find your car, when you went back the next day and saw a Cat D-9 dozer hovering about 1 foot off the pavement, they are getting ready to do some remodeling and build a gas mart, they parked the D-9 on top you your invisible car. Theres no more like it in the world, and yours is now ruined, never again to enjoy such a weird automobile.


 I wish I never had to worry about money problems again, and didnt have to work anymore, so I can spend all my free time at home with the family.


----------



## Sam

you are forced to spend ALL your time at home with the family, never to train again.

I wish I could remember if I payed dues this month yet.


----------



## someguy

You realize you haven't this month or anyother month so now you must pay it all together right away.
I wish I had a tuner for my bass.


----------



## Loki

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish I had a tuner for my bass.


 Your wish is granted. You now have a finely tuned fish.

 I wish for Britney Spears to succeed even more than she has already and remain the world's number 1 pop icon.


----------



## OUMoose

Loki said:
			
		

> I wish for Britney Spears to succeed even more than she has already and remain the world's number 1 pop icon.


....

*blinks*

I'm not sure I can distort that one anymore....


*thinks...*

hmmmmm.  OK. 

*snaps fingers*

Granted!!  The pop world reels after the announcement of Brittney Spears recent Transgender surgery!  Brittney (now known as Brett) Spears has also come out and talked about his upcoming marrage to Christina Agulara (sp?).  The pop duo are having the wedding at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch, who is also producing their next album.  That Album is projected to start at #3 on the Billboard top 10.

I wish I could see what the world would have been like if Dubya had never come to power.


----------



## shesulsa

OUMoose said:
			
		

> I wish I could see what the world would have been like if Dubya had never come to power.


 You catch a glimpse of terrorist leaders found and dead, fewer starving people, lower taxes, better economy and further development on real fuel alternatives and are so impressed and happy you begin to weep ... just as hybrid human/aliens snatch you up and whisk you away to modify your memory, then return you to your home to observe what we now have as status quo.

 I wish cops were nicer to law-abiding citizens.


----------



## mrhnau

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish cops were nicer to law-abiding citizens.


Cops spend so much time being nice to law-abiding citizens that they don't have time to protect them and arrest nasty criminals!

I wish I paid less taxes!

MrH


----------



## shesulsa

mrhnau said:
			
		

> I wish I paid less taxes!


 Taxes drop dramatically as the government slashes and eliminates most assistance programs, but then you get robbed at least twice per week which you report to your insurance which drives your insurance rates higher than any tax you ever paid while you endure more crime than ever before.

 I wish people would volunteer more.


----------



## The Kai

Great I'll start volunteering my opinion at every given moment


----------



## Sam

I wish my sister's husband wasnt a creep


----------



## bluemtn

Your wish is granted!  He is so nice now, that it takes an hour to get from the  door to the car because he holds the door for every single person at the mall.  Not only that, he is filing for bankruptcy after donating every paycheck to every conceivable charity.


----------



## bluemtn

I wish people could drive the way they're supposed to!


----------



## Sam

no need to grant this wish. People CAN drive the way they should. They choose not to.

I wish it was easier to get into shape


----------



## bluemtn

Your wish is granted!  You lost x- amount of lb., and everyone else has too.  Now, however, your legs "fell asleep" from sitting in one position too long.  Now your couch stinks because you didn't make it to the restroom!


I wish my job was enjoyable.


----------



## someguy

It's the greatest thing in the world.  You do fun stuff all day long.  The only problem is no it is no longer truely a job.  As such you don' get paid.
I wish I could go back to bed right now.


----------



## Navarre

Stupidity, being relative, would mean that only the smartest person could procreate. This would leave only one fertile person and the population would die out.

_I wish I wasn't so irresistable to young, nubile women._


----------



## Sam

Navarre said:
			
		

> _I wish I wasn't so irresistable to young, nubile women._


 
*tries to come up with something but is speechless at navarre's irresistablity and can no longer form coherent thought*


----------



## OUMoose

Navarre said:
			
		

> Stupidity, being relative, would mean that only the smartest person could procreate. This would leave only one fertile person and the population would die out.
> 
> _I wish I wasn't so irresistable to young, nubile women._


*snaps fingers*

your irresistability (is that a word? is now!) knows no bounds, until you're found in a hotel room with 20 pre-pubescent females, a goat, and 20lbs of smack.  You are lashed to a post in Times Square and castrated publically on live television, then left hanging there in agony untill death arrives from blood loss, granting your wish.


_I wish I had the money to pay off my loans and get on with my life._


----------



## Sam

OUMoose said:
			
		

> You are lashed to a post in Times Square and castrated publically on live television, then left hanging there in agony untill death arrives from blood loss.


 
This is what we should do to convicted rapists. I bet the stats would dramatically drop.



> _I wish I had the money to pay off my loans and get on with my life._


 
You come into a large sum of money... because someone close to you with money died. 

I wish it wasnt so cold outside (without being really really really hot either).


----------



## someguy

Now its just that cold inside.  The outside is perfect.  A nice sunny day.  Gentle breeze.  The shade feels perfect.  Oh did I metion that your door is frozen shut and your inside.

I wish that I could play the Bass guitar insanely well.


----------



## Ceicei

I wish I had unlimited time to go to my dojo and practice whenever I wanted.


----------



## Navarre

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish that I could play the Bass guitar insanely well.



You find your wish easily granted. You pick up your axe and lay down some monster riffs.  Crowds gather as you wail.  Gorgeous women undulate in ecstacy before you and the media proclaim you "The Guitar God of the New Millennia".

... Slowly reality reforms around you and you realize you were indeed granted your wish.  You only play the guitar _insanely_ well.  You bite frantically at the constraints of your straight jacket but it's no use. You finally surrender to the truth as your orderly comes into your padded cell.  "Time to take your meds, Someguy."

_
I wish someone would distort my wish but still give me great news._


----------



## someguy

Actualy Navarre I'm cool with that.
I wish I had unlimited time to go to my dojo and practice whenever I wanted.
You are now immortal.  THe obvious problem with immortality is that you will live for ever.  The first millinium will be alright but after that you will be board to tears.


----------



## Navarre

I'm glad you don't let reality get in the way of your life, Someguy.

btw, What was the followup wish?


----------



## KenpoEMT

We have had a break in the cycle of wishing!! The continuum will start fading soon... I will sacrifice myself upon the sword of distortion:

I wish I could go back in time and redo some of the decisions I've made.


----------



## Ceicei

As the time warp takes effect, you return back in time.  Decisions you've made in the past slowly change.  Time progresses on up to the current date.  You are no longer the same person.  Because of the decisions and consequences with the changes, you associate with different people, you (gasp) don't do martial arts!

I wish I could rebuild my home from stratch and get three more rooms!


----------



## hong kong fooey

wish granted but the three rooms are only big enough for one person and theres no room for a bed.



I wish that i had a brand new car


----------



## green meanie

Wish granted. Unfortunately your car runs on kindness and that seems to be in short supply these days. 

I wish... Hmmm.... I wish I could read minds.


----------



## Sam

thats a terrible wish. We dont even have to distort it.

Do you REALLY want to know what everything thinks? Sure, it would be fun, for like a minute, until you hear the thoughts you never wanted to hear.

I wish I didnt need contacts.


----------



## Kreth

Sam said:
			
		

> I wish I didnt need contacts.


Wish granted. Unfortunately, it's because you've contracted a degenerative disease that attacks the optic nerve.

I wish my Vikings could put together one good season, and actually win the Super Bowl.


----------



## hong kong fooey

Wish granted but after they win there coach is fired and all the players are drafted to the OAKLAND RAIDERS. lol

I wish that I was a WWE Wrestler


----------



## Kreth

hong kong fooey said:
			
		

> I wish that I was a WWE Wrestler


Wish granted. Your first 10 matches are as a crazed "fan" doing run-ins and getting squashed by Carlito.


----------



## Kreth

Kreth said:
			
		

> Wish granted. Your first 10 matches are as a crazed "fan" doing run-ins and getting squashed by Carlito.


Wow, guess I killed this game...


----------



## Navarre

Kreth said:
			
		

> Wow, guess I killed this game...



Just waiting for a wish to distort.


----------



## Kreth

Oops...
I wish I had more time to divide among the important things in my life...


----------



## Ceicei

Kreth said:
			
		

> I wish I had more time to divide among the important things in my life...



Wish granted.  You are given more time, but that amount of time is all divided up until you are only alloted just a minute for every single important thing that ever happened, now happen, and will happen in the future.  Quantity does not equal Quality.

I wish for a premium cup of excellent hot chocolate to drink.


----------



## Marginal

Ceicei said:
			
		

> I wish for a premium cup of excellent hot chocolate to drink.


Wish granted. Unfortunately, cups made of hot chocolate don't hold up too well vs gravity. 

I wish for a milk dud.


----------



## TheBattousai

Marginal said:
			
		

> Wish granted. Unfortunately, cups made of hot chocolate don't hold up too well vs gravity.
> 
> I wish for a milk dud.


 
Wish granted, but the milk dud has been enlarged to the size of the moon and is being pulled to earth by the gravitational pull and it will surely end all excistence.......unless you can eat it all before then.

I wish that I had a time machine.


----------



## someguy

YOur wish is granted and you build a have a time machine which takes you back in time causing an event that doesn't allow you to wish for the time machine which means you can't stop yourself from getting it thus youhave a time machine and you don't.  Great you destroyed time.  
I wish I had breakfast this morning.


----------



## Navarre

You find breakfast easily: Marginal's moon-sized Milk Dud.

You eat heartily but throw up long before finishing it. The Earth is subsequently destroyed by a messy Milk Dud with a few bites missing.

_I wish to be understand the Meaning of Life._


----------



## shesulsa

Navarre said:
			
		

> _I wish to be understand the Meaning of Life._



You discover the meaning of life ... the very moment you die.

I wish for the forgiveness of all beings.


----------



## KenpoEMT

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish for the forgiveness of all beings.


Your wish is granted!

It begins, slowly at first, with the occasional old boyfriend stopping by and offering his heart felt forgiveness for all of the heart-ache that you left in your wake. Then distant family members start sending gracious emails and post cards forgiving you for all of your hidden and imagined misdeeds. Your immediate family members are inspired and offer their forgiveness as well...repeatedly. They begin having weekly family gatherings where very long and public lists are made of your emotional offenses and personal failings just so they can offer you their pardon (and enjoy a good BBQ!).
Pretty soon you are approached by strangers in the supermarket and at the gas station and in your place of employment. All of whom just positively gush their heart-felt forgiveness of your inability to "just get along" with the rest of humanity.
Days drag on into weeks, and weeks elongate into months. You are followed by a never ending line of well intentioned people who have traveled from all over the world just to meet you...and forgive you. Your intitial good natured acceptance of the forgiveness of people you have never met has long given way into rude, insulting, and violent behavior...which is always promptly forgiven.
You end up scouring the earth as the star of your own reality show (titled: "LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!") searching for someone, anyone, who will just hold a good ol' fashioned grudge against you.
By the way shesulsa, I would like to offer my forgiveness in advance for your sincere desire to hunt me down and bonk me on the head :whip: for writing this! 



I wish that I could use the force...you know, like Luke and ObiWan.


----------



## Kreth

Wish granted, although since you lack proper Jedi training, you're unable to do much more than accidentally change channels when you fart...


----------



## Navarre

Wish, Kreth! Wish!


----------



## Kreth

I wish for another wish


----------



## Ceicei

Except that each time he makes a wish, they don't turn into reality--just empty wishful wishing.

I wish my favorite shows would stop getting cancelled.

- Ceicei


----------



## Sam

your favorite shows stop getting canceled... They just are on the pay-per-view channels and you have to pay 29.95 every episode.

I wish I could stop crushing on innapropriate people


----------



## Touch Of Death

Sam said:
			
		

> your favorite shows stop getting canceled... They just are on the pay-per-view channels and you have to pay 29.95 every episode.
> 
> I wish I could stop crushing on innapropriate people


You then fall in love with the nerd of your school and have supernerds for children.


I wish I could speak seven languages.
Sean


----------



## bluemtn

Wish granted.  You can speak 7 languages, but they are all  considered "dead" languages, and you can't speak a word of English.  Now, no one can understand you.  You are about to be carried off to the local mental institution as you're screaming obsenities in some odd language that is purely made of tongue clicking.



I wish I had a house elf (like from Harry Potter book) to do all of my household chores.


----------



## Ceicei

tkdgirl said:
			
		

> I wish I had a house elf (like from Harry Potter book) to do all of my household chores.



Wish granted.   One of your friends give your house elf one of your belongings and freed the elf from doing your chores.

I wish my car had more power.


----------



## KenpoEMT

Ceicei said:
			
		

> I wish my car had *more power*.


Your wish is granted!

Tim the Tool-man Taylor appears out of thin air to give your car...*MORE POWER!!!*
Like every episode of the hit tv show _Home Improvement, _Tim's efforts to give your car *more power* end in fire, pain, and the total destruction of your poor little vehicle.

I wish that the tv show, "Friends" would not have been cancelled.


----------



## Touch Of Death

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> Your wish is granted!
> 
> Tim the Tool-man Taylor appears out of thin air to give your car...*MORE POWER!!!*
> Like every episode of the hit tv show _Home Improvement, _Tim's efforts to give your car *more power* end in fire, pain, and the total destruction of your poor little vehicle.
> 
> I wish that the tv show, "Friends" would not have been cancelled.


Without warning NBC brings the show back. However the characters all die one by one and they must replace the original actors with the no-talent children of studio executives. One starts a religious cult, another gets an eating disoder, and we vote one of them to congress. This freshman then starts WWIII as a business venture, to increase the sale of an energy softdrink known to cause cancer in Kangaroo Rats, but not sewer rats... its all very complicated.

I wish Led Zepp would reform.
Sean


----------



## Kreth

Touch Of Death said:
			
		

> I wish Led Zepp would reform.
> Sean


Wish granted. However, concerts are delayed and in some cases cancelled due to protests over Led Zeppelin having a cadaver as a drummer.

I wish pop music didn't suck.


----------



## Sam

Touch Of Death said:
			
		

> You then fall in love with the nerd of your school and have supernerds for children.



If I was in love why would I care? Thus, how is my wish distorted?


----------



## Navarre

I agree. What's wrong with nerds?



			
				Kreth said:
			
		

> I wish pop music didn't suck.


 
Pop music becomes the dominant form of social expression in the world.  Hilary Duff is elected Supreme Empress.  The world commits mass suicide.

_I wish I was an Olympic level athlete and a superhero (like Captain America)._


----------



## Touch Of Death

Sam said:
			
		

> If I was in love why would I care? Thus, how is my wish distorted?


Your supernerd children grow up to create the nastiest computer virus known to man. Once implimented the machines take over, we are all made in to slaves by the Omni computer created by yet another of your (tape on the glasses) offspring. Why... why.. WHY!
Sean


----------



## someguy

Your an olymic level athlet and a super hero but this being reality your only aren't put in some easily escaped situation when you are beaten.  You just die.  But in there being a super hero there are also super villans so now the world contends with super villans with out a super hero.
I want a car.


----------



## Navarre

You get a car. It's a 1972 Chevy Gremlin.  

It's lime green with an 8-track stereo. It's only missing a few essentials, like an engine.

_I wish I was with you right now (whoever the respondant is). We'd hang out together._


----------



## Sam

We're hanging out. Unfortunately, I'm at work and get in trouble for not working, so I get fired and you take my job. Now YOUR stuck answering idiots emails all day and putting thousands of numbers in spreadsheet documents for a boss who doesnt understand what the numbers mean anyway, cuz its really his wife whos running the show. and, oh, you only work two days a week.

I wish my whole body wasn't sore.


----------



## Touch Of Death

Sam said:
			
		

> We're hanging out. Unfortunately, I'm at work and get in trouble for not working, so I get fired and you take my job. Now YOUR stuck answering idiots emails all day and putting thousands of numbers in spreadsheet documents for a boss who doesnt understand what the numbers mean anyway, cuz its really his wife whos running the show. and, oh, you only work two days a week.
> 
> I wish my whole body wasn't sore.


You learn from years of sitting in the lotus position to concentrate all that pain into a nice life long migraine headache. Your body feels relatively painless, until the the Killer bees come.

I wish my daughter would use the potty.
Sean


----------



## someguy

You never said what the potty would be used for so your keys get flushed... Then comes the money in your wallet as well as your credit cards(after being cut up.  Then many other things that are expensive.  Your wallet is returned though.  So now you can't get to work so you call a cab butyou have no money.  IN the end you lose your job like Navarre and Sam and so I'll give you all food.  The food of eternal joblessness BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
I wish I was hanging out with some cool people right now.


----------



## bluemtn

I wish I was hanging out with some cool people right now.[/quote]

You didn't clarify as to what "cool people" were.  Now you're surrounded by people who are absolutely FREEZING, and you are the only one at the moment that is quite hot.  Somehow everyone finds out how warm you are, and they start snuggling up to you for warmth.  You start to feel strange, especially when you start getting unwanted advances, and you yourself is getting colder by the minute!

I wish it was summer again...


----------



## KenpoEMT

tkdgirl said:
			
		

> I wish it was summer again...


Uh-Oh! It IS Summer again, and she STILL won't quit whining about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's tragic divorce :tantrum: 
 "SHUT UP SUMMER!!!"    
Ugh...to no avail.


I wish Brad and Jennifer were still happily married.


----------



## Cryozombie

-Mod Note-

Thread Split Pending Admin Review of Content

-Technopunk
-MT Super Mod


----------



## shesulsa

Theban_Legion said:
			
		

> I wish Brad and Jennifer were still happily married.


Brad and Jen get back together and, alas, all the children in Africa go longer still without medicine, medical care, proper food, the continent suffers from a mass death, bringing about yet another mutated strain of HIV killing all the white people in South Africa's urban and suburban areas, hence laying the entire continent to waste. (hey, when i trash a wish, i don't screw around)

I wish folks would relax their political standings a bit ...


----------



## Jonathan Randall

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish folks would relax their political standings a bit ...


 
Amen! Whatever happened to being able to agree to disagree agreeably? 

On edit: oops, forgot to distort.

Everyone relaxes their standings to the point that they stand for nothing and are easily led by a ruthless dictator who massacres millions.


----------



## Cryozombie

shesulsa said:
			
		

> Brad and Jen get back together and, alas, all the children in Africa go longer still without medicine, medical care, proper food, the continent suffers from a mass death, bringing about yet another mutated strain of HIV killing all the white people in South Africa's urban and suburban areas, hence laying the entire continent to waste. (hey, when i trash a wish, i don't screw around)
> 
> I wish folks would relax their political standings a bit ...



Everyone relaxes their political Standings a bit... to the point no one bothers to Vote.  Anarchy reigns, and I become supreme overlord of the U.S... I mean Land of Technopunk... by sheer force.  I enforce my reign of terror for 3 days until someone decides to kill me, and I nuke EVERYONE... and the Martians, hidden under the rocks up there come and occupy the dead planet.

I wish I had not eaten that Chinese food tonite.


----------



## Rich Parsons

Technopunk said:
			
		

> Everyone relaxes their political Standings a bit... to the point no one bothers to Vote. Anarchy reigns, and I become supreme overlord of the U.S... I mean Land of Technopunk... by sheer force. I enforce my reign of terror for 3 days until someone decides to kill me, and I nuke EVERYONE... and the Martians, hidden under the rocks up there come and occupy the dead planet.
> 
> I wish I had not eaten that Chinese food tonite.



By not eating that chinese food you had tonight the "Dog" lived who ended up chasing a cat into the streets to be run over. That cat would have or did have caught a bird. This bird being patient zero for the cross from Bird to human. So, by not having the chinese food, Bird flu now crosses over, and the pandamic is such that chaos reigns, governements tumble, and anarchy is a desired approach, where people wish for the benevelent rulership of the great Technopunk.

I wish there were a law against trolls on the internet.


----------



## Jonathan Randall

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> I wish there were a law against trolls on the internet.


 
There are laws against trolls and you are wrongly convicted of violating them and imprisoned.

I wish it would stop raining in Northern California!


----------



## shesulsa

Jonathan Randall said:
			
		

> I wish it would stop raining in Northern California!


It stops raining in Northern California - permanently.  The climate turns to desert, Southern California gets the rain and all the Angelinos and their neighbors move north to found "Hollywood 2."

I wish for lots of people to buy cookies from my daughter ....


----------



## Jonathan Randall

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I wish for lots of people to buy cookies from my daughter ....


 
So many people buy cookies from your daughter that it goes to her head and she grows up to become a ruthless tycoon.

I wish I could find a great and loving home for the abandoned cat I feed.


----------



## Cryozombie

Jonathan Randall said:
			
		

> So many people buy cookies from your daughter that it goes to her head and she grows up to become a ruthless tycoon.
> 
> I wish I could find a great and loving home for the abandoned cat I feed.



You do... its the local Chinese food place, and they LOVE their General Tso's "Chicken"

I wish I had a ride to training this morning


----------



## TheBattousai

Technopunk said:
			
		

> I wish I had a ride to training this morning


 
Wish granted....but the ride was in a spaceship operated by space mutant pizza men who take your left kidney and 3 ounces of hair in exchange for the ride. After the training you now are left alone to fight the ghost of Gangus Khan and his new demon army legion. Hope you prepaired for this moment in training instead of looking at that brunette......


I wish for a nickel named Phillip on a pony.


----------



## KenpoEMT

> I wish for a nickel named Phillip on a pony.


?
Sounds like this wish distorted itself, so I must undistort (?) it.

Shadowfax appears before you with his noble rider. They wisk you away to a life of fantasy and adventure filled with bags of nickels and large men named Phillip.:uhyeah: 


I wish that the previous poster's wish had made some sense so that I could fulfill my purpose in life by giving it a proper distortion.


----------



## TheBattousai

Wish granted......but in understanding the truth of the previous wish, you become granted with the power to hear and understand all the wishes of mankind and the thoughts of all individuals. Unable to sort though all the thoughts of the world, you are considered crazy and hunted down and locked up until your death.

I wish Bruce Lee was still alive.


----------



## Kreth

TheBattousai said:
			
		

> I wish Bruce Lee was still alive.


Bruce Lee rises from the grave and shambles around terrorizing people with one inch punches that spew maggots. He is finally hunted down and shot in the head by Ash.
I wish Pat Robertson would implode.


----------



## bluemtn

Kreth said:
			
		

> I wish Pat Robertson would implode.


 
Wish granted!  You're loved by most, but the ultra- religious types aren't happy at all!  They find you were the one that made the wish, and find where you live.  Now you have people following you around trying to lay hands on you to cast out the "demons" inside.  Eventually, you're driven insane, and become a hermit on your own private island.  In that case, you might find enjoyable (not much of a distort on that part).

I wish I was rich.


----------



## someguy

You wish to be rich and Bam.  You have everyones money.  As such money is worthless.  Your are the richest broke person ever.


----------



## KenpoEMT

k


----------



## Sam

someguy said:
			
		

> You wish to be rich and Bam.  You have everyones money.  As such money is worthless.  Your are the richest broke person ever.



you need to wish.


----------



## SAVAGE

let me continue.....I wish that every thing evil ceased to exist!


----------



## Odin

SAVAGE said:
			
		

> let me continue.....I wish that every thing evil ceased to exist!


 
without no evil there could be no good,everyone gets confused as to what is right and wrong and the world is plunged into chaos,george bush becomes pope,tony blair joins the rolling stones on a comback album all while Jesus starts to think of where to dump people as heaven gets over crowded....

I wish kenpotess was my girlfriend!(")


----------



## Kreth

Odin said:
			
		

> I wish kenpotess was my girlfriend!(")


Wish granted. However, as Seig doesn't take kindly to competition, you are soon buried in an unmarked grave.

I wish "they were too stupid to live" was a viable murder defense.


----------



## Sam

Kreth said:
			
		

> I wish "they were too stupid to live" was a viable murder defense.



me too.


----------



## TheBattousai

Kreth said:
			
		

> Wish granted. However, as Seig doesn't take kindly to competition, you are soon buried in an unmarked grave.
> 
> I wish "they were too stupid to live" was a viable murder defense.


 

Wish granted......but now anarchy rules, since everyone uses that excuse for there murderious deeds, people are going out and killing people they think are stupid. So the government creates battle robots to try and keep the peace, but gain a.i. and become self aware, thus they enlave mankind with the matrix......or have they already?:uhyeah:

I wish I had a cell phone signal where I live.


----------



## Flatlander

Cellular service is delivered to your home, but, your cell number finds its way onto phone lists and text message lists.  You are bombarded by calls from salespeople.  Random service/sales texts arrive.  Your battery is constantly dead, and you're never able to take the cell out of the house, as it's always charging.  You recieve your monthly bill.  You need to refinance your home to pay it. 

I wish that I could read people's minds.


----------



## Kreth

Flatlander said:
			
		

> I wish that I could read people's minds.


Wish granted. After reading the minds of several AOL members, you're so depressed that you commit suicide, with a rusty spoon. 

I wish Peter Jackson would direct my biography.


----------



## sgtmac_46

Kreth said:
			
		

> Wish granted. After reading the minds of several AOL members, you're so depressed that you commit suicide, with a rusty spoon.
> 
> I wish Peter Jackson would direct my biography.


 Peter Jackson takes on the project, but in a desire to get out of his contract with his studio, he 'rewrites' your biography as a musical, and casts Clay Aiken in the title role.  

I wish I could remember where I left my car keys.


----------



## Odin

sgtmac_46 said:
			
		

> Peter Jackson takes on the project, but in a desire to get out of his contract with his studio, he 'rewrites' your biography as a musical, and casts Clay Aiken in the title role.
> 
> I wish I could remember where I left my car keys.


 
you find them but they are up micheal jacksons rear end...but your late for work and so have no choice......


I wish I really was odin,viking king of gods!


----------



## sgtmac_46

Odin said:
			
		

> you find them but they are up micheal jacksons rear end...but your late for work and so have no choice......
> 
> 
> I wish I really was odin,viking king of gods!


 You turn in to Odin and realize, too late, it's Ragnarok.....just as Fenrir swallows you.  

I wish I was making the perfect wish, one that would bring me eternal happiness and contentment.


----------



## someguy

You wish for the perfect wish, one that wpuld bring eternal happiness and contentment.  Unfortunatly for us all the easiest way to do this is  for eternity to end .00001 seconds later.


----------



## bluemtn

Hey- you need to wish!


----------



## someguy

I wish that I didn't have to take pointless classes.​


----------



## TheBattousai

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish that I didn't have to take pointless classes.
> ​


Wish granted.....but without those pointless classes, you now are given new classes that give you oodles of homework; with these new classes, you can no longer sleep at night or you will fail. Without those other classes, you cannot sleep at night or class, so you are given the choice of failure or death.......cheers!

I want a pet duck.


----------



## someguy

Say it with me now psycho duck...  
Couldn't you see that coming.  IT's like a killer bunny rabit but worse.  And you don't have a hloy handgrenade around now do you.

I wish some one will resopnd to this soon.  Bwahahahaha...


----------



## TheBattousai

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish some one will resopnd to this soon. Bwahahahaha...


 
Granted.............want some coffee?

I wish for more clerks cartoons.


----------



## Ceicei

TheBattousai said:
			
		

> I wish for more clerks cartoons.



Granted...there are clerks all over the world drawing cartoons, and some weren't really all that funny.  They submit them all to you for your review and your mail (both snail-mail and electronic) fill up to over capacity.

I wish I could find a model car kit of the 2002 Ford Mustang GT (really... there doesn't seem to be any of that specific model manufactured any where so far.) :wah:

- Ceicei


----------



## ppko

Ceicei said:
			
		

> I wish I could find a model car kit of the 2002 Ford Mustang GT (really... there doesn't seem to be any of that specific model manufactured any where so far.) :wah:
> 
> - Ceicei


Granted but it comes with everything but the body
I wish I was God


----------



## KenpoTess

Granted.. but to late you realize the powers that be were dyslexic and you wake up as a drooling DOG....

I wish I didn't have a cold..


----------



## ppko

granted but now instead of a cold you catch the flu, I wish that I was perfect in every sense of the word


----------



## Ceicei

ppko said:
			
		

> I wish that I was perfect in every sense of the word



The word is flawless as made by you; unfortunately, that's all it is worth...no one else notices this.

I wish my house is absolutely spotless.


----------



## kid

Your wish is my command.  your house has vanished.

I wish I had a yummy steak to eat.


----------



## someguy

You have a amazing wooden stake to eat.  It tastes increadible.  It has been grilled to perfection.  Now if only it wasn't wooden and so splintery.
I wish I was not sick.


----------



## ppko

wish granted you become well and are doing well for several  months until you slip and fall you are now a quadrapalegic (? on spelling not sure), I wish I had a time machine that goes to any time that I want it to, but will also bring me back to where I started and I can use it as many times as I want


----------



## Sam

granted... the first time you go to the future, the gov't steals it. Now THEY have it, and mess up history as we know it.

I wish I looked more like my hispanic mom and less like my albino-white dad.


----------



## kid

Granted, you can no longer speak or understand english and your id hasn't been changed to look like you now.  The INS are at your door to deport you.  


I wish that no one will take offense in that messed up wish.


----------



## ppko

Granted noone takes offense instead they take action and string you up (laughing in an evil way).  I wish I was Bill Gates most beloved kid and left everything


----------



## Carol

Your wish is granted.   But, Bill Gates gave most of his money to a charitable foundation and what is left for you wouldn't even cover your car payment.

I wish I was a black belt.


----------



## shesulsa

Your black belt is granted and you find yourself suddenly at the bottom of the heap once more, that black is the new white.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.


----------



## Marginal

Granted. You think of the perfect wish that couldn't ever be misinterpreted or backfire that insures perfect happiness for you and all your loved ones. (Too bad you used up your wish already.) 

I wish for the ability to make anthing I can imagine real so long as I'm picturing what I want to appear, and the actual materialization is controlled by speaking the keyword, "Ozymandius" and whatever I'm imagining doesn't do anything stupid like appear half inside me etc.


----------



## someguy

You have a really weird dream which in which you imagine the death of the world through killer rabits.  Unfortunatly you just happen to say "Ozymandius" in your sleep and now we need some holy handgrenades if it's not to late.


I wish I had a holy hand grenade...  Ah its a bunny run.


----------



## Sam

you have a holy hand grenade, but no hands. You just sit there, looking at it, trying to pull the pin with your feet. No one is around, and the bunnies are coming...

I wish I hadnt cut my hair off.


----------



## Hand Sword

Granted. All of the hair on your entire body, that has been cut of over the years, returns to what it would be now, wrapping you up in a coccoon of hair.

I wish I was never born.


----------



## Sam

Hand Sword said:
			
		

> Granted. All of the hair on your entire body, that has been cut of over the years, returns to what it would be now, wrapping you up in a coccoon of hair.




ew ew ew ewwwwww


----------



## green meanie

Hand Sword said:
			
		

> I wish I was never born.


 
Granted. You were hatched. *cheep cheep cheep*

I wish....

Damn, this is harder than I thought.

I wish I was a Superhero.


----------



## Sam

but.... you are, arent you?


----------



## green meanie

Sam said:
			
		

> but.... you are, arent you?


 
hehehe. Shh! It's a secret. 

I wish I had a *new* super power then.


----------



## bydand

And your new superhero name shall be - BO.  With the amazing ability to render anyone incapacited using nothing more than natural bodily order.


I wish Ashida Kim could show up for less than $10,000 at soke hatsumi's training hall.


----------



## someguy

Say it with me now $9999.99+ S&H and if you act now I will throw in a free... err umm never mind.
I wish that I had a great job.


----------



## Hand Sword

Granted. You have a great job that you did 10 yrs. ago posted on your resume', and in your memory.


I wish I was still in high school.


----------



## KenpoTex

Hand Sword said:
			
		

> I wish I was still in high school.


 
Granted.  But you're the 90 lb. geek (complete to coke-bottle glasses and pocket-protector) who gets beat up every day for his lunch money...by the girls.  

edit: forgot to add my wish...

I wish I could bench-press 300 lbs. (I dunno, it's the first thing that popped into my head)


----------



## Hand Sword

Granted! However, after you get up the first rep, you can't hold it, and it collapses down on you.

I wish I could get a good night's sleep


----------



## KenpoTex

Hand Sword said:
			
		

> I wish I could get a good night's sleep


Granted! unfortunately, it's because you're in solitary confinement in a max-security prison and there's nothing to do _but_ sleep.  

I wish I didn't have to work to make money


----------



## Rich Parsons

kenpotex said:
			
		

> Granted! unfortunately, it's because you're in solitary confinement in a max-security prison and there's nothing to do _but_ sleep.
> 
> I wish I didn't have to work to make money


 
No Problem the false charges are brought against you and you are sent away for life in a max security prison.

I wish someone would nominate this thread for funniest thread.


----------



## shesulsa

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> I wish someone would nominate this thread for funniest thread.



This wish has truly been granted ... Some thread having to do with or nominated by Rich Parsons wins and you withdraw into such embarassment the art of Balintawak suffers and the entire world loses the wondrous experience of your instruction in the rarer of the art forms and lose the opportunity to bask in your special presence.  (wow, can I pile it on or what?)

I wish just one more member would invest in a supporting membership for MartialTalk!


----------



## Touch Of Death

shesulsa said:
			
		

> This wish has truly been granted ... Some thread having to do with or nominated by Rich Parsons wins and you withdraw into such embarassment the art of Balintawak suffers and the entire world loses the wondrous experience of your instruction in the rarer of the art forms and lose the opportunity to bask in your special presence. (wow, can I pile it on or what?)
> 
> I wish just one more member would invest in a supporting membership for MartialTalk!


It Happens, you realize you have wish granting psychic abilities and get solicited to do your own radio show you of course decline because, how would you ever find the time for Martial Talk?


I wished I had internet service


----------



## Sam

granted... you indeed wished you had internet service... but that was before you had a genie to grant your wish. So nothing happens.

I wish I was 18 years old - no older.


----------



## Touch Of Death

Bamm! you get Jury Duty. Its the new "Trial of the century" and you don't see your family and friends again until your twenty one. However once you meet your family they dis-own you because you were unaware of all the damning evidence and thrown out confessions. They do give you one thing.... your draft notice. This little piece of paper lands you in Greenland watching blips on a screen and brushing snow -- lots of snow-- off of a dinky little satallite dish you actualy named for lack of friends. The local Inuitte tribe involves you in a blood feud, you Marry the winner. 

I wish gas were cheaper


----------



## Swordlady

Kazaam!  Gas prices drop below a dollar a gallon, but as you fuel your car, a runaway Mack truck skids into the gas station.  The truck rams into one of the gas pumps, which results in a HUGE explosion seen miles around.  Fortunately, no one gets hurt, but your car is reduced to a crisp.  You have no choice but to dig up your rickety old ten-speed bike, which means you no longer have to worry about the gas prices.  

I wish that my mortgage and students loans can get paid off...NOW!


----------



## Hand Sword

Granted! A certain individual pays off your debts, but, now you owe him, with extra interest which is due. One of his "associates" will be bye to collect.

I wish my job would give me a pay raise.


----------



## someguy

Granted unfortunatly the pay raise comes with certain obligations. You know small ones like you work 168 hour weeks.  Oh and you can't quit.On the other hand they have given you the "advantage" of imortality.I wish my ipod hadn't run out of power.


----------



## Swordlady

POOF!  Your Ipod has a new battery that runs forever.  Unfortunately, it's also impossible for you to shut it off or turn down the volume.  To make matters worse, your Ipod now only plays the greatest hits from every single "boy band" in existence: Menudo, New Kids on the Block, Hansen, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Nsync, etc.

I wish I could go back on vacation (though I just came from one - lol).


----------



## bluemtn

Wish granted!  Unfortunately you never come back, you lose your job because work had to eventually find someone to do your job, you ran out of vacation pay and are now living on the streets of hwerever your last vacation was located.  You can't even gather enough money to go back home on, and you have a new friend named "Bubba", who keeps looking at you so weird, you get permanent chills.

I wish that the world was perfect!


----------



## Kacey

Blammo - your wish is granted.  The world is perfect, and thus the people within it are perfect as well, at all their pursuits.  Ennui and boredom set in with people who previously had striven for perfection, thus ruining the perfection of the world.

I wish that I had managed to plant my vegetable garden last weekend.


----------



## Mcura

Done!  Your veggie seeds, sprouts, and cuttings are in and growing.  However, you decided to add just *one* more, and in the digging in that one section, you break through the industrial sewer line and flood your backyard and basement with the neighborhood's collected muck.

I wish I had my long hair back.


----------



## someguy

Granted and then some.  It's everywhere.  You are covered in long hair.  You can't trim it as it will come back intantly.


----------



## Zoran

Mcura said:
			
		

> I wish I had my long hair back.



You receive your hair in the mail from the hairstylist the cut it. _(never said you wanted it back in your head)_

I wish to be 20 years younger.


----------



## Kacey

Zoran said:
			
		

> You receive your hair in the mail from the hairstylist the cut it. _(never said you wanted it back in your head)_
> 
> I wish to be 20 years younger.



You are 21, and the draft has been re-enacted.  You have the pleasure of serving your country, and spend a full tour in the Middle East... which could be good or bad; it all depends on how you take it.

I wish my dog was better trained.


----------



## Sam

your best friend has perfectly trained your dog - in klingon. Your dog will only take commands which are given in klingon, and you just can't replicate those sounds.

I wish groceries were less expensive.


----------



## Marginal

Groceries are less expensive. But you now have to work on a local collective farm to produce them. 

I wish I was always 50% better than anyone else at anything I ever did.


----------



## Kacey

Marginal said:
			
		

> I wish I was always 50% better than anyone else at anything I ever did.



Done.  You are 50% better at losing money than any person you know.

I wish someone else would clean my house.


----------



## someguy

Wish granted I'll come right there to clean your house complete with every last bit of furnishing you have.   Nice and spiffy clean.
I wish I had the appropriate wire to rewire my bass.


----------



## green meanie

someguy said:
			
		

> Wish granted I'll come right there to clean your house complete with every last bit of furnishing you have. Nice and spiffy clean.
> I wish I had the appropriate wire to rewire my bass.


 
Wish granted but your rewired bass is now a fish. A smallmouth bass to be specific. 

I wish...

I wish I knew everything.


----------



## Carol

Your wish is granted, but now you know some horrible, disgusting, and disturbing things you wish you never, ever found out about...and now have a new appreciation for the phrase "Ignorance is bliss"



I wish I was stronger.


----------



## Marginal

Carol Kaur said:
			
		

> I wish I was stronger.


Granted. The 'roids did the trick, but now you gotta shave. 

I wish I had a fish wish dish.


----------



## someguy

You wish you had a fish wish dish.  You do.  It's true.  Now you rhyme.  This happens, when you speak, everytime.  Quite a pain it is.  Umm something that rhyms with his...I dunno his.
I wish I had more good posters to hang on my walls.


----------



## Zoran

someguy said:
			
		

> I wish I had more good posters to hang on my walls.



Granted, all the posters on this thread are now hanging on your wall.

I wish we could all get along.


----------



## Cryozombie

Zoran said:
			
		

> Granted, all the posters on this thread are now hanging on your wall.
> 
> I wish we could all get along.


 
We all get along.  Everyone likes evryone else so much the entire population of the world tries to move into your livingroom, which becomes overcrowded, and wars break out about how much we all need to be able to live there together.

I wish I had a single pair of clean socks, in any size color or variety.


----------



## Kreth

Technopunk said:
			
		

> I wish I had a single pair of clean socks, in any size color or variety.


Granted. One large pair of Hello Kitty ankle socks.

I wish the average McDonald's employee could do his/her job without getting an attitude when they screw up my order and I point it out.


----------



## KenpoSterre

This thread has been inactive for a while. Its tiem for it to be reincarnated.

Granted. You know work at McDonalds and the old employees now order.

I wish my hair wouldn't be as frizzy while still keeping its thikness, length, beauty, and color.


----------



## Carol

KenpoSterre said:


> This thread has been inactive for a while. Its tiem for it to be reincarnated.
> 
> Granted. You know work at McDonalds and the old employees now order.
> 
> I wish my hair wouldn't be as frizzy while still keeping its thikness, length, beauty, and color.


 
Your wish is granted! Your hair is not as frizzy because you have had to relocate to an area of low humidity - the Alaskan Tundra.


I wish I could find the keys that I have spent all freaking day looking for.


----------



## Kacey

Carol Kaur said:


> I wish I could find the keys that I have spent all freaking day looking for.



Your wish is granted - your keys have appeared, where your neighbor's child put them, down the storm drain.

I wish my homework was already finished.


----------



## bookworm_cn317

Kacey said:


> Your wish is granted - your keys have appeared, where your neighbor's child put them, down the storm drain.
> 
> I wish my homework was already finished.


 
Wish granted. Unfortunenately, your homework was done in Esperanto.

I wish I had a boyfriend.


----------



## Ceicei

bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish I had a boyfriend.



Wish granted, but you have a friend who is a boy, not a man.

I wish I could time warp with a transporter to where-ever I go.


----------



## Sam

wish granted, but someone steals the transporter.

I wish I had had fair judging today, which would have lead to my victory.


----------



## Kacey

Sam said:


> I wish I had had fair judging today, which would have lead to my victory.



Done - the judging was fair, but to a standard that was explained to every competitor but you.

I wish my house plants were all healthy.


----------



## KenpoSterre

gratned. now you have a plant house that is perfectly healthy and it proves it to you by letting out farts when company comes voer.


I wish my teeth were straight and whiter.


----------



## zDom

KenpoSterre said:


> I wish my teeth were straight and whiter.



Congratulations! You now have a mouth full of uncooked white rice in place of your teeth.


I wish to be the wisest man...wait.. that didn't work out so well for Solomon..hmmm...ummmm.....

I wish I had a lightsaber? (wince)


----------



## KenpoSterre

you now have a light saber...that has a tendency to hit you in very painful areas.

I wish I didn't flinch while sparring.


----------



## OUMoose

*snaps his fingers*

Granted!

However, your medical bills pile up as the impact-induced brain trauma builds since you no longer have a flinch reflex.  As your parkinsons sets in, you think back and wish "Boy, if I had only flinched that last time" for the rest of your painful life.

:asian:

I wish I had dessert.


----------



## Kacey

Granted... unfortunately, the genie who granted this wish misheard your wish, and changed "dessert" to "desert".  Your home is now overflowing with sand, except the bathroom, which has a palm tree growing through the floor, in what is now an oasis.

I wish I knew what breeds are in my dog (picture included for inspiration).


----------



## Hand Sword

Granted. You are turned into a Dog because it takes one to know one. Now you can communicate with your dog.

I wish I was back in high school.


----------



## Swordlady

Granted.  You are a high school freshman again - and the class geek.  The football team stuffs you into a locker most every day.

I wish that the gas prices would go below $1.00 again.


----------



## KenpoSterre

granted, The gas mprices are below one dollar...but you now don't own a car...and will never be able to afford one again

I wish I had better eye sight


----------



## OUMoose

KenpoSterre said:


> I wish I had better eye sight


 
*snaps his fingers*

Granted!

However in giving you perfect 20/20 eyesight, you've now become deaf and quadrapalegic.  Enjoy your perfect viewing! 

I wish there was actually some good left in the world.


----------



## Carol

OUMoose said:


> *snaps his fingers*
> 
> Granted!
> 
> However in giving you perfect 20/20 eyesight, you've now become deaf and quadrapalegic. Enjoy your perfect viewing!
> 
> I wish there was actually some good left in the world.


 

*poof*

There is good left in this world, however all of it resides in you.  Now you gotta get crackin' boy to start spreadin' all that good around!    



I wish my SUV didn't require maintenance.


----------



## Kacey

Carol Kaur said:


> I wish my SUV didn't require maintenance.



Granted - your SUV was stolen, and then stripped.  There is not enough left to put back together - no maintenance necessary... or possible.

I wish I had more time to do things I want, instead of things I have to do.


----------



## OUMoose

Kacey said:


> I wish I had more time to do things I want, instead of things I have to do.


 
*snaps his fingers*

Granted!

However you seem to have forgotten time is a fragile being.  By increasing the time to do stuff you want, you've decreased the time you have to do stuff you need.  Therefore, you never get work done, you never get to the store to buy food, etc.  As you wish grows more powerful, small things like family and finances are winked out of existance for the ever-hungry desire for more personal time.  Now we stand here, your wish completed, and all you have is time to do things you want, but no funds nor support structure to do any of them.  With that, the universe implodes on itself, as it really wanted to do that anyways... 

I wish the button on my new pants didn't break 3 days after buying them.


----------



## matt.m

Poof-

You are so fat you cannot wear pants you have to wear tablecloths.

I wish there were no more wars.


----------



## Swordlady

matt.m said:


> Poof-
> 
> You are so fat you cannot wear pants you have to wear tablecloths.
> 
> I wish there were no more wars.


 
Granted.  There are no more wars...because the last war blasted the planet into oblivion.  So there aren't any people left to wage war.

I wish that my house could clean itself.


----------



## zDom

Swordlady said:


> I wish that my house could clean itself.



BING! Done: only the house considers YOU another untidy element and keeps tossing you in the waste bin out back.

I wish I had a nice hot cup of Blue Jamaican coffee... or at least a Latte.


----------



## someguy

Granted... Boiling hot and the contents of it is going to hit your pants .03 seconds from now.

I wish my ribs were healed.


----------



## Swordlady

Poof!  Your ribs are healed, but as you dance around with joy, you stumble and break your ankle.

I wish I had a higher salary.


----------



## zDom

Swordlady said:


> I wish I had a higher salary.



Kazaam! Salary has doubled... and your expenses have tripled.

I wish my lap wasn't wet from hot coffee.


----------



## KenpoSterre

wahzaam! (I just love that word). Your pants are now burnt from hot tea.

I wish I had a new c.d.


----------



## Ceicei

KenpoSterre said:


> I wish I had a new c.d.



You got a new c.d., but find it is not a music/video cd.  What you got is a cd, a type of financial savings.

I wish I own a hot sports car:  2002 Ford Mustang!


----------



## exile

Ceicei said:


> You got a new c.d., but find it is not a music/video cd.  What you got is a cd, a type of financial savings.
> 
> I wish I own a hot sports car:  2002 Ford Mustang!



And bang! a distant relative dies and leaves you a 2002 Ford Mustang...

...turns out this car was used for much of 2002 and 2003 in a drug-running scheme based in Tijuana, and three days after you get the car DEA agents show up at your house, impound the car and advise you to get a _good_ lawyer because, kid, you're in LOT of trouble...

I wish I weren't so disorganized...


----------



## zDom

Ceicei said:


> I wish I own a hot sports car:  2002 Ford Mustang!



Ka-BOOOOSH: You now have a 2002 Ford Mustang (neon-green, six-cylander, with 286,000 miles on it. While you hold a title, authorities soon advise you it is hot indeed: stolen).

I wish the burns on my lap would heal without scarring.


----------



## zDom

(ooops: too slow on the draw. Go with exile's wish. *applies burn cream*)


----------



## someguy

I'll just do them both.  Due to your wish for being less disorganized everthing becomes chaos so there is no disorder.  This also gets rid of your scar problem as you randomly may or may not have legs depending on what the chaos does that day.

I wish I had a new computer that wasn't involved in any crime.


----------



## Ceicei

someguy said:


> I wish I had a new computer that wasn't involved in any crime.


Zappo!!! Now your new computer doesn't do anything.  It just sits there and humms, no program will run, zip, nada.  No law is broken.  It is crime-free.

I wish time will move faster.


----------



## zDom

Ceicei said:


> I wish time will move faster.



PoOF: You are now in your last minutes of life, wishing you had more time to do all the things you never got around to.

I wish time would SLOW DOWN.


----------



## TCBA_JOE

Time moves faster... 
Now you're watching your own funeral from the clouds.

I wish i could get a date with Lindsay Lohan :boing1:


----------



## KenpoSterre

you got the date but shes dead and is starting to smell like you when you odn't shower for a month...

I wish(and hopefully will get) the position of president on student council. I have already made the peliminaries. YaY!


----------



## TCBA_JOE

You get the position... then come to the realization that the presidency is merely a symbolic postition, rendering you with even less power, and more expected responsibility. You end up freaking out after a mere 1 month into your term and get expelled for assulting a member of the council out of frustration.

I wish I had the ability to download martial arts into my brain like neo did.


----------



## Kacey

Congratulations - the information is downloaded, but has so overloaded your brain that you sit there, unable to sort the information into a usable structure, so it causes misfires throughout your system, and observers see you performing something between kata and a drunken hornpipe.

I wish my dog would make up his mind whether he wants to be inside or outside, instead of going in and out every 30 minutes or so.


----------



## Sam

your dog decides he wants to be outside...
and never comes back.

I wish I knew how to drive.


----------



## TCBA_JOE

Congrates!!! You now are a school bus driver for snotty little kids. 

I wish girls didn't find wearing a black belt with brown shoes unattractive, so I didn't have to give up wearing my favorite black belt.


----------



## Sam

um... they dont.

They just find YOU unattractive.

I wish it was may


----------



## jazkiljok

Sam said:


> um... they dont.
> 
> They just find YOU unattractive.
> 
> I wish it was may




It is May- but its May, 2190 and your gasping for your last breath in the miserable oxygen deprived oven-baked dust bowl called earth.

I wish Kobe Bryant brought L.A. one more championship.


----------



## Sam

he did - because he murdered all the opposing players.

I wish one of my friends was online so I could share my excitement about what happened today.


----------



## Kacey

Sam said:


> I wish one of my friends was online so I could share my excitement about what happened today.



So many of your friends are online at once, clamoring to hear about what happened today, that they crash every server connected to the internet, and you can no longer reach anyone through it (what did happen, BTW?).

I wish this cold would clear up and I was healthy again.


----------



## Sam

the cold clears up and your healthy, but inadvertently you give the cold to your entire karate studio, which must be closed for 3 days.

I wish kacey would get on AIM so I could tell her what happened today.


----------



## Kacey

Sam said:


> I wish kacey would get on AIM so I could tell her what happened today.


Your wish is granted... of course, now I'll have even more trouble concentrating on the text I should be reading (fevers really interfere with my attention span) and I can now blame you when I don't finish my homework.  It would help if you logged in too, of course... 

I wish I could just hold my textbook up to my head and know and understand everything in it, so I could get my paper written.


----------



## KenpoSterre

Sam said:


> the cold clears up and your healthy, but inadvertently you give the cold to your entire karate studio, which must be closed for 3 days.
> 
> I wish kacey would get on AIM so I could tell her what happened today.



What happened? You have got me curious. I shouldn't be so nosey...


You do understand everything in it and you get your paper written on time but your dog eats it and your professor doesn't beleive you...

I wish, hmmm, I was fourteen so I wouldn't get looked at/typed at weird when I mention I date, am on myspace, or say I am in highschool.


----------



## TCBA_JOE

you're 14... you realize being 14 is not nearly as cool as it sounds. You start working, thereby rendering you with less time to go on myspace, date, or do your homework at a mere $5.82/hr. 

Be glad you're 12, and you shouldn't be dating anyways.

I wish for a pizza.


----------



## KenpoSterre

see. Even he told me I shouldn't. Everytime. Besides fourteen is to yougn towork. You must be sixteen.

You got the pizza...except the dog eats it and only leaves a torn up box so later he can throw up over your bes spread.

I wish I would become a world champion sparrer. (Its never going to happen but it is nice to wish )


----------



## Sam

Sterre, in missouri you can get a work permit at 14. And if you CONTINUE to bring up the fact you date, people will CONTINUE to tell you you are too young. If you want to stop hearing it, stop bringing it up.

You are forced to become a world class sparrer, and have to endure injuries such as broken and bloody noses, bruised and tender shins, sprains, things of that nature... Which would be okay if you really wanted it - but you realize after your first bloody nose that you don't.

I wish I didnt have to work tonight.


----------



## Kacey

Sam said:


> Sterre, in missouri you can get a work permit at 14. And if you CONTINUE to bring up the fact you date, people will CONTINUE to tell you you are too young. If you want to stop hearing it, stop bringing it up.



Sam has a point - if you don't want it discussed, then don't discuss it; if you bring it up, people will assume you want commentary... this _is_ a discussion board, after all!  



Sam said:


> I wish I didnt have to work tonight.



Granted... unfortunately, you don't have to work because a water main broke in your place of business, and they have shut down to repair the pipe and clean up all the damage.  They don't reopen until after you notice is up, and because you have given notice, their insurance won't pay you for your lost work hours the way it does for your coworkers.

I wish someone else would mow my grass.


----------



## Swordlady

Granted.  Your grass is mown - along with your garden and all other foliage.

I wish that my clients would behave themselves during group counseling.


----------



## Kacey

Swordlady said:


> I wish that my clients would behave themselves during group counseling.



Granted... in a return to methods of the past, your clients have all been drugged into somnolence; there is so much sedative in their systems that they stare blankly and drool, unable to do much more.

I wish I could decide which fabric, of the 9 samples I have, I want to choose for the antique chair I'm having refinished.


----------



## Swordlady

Granted.  Unfortunately, there is a misunderstanding - and ALL nine samples were used to refinish your chair.  The finished product isn't very pretty.  

I wish that I didn't have any bills to pay.


----------



## Kacey

Swordlady said:


> I wish that I didn't have any bills to pay.



Done - you have no bills to pay.  Unfortunately, this is because you are living on the street, with all your belongings in a shopping cart, and sleeping under a bridge.

I wish I had a new car.


----------



## Swordlady

POOF!  You have a new car.  An el cheapo Daewoo that breaks down the same day you drive it off the lot.

I wish that my college Alma Mater got rid of its sucky football team.


----------



## jazkiljok

Swordlady said:


> POOF!  You have a new car.  An el cheapo Daewoo that breaks down the same day you drive it off the lot.
> 
> I wish that my college Alma Mater got rid of its sucky football team.



They do but in its place they start up a co-ed tiddlywinks team which immediately embarrasses your school by having an on-campus late night party that ends in accusations of drunken group sex, bestiality and satanic rituals. The story hits the cover of every major newspaper and your humiliated alma mater begs for the return of its sucky football team.


----------



## jazkiljok

jazkiljok said:


> They do but in its place they start up a co-ed tiddlywinks team which immediately embarrasses your school by having an on-campus late night party that ends in accusations of drunken group sex, bestiality and satanic rituals. The story hits the cover of every major newspaper and your humiliated alma mater begs for the return of its sucky football team.




oh, didn't include wish.

wish that the very best grade schools in this country didn't cost $24,000 a year.


----------



## bookworm_cn317

jazkiljok said:


> oh, didn't include wish.
> 
> wish that the very best grade schools in this country didn't cost $24,000 a year.


 
Jambi says "Your wish has been granted!" Unfortunately, the best schools in the country now cost a MILLION dollars!

I wish I knew what to write for my final project for my Intro to Screenwriting class, 'cuz I'm stumped!


----------



## Kacey

bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish I knew what to write for my final project for my Intro to Screenwriting class, 'cuz I'm stumped!



You wake up from a dream with a wonderful idea... but like Coleridge with Kublai Khan, you are interrupted before you can write down more than a small bit, and nothing you do brings your idea back.

I wish advertising - TV, radio, print, etc. - were no longer necessary.


----------



## Carol

Kacey said:


> You wake up from a dream with a wonderful idea... but like Coleridge with Kublai Khan, you are interrupted before you can write down more than a small bit, and nothing you do brings your idea back.
> 
> I wish advertising - TV, radio, print, etc. - were no longer necessary.


 
Your wish is granted.  Advertising is no longer necessary.  However, most news outlets are forced out of business and we now receive all of our news from Al-Jazeera and China's state-owned Xinhua.

I wish my fever would break and I get my strength back.  (Did I catch your fever, Kacey?)


----------



## Kacey

Carol Kaur said:


> I wish my fever would break and I get my strength back.  (Did I catch your fever, Kacey?)



I can't imagine how you could catch my fever over the 'net, Carol... but nonetheless, your fever breaks, your strength returns, you go back to the dojo.... where you trip over a mat and sprain your ankle.

I wish I had never picked up this Peanut Butter/Chocolate Chex mix... I may be addicted.


----------



## Swordlady

POOF!  You are not longer addicted to Peanut Butter/Chocolate Chex mix.  You're addicted to jalepeno peppers instead - straight out of the jar.

I wish my cable Internet could get fixed today, and not next Tuesday.


----------



## someguy

Bam it's fixed.  But it turns out that it was fixed by a monkey so by fixed I mean that the monkey hit it with a (forgive me for this) monkey wrench about 1000 times.
I wish I could go to whatever concerts I want to over the next 3 months free of charge.  (Deftones in Atl...squeeee)


----------



## bookworm_cn317

someguy said:


> Bam it's fixed. But it turns out that it was fixed by a monkey so by fixed I mean that the monkey hit it with a (forgive me for this) monkey wrench about 1000 times.
> I wish I could go to whatever concerts I want to over the next 3 months free of charge. (Deftones in Atl...squeeee)


 
:eep, booming voice:: WISH GRANTED! ::end Deep, booming voice::

Unfortunately, the only concerts you want to go to are Barney and Teletubbies concerts.

I wish I could easily explain things (like how to do a front stance).


----------



## fnorfurfoot

Your wish is granted.  Unfortunately, you forgot to specify who you wished to explain things to.

So you are able to easily explain things to chimps.  After a number of years they become so adept at the things you have taught they soon become better at them than you and eventually Earth becomes everything that the makers of Planet of the Apes feared.  THanks.

I wish that my children would listen to me and do as I ask.


----------



## LuzRD

**************


bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish I could easily explain things (like how to do a front stance).



DONE!
but everytime after you explain somthing you lose the ability to do the very thing you explained. 


i wish snow was warm, and not piled up in my yard right now!
********

darn fnor beat me to it!! 


"I wish that my children would listen to me and do as I ask."

DONE! but you can only have one at a time. so if they listen to you they dont do what you ask. and if theyre willing to do what you ask, theyre not listening to you.

i still wish snow was warm, and not piled up in my yard right now!


----------



## Ceicei

LuzRD said:


> i still wish snow was warm, and not piled up in my yard right now!



>>>Loud crashing thunder<<<

Your wish granted!  

Snow is no longer cold and is now warm.  It is not piled up but spread all around your house in a two inch layer.  People come from all over the world to gawk at "The Warm Snow that Refuses to Melt".

I wish joint damages never happen for any one.


----------



## bookworm_cn317

Ceicei said:


> >>>Loud crashing thunder<<<
> 
> Your wish granted!
> 
> Snow is no longer cold and is now warm. It is not piled up but spread all around your house in a two inch layer. People come from all over the world to gawk at "The Warm Snow that Refuses to Melt".
> 
> I wish joint damages never happen for any one.


 
Jambi says, "Your wish has been granted." 

One problem though-- now EVERYBODY has joint damages. 


I wish I was better at sparring.


----------



## someguy

BAM you are better at sparring.
Now you are so good that you dedicate your entire life to martial arts forsaking everything else.  As such when that terrible accedent occurs you have no skills to do anything other than spar.  The rest of your life will be spent in a mcdonalds.  Wait I think I'm wrong.  Yeah Arbys.
Oh I wish I had fewer papers.


----------



## LuzRD

someguy said:


> Oh I wish I had fewer papers.



ala peanutbutter sandwiches!! done, you have a few papers, newspapers! every second of everyday you find yourself with a few new newspapers.


i wish i had a genie, so however you skewed my wish i could still have wishes left to fix it = }~


----------



## Touch Of Death

LuzRD said:


> ala peanutbutter sandwiches!! done, you have a few papers, newspapers! every second of everyday you find yourself with a few new newspapers.
> 
> 
> i wish i had a genie, so however you skewed my wish i could still have wishes left to fix it = }~


Poof you get your unlimited wishes; however, you realize eventualy that nothing is real. It has no permanence. All your choices mean nothing. You sink into despair, and no wish can take that away. Its the only real thing you have now, and you can't bare to part with it.

I wish I wasn't so negative all the time.:ultracool 
sean


----------



## bookworm_cn317

Touch Of Death said:


> Poof you get your unlimited wishes; however, you realize eventualy that nothing is real. It has no permanence. All your choices mean nothing. You sink into despair, and no wish can take that away. Its the only real thing you have now, and you can't bare to part with it.
> 
> I wish I wasn't so negative all the time.:ultracool
> sean


 

Repeat after me, "Mekka lekka hi, mekka hiney ho!"  ::end repeat:: "The Great Jambi has spoken!"

Unfortunately, you are now SO positive, that it's started annoying people to the point of beating you to death with Tickle Me Elmo's.

My wish is to pass my 2nd degree blue belt test.


----------



## bushidomartialarts

Wish to pass your blue belt?

I can grant that one, but you'll need to help me out.

Step one:  eat your blue belt.

Step two:  drink this laxative.

POOF!

I wish for a pair of wool socks.


----------



## Shaderon

Oh too easy

*POOF* here are your wool socks, unfortunately you are now highly allergic to wool and break out in a really itchy rash all over your body whenever you even look at them.

I wish people didn't keep crashing into my car


----------



## bookworm_cn317

Shaderon said:


> Oh too easy
> 
> *POOF* here are your wool socks, unfortunately you are now highly allergic to wool and break out in a really itchy rash all over your body whenever you even look at them.
> 
> I wish people didn't keep crashing into my car


 

_Bright flash of light. An ethereal voice says, "Wish granted"_

Your car is no longer getting crashed into. It is now, however, constantly getting stolen.

I wish I wasn't so shy & quiet.


----------



## MBuzzy

POOF!!!  You're no longer shy or quiet - You now cannot stop speaking.  EVER.  and VERY VERY loudly.  Good luck sleeping.

I wish there was something good to watch on TV.


----------



## bookworm_cn317

MBuzzy said:


> POOF!!! You're no longer shy or quiet - You now cannot stop speaking. EVER. and VERY VERY loudly. Good luck sleeping.
> 
> I wish there was something good to watch on TV.


 
*POOF* OK, There IS something good to watch on tv. Pity for you, that you're WAY too busy to watch it.


I wish I could afford a gym membership & a personal trainer.


----------



## bydand

bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish I could afford a gym membership & a personal trainer.



**POOF**  Too bad the only Gym is "Fattys Gym and BBQ hut" and your Personal trainer is Richards Simmons annoying brother.




I wish I had a new truck.


----------



## bookworm_cn317

*DING* OK, you HAVE a new truck-- it's a Hot Wheels!

I wish I wasn't so lazy.


----------



## Ceicei

bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish I wasn't so lazy.



This is the sound of the treadmill.  You're constantly running on it, there is no end to when you'll stop.  That treadmill is everything to you, powers your home and produces energizing food/drink for you at your command--all while you run, and run, and run, and run....

I wish for a full-sized, well-functioning, bright yellow 2002 Ford Mustang!


----------



## CoryKS

Ceicei said:


> This is the sound of the treadmill. You're constantly running on it, there is no end to when you'll stop. That treadmill is everything to you, powers your home and produces energizing food/drink for you at your command--all while you run, and run, and run, and run....
> 
> I wish for a full-sized, well-functioning, bright yellow 2002 Ford Mustang!


 
_Zot!_  A beautiful Ford Mustang appears before you.  As you watch the owner climb in and drive off, you wish you had asked for a Mustang _of your own_.  Alas, it is too late.

I wish I could play guitar with as much skill as Eddie Van Halen currently has.


----------



## bydand

CoryKS said:


> I wish I could play guitar with as much skill as Eddie Van Halen currently has.



Poof - Too bad it is Eddie Van Halen who washes dishes at a Denny's and cannot even tune a radio right.

I wish I could fly like a mature Eagle, and land light as a feather.


----------



## Andy Moynihan

POOF!

You're an eagle feather that falls off the wing at 30,000 feet.

I'd like to see my most hated political figures suffering in the deepest, darkest pit.


----------



## bydand

Andy Moynihan said:


> I'd like to see my most hated political figures suffering in the deepest, darkest pit.



OK I'll give you that one!

Back to the thread now, next person can distort Andy's wish because I just couldn't bring myself to do it.


----------



## Andy Moynihan

Oh come on I practically GAVE it to ya!


----------



## bydand

Andy Moynihan said:


> Andy Moynihan said:
> 
> 
> 
> Oh come on I practically GAVE it to ya!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OK I'll try!
> 
> Poof - unfortunately the pit is not so dark because if the amount of flames.
> 
> See told you I couldn't distort that wish too much
> 
> I wish Rosie O'Donald and Opra would finally just get off the TV and out of the spotlight.
Click to expand...


----------



## Andy Moynihan

POOF! Theyre now in politics!


I wish I didn't need all manner of crazy holsters to carry my forty-five.


----------



## Ceicei

Andy Moynihan said:


> I wish I didn't need all manner of crazy holsters to carry my forty-five.


Now you have a pot to carry your melted forty-five....no more holsters.

I'd wish for a .50 cal to shoot for fun!


----------



## bookworm_cn317

*DING* Your wish has been granted. Too bad you don't have fun shooting anymore.


I wish my TKD instructor believed me when I said I was gonna do a 5K.  He said I was lying! ::goes off to pout::


----------



## bookworm_cn317

bookworm_cn317 said:


> *DING* Your wish has been granted. Too bad you don't have fun shooting anymore.
> 
> 
> I wish my TKD instructor believed me when I said I was gonna do a 5K. He said I was lying! ::goes off to pout::


 
OK, I guess I'm just gonna hafta corrupt my OWN wish!   *DING* Mywish has been granted. My TKD instructor believes me. He believes me so much that he's signed me up for the Boston marathon. _I'm gonna go fake my death now._

I wish I had a cat!


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## crushing

bookworm_cn317 said:


> OK, I guess I'm just gonna hafta corrupt my OWN wish! *DING* Mywish has been granted. My TKD instructor believes me. He believes me so much that he's signed me up for the Boston marathon. _I'm gonna go fake my death now._
> 
> I wish I had a cat!


 

*-AhOoooooga-*   For some strange reason you find yourself in a Chinese restaurant eating a delicious dinner.

I wish I was fluent in a second language.


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## bookworm_cn317

crushing said:


> *-AhOoooooga-* For some strange reason you find yourself in a Chinese restaurant eating a delicious dinner.
> 
> I wish I was fluent in a second language.


 
I figured I was gonna get a saber-toothed kitty(that's what happened in another forum I go to--they're playing this game, too!), but what canya do?

*POOF* You can now speak another language. Unfortunately, that language is ancient Incan and NOBODY can understand you. Looks like you're doomed to a lifetime of isolation.

I wish it was Spring.


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## Ceicei

bookworm_cn317 said:


> I wish it was Spring.



**WWWWooooooeeEEEEEEoooooo**  Spprrrooooinnnngggg....

Now you have a giant-sized metal spring surrounding you.  Have fun jumping on the top!

I wish for a pair of new snow boots.


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## terryl965

Now you have a new pair of snow boot with nothing but holes in them CONGRATS

I wish I had a whopper


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## LuzRD

DONE!!!!
you can have a whopper (made your way no less), but you have to mud wrestle rosie odonnell to get it

i wish winter was warm and snow was made of chocolate chip cookies


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## thardey

LuzRD said:


> DONE!!!!
> you can have a whopper (made your way no less), but you have to mud wrestle rosie odonnell to get it
> 
> i wish winter was warm and snow was made of chocolate chip cookies



Winter is now warm, but summer is cold, but never cold enough to snow. If it does snow, there's no milk to dip the cookies in.

I wish I could fly like Superman


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## terryl965

Ok you can fly like Superman but the sky is made of kypton

I wish I was skinney again


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## bookworm_cn317

terryl965 said:


> Ok you can fly like Superman but the sky is made of kypton
> 
> I wish I was skinney again


 
*POOF* You're skinny--so skinny, in fact, that you have turned into a stick figure. You don't even have muscles! Have a nice day, stick-boy! 

I wish I wasn't such a slacker when it comes to working out.


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## jamz

bookworm_cn317 said:


> *POOF* You're skinny--so skinny, in fact, that you have turned into a stick figure. You don't even have muscles! Have a nice day, stick-boy!
> 
> I wish I wasn't such a slacker when it comes to working out.





*SHAZAM!* You aren't a slacker when it comes to working out, you're a slacker when it comes to work!  After losing your job, you have loads of time to work out as you starve.

I wish I had a decent movie to watch tonight.


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## LuzRD

ALA PEANUTBUTTER SANDWICHES!!! :: poof ::

you now have a decent movie to watch tonight but its been dubbed in pig latin by steven wright and ben stein (steven for the male characters, and ben for the female characters)

i wish blackholes were plaid, and the reason the was no escape from their event horizon was cuz they were so dang funky! ::does a funkdafied physics dance::


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## ejaazi

Pow! Your wish is granted, but now you suffer from vertigo and constantly throw up your lunch.


I wish that I was in the Matrix and could dodge bullets.


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## crushing

Badda-bing!  You find yourself in a Toyota Matrix, you find you are able to dodge bullets, but you can't Dodge Rams.

I wish my laptop computer's battery lasted longer, it's about to die already.


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## terryl965

Your laptop Battery will last forever but the hard drives will never work again

I want a snicker bar


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## shudokan-RN

poof, you're in a bar, and everyone is snickering because your fly is undone


I wish I had a maid


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## grydth

shudokan-RN said:


> poof, you're in a bar, and everyone is snickering because your fly is undone
> 
> 
> I wish I had a maid





You do - Lucretia Borgia. Notice anything odd about dinner?

I wish I, and not my wife, ruled the roost.


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## grydth

terryl965 said:


> Your laptop Battery will last forever but the hard drives will never work again
> 
> I want a snicker bar




You have a snickers bar, but no matter how hard you try you can't get the wrapper open.

I wish I had a chocolate sundae.


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## grydth

Andy Moynihan said:


> POOF!
> 
> You're an eagle feather that falls off the wing at 30,000 feet.
> 
> I'd like to see my most hated political figures suffering in the deepest, darkest pit.




No problemo!  

It's now February 2009...... Hellary is president.......and the deepest darkist pit is called the USA (Vincent Price laughter)

I wish all the Bushes and Klintons were fire hydrants.


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## Kacey

grydth said:


> I wish all the Bushes and Klintons were fire hydrants.



Poof!  Your wish is granted.  Your house catches fire... sadly, the above-mentioned hydrants spout hot air, not cold water... your house burns down.

I wish my damp, muddy dog gets clean.


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## grydth

Kacey said:


> Poof!  Your wish is granted.  Your house catches fire... sadly, the above-mentioned hydrants spout hot air, not cold water... your house burns down.
> 
> I wish my damp, muddy dog gets clean.



Poof - he gets air dried from one of the hydrants.... hot air....

This job is soooooooo me. I wish I really had it!


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## Ceicei

grydth said:


> This job is soooooooo me. I wish I really had it!



You've now become a chore, and everyone wants to get away from you...

I wish fireworks are legal all year round.


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## thardey

Ceicei said:


> You've now become a chore, and everyone wants to get away from you...
> 
> I wish fireworks are legal all year round.


 
Okay, but only between the hours of 10:00pm and 5:00 a.m.

I wish I could come up with a good wish


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## grydth

You come up with a great wish - but you can't have it.

I wish I were on vacation in Holland.


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## crushing

Baddaboom!  Your wish is granted and you find yourself in Holland Michigan digging your car out of a snow bank.

I wish I had a set of cross country skis.


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## KenpoTex

crushing said:


> I wish I had a set of cross country skis.


 wish granted:  while skiing along, you realize the nice flat area you are crossing is part of a frozen lake...right as the ice breaks under you.

I wish the weather would get warmer.


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## grydth

kenpotex said:


> wish granted:  while skiing along, you realize the nice flat area you are crossing is part of a frozen lake...right as the ice breaks under you.
> 
> I wish the weather would get warmer.




Granted....... weather report for Missouri today shows temperatures are up 1 degree across the state....

I wish I could refurbish my wakizashi the way it should be,


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