# Random Thoughts I



## Bob Hubbard (Sep 19, 2003)

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

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Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.

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Deliberation:  The act of examining one's bread to determine
which side it is buttered on.

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Democracy is also a form of worship.
It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
                -- H. L. Mencken

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Did you know that clones never use mirrors?

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Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.

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Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!

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Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

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Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.

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Down with categorical imperative!

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Drive defensively, buy a tank.

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Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has
been discontinued.

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Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.

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Ehrman's Commentary:
        1.  Things will get worse before they get better.
        2.  Who said things would get better?

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Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
                        ---Jerome Lettvin

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Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
                --Jerome Lettvin

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Es brillig war. Die schlichte Toven
    Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
Und aller-m" umsige Burggoven
    Dir mohmen R" ath ausgraben.

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Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
guarantee of eventual success.

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Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
wholly unconcerned with what _ d_ o_ e_ s exist.  Indeed, the banality of
existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to
discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the
problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the
mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical.  They were all,
one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
different way......

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Familiarity breeds attempt

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Families, when a child is born
Want it to be intelligent.
I, through intelligence,
Having wrecked my whole life,
Only hope the baby will prove
Ignorant and stupid.
Then he will crown a tranquil life
By becoming a Cabinet Minister

                -- Su Tung-p'o

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Fats Loves Madelyn

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Finagle's fourth Law:
        Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only
        makes it worse.

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Finagle's third Law:
        In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
        beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Corollaries:
        1.  Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
        2.  The first person who stops by whose advice you really
            don't want to hear will see it immediately.

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Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the moebius strip;
        The strip revolved,
        The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.

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Friends, Romans, Hipsters, let me clue you in:
I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him.
The square kicks some cats are on stay with them;
The hip bits, like, go down under;
So let it lay with Caesar.  The cool Brutus
Gave you the message:  Caesar had big eyes;
If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
And, like, old Caesar really set them straight.
Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs,
-- for Brutus is a real cool cat;
So are they all, all cool cats, --
Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.

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Garter:  An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of
her stockings and desolating the country.

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Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.

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George Orwell was an optimist.

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Ginsberg's Theorem:
        1.  You can't win.
        2.  You can't break even.
        3.  You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:

        Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
        meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
        Theorem.  To wit:

        1.  Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
        2.  Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break
            even.
        3.  Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the
            game.

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Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

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Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
        Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
        probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
        some useful work done.

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Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.

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God did not create the world in 7 days; he screwed around for 6 days
and then pulled an all-nighter.

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God is Dead
        -- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
        -- God
Nietzsche is God
        -- Dead

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God is a polytheist.

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Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

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HE:  Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
SHE:  What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
                -- Walt Kelly

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Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!

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Hand:  A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

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Happiness:  An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the
misery of another.

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Hark, hark, the dogs do bark,
The Duke is fond of kittens.
He likes to take their insides out
And use them for his mittens.
                Thurber, "The thirteen clocks"

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Harris's Lament:
        All the good ones are taken.

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Hartley's First Law:
        You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
        on his back, you've got something.

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Hippogriff:  An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half
griffin.  The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and
half eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter
eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of
zoology is full of surprises.

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Hire the morally handicapped.

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Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
        Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get
        out.

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Hofstadter's Law:
        It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
        Hofstadter's Law into account.

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Honorable: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the
honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."

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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on
people.
                -- W.C. Fields

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How doth the little crocodile
    Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
    On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,
    How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
    With gently smiling jaws!

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Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
        The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
        to.....to........uh..............

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I can resist anything but temptation.

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I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.

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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

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I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.

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