# what the hell...I'm too nice???



## beau_safken (Apr 4, 2006)

Dammit I tell ya...

Out of the last 5 dates I have had here in San Fran... I am batting .000  Each damn time I get a response like "Oh man you are soo funny, but its almost like your too funny to be around" or "You are a great man, but you are just too nice" or "You have a lot of goals for yourself...I just think you are too much for me".  WTF?!?  

Ladies seriously, is this just a nice way to saying I am too nice or what?  Well looks like I might have to try on some Leykis 101 and see where that gets me next time.

Grrrr

Beau


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## shesulsa (Apr 4, 2006)

Maybe you're revealing too much good stuff about yourself all at once.  Maybe you're a mook.  Maybe they don't like your cologne.  Maybe they don't like your voice.  Maybe you're not ... suave enough. :uhyeah:  I dunno, man.


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## beau_safken (Apr 4, 2006)

Hmm maybe your correct on the revealing stuff part shesulsa....That actually might be a good place for me to start.  Thanks


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## TigerWoman (Apr 4, 2006)

Try to get her to talk about herself as well, ya know 50/50 half listen, half talk.  Obviously you must be fun, gotta be serious sometimes as to what you like in life.  But let it out slowly in the beginning. Check your cologne, appearance, etc. too.     Compliments if genuine, are always welcome too.  Maybe too nice, was you didn't want to kiss her by the third date or whatever. :idunno: either, without knowing you more. 

Its funny how people find each other. When I met my husband to be, I had just broken up with someone who wanted just fun, no commitment.  If a girl is looking for a possible husband, just fun doesn't cut it.  But I really didn't want any relationship after that...but somehow opposites attract and he was extremely persistent, funny, serious in an interesting way and good looking as well. But I wouldn't advise to go looking in the raspberry patches where he ..umm, found me.  Maybe in you neck of the woods, it would be the vineyards.  Good luck! TW


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## Flying Crane (Apr 4, 2006)

In all honesty, when I first moved here to San Francisco from Wisconsin, I found it difficult to establish meaningful relationships with anybody, esp. with women.  I don't know if it is a prevalent attitude here, or what, but it just seemed like I didn't click with a lot of people.  Maybe the fact that I was somewhat "unsettled" for a while, jobwise and financially and stuff just made the fact that I was struggling a bit too obvious.  Dunno for sure, it's hard to say.

I finally started dating another transplant, she was from the East Coast then Tennessee before she came to SF.  That lasted a couple years and then ended.  I ended up marrying a SF native, of all things.  There are hardly any of those left, to tell the truth.  Seems like everyone here is a transplant from somewhere, and maybe that's what makes it kind of hard to establish relationships.  It can seem like a city of transients, sometimes.


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## Flatlander (Apr 4, 2006)

Beau, what are you looking for in a relationship?  Are you looking for a fling, or something long term, potentially permanent?


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## hemi (Apr 4, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> I might have to try on some Leykis 101 and see where that gets me next time.
> 
> Grrr
> Beau


 
Oh man you gotta listen to the professor, he is 100% most of the time 

Tom can you blow me up hahahaha


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## hemi (Apr 4, 2006)

But on a serious note, to me it just sounds like you were on a date with the wrong girls. It you have to struggle to find common ground then why force it. When I met my wife I had no plans on settling down. I was a wild child, I met her one night by accident and my wild days did a 180. I do have to say I was never much of a conventional date kind of guy. I never really did the dinner and a movie thing. It was more like going to see Garth Brooks and stop by Denim & Diamonds after the concert


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## swiftpete (Apr 4, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Dammit I tell ya...
> 
> Out of the last 5 dates I have had here in San Fran... I am batting .000 Each damn time I get a response like "Oh man you are soo funny, but its almost like your too funny to be around" or "You are a great man, but you are just too nice" or "You have a lot of goals for yourself...I just think you are too much for me". WTF?!?
> 
> ...


 
I think its just a nice way of saying they don't fancy you dude. But who knows the secrets of dating? This sort of thing has baffled me before too. And the thing is, every woman is different so there is no surefire way of doing it cos they all like a different approach. It's a toughie alright. 
But you got to keep on going for it as the alternative is to give up and accept a life of selflove. Just keep on blasting away and sooner or later one will swoon.
Tell you what though, the 'too funny to be around' one is a right lame denial excuse. If that sort of thing was true, Richard Pryor would've ended up pretty frustrated.


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## beau_safken (Apr 4, 2006)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> Beau, what are you looking for in a relationship? Are you looking for a fling, or something long term, potentially permanent?



Well I think that I don't want something permenant that will be WAY serious.  Did one of those for 5 years and I dont want a repeat performance of that yet.

I think its like some kind of pre-conceived notion that I keep running into.  

For instance, a girl asks me if I have ever seen anime or what I do for working out.  I say yes to anime and martial arts for working out.  They AUTOMATICALLY assume I am a asian fetish guy (Assuming the woman is asian).  Then they ask if I speak another language, I say sure ya two actually...Spanish and Japanese...  Tick #2 on the asian fetish..But why not 1 for the latina;s ME gusta LAtinas mucho.  I mean seriously come on.  SF may just be a little like that thou.  So what...i'm white and you aren't, so use that as a reason to find something wrong.   

I guess honestly I have always been curious as to how it would be having a woman of a different ethnicity.  Latina's are hella cool and have a wonderful family structure usually.  Actually...I am not even gonna put latina's in here again as they are generally cool with whatever.  It just chaps my *** that of the last 3 asians I have gone out with, they all seem to think I am some asian fetishist...  Next time they ask what I do for working out..I'll not bring up martial arts, not bring up the fact that I took reiki, not bring up the idea that I can profile a person just based off looks and first 10 sentances out of their mouth and NOT GIVE OUT TOO MUCH INFO....  I need to STFU sometimes I tell ya...

Thanks for the comment, it helps.  Its just so damn frustrating is all....


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## evenflow1121 (Apr 4, 2006)

Maybe you are just dating the wrong people.  And out of 5 dates, hell I would say that is pretty common.  I went through hell and back to find the girl I am with now and believe it was well worth it, all the crappy dates, all the heart aches, its trial and error man, and there is no way around that.  Hang in there, eventually you will find that special girl you are looking for.


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## Hand Sword (Apr 4, 2006)

Maybe your not doing anything wrong. "Good guys finish last" Right? I dunno, maybe cause your young, and dealing with young girls, they don't want the nice guy (that implies settling down). They still want "the bad boy" (he's exciting!). Keep your head up, and hang in there. What else is there to do?


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## MA-Caver (Apr 4, 2006)

Hint: Don't be her Friend... be her date. That helps... If it doesn't work out *then *you can be friends.


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## bushidomartialarts (Apr 5, 2006)

rule # 1:  _*shut up
*_rule # 2:  _*shut up
*_rule # 3:  _*shut the ***** up, you ********* ******

*_seriously, let her talk more.  things like 'you're so funny', 'you're too nice', 'you have a lot of plans' are all code for 'he didn't let me talk'.

women love to talk about themselves.  if you must talk, talk about her.

for everything you say about yourself (and this includes "i'll have the veal and a beer"), ask her two questions and respond to the answers with follow-up questions.

i don't want to come off like i think i'm casanova or professor tom, but that change produced a 180 degree turnaround in my dating success before i got married.

once you get in a relationship, then you can start ignoring her.  *:rofl:*


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## INDYFIGHTER (Apr 5, 2006)

The less I say about myself the better I do.  Ask questions, listen to answers, ask more questions.  Offer nothing too personal.   I recommend reading The Art of Seduction and The Game.  Good luck Dude!


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## DavidCC (Apr 5, 2006)

bushidomartialarts said:
			
		

> rule # 1: _*shut up*_
> rule # 2: _*shut up*_
> rule # 3: _*shut the ***** up, you ********* *******_
> 
> ...


 
exactly!

everything you say to her should end in a question mark! I mean, do we have to tell you that women like to talk, mostly about themselves?? LOL... 

And maybe I just was dating messed up girls ROFL, but it seems they all want a man who they don't quite feel worthy of.


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## Cryozombie (Apr 5, 2006)

Date guys.

They wont care.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Sorry... it was too easy.


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## shesulsa (Apr 5, 2006)

Technopunk said:
			
		

> Date guys.
> 
> They wont care.
> 
> ...



:roflmao:


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## Cruentus (Apr 5, 2006)

Everyone is going to give you all kinds of advice, but I only have one thing to say. Women don't want to date a part of their own anatomy (think about that for a minute - what part of a womans anatomy might I be refering too?). Most hetrosexual women want to date "men," period - if your "too nice," then it is possible that your trying so hard to impress them or to get them to like you that you might not be acting like one...

Just something to think about...


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## Cruentus (Apr 6, 2006)

O.K., its your lucky day - I'm in the advice giving mood. 

Second point of advice: Most young girls, especially those in their late teens and early twenties, are ****in' idiots to begin with. And you live in California...San Fran...which about triples your chances that the women you date are going to be really friggin shallow and stupid. Most mature women will agree with me on this (about the young girls, anyways).

Finding a smart young girl who knows what she wants and who isn't going to play games and jerk you around is the exception, not the rule. And even if you meet the exception (or think you have), that doesn't mean that she's necessarily going to like you anyways. So, your best bet is to not invest your emotional energy into dumb broads, have a good time and don't take **** so seriously, and hold off until you meet someone who isn't a dumb broad and that actually has the depth to develop a meanful relationship with a guy like you.

Your wait for the non-dumb-broad will probably be awhile - so you might as well have fun in the process. Just maintain your integrity so your not hurting anyone.

Good night, and good luck...

 Paul


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## Cruentus (Apr 6, 2006)

Oh yea...

3rd and final point of advice -

It would be bad for me to give you the above advice, and not follow up with this last point. If you DO meet someone that you like who has depth enough to be in a relationship, and who wants to be in a relationship with you, TREAT HER LIKE SHE IS THE MOST VALUED THING ON THE PLANET. Because essentially she should be, at least to you. Never take her for granted because women like that are few and far between. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you'll be glad for the time that you had and you'll be glad that you treated her well.

This last part is probably the most important. The other stuff just lessons the potential for hurt and wasted time, and makes the dating process fun; how you handle someone in a relationship, however, could determine your future, long term happiness.


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## Hand Sword (Apr 6, 2006)

How much do you charge for your seminars?


:asian:


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## evenflow1121 (Apr 6, 2006)

Tulisan said:
			
		

> Oh yea...
> 
> 3rd and final point of advice -
> 
> ...


 
Everything Paul wrote (all three posts) are great advice, in all seriousness, and me being a little older than you at 28, I can tell you that he is right in every sense.  Its going to take a long time for you to get to "the one".  So go with the flow, and just date for the sake of dating, dont get caught up with emotions or day dream about future plans too much.  Eventually you will find that great person, and when you do, follow his advice, treat her like the greatest thing on earth, cause for every great girl out there, I guarantee, there are 20 other guys willing to pick her up if you screw it up =)


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## adictd2tkdgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

I have to agree with the posters that mention you have to ask questions.  Girls love it when a guy is interested in what they have to say or when they want to learn more about them.  It is evident you are very confident and think you are great.  (A very attractive quality)  However the girl will want to determine this herself..she won't want to hear you tell her.  This gives us a feeling that you need to convince us, which makes us think the opposite.  Never volunteer information about yourself.  Wait until she asks...and she will.  Women love to talk, eventually she will ask you about everything you want to share with her.


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## adictd2tkdgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

bushidomartialarts said:
			
		

> rule # 1: _*shut up*_
> rule # 2: _*shut up*_
> rule # 3: _*shut the ***** up, you ********* *******_
> 
> ...


 

This is hilarious!  But oooooooohhhhh so TRUE!


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## Brian R. VanCise (Apr 6, 2006)

Listen up, these people have given you some good advice.
Really though, just be yourself and who you want to be!
If you are confident and yourself, the girls will flock to you!

Brian R. VanCise
www.instinctiveresponsetraining.com


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## stickarts (Apr 6, 2006)

When I was single my relationships seldom lasted more than 3 months so my best advise to you is don't listen to my advice!
I have been happily married for almost 9 years though so i guess its a matter of stumbling upon the right person! :0)


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## beau_safken (Apr 6, 2006)

Wooo...Thats a lot of great info.  I will sure be using a lot of those tips especially the STFU card.  Lots of questions and STFU....  Be the good listener and smile.  

Sounds good.

And yes, making sure I have two in the sack before jumping out there would be a good strategy also.


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## Flying Crane (Apr 6, 2006)

I'll add a couple thoughts...

Dont be in a hurry to find someone, because girls can sense this and it translates as "desperate", even if you are not really desperate.  Weirds them out.

The other thing that I think is really really important is to just keep doing the activities (i.e. Martial Arts) that you enjoy, and meet people that way.  It can be slow, but you have a shared interest and leads to greater respect and leeway for each other later in the relationship, when you want time to train.

A friend once told me that a friend of his told him (good start for a story, eh?) that he was going to go to a fine art museum to meet chicks.  

My friend asked him "oh, so you like fine art museums?"

They guy said "well no, it's just a good place to meet chicks."  

My friend told him, "well, if you meet someone there, just understand that you will spend the rest of you life going to fine art museums.  If you meet her there, that is what she likes to do, and she assumes you like to do it too.  Now you're stuck."

So don't go to meet-marts and meet someone under false pretenses.

I met my ex-girlfriend thru martial arts, and I met my wife thru martial arts.  The patience paid off.


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## beau_safken (Apr 6, 2006)

Damn good point bud.  

I think i'm just gonna do what I want to do for now and focus on some goals I have right now.  I'm starting to move into tax lien certificates and its taking a hell of a lot of my free time.  Don't think that will really be a target rich environment but hey.  Oh damn thats a good idea...I was gonna start some classes at the crucible I think so thats a great idea.  Find a woman that can use a welding torch, martial arts and can cook... Perfect


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## Flying Crane (Apr 6, 2006)

The Crucible - Very cool!  I've never been there, but I have definitely heard about it.  Someday I want to take some classes there and learn how to make a good sword blade.  I've been taking classes for a while at City College and I've been building hilts and scabbards, but no blades (we aren't set up to work with steel at City College, only bronze, copper, silver, gold, and the like).  At some point I'd like to be able to make the complete sword, start to finish, instead of buying blades.  

Sounds like fun.  What do you want to do there?


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## beau_safken (Apr 6, 2006)

I am going to some VIP event on friday night.  Like a open house but with girls with flaming nipples and stuff.  Should be sweet.  

I want to get into blacksmithing really bad.  I just love the idea of pounding the hell out of something and making it how I want.  My family has a lineage of metal workers from Welders, forge workers, royal armorsmiths and gun smiths.  So I guess you could say its in my blood.  I want to learn how to make damasceus blades.  After going to the asian art museum and seeing the wonderful examples of just beautiful kris knives, I just had to learn how to make those.  Just the feeling and power that went behind making those weapons is amazing.  I would love nothing more than to make a blade start to finish and a full sword would be the pinnacle of cool.


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## Flying Crane (Apr 6, 2006)

Most excellent.  Keep us posted.


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## beau_safken (Apr 6, 2006)

DAmn right I will, I'll see about some of those flaming chick pics too.


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## kid (Apr 6, 2006)

You mentioned that you had been on a few dates recently.  Getting them to come is a good start.  Making it comfortable is what you must do after that.  To do this mention a couple huge things in your life, or something that you had just done or seen.  From there she will take over.  Go with the flow of the conversation.  She should be talking 60%-75% of of the time, no more than that.  If your in the dating pool just to get some, remember that, when one womans been with you they somehow know and are more attracted to you.  With all of my training and know how I still can't keep them off of me, I am only one man ladies take a frickin #.  Damn Random acounters.  Ready to see #873.... 873?



Mark


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## beau_safken (Apr 6, 2006)

873?  Oro?

Well lets see, I know I have to shut up some.  Damn, stupid Leo in me just likes to talk a lot I guess.  

I'll figure something out.  Gonna try a different approach and see how it takes me.  

Damn good stuff on this forum I tell ya.


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## Cruentus (Apr 6, 2006)

Hand Sword said:
			
		

> How much do you charge for your seminars?
> 
> 
> :asian:


 
I should merge two different disciplines, and I'll call my new seminar creation "combat dating." I would make a killin'! :rofl: 



> Everything Paul wrote (all three posts) are great advice, in all seriousness, and me being a little older than you at 28, I can tell you that he is right in every sense. Its going to take a long time for you to get to "the one". So go with the flow, and just date for the sake of dating, dont get caught up with emotions or day dream about future plans too much. Eventually you will find that great person, and when you do, follow his advice, treat her like the greatest thing on earth, cause for every great girl out there, I guarantee, there are 20 other guys willing to pick her up if you screw it up =)


 
Wow, dudes...thanks for the compliments!


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## Hand Sword (Apr 7, 2006)

Would a major technique involoved be the caveman method of clubbing her on the head and dragging her off by her hair?


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## Flatlander (Apr 7, 2006)

kid said:
			
		

> You mentioned that you had been on a few dates recently.  Getting them to come is a good start.


Undoubtedly.


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## shesulsa (Apr 7, 2006)

> Originally Posted by *kid*
> _You mentioned that you had been on a few dates recently.  Getting them to come is a good start._
> 
> 
> ...


:rofl:


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## lenatoi (Apr 7, 2006)

Hey, No offense, but have you considered cleaning your mouth out? If you cuss up a storm on a first date, good luck getting another. A foul mouth deffinatly makes *me* feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, if the kind of girl you want is one that cusses freely, offend away. 
I've never been on a seconnd date with a muck mouth.(leaves a bad tast in mine.)


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## beau_safken (Apr 7, 2006)

lenatoi said:
			
		

> Hey, No offense, but have you considered cleaning your mouth out? If you cuss up a storm on a first date, good luck getting another. A foul mouth deffinatly makes *me* feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, if the kind of girl you want is one that cusses freely, offend away.
> I've never been on a seconnd date with a muck mouth.(leaves a bad tast in mine.)


 
Oro?  When did I say I cursed a lot?


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## lenatoi (Apr 7, 2006)

Sorry, just gathered that from your posts.


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## Ceicei (Apr 7, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Oro?  When did I say I cursed a lot?



Well, I thought about making a post of that yesterday too, because your posts did have quite a bit.  I had wondered if you talked the same way.  It is a big turn off for some females.... I didn't have time to make the post yesterday, but I see Lenatoi beat me to it.

- Ceicei


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## beau_safken (Apr 7, 2006)

Hmm guess its just relative.  Grow up in the hills and you don't really think about that kinda stuff.  Naaa I don't curse a lot on dates or whenever, but I might have a less than pleasent tongue when im irritated.  It's all good, not like I care.  Sides, woman that can't put up with a F bomb here and there really needs to liven up some.


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## Cruentus (Apr 7, 2006)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> Undoubtedly.


 
I was waiting for that one! lol


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## Cruentus (Apr 7, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Hmm guess its just relative. Grow up in the hills and you don't really think about that kinda stuff. Naaa I don't curse a lot on dates or whenever, but I might have a less than pleasent tongue when im irritated. It's all good, not like I care. Sides, woman that can't put up with a F bomb here and there really needs to liven up some.


 
I kinda disagree (possibly) with some of the other posters on the cursing thing.

Don't clean up your language just for the sake of dating someone. Let me explain.

You SHOULD clean up your language in as much as you feel you need to for bettering yourself. 

I'll use myself as an example, because I can have a potty mouth (which never impeded my dating, btw). 

You'll want to be sure you have control over your language because that is a benefit to you. In other words, I don't want to be teaching a seminar, at a business meeting, or in front of kids and accidently "slip up." That is unexceptable. I also have self-respect, so I don't want to come off as this blow hard cursing up a storm. I believe in chivalry always and politeness in certain environments, like at a nice resteraunt or at church for example. 

However, I am not morally averse to cursing. Other then for the sake of being socially polite, I don't believe that cursing is immoral. I am a linguistic descriptavest rather then a perscriptavest, meaning that I understand that language evolves and what is proper or improper or gramatically correct or not will enevitably change overtime. Therefore, what is offensive now may be replaced by something else in 100 years. So, in the moral sense, I see no reason not to use profanity.

So, I don't VALUE not-cursing, therefore if I was dating someone I wouldn't want to present that as a value. I wouldn't want to be percieved as a rude jerk, so I would behave in a courtly fashion, as I would recommend to anyone. But I wouldn't be trying to censor myself for the sake of impressing someone either.

Mainly, I guess what I am trying to say, is be yourself. If you curse sometimes (within reason; we're not talking yelling F-bombs in daycare centers), you don't want to present yourself as if you would never do such a thing because that would not only be misleading, but you probably don't want to be with someone who can't handle cursing.

People will often want to give you advice that involves you changing yourself for the sake of getting some girl to like you, and they don't even realize that is what they are doing. "Well, she doesn't like cursing so make sure you watch your language around her" or "she really likes coldplay so you should go out and buy a coldplay CD for the car ride" or "go read a book on antiquing because that is a hobby of hers." Movies present this kind of thing as "cute." It isn't...it's casterating, and it is a quick way to emasculate yourself, thus setting you up to be the "friend." Next thing you know, your listening to "coldplay" on the way to go out antiquing, and really watching those curse words while she tells you all about some other dude in her writing class that she really wants to date. You'll end that "date" lying awake in bed that night, slowly going insane while trying to interpret her "goodbye hug," and meanwhile she'll be in her bathtub with her vibrating shower messager dreaming about Ricardo from Composition 101 reading to her in his alurring accent. 

And that could be the best case scenario. It could be worse... you waste months of both yours and her time and energy because she thinks you are really clean cut and really like going to her church, for example, when you really aren't the neighborhood leave it to beaver, you think penacostal evengelical types are weird, and this all becomes evident 6 months later. Next thing you know, your the ******* who "changed," when really, your the ******* who mislead by trying to be something your not to begin with. It's all bad ****, my friend, and you don't want to find yourself in a mess like either case. I've been in similar situations myself, and I have seen worse happened all too often.

Bottom, line: you should always be changing...but only to better yourself as a person. Don't get caught into the trap of trying to change yourself for the sake of anyone else, or you'll just be unhappy.


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## MA-Caver (Apr 7, 2006)

Well on the cursing thing... I too can have a potty mouth (as you put it) and can send sailors back to their ships with their heads hung in shame of inadequacy once they hear me talking. But... another thing is that my father taught me to be a gentleman... especially around the ladies. 
Also like George Carlin says... "Language always gives you away, language helps people define your character"... now if you want to go around sounding like Tony Montana (Pacino's Scarface) then go ahead... but I doubt that girls will respect you or have a second date. 
Knowing when it's okay and when it's not is a key element to getting along with people. It's not being false-faces or hypocritical it's being respectful and intelligent. 
I know a lot of deeply religious people... they know I swear but they also know that I'm going to curb that language because they find it distasteful... that I respect their choices not to hear or use that language. Thus they respect me to keep an intelligent conversation going, instead of dumbing it down. 
Why do you think that this forum itself has profanity filters on it? That we can type the words **** and **** but it won't show up except as a line of **** ... it's respect. 
Want to to get a girl's respect try NOT cussing around them and showing the level of intelligence and education that usually is associated with people who do not use foul language to articulate themselves. 

Just my two bits and opinion.


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## Hand Sword (Apr 9, 2006)

Definitely good advice. Watch the language, at least until she starts cursing like a sailor first!


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## FearlessFreep (Apr 10, 2006)

Well, this thread seems to have gone a bit astray from the original question...

One quick point from the original.  If after a first date a woman says "you have so many goals...", etc..it sounds like you are talking too much about yourself.  It may be natural to be nervous on a first date and get a bit chatty and want to talk about what's important to you but when you are talking to someone, epecialy a lady for the first time, I think they want to know that you are interested in them and what they think and feel.  It's imporatnt to let them now a little about who you are, but more important to let them know you are interested in who they are...talk less...listen more

As to cursing.

I don't curse, somehwat for religious reasons but more practically because a) if I were to curse it would be because my attitude was in a place where I really don't want it to be, so when I find myself in a state of mind where I would want to, I realize I need to change my state of mind and b) usually cursing to me seems like a cop-out because you can't articulate anything meaningful so you try to use the forcefullness of the curse word as a cover for lack of being able to put together something meaningful to say (or the laziness of not trying).   In short, it's a substitute for thinking

Also, while I'm a martial artist and a musician and failry anti-corporate in mentality, as a software developer I find myself in many corporate environments and cursing in professional/corporate environments is considered unprofessional and in *most* areas of life, it will hold you back ecause of the way it represents youto others

It amuses me sometimes that young people considering being able to curse as a sign of getting older, or being accepted as an adult, whereas most adults consider cursing as a sign of youthful immaturity


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## beau_safken (Apr 10, 2006)

Ok I think I need to address this cursing thing.

I don't curse to look older.  I don't curse to cover up a lack of vocabulary or articulate myself in a less than intelligent way.  I curse because I have always cursed..thats pretty much about it.  I grew up in the hills with no woman..just guys.  Never cared about much other than riding dirtbikes, shooting, blowing stuff up and fishing.  That's just who I am.  I speak my mind at all times, much to the dismay of my folks at times.

Honestly, IF I have to adjust myself to meet a situation of my choosing like a date...whoever is there better be able to put up with it or not care.  I made adjustments in the past for woman and it lead me to having anxiety attacks and mental issues...and thats no joke.  Constraining myself to the point of literally wanting to lash out and injure was what it came down to.  I made a decision to not change no matter what.  I am who I am, if you don't like it get the hell off my train.  

As for the talking and revealing too much part, I conceed that onefor sure.  Learning to shut up is a skill I am still attempting to learn.


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## Kensai (Apr 18, 2006)

bushidomartialarts said:
			
		

> rule # 1: _*shut up*_
> rule # 2: _*shut up*_
> rule # 3: _*shut the ***** up, you ********* *******_
> 
> ...


 
Ain't that the truth.


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## Flatlander (Apr 18, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Learning to shut up is a skill I am still attempting to learn.


You and everyone else with an eye for enhancing their communication skills.  This is a lifelong endeavour that takes years, maybe decades to develop.


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## bushidomartialarts (Apr 18, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Honestly, IF I have to adjust myself to meet a situation of my choosing like a date...whoever is there better be able to put up with it or not care.



hear, hear.  too many people put on their company manners while on dates only for things to get rough when you start acting like who you really are.

back when i was dating, i had three rules for first dates.

rule one:  shut up
rule two:  tell at least one extremely tacky joke.  if she got offended, she wouldn't have liked me or my friends so better to find out now and not waste another three evenings and  couple hundred bucks.
rule three:  order chicken, break the bones and suck out the marrow.  i've always eaten like a damn barbarian.  see second half of rule two, above.

this meant i had a lot fewer second dates, and a lot fewer obnoxious two-month relationships with people i shouldn't have gotten with in the first place.


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## beau_safken (Apr 18, 2006)

bushidomartialarts said:
			
		

> hear, hear. too many people put on their company manners while on dates only for things to get rough when you start acting like who you really are.
> 
> back when i was dating, i had three rules for first dates.
> 
> ...


 
Damn good rules.  I like it.  A lot...Mine would be the bloody steak and sopping up the blood and juice with a nice piece of bread....  Ahh sooo good.


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## Blindside (Apr 18, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Damn good rules. I like it. A lot...Mine would be the bloody steak and sopping up the blood and juice with a nice piece of bread.... Ahh sooo good.


 
I could see where that could cause problems in San Fran!    I dated a vegan for a bit, cute little hippychick, but cooking and eating out were MAJOR issues.


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## beau_safken (Apr 18, 2006)

Vegen's are just a class all to themselves.  One of those tried to turn me Vegen and all I could say was "If I see tofu walking around and I can shoot it...Let me know."  Pretty much ran away after that explosion of complaining and swearing.  The lack of aminos and animal proteins make those people all nuerotic and crazy anyway.


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## doc5504 (Apr 18, 2006)

dont feel bad all of the girls ive dated in cali dont last because they say im not sure of my self well sorry im a devorced man been cheated one ect and im a marine so im tryin to be as sure as i can be with my self just sometimes it hard arount im kinda old school most chicks dont like that they want there eggs all in one basket and not get to know people first u know that not they way to play and that why we got all these things wrong with marrage and stuff now day


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## kid (Apr 19, 2006)

So how are the dates coming along?  You will eventually get a keeper.  Women put out a pharamone scent or sense that only they can pick up.  Get one to like you and they will be hovering around you like gnats.  You can do a lot with that.  I keep some women around just for that.  LoL, I am just playing.  seriously though it works.


Mark


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## beau_safken (Apr 19, 2006)

I'm giving it a break for a bit to focus my efforts on setting up an investment vehicle.  I need to address my own issues before I can take on the burden of others.  I'll say this that its tough..really tough but I have a quote for that one. "A minute's success pays the failure of years."


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## Kensai (Apr 19, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> I'm giving it a break for a bit to focus my efforts on setting up an investment vehicle.  I need to address my own issues before I can take on the burden of others.  I'll say this that its tough..really tough but I have a quote for that one. "A minute's success pays the failure of years."



Hey mate,

Think that's a good idea. You can get pretty trapped otherwise, I'm guessing from your photo that you're a young whippersnapper, enjoy being single, being with friends, having some time for you. When you truly feel ready/as though you actually want to share life with someone, then do it. Otherwise, do what you need to do, for you right now. 

Failing that, when you do meet someone, be nice(ish), make them laugh, flirt with them, be fun, become friends. Honestly, you haven't lived till you've shagged your female buddies. :ultracool


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## adictd2tkdgirl (Apr 19, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> I'm giving it a break for a bit to focus my efforts on setting up an investment vehicle. I need to address my own issues before I can take on the burden of others. I'll say this that its tough..really tough but I have a quote for that one. "A minute's success pays the failure of years."


 
'An investment vehicle'?  Do you mean a classic or something?


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## beau_safken (Apr 19, 2006)

adictd2tkdgirl said:
			
		

> 'An investment vehicle'? Do you mean a classic or something?


 
Im talking about getting a LLC rolling for minimizing my exposure in real estate note/tax lien investing I am starting to do.  It is taking a lot of time and I have to make sure to do a lot of checking to ensure I minimize my exposure.  Just don't have the time aside from that honestly.


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## adictd2tkdgirl (Apr 19, 2006)

beau_safken said:
			
		

> Im talking about getting a LLC rolling for minimizing my exposure in real estate note/tax lien investing I am starting to do. It is taking a lot of time and I have to make sure to do a lot of checking to ensure I minimize my exposure. Just don't have the time aside from that honestly.


 
OOOOOOhhh..i get it.  An investment vehicle..got it.


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## Hand Sword (Apr 20, 2006)

One of the people where I worked had a nice 2 person Porche as one. He did admit off the record that it was for the ladies though. Worked very well from what I remember.


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