# Jesus was a vampire?



## Phil Elmore (Feb 27, 2005)

Tonight I received one of the most interesting pieces of feedback I've ever received on an article.  It was feedback on the *October 2003 spoof piece* we ran on fighting vampires, of all things:



> Hello,
> 
> I would like to comment on one of your articles, http://www.themartialist.com/1003/vampire.htm.
> 
> ...









I wrote back the following response:



> Dear Unsilent Grave,
> 
> There are no such things as vampires.  The article that appears at The Martialist is a spoof article intended to provide entertainment during the Halloween season.  Specifically, the article was published in our October 2003 issue.  The Martialist is a publication devoted to self-defense in the real world -- a venue in which there are no vampires, immortal or otherwise.
> 
> ...


----------



## Cryozombie (Feb 27, 2005)

Once I had an Employee.

 On the first day of work, he was six hours late.

 When I enquired WHY he was six hours late he told me:

 "I am a vampire.  I could not come out while the sun was up."

 That was his last day of work.


----------



## Cruentus (Feb 27, 2005)

Phil...that is ****ing hilarious!


----------



## dubljay (Feb 27, 2005)

Oh man!!!! Sides hurt from laughing.


----------



## bignick (Feb 28, 2005)

yeah...we're all laughing now....

 but will you be laughing when he comes creeping out of the shadows.....


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

The sound of rolling ten-sided dice will give him away.


----------



## Seigi (Feb 28, 2005)

"10 sided Dice" Brilliant!

Thats Hillarious, Good reply sir.

Peace :whip:


----------



## qizmoduis (Feb 28, 2005)

Sharp Phil said:
			
		

> The sound of rolling ten-sided dice will give him away.




Get with the times.  Modern vampires use stealthed d20s.

artyon:


----------



## theletch1 (Feb 28, 2005)

Sadly, the guy that responded to the article is not alone.  We have a rather large population of "vampires" here in Roanoke, Va.  Generally teens who've gone beyond "goth" and spend their nights running around town making fools of themselves in the downtown market area.  There is a large population of the folk across the country that get together and have "parties" for the purpose of drinking each others blood.  One of the documetary type channels did a show on them not long ago.  I've always wondered what made these folks tick.  I'll stick to the "folklore" version myself.  Way cooler to turn into a bat, seduce women, and live forever.  I guess the guy also thinks there's no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny or werewolves either ('course in the middle ages people who were werewolves really were a lot hairier than everyone else and wore dog collars to fit the part).  Thanks Phil, I need a good chuckle this morning.


----------



## Flatlander (Feb 28, 2005)

That is some crazy ****.  See, this is why I don't like big cities.  I'm a small town guy, and intend to stay that way.


----------



## Brother John (Feb 28, 2005)

What a freaking IDIOT......

 :bow: 
There are however SKELATONS amonst us!!!
Here's a picture of the "Steriotypical" skelaton. THis is a myth, but based on fact. There are in fact REAL, TRUE skelatons walking amonst us!!!! They hide below layers of flesh, muscle, sinue and hair...
I am one of them!!!
We've walked amonst you for AGES!!!
We aren't immortal, but we do require small, but regularly ingested, portions of calcium, magnesium, phosphorous in order to be strong and healthy. Resistance training is good too. 

Beware




Your Brother
John


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

I got another e-mail today:



> There are no such thing as the Folklore Vampires.
> But where your confusion exists is as to what a "Real Vampire" is. We
> do exist, although we are far from any of what your ideas are as far as
> the folklore vampire goes. Many of us are also not fetishists of any
> ...



I wrote back this:



> Dear Unsilent Grave,
> 
> I am not confused.  As an adult firmly grounded in reality, I understand that A) there is no such thing as a folklore vampire; and B) there is no such thing as a "real vampire."  Drinking the blood of other human beings does not grant you their "life force;" it grants you a certain amount of nutrients found in blood and it grants you exposure to any and all bloodborne pathogens that person may possess.  It is a remarkably stupid thing to do regardless of whatever demeanor or outlook you believe it may help you affect.
> 
> ...


----------



## Cryozombie (Feb 28, 2005)

Thats just mean Phil.

 Funny as hell, but mean.


----------



## Flatlander (Feb 28, 2005)

Phil said:
			
		

> The "Vampire Lifestylers" to which you refer are indeed sad, deluded freaks. You are one of them.


 :rofl:

Looking forward to the response, Phil. This is, by far, the most entertaining discourse that I have enjoyed this year.


----------



## kid (Feb 28, 2005)

deep down this kid has to know that he is tricking himself.  There has to be doubts in his whacked mind.  I honestly don't think this is funny.  With his delusions of himself he is putting many people at risk.  Its really sad.  I hope he eventually finds himself.


kid


----------



## psi_radar (Feb 28, 2005)

Phil,

You're doing the kid a big favor. Plus it's funny as hell. Can't wait to hear the next installment.


----------



## Jaymeister (Feb 28, 2005)

deluded freak said:
			
		

> Other fluids in the body also contain this life force we thirst for


Now THAT is disturbing!


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

I received yet another mail today:



> In many ways you still do have a confusion because you seem to be stuck on the idea of Vampire Folklore and Blood-drinkers only. From what I can tell, it doesn't seem you believe in fate, or anything outside of vital existence.
> You probably also believe in the system of control, in terms of your own life and the world around you.
> 
> But there is certainly a strong source of "life force" in the blood, along with its other nutrients. But there are some actual vampires who need blood, or they will genuinely feel weak.
> ...



Shaking my head in disgust, I wrote this:



> Look, whatever your real name is, I am not the one who is confused.  Only on whatever alien world you inhabit is the person who doesn't believe in vampires considered the one who is "confused."  I'm telling you that no matter what definition you use, no matter what set of parameters in which you operate as a "vampire," no matter what exceptions you allow or what habits you do or do not claim to have compared to the legions of cosplayers, LARPers, black-clad Goths wearing Clown White, and morose Bauhaus fans moping through life with their hair dyed artificially black, YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE.  You are a confused, mentally unsound individual who has adopted a fantasy that allows him to think of himself as somehow different, somehow special, somehow a romantically tragic or exotic or mysterious figure.  The desire to be any of these things is perfectly understandable -- but unless and until you recognize that this is a FANTASY of your own making, you will represent a danger to yourself and others.
> 
> Please do not waste our time by making vague allusions to the System, exterior locii of control, The Man, The Matrix, Fnords, Illuminati, Daleks, Hellmouths, Ley Lines, Objects of Power, anything ever quoted by or from Anne Rice, or the collected works of Carlos Casteneda.  You will not be telling me anything I have not heard and you will not be impressing me with how worldly, how sensitive, how different, how tragic, how enlightened, or how Cosmically Awake you may be.
> 
> ...


----------



## OUMoose (Feb 28, 2005)

And why did you feel the need to post this here?  More to the point, why did everyone else feel the need to ridicule?  

So this person thinks they're a vampire.  So?  If nothing else, you give them a pat on the head and send them on their way.  If they persist, ignore them.  Most of the people on this board preach tolerance and a sort of empathy toward their fellow man, and all this thread does is shatter that fraglie illusion.  I don't care if he paints himself blue from head to toe and thinks he's a smurf, that's no reason for this behavior.  

Curse you and everyone who posted on this thread for making me sound like a dang moderator.


----------



## Cryozombie (Feb 28, 2005)

> and morose Bauhaus fans moping through life with their hair dyed artificially black


Hey... I resemble that remark!


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

> And why did you feel the need to post this here?



Because it's funny.



> More to the point, why did everyone else feel the need to ridicule?



Because they have senses of humor.



> So this person thinks they're a vampire. So?



So he's engaging in a physically dangerous self-delusion and he needs someone to tell him the truth.  Normally I don't go out of my way to enlighten the neighborhood vampires, werewolves, jawa, or Jehovah's Witnesses, but he wrote to me, so I responded.



> If nothing else, you give them a pat on the head and send them on their way.



If you saw someone about to commit suicide, would you ask him what brand of ammo he was using and then send him merrily on his way?  If you saw someone standing on a table in a restaurant telling the diners he was Jesus or Napoleon, would you smile and go about your business or would you summon the appropriate mental health authorities?  If a high school kid came to you and said, "I have a problem.  I think I might be a zombie," would you treat the conversation in the same way as if he told you, "I have a problem.  I think I might be gay" ...?

Patting on the head those among us who labor under mentally deranged fantasies does them no favors and makes us complicit in their self-destructive behavior.  Unless you missed it, this isn't a case of him "not hurting anybody."  Going about drinking others' blood is an extremely dangerous lifestyle and I'm not about to simply pat him on the head and tell him he's a beautiful and unique snowflake.  I have more regard for my fellow human beings than that.



> If they persist, ignore them. Most of the people on this board preach tolerance and a sort of empathy toward their fellow man, and all this thread does is shatter that fraglie illusion.



Speak for yourself.  I'm not party to any pretensions of tolerance for the self-deluded.  I am decidedly intolerant when it comes to stupidity, particularly willing stupidity.



> I don't care if he paints himself blue from head to toe and thinks he's a smurf, that's no reason for this behavior.



If he thought he was a smurf I'd have had a whole different batch of retorts prepared.  It would be just as disturbing a mental illness.



> Curse you and everyone who posted on this thread for making me sound like a dang moderator.



You don't sound like a moderator.  You sound like a busybody with a misplaced sense of compassion and no sense of humor.

Sorry, that was intolerant of me.


----------



## psi_radar (Feb 28, 2005)

Technopunk said:
			
		

> Hey... I resemble that remark!



You do!!! :lol:


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

Technopunk has never seemed to me incapable of distinguishing reality from fantasy, however.  Despite some of the more disturbing avatars he's used in the past.


----------



## Flatlander (Feb 28, 2005)

OUMoose said:
			
		

> So this person thinks they're a vampire. So? If nothing else, you give them a pat on the head and send them on their way. If they persist, ignore them. Most of the people on this board preach tolerance and a sort of empathy toward their fellow man, and all this thread does is shatter that fraglie illusion. I don't care if he paints himself blue from head to toe and thinks he's a smurf, that's no reason for this behavior.


I have begun a thread in the Study here to discuss this, I hope that anyone interested pops in to contribute.


----------



## Cryozombie (Feb 28, 2005)

Sharp Phil said:
			
		

> Technopunk has never seemed to me incapable of distinguishing reality from fantasy, however. Despite some of the more disturbing avatars he's used in the past.


What Can I say, I AM fairly Evil.


----------



## rmcrobertson (Feb 28, 2005)

I believe that it is on the, "Sanguanarius," site that one is advised in ways of, "coming out," as a vampire--my personal favorite was the advice on how to convince your high school teachers that wearing sunglasses in class was OK.

People who believe this stuff are, of course, useful as what Jean Baudrillard called, "deterrence machines--" reassurances that all the weird things we normal people do are, well, perfectly normal.

That said, I don't see why it's particularly helpful to say, "Oh my, well how very interesting. Certainly, vampirism is a valid lifestyle choice....," especially since it is a valid lifestyle choice among consenting adults, provided that they don't actually believe that they are Creatures of the Night.


----------



## Phil Elmore (Feb 28, 2005)

I received this e-mail in reply:



> The fact that you express such frustration and defense towards this
> argument, suggests your own mentality of believing you know the truth, and
> will refuse to listen to any other source, except yourself. By your
> wording, you clearly illustrate that you do not believe in anything beyond
> ...



I wrote back this:



> I am not expressing frustration at anything, save perhaps your dogged insistence on pretending to be something you are not.  Any mild sense of frustration I then feel in that regard is purely the result of not wishing mental illness on any of my fellow human beings.
> 
> You're right -- I do know the truth.  I know there are no real vampires and I know that the only people claiming to be vampires are poseurs, roleplayers, and the mentally unsound.  What "sources" do you offer to the contrary except your own anonymous insistence from the bowels of AOL -- surely the ISP chosen by more of the undead in Internet surveys, I would imagine.
> 
> ...


----------



## Cryozombie (Feb 28, 2005)

Sharp Phil said:
			
		

> You are not a vampire.


But... Count Chocula is... watch yourself Phil, Him and Frankenberry may come after you.


----------



## Tgace (Feb 28, 2005)

Does the kid think he has any "supernatural" powers?


----------



## KenpoTess (Feb 28, 2005)

* Mod Note


This is more appropriate in the Study


~Tess
-MT S. Mod
*


----------



## hardheadjarhead (Feb 28, 2005)

*For example, drinking the fluid of another person may directly connect a vampire to their donor's emotions and soul, along with giving a strong feeling of physical, mental, and spiritual euphoria.*


A personal ad I plan on taking out after reading all this....

_Disease free, non-smoking MWM seeks FVamp for night of fluid sharing.  Not seeking long term commitment, just want to share my emotions, soul, and fluid with you.  Into physical, mental, spiritual euphoria, hot-tubs, full moon-light walks on the beach, C&W music and NASCAR.  Let's be children of the night together!_


If you guys tell my wife I'm placing this ad, she'll likely put a stake through my heart, cut off my head, and stuff my mouth with garlic.  Then the guilt trips will start....


Regards,


Steve


----------



## kid (Feb 28, 2005)

Can you say Don Quixotic?  And whats really messed up is that people let these people beleive it.  Kind of like Don Quixotic's butler.  In my opinion i don't know who is crazier.  the dilusioned one or the one that lets the person beleive its the truth.  I quoted that from somewhere but can't remember where i heard it.  I just know that they have problems, serious problems and need to get fixed.


----------



## Flatlander (Feb 28, 2005)

Has anybody checked out this links he sent Phil? I'm afraid to do it.  I fear some evil will infest my computer. :erg:


----------



## RandomPhantom700 (Feb 28, 2005)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> That is some crazy ****. See, this is why I don't like big cities. I'm a small town guy, and intend to stay that way.


I met a group of alleged vampires back in high school. Not a big city either; my high school was very much in a small town. That's part of the reason, I think, that they began these dellusions in the first place, pure friggin boredom. Pool halls, a half-a-mall, drugs and a gamer shop are about the only things available for anyone under the age of 20 to do. Besides each-other. 

The point where it became established that it was nothing more than a group-wide fantasy was when the leader of the group (the Prince, apparently) began describing what they can and cant do, what powers they do and dont have, and who and what their friends and enemies were and were not. A friend of mine whom I described them to said it sounded like a rehashed version of The Kindred, any gamers on here know what that is? There was also the fact that every time I asked about some manner that they could prove it to me (show me fangs, super powers, etc.), there was a new code or doctrine that such displays would violate. Hmmm, of course.....

As far as I know, there wasn't any actual blood-drinking involved, although there was plenty of beer drinking. Apparently alcohol was able to substitute human blood in quenching "the thirst", if drank in sufficient quantities.  Anyway, that's about all the insight I can provide.


----------



## Adept (Feb 28, 2005)

RandomPhantom700 said:
			
		

> Apparently alcohol was able to substitute human blood in quenching "the thirst", if drank in sufficient quantities.


 Well heck, I guess that makes me a vampire!


----------



## shesulsa (Mar 1, 2005)

*Moderator Note:

 Just a friendly reminder to keep the discussion polite and respectful.

 ~**Shesulsa
 ~MT Moderator*


----------



## JPR (Mar 1, 2005)

hardheadjarhead said:
			
		

> *For example, drinking the fluid of another person may directly connect a vampire to their donor's emotions and soul, along with giving a strong feeling of physical, mental, and spiritual euphoria.*
> 
> 
> A personal ad I plan on taking out after reading all this....
> ...


   You are so lucky that I am not given to blackmail / extortion cause I could hold this one over you for a lot!

  JPR


----------



## ginshun (Mar 1, 2005)

After reading this, I am not sure if I should laugh or cry.


----------



## kid (Mar 1, 2005)

Adept said:
			
		

> Well heck, I guess that makes me a vampire!


I must be the equivelant of Dracula then.


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 1, 2005)

Oh my gosh! This is freaking hilarious!!!!!! I was in a bad mood all day until I read this. If I run through the night in a leopard print thong, does that make me mysterious and exotic?


----------



## Phil Elmore (Mar 1, 2005)

That's what I do.


----------



## Rich Parsons (Mar 1, 2005)

A few things to comment on:

These Vampires ruined good percentile dice rolling 

I hate the generic d20 everything 

I have had some occult encounters.

One guys was following around an employee of mind and I told her he just thinks your cute. She replied that, he is casting spells. So I watched and caught him making hand jestures at her. I asked what he was doing? He said casting a spell. I replied he has attacked me as she is my employee and under my protection. I challenge you to a contest during the wizards moon three days after the new moon. for the absence of the moon itself is power. Well this guy ust looked at me and ran away. Problem solved.  

Another one, I went to a local bar and the second floor was being rented out for a private party, well as I bounced and knew the owners I wondered up just to check things out. It was a "Vampire" (* registered Trade Mark  *) party. Someone asked me what I was doing there? I replied just watching at the moment. He then smiled and said he would bite me and suck my blood. I then told him, to stop talking to me my chest and held my hand above my head and said look me in the eyes. He was not sure what was up. I replied, you never seen a 7 foot tall blue troll before? I hunt vampires. I told you I was just watching, to see who is my next target. He walked quickly away and then I was approached by a small group of people who asked me to leave as this was a _private party_. I smiled and walked back down stairs, shaking my head.

Reality My Drug of Choice


----------



## Eldritch Knight (Mar 1, 2005)

You've gotta give him some credit, though. Phil's been blasting him, but the guy's still staying pretty calm and reasonable.


----------



## kid (Mar 1, 2005)

yeah i suppose he is being pretty calm.  I wondr if he is just trying to provoke phil?


----------



## Cruentus (Mar 2, 2005)

Sharp Phil said:
			
		

> That's what I do.



If you make that your next avatar, I'll buy a tac light or something from your store...

:rofl:


----------



## Phil Elmore (Mar 2, 2005)

I can be bought, Paul, but nobody needs to see that. 

I don't see what's "reasonable" about clinging to your delusion that you're a vampire.  I give him credit for not getting upset, though.


----------



## Phil Elmore (Mar 2, 2005)

I got this e-mail today...



> I never pretend to be anything I'm not, that would outrightly be silly.
> 
> If you believe that the only people that claim to be vampires are
> RPers, mentally unsound, and poseurs, than you ultimately are keeping your
> ...



...and promptly wrote back this:



> Pretending to be a vampire is pretending to be something you're not, and it's outright silly.  Nothing you've told me is reality -- it's the fantasy of a mentally adolescent idiot who would rather spend his life playing a game of "let's pretend" than deal with life's everyday concerns.  You do live in a fantasy world -- one out of which nothing I can say will shake you.  This is fairly common among people who delude themselves;  I've talked with others like you before.
> 
> Here's a bulletin for you:  you haven't had problems at work, problems in your relationships, and problems in your day to day life because of some terrible intolerance or some pervasive injustice on the part of others.  You're having problems because you live the life of a deluded freak -- and most rational people are notoriously intolerant when it comes to dealing with those who deliberately evade reality and pretend to be that which they are not.  You're going to keep on having problems until you give up this ridiculous notion of vampirism.  Even if you don't "tell people your secret," I've not doubt that you *do* give off a "vibe" -- the vibe of somebody who's a few clowns short of a circus.  People have a pretty good sense when it comes to who among them is a freaking nutjob -- and from what you've written to me, I'd say you qualify.
> 
> ...


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

"A few clowns short of a circus".....I love that.


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

"a few heat-resistant tiles short of a safe reentry"  was my personal favorite. So, in this guy's mind, what makes a "vampire?" As far as I can tell, he needs to consume "fluids?" to gain "life force?" What does this "life force" offer that a good cardio or resistance program doesn't? If he can't transmogrify himself into a gas or bat, throw people through walls or fly, man, then his definition of vampire sounds quite similar to my definition of "crack whore." And he wonders why relationships fall apart around him. I'll bet he gives off a vibe like a sonar ping through a jello ocean. Probably the type that wears ski gloves in July and steals nips from a battered thermos he keeps stashed under an overcoat when he's sure people are looking. Hope he gets some help.


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

Phil,

This should be it's own website. I found myself rushing to find this thread today when I first logged into MT to see if there were any updates. I love it. This is the funniest thing I've heard in awhile.

Tgace,
Have you ever ran into this sort of thing on the job? I sure have. I actually have a pretty good story if anyone wants to hear it.


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

psi_radar said:
			
		

> then his definition of vampire sounds quite similar to my definition of "crack whore."


Oh man, my side hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

shane23ss said:
			
		

> Tgace,
> Have you ever ran into this sort of thing on the job? I sure have. I actually have a pretty good story if anyone wants to hear it.


Actually no. Most of these "Goth" types I have met are really fairly "normal" once you get past the get-up. I have dealt with some of the diagnosed "mental" types, the ones on heavy meds that sit in rooms with the music turned up to drown out the voices, and the ones who think secret agents from the government injected them with "mind control" drugs....this guy seems like one of those "fringe" types who, unless he does something to draw police attention, just cruises below the radar.


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

Tgace said:
			
		

> Actually no. Most of these "Goth" types I have met are really fairly "normal" once you get past the get-up. I have dealt with some of the diagnosed "mental" types, the ones on heavy meds that sit in rooms with the music turned up to drown out the voices, and the ones who think secret agents from the government injected them with "mind control" drugs....this guy seems like one of those "fringe" types who, unless he does something to draw police attention, just cruises below the radar.


Oh man, lets not get started on "the government is watching me" thing. I could tell you some real crazy stories about that. I worked on an Anti-Terrorism/Extremest Group task force for a little over three years, and pretty much saw and heard it all during that time. Watch out for those black helicopters man!


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

shane23ss said:
			
		

> Oh man, lets not get started on "the government is watching me" thing. I could tell you some real crazy stories about that. I worked on an Anti-Terrorism/Extremest Group task force for a little over three years, and pretty much saw and heard it all during that time. Watch out for those black helicopters man!



So let me get this straight, you worked for a government task force that investigated groups that were paranoid that government agencies were watching them. So, did you have any black helicopters at your disposal?:lol: 


If I won the lottery, maybe I'd buy a fleet of those suckers and patrol at random. Just for fun.


----------



## FearlessFreep (Mar 2, 2005)

_the dilusioned one or the one that lets the person beleive its the truth. I quoted that from somewhere but can't remember where i heard it._

Ben Kenobi: Leave that to me
Han Solo: Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that
Kenobi: Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?

----

Anyway. what strikes me a bit interesting in this is that in "Dracula", Renfield believed that by eating another, you got that other's 'life force' so he would capture flies to feed to spiders and then feed the spiders to...something else...rats or birds...to get a cumulative effect when he would then eat the larger animal.  The discussion of drinking fluids from other living things sorta reminded me of that


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

psi_radar said:
			
		

> So let me get this straight, you worked for a government task force that investigated groups that were paranoid that government agencies were watching them. So, did you have any black helicopters at your disposal?:lol:
> 
> 
> If I won the lottery, maybe I'd buy a fleet of those suckers and patrol at random. Just for fun.







http://images.google.com/imgres?img...&hl=en&lr=&rls=GGLD,GGLD:2004-50,GGLD:en&sa=N
Actually logged quite a few hours in the belly of one of these....


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

psi_radar said:
			
		

> So let me get this straight, you worked for a government task force that investigated groups that were paranoid that government agencies were watching them. So, did you have any black helicopters at your disposal?:lol:
> 
> 
> If I won the lottery, maybe I'd buy a fleet of those suckers and patrol at random. Just for fun.


You are correct sir. Kind of ironic isn't it? Actually we did have helicopters at our disposal. They were dark green, not black. Hard to tell the difference in the dark. Just so everyone will know, the space shuttle does not go into outer space and collect intel on you or your family. It does not then land at Ft. Campbell, KY and download that info to the black helicopters. Or does it??????????????


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

Pretty! Blackhawk, right? For drug interdiction?


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

shane23ss said:
			
		

> You are correct sir. Kind of ironic isn't it? Actually we did have helicopters at our disposal. They were dark green, not black. Hard to tell the difference in the dark. Just so everyone will know, the space shuttle does not go into outer space and collect intel on you or your family. It does not then land at Ft. Campbell, KY and download that info to the black helicopters. Or does it??????????????



Stop it, you're bugging me out, man!


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

psi_radar said:
			
		

> Pretty! Blackhawk, right? For drug interdiction?


You are correct. That is a UH-60. Or more commonly referred to as a Blackhawk.


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

psi_radar said:
			
		

> Pretty! Blackhawk, right? For drug interdiction?


One of the best birds out there. Granted the Euros make better, but they need fewer....


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

Tgace said:
			
		

> One of the best birds out there.


Agreed. Have you seen the Commanche? Sweet. I know we are off the subject now so................vampire. Does that get us back? Just kidding.


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

From http://sphynxcatvp.nocturna.org/articles/icey-whatisvamp.html



> A vampire from my point of view has the following symptoms....
> 
> SUN AVERSION / NOCTURNAL NATURE
> 
> ...



Dude!! Im a Vampire!

(working the "graveyard" shift)


----------



## kid (Mar 2, 2005)

[font=times new roman,helvetica]*Three vampires go to a bar*

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"[/font]


----------



## Baytor (Mar 2, 2005)

shane23ss said:
			
		

> Agreed. Have you seen the Commanche? Sweet. I know we are off the subject now so................vampire. Does that get us back? Just kidding.


I heard they decommisioned them... anyone know if this is true? A real shame if they did.


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 2, 2005)

Baytor said:
			
		

> I heard they decommisioned them... anyone know if this is true? A real shame if they did.


I don't think that is true. I was personal security for some top brass at the Army Aviators Association Convention last July, and the Commanche was there. They were talking it up real good, so at that point they were still planning on production.


----------



## Flatlander (Mar 2, 2005)

Returning to topic, then......


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

http://www.vampirelesbiankickboxers.com/


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

Tgace said:
			
		

> http://www.vampirelesbiankickboxers.com/



I should have known, but don't watch that at work...


----------



## Tgace (Mar 2, 2005)

Ooops...didnt really look any deeper than the start page.


----------



## psi_radar (Mar 2, 2005)

From the trailer there's a lot more lesbian and vampire than kickboxing (at least until I had to shut it off). I'll have to put it in my Netflix Queue :lol:


----------



## FearlessFreep (Mar 2, 2005)

_I'll have to put it in my Netflix Queue_

Already checked...they don't have it...


----------



## Baytor (Mar 2, 2005)

Tgace, I'm not sure I can top yours, but I'm going to try.








For a full review, check out the Something Awful movie reviews
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2336


----------



## ginshun (Mar 2, 2005)

LOL!

 As if this thread wasn't silly enough the way it was!


----------



## FearlessFreep (Mar 2, 2005)

_
As if this thread wasn't silly enough the way it was!_

Hey, I resisted re-posting a link to "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter"


----------



## Phil Elmore (Mar 2, 2005)

I got this e-mail...



> You call it "pretending" to be a vampire. As in if I chose or wanted to
> be one. But, this is why you don't understand the frustrations we have
> from daily life when we cannot obtain necessary energy.
> 
> ...



...so I wrote this:



> Yes, I call it pretending to be a vampire -- because that's precisely what you're doing.  You're living a fantasy.  You're no more a vampire than Wesley Snipes -- the only difference is, he's cool, he has friends, he got paid to pretend to be a vampire, and he went home at the end of the day knowing he *wasn't* one.  I'm sure it helps you compensate for whatever shortcomings you have in life by blaming everything you cannot control on this vampirism you didn't choose -- but that's simply a victimhood mentality that you've tacked on to the bizzare accumulation of your pretensions, like some hideous party hat atop layers of Elvis costumes.
> 
> No matter how many times you wrap yourself in white velvet and sequins, no matter how long your sideburns get, you can't be Elvis -- and you probably realize that.  The only problem is that no matter how much you pretend, no matter how much you insist, and no matter how much you type from behind your monitor, you can't be a vampire anymore than you can be the King of Rock and Roll.  You can't be thin Elvis, you can't be fat Elvis, you can't be super-great leather-clad '68 comeback special Elvis, and you can't be a vampire.
> 
> ...


----------



## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 2, 2005)

Repea after me:

"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".
"I am a Chia Pet".


Hey...what's this green alphalpha schmutz growing from my rabbit-shaped head?  Are you sure there are no Vampires or Chia people, Phil? The kid may be on to something.

D.


----------



## Eldritch Knight (Mar 2, 2005)

Wow. That whole speech was brilliant, Phil. The Wesley Snipes comment was my favorite. Took me several minutes to stop laughing.


----------



## Zepp (Mar 3, 2005)

This whole thread is great Phil.  I'd give you a green rep. if it were possible.


----------



## ginshun (Mar 4, 2005)

This thread just keeps getting better.  Phil you need to ask this guy to specify exactly what the requirements for being a vampire are.  It seems the only thing neccesary, according to this guy, to be a vampire is that you get tired if you don't somehow get "life force" from some bodily fluid or something.  Didn't he say that he doesn't drink blood?

 What the hell is the point of being a vampire if you don't drink blood and don't have any powers?  I mean, what are the actual, physiological differences?  It doesn't seem like there is any, just meaningless psychological drivel.


----------



## Deuce (Mar 4, 2005)

I see where this guy is coming from. Don't tell anybody, but I'm a werewolf. I'm hairy as hell and have to shave every day to conceal my identity. I'm not like the traditional folklore werewolves though. The whole thing about only turning during a full moon is BS. And werewolfs don't howl at the moon! I howl at random strangers who pass by me in the street. I just can't fight the raw instinct that burns deep within my hairy chest. And I don't bite people....hard. I first knew that I was a wolf-man when I had my first rare steak. Oh, it was so juicy and good! I figured the only way I could like nearly-raw meat was to be a werewolf. My teeth aren't sharp and pointy though. I think that's because I used to chew rocks when I was a child, and must have worm them down. I do however, have the uncanny urge to stiff people's butts. So, clearly I'm a werewolf and not crazy. Right? You guys have to believe me. Me and my dogs deserve respect!


----------



## Flatlander (Mar 4, 2005)

Deuce said:
			
		

> I do however, have the uncanny urge to stiff people's butts.


Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:


----------



## shane23ss (Mar 4, 2005)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:


Yeah, "stiff" and "sniff" have two completely different meanings here. I believe I would have made sure not to make that mistake. LOL!


----------



## Deuce (Mar 4, 2005)

Well, what can I say. I'm idiot. I couldn't have picked a more inappropriate time for a typo. I never even noticed the error until FL pointed it out, then I laughed like the true idiot I am. Just for the record, I wasn't serious about "sniffing" or "stiffing" other people's butts.


----------



## Cruentus (Mar 4, 2005)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:



NICE! :lol:


----------



## Kreth (Mar 5, 2005)

ginshun said:
			
		

> It seems the only thing neccesary, according to this guy, to be a vampire is that you get tired if you don't somehow get "life force" from some bodily fluid or something.  Didn't he say that he doesn't drink blood?
> 
> What the hell is the point of being a vampire if you don't drink blood and don't have any powers?


More to the point, what bodily fluid is he "drawing life force" from if he doesn't drink blood? 

Jeff


----------



## rmcrobertson (Mar 5, 2005)

You think that's Freudian? How about trains, tunnels and bodily fluids?

Not since the end of Hitchcock's (heh-heh...he said...melanie griffith) "North by Northwest..."

Jesus, as St. Kristofferson points out, was a Capricorn. I just hope he ate better than Karen Carpenter.


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 6, 2005)

I'm a "Authentic Shaolin Monk" that wants to become a "Authentic Shaolin Monk Vampire". It is almost a dilema like a Jew that wants a free ham sandwich.


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 6, 2005)

gee-no offense, I am part jew.......


----------



## shesulsa (Mar 6, 2005)

You're slowing down, MartialMan, what's up?  You've been green for a few hours now.  I thought for sure you'd be black by nightfall.


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 6, 2005)

shesulsa said:
			
		

> You're slowing down, MartialMan, what's up? You've been green for a few hours now. I thought for sure you'd be black by nightfall.


lol.... I have to eat, use the restroom, etc., Came in from cutting the lawn......


----------



## Kreth (Mar 6, 2005)

47MartialMan said:
			
		

> lol.... I have to eat, use the restroom, etc., Came in from cutting the lawn......


Slacker. IV, catheter, colostomy bag, and you're all set for uninterrupted browsing. And why cut the grass, it will only grow again... 

Jeff


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 6, 2005)

Yeah, my posting this past weekend was higher than the norm. It was like (analogy) a machine gun. I loaded a magazine, checked the weapon. And commenced firing. Not stopping for distractions such as someone tapping on the shoulder. After the magazine was emptied, the smoke had cleared, was the time to observe.

Or maybe and need more experince on forum posting.

Or maybe I have a perosnal problem as to how to read/write/post.

Or maybe I needed a way to vent from a serious tradegy and this was one way to do so?

Yeah, why cut the grass cause it will grow back is the same as why post when some may think that it may not be a contribution?

Or why put petro in the auto when in will be in need again?

I was a vamp.


----------



## Kreth (Mar 6, 2005)

47MartialMan said:
			
		

> Yeah, my posting this past weekend was higher than the norm. It was like (analogy) a machine gun. I loaded a magazine, checked the weapon. And commenced firing. Not stopping for distractions such as someone tapping on the shoulder. After the magazine was emptied, the smoke had cleared, was the time to observe.


Good analogy.


> Or maybe and need more experince on forum posting.


Sounds like you're getting some...


> Or maybe I needed a way to vent from a serious tradegy and this was one way to do so?


If so, I apologize. I was just having some fun with you...


> I was a vamp.


I was a newt once, but then I got better... 

Jeff


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 6, 2005)

Kreth said:
			
		

> Good analogy.
> 
> Sounds like you're getting some...
> 
> ...


No apology needed. I knew you were funnin. I mean a vamp and not vampire 
(Hmmn...must make a note to look up on the eytomology of the word Vamp vs Vampire)

If I am a post whore-I wanna get paid


----------



## 47MartialMan (Mar 7, 2005)

47MartialMan said:
			
		

> I'm a "Authentic Shaolin Monk" that wants to become a "Authentic Shaolin Monk Vampire". It is almost a dilema like a Jew that wants a free ham sandwich.


To those whom may have been offended-

I humbly apologize.


----------



## Phil Elmore (Mar 16, 2005)

My vampire finally wrote me back!



> Pretending? That's what they invented a day classified as "Halloween" for. I choose to live completely in a world of reality, although generally everyone does have some sort of their own fantasy. The topic of Vampires is a really interesting one, if you wish to learn the truth about the nature.
> 
> Yes, I have some shortcomings in life, but no I don't blame them all on Vampirism. We all have things that stem from childhood or other experiences in life, but that is regardless of what I am. What I wear, how I dress, how I talk, does not make me a vampire. I don't try to be or claim to be anyone I'm not.
> 
> ...



I wrote back this:



> Are you still here?  I thought you gave up.
> 
> Dude, you don't "choose to live completely in a world of reality."  You're living on this bizarre little planet where you're a vampire.  I don't care how often you call yourself grounded -- you've got as much credibility as Michael Jackson calling himself "heterosexual."  He thinks there's nothing unreal about the world in which he lives, too.
> 
> ...


----------



## ginshun (Mar 17, 2005)

The Crazy Vampire Guy said:
			
		

> Vampires are Human Beings.


 Every letter this guy writes confuses me a little bit more.  Exactly what is the difference between us normal folk and a vampire again?


----------



## MarioBro (Mar 17, 2005)

ginshun said:
			
		

> Every letter this guy writes confuses me a little bit more. Exactly what is the difference between us normal folk and a vampire again?


Sanity...


----------



## Deuce (Mar 17, 2005)

MarioBro said:
			
		

> Sanity...


LOL....good one!:rofl:


----------



## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 17, 2005)

A toaster or a tuna fish sandwich? I haven't had that good a laugh in weeks. Thanks, I needed that; it's been a hellish last few weeks. (I actually pictured in my mind this poor guy trying to write a position on his being a toaster, and what those arguments would look like).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to stalk innocent victims from the world of the living. I know for a fact this guy is high, because I AM a Vampire.-vampfeed-  Oh yeah...I'm also Napolean, and a tuna sandwich.

Regards,

Nosferatu D.


----------



## Eldritch Knight (Mar 17, 2005)

I don't want to detract from all the fun people are having at this guy's expense, but do you think he might be sufferering from porphyria?


----------

