# If I ever have a Child



## Cryozombie (Jan 30, 2005)

This is going on the top of their reading list:


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## Melissa426 (Jan 31, 2005)

Oh, my. 
Have you read it? Or just like the title? Will you allow the egg provider any say so? Or just make it part of the pre-nup? :ultracool 

Just curious.
Melissa


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## shesulsa (Jan 31, 2005)

Um, didn't you know that this book is required in-womb reading for females?


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## Cryozombie (Jan 31, 2005)

Melissa426 said:
			
		

> Oh, my.
> Have you read it? Or just like the title? Will you allow the egg provider any say so? Or just make it part of the pre-nup? :ultracool
> 
> Just curious.
> Melissa


Ive read a lot of Machiavelli.  Not this particular title, but I trust it to fulfil my needs as a parent.

I also plan on reading the tyke good, wholesome books like "*Gashlycrumb* *Tinies* by Edward Gorey"  (You know the one... "A is for Amy, who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil, devoured by bears") and other such titles.

What the Mom says? Well... I cant imagine breeding with someone who doenst share the same ideals as me, but who knows, anything is possible.


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## Chronuss (Feb 9, 2005)

...there's always adoption.


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## MA-Caver (Feb 9, 2005)

I'm sure that this book is on your kids reading list too I guess...


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## Cryozombie (Feb 9, 2005)

Uh, It is now.


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## MA-Caver (Feb 9, 2005)

How about *THIS* one?


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## Sin (Feb 10, 2005)

Honestly if I had a child i would get them into MA at an early age...I don't want my child to go through the same things I have (well the bad stuff).....

Also I wouldn't do anything that was in any of those books with my kids or to my kids


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## Seig (Feb 11, 2005)

I used to have the "Children's Cook Book, 101 ways to prepare children"

One of my parental units didn't think it was very funny....Of course she never read it either......


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## MA-Caver (Feb 11, 2005)

Sin said:
			
		

> Honestly if I had a child i would get them into MA at an early age...I don't want my child to go through the same things I have (well the bad stuff).....
> 
> Also I wouldn't do anything that was in any of those books with my kids or to my kids


Well it's doubtful that those books are even published or written. They're parodys. But then I'm sure you already knew that...


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## Schtankybampo (Feb 11, 2005)

If I ever have a child, I shall sell it on ebay. I think I can get a lot of money. Lots of people like babies, right?

My alternate plan is to raise it believing that it is a Sun-god. I will tell it that it is solely responsible for making the sun rise and set. I will teach it to concentrate hard, to make sure that the tides remain balanced. And when it rains, I will punish it, because clearly, it did not try hard enough. 


You know that old saying that some people shouldn't be parents? Hogwash.

M


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## Ray (Feb 14, 2005)

Schtankybampo said:
			
		

> My alternate plan is to raise it believing that it is a Sun-god. I will tell it that it is solely responsible for making the sun rise and set. I will teach it to concentrate hard, to make sure that the tides remain balanced. And when it rains, I will punish it, because clearly, it did not try hard enough.


Steve Martin did some schtik about talking gibberish to small children so they grow up speaking wrong.


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## Ray (Feb 14, 2005)

My favorite children's book was "everyone poops" by Taro Gomi and Amanda Stinchecum was


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## Cryozombie (Feb 15, 2005)

MACaver said:
			
		

> Well it's doubtful that those books are even published or written. They're parodys.


 The Ones I cited were.  Both the Primer on Power and Gashlycrumb Tinies are real books.


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## Ray (Feb 15, 2005)

MACaver said:
			
		

> Well it's doubtful that those books are even published or written. They're parodys. But then I'm sure you already knew that...


The one I cited (everybody poops) really exists (or was it everyone poops?).


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## Schtankybampo (Feb 15, 2005)

I knew Steve Martin was good people. 

"Everyone Poops" is a part of the "Body Science" series illustrated by Amanda Meyers Stinchecum. Other notables in the series are "The Gas we Pass" , "The Holes in your Nose" and, let us not forget, "All about Scabs"

Gee, why WOULDN'T I want to have a child?

M


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## kid (Feb 28, 2005)

Schtankybampo said:
			
		

> If I ever have a child, I shall sell it on ebay. I think I can get a lot of money. Lots of people like babies, right?
> 
> My alternate plan is to raise it believing that it is a Sun-god. I will tell it that it is solely responsible for making the sun rise and set. I will teach it to concentrate hard, to make sure that the tides remain balanced. And when it rains, I will punish it, because clearly, it did not try hard enough.
> 
> ...


 
that is awsome i would like permission to raise the moon god then we can have our kids battle.  And make them think that it is a struggle of yin/yang, good vs evil of cosmic proportions.


kid


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## Cryozombie (Mar 2, 2005)

Schtankybampo said:
			
		

> If I ever have a child, I shall sell it on ebay. I think I can get a lot of money. Lots of people like babies, right?
> 
> M


 You cant do that.  Ebay gets... well... they frown on the sale of others.  I know this personally, among the many things Ebay has repremaded me for was attempting to sell my roommate.


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## shesulsa (Mar 2, 2005)

Technopunk said:
			
		

> You cant do that. Ebay gets... well... they frown on the sale of others. I know this personally, among the many things Ebay has repremaded me for was attempting to sell my roommate.


 But ... what if you hold a Technopunk charity auction?  The winner gets 24 hours with your roommate complete with stinky armpits, caustic flatulence and vomitous humor?  The funds go towards helping a deluded rivethead out of a sticky situation - having a roommate in the first place with no respite?


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## Flatlander (Mar 2, 2005)

I had a spectacular name chosen for our firstborn, but it turned out she was a girl, and so the name was inappropriate.  Either way, mom didn't like the name that I came up with, so I offer it to my friends at Martial Talk if anyone wants it.

Please, I encourage you to name your next boy _Winchester Maximus_.  It just reeks of power, doesn't it?


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## Cryozombie (Mar 2, 2005)

Nah, I think if I have a son, I am gonna name him Gothmog.


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## JPR (Mar 3, 2005)

All of you scare me.  You really, really scare me.  :rofl:

 Oh, becareful what you teach them.  You will be first on their list.

 JPR


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## shesulsa (Mar 3, 2005)

JPR said:
			
		

> Oh, becareful what you teach them.  You will be first on their list.


 This was my husband's argument for not teaching our children martial arts or my daughter about weapons ... "You know who'll be their first victims - US!"


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## The Kai (Mar 3, 2005)

Technopunk said:
			
		

> Nah, I think if I have a son, I am gonna name him Gothmog.


Gothair the Destroy?


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## Sam (Mar 10, 2005)

I have a copy of everyone poops. I bought it at a goodwill in hawai'i. How could I resist??


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