# Top ten police quotes-admit it if you have actually heard any of these!



## Gary Crawford (Sep 4, 2004)

Top Ten Funny Police Quotes

10. "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

9. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

8. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

6. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

5. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

4. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

3. . "Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

2. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

And the Number One funny police quote...

"Just how big were those two beers?"


----------



## bignick (Sep 4, 2004)

haven't heard any of those

though i did get pulled over once when i was going to dairy queen...the reason?...i was "driving slowly, and weaving to the right"

I was slowing down to turn right to get myself a Blizzard!!!


----------



## Xequat (Sep 4, 2004)

I can relate, heh.  I once got pulled over for "Failure to yield in an intersection."  AFter he explained to me that I was supposed to yield to other traffic when turning left at a particular intersection, I pointed out that nothing was coming.  The cop decided that maybe just a warning would suffice.  And he really didn't say much after that either.  I laughed.


----------



## Mark Weiser (Sep 4, 2004)

The stupid award goes to the two teenage boys. Sgt Royer and I pulled over near Lake Sherwood back in 1989.

We noticed that a car was weaving in out of trees in a off limits area we say this due to the headlights winking in and out. We came around the north side of the wooded area near the main cross street. 

The car must have saw us and took off at nearly 60 mph thur a residental area. We called in a car chase and flipped on the lights and sirens. Now the car sped down Urish road for about 3 miles and pulled off into a private drive. Sgt Royer and I jumped out and appreneded the two men. 

We patted them down for weapons and asked them why they ran. 

Quote "Sir we did not know who was chasing us!" 

I said you did not see the pretty lights and the cool sounds that we have on this car?  Did you not even look out once in your rear view mirrors? 

But we got even with the two. We asked them you have a choice. You can go to jail now or we can take you to your parents and wake them up. 

The situation was this the car was fully stocked with cases of beer and both guys were under 18 and on their way to a party.  They said go to jail. We said okay Parents it is. 

Sgt Royer and I escorted both men to each of their houses and rang the door bell and woke up the Parents in was 2 am in the Morning. I am sure the parents were not happy seeing a pair of Deputies with thier son standing between them telling them we busted them after a high speed chase and had beer in the car. 

Sincerely,
Mark E. Weiser


----------



## Gary Crawford (Sep 4, 2004)

I've never personal heard any of these either,but the funniest thing(to me anyway) I ever heard a cop say was when I was much younger and had a seriously tricked out Honda 750F and had decided to see just how fast it would go,I got it up to about 125mph and couldn't deal with the vibration on the rough intersate highway(Arkansas) at that speed,so I didn't open it it up completely and slowed down to take an exit,after I got on the smaller highway which was winding,two laned and plenty of traffic,I slowed it to 70 to 100 mph.After 30 miles or so,on a long staightaway,I saw a faint blue flashing light way behind me.I pulled over,got off,stretched and took my time taking my helmit off while the State Trooper finally caught up and stopped.When this skinny little trooper got out of his car(mad as hell),he said in the worst redneck accent "What cha tryin to do BOY! Kill yourself!?" I couldn't help it,I busted out laughing!! He only had a speed clock of 77mph,so that's all he could write me a ticket for.


----------



## Gary Crawford (Sep 4, 2004)

Mark Weiser said:
			
		

> The stupid award goes to the two teenage boys. Sgt Royer and I pulled over near Lake Sherwood back in 1989.
> 
> We noticed that a car was weaving in out of trees in a off limits area we say this due to the headlights winking in and out. We came around the north side of the wooded area near the main cross street.
> 
> ...


It's a good thing there isn't a law against being stupid! Cops could never carry enough ticket books!


----------



## AaronLucia (Sep 4, 2004)

What i hate is how Texas has two different speed limits. One for daytime and one for nightime. 

But, i'd have to say my worst experience with cops was during my first 3 months of driving..i got a 'Driving on the wrong side of the street' ticket, don't ask.


----------



## Gary Crawford (Sep 4, 2004)

I used to know this guy who was an Arkansas State Trooper.He was five foot five and walked loke he was 6'6".Anyway,one night he was sitting in a good place to catch speeders when a woman zoomed by,he pulled her over.When he walked up to the drivers side,the woman said" Officer I have a good reason for speeding! I live in Arkadeplphia and I have this rash on my breast,I had to go to the hospital in Hot Springs to get some ointment and now I have to get home to feed my baby!" He started to tell her " Maa'm,I'm sorry.But I ha..." she said "YOU DON"T BELIEVE ME?!!! LOOK!!!! " and pulled her blouse open and showed him! He turned red and ran for his car and took off!It to took him several days to tell anyone about it!


----------



## Gary Crawford (Sep 4, 2004)

AaronLucia said:
			
		

> What i hate is how Texas has two different speed limits. One for daytime and one for nightime.
> 
> But, i'd have to say my worst experience with cops was during my first 3 months of driving..i got a 'Driving on the wrong side of the street' ticket, don't ask.


Texas is well known for it's speed traps,but I love the way texans actually pull over for faster traffic,it just doesn't happen much out side texas.


----------



## Tgace (Sep 4, 2004)

"Just how big were those two beers?"

Used it...


----------



## Baytor (Sep 4, 2004)

When people complained that handcuffs were uncomfortable, I liked to tell people, "Sorry, I left the furry ones at home."


----------



## Silat Student (Sep 5, 2004)

Mark Weiser said:
			
		

> The stupid award goes to the two teenage boys. Sgt Royer and I pulled over near Lake Sherwood back in 1989.
> 
> We noticed that a car was weaving in out of trees in a off limits area we say this due to the headlights winking in and out. We came around the north side of the wooded area near the main cross street.
> 
> ...


The important thing is....what happened to the beer?


EDIT: That #1 Cop Quote reminds me of a joke going around in a friend of mines squad (you'll haveta forgive me, their marines  )

Two drink limit does not mean first and last. 

Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks. 

Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.


----------



## KenpoTex (Sep 6, 2004)

The best one I've ever heard (true story) was from an officer I did a ride-along with about a year ago.  A few months prior to our conversation an officer had a guy pulled over for DWI, while he was doing the field sobriety test he got an "all units respond" type call (there was a huge fight at one of the clubs).  Anyway, they guy he was dealing with was so drunk he could hardly stand so he couldn't let him just drive away.  On the other hand, he had to go in on this other call.  His solution: he grabed the guys keys, threw them as far as he could out into a vacant lot (did I mention that it was dark?) and told the guy "by the time you find those keys you'll be sober enough to drive home."


----------



## pakua (Sep 6, 2004)

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> It's a good thing there isn't a law against being stupid!



If there was such a law all the traffic cops would be behind bars in the first place, with their kindred spirits the tow-truck drivers.


----------



## The Kai (Sep 6, 2004)

How about

"Sir, we're almost done here I just want to give you a Balance test before you go.  Stare straight ahead keep your head up and see if you can maintain your balance while you hold the knuckles of each hand against your spine"

"Click"

Todd


----------



## punisher73 (Sep 6, 2004)

"Failing to yield at an intersection"  Did you stop before going or just go straight through? Yielding is usually defined as doing a "rolling stop" in MI. If you just saw that there were no cars and went straight through he could write  the ticket.
-------------------------

In our dept. we provide the security for the courthouse and at the entrance to the building we have an x-ray machine and a metal detector that  a deputy runs.  One of the policies that the judges have enacted is that no cell phones are allowed in the building.  Anyways one of our "old timers" was working the door and a guy tried bringing in a cell phone and he told him he couldn't have that in there. After going back and forth, joe citizen tells him "You're a f*cking moron!". And the deputy goes, "That sir, is a lie. I have never been to Utah."  Joe citizen just looked at him with this puzzled look on his face and then left.


----------



## Rob Broad (Sep 6, 2004)

I have heard # 2 and #9..  They are very common.


----------



## bignick (Sep 6, 2004)

my freshman year in college, a couple of guys on the floor were drinking and one got hungry so the other guy let him borrow his car to go to taco bell.  obviously gets pulled over...gets out and runs...leaves drivers liscense in the car...see where this is going?

so the cops know who's car it is...who was driving it...they show up and start banging the dorm door...meanwhile i'm in the shower...i get out and start walking towards my room...eyes are kinda blurry..can't see that well...just see a group of people standing in the hallway...then i realize they'r all cops..about 5 police, 2 sheriff's deputies, and about 3 campus security...so i'm half naked trying to weave through this huge group of law enforcement officers...and i get back to my room and leave the door open a crack to listen in, like any good citizen...i can't remember how many people got busted...but from what i hear this is now a standard training horror story for all the people that apply fo an RA(resident assistant) job...

also...that floor had the highest number of violations and lowest average gpa on campus that year....coincidence?



naw...couldn't be


----------



## bignick (Sep 6, 2004)

oh...also the time another guy got drunk and climbed on top of the dorm building in a homemade spider man costume...no lie...i have the pictures...got arrested and kicked out of school...for that and other reasons


----------



## Melissa426 (Sep 7, 2004)

This happened to a co-worker.

At 9 pm at night, she went out to her driveway to see a police car and her 
19 yo son, glaring at each other.  She asked what was wrong and the cop said, 

"Do you think your son is smart enough to know what a big red sign with the letters S-T-O-P on it means?" (Her son is a sophomore at Rose-Hulman)

My friend's son got off with a warning.  I  think the embarrassment factor of being slammed about your driving skills in front of your mother was the punishment.


----------

