# Drama how you deal with it!



## Nobody (May 26, 2007)

This is just that a discussion on how you understand an deal with drama in your life.  Emotions can be very misleading if we let them have control.
Put another way by Bruce Lee in the movie "Dragon:The Bruce Lee Story"


			
				Bruce Lee said:
			
		

> Emotions can be the enemy if you give into emotions you can lose yourself be at one with your emotion.  This is not about winning this about perfection.


 
What method do you use to identify when you have let loose to much emotion?  or What preemptive idea do you have to control the emotions?

After the fact i use the basic four idea of psychology which are people that are aloof, or battered, interrogators, intimidate.  I first figure out which my parents are an then i know what i do in some situation that cause arguments or fears.

I just wondered if there are better ideas out there!  This is were i believe reality for martial arts is do the fact that so many martial artist just do physical response training to relate to reality but the facts are that criminals do not attack your physical ability they attack where you are weakest so figuring out a method that will help you live a more fluid state an not get caught up in emotion an drama help.  Also i say this cause in the end what happens in life is that we setup certain response then they are tested by life the world are resolve is test to what we would do.

So, how do you deal?


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## JadecloudAlchemist (May 27, 2007)

Two concepts go thru my mind Yi(rational,logical,)mind and Xin(emotional)mind.

When I get angry I think in a few seconds does my anger help the situation or hinder it? Why am I angry is there a better reponse for dealing with the situation. That is just one example.

Another example is an some sparing I was watching.
two guys square off one guy gets hit hard and now is angry he rushes the other guy and just "Bombs" him with punches ending the sparing session.
His anger helped in this case.
Another example was another sparing session two guys square off
a guy gets hit tries the same throwing random punches but this time
his opponent his a more calm relaxed fighter and easily moves and counters in this case the guy's anger caused him to loose.
So I do not think it is about getting rid of emotion it is about controling and using the the correct emotion or rationalization at the right time that give us the right mind set. For a great example of emotional response I think the P.A.C.(Parent,Adult,Child) system is a great module for exploring 
correct emotional responses


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## terryl965 (May 27, 2007)

I have only one concept for drama it just does not matter dramam cannot and will not control my life.


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## qi-tah (May 28, 2007)

Nobody said:


> This is just that a discussion on how you understand an deal with drama in your life. Emotions can be very misleading if we let them have control.
> Put another way by Bruce Lee in the movie "Dragon:The Bruce Lee Story"
> 
> 
> ...


 
Interesting questions! 
Are you relating this back to emotional drama in general, or fight psychology? 

I guess everyone has a weak spot emotionally, some emotion that they find it hard to acknowledge or control, that predisposes them to react to stress in a particular way. For me thats fear - (For others it could be anger, or depression or whatever) as i live with an anxiety disorder. This means that i can become hypervigillant and panicky when triggered by specific cues, and over the years i've had to develop a range of defenses to combat my "fight or flight" reactions in these situations. I guess its about me being honest with myself first in identifying those triggers, and then either avoiding them or controlling my exposure to them so that Im prepared for any reaction that comes up. If I do get sucked into a panic spiral then my strategies are as follows: a) remove myself from the trigger, b) make some space to take a few slow, abdominal breaths, c) remind myself that this has happened before and hasnt killed me, and it wont now, d) if possible, write down what my worst fear is on a sheet of paper, and then below it write out my rational rebuttals to that fear, e) snap the rubber band I wear on my wrist hard, to physically interrupt the physiological panic reaction, f) walk out the tension, even if its only around the room and g) keep breathing. From experience I know that Ill start to get an adrenaline drop about an hour or two after an attack, this is my cue to go and train out the rest of the jangly emotions.

My training is crucial for keeping my base anxiety levels low, preventing me from getting triggered in the first place. 

Its funny, the things that set me off are so innocuous, yet stuff that should freak me out doesnt seem to. I dont like fights and confrontation, yet they dont bring on a panic attack the way someone spraying an aerosol can across the room from me would. Sometimes i find it hard to even walk past cans of fly spray in the supermarket! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I guess that in a fight situation then it really is as you say, trying to work out the emotions that are driving your opponent and working out how to counter that "emotional fire" of aggression. In this sense, i find that it is anger that will run out of puff before anything else. Acute fear is like this too - unpredictable but short acting. I reckon chronic fear could be the hardest because it is the most elemental emotion  let it build up and it can last longer than any anger. Left long enough, chronic fear becomes all sorts of toxic crap, like resentment, predjudice and hate. Sometimes you can coax another person out of their armour of belligerence long enough to prevent yourself being perceived as a threat (and thus a target), sometimes you can't. If you can't, then it's time to fall back on your training to get yrself out of way - just be ready for the adrenaline drop after everything calms down!

Thanks for yr patience returning you now to your regular programming


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## stickarts (May 28, 2007)

I detach myself from the situation and pretend it is someone else in the situation. what advise would I give them? 
If I have trouble detaching emotionally, I ask the advise of someone that I trust to give honest feedback.


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## Nobody (May 29, 2007)

JadecloudAlchemist said:


> Two concepts go thru my mind Yi(rational,logical,)mind and Xin(emotional)mind.
> 
> When I get angry I think in a few seconds does my anger help the situation or hinder it? Why am I angry is there a better response for dealing with the situation. That is just one example.
> 
> ...


 
I like how you put this an i do have a problem with control at the time of the event.  I will look into this, the subtext is id the situation i get at least.



			
				qi-tah said:
			
		

> Are you relating this back to emotional drama in general, or fight psychology?
> 
> I guess everyone has a weak spot emotionally, some emotion that they find it hard to acknowledge or control, that predisposes them to react to stress in a particular way. For me thats fear - (For others it could be anger, or depression or whatever) as i live with an anxiety disorder. This means that i can become hypervigilant and panicky when triggered by specific cues, and over the years I've had to develop a range of defenses to combat my "fight or flight" reactions in these situations. I guess its about me being honest with myself first in identifying those triggers, and then either avoiding them or controlling my exposure to them so that Im prepared for any reaction that comes up. If I do get sucked into a panic spiral then my strategies are as follows: a) remove myself from the trigger, b) make some space to take a few slow, abdominal breaths, c) remind myself that this has happened before and hasnt killed me, and it wont now, d) if possible, write down what my worst fear is on a sheet of paper, and then below it write out my rational rebuttals to that fear, e) snap the rubber band I wear on my wrist hard, to physically interrupt the physiological panic reaction, f) walk out the tension, even if its only around the room and g) keep breathing. From experience I know that Ill start to get an adrenaline drop about an hour or two after an attack, this is my cue to go and train out the rest of the jangly emotions.
> 
> ...


 
I say that both are related to the emotion i do not compartmentalize that much.  This is another form of id the emotion an while i do not have the same problem as you an have never been to a psychologist at least i think i don't.  What i am suggesting that we each have some methods to understand what not to allow are selves to do in certain places yet it seems i have consistently cause my self damage as opposed to just control myself an not loss a job or what ever it is.  This is about confrontations an how we deal with them in general.



			
				stickarts said:
			
		

> I detach myself from the situation and pretend it is someone else in the situation. what advise would I give them?
> If I have trouble detaching emotionally, I ask the advise of someone that I trust to give honest feedback.


 
You should probably rethink this cause if you are trying to advance yourself through life the world as a whole will check each resolve to stay so detached or whatever we are trying to say is the ultimatum of are World.  Everyone gets checked it is that simple an you may say you are impervious but it ain't.  This is just ignoring the problem.  




			
				terryl965 said:
			
		

> I have only one concept for drama it just does not matter dramam cannot and will not control my life.


 
If i understand you immediately identify it an just let it go right than, right.  So, you must be very conscious all the time cause i think that is where i am having the trouble is staying in the game when i relax an than it seems i get hit with this an usually bring something up, the person that comes an triggers me to get angry or something along those lines which always has a negative effect on me.


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## qi-tah (May 30, 2007)

Nobody said:


> I say that both are related to the emotion i do not compartmentalize that much. This is another form of id the emotion an while i do not have the same problem as you an have never been to a psychologist at least i think i don't. What i am suggesting that we each have some methods to understand what not to allow are selves to do in certain places yet it seems i have consistently cause my self damage as opposed to just control myself an not loss a job or what ever it is. This is about confrontations an how we deal with them in general.


 
So you are talking about feeling like other people can trigger you into an angry reaction very easily and then you regret that later? If that is so, then you are right, you've got to have a plan so that when you get in situations that trigger you, you have an "escape route" to get away from the situation. For me, i would say something like "Can we talk about this again in 10 minutes? I'm really angry right now and i need some time to cool off", then i would go away and do some calming breathing exercises and then figure out a strategy whereby i could negotiate a win-win oucome with the other person. This generally means that we both give something to each other, even if it's just an apology on one side and not firing you on the other. It might seem unfair sometimes, but you can always console yrself with the observation that the person who gives more actually puts the other in their moral debt. You can use this exchange and others like it at a later date, to bargin for something that you want, eg. a promotion for being an ace employee etc.

I think there have been some books on the topic ... google "fighting fair" and there should be a decent list of resources on the topic of conflict resoloution etc. 

Hope this helps


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