# Beginner - question for better perspective...



## seanbradyit (Jan 3, 2016)

Hi,

Question for anyone who can provide guidance...

For years I was bullied by martial artists who were just looking for someone to beat and handled it
by myself for about 8-10 years (almost being killed 4 times) without asking for assistance or going 
to the gym or dojo for help. Just scrapped my way through it.

During this time I held my own but lost an awful lot as I simply didn't have the skill but viewed
it as an admittance of cowardice or weakness to ask/seek help to improve.

After moving away from the area for college, the abuse ceased and I moved on with my life. The
experience was a massively beneficially in that I strived to become a better/good person to ensure
I never become the enemy.

Lately I have realised that martial arts are an absolute necessity but the mental conflict still 
remains as I feel now that I will have to become the enemy to beat harmful people in life. 

Have you ever experienced a mental challenge similar to this during your time in practicing martial
arts and if so what is your perspective?

Kind Regards.


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## Touch Of Death (Jan 3, 2016)

Hey, we all struggle, but watch out for the feeling that you are the defender of truth and justice. By all means, fight for truth and justice, but that feeling sometimes carries over to events where you are, in the wrong, and there you are still fighting for truth and justice. I'm just saying.


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## Drew Ahn-Kim (Jan 3, 2016)

Hey Sean,
First off, very sorry to hear that happened to you, I'm not sure what martial arts facility let their students act in such a way but that is certainly not the norm.

I do think you will gain a great deal of confidence back through learning martial arts, as well as a number of other positive physical and mental benefits.  I would suggest also talking to a therapist (doesn't have to be a psychiatrist) just someone who you can work these things out with.  Also depending on the gym you find you may be able to build a close enough relationship where you can confide in your sensei/master/professor, as I have with a BJJ coach of mine in the past.

Now I'm a huge comic book fan, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're developing a bit of a Batman complex.  This is certainly understandable given what you've been through, but it will not lead to a happy life for you in the end.  Instead I would reframe it as you becoming an ally (not the enemy) to those who are being taken advantage of, and work from a place of charity and understanding rather than a place of vengeance.

Ultimately, the guys who bullied you did not embody what a Martial Artist is supposed to stand for.  We don't learn these skills to target and beat up people.  Certainly we can and should stand up to bullies, given that we can defend ourselves, but I wouldn't advocate for going around looking to beat them up.

Just my humble advice, I can only try to imagine what its like to have that level of abuse for that long.  Feel free to reach out to us a resource, and I would try to let in your instructor, any Master Martial Artist worth their salt should be greatly understanding and accommodating.

Drew


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## Danny T (Jan 3, 2016)

"Lately I have realised that martial arts are an absolute necessity but the mental conflict still
remains as I feel now that I will have to become the enemy to beat harmful people in life."

You have survived this long, What make you feel that martial arts are an absolute necessity in your life?
There is far more to the martial arts than fighting and I am certain your confidence will grow tremendously by training but it won't be because you have fighting skills. It will be because of gaining the confidence you can do more than you think you can, it will be because you will be placed in many mentally and physically uncomfortable positions and will have work out of them. It will be because of the trust and respect you will gain for yourself by being immersed in respect, discipline, loyalty, and a positive can do attitude.


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## seanbradyit (Jan 3, 2016)

Touch Of Death said:


> Hey, we all struggle, but watch out for the feeling that you are the defender of truth and justice. By all means, fight for truth and justice, but that feeling sometimes carries over to events where you are, in the wrong, and there you are still fighting for truth and justice. I'm just saying.



Hi Touch of Death,

Thank you for your guidance. I appreciate it tremendously and will remember this forever. It is apparent further reflection on my part is needed. Thank you.

Kind Regards,
Sean.


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## seanbradyit (Jan 3, 2016)

Drew Ahn-Kim said:


> Hey Sean,
> First off, very sorry to hear that happened to you, I'm not sure what martial arts facility let their students act in such a way but that is certainly not the norm.
> 
> I do think you will gain a great deal of confidence back through learning martial arts, as well as a number of other positive physical and mental benefits.  I would suggest also talking to a therapist (doesn't have to be a psychiatrist) just someone who you can work these things out with.  Also depending on the gym you find you may be able to build a close enough relationship where you can confide in your sensei/master/professor, as I have with a BJJ coach of mine in the past.
> ...



Hi Drew,

Thank you for your perspective. All the malicious activities were performed outside the dojo so complete freedom to make to hurt or help others on their part.

I have gone the therapy route which is extremely useless as the majority just lie for the paycheck and can't relate from what I have seen. I do appreciate the concern expressed in the suggestion though...

I would definitely prefer to go the sensei/master that can confided in as the psychologists are complete ********. Once violence appears they are a bit lost when it comes to abuse and the actual things that go on.

Upon reviewing my post, it seems to have come across that way but honestly I have avoided being anything of the sort 'batman complex' for many years. Been about 12-15 years since I moved away from issues but focusing on becoming the best person I could be in my career and helping others. Violence was no longer apart of my life since moving away. All I am doing is trying to ensure I can keep my family safe through any means necessary when required. Martial arts is simply one aspect of it that I have been avoiding for a long time due to this mental conflict.

I would never target anyone to abuse or beat up as I don't believe in it and got in the way of others so they wouldn't have to deal with it. I took the lumps to keep others safe.

I will reach to appropriate party as you have specified. Thank you once again.

"I can only try to imagine what its like to have that level of abuse for that long" - only one small fragment of the extent of abuse.

Kind Regards,
Sean


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## seanbradyit (Jan 3, 2016)

Danny T said:


> "Lately I have realised that martial arts are an absolute necessity but the mental conflict still
> remains as I feel now that I will have to become the enemy to beat harmful people in life."
> 
> You have survived this long, What make you feel that martial arts are an absolute necessity in your life?
> There is far more to the martial arts than fighting and I am certain your confidence will grow tremendously by training but it won't be because you have fighting skills. It will be because of gaining the confidence you can do more than you think you can, it will be because you will be placed in many mentally and physically uncomfortable positions and will have work out of them. It will be because of the trust and respect you will gain for yourself by being immersed in respect, discipline, loyalty, and a positive can do attitude.



Hi Danny T,

Thank you for the additional point of view.

I believe it is an absolute necessity because to do everything you can to keep yourself and your family safe physically requires formal training and experience in fighting and self-defense. Obviously there are things outside of martial arts that can be used but the situation can arise where none of those options are available. Also with the continued rise of martial arts over the years, the chances of meetings a malicious person with skills to kill you physically increases tremendously. I am not getting any younger and have a lot to learn. It would be stupid of me to remain ignorant to that fact. Normally my strength and speed would have sufficed but they are suffering as of late and will do for many years. It is time for me to fight smart as well my current methods of just brute force. Basically just preparing for the worst case scenario as I know it could potentially happen.

Thank you for the all the points raised. I will use them for further reflection in my journey...

Kind Regards,
Sean


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## JowGaWolf (Jan 3, 2016)

seanbradyit said:


> Hi,
> 
> Question for anyone who can provide guidance...
> 
> ...


Here's my perspective. If I don't harm others but others want to harm me, then I'm not becoming an enemy I'm about to become a victim.   I do my best not to be a victim.

You may also have some misconceptions about Martial Arts in General.  Martial Arts isn't only about hurting people and you shouldn't view it as "You hurting someone."  View it as you are learning to protect and defend yourself.  Also never equate hurting someone as "you being the enemy"

I sparred with a TKD guy just recently and I landed it a good one to his jaw.  Did it hurt? yes  Did I mean for it to hurt? yes, but with in reason.  I wanted to be hard enough so that he was aware of it but not so hard that he would suffer a broken jaw.  The same guy kicked me in my thigh, did it hurt then? Not really does it hurt now? Yes, it's sore and I have a bruised hip as well. Is he my enemy? No.

You should change your perception about martial arts so you don't mentally hold yourself back.


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## hoshin1600 (Jan 3, 2016)

hey Sean,
i see a few similarities in my own life reading what you wrote. many people take up martial arts because of being bullied. but what i found is the older you get the less you need fighting skills. i admire the fact that you are going to take self improvement seriously, many people never have that level of awareness.  in my opinion you should take martial arts classes.  something different than what "those others" were doing and here is my advise..
learn an art and become a black belt in that art. not for the skills of fighting but for what it will make of you, as a person to achieve that goal.  fighting skills will diminish with age and become all but worthless with time but the skills of being a better person can be passed on to others.  make it your goal to pass on the "right" way of being a martial artist to more people than you have experienced who are bullies.

the conflict of "us and them" is not about martial artist and non martial artists. its about wolves and sheep dogs. same teeth, same bite, different purpose for existence.  when you really look at it there is only one way of fighting and that is the human style of fighting.  to practice fighting as a human being cannot be divided into "us and them"  only into the purpose for doing it.  be a sheep dog , protect and pass on to others so there will be less wolves out there.


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## Buka (Jan 3, 2016)

Plastics.


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## seanbradyit (Jan 4, 2016)

Buka said:


> Plastics.


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## seanbradyit (Jan 4, 2016)

JowGaWolf said:


> Here's my perspective. If I don't harm others but others want to harm me, then I'm not becoming an enemy I'm about to become a victim.   I do my best not to be a victim.
> 
> You may also have some misconceptions about Martial Arts in General.  Martial Arts isn't only about hurting people and you shouldn't view it as "You hurting someone."  View it as you are learning to protect and defend yourself.  Also never equate hurting someone as "you being the enemy"
> 
> ...



Hi JowGaWolf,

Thank you for your posting as it has helped tremendously to frame my viewpoint in the right direction. I was looking from the wrong perspective and I plan to not continue with this. Thank you once again.

Kind Regards,
Sean


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## seanbradyit (Jan 4, 2016)

hoshin1600 said:


> hey Sean,
> i see a few similarities in my own life reading what you wrote. many people take up martial arts because of being bullied. but what i found is the older you get the less you need fighting skills. i admire the fact that you are going to take self improvement seriously, many people never have that level of awareness.  in my opinion you should take martial arts classes.  something different than what "those others" were doing and here is my advise..
> learn an art and become a black belt in that art. not for the skills of fighting but for what it will make of you, as a person to achieve that goal.  fighting skills will diminish with age and become all but worthless with time but the skills of being a better person can be passed on to others.  make it your goal to pass on the "right" way of being a martial artist to more people than you have experienced who are bullies.
> 
> the conflict of "us and them" is not about martial artist and non martial artists. its about wolves and sheep dogs. same teeth, same bite, different purpose for existence.  when you really look at it there is only one way of fighting and that is the human style of fighting.  to practice fighting as a human being cannot be divided into "us and them"  only into the purpose for doing it.  be a sheep dog , protect and pass on to others so there will be less wolves out there.



Hi Hoshin1600

Thank you for the reply.

Your posting and the other provided perspectives around this topic has helped me understand my own faults with the necessary direction. I will take this information on board and proceed further with it. All information provided is much appreciated. 

Kind Regards,
Sean


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## seanbradyit (Jan 4, 2016)

Thank you to everyone for all your help... I was terrified asking such a question but getting past such things all apart of the journey. Take care...


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## lklawson (Jan 6, 2016)

Drew Ahn-Kim said:


> Hey Sean,
> First off, very sorry to hear that happened to you, I'm not sure what martial arts facility let their students act in such a way but that is certainly not the norm.


It used to be, that's indisputable.  

E.J. Harrison, writing of his own experiences learning Judo in Japan in the first few years of the 20th Century, noted that it was common for yudansha to go out on Friday nights and pick fights.  Their instructor (who's name escapes me just now) did nothing and, apparently, tacitly encouraged it because he worked professionally as a Bone Setter and would set the broken bones of the victims on Saturday.

I also know that it was common of certain (many now famous) martial artists to do the same thing on Friday nights, supposedly to "test" their skills.

Still happens sometimes even now, but it's kept on the QT because the practice isn't particularly PC.



> Ultimately, the guys who bullied you did not embody what a Martial Artist is supposed to stand for.


That depends on the martial art.



> We don't learn these skills to target and beat up people.


You just forgot (or were never taught) the history.



> but I wouldn't advocate for going around looking to beat them up.


I don't either, but they sure as heck did in the past.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk


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## lklawson (Jan 6, 2016)

JowGaWolf said:


> You may also have some misconceptions about Martial Arts in General.  Martial Arts isn't only about hurting people and you shouldn't view it as "You hurting someone."


That depends on the martial art.  Military Riflery, Italian Longsword, and Bayonet systems  sure as heck aren't about making friends or expanding your consciousness, they're about killing your opponent at long range, lopping stuff off of him, and poking holes in your enemy at close range.  If that's nor oriental enough for you, there's always Silat or Arnis. 

I think you guys sometimes forget where martial arts come from.  

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk


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## JowGaWolf (Jan 6, 2016)

lklawson said:


> That depends on the martial art.  Military Riflery, Italian Longsword, and Bayonet systems  sure as heck aren't about making friends or expanding your consciousness, they're about killing your opponent at long range, lopping stuff off of him, and poking holes in your enemy at close range.  If that's nor oriental enough for you, there's always Silat or Arnis.
> 
> I think you guys sometimes forget where martial arts come from.
> 
> ...


You'll be surprised at how many people practice a martial arts with no intention or care for having the ability to actually use it in a fight.  For them it's just a physical, spiritual, and mental journey.  For example, I think Tai Chi is one of the cruelest martial arts out there, but you have millions who don't want to train as it was originally intended.  

For me personally I don't like the "zen martial artists." because they seem to be in denial of the reality of martial arts.  People who use martial arts just to stay healthy know the reality of martial arts but choose not use the training in that way.


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## seanbradyit (Jan 6, 2016)

Hi Iklawson and JowGaWolf,

Thank you for the additional perspective.

It is great for personal contrast, discussion and ensure that all aspects are catered for.

I appreciate it greatly and will take it on board.

Kind Regards,
Sean.


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## lklawson (Jan 7, 2016)

JowGaWolf said:


> You'll be surprised at how many people practice a martial arts with no intention or care for having the ability to actually use it in a fight.  For them it's just a physical, spiritual, and mental journey.


You'd be surprised at how little I'd be surprised.    What frustrates me are those who use the training thus and deny or forget that the core of martial arts isn't about a spiritual journey, or want to expand their narrow definition to all martial arts.



> For me personally I don't like the "zen martial artists." because they seem to be in denial of the reality of martial arts.  People who use martial arts just to stay healthy know the reality of martial arts but choose not use the training in that way.


I practice and teach more than one martial art, myself.  In Judo, I'm student of (and instructor under) Sensei Bob Spraley's system of "Juido," which uses Judo training & techniques specifically as a physical training system for strength, flexibility, and health.  It works well and improves my capabilities in my other martial endevours.   

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk


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## BTittel (Feb 20, 2016)

Hey


seanbradyit said:


> Hi,
> 
> Question for anyone who can provide guidance...
> 
> ...



The reason I got into material arts is because of daily bearings in school, I did everything possible to learn how to kill them,  but something weird happened during this process. ...I found inner peace and real, honest forgiveness.  I may have just been lucky I didn't fully snap but my point is you need to learn patience, forgiveness, and restraint ,  you won't do anyone any good bearing people up at random--at least that's what I finally learned.


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## seanbradyit (Feb 20, 2016)

BTittel said:


> Hey
> 
> 
> The reason I got into material arts is because of daily bearings in school, I did everything possible to learn how to kill them,  but something weird happened during this process. ...I found inner peace and real, honest forgiveness.  I may have just been lucky I didn't fully snap but my point is you need to learn patience, forgiveness, and restraint ,  you won't do anyone any good bearing people up at random--at least that's what I finally learned.



Hi,

I really appreciate your response and perspective. I can understand where you are coming from but with a slight twist. I practiced that forgiveness and patience my whole life with no change in others behaviour. I never gone around looking for people to fight or anything of the sort. Just looking to be ready when the time comes.

Kind Regards
Sean


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