# Getting spouses "into" Kenpo



## kenpochip (Aug 6, 2002)

Has anyone had any success getting a previously not-very-interested-in-kenpo spouse to become interested in it?  Stories would be appreciated.

KenpoChip


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## Wertle (Aug 6, 2002)

I have no stories from experience, but some from observation.  I've known two people in class who have tried their absolute hardest to get their families involved in Kempo, including forcing their children into coming, and trying everything they could, including "you can't do this unless you come to class this often".  I'm not really sure how he got his wife to come, though I'm sure the methods weren't the same as with the children ^_^.  Their heart was in the right place, but it was painfully obvious that the children just did not want to be there, and the spouse had a similar mindset, but participated well out of courtesy of not disrupting the class.

It was very funny, because the first person who did this is now moving up in the ranks of blackbelt, and is helping teach as a new student came and did the *exact* same thing.  Through watching this new student, he began to realize what he had been doing to his own family all along!  He even mentioned "I wasn't *that* bad was I?"  As many of us grinned and nodded.

I guess this just means don't drag your spouse along against their will, because if they don't want to be there, they won't get much out of it.  Maybe try a sneakier approach?  Try and find a particular element in which they might be interested, something they weren't aware of before.  What sort of things does the spouse-in-question enjoy?  Interests?


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## pineapple head (Aug 6, 2002)

It took me a while to get my 7 year old son to come along to class  , when he eventually did he liked it so much i now take 3 of his pals also.
As far as wife is concerned , NO WAY ....i enjoy my 2 hours break from her , dragging her along to class just does not interest me. 
I think i speak for most married men!


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## ikenpo (Aug 6, 2002)

> _Originally posted by pineapple head _
> 
> *I think i speak for most married men! *



you don't :shrug:


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## Kirk (Aug 6, 2002)

> _Originally posted by jbkenpo _
> 
> *
> 
> you don't *



Ditto .. I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE it if my wife joined up, but I don't
force her.  What comes around goes around, I might end up in
a knitting class.  :rofl:   I do worry about her being attacked at
night and what not .. but would forcing her to go help her learn
anything?  I doubt it.


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## pineapple head (Aug 6, 2002)

mmmmm..on second thoughts!
If my beloved came and enjoyed it maybe i would get to train more.
AHA...cracked it! Oh dear what are you doing tonite?haha
Im not as dumb as i look.


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## lifewise (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by kenpochip _
> 
> *Has anyone had any success getting a previously not-very-interested-in-kenpo spouse to become interested in it?  Stories would be appreciated.
> 
> KenpoChip *



My husband started kenpo sometime after I did. We were never able to attend classes together because one of us had to be home with the kids, but we did practice together.  He has since stopped training and only acts as my uki. 

Do I wish he would train with me ... I sure do, especially now because we could go to classes together ... but I understand his reasons for stopping. I also see a smile on his face when he goes to work on his dunebuggy that just wasn't there when he went to the dojo.


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## jeffkyle (Aug 7, 2002)

But i did try to get some friends into Kenpo with me when i started.  One of them took their intro at the same time i did, but the other one took his a little bit later.  Neither of them continued on after that probably for a couple of reasons.  Either they didn't have the money, or they didn't have the interest.  They grew up fighting around their neighborhood, so i guess they felt they didn't need to improve their skills, LOL.  
But since that I never tried to "force" or "coerce" anyone into training.  I simply show my passion for it, and give them the invite and opportunity anyway I can.  I leave it up to them though.


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by jeffkyle _
> 
> *But i did try to get some friends into Kenpo with me when i started.  One of them took their intro at the same time i did, but the other one took his a little bit later.  Neither of them continued on after that probably for a couple of reasons.  Either they didn't have the money, or they didn't have the interest.  They grew up fighting around their neighborhood, so i guess they felt they didn't need to improve their skills, LOL.
> But since that I never tried to "force" or "coerce" anyone into training.  I simply show my passion for it, and give them the invite and opportunity anyway I can.  I leave it up to them though. *



That's how I've approached it with my friends as well.  I haven't
had much success at it, other than a LOT of curiosity about it,
and them going "that's cool" after I've told them what I've 
learned.  I do often say "you should come check it out, my 
instructor offers anyone a free week" ... only 1 has.  He wants
to join as soon as he's gainfully employed again.  We'll see how
it goes after that.


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## jeffkyle (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *
> 
> ...




That is usually what i get, a lot of Wow, and that is neat, and i would like to do something like that.   But no one ever shows up.


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by jeffkyle _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



YEP!  Same here!  The one friend though, I know will show up.
Whether or not he'll stay for any period of time, I dunno.  I've
only been at my school for about a year, and I've seen probably
75 people come and go ("free weekers" included here).  I do 
know that he comes over and wants to work flow drills with me,
and dummy for me on techs, and what not.  So if/when he starts,
we'll be able to work out a LOT together!  I just want ONE friend
to join!


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## MinnieMin (Aug 7, 2002)

You never know if your spouse like it or not, trust me.  Like once I said, when my husband asked me if I like to go with him to check a karate class, I suprised him with a "sure", and I wan't just went with him but signed with him too; that is the Kenpo we are both in now.  Believe it or not, before I walked in the class, I have no idea about Kenpo or any Karate stuff.  
The funny thing I want you guys know is, (sh...) it took me seconds but took him 6 months to get there--enjoy Kenpo.   Here is little more, I am one rank ahead of him :rofl:
Now, we are in Kenpo for seven months, but sometime he still say," I just can't belive you will like Karate kind of thing." :hammer:

Oh gosh, I hope he never read this. :wink:


Min :asian:
please forgive me for my Chin-glish


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by MinnieMin _
> 
> *You never know if your spouse like it or not, trust me.  Like once I said, when my husband asked me if I like to go with him to check a karate class, I suprised him with a "sure", and I wan't just went with him but signed with him too; that is the Kenpo we are both in now.  Believe it or not, before I walked in the class, I have no idea about Kenpo or any Karate stuff.
> The funny thing I want you guys know is, (sh...) it took me seconds but took him 6 months to get there--enjoy Kenpo.   Here is little more, I am one rank ahead of him :rofl:
> ...



AWESOME!!!!!!!!  Who are you studying with in Austin?  With me, 
it's not for lack of asking my wife.  She's just not interested 

Betcha I'll be meeting you and your hubby one day, at a seminar


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## MinnieMin (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



I am Mr. Billings' student.
I think I saw you in Ed Parker Jr.' seminar June 29th.  I was the only Chinese woman there that day. :0

Kirk, we are going to attend Professor John  Sepulveda's seminar in Austin this Saturday.  Are you come?


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## tonbo (Aug 7, 2002)

I have never tried to get my wife into Kenpo.  It just ain't her thing.  

She *has* taken our youngest son to his class, and has learned enough of the techniques that she could be an orange or purple belt, if she really wanted to be.  She does the techniques pretty darn well, but the "heart" just isn't  there.

My wife is more into Tai Chi, and tends to do Kenpo with a Tai Chi "flavor".  She is more interested in energy transfer, pressure points, meridians and that kind of thing......Kenpo is not the way she works.

I love her to death, and our both being involved in the martial arts has been a wonderful thing.  I like the interplay of having a different perspective from her on martial things, and overall, the conversations get pretty darn interesting....

I would NEVER "force" or coerce my wife to try Kenpo.  I like my body parts where they are, and in their present working condition....

Peace--


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

Mr Billings taught me a tech at that seminar, DAMNED good
teacher!  Sorry I don't remember seeing you there, but I guess
there will be more chances in the future.

I wont' be able to come to Mr Sepulveda's seminar, and it's
driving me NUTS!  The finances just aren't there for it right now
*cry*.   Can't wait to hear about it though!


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## jfarnsworth (Aug 7, 2002)

Well, I don't think you can ever make someone do something they don't want to. My wife doesn't want anything to do with the martial arts period. She doesn't understand the passion I have for practicing kenpo or any of the friends I have when we just get together & practice. She looks at it like most people somewhat of a dance routine. Most of all I think that for the most part people don't usually keep on studying in kenpo just because there's a lot of work involved with sooo much info. What I mean by that is we have a lot more knowledge in the whole system most people just don't want to put forth the effort to learn or practice. If you look at our style vs. TKD you'll see someone achieve BB in 3-4yrs. in kenpo it'll take much longer. Just a couple of thoughts here.
Jason Farnsworth


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## MinnieMin (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *Mr Billings taught me a tech at that seminar, DAMNED good
> teacher!  Sorry I don't remember seeing you there, but I guess
> ...




You are DAMNED right that Mr Billings is a DAMNED good teacher!!!  We are lucky learning from him.
Sorry, you can't make it this time     ...wait, I have a thought, if it really drives you a NUTS, make a phone call to check if you still can sign in.  If you can, I will pay for you first and you can pay me later if you want.  I mean that!!!

Min


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by MinnieMin _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



Min, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the offer.  I'm really touched that
you would extend an offer to a stranger like that, and it says
a lot about your character.  Regretably, I don't like to borrow 
money from people. 

 I'm more anxious to meet you, so I can shake your hand.  
Thanks a bunch, that was VERY nice of you to offer.


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## MinnieMin (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



You are welcome.   Even thought we are a stranger to each other, we do love the one same thing -- Kenpo Karate.  I understand how you feel. 
Hope to see ya in next seminar. 

Min :asian:


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## Les (Aug 7, 2002)

Years ago, my son used to train in the Kenpo Kids class.

He was always dishartened with his performance, because he felt that as his father was the instructor, he should be automatically good at Kenpo. There was no way I could convince him that his best was good enough.

After my divorce, he continued to train, but he was quite disruptive in class sometimes. His "problem" was that he couldn't seperate 'dad the instructor' from 'dad the dad'. and he resented sharing me with a bunch of other kids, even for an hour.

Now, he's 15, and has no interest in training, as he knows he doesn't have the commitment and wouldn't accept the discipline.

Every now and then I ask him if he want's to come training, but I never pressure him into it.

He does, however, tell all his friends how cool Kenpo is, and is always willing to help with leaflet drops, etc.

Les


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## Les (Aug 7, 2002)

This isn't really spouses, but back in 1996 I had a female student, a single parent, who bought her five kids to Kenpo.

They were unique in that everyone in their household was a Kenpo student, in adult or junior classes.

The local paper did an article on them, and this was picked up by a national magazine.

Six years later, the mother and two of the children are still training with me, and her son, now 21, is about to resume Kenpo, after travelling around the country for work reasons.

You can see their picture on my website, www.americankenpo.co.uk 
Go to 'pictures' then click on 'early days'

I know this isn't quite what the thread was about, but I'm proud of them, and they deserve a mention, so please indulge me.

Les


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## Klondike93 (Aug 7, 2002)

She has no interest in doing any MA training, but she does let me practice techniques on her every once and a while.

She does do Tae Bo and likes it alot, but that's as far as it goes for her.


That was a real cool thing to do MinnieMin, don't see things like that very often anymore.   


:asian:


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## Les (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Klondike93 _
> 
> *That was a real cool thing to do MinnieMin, don't see things like that very often anymore.   *




MiniMin is a star. 

A credit to the Kenpo community.



Les


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## lifewise (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by MinnieMin _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



 Incredible kindness. 

Think this post/offer by Min is an example of "The Best of Martial Talk" ...

In my opinion you are a credit to Kenpo Min, and will be a great black belt.


:asian:


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## Klondike93 (Aug 7, 2002)

Lets be carefull here, she might get a big head over all this attention  


:asian: 









(still it was a cool thing)


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## MinnieMin (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Klondike93 _
> 
> *Lets be carefull here, she might get a big head over all this attention
> 
> ...


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## Klondike93 (Aug 7, 2002)

After reading some other posts it was nice to see a stranger offer something like that to another stranger. There seems to be a lot of negativity on other posts and yours was very refreshing to see.


:asian:


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## Michael Billings (Aug 7, 2002)

OOS Min,

Wish everyone could see her post!  It is a lot better than the sniping going on elsewhere.  She 
*"WALKS THE WALK ... NOT JUST TALKS THE TALK"*

Michael Billings
Senior Instructor in the Art
(and proud of my students)


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## kenpochip (Aug 7, 2002)

It would be cool to get my wife into Kenpo, but I'm not holding my breath.  Getting kids to do it will be relatively easy.

KenpoChip


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## Kirk (Aug 7, 2002)

> _Originally posted by kenpochip _
> 
> *It would be cool to get my wife into Kenpo, but I'm not holding my breath.  Getting kids to do it will be relatively easy.
> 
> KenpoChip *



How so?  I have 3 1/2 years to "plan my attack" so to speak.


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## RCastillo (Aug 8, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *
> 
> ...



Wonderful, A Kenpoist with knitting needles. Dangerous Indeed!


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## RCastillo (Aug 8, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> 
> *Mr Billings taught me a tech at that seminar, DAMNED good
> teacher!  Sorry I don't remember seeing you there, but I guess
> ...



He spent it all on his station wagon, and worse, it still runs!


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## RCastillo (Aug 8, 2002)

Teach your own, whether it be the wife, or children.


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## tonbo (Aug 8, 2002)

Yeah, I agree with that.

The owner/head instructor of our school has two kids who are also involved in the style.  He told us YEARS ago that he wouldn't teach his own kids--that was OUR job as instructors.  He would teach us, and we would teach his kids in class.

Makes sense.  I didn't think my sons wanted to listen to me teaching them at home, either......and I was right........I sounded too much like a dad when teaching them, but sounded like an instructor in the school.  Go figure.  

Peace--


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## jeffkyle (Aug 8, 2002)

> _Originally posted by tonbo _
> 
> *Yeah, I agree with that.
> 
> ...




I totally agree with that.  My dad tried to teach me before i got into Kenpo, and that didn't work because it was so informal and he was dad and we just didn't work well together.  But he didn't force any martial arts on me ever.  When i started in kenpo it was because i wanted to and he knew it would be best for me to go somewhere else to learn.  
If and when my kid wants to start learning, i am going to have someone else i know, in kenpo, teaching him.
Actually if Brian and i get a place going then i am going to have him teach my kid, while i teach his.  That seems to work out the best from what i have seen.


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## Michael Billings (Aug 8, 2002)

According to Edmund, Jr., he and his dad had the same issues.  Hence, his not getting a black belt until after Mr. Parker's passing.  We cannot help ourselves growing up.  Our parent's opinion of us, or our own issues, with a parent-figure get in the way.  Who has not cut off their own nose to spite their face, at least a time or two in our lives?  At jobs, school, martial arts, relationships?  

I could not teach my ex-wife anything.   Fortunately we eventually found a way around it, with one of the senior black belts doing privates with her, so she could come to class and not have the "issues" of a spouse also being in that critical parent role.  

Anyhow, keep on keepin' on, and maybe your enthusiasm will become contageous.  

-Michael
UKS-Texas


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## ikenpo (Aug 8, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Michael Billings _
> 
> *According to Edmund, Jr., he and his dad had the same issues.  Hence, his not getting a black belt until after Mr. Parker's passing.  We cannot help ourselves growing up.  Our parent's opinion of us, or our own issues, with a parent-figure get in the way.  Who has not cut off their own nose to spite their face, at least a time or two in our lives?  At jobs, school, martial arts, relationships?
> 
> ...



Maybe it's another one of those learned skills many Kenpo instructors(parents) just haven't mastered yet. There definitely isn't a training manual out on it that I know of . It seems like Wally Jay, Al Decasco (and his wife), Mike Inay, Remey Presas, Ernie Reyes Sr., Mike Pick, Darrin Phillips, Dan Inosanto and others have learned how to get their chidren in the arts successfully. I assume that most taught their own children, but I could be wrong.

jb:asian:


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## jeffkyle (Aug 9, 2002)

> _Originally posted by jbkenpo _
> 
> *
> 
> ...




I am sure it can be done, and many have tried, but from what i have seen and learned and experienced, it seems easier to have someone else do it (under close supervision, of course    ) because that whole "stranger" concept seems to help keep (kids for sure) them under control.


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