# Martial Arts and Family Life



## Skip Cooper (Apr 9, 2007)

Hello all. I am interested in how many people here have children and how do you fit your training schedule into your family life.

I have been married for 11 years and we have four children. My wife is not involved in MA and other than putting up with me, shows little interest in my hobby.  My oldest son, who will be 10 in July, is a part-time gymnast, baseball player and soon to be TKD student. He wants to wrestle this fall, but we'll see about that. My oldest daughter, who is 7, loves cheerleading, softball, dance and drama classes. She also loves performing in pageants. My third child, my youngest daughter who is 5, is also a gymnast and a pageant contender. She is on the Level 3 developmental team at her school. She will be competing next year.  And then there is my youngest, who is 4. We haven't started him in anything yet, but I believe he will make a great wrestler.

Our schedule depends on what time of year it is. Right now, my oldest has gymnastics on Wednesday and baseball practice on Tuesday and Thursday. My second child, has drama class on Moday evenings and Dance on Friday evenings. My third child, has gymnastics training every Tuesday and Thursday for an hour and 45 minutes each. Fortunately, my wife coaches at the same gym, so getting the kids to class is not a problem.

I love that my Hapkido classes are late in the evening. With my commute from work and kid's activities, I would never to make it if class were earlier. I do train outside of class on the weekends and on nights when I do not have class. During this time, I do strength training and cardio fitness training.  I am not focused on becoming the next UFC champion or compete in the next Iron Man Triatholon. Just enough to stay healthy and keep up with my kids as they age.

Thanks in advance for your responses.


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## exile (Apr 9, 2007)

Great thread topic, Skip!

I actually got into TKD because of my son, who's almost 10 now, but was around six when he started TKD; I got into it because I was the one ferrying him to it and it looked really good to me&#8212;a hard, linear all-business MA, as my instructor teaches it, and that's what I wanted. My boy kind of lost interest in it after a couple of years (though I have this fond hope he'll get back into it when he gets older) in favor of soccer and Suzuki violin, so I'm on my own with it now.

Our class with our senior instructor meets only once a week, but I teach a second class on Thursday evenings; I'm hoping my instructor will add a second class led by him on Saturdays. I work out every day for 40 minutes to an hour, which is fine with my wife; she recognizes that, at a couple of weeks past my sixtieth birthday, I'm no longer covered by warranty so to speak, and had better do everything I can to stay in good shape. I've done both high-intensity weight training and interval-based aerobics for more than a decade, so at least I can say I'm trying hard. Yes, it's a hobby in a sense, but it's also training for fitness and also, the way we train at my school, for survival in a violent confrontation. There's no question that at least statistically, intense physical activity is associated with prolonged lifespans; my wife is well aware of this and I think it gives my MA activities a very positive spin in her eyes.

It _does_ have a slightly disruptive effect on our lives; they eat before I get home on the nights I train/teach. But that's still just two days out of seven.


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## bydand (Apr 9, 2007)

Very good thread topic.  I also have 4 kids (all boys) 9, 7, 5, and 4  The two oldest train as does my wife and myself.  The kids classes are on different nights than the adult classes so my wife stays home with the 2 youngest boys while I take the 2 oldest to their class.  I also have the honor of helping in their classes and it just makes for a great evening together for the 3 of us.  On the nights my wife and I train, the boys Grandmother comes over to the house and they think it is a thrill to spend time with her, and she loves spending time with them as well.  What it has done is get the youngest 2 intent on getting old enough to start classes themselves.  I think it will be great when all 6 of us can go to train together.  When it is Baseball season the Ruffians all love to play and we try to schedule things around their practices and games.  It isn't too bad right now, and if there is going to be a conflict in sports (baseball -vs- soccer -vs- basketball -vs- ?) we will sit the older boys down and explain to them what their options are and how one choice will affect the other and then let them make an informed decision as to which one they want to go with.  If they choose one over the other, they know they have to ride out the entire season and not quit part way through because their team depends on everybody, all the time.  So far so good!


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## mijemi (Apr 9, 2007)

I'm with both my daughters all day most days so I don't have to worry about missing out on quality time with kids, with working parents I know this would be a concern. I have classes twice a week and my husband looks after the girls on these two nights - luckily class is only up the road so all up I'm only gone an hour. My husband has basketball on Monday nights and sometimes Saturday mornings. Both girls do swimming on Mondays during the day. We have agreed at the moment that we can only have one hobby that we are really active in if it takes us out of the home or is costly. When we decide to let the girls have a hobby they choose (swimming is more of a safety thing) I am determined that it be during the day so that it doesn't cut into our family time anymore than our current hobbies do. It is certainly difficult to juggle everything and I can imagine with a bigger family and with older children it would only be harder.


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## IcemanSK (Apr 9, 2007)

I don't have kids, but I am married. My wife recently started training. I teach at the community center where I work, so I have any advantage. However, trips to the other school in our organization is a 210 miles one way trip. Plus there are trips to the "home office" in Florida, etc. In the last year, I'd be preparing myself for my test last month. Every spare moment meant training. It was a strain, often. I tried to be as available to her as I could (getting things done around the house, etc.). I'm not sure how often you're training, but perhaps you could train less often (man, did I say that?!) to be home more. I don't envy you your position.

All my best.


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## crushing (Apr 9, 2007)

My eldest son (14) and I started training about the same time.  I have a couple weeks seniority on him.  We have been advancing together in TKD.  I tried to get my wife and daughter (12) interested in MA.  They went to a few karate classes, but didn't really get into it.

In addition to TKD, I'm also training in Combat Hapkido.  My wife has been very supportive of my interest in the martial arts and always asks me how class was when I get home.  She has said that she likes it when my eldest son and I practice forms and other things at home.

I don't want to push him too much (and I soon search the forums for the 'when to start them' threads that I have seen), but I am exposing my youngest son (2.5) to MA by practicing in his presence and trying to get him to do some very basic techniques.

When I observed the karate class once, there was another family there training together.  I thought that was pretty cool.


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## stickarts (Apr 9, 2007)

My wife and childen are involved with the school too but we also put time regularly aside which is strictly family time.
We also take exta vacations each year to spend more time together.

As important as karate is to me, family comes first!


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## Xue Sheng (Apr 9, 2007)

Skip Cooper said:


> Hello all. I am interested in how many people here have children and how do you fit your training schedule into your family life.


 
I am married and have kids and I fit my training schedule in wherever I can, which generally means at about 5:30 AM or 6:00 to 7:00 and then again later (if possible) at sometime after 8:30 PM but it goes no later than 10:00PM....generally


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## terryl965 (Apr 9, 2007)

Simple they train with us and have been ever since they could walk.


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## Greg King (Apr 9, 2007)

My son started at age 8 and we spent so much time at the Dojang that we decided if we are going to be here we might as well start training instead of sitting on the side watching.Thats where we spend most of our time these days ...and yes the lawn needs mowing and the house needs cleaning ,and since all of us are at class nothing gets done.....but......were having fun.I don't know how families with more than two kids manage .We have only one child and don't seem to have time....with track ,basketball,dodgeball,and KyuKi-Do tourneys time is limited.But we train as a family and consider it quality time together:ultracool


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## Nomad (Apr 10, 2007)

Considering that she had little idea of what she was getting  into when we married almost 15 years ago (started training 6 years ago), my wife has taken well to my training, even though it means 2-3 nights a week that I don't get home until late.  

I have two girls; the 8 year old is training as well, though her classes are always at different times from mine.  I have been told that her technique (especially on the kicks) is much better than mine *sigh*.  Her little sister (4) recently joined, though she's been going to the dojo with her sister since shortly after she was born.  

There are times when I feel like I haven't seen my kids in awhile (as they're frequently asleep by the time I get home), but I try to make up for it on weekends, vacations, etc.

It's a lot of fun because I can also help coach my kids for upcoming tournaments, etc... I know what the judges are looking for, having both  judged and competed myself.

In the meantime, if I can scare the crap out of one potential boyfriend they bring home sometime in the future, it'll all be worth it...


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## Skip Cooper (Apr 10, 2007)

IcemanSK said:


> I don't have kids, but I am married. My wife recently started training. I teach at the community center where I work, so I have any advantage. However, trips to the other school in our organization is a 210 miles one way trip. Plus there are trips to the "home office" in Florida, etc. In the last year, I'd be preparing myself for my test last month. Every spare moment meant training. It was a strain, often. I tried to be as available to her as I could (getting things done around the house, etc.). I'm not sure how often you're training, but perhaps you could train less often (man, did I say that?!) to be home more. I don't envy you your position.
> 
> All my best.


 
Just to clarify, whose position are you referring to?


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## Skip Cooper (Apr 10, 2007)

Nomad said:


> In the meantime, if I can scare the crap out of one potential boyfriend they bring home sometime in the future, it'll all be worth it...


 
I can't wait until that day comes. I get to have a little fun after all those years of the other dad's giving me the evil eye.


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## Last Fearner (Apr 10, 2007)

Skip Cooper said:


> Hello all. I am interested in how many people here have children and how do you fit your training schedule into your family life.


 
I agree with the others that this is a great topic, Skip!

My situation is a bit unique because I have been an instructor since I was 18 (47 now) and my wife was a student of mine who became a 3rd Dan before we got married.  Our life together has revolved around Taekwondo which is my career (she has a career too which pays more than mine).  We have three boys (8 year old twins, and a 4 year old).  The twins are blue belts training since they were born, but officially in class by the age of four, and my youngest just started last month (I usually accept students at age 5, but what else am I going to do with my kids while I teach - :ultracool )

I'm a firm believer that "a family who trains together, stays together!"  Being together in religion is important to a family; being together in politics makes things more peaceful.  In my opinion, being together in the Martial Art is essential.  Some spouses, or family members might not be as active, or interested as you, but a minimal amount of participation as a group is more supportive and beneficial than just "how was your tie-kwan-dew class, dear?"



Skip Cooper said:


> I have been married for 11 years and we have four children. My wife is not involved in MA and other than putting up with me, shows little interest in my hobby.


 
This is just my opinion, mind you, but I believe it would be better for you if you and your family did not think of Taekwondo as a "hobby."  There are many things you can do for the fun of it!  There are many sports you and your kids can play!  Taekwondo should be taken more seriously, and viewed as an essential education in today's society.  Swimming can be for fun, but if my kids don't want to be on the swim team, I am still going to teach them how to swim so they have a better chance of survival should they ever fall in deep water.

If you would be willing to participate in something that your wife enjoys more than you, just to be a part of her life (pick one), then perhaps she would be willing to attend one TKD class per week just for health, self defense, and to be with you on your life changing path of Martial Art education.  For your children, let them choose their favorite tv shows (with parental guidance).  Let them choose their favorite sport.  However, insist that they attend school to get a diploma, learn to swim, and study the Martial Art (even on a part-time basis) until they get their black belt.

You can't force children or spouses to like Taekwondo the way you do, but as a family, it is best if you participate together.  You go four or five nights per week, and let them go once per week.  In time, you might all be dedicated students.  I have trained many families, some reluctant at first, but it always works out best when I convince the non-interested family members to participate as a family.

Just my opinion!
CM D.J. Eisenhart


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## Skip Cooper (Apr 11, 2007)

Last Fearner said:


> Some spouses, or family members might not be as active, or interested as you, but a minimal amount of participation as a group is more supportive and beneficial than just "how was your tie-kwan-dew class, dear?"



Belive me, I have been trying this for years.




Last Fearner said:


> This is just my opinion, mind you, but I believe it would be better for you if you and your family did not think of Taekwondo as a "hobby."



I should have placed quotations around the word hobby, as you did. I don't look at my Hapkido training as a hobby, convincing my family of this is a different story. 



Last Fearner said:


> If you would be willing to participate in something that your wife enjoys more than you, just to be a part of her life (pick one), then perhaps she would be willing to attend one TKD class per week just for health, self defense, and to be with you on your life changing path of Martial Art education.



I have done this and plan to continue to do so.



Last Fearner said:


> For your children, let them choose their favorite tv shows (with parental guidance).  Let them choose their favorite sport.  However, insist that they attend school to get a diploma, learn to swim, and study the Martial Art (even on a part-time basis) until they get their black belt.



This is my grand scheme of things. I have been introducing them to self defense ever since they could follow instructions. 



Last Fearner said:


> You go four or five nights per week, and let them go once per week.



I only go to hapkido 2x's per week. I used to train four night a week in aikijujutsu and every Friday and Sunday for 2 hours each in iaido. I don't have the luxury to train like this anymore.


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## RED (Apr 11, 2007)

TIME!!! Great topic. I've got a 14yr old boy playing Baseball and soccer now. a 12yr old boy playing soccer. And a 11 yr old girl playing soccer. My wife and I coach the soccer and I coach the baseball. I make it to the gym 3 times a week at 2-3hrs a visit. I hear you as far as being busy. The family understands that TKD is something I enjoy and they give me the "my time" I need. Sure I'm rushing from class to make it late to a game but I get "my time" in. A couple of my children tried TKD but they didn't want to put forward any effort. Baseball is a year round thing for the oldest. This year it will be marching band for him too. My middle boy wrestles in the winter and will play football this fall. And the daughter will be playing fall soccer and vollyball in the winter. As far as the wrestling goes. volunteer and be active in the club or team. You will be suprized to see what all you can learn. But we are able to keep a handle on this with cooperation, consideration, and cell phones all around, (communication). I stay up late and beat the heavy bag often or go through the form sets, while everyone else sleeps. I also found a secluded corner of the machine shop I work at to do forms on breaks. I also make it a point to have one day a week I don't do a thing!!! Nada, Zip, NO-thing at all, but maybe read, sleep,or drink beer:drinkbeer . Yeah, the house is always a wreck but that is the cost of being an active family.

Good luck


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## Shaderon (Apr 13, 2007)

I train TKD twice a week, up until about 2 months ago it was once a week, now I'm going twice I'm taken a little more seriously at home.  It's now no longer my "passing hobby" it's something that he's sitting up and taking notice of, especially when I tell tales of having done breaks.

My daughter is five, six in June and she started about a month ago, she's just got her first uniform and is really proud of her white belt.   When I have to stay out late, my daughter sometimes stays with my parents, but one night a week she goes to bed as I leave the house, that night she stays with my husband.  He trains in the gym upstairs from my training hall doing weights and/or running 6 or 7 days a week and I train in the same gym three days a week doing weights or running.  Hubby comes home early on Wednesdays while my daughter goes to bed.  He's no interest in taking up an MA at all, but he's slowly coming round to the fact that I do it.    

I would love to train three times a week but I can't leave my daughter with my parents any more than I do, I miss her and it's not fair on them because they are both old and sick and they have her while I'm at work.   I can't afford day care for her so that's not an option.


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