# Rules of Dating a Drill Instructors Daughter



## Bob Hubbard (Dec 11, 2004)

*Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter *

*Rule One:* If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. 
*
 Rule Two:* You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. 

*Rule Three:* I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 
*
 Rule Four: *I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. 

*Rule Five: *It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." 

*Rule Six:* I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 

*Rule Seven:* As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? 

*Rule Eight: *The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. 

*Rule Nine:* Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. 

*Rule Ten:* Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


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## jfarnsworth (Dec 11, 2004)

Those are hilarious. I'm going to print this out and hold onto it for a while. You never know when my turn is coming up next.


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## TigerWoman (Dec 11, 2004)

*Rule 11*
Never tell my daugher that she is anything except beautiful in your eyes. If you make her cry, I will make you cry, because she _is_ beautiful in my eyes. 

And I did. I know, not funny.  TW


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## Feisty Mouse (Dec 11, 2004)

TW - not funny, but fabulous!!!

I love this list.


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## BrandiJo (Dec 12, 2004)

*sigh* on my first date my dad actuly said some of that crap it was rather embarssing but the guy was  good about it i kinda warrned him that my dad was a bit over protective and he should not ever touch me any place infont of my dad ...after he met my dad he understood why  %-}


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## KenpoTex (Dec 12, 2004)

> I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


 LOL! I've seen this before but I still crack up every time.

Oh BTW, I don't have any kids but the same rules apply for little-sisters.  :mp5:  :ultracool


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## MA-Caver (Dec 12, 2004)

TigerWoman said:
			
		

> *Rule 11*
> Never tell my daugher that she is anything except beautiful in your eyes. If you make her cry, I will make you cry, because she _is_ beautiful in my eyes.
> And I did. I know, not funny.  TW



TW, this is a Man's wording with due respect to your wording as a Woman....If you make her cry, I will simply tear out your eyes (s-l-o-w-l-y) and hang them around your ears so you won't have to cry.  
Basically the idea is to intimidate the boy so badly that he'll have her home and IN the house by 10:59 pm.... no matter how many minutes were left on the movie they were watching at the theater. 

 :2pistols: 


One of my favorite "(over) protective father" scenes is from Bad Boys II with Martin Lawrence and (dutch-uncle) Will Smith stepping in a few minutes later and just giving that boy a good (verbal) working over. Pretty funny stuff.


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## Lisa (Dec 12, 2004)

These are very funny.  I have two girls and will be keeping a copy to be signed and noterised when their dates come to pick them up.  Just so that there is no misunderstanding.:EG:


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## Feisty Mouse (Dec 12, 2004)

kenpotex said:
			
		

> LOL! I've seen this before but I still crack up every time.
> 
> Oh BTW, I don't have any kids but the same rules apply for little-sisters. :mp5: :ultracool


True.



			
				Nalia said:
			
		

> These are very funny. I have two girls and will be keeping a copy to be signed and noterised when their dates come to pick them up. Just so that there is no misunderstanding.:EG:


LOL!  Perfect.


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