# Let her slip away again



## cracker518 (Dec 14, 2008)

She's about 5'7, 120 lbs., blue eyes, curly brown hair, body of a porn star, face of an angel, and personality of an ugly chick.  She's unbelievable and I let her slip away again.
I went out with her for 3-4 years and was her first everything.  Then I got into partying, and did a ton of really shady **** over the course of a year...I've had many gf's and f-buddies since then but none of them meant **** cause my heart was with her.  I ran into her a couple months ago and we started talking again and I thought I was in.  Something happened on her end and she became distant. The momentum shifted and I think I have lost any chance with her again.  She was never far from my mind for 4 miserable years we were apart and now Im looking at 40 or so more years of darkness.  Thats all.


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## terryl965 (Dec 14, 2008)

If it is meant to be it will be.


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## cracker518 (Dec 14, 2008)

You dont think we have the free will and what not?  Problem is Im too inconsistent.  My outlook on life changes with the weather and I tend to focus on the negative....obviously.  So I can win her over and lose her the next day.  I can be charming and a social retard....


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## Sukerkin (Dec 14, 2008)

Mate you're what, mid-twenties?  Trust me, those of us whose ages you see are in the forties and above have all been through what you are.

That doesn't mean it's any less confusing or painful for you but it does mean that we all survived it and so will you.

That being a given, how do you feel about walking over to the Meet and Greet Forum and giving us an introduction so we know who we're talking to?  An occupation of "Awesome" doesn't really tell anyone much :lol:.


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## girlbug2 (Dec 14, 2008)

Here's a practical question: all that partying and shady stuff you did which drove her away (as I interpret your OP), have you quit that? And if so, for how long?


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## MA-Caver (Dec 14, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> Mate you're what, mid-twenties?  Trust me, those of us whose ages you see are in the forties and above have all been through what you are.
> 
> That doesn't mean it's any less confusing or painful for you but it does mean that we all survived it and so will you.
> 
> That being a given, how do you feel about walking over to the Meet and Greet Forum and giving us an introduction so we know who we're talking to?  An occupation of "Awesome" doesn't really tell anyone much :lol:.


Agreed. This too shall pass even though you think it will not. Remember that which does not kill you (the pain) will make you stronger... and a heart ache never killed anyone. You'll get over her and find another. 
:asian: 

Now get your butt over to the Meet and Greet and tell us about your self... but ... do leave the details of this post out. We've already heard it once (and understand what you're going through) ... give us more about you.


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## stickarts (Dec 14, 2008)

It sounds like you understand what happened. The question now is: what are you going to do going forward? It doesn't need to be darkness. you have the power to make positive changes.


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## Xue Sheng (Dec 14, 2008)

Had a girlfriend (meant her about a year my first marriage ended) that was, IMO, all that and I lost her. Mourned about it for months, started talking to her again but after a couple of months of talking I realized I just could not play by her rules. I mourned the loss for quite sometime... Two years later I meant my wife and I am by far much happier now than I have ever been before.

You'll get over it and it will get better if you let it.


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## cracker518 (Dec 14, 2008)

Alright, Im gonna head over there...as for the shady stuff.  I started smoking pot, drinking a lot, and she was str8 edge and religious.  Then when we would fight over it I'd use those breaks to go fool around with different girls.  Yeh I have been relatively sober for a couple years...drink once a week or so.  Ironically she started smoking pot and drinking a couple years ago.  
I know I'll survive and Ill move on and what not but I know I'll still be comparing everyone to her til Im an old *** man on my death bed and she's my last thought.
Im not 100% out of her life but I know if I played it smart I could be a lot better off....so I basically squandered this 2nd shot that I never thought I would get.  Double sux my balls.


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## jks9199 (Dec 14, 2008)

OK... 

I gotta ask, no moderator hat.  Yeah, this is the Locker Room.  Yeah, it's a place for lots of stuff...

But why in heck is this your first thread on a martial arts forum?

On top of that... speaking as a cop, from the little bit given here...  I'm kind of concerned about the dynamics here.  Both of you are coming across as kind of screwed up.  I'd suggest maybe meeting somewhere neutral in the middle, and public, might be a smarter start to trying to get another chance.  (And not at a bar.)  And maybe an even better start would be to get your own head straightened out a bit before you try anything else.


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## terryl965 (Dec 14, 2008)

cracker518 said:


> You dont think we have the free will and what not? Problem is Im too inconsistent. My outlook on life changes with the weather and I tend to focus on the negative....obviously. So I can win her over and lose her the next day. I can be charming and a social retard....


 
You and I can never change fate, it will be if God wants it ti be. So be who you are and ket the chips fall as they might.


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## cracker518 (Dec 14, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> OK...
> 
> I gotta ask, no moderator hat. Yeah, this is the Locker Room. Yeah, it's a place for lots of stuff...
> 
> ...


 

I figured Id just jump right into the fray and it happened to be on my mind.  I also figured I could get an outside view on the subject because I a. cant exactly bring it up to the girl Im talking to now.
b. Dont think any of my friends can relate 


Ive already been talking her once in a while.  We hung out twice on a friend basis but looking back I think she provided some openings where I coulda told her what I thought but I didnt.  Im pissed cause I choked...thats about it.


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## tristanj (Dec 15, 2008)

At least you meet a great teacher, none other than an experience like that. Since you started smoking pot, maybe she got the influence from you later on.


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Dec 15, 2008)

Eh another girl will come along. You don't want to be like this guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iIYRZWBd9Y&feature=related

I mean if you like doing drugs a Straight edge girl is not your ideal mate.

You could always try E-harmony or Match.com.

In the end you're alive and life goes on.


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## Drac (Dec 15, 2008)

MA-Caver said:


> Agreed. This too shall pass even though you think it will not. Remember that which does not kill you (the pain) will make you stronger... and a heart ache never killed anyone. You'll get over her and find another.


 


Xue Sheng said:


> Had a girlfriend (met her about a year my first marriage ended) that was, IMO, all that and I lost her. Mourned about it for months, started talking to her again but after a couple of months of talking I realized I just could not play by her rules. I mourned the loss for quite sometime... Two years later I meant my wife and I am by far much happier now than I have ever been before.
> 
> You'll get over it and it will get better if you let it.


 
Let me add to what these 2 gents posted...*BEEN THERE, DONE THAT *more than once..Each time I swore I would *NEVER *be happy again and faced a life of misery...I just celebrated 11 years of marrage..So much for never being happy again......*BTW *I bumped into one of the ones that tore my heart out abou 4 years after she did it..She gained so much weight that I almost didn't reconized her..


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## cracker518 (Dec 15, 2008)

First off thanks for the advice.  I know there really isnt an answer that will be acceptable.  If she just didnt like me I think i'd be alright with it but I think she did and I blew it.  It ended really bad so when we started talking again I made no move at all because I was afraid of scaring her off.  Im ****ed.


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## Xue Sheng (Dec 15, 2008)

I'm sorry but for crying out loud enough... go for it or get over it. Quit beating yourself up over this it takes two to start and end a relationship. 

You will not be an old man on your death bed missing her you will meet someone else and likely not think much about this one if at all. If you talk and get back together then good for you I hope it all works out but NEVER forget it takes two people to have a successful relationship it is not a one sided thing.


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## Drac (Dec 15, 2008)

Xue Sheng said:


> I'm sorry but for crying out loud enough... go for it or get over it. Quit beating yourself up over this it takes two to start and end a relationship.
> 
> You will not be an old man on your death bed missing her you will meet someone else and likely not think much about this one if at all. If you talk and get back together then good for you I hope it all works out but NEVER forget it takes two people to have a successful relationship it is not a one sided thing.


 
Dude.. I practically gave away a Harley Davidson Glide to get money as a down payment on a house because I got back together with one of those hotties that had me almost suicidal and she wanted a house..All it took on her part was a black nightie and 2 weeks of being spoiled rotten..The *FIRST *argument we had she split, now I had a house, no Harley and no girl. So we have been there....GET OVER IT AND *MOVE ON.....*


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## Cryozombie (Dec 16, 2008)

Dude,

Stop ****ing up, make it happen. 

Period.

Our will shapes our destiny. Or to Quote the terminator movies "We have no fate except that which we make for ourselves" (or somthing similar)


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## Xue Sheng (Dec 16, 2008)

Drac said:


> Dude.. I practically gave away a Harley Davidson Glide to get money as a down payment on a house because I got back together with one of those that had me almost suicidal and she wanted a house..All it took on her part was a black nightie and 2 weeks of being spoiled rotten..The *FIRST *argument we had she split, now I had a house, no Harley and no girl. So we have been there....GET OVER IT AND *MOVE ON.....*


 
I sold my Chevy Blazer and got a Grand Am because she liked it better, didn't buy the Harley I had already picked out because she was afraid of it, stopped pursuing a career as an LEO or in Criminal Justice because she was afraid of it, cut back on MA training because she didn't understand it, went into debt fixing her house and supporting her Jewelry fetish, stopped playing classical guitar because she didn't like classical music, started going to a Catholic Church because she was Catholic (I'm not even all that religious) and when it was over all I had was debt and a car I hated... But at least I kept the guitar 

So cracker518 to repeat what Drac said since he put it so well.... GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.....


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## KELLYG (Dec 16, 2008)

Old saying that still applys.   Either **** or git off the pot.


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## cracker518 (Dec 16, 2008)

Cryozombie said:


> Dude,
> 
> Stop ****ing up, make it happen.
> 
> ...


 

Quoted for truth.  I think it's too late though.  Everyone knows there is a limited window to turn it to something or forever fall into the friend zone.  I had many opportunities to make something happen or attempt and fail...but...I played it too safe.  In the end we wont be friends anyway so I shoulda went for it.


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