# Suthern Rools T'live by



## MA-Caver (Jul 14, 2010)

*Southern folks know their summer weather report: 
*Humidity n Hot
Humidity n Hot
Humidity n Hot

*Southern folks knowed all th' bes' vaykation spots:* 
The beach
The  rivuh
The crick

*Southern  women knows ev'rybody's  firs' name can be:*
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah​​ *Southern  women know the movies that speak to their hearts:* 
Fried Green Tomaters
Driving Miss  Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind 
*
Southern folks know their religions:* 
Baptist
Methodist
Church Of Christ
Church Of God 
Football

*Southern  women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:*
Chawl'stn 
S'vanah
Chatnoogah
N'awlins
Adtlanna 

*Southern  women know their elegant gentlemen: *
Men in  uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler 

*Southern  girls know their prime real estate:*
The Mall
The  Country Club
The Beauty Salon 

*Southern  girls know the 3 deadly sins:*
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad  manners
Cooking bad food 

Only a Southerner knows  the difference between a* hissie fit* and a*conniption  fit*, and that you don't "HAVE" them, 
You "PITCH" them.

Only  a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,  beans, etc., make up *"a mess." *

Only  a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of*"yonder."* 

Only  a Southerner knows exactly how long*"directly"* is, as in: 
"Going to town, be back  directly."

Even Southern babies know that *"Gimme  some sugar" *is not a request for the  white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in  the middle of the table. 

All Southerners know exactly  when*"by and  by"* is They might not use the term, but  they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows  instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got  trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato  salad. 
If the neighbor's trouble is a  real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! 

Only  Southerners grow up knowing the difference between*"right near"* and 
*"a right fair  piece."* They also know that*"just down  the road"* can be 1  mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and  understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po  white trash. 

No true Southerner would ever assume that  the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A  Southerner knows that*"fixin"*can be used  as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make  friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in line,"... We  talk to everybody! 

Put 100 Southerners in a room and  half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In  the South,*y'all* is  singular, *all y'all* is  plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how  to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,  bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is  also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast  food. 

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught  myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

Only  true Southerners say*"sweet tea" *and*"sweet  milk."*Sweet tea  indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea  unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want  buttermilk. 

And a true Southerner knows you don't  scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. 
You just say*,"Bless  her heart"*.... And go 'round 'er n go on your own way.

To  those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:  Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call yer granny in the  morning. Bless your heart!

And  to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this  Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have  classes on Southernness as a second language! 
*
*​


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