# Retired husband



## Bob Hubbard (Aug 8, 2011)

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately,  like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get  out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to  browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over  the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our  store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both  of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris,  are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4.  July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,  'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee  to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her  Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing  management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.  August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the  children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and  blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8.  August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying  and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a  fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16.  October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and  then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.


----------



## Bob Hubbard (Aug 8, 2011)

ok, show of hands, how many of you are guilty of some of those?

Uh huh.

Ok, show of hands, how many people got at least 1 thing to try out next time you go shopping with the wife?

I got 6.


----------



## Stealthy (Aug 8, 2011)

Outstanding.

I'd be lying if I said  I wasn't guilty of a few of those.


----------



## MaxiMe (Aug 8, 2011)

Bob Hubbard said:


> ok, show of hands, how many of you are guilty of some of those?
> 
> Uh huh.
> 
> ...



Pickme..pick me... :uhyeah:


----------



## Carol (Aug 8, 2011)

Asking the clerks if they sell copies of the Holy Bible, because I'll be committing a sin later tonight and may need to make amends.  :lol2:


----------



## Gemini (Aug 9, 2011)

Such behavior isn't in me (though I wish it was). Good thing my wife shops like a man.


----------



## The Last Legionary (Aug 9, 2011)

They hate #16 at Kohls.
Also that Macy's at Mkkinley Mall? They don't shout it out, they just use silk blouses for tp there. Disgusting place.


----------

