# Overcoming fear



## Stuey (Oct 20, 2009)

In my childhood years I have been the would be victim, (I can run faster than my attackers and so have managed to avoid big beatings). Many incidents have left me with an overwhelming feeling of fear in a physically confrontational situation. Whilst my actions may not change in these circumstances, (i.e. running away), I would like to feel more confident or just less scared in a situation. Any tips or training I can do to make a training situation seem more real?


----------



## Tez3 (Oct 20, 2009)

Have a look at this chaps work, I can strongly recommend reading his books and following his advice on training etc. he's well known here, my instructor has trained with him many times.

http://www.geoffthompson.com/default.asp

His books are good, full of practical advice for training the mind as well as the body.


----------



## Jaspthecat (Oct 20, 2009)

There's a heck of lot of books there Tez, any personal recommendations?


----------



## tallgeese (Oct 20, 2009)

Start off by sparring.  A lot.  This will help you start to get over the overwhelming fear of conflict in a tightly constrained environment.  Start with light contact and progress as your comfort goes up.  This is all part of the "stress inoculation" process.

Next up, get into drilling "live".  That means build in work that mimics a real fight more aggreassively.  So, mitt drills move around and the holder gets to throw strikes at you and such.  Again, you can build up to these progressions from simple to more complex and at higher speeds.

Also, start working toward spontaneous training if you're not already.  So, drill 3-4 movement responses to similar attacks.  Then, end the night by having the attacker put any of those similar attacks at you at a given time.  Then, spontaneously respond with the one that fits the best.  Don't worry about these being perfect, just getting them done.  Don't be afraid to improvise here as well, this is what it's for.  Don't stop if you do it wrong, continue and finish the movement. 

Last, build up to spontaneous responses against realistic attacks vs. an armored training partner.  I like the Blauer High Gear armor for this.  However, there are other that will work and I've used some ad hoc set ups that worked well.  Again, the key is to start slow and build up.

You can use these same progressions regardless of your specialty.  The translate from stand up to ground to weapons.  Just keep building  and training with the idea that you WILL see combat in mind.  Accept it and wrap your head around it.  Know you'll get hurt and that it won't matter because you are going to win.  Set your mind to move thru your opponant and end the conflict.  Get your head into that mind set each time you train.  

Not that you have to go 100 percent and hurt training partners.  If you do, you won't have many around.  But mentally, that's where you should be each and every time you rep something.  It helps build what they call a "pre-combat vetern".

I'd read On Combat and/or On Killing by Grossman.  On Combat is easier.  It's a good primer on such things.  Also, check out Becker DeGavin's Gift of Fear.  Great book that will help you harness fear into it's proper function.  And yes, it has a purpose.   Last, read whatever it takes to keep your mind focused on winning the fight.  This can be individual in nature and might be an outgrowth from your lineage.  I like books like The Code of the Samurai, Hagakure, and the like to keep my mind there.  Another book that's excellent on mindset, even though I don't agree with everything therein, is Living the Martial Way by Forrest Morgan.

Good luck on your persuit.  You're past the big hurdle- figuring our what you biggest obsitcal is.  Now, you just need to work on knocking it over.


----------



## still learning (Oct 20, 2009)

Hello, We all have some kind of fears...and it is good to have them too...within reasons..

One big way to face fears..is to face the fear!

Speaking in front of people was a big one for ME!  ...join the Toastmasters and Jaycees...has help overcome most of it!
One needs to get up and speak in front of crowds...and each time it will get easier....fear never did go away completely...

Facing the "bullies" or trouble makers?  .....one book that help...Handbook to Higer Consciousness by Ken Keyes,Jr ...dealing with everyday living..

Learning deep breathing and learning to relax when facing the fears helps too...and to control one mind and forcus on calmness...and learn how to handle situtions and one self...

Do not let your mind forcus on ONE self...the fears...forcus on what one can to solve the situtions...calmness...Hand book to Higher Consciousness...

Aloha,   ...face the fears..keep in mind...fears took a life time to learn..it will NOT change overnight...


----------



## Stuey (Oct 21, 2009)

Some valuable and applicable advice so thanks for that. Also, It rings true about the sparring thing. Making it more realistic and intense, (in manageable stages), seems to be preparing me somewhat. I will always seek out the more experienced and able fighters despite my measly 12th kyu grade. As mentioned before, grade is not be all and end all, but it doesnt take long to get to know who can teach you a thing or 2 sparring. I consider these people to be the ones who dont hold back too much when training with lesser experienced people.


----------



## Chris Parker (Oct 21, 2009)

Hi Stuey,

I'm going to get a little physiological here...

What most people recognise (or label) as fear is really just their own interpretation of the effects that adrenaline has on their body and mind. This adrenalised state shuts down the higher levels of your brain (such as things like speech, and fine motor skills), instead bringing forth what is refered to as your "Lizard Brain". This part of yourself is concerned only with the most basic aspects required for survival, whether that is fight, flight, or freeze (the forgotten one...). Words become monosyllabic, gutteral.

You also have your vision constrict, losing your peripheral vision, and other senses tend to shrink in scope, but intensify in what they pick up. Your hearing may get a bit muffled, but that is it trying to pick up as much information as it can to alert you to danger. Your hands may shake, your knees may tremble, and your mouth may go dry, but these are all the effects of adrenaline, not necessarily fear.

Fear, on the other hand, is a deep concern about the possible change you may experience (for example, going from not bleeding to bleeding, going from having two functional arms to one broken one etc). This is a different thing. You can experience fear without adrenaline, and you can experience the adrenaline without the fear (although it is often hard to realise that at the time).

So the first step may be to recognise whether you are actually talking about fear itself, or if you are simply experiencing the adrenaline. If the latter, then there are drills which will get you used to the effects of adrenaline, and which will help you have more control over your "fear". These include RBSD style drills, and various meditative practices (which we do in my schools).

In terms of confidence, well I have gone through a huge number of programs designed to "instill confidence", and the reality is that the only way to get confident is to get experienced. So if getting into a physical encounter is what you want more confidence in, then you can go out to a rough bar, and smack the biggest guy you can find until he knocks you out, and then repeat, or go through a more controlled (and safer!) version, whether it is sparring, contact drills, RBSD courses, or any of a number of others.

Books such as Geoff Thompsons, or Iain Abernathy's, or Rory Millers, or many others will give you a very good intellectual understanding, but to get to it really, you need to have the experiences that the books are guiding you towards. These tomes need to be internallised, and that can only happen if you seek these things out.

I wish you the best in handling this challenging aspect of the arts (and life)!


----------



## Tez3 (Oct 21, 2009)

Jaspthecat said:


> There's a heck of lot of books there Tez, any personal recommendations?


 

"Fear - The Friend of Exceptional People"
"Hunting the Shadow"

Have a look too at this

http://blog.iainabernethy.com/?p=28
http://blog.iainabernethy.com/?p=220

If you haven't come across Iain's work before do go onto his website, his work with karate katas and bunkai is legendary and he's one of the most practical instructors I've ever trained with. Brilliant for SD, kata and self development. He has seminars all over the UK.


----------



## Josh Oakley (Oct 21, 2009)

One of the best ways I've discovered to overcome fear is to monitor your self-talk both in training and in daily life. What are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself empowering things or crippling things? By helping my students monitor their self-talk, I've been able to help students who have had some bad things happen in their lives be able to step into the sparring match.

Monitor your self-talk and your beliefs. Your beliefs will eventually become your reality.


----------



## still learning (Oct 21, 2009)

Hello, The "Killer Instint" ...you will hear how some people have it and NO Fears at all?

 (Fearless) -Those who have the Killer instincts..when facing foes?  ...are not afraid of what is going to happen to themselves...NOT afraid to fight back ...no matter the odds...

Those who fear for themselves?  ...will have a greater fear(s) ...because they do not want to die or get hurt...hence one worries for self!   

The difference between the two...is how they face the fears...

Aloha,  ...just our opinion on this...please research this further..

...fear of elevetors....still scares ME!  ..got struck once, as a small kid...
by my self...


----------



## zDom (Oct 22, 2009)

Chris Parker makes a great point up above.

One of the most illuminating moments in my life was the day when I was having a rare (for me) severe asthma attack.

My father, a physician, gave me a shot (i.e., a syringe shot) of adrenaline.

I realized, as described above by Chris, that a lot of the physical feelings I associated with "fear" were just adrenaline!

Also, I realized, my body has a tendency to dump adenaline into my body somewhat earlier or with less stimulus than other people. Also good to know.

Combined with training via martial arts to USE that adrenaline (adrenaline rush channeled through training can make you quite fast and powerful ...), it can very advantageous.


----------



## sgtmac_46 (Oct 23, 2009)

Fear is useful, if you understand it for what it is.  The reality is that fear is a motivator.  The problem most people have is that they've learned, from early childhood, that their response to fear is to submit.

They have failed to understand one fundamental truth.......and that is there are times when aggression will save you where caution will not.

One must hone ones consciousness to read situations and determine what is most advantageous to ones own well being......often that will be fleeing.........sometimes it will be aggression.  

Once one chooses a course of action, he must take it with 100% commitment.  Half-measures are the worst of it.  Half-measures are the result of a reactive mind that attempts to interfere with action by way of negative inner-talk.  One must learn to silence that inner chatter when it comes time for action.



> "Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life! Do not be concerned with escaping safely- lay your life before him!!" -Bruce Lee


----------



## Stuey (Oct 23, 2009)

Josh Oakley said:


> One of the best ways I've discovered to overcome fear is to monitor your self-talk both in training and in daily life. What are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself empowering things or crippling things? By helping my students monitor their self-talk, I've been able to help students who have had some bad things happen in their lives be able to step into the sparring match.
> 
> Monitor your self-talk and your beliefs. Your beliefs will eventually become your reality.


 That really rings true right now. I am training for the London marathon and just ran 10 miles today. My body felt fine, but man did my mind chatter with notions of quitting. Me - 1, Chatter - 0! Also, I participated in an interesting first at Karate last night. At the end we spar, only this time the last session was two against one! I was a co attacker, which was quite difficult actually, but I can imagine the rush of blood and visual data to the brain at this new situation. Quite an experience. Cant wait to experience it myself.


----------



## prokarateshop (Oct 29, 2009)

Fear is a natural reaction! the key is to harness it, and use it to get you out of a situation alive!


----------



## still learning (Oct 29, 2009)

Hello, The "Gift of Fear" ...worth reading!

Aloha,


----------



## Draven (Oct 31, 2009)

Stuey said:


> In my childhood years I have been the would be victim, (I can run faster than my attackers and so have managed to avoid big beatings). Many incidents have left me with an overwhelming feeling of fear in a physically confrontational situation. Whilst my actions may not change in these circumstances, (i.e. running away), I would like to feel more confident or just less scared in a situation. Any tips or training I can do to make a training situation seem more real?


 
I'm from the simulated combat school of thought. There is a natural progression of learning technique against a non-resisting opponent, move to sparring against a partially reisting and non-resisting opponent. Much like any other MA system.

Then I advocate moving into simulated combat conditons first training in "street cloths" & sparring full contact. Then I'd go into simulated environments and specific scenarios where your partner gets in your face and verbally threatens/abuses you without making physical contact until the "go point" which is called by a third partner/observer. This works to a desentize you to that form of stemuli as well serves as a point of reference to applying basic human conflict interaction theory.

Human Conflict Interation Theory (in a nut shell) is that when confronted with interpersonal conflict, all people have 4 basic reactions. They posture, submit, retreat/flee & fight. Now posturing is simply attempting to present a threat posture and making a display of force. The goal of this posturing is to make one's self appear more dangerious then you are and thus avoiding conflict and appearing to dominate the situation. This is the animal instict that drives ego. Now from that come three reactions; Submission; allowing someone else to take the dominate position and give them what they want. Retreat; fleeing from a conflict. Thats not always a good thing for those who posture as I've seen guys who flee a threat display, find an equalizer and come back with the intent to fight. Thats called a false retreat and comes into the matter of fighting. Finally there is fighting, which is a physical attercation when a threat display fails convense the opposing side to flee or submit. Knowing this alone takes much of the fear out of most threat displays since you realize its a threat display and not an actual display of serious intent to do serious harm. In those cases things move directly to fight and involve allot of force multipliers.

Problem many people are like dogs they offer a threat display to test your resolve to use violence or the threat of violence. When you hesitate to do so they tend to try to push you into submission or retreat, like a dog chasing down a rabbit. They bark to make a threat display and when another animal runs away they are incouraged to attack.

Hope that helps...


----------



## Allen a.k.a. Destroyer (Nov 1, 2009)

As far as fear of physical confrontations go... I've gotta agree with all that's been said before. Some even said things for me, lol.

But before you go much further in your training... Ask yourself: If you had no other alternative... Could you seriously injure another human being? Could you maim another person if no other way was possible? If you had no other option, could you kill in self defense? 

I'm not talking about the physical, actual action... but the mental side. Are you prepared for it? Could you live with yourself afterwards? This is another fear that must also be confronted. Just a heads up.

Don't get me wrong, though. Avoidance is the best policy, but... 
Stuff happens... to paraphrase a popular saying.


But as far as training methods... Spar. Then spar some more. Then keep sparring. Give yourself time to recover from injuries, but keep sparring. It will keep you sharp. When I first started seriously training in martial arts I didn't like sparring. My first tournament as a yellow belt I came in second (nearly first) in a really good beginner men's division (lots of great competition). It was only due to the practice I hated so much. After getting a little ways a senior student took me under his wing and gave me some special training: We went outside in a kinda private backyard in our usual street clothes. Shin pads, cups, and the barest minimum of gloves only to keep our skin from breaking (literally used leather weightlifting gloves, virtually no padding on strikes). Two simple rules: Stay off the head and stay off the groin (accidents sometimes happen between kickers, so keep a cup on anyway lol). It really developed my sparring and fighting styles. (Note: Fighting style is nastier, going for quick ways to end fights. It's hard to safely practice that.) Key is to have a good degree of control before going on to this stage though, lol. Master never liked it, but we did it anyway. It's the most realistic sparring you can do. (I know for a fact Master did this back in his day as well, lol. He probably knows how bad someone could get injured. 

You'll find yourself getting used to the shock of being hit. If you have a good partner that can increase the pressure without causing serious harm (more than a slight bone bruise is serious in my book), you may one day find that "normal" people don't hit very hard. A friend of mine was attacked by 3 guys and realized they weren't hitting as hard as we do in class... so he got up and beat the crap outta them. Until one of them pulled a gun... Fortunately, he was able to walk away from that situation. Had they not taken the coward's refugee, I'm certain they would've been stomped into the ground, lol.

And ALWAYS always ALWAYS try to spar someone better. Coming up in tournaments as an adult competitor I was often moved up in rank to get into a division. One of my most informative matches was against a 3rd degree blackbelt nearly 7 years younger than me (18yo vs 25yo). He was training under a grandmaster since he was a pup (dude is good REAL good). He is probably most responsible for my guard these days. He found a flaw in an old guard I used and picked it mercilessly. You will ALWAYS learn more from a loss. Never think about defeat in sparring as a loss. As long as you are alive, you can learn. If you ever go to sparring seminars try to spar the best guy there at least once. And talk to them! Don't just take a beating. Ask them how you can get better! If they are truly worthy of being called a martial artist they will help you improve.


----------



## The Destroyer Style (Nov 1, 2009)

The easiest way to over come fear of being hit, is to climb into a boxing ring. I know its not the most lethal thing in the world, but trust me. If you can get hit by a two hundred pound boxer square in the face. You have just about felt as hard a punch as your going to by a common street thug.
This will also teach you to fight in close combat situations and help you set up your kicks.

Cody


----------



## still learning (Nov 1, 2009)

The Destroyer Style said:


> The easiest way to over come fear of being hit, is to climb into a boxing ring. I know its not the most lethal thing in the world, but trust me. If you can get hit by a two hundred pound boxer square in the face. You have just about felt as hard a punch as your going to by a common street thug.
> This will also teach you to fight in close combat situations and help you set up your kicks.
> 
> Cody


 
Hello, Very good point here!  ...so true about getting hit....!  To face the fear is too FACE THE FEAR...!!  in the ring

Aloha,


----------



## Stuey (Nov 1, 2009)

Some great tips here. I do find myself going for the better MA-ists in sparring. One guy in particular isnt afraid to put a lil power into his strikes. It really helps to get a sense of what we are actually practicing. 
Also, one of the confrontations I had as a youngster was from the big school bully. I was scared as hell. As he kept punching my face I kept thinking that it didnt hurt because of the adreniline. I realised later that it didnt hurt because the guy was weak! I couldnt feel a thing, no bruise, no blood, nothing! Of course at the time I was certain that my punches were equally weak and so I just stood there and took it because it wasnt all that bad really.


----------



## LuckyKBoxer (Nov 1, 2009)

I did not really read any of the responses in this thread, but noticed books mentioned and sparring mentioned..

Those are great.. the key to overcoming fear is to understand fear, and to become familiar with the situations that cause fear.

Lots of great books out there, and fear is not something that should be overlooked or discarded..

Two I highly recommend..
the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller

Also participating in live, or close to realistic, sparring scenarios in martial arts classes is a great way to familiarize yourself with situations you can encounter... I also recommend going to a gun class and shooting a gun, regardless ofo your views of pro or anti gun... you dont necessarily have to own one, but knowing how to handle one and how one works is a great self defense skill to have.


----------



## pete (Nov 1, 2009)

Fear is an emotion, excess baggage from years of accumulating other emotional baggage.  It is not a 'gift' nor is it 'useful'.  Treating it as such is like a child being potty trained who does not want to let go of his poo, believing it is part of him.  

What to do: learn to live in the moment, release physical tensions, mental stress, and emotional remnants.  let go of past-future-and-fantasy.

Be Here Now.


----------



## LuckyKBoxer (Nov 1, 2009)

pete said:


> Fear is an emotion, excess baggage from years of accumulating other emotional baggage. It is not a 'gift' nor is it 'useful'. Treating it as such is like a child being potty trained who does not want to let go of his poo, believing it is part of him.
> 
> What to do: learn to live in the moment, release physical tensions, mental stress, and emotional remnants. let go of past-future-and-fantasy.
> 
> Be Here Now.


 
Well I would say that you are not releasing fear, or losing fear at that point, I would say you are just using the response that is associated with fear in a different way... Semantics...


----------



## The Destroyer Style (Nov 1, 2009)

Well, in a way fear can be good. In a COMMEN SENCE way. You should worry about geting cut by a knife, but you shouldn't let it make you freeze in fear. That fear should make you wanna stop that guy from cutting you. As long as you don't tunnel vision on the knife, because that will get you killed to.


Cody


----------



## still learning (Nov 1, 2009)

Hello, Good points on living in the here and now!

"Handbook to Higher Consciousness" by Ken Keyes,Jr.  Worth reading and live a happy life and learn to live without the fears...

Have to read it first!

Aloha,


----------



## Allen a.k.a. Destroyer (Nov 2, 2009)

The Destroyer Style said:


> The easiest way to over come fear of being hit, is to climb into a boxing ring. I know its not the most lethal thing in the world, but trust me. If you can get hit by a two hundred pound boxer square in the face. You have just about felt as hard a punch as your going to by a common street thug.
> This will also teach you to fight in close combat situations and help you set up your kicks.
> 
> Cody


 
Something amusing GM Pellegrini (combat hapkido founder) said in a recent seminar: 





> "I don't want anyone to ever say that I can take a hit."


 As in, wow, that guy can really take a hit! 

This is where the fear comes from, right? Fear of pain, of being hit. While I suppose I can appreciate the valuable experience gained from getting slugged in the face by a bigger guy (especially the knowledge of _"Yeah! I can take a hit!"_)... and while I'm sure it's great for facing the fear... I'm not going to give him the opportunity. Awareness, avoidance, and de-escalation are your first three defenses.

The point is to *not* get hit, or at least *control where* you get hit if things go poorly in those first stages. _Good sparring practice, be it the boxing gym, your MA school, or the backyard; will *definitely* deal with initial fears and help develop your guard and blocks._

After getting over the fear, the next step is... Don't let the pain stop you. With the _fear_ of pain past, use pain to fuel your fire when you do get hit. But be careful in sparring, don't let your anger take control. Stay in control of your anger. "A *disciplined* fighter is one of the most dangerous opponents you can face." is one of my Master's favorite sayings. Since a disciplined fighter controls his anger it will not control him. Stay in control.


----------



## BLACK LION (Dec 10, 2009)

Stuey said:


> In my childhood years I have been the would be victim, (I can run faster than my attackers and so have managed to avoid big beatings). Many incidents have left me with an overwhelming feeling of fear in a physically confrontational situation. Whilst my actions may not change in these circumstances, (i.e. running away), I would like to feel more confident or just less scared in a situation. Any tips or training I can do to make a training situation seem more real?


 
Fear is a natural survival mechanism. One should not buy into "overcoming" or "eliminating" fear as I do not believe in such a thing.  

First understand what it is and what it isnt.  
It IS an early warning system that will provide the chemical concoction to perform things that you may not be able to perform in a normal situation. It also pulls blood from places that do need it at that time(hence the feeling in your gut or flutter in your chest) and supplies it to large muscle groups so you can do one of 2 things...  Fight or flight...  This is why when you have an unused adrenaline concoction, your legs and arms shake as a result.  Some get so overwhelmed by the fight or flight response that they actually freeze and dont do anything.  
Dont expect to thread a needle once the "dump" occurs, so fine motor skills go out the window.  Gross motor funtion is king in a time is life situation.  You are there to plaow your body through the threat(s) or away from it entirely... or both.  Just dont expect the fine fancy deuling that many mimick in thier training.    
Also understand the only antidote to fear is anger and understand how to turn fear into angry agression.    

Your training should be as close to a-social as possible... No, "im sorry" or "are you ok"...no comms period... just shut up and get in there and ram your hard parts into thier soft parts.  Learn to use large muscle groups for striking instead of fists and feet...you should be smashing them with your entire structure, not just tipping and tapping.   

Use the search function the site provides to look up this topic...it has been visited and revisited a few times.


----------

