# Things you shoudn't say to cops...



## KenpoTex (Mar 17, 2004)

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 

5. Are You Andy or Barney? 

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 

8. I pay your salary! 

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

13. Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time. 

14. You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light. 

15. Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy? 

16. I am not the droid you're looking for. You don't need to see my papers. 

17. You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes. 

18. How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration? 

19. Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven. 

20. Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?


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## ShaolinWolf (Mar 17, 2004)

LOL...I definitely won't be saying that....


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## someguy (Mar 17, 2004)

Hey ocifer that car goes pretty fast want to see which one of ours is faster?


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## Chicago Green Dragon (Mar 17, 2004)

How Bout....

Do you know who I am ? Do you ? (as you point your finger at him and tap him a few times)

or

You work for me..... I pay your salery bubba.

or


Osifer I am not drunk, stop jumping up and down.

or

I thought when you pulled up next to me you wanted to race ?  :idunno: 

or

What do you mean i was going to fast in a 55. 
I was only doing 80.    :redcaptur 

or

I swear i only had one drink..... I was counting   :uhyeah: 


Chicago Green Dragon

 :asian:


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## KenpoTex (Mar 18, 2004)

Officer...I'm not as drunk as you am I think...er,um...


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## OUMoose (Mar 18, 2004)

"I'm not drunk, officer... You're just sober!"

As soon as he walks up to the car, whip out a PDA: "Yes officer... Badge number, license, registration, and proof of insurance please...:


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## loki09789 (Mar 18, 2004)

"What! You'll have to speak up, Officer.  I can't hear you over the voices in my head."

or

"Does this fill your quota for the month?"

or

My license is expired but the picture is still good.


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## Chicago Green Dragon (Mar 18, 2004)

with this added to it

I bet i can still drink you under the table oshifer............. :uhyeah: 


Chicago Green Dragon

 :asian: 




			
				OUMoose said:
			
		

> "I'm not drunk, officer... You're just sober!"
> 
> As soon as he walks up to the car, whip out a PDA: "Yes officer... Badge number, license, registration, and proof of insurance please...:


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## Touch Of Death (Mar 18, 2004)

kenpotex said:
			
		

> Officer...I'm not as drunk as you am I think...er,um...


My favorite line is from the Movie "Stripes".... "Man, I shouldn't of drank that bottle of cough syrup this morning!"
Sean


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## loki09789 (Mar 18, 2004)

Touch'O'Death said:
			
		

> My favorite line is from the Movie "Stripes".... "Man, I shouldn't of drank that bottle of cough syrup this morning!"
> Sean




Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day:

LEO walks up to his car

"Yeah, a Big Mac, large order of fries and a .... you guys want anything?  Make that three Big Macs...."


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## Chicago Green Dragon (Mar 18, 2004)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha


Chicago Green Dragon

 :asian: 




			
				loki09789 said:
			
		

> Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day:
> 
> LEO walks up to his car
> 
> "Yeah, a Big Mac, large order of fries and a .... you guys want anything?  Make that three Big Macs...."


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## KenpoTex (Mar 19, 2004)

Found this earlier...  

A state trooper stops a woman for speeding.  When he approaches the vehicle the woman sarcastically says: "Let me guess, you want to sell me a ticket to the state-troopers ball."  The trooper replied: "no ma'am, troopers don't have balls."  After realizing what he said he walked back to his car and drove off.


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## someguy (Mar 19, 2004)

kenpotex said:
			
		

> Found this earlier...
> 
> A state trooper stops a woman for speeding.  When he approaches the vehicle the woman sarcastically says: "Let me guess, you want to sell me a ticket to the state-troopers ball."  The trooper replied: "no ma'am, troopers don't have balls."  After realizing what he said he walked back to his car and drove off.


 :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:


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## OUMoose (Mar 19, 2004)

kenpotex said:
			
		

> Found this earlier...
> 
> A state trooper stops a woman for speeding.  When he approaches the vehicle the woman sarcastically says: "Let me guess, you want to sell me a ticket to the state-troopers ball."  The trooper replied: "no ma'am, troopers don't have balls."  After realizing what he said he walked back to his car and drove off.



BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA


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## theletch1 (Mar 19, 2004)

kenpotex said:
			
		

> Found this earlier...
> 
> A state trooper stops a woman for speeding.  When he approaches the vehicle the woman sarcastically says: "Let me guess, you want to sell me a ticket to the state-troopers ball."  The trooper replied: "no ma'am, troopers don't have balls."  After realizing what he said he walked back to his car and drove off.


Can't ya see the trooper just dropping his head and walking back to his car with shoulders slumped, head shaking, muttering "I cannot believe I said that."


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## MA-Caver (Mar 19, 2004)

Honest beer I only had four offceefers

(from Jeff Foxworthy) When the cop has to return to your "too-loud" neighborhood party ... "Officer I thought you said you didn't want to come back here!" 

I believe also the correct quotation from Groundhog Day (but might not be exactly):

Murray: (to the others as the cop walks up to their car) "I'll handle this ...
Uhh, yes two double cheeseburgers, fries, two shakes and...(to Ralph) what was it that you wanted?"
Ralph: "Flapjacks"
Murray: "Right, (to the officer again) are you still serving breakfast?" 

A deaf man is driving a hearing friend (who doesn't sign) someplace. The hearing guy notes the deaf driver is speeding, he admonishes him to slow down before they get pulled over. The deaf guy waves him off with a don't worry gesture.
Sure enough they get pulled over and the deaf guy continues to drive for a couple of miles before finally pulling over. He then admonishes his hearing friend to stay silent. 
The cop walks over and starts angrily yelling at the deaf driver. A moment later the deaf man signifies through (simple) signs that he's deaf. Taken 
a-back the cop cools his jets and makes "slow-down" motions to the driver and then waves him off. The hearing guy is naturally flabbergasted.
Later the week the hearing guy is driving and then decides to speed. Soon, he's being lighted to pull over but continues driving for a couple of miles before pulling over. The angry cop walks up to his window and begins yelling. The hearing guy just smiles and simply signs that he's deaf. 
The cop stops for a moment nods and begins signing fluently to see license and registration.   (insert Rimshot).


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## Tgace (Mar 19, 2004)

This is a real one.....while conducting a field sobriety test.

"I couldnt do that sober!!" (duly noted and recorded)


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## KenpoTex (Mar 20, 2004)

Tgace said:
			
		

> This is a real one.....while conducting a field sobriety test.
> "I couldnt do that sober!!" (duly noted and recorded)


One of the guys I did some "ride-alongs" with told me about one that happened to him once, he told the guy to stand on one leg and count.  The guys response?  "Buddy, go ahead and cuff me 'cause you an' me both know I'm too F$@#ing drunk to do that."


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