# This thread is a joke



## Thesemindz (Feb 3, 2009)

So I've been thinking about going into work for myself as a freelance crime fighter. I've had extensive training in several martial arts as well as a variety of weapons, and I think I could do a lot of good, while making a fair bit of money at the same time.

I spent some time back in the seventies with special forces, don't bother asking, most of the stuff I did the government doesn't want you to know about, and I'm ready to put some of those old skills to good use.

I see a lot of criminal activity in my city. You know, skinheads, crips, bloods, yakuza, russian mob, middle eastern terrorists, that kind of thing. I always carry throwing stars hidden on my body, as well as several hand guns. That way I'm ready for anything. I think I'm going to start offering protection to the local business owners at a reasonable rate. I'm sure that they'll be willing to pay for my expert skills in order to defend themselves against this gang activity.

In preparation for this, I've purchased some night vision gear online, as well as body armor and several chemical repellants. I'm planning to design and manufacture my own line of defensive outfits which can be both functional and terrifying to the enemy. I'm thinking about combining elements of military combat fatigues with a dragon motif.

I've also been scouting around some of the higher crime areas of town lately so I can prepare a regular route to patrol. I've been considering roof patrols, but most of our downtown buildings are too low to the ground, so I'll probably just stick to the shadows. With my special forces training, I'll be practically invisible.

So if anyone has any suggestions as to some good gear to add to my arsenal let me know. Also, I'm taking applications for side kicks, so if your interested, pm me.


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## CDKJudoka (Feb 3, 2009)

Thesemindz said:


> .
> 
> I see a lot of criminal activity in my city. You know, skinheads, crips, bloods, yakuza, russian mob, middle eastern terrorists, that kind of thing. I always carry throwing stars hidden on my body, as well as several hand guns. That way I'm ready for anything. I* think I'm going to start offering protection to the local business owners at a reasonable rate. I'm sure that they'll be willing to pay for my expert skills in order to defend themselves against this gang activity.*



This looks a lot like extortion to me. Where can I sign up to be your sidekick!!


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 3, 2009)

You need to study books by he whose name is not spoken but he is a master Ninja 

and you need one of these


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## Hagakure (Feb 3, 2009)

I don't think you can go far wrong with a cod piece.


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## Carol (Feb 3, 2009)

Sorry my friend, I have too much on my plate to be out fighting crime....as much as I'd love to do it.   

However, should you work your way to New England, I can introduce you to a local crimefighting squad...The League of Extraordinary Jesuits. 

[yt]XXdIqSHxIBk[/yt]


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## seasoned (Feb 3, 2009)

Hagakure said:


> I don't think you can go far wrong with a cod piece.


 

Did you mean piece of cod. :rofl:


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## searcher (Feb 3, 2009)

I can help you with your crimefighting, if you can make the BGs come by my house between the hours of 8:30 and 10:00 on Friday or Saturday nights. Have them line up and I can hit them with a stick for a while. 
:whip:





 The rest is up to you.


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## seasoned (Feb 3, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> Sorry my friend, I have too much on my plate to be out fighting crime....as much as I'd love to do it.
> 
> However, should you work your way to New England, I can introduce you to a local crimefighting squad...The League of Extraordinary Jesuits.
> 
> [yt]XXdIqSHxIBk[/yt]


I don't know Carol, you may have to much time on your hands.


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## theletch1 (Feb 3, 2009)

seasoned said:


> Did you mean piece of cod. :rofl:


At least with a piece of cod you could defend yourself like this:

[yt]i9SSOWORzw4[/yt]


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## Carol (Feb 3, 2009)

Nah.  I'm just an adept multitasker...LOL.


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Feb 3, 2009)

Try not to put nipples on your armour it was a terrible idea for Batman.

Try not to choose a teenage boy as a side kick who wears short shorts
or all the villians will snicker at you.

Always keep a genius who can invent stuff because chances are he will have the irony to make something that you will need on that particular day just look at James Bond and Q.


Always rescue the girl and give some witty romantic remark it will add mystique.

And last when ever you are fighting make sure to make some sort of lame joke such as "I get a real kick outta you" or " thirsty how about some punch"


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## Thesemindz (Feb 3, 2009)

Xue Sheng said:


> You need to study books by he whose name is not spoken but he is a master Ninja
> 
> and you need one of these


 
I think I know who you are referring to. He was with that other one at that thing we can't discuss. 

Make sure to talk in code from now on though, we don't want anyone to guess his cover.


-Rob


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## Gordon Nore (Feb 3, 2009)

Thesemindz said:


> Also, I'm taking applications for side kicks, so if your interested, pm me.



Sorry, dude. I'm just now making a career change of my own -- to criminal genius! We work in different cities, but maybe we'll meet up a convention.

Muhuhahahahaha


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## Blindside (Feb 3, 2009)

Gordon Nore said:


> Sorry, dude. I'm just now making a career change of my own -- to criminal genius! We work in different cities, but maybe we'll meet up a convention.
> 
> Muhuhahahahaha


 
Lets face it, the pay has to be better and chicks always dig the bad boy.


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## Daniel Sullivan (Feb 3, 2009)

Thesemindz said:


> So I've been thinking about going into work for myself as a freelance crime fighter. I've had extensive training in several martial arts as well as a variety of weapons, and I think I could do a lot of good, while making a fair bit of money at the same time.
> 
> I spent some time back in the seventies with special forces, don't bother asking, most of the stuff I did the government doesn't want you to know about, and I'm ready to put some of those old skills to good use.
> 
> ...


I suggest that you use your time travel ability.  After all, your profile reads that you're twenty seven, which means that you were born in eighty two, but somehow, you managed to do special forces in the seventies!  Wow!  Use this time altering ability to stop crimes before they happen.

Daniel


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## Thesemindz (Feb 3, 2009)

Daniel Sullivan said:


> I suggest that you use your time travel ability. After all, your profile reads that you're twenty seven, which means that you were born in eighty two, but somehow, you managed to do special forces in the seventies! Wow! Use this time altering ability to stop crimes before they happen.
> 
> Daniel


 
Actually my friends in the military might have that kind of technology, of course I can't confirm or deny that. Suffice it to say that anything you read in my profile may or may not be true, just as anything I post in this thread may or may not be true. I really can't say any more than that.

On a seperate note, I'm thinking about carrying multiple sawed off shotguns loaded with slugs for crime fighting. The kind of criminals we see out here aren't easily intimidated, but I'm thinking if they see one of their buddies blown away it might teach them the error of their ways.

I'm concerned that only carrying two wouldn't be sufficient though, because I don't want to have to reload in the heat of battle, so I'm thinking about carrying six. I think that will be enough to take care of anything short of well coordinated squadron style tactics, which I don't expect to face until the gangs begin to learn of my activities.


-Rob


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 3, 2009)

Also I think  need to look like this guy but if you like you could substitute a Harley for the Horse


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## Thesemindz (Feb 3, 2009)

Xue Sheng said:


> Also I think need to look like this guy but if you like you could substitute a Harley for the Horse


 
I actually know the guy who was the inspiration for that picture. The artist will of course deny it, and his eyes are yellow not red. 


-Rob


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## Tez3 (Feb 4, 2009)

Slugs are a nasty weapon to use, they cover you in slime and look at you with those horrible eye things on stalks. You'd have to be careful carrying six of them though, they are unpredictable and could gang up and over power you. I'm guessing though you're a trained slug handler though.


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## zDom (Feb 4, 2009)

I would suggest a thick Austrian accent. Australian might also work.

But DON'T pick up the French accent by accident. Hard to be intimidating. Just trying saying "Hamburger" with a French accent, for example. Very difficult.


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## Thesemindz (Feb 4, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> Slugs are a nasty weapon to use, they cover you in slime and look at you with those horrible eye things on stalks. You'd have to be careful carrying six of them though, they are unpredictable and could gang up and over power you. I'm guessing though you're a trained slug handler though.


 

Actually yes, during my time overseas with special forces I taught insugents in seven different countries how to train and deploy slugs, ants, butterflies, and a variety of other natural forces to overwhelm and defeat their enemies.

I was referring to bullets loaded in a shotgun, but now that you remind me, I should train an army of insects as well. I'm not sure how that will fit with my dragon motif, I've already begun sewing the jacket, but I'll think of something.


-Rob


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 4, 2009)

Also you need to develope VAST powers of Qi like this guy


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## Thesemindz (Feb 4, 2009)

Xue Sheng said:


> Also you need to develope VAST powers of Qi like this guy


 

Actually I was at the training seminar where that picture was taken. I didn't want to embaress the instructor, but you can clearly see in that picture that the fingers on his bottom hand are not as curled as those on his top. Very dangerous. It's surprising sometimes what passes for "expertise" at these seminars.


-Rob


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## Hagakure (Feb 4, 2009)

seasoned said:


> Did you mean piece of cod. :rofl:



Speak for yourself.  

Come on, every self respecting super-hero has a cod piece. Super man, Spider man, Bat man, Um... He-Man... Me. Ahem.


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## KenpoTex (Feb 9, 2009)

I knew I shouldn't have posted the link to the Mall Ninja posts...


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## Nomad (Feb 10, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> Slugs are a nasty weapon to use, they cover you in slime and look at you with those horrible eye things on stalks. You'd have to be careful carrying six of them though, they are unpredictable and could gang up and over power you. I'm guessing though you're a trained slug handler though.


 
Don't forget to carry a good supply of salt to keep them in line.


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