# Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes



## Drac (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. 

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through Her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 

"What does it look like?" she finally asked. 

The policewoman rolled her eyes as she replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." 

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the Policewoman. "Here it is," she said. 

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."


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## JBrainard (Apr 6, 2007)

:lol: 
Nice.


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## Jade Tigress (Apr 6, 2007)

:lfao::lfao::lfao::lfao::lfao::lfao:


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## Bigshadow (Apr 6, 2007)

That is too funny!


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## Ninjamom (Apr 6, 2007)

That is baaaaaaaaadddddd! :lol:


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## MA-Caver (Apr 6, 2007)

Ninjamom said:


> That is baaaaaaaaadddddd! :lol:


Yes but it might've actually happened.... :uhyeah:


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## ehsen (Apr 6, 2007)

:ladysman: ( why these women are always after me....)


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## terryl965 (Apr 6, 2007)

Just too funny


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

a burnette, a red headed, and a blond stuck on an uknown island far from any other land. The island has NO food, the water is SALT, and the terrain is horrible to live in because of all of the wild animals. So they tumble on a lamp and pick it up. They rubbed on its side accidently and a great genie came. The genie says," I will grant each one of you a wish." So the burnette headed said,"I wish i was back home." and so the burnette headed went home. So now, he asks the red headed to say a wish and she said, "I wish i was back home too." So she went home also. Than when the genie turns towards the blond, he saws her crying and asks, "What is your wish." And the blond was crying so loud that she said," I really miss them......... I don't want them to leave me alone, i want them back!!!" And so the genie grant the wish and the 2 girls came back to the island..............


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that
tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to
blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later
returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't
sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to
blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I
dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a
hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries,
exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first
of all, that's a microwave..."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan Officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $18.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this Transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for three weeks for only $18.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde is driving towards Disneyland and as she watches the signs on the freeway like "Disneyland 3/4 mi" and "Disneyland 1/2 mi" she suddenly sees "Disneyland Left" and turns around to go home.


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are
blind,that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional
weightlifter.
5. Thelady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
blonde joke

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 
"Nah,not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde,a redhead,and a brunette were running from the police.The redhead jumps into a bush,the brunette jumps into a tree,and the blonde jumps into a sack of potatoes.The police walk by the tree and heard'meow meow' they thought it was just a cat.So they walked by the bush, and heard'ruff ruff' they thought,okay so its just a dog.Then they walked by the sack of potatoes and heard'potato potato'.So they pulled the blonde out and she showed them where her friends were.They stood them in a line and were ready to shoot the brunette.They said"Ready,Aim..."and the brunette said"TIDAL WAVE!" and they turned away and she got away.they were ready to shoot the redhead. "Ready,aim..."and she
screamed"TORNADO!"and she got away. then they were ready to shoot the blonde."Ready.aim..." she screamed, "FIRE!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. 

She decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. 

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said "For best results put on two coats."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself 
out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. 
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How 
much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" 
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does 
she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" 
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, 
"You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' 
jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately." 
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 
You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied,"and I 
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." 
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. 

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde and a Brunette were having lunch at the brunettes house. The brunette's husband came home with a bunch of roses. The brunette says"oh no, I am going to have to lie on my back with my legs open for the next week". So the Blonde asks " Don't you have a vase?"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies....." 

Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling 
very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." 

The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." 

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know." 

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be ok??" 

"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

This blonde was watching tv, she saw an outdoor sports special about ICE FISHING. The thought to herself- I could do that. So, she bought a small ice tent , stool, tip up and went out on the ice to try it. She started to auger a hole in the ice when a voice from over head said "there are no fish under the ice there" Thank you" she says and moves further out on to the ice and starts to auger another hole- again the voice booms- "There are no fish under the ice there". "Are you God" she asked- "No" the voice returned- "I'm the ice rink manager"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde was so afraid of horses she never learned to ride one. So, one day she gets up on a horse and while holding the reigns with both hands she rode, after a little while she felt more comfortable and waved with one hand as she held the reigns with the other. Just then , she fell off the horse with her foot caught in the stirrup. Her head was hitting the ground as the horse went on and on- just then , Bill, the Walmart greeter saved her life- he turned turned the machine off.


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some 
rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused,explains to the 
woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. 

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from 
this store on a regular basis and would like some 
more "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any". 

"But I always buy it here," says the blonde 

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks 
the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and getit." 
She returns with the container and hands it to 
the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, 

"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" 

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back 

and reads out loud from the container......... 



" TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. 

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. 

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" 

The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." 

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" 

The blonde said, "No, just up to my ****. I can splash it in my eyes."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

a blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner decided to have some fun with blonde, He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Roommate rolled her eyes and said ... "HELLLLO" Dont be stupid "First....You need to roll up all the windows"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. 
The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." 
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again: 
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.

"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer. The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

Cop stops blonde for speeding.

Blonde: geez, officer, can't you give me a break? I'm pregnant and I going home to rest.

Cop: OK, I'll let you go. By the way, how far along is your pregnancy?

Blonde: About a half hour, and I sure am tired.


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. 
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly.
"Duh! use your Big Red Truck with the hoses and ladders!!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I cannot figure out how to get it started.
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." He sighed................

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office. 
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. 
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

There was a brunett, a redhead and and blonde who were all taking an extreme lie detector test. If you lied the machine would kill u.
The brunett got into it and said "I think im the prettiest girl in the world" 
And then the lie detector blew her up.

So the redhead got on it and said "I think i am the prettiest girl in the universe" 
And she was also blown up.

Finally the blonde stepped up and said "I think..."
and she was blown up


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## kuntawguro (Apr 6, 2007)

3 pregnant ladies (2 brunettes, 1 blonde) go to see their doctor b/c they are going to find out the sex of their babies.

The doctor calls one brunette lady into his office from the waiting room, and asks her, "Were you on top or the bottom during conception?"

She says "Top," to which he replies, "Then you're having a girl."

The other brunette gets called in and is asked the same question.

She says, "Bottom," and the doctor tells her,"then it's going to be a boy."

The blonde is curious as to how these girls are finding out so fast because they were in and out of the office in just minutes.

The girls tell her, "the position you were in when you got pregnant determines what kind of baby you'll have. if you were on top, you'll have a girl, if you were on the bottom, you having a boy."

At that point, tears fill her eyes and she starts to head for the door.

The girls ask, "What's Wrong?"

She yells out, "I'm having puppies!!!!"


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## Last Fearner (Apr 7, 2007)

*"Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes"*​ 
*I guess it didn't work!  *



__________________
Last Fearner


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