# Holiday Burnout



## Bob Hubbard (Feb 6, 2011)

FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
TO: Everyone  RE: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will  take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet  room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of  eggnog! We'll have a small band playing  traditional carols -- 
feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO  shows up dressed as Santa Claus! 

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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
DATE: December 2 RE: Christmas Party    
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our 
Jewish employees.  We recognize that Chanukah is an  important  holiday which often coincides with Christmas,  though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're  calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to  employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.  Happy  now? 

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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics  Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign  your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I  put a sign  on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be  anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?   Somebody? 

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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party 

What a  diverse company we are! I had no idea that December  20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids  eating, drinking and intimacy during daylight hours.  There   goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon  this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim  employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your 
meal until the end of the party-the days are so short this time  of year-or else package everything for take-home in little foil  swans. Will that work?  Meanwhile, I've arranged for members  of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet  and pregnant women will get the table closest to the rest- 
rooms.  Did I miss anything? 

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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
DATE: December 8  RE: Holiday Party 

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you  expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations  at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based   Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to   accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the  band's  breaks. Okay???   
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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
Date: December 9  RE: Holiday Party 

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our  CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa"  does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our  own "little man in a red suit."  It's a tradition, folks, like sugar  shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving  turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.  Could we lighten  up? 

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FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director 
DATE: December 10  RE: Holiday Party 

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to  keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it  or not, so you can sit quietly at the table  furthest from the  "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your  #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes...but you 
know, they have feelings, too.  Tomatoes scream when you  slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream  right now! 

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FROM: Karen Jones, Acting Human Resources Director 
DATE:  December 14  RE: Pat Smith and Holiday Party 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Smith a speedy  recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to  forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.  In the meantime,  management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give  everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.  Happy  Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas.


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## Sukerkin (Feb 6, 2011)

And the moral is ... ?

Unless someone is deliberately trying to insult you, don't be so thin skinned - that goes doubly for those of you looking to be offended on someone elses behalf :glares:

:lol:


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