# Viking Fighting arts



## Mr. E (Aug 10, 2007)

http://www.vikingfighting.com/

Honestly, I don't know if this site is serious, or something like realultimatepower.com.

If you look at the guy's claims and what he says you just can't take him seriously. Things like the photo of the prior grandmaster just seem to be out and out jokes on the reader. But there does seem to be actual training going on in the form of seminars and such.

Is this a joke? Is someone pulling our legs? Or is this one of those cases where you don't know whether to cry over the silliness of the site or cry that some people seem to have bought the story?

Look at some quotes I pulled from the site.



> LS: Well, it hasn't happened yet. So how would you fight a UFC fighter then?
> 
> SS: On the street, I'd smash his head in with my warhammer. Or maybe just have my friends surround him and then windmill and stomp him to death.





> I pity the fool who rambles like a psychotic mad man. His journey shall always end in a world full of hurt (or in a mental asylum).





> why people question the viking fighting arts
> A lot of people come on this forum and question you guys, and its pretty easy to see why. No one that comes here can see any actual proof of this system. Do you have any videos of you stuff in action that we can check out? Not any drills or anything, but open fighting.
> 
> Mike
> ...



Anyone who does a bad impression of B.A. Baracus from the A-team as often as this guy does just _has_ to be pulling a gag on the world. And yet, there is some comments about seminars that seemed to have happened.


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## Flying Crane (Aug 10, 2007)

wow.  I just checked out the website.  what an experience.  I am speechless...


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## Touch Of Death (Aug 10, 2007)

Hey, why not?  Is eastern mysticism so much better? What ever gets people in the doors; I suppose.
Sean


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## bluemtn (Aug 10, 2007)

Mr. E said:


> Anyone who does a bad impression of B.A. Baracus from the A-team as often as this guy does just _has_ to be pulling a gag on the world. And yet, there is some comments about seminars that seemed to have happened.


 


Flying Crane said:


> wow. I just checked out the website. what an experience. I am speechless...


 
I have to agree that it's either a pile of cow dung, or sadly- real.  That's all I can say, because I'm just as speechless as Flying Crane.


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## Mr. E (Aug 10, 2007)

I think we can agree that it is a sign of someone with a mental problem.

It this guy is trying to be serious, then the problems are obvious.

But if this was a joke, then _someone_ needs to get a girlfriend real bad.

The time, effort and money for this would not be worth the giggles you get from it. That is, unless you had no life to speak of.

The forums have posts from May of 2006 to January of this year. That is a good amount of time to spend on a joke. I am convinced that it is a joke now, but I think the guy that spent so much of his life putting this together could have spent his time so much better. This thing seems to be a parody of some of the things out there. I can joke about those things as well. This however seems a form of obsession.


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## Carol (Aug 10, 2007)

Hooo boy I can smell the testosterone from here......


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## Flying Crane (Aug 10, 2007)

This stuff is actually really really funny.  Go into the forum section and read thru some of the threads.  The responses by Grand Master Sven are just over the top.  I'm laughing all over the place.  It's hilarious!


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## bushidomartialarts (Aug 10, 2007)

Did you see the BERZERKEROBICS fitness cd?  I'm half tempted.

Or "Viking Anger Management:  How to build up a berserker rage"


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## Kythkyn (Aug 11, 2007)

BY THOR!!!! The forum there was great, my friend and I were in stitches. BY THOR!!!!


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## tshadowchaser (Aug 11, 2007)

BERZERKEROBICS fitness now that I can get into  LOL

Well it is almost an original idea for a workout I wish I knew someone who had it so I could watch it.


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## Senjojutsu (Aug 11, 2007)

At first I had hopes. One of the their schools listed was in nearby New Hampshire. 

That after years of searching my quest to finally learn a reality based martial art and effective street defense would have ended. That I could train hard all day and then P-A-R-T-Y with these guys drinking copious amounts of ale and mead wine served by long-haired Scandinavian beauties just like in the banquet scene from the 1958 classic movie The Vikings.

But alas and foresooth, the listed NH dojo only appears linked backed to this website.

But I will continue my quest, and to all you pencil-necked doubters out here on MT I just have two words.

*HAIL THOR!!*

BTW, in terms of ratio breakdown 70% attack, 25% counter-attack, and maybe 15% defense. Well Sven that actually adds up to *110%*, you guys are just awesome.


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## Andy Moynihan (Aug 11, 2007)

*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAWOOHOOHOOOHEEEEEHOHOHOHOHOHHEEHEEHEEHEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahaha......



Ahaha...aha...




...By Thor's Banjo, that was great


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## Cirdan (Aug 12, 2007)

Silence you lowly thralls! You will learn to fear the wrath of the Norse Warriors of Odin soon enough. Our longships have already set sail for your godless shores. When we burn your town and steal your women you won`t be laughing no more, weakling men.


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## Tez3 (Aug 12, 2007)

Cirdan said:


> Silence you lowly thralls! You will learn to fear the wrath of the Norse Warriors of Odin soon enough. Our longships have already set sail for your godless shores. When we burn your town and steal your women you won`t be laughing no more, weakling men.


 

Can't wait! steal me!

We had Vikings here way back when and they don't seem to have left! most place names round us are Norse (Askrigg, Aysgarth, Yoredale). A lot of words used in N Yorks are Norse such as 'beck' for stream. We even had a Viking city Jorvik (York now), they say the Vikings discovered America first don't they!

Cirdan have a look at this and see if you recognise any words common to you and us!
http://www.viking.no/e/england/e-yorkshire_norse.htm


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## Steel Tiger (Aug 12, 2007)

Well, well, well.  What a nice way to start the day.

The *BERZERKER Viking Fighting* system is the best, the deadliest and the most brutal combat system ever invented by man. It's the world's ultimate fighting system for military, police, special forces and civilians. 

Just had to reproduce this because it is priceless.  I think it says it all really.


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## Cirdan (Aug 13, 2007)

Tez3 said:


> Can't wait! steal me!
> 
> We had Vikings here way back when and they don't seem to have left! most place names round us are Norse (Askrigg, Aysgarth, Yoredale). A lot of words used in N Yorks are Norse such as 'beck' for stream. We even had a Viking city Jorvik (York now), they say the Vikings discovered America first don't they!
> 
> ...


 
By Frøy`s golden pig! It is no suprise women run away from the wretched man-things of this land and into the strong arms of virile Vikings!

Actually the majority of those words exist in a similar form in our language today. For instance beck, meaning stream or brook, is written "bekk" in norwegian. Crake, crow is kraka in old Norse and kraake (kråke) today.


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## qi-tah (Aug 14, 2007)

I just love these gems from "Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson":

"If you knew what I could do to you with a frozen carrot, you'd be very afraid right now." :rofl:

"A lot of people say that biting doesn't work in combat. Well, ask them again after I've bitten their nuts off!" (For someone who rants off at how "gay" all other martial arts are, this sounds rather incongruous...)

The "Rape the rapist" program sounds pretty damned odd as well. Best rape prevention course in the world? Give me a break. That's the "Kill the rapist" program.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




That's it... i've had enough. I'm off to have a cup of fermented moose urine and a good lie down.


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## crushing (Aug 14, 2007)

qi-tah said:


> The "Rape the rapist" program sounds pretty damned odd as well. Best rape prevention course in the world? Give me a break. That's the "Kill the rapist" program.


 
It seems to me that the rapist would want to be killed after someone in the Viking Fighting arts was done with him, especially one that has gone through the 'Rape the Rapist' program.  It is much harsher punishment to allow him to live and then leave him to kill himself in disgrace or suffer a lifetime of nightmares.

To the pain!  (Oh wait, that's the Dread Pirate Westl... errr... Robert's Fighting Art)


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## Archangel M (Oct 11, 2008)

http://www.vikingkittens.com/


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## girlbug2 (Oct 11, 2008)

*"SS:* That we don't run... And that we stand and fight. Viking Fighting is 70% attack, 25% counter-attack, and maybe 15% defense. My old father, Thor Svensson, used to say that _"defense is what happens when you're about to die"_. This is very true! The BERZERKER mentality is to attack the attacker, kill the killer, mug the mugger, and rape the rapist  so to speak"

Oh yes, it's a joke.


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## Sukerkin (Oct 11, 2008)

I have to admit I watched that all the way through, *Angel* ... but only because I love "the Immigrant Song" .

Oh, and from *Girlbug*'s quote, it's a good job these chaps are fighters because they'd never make economists with maths like that - bankers maybe?


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## teekin (Oct 11, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> I have to admit I watched that all the way through, *Angel* ... but only because I love "the Immigrant Song" .
> 
> Oh, and from *Girlbug*'s quote, it's a good job these chaps are fighters because they'd never make economists with maths like that -* bankers maybe?*




*American Corporate Bankers*   to be exact,:uhyeah:.
lori


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## Sukerkin (Oct 11, 2008)

Exactly so .


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## Fiendlover (Oct 12, 2008)

Oh my God, I have to meet that guy!  :bangahead::lol:

"Odin be praised!"

*gets attacked by Vikings with warhamers.*:jaw-dropping:

"I meant Thor be praised!"  :viking2::viking1::viking3:

hahahaha!


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## Cirdan (Oct 12, 2008)

Hail Tor! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Listen to the words of the kittens, weakling men!

Now you`d better stop
And rebuild all your ruins
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your loosing


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## Archangel M (Oct 12, 2008)

The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!


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## jarrod (Oct 12, 2008)

girlbug2 said:


> *"*This is very true! The BERZERKER mentality is to attack the attacker, kill the killer, mug the mugger, and rape the rapist  so to speak"


 
please tell me they didn't trademark the word berserker.

jf


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## The Kai (Oct 12, 2008)

By Odin's Beard that was funny


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## Josh Oakley (Oct 14, 2008)

> On your homepage you say: "The brutal fighting arts employed by the berzerkers were handed down from father to son through the generations. [...] Elements of the old faith and the secret fighting arts remained - and have been kept alive until this very day by a small but dedicated group of extraordinary men."
> 
> Do you have any proof of this - like a family tree? How far back in time can you actually trace the berzerker lineage? All the way to the Viking Age?
> 
> ...




This made my day. I think the best part about all of this is that he's serious!


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## Cirdan (Oct 14, 2008)

Josh Oakley said:


> This made my day. I think the best part about all of this is that he's serious!


 
Of course he is serious! Now come join our Blot. We well eat raw horse meat, throw warm blood on the walls and sacrifice a thrall or two. Hail Odin, Frøy and Tor!


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## naneek (Oct 30, 2008)

ha ha ha i love it:BSmeter:


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## jarrod (Oct 30, 2008)

guys, i really think this site is a joke.  has anyone tried to find where to order the dvds?  awesome joke.

jf


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## Cirdan (Oct 31, 2008)

jarrod said:


> guys, i really think this site is a joke. has anyone tried to find where to order the dvds? awesome joke.


 
The "DVDs" (Distilled Viking Destructionmanuals) are of course rune sticks to read and some doses of poisonous "read flea" mushroom you eat to bring you visions from Odin. Also helps you getting your berzerk(tm) on the first few times.



http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p133/mcgowdog/smiley_troll.gif

(edit) More potent "Green Flea" can be ordered but is recomended only for advanced `zerkers with a strong belly. Only try White Flea if you are in a hurry to get to ValHall!


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## Shuto (Oct 31, 2008)

Flying Crane said:


> This stuff is actually really really funny. Go into the forum section and read thru some of the threads. The responses by Grand Master Sven are just over the top. I'm laughing all over the place. It's hilarious!


 
Yep.  I found that site years ago and considered it a joke.  I thought it was funny too.  Maybe I should seek professional help.


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