# coed dorm... rooms?



## mrhnau (May 5, 2008)

Found an interesting article on coed dorm rooms. Apparently a few universities are now doing it. I'm used to coed dorms. Never lived in one, but my school had them when I went. Just thought it was rather interesting 

As a college student, would you want to live in one? Would you be comfortable? Would you want your child to live in one?


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## MBuzzy (May 5, 2008)

I would have probably WANTED to live in one, but I doubt that I would have.  First off, it doesn't sound like they are randomly assigned.  I think you have to request your roomate, although it is possible that you could just say "I want to live with a girl" and match them all up.  Although if that we the case, I can see having thousands of males wanting female roomates and a handful of females wanting male roomates.

I would probably only be comfortable with someone who I'd known for a very long time, and even then I'm not sure.  I really don't think that I was mature enough in college to make the decision.

And no, my kids would not be living in a coed dorm room.  I can see bad things happening out of this....


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## Sukerkin (May 5, 2008)

I agree with *Buzzy*.  That's a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode.  

Teenagers away from parental influence do not behave responsibly on the whole - those of us who've been through the education mill know this to be true.

Mix no oversight, drink & drugs, teenage hormome levels and sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex ... predictions anyone?


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## jks9199 (May 5, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> I agree with *Buzzy*.  That's a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode.
> 
> Teenagers away from parental influence do not behave responsibly on the whole - those of us who've been through the education mill know this to be true.
> 
> Mix no oversight, drink & drugs, teenage hormome levels and sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex ... predictions anyone?


Or is it a recognition that it's happening anyway, and that there are practical advantages to having students actually in the dorm rooms where they're assigned, instead of informally occupying another room?

Not that I think it's a particularly good idea...  I just see all the obvious headaches and chaos that could result.  Of course, that's also what another generation said about coed dorm buildings...


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## Tez3 (May 5, 2008)

I have to disagree! The best way to stop teenagers having sex, drugs and rock&roll is to make them live in the same room! The girls really will not want to have much to do with the lads after living with them trust me. think what teenage boys are like, they leave dirty socks and underwear lyng around as well as porn mags, they won't get out of bed, they have wind which releases from both ends lol,they talk sport and beer,they are crude about women in all they they are disgusting! they will drive the girls mad! The opposite sex very soon stops beoming an exotic species! if you don't think this is true think marriage or living with your partner, how soon did the starry eyed romance wear off a bit when you saw them sneezing, nose dripping and eyes running full of cold? or even first thing in the morning properly!
Girls want to talk fashion and gossip, they want to tidy up ( not pick up underwear worn for 2 weeks) they want to be respected, they want matching bed linen, and lots of shoes. they are more mature than boys for the most part, they will see the boys as immature lol they will drive the boys mad! 
Putting them all in the same rooms makes them more like siblings than potential partners. They will look outside for relationships though the boys they are living with may come on like big brothers which is only good!


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## mrhnau (May 5, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> Or is it a recognition that it's happening anyway, and that there are practical advantages to having students actually in the dorm rooms where they're assigned, instead of informally occupying another room?


There were a few guys on our floor like that. May as well have brought in another bed (or a bigger one, as the case may be!). I kind of see this as an endorsement though... I don't like that "you were doing it anyway, so why not make it legal" argument... one can say that about a lot of things in life.


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## terryl965 (May 5, 2008)

Whatever people want, I am too old to care and my kids will never live in Sin because I would hurt them:roflmao:


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## Tez3 (May 5, 2008)

terryl965 said:


> Whatever people want, I am too old to care and my kids will never live in Sin because I would hurt them:roflmao:


 
My daughter lives with her boyfriend, has done for about four years now, they are very happy, who wants more than happiness and health for their kids? I don't.


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## mrhnau (May 5, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> My daughter lives with her boyfriend, has done for about four years now, they are very happy, who wants more than happiness and health for their kids? I don't.


I do


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## mrhnau (May 5, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> My daughter lives with her boyfriend, has done for about four years now, they are very happy, who wants more than happiness and health for their kids? I don't.


I've got to admit, this one gets me kind of upset... My child might be happy and healthy, but if he just happens to get his girlfriend pregnant when they are 14, gee whiz! You sacrifice the momentary "happiness and health" for something down the road that might not give you "happiness and health". I want to teach my child that life is not just about "being happy", but sometimes about doing the right thing, even when its not easy, comfortable or popular.


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## jks9199 (May 5, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> I have to disagree! The best way to stop teenagers having sex, drugs and rock&roll is to make them live in the same room! The girls really will not want to have much to do with the lads after living with them trust me. think what teenage boys are like, they leave dirty socks and underwear lyng around as well as porn mags, they won't get out of bed, they have wind which releases from both ends lol,they talk sport and beer,they are crude about women in all they they are disgusting! they will drive the girls mad! The opposite sex very soon stops beoming an exotic species! if you don't think this is true think marriage or living with your partner, how soon did the starry eyed romance wear off a bit when you saw them sneezing, nose dripping and eyes running full of cold? or even first thing in the morning properly!
> Girls want to talk fashion and gossip, they want to tidy up ( not pick up underwear worn for 2 weeks) they want to be respected, they want matching bed linen, and lots of shoes. they are more mature than boys for the most part, they will see the boys as immature lol they will drive the boys mad!
> Putting them all in the same rooms makes them more like siblings than potential partners. They will look outside for relationships though the boys they are living with may come on like big brothers which is only good!


I think you're stereotyping quite a bit there...

For many years, I worked full time in a department store, which here in the US meant that, outside of a couple of departments, it was a heavily female-dominated environment.  I learned that women can (and are) every bit as crude, dirty, and disgusting as guys...  In fact, y'all are worse!  

Doing search warrants and working as a cop, I've learned that women can be at least as dirty, and messy as guys.  I won't detail the things I've found...  I think it suffices to say that I consider searching a female's room to be a biohazard, and I take appropriate universal precautions.

And I've found and known guys who wouldn't think of leaving a dirty sock on the floor, or failing to put something away.  (In fact, in many ways, I'm neater than my wife!)

I do think that you won't find many of the roommates being romantic couples unless they already were -- but mostly because of simple familiarity, not anything about "seeing what they're really like."


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## jks9199 (May 5, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> My daughter lives with her boyfriend, has done for about four years now, they are very happy, who wants more than happiness and health for their kids? I don't.


It depends on the ages; your daughter is an adult.  She's making her own, responsible choices, and accepting the consequences (or lack thereof).  I'm pretty confident you'd have had a problem had she wanted to live with her partner at 13 or 14...

I personally never lived with my wife before we married, and I'm not a fan of it.  Some of the reasons are religious; I'm Roman Catholic, and the Church's position on this is pretty clear.  But there are more objective reasons, as well.  The argument that it makes for a better marriage if & when they marry is false; divorce rates are the same or worse depending on who you ask.  Here in the US, there are a lot of protections that come into play when you have that governmental endorsement of marriage that aren't there if you're simply living together.  It's very easy for one partner to become entirely dependent on the other -- and have no recourse if they break up suddenly.  

Like I said -- I can see some reasons for the school policies, but I don't really agree with it.  I'd have some problems if my kid had wanted to live in a coed dorm room... but I think I'd have to let them.  After all, there's very little I could do to really prevent it.  Note that there is a difference between "away at college" and "under my roof."


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## mrhnau (May 5, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> Note that there is a difference between "away at college" and "under my roof."



Just out of curiosity, is there a difference between "away at college" and "dad is still paying the bills"?


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## jks9199 (May 5, 2008)

mrhnau said:


> Just out of curiosity, is there a difference between "away at college" and "dad is still paying the bills"?


In principle -- I'd say no.

But in reality... how is dad going to control where the kid spends his or her nights when they're away at school?

Of course, at the moment, my opinions on this are purely academic, since I don't have a kid in college...


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## Ping898 (May 5, 2008)

I don't know...I guess I don't see a real issue with it...is it something I would have done....no, but mostly cause I don't work well with a roomie....I did what I had to to have a private room most years...is it something I'd let my kids do...don't know...don't have any....

I do think if this is done, there needs to be some explicit ground rules and maybe even a contract of sorts cause I can see it happening where a bad girl/guy combo comes up and the girl gets attacked and then sues the school for not doing enough to protect her, even though she volunteered for this....

I guess my POV has always been just cause 2 people that could have sex live together doesn't mean they do have sex...


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## Tez3 (May 5, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> I think you're stereotyping quite a bit there...
> 
> For many years, I worked full time in a department store, which here in the US meant that, outside of a couple of departments, it was a heavily female-dominated environment. I learned that women can (and are) every bit as crude, dirty, and disgusting as guys... In fact, y'all are worse!
> 
> ...


 

Yes it was stereotyping to a certain extent but true all the same even if it doesn't matter who are the messy ones! It's also stereotyping to say they will all jump on each other in a mass orgy of drugs and sex if they are left alone, which is something I wanted to get away from. Yes there are children who get pregnant at 14 but theres the majority who haven't. 
My attitude is coloured by the fact that my brother became ill at 20 and took six horrendous years to die so as long as my kids are happy and healthy I'm happy for them. My son is 31 and my daughter 23. I brought them up to be independant and confident, hopefully knowing what's right and whats wrong. You do the best you can and then it's over to them. I'm happy and very proud of both of them.
I've been happily "lived with the same person but not married" for over 33 years now ( oh lord if I'd committed murder I'd have got less lol), it's not about paper it's about commitment.


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## MA-Caver (May 5, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> I agree with *Buzzy*.  That's a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode.
> 
> Teenagers away from parental influence do not behave responsibly on the whole - those of us who've been through the education mill know this to be true.
> 
> Mix no oversight, drink & drugs, teenage hormome levels and sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex ... predictions anyone?


How about buying stock in Trojan Company because they're gonna make a killing with in restroom vending machines. 
Wholly irresponsible thinking IMO. If I had a child male or female I would adamantly refuse for my child to attend said college PERIOD for allowing this type of student occupancy, co-habitation to occur. I lived in a Co-ed dorm while doing my (brief) stint in college but girls were regulated to one side of the building/floor and boys were on the other. 
Yeah there were some sleeping around and all that but not as much as if there were cohabitation. 
We're looking at potential rape increases as pointed out by over-indulgence to alcohol and raging hormones. 
College is a place to learn and continue your education to (help) further your position in life. It is NOT a place to learn how to live with the member of the opposite sex... at least not ON-campus anyway. 
If I had a female room-mate during my time at college I'd honestly don't think I'd be able to study in my room like I did. Also how uncomfortable would it have been to bring a female friend for an over-nighter? Awkward enough with a male roomie but he can find another place to crash, but with a female one? How am I supposed to convince g/f  that there's "*nothing* going on between us?" How would I explain to her _*Daddy*_ that I'm not watching her dress/undress before/after a shower or bedtime? If it were my daughter I'd be damned concerned about that! 
Heck I wouldn't allow it even if the boy roomie was blind! 

Stupid idea. Stupid idea. Stupid idea.


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## arnisador (May 5, 2008)

It's an interesting way to make a statement about non-discrimination, and it's always happened in one way or another, but I have mixed feelings. I foresee many problems!


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## Empty Hands (May 5, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> I think it suffices to say that I consider searching a female's room to be a biohazard, and I take appropriate universal precautions.



Amen to that!  When I worked as a pool lifeguard during college, the women's locker room was always 10 times as nasty as the guys.  Used razors and sanitary products everywhere.  Garbage scattered all around.  Urine and feces all over the toilets.  It was severe!


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## Empty Hands (May 5, 2008)

Barring the Doogie Howsers of the world, everyone in college is a legal adult.  They are able to enter into binding contracts, buy a house, get married, or join the military and die for their country.  In times past, they would have been well into their 2nd or 3rd kid by that age with years of hard work supporting themselves and a family already behind them.  We know they are capable of being and acting like adults.  Yet we have extended adolescence into the college years now, with their behavior being monitored by their parents via the college as proxy.  This is one of the most harmful things we can do to our children, and we are reaping the rewards now with childlike behavior in college an almost expected outcome and kids living with their parents into their late twenties or early thirties.

Start treating them like adults and expect them to grow up.  That might mean letting them live with and/or shag whomever they feel like.  You'll get over it.  Trust me, they're doing it anyways.


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## tellner (May 5, 2008)

A couple of the cases here actually make sense. 

An out gay guy who rooms with straight guys had better have very mature room-mates. I've seen it get ugly. I've also seen the gay boy end up doing all the cleaning. There's a grain of truth to some stereotypes.

If he can find a gay room-mate that can work well enough. But there are some of the same issues of straight boys and straight girls rooming together. Seen that one, too.

Gay guy, straight gal? Some of the issues go away. And there's a better chance that he'll be fit to live with and not drive her off men for the rest of her life 

Lesbian sharing a dorm room with a straight guy? Bad, bad news. 



Tez3 said:


> I have to disagree! The best way to stop teenagers having sex, drugs and rock&roll is to make them live in the same room! The girls really will not want to have much to do with the lads after living with them trust me.


Oh Lord have you nailed it.

There's no better romance killer than actually being around the opposite sex 24/7. Fifty years ago it was co-ed dorms. Thirty years ago it was co-ed floors in the same dorm. It was all supposed to be, as Erma Bombeck (ztl) said at the time "a supermarket of sensuality" but turned into celibacy the first time the boys saw nylons hanging over the shower head.

Seeing how boys actually live is probably responsible for the majority of college-age lesbianism  

Loud. Unhygenic. Three week old beer cans on the floor. Underwear that moves around under its own power and is demanding the vote. More testosterone than myelin. Sports mad. And if a bunch of them get together it's even money that there will be property damage.

Girls start looking pretty good.

And doing versa vice instead of vice versa...

Clothes obsession. Gossip. More gossip. Vicious, predatory clinically precise gossip. Girls whose only model for dealing with a man is their mother. The bathroom is clean, but it's never empty. And if they live in close proximity and all entrain? You'll have to move out of the dorm for a week. It's worth your life to be male and breathing.

Beer and porn make a lot of sense.



> they are more mature than boys for the most part, they will see the boys as immature lol they will drive the boys mad!
> Putting them all in the same rooms makes them more like siblings than potential partners. _They will look outside for relationships though the boys they are living with may come on like big brothers which is only good!_



There actually is something to that. My own experience back in the mid-Triassic was that other than the occasional drunken hookup people tended to look elsewhere for sex and romance. The potential for gossip and really ugly breakups was just too obvious.

Girls more mature than boys?

Once, when I was just getting interested in girls my mother said I should stick with my own age or a little younger. She said girls are two or three years more mature than boys the same age.

I asked when the boys caught up.

She looked very tired and said "Never."


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## MA-Caver (May 5, 2008)

tellner said:


> Seeing how boys actually live is probably responsible for the majority of college-age lesbianism
> 
> Loud. Unhygenic. Three week old beer cans on the floor. Underwear that moves around under its own power and is demanding the vote. More testosterone than myelin. Sports mad. And if a bunch of them get together it's even money that there will be property damage.
> 
> Girls start looking pretty good.


I'm afraid that I'd have to disagree with this. In my experience a lot of lesbian friends that I have told me they chose the way they are because of either they've been attracted to girls all their lives, or some dip-wad of a guy made the rest of us wonderful guys look bad ... by beating her, raping, dominating, just being the jerk-oid that women really hate, of course when they first met the dip-wad he was Mr. Wonderful. Others I've known have made their choice because of incest or just plain abuse. 
Lots of women have brothers and lots of those brothers are typical males as you described. So they're pretty darn used to it. So the if the male is going to be atypical then he's gonna know what a nagging wife is going to be like ... but then women can be just as slobby as men... as evident (though it's extreme case here) http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/apr/29/no-headline---29ffilthy/



tellner said:


> I asked when the boys caught up.
> She looked very tired and said "Never."


 You should know that is going to be a typical female answer... true as it may be, they're all going to say that by the time *they* get to of age.


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## donna (May 5, 2008)

I agree with Tez and Empty Hands,
These are adults we are talking about. 
There comes a point that you have to trust your legally adult offspring to make their own decisions. You will not do them any favours by babying them!!
You teach you children values as they are growing, then at a certain stage you have to let them make their own decisions and trust that you have raised them to think for themselves. Maturity comes from making your own decisions and living with the consequences.I am sure that the shared room arrangements would be on a request system only . I cant see how they could legally just pair people up randomly.


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## MA-Caver (May 5, 2008)

donna said:


> I agree with Tez and Empty Hands,
> These are adults we are talking about.
> There comes a point that you have to trust your legally adult offspring to make their own decisions. You will not do them any favors by babying them!!
> You teach you children values as they are growing, then at a certain stage you have to let them make their own decisions and trust that you have raised them to think for themselves. Maturity comes from making your own decisions and living with the consequences.I am sure that the shared room arrangements would be on a request system only . I cant see how they could legally just pair people up randomly.


 They do it right now legally... true, same sex but not all same sex pairs get along. I knew one straight and one gay who got paired up in the same room... within a few weeks the straight guy stabbed the gay guy 17 times and threw the body out a 7 story (open) window. 

It's not babying them... it's common sense protection of those who, while maybe they're of adult age, they are certainly NOT of adult experience(s) and of adult judgment. I sure as heck wasn't at my college age kids are still kids and if you watch enough college aged shenanigans on You Tube and similar sites you'll probably eventually agree that there is a severe lack of judgmental powers going on in many of those vids. 

Alright I'm not going to dispute the possibility that some of these room arrangements will work out just fine and have no incidents. Wanna take that chance with your only child maybe?


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## Sukerkin (May 5, 2008)

I'm a little taken aback by some of the views of the world I've read above - it just goes to show that we *are* what we have experienced and that stereotypes don't help all that much in debate (and that includes my own).

Of what I've read so far it would seem that *Caver* and *jks* are of the most similar mind to myself on this one and, unusually, I find myself not concurring with Irene and Todd  .

EDIT: By the way, when it comes to being aware of the behaviour of women in domestic environments I have a fair repository of experience to draw on.  It ranges from having two sisters (which is seems is a non-anagram of 'mess-makers') to sharing a house with a couple of degree-educated strippers .


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## tellner (May 5, 2008)

Probably because both of us have our tongues firmly jammed in our (own) cheeks


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## Tez3 (May 5, 2008)

I was thinking about this last night and it dawned on me that something was wrong...why are they sharing rooms anyway? Most universities in the UK certainly ones Ive been to have single rooms for students. After the first year they usuaully have to move out of the university supplied accomodation and into digs more often than not a house shared with other students but these days young people expect a room of their own. I can't see many students here being pleased at sharing a room!


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## jks9199 (May 6, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> I was thinking about this last night and it dawned on me that something was wrong...why are they sharing rooms anyway? Most universities in the UK certainly ones Ive been to have single rooms for students. After the first year they usuaully have to move out of the university supplied accomodation and into digs more often than not a house shared with other students but these days young people expect a room of their own. I can't see many students here being pleased at sharing a room!


In many US colleges, at least for the first year or two, students almost certainly will live on campus or at university housing, usually in dorm rooms with one or more room mates.  Some schools don't have enough housing for more than freshman...  but a room mate is a normal college experience here.  Solo rooms are rare, from what I've heard.


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## mrhnau (May 6, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> I was thinking about this last night and it dawned on me that something was wrong...why are they sharing rooms anyway? Most universities in the UK certainly ones Ive been to have single rooms for students. After the first year they usuaully have to move out of the university supplied accomodation and into digs more often than not a house shared with other students but these days young people expect a room of their own. I can't see many students here being pleased at sharing a room!


I'll agree with JKS on that. It also helps make it a bit cheaper for the student. Even when off campus I shared a room with a friend to help reduce costs. Its expensive to go to college!


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## Archangel M (May 6, 2008)

Ive been living with my wife for over 15 years now and I still find her sexually attractive. The "put em together and they will get sick of each other" thing I just dont buy. 

At least from the (my) male perspective...no matter the "issues" living together may bring up, an attractive female sleeping in the same room with me would override the other issues.


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## Ping898 (May 6, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> I was thinking about this last night and it dawned on me that something was wrong...why are they sharing rooms anyway? Most universities in the UK certainly ones Ive been to have single rooms for students. After the first year they usuaully have to move out of the university supplied accomodation and into digs more often than not a house shared with other students but these days young people expect a room of their own. I can't see many students here being pleased at sharing a room!


Sometimes moving off campus is not an option especially if you go to school in a less than safe neighborhood, where say the cops even tell you don't leave campus at night unless you want to be shot, if you have no transportation beyond what public transportation exists and aren't part of a sorority/fraternity...I spent 5 years in campus dorms mostly cause no other safe choices existed and in my experience only way you got a solo room was a) is your were a resident assistant, or b) you had been living on campus long enough to get a low lottery number and enough people in singles left for there to be one open for you....only 12 to 15 singles available for the students on campus...and they were only available to the upperclassmen


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## jks9199 (May 6, 2008)

Archangel M said:


> Ive been living with my wife for over 15 years now and I still find her sexually attractive. The "put em together and they will get sick of each other" thing I just dont buy.
> 
> At least from the (my) male perspective...no matter the "issues" living together may bring up, an attractive female sleeping in the same room with me would override the other issues.


That's another good point...

Living with my wife for the last year and half hasn't diminished my attraction to her... just increased the level of confusion and puzzlement in my life!


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## Tez3 (May 6, 2008)

Sounds like going to university is an experience and a half in some places! though to us colleges and universities are two different types of extablishment though just to confuse things the Oxbridge Universities have colleges.
Usually only freshmen get accomodation in Halls of Residence and as I said they are single rooms, (I don't actually know of anywhere they share but there could be places I admit) I don't think British students would be impressed too much at having to share a room. 
There's usually plenty of flat/house shares available for students to rent in university towns. sharing is cheaper. Safety isn't very mush of an issue at least no more so than for anyone else.
I have to ask as I think there may be an age difference here too, our students go to university from age 18 onwards so worrying about them having orgies etc is a little pointless, at 18 they could be in the army in Iraq getting killed!
They can go to college from 16 onwards but college isn't residential at all , it's always local. They can go from college to university.Colleges don't award degrees.


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## Tez3 (May 6, 2008)

jks9199 said:


> That's another good point...
> 
> Living with my wife for the last year and half hasn't diminished my attraction to her... just increased the level of confusion and puzzlement in my life!


 

Ah but you love her and she's attractive to you, bit different if she looked and was built like a Russian shot putter lol!


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## Empty Hands (May 6, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> I have to ask as I think there may be an age difference here too, our students go to university from age 18 onwards so worrying about them having orgies etc is a little pointless, at 18 they could be in the army in Iraq getting killed!



No, there is no age difference, the usual age to go to college/university is 18 here as well.  We are just really good at extending the "parenting" ages out to the mid-twenties or even later.


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## MA-Caver (May 6, 2008)

Empty Hands said:


> No, there is no age difference, the usual age to go to college/university is 18 here as well.  We are just really good at extending the "parenting" ages out to the mid-twenties or even later.


Yep.
I agree with my father now who told me when I was a teenager at 17 fast approaching that magical "legal at 18 age" that a man/woman shouldn't be considered a man/woman until they are 21.
Only when I reached my mid 30's did I realize he was actually right about it.


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## donald (May 6, 2008)

The way I was at college age oh yeah I would have been all for it. Now as a Christian, dad, and oh yeah in my 40's. I am not thinking its such a hot idea. Just the  away from home thing, and now young ladies in the dorm 24-7. Not thinkin its a good idea. Just too much temptation all around. 


1stJohn1:9


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## mrhnau (May 6, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> Ah but you love her and she's attractive to you, bit different if she looked and was built like a Russian shot putter lol!



I'lll take offense at that! I married a shot putter! And she is Easter European! And she is HOT!


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