# Something to Offend Everyone



## Jade Tigress (Mar 15, 2007)

*SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE:*​


*What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? **
Juan on Juan*​ 
*Why is divorce so expensive?**
Because it's worth it.*​ 
*What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? **
Doughnuts*​ 
*Why is air a lot like sex?**
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any*​ 


*What do you call a smart blonde?**
A golden retriever.*​ 



*What do attorneys use for birth control? **
Their personalities.*​ 
*What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? **
45 lbs*​ 
*What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? **
45 minutes*​ 
*What's the fastest way to a man's heart? **
Through his chest with a sharp knife.*​ 
*Why do men want to marry virgins?**
They can't stand criticism.*​ 
*What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?** 
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you*​ 


*What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? **
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.*​ 


*What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? **
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.*​ 
*What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? **
"Are you sure it's mine?"*​ 

*Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?*​
*Mace will do that to you.*​ 



*Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ? **
Everyone has the same DNA.*​ 



*Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? **
Breasts don't have eyes.*​ 
*Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? **
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.*​ 


*Where does an Irish family go on vacation? **
A different bar.*​ 
*What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? **
A speech impediment.*​ 



*What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?*​ *They're hiring.*​ 



*What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? **
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".*​ 



*How do you get a sweet little*​ *80-year-old lady to say the F word? **
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!*​ 



*AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST*​ 



*What's the difference between a*​ *northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? **
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."*​


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## Drac (Mar 15, 2007)

:lfao: :lfao: :lfao: Too Funny!!!


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## Shaderon (Mar 15, 2007)

:lol: :lfao: :lool: :boing2: :boing1: :lol2:    That's too funny!!


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## shesulsa (Mar 15, 2007)

:rofl:


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## Sukerkin (Mar 15, 2007)

:snurkle:


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## 14 Kempo (Mar 15, 2007)

Good stuff ... LOL!


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## bluemtn (Mar 15, 2007)

That was a classic, Jade!  Thanks for posting that!


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## Carol (Mar 15, 2007)

*What do attorneys use for birth control? **
Their personalities.



**whew* This is usually somthing attributed to Engineers.  :lfao:​


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## Zida'sukara (Mar 15, 2007)

:lfao: Cool!!


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## LawDog (Mar 15, 2007)

Those are great, no one is left out.
:lfao:


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## Mark L (Mar 15, 2007)

Carol Kaur said:


> *What do attorneys use for birth control? **
> Their personalities.
> 
> 
> ...


That's not funny, not at all.  Our personalities are quite engaging. I'd say more, but I have a power supply oscillation that is electromagnetically coupling to my capacitve sensor signal demodulator, rendering the nulling loop unstable.  Since it is lunch time, I can spend the whole hour in the lab correlating simulation files against oscilloscope traces.  This is sooo exciting!


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## Kacey (Mar 15, 2007)

:roflmao: :lfao: :lool: Those are great!  And I really needed a good laugh today - thanks!


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## shesulsa (Mar 15, 2007)

Mark L said:


> That's not funny, not at all.  Our personalities are quite engaging. I'd say more, but I have a power supply oscillation that is electromagnetically coupling to my capacitve sensor signal demodulator, rendering the nulling loop unstable.  Since it is lunch time, I can spend the whole hour in the lab correlating simulation files against oscilloscope traces.  This is sooo exciting!



ooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooo ....... :fanboy:

J/K!!! :lol2:


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## Carol (Mar 15, 2007)

Mark L said:


> That's not funny, not at all.  Our personalities are quite engaging. I'd say more, but I have a power supply oscillation that is electromagnetically coupling to my capacitve sensor signal demodulator, rendering the nulling loop unstable.  Since it is lunch time, I can spend the whole hour in the lab correlating simulation files against oscilloscope traces.  This is sooo exciting!



DANG!!    What are you you doing to me talking like that in the middle of the day?   Damn...my concentration is all shot to hell now.  I'm gonna need to go cool off for a bit.


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## Xue Sheng (Mar 15, 2007)

Jade Tigress said:


> *SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE:*​
> *What do you call a smart blonde?*​*
> A golden retriever.​*​


 
  HEY!!! I'M OFFENDED!!! 

But seriously :lfao:


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## Ping898 (Mar 15, 2007)

heheheh


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## Brian R. VanCise (Mar 15, 2007)

:rofl:


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## JBrainard (Mar 15, 2007)

Those jokes were terribly good.



Carol Kaur said:


> *What do attorneys use for birth control? **
> Their personalities.
> 
> 
> ...


 
 Hey, I used to be an Engineer! :lol:


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