# Anger.



## Hagakure

Hey people.

Not sure where I'm going with this, it's a "make it up as you go" kinda thread. I'm in a place emotionally at the moment, that, I'm so unbelieveably angry most of the time. I can feel it sitting there underneath the surface of my _normal_ behaviour. I feel like a coiled spring. 

I'll give you an example. I get home from work, and I'm non-communicative. Last night, my little girl, absolute angel to me, my world, had a heavy cold, temperature, runny nose etc, and is crying for me at 0200 in the morning. So after a while, she wouldn't let me do anything to help her, I tried giving her medicine, and she fought against me tooth and nail, and, I bawled at her to take her medicine. I felt terrible for having scared her, and having lost my temper. It's not the first time either. Not with her, but over the last few months in particular, I've just snapped on a few occassions, no warning, it just happens. 

Even with training in the MA, meditation, and doing weights and going running, it's not enough to channel it. 

I've tried to analyse it rationally, and look at the reasons in my life as to why this emotion may be manifesting itself so intensely but I don't know if it's just a cop out. The last 2.5 years have seen me become a dad, get married, get made redundant, go back to uni, move house, finish my degree, have my little girl go through some pretty serious surgery, started an uber high powered job that I don't enjoy but pays well and will get us into NZ. Just feels like I can't catch a breath sometimes. My emotions are in an unpredictable loop that's seemingly beyond my control.

Can't seem to shake this anger thing. Wondered if any of you'd experienced similar circumstances/emotions/experiences and how and if you were able to come through the other side ok. Or, if you have any ideas or suggestions for coping mechanisms? Dunno why I'm posting it to you lot, don't wanna keep hassling my wife I guess. She's put up with a lot from me, and I don't want to jeapardise us. I guess it's also easier in some ways sharing with those you don't know particularly well at all...


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## jarrod

you, my man, have a lot going on in your life, pure & simple.  i'm in a rough spot right now, i'm just trying to keep my mind on the goals i'm working for & making a conscious effort to remain optimistic.  good luck!

jf


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## Andy Moynihan

Get thee to a video store/channel and overdose on the Three Stooges. Works for me.


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## seasoned

There are very few things that mean anything in life. But in your situation, your dividends will pay off down the road through your family. All else will pass, but family will last, and be there for your, when all else fails. I am on the other end of what you are talking about, so please take it from me. Once I got home, it was my sanctuary from the world, once the door closed behind me all was well. Your in the process of adding a human being to this world, and at her age, she only knows love. Think of it in those terms my friend and all will go well. J


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## JadecloudAlchemist

It seems to me that alot has changed or happen in the last 2.5years.

You may be angry unconsciously about extra responsibility or anger as a means of a safety or coping device to these changes.

Maybe you need someone to talk to professionally to help you with healthier coping techniques and a way to get things off your shoulders and chest.

Hardships and challanges help mold who we are by our response to them.

  Patience(a water type of emotion) can help put out the flames of anger.


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## Jade Tigress

It just sounds like you need a vacation my friend. You have had a lot of stress and life changes within the past 2 years. Take your family and get away somewhere to recharge your batteries.


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## Hagakure

Thanks guys, input is much appreciated, my day's started looking up as it is.

A wise man () briefly explained his past, and I've decided upon a course of action. Just hope it's not too late. 

Hagakure.


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## jarrod

JadecloudAlchemist said:


> Maybe you need someone to talk to professionally to help you with healthier coping techniques and a way to get things off your shoulders and chest.



JCA makes a good point too my friend, nothing wrong with finding a good professional listener.  i talked to a therapist off & on for about 2 years for anger issues.  i was looking for a cure for anger, instead of learning what to do with it.  sounds like a simple thing, but it was a huge revelation to me.  

it sounds like your problems have crept up in the last few years, so it may very well be different for you.

jf


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## Hagakure

jarrod said:


> JCA makes a good point too my friend, nothing wrong with finding a good professional listener. i talked to a therapist off & on for about 2 years for anger issues. i was looking for a cure for anger, instead of learning what to do with it. sounds like a simple thing, but it was a huge revelation to me.
> 
> it sounds like your problems have crept up in the last few years, so it may very well be different for you.
> 
> jf


 
Yep, that's part of the plan mate. I guess I thought I was "ok" and that it was natural to feel like this. The recent explosive outburts though, have proved otherwise. I'm open to pretty much all suggestions, and have made an appointment with my GP (MD I think to you guys) this week. 

If I can combine that with everything I currently do, then who knows... Also reading up on NLP and recognising the triggers. Anyone had any experience with this?

Jarrod, you're up late aren't you?


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## Xue Sheng

Hagakure said:


> Hey people.
> 
> Not sure where I'm going with this, it's a "make it up as you go" kinda thread. I'm in a place emotionally at the moment, that, I'm so unbelieveably angry most of the time. I can feel it sitting there underneath the surface of my _normal_ behaviour. I feel like a coiled spring.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I get home from work, and I'm non-communicative. Last night, my little girl, absolute angel to me, my world, had a heavy cold, temperature, runny nose etc, and is crying for me at 0200 in the morning. So after a while, she wouldn't let me do anything to help her, I tried giving her medicine, and she fought against me tooth and nail, and, I bawled at her to take her medicine. I felt terrible for having scared her, and having lost my temper. It's not the first time either. Not with her, but over the last few months in particular, I've just snapped on a few occassions, no warning, it just happens.
> 
> Even with training in the MA, meditation, and doing weights and going running, it's not enough to channel it.
> 
> I've tried to analyse it rationally, and look at the reasons in my life as to why this emotion may be manifesting itself so intensely but I don't know if it's just a cop out. The last 2.5 years have seen me become a dad, get married, get made redundant, go back to uni, move house, finish my degree, have my little girl go through some pretty serious surgery, started an uber high powered job that I don't enjoy but pays well and will get us into NZ. Just feels like I can't catch a breath sometimes. My emotions are in an unpredictable loop that's seemingly beyond my control.
> 
> Can't seem to shake this anger thing. Wondered if any of you'd experienced similar circumstances/emotions/experiences and how and if you were able to come through the other side ok. Or, if you have any ideas or suggestions for coping mechanisms? Dunno why I'm posting it to you lot, don't wanna keep hassling my wife I guess. She's put up with a lot from me, and I don't want to jeapardise us. I guess it's also easier in some ways sharing with those you don't know particularly well at all...


 
Anger, been there done that... more than once.... I will PM you


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## Hagakure

Xue Sheng said:


> Anger, been there done that... more than once.... I will PM you


 
Thanks buddy, look forward to hearing from you. Been a while eh.


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## mook jong man

I was worse than you , every little thing would irritate me and make me snap and I would also have episodes of depression . I went to the doctor to get a wart burnt off my leg and the doctor noticed that I don't sit still and I am always fidgeting or moving my leg or something .

 She sent me to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and I've been on medication ever since . The medication controls my temper and keeps me relatively calm but after I do exercise or training it makes me pretty hyper for a while.

I'm not saying thats whats wrong with you because I've had this condition all my life , but your one is recent so it might just be the stress from your job.
Hope you get better.


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## jks9199

The first word is STRESS.  Good, bad, your body doesn't care.  It ramps up the same way -- and leaves the same chaos behind.  Physically and emotionally.

Therapy can help.  Meds may be appropriate -- but only after you've seen and discussed it with a mental health professional.  Taking a break can help.  So can reassessing some things in your life -- because you may be pushing too hard or putting too much pressure on yourself over various issues in your life.

And -- find some time for yourself.  Not training, not gym... just some TIME.  Maybe stop at a park on the way home from work, and go for a walk.  No pressure; no demands, just walking.


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## Hagakure

mook jong man said:


> I was worse than you , every little thing would irritate me and make me snap and I would also have episodes of depression . I went to the doctor to get a wart burnt off my leg and the doctor noticed that I don't sit still and I am always fidgeting or moving my leg or something .
> 
> She sent me to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and I've been on medication ever since . The medication controls my temper and keeps me relatively calm but after I do exercise or training it makes me pretty hyper for a while.
> 
> I'm not saying thats whats wrong with you because I've had this condition all my life , but your one is recent so it might just be the stress from your job.
> Hope you get better.


 

Thanks mate, that's some pretty good advice/thoughts right there. In fairness it sounds fairly similar to my own experiences.

It's odd, in some way, it's a cathartic experience getting if off my chest, and seeking advice. Feels as though I've acknowledged the issue and am working towards resolution.


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## MA-Caver

Hagakure, glad you're finding an answer to a problem we both share. I too experience moments of overwhelming rage and it takes everything I got to contain it and sometimes I literally shake involuntarily from the struggle. 
It is stress and it is something that is bad... Agree with Xue that there is good and bad stress ...right now what I've been experiencing is more of the bad than the good. 
Pam hit it on the nose that a vacation is needed, but $$ is needed for a vacation  Plus my present responsibilities wouldn't allow a vacation even if I had the money. 
I started therapy myself but because it a free type of clinic (remember no $$) there are far too many patients for them to see me as regularly as I'd like/need. Once a month does not therapeutic healing make... at least not for this fella. 
I've got quasi outlets here and there and now I'm working again I should be doing better. 

I'm sorry that you had blown up at your precious baby girl. I'm glad that you realize that it's not a good thing to do. Yet in a small way it's good because as she gets older that impression/image of "daddy mad" will help her behave -- if you get my meaning -- when you give her that stern "no" then she'll have that and respond to it and even as she gets older she'll know it's a good idea to obey daddy (and mum). A bad way to do it but it could yield positive results in the long term. I'm sure you're making it up to her in droves.


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## Hagakure

MA-Caver said:


> Hagakure, glad you're finding an answer to a problem we both share. I too experience moments of overwhelming rage and it takes everything I got to contain it and sometimes I literally shake involuntarily from the struggle.
> It is stress and it is something that is bad... Agree with Xue that there is good and bad stress ...right now what I've been experiencing is more of the bad than the good.
> Pam hit it on the nose that a vacation is needed, but $$ is needed for a vacation  Plus my present responsibilities wouldn't allow a vacation even if I had the money.
> I started therapy myself but because it a free type of clinic (remember no $$) there are far too many patients for them to see me as regularly as I'd like/need. Once a month does not therapeutic healing make... at least not for this fella.
> I've got quasi outlets here and there and now I'm working again I should be doing better.
> 
> I'm sorry that you had blown up at your precious baby girl. I'm glad that you realize that it's not a good thing to do. Yet in a small way it's good because as she gets older that impression/image of "daddy mad" will help her behave -- if you get my meaning -- when you give her that stern "no" then she'll have that and respond to it and even as she gets older she'll know it's a good idea to obey daddy (and mum). A bad way to do it but it could yield positive results in the long term. I'm sure you're making it up to her in droves.


 

Off to Wing Chun in a bit, but will reply to this in more detail later mate. 

H


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## Hagakure

Well guys,

I wanted to post a thanks to the ideas, support and general messages of goodwill about this post. Appointment made with the docs on Thursday evening, and a very honest chat with the wife last night. From here, there are two courses of action I'd like to take, including the possibility of medication and counselling. I intend to continue with the MA training, meditation and have finally found a grappling class near to me! I also found out that the well paid job, that I'm not fond of, may not be mine for much longer anyway, oddly enough, not because of the recession, but because of HR policy. So, on the one hand, something to fear, on the other, a possible new start...

Finally, just want to reiterate how cool the replies have been, if we're ever stateside, (and the missus is gagging to go to NYC!) I'll gladly buy any of you a beer or 5 who are able.

Thanks again,

Hagakure.


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## Jade Tigress

Best wishes and please let us know how it goes. :asian:


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## Hagakure

Jade Tigress said:


> Best wishes and please let us know how it goes. :asian:



Hi JT, thanks mate, will surely do so.  I feel a heck of a lot less pent up just getting it out. From here, the start.


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## Tez3

Get yourself up to us, not just to train but to get you into an atmosphere you understand. We have various options here that you are still entitled to use due to your previous employment.


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## Hagakure

Tez3 said:


> Get yourself up to us, not just to train but to get you into an atmosphere you understand. We have various options here that you are still entitled to use due to your previous employment.



 What is it that I'd be doing? We'd thought of moving up north, got many relatives in and around the Sheffield area. Whatever it is I do, has to be capable of getting us into NZ in a few years? 

The best man at my wedding is from Leeds. Yorkshire, the way counties _used_ to be.


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## Flea

Hi Hakagure,

I'm a bit late to this thread, but I wanted to offer you my support.  I used to be explosive myself, and then one day it dawned on me out of nowhere - right in the middle of an outburst! - that _I'm just not a happy person._  It would have been easy to repress that and go right back to my regular program, but I didn't.  

My first step was catching myself in the act of blowing up, because I often did it unconsciously.  That was probably the hardest part, and I still slip sometimes. Once I learned to do that, I would ask myself the crucial question of what am I _really_ upset about?  Often it was something unrelated, like having burned my toast that morning.  Or it was something deeper, the person had touched one of those deep psychic nerves we all have - survival, abandonment, pride.  Then the real work began of examining those feelings and learning to separate them from the external stimulus that touched off the surface reaction.  

Finally, and I looked to professionals for this, I learned more constructive outlets for that energy (which still ran really strong.)  Nowadays I go with  common-sense assertiveness, a skill I had to cultivate.  And more importantly, keeping my fear in check.  For me, a lot of these outbursts are overcompensation for fear.  

Naturally I only speak for myself on all this.  I thought it might be helpful though, so there you have it.  :asian:  Please, keep us posted if you wish.  I for one am rooting for you.


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## Xue Sheng

Seeing as we have similar jobs I can tell you that things got better at my job when I did something that many IT people might consider blaspheme.

I stopped multitasking I now only do one thing at a time whenever possible. But the nature of IT and my little corner of it does mean that at time it is not possible. But I have found it was a lot easier than I thought to stop multitasking and I found that I did not need to anywhere as much as many IT types are lead to believe, also doing this cut down on issues at home. And I found the most amazing thing one day when I stopped feeling guilty about not rushing home to watch my daughter or rushing to my wife's office to wait for her to finish. I just went to a local mall (outdoor mall) and stop, got a cup of tea and an oatmeal cookie and just sat there, watched the world go by and relaxed.

And I just can't go without some sort of quote, the second one worked for me

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned - Buddha

When anger rises, think of the consequences - Confucius

There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot. - Plato

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

OK the last one has little to do with the situation but I was getting to serious and I had to lighten things up a bit


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## bluekey88

Good luck man...sound slike you're taking hte right steps.  I'd like to reiterate that, when it comes to anger...it's a legitimate emotion.  Not one to be avoided.  However, the crucial task is to learn to express it effectively.  Also, and this will probaby come out in therapy, anger (in males usually, but not always) can often mask more painful and complex emotions.

Anyhow, good luck and keep us posted.

Peace,
Erik


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## Hagakure

Once again guys, thanks for the replies. It's quite a cathartic process as I've mentioned, but I feel better for having taken this decision.

Cheers,

H.


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## Hagakure

Hey guys,

Well, I went to the docs tonight, and was prescribed some happy pillz for stress, not depression as I'd thought. Also, booked into see a counsellor for a regular session, and have been recommended to try CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Treatment), so will look at that over the next day or so. Feel a lot better already.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback guys.


Hagakure.


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## MA-Caver

Hagakure said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Well, I went to the docs tonight, and was prescribed some happy pillz for stress, not depression as I'd thought. Also, booked into see a counsellor for a regular session, and have been recommended to try CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Treatment), so will look at that over the next day or so. Feel a lot better already.
> 
> Thanks for the suggestions and feedback guys.
> 
> 
> Hagakure.


I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers


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## jks9199

MA-Caver said:


> I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers


In the cases of clinical depression caused by imbalances in your brain chemicals, all the pills are doing (if they're prescribed appropriately) is bringing you back into "normal" functioning.  It's kind of loosely like the tire weights an auto shop will use while balancing your wheels; they're bringing the wheel back into balance, not elevating it.


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## girlbug2

It would be prudent to consider if the change in your temper might have come about after starting or changing prescriptions. I mention this because my dh noticed a change in his personality after he started blood pressure meds several years ago. It used to be quite difficult to upset him, but after being put on the meds he realized his temper was much shorter. No way to prove that that was a side effect, but we've always suspected it. It's been a long and difficult road to adjust them for other various side effects, and the current "cocktail" seems to be the best compromise. However, simply going off blood pressure meds(which would be the only way to know for sure if they have really been affecting his moods) is not negotiable.


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## MA-Caver

jks9199 said:


> In the cases of clinical depression caused by imbalances in your brain chemicals, all the pills are doing (if they're prescribed appropriately) is bringing you back into "normal" functioning.  It's kind of loosely like the tire weights an auto shop will use while balancing your wheels; they're bringing the wheel back into balance, not elevating it.


Well that's the thing isn't it? To my knowledge nobody has stuck a needle in my brain and drawn out whatever chemicals to measure what I lack and have nothing to compare them with do they? No, I realize it isn't done that way... but just what IS normal? 
I am under a deal of stress at this time in my life... but is it just stress or is it a chemical imbalance? When things in my life are at a low stress point I'm not as quick to anger nor am I that depressed. So it makes me wonder... I don't want to try to "experiment" to see if this or that helps. There are far too many drugs out there that have far too many individual side-effects to literally gamble with my mind. 
As I've said I'm in therapy right now (non-medicated) for my anger issues and in-so-far doing alright with it. I honestly don't foresee myself going on a shooting rampage anytime soon... or distant future. I just acknowledge the fact that I am in a stressful situation but now some things have changed and I expect it to get better as it did before so time will tell.

By the way girlbug it's been a very VERY long time since I've had any mind-altering drugs in my system (legal or otherwise) so I'm not in the middle of starting or changing any prescription. In fact it's been a while since I've had any prescription with my name on it.


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## jarrod

MA-Caver said:


> Well that's the thing isn't it? To my knowledge nobody has stuck a needle in my brain and drawn out whatever chemicals to measure what I lack and have nothing to compare them with do they? No, I realize it isn't done that way... but just what IS normal?
> I am under a deal of stress at this time in my life... but is it just stress or is it a chemical imbalance? When things in my life are at a low stress point I'm not as quick to anger nor am I that depressed. So it makes me wonder... I don't want to try to "experiment" to see if this or that helps. There are far too many drugs out there that have far too many individual side-effects to literally gamble with my mind.
> As I've said I'm in therapy right now (non-medicated) for my anger issues and in-so-far doing alright with it. I honestly don't foresee myself going on a shooting rampage anytime soon... or distant future. I just acknowledge the fact that I am in a stressful situation but now some things have changed and I expect it to get better as it did before so time will tell.
> 
> By the way girlbug it's been a very VERY long time since I've had any mind-altering drugs in my system (legal or otherwise) so I'm not in the middle of starting or changing any prescription. In fact it's been a while since I've had any prescription with my name on it.


 
that is the million dollar question...what is normal?  a recent trend in psychology has been to suggest that happiness is not a normal state.  that stress & the emotions that go with it are crucial to our survival more than we realized.  so that's the trick with pills: find something that doesn't completely kill your emotional response, but keeps you from climbing water towers with a high powered rifle.  

jf


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## Hagakure

MA-Caver said:


> I wonder if I don't need the same treatments... but I am frightfully wary of those pills docs seem to love prescribing. Heard/read far too much in the long term effects of these tranquilizers


 
The pills given, I actually asked for mate. The docs assessment was that depression was only a by-product of major league "stress" (as has been pointed out on here). Her belief was that depressed people tend not to (and she freely admitted that she was generalising) be "go-getters" in my case, I recently gained a First Class Honours degree, got onto a highly competitive graduate scheme where around 7,000 people apply annually, and around 200 are selected. Her view was that I was experiencing chronic stress as a compounded result of the last 2.5 years of life. I, for one, think she was spot on. The medication itself, is less targetted towards anti-depression apparently, and more towards anti-stress. That, combined with counselling, and the CBT, and the fact that I've sought professional help makes me feel better already. The stress still exists in my life, anyone with a toddler that doesn't want to sleep much and a high powered job will testify, it's just that now, I'm determined not to become a slave to my circumstances. MA-Caver, if you feel similar to me, you have the power to stop/change your circumstances now mate, all you have to do is make that first step. Free your mind, and your *** will follow. 


Hagakure.


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## Jade Tigress

Hagakure said:


> The docs assessment was that depression was only a by-product of major league "stress" (as has been pointed out on here).



This is so true. I suffer from Major Depression as a result of long term stress. Finding the right antidepressant was a chore in itself, but has helped immensely. It's not a happy pill by any means, but it can certainly help you function again when you're at the end of your rope.

In my research on depression years ago I found this, bold mine. 



> [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Recently, a study has been done on the way chronic stress contributes to depression (Health Magazine, April 2000). *Researchers believe that continuous stress over a long period of time "hard wires" the brain into operating in stress mode all the time, triggering depression. *[/FONT]


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## Hagakure

Jade Tigress said:


> This is so true. I suffer from Major Depression as a result of long term stress. Finding the right antidepressant was a chore in itself, but has helped immensely. It's not a happy pill by any means, but it can certainly help you function again when you're at the end of your rope.
> 
> In my research on depression years ago I found this, bold mine.


 
That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure. 

Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes. 


Respectfully,


Hagakure.


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## Carol

Hagakure said:


> That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure.
> 
> Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes.
> 
> 
> Respectfully,
> 
> 
> Hagakure.



Sometimes a layoff is like being in a bad relationship...and suddenly your partner breaks up with you.  Not what you were expecting, not on your terms, sometimes it can hurt.  But...its still the end of a bad relationship. 

You're an intelligent, literate, and hard-working man.  Sending good thoughts and prayers that you'll find a new opportunity soon, and that its a much better relationship.  Hang in there!  :asian:


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## MA-Caver

Carol Kaur said:


> Hagakure said:
> 
> 
> 
> That makes total sense mate. I've just had my "we're gonna have to let you go" chat with my boss. As I said, not due to the recession, but due to an HR balls-up. Ah well... Oddly, I feel calm. Go figure.
> Once again, thanks for the feedback dudes and dudettes.
> Respectfully,
> Hagakure.
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes a layoff is like being in a bad relationship...and suddenly your partner breaks up with you.  Not what you were expecting, not on your terms, sometimes it can hurt.  But...its still the end of a bad relationship.
> 
> You're an intelligent, literate, and hard-working man.  Sending good thoughts and prayers that you'll find a new opportunity soon, and that its a much better relationship.  Hang in there!  :asian:
Click to expand...

What she said. 

I hate those kind of talks from the boss(es). They try to sound soooo sincere about letting you go yet don't care to hear from you ever again.  Life goes on, so screw 'em. 
I've had far too many of those for various reasons. It doesn't surprise me at all anymore... it still hurts like Carol said but... it goes away. 
Hang in there... I'm finally working after a l-o-n-g period of unemployment and while I'm not making the money that I used to... at least, in this recession... I'm making money. 
As that self-confessed "go-getter", you'll be working again here soon yourself. :asian:


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## Hagakure

I've been applying for other roles, even though I don't HAVE to.

It's an odd setup where I work. It's such a huge company, even though I've been released from this role officially today, I could just sit on my *** and get paid an above average salary for very little. The only issue is, if my graduate line manager recalls me to another part of the country (180 miles away from home, wife and kids). Not much of a distance for the US, but here it's the width of the country (England anyway). Plus, I get to be moved at random every 6 months anywhere in the country, so have little control over where I end up. Ok if I were a younger grad, a total mare if you're older with family. So, for all intents and purposes, I'll be looking elsewhere. 

Only got 7 or 8 months real experience now though when looking for my next IT job.  That's a bummer.


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## Carol

Its not a bad start at all.  IT/Tech is turbulent, and a good manager will hire good skills.   Personally I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with my employer, and this is the first time I have ever worked anyplace for 3 years straight (15 years in).


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## Hagakure

Carol Kaur said:


> Its not a bad start at all. IT/Tech is turbulent, and a good manager will hire good skills. Personally I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with my employer, and this is the first time I have ever worked anyplace for 3 years straight (15 years in).


 
Wow. No more than 3 years? If I'm honest, I've never really stayed longer than that either, with the exception of the RN, and I didn't have any say in the matter then. 

I'm just open to all suggestions within IT at the moment. Anyone in the Midlands area of the UK need a junior support/technical analyst?  No? Ah well. 

I'll wait and see how it goes, in fairness, the instability of this job has seen the stress levels rise exponentially, so without it, hopefully it'll be quite apparent, and life will slow down a little...


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## jks9199

Hagakure said:


> I've been applying for other roles, even though I don't HAVE to.
> 
> It's an odd setup where I work. It's such a huge company, even though I've been released from this role officially today, I could just sit on my *** and get paid an above average salary for very little. The only issue is, if my graduate line manager recalls me to another part of the country (180 miles away from home, wife and kids). Not much of a distance for the US, but here it's the width of the country (England anyway). Plus, I get to be moved at random every 6 months anywhere in the country, so have little control over where I end up. Ok if I were a younger grad, a total mare if you're older with family. So, for all intents and purposes, I'll be looking elsewhere.
> 
> Only got 7 or 8 months real experience now though when looking for my next IT job.  That's a bummer.


Moving you around like that, with no control over it, is stressful in and of itself.  I'd encourage you to get those applications & resumes out...


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## Xue Sheng

Hagakure said:


> Wow. No more than 3 years? If I'm honest, I've never really stayed longer than that either, with the exception of the RN, and I didn't have any say in the matter then.
> 
> I'm just open to all suggestions within IT at the moment. Anyone in the Midlands area of the UK need a junior support/technical analyst?  No? Ah well.
> 
> I'll wait and see how it goes, in fairness, the instability of this job has seen the stress levels rise exponentially, so without it, hopefully it'll be quite apparent, and life will slow down a little...


 
Depending on which direction I go if I go 180 miles I am still in the same state 

Not knowing how things work in England what I am about to say may be silly. But here in the US I am facing a bit of uncertainty as well as to whether or not I will have a job (although I have been with the same employer greater than 10 years in IT) because the governor of the state I live in wants to eliminate my department in a cost saving measure  and give it to a private corp. that will cost considerably more (basically a place to give his pals high paying jobs). Initially I was a bit stressed but now I have to be honest my attitude is I could use the vacation. However I do not have the uncertainty of re-employment many in the IT private sector have, I am likely looking at no more than 6 months, if that, before another office needs what I do and they re-hire me. But then it is still not all that certain the good ole gov will get his way just yet, even though he did but $0 in his budget for us.

Basically I am here at this point, Why worry, if I can do something about it then I should do it and stop worrying, if I can't do anything about it they why am I worrying about it at all, it is inevitable. Fight the good fight thats all I try and do anymore.

And one more thing, about 15 years ago I had a conversation with a doctor at a hospital I was working at and we were discussing stress. He said then that stress was one of the most underrated killers on the planet. I am glad you went to hear you are going to talk to someone.


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## Hagakure

Yep, moving around constantly is stressful. Not knowing where you'll be every 6 months just adds to that. So, I've been contacted by my grad line manager today to say words to the effect of "tough, you go where we want you to" and I'm now going to be handing my notice in very shortly. 

I've contacted about 3 or 4 job agencies already today, and also applied for about 5 jobs online. So... I have very good relationships with the local job agencies, perhaps one of those will turn something up.

XS, you're right mate, worrying about the unknown has become second nature to me though, and that has to stop. I'll get paid for the coming month, that much is certain, after that, we'll see. 

As I said, I think much of the recent catalyst for stress has been working at this organisation. It's odd, but before I started here, I had a sense of foreboding, and there's never been any "honeymoon period" either, which you normally get at most employers. Here, from day 1 - week 1, I was less than convinced of my happiness here, this was before things started going pear-shaped too. How odd that my intuition picked up on this, before anything actually happened. Let's hear it for the good ol' "gut instinct".


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## Xue Sheng

Anger


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## Jade Tigress

Xue Sheng said:


> Anger



_That_, my friend, is an awesome link. I could learn alot from it as I tend to stuff my anger and that's not healthy either. Much thanks. :asian:


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## Xue Sheng

Jade Tigress said:


> _That_, my friend, is an awesome link. I could learn alot from it as I tend to stuff my anger and that's not healthy either. Much thanks. :asian:


 
Glad I could help

and...

Been there, done that, bought the coffee cup AND the t-shirt and your right it is not healthy and it will turn on you if you do in long enough...been there done that too.


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## Hagakure

Cheers Xue, 

That was good. I've favourited it, and will read it in more detail tomorrow.

Well, I've been on the happy pillz for a few days now, and although I do feel a lot better, I also feel as though I've been hit by a bus. Really tired and drowsy, feel almost viral. Hey ho.

I've had a "possible" offer of alternative employment also, working in London. Still a long commute, 4 hours a day, it's better than 10 that working for my current company would be! So... Watch this space I guess.

Cheers,

H.


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## jarrod

it's normal to feel off for a bit, especially if they have to vary your dose.  as long as side effects aren't devastating, i'd give it two weeks to even out.  if they are still dragging you down, you might need a different prescription.  sounds like things are generally working out though, glad to hear it!

jf


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