# Kid Humor



## Nightingale (Sep 9, 2003)

One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
Gail Beck
Augusta, ME

First Grade True Story
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy %$#@! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

I was showing a video regarding the Revolutionary War to my "slower" class of seventh graders. Before turning on the video, I told them that the video would show actors portraying different historical people such as John Adams or Thomas Jefferson. I even told them that there would be a sign which would come up during the film which would remind everybody that these actors were saying the actual words of the historical characters that they were portraying. (I could see, however, that a few of the boys were not paying attention to what I was saying.) I turned on the video, waited for and pointed out the sign I had mentioned, and then watched the students as they watched the video. An actor portraying George Washington appeared. "Hey," I heard one boy say as he nudged his nearby friend, "is that George Washington?" His friend regarded him with utter contempt. "Stupid!" he whispered back, "This video's in color. They didn't have color videotape back then. If it was George Washington, it would be in black and white!"

We were doing a science lesson on how plants grow. The children all got a chance to plant their own seeds.   As the teacher I planted a few
extra seeds for the children whose plants do not sprout. After a few weeks of watching them I secretly exchanged a few.  The next day one
 of my students said "Look teacher, it's a miracle, my plant is growing".  I said "Yes, seeds sprouting is very exciting".  He said," No teacher,
that's not the miracle, I ATE the SEED and it is growing anyway!"
Debbie Capuano

"Real teachers keep a straight face when a parent tells them their child did not complete the homework because their computer does not have Roman
numerals on it."(True story!)

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."
Gail Beck
Augusta, Maine

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On
returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy
kittens & 2 girl kittens.  "How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think
it's printed on the bottom."

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..." 

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is", I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" 

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."


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## pknox (Sep 9, 2003)

One I remember from last year was when I was giving a history test to my 8th graders.  All of my tests have an essay at the end, that is worth extra credit points.  Even the students who don't study will do the essay.  We were studying WWI, and how the U.S. got involved in it.  The essay asked to "describe why President Wilson made the decision he made, highlighting the important events along the way."  

About 3/4 of the way through the class, one of the students (a very nice girl, but shall we say, not the sharpest tool in the shed) told me she couldn't finish her essay.  When I asked her why, she said that her highlighter had ran out of ink.  I looked at her paper, and everytime she mentioned one of the events, she highlighted it in pink.   :idunno: 

I could not help but laugh.

Our future leaders at work.


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## pknox (Sep 9, 2003)

And here's one for the married folks.  It's not kid-related, but funny nonetheless...

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.  She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.  

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. 

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. 

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. 

"Yes, I do," she replied. 

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" 

"Yes, I remember." 

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?" 

"Yes, I do," she said. 

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

:rofl:


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## Cruentus (Sep 10, 2003)

That makes me want to go back to teaching...


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## theletch1 (Sep 10, 2003)

> He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."



I'm gonna get into soooo much trouble for telling my wife that one 'cause I know I can't do it with a straight face.:rofl:


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