# How to Understand Engineers - A Primer



## Carol (May 15, 2007)

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly.

"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


:roflmao:


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## CoryKS (May 15, 2007)

:rofl:


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## Ping898 (May 15, 2007)

These are so true....so very very true.


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## MBuzzy (May 15, 2007)

What does a fish say when he runs into concrete?  



DAM!


HA!!!  I've never met anyone that wasn't an engineer that thought it was funny.


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

MBuzzy said:


> What does a fish say when he runs into concrete?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



:lfao: :lfao: :lfao:


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## thardey (May 15, 2007)

MBuzzy said:


> What does a fish say when he runs into concrete?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



:roflmao: :roflmao: :rofl:


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## Rich Parsons (May 15, 2007)

And the issue with any of these is? 

Us engineers are a simple breed.


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## Xue Sheng (May 16, 2007)

:lfao: 



Carol Kaur said:


> To the optimist, the glass is half full.
> To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
> To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


 
To me it means I need a refill.

Damn now it is all so perfectly clear to me why I never did succeed at Engineering



MBuzzy said:


> What does a fish say when he runs into concrete?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
HA, I'm not an engineer and that is funny


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## MBuzzy (May 16, 2007)

MAN!  All of my friends just roll their eyes when I tell it.  Of course, I don't have too many other jokes.  At least ones that I can tell in public.


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## Cirdan (May 16, 2007)

So very true all of them... well except maybe the bike thing  :uhyeah:


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## arnisador (May 16, 2007)

I know those people!


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## avm247 (May 17, 2007)

(In the U.S.)

Architects and Dogs are LICENSED.
Engineers and Sex Offenders are REGISTERED. 

_"I had to be an architect - that's all they taught me." - Bruce Goff (1904-1982)
_


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## elder999 (May 17, 2007)

Yeah, but remember-engineers do it with _precision_...


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## Rich Parsons (May 18, 2007)

avm247 said:


> (In the U.S.)
> 
> Architects and Dogs are LICENSED.
> Engineers and Sex Offenders are REGISTERED.
> ...




No one should want their child to be an engineer.

They are geeks and get picked on.

They have "the Knack" and it confuses normal people.

They understand and make work things that are confusing to others.

They design and build all the toys we use every day. No one ever thanks them for their work for this. But if something ever breaks, boy do they complain and or bring a legal suit. 

If a lawyer does not get a defended off, then the person must have been guilty. If the ADA did not get the conviction then the person must have been innocent. (* Excluding technical issues *) People joke about Lawyers, i.e. "Kill all the lawyers" but this mostly from jealousy not becuase of any personal dislike.

Doctors diagnose and try to save people. Yet when they do not it was just beyond their means or it was their time. ( Excluding malpractice issues *) No one goes back and brings suit against them for a surgery that happened 30 years ago and there is new technology to make it better today.

Yet, people will bring suit against a manufacturer for a product made in the 50's, that has the UL stamp, but does not meet todays' standard. So now it is the fault of the company and the engineer for not designing a system that would meet that standards of the future.

Engineers are engineers because for some wierd reason they enjoy it. But no one beside thsoe that become enginners really wish it upon any one. 


And now for one of the biggest reasons for not being an engineer:

A personal Ad I saw years ago:

" I am looking for someone who stable, and consistent, not into playing games with people, someone logical and knows what they want. Someone who can fix the things around the house, or knows when to get help. Someone who is financially stable and has plans to be such when they retire. Looking for someone who is not on call all the time and can spend time with me and "our" kids in the future.  - Please No engineers!"

Up until the last couple of lines it could have been a lawyer or doctor or engineer or someone who independantly wealthy. With the time constraints it took the Lawyer and Doctor our of the picture. Which left Engineer, ..., but she specifically stated no engineers.  

I know this is once case, but I have seen it numerous times.  

Yet, I am glad I am an engineer.


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## zDom (May 18, 2007)

I enjoyed each and every one of those. I needed a good laugh.


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## TimoS (May 18, 2007)

The Knack 

[yt]jNG2zYh02TI[/yt]


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## TimoS (May 18, 2007)

Boss to a new employee:
- Well you can start cleaning up here with this broom
- Excuse me sir, but I have just graduated as engineer
- Right, sorry, I forgot. Here, let me show you how it is done


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## Brian R. VanCise (May 18, 2007)

No one understands an engineer! 















(just kidding 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





)


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## Carol (May 18, 2007)

Rich Parsons said:


> No one should want their child to be an engineer.



I dunno...I know not everyone agrees but I think we're born that way. 

I mean, I knew as a child growing up that something about me was different.  I mean, I wasn't like all the other kids.  And when I became a teenager it became even more apparent. 

I often felt confused...even conflicted.  I mean, I knew deep down inside who I was but I couldn't really bring myself to admit it.  When I graduated from high school, I went on to study music, thinking I'd be safe in a Conservatory environment.  

But no...time quickly told me that I had to face what I was.   I could play music, sure, but there was no denying how I was wired.   I was...truly...an engineer.    

And yeah it does freak other people out.  But...I still believe there is someone out there who will love us for the paycheck...I mean...the person that we are.   :lfao:


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## MBuzzy (May 18, 2007)

I think a lot of engineers go through their music phase.  In fact, I still play often.  I think it is like rebooting.

My curse is that I can't stop looking at concrete, asphalt, buildings, structures, etc.  I've almost been hit by cars looking at construction.  Yesterday I tripped over a curb and fell on my face examining a crack in the sidewalk (and some really cook upheaval).

Sometimes I think that civil engineers are a special kind of engineer.


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## arnisador (May 18, 2007)

MBuzzy said:


> Sometimes I think that civil engineers are a special kind of engineer.



Speaking as the husband of one...I agree!


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## Rich Parsons (May 19, 2007)

MBuzzy said:


> I think a lot of engineers go through their music phase. In fact, I still play often. I think it is like rebooting.
> 
> My curse is that I can't stop looking at concrete, asphalt, buildings, structures, etc. I've almost been hit by cars looking at construction. Yesterday I tripped over a curb and fell on my face examining a crack in the sidewalk (and some really cook upheaval).
> 
> Sometimes I think that civil engineers are a special kind of engineer.




I never could really sing nor play an instrument. I guess that makes me an atypical engineer. For I agree that many of the engineers I know also played an instrument as well. 

I dated a Civil Engineer once. She was real nice. It was also nice to look at buildings (* Which I enjoy *) and have someone else enjoy it as well. She even took me to one of her projects (* retaining walls and leveling and slope of the road to address the re-work and to projects scope. *) and I enjoyed it as well. Nice Lady.


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## Drac (May 19, 2007)

:lfao: :lfao: :lfao:


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## RED (May 21, 2007)

A civil, mechanical, and electrical engineer where sitting and arguing over what kind of engineer God is. 

The mechanical engineer said he is obviously a mechanical engineer, look at how complicated the skeleton is.

The electrical engineer said no he is a electrical engineer look at the nerous system and how intricate it is.

The civil engineer said they are both wrong because who else but a Civil engineer would put a sewer through a recreation area.


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## Carol (May 21, 2007)

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.


"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.


"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.


They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.


Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.


"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.


"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.


When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.  Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. 



The engineer knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"


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## Shaderon (May 21, 2007)

:lfao:  Thery are all really funny.


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## Carol (May 21, 2007)

*Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks*






 I won't stop bugging you until I get your URL.





 Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.





 Wanna come back to my room and see my Intel Core Duo?





 How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?





 You're sweeter than glucose.





 We're as compatible as two similar Linux boxes





 Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.





 You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!





 My love for you is like a concave up function because     it is always increasing.


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