# How to know when you've left your Gi in your car far too long



## Bob Hubbard

*How to know when you've left your Gi in your car far too long...*


You and your passengers suffer from a rare form of "inhalation ringworm"

A cop pulls you over for speeding, smells the car and asks "Ok, Hannibal where' the body?".

The vermin who originally infested your car to eat the scraps of pizza you drop have all died from exposure to your gi.

A carjacker forces you out of your car at gunpoint, gets in, drives 10 yards, gets out, and yells "Sheez man, where's you sense of decency!?"

Your dog, unlike most dogs who love a car ride, braces his paws against the sides of your car to avoid being forced inside.

You are driving on a lonely country road at night and pick up a hitchiker.  He expains that he has been waiting in the rain for a ride for 5 hours and he needs to get to the hospital were his wife is having a baby.  Upon smelling your gi he dives out the window at 60mph and takes off running through a field.

A fly finds it's way into your car and instantly dies.

You are able to mold your gi like a Gumby figure so it looks like a passenger so you can drive in the car pool lane.

You have a pet name for the ringworm on the sleeve of your gi and often talk with it about your hopes and dreams as you drive down the freeway.

The FBI seizes your vehicle on suspision of being a "Bio-terrorism" weapon.

You look in your rear-view mirror and now see 3 gi's... your gi is somehow reproducing!

The interior of your car smells like a member of the Al Qaeda terrorist network. 

You are afraid to park your car in direct sunlight because the windshield-magnifying-glass effect might cause instantaneous combustion of the volatile gases inside the passenger compartment.

That half a hamburger you left on the seat the night before is gone in the morning.

The next morning your gi has moved from the back seat into the front seat.

Then the kid from The Sixth Sense gets in your car and says "I smell dead people!".

Riding in your car gives your great-grandfather flashbacks of being mustard gassed in WWI

The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse show up at your house with baseball bats demanding to see your union card.
 [/B]



I found this one over on Budoseek...they got some more good ones there too.


----------



## Rob_Broad

I think I used to teach that guy,  Nobody wanted to go near him or his uniform.


----------



## Yari

> _Originally posted by Rob_Broad _
> 
> *I think I used to teach that guy,  Nobody wanted to go near him or his uniform. *



He visited your dojo too?

/Yari


----------



## Bob Hubbard

I had the, um, pleasure? of training with a person once.... the oder that came from them was, unique.  Of course it was a day to do techniques, and of, course, they were sweating, heavilly.

I don't know which was worse...the fact that their choke hold was too tight, or the fact that their 'smell' was choking...

I spent along time in the shower that night....

:barf: :anic:


----------



## Ty K. Doe

I had to do grappling with a guy who owned that gi.  I had my face stuck in his armpit.


----------



## VampyrSoul2000

I think that guy was my dad. He had a uniform like that. Stood up on it on in a corner and held together with all different colors of thread. Plus it was died eight or nine times to get that unique look that only he had..... 

Go on ask him, he'll tell you. I think he still has id too. That's the sad part.


----------



## Seig

That guy has been at my dojo on and off for a year now.  He has salt stains on his Gi.  Last night he told me that he would be leaving the dojo in three weeks.  I wished him well....


----------



## Yari

Maybe practicing in the rain, or under a shower(waterfall-sim) isn't a bad idea at all........


/Yari


----------



## RCastillo

> _Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz _
> 
> *How to know when you've left your Gi in your car far too long...
> 
> 
> You and your passengers suffer from a rare form of "inhalation ringworm"
> 
> A cop pulls you over for speeding, smells the car and asks "Ok, Hannibal where' the body?".
> 
> The vermin who originally infested your car to eat the scraps of pizza you drop have all died from exposure to your gi.
> 
> A carjacker forces you out of your car at gunpoint, gets in, drives 10 yards, gets out, and yells "Sheez man, where's you sense of decency!?"
> 
> Your dog, unlike most dogs who love a car ride, braces his paws against the sides of your car to avoid being forced inside.
> 
> You are driving on a lonely country road at night and pick up a hitchiker.  He expains that he has been waiting in the rain for a ride for 5 hours and he needs to get to the hospital were his wife is having a baby.  Upon smelling your gi he dives out the window at 60mph and takes off running through a field.
> 
> A fly finds it's way into your car and instantly dies.
> 
> You are able to mold your gi like a Gumby figure so it looks like a passenger so you can drive in the car pool lane.
> 
> You have a pet name for the ringworm on the sleeve of your gi and often talk with it about your hopes and dreams as you drive down the freeway.
> 
> The FBI seizes your vehicle on suspision of being a "Bio-terrorism" weapon.
> 
> You look in your rear-view mirror and now see 3 gi's... your gi is somehow reproducing!
> 
> The interior of your car smells like a member of the Al Qaeda terrorist network.
> 
> You are afraid to park your car in direct sunlight because the windshield-magnifying-glass effect might cause instantaneous combustion of the volatile gases inside the passenger compartment.
> 
> That half a hamburger you left on the seat the night before is gone in the morning.
> 
> The next morning your gi has moved from the back seat into the front seat.
> 
> Then the kid from The Sixth Sense gets in your car and says "I smell dead people!".
> 
> Riding in your car gives your great-grandfather flashbacks of being mustard gassed in WWI
> 
> The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse show up at your house with baseball bats demanding to see your union card.
> *
> 
> 
> 
> I found this one over on Budoseek...they got some more good ones there too.  [/B]




"The interior of your car smells like a member of the Al Qaeda terrorist network."

Talk about the ULTIMATE groin shot!
                              :rofl:


----------



## Seig

we could bottle it and sell it to the ones that sign up, show up once a month and expect to progress.  The product name.......GiBreeze!


----------



## theneuhauser

hand it over to president bush as a low cost substitute for the star wars defense program. the ultimate doomsday device.


----------



## LanceWildcat1

I've had the dubious 'experience' of dealing with a few of these folks.  My instructor has also.  He will be nice the first time, but the next time, he will mention that so and so needs a hose-down and de-lousing!  Usually works!!


----------



## Nightingale

what dance schools usually do is post hygene standards in the bathroom/locker room.  generally says stuff like:

attire will be clean and washed between workouts
deodorant must be worn
hair must be worn away from face
no jewelry

all the teachers had to do is ask someone if they'd read the red sign on the mirror in the locker room.  that usually solved the problem and gave the teachers a pretty tactful way out.


----------



## Little_Shoto

Leaving a note on their locker that says that they need to wash their **** works wonders.


----------



## Nightingale

there was one guy who came to the school I was training at who stank so bad, and had nasty sweat stains on his gi, that I decided to do something that was probably slightly evil.  I felt bad, because he was a nice guy, but he was the only one who was the same rank as me, so guess who always had to do techniques with him?  yep. ME!  The day I got stuck working "Grip of Death" (kenpo headlock technique) with him over and over was the last straw.

So this is what I did:


I took a ziploc bag. 



into it, I placed the following items:


a small box of laundry detergent

a large deodorant stick

a bar of Irish Spring Soap

a note saying "(Name withheld), Use. Please."



I then placed the bag on the hood of his car on my way out.  


The following class, he came in freshly washed and scrubbed.  It was never an issue again.  

I don't know if he ever figured out who did it, but he never said anything, and the problem was solved....

sometimes when people stink, they're so used to stinking that they don't notice it anymore.


----------



## GouRonin

> _Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz _
> *I spent along time in the shower that night....*



I know that feeling...you keep repeating to yourself... _"...must ...get...clean..."_ while you're using the steel brush with comet...
:rofl:


----------



## Bob Hubbard

Heh..I'm reminded of the scene in the Fisher King when Robin Williams characters going to meet his dream girl...they stuck one of those car pine tree air freshners around his neck...

Maybe we can make something similar and market it?  Little deoderant patches in the shape of your art or school logo?  

Call em "Dojo-fresh!" (tm)

:rofl: 

heh...steel brush hell...was a Lava soap and brillo pad night.


----------



## bscastro

This reminds me of my college TKD days. There was this one guy...just a few brief snippets.

Me: "Yo! You have to wash your uniform regularly! And do you keep it in that bag all the time" [as I point to the plastic grocery bag he carries it in]
Him: "Well, I figure if I tie the bag tight enough it won't smell so bad around other people."
Me: "Well, it smells pretty bad whenever you open it."
Him: "So how would I wash it?"
[I kick him a few times, then come to my senses]
Me: "So when was the last time you washed it?" [He's been in TKD about 4 months at this point]
Him: "Well, I haven't washed it yet..."
[I kick him a few more times]

This story is true, except for me kicking him. He had a sort of "oder shield" which kept me out of striking distance.

Cheers,
Bryan


----------



## Nightingale

OMG!!! EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!

:fart: 

Reminds me of my brother's science project....

his group was testing household cleaners.

he wanted to see if Febreze really worked to get smells out of clothing... so he wore the same clothes for two weeks, spraying himself down with Febreze daily... the conclusion of the experiment:  Febreze works, but not well enough to get you within ten feet of your girlfriend if you've been wearing the same clothes for more than three days.


:rofl:


----------



## hubris

The thing I can't stand is when people show up to class reeking of garlic. When you get stuck doing push hands with one of these people it gets really nasty. I swear one guy in my class must eat cloves of garlic on his way to class.


----------



## RyuShiKan

I take mine out when it starts driving around by itself..........just have to catch it first.


----------



## Kenpo_student

lol those are hilarious. I grappled with that guy a couple times. It was horrible. I tapped from a chest smother just to get away from him.


----------



## hubris

Scuse me for showing my iggnerrence, but what the heck is a Gi? I'm a tai chi person, and the worst thing I experience in class is bad breath (see above) or smelly feet. ("Puh-leeze - do the form in your shoes! You can advance to doing the form in your socks as soon as you clean those puppies up.")

Regards,

Mrs. Hubris Nimby


----------



## Nightingale

A Gi is a karate uniform.... ya know, the white or black (usually) pajama like things that most japanese and american style martial artists wear (there are exceptions, of course)

see below...


----------



## hubris

Ah! Yes, I've seen those things. When I go into the Borders in a local mall to enjoy an expresso and a browse through the latest best sellers, sometimes a terrifying thing happens. Suddenly a army of tots wearing similar clothing comes tearing through the mall screaming and whining and begging for McDonalds. There is a McDonalds at one end of the mall, and a McDojo at the other end. Convenient, eh? On days when they have birthday parties at the McDojo it gets ugly, honey. Real ugly. Mutant Ninja Tot Warriors.


----------



## Nightingale

OMG...Tot-age mutant ninjas....omg. you're gonna give me nightmares!


----------



## hubris

One Saturday the Mutant Ninja McDojo Tots were running wild having ketchup fights outside the McDonalds. They took those little packets of ketchup and squirted them on each other pretending it was blood. Where the heck were the parents? Where the hell was the teacher/sensei/master whatever the right term is from the school? In the burbs where I live there are fleets of SUV's containing hoards of Mutant Ninja McDojo Tots. I thought that Gi thing was the latest fashion from kiddie Gap. What are all these kids doing in their pajamas? (I wondered.) What is the most effective weapon against these creatures? 

:soapbox:


----------



## Nightingale

unfortunately, the best weapon against these children is the one weapon you don't have... parental discipline.


----------



## Bob Hubbard

Mutant Ninja Tot Warriors....

SHUDDER!

Y'all are scaring me...... 


I don't know which would be worse.....whiney 'jr blackbelts' from the mcdojo....or 'slow' adults who are also clumsy, overweight, and/or poor grooming....

or worse...both.  GAH!!!!:erg: :anic: :barf:


----------



## hubris

Here's what I don't understand: parents say that they want their kids to "do martial arts" to learn discipline. Where's the discipline? Maybe I'm just noticing the hell raisers. Also, the parents around here get real nasty when their kids don't get promoted to the next level, or whatever. One thing is for sure, these spoiled brat Mutant Ninja McDojo Tots have Gis that are cleaner than clean. Mom, or the maid, or the au pair puts the Gis in the wash with optical brighteners, fabric softener etc. and then irons the things so that the McTot can look fabulous, darling.

It's interesting to learn about different martial arts on this board. I've stuck to tai chi, and we don't have all the belts and tests that other arts have. I'd like to take on another MA, but there are so many of them!


----------



## Nightingale

:soapbox: 

unfortunately, there are a significant number of parents out there who rely on schools and martial arts studios to provide discipline and guidance to their children.  Its very strange when little Bobby comes home with an "F" on his report card, and Mrs. PTA Parent throws a fit and blames the teacher, disregarding that the teacher had called home numerous times, sent home not one but THREE progress reports (which came back signed but with no other response) and that little Bobby had not done ONE SINGLE homework assignment all quarter.  Somehow it was MY fault that he couldn't pass my class, even though I tried EVERYTHING (including giving him detention every day after school to try to make him sit and do his homework...which also put myself in detention, because I could've been driving home at that time and missing the rush hour traffic, but NO, I had to stay with Bobby, who STILL refused to do homework).

Some parents (definitely not all, but a percentage enough to be noticed) are leaving very important parenting issues to schools.  Schools are now responsible for getting children to do their homework, develop self esteem and self discipline, and teach children about sex.  I taught a creative writing class where the class was split into two groups, so I only had twelve or so in class at a time, and the kids became a pretty tight knit group, and lots of subjects came up in class...you'd be shocked to discover that only three girls out of the fifteen or so that were in my EIGHTH grade class had had "the talk" with their moms (or dads).  and NONE of the boys had had their fathers or mothers talk to them. One of them had never even heard of AIDS. And we wonder why children are behaving irresponsibly?!

sigh.

-Nightingale, stepping off her soapbox now...


----------



## Cthulhu

I totally agree with you, nightingale...there are far too many parents around who should not be parents.

In the county I lived in a few years ago, if a student didn't want to be in school, all they had to do was act up and they would get suspended.  Back when I was in school students did not talk back to teachers, and the certainly never beat or shot them.

In a lot of cities, teachers are no longer educators, just highly underpaid babysitters.  Apparently, the kids' parents are too busy to be bothered with trivial things like raising their own damn children.

And that sickens me.

Cthulhu


----------



## Rich Parsons

> _Originally posted by nightingale8472 _
> 
> *:soapbox:
> 
> unfortunately, there are a significant number of parents out there who rely on schools and martial arts studios to provide discipline and guidance to their children.  Its very strange when little Bobby comes home with an "F" on his report card, and Mrs. PTA Parent throws a fit and blames the teacher, disregarding that the teacher had called home numerous times, sent home not one but THREE progress reports (which came back signed but with no other response) and that little Bobby had not done ONE SINGLE homework assignment all quarter.  Somehow it was MY fault that he couldn't pass my class, even though I tried EVERYTHING (including giving him detention every day after school to try to make him sit and do his homework...which also put myself in detention, because I could've been driving home at that time and missing the rush hour traffic, but NO, I had to stay with Bobby, who STILL refused to do homework).
> 
> Some parents (definitely not all, but a percentage enough to be noticed) are leaving very important parenting issues to schools.  Schools are now responsible for getting children to do their homework, develop self esteem and self discipline, and teach children about sex.  I taught a creative writing class where the class was split into two groups, so I only had twelve or so in class at a time, and the kids became a pretty tight knit group, and lots of subjects came up in class...you'd be shocked to discover that only three girls out of the fifteen or so that were in my EIGHTH grade class had had "the talk" with their moms (or dads).  and NONE of the boys had had their fathers or mothers talk to them. One of them had never even heard of AIDS. And we wonder why children are behaving irresponsibly?!
> 
> sigh.
> 
> -Nightingale, stepping off her soapbox now... *



Not to just sing the chorus, BUT! Repeat the above posts!

My Quote that many people do not understand is "Some Peoples' Parents!" This is usually said in response to "Gosh, would you look at those Kids?"

When I was in college years ago, I brought to work some educational documents on sex and sexual transmitted diseases. I had to leave it behind the counter, when I left to help someone. When I came back it was always gone. No matter how many copies I would bring, they would disappear. Finally I found out that other college and high school students were reading the material to educate themselves.

The amount of sexual transmitted diseases and pregnancies in teenagers in countries that have true sexual education and discuss it at home and at school is way below that of the USA. Yet, all the people who claim they do not want their children to learn about it are the first to complain when something does happen. Yes they are young adults, but if you give them information they might surprise you and make a responsible decision, especially if they have learned cause and effect and responsibilities for their actions.

Sorry for my Rant

Rich


----------



## hubris

So, how exactly do you wash a Gi? Can you just put it in a washing machine with cup full of Tide? Do you have to use the special unscented, allergen free, not tested on animals kind of detergent? Or do you have to take the thing to a clear running river and beat the Gi on rocks with a natural bristle brush until it gets clean? If using an automatic clothes drier is permitted, which cycle do you use? Permanent press, Low? Do you iron it, or is that considered disrespectful? Thanks in advance for your help.

Mrs. Hubris Nimby


----------



## Bob Hubbard

I think it depends on which schol you go to.  I'm sure that some out there consider washing the gi a bigger sin than washing your belt.  

I recomend washing all gi parts (jacket, pants and belt) on cold, with a mild detergent and tumble drying....note, belt may shrink from washing.  Good time to play tug o war with it to stretch it back out to a fittable size.


----------



## Nightingale

it depends on the gi...

I wash my workout gi like twice a week or after a particularly hard workout with just tide or something. Every so often, since its black, I'll get a couple of bottles of black RIT dye and dye it back to black, since I don't like it gray.

My competition gi gets drycleaned, since the pants are white with a red stripe down the side, and I'd prefer they stay white rather than pink.


----------



## hubris

Very wise, Nightengale. Red has a terrible tendency to run. You know, put one red shirt in with a load of laundry - everything comes out pink. I thought that some black belts washed their belts numerous times (cheaters!) to make it look as if they have had a balck belt a long time. Sorry if I'm mixing up my terms here. I am a suburban tai chi player, with numerous suburban concerns, such as laundry and eliminating the use of leaf blowers. 

Regards,

Mrs. Hubris Nimby


----------



## Nightingale

well, tradition holds that you never wash a belt, because you're "washing the knowledge out"

personally, although I don't "wash" my belts per se, when I get a new one, I soak it in water and fabric softener for a while, so it will not be stiff and will stay tied.  That's the only time my belt gets washed, unless something gets spilled on it or something like that.


----------



## Kirk

> _Originally posted by nightingale8472 _
> 
> *well, tradition holds that you never wash a belt, because you're "washing the knowledge out"
> 
> personally, although I don't "wash" my belts per se, when I get a new one, I soak it in water and fabric softener for a while, so it will not be stiff and will stay tied.  That's the only time my belt gets washed, unless something gets spilled on it or something like that. *



And do you have the shrinkage problem?


----------



## Nightingale

fabric usually won't shrink if you don't put it in the dryer.  Let it air dry.


----------



## hubris

do you iron it?


----------



## Nightingale

hehe. no.  I will throw it into the dryer (already dry) if it wrinkles, but I've never needed to iron a belt.  The gi itself, on the other hand...


----------



## hubris

You guys are making me really jealous. We don't wear belts or anything special in tai chi. The tai chi threads are total dead zones. The only sartorial controversy I can think of regarding tai chi is "shoes or no shoes?" "socks or bare feet?" Pretty boring, no?


----------



## Kirk

> _Originally posted by hubris _
> 
> *You guys are making me really jealous. We don't wear belts or anything special in tai chi. The tai chi threads are total dead zones. The only sartorial controversy I can think of regarding tai chi is "shoes or no shoes?" "socks or bare feet?" Pretty boring, no? *



Well don't worry, we're all open to conversation with you on the
other forums.


----------



## hubris

Thanks, Kirk. Now about the socks versus bare feet thing ....


----------



## hubris

I started a thread (my first!) on the tai chi thread about the bare feet vs. socks issue. Please visit it. We tai chi people are lonely. Plus I am envious of the cool uniforms you guys get to wear. At tai chi class last night, most of the women looked as if they had just grabbed something out of the hamper and slundg it on their backs before they came to class. Terrrible.

Regards,

Mrs. Hubris Nimby


----------



## Yari

> _Originally posted by hubris _
> 
> * At tai chi class last night, most of the women looked as if they had just grabbed something out of the hamper and slundg it on their backs before they came to class. Terrrible.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Mrs. Hubris Nimby *



But it does build your ability to fantasize , or?

/Yari


----------



## hubris

Well. being as I'm a fifty year old woman the only thing I had fantasies about was the pile of dirty laundry I had waiting for me at home. The guys in the class are better dressed - at least they are neat and well groomed. And no, I do not have fantasies about any of the men. I have fantasies of getting beyond embrace the tiger return to the mountain in the Yang short form, however.


----------



## Kirk

Wow!  You sound VERY focused!


----------



## hubris

Oh, yeah. That's me. I focus on who has gained weight, who has lost more hair, who has worn the same stupid Sierra Club tee shirt for the tenth ****ing week in a row, and whether or not the instructor has anything stuck to his clothing. (Toilet paper, price tags, yellow stickies, etc. He frequently does, for some reason. Probably somebody hit him with a dose of Evil Tai Chi. Hee!)


----------



## Rich Parsons

Lost Instructors

When I was in College, we would all take turns to go and get Our Latin Professor from either his previous class or from his office. He was always lost and had post its on him or in his pockets. He was an old guy and a great instructor, hence our desire to get him to class.

Rich


----------



## hubris

Hey, I took Latin in high school too! We had a really neat teacher. She would keep marshmallows in her desk and pass them out as bribes. (I guess not enough people wanted to take Latin.) There are no marshmallows passed out in my tai chi class - oh no. Our teacher is STRICT! He had a price tag on his butt one day (you know, one of those little orange colored stickers - probably came off something else and lodged on his butt.) It was horrible! I thought I was going to start laughing. I always get in trouble for laughing in class. Finally, during a break, I told my teacher that he had a price tag on his butt and I took it off for him. Now that is a sign of respect!


----------



## kenposcum

I will never ever NEVER wash my belt.
One time my girlfriend washed it and I forgot everything I knew.  I cried.
But yeah, the funky gis have to go in the wash like, instantly.
:asian:


----------



## cali_tkdbruin

HEY! It's sacrilegious for a martial artist to launder his or her  belt!!! 

And as far as that old, skanky, rotten, communicable disease infested, open bung hole smelling Dobok, be efficient and save time, just go ahead stand it in the corner at night so it will be ready to go for tomorrow's class :barf:

What the local HazMat team doesn't know won't hurt 'um...


----------



## Ceicei

- Ceicei


----------



## jedtx88

I don't know about you guys but people in my dojang generally complain when their dried blood from the week before is still on your gi.


----------

