# Feeling sorry for myself



## Xue Sheng (Oct 12, 2021)

Was feeling low, depressed and probably a bit sorry for myself this evening, and pretty much convinced my martial arts days were over. Knee was still not great, could not do the amount of required exercise today because I'm working from home and work kept bugging me, could not walk right, knee was getting as stiff as it was before the manipulation, thinking knee replacement was one of the worst decisions of my life...

I decided to go down stairs, had not tried stairs since Friday, and try the reclining bicycle, but I could not get a full revolution, that I could get prior to the manipulation either....

Decided to look for music and came across something I had not heard in a long time, and then a few more I had not heard in a long time. in this order






















Ended up getting thought a full revolution on the bike, forwards and backwards, it hurt, but I did it and I actually did 10 minutes, I usually do 8. Then went to the weight bench and did some dumbbell work, heavier that I was doing (no where near as heavy as I was working with before all this knee stuff in my late 40s) but heavier than I was

I have to listen to those old metal tunes from my misspent youth more often

And.... I feel better now, dang knee is still not right, but I'm still working on it...and I have more rounds of knee exercises to do tonight.....


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## dvcochran (Oct 12, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> Was feeling low, depressed and probably a bit sorry for myself this evening, and pretty much convinced my martial arts days were over. Knee was still not great, could not do the amount of required exercise today because I'm working from home and work kept bugging me, could not walk right, knee was getting as stiff as it was before the manipulation, thinking knee replacement was one of the worst decisions of my life...
> 
> I decided to go down stairs, had not tried stairs since Friday, and try the reclining bicycle, but I could not get a full revolution, that I could get prior to the manipulation either....
> 
> ...


I Love Queensryche. Silent Lucidity is my favorite.

Hang in there. It will get better if you keep up the PT.


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## seasoned (Oct 12, 2021)

Keep at it. Plus venting does help along with good music.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 12, 2021)

dvcochran said:


> I Love Queensryche. Silent Lucidity is my favorite.
> 
> Hang in there. It will get better if you keep up the PT.



At this point I may only have 5 more PT visits with my insurance. I'm looking into it


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 12, 2021)

seasoned said:


> Keep at it. Plus venting does help along with good music.



Reminds me of my youth...when I was angry, ornery and hanging out with bikers .....could not tell by looking at me now though


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## dvcochran (Oct 12, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> At this point I may only have 5 more PT visits with my insurance. I'm looking into it


Sadly, that sounds about average for today


Xue Sheng said:


> At this point I may only have 5 more PT visits with my insurance. I'm looking into it


Sadly, that sounds about average for today's insurance but hopefully they can extend you under the circumstances. 
I still do the exercises everyday. It makes a huge difference. 
And yes, they suck for a while. Still do sometimes.


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## seasoned (Oct 12, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> Reminds me of my youth...when I was angry, ornery and hanging out with bikers .....could not tell by looking at me now though


Sounds like a life time friend of mine. He was an old time biker. 82 years old and rides every day.....He's still a bit angry and ornery.


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## Oily Dragon (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> pretty much convinced my martial arts days were over.



Every day is a martial day.  There's never been a single day without war, ever.  Your martial arts days aren't over, based on your choice of music.


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## _Simon_ (Oct 13, 2021)

I'm sorry you're struggling brother, I can certainly relate with ongoing pain issues that feel like forever. It is hard... but so thrilled you did what you did, that's really awesome.

Without being too cliche-y, definitely is about very little steps. Not only doing what you can and are able, but changing the focus in how you do what you do, specifically with MA stuff. Noticing the subtleties... depths you didn't notice before, just the small stuff, whatever that may mean.

I was a wreck for 2 or 3 years with my pelvic pain issues, thinking I'll never get out of this, never be able to train again, do MA again, live a normal life again... but I was taking things one small step at a time, and honestly just focusing on things days by days, moment by moment. A year, month or even week ahead was inconceivable. And this helped, as it allowed me to work with what I had, and being gentle with myself on those hard days. Still have my days, but I can respect whatever I am capable of doing each day and work with that, see if I can even push that limitation a little too.

Keep sharing and chatting with us, it'll help for sure. I'll "try" my best not to talk about bacon.


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## seasoned (Oct 13, 2021)

_Simon_ said:


> I'm sorry you're struggling brother, I can certainly relate with ongoing pain issues that feel like forever. It is hard... but so thrilled you did what you did, that's really awesome.
> 
> Without being too cliche-y, definitely is about very little steps. Not only doing what you can and are able, but changing the focus in how you do what you do, specifically with MA stuff. Noticing the subtleties... depths you didn't notice before, just the small stuff, whatever that may mean.
> 
> ...


Talk about bacon all you want as long as it is well done.


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## JowGaWolf (Oct 13, 2021)

Keep your spirits high. This may be an opportunity to shape martial arts so that it continues to work for you.

Fighting skills do not fade because of an injury or in ability.  It only changes shape to fit the user.  When one ability decreases another skill tries to fill the void.  When we lose our youth and speed.  Wisdom and timing often replaces those things. 

We may not be able to do what we used to and that just may mean that we'll just learn a new approach to get good result.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 13, 2021)

Oily Dragon said:


> Every day is a martial day.  There's never been a single day without war, ever.  Your martial arts days aren't over, based on your choice of music.



Basically, I listen to anything. I use to say I will listen to everything from Mozart to Motorhead, actually listening to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor at the moment. But I will admit the music I came across and was the music of choice yesterday helped out immensely, and I will likely be listening to it again when I get on the bike again today, and I plan on using the bike at least 3 times today, along with all the other exercises I am supposed to do....
​


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## caped crusader (Oct 13, 2021)

Injuries happen but still do something...upper body and go swimming whatever ..just do it !


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 13, 2021)

seasoned said:


> Sounds like a life time friend of mine. He was an old time biker. 82 years old and rides every day.....He's still a bit angry and ornery.



I gave up riding a long time ago, and when my daughter was born it hit me that it was an unnecessary risk. I was thinking about starting again, but with all these people out there texting, depending on their driver assist electronics and basically driving extra distracted, I decided not too.


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## seasoned (Oct 13, 2021)

JowGaWolf said:


> Keep your spirits high. This may be an opportunity to shape martial arts so that it continues to work for you.
> 
> Fighting skills do not fade because of an injury or in ability.  It only changes shape to fit the user.  When one ability decreases another skill tries to fill the void.  When we lose our youth and speed.  Wisdom and timing often replaces those things.
> 
> We may not be able to do what we used to and that just may mean that we'll just learn a new approach to get good result.


Great post! Martial arts are for a life time. Less stress if we learn to evolve and adapt.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 13, 2021)

BigBalls said:


> Injuries happen but still do something...upper body and go swimming whatever ..just do it !



After almost 40 years in martial arts (throw in a lot of dirt bike riding as a kid) I could give you a list of injuries I have had to deal with as long as your arm and other than the back injury that got me a weeks stay in a hospital (of course I was in my 20s then), this hole knee replacement thing is not fr the squeamish and in my 60s, recovery and healing are not what they use to be. 

It was a momentary depression that after dealing with knee and hip pain for the last 10 year and the promise of relief for one knee that is simply not happening fast enough...based on all the reports I have been given by those that got a knee replaced...I am not surprised in hit me...but old school metal, and exercise on the bike and with dumbbells got me through it


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## granfire (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> I gave up riding a long time ago, and when my daughter was born it hit me that it was an unnecessary risk. I was thinking about starting again, but with all these people out there texting, depending on their driver assist electronics and basically driving extra distracted, I decided not too.


Some time 15 years or so ago I thought I would buy me a little motorcicle to go back and forth to training, saving my Pontiac Grand Prix (which got lousy gas mileage in town)
Then I got nearly run off the road in said Grand Prix, and I opted to stay in the oversized tin can.
Definitely not worth the risk. And I admire the few brave who ride an actual bike around here.

And sometimes you need some Metal in your life to deal with it.

Not metal, but fitting I thought:


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## seasoned (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> After almost 40 years in martial arts (throw in a lot of dirt bike riding as a kid) I could give you a list of injuries I have had to deal with as long as your arm and other than the back injury that got me a weeks stay in a hospital (of course I was in my 20s then), this hole knee replacement thing is not fr the squeamish and in my 60s, recovery and healing are not what they use to be.
> 
> It was a momentary depression that after dealing with knee and hip pain for the last 10 year and the promise of relief for one knee that is simply not happening fast enough...based on all the reports I have been given by those that got a knee replaced...I am not surprised in hit me...but old school metal, and exercise on the bike and with dumbbells got me through it


And, you got you through it.......


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## caped crusader (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> After almost 40 years in martial arts (throw in a lot of dirt bike riding as a kid) I could give you a list of injuries I have had to deal with as long as your arm and other than the back injury that got me a weeks stay in a hospital (of course I was in my 20s then), this hole knee replacement thing is not fr the squeamish and in my 60s, recovery and healing are not what they use to be.
> 
> It was a momentary depression that after dealing with knee and hip pain for the last 10 year and the promise of relief for one knee that is simply not happening fast enough...based on all the reports I have been given by those that got a knee replaced...I am not surprised in hit me...but old school metal, and exercise on the bike and with dumbbells got me through it


understand you. I have had a few myself and i´m 55.  but i still have to do it.  2 key hole surgeries on my right knee, prolapsed disc C6/7 
but i think just don´t give up.


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## seasoned (Oct 13, 2021)

BigBalls said:


> understand you. I have had a few myself and i´m 55.  but i still have to do it.  2 key hole surgeries on my right knee, prolapsed disc C6/7
> but i think* just don´t give up.*


I like.....


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## caped crusader (Oct 13, 2021)

seasoned said:


> I like.....


yeah you can´t do anything else. I understand people with depression though. a terrible thing to get out of.  Think i have my mentality because i am ex Military.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 13, 2021)

JowGaWolf said:


> Keep your spirits high. This may be an opportunity to shape martial arts so that it continues to work for you.
> 
> Fighting skills do not fade because of an injury or in ability.  It only changes shape to fit the user.  When one ability decreases another skill tries to fill the void.  When we lose our youth and speed.  Wisdom and timing often replaces those things.
> 
> We may not be able to do what we used to and that just may mean that we'll just learn a new approach to get good result.



Actually that is how I got to Taijiquan and Chinese martial arts from Jiujutsu and TKD. Change was due to a back injury.

And with that, I am off to do another round of knee stretches and exercises.....its the stretches that are a pain...literally


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## Buka (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> Was feeling low, depressed and probably a bit sorry for myself this evening, and pretty much convinced my martial arts days were over. Knee was still not great, could not do the amount of required exercise today because I'm working from home and work kept bugging me, could not walk right, knee was getting as stiff as it was before the manipulation, thinking knee replacement was one of the worst decisions of my life...
> 
> I decided to go down stairs, had not tried stairs since Friday, and try the reclining bicycle, but I could not get a full revolution, that I could get prior to the manipulation either....
> 
> ...


Looks like you're up to ten minutes now, eight being a thing of the past. Heat that puppy up, work it, ice it down. We're with you, brother. And it's going to be okay.

In honor of your upcoming progress, I won't eat bacon for a week.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 13, 2021)

Buka said:


> Looks like you're up to ten minutes now, eight being a thing of the past. Heat that puppy up, work it, ice it down. We're with you, brother. And it's going to be okay.
> 
> In honor of your upcoming progress, I won't eat bacon for a week.



No bacon...for a week....thank you...and I consider that a victory too 

On my way to heat it up again and then go do my 2nd 10 minute round, today, on the bike... then ice


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## Oily Dragon (Oct 13, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> No bacon...for a week....thank you...and I consider that a victory too
> 
> On my way to heat it up again and then go do my 2nd 10 minute round, today, on the bike... then ice



I burned my fingers tonight grilling chicken.  First degree, nothing serious, and it hurts a lot, but the ice does help.

My first thought upon feeling the pain was this song, thanks to you.


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## dvcochran (Oct 13, 2021)

Oily Dragon said:


> I burned my fingers tonight grilling chicken.  First degree, nothing serious, and it hurts a lot, but the ice does help.
> 
> My first thought upon feeling the pain was this song, thanks to you.


I liked the video; not you burning your finger.


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## seasoned (Oct 13, 2021)

BigBalls said:


> yeah you can´t do anything else. I understand people with depression though. a terrible thing to get out of.  Think i have my mentality because i am ex Military.


Thanks for your service.


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## caped crusader (Oct 14, 2021)

seasoned said:


> Thanks for your service.


thanks...i did not want to play the hero or anything it´s just you still have a get up and go mentality.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 14, 2021)

Well.... its official. PT told me I should not be driving. I made the mistake of telling them I was going to try. Oh well, more time to do their exercises I guess


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## AIKIKENJITSU (Oct 19, 2021)

Xue Sheng said:


> Was feeling low, depressed and probably a bit sorry for myself this evening, and pretty much convinced my martial arts days were over. Knee was still not great, could not do the amount of required exercise today because I'm working from home and work kept bugging me, could not walk right, knee was getting as stiff as it was before the manipulation, thinking knee replacement was one of the worst decisions of my life...
> 
> I decided to go down stairs, had not tried stairs since Friday, and try the reclining bicycle, but I could not get a full revolution, that I could get prior to the manipulation either....
> 
> ...


I''m eighty and I still teach "only" adult students. I'm still fast and strong and many thing I'm 30 years younger. I've had all kinds of physical problems, you just work through them. Now, both my shoulders are shot! If I move too fast and I'm screaming in pain. So I do shoulder weights and I learn how to do technqiues with my arm not going out so far. You learn, adapt and defend!  
Sifu
Puyallup, WA


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