# Church Bulletins



## Bob Hubbard (Sep 18, 2006)

*Church Bulletins*

  These are actual bloopers from church bulletins...
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


----------



## Kreth (Sep 18, 2006)

Bob Hubbard said:


> 18. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> 
> 29. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


She lied!


----------



## bydand (Sep 18, 2006)

Bob Hubbard said:


> During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.



That has to go over real big!  I think know the regular minister.  LOL


----------



## Sam (Sep 18, 2006)

I dont understand 25...



> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



the rest were pretty funny though.


----------



## Kreth (Sep 18, 2006)

Sam said:


> I dont understand 25...


Apparently, Jesus had a problem staying above water...


----------



## SFC JeffJ (Sep 18, 2006)

Sam said:


> I dont understand 25...
> 
> 
> 
> the rest were pretty funny though.


It's implying he sunk.


----------



## mrhnau (Sep 18, 2006)

Kreth said:


> Apparently, Jesus had a problem staying above water...



not neccessarily. How do you find Jesus if he is walking in the middle of a lake? Thats how I took it... I could see both ways though...


----------



## Kreth (Sep 18, 2006)

mrhnau said:


> not neccessarily. How do you find Jesus if he is walking in the middle of a lake?


Seems like he'd be easy to spot...


----------



## Swordlady (Sep 18, 2006)

I never get tired of reading these...  :lfao:


----------



## mrhnau (Sep 18, 2006)

Kreth said:


> Seems like he'd be easy to spot...



Sea of Gallilea is pretty darn big. Been on it.


----------

