# Thank God for anonymity...



## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

... because I never thought I'd ask a question like this. After who-knows-how-many (maybe lamost 10) years of sitting by the sidelines, I decided to take a shot at reconnecting with an old friend, and yes, with the intention of possibly dating her. The problems (or at least two of them) are:

Is it possible to be so out-of-league with her that perhaps the shot isn't worth taking? She's been married (which was the last time we spoke) and divorced, and had a fairly successful career, whereas I sort of disappeared; turned her down when she first hinted an interest; and kind of let my life fall apart.
If it is worth taking, how do I start off?
I know this is about as unrelated to MT or MA as it can get, but I feel like I'm at an impasse before even trying, so any advice would probably be appreciated.


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## jks9199 (Jul 28, 2009)

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

But I'd suggest starting by simply getting back in touch and seeing what's up, with no more pressure than that.  She may be remarried, dating, or have become a nun.  Why add extra freight till you know where things stand?  Instead, keep it at reconnecting with an old friend and renewing that friendship.


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## Blindside (Jul 28, 2009)

What is there to lose?

Downside she says no, you suffer a bump to your ego,  upside you wind up with a girl who you apparently think is out of your league.

Pretty much a no-brainer in my book.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
> 
> But I'd suggest starting by simply getting back in touch and seeing what's up, with no more pressure than that. She may be remarried, dating, or have become a nun. Why add extra freight till you know where things stand? Instead, keep it at reconnecting with an old friend and renewing that friendship.


Makes sense, however there's a few details I'm a little unsure about. Like I said, it's been sometime since we've kept in touch- and it was a long-distance communication- and in that time she's changed her # and email address.

Plus in the time we've been out of touch, her career's taken off somewhat, and met quite a few people, which leaves a slight chance she might've forgotten about me. So in a sense, it's almost like starting from scratch at half the strength. Am I making sense on that one?


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## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

Blindside said:


> What is there to lose?
> 
> Downside she says no, you suffer a bump to your ego, upside you wind up with a girl who you apparently think is out of your league.
> 
> Pretty much a no-brainer in my book.


True, just a bump to the ego, but how to start is a major question.


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## Tames D (Jul 28, 2009)

The first step is to find her. Sounds like all her contact info has changed. If you find her, ask her out, be honest about your life and and let the chips fall. For all you know she may be thinking about you right now.


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## thardey (Jul 28, 2009)

You might try facebook . . . if you can't find her, then find friends of hers and connect through them.

Then, if she accepts your friends request, she remembers you, if not, there ya go.

(That's if she has a facebook page, but you'd be surprised how many professionals are using it now.)


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## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

thardey said:


> You might try facebook . . . if you can't find her, then find friends of hers and connect through them.
> 
> Then, if she accepts your friends request, she remembers you, if not, there ya go.
> 
> (That's if she has a facebook page, but you'd be surprised how many professionals are using it now.)


LOL... I've been ignoring requests to join facebook, but I guess now I have a reason.


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## thardey (Jul 28, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> LOL... I've been ignoring requests to join facebook, but I guess now I have a reason.


 
I avoided it for a long time, too, but it's a lot more "grown up" than myspace. Plus, it "requires" you to use your real name, so people are easier to find.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

thardey said:


> I avoided it for a long time, too, but it's a lot more "grown up" than myspace. Plus, it "requires" you to use your real name, so people are easier to find.


Oh wow! I think I just found her. I'm crossing my fingers that she might remember me.

Quick Update:
There's two profiles using the same photo, and several without photos.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 28, 2009)

I'm suddenly up to 20 friends, but she's not one of them.


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## kaizasosei (Jul 29, 2009)

Most important at such a stage, i think is to evaluate your own wishes and find out whether you can commit.  Then the very important other point is to really balance out if the person in question fits well to you.  Know her downsides and be able to love them too.  For example, if she spaz all the time and freak out, you gotsta be able to take that **** for years and accept it somehow understanding.
If you are really are great friends and very suitable for one another, it would be a shame not trying.  Are there kids on any sides?  If so that might also make it a bigger responsiblity.  Reason i say this is 'cause i can relate to what you said and i take it, you don't what to play musical chairs with partners forever.  There comes a time where one wants to settle down.  Find a partner that it is enjoyable living life with.  Together one is stronger than alone.


j


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## Ronin74 (Jul 29, 2009)

kaizasosei said:


> Most important at such a stage, i think is to evaluate your own wishes and find out whether you can commit.  Then the very important other point is to really balance out if the person in question fits well to you.  Know her downsides and be able to love them too.  For example, if she spaz all the time and freak out, you gotsta be able to take that **** for years and accept it somehow understanding.
> If you are really are great friends and very suitable for one another, it would be a shame not trying.  Are there kids on any sides?  If so that might also make it a bigger responsiblity.  Reason i say this is 'cause i can relate to what you said and i take it, you don't what to play musical chairs with partners forever.  There comes a time where one wants to settle down.  Find a partner that it is enjoyable living life with.  Together one is stronger than alone.
> 
> 
> j


True. Evaluating the initial pros and cons, as well as estimating strengths, weaknesses and resources is the deciding factor over whether I should go through with this endeavor. However, I still need to be establish some line of communication to get a clear and acurate picture of the scenario.


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## MA-Caver (Jul 29, 2009)

Know who is deciding that the girl is out of your league? You are! Why not reverse the thinking and make the you out of HER league? That'll attract her and make her pursue YOU.


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## terryl965 (Jul 29, 2009)

Just go for it and remember I did not say that.


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## JDenver (Jul 29, 2009)

Give me her contact info, I'll make sure that I mention you.


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## Blindside (Jul 29, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> True. Evaluating the initial pros and cons, as well as estimating strengths, weaknesses and resources is the deciding factor over whether I should go through with this endeavor. However, I still need to be establish some line of communication to get a clear and acurate picture of the scenario.


 
Overanalyze much?

Email, write a bit about yourself, if she rights back and is friendly get her number.  Call her, and see where it goes.  At some point in life you have to take a risk, relationships are one of them, if you can't take the risk of even starting one, good luck maintaining one.


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## CoryKS (Jul 29, 2009)

Keep in mind that anonymity goes both ways, so you're going to get a lot of advice from people who won't be bearing the cost of heeding it.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 29, 2009)

Blindside said:


> Overanalyze much?


 
Nope, that's just my thought process stretched out.



Blindside said:


> Email, write a bit about yourself, if she rights back and is friendly get her number. Call her, and see where it goes. At some point in life you have to take a risk, relationships are one of them, if you can't take the risk of even starting one, good luck maintaining one.


 
That's still part pof the communication issue. I believe I mentioned that her contact info has changed, so reluctantly, I'm trying the facebook route.


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## Blindside (Jul 29, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> That's still part pof the communication issue. I believe I mentioned that her contact info has changed, so reluctantly, I'm trying the facebook route.


 
Facebook has a wall to wall feature where messages can be private, its alot like an email.


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## jks9199 (Jul 29, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> Makes sense, however there's a few details I'm a little unsure about. Like I said, it's been sometime since we've kept in touch- and it was a long-distance communication- and in that time she's changed her # and email address.
> 
> Plus in the time we've been out of touch, her career's taken off somewhat, and met quite a few people, which leaves a slight chance she might've forgotten about me. So in a sense, it's almost like starting from scratch at half the strength. Am I making sense on that one?


That's why you start it as reconnecting with an old friend -- and leave the romance for later, if at all.

Worst case there, you've got an old friend whom you've learned doesn't have the same fond memories you do.  Not so bad case?  You renew the friendship and can celebrate her triumphs with her.  Best case, way down the road?  You both share the triumphs.


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## Msby (Jul 29, 2009)

If you have friends that know her, add these friends and look on THEIR friend lists. She may be on there.  Also, if you add these friends, facebook will "suggest" friends via their "People You May Know" feature.  Good Luck!

By the way, dunno if you wanna take advice from a guy still in high school, but "You're thinking too much!"  Just don't rush, that's all.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 29, 2009)

I guess I should mention here that she's _sort of_ got a _slight_ celebrity status. So I had to take the chance of contacting her through the two facebook profiles that had her photo (it looked like there were several more without photos), one of which is probably fake. That's why the contacting part isn't quite that easy.


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## jks9199 (Jul 29, 2009)

You've apparently pretty much decided she's out of your league and you won't be able to reach her.

So long as your not crossing the line into stalking or some similar behavior... either give it a shot or quit bitching.


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## Ronin74 (Jul 29, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> You've apparently pretty much decided she's out of your league and you won't be able to reach her.
> 
> So long as your not crossing the line into stalking or some similar behavior... either give it a shot or quit bitching.


You've apparently got quite the bug up the ***. All I said was that I was still trying to find the means to contact her.


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## Tames D (Jul 29, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> You've apparently pretty much decided she's out of your league and you won't be able to reach her.
> 
> So long as your not crossing the line into stalking or some similar behavior... either give it a shot or quit bitching.


 
I agree. This is now getting very High Schoolish...


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## still learning (Jul 29, 2009)

Hello, Rule of thumb on Divorce women: 

Wait at least one year from divorce before dating....give them time to get some emotions out first.....

Aloha,


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