# Chuck Norris Facts!



## Cruentus (Apr 16, 2006)

Anyone seent his one yet?

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html

_There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist_.

_Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs._

Lol  Friggin hilarious! :boing2: 
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## Shirt Ripper (Apr 16, 2006)

The Mr. T ones a excellent as well, but not the Vin Deisel ones because he's lame.


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## Cruentus (Apr 16, 2006)

OMG!

_If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
_
_The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist._

_What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe._

_Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out._

_Chuck Norris doesnt wash his clothes, he disembowels them._

_If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever._

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate._

_Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking._

_Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
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_Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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Dude...this is the funniest thing I think I have ever seen! I am litterally laughing outloud at my computer screen...


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## Cruentus (Apr 16, 2006)

There is like over 9 pages of these...and I could sit here and read every one! 

_When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies._

_On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
_

Dude...I am going to bed now in tears of laughter. Have fun, all...


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## Drac (Jun 27, 2006)

My night shift Sgt told me about this and we all sat in the dispatch center laughing out loud at what we read..My favorite?? "Before the boogeyman goes to bed he check his closet for Chuck Norris"...


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## OUMoose (Jun 27, 2006)

Personal Fav:  "The tears from Chuck Norris cure cancer.  Too bad he's never cried... ever..."


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## Carol (Jun 27, 2006)

There was a really good one on the Health and Nutrition Tips board.

"Chuck Norris does not get flu shots.  The flu gets Chuck Norris shots"


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## HKphooey (Jun 27, 2006)

Those are all great.


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## bobster_ice (Jun 28, 2006)

Lmao, Chuck Norris can make any women climax by simply pointing at her and saying "Booyah"!


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## Kreth (Jun 28, 2006)

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero"

:lol:


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## Carol (Jun 28, 2006)

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi


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## crushing (Jun 28, 2006)

Chuck Norris once side kicked Bruce Lee and thus created Jet Li and Jackie Chan.


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## Cruentus (Jun 29, 2006)

just to keep it going... 

_If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
_


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## Carol (Jun 29, 2006)

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.     :rofl:


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## bobster_ice (Jun 29, 2006)

Carol Kaur said:
			
		

> Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did. :rofl:


Lmao!


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## Cruentus (Jun 29, 2006)

_Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
_


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## MartialIntent (Jun 29, 2006)

Chuck Norris CAN find a needle in a haystack. And then kill a man with the needle. OR the haystack.

Chuck Norris actually speaks three languages: English, Pain, and Death. He is currently working on a fourth language, Dismemberment, and is doing quite well.

Respects!


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## Xue Sheng (Jun 29, 2006)

Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal

And I really hope he never sees this or we are all doomed


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## kilo (Jun 29, 2006)

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.


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## stone_dragone (Jul 9, 2006)

The Merciful Chuck has seen these and has his own favorite list.

Thus, Chuck giveth and Chuck taketh away.


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## IcemanSK (Jul 10, 2006)

A few months ago, Chuck was on "Best Damn Sports" reading a bunch of these. He laughed really hard at a few of em!


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## Drac (Jul 11, 2006)

What a guy..Actor, Director and MA and he can still laugh at himself..


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## arnisador (Sep 16, 2006)

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

You knew there would have to be a backlash (note, much offensive language here):



> Chuck Norris once ALMOST finished an entire double-mocha frappuccino latte at Starbucks, but stopped when he started to feel "woozy."
> 
> [...]
> Chuck Norris' IQ test came back negative. Most people thought he'd score lower.


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## dubljay (Sep 16, 2006)

Mr. Norris and his reaction to 'Chuck Norris facts'


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## Cruentus (Sep 17, 2006)

arnisador said:


> When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
> 
> You knew there would have to be a backlash (note, much offensive language here):


 
eh...those unfortunatily are not really that funny.


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## arnisador (Sep 17, 2006)

Tulisan said:


> eh...those unfortunatily are not really that funny.



If you mean the negative ones, I agree...they aren't.


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