# Martial Arts Dictionary



## Kirk (Mar 19, 2003)

Martial Arts Dictionary 

Aikido:
A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless 
                of course his does not know how to ukemi in which case he has his wrist broken in 
                about 20 places. See also Aikido: Origami with people 

Kenpo: 
                Percussion class with people as the drums 

Arnis: 
                "Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima and kali, centering 
                around stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronanciation of the art guarantees a 
                quick taste. 

Bo:
                A stick. 

Bokken: 
                A stick that looks like a sword. 

Buddhism: 
                A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate asia with statues of 
                short fat bald men. 

Chi/Ki:
                A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques, which in defying the 
                laws of physics and the basic scientific common sense, allows the user to develop 
                super human strength. 

Dan: 
                A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of 
                at least first-degree black belt. 

Darn:
                The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit 
                harder and more frequently during training. 

Dojo: 
                "The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar to a B & D parlor 
                but without the mistress. 

Hakama: 
                A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it. 

Iaido:
                "Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword from its scabbard. 
               A rather interesting art developed around the principle of "look how big mine is". 

Judo: 
                "Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each other 
                without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers. 

Jujitsu: 
                A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly more damage. Tend to 
                get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying 
                "You gotta a big mouth" See also ->People who fold your laundry for you----while 
                you are still wearing it. 

Karate: 
                "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of 
                wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's 
                most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the 
                century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their 
                fists on their hips. 

Kata: 
                A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental martial arts in 
                order to avoid free sparring or anything else that may involve pain. 

Katana: 
                A sharp metal stick. 

Kendo: 
                A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with sticks and making 
                in-human sounds. Could be a cult ?? 

Kuk Sool Won: 
                A combination of Kata, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Zen, Jujitsu and Master definitions 
                but of course the tapes for Kuk Sool Won are much more expensive. 

Kung fu: 
                A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve 
                the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to 
                obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves 
                being carted off by men in white lab coats. 

Master: 
                A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced rank after long years 
                of study or has started his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or 
                has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per 
                month. 

Naginata: 
                A stick with a sharp bit on the end. 

Ninja:
                A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in his pajamas. 

Ninjutsu: 
                The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas 

Sparring: 
                Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes that you don't 
                know any kata or techniques. 

Tae kwon do: 
                An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the flexibility of a 
                professional ballet dancer. 

Tai chi chuan: 
                Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for 
                many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power 
                you are close to death anyway. 

Tatami: 
                "Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three inches thick (with 
                bound straw inside.) Original purpose to prevent blood stains on the wooden floor. 

Three sectional staff: 
                 Three sticks linked together. Duh... 

Zen: 
                The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine that emphasizes 
                meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission of teachings from master to 
                student. Mostly taught by rather old and confused monks who have had one too 
                many rocks fall on their heads during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting 
                in a cave facing a wall for 10 years or so.


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## Elfan (Mar 19, 2003)

haha thanks for the laugh Kirk. Its nice to see some more MA related humor.


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## Pakhet (Mar 19, 2003)

I love it!


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## rachel (Mar 19, 2003)

very nice!


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## Yari (Mar 20, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> *Martial Arts Dictionary
> 
> Aikido:
> ...



I liked it. And would love to see the Origami with people. Maybe I'll try it at pratice tomorrow....   

/Yari


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## Matt Stone (Mar 21, 2003)

*Martial Arts Dictionary Addenda* 

Baguazhang:
A Chinese martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy by walking around him in circles, causing him to become unusually dizzy, and then b*tch slapping him silly.

Xingyiquan:
A Chinese martial art based on the Five Elements of Chinese Cosmology.  Also known as "Mind Shape Boxing," the only real understanding of which amounts to "if you don't mind the pain, you can shape your body into any possible position."  At advanced levels, students imitate the actions of animals without actually imitating them at all.

Gambarimasu.
:asian:


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## RCastillo (Mar 21, 2003)

Lied to for 22 years?


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## Kirk (Mar 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Yiliquan1 _
> *Martial Arts Dictionary Addenda
> 
> Baguazhang:
> ...



Heheheh ... I'm going to put it on my site (if I ever get around
to it) and "addend" yours to it.


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