# The lie everyone tells



## Big Don

Yeah, everyone...
The question is omnipresent, you ask it and answer it every day.


> "How are you?"


The thing is, no one really wants anything other than a positive/optimistic response. 
Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? Do you ever feel guilty about that lie?


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## seasoned

Not really, "how are you" is an ice breaker when meeting someone. We want them to say "I'm well", because if they answer any other way then we will get into a loooong dissertation on their whole life. I look at it as a formality. Once out of the way, then we can talk about someone else.
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? *No* 

Do you ever feel guilty about that lie? *No*


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## Bill Mattocks

I once answered _"Fair to partly cloudy, sir"_ to an inspecting officer when I was in the Marine Corps.  I became very good at pushups, but I wasn't all that happy about doing them. Now I just say _"Fine, sir"_ when asked.


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## Sukerkin

I have to say that I always answer truthfully to this question :lol:.  If you really don't want to know then don't ask me .

I tend to couch the answer so as not to stymie further converse (e.g. "Oh, not bad for a Monday morning") or something crypticly 'sideways' (e.g. "How are you?", "Wednesday") .


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## gocrywolf

There are ways to answer this question truthfully without being overly negative. Most times if someone asks me how Im doing I respond by telling them Im still breathing. That is a nice neutral answer. If Im not well I say, Ive been better, or,Im still breathing, I could complain but it wouldnt get me very far. On really bad days I just say its complicated because it is. I can relate my mind and heart without telling someone every detail of my life. On a good day I just give someone a real smile, not a forced one and walk away.
respectfully
wolf


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## crushing

"Can't complain.  It wouldn't do any good anyway.  <Smile>"

It sure beats saying, "I considered accelerating into a tree in the median on the way to work this morning."  Which may earn one a visit from from some special counselors.


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## Xue Sheng

Big Don said:


> Yeah, everyone...
> The question is omnipresent, you ask it and answer it every day.
> 
> The thing is, no one really wants anything other than a positive/optimistic response.
> Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? Do you ever feel guilty about that lie?


 
No because generally I say "Ok so far" or "You don't want to know" and on rare occasions "surprisingly ok"

I have also been known to respond with "horrible" just to see the other person&#8217;s response and sometimes they are so use to getting "fine" the respond as if I said "fine" and that, to me, is pretty funny.


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## CoryKS

It's ritual speech.  Don't read too much into it.


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## Steve

I usually say one of two things:  "I'm AWESOME!"  or "Living the dream."  Both with enthusiasm.  I'm a pretty happy guy, and usually I am living the dream, as far as I'm concerned.

If a friend asks, I might make up something that sounds gross and/or painful: "Oh man.  I've got this huge pimple on my butt."  Or something like that.  Could be a boil, ingrown toenail, something like that.  I might say I was sick, but fortunately, I don't think it's SARS (or some other particularly nasty virus/bacterial infection).  Just depends on how well I know the person and what kind of relationship we have.

I have absolutely no problem with ritual speech like this, but like to shake it up if I have an opportunity.  

Honestly, the only thing that irritates me is when someone presumes to correct another person's grammar. 

A:  "How are you?"  
B:  "I'm good." 
A:   "You're well?  That's terrific." 

Just strikes me as unnecessarily pompous.


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## CoryKS

stevebjj said:


> I have absolutely no problem with ritual speech like this, but like to shake it up if I have an opportunity.


 
George Carlin had a funny routine about using the same phrase over and over.


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## Bruno@MT

Big Don said:


> Yeah, everyone...
> The question is omnipresent, you ask it and answer it every day.
> 
> The thing is, no one really wants anything other than a positive/optimistic response.
> Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? Do you ever feel guilty about that lie?



Funny you should say this. On our side of the pond, it is ok to say the truth if you are not ok, but only if you want people to know and / or talk about it. Otherwise you just say 'I'm ok'. It's like: if you want to broach the subject, that is when there is an accepted opportunity to do so and whether you do or not will determine how the conversation goes from there.

But I've noticed that with Americans, you are indeed not supposed to say anything other than 'fine'. When a colleague of mine had a burnout and came back to work, the (US) CEO asked him how he was, and my colleague truthfully said that he was still recovering and having some issues, and the face of the CEO looked like he did not expect any 'real' answer at all. 

Of course, you only 'open up' to people you know and whom you want to have that conversation with. If you're talking with a sales guy or someone like that, the expected answer is indeed 'I'm fine'.


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## Dirty Dog

Is it necesarily a lie, or is it just a matter of perspective?

I have an incurable GI cancer. Aug 17th I had 18" of gut and 2 lbs of cancer cut out. But I'm still employed, still training (not sparring, but I did go back to working forms and such 2 weeks after surgery), still diving and still breathing. So when I say "I'm good" or something similar, it's not a lie. Am I perfect? Hell no. But it sure could be (and some day will be)worse. So I'm fine.


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## Steve

Bruno@MT said:


> Funny you should say this. On our side of the pond, it is ok to say the truth if you are not ok, but only if you want people to know and / or talk about it. Otherwise you just say 'I'm ok'. It's like: if you want to broach the subject, that is when there is an accepted opportunity to do so and whether you do or not will determine how the conversation goes from there.
> 
> But I've noticed that with Americans, you are indeed not supposed to say anything other than 'fine'. When a colleague of mine had a burnout and came back to work, the (US) CEO asked him how he was, and my colleague truthfully said that he was still recovering and having some issues, and the face of the CEO looked like he did not expect any 'real' answer at all.
> 
> Of course, you only 'open up' to people you know and whom you want to have that conversation with. If you're talking with a sales guy or someone like that, the expected answer is indeed 'I'm fine'.


I don't think this is universally true in America.  I would suspect that it's very contextual.  Some people care; some don't.  Depends on who's asking whom and whether it's a casual encounter or the beginning of a more meaningful one.  ie, chatting up the cashier at a grocery store vs talking to a friend at the coffee shop.  I'd guess that it's very much like it is in the UK.


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## Steve

Dirty Dog said:


> Is it necesarily a lie, or is it just a matter of perspective?
> 
> I have an incurable GI cancer. Aug 17th I had 18" of gut and 2 lbs of cancer cut out. But I'm still employed, still training (not sparring, but I did go back to working forms and such 2 weeks after surgery), still diving and still breathing. So when I say "I'm good" or something similar, it's not a lie. Am I perfect? Hell no. But it sure could be (and some day will be)worse. So I'm fine.


Oh man.  I'm really sorry to hear this.  Glad you're still able to work and train!   Last Friday, I found out that a long time friend and colleague had put in his retirement papers.  Tuesday, he told me that he has pancreatic cancer and has a pretty grim prognosis.


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## Vulcan

The Tibetan language has no translation for "how are you". It simply does not exist as a phrase in their culture, so no lie exists.


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## girlbug2

Mostly I wish they wouldn't ask. I hate to lie. But it's easier to deflect the question with the expected answer, or something neutral like "I'm getting by". 99% of the time it's asked, I am not planning on discussing anything so personal with the one who asked me. The truth may make some people uncomfortable, and a rare few would begin to follow up with inappropriate questions.

I try to not ask the question myself unless I really want to know the truth.


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## Bob Hubbard

I've learned that people rarely want to hear how you know which side of the neck the knot goes on.......so now I just say "same as always".  Keeps the rubber room folks at bay.


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## MA-Caver

Big Don said:


> Yeah, everyone...
> The question is omnipresent, you ask it and answer it every day.
> 
> 
> 
> How are you?
> 
> 
> 
> The thing is, no one really wants anything other than a positive/optimistic response.
> Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? Do you ever feel guilty about that lie?
Click to expand...


Heh, depending on my mood I'll sometimes let the smart-alec out of his cave and I'll answer... 
"Well, do you want the long version or the short version?" 
99% of the time everyone says (and promptly) "short version" and I answer... "Fine." 

The long version goes something like... "Well, I was born in 1961 in Nashville and my family moved up to Northern Virginia when I was only 3 months old where I lived for the first ten years of my life and then...." by that moment they get the drift that they're going to hear my ENTIRE life's story... and quickly shift to the "short version"... which is (and truthfully)... "fine." 

Of course everyone is going to answer "fine..." unless they really know you well and then will say "ehh, alright"... or even more honestly "like crap". 
It's largely going to depend upon who you know and how well you know they'll lend that sympathetic ear everyone is looking for. The general answer I get is the "I'm alright/ok/not _too_ bad" and that is about as honest as I can expect. Realistically. I'll give the standard answer as well. Not telling the WHOLE truth isn't telling a lie just the truncated version of it all.

A gentleman I know at work tends to always answer "Living the dream." To which I'll ask... is it a good dream today or a nightmare? and he'll give one or the other.


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## Dirty Dog

stevebjj said:


> Oh man. I'm really sorry to hear this. Glad you're still able to work and train! Last Friday, I found out that a long time friend and colleague had put in his retirement papers. Tuesday, he told me that he has pancreatic cancer and has a pretty grim prognosis.


 
Ouch, sorry to hear that. Pancreatic CA is pretty rough, and does have a very poor prognosis. While the cancer I have is incurable, it's also slow growing, so I expect to have a number of active years ahead of me. When I was diagnosed, I told my wife that since it was a slow grower, my plan was to live fast and see if the damned thing could catch me.


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## Touch Of Death

Big Don said:


> Yeah, everyone...
> The question is omnipresent, you ask it and answer it every day.
> 
> The thing is, no one really wants anything other than a positive/optimistic response.
> Do you ever get tired of lying to answer that question? Do you ever feel guilty about that lie?


Its not about lying. Its just a greeting. You are expected to give a positive response, because, if you don't, you will find yourself being avoided.
sean


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## teekin

I Never ask unless I want the real answer and give a good God Damn. If the answer is Fine, well then Great!, tell me about your recent triumphs. If the answer is " I was thinking of swerving in front of an oncoming Semi this morning" then I want to hear that too. I will Make time to talk and get you whatever help you need. I asked in the first place because I care about you and how you are. 

 I don't lie to the people who ask that question and wait for a real answer. A great deal of the time and for most people who ask that question I can just make a garbled sound and they say " great, great " and move on with their conversation. They talk "at" you, not "to" you. 
 All I do is repeat their statments back to them and make "Ahhhhh", and "Mmmmmmhhh" sounds, and use nothing phrases like "I understand what you are saying" and they go away very happy. I am glad they are happy and I am uncompromised.:shrug:

Lori


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## Xue Sheng

I forgot one of my favorite response to this and i just used it today to remind me

Person 1: How are you
Xue: Well I'm standing upright and not taking a dirt nap so I can't be that bad
Person 1: looks and me and walks away.

I do love messin with people sometimes :EG:


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## Steve

Xue Sheng said:


> I forgot one of my favorite response to this and i just used it today to remind me
> 
> Person 1: How are you
> Xue: Well I'm standing upright and not taking a dirt nap so I can't be that bad
> Person 1: looks and me and walks away.
> 
> I do love messin with people sometimes :EG:


I like, "Well, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm really, really good."  

When I was younger, I liked to say, "Ever since I was approved for the witness relocation program, I'm doing... OH MAN! I wasn't supposed to say that!"


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## Xue Sheng

stevebjj said:


> I like, "Well, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm really, really good."


 
Two days ago a woman I work with started respondnig to that questino this way "I'm doing GREAT" and it is really messing people up



stevebjj said:


> When I was younger, I liked to say, "Ever since I was approved for the witness relocation program, I'm doing... OH MAN! I wasn't supposed to say that!"


 
:lfao:

I Like it... and now.... I'm going to steal it... and use it :asian:


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## Touch Of Death

Grendel308 said:


> I Never ask unless I want the real answer and give a good God Damn. If the answer is Fine, well then Great!, tell me about your recent triumphs. If the answer is " I was thinking of swerving in front of an oncoming Semi this morning" then I want to hear that too. I will Make time to talk and get you whatever help you need. I asked in the first place because I care about you and how you are.
> 
> I don't lie to the people who ask that question and wait for a real answer. A great deal of the time and for most people who ask that question I can just make a garbled sound and they say " great, great " and move on with their conversation. They talk "at" you, not "to" you.
> All I do is repeat their statments back to them and make "Ahhhhh", and "Mmmmmmhhh" sounds, and use nothing phrases like "I understand what you are saying" and they go away very happy. I am glad they are happy and I am uncompromised.:shrug:
> 
> Lori


If you give a diatribe of personal issues when people ask how you are, you are training them to stop asking how you are.
sean


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## Stac3y

Touch Of Death said:


> If you give a diatribe of personal issues when people ask how you are, you are training them to stop asking how you are.
> sean


 
So where's the downside to that?


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## Bob Hubbard

How are you?

Delicious.


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## teekin

If you don`t want to know how someone really is then Don`t ask! If I am not up to par I generally don`t answer, I just smile politely. I don`t go on with a diatribe. It bothers me when someone asks and doesn`t wait for an answer or doesn`t bother to listen to the answer. I abhor lip service.

lori


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## KELLYG

Xue: Well I'm standing upright and not taking a dirt nap so I can't be that bad.

My similar response is I woke up on this side of dirt so I am doing OK.
or my other is 
If I was doing any better their would have to be two of me and the world could not stand that!!


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## Tez3

I don't know anyone really who says 'how are you' in greeting. Round our way it's 'naw then' or 'ey up' or the universal 'hiya' so we don't need to lie. If some one asks you how you are it's a serious question requiring a serious answer.


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## Touch Of Death

Tez3 said:


> I don't know anyone really who says 'how are you' in greeting. Round our way it's 'naw then' or 'ey up' or the universal 'hiya' so we don't need to lie. If some one asks you how you are it's a serious question requiring a serious answer.


There used to be an English expression of saying, "What, What?" after a comment. It was just an expression. No answer expected....
Sean


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## Tez3

Touch Of Death said:


> There used to be an English expression of saying, "What, What?" after a comment. It was just an expression. No answer expected....
> Sean


 

Who told you that? I suspect that's a Hollywood invention used in old Sherlock Holmes films and the like. No one has really said that.


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## Touch Of Death

Tez3 said:


> Who told you that? I suspect that's a Hollywood invention used in old Sherlock Holmes films and the like. No one has really said that.


 I didn't see it in a movie. LOL. I read books on occasion; try it sometime.
Sean


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## Tez3

Touch Of Death said:


> I didn't see it in a movie. LOL. I read books on occasion; try it sometime.
> Sean


 
Er no, I'll pass on that, thanks. It's fiction, if you said that here you'd get locked up.


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## Touch Of Death

Tez3 said:


> Er no, I'll pass on that, thanks. It's fiction, if you said that here you'd get locked up.


Sure.


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## Tez3

Touch Of Death said:


> Sure.


 

Depends where you said it lol, if it was in the north they would thump you for being poncey, in the south they'd ignore you.


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## Touch Of Death

Tez3 said:


> Depends where you said it lol, if it was in the north they would thump you for being poncey, in the south they'd ignore you.


Well, in these books I read we are generally talking pre-twentieth century; so, there wouldn't be anyone left alive to get it. I'm sure there are plenty of people to beat me up. I won't be ignored, however, them southers sound like sissies.
Sean


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## Tez3

Touch Of Death said:


> Well, in these books I read we are generally talking pre-twentieth century; so, there wouldn't be anyone left alive to get it. I'm sure there are plenty of people to beat me up. I won't be ignored, however, them southers sound like sissies.
> Sean


 

A born northerner lol! The books you'll find such language in are usually things like Jeeves and Wooster, Sherlock Holmes and the like. It is supposed to portray an upper class blithering idiot type, a stereotype loved by authors. The regional accents here and the languages (we have 5 native languages here, 6 if you include French in the Channel Isles) all have their own very different speech patterns so you can never say that all English is the same here. In fact most people don't actually understand what anyone not from their area says!


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