# Female students flirting with thier instuctors



## fist of fury (Mar 6, 2003)

I'm curious for the instructors here how prevelent is it? And how do you handle it? Does the student get upset and leave or do they get mad and try and make you look bad? And if not, does it make the classroom enviorment uncomfortable for you as an instructor? How do the other students react?

I'm not even close to instructor level so I've never had this problem so I'd like to hear how many of you have handled it. In this day and age where being a man automatically makes you guilty whether or not you've actually done anything I'm interested to hear how it affected you as an instructor.


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## tarabos (Mar 6, 2003)

hasn't ever happened to me to my knowledge...even with this devilishly handsome face of mine


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## chufeng (Mar 6, 2003)

If you present yourself professionally, the students will treat you with the same kind of respect (or more) that they give to, say, a college professor...
Certainly a no fraternization policy is the best way to avoid this issue...put it in the "rules" that you have every student read and sign when they sign on...
I've never had a problem with students flirting with me.
I have had students that flirted with each other and eventually dated...and then broke up...eventually one of them stopped training at our school.

:asian:
chufeng


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

Does your new aviator ever hit on you? She keeps trying to dance at me, and I think it's kinda sexy! 

Seriously, I have had stuents hit on me before, but by not responding and acting professional, it usually disapates.


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## Ultraboy (Mar 6, 2003)

I'm not an instructor, but I have seen students flirt with their senseis. It's just distracting. I could care less what they do outside of class, but the dojo isn't the place for fluttering eyelashes.

Getting off my grumpy old man horse, I can understand it. Martial arts--especially the teaching of martial arts--lends itself to close physical contact, and it's not inconceivable that someone could miscontrue that.

I've also seen students flirt and date one another. The inevitable breakup generally means we lose at least one student.


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## James Kovacich (Mar 6, 2003)

Does it happen? Yes. Should it happen? I think that the answer should be the same as if a boss of a company were to be socializing with an employee. It probably depends on the situation as in the case that follows which is true.

At the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu school I recently left. There is a woman that I remember her being asked specifically by another woman "so whats going with you and (the instructors name)" and she replied "what are you talking about," that was abouy 2.5 years ago.

Today they are engaged to be married.


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## mtabone (Mar 6, 2003)

As They Say:


Dont Dip the Pen in the Company Ink.





Michael Tabone


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## Kirk (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *Seriously, I have had stuents hit on me before, but by not responding and acting professional, it usually disapates. *



I've seen instances (not in M.A. but in school) where when the
advances are met in kind, then anger sets in, rumors and lies
get spread by the now angry, formerly flirtatious party.


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

I've had to teach the class on occasion and of course........being young there is the occasional flirting. Of course I'm not really sure how to deal with it so I just smile and move on. My dads too ugly to even think about asking whether its happened to him.......**** he saw that......time for my *** whupping  

:rofl:


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## tarabos (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *She keeps trying to dance at me, and I think it's kinda sexy!*



i thought i told that flirt to stop gyrating at the men on martial talk...ugly cat might have to come back and set her and everyone else straight.


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## tarabos (Mar 6, 2003)

in all seriousness though...we did have a woman up at our school at one point that had slept with her instructor (not mine, she had her black when she came to our school) pretty much for the sole reason of getting her black belt. after she had it she then dumped the instructor...don't know his name the poor shmuck, and ran off to our school with her new boyfriend from the old school.

the two of them didn't last long at our place...my instructor kicked them out after he'd had enough of their garbage.

and ladies...no disrespect to all of you...this chick was just all about herself and had no problem doing whatever it took to make her "outfit" complete.


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## GouRonin (Mar 6, 2003)

That would curl your toes up.

However out of respect for some of the participants I won't.

...so you know it must be bad!


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## tarabos (Mar 6, 2003)

in addition...there are also some older men in our school (who are instructors) that like to flirt with the young women who come in to the school. not only do i find it disrespectful to the girls, the school, and the art...it also skeezes me out to see old dudes hitting on fine young ladies...

i mean com'on...that's my territory...


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

The old "Black Belt earned in the bedroom" scenario. I've seen it one to many times, unfortunatily.:shrug:


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## chufeng (Mar 6, 2003)

So far we've from a few instructors...all male.
I know there are female teachers, too...
Has this happened to any of you?

:asian:
chufeng


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

You know another problem similar to this one......when the fat chicks are doing stretches and they bend over and you have to look right up there ***........puts you right off training. :asian:


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *You know another problem similar to this one......when the fat chicks are doing stretches and they bend over and you have to look right up there ***........puts you right off training. :asian: *



thats just wrong! :rofl:


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *thats just wrong! :rofl: *



But you would prefer looking up a big fat Male @$$ ....wouldn't you? Say it ain't so, I dare ya! Fibber! *Massage to the Groin*


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *But you would prefer looking up a big fat Male @$$ ....wouldn't you? Say it ain't so, I dare ya! Fibber! *Massage to the Groin* *



I'm sayin it aint so.......stop trying to change my mind! Hey.....HEY!! That my leg your humping there......get off that! 

*Boot to the Groin*

That'll show you


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

Damn English people and their Doc Martins.

RIIIIICH! I need a massage!:rofl:


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## Nightingale (Mar 6, 2003)

I'm not sure if its just my own observations, but I've seen WAY more male instructors hitting on female students than the other way around.


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by nightingale8472 _
> *I'm not sure if its just my own observations, but I've seen WAY more male instructors hitting on female students than the other way around. *



Its you


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## Kirk (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by nightingale8472 _
> *I'm not sure if its just my own observations, but I've seen WAY more male instructors hitting on female students than the other way around. *



Not me!


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *Damn English people and their Doc Martins.
> 
> RIIIIICH! I need a massage!:rofl: *



Why wear Doc Martins when I can have my steel toed boots


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## tarabos (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> **Massage to the Groin* *



:rofl:


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> *Not me! *



You see I told you it was you! This proves it!


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## fist of fury (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *You see I told you it was you! This proves it!  *



Don't forget about the woman who mistake a friendly attitude for flirting.


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by fist of fury _
> *Don't forget about the woman who mistake a friendly attitude for flirting. *



Which one


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## Kirk (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *Which one  *



The stereotypical one, that commits these acts.  Seen it before,
with mine own eyes.


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

I get that all the time.

I'm like "Hey there miss thang! I'm just putting my hand on your butt because I'm being friendly. Don't get all bent outta shape. Jeez......Now, could you please take off you shirt?....... WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Now your just getting all mad and being ridiculus! I said I'm just being friendly, and trying to, you know, 'bond' O.K?.....there! I took off my shirt first! Now don't you feel more comfortable.......Hey, where are you going? Don't run away! Come back! I know....I'll take my pants off to, so we can go two for one, your shirt for my shirt and pants. Why are you cursing and starting your car now? You don't have to worry.....I'm not wearing any underwear! that would be, like, cheating, or somethin... Hey.... [car speeds off].....I know where you live.....

This happends to me like every time I teach at the fitness center. It's totally crazy! I just don't understand how these women can misunderstand me. Sheeesh! 

 :rofl:


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Kirk _
> *The stereotypical one, that commits these acts.  Seen it before,
> with mine own eyes. *



Damn them stereotypical ones! :soapbox:


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## Master of Blades (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *Don't get all bent outta shape. I just don't understand how these women can misunderstand me. Sheeesh!
> 
> :rofl: *



Yeah your just SOOOOO miss understood.....:shrug:


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## Cruentus (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *Yeah your just SOOOOO miss understood.....:shrug: *



If your going to address me as "MISS," then that'll be "Miss Michigan" to you, not "Miss Understood", London Boy!


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 6, 2003)

For the Record,

I have seen both male instructors hit on women in class and female student hit on male instructors.

I do not think it is professional to have a relationship wiht a student. Unless you get married it ends wrong and or bad.


:asian:


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## white dragon (Mar 6, 2003)

Women hit on men, even instructors? Sorry it's just it's been so long since one tried that with me, I kind of assumed that had gone out of fashion. Turns out it's just me that's gone out of fashion. 

And if you're picking a fight, you can make that London BoyS, miss


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by white dragon _
> *Women hit on men, even instructors? Sorry it's just it's been so long since one tried that with me, I kind of assumed that had gone out of fashion. Turns out it's just me that's gone out of fashion.
> 
> And if you're picking a fight, you can make that London BoyS, miss  *




I know I would like to have the opportunity to at least say NO


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## Cthulhu (Mar 6, 2003)

I've never seen either case anywhere I've trained.  Guess that makes me the oddball here.

Okay, not the _only_ thing that makes me an oddball, but for this thread.  

Cthulhu


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## GouRonin (Mar 6, 2003)

**** **** are ok. As long as you are professional to the person afterwards and deny it.

_Edited to conform with MartialTalk standards. -Arnisador_


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## Kirk (Mar 6, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Cthulhu _
> *I've never seen either case anywhere I've trained.  Guess that makes me the oddball here.
> 
> Okay, not the only thing that makes me an oddball, but for this thread.
> ...



Let me reiterate, I haven't witnessed it in my kenpo school, just
in college and high school.  My school would have to have female
students in order for females to hit on the instructor! LOL


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## chufeng (Mar 6, 2003)

Gou,

Although I try to remain professional, I've never actually gone to my knees...what's it like?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 
chufeng


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## Roland (Mar 6, 2003)

......but I have also seen a lot of the single mom's flirtiing with instructors too!

E-mails, Hallmark cards left on desks, invitations for drinks to say Thank you, phone calls to the school at 1 am leaving messages.

It all depends on how the two handle it, be professional though, at all times!


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## GouRonin (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by chufeng _
> *Gou,
> Although I try to remain professional, I've never actually gone to my knees...what's it like?
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> chufeng *



If you have never eaten ***** then I suggest you try it. If there was a ***** flavoured beer I'd be a hopeless alcoholic.


_Edited to conform with MartialTalk standards. -Arnisador_


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## Cruentus (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by GouRonin _
> *If you have never eaten ***** then I suggest you try it. If there was a ***** flavoured beer I'd be a hopeless alcoholic.
> *



Gou....I don't get it? You eat English guys?

(lol Just joking MOB and whitedragon!  :rofl: )

_Edited quoted material to conform with MartialTalk standards. -Arnisador_


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## Master of Blades (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *Gou....I don't get it? You eat English guys?
> 
> (lol Just joking MOB and whitedragon!  :rofl: ) *



:shrug:...........Dont make me come over there. And Gou.....thats just nasty!


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## Cruentus (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *:shrug:...........Dont make me come over there. And Gou.....thats just nasty!  *



That's what I'M TRYING to do...get you to come to Michigan for a......... *[EDIT]*  Rich's got my back.:rofl:


_Edited to conform with MartialTalk standards. -Arnisador_


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## Sifu DangeRuss (Mar 7, 2003)

Ahem...

*...climbs back up on the soap box again...*

:soapbox:​
It's just a suggestion, but perhaps this could all be avoided if you proof read the signs outside the Dojo.  It's supposed to read..."Martial Arts Studio"....not "Marital Arts Studio".  Avoid those darned Cut Rate Signage companies and all will be well.

*...falls down off of soap box snickering...*

:rofl:​


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## Master of Blades (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *That's what I'M TRYING to do...get you to come to Michigan for a......... [EDIT]  Rich's got my back.:rofl: *



.........:disgust:


_Edited quoted material to conform with MartialTalk standards. -Arnisador_


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## Rob_Broad (Mar 7, 2003)

I admit I slept my way to Black Belt.


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## Cruentus (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rob_Broad _
> *I admit I slept my way to Balck Belt. *



whats a "balck Belt"??????????:rofl: I'm just messing w/ ya!


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## Rob_Broad (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *whats a "balck Belt"??????????:rofl: I'm just messing w/ ya! *



Thanks for the heads up on my error,  First day with the rental fingers.


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## Cruentus (Mar 7, 2003)

I ms pel words al he time. And my figers arent ranttles.


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## Master of Blades (Mar 7, 2003)

> _Originally posted by PAUL _
> *I ms pel words al he time. And my figers arent ranttles. *



Ha Ha.....:shrug:


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## theletch1 (Mar 7, 2003)

I've seen this situation in a big way.  Problem was the wife of the instructor was a high rank in the school, the flirtatious student was outrageous with her advances and the instructor reveled in the attention... the result? divorced couple, a lot of desenchanted students and a school on the brink of closing.  I find the idea that a martial arts instructor would handle the advances of a student with anything but a hands off (literally) approach reprehensible.  There are still students out there who revere their sifu as some one who is supposed to be following the three fold path of martial arts to it's highest level.  When a situation like this is not handled in a proper manner it can have the result of causing a lot of potentially great martial artist to simply give up on this thing we do.  

For my part, this is not something that I have to concern myself with.  There is a reason I don't have a picture of myself on here, ya know?
:soapbox: 

theletch1

:snipe:


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## arnisador (Mar 7, 2003)

Please, keep the discussion polite and professional.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-


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## Bob Hubbard (Mar 8, 2003)

Hey folks, friendly nudge here....head back to the main topic of this so we don't have to take a weedwacker to the thread,k?

Much thanks!

:asian:


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## arnisador (Mar 8, 2003)

Edited several posts for language.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-


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## Cliarlaoch (Mar 8, 2003)

I haven't seen it happen too much, although, if any of my students were to flirt with me or another instructor, I'm dense enough I'd probably just smile, nod, and ignore it anyway.

But I did date another student, broke up with her, and we both continued on as students and friends at the same dojang. So it can go both ways.

I don't like the idea of instructors and students dating, but it has happened, and sometimes it works out that they're very professional in class. That said, I'm sure there's some cases where the opposite is sadly true.

Not much two cents from me there, just wanted to pitch my pennies into the ring.


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## Matt Stone (Mar 8, 2003)

As a sometime instructor myself, I believe women flirting with the instructors should happen WAY more often than it does...

Panties should be thrown, or perhaps used as restraining devices during self-defense training...

Bras should never be worn during training, and t-shirts under uniform tops should be banned...

Practicing defenses from the mount should be a mandatory requirement EVERY training session...

Now we just need to get more women to train in Yili!!!  

**CAVEAT - this is meant in jest.  Flirtatious behavior happens.  Instructors should be professional and deal with situations in moral and ethical ways.**

Gambarimasu.
:asian:


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## jules (Mar 8, 2003)

We have a "no dating" policy in our school, so 

            what's the point ...


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## Rob_Broad (Mar 9, 2003)

Over the years as an instructor I have had a few few female students flirt with me, and I handled it very professionally telling them it was unethical for me to date some one I was teaching.  One young lady quit the school on the spot and decided to try and pursue me at the local watering hole.  I dated her and eventually moved into together, after I had my stuff in her apartment she resumed classes.  Even after we parted ways 3 yrs later she continued class til she was relocated.  I have also met wife through training.  But I have always made it a policy not to date a student, even if sounds like I have dipped my pen in the company ink I think it is wrong for an instructor to date a student.

What really freaked me out more than a female student flirting with me was when a male student tried to flirt with me.


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## cali_tkdbruin (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *You know another problem similar to this one......when the fat chicks are doing stretches and they bend over and you have to look right up there ***........puts you right off training. :asian: *



Down boy, down!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## cali_tkdbruin (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rob_Broad _
> *I admit I slept my way to Black Belt. *



That's funny. :rofl: :rofl: 

Hey, wait a friggin' minute, why wasn't that option available to me? I had to really bust my *** to earn my *BLACK*...


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## D.Cobb (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Yiliquan1 _
> *As a sometime instructor myself, I believe women flirting with the instructors should happen WAY more often than it does...
> 
> Panties should be thrown, or perhaps used as restraining devices during self-defense training...
> ...



Yeah, coverin your butt just in case huh!!
We all know what you really mean....
--Dave

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## D.Cobb (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rob_Broad _
> *What really freaked me out more than a female student flirting with me was when a male student tried to flirt with me. *




It's only natural Robby, you are thuch a beeyootiful man!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Kirk (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by D.Cobb _
> *It's only natural Robby, you are thuch a beeyootiful man!!
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: *



Not to mention how good that booty lookth in black gi panth!


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## Elfan (Mar 9, 2003)

I've seen  female students flirting with the male instructors and vise versa.  Never good, especially when it becomes more than just flirting.


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## theletch1 (Mar 9, 2003)

Gee Robby, that guy flirting with you must really have given you something to think about during grappling training, huh.


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by theletch1 _
> *Gee Robby, that guy flirting with you must really have given you something to think about during grappling training, huh. *




Please, I would not like to think about that.

You are just plain Mean!




Hey Rob,

I see it is ok for a girlfreind to train, and for an ex-girlfreind to train, just not ok to date a current student.  

Very Good!


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## Master of Blades (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rich Parsons _
> *
> 
> 
> ...



Now that I think about it, I might ask my girlfriend to come to our next grappling class and give her a few one on one lessons....


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *Now that I think about it, I might ask my girlfriend to come to our next grappling class and give her a few one on one lessons.... *



Oh No I have created a Monster!


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## Matt Stone (Mar 9, 2003)

You know you're good looking when you attract the opposite sex.

You know you're *really* good looking when you attract the *same* sex!!!

Congrats!!!  

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Master of Blades (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rich Parsons _
> *Oh No I have created a Monster! *



Only on weekends :rofl:


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## arnisador (Mar 9, 2003)

This thread is now locked.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-


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## Master of Blades (Mar 9, 2003)

Why lock it?


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## arnisador (Mar 9, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Master of Blades _
> *Why lock it? *



Material such as that quoted in the first and third posts on this page.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-


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