# We all love puns...



## Ken Morgan (Feb 11, 2011)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
    He acquired his size from eating too much pi. 

 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'. 

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
    that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.


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## K-man (Feb 11, 2011)

Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.


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## Blade96 (Feb 12, 2011)

Sign on a store that sells vaccum cleaners: "Where everything sucks but the service." 

Sign near a church: "Come on in for a faith lift."


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## K-man (Feb 12, 2011)

Oboe: An English tramp.


Pasteurize: Too far to see.


Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.


Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.
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Pun ... 'A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire.' Ambrose Bierce
		
Click to expand...

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## Cryozombie (Feb 12, 2011)

I wanted to land the Vatican's Tailoring Business, but I was never an Alter Boy.

Bicycles have Kickstands because they are Two Tired and wont stand on their own.


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## Blade96 (Feb 12, 2011)

Did you hear about the cat who got angry? He had a hissy fit.


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