# The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"



## Blotan Hunka (May 13, 2007)

14. "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."

13. "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?"

12. "I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't."

11. "Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different."

10. "Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too. And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..."

9. "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"

8. "I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music."

7. "Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster -- and make it look like a suicide."

6. "I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky."

5. "It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away -- and I'm still a lyin' weasel."

4. "Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses."

3. "Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work."

2. "These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top."

1. "She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"


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## Kacey (May 13, 2007)

:roflmao:
:roflmao:


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## jdinca (May 13, 2007)

Hee, hee.


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## Blotan Hunka (May 13, 2007)

http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/3/C/clinton_starwars.jpg


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## Rich Parsons (May 13, 2007)

Blotan Hunka said:


> http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/3/C/clinton_starwars.jpg



Nice!


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## Drac (May 13, 2007)

:lfao: :lfao: :lfao: :lfao:


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## Shaderon (May 14, 2007)

hahahaha that's funny


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## Lynne (May 30, 2007)

Good ones!


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## tellner (May 30, 2007)

Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


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## Mark L (May 30, 2007)

This is the Republican Lie Machine?  Silly me, I thought it was The Comedy Cafe.


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## Andrew Green (May 30, 2007)

I always pictured him as more of a Spaceballs kinda guy...


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## JBrainard (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.
> 
> Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


 
100% agree. Some of the jokes were pretty funny though...


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## theletch1 (May 30, 2007)

JBrainard said:


> 100% agree. Some of the jokes were pretty funny though...


And that's the whole point of the post...it's a joke.  If you're gonna make it into a political debate then go over to the study.  Relax.  There are places for argument/debate and this forum ain't it.


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## Rich Parsons (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.
> 
> Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


 
I laughed. 

I would laugh at one from Reagan and Bush or the current sitting President.

Humour to me does not require for it to be against my or for my politics.


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## Andrew Green (May 30, 2007)

yup, jokes are either funny or not.  Truthfully, I think this is beating a dead horse at this point...  It's been how many years since Monica was under his desk?


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## Lynne (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.
> 
> Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


Did you read, "The Horse Did It?"  That's one about Bushy-poo.


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## tellner (May 30, 2007)

And that's how humor as a weapon works. It's designed to get past the usual filters of decency by turning it back on anyone who questions the slander. "What's your problem, don't you gotta sense a humor?"

It's telling that the Right, and our friend here is about as reflexive a right-winger as we have in this community, just can't stop flogging old Dobbin even though he's long past due for the knacker's and has actually turned to compost.


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## crushing (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.
> 
> Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


 
Oh goodness, not the ol' 'eight years of peace and prosperity' line again.  I agree with much of the rest of your post, except for that *li*n*e*.

Yes, there were eight years of Wall Street prosperity.  Starting approximately 1 year before Clinton took office and lasting until approximately 1 year before he left office.  Thanks to the tech bubble, irrational exhuberance and the frauds of Sunbeam, Enron, Global Crossings, MCI, and others in the late 90s.  Meanwhile, private debts, homelessness, and bankruptcies reached all time highs.  The national debt continued to climb and NEVER was reduced despite the apparently politically motivated removal of the national debt clock.

As for peace, terrorism really hit home in those eight years. The World Trade Center was bombed, the Waco fiasco, and the OKC bombing, US embassies were bombed, the USS Cole was bombed.  The US attacked Sudan, Afghanistan and Iraq (Iraq repeatedly),  The US participated in 1993's UNOSOM II, then there was Haiti, and the huge body count from our war with Clinton's personal Hitler, Milosevic.

I say personal Hitler because it seems like lately each US President has his own personal Hitler or evil empire to dispose of.  I think it's partly their 'legacy creation' mindset and partly the reasons described in the Eugene Jarecki documentary "Why We Fight".

I suppose all that warring of the 90s was considered 'peaceful' because the US wasn't losing a lot of lives in comparison to previous military actions and wars?  I think it's more likely that we just don't agree on what peace means.

All that, and I still think Bush is worse than Clinton was, despite Bush inheriting a recession and the problems with terrorism.


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## Lisa (May 30, 2007)

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Please return to the topic at hand.  I strongly suggest that you remember that this thread is in the comedy cafe and not the study.  Humor is in the eye of the beholder.  If you don't like what is stated, please don't hijack the thread, simply move along.

Thanks so much. 

Lisa Deneka
MT Assist. Admin.


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## Blotan Hunka (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.
> 
> Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.


 

:tantrum::tantrum::tantrum::waah::waah:


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## Blotan Hunka (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> It's telling that the Right, and our friend here is about as reflexive a right-winger as we have in this community, just can't stop flogging old Dobbin even though he's long past due for the knacker's and has actually turned to compost.


 
Nothing like a good Clinton joke to flush out all the "reflexive" dyed in the wool libbers too. And to get them to start applying labels too. Yall are so "tolerant". LOL!


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## Blotan Hunka (May 30, 2007)




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## CoryKS (May 30, 2007)

tellner said:


> It's telling that the Right, and our friend here is about as reflexive a right-winger as we have in this community, *just can't stop flogging old Dobbin even though he's long past due for the knacker's and has actually turned to compost.*


 
...said the fellow who's still getting mileage out of Democratic Blunderground chestnuts like 'Chimpy McLackwit'.


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## shesulsa (May 30, 2007)

*ATTENTION ALL USERS: SECOND AND FINAL WARNING

PLEASE RETURN TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC OF THE THREAD.  Party-bashing is not the topic of this thread.  This is in the humor forum - if you want to debate political humor, please go to the study.

Thank you,

G Ketchmark / Shesulsa
MT Assist. Administrator*


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## Blotan Hunka (May 30, 2007)




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## RED (May 30, 2007)

Funny stuff. All presidents are a target for being made fun of. I liked the movie with Robin Williams "Man of the Year" good movie and I'm a Republican. We need a comedian to run for president.
I think I'll write in Carlos Mencia.


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## The Master (May 31, 2007)

Talk about the policics crap in the study people. Hint: That isn't here.


Joke was cute. Not rip roaring funny, but good for a chuckle.
Reminds me, anyone see the Robot Chicken episode with Dubya as a Jedi?


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## CoryKS (May 31, 2007)

15.  "People of Alderaan, I feel your pain."  *bites lip*


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## Blotan Hunka (May 31, 2007)

16. May the force be with you...and with you...and with you....oh yeah you too...mmmm baby yeah you too.


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## CoryKS (May 31, 2007)

How 'bout the top 14 things Bill Clinton would _do_ if he were in Star Wars?

I'll start:

14.  Lob a couple of missiles at Yavin 3* in retaliation for the destruction of the Death Star.



* Yes, I know the rebels were on Yavin 4.  That's the point.


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## crushing (May 31, 2007)

13.  Replace that floating torture device with a sodium pentothal soaked cigar.


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## mrhnau (May 31, 2007)

Clinton: Where are those cigars you intercepted? What have you done with those cigars?

Independant Council: We have intecepted no cigars! This is an independant investigation on a diplomatic mission

Clinton: If this is a diplomatic mission then where are the interns!

*crushes neck*

Clinton: Lackey, tear this office apart until you have found those cigars, and bring me the interns. I want them alive!


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## elder999 (May 31, 2007)

Those are pretty funny.

Of course, who could forget the stuff they're apparently in retaliation for?


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## Blotan Hunka (May 31, 2007)

I find your lack of BigMacs disturbing.


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## Blotan Hunka (May 31, 2007)

CoryKS said:


> How 'bout the top 14 things Bill Clinton would _do_ if he were in Star Wars?
> 
> I'll start:
> 
> ...


 
13. Have his enemies secretly disposed of and make them look like accidents. (hmmm wait a minute.)


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