# Breaking up is hard to do!



## KanoLives (Sep 17, 2003)

Why does breaking up with someone have to be so hard? I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. That's along time to be together with someone. And it just hurts. And I know it's for the better because we just became 2 different people with 2 different directions are lives were going in. But I mean I had to do the deed and I've never really had to do something like this. And it's so friggin hard. Now I know I'll be OK but it's her that I find myself worring about and wondering if she'll be OK.   So I guess I'm starting this thread for all those that have been there and could maybe share their experience(s) with dealing with stuff like this. 

Thanks for any input.  

P.S. Don't mean to open any old wounds either.


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## KenpoMatt (Sep 17, 2003)

Hey Kano - I know exactly what you're talking about. I dated a girl for 4.5 years. We grew in two completely different directions and I had to end the relationship. 

The hard part for me, on that one, was that I felt like I was doing something wrong. I knew we wouldn't be happy together. I knew that the break up was going to tear her heart out. That was the hardest part for me. Yes, it hurt me a lot. But, I felt sooo guilty for ending it b/c I didn't want to hurt her. 

That was a long time ago. Now, she is happily married with a bambino on the way. Trite as it sounds - time will heal this for you and her. You stated that you know it is for the better. Stick to your guns. She'll be fine. You will find your happiness & so will she. 

Don't fall into the trap of getting back into the relationship b/c you feel bad or it is just easier to do then remaining broken-up. I fell into that. It makes thing so much worse - oscillating back & forth. I ended up moving to a different city b/c I knew I couldn't get on wth my life until I put some distance between us. 

Good luck buddy.


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## Bob Hubbard (Sep 17, 2003)

I broke up with someone after 7 years with them...it was hard.  The worse part was the last year where it went downhill rapidly.  The final confrontation was very hostile, and very messy.  3 years later we can chat occationally again, but its only for a short time cuz, well, we've both grown in different directions.

so, I can relate.


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## KanoLives (Sep 17, 2003)

Hey thanks for the reply guys. It's like I'm good for a little while and then ya know I have sometime to think about the situation and well....ya know. I definitely know the feeling of it going downhill for the past year and it got messy for a day or two before the deed was done,  but once I told her that this is what I wanted it kinda has returned to civility towards each other. I don't know this stuff confuses the hell outta me.   

Thanks again for the words of inspiration.


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## rachel (Sep 17, 2003)

Adoni, I know it's hard to break up. You know my situation. My husband and I have been together a lot of years and we've grown so far apart and he doesn't respect me at all. He's verbally abusive and I have to end it. It's very hard especially with a child involved. I wish you the best and you're one of the nicest people I know. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Go out and get it. See you in class tonight.     Rachel


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## Master of Blades (Sep 17, 2003)

I've been with my girlfriend 10months and its starting to be a bit rocky.....I'm praying we dont have to break up. I hate it when that happens


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## Cryozombie (Sep 17, 2003)

I broke up with a girl 2 years ago, and I still think about her all the time...  

I think it even sabotaged a few relationships since then... 


:wah:


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## TheRustyOne (Sep 17, 2003)

I dated a guy for like 3 years, and the breakup was more of a mutual agreement, but we were both in tears. He had to go and get out of work early, and we just spent our last time together crying and talking it. Thankfully, I try to work to keep a friendship between me and my ex, and it worked.


It's hard, but it's possible.


*gives kano a huge hug* we're here for ya, dude.


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## KanoLives (Sep 17, 2003)

Thank you all again for the kind words. :asian: 

There went the whole civility thing. She just came by today to make sure that this is what I wanted. I actually broke up last Thurs. with her.  She gave me the whole speach on how we can work it out and she'd give me the space and a whole bunch of stuff that sounded really good. And as tough as it was I stuck to the guns. 

The really bad part is that she found out I have a female friend in my karate school and thinks that this is the reason I broke up with her. Truth be told. It's not. But if I was in her shoes I would probablly think the same thing. And no matter what I said she continued to think I was leaving her for another person. 

This S@#t really sucks.


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## cali_tkdbruin (Sep 17, 2003)

I've heard that breaking up with your spouse especially after being together for sometime leaves one feeling like when a close family member passes. Sad and depressed. 

Well, from my own experience I lost my Pop a while back, and when I split with my Ex the feeling was very similar, maybe it was even harder because we (my Ex and I) have a child together. Our daughter also lost a full time mom and dad.  

Good luck, and hang in there.


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## Dojo420 (Sep 17, 2003)

Hey Kano,
Coming from a woman's perspective and being the emotional creatures we are, I think you can see why she may feel that this girl did have something to do with the breakup. I am going through a breakup with my boyfriend of 2 years and I would really like someone with similar interests to talk to. So if you need a shoulder, PM me! I am always willing to talk! Keep your head up things are only bound to get better not worse.

HEY! I am going for my yellow belt tomorrow!! :asian: 

Sarah


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## Chronuss (Sep 17, 2003)

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years...but I knew it was coming...I just had to follow through with it.  I knew then as I know now that I could handle, but I knew she would have the tough time with letting go, as she has had with her past relationships.  I know this is a terrible thing to say, but I am happier now, I'm in better moods, and I'm simply a more...chipper person to be around now since I'm not brooding or anticipating when I'm going to get yelled at again...cause I ain't.


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## jfarnsworth (Sep 18, 2003)

Unfortunately we all have to go through this at some time or another. This is just another cruel thing that happens to us. Take the good with the bad and try to remember the good.  We will all learn from past mistakes to move forward and make the next better and so forth. As long as you don't live with regret then that's a good thing.:asian:


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## Nightingale (Sep 18, 2003)

KANO:

from someone who's been there:

don't get together with your ex just to talk or hang out or "just be friends" because she'll never believe the "just friends" part.  Make a clean break and it will be easier on both of you.  As long as you're still in contact, if she's still really into you, she'll hold out hope to reignite the relationship. 


RACHEL:

If you need any assistance of any kind, please do not hesitate to ask... and please consider talking to a counselor if you haven't already done so.  it can help you get up the courage to walk away before its too late... verbal abuse often escalates into physical abuse.

best wishes to both of you!

-N-

:asian:


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## Kroy (Sep 18, 2003)

Ya know, this forum is a fantastic place. It's almost a home away from home. I hope it hangs around for a long time. And Kano, it appears that you are at the young age of 23 (correct me if I'm wrong) and you will definately meet more poeple in the future and fall in love all over again. Just give it time, we've all been there.


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## Kroy (Sep 18, 2003)

And Rachel, I dont know you but I'll be sending a prayer out for you tonight. Hope all goes well.


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## Chronuss (Sep 21, 2003)

> Originally posted by Kroy
> *It's almost a home away from home. *



more like a home in my home...er...yeah...what he said.  :shrug:


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## Seig (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *more like a home in my home...er...yeah...what he said.  :shrug: *


The only place youa re at home is the shelter.


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## Chronuss (Sep 21, 2003)

> Originally posted by Seig
> *The only place youa re at home is the shelter. *



you mean my cave...?


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## Seig (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *you mean my cave...?   *


No, I meant the homeless shelter.


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## Chronuss (Sep 21, 2003)

...that's not cool...


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## Seig (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *...that's not cool... *


You say that to me an awful lot.:rofl:


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## rachel (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Kroy _
> *And Rachel, I dont know you but I'll be sending a prayer out for you tonight. Hope all goes well. *


 Thank you. I really appreciate it.


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## Bob Hubbard (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Nightingale _
> *KANO:
> 
> from someone who's been there:
> ...



I second both of these...

My last major pain-fest was the result of too much yo-yo action between me and my ex.  If we'd cut it clean, it would have been much better.


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## Chronuss (Sep 21, 2003)

> Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz
> * If we'd cut it clean, it would have been much better. *



...yeah..ususally if you cut the ex, you do feel better...just make sure it's sharp.


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## Seig (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *...yeah..ususally if you cut the ex, you do feel better...just make sure it's sharp.   *


Why?  If it's dull, it hurts them more.


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## Chronuss (Sep 21, 2003)

> Originally posted by Seig
> *Why?  If it's dull, it hurts them more. *



...or you could use a spoon...


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## Kroy (Sep 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by rachel _
> *Thank you. I really appreciate it. *



Thats what your MT buddies are for.


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## KenpoTess (Sep 22, 2003)

Yep it is a miserable feeling .. *hugs* and know you're not alone~!!


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## jfarnsworth (Sep 22, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Kroy _
> *Thats what your MT buddies are for. *



You know that I have found that my "karate buddies" (which are all I have according to my wife ) have never back stabbed me like every other joker on the street would. This is why I trust my "karate buddies" more.:asian:


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## jeffkyle (Sep 23, 2003)

> _Originally posted by jfarnsworth _
> *You know that I have found that my "karate buddies" (which are all I have according to my wife ) have never back stabbed me like every other joker on the street would. This is why I trust my "karate buddies" more.:asian: *



Well I am on the other side of the wall there.  My "Karate buddies" have stabbed me in the back worse than anyone else ever has.


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