# How did you get over the awkwardness of close contact/grappling?



## watching (Aug 24, 2018)

I always "freeze up" and almost panic when I have to practice getting out of take down scenarios in class and I don't know what to do about it! I don't practice a grappling system but am learning some techniques about how to respond to attempted take downs. I find it is far worse when I'm practicing with a male as opposed to another female. But even when I am practicing with another woman, it's still difficult to think or try and perform my techniques. 
If you experienced any of this awkwardness or anxiety when you first started grappling, how did you get past it?
I asked a similar question a while back but I thought I'd get more practical advice asking those of you who train in a very close contact system. Thanks everyone!


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## drop bear (Aug 24, 2018)

No easy way. 

More grappling unfortunately.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 24, 2018)

- Treat falling on the ground as free full body massage.
- Consider yourself as a bouncing ball.






- Do hand stance against a wall so you are used to see the upside down world. Don't do this if you have Glaucoma.


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## watching (Aug 24, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> - Treat falling on the ground as free full body massage.
> - Consider yourself as a bouncing ball.
> 
> 
> ...


I already do handstands quite a bit. They don't seem to help with the close contact scenarios lol


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Aug 24, 2018)

I never really had that awkwardness. But I think it's mainly because I started training at 4 or 5. Maybe post in the woman's section of the forum might give you more help?


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## watching (Aug 24, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> I never really had that awkwardness. But I think it's mainly because I started training at 4 or 5. Maybe post in the woman's section of the forum might give you more help?


Do you think this is a female specific thing? I'm asking in all sincerity, no offense taken.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Aug 25, 2018)

watching said:


> Do you think this is a female specific thing? I'm asking in all sincerity, no offense taken.


Im not sure, but you did specify that the issue is primarily working with men, and not as much with women. I would hazard a guess there's a certain awkwardness there for you, that a man might not necessarily feel or understand. Being a man who never felt it, I can't say that for certain, but that's my guess.


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## watching (Aug 25, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> Im not sure, but you did specify that the issue is primarily working with men, and not as much with women. I would hazard a guess there's a certain awkwardness there for you, that a man might not necessarily feel or understand. Being a man who never felt it, I can't say that for certain, but that's my guess.


You've really never felt awkwardness when grappling? I can't imagine being so comfortable that close to people


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## watching (Aug 25, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> Im not sure, but you did specify that the issue is primarily working with men, and not as much with women. I would hazard a guess there's a certain awkwardness there for you, that a man might not necessarily feel or understand. Being a man who never felt it, I can't say that for certain, but that's my guess.


But ya I'm going to take your advice and ask in the women's forum


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Aug 25, 2018)

watching said:


> You've really never felt awkwardness when grappling? I can't imagine being so comfortable that close to people


Yup, never. Again though, I started training when I was around 4, and my first style was a hybrid kempo where my instructors always stated "kempo means close". So I was conditioned to be at my best close to others in a fighting aspect.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 25, 2018)

I have never had such feeling. I have always believed that I need to keep my friend close but my enemy closer.


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## Danny T (Aug 25, 2018)

watching said:


> I always "freeze up" and almost panic when I have to practice getting out of take down scenarios in class and I don't know what to do about it! I don't practice a grappling system but am learning some techniques about how to respond to attempted take downs. I find it is far worse when I'm practicing with a male as opposed to another female. But even when I am practicing with another woman, it's still difficult to think or try and perform my techniques.
> If you experienced any of this awkwardness or anxiety when you first started grappling, how did you get past it?
> I asked a similar question a while back but I thought I'd get more practical advice asking those of you who train in a very close contact system. Thanks everyone!


I haven't had such a concern. However, I see it often with beginners from kids, teens, & adults; males and females. For the most part I've found it to be a combination of things. Cultural upbringing, the individuals sense of confidence, & personality all play a factor. Cultural upbringing today especially with kids at schools where touching another person is taboo and a punishable offense is a big factor. Kids love to wrestle but every year I am seeing more and more kids and teens who have a hard time laying on top of another when beginning wrestling or bjj. When on bottom they will often just lay or won't use their arms or hands to push or attempt to control the person on top. 

1. accept that you have anxiety and don't feel bad about it. That it is actually ok.
2. if possible work with someone you have a greater feeling of trust and get into the positions that make you a little less anxious. The more time you spend there the easier it will become. Get some instruction in getting out of that position and drill it. Having the knowledge and developing the ability to get out of that position will build your confidence and that is powerful for you. 
3. Keep going and you will become accustom to it especially when you accept it and put your mind to overcoming the anxiety.

All the best to you in your training.


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## Headhunter (Aug 25, 2018)

I've never had any issue at all. It's training nothing more nothing less. The people there want to train so it's not like they don't want to be in that situation


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## Martial D (Aug 25, 2018)

watching said:


> I always "freeze up" and almost panic when I have to practice getting out of take down scenarios in class and I don't know what to do about it! I don't practice a grappling system but am learning some techniques about how to respond to attempted take downs. I find it is far worse when I'm practicing with a male as opposed to another female. But even when I am practicing with another woman, it's still difficult to think or try and perform my techniques.
> If you experienced any of this awkwardness or anxiety when you first started grappling, how did you get past it?
> I asked a similar question a while back but I thought I'd get more practical advice asking those of you who train in a very close contact system. Thanks everyone!


Ya, that's the whole 'bubble' thing most people have, like when someone stands really close to you to talk.

It fades with familiarity. Not so much with the person, but with the activity.

In other words, do it more and that feeling will fade.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 25, 2018)

Martial D said:


> do it more and that feeling will fade.


I do have some problem when training with a female partner. One day we worked on Taiji "double push". Instead of pushing on my partner's chest, I pushed on her both shoulders instead. She then asked me, "Do you suppose to push on my chest?" I was speechless after that.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Aug 25, 2018)

dup, deleted.


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## Martial D (Aug 25, 2018)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> I do have some problem when training with a female partner. One day we worked on Taiji "double push". Instead of pushing on my partner's chest, I pushed on her both shoulders instead. She then asked me, "Do you suppose to push on my chest?" I was speechless after that.


Even that you get over. after a while the girls on the mat are just sparring partners, especially when they get good enough to present a real threat in a roll. Ive been tapped by girls lots of times!


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## FriedRice (Aug 25, 2018)

You just have to keep grappling. There is a certain degree of sexual tension. People who says there aren't any are probably lying. The degree varies. But you forget about it real quick when the combat aspect of it kicks in. One girl freaked out and thought a guy she was training with had a boner. We had to pull him to the side and he offered to show us his cup, which was the foreign object....so he's innocent. 

My main hurdle was due to being a germaphobe. I don't even like shaking hands. This was disgusting and 10x worse when rolling no-gi. The mat becomes a slip 'n slide but with 30 dudes' sweat mixed together and now it's all over my body and face. But I forget about it when the other guy's trying to choke my *** out. Afterward, I get to the showers, fast.


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## mber (Aug 25, 2018)

I am a person who avoids physical contact as a general rule. I find it often awkward in general. When I started to grapple, I was in my teens, and was in fact very awkward. 
But the people who were teaching me were wise and experienced enough to make me keep doing it. At some point I realized that the awkwardness of _being awkward_ was actually more awkward than the grappling itself, and within a few months the problem went away.


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## drop bear (Aug 26, 2018)

watching said:


> Do you think this is a female specific thing? I'm asking in all sincerity, no offense taken.



Depends. A lot of people don't like to take our wrestling class because of the unnatural nature of it.


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## now disabled (Aug 26, 2018)

drop bear said:


> Depends. A lot of people don't like to take our wrestling class because of the unnatural nature of it.




I get ya there as physical contact these days can be taken in the wrong context as well as the right context .... That is something that only an individual can sort for themselves ..........but in a good environment and a good teacher then that should be overcome


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## now disabled (Aug 26, 2018)

watching said:


> But ya I'm going to take your advice and ask in the women's forum




I wish I could find the vid of an american woman who when she started out in MA she had those issues and lacked the self confidence etc and now she is a well respected MA 

If I find it I'll Pm it to you


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## drop bear (Aug 26, 2018)

now disabled said:


> I get ya there as physical contact these days can be taken in the wrong context as well as the right context .... That is something that only an individual can sort for themselves ..........but in a good environment and a good teacher then that should be overcome



Also because it is hard to do well and people get thrown around a lot. Which sucks. 

So the first 6 months is just getting manhandled by everyone.


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## marques (Aug 27, 2018)

I have felt unconfortable doing grappling, especially in certain positions... But remember everyone there is doing the same and contact is completely normal in that context. Just be aware if certain people take advantage of the context (unlikely, but happens).

After many months you should feel it just normal and think only about the class. If not... you may need to review if grappling is your thing.


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