# If I die, ant funeral that I'm the guest of honour in will NOT be a religious-based one



## Scott T (Mar 21, 2011)

I just came back from my sister's funeral. With all the religious blah blah blah that went on, her send-off was one of the most boring things I have ever lived through. She deserved better.

As someone who was all bubbley and full of life as she was, it was a frickin' obscenity.

I could just see her lookin' down and shaking her head.

No, when I kick, all I want is to have the ceremony in a quiet (the ol' swimming hole would be great) place with barbeque and an open mic for those who want to tell lies about me, and the occasional truth. I'll even supply my own damned hearse.


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## girlbug2 (Mar 21, 2011)

I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Scott T (Mar 21, 2011)

girlbug2 said:


> I'm sorry for your loss.


Thanks, but she passed 10 days ago. Her health, due to a rare form of kidney disease, has been fragile for the last 8 years. While it was expected to happen, it actually happening was a shock.

And this wasn't a plea for sympathy, more of a rant about THE WAY THINGS ARE DONE!

:soapbox:


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## Bob Hubbard (Mar 21, 2011)

I can relate.  A cousin of mine's funeral turned into a 2hr "convert you heathens" fire and brimstone affair. One of the "brothers" 'a preachin' said repeatedly "we don't know where she is, but you can be saved". (she wasn't that faith, but the family who paid for the funeral were).

At my uncles funeral, I thanked the preacher who officiated for keeping the 'brimstone' down and making 'this pagan' feel welcome.  We talked about my cousins funeral and he basically (in a very proper way) said the other folks were buttheads.

Me personally....I'm planning on skipping mine entirely and simply doing that Jedi trick of fading away.


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## Scott T (Mar 21, 2011)

She (the preacher) wasn't fire and brimstone, she was just solemn. Shawna was not a solemn person by any stretch of the imagination. Even with her lot in life, she never complained and always had a ready smile.

And it was a little Jesus-heavy for my taste.


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## MA-Caver (Mar 21, 2011)

I've been to good funerals and bad ones... the last one was my aunt and it was religious (seeing how she was the wife of a minister -- her husband passed away 2 years previous). 
I too don't like it when they (clergy) use the occasion to preach their hell and damnation sermons trying to scare you into repentance while someone has died in question of their faith. 
I've religious friends and I've non-religious friends. While I haven't given too much thought about HOW I want my services conducted I know I would want one that would respectfully accommodate both without being too over-bearing, either way. 

More-n-likely I'd be wanting a wake after a VERY simple religious ceremony. A close-caving friend of mine was killed and his clique (of which I am a part) attended his funeral and then we decided to have a wake in his honor. That was far more moving indeed. 

Ten years later we gotten together to remember the man. His parents and wife were stunned that we actually put it together. His father said out of all the various groups that his son was a part of (caving, acting, church, hiking, 4X4's) we were the only ones who remembered him 10 years after. A slide-show, short memorial video and folks standing up and just remembering the funny and good stuff about the man.

I think this is how I would like it. 

Scott, if I may suggest ... you can probably put together a wake for your sister... inviting her best friends and family and just have a good time remembering the good stuff. 

Condolences for your loss. :asian:


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## Sukerkin (Mar 21, 2011)

For me, the most inappropriate funeral I ever attended was for my dearest friend, Dave.  

A devil-may-care biker taken in a car accident along with a number of my other friends (because the driver of the car was stoned, care to guess where my anti-drug feelings come from?).

His funeral was a full-on Catholic dirge because that's what his mother wanted.

Thankfully for his spirit, those of our circle who survived the crash (by not being there) saw him off properly with a bikers wake.

I am saddened for you by your loss, Scott.  I have not yet lost any immediate family (closer than aunts, uncles, grandparents, brother-in-law) and I am not looking forward to it.  May your memories of 'what was' buoy your spirits when the pain of what has happened bites too hard.


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## Rayban (Mar 21, 2011)

Scott T said:


> She (the preacher) wasn't fire and brimstone, she was just solemn. Shawna was not a solemn person by any stretch of the imagination. Even with her lot in life, she never complained and always had a ready smile.
> 
> And it was a little Jesus-heavy for my taste.



I am sorry for your loss, and can totally relate.

I find that traditional religious ceremonies are not only dreadfully boring (especially for an atheist) but they are very depressing.  I've been to a fair few funerals, religious and secular and the secular ones have always seemed like the easiest to deal with.

I was told by a friend of mine who works at a funeral home that most of the people she talks to at religious funerals get really depressed because they can't believe "god" took their loved one from them. whereas the secular attendees tend to have an easier time comming to terms with their loss.

I'm not saying one way is better than another, but I do think it is very important to outline what you want done before you die.

Personally I want a traditional Viking funeral with a huge feast after the ceremony.  Haven't decided what I want done with my ashes.  I was thinking of getting them put in a cup or something, but I won't know the difference between a marble jar or a cat litter box :S


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## granfire (Mar 21, 2011)

Probably the best funeral was for my grandpa. I was too young to go to the service and I didn't understand at the time, but afterward family and friends gathered for coffee and cake, telling stories about him, laughing and having a good time. Fitting for a man who was known to ride his horse into a pub for a beer for him and his steed. 

When my sister passed away a few years ago, it was a bit different. She battled cancer and had much more living to do, but while it was somber, the service was touching and fitting to her life. (and after we had coffee and cake and told stories about her and had a reasonably good time. She might have had her massive quirks, she did like to be the center of attention)


Sorry for your loss. Even if you expect it, as you said, it's a shock. (But 10 days is recent. all the firsts without her are yet to come. My best wishes to you and your family)


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## elder999 (Mar 21, 2011)

Sukerkin said:


> AHis funeral was a full-on Catholic dirge because that's what his mother wanted.
> 
> Thankfully for his spirit, those of our circle who survived the crash (by not being there) saw him off properly with a bikers wake..


 
As my Dad used to say, _Funerals are for the *living.*_-in this case, the needs of all were satisfied-remember, his mother wanted you there, for the "full-on Catholic dirge."

Me, I like the idea of celebrating the person's life, though that can seem inappropriate at times. When my Dad died, it was something of a big deal, with as close as the Episcopal church can come to a "full-on Catholic".....well, not a dirge. It was a celebration, with at severalbishops, two former NYC mayors, other NY political figures, and, well, it seemed like the whole damn town in attendance. Our family wore white, and insisted that no one come "in mourning."A very "Catholic" mass, which my dad would have appreciated, and jazz music, which my dad also would have appreciated.I hadn't seen him in a while, but a childhood friend attended in an aloha shirt....which my dad would have appreciated. :lol:
In NY, though, the remains have to be accompanied by a certified mortician, and the poor woman went out of her mind with confusion.....:lfao:

Sorry for your loss-I'd say to go ahead and do as Caver recommends, and get your sisters friends, and whatever relatives would want to be there, and _celebrate her life_ in a way that feels appropriate to you.


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## Bill Mattocks (Mar 21, 2011)

Not my call, and to each their own.  Frankly, I want a Viking funeral.  That, or to be blown up.

And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds.  I don't care who or what, just get to it.  In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out.  I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.

When it's over, I want people rubbing their heads, looking for the aspirin and saying _"Damn I'm glad that butthole can only die once."_

Ya'll keep that in mind in case you hear I've cacked it.


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## Scott T (Mar 21, 2011)

Thanks, all (Especially you, Bill. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I'd be honoured to start 2-3 fistfights at your funeral!).

I think the hardest part for me is that she was only 34, and was diagnosed when she was 12. We are steps, actually, from 2 families made into one when I was a teen and she was just entering her teen years. I watched her grow up from a geeky kid into a beautiful young woman and mother. She may have had bad moments, but she never had a bad day. Her bubbly personality wouldn't allow it.


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## granfire (Mar 22, 2011)

Scott T said:


> I think the hardest part for me is that she was only 34, and was diagnosed when she was 12. We are steps, actually, from 2 families made into one when I was a teen and she was just entering her teen years. I watched her grow up from a geeky kid into a beautiful young woman and mother. She may have had bad moments, but she never had a bad day. Her bubbly personality wouldn't allow it.



That is a nice tribute to her.


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## Bruno@MT (Mar 22, 2011)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Not my call, and to each their own.  Frankly, I want a Viking funeral.  That, or to be blown up.
> 
> And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds.  I don't care who or what, just get to it.  In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out.  I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.
> 
> ...



Interesting. See. I knew we could find common ground somewhere.
I want a viking burial. I want good boots on my feet, a hip flask of malt in my pocket, and a sword in my hands. If there is any chance I'll get to partake in eternal fighting, feasting and fornication, I want to take it 

While my body is burning / floating away, I want there to be BBQ. Lots of meat. And my entire collection of old malt whisky has got to go. And believe me, it will take some serious drinking to do so. I want it to be a party that will remembered, and for people to say: 'wow, that was going out in style'.


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## Bruno@MT (Mar 22, 2011)

granfire said:


> Probably the best funeral was for my grandpa. I was too young to go to the service and I didn't understand at the time, but afterward family and friends gathered for coffee and cake, telling stories about him, laughing and having a good time. Fitting for a man who was known to ride his horse into a pub for a beer for him and his steed.



This is how Belgian funerals go by default.
My grandmothers funeral was hard on me, since she and I were very close.
During the funeral and the burial, it is time for tears, sadness and actually saying goodbye.

After the burial, everyone went to the 'coffee table' where there was coffee, soda, beer and wine, and of course cake, pie and sandwiches. Everybody got to eat and drink their fill, while talking about fond memories, things they said or would have said, etc. Generally, this is a fairly cheerful event where you can turn the page.

This is generally how most funerals go in Belgium.


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## fangjian (Mar 22, 2011)

My dad passed away last summer and I made sure to have a memorial service instead of a 'funeral'. We did it at the University library where he worked. We had food there. His band he use to play with played a few of his favorite songs. All around the room I displayed all of his artwork and music writing that he had done. It was a great event. My mom begged me to have a minister there, so I did. He kept the religious stuff to an absolute minimum, and was more just the host of the event along with myself.


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## crushing (Mar 22, 2011)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Not my call, and to each their own. Frankly, I want a Viking funeral. That, or to be blown up.
> 
> And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds. I don't care who or what, just get to it. In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out. I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.
> 
> ...


 

Except for the drunk part, sounds a just like Ayatollah Khomeini's funeral.


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## Bill Mattocks (Mar 22, 2011)

crushing said:


> Except for the drunk part, sounds a just like Ayatollah Khomeini's funeral.



Cool.  I am the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla.


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## Omar B (Mar 22, 2011)

I'm not one for pomp and ceremony (I never even went to my college or high school graduations).  But a funeral are for those left behind, so I guess whoever does the planning gets to pick the type it will be ... unless it was explicitly stated in the will.

My needs are simple, donate my organs, keep the brain and a good amount of blood so if cloning ever gets to that stage they can bring me back.  Burn the rest and put it in a nice vase.


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## granfire (Mar 22, 2011)

Bruno@MT said:


> This is how Belgian funerals go by default.
> My grandmothers funeral was hard on me, since she and I were very close.
> During the funeral and the burial, it is time for tears, sadness and actually saying goodbye.
> 
> ...



Well, the German way, too. Gramps had quiet a reputation....


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## Nomad (Mar 22, 2011)

My stepmom plans to have her ashes made into clay skipping stones, and let each of the grandkids have a contest to see who can get Grandma to skip the farthest down at the lake.

Hopefully not for awhile yet


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## crushing (Mar 22, 2011)

Nomad said:


> My stepmom plans to have her ashes made into clay skipping stones, and let each of the grandkids have a contest to see who can get Grandma to skip the farthest down at the lake.
> 
> Hopefully not for awhile yet



That's pretty cool.

It reminds me of what my better half tells me what she will do with my remains:  http://www.lifegem.com/


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## granfire (Mar 23, 2011)

As long as nobody puts my ashes into an hour glass...I do enough running as it is...


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## Bruno@MT (Mar 23, 2011)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Cool.  I am the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla.



The Earl of Funk, Duke of Cool, Ayatollah of Rock-and-Roll-a, Bill Mattocks!


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## Flea (Mar 23, 2011)

I went to a funeral last year of someone I'd barely met as a representative of my bipolar support group.  The eulogy made my skin crawl just a tetch.

The preacher divided the eulogy into two parts - before and after the diagnosis.  He was the tow-headed kid who caught frogs and chased the girls with them on the schoolyard, that sort of thing.  The second half of the eulogy was after the mood disorder kicked in, and it was basically a checklist of his symptoms and how annoying and ineffectual he was.  He wouldn't take his meds, he dropped out of college, his wife left him.  The preacher even stooped to yelling at him from beyond the grave.  "_Focus was an issue!_"  

It wasn't hard for me to read between the lines and unearth a really fascinating guy - creative, fun, bright, loved his wife and fathered a beautiful little boy.  I sincerely hope his family didn't write that eulogy.  It exemplified everything I've dedicated my life to countering - this attitude of seeing people solely in terms of the diagnostic label slapped on their forehead.  He died at 28 when his car hit a patch of ice and went into a tree, completely unrelated to bipolar.  Give him a rest, and some respect.  Now I'm thinking of writing my own eulogy.


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## Rayban (Mar 23, 2011)

Flea said:


> He died at 28 when his car hit a patch of ice and went into a tree, completely unrelated to bipolar.  Give him a rest, and some respect.  Now I'm thinking of writing my own eulogy.



Kinda flies in the face of "pay your respects doesn't it.  Not only to him, but to everyone who was there.  If his wife was there (and didn't write that) I would imagine she would have been mortified listening to that... I know I would be.


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## Blade96 (Mar 24, 2011)

My dad said we can just cremate him and flush his ashes down the toilet.


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## granfire (Mar 24, 2011)

Blade96 said:


> My dad said we can just cremate him and flush his ashes down the toilet.



Poor man's burial at sea?

It makes more sense though to scatter him on the lawn.


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## Ken Morgan (Mar 24, 2011)

I gotta go with the Viking funeral too.
Have a big bonfire at the beach, eat steaks, drink scotch, put my body on a viking ship, set it on fire, push it out into the lake, watch it burn and sink, then eat more steak and drink more scotch. Simple.


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## Balrog (Mar 25, 2011)

I've actually pre-donated my body to a medical school (http://www.uth.tmc.edu/nba/willedbody/).  They'll slice and dice on me and learn things, then they will cremate me and turn me into fertilizer.

Although, I'm rethinking it.  That Viking funeral is starting to sound more and more attractive.  :lol:


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## Blade96 (Mar 25, 2011)

granfire said:


> Poor man's burial at sea?


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## elder999 (Mar 25, 2011)

If I get my way:


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## Sukerkin (Mar 25, 2011)

Ideally I would like to be buried beneath a tree with one of my swords and dressed for the street (C18th Japanese street that is ), just in case there is something on the other side.  After all, I've taught myself not to be a victim in this life and I'm darned well not going to be one if there is a next :lol:.

But as long as I go back to the earth from which I am made and get to help something else grow and live then I will be a happy departed spirit.


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## Nomad (Mar 25, 2011)

Ken Morgan said:


> I gotta go with the Viking funeral too.
> Have a big bonfire at the beach, eat steaks, drink scotch, put my body on a viking ship, set it on fire, push it out into the lake, watch it burn and sink, then eat more steak and drink more scotch. Simple.



Well seriously... how else do you expect to get to Valhalla? (assuming, of course, that you die a glorious death in battle like the gods intended!)


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## Blade96 (Mar 28, 2011)

We made a flower garden on the spot where my pets were buried. It makes me happy that every year the little flowers bloom and each little flower is a piece of them.  Not a sad place at all. A pretty cheerful place with flowers each summer.

that's what I'd like my body to do too. Help the pretty plants grow.


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## Bruno@MT (Mar 28, 2011)

Nomad said:


> Well seriously... how else do you expect to get to Valhalla? (assuming, of course, that you die a glorious death in battle like the gods intended!)



I shave with a straight razor. If old age makes my hands twitch, I may get in on the technicality of dying by the blade, with a blade in my hands. 

http://badassoftheweek.com/norsereligion.html


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## Bill Mattocks (Mar 28, 2011)

Bruno@MT said:


> I shave with a straight razor. If old age makes my hands twitch, I may get in on the technicality of dying by the blade, with a blade in my hands.
> 
> http://badassoftheweek.com/norsereligion.html



Yeah, but you'll have to sit next to Angus, who pees his kilt all the time.

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0005525/quotes


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