# Captain Obvious



## shesulsa (Mar 5, 2007)

My  mom's a little underweight, so I went to the dreaded golden arches to grab her a nice, fattening breakfast combo.

After paying at the first window, I got the line, "That'll be ready for you at the next window."

I had to stop and ask myself, "I wonder what I would do if they didn't tell me that?  Drive all the way around the building again?  Park and go inside?"  I mean, I could see that sacks of food and carriers with drinks were exiting the window via a magic hand and being placed in another magic hand which extended from the vehicle two cars ahead.  But since I lack the general ability to reasonably deduce that I could also get My food at the next window, I was SO GRATEFUL that the nice lady who took my money gave me my instructions.

I can't help but wonder about things like this.

Do you have any "Captain Obvious" moments you'd like to share?


----------



## The Kidd (Mar 5, 2007)

Does it count when people say "Can I be honest with you?" I think to myself no I would rather you be a liar!


----------



## Xue Sheng (Mar 5, 2007)

I have way too many to list


----------



## MA-Caver (Mar 5, 2007)

Xue Sheng said:


> I have way too many to list


Ditto. But here's one... At work I was washing the windows of the entry doors... my supervisor comes up behind me and asks... "what are you doing?" Without a missing a beat I said: "Mopping the floor"... he didn't catch himself in time... "Look like to me you're washing the windows..." I simply stopped and did a quarter turn of my head and upper torso to face him with that..."well DUH!" expression on my face. 
He stomped off in a huff.


----------



## dubljay (Mar 5, 2007)

I work in retail... I expereince this on a daily... make that hourly basis.

I doubt the MT servers have enough bandwidth to handle my host of expereinces.  More so this is not a healthy subject for me to converse upon as my blood pressure tends to spike rather high.


----------



## Andy Moynihan (Mar 5, 2007)

Following from Shesulsa's post, my favorite is watching some random knobjockey at the drive-thru *nodding at the speaker*.

"Is that all?"

"yeah(nods)"

"You want a drink with that ?"

"Oh, no( shakes head).


----------



## grydth (Mar 5, 2007)

This has been reassuring. Somehow I thought Twilight Zone dining experiences might be peculiar to this city.

It starts when you drive to an ATM to get money for dinner. Ever notice - there is Braille on the keys? Now, how can *that* ever work...

One fast food place, even if they see the family sitting down, always asks, "Will that be for our dining room?"  I always want to reply that, no, I'll be taking the meal tray to the bathroom this evening.

Another place asks for our "Party name" if there's a wait. We invariably tell them "Donner"..... just to watch the fun when the hostess announces,"The Donner Party".

My daughters will eat the same thing *every time* in certain restaurants. So why is it that when the waitress asks what they want, there are always those shocked and stunned blank looks?

Dining out is fun... you don't have to cook and everyone involved has a license to be stupid. Indeed, it is expected.


----------



## Ninjamom (Mar 5, 2007)

Stewardesses on airplanes, instructing those who might not have ridden in an automobile any time in the last half-century:
"Insert the metal end into the buckle."

Any parent to any small child:
"Would you like me to give you a spanking?"

Warning on the side of a box of sleeping medication:
"May cause drowsiness."


----------



## MA-Caver (Mar 5, 2007)

Ninjamom said:


> Any parent to any small child:
> "Would you like me to give you a spanking?"



When the child responds in the enthusiastic positive... it's time for intensive therapy... for the child (and the parent)...


----------



## terryl965 (Mar 5, 2007)

The Kidd said:


> Does it count when people say "Can I be honest with you?" I think to myself no I would rather you be a liar!


 

I'm with you I hate that.


----------



## Kacey (Mar 5, 2007)

Warning on any electronic device:  do not immerse

Warning on an iron:  do not touch iron surface; it may be hot

You walk out your front door with a dog on a leash; neighbor says "Oh, are you going to walk your dog?" (I have a neighbor who is a master of the obvious).

You walk into a business wearing a shirt with the logo of your own workplace; employee says "Oh, do you work at [insert name of company on shirt]?"


----------



## MA-Caver (Mar 5, 2007)

Kacey said:


> You walk out your front door with a dog on a leash; neighbor says "Oh, are you going to walk your dog?" (I have a neighbor who is a master of the obvious).



Advanced Apologies to dog lovers but my witty snappy quick response would've been, "no, I'm gonna hitch him up to the bumper of a truck and see how fast he can run" 

Anyone remember MAD Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions?" They usually gave you three to choose from... some were pretty lame and others were... ticklish.


----------



## Ping898 (Mar 5, 2007)

grydth said:


> It starts when you drive to an ATM to get money for dinner. Ever notice - there is Braille on the keys? Now, how can *that* ever work...


 
Actually that makes perfect sense if you consider not all ATMs are drive up and even the one's that are, the blind person can sit in the back...not sure how they would work the screen without someone reading it to them, but no reason they should have to tell someone their pin to work it.  My great uncle is blind and uses ATMs all the time....


----------



## Ninjamom (Mar 5, 2007)

and Here's your sign


----------



## Kreth (Mar 5, 2007)

My band played at a local bar this past weekend. About 10 minutes before we went on, some guy comes up to me and asks, "So you guys are playing tonight?" I said, "Nah, we just take our gear out drinking sometimes."


----------



## bydand (Mar 5, 2007)

I'm in the market for a different vehicle and today I stopped into a dealership here in Caribou (No local Mensa chapter within 250 miles) and when I went into the building the conversation was beyond stupid.  
Me:  I like the look of the Full-sized blue Ford van right there <pointing out the window to not only the only blue van, but the only van period on the lot.>

Salesman: We have a van? (right there I should have just walked out, but figured this might be good for a minutes free entertainment.)

Me: Uh, yeah.  That one right there, big, blue, 10' in front of the picture window.

SM:  Oh, haven't noticed that one, must be new. (Looks up the vehicle list) Well according to this we have had that for 227 days, funny I haven't noticed it before.

Me:  Well, never-the-less, I would like to take it out for a drive and check it out a bit closer.

SM:  Ok (just stands there)

Me:  I need a plate and a couple of mounting screws then.

SM:  You mean a license plate?

Me: No, a dinner plate... yes a license plate.

SM: For that van?

Me:  No for my truck, I noticed mine was expired and figured this would be quicker than going to the DMV.

SM:  You can't do that.

At this point I am beyond control and just burst out laughing and walk out of the place.  I bet he is still standing there wondering what the hell I was talking about.


----------



## tellner (Mar 5, 2007)

MA-Caver said:


> When the child responds in the enthusiastic positive... it's time for intensive therapy... for the child (and the parent)...



Either that or the beginnings of a lucrative and personally rewarding career


----------



## grydth (Mar 5, 2007)

Ping898 said:


> Actually that makes perfect sense if you consider not all ATMs are drive up and even the one's that are, the blind person can sit in the back...not sure how they would work the screen without someone reading it to them, but no reason they should have to tell someone their pin to work it. My great uncle is blind and uses ATMs all the time....



Ping, please do not spoil our silliness with facts or intelligent analysis! 

When I was in grad school, I accepted delivery of  some craft goods by Lighthouse for the Blind for the woman in the next door apartment. When she got home, she marvelled at the quality of the goods they made. "That's nothing", I told here, " The guy who drove this stuff out here - he was blind, too." As I left, I heard," Woooowwwwww, that's amazing......."


----------



## Lisa (Mar 5, 2007)

My Boss is standing at my Dad's funeral in his Cassock and has his cross around his neck.

My cousin says to me..."Hey, is your Boss a priest?" :shrug:

Wow, nothing gets by him, eh?


----------



## CoryKS (Mar 5, 2007)

Ninjamom said:


> Any parent to any small child:
> "Would you like me to give you a spanking?"


 
Or, "You lost your _____?  Where did you have it last?"


----------



## bydand (Mar 5, 2007)

grydth said:


> When I was in grad school, I accepted delivery of  some craft goods by Lighthouse for the Blind for the woman in the next door apartment. When she got home, she marvelled at the quality of the goods they made. "That's nothing", I told here, " The guy who drove this stuff out here - he was blind, too." As I left, I heard," Woooowwwwww, that's amazing......."



What did she think, he had a really long cane and tapped it in front of the van?  Man that isn't a gene pool, it is a gene sespool.


----------



## morph4me (Mar 5, 2007)

I was in the supermarket at the checkout and noticed the bag which had a red dotted line about an inch from the top with the duhrections "Do not fill above this line"

Makes me wonder what future archeologists are going to think when they excavate our dumps and see some of the duhrections we put on the products we use:idunno:


----------



## Andy Moynihan (Mar 5, 2007)

morph4me said:


> I was in the supermarket at the checkout and noticed the bag which had a red dotted line about an inch from the top with the duhrections "Do not fill above this line"
> 
> Makes me wonder what future archeologists are going to think when they excavate our dumps and see some of the duhrections we put on the products we use:idunno:


 
:lfao: :lfao: :lfao: :lfao: :lfao: 

"Duh-rections"


----------



## bluemtn (Mar 5, 2007)

shesulsa said:


> I had to stop and ask myself, "I wonder what I would do if they didn't tell me that? Drive all the way around the building again? Park and go inside?" I mean, I could see that sacks of food and carriers with drinks were exiting the window via a magic hand and being placed in another magic hand which extended from the vehicle two cars ahead. But since I lack the general ability to reasonably deduce that I could also get My food at the next window, I was SO GRATEFUL that the nice lady who took my money gave me my instructions.
> 
> I can't help but wonder about things like this.
> 
> Do you have any "Captain Obvious" moments you'd like to share?


 
Sadly?  In my brief stint as a drive- through lady at the local Mickey D's, I've actually seen patrons do those exact things...  Not often, but it has happened.


I'm thinking on the original question... It seems I always run into one, take note, then forget...


----------



## bluemtn (Mar 5, 2007)

As an employee in retail:

*Me standing in my department, wearing regulation work clothes, holding keys (playing with, actually)*

Customer comes up, asks,  "Hi!  Do you work here?"  

I had to stop, look around at myself and think, "No, not really.  I robbed the real associate of their smock and keys, all to just confuse unsuspecting customers."

Same thing goes for when I was anywhere else in the store...  I was standing in the middle of the main through-way, and was asked if I worked in the store once.


----------



## Ceicei (Mar 5, 2007)

Recently, I took my younger son with me to the bank with the purpose to withdraw money for his kenpo tuition.  As it was shortly before his class, I decided to go drive-through as it should be faster.  Since I'm deaf, I took out my pad of paper and a pen and wrote a note:  "Hi, I'm deaf.  My acct number is ######.  I would like to withdraw $###.## from my checking acct.  Thank you. (signature)"  I dropped this note along with my driver's id and account card into the container and placed it into the tube to send to the teller.

I watched the teller accept the container, take it out, look at my id, and  read the note.  He then spoke in my microphone (my son interpreted).  "What would you like me to do today?"  My son and I looked at each other, puzzled, then I looked at the teller and pointed at the hand then pointed to him.  He looked at his hand holding the paper.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  You're deaf.  May I ask for your account number and whether you want checking or savings? What you would like me to do for you today?"  I pointed again to the note and just sat there amazed, staring at him.   The guy pauses, re-reads the note, then says, "Oh, I see, it's all on this note."

When we left from the bank, my son asked me, "Is that guy for real?  Are there people that are actually this stupid?"  I replied, "I guess being at a bank with a job counting money, intelligence is not a requirement."

- Ceicei


----------



## Kacey (Mar 5, 2007)

bydand said:


> I'm in the market for a different vehicle and today I stopped into a dealership here in Caribou (No local Mensa chapter within 250 miles) and when I went into the building the conversation was beyond stupid.



Okay, I'll see that, and raise it with this:

I was wandering around the dealership where I get my car worked on while I waited, when I was approached by a salesman.

Salesman:  Are you interested in a new car?

Me:  No, I'm just waiting while I get mine repaired... but I would like to know what the trade-in value is, for future planning.

Salesman begins to gather information, asks what car I'm interested in, I repeat that I'm only getting information.

Time passes... my car repair is completed, and I go back to the service desk for my keys... where they tell me, to my shock, that the salesman has them.  So I go looking for the salesman and ask for my keys...

Me:  Where's my car?

Salesman:  (pulls out paperwork) Well, your trade-in is worth $X... minus the cost of repairs, so that brings it to $Y

Me:  I paid for the repair.  I want to leave now.  The service desk says you have my keys.

Salesman:  I thought you wanted to buy the newer version, so I took your car to the used car lot.

Me:  I _told _you I didn't want to buy a car, that I just wanted information for planning purposes.  Can I have it back now?

Salesman:  But... I thought you wanted a new car...

Me:  Like I said - I wanted information.  I didn't give you permission to _touch_ my car - now go get it before I find your supervisor.

Salesman scrams and comes back with my car... I guess he thought a single female alone in a dealership was an easy mark.



Ceicei said:


> When we left from the bank, my son asked me, "Is that guy for real?  Are there people that are actually this stupid?"  I replied, "I guess being at a bank with a job counting money, intelligence is not a requirement."



Y'think?  Some years ago, a friend of mine was temporarily working out of state, and left me his account numbers, because his company did not have direct deposit, and there were no branches of his bank where he was - so he mailed his paychecks to me, and I deposited them for him.

One day, I took his check to the drive-through, wrote the account number and "for deposit only" on it, and sent it through the vacuum tube - no signature, no ID.  His check came back in cash.... when I asked why, it was because I hadn't included a deposit slip... so I filled out a deposit slip and sent it back.  Then I called him and told him what had happened so he could make sure it had been credited properly.   At his request, I called the bank and spoke to the manager... and had to have my friend call the manager himself, because when I explained the situation, the manager told me that he couldn't confirm the deposit because I wasn't the account holder - which he only knew (my friend's first name is Kerry, which could be male or female) because I had told him the entire story!


----------



## tellner (Mar 6, 2007)

Kacey said:


> So I go looking for the salesman and ask for my keys...
> ...
> 
> Salesman:  But... I thought you wanted a new car...
> ...



If you'd been in a really bad mood you could have said "now go get it before I call the police"...


----------



## Ping898 (Mar 6, 2007)

Ceicei said:


> When we left from the bank, my son asked me, "Is that guy for real? Are there people that are actually this stupid?" I replied, "I guess being at a bank with a job counting money, intelligence is not a requirement."
> 
> - Ceicei


 
I think part of the problem is people get this script and don't know how to deviate outside of it....

I favorite are people who are driving in parking decks where you can only go one direction and they put on their blinkers as they go around corners...."what I thought you were going to drive into the cement pillar?"


----------



## Flatlander (Mar 6, 2007)

Ceicei said:


> "Oh, I see, it's all on this note."


:rofl:  LOL!


----------



## Laurentkd (Mar 6, 2007)

I hate going through a drive-thru, ordering (including "and that's all") and hearing "would you like 2 apple pies for a dollar?"

If I had wanted apple pies I would have asked for apple pies!! :angry:

Applies for any extra of course, nothing against apple pies in particular


----------



## tellner (Mar 6, 2007)

Obligatory MA content: Do you remember the old Badger comic the time that Norbert went to the drive-thru? My little amphibious heart was strangely warmed by the sight of a dozen beaten, battered Burger Drones being forced to repeat "In French Fries you'll bask. But only when asked. With ketchup we'll render, each burger we tender."


----------



## grydth (Mar 6, 2007)

Too many years of eating at these joints has made me no better than the folks we are joking about.....

I see the thread "Carry Permits for Canadians" and reflect that there aren't many Canadians I could even lift anymore, and why would I want to, and why is there a license required to carry a Canadian around.

I see the thread " Speed of Light Broken" and wonder if it can be fixed....


----------



## crushing (Mar 6, 2007)

"It is what it is."

Of course it is, what else would it be?  Man, I can't stand that phrase!!!!!


----------



## terryl965 (Mar 6, 2007)

grydth said:


> Too many years of eating at these joints has made me no better than the folks we are joking about.....
> 
> I see the thread "Carry Permits for Canadians" and reflect that there aren't many Canadians I could even lift anymore, and why would I want to, and why is there a license required to carry a Canadian around.
> 
> I see the thread " Speed of Light Broken" and wonder if it can be fixed....


 

that is just to funny


----------



## crushing (Mar 6, 2007)

grydth said:


> Too many years of eating at these joints has made me no better than the folks we are joking about.....
> 
> I see the thread "Carry Permits for Canadians" and reflect that there aren't many Canadians I could even lift anymore, and why would I want to, and why is there a license required to carry a Canadian around.
> 
> I see the thread " Speed of Light Broken" and wonder if it can be fixed....


 
LOL!

Whenever I see the thread "I feel like a woman" I think "Well, I feel like a woman too, and I feel like a beer."


----------

