# Girlfriend doing Muay Thai sparring



## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Hey guys,

So I don't do Muay Thai or martial arts at all, but I've been a big fan of strength training for years. I've been currently dating my girlfriend for about 8 months and currently she doesn't do Muay Thai or any martial arts, but has trained in Muay Thai and jujitsu in the past. She has talked about doing it in the future as well. This being said, I'm happy for her learned to defend herself and get in shape! My concern is the sparring aspect. She has sparred in the past as well and has gotten two back (disc) injuries from it. My concern going forward is that she will get hurt again. Not just her back but her face. I've broken my nose before and needed rhinoplasty/septoplasty to repair it. So, the thought of someone hitting my baby girl in the face and possibly putting her through what I went though recovering from nose injuries, makes my blood boil. Really the thought of her getting hit at all by anyone makes me feel pissed and weird inside. Kind of weird because she's putting her appearance on the line. I have a close girl friend who recently got the **** kicked out of her in Muay Thai. I explained my situation to her and she thought my feelings about my Gf getting hurt were justified and thought it was really sweet. I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Yes it is controlling it's non of your business if she spars or not. You seem to care a lot about her appearance more than actual harm being done to her...sounds more like your ego that's got a problem here.

She can do whatever she wants and there's nothing you can do about it.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

This is exactly the kind of response I figured I'd get here. Insulting and not helpful whatsoever. Anyone with legit advice instead of bashing me? Of course I'm concerned with her health, as well as appearance, who isn't concerned of those two things in a relationship?


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> This is exactly the kind of response I figured I'd get here. Insulting and not helpful whatsoever. Anyone with legit advice instead of bashing me? Of course I'm concerned with her health, as well as appearance, who isn't concerned of those two things in a relationship?


You asked is it controlling I said yes because guess what it is controlling don't get upset because you don't like the answer.

What are you going to do tell her she's not allowed to do it? That's extremely controlling and quite honestly it's borderline on abusive


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## Danny T (Feb 27, 2017)

Training in any martial art is physical. 
We don't train to specifically harm each other.
We do train to be better.
Any athletic endeavor has the potential for injury.
First time I broke my nose was from baseball. 
If she is concerned as much as you about injuries there is a lot of safety equipment available.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Danny t, thank you. You are right any sport comes with inherent risk. She wears headgear when she used to spar, so I guess that does make me feel slightly better. Idk just the thought of her getting hit at all in the head seems not worth it, just for all the risk that goes along with it/ missing teeth/broken nose or jaw/brain damage. I mean she is currently in dental school to be an orthodontist so I don't understand the risk I suppose (be it brain damage or whatever). I can't put myself in the head of a fighter because I'm not one, so that's why I came here for advice. Do Muay Thai spars usually involve heavy blows to the head/face?


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## Kickboxer101 (Feb 27, 2017)

Yep it's controlling if she's fine with it then suck it up


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> You asked is it controlling I said yes because guess what it is controlling don't get upset because you don't like the answer.
> 
> What are you going to do tell her she's not allowed to do it? That's extremely controlling and quite honestly it's borderline on abusive


You are a very typical Internet forum responder. you're just looking to start **** and I'm not looking for that. properly love off if you don't have any real advice other than to call me 'abusive'


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Danny t, thank you. You are right any sport comes with inherent risk. She wears headgear when she used to spar, so I guess that does make me feel slightly better. Idk just the thought of her getting hit at all in the head seems not worth it, just for all the risk that goes along with it/ missing teeth/broken nose or jaw/brain damage. I mean she is currently in dental school to be an orthodontist so I don't understand the risk I suppose (be it brain damage or whatever). I can't put myself in the head of a fighter because I'm not one, so that's why I came here for advice. Do Muay Thai spars usually involve heavy blows to the head/face?


It's not your place to understand and maybe it's not worth it to you but to her it is so that's all that matters. I don't understand what advice is needed. If it was her asking then fine but it's not your choice and nothing to do with you she's an adult she makes her choices.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> You are a very typical Internet forum responder. you're just looking to start **** and I'm not looking for that. properly love off if you don't have any real advice other than to call me 'abusive'


I'm not starting anything you asked are you controlling I said yes. If she does Muay Thai then good on her, don't like it? That's your problem

And sorry but telling someone what they can and can't do is abusive first it's that, then it's who she can hang out with, then it's what she wears, then it's where she goes. That's forms of abuse and I've seen it plenty of times.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> I'm not starting anything you asked are you controlling I said yes. If she does Muay Thai then good on her, don't like it? That's your problem
> 
> And sorry but telling someone what they can and can't do is abusive first it's that, then it's who she can hang out with, then it's what she wears, then it's where she goes. That's forms of abuse and I've seen it plenty of times.


Unless you fully understood our relationship which you do not, don't assume all that is going to come into play. I've been controlling in relationships before and learned from it not to be that way. We all learn from previous relationships and grow. For now, I'm trying to wrap my head around the logic behind this desire to fight. Lol 'abusive'...


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Unless you fully understood our relationship which you do not, don't assume all that is going to come into play. I've been controlling in relationships before and learned from it not to be that way. We all learn from previous relationships and grow. For now, I'm trying to wrap my head around the logic behind this desire to fight. Lol 'abusive'...


Like I said it's nothing to do with you and if you think it is any of your business then you need to have a look at yourself


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Like I said it's nothing to do with you and if you think it is any of your business then you need to have a look at yourself


So if your girlfriend came home with a broken and crooked nose, or missing teeth because someone popped her in the head, and she required surgery to fix it, you wouldn't feel like it was maybe a bad idea for her to continue sparring? I'm just trying to keep her best interest in mind not control her. I already told her go ahead but it's just the 'what if' factor that I can't move past. I appreciate you writing to me and taking the time out of your day. Couples are a team, so of course it's my business to address something if I don't agree with it, just like I would want her to do the same for me.


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## Tony Dismukes (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> So if your girlfriend came home with a broken and crooked nose, or missing teeth because someone popped her in the head, and she required surgery to fix it, you wouldn't feel like it was maybe a bad idea for her to continue sparring? I'm just trying to keep her best interest in mind not control her. I already told her go ahead but it's just the 'what if' factor that I can't move past. I appreciate you writing to me and taking the time out of your day. Couples are a team, so of course it's my business to address something if I don't agree with it, just like I would want her to do the same for me.


I've come home with injuries from training and sparring before, some of which have required surgery. (Fortunately no broken noses or missing teeth so far,) My wife is concerned for my health, but she doesn't suggest I should quit training. She knows that my training makes me happy and that happiness is worth the occasional injury.

If it makes you feel better, it's very unlikely that your girlfriend would have teeth knocked out as long as she is sparring with gloves and a mouthpiece. The head gear makes it even less likely. A broken nose is more of a possibility, but probably won't happen. I've been training for 35 years without breaking my nose. Most of the people I know who got broken noses did so in actual competition. not sparring in the gym.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> This is exactly the kind of response I figured I'd get here. Insulting and not helpful whatsoever. Anyone with legit advice instead of bashing me? Of course I'm concerned with her health, as well as appearance, who isn't concerned of those two things in a relationship?


You asked the question and got a sincere answer. If you don't want the truth, don't ask the question.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Danny t, thank you. You are right any sport comes with inherent risk. She wears headgear when she used to spar, so I guess that does make me feel slightly better. Idk just the thought of her getting hit at all in the head seems not worth it, just for all the risk that goes along with it/ missing teeth/broken nose or jaw/brain damage. I mean she is currently in dental school to be an orthodontist so I don't understand the risk I suppose (be it brain damage or whatever). I can't put myself in the head of a fighter because I'm not one, so that's why I came here for advice. Do Muay Thai spars usually involve heavy blows to the head/face?


Whether it includes heavy blows to the head depends upon the instructor/school and the sparring partners.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> You asked the question and got a sincere answer. If you don't want the truth, don't ask the question.


He wanted me to answer saying no it's not controlling at all and he's such a hero for being so concerned and that he's a knight in shining armour for trying to tell his girl what she can and can't do


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> He wanted me to answer saying no it's not controlling at all and he's such a hero for being so concerned and that he's a knight in shining armour for trying to tell his girl what she can and can't do


Knowing that sarcastic shitheads like you are probably the people she's training with doesn't help. Forum closed


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Knowing that sarcastic shitheads like you are probably the people she's training with doesn't help. Forum closed


And knowing she's dating control freaks like you means that training martial arts is exactly what she needs. Bye bye


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## wingerjim (Feb 27, 2017)

Look Jooshs1990, you just joined this forum today, put out a post and immediately got defensive and insulting when people told you what they think. Feedback is a give from others and you seem upset with some for their honest feedback when you did not get the justification in your view of your girlfriend wanting to take up an art she wants to study. You say you do strength training. How would you feel if she went and talked to her friends about whether she should let you continue to do this activity? Would that make you upset? How about if she asked a bunch of strangers, would that make you upset if she just randomly asked a bunch of strangers if her boyfriend should do strength training? How would you feel? That is what you are doing to her. Don't ask us if you honestly do not want the answer, then get pissed off about it. Tell her your concern but if she still wants to do it, then accept it and if you cannot, she probably is not the right person for you because you seem to have some comparability issues.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.


Idk how many times I've said I'm supportive with her training Muay Thai just don't want her to get her *** kicked. Who the hell wants their girlfriend to get beat up


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

wingerjim said:


> Look Jooshs1990, you just joined this forum today, put out a post and immediately got defensive and insulting when people told you what they think. Feedback is a give from others and you seem upset with some for their honest feedback when you did not get the justification in your view of your girlfriend wanting to take up an art she wants to study. You say you do strength training. How would you feel if she went and talked to her friends about whether she should let you continue to do this activity? Would that make you upset? How about if she asked a bunch of strangers, would that make you upset if she just randomly asked a bunch of strangers if her boyfriend should do strength training? How would you feel? That is what you are doing to her. Don't ask us if you honestly do not want the answer, then get pissed off about it. Tell her your concern but if she still wants to do it, then accept it and if you cannot, she probably is not the right person for you because you seem to have some comparability issues.


Apologies I went to hit agree and hit disagree by mistake lol


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Idk how many times I've said I'm supportive with her training Muay Thai just don't want her to get her *** kicked. Who the hell wants their girlfriend to get beat up


Obviously you're not supportive as you're going on a forum and complaining about it and ask anyone who's worked with domestic situations. Often times they do what they do thinking they're being protective


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

wingerjim said:


> Look Jooshs1990, you just joined this forum today, put out a post and immediately got defensive and insulting when people told you what they think. Feedback is a give from others and you seem upset with some for their honest feedback when you did not get the justification in your view of your girlfriend wanting to take up an art she wants to study. You say you do strength training. How would you feel if she went and talked to her friends about whether she should let you continue to do this activity? Would that make you upset? How about if she asked a bunch of strangers, would that make you upset if she just randomly asked a bunch of strangers if her boyfriend should do strength training? How would you feel? That is what you are doing to her. Don't ask us if you honestly do not want the answer, then get pissed off about it. Tell her your concern but if she still wants to do it, then accept it and if you cannot, she probably is not the right person for you because you seem to have some comparability issues.


Thank you for your feed back. I came here looking for constructive feedback and some have provided that And I appreciate it. It would bother me if she told me to stop weight training for sure because it keeps me in good shape. I just am so confused as to why everyone's jumping down my throat calling me controlling just because I don't want my gfs appearance to be altered.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Knowing that sarcastic shitheads like you are probably the people she's training with doesn't help. Forum closed


I get the not-so-sneaking suspicion that you came here because she disagrees with you, and you thought this forum would give you some validation. There's nothing wrong with being concerned for someone, but by your choice of wording and your immediate response to those who disagreed, you painted a fairly specific picture of yourself. If you don't like how others see you, maybe it's time to examine how you portray yourself.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thank you for your feed back. I came here looking for constructive feedback and some have provided that And I appreciate it. It would bother me if she told me to stop weight training for sure because it keeps me in good shape. I just am so confused as to why everyone's jumping down my throat calling me controlling just because I don't want my gfs appearance to be altered.


Why're we calling you controlling? Hmmmm let me think maybe because you /are/ being controlling. If her appearance is altered that's her choice no one else's not her mums or dads or some guy she's been dating for 8 months it's her choice not yours it has nothing to do with you say your opinion fine but she has obligation to listen to you at all


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> I get the not-so-sneaking suspicion that you came here because she disagrees with you, and you thought this forum would give you some validation. There's nothing wrong with being concerned for someone, but by your choice of wording and your immediate response to those who disagreed, you painted a fairly specific picture of yourself. If you don't like how others see you, maybe it's time to examine how you portray yourself.


Yeah I didn't want to say but anger issues and a controlling nature. That's a lot of red flags right there in my opinion


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## KenpoBoxer (Feb 27, 2017)

Seems like you have some ego issues more than anything oh and yeah it's controlling I await my dislike and abuse


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## marques (Feb 27, 2017)

Reading it looks like sparring is the wildest fight. There are several levels of sparring and hard sparring should be reserved for higher grades (which corresponds to competitors in MT), IMO.

I have sparred MT even without head contact (I don't like it, but it is quite safer, especially for beginners).

To finish, I apologise for more and better technical sparring for everyone. One can learn a lot about timing, distance, tricks and feints, controlling the opponent... and so on before introducing speed, high risk of injuries, (too much) power and fear.


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## wingerjim (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thank you for your feed back. I came here looking for constructive feedback and some have provided that And I appreciate it. It would bother me if she told me to stop weight training for sure because it keeps me in good shape. I just am so confused as to why everyone's jumping down my throat calling me controlling just because I don't want my gfs appearance to be altered.


So if her appearance is more important to you than what is inside she and every other woman will disappoint you because there appearance changes after children or God forbid after Chemotherapy, it will change after they age or have a thyroid problem or are in an accident....and the list goes on. If you are only interested because of appearance, which is fine for first attractions and I understand that completely, but if you are not looking at her heart then you are missing out on a whole lot more. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen an attractive women (I am sure the ladies out there can also relate to this from their perspective as well with a good looking man) and saw she did not have a ring on her finger and wondered why until she opened her mouth. Sure I am attracted 110% to my wife. Is she just as good looking as when I met here....no, same body....no, wrinkle free....no, but I am more attracted to her now than I ever was when she was a young hottttttty.


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## wingerjim (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Apologies I went to hit agree and hit disagree by mistake lol


No problem Headhunter


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

wingerjim said:


> So if her appearance is more important to you than what is inside she and every other woman will disappoint you because there appearance changes after children or God forbid after Chemotherapy, it will change after they age or have a thyroid problem or are in an accident....and the list goes on. If you are only interested because of appearance, which is fine for first attractions and I understand that completely, but if you are not looking at her heart then you are missing out on a whole lot more. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen an attractive women (I am sure the ladies out there can also relate to this from their perspective as well with a good looking man) and saw she did not have a ring on her finger and wondered why until she opened her mouth. Sure I am attracted 110% to my wife. Is she just as good looking as when I met here....no, same body....no, wrinkle free....no, but I am more attracted to her now than I ever was when she was a young hottttttty.


No way. Her heart and inner beauty is hugely important to me! You are right physical attraction is huge at first but I love this girl and it just saddens me that she puts herself in a position to get beat up. I'd also be there for her if she ever did get her nose broken/teeth knocked out I just don't wanna ever see that happen to her. Whatever call me a knight in shining armor I'm oka with that. I Maybe I should just shut up because this has turned into everyone hating on me.


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## hoshin1600 (Feb 27, 2017)

there is a big bold line between being concerned for someone and deciding that you know whats best for someone else and trying to make that decision for them. i am not going to judge which side of that coin your on. 
i will say if you cannot except the person she is and the choices she makes , its not your place to change her and if you do express your opposition to her choices, eventually the two of you will no longer be together.  if i were you, i would re think all the comments given and take a long hard look in the mirror and see if the reason you dont want her going to a martial art is something different than what you stated here.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> No way. Her heart and inner beauty is hugely important to me! You are right physical attraction is huge at first but I love this girl and it just saddens me that she puts herself in a position to get beat up. I'd also be there for her if she ever did get her nose broken/teeth knocked out I just don't wanna ever see that happen to her. Whatever call me a knight in shining armor I'm oka with that. I Maybe I should just shut up because this has turned into everyone hating on me.


Nobody here hates you. Nobody here knows you nearly well enough to either hate or love you.


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## wingerjim (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> No way. Her heart and inner beauty is hugely important to me! You are right physical attraction is huge at first but I love this girl and it just saddens me that she puts herself in a position to get beat up. I'd also be there for her if she ever did get her nose broken/teeth knocked out I just don't wanna ever see that happen to her. Whatever call me a knight in shining armor I'm oka with that. I Maybe I should just shut up because this has turned into everyone hating on me.


I do not think you are hated at all. I find this forum to be the best I have ever seen. What I find very much about the folks on this site is that they like to be heard. I have only started a couple of threads and sit back and let the people do their thing and never argue or debate. Like I have done with you is to make you look at your situation through my experiences as this is all I have. I do not know you other than to say you have not expressed that you study a martial arts, so you do not understand what it is about. We are not about bashing in each other's face, but to train and learn from our teachers. I would say this, if I were going to a school that did not practice a safe environment, I would not go, so if your girlfriend is at a school that can cause her physical harm outside of accidents, I would talk to her about the school she chooses to attend. Take boxing, my formal art, we spar with headgear, but you don't see a bunch of people with jacked up faces unless they got it during a prize fight, but not in the amateur ranks.


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## ShortBridge (Feb 27, 2017)

I understand why you don't like the answers you're getting, let me try a different tone, though I'm afraid my conclusions are the same. Pieces of my background that might interest you? I've been doing martial arts since the 1980s. I chose to give up Muay Thai after a back surgery. I've been married to the same woman for 20 years. 

The back surgery? A ruptured disc....from playing softball, by the way.

It's hard to justify why any of us do what we do. I don't know what calls your girlfriend to these sports or why she would expose herself to the pain and risk, but it's something and whether or not she participates, that something will still be there. If it's adrenaline, maybe something like skiing could satisfy it instead...but the worst of my concussions came from skiing. There are people who are afraid to live because everything is dangerous. There are also people are reckless and self-destructive. I doubt that your girlfriend is either.

Maybe she wants to feel empowered. Maybe she's been afraid in the past and doesn't want to live in fear. Maybe she's been a victim or someone close to her has and this is important to her in ways that you don't understand. Maybe she's just a badass. When you date someone for 8 months, part of what you should be doing at this point is finding out if she is someone who you relate to, understand and admire. This thing that she wants to do is something that you don't understand or relate to. Preventing her from doing it is not going to be the foundation for a healthy relationship. Digging deeper to understand why she's drawn to it might. Or she might not be ready to share that with you yet. Or maybe she's not for you, but you can't restrict her activities to make yourself more comfortable and build a healthy relationship with her at the same time. 

At my age, with my injury and health history, I have to make some choices as to how I train and with whom. She MIGHT decide at some point that Muay Thai is not the most appropriate way for her to train and there are alternatives, but you can't and shouldn't talk her out of it. I get worrying about her. We all worry about people we love. Listen to the woman, try to understand her, if she's the one, you'll still be peeling the onion 20 years from now. But, support her decisions.


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## Tony Dismukes (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I value her face





Joshs1990 said:


> just because I don't want my gfs appearance to be altered.


You might ask yourself why you keep coming back to the issue of her appearance being altered. Would you love your girlfriend any less if she had a crooked nose? If not, then why are you more concerned about the possible risk to her appearance than she is?


Joshs1990 said:


> Who the hell wants their girlfriend to get beat up



You might just as well ask, who the hell wants their husband to get beat up? My wife loves me and wants the best for me. I train 5 days per week with guys who may punch me in the face, kick me in the ribs, choke me out, or twist my limbs and spine in directions they weren't meant to go. My wife supports me in this endeavor because she knows the happiness and satisfaction it brings more than outweighs the occasional injury (and the not so occasional bruising and soreness.) Does your girlfriend's training make her happy? If so, you might consider that it's worth the wear and tear on her body to her.

You might also consider that if your girlfriend ever has to defend herself from someone who is actually trying to harm her, that training may save her from much worse than she goes through in the gym. Personally I wish my wife was able to train at the gym with me. I'd feel more secure about her safety from possible predators.

By the way, you asked a question "is this controlling" and immediately got angry at anyone who answered yes. Not much point in asking a yes/no question if you are only willing to listen to one of those answers. You might also consider that when you come to a forum filled with martial artists, who love martial arts so much that when they're not in the gym training they're busy talking about training, and ask them whether you should discourage your girlfriend from training martial arts --- you're not likely to get an answer favoring that approach.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Sho


ShortBridge said:


> I understand why you don't like the answers you're getting, let me try a different tone, though I'm afraid my conclusions are the same. Pieces of my background that might interest you? I've been doing martial arts since the 1980s. I chose to give up Muay Thai after a back surgery. I've been married to the same woman for 20 years.
> 
> The back surgery? A ruptured disc....from playing softball, by the way.
> 
> ...


Short bridge, thank you. I really appreciate you telling your story and giving me constructive criticism. I agree that it is not my place or anyone's to tell her what to do. I want her to be happy and not feel controlled. It is tough for me to be okay with because I don't watch sparring or anything. All I've really seen of martial arts is like UFC fights, which the main purpose seems like it IS to knock each other out. So I guess that's my association with all martial arts. We do have a very healthy relationship and this is really the only thing that's had a bit of unresolved discussion. I will definitely try to find out what makes her want to do it and try to understand that drive. 

 I just think it's very hard for me to be OK and supportive of something that can potentially hurt her pretty bad which it has already done in the past .  But I guess we all live and learn.  I just have decent experience with being injured, and pretty severely in the face region. so I usually try to caution anybody that risks their face for the name of the sport, friends/girlfriend/family. I don't like to see loved ones hurt


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## Danny T (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Hey guys...
> I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!


Josh, If I may, please take a deep breath and relax as much as you can.
The people on this forum are for the most part good people and good martial artists. Some are rather straight forward with their answers and I believe most here appreciate that. 
Now you did, in your original post, ask specifically: "is it controlling for me not to want her to spar?" 
In my opinion your concern for her to not get injured is good and probably appropriate. 
I'm concerned about any of my training partners or students getting injured and i believe everyone here would agree with this.
What would be controlling would be after discussing it, weighing the benefits vs possible injuries taking into account the individuals responsibilities, goals, desires, wants, and personal happiness in their life to go against that individuals decision and to demand they adhere to what I want vs what they want. Not saying that is what is going on in your situation. 
My wife has done a few things in her life that could be construed as extremely dangerous and life threatening. I wasn't happy about her doing them but it was something she strongly wanted to do. She did them and I am proud of her for doing so injuries and all. Demanding that she not would have been controlling.


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## ShortBridge (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Sho
> 
> Short bridge, thank you. I really appreciate you telling your story and giving me constructive criticism. I agree that it is not my place or anyone's to tell her what to do. I want her to be happy and not feel controlled. It is tough for me to be okay with because I don't watch sparring or anything. All I've really seen of martial arts is like UFC fights, which the main purpose seems like it IS to knock each other out. So I guess that's my association with all martial arts. We do have a very healthy relationship and this is really the only thing that's had a bit of unresolved discussion. I will definitely try to find out what makes her want to do it and try to understand that drive.
> 
> I just think it's very hard for me to be OK and supportive of something that can potentially hurt her pretty bad which it has already done in the past .  But I guess we all live and learn.  I just have decent experience with being injured, and pretty severely in the face region. so I usually try to caution anybody that risks their face for the name of the sport, friends/girlfriend/family. I don't like to see loved ones hurt



Sounds reasonable.

What you see on TV is most likely not a good representation of what she's getting into, though it might be. Depends on the gym. Most often though, think of "softball team after work" vs "Major League Baseball". "Recreational hockey league" vs "Might get called up the the NHL next week, but must prove myself". Connor MacGreggor is not going to beat her unconscious on Tuesday night at the intermediate class. 

I will say that my reaction to her wanting to go back to this after being injured in it in the past is opposite of yours. I admire her and I recognize something is driving her to do this. She may not even know what, but it's not "sure, I'm up for a movie". It's something more foundational than that about her. That's your mystery to unlock.

I also would worry less about my wife if she had done this and especially if she had taken a punch and come back again. The deciding factor in surviving an assault is usually whether you keep fighting after you've been hurt or you become cooperative and hope for the best. That can be learned and trained and though it isn't pleasant can make you much safer, more confident and less afraid as you go through life.

She sounds like a smart person, I doubt that she's going to destroy herself doing this. I also doubt that 99% of clubs would allow that to happen either. I don't know where you live, but would be happy to put her in touch with women I know who have gone down this path, if she'd like to compare experiences and maybe get some advice. None of them, by the way, have been disfigured, though they have all mixed it up pretty good with men who weren't handling them with kid gloves.


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## Tony Dismukes (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> . It is tough for me to be okay with because I don't watch sparring or anything. All I've really seen of martial arts is like UFC fights, which the main purpose seems like it IS to knock each other out. So I guess that's my association with all martial arts.


In that case you will be happy to know that sparring in the gym is usually done at a much lower intensity than in a high-stakes context like a UFC match. Most of us do not spar with the intent to knock out or injure our sparring partners.


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## Tez3 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!



As a female who has fought not just sparred full contact and had injuries as well as bruises on my face and body, yes you are controlling, not just of her but of the thread. You asked a question and now you don't like the answers which you knew were coming.  Suck it up sunshine.

I suppose it hasn't occurred to you that she could be really good at it and is the one beating people up?


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Tez3 said:


> As a female who has fought not just sparred full contact and had injuries as well as bruises on my face and body, yes you are controlling, not just of her but of the thread. You asked a question and now you don't like the answers which you knew were coming.  Suck it up sunshine.
> 
> I suppose it hasn't occurred to you that she could be really good at it and is the one beating people up?


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

I'm confused how I'm controlling for being concerned? I haven't ever told her stop, it's me or Muay Thai. It seems people are over looking that part.


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!


To be honest you should be really happy that she's into martial arts as much as she is.  A girlfriend that is willing to spar is awesome.   Most guys have the opposite problem where the wife or girlfriend is jealous of the husband or boyfriend spending a lot of time doing martial arts.  Women who do martial arts are awesome.  Women who do martial arts and enjoy sparring are HOT.

If your girlfriend is good at it Muay Thai then you shouldn't have to worry about her getting a broken nose, especially if she's not worried about her nose getting broken. She must have some good defense or she's doing light or medium sparring which means a broken nose is going to be very rare (or all of the above).

To be honest getting a broken nose during sparring is very rare.  A broken nose injury is something that I think is probably common with sparring partners who have little control, and students who have really bad defense and is sparring way above their skill level.  I would expect that a person is more likely to break their nose in competition than they are in sparring.

If I were in your shoes, I just really wouldn't worry about it. Don't make your girlfriend into a fragile person.  Women have a problem with being "fragile" so if your girlfriend isn't fragile then be happy.  She may feel less fragile than you.  Just by reading some of the comments that you've said, my guess is that you think you are a fragile person. I  would highly recommend a really good martial art school or join the same school she goes to for Muay Thai training, better yet, you may want to try a different school as you seem a little overprotective.



Joshs1990 said:


> I can't put myself in the head of a fighter because I'm not one


 This is problem where your real problems are. You don't have any warrior blood in you.  I would highly recommend that you take a martial art and do some sparring, get some bruises, and then discover that the pain that you get from training and sparring is not the end of the world.  I think you'll learn more about yourself and you'll learn more about why she enjoys what she does. 

The only real way you can understand why a martial artist enjoys doing what they do is to take a martial art and have your own personal journey.  There's no way you can stand on the outside looking in, and decide that it's bad or dangerous from someone.  It looks dangerous for you because you don't train.  Take a class and find your warrior blood.


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.


wow I can see why this is touchy for you.


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

I wish my girlfriend did martial arts and wanted to spar. You should really count your blessings.


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.



This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

JowGaWolf said:


> To be honest you should be really happy that she's into martial arts as much as she is.  A girlfriend that is willing to spar is awesome.   Most guys have the opposite problem where the wife or girlfriend is jealous of the husband or boyfriend spending a lot of time doing martial arts.  Women who do martial arts are awesome.  Women who do martial arts and enjoy sparring are HOT.
> 
> If your girlfriend is good at it Muay Thai then you shouldn't have to worry about her getting a broken nose, especially if she's not worried about her nose getting broken. She must have some good defense or she's doing light or medium sparring which means a broken nose is going to be very rare (or all of the above).
> 
> ...


Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.


Very true.  Not me.  My inner warrior gets a good tickle when I see a woman that can fight.  How cool would it be for a someone (male or female) to approach your girlfriend or wife saying "What you gonna do about it" after they were rude to her; and your only response is (I'm going to let her kick your A$$).   I sparred with a guy who told me, that someone would have big surprise if they got into a fight with him and thought his wife was going to just stand and watch. For me, it's cool to have both the girlfriend and boyfriend be like tigers.  In reality for my own self-defense.  If I have to fight multiple people then I want to be able to do so knowing that my wife can handle herself at least long enough until I can finish whoever I'm fighting.  For me personally tough women are awesome and hot.  They are like a fellow warrior that you can depend on when things get thick.  2 warriors are always better than 1.


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread



I am going to make this very easy for you.

Your girlfriend loves doing this, so don't take that away from her. Yes she will get injuries but injuries heal and make you stronger. How would you feel if your girlfriend didn't want you to lift weights? Because it can hurt you and be dangerous? You of course would not like that.

As for the getting angry at people hitting her in matches and sparring. You need to get over that, you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> I am going to make this very easy for you.
> 
> Your girlfriend loves doing this, so don't take that away from her. Yes she will get injuries but injuries heal and make you stronger. How would you feel if your girlfriend didn't want you to lift weights? Because it can hurt you and be dangerous? You of course would not like that.
> 
> As for the getting angry at people hitting her in matches and sparring. You need to get over that, you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.


True injuries do heal. And ya know, the bruises and all are part of the territory of training, I get that. I personally don't think it's attractive in the least bit, but to each their own. Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses. Basically feels like they're pulling your brain out. Sooo, hell yeah I'll always tell people watch your nose cuz I don't want anybody to go through that pain, especially my gf. I should have made this forum, 'how often do people's noses get broken in Muay Thai' would have been a more appropriate question I suppose haha


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Ps this is the first forum I've ever made online so my bad to those I haven't responded to


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

We had a girl train at our club who had the same issue. Boyfriend was concerned.

She solved this by getting a new boyfriend.


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> True injuries do heal. And ya know, the bruises and all are part of the territory of training, I get that. I personally don't think it's attractive in the least bit, but to each their own. Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses. Basically feels like they're pulling your brain out. Sooo, hell yeah I'll always tell people watch your nose cuz I don't want anybody to go through that pain, especially my gf. I should have made this forum, 'how often do people's noses get broken in Muay Thai' would have been a more appropriate question I suppose haha



Whether it is attractive or not isn't the point. The point is it is making her happy, attractive is not the goal of martial arts. I have never met anyone man or woman who is concerned about how pretty or attractive they look when doing anything martial arts related.

They may be concerned about their form but that is about it. My gf doesn't like me doing martial arts or weight lifting for all the same reasons, that I get hurt and can get hurt and so on and that it "isn't cute." But that doesn't stop me from doing it obviously, people in relationships don't need to agree on everything. You don't have to like she is doing this, but you will have to eventually sooner or later accept it.


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## Tony Dismukes (Feb 27, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.



This is a very important point. Sparring is not fighting. It can be a game we play for fun. It can be a training drill we do to help each other learn and grow stronger. It's not about anger or trying to harm someone. Some of the external signs of a fight (punches, kicks, etc) may be there, but the meaning is completely different.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread



So lets get this straight you don't want to fight but you want to stab someone who spars with your girl....yeah we're getting more and more info on what kind of person you are and it's not good answers either.


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it.


 take a martial arts and all of that changes.  If you have even the smallest amount of "warrior blood" in you then you'll enjoy martial arts.  It'll help you emotionally because the training demands that students have a good grasp on their emotional control and weakness.  Martial arts will actually make you better at weight training.


Joshs1990 said:


> It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring'


 You wouldn't feel this way if you trained martial arts.  Her sparring is her own battle.  This is where she learns to be a better warrior.  This is where you get to see how strong she is as a person.  When she jumps into a situation where the lesson is for the sake of arguments is to not be dominated.  You'll get to see her display her skills of strategy, self-defense, attacks, endurance, agility, and restraint.  You'll see a new side of her.  I would highly discourage fighting with people who train to fight lol.  That never turns out well.



Joshs1990 said:


> I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved.


Yeah you need martial arts.  Ask Ironbear about the benefits.



Joshs1990 said:


> Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise.


Historically women have always been tough and historically men have always tried to suppress that because they didn't want a woman to be stronger than they are.  I specifically made this page to highlight this truth about women. History's Female Warriors

What men see as "Traditional" is a skewed history.  I want my wife and daughter to be able to punch a man in his mouth, because there may be a day that they will need to do so in self-defense.  I wanted my wife to be able to protect the kids when I wasn't around and I want my daughter to be able to do the same for her kids. This is more traditional than the man always having to protect women.  In the past when men left the village to go hunting, who do you think stayed back to watch and protect the village?  

Any martial arts forum with people who train martial arts are going to be all for the martial art training and getting bruises from the training.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.


Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose


Just out of curiosity.  How did you break your nose?  You didn't get it from martial arts or training to fight, because you have stated that you never done those things.


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> True injuries do heal. And ya know, the bruises and all are part of the territory of training, I get that. I personally don't think it's attractive in the least bit, but to each their own. Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses. Basically feels like they're pulling your brain out. Sooo, hell yeah I'll always tell people watch your nose cuz I don't want anybody to go through that pain, especially my gf. I should have made this forum, 'how often do people's noses get broken in Muay Thai' would have been a more appropriate question I suppose haha



I have seen and busted quite a few noses. I know girls who compete And nobody has needed reconstructive surgery.  You are kind of the exeption.

You could look on line and see female fighters and check to see how mangled up there faces are. Which from my point of view is not much. But you may have more issue.

we have a model who trains with us and spars and she scrubs up ok.






You could look at girls like ruby rose who is a model and competes in boxing.


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.



Headhunter I know where you are coming from but just try and take it easy. It won't help ripping his head off when he just seems to have the wrong idea here, he is just missing the big picture.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I'm confused how I'm controlling for being concerned? I haven't ever told her stop, it's me or Muay Thai. It seems people are over looking that part.


As I said earlier, it's about the tone of your posts. The way you present it doesn't sound like only concern. Others have pointed this out, as well. If that's not what's going on in your head, then it's just a communication issue, and you may want to look for a different - clearer - way to express your concern.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.





Headhunter said:


> Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.


Lol


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

JowGaWolf said:


> wow I can see why this is touchy for you.


Yeah I mean I found out like 6 months later the full details as she just told me they broke up and by the time I'd found out, he'd left town but if I had I mean I'm not a guy who likes violence and hates fighting outside the gym but if I'd known I would've done something I'd later regret. This guy also made her do...things I'm not going to go into here in front of his friends using the same controlling ways. 

I hate people like that to me they're scum who so cowardly and insecure about themselves they have to control others to stop them advancing themselves.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring'


As you noted, yourself, this is the kind of thing that sends up red flags for many of us. If she is willing to let them take that swing, why should you get angry when they take it?


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Ps this is the first forum I've ever made online so my bad to those I haven't responded to


Just a bit of vocabulary, Josh - this is a "thread" you created. The "forum" is the site you posted it on. 

It's not a big deal at all, but I'm the resident nit-picker for these sorts of things, and I have a reputation to live up to.


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> As I said earlier, it's about the tone of your posts. The way you present it doesn't sound like only concern. Others have pointed this out, as well. If that's not what's going on in your head, then it's just a communication issue, and you may want to look for a different - clearer - way to express your concern.



It is also pretty toxic to have someone constantly in your ear about how you are going to get hurt. And how you could be disfigured. Focusing on the risk with no solution but quit at everything doesn't help anybody. Whether it is concern or not. You cant associate with people like that and achieve anything.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.


Thanks sooo much for your  'helpful' input big guy


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thanks sooo much for your  'helpful' input big guy



We are not your girl friend mate. Playing the victim is not going to carry any weight or moderate how we feel.

You may very well be the bad guy here. Which is generally tough to accept.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Thanks sooo much for your  'helpful' input big guy


Sorry If you don't like it....actually no I'm not sorry but I'll always call a spade a spade when I see one. Quite honestly your attitude stinks everyone's telling you the same thing and you're just being rude about it. I hope your girl does Muay Thai and excels in it and does great and yeah maybe she will get a broken nose, that's life it happens, maybe she'll get a broken finger or wrist, maybe she'll get broken ribs, maybe she'll break a toe. I've had every single one of those injuries and guess what I'm still here I may not be pretty but I'm still moving and I'm very happy with my life because of it and if she's willing to do it then good on her it's better than sitting on her *** in front of the tv


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> It is also pretty toxic to have someone constantly in your ear about how you are going to get hurt. And how you could be disfigured. Focusing on the risk with no solution but quit at everything doesn't help anybody. Whether it is concern or not. You cant associate with people like that and achieve anything.


Absolutely it's like a trainer if your going into a fight you need them to pump you up tell you you're going to win or an instructor telling you'll pass a test not constantly saying actually this guy may kick your butt or you might fail


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> It is also pretty toxic to have someone constantly in your ear about how you are going to get hurt. And how you could be disfigured. Focusing on the risk with no solution but quit at everything doesn't help anybody. Whether it is concern or not. You cant associate with people like that and achieve anything.


This is a good point, @Joshs1990. Listen to what DB is saying here. He and I only agree a percentage of the time, so when we do, it's probably worth listening to.

It's a good thing to express your concern, and let her know you care. Just don't do it too often. Not only might it get aggravating, but that really will get into her head. We are affected psychologically by what we hear and see most often, so if you express your worry too much, you'll get her worrying about it. Worrying about getting hurt during sparring (as opposed to concentrating on sparring) is one of the best ways to get hit more often.


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Sorry If you don't like it....actually no I'm not sorry but I'll always call a spade a spade when I see one. Quite honestly your attitude stinks everyone's telling you the same thing and you're just being rude about it. I hope your girl does Muay Thai and excels in it and does great and yeah maybe she will get a broken nose, that's life it happens, maybe she'll get a broken finger or wrist, maybe she'll get broken ribs, maybe she'll break a toe. I've had every single one of those injuries and guess what I'm still here I may not be pretty but I'm still moving and I'm very happy with my life because of it and if she's willing to do it then good on her it's better than sitting on her *** in front of the tv



Wait. In front of the tv?

why is she out of the kitchen?


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

JowGaWolf said:


> Just out of curiosity.  How did you break your nose?  You didn't get it from martial arts or training to fight, because you have stated that you never done those things.


 It's been broke a few times but the main ones were a near death car accident and the other was a basketball to the face and I don't even play basketball Lol. Thank you for addressing the fact that that's really my only concern at this point, even though everyone else just thinks I'm insecure  and weak. To which I don't really care because I don't know any of you guys.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> It's been broke a few times but the main ones were a near death car accident and the other was a basketball to the face and I don't even play basketball Lol. Thank you for addressing the fact that that's really my only concern at this point, even though everyone else just thinks I'm insecure  and weak. To which I don't really care because I don't know any of you guys.


But you obviously do care since you're getting so angry about it


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## JowGaWolf (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> It's been broke a few times but the main ones were a near death car accident and the other was a basketball to the face and I don't even play basketball Lol. Thank you for addressing the fact that that's really my only concern at this point, even though everyone else just thinks I'm insecure  and weak. To which I don't really care because I don't know any of you guys.


So you broke your nose in a car accident and the other was by a basketball.  Do you get upset about her driving or playing basketball?

I don't think you are insecure and weak, these are things you pointed out.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

This is the last thing ill say on this thread because honestly it's boring me and the op isn't listening to a word we say but sure there are risks in martial arts 100% but the rewards outweighs the risks. Do you think parents would send their 5 year olds to martial arts if it wasn't good for them no of course not so if little tommy 5 year old who mummy dragged along to class can do martial arts and spar safely I think a grown woman who wants to be there can


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> Wait. In front of the tv?
> 
> why is she out of the kitchen?





Headhunter said:


> But you obviously do care since you're getting so angry about it


 You're literally the only one being a dick on here so please see yourself out of it. I know a troll when I see one


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> You're literally the only one being a dick on here so please see yourself out of it. I know a troll when I see one


Nope I've answered the question you asked you just don't like my answer by the way which one of us me or drop bear since you quoted both of us but said "you're the only one" so which one of us is the one?


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

JowGaWolf said:


> So you broke your nose in a car accident and the other was by a basketball.  Do you get upset about her driving or playing basketball?
> 
> I don't think you are insecure and weak, these are things you pointed out.


 No of course not I'm not worried about her driving and things like that . She's just told me in the past that she had been hit in the the she's just told me in the past that she had been hit in the face before so it makes me worried for her  going forward with myay Thai


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Tr


Headhunter said:


> Nope I've answered the question you asked you just don't like my answer by the way which one of us me or drop bear since you quoted both of us but said "you're the only one" so which one of us is the one?


trollllllololol


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Tr
> 
> trollllllololol


Bye pal


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Tr
> 
> trollllllololol





Why would I troll a martial arts forum I'm saying my opinion which I don't sugar coat especially on situations like this for reasons I've explained. I've been in martial arts clubs since before you were born kid and seen stuff like this plenty of times so I've seen the signals and know the signs. If I'm wrong I'm wrong whatever but if I'm right I hope your girl realises it very quick


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## Tez3 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol).




'Insane', mmm. No they aren't insane, you just see them that way because you don't like what they are saying. The posters here are parents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters. We also have grandparents, we all also have one thing in common our love of martial arts and our understanding of what martial arts entails.



Joshs1990 said:


> I'll admit I do have anger issues



Really, we wouldn't have guessed.



Joshs1990 said:


> I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise.



It's the 21st Century, you really need to keep up. 'Traditional' men, like my father who is 90 are used to women fighting, he thought it was great when I started martial arts many years ago, he still thinks it great. Women have always fought throughout history, I could name you a great many women who have physically fought.



Joshs1990 said:


> Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses.



Yeah, my husband broke his nose, falling off a table in the Mess while doing a Zulu warrior. Served him right.
'Septoplasty', that's not a broken nose as such that's a repair of the septum, quite well known here because of the 'celebrities' who've had to have theirs repaired because cocaine rots the septum through. Broken noses aren't repaired so much now, as long as you can breathe they are left alone, most don't heal crooked. They can be tweaked a bit when newly broken to put back straight but it's not such a big deal. One of my fighters had his nose broken , we went to A&E but they said he was fine, which he was.

I think you came on here, expecting it to be all butch macho men who would slap you on the back, buy you a metaphorical drink and sympathise with you, telling you what a guy you are and how women these days don't know their place. Sorry, it's not like that, we all practice martial arts, we teach and train students regardless of gender, we want people to enjoy their training and their art, we want people to be able to defend themselves, to be confident and competent. Not many of us are going to sympathise with you because your posts are about you, how you feel, how you think and it's coming across as whining, perhaps you don't think it is, but it really is whining. 'Oh poor me, my girlfriend is going to become a good martial artist and she's going to dump me as a whinger', well, yes she is. Of course  you can turn it all around, stop being selfish, realise your girl friend is her own person, it's her face, her nose so the decision is entirely up to her. The likelihood is that she won't break her nose ( if she does it will be her fault for not blocking/avoiding by the way) or end up with an 'ugly' face, she will be happier, fitter and more able to look after herself. You have to decide whether that threatens you or pleases you.


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Why would I troll a martial arts forum I'm saying my opinion which I don't sugar coat especially on situations like this for reasons I've explained. I've been in martial arts clubs since before you were born kid and seen stuff like this plenty of times so I've seen the signals and know the signs. If I'm wrong I'm wrong whatever but if I'm right I hope your girl realises it very quick


I thought you were bored by this thread?


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## KenpoBoxer (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> No of course not I'm not worried about her driving and things like that . She's just told me in the past that she had been hit in the the she's just told me in the past that she had been hit in the face before so it makes me worried for her  going forward with myay Thai


So she's been hit in the face before? So does she look like hideous and got a flat nose and no teeth already then?


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Tez3 said:


> 'Insane', mmm. No they aren't insane, you just see them that way because you don't like what they are saying. The posters here are parents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters. We also have grandparents, we all also have one thing in common our love of martial arts and our understanding of what martial arts entails.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yeah I find that quite funny he says about how he wants to stab people and thinks that our comments are insane


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## Tez3 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> You're literally the only one being a dick on here



You say that like it's a bad thing....................



KenpoBoxer said:


> So does she look like hideous and got a flat nose and no teeth already then?



and he's worried that if she breaks her nose again she'll get it fixed, become pretty and leave him........


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> I thought you were bored by this thread?


Yeah but I'm not going to let some kid trash talk me you see that's the thing about people who do martial arts they have the confidence to let people walk all over them. And if your girl goes start to train she'll learn the same thing


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Tez3 said:


> You say that like it's a bad thing....................
> 
> 
> 
> and he's worried that if she breaks her nose again she'll get it fixed, become pretty and leave him........


Absolutely I ain't gonna deny it I can be a dick lol I can be the biggest dick around at times (and no that's  not me bragging about my manhood lol thought I'd throw some humour in here lol)


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> You're literally the only one being a dick on here so please see yourself out of it. I know a troll when I see one



At least i know when i am being a dick.  How many pages will it take to drive home the same message to you.

And no i am still not your girlfriend so i am not that keen to follow your instructions.

Might just do my own thing.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> At least i know when i am being a dick.  How many pages will it take to drive home the same message to you.


Probably quite a lot since I was on 315 posts before this thread started lol


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## Joshs1990 (Feb 27, 2017)

This is too much to keep up with/not worth the time anymore since it's just insults towards me at this point. Thanks to those who gave me legit insight into what sparring is. For those who just wanna call me controlling and say she's gonna leave me, your advice is not welcome and your attitudes towards my questions have made me question why I even tried this. Enjoy your lil fight community. Just got home from work so Ima rip my bong & forget bout y'all  Lol peace


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## ShortBridge (Feb 27, 2017)

Let me try yet another approach:

If I said that 1% of the women in our society participate in contact martial arts, I would be way over-stating it, but in the interest of simple math, let's go with it.

That means 99% of the women in your area conform more neatly to your ideas about traditional gender roles. What you're looking for in a woman should be much easier to find that what you have. You can love someone who isn't right for you, but you can't change them and why would you want to. One or the other of you may have to make that call at some point.


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Probably quite a lot since I was on 315 posts before this thread started lol



Look at us.  Not knowing our place.  We would make terrible girlfriends.


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> This is too much to keep up with/not worth the time anymore since it's just insults towards me at this point. Thanks to those who gave me legit insight into what sparring is. For those who just wanna call me controlling and say she's gonna leave me, your advice is not welcome and your attitudes towards my questions have made me question why I even tried this. Enjoy your lil fight community. Just got home from work so Ima rip my bong & forget bout y'all  Lol peace


Fight community yeah shows how ignorant you are.


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## drop bear (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> This is too much to keep up with/not worth the time anymore since it's just insults towards me at this point. Thanks to those who gave me legit insight into what sparring is. For those who just wanna call me controlling and say she's gonna leave me, your advice is not welcome and your attitudes towards my questions have made me question why I even tried this. Enjoy your lil fight community. Just got home from work so Ima rip my bong & forget bout y'all  Lol peace


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## Headhunter (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> Look at us.  Not knowing our place.  We would make terrible girlfriends.


Yeah I better get my *** back in the kitchen and dust off my apron and feather duster lol


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

drop bear said:


> At least i know when i am being a dick.  How many pages will it take to drive home the same message to you.
> 
> And no i am still not your girlfriend so i am not that keen to follow your instructions.
> 
> Might just do my own thing.


Wait, you know it??


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## Ironbear24 (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> Just got home from work so Ima rip my bong & forget bout y'all  Lol peace



You are literally the guy I used to be before I got back into martial arts training. Only I have to give my old self some credit, I wasn't that big of a douche. Take martial arts dude, learn some humility, learn some gender equality.

Grow up and become a better person.


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## Gerry Seymour (Feb 27, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> Grow up and become a better person.


@Joshs1990 - serious business here. When IronBear says this, that's a wake-up call. He has done some of his own growing up, and knows whereof he speaks.


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## Tez3 (Feb 27, 2017)

Disagreeing with a joke, major sense of humour failure. 

Headhunter, where do you keep your feather duster then?




ShortBridge said:


> If I said that 1% of the women in our society participate in contact martial arts, I would be way over-stating it, but in the interest of simple math, let's go with it.



I would say that in the UK the number of women in martial arts is far more than that, while it is still a majority of males, women make up quite a significant number of students. Boxing in particular has become popular for girls since the London Olympics and Nicola Adams in particular. Female pro boxing is shown on mainstream television here. Traditional martial arts have also held appeal for women and now WMMA has started, at long last and after a lot of work, some by yours truly, to be properly accepted.  

I would have to say too that the majority of British women are far from traditional lol, probably better if the OP doesn't come and visit the UK.


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## WaterGal (Feb 27, 2017)

Josh -

If your girlfriend wants to do martial arts, that's _her choice_.  She's done it before, she knows the risks.  She can make an informed choice on her own.  Don't stand in her way - support her.

There is a chance that she'll get hurt, sure.  But unless the gym/school is full of ***holes, that won't be a common occurance.  I've gotten hit in the face in martial arts plenty of times, and have never even had a black eye or nosebleed.  Sprained ankles and bruises and the like, sure, that happens, but injuries that require surgery are very rare.

Let her make her own choice.


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## Danny T (Feb 27, 2017)

Joshs1990 said:


> This is too much to keep up with/not worth the time anymore since it's just insults towards me at this point. Thanks to those who gave me legit insight into what sparring is. For those who just wanna call me controlling and say she's gonna leave me, your advice is not welcome and your attitudes towards my questions have made me question why I even tried this. Enjoy your lil fight community. Just got home from work so Ima rip my bong & forget bout y'all  Lol peace


Josh no one here has insulted you...as yet. If your are insulted it is because you want to be.
You may not like what some one else has stated but if you take it as an insult then you insult yourself.

I advise you to do some training in Muay Thai with your girl.
See Muay Thai is about:
Respect,
Discipline,
Conditioning.

Respect for one another, for the arts, for the training, for the coaches, for those with greater knowledge & skill, and finally respect for self.
Discipline to learn, to train, to be open to those with greater skill and those who are lesser than you. Discipline to be a good partner so your training partners grow and in doing so you grow as well.
Conditioning of the mind to learn from all, the body to become stronger and fit, and the spirit to help other grow as you grow and to never give up in your endeavors.

Muay Thai is about being pressed to your greatest limits, physically & mentally. IF you stay in it you will become a better person (not that you are a bad person).
The small person grips and complains, the small person blames others for what is done or said. The strong just keeps moving forward.
There is much more to Muay Thai than physical fighting. It is about learning your greatest competition and hinderance is yourself.

You asked if it was controlling and when some opine it is you are defensive and even strike back in a one upmanship game calling them out for starting crap, calling them trolls, and other names. Instead how about discuss the difference of opinions don't knock others for it.


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## ShortBridge (Feb 27, 2017)

Tez3 said:


> ...
> I would say that in the UK the number of women in martial arts is far more than that, while it is still a majority of males, women make up quite a significant number of students. Boxing in particular has become popular for girls since the London Olympics and Nicola Adams in particular. Female pro boxing is shown on mainstream television here. Traditional martial arts have also held appeal for women and now WMMA has started, at long last and after a lot of work, some by yours truly, to be properly accepted.
> 
> I would have to say too that the majority of British women are far from traditional lol, probably better if the OP doesn't come and visit the UK.



Not really my point, but okay and good on ya. I in fact don't have statistics and pulled a number out ofthin air.

The point being that if he passionately engaged in some activity that she felt was unbecoming of her ideal of a man, her friend or a therapist or someone might point out to her that she might be better off going back to the dating pool for someone closer to her own sensibilities. 

I find the differences in people wonderful and exciting, but that's just one way to look at it. I can't see her trading in her gloves and mouthpiece for a Laura Ashley dress.

She deserves someone who is comfortable with what makes her her and he could easily find a girlier girl.


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## Dirty Dog (Feb 27, 2017)

Thread locked pending staff review.


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