# The things we regret the most...



## Big Don (Oct 2, 2010)

> The things we regret the most are the chances we didn't take


OK, if that is true, and I think it is, how do you weigh the choice between regretting not taking the chance and taking the chance and being hurt (physically or emotionally) because you did?
Is everything "worth a shot" or not?


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## seasoned (Oct 2, 2010)

Alfred Lord Tennyson

From his poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
*'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.*

Hurt will heal, but regrets will follow you into old age.


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## Sukerkin (Oct 2, 2010)

A good way of expressing the answer to a good question, *Seasoned*.

Of course, implicit it in the notion is the concept that the chance has to be something worth taking a risk for in the first place and that is, I think, a key determinant over whether we feel regret from not taking a 'punt' at something.

For example, as *Seasoned* said above, a regret that has followed me all through my life is that I did not join the Navy when I was of age to follow my own wishes rather than being constrained to obeying my father (who forbade me when I wanted to join up whilst still under his roof).  That was a chance I have ever regretted not taking - but of course there is no going back now.

Whereas, the decision I took not to follow a career in the risky business of trading in stocks and shares I have never looked back on.  Walking away from the job I was offered, even tho' I had no other to go to at the time, was a right choice (despite the fact that it has meant that I have never made any significant money) as it means I can still look myself in the eye when I gaze into a mirror.


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## Jenna (Oct 2, 2010)

Good question yes! 

Personally I find that if I accept that I have made the right choice based on the facts available to me *at that particular moment* then it mitigates what I might otherwise see as a regret over bad choices.  And yes! I am brimful of regrets though I wish I could say I was not.  I find that a calm acceptance of having chosen the right path _at a particular moment _reduces the gravity of those regrets.  Yes the right decision of today may turn out to be the bad choice of tomorrow yet all we can do is act in our best interest _at any particular moment_.  

I think the older we become the less likelihood there is in us believing that everything is worth taking a shot at.  We are afraid of the risk, knowing from experience that the negative consequences of risk taking are sometimes not worth it.  

Personally I would love to live by the mantra of "NO CONSEQUENCES" yet I have responsibilities, I do not live in my own vacuum nor am I wealthy enough to buy my way out of the **** that I leave in my wake as I take the risks that I would otherwise love to take and be damned [for damned I surely would be ]

I hope through experience we grasp the notion that there is often more than one way to realise a dream than jumping off the cliff to see if our arms are fit enough to put us on a safe glidepath.  Who knows, we may discover a love of abseiling 

Jenna x


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## chrispillertkd (Oct 2, 2010)

Big Don said:


> > The things we regret the most are the chances we didn't take
> 
> 
> OK, if that is true, and I think it is, how do you weigh the choice between regretting not taking the chance and taking the chance and being hurt (physically or emotionally) because you did?
> Is everything "worth a shot" or not?


 
I don't know the original context of the quoted statement but if it is taken by itself the answer to your question can only be that it really rather depends on the nature of the chance that you didn't take.

I dare say that some chances we do end up taking could easily result in some _huge_ regrets.

Pax,

Chris


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 2, 2010)

> I never lost one minute of sleep worrying about the way things might have been. - Creedence Clearwater Revival (Proud Mary)


 


> Regret is the act of passing judgment on a past action. - Rambling Taoist


 


> Spending his time in regret and reflecting on the sins of his past will bring him neither peace nor enlightenment - Chi K'ang, a Taoist poet of the second century a.d


 
I use to spend time thinking things like "what if" and spend time wondering and regretting but now I tend to look at it all as it got me to where I am and when I look at what I have now (family) I have no regrets..... I still have regrets from time to time but when I do I tend to try and look more at now and they tend to go away.


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## Bruno@MT (Oct 2, 2010)

Xue Sheng said:


> I use to spend time thinking things like "what if" and spend time wondering and regretting but now I tend to look at it all as it got me to where I am and when I look at what I have now (family) I have no regrets..... I still have regrets from time to time but when I do I tend to try and look more at now and they tend to go away.



+1.

There are various individual things that I have regrets about. For example, I wish I had my current self confidence and understanding of women when I was in college. My social life would have been much more interesting 

But in the end, all the things that happened to me made me what I am now, and I am happy with where I am now. So it is silly to have regrets, because all the good things that I have now, I would not have had if I had done things differently.


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## Nomad (Oct 4, 2010)

All the choices along the way, both good and bad, make up the person you are today.  Who knows what taking "the other path" may have led to now, for better or worse?

The same can be said for the future... I'm not particularly conservative in my choices by nature, but there are opportunities available to me that could go either way.  Not every precipice needs to be leapt over... sometimes you're better off taking the long way around.  Then again, every once in awhile, jumping can lead to great rewards.


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## MA-Caver (Oct 4, 2010)

Read my signature.... 

Of course there are things in my life that I regret. My mistakes mostly or circumstances where I allowed my fears or insecurities to get in the way of something successful or meeting someone special or standing up to someone or whatever. 
Turn right instead of left, speak out instead of being silent, being silent instead of running at the mouth... and so on. 

To me regrets are there to TEACH us what NOT to do or what TO do, next time. Regrets are not meant to be held on to forever but to learn from. The only stupid mistakes we make in our lives are the ones we don't learn from.


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