# The solution to the US problems



## CanuckMA (Oct 5, 2011)

*To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
*


In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.'  Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  (look up 'vocabulary'). 

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of  '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.  Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.  If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.  Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.   Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.  Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.  New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.  They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.  American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football.  There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders).  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.  It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream)  when in season.


God Save the Queen!


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## Tez3 (Oct 5, 2011)

God Save the Queen!


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## WC_lun (Oct 5, 2011)

Funy   I think reading this might cause some people's head to explode.  It could never be done, of course.  I mean giving up Football for Futball?  Not very bloody likley!


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## Tez3 (Oct 5, 2011)

Well theres always rugby though the USA team didn't make a good showing In New Zealand at the World Cup. It's the first time in decades of watching rugby that I've heard fans booing when an opposition team member was kicking for goal, we makes noises yes to try and put him off but booing? Come on America I thought you were more sporting than that.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 5, 2011)

2 through 15 are ok, especially #9... but I am not so sure about 1 because of Mark Twain 



> A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
> by Mark Twain
> For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be
> replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the
> ...


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## Steve (Oct 5, 2011)

Caught some of that rugby tournament, and it didn't look very good for our guys. 

Regarding the original post, I think it's very funny and the wit is certainly not lost on me. But I have to admit that while reading it, I kept thinking that Britain should get her own house in order before criticizing ours to severely.


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## Sukerkin (Oct 5, 2011)

Not seen that one for a while - much chortling .


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## WC_lun (Oct 5, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Come on America I thought you were more sporting than that.



Do you not know us?  Even in the "City of Brotherly Love" they've thrown batteries and stow balls at St. Nick.


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## elder999 (Oct 5, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> Caught some of that rugby tournament, and it didn't look very good for our guys.
> 
> Regarding the original post, I think it's very funny and the wit is certainly not lost on me. But I have to admit that while reading it, I kept thinking that Britain should get her own house in order before criticizing ours to severely.



Right on. In another thread Tez talked about how much more money we make over here. Couple that with a relatively high unemployment rate, and much higher tax rates, and I'd pass.

 Never mind not knowing how to spell, playing pansy nancyboy games and calling them "sports," taking away our guns (_*From my cold, dead, hand, dammit!*_), raising our gas prices, etc., etc., etc.

Though I'm with you on "like" and "you know....." :lfao:


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 5, 2011)

Do I get Jelly babies?


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## crushing (Oct 5, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Well theres always rugby though the USA team didn't make a good showing In New Zealand at the World Cup. It's the first time in decades of watching rugby that I've heard fans booing when an opposition team member was kicking for goal, we makes noises yes to try and put him off but booing? Come on America I thought you were more sporting than that.



Please tell us it wasn't the whistling type of booing, so it doesn't seem so awful.


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## granfire (Oct 5, 2011)

Sadly, the majority of people would not notice until they realize the eerie quiet for lack of campaign commercials! 

:lfao:

(I am glad that it's Kansas HRM does not fancy...so Alabama is good...)


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## aedrasteia (Oct 5, 2011)

Canuck

can you finagle events so we may have Obligatory Pudding?  please?  lots and lots of lovely puddings? summer pudding? roly poly?
sticky toffee??  spotted dick? and cream teas? and double cream? and elevenses?... and...


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## aedrasteia (Oct 5, 2011)

and cheese.... Stilton and Wensleydale and Cheddar, and Caerphilly and Red Leicester and if possible Nigel Slater will come to America and help us. 

Will you take back Gordon and Robert (Ramsey and Irvine)? and send Nigella and Tamsin Day Lewis to give me lessons if I'm very very good.

oh, and game... grouse of which we'll have lots.. and saddle of venison and rabbit and pheasant...oh and fish? salmon lots of salmon

we'll have Pie Week won't we???  Pie... lots of pie.

no canned peas - we're clear about that, right?


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## Rich Parsons (Oct 5, 2011)

I know it was meant tongue in ..., yet I would still ike to reply.  



CanuckMA said:


> *To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
> *
> 
> 
> ...



The USA has loaned out lots of monies in the past. The Debt is mostly interest on those monies loaned out and not repaid as they went through a revolution and or a nationalization within their country. 

1) The USA should collect all of its past debts. If necessary since the world already thinks of us as the bullies with force. Nothing works like a few tanks and planes flying over your cities to get peoples attention. 

Side Note: Will the British Crown recognize those who fought to Stop major wars in Europe? Will they recognize those who died and have their families properly respected or compensated? 



CanuckMA said:


> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').



You know I grant this one with the exception of the "Z" and "S". We still need more ambiguity in the English Language, without it might be understandable.  



CanuckMA said:


> 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'



This is very true. I wish those I see on the British TV also speak intelligently and also speak with a vocabulary of that above 4th grade. But then we all pick and choose what we want to see and hear and respond too. * Looks innocently* 



CanuckMA said:


> 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.



It still should be celebrated. If you take away the circuses (* Fireworks *) from the masses then they will notice the change. 



CanuckMA said:


> 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.



The Stats show more guns less crime. Not to turn this into a gun discussion, enough said there. But I agree that Lawyers and Therapists who prescribed nice little pills can eb a problem. Yet I find the single source legal system in the US for representation to be easier to undertand than those that can and cannot speak in court.  



CanuckMA said:


> 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



If you give me a vegetable peeler, the world is mine! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE   Especially if everyone else has nothing. (* Well except for the bad guys that sill will have weapons and guns.  *)



CanuckMA said:


> 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.



I like roundabouts. They work. Driving one with a full sized van and a pop camper trailer when I was 15/16 in Boston area was fun as well. I was able get through make my lane changes and no one got hurt and no vehicles were damaged. Also no major backups other than what was already there when I appraoched. 

Metric is no problem. I work and think in both measurement systems. Yet I would have thought there would be a problem with the Metre and the Metric system as I thought the British did not like things French.  

I have driven on the left hand side in New Zealand and on islands in the Caribean. I have done with right hand drive vehicles and also with left hand drive vehicles. I have even driven right on left and left on right. 

Yet given the amount of roads in the world and the amount that drive on the left versus the right, I will bow to the majority, which I believe is the arguement being made for the Metric system usage. (* The Brits will need to get used to driving on the "Right" side of the road.  *)




CanuckMA said:


> 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.



Only if the taxes go straight to repairing roads. Not to peoples pockets. Also will there be special subsidies for Diesel as there is in Europe? Will also the polution levels in Europe be adopted here in the US as they are lower in their strictness? Meaning they allow for more pollutants in the emission coming out of the vehicle. 




CanuckMA said:


> 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.



I agree with the vinegar, but I do not eat fried foods that often so the differences are nto anything I really care about. 



CanuckMA said:


> 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.



The amss produced beer is weak and bad. The Micro Brews win competitions in Europe against Europeand and British beers all the time. I will stick with them. I like support local people. 



CanuckMA said:


> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.



Can we get the same in return from British TV? 



CanuckMA said:


> 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).



I like Rugby. It is fun. Soccor I never did get into as when I was a kid and it was being rolled out everyone wanted to be a shooter and no one got good except for a few people.  



CanuckMA said:


> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.



Baseball and Basketball can go away for as much as I care. I do enjoy watching a game or two, but would not miss it. 

I do suggest that the Brits pick up the sport of Hockey, you know the one Canada made popular,  before the US started to dominate with market strategy for teams and investments into players. (* Yes I know most of our better players now come from other countries, yet I think it should get the respect the sport deserves. 

"Any Sport that has two Blades and a Stick and a Fight has to be cool!" - Rich Parsons (* Yes I quoted myself.  *)



CanuckMA said:


> 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.



Shhh, it was the MI5, as they were upset with how he (JFK) was trying to squeeze the UK out of status within the Security Council of the UN.
* We needed more conspiracies on this   *)



CanuckMA said:


> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).



See above - about monies owed to the US first.  



CanuckMA said:


> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.



Strawberries are always in order. Yum Yum!

Tea can be good, but do I have to have it with Milk or Cream? I like it without. 





CanuckMA said:


> God Save the Queen!



Yes save the Queen! (* As I do not like the current sitting heir.  *)

** All in jest **


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## Carol (Oct 5, 2011)

aedrasteia said:


> and cheese.... Stilton and Wensleydale and Cheddar, and Caerphilly and Red Leicester and if possible Nigel Slater will come to America and help us.
> 
> Will you take back Gordon and Robert (Ramsey and Irvine)? and send Nigella and Tamsin Day Lewis to give me lessons if I'm very very good.
> 
> oh, and game... grouse of which we'll have lots.. and saddle of venison and rabbit and pheasant...oh and fish? salmon lots of salmon



Hunting season just opened so we have all those selections fresh and local right here in in New Hampshire......plus duck, trout, clams, and of course lobster.


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## MA-Caver (Oct 5, 2011)

Shouldn't this be posted in the comedy channel?


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## MaxiMe (Oct 5, 2011)

MA-Caver said:


> Shouldn't this be posted in the comedy channel?


Only if there is video of those wee little cars racing around the round abouts (man they installed 2 of them down the street and they are an accident waiting to happen).


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## billc (Oct 5, 2011)

Hmmm...Britain still speaks English because, perhaps, the U.S. did that little thing called World War 2 and saved their bacon....


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## Sukerkin (Oct 5, 2011)

I'd like to thank you for being the first to bring that travesty of history up again.  

No you didn't "save our bacon".  We paid for the help you gave, which was in your own interests, not ours, and we actually owe our freedom, as do you, to the Russians (and Hitler being a numpty).  And no, that is not a joke.  It's a niggling little thing called recognising historical truth rather than pandering to American self-aggrandisement.

Being speculative, without Lend Lease of cargo ships and the supply lines kept open prior to the Battle of Britain, we would have been forced to an accommodation with Germany (probably getting rid of Churchill as PM as one of the conditions).  That would have meant that America would not have gotten all the military technology that she did (for free), would not have broken the codes used by the Axis and would have been contained on the American mainland by the Japanese, German and Royal navies.  With our help and knowledge, the Germans would have had the atomic bomb first and who knows where that would have lead when combined with jet bombers and intercontinental rocketry.


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## elder999 (Oct 5, 2011)

Sukerkin said:


> Being speculative, without Lend Lease of cargo ships and the supply lines kept open prior to the Battle of Britain, we would have been forced to an accommodation with Germany (probably getting rid of Churchill as PM as one of the conditions). That would have meant that America would not have gotten all the military technology that she did (for free), would not have broken the codes used by the Axis and would have been contained on the American mainland by the Japanese, German and Royal navies. *With our help and knowledge, the Germans would have had the atomic bomb first *and who knows where that would have lead when combined with jet bombers and intercontinental rocketry.



I'll let you have the rest of your rather fanciful speculation(would Britain really have let the Germans cart of all of British Jewry? Tinkers, sure, but Jews? Homosexuals?) but the bolded part is not likely, for the same reason that the Germans didn't succeed when they had all the pieces in place: an aversion to what Hitler labeled "Jewish science."


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 5, 2011)

You know... I thought the OP was funny but i have to admt I expected this to go south on the very first page.... it got all the way to the second page and post 19 and 20 before it went south.... congrats guys you have proven we on MT can even get in a fight over a post based on comedy and anywhere over any silly thing.


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## Haakon (Oct 5, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> *To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
> *
> In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



Revocation? How does she think she can revoke something the Crown didn't grant? I think the queen needs to look up 'revolution' in the Oxford English Dictionary. noun 1 a forcible overthrow of a government or social order, in favour of a new system.

Otherwise funny, but I don't think the UK could afford to assume the US debt!


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## mook jong man (Oct 5, 2011)

billcihak said:


> Hmmm...Britain still speaks English because, perhaps, the U.S. did that little thing called World War 2 and saved their bacon....



Yeah and you come in pretty bloody late too if I recall.


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## Steve (Oct 5, 2011)

Unless you're a vet, and in this case in particular, a WWII veteran, let's give them our utmost respect (both British and American in this case) and avoid diminishing their sacrifice in a tit for tat exchange with friends on the internet. 

I believe that there's a clear distinction between dogging soccer a little, wondering why anyone would put a spotted dick in his mouth, joking about language differences and cultural quirks, and using WWII as a sarcastic barb.  

Not intended to call out anyone in particular.  Just my opinion at the turn the thread has taken.  This is supposed to be light hearted, if I understand the intent of the thread right.

So, with that said, I wonder how Jamie Oliver ever learned to cook.  In Britain, you only have two ways to prepare food: boiled or fried.  It's a wonder you survive to adulthood on your diet!   Oh, that's right.  He went over to France!  Haha.


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## billc (Oct 5, 2011)

#


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## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> *Unless you're a vet, and in this case in particular, a WWII veteran, let's give them our utmost respect (both British and American in this case) and avoid diminishing their sacrifice in a tit for tat exchange with friends on the internet.
> 
> I believe that there's a clear distinction between dogging soccer a little, wondering why anyone would put a spotted dick in his mouth, joking about language differences and cultural quirks, and using WWII as a sarcastic barb.
> 
> ...



I'm with you on this. We can joke light heartedly with each other over our differences and as the French say Vive La Difference but making snide comments is out of order.

I would point out that a Canadian posted this lol so in the UK we don't have to sort ourselves out first!
I must admit having the USA in the Commonwealth would be good, not so they have the monachy as head of state but because we are close and it would make them even more of our family.


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## CanuckMA (Oct 6, 2011)

I'm amazed, but not entirely surprised, at the lack of humour here.


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## Twin Fist (Oct 6, 2011)

i thought it was funny.

it ws rude and insulting, but most humor IS rude and insulting to someone....


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## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

I'd still like to know how a Brit learned to cook something that actually tastes good.


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## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I'd still like to know how a Brit learned to cook something that actually tastes good.



LOL, it's not like the US had a reputation for being a culinary hot spot either.... ^_^


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## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I'd still like to know how a Brit learned to cook something that actually tastes good.



French propaganda has a lot to answer for!


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## CanuckMA (Oct 6, 2011)

French food is mostly badly cooked stuff smothered with a sauce.


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## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

granfire said:


> LOL, it's not like the US had a reputation for being a culinary hot spot either.... ^_^


It doesn't?  American food is AWESOME!  From the deliciousness that is Southern Cooking, to the awesomeness that is Cajun food, to the seafood on both coasts to what REALLY makes American food rock: the fusions we have invented as a result of the huge mash of culinary styles present.

American versions of Asian, Mexican and Italian foods are inspired by, but truly distinct versions of food.  American food kicks butt.

British food?  Well, it's no wonder they make good, strong beer.  Masks the taste of the fried offal! Hehe. 

I'll add that throughout our country, our ability to char meat over open flames is as good as anyone's.  As a country, we have taken cooking over flame to a new level, from rubs to sauces, hot, sweet or both, our BBQ and Grilling is top tier.


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## MaxiMe (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> It doesn't? American food is AWESOME! From the deliciousness that is Southern Cooking, to the awesomeness that is Cajun food, to the seafood on both coasts to what REALLY makes American food rock: the fusions we have invented as a result of the huge mash of culinary styles present.
> 
> American versions of Asian, Mexican and Italian foods are inspired by, but truly distinct versions of food. American food kicks butt.
> 
> ...


It's gotta have the 3 B's..
Beer Butter and Bacon.


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## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I'd still like to know how a Brit learned to cook something that actually tastes good.



You really ought to visit Europe sometime Steve. It will give you an interesting perspective on our comparative lifestyles, including the cooking 

Smaller countries, smaller buildings, and easier transports.  Less room for refridgerators and freezers, less dependence on flash-frozen items, easier to transport foodstuffs about....at least that's my take on it.   Certainly, modern European countries import different types of food from all over the world, but I think the finest examples of British cuisine can be found with locally grown livestock/game and cheeses (Cheddar, England gave us a cheese.....I forget what its called, but I think Americans kinda diggit :lol2.  I also think the British have assimilated other foods better than we did.  The big American brands in our grocery store tend to have Americanized versions of ethnic foods, where stalwart British brands have adopted (for example) curries and the like that are very close to what one might find in India.

Also...British candy puts ours to shame.  I'd hate to think of what my waistline would be like if Cadbury Crunchie bars, Aero bars, Turkish Delight, or Allsorts were widely sold here.


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## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

MaxiMe said:


> It's gotta have the 3 B's..
> Beer Butter and *Bacon*.



Not in my house! 

I think the Aussies may have the edge when it comes to barbies!
http://britishfood.about.com/od/traditionalbritish/Traditional_British_Recipes.htm

http://greatbritishkitchen.co.uk/


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## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> French food is mostly badly cooked stuff smothered with a sauce.



Smother ANYTHING with a cream sauce and it will probably taste good....LOL


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## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

Carol said:


> You really ought to visit Europe sometime Steve. It will give you an interesting perspective on our comparative lifestyles, including the cooking
> 
> Smaller countries, smaller buildings, and easier transports.  Less room for refridgerators and freezers, less dependence on flash-frozen items, easier to transport foodstuffs about....at least that's my take on it.   Certainly, modern European countries import different types of food from all over the world, but I think the finest examples of British cuisine can be found with locally grown livestock/game and cheeses (Cheddar, England gave us a cheese.....I forget what its called, but I think Americans kinda diggit :lol2.  I also think the British have assimilated other foods better than we did.  The big American brands in our grocery store tend to have Americanized versions of ethnic foods, where stalwart British brands have adopted (for example) curries and the like that are very close to what one might find in India.
> 
> Also...British candy puts ours to shame.  I'd hate to think of what my waistline would be like if Cadbury Crunchie bars, Aero bars, Turkish Delight, or Allsorts were widely sold here.


Carol, I've been there.  I'm just giving them crap.  Don't steal my thunder!


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## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Not in my house!
> 
> I think the Aussies may have the edge when it comes to barbies!
> http://britishfood.about.com/od/traditionalbritish/Traditional_British_Recipes.htm
> ...


I'd put our BBQ up against the Aussies anytime.  And would thoroughly enjoy the results.  Mmmmm...   bbq.


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## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Not in my house!
> 
> I think the Aussies may have the edge when it comes to barbies!
> http://britishfood.about.com/od/traditionalbritish/Traditional_British_Recipes.htm
> ...



what do you have against beer and butter?


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## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

granfire said:


> what do you have against beer and butter?



Nothing, I high-lighted the bacon!


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## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> It doesn't?  American food is AWESOME!  From the deliciousness that is Southern Cooking, to the awesomeness that is Cajun food, to the seafood on both coasts to what REALLY makes American food rock: the fusions we have invented as a result of the huge mash of culinary styles present.
> 
> American versions of Asian, Mexican and Italian foods are inspired by, but truly distinct versions of food.  American food kicks butt.
> 
> ...



pft, they don't even have _Schwenkbraten_ in the US!
nuff said!


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## elder999 (Oct 6, 2011)

granfire said:


> pft, they don't even have _Schwenkbraten_ in the US!
> nuff said!



Not in Alabama, proabably, but all over Pennsylvania and Ohio-but any fool can marinate a pork steak and grill it......


----------



## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> Carol, I've been there.  I'm just giving them crap.  Don't steal my thunder!



I'll steal your thunder if I want to, West Coast. You stand up and listen when the Northeast is talking!   

We need to have a talk.  Pissing off our allies, are ya now?   Out of all the countries where you could dish out a ration of trash, its gotta be Britain.   Great 

Why can't you go hatin' on the Swiss, like these fine young Canadians did? :rofl:

[yt]i2XTuc6i1Uo[/yt]


----------



## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

granfire said:


> pft, they don't even have _Schwenkbraten_ in the US!
> nuff said!


They do now.  I made it a few weeks back and it was...  not as good as it was in Germany.  But I'm confident, given a few more goes, I can make it right.


----------



## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

Carol said:


> I'll steal your thunder if I want to, West Coast. You stand up and listen when the Northeast is talking!
> 
> We need to have a talk.  Pissing off our allies, are ya now?   Out of all the countries where you could dish out a ration of trash, its gotta be Britain.   Great
> 
> ...


Haha.  Don't even get me started on the Swiss.  Leave it to them to make a knife that does everything BUT cut stuff.  The blade on those swiss army knives are pathetic!


----------



## elder999 (Oct 6, 2011)

Carol said:


> I'll steal your thunder if I want to, West Coast. You stand up and listen when the Northeast is talking!
> 
> We need to have a talk. Pissing off our allies, are ya now? Out of all the countries where you could dish out a ration of trash, its gotta be Britain. Great



Oh, c'mon. They have a queen. Their food sucks. They think curling's a sport.  And don't forget that the OP proposes that the "solution to all our problems" is to become part of the commonwealth again-ruled by a country that's just 2/3 the size of the state of New Mexico? (I'm talking "United Kingdom" here, tez-at 94,000 sq. miles to New Mexico's 121,000). 

You're right about their candy. And their adoptions of other cuisines-their curries rock. "British" food, though? "Scottish" food, though? "Irish" food, though? I'm afraid that 9 times out of ten, I'll have to pass.....some of the things they do to perfectly good meat are just........tragic. Breakfast is usually a fun surprise on that side of the pond as well......*beans?* _Really?_...:lfao: On the other hand, I occasionally enjoy _huevos rancheros_-just so you know that I'm *KIDDING!* :lfao:


----------



## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

Says a lot about us lot when threads like this always end up on food! shows our hearts where our hearts really lie, forget cultural differences, martial arts, wars, treaties etc bring on the food!
Hands up how many after posting a comment on food had to go and get something to eat?


----------



## CanuckMA (Oct 6, 2011)

MaxiMe said:


> It's gotta have the 3 B's..
> Beer Butter and Bacon.



Well, I can have one, sometimes 2 of those.


----------



## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Says a lot about us lot when threads like this always end up on food! shows our hearts where our hearts really lie, forget cultural differences, martial arts, wars, treaties etc bring on the food!
> Hands up how many after posting a comment on food had to go and get something to eat?


Not me...  not yet, but I'm going to eat the hell out of a Cobb salad in 30 minutes or so.


----------



## CanuckMA (Oct 6, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Says a lot about us lot when threads like this always end up on food! shows our hearts where our hearts really lie, forget cultural differences, martial arts, wars, treaties etc bring on the food!
> Hands up how many after posting a comment on food had to go and get something to eat?



For some of us, it's just cultural. I mean, YK is coming up, a fast bookended by feasts :bangahead:


----------



## Tez3 (Oct 6, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> Well, I can have one, sometimes 2 of those.



Making this my last post of the night, up early tomorrow as travelling in morning to go away for the weekend, will be thinking of you and yours. Take care.


----------



## Sukerkin (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I'll add that throughout our country, our ability to char meat over open flames is as good as anyone's.  As a country, we have taken cooking over flame to a new level, from rubs to sauces, hot, sweet or both, our BBQ and Grilling is top tier.



Oh-oh!  Fighting words to the Aussies I fear :shivers:


----------



## Sukerkin (Oct 6, 2011)

I do have to agree tho' that talking about differences in food and what is great that is cooked in other nations and cultures is a brilliant way to dissolve national tensions and break down barriers.  Shared sports too but that is not so universal.  

A wonderful example is the Bangladeshi fellow who recently joined our team.  Religion, Afghanistan, immigration ... all going to be tricky subjects to strike up a conversation on to break the 'new guy' ice - but curry and cricket!  Huzzar!


----------



## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

Tez3 said:


> Nothing, I high-lighted the bacon!



     


(you got gotten!


----------



## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

elder999 said:


> Oh, c'mon. They have a queen. Their food sucks. They think curling's a sport.  And don't forget that the OP proposes that the "solution to all our problems" is to become part of the commonwealth again-ruled by a country that's just 2/3 the size of the state of New Mexico? (I'm talking "United Kingdom" here, tez-at 94,000 sq. miles to New Mexico's 121,000).
> 
> You're right about their candy. And their adoptions of other cuisines-their curries rock. "British" food, though? "Scottish" food, though? "Irish" food, though? I'm afraid that 9 times out of ten, I'll have to pass.....some of the things they do to perfectly good meat are just........tragic. Breakfast is usually a fun surprise on that side of the pond as well......*beans?* _Really?_...:lfao: On the other hand, I occasionally enjoy _huevos rancheros_-just so you know that I'm *KIDDING!* :lfao:



Pshaw.  The OP was a joke, but food?  Now THAT is serious!


----------



## MaxiMe (Oct 6, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> Well, I can have one, sometimes 2 of those.


As long as you folks up in the GWN keep sending out that great amber liquid for our pancakes we'll let you drop one or 2 from the list


----------



## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

MaxiMe said:


> As long as you folks up in the GWN keep sending out that great amber liquid for our pancakes we'll let you drop one or 2 from the list



Gasp.  You think that ONLY comes from Canada???   You break my cold, frozen, snowed-in heart.


----------



## crushing (Oct 6, 2011)

MaxiMe said:


> As long as you folks up in the GWN keep sending out that great amber liquid for our pancakes we'll let you drop one or 2 from the list



I want the _amber liquid _that came out of the bourbon barrels before this beer went in those same barrels.  Bourbon barrel aged maple syrup on pancakes and bacon candied with the same syrup along with a pour of Founders Breakfast Stout to sip would be the perfect...not just breakfast...but any meal!


----------



## MaxiMe (Oct 6, 2011)

Carol said:


> Gasp. You think that ONLY comes from Canada??? You break my cold, frozen, snowed-in heart.


ahh I knew I'd get a reaction lol


----------



## CanuckMA (Oct 6, 2011)

crushing said:


> I want the _amber liquid _that came out of the bourbon barrels before this beer went in those same barrels.  Bourbon barrel aged maple syrup on pancakes and bacon candied with the same syrup along with a pour of Founders Breakfast Stout to sip would be the perfect...not just breakfast...but any meal!



Minus the bacon, that does sound great.


----------



## MaxiMe (Oct 6, 2011)

crushing said:


> I want the _amber liquid _that came out of the bourbon barrels before this beer went in those same barrels. Bourbon barrel aged maple syrup on pancakes and bacon candied with the same syrup along with a pour of Founders Breakfast Stout to sip would be the perfect...not just breakfast...but any meal!


Hmm burbon vs beer.. I need to re-evaluate those 3 b's for food


----------



## mook jong man (Oct 6, 2011)

Let me enlighten people about the great Aussie barbie


We don't throw a shrimp on the barbie , in Oz they are called prawns , and I have never been to a barbie where somebody put prawns on the hotplate , maybe a "Barra" (Barramundi) fish but never prawns.
Real blokes will just chuck on a few steaks , some snags (sausages) and a bit of onion if your lucky.
The bloke doing the barbecueing will be surrounded by other blokes called "mates" , they will all be talking ******** and "sinking the piss". (drinking copious amounts of beer)
The sheilas are in charge of getting the salad ready.
The meat shall be grilled until it is approaching the state similar to that of carbon where after it will be smothered with tomato sauce or bbq sauce.
We don't stand around drinking Foster's , we export that crap , no one drinks it here.
As they are shoving a sausage sandwich down their gob with one hand whilst holding a stubbie (small beer bottle) in the other hand with tomato sauce dribbling down their chin the appreciative guest will say "Top barbie mate" , the host bloke will then say "No worries Macka" or in some cases it could be "Johnno" , "Kev" , "Davo" , "Dazza" , "Gazza" or "Wocka".
Australians are way to lazy to address somebody by their full name , so if you come here expect to get your name abbreviated.


----------



## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

It's universal for the 'Sheilas' to deal with the salad....
The blokes gather around the fire, while the chicks gather in the kitchen....

:lfao:

and no, it's true, 100%!!!


----------



## Steve (Oct 6, 2011)

Technically, mook, in the states that would be called grilling.  Bbq is low and slow.  But we canAgree that beret is an absolute must. 

Edit.  Beer.    Not beret.  O hate my phone.


----------



## Carol (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> Technically, mook, in the states that would be called grilling.  Bbq is low and slow.  But we canAgree that beret is an absolute must.
> 
> Edit.  Beer.    Not beret.  O hate my phone.




:roflmao:

I had this image of you standing by a grill, in a dyed gi, with a beret died to match.

Then I nearly choked on my tea by laughing so hard.  You're dangerous, Steve!


----------



## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> Technically, mook, in the states that would be called grilling.  Bbq is low and slow.  But we canAgree that beret is an absolute must.
> 
> Edit.  Beer.    Not beret.  O hate my phone.



LOLOLOLOLOL

damnyouautocorrect......

Then again, I figured it's some weird PNW gig....


----------



## mook jong man (Oct 6, 2011)

No he is correct , a beret is a must if your having a barbecue in FRANCE.


----------



## Cyriacus (Oct 6, 2011)

...GI. Beret. Barbie. Stubbies. Sheilas makin Salad. Micky and Donny (Names may vary) watchin the Footy. Johnno wearin his Outback Cowboy Cap. Mozzies everywere. More Mozzies. Barra. Flies. Sauce. More Stubbies.

Sounds like a typical Weekend to Me.


----------



## JohnEdward (Oct 6, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> *To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
> *
> 
> 
> ...



Bravo, and of course we saved you're asses in WWII :lol:- see thread "America Saves Britain" to get the joke.


----------



## elder999 (Oct 6, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> Technically, mook, in the states that would be called grilling. Bbq is low and slow. But we canAgree that beret is an absolute must.
> 
> Edit. Beer. Not beret. O hate my phone.



ANd that right there is an explanation of the greatness of American food. 

Grilling is great-I'll fire up the grill all year round: steaks, sausage, burgers, fish,lobster, chicken, ribs, shrimp, lamb-chops, pork-chops, fruit (pineapple and peaches especially!)vegetable,:sliced pumpkin, eggplant, zuccini, asparagus (grilled asparagus last night!) leg of lamb,kabobs, and on, and on, and on-I do paella on the grill-of course, I'm not the average "cook. 

_Barbecue_, though.........likely from the Taino or Timicua-Indians of Florida and the Carribean (you knew I'd get Indians into it somehow) people mostly extinct, now (some Puerto Ricans claim some Taino heritage). Anyway, the word, _barabicu_, or _barabacoa_-"sacred fire pit." It's also related to the word _buccaneer_ , just as an aside. In any case, it should really take* all day*....so, American barbecue:

I get a brisket. I trim off the fat, marinade it over night, let it dry and drain and rub it with dry herbs. I have a smoker, and I start a fire in it, around 6 in the morning or so. I let the fire die down enough so that there are no flames, and the temperature in the cooking space of the smoker is around 200 F. Maybe a scoche higher, but not much, and I throw that brisket in there. I keep the fire going at just that smoldering level, so the meat is slowly cooked by the smoke-for like, 12-16 hours.......so there's fire tending, and drinking, and snacking-even a grilled lunch along the way--until we have a hunk of meat that weighs about 25 lbs., and it's falling apart tender. Maybe slather with some sauce, or serve sauce on the side......other cuts of meat, and poultry take far less time, and smoked salmon doesn't really qualify as "barbecue" except in the technical sense. Ribs and pork shoulder-barbecue. 

Uniquely American-as in, from the American continent(s).


----------



## granfire (Oct 6, 2011)

elder999 said:


> ANd that right there is an explanation of the greatness of American food.
> 
> Grilling is great-I'll fire up the grill all year round: steaks, sausage, burgers, fish,lobster, chicken, ribs, shrimp, lamb-chops, pork-chops, fruit (pineapple and peaches especially!)vegetable,:sliced pumpkin, eggplant, zuccini, asparagus (grilled asparagus last night!) leg of lamb,kabobs, and on, and on, and on-I do paella on the grill-of course, I'm not the average "cook.
> 
> ...




what it boils down to:
man make fire
throw meat on fire
stay gone all day
make for happy dinner.....
man stay out of wife hair all day and make good food.


eh, whatever...make fire burn meat... a guy's way of cooking.


----------



## elder999 (Oct 6, 2011)

granfire said:


> what it boils down to:
> man make fire
> throw meat on fire
> stay gone all day
> ...



Ya see, that right there is a woman's prejudice. I can do pastries, and soups, and breads, and souffles (though, admittedly, not often) and casseroles, and Italian, and Japanese, and Korean, and Chinese,and Thai, and Indian, and Indonesian, and Greek-all, I might add, without smoke, and in the kitchen, not outside.Salads, and breakfasts, and even candy-all without a fire or smoke beyond what's generated by the kitchen stove.I actually trained to be a chef (family trust requirement: learn a trade) and can run circles around all kinds of people in the kitchen when I pay attention, anyway. Rita and I have always gotten a kick out of cooking together, from the very start-no one needs to stay out of the other's hair. 

Barbecue, though? _Brisket???_ I've only just started to get that right. Most men don't have the patience, I think-I know I didn't. A good, tender _barbecued_ brisket is tough. I can fake it in one of those roasting bags, and anyone can do one in the oven otherwise, but smoking it takes a lot of attention....

EDIT: and pot pies, and ratatouille, and ratatouille _pie_, and curries, and deserts, and chili, and dips, and ice cream, and pies, and cakes, and stir-fries, and fried chicken, and biscuits (no, not _cookies_, Irene, *biscuits*!) and cookies, and.....


----------



## Cyriacus (Oct 7, 2011)

elder999 said:


> Ya see, that right there is a woman's prejudice. I can do pastries, and soups, and breads, and souffles (though, admittedly, not often) and casseroles, and Italian, and Japanese, and Korean, and Chinese,and Thai, and Indian, and Indonesian, and Greek-all, I might add, without smoke, and in the kitchen, not outside.Salads, and breakfasts, and even candy-all without a fire or smoke beyond what's generated by the kitchen stove.I actually trained to be a chef (family trust requirement: learn a trade) and can run circles around all kinds of people in the kitchen when I pay attention, anyway. Rita and I have always gotten a kick out of cooking together, from the very start-no one needs to stay out of the other's hair.
> 
> Barbecue, though? _Brisket???_ I've only just started to get that right. Most men don't have the patience, I think-I know I didn't. A good, tender _barbecued_ brisket is tough. I can fake it in one of those roasting bags, and anyone can do one in the oven otherwise, but smoking it takes a lot of attention....
> 
> EDIT: and pot pies, and ratatouille, and ratatouille _pie_, and curries, and deserts, and chili, and dips, and ice cream, and pies, and cakes, and stir-fries, and fried chicken, and biscuits (no, not _cookies_, Irene, *biscuits*!) and cookies, and.....


...Cookie on Fire make Bad Cookie.

Cooking Tips, by Me!
Because Im Bored. Also, all Spelling Errors are deliberate.

Noodle on Fire make Good Noodle. Put Beef on Fire. Put Fire in Noodle. CHINESE! Or JAPANESE!
Put Water in Bucket. Put Bucket in Fire. Put Milk and Stock in Water. Fire make Soup. SOUP!
Put Dough on Fire. When Dough Harden, Bread. Yes. Totally.
Souffles are Coward Food! And not because I not know what a Souffle is!
Italyen. Buy Pasta Food. Put Pasta Food on Fire until Cook. Eat Italy.
Get Rice. Put Rice on Fire. When Rice Brown, add Hot Sauce Warmed by Fire. THAI!
Get Melon. Put Melon on Fire. Axe Kick Melon. KOREAN!
Indians and Indonestions, and Greeks, dont make Food.
Salad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5fhTYtTP_Y&feature=related Yes. YES.
Ice Cream also make better on Fire.
Dips Warm by Fire.
Chilli is kind of Fire.
Cakes are best destroyed by Fire. Cakes also cause some People to Die in a Fire. (And if you get that reference, it was all I could think of, alright.)
Curries and Deserts are one in the same.
Stir Fries are also Desert.
So is Chicken. Chicken is Fired, yes? Not Fried, silly.

Im out of Ideas.
Toodle Pip.


----------



## Carol (Oct 7, 2011)

The men standing by a hot grill and the ladies staying in the air conditioning putting the salad together?  I'm down with that, where do I sign up?


----------



## elder999 (Oct 7, 2011)

Cyriacus said:


> ...Cookie on Fire make Bad Cookie.
> 
> Cooking Tips, by Me!
> Because Im Bored. Also, all Spelling Errors are deliberate.
> ...


.


Delightfully, though:lfao: :


----------



## Cyriacus (Oct 7, 2011)

elder999 said:


> .
> 
> 
> Delightfully, though:


*Saves Image To Desktop*
Two can Play at this Game!

HAPPY KITTEN!
http://mecete.deviantart.com/art/happy-faced-191411282?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Aphotography%20happy%20cat&qo=42
I cant Embed that Image, by the way. Otherwise I would have.
Its a Jolly Happy Kitten, though


----------



## granfire (Oct 7, 2011)

elder999 said:


> Ya see, that right there is a woman's prejudice. I can do pastries, and soups, and breads, and souffles (though, admittedly, not often) and casseroles, and Italian, and Japanese, and Korean, and Chinese,and Thai, and Indian, and Indonesian, and Greek-all, I might add, without smoke, and in the kitchen, not outside.Salads, and breakfasts, and even candy-all without a fire or smoke beyond what's generated by the kitchen stove.I actually trained to be a chef (family trust requirement: learn a trade) and can run circles around all kinds of people in the kitchen when I pay attention, anyway. Rita and I have always gotten a kick out of cooking together, from the very start-no one needs to stay out of the other's hair.
> 
> Barbecue, though? _Brisket???_ I've only just started to get that right. Most men don't have the patience, I think-I know I didn't. A good, tender _barbecued_ brisket is tough. I can fake it in one of those roasting bags, and anyone can do one in the oven otherwise, but smoking it takes a lot of attention....
> 
> EDIT: and pot pies, and ratatouille, and ratatouille _pie_, and curries, and deserts, and chili, and dips, and ice cream, and pies, and cakes, and stir-fries, and fried chicken, and biscuits (no, not _cookies_, Irene, *biscuits*!) and cookies, and.....



So you are saying you are a girly man?



<ducks and runs>


----------



## elder999 (Oct 7, 2011)

granfire said:


> So you are saying you are a girly man?
> 
> 
> 
> <ducks and runs>



Hardly. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that when they said _the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,_ it's that they really meant _a woman's_....:lfao:

You really only need to watch this from 1:40......

[yt]aRDtjZTtKGw[/yt]

_"Chefs do that."_ :lfao:

*Real men cook.*


----------



## Steve (Oct 7, 2011)

I do most of the cooking in the house.  I'm the guy who taught the kids to cook.  I'm trying desperately to teach my wife to cook. 

Elder999 said what my phone wouldn't let me!  Great post.

Takes about 10 minutes to grill a ribeye to medium rare.  About the same for a burger.  A little longer for bone in chicken.  Pork steaks, like Schwenk, take a little longer.  Shrimp...  maybe 5 minutes.  Sockeye from the Copper River...  delicious, but it takes maybe 10 minutes to cook it perfectly.

Point is, if the goal is to get some quality social time outside with beer in hand, you HAVE to cook something that takes some love.  A butterflied chicken is probably the easiest to start with...  more than just a few minutes, but less than an hour.  Then step up to some pork ribs.  Then give a Boston butt a try.  Finally, move up to brisket.  In my opinion, if you can bbq a brisket and make it delicious, you can handle anything. 

BBQ is about patience and stamina...  and beer and friends, and food that is worth the wait.  

So... who's hungry?


----------



## MaxiMe (Oct 7, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I do most of the cooking in the house. I'm the guy who taught the kids to cook. I'm trying desperately to teach my wife to cook.
> 
> Elder999 said what my phone wouldn't let me! Great post.
> 
> ...


I'm in, Elder bring the smoker, I'll make a dry Rub, Whos bringing the beer. And MOST important, who's bringin the Burbon :rofl:


----------



## Steve (Oct 7, 2011)

MaxiMe said:


> I'm in, Elder bring the smoker, I'll make a dry Rub, Whos bringing the beer. And MOST important, who's bringin the Burbon :rofl:


I'll bring the beer and the bourbon.  

And if anyone from the UK or Australia wants to join us, you won't regret it.  I promise.  I'll bring a case of Men's Room Ale from the Elysian Brewing company.  It's a red ale that kicks much butt.


----------



## aedrasteia (Oct 7, 2011)

Steve

_"Finally, move up to brisket. In my opinion, if you can bbq a brisket and make it delicious, you can handle anything."_

Whole. Hog. all night, hickory coals added from a separate fire. mop sauce only. Vinegar and pepper.  takes 2-3 to turn it over the grate. 
NO sweet 'sauce'. ever. ready about early afternoon. smoke ring.  friends arrive with more beer and everything else. chop some. slice some. 
sauces available, not necessary. outside or inside, take your pick. cracklins. 

pig picking commences into evening and night.  I bring the bourbon (wild turkey), so I get all 4 feet, right?

we make Steve honorary son of ...the south. Elder gets to be the...elder.  everybody happy.


----------



## CanuckMA (Oct 7, 2011)

Steve,

I liked you until you mentioned grilling a steak medium rare.

The only acceptable way to grill a steak is to that stage where a good vet may still have a chance to save it.


----------



## granfire (Oct 7, 2011)

I'm not gonna be stuck in the kitchen with the salad...forget that!
hand me a beer!!


----------



## Steve (Oct 7, 2011)

CanuckMA said:


> Steve,
> 
> I liked you until you mentioned grilling a steak medium rare.
> 
> The only acceptable way to grill a steak is to that stage where a good vet may still have a chance to save it.


That's respectable.  I don't like it when the meat is too blue.  I like it red and bloody, but warm in the middle.


----------



## WC_lun (Oct 7, 2011)

I do all the cooking in our family.  I am no where as good a cook/griller as many of you seem to be, but my wife and I are able to eat what I cook   For you married guys, any tips on teaching a non-cooking wife how to cook?  I swear she's allergic to the kitchen


----------



## Steve (Oct 7, 2011)

WC_lun said:


> I do all the cooking in our family.  I am no where as good a cook/griller as many of you seem to be, but my wife and I are able to eat what I cook   For you married guys, any tips on teaching a non-cooking wife how to cook?  I swear she's allergic to the kitchen


Does she want to cook?  If not... you're out of luck.  

Being somewhat serious, I've had success over the years with just getting her to hang out with me in the kitchen.  Taking the pressure of cooking the entire meal off of her allows her to help out without being in charge of anything.  She chops the veggies and preps the food. 

Fair warning.  It probably won't work on your wife, but that's how I taught my older kids to cook.  My wife CAN cook, but just doesn't like to.   If she's in charge of dinner, that usually means pizza from Costco.  My son won't starve, but he's like my wife.  My daughter, on the other hand, is downright competent.  She's 14 and can put together a pretty darned good meal.  She also makes the best lemon meringue pie I've had since my grandma died.  

I give my youngest daughter jobs now, too.  She just turned three, but she's a great stirrer and loves to dump ingredients into bowls.


----------



## granfire (Oct 7, 2011)

WC_lun said:


> I do all the cooking in our family.  I am no where as good a cook/griller as many of you seem to be, but my wife and I are able to eat what I cook   For you married guys, any tips on teaching a non-cooking wife how to cook?  I swear she's allergic to the kitchen



You treasure your digestive tract? Leave well enough alone!


----------



## jks9199 (Oct 7, 2011)

stevebjj said:


> I do most of the cooking in the house.  I'm the guy who taught the kids to cook.  I'm trying desperately to teach my wife to cook.


I know that feeling...  My wife will cook on occasion, but she needs a recipe, and all the ingredients to be just right.  Me?  I learned enough about cooking that you hand me a bunch of ingredients, I'll turn out food.  Often, pretty good food, if I do say so myself.  





> Elder999 said what my phone wouldn't let me!  Great post.
> 
> Takes about 10 minutes to grill a ribeye to medium rare.  About the same for a burger.  A little longer for bone in chicken.  Pork steaks, like Schwenk, take a little longer.  Shrimp...  maybe 5 minutes.  Sockeye from the Copper River...  delicious, but it takes maybe 10 minutes to cook it perfectly.
> 
> ...



Cooking and social time rarely blend for me.  If I'm cooking -- I'm busy, and it takes attention, even just throwing stuff together into a stew pot.  Burgers or steaks or chicken can be tended and chatted around as you cook.  (So long as you get the damn kibitzers to leave you alone and not tell you when to turn 'em...)


----------



## Sukerkin (Oct 7, 2011)

WC_lun said:


> For you married guys, any tips on teaching a non-cooking wife how to cook?  I swear she's allergic to the kitchen



Sorry mate; I am afraid that if a woman isn't a cook by the time she leaves her parents house then she never will be.  You'll just have to take the treasure of her other qualities as counterbalance for the lack of magic in the kitchen.  Lucky for me, my missus is a wonderful cook. Unluckily for my waistline, she cooks for four when there are only two of us .


----------



## elder999 (Oct 7, 2011)

Sukerkin said:


> Sorry mate; I am afraid that if a woman isn't a cook by the time she leaves her parents house then she never will be. .



My first wife couldn't cook much-I taught her how. I was working shifts, and she worked days, so I started by pre-assembling the ingredients and leaving instructions, cute things like, _I am a meatloaf. Jeff combined 1 egg, 1 lb. ground turkey, 1 chooped onion,1/4 cup sliced mushrooms and 1/4 cup breadcrumbs to make me. Please put me on the lowest shelf of the oven, preheated to about 350 F, at around 1630, and jeff will take care of the rest when you wake him up at 1700...._Then we'd repeat it at some later date, only do the assembly together. Taught her to roast a chicken, make soup and chili, bake, and grill a London Broil. She  already knew _how_ to cook some Italian things, and just needed the practice....that was all nearly 30 years ago......

....and now I think I'll have a good cry.


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## Carol (Oct 7, 2011)

I love my George Forman grill so much I'm taking it up to the mountains this weekend.  Tomorrow evening I'll be sitting on the porch at my motel, grilling up a bison steak 

For someone that hasn't done a lot of cooking, the George Foreman is a great way to get started.  It cooks meats very quickly and its easy to clean up.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 7, 2011)

I have a George Forman Grill.... now that just might be the solution to the US problems... not me having a George Forman Grill but the fact there is a George Forman Grill


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## WC_lun (Oct 7, 2011)

Gran, funny stuff 

Guess I'll just take comfort in that my waist size is not growing quite into my middle age.


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## granfire (Oct 7, 2011)

WC_lun said:


> Gran, funny stuff
> 
> Guess I'll just take comfort in that my waist size is not growing quite into my middle age.



Dunno, there are some pretty talented guy cooks out there.


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