# Please put your hand back



## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

If somebody puts their hand out to shake hands, instead of shaking hands how about telling them, "please put your hand back"


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## jezr74 (Jul 16, 2014)

Is this a statement or are you suggesting people should not shake hands?


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.


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## Blindside (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.



It might be less insulting to just give a little bow/nod of the head and say "pleased to meet you."


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## jezr74 (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.



Your quite right, but there are social consequences as well. I prefer to shake if it's offer and in a business or friendly environment. I don't shake the hands of people who I spot that are about to try and get money out of me, like in say Times Square.

It also depends on what you want your first impression to be in the case of meeting someone for the first time.

Do you have a issue when people offer their hand to shake?


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## drop bear (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.




It depends what you are trying to achieve

For me I like interactions with other people to be positive. I just feel it is a better way to exist in this world.


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## KydeX (Jul 16, 2014)

Depending on the situation, refusing to shake hands can be seen as quite insulting. Different areas of the world has different social codes. It is usually a good idea to adhere to local customs wherever you go.


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## Hand Sword (Jul 16, 2014)

"Gift of Destruction"


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## donnaTKD (Jul 16, 2014)

i normally shake hands with my right one and as i'm doing it i touch right shoulder to shoulder -- you tell immediately from doing that if someone is carrying plus it's a friendly gesture too


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## jezr74 (Jul 16, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> i normally shake hands with my right one and as i'm doing it i touch right shoulder to shoulder -- you tell immediately from doing that if someone is carrying plus it's a friendly gesture too


You close the distance and touch the other persons shoulder to yours?


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## Buka (Jul 16, 2014)

If you don't shake hands....you can't have any fun like this...

Kelly McCann Shows You How to Handle Handshakes! - YouTube


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## KydeX (Jul 16, 2014)

Buka said:


> If you don't shake hands....you can't have any fun like this...
> 
> Kelly McCann Shows You How to Handle Handshakes! - YouTube


I love doing stuff like this when somebody tries the old "squeeze the hand all you can ". It usually removes the grin from their face.


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## tshadowchaser (Jul 16, 2014)

for years I never would shake anyones hands but I would tell them that " I was sorry but it was nice to meet them" and slightly bow my head. Most people would look at me a little strange but never made a big point about it


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## Transk53 (Jul 16, 2014)

jezr74 said:


> You close the distance and touch the other persons shoulder to yours?



A lot of Door Supers do that as way of greeting. Although in this case, a testosterone fulled bloke shoulder slap usually. I don't mind shaking hands and would not refuse one. However, I did get a bit OCD when it came to shaking hands with an inebriated bloke who been to the toilet. But yeah generally most people that offer a hand would expect one back, but there are just as many who do not offer a hand in my experience.


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## jks9199 (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.


Why aren't you?

At work, I rarely shake hands with people.  Lots of reasons, from avoiding potential attack, to my hands being dirty, or them being filthy.  Sometimes, I'll explain it, sometimes I don't.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 16, 2014)

Yeah I don't shake hands at work.  If they insist I'll do a fist bump but that's it.  I usually just say sorry I don't shake hands.  Out if uniform I will normally shake it's just easier to be polite and go about my business


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

Sometimes, quite often I must say, I don't like making physical contact with people, especially other dudes. At times Im just not in the mood for physical contact or touching and that includes handshakes. I have the right to not make physical contact and I shouldn't have to sacrifice any of my rights just so that I'll be polite. Rights are more important than being polite. If somebody asks me to shake hands by putting their hand out they are asking me to forfeit my right and I find that offensive, just like I find it offensive when people try to hold doors for me, after all Im not a woman.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 16, 2014)

jezr74 said:


> You close the distance and touch the other persons shoulder to yours?




yup   i know most people but yup in general that's the only way for me to be truly safe about the person that i'm talking to --- i brought myself up in a really rough area where everyone carried a weapon of some description and it's the ony way to be truly sure about a person - if they've got nothing to hide then what's to lose  

simply it's a bit like hug in that you tap the other person on the back whilst your shoulders are touching - it's what my friends called "a loving gesture" --- you clasp right hands so that the palms are touching and the thumbs are interlocked the hands are then drawn accross the waist as the shoulders touch - just guarantees safety if i don't know the person well enough too 

it's all about personal safety at the end of the day - i know from that position that i can do damage if i need to


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## jks9199 (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Sometimes, quite often I must say, I don't like making physical contact with people, especially other dudes. At times Im just not in the mood for physical contact or touching and that includes handshakes. I have the right to not make physical contact and I shouldn't have to sacrifice any of my rights just so that I'll be polite. Rights are more important than being polite. If somebody asks me to shake hands by putting their hand out they are asking me to forfeit my right and I find that offensive, just like I find it offensive when people try to hold doors for me, after all Im not a woman.



Courtesy and handshakes are two different things. Using a bit of courtesy is what oils the friction caused if you don't shake hands. And getting annoyed ahoy someone holding a door for you because you're "not a woman" is being an *** on many levels. 

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

If somebody gets to a door first and they hold it and expect me to go through it first I don't like that. There was this one time when I was even about twenty feet away from a door and this guy is holding it, waiting for me to go through it, even though I was that far away. If a person gets to a door first they should go through it first. I don't like having my back to people and when I go through a door first the person who is holding it is at my back when I go through. So if somebody gets to a door first they should go through it first, if they stand there holding the door, they're holding me up. Even some women today will get offended by that.


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## Buka (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy, just curious, do you tap gloves before sparring? Or after?


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

Buka said:


> PhotonGuy, just curious, do you tap gloves before sparring? Or after?



Neither. I bow before sparring.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Sometimes, quite often I must say, I don't like making physical contact with people, especially other dudes. At times Im just not in the mood for physical contact or touching and that includes handshakes. I have the right to not make physical contact and I shouldn't have to sacrifice any of my rights just so that I'll be polite. Rights are more important than being polite. If somebody asks me to shake hands by putting their hand out they are asking me to forfeit my right and I find that offensive, just like I find it offensive when people try to hold doors for me, after all Im not a woman.


Stay out of sales.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> If somebody gets to a door first and they hold it and expect me to go through it first I don't like that. There was this one time when I was even about twenty feet away from a door and this guy is holding it, waiting for me to go through it, even though I was that far away. If a person gets to a door first they should go through it first. I don't like having my back to people and when I go through a door first the person who is holding it is at my back when I go through. So if somebody gets to a door first they should go through it first, if they stand there holding the door, they're holding me up. Even some women today will get offended by that.


Shouldn't we loathe to take offense?


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## Blindside (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Neither. I bow before sparring.



But then what do you do?  Pretty hard to spar without making contact.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 16, 2014)

Blindside said:


> But then what do you do?  Pretty hard to spar without making contact.



Sparring is one of the times that I enjoy making contact.


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## Tony Dismukes (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Sometimes, quite often I must say, I don't like making physical contact with people, especially other dudes. At times Im just not in the mood for physical contact or touching and that includes handshakes. I have the right to not make physical contact and I shouldn't have to sacrifice any of my rights just so that I'll be polite... If somebody asks me to shake hands by putting their hand out they are asking me to forfeit my right and I find that offensive...



You certainly have the right to decline a handshake or other physical contact as you desire. However, someone offering a handshake is not asking you to "forfeit your rights." They are engaged in a common social ritual intended to show good will.  If you take offense at someone who is attempting to show their good will in the normal way for your culture, then that is all on you.

If you don't want to accept a handshake, I suggest you just say something like "sorry, I've got a thing about touching/handshakes." The other person may think you're a little weird, but it's better than being outright rude, which is how your "please put your hand back" line will come across.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

Tony Dismukes said:


> You certainly have the right to decline a handshake or other physical contact as you desire. However, someone offering a handshake is not asking you to "forfeit your rights." They are engaged in a common social ritual intended to show good will.  If you take offense at someone who is attempting to show their good will in the normal way for your culture, then that is all on you.
> 
> If you don't want to accept a handshake, I suggest you just say something like "sorry, I've got a thing about touching/handshakes." The other person may think you're a little weird, but it's better than being outright rude, which is how your "please put your hand back" line will come across.


If he says, "Put your hand back, and give us a kiss" it would help that guy to not want to shake his hand.... but then he might be wanting that kiss.


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## drop bear (Jul 16, 2014)

By the way proton. You would get mercilessly mocked over here.

Just saying.

They are just pick on me quirks that you have.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 16, 2014)

you'd just get properly shut out or decked for refusing a handshake where i come from   it's bad manners and impolite it's also taken as a total lack of respect for the person as a another person....

just saying you might want to watch the reactions of the other person when you do it.


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## Dirty Dog (Jul 16, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Sometimes, quite often I must say, I don't like making physical contact with people, especially other dudes. At times Im just not in the mood for physical contact or touching and that includes handshakes. I have the right to not make physical contact and I shouldn't have to sacrifice any of my rights just so that I'll be polite. Rights are more important than being polite. If somebody asks me to shake hands by putting their hand out they are asking me to forfeit my right and I find that offensive, just like I find it offensive when people try to hold doors for me, after all Im not a woman.



Neurotic, homophobic and sexist all in one post. 
Wow.
Just... wow.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 16, 2014)

Dirty Dog said:


> Neurotic, homophobic and sexist all in one post.
> Wow.
> Just... wow.



i thought that he was just having a crack at people that shake hands but hell he's taken it to a whole new level   he needs to either back track and apologise in full for his comments or the moderators need to get involved.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> i thought that he was just having a crack at people that shake hands but hell he's taken it to a whole new level   he needs to either back track and apologise in full for his comments or the moderators need to get involved.


OK Miss Brockovich, we will get right on that...


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## seasoned (Jul 16, 2014)

I never miss the chance to shake hands, you can tell a lot about a persons character. Is it firm or limp, full web or shallow, with eye contact or looking down, and, never never more then two pumps.  Now on the same token there are times I don't want to tie up my right hand with that shake and there lies the element of discretion. 
Then there are the times if I know a person real well that I by pass the shake and go right for the man hug, but, there are rules for that one also....

Bottom line. to each their own...............


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

Bottom line is you may have to initiate the fist bump, first, so as not to arouse suspicion that you won't shake there hand! There, problem solved. I am going to drink some more coffee, now.


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## drop bear (Jul 16, 2014)

See I shake rather than fist bump. Because I think it is silly.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

drop bear said:


> See I shake rather than fist bump. Because I think it is silly.


This wasn't advice for you, Mr. Bear. LOL


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## drop bear (Jul 16, 2014)

Touch Of Death said:


> This wasn't advice for you, Mr. Bear. LOL




I am admittedly not very hip. So I struggle to keep up with what is cool in a handshake. I just shake the fist bump fist generally.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 16, 2014)

drop bear said:


> I am admittedly not very hip. So I struggle to keep up with what is cool in a handshake. I just shake the fist bump fist generally.


Nice. LOL


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## donald1 (Jul 16, 2014)

Buka said:


> If you don't shake hands....you can't have any fun like this...
> 
> Kelly McCann Shows You How to Handle Handshakes! - YouTube



I like the second one but the third sounds more painful 

I'm not sure if a hand shake is more or less special than a bow.  In any martial arts I've been involved with always uses bows but outside the dojo in my opinion a hand shake can be equal to a bow depending where you are at.  I remember something about this in public speaking class using a good firm handshake was good for business and formal (something like that)


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## tshadowchaser (Jul 16, 2014)

Seeing as we have mentioned the dojo and martial arts I said before I used to not shake hands but I must say with those  I have know in the arts for a while I will bow then embrace them. They are my brothers and sisters and I treat them differently than the public


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## jezr74 (Jul 16, 2014)

In a threatening situation, and someone off the street. Sure, no shake required if not wanted.

But at work, and in sanctioned social instances. I'd shakes hands with no issue, and would be offended and honestly judgmental of anyone refusing my hand in this situation without an excuse or apology. I do a lot of interviews, and if they started off not taking my hand at the start (without good reason, even if they are germaphobe or have a cold that's fine, just state it). Otherwise they are definitely on the wrong foot already, and would have to make up for it during the interview phase to improve that first impression. 

And likewise, if I was to reject a hand, I'm either trying to be insulting. Or they are not worthy of my hand... it's the same psychology, and defers some form of arrogance like it or not.


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## Marnetmar (Jul 17, 2014)

Why don't you freaks chase them around with a steel dildo like _*CIVILIZED *_people?

I'm judging all of you disrespectful freaks.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 17, 2014)

Marnetmar said:


> Why don't you freaks chase them around with a steel dildo like _*CIVILIZED *_people?
> 
> I'm judging all of you disrespectful freaks.


That is my plan B.


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> If somebody gets to a door first and they hold it and expect me to go through it first I don't like that. There was this one time when I was even about twenty feet away from a door and this guy is holding it, waiting for me to go through it, even though I was that far away. If a person gets to a door first they should go through it first.



Yeah, I can get that. It's a just a weird nuance to me. But I have to agree, I've misjudged the speed and distance at which someone is walking behind me and kept the door open... then it gets awkward. But I actually say sorry to them for making them run. (Which they do generally to be polite and an attempt not to make me feel uncomfortable) It's a funny, awkward social situation, gotta laugh sometimes. Other times yeah can be annoying too, but done as a gesture of good will.



PhotonGuy said:


> I don't like having my back to people and when I go through a door first the person who is holding it is at my back when I go through. So if somebody gets to a door first they should go through it first, if they stand there holding the door, they're holding me up.



Is this a defensive thing? Most doors that are used by many are hard not to have your back to someone. Is this only in a threatening situation? if I felt uneasy, I'd insist the person go though first, but would be very rare.




PhotonGuy said:


> Even some women today will get offended by that.



It's definitely not an offensive act, and for someone to think so is there problem I'd say. If you were slapped on the butt as walking through then yeah the boundary crossed. But chivalry should not be shot down because there is a decay in social etiquette in my opinion.


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

Oh, like this?


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## mook jong man (Jul 17, 2014)

That's not a hand shake.

This is a bloody hand shake.

[video=youtube_share;ywcrcIpNiGU]http://youtu.be/ywcrcIpNiGU[/video]


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## donnaTKD (Jul 17, 2014)

jezr74 said:


> Oh, like this?



yup just like that


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

mook jong man said:


> That's not a hand shake.
> 
> This is a bloody hand shake.
> 
> [video=youtube_share;ywcrcIpNiGU]http://youtu.be/ywcrcIpNiGU[/video]




kinda hypnotic how it keeps going on.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

Tony Dismukes said:


> If you don't want to accept a handshake, I suggest you just say something like "sorry, I've got a thing about touching/handshakes." The other person may think you're a little weird, but it's better than being outright rude, which is how your "please put your hand back" line will come across.



At least with, "please put your hand back," Im using the magic word, please. So Im asking nicely.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> you'd just get properly shut out or decked for refusing a handshake where i come from   it's bad manners and impolite it's also taken as a total lack of respect for the person as a another person....
> 
> just saying you might want to watch the reactions of the other person when you do it.



Where do you come from? In most places you will get thrown in jail for decking somebody.


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## drop bear (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Where do you come from? In most places you will get thrown in jail for decking somebody.



Not here. Unless you kill them.

Fine at the worst.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

donald1 said:


> I like the second one but the third sounds more painful
> 
> I'm not sure if a hand shake is more or less special than a bow.  In any martial arts I've been involved with always uses bows but outside the dojo in my opinion a hand shake can be equal to a bow depending where you are at.  I remember something about this in public speaking class using a good firm handshake was good for business and formal (something like that)



With a bow you aren't touching, so its different.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> i thought that he was just having a crack at people that shake hands but hell he's taken it to a whole new level   he needs to either back track and apologise in full for his comments or the moderators need to get involved.



Its Dirty Dog whose taken it to a whole new level. That's his take on me.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

drop bear said:


> Not here. Unless you kill them.


And where is here?


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## drop bear (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> And where is here?



Far north qld.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

drop bear said:


> Far north qld.



I see. So over there you can assault people?


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## drop bear (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> I see. So over there you can assault people?



It defiantly does happen. Normally you get a public order offence if anyone can be bothered doing you for it. But if you coped a smack in the head for being rude. You would find nobody cares very much.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

drop bear said:


> It defiantly does happen. Normally you get a public order offence if anyone can be bothered doing you for it. But if you coped a smack in the head for being rude. You would find nobody cares very much.



So this is why Australia has a low crime rate, because stuff over there is allowed which would be a crime in most other places.


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## Tony Dismukes (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> At least with, "please put your hand back," Im using the magic word, please. So Im asking nicely.



It's possible to be rude while saying "please". Imagine if I asked you to "please go f**K yourself."

In our culture, the standard implied meaning of a handshake is "I am indicating my goodwill/respect for you." (With additional nuances indicated by context.) The standard implied meaning of refusing to shake an offered hand is "I dislike you and/or lack respect for you to the extent that I will violate social norms in order to communicate my dislike/lack of respect." If you wish to avoid communicating this message of disliking/disrespecting the other person, then you need to offer some alternative explanation for your behavior. You can say "sorry, no disrespect but I have a phobia about physical contact." You can make up an excuse: "sorry, I'm getting over a nasty bug and I don't want to pass it on to you." The problem with "please put your hand back" is that it implies the other person has done something offensive by offering a normal gesture of goodwill.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 17, 2014)

over here being liverpool - north wales corridor - wouldn't even get a slap on the wrist for laying someone out cold for showing bad manners or total disrespect and the cops know that so they don't do anything about it.

failure to shake their hand implies that they've got really bad germs n diseases n stuff - totally disrespectful to them and that's all that's needed (actually takes a lot less than that sometimes) unless you look at them wrong and then well yup............ pine box.........

and chances are that you wouldn't get done for that either --- it's part of the personal safety laws - "your honour he drew his hand back as if to hit me so i got in first to protect myself your honour"

slap on the wrist and maybe a small fine and told to behave from now on  you just gotta love english/welsh justice


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## Gnarlie (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> over here being liverpool - north wales corridor - wouldn't even get a slap on the wrist for laying someone out cold for showing bad manners or total disrespect and the cops know that so they don't do anything about it.
> 
> failure to shake their hand implies that they've got really bad germs n diseases n stuff - totally disrespectful to them and that's all that's needed (actually takes a lot less than that sometimes) unless you look at them wrong and then well yup............ pine box.........


True dat.


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## donald1 (Jul 17, 2014)

I'm not sure if this website helps but it seems rather informative on the different greetings. Greeting Body Language


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## donnaTKD (Jul 17, 2014)

put simply where i live any attempt at bad manners or disrespect will see you get street justice.


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## Gnarlie (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> put simply where i live any attempt at bad manners or disrespect will see you get street justice.


Eee it's grim oop north! I miss it sometimes.


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## drop bear (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So this is why Australia has a low crime rate, because stuff over there is allowed which would be a crime in most other places.




Because people don't get away with acting like a goose.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

Tony Dismukes said:


> The problem with "please put your hand back" is that it implies the other person has done something offensive by offering a normal gesture of goodwill.



Asking for somebody to make physical contact with you when they don't want to can be seen as offensive.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> over here being liverpool - north wales corridor - wouldn't even get a slap on the wrist for laying someone out cold for showing bad manners or total disrespect and the cops know that so they don't do anything about it.
> 
> failure to shake their hand implies that they've got really bad germs n diseases n stuff - totally disrespectful to them and that's all that's needed (actually takes a lot less than that sometimes) unless you look at them wrong and then well yup............ pine box.........
> 
> ...



So in Wales you can assault people, interesting.


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## donald1 (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Asking for somebody to make physical contact with you when they don't want to can be seen as offensive.



Agreed,  everyone culture has there belief and when when you are in a country where that culture its greeting is the proper thing to do for instance if I was in a country that used handshakes its formal and common courtesy but in a country that does no hand shake and instead a bow is the formal common courtesy there.  I don't think they can be a better one because the different cultures have always decided what they think is good and bad


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 17, 2014)

Just say, "Nice to meet you, but I would thank you to keep your nasty MRSA mitts away from me at all times!


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## Blindside (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Asking for somebody to make physical contact with you when they don't want to can be seen as offensive.



Being an *** when someone is extending common courtesy _will _be seen as offensive.


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## Dirty Dog (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Asking for somebody to make physical contact with you when they don't want to can be seen as offensive.



They're offering a handshake, which in western culture is a simple gesture of respect and courtesy. They're not trying to grab your crotch.


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## Steve (Jul 17, 2014)

Personally.  If I was really worried about it  I would keep some purell in my pocket and shake the offered hand.  




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Dirty Dog (Jul 17, 2014)

Steve said:


> Personally.  If I was really worried about it  I would keep some purell in my pocket and shake the offered hand.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Also known as The Sheldon Solution...


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## Tony Dismukes (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Asking for somebody to make physical contact with you when they don't want to can be seen as offensive.



Until you explain that you have a unusual thing about physical contact, the person offering to shake your hand has no way of knowing that you wouldn't appreciate it. If you have explained this clearly and politely to a particular person and they keep trying to shake your hand, then they are disrespecting your boundaries and you may reasonably take offence if you choose to. If you haven't and you decide to take offence because they are trying to show their goodwill, then that is your problem.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

Blindside said:


> Being an *** when someone is extending common courtesy _will _be seen as offensive.



So refusing a handshake is being an ***?


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So refusing a handshake is being an ***?


I would call it foolish, which means you a deliberately ignoring social morays.


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## donald1 (Jul 17, 2014)

I wouldn't say someone is an *** but in different cultures if a handshake is formal use then give them a handshake to people who shake hands it is a big deal to cultures who do other forms of greeting then that is that.  If you go to a place where everyone shakes hands and you don't refuse to shake hands it can be offensive.


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## Steve (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So refusing a handshake is being an ***?


I'd characterize it as rude, unless for whatever reason you don't have a right hand to extend, and in most cases, based upon my experience with amputees, they will often good-naturedly hold out their left hand to shake are are quick to smooth over any awkwardness.  

Unless you have an easily identifiable reason for avoiding it, shaking a hand that is extended is just good manners.  

The only reasonable explanation for not shaking hands so far that I've read in this thread were Ballen's.  I COMPLETELY understand ballen's statements, when he's in uniform.  Makes total sense to me.


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## donald1 (Jul 17, 2014)

Is it rude to wipe you're hand before shaking,  I know I've had sweaty hands before and I wiped my hands off once before shaking hands


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## Steve (Jul 17, 2014)

donald1 said:


> Is it rude to wipe you're hand before shaking,  I know I've had sweaty hands before and I wiped my hands off once before shaking hands


LOL.  If your hands are sweaty or clammy, it's kind of a tough situation.  Rude not to wipe them off, IMO.


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## jks9199 (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> At least with, "please put your hand back," Im using the magic word, please. So Im asking nicely.


If you really don't want to shake hands, why not simply say "Sorry, I've been sick."  Or "I'm sorry -- I've got something on my hands."  Or even simply "Hey, nothing personal... I just don't like to shake hands."

Shaking hands is a common social practice, but there are social ways around it, too, because there are legitimate reasons and times not to do so.  These social courtesies are vital to lubricating interaction; if anything they're more important with the people you deal with the most rather than strangers.  They're more than empty forms of simply "I said please, so I'm being nice."   I wonder if you understand this...  I can say "Sir, please ..." do something, and depending on tone and expression it can be a polite, courteous request, an order... or a snide insult.


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## jks9199 (Jul 17, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> over here being liverpool - north wales corridor - wouldn't even get a slap on the wrist for laying someone out cold for showing bad manners or total disrespect and the cops know that so they don't do anything about it.
> 
> failure to shake their hand implies that they've got really bad germs n diseases n stuff - totally disrespectful to them and that's all that's needed (actually takes a lot less than that sometimes) unless you look at them wrong and then well yup............ pine box.........
> 
> ...



I'm kind of skeptical that in either Queensland, Australia, or Liverpool, England, there'd be no legal repercussions for slugging a stranger who refused to shake your hands, assuming the police were notified.  I know communities (either geographic or social) that a newcomer who was rude under their rules could easily be slapped, beaten, stabbed, or even shot, and within that community, calling the police would be unlikely especially if merely punched or beaten -- but those are "special" rules for those communities.  Kind of like being disciplined by doing pushups in a martial arts class or military school...  I can't tell someone walking down the street to drop and give me 20 for something as a general rule.  (Though it might be interesting to offer people pushups or other exercises on the side of the road in lieu of getting a ticket for traffic infractions...)


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

jks9199 said:


> I'm kind of skeptical that in either Queensland, Australia, or Liverpool, England, there'd be no legal repercussions for slugging a stranger who refused to shake your hands, assuming the police were notified.  I know communities (either geographic or social) that a newcomer who was rude under their rules could easily be slapped, beaten, stabbed, or even shot, and within that community, calling the police would be unlikely especially if merely punched or beaten -- but those are "special" rules for those communities.  Kind of like being disciplined by doing pushups in a martial arts class or military school...  I can't tell someone walking down the street to drop and give me 20 for something as a general rule.  (Though it might be interesting to offer people pushups or other exercises on the side of the road in lieu of getting a ticket for traffic infractions...)



What he's getting at is there is a middle ground where it's not so uncommon for a minor disagreement to be settled with a scuffle. Especially up further north where the humidity only allows for a few minutes scrapping then a beer to cool down and become best mates. But these scraps are normally mutual between the participants, we are not talking about a mugging etc..

If the police get involved so be it, but will depend on the level it escalates to, you likely will just get shuffled along, as long as it hasn't gone beyond a "civil" scrap.


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So this is why Australia has a low crime rate, because stuff over there is allowed which would be a crime in most other places.



Think of it this way, when you spar are you breaking the law as soon as you make contact?

To be honest I'm not sure when a mutual fight becomes criminal. By any law..


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## drop bear (Jul 17, 2014)

jezr74 said:


> Think of it this way, when you spar are you breaking the law as soon as you make contact?
> 
> To be honest I'm not sure when a mutual fight becomes criminal. By any law..



There is a public order thing affray or something. You get a fine. But that is if the police had to break it up.

Photon guy wandering into a police station complaining he got punched in the head because of his issues with hand shaking wouldn't get much support.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

jks9199 said:


> I can't tell someone walking down the street to drop and give me 20 for something as a general rule.  (Though it might be interesting to offer people pushups or other exercises on the side of the road in lieu of getting a ticket for traffic infractions...)



I would love that. I would much prefer to get some good exercise instead of a ticket which would involve a fine as well as, in most cases, points on my license and a rise in my insurance cost.


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## PhotonGuy (Jul 17, 2014)

jezr74 said:


> Think of it this way, when you spar are you breaking the law as soon as you make contact?


No it wouldn't, not any more than making full contact in a boxing match is breaking the law.


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## jezr74 (Jul 17, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> No it wouldn't, not any more than making full contact in a boxing match is breaking the law.



Yeah I agree, I don't think getting into a fight is breaking the law either until it gets to the level of reckless endangerment, grievous bodily harm etc..


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## donnaTKD (Jul 18, 2014)

Steve said:


> LOL.  If your hands are sweaty or clammy, it's kind of a tough situation.  Rude not to wipe them off, IMO.



LoL in my job i often wipe my hands off before shaking hands cos they're normally covered in grease and such and i don't want the other person to get mucked up cos of it.  sometimes i just look at my hands and then run them down my pants leg and then shake   all anyone has to do is look at the environment i work in


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## tshadowchaser (Jul 18, 2014)

as has been suggested before if you do not want to shake hands there are ways of avoiding it in good tast. Perhaps saying" "I'm sorry but I may have been in contact with Poison Ivy and I do not want to infect anyone"


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## Steve (Jul 18, 2014)

tshadowchaser said:


> as has been suggested before if you do not want to shake hands there are ways of avoiding it in good tast. Perhaps saying" "I'm sorry but I may have been in contact with Poison Ivy and I do not want to infect anyone"


You might also consider just routinely picking your nose as you meet someone.


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## elder999 (Jul 18, 2014)

Two leaders of armies met on the field of battle to parlay, under a flag of truce. To enforce the truce, they grasped each others sword arms.

Thus was born the "handshake," offered as a social token by way of saying, "Here, take my sword arm-I bear no weapons or ill will towards you, and we are well met."

To shake hands, then, is a *lie*, sometimes, though a socially necessary one-this old meaning has been lost over time, and it means something else (_*many* "something elses"_) -it's a useful tool.

To decline one, though,  why not simply say, _I don't shake hands. Nice to meet you, though,_ and leave it at that?


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## donald1 (Jul 18, 2014)

I don't get it...  He was either talking about the contents of his book or his life?  Maybe both but the confusing part I'm not quite sure why he wrote "don't touch me " as the title,  he talked about his childhood,  comedy career and game show career and that doesn't t add up.  But maybe I'm just not good at listening...


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## donnaTKD (Jul 18, 2014)

i didn't get it either but hell he's got enough problems so maybe he's jsut freaked out by people ?????


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## elder999 (Jul 18, 2014)




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## PhotonGuy (Jul 18, 2014)

So lets say somebody shows up at my door when I didn't invite them and I don't want to see them and they put their hand out to shake hands. In that case, if I don't want to see them and I certainly don't want to shake hands I should tell them, "please put your hand back," and "please don't come at a time like this." It is not a good idea to show up at somebody's door uninvited and its common sense to not show up at certain times, such as when the sun is down. In some places, it is altogether smart to not show up at anybody's door uninvited because in some places you can be shot if you do that. I wouldn't shoot somebody for showing up at my door uninvited but from now on, if somebody does and I don't want to see them I will tell them to please leave and I will tell them to please put their hand back if they put their hand out because I've got rights and Im exercising those rights and if somebody does show up and I don't want to see them I certainly don't want to shake hands.


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## Dirty Dog (Jul 18, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So lets say somebody shows up at my door when I didn't invite them and I don't want to see them and they put their hand out to shake hands. In that case, if I don't want to see them and I certainly don't want to shake hands I should tell them, "please put your hand back," and "please don't come at a time like this." It is not a good idea to show up at somebody's door uninvited and its common sense to not show up at certain times, such as when the sun is down. In some places, it is altogether smart to not show up at anybody's door uninvited because in some places you can be shot if you do that. I wouldn't shoot somebody for showing up at my door uninvited but from now on, if somebody does and I don't want to see them I will tell them to please leave and I will tell them to please put their hand back if they put their hand out because I've got rights and Im exercising those rights and if somebody does show up and I don't want to see them I certainly don't want to shake hands.



Most people just wouldn't answer the door. Or would follow any of the excellent and polite ways people have mentioned for declining to shake hands. 
But if being an *** is the only way you can think of to decline, then by all means feel free to do so. 


Sent from an old fashioned 300 baud acoustic modem by whistling into the handset. Really.


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## donald1 (Jul 19, 2014)

That sounds a little extreme,  I wouldn't want to have someone knock on my door late at night yet that shot could kill them.  There's a chance they don't want any trouble, maybe they need help want help or to inform of something. They could be a threat but they will most likely not knock.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 19, 2014)

i just wouldn't answer the door fullstop   if people want me then they know where i'll be and roughly when i'll be there 

but your excuses and stuff are just lame bordering on the ridiculous.  if someone asks you a question and you're polite enough to 
(1) acknowledge them

(2) give them an answer 

and they say "thankyou for your help" and then offer a hand to you then it's impolite and severely bad manners not to shake it cos you took the trouble to help them


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## elder999 (Jul 19, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So lets say somebody shows up at my door when I didn't invite them and I don't want to see them and they put their hand out to shake hands. In that case, if I don't want to see them and I certainly don't want to shake hands I should tell them, "please put your hand back," and "please don't come at a time like this." It is not a good idea to show up at somebody's door uninvited and its common sense to not show up at certain times, such as when the sun is down. In some places, it is altogether smart to not show up at anybody's door uninvited because in some places you can be shot if you do that. I wouldn't shoot somebody for showing up at my door uninvited but from now on, if somebody does and I don't want to see them I will tell them to please leave and I will tell them to please put their hand back if they put their hand out because I've got rights and Im exercising those rights and if somebody does show up and I don't want to see them I certainly don't want to shake hands.


Don't answer the door.....


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## K-man (Jul 19, 2014)

mook jong man said:


> That's not a hand shake.
> 
> This is a bloody hand shake.
> 
> [video=youtube_share;ywcrcIpNiGU]http://youtu.be/ywcrcIpNiGU[/video]



Yes, but these guys are obviously Druids. This is the secret handshake and someone will be in deep doo doo for publicising it.  



jezr74 said:


> Think of it this way, when you spar are you breaking the law as soon as you make contact?
> 
> To be honest I'm not sure when a mutual fight becomes criminal. By any law..



Mutual fight is just that, mutual. Legally it is 'consensual'. A 'mutual' fight is the same as sparring in that if someone is hurt they can still sue for damages in a civil court but there is no criminal liability. It becomes criminal when one person is in the fight against his will. That is he is attacked and has no means of escape or there is other just cause to stand his ground.



jezr74 said:


> Yeah I agree, I don't think getting into a fight is breaking the law either until it gets to the level of reckless endangerment, grievous bodily harm etc..



Getting into a fight can invoke other laws such as disturbing the peace. 



PhotonGuy said:


> So lets say somebody shows up at my door when I didn't invite them and I don't want to see them and they put their hand out to shake hands. In that case, if I don't want to see them and I certainly don't want to shake hands I should tell them, "please put your hand back," and "please don't come at a time like this." It is not a good idea to show up at somebody's door uninvited and its common sense to not show up at certain times, such as when the sun is down. In some places, it is altogether smart to not show up at anybody's door uninvited because in some places you can be shot if you do that. I wouldn't shoot somebody for showing up at my door uninvited but from now on, if somebody does and I don't want to see them I will tell them to please leave and I will tell them to please put their hand back if they put their hand out because I've got rights and Im exercising those rights and if somebody does show up and I don't want to see them I certainly don't want to shake hands.


I would have thought that you would not be expected to shake hands with an unwelcome visitor. I wouldn't say anything, possibly step back. But if it was a friend or relative offering their hand and you said that I would say that to not respond is just plain rude. I think you have a strange idea of 'rights'.
:asian:


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

Touch Of Death said:


> Just say, "Nice to meet you, but I would thank you to keep your nasty MRSA mitts away from me at all times!



THAT is why I don't shake.  I'm not worried about sneak attacks or worried about touching another person or any of that junk but I've had MRSA on my face once I thought I was going to die.  I still have a scar on my face.  I don't shake because I don't like germs.  I simply say "sorry but I don't shake hands it's a by product of my job"  and most people understand.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

drop bear said:


> Because people don't get away with acting like a goose.



Unless of course your on the internet


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

You set yourself up for that one walked right into it


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> So refusing a handshake is being an ***?



No I think the being an *** part would be simply saying "please put your hand back" with no further explanation.   Knowing your going against courtesy you need to give a short explanation.   Sorry sir I have a phobia about touching people, or sorry I'm on the spectrum and physical contact freaks me out or like was already said sorry I'm sick and don't want to spread it to you.  Something like that just saying no is against the norm and can be viewed as rude.  Like I said I never shake a work but there are times out of work you just bite the bullet and shake.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

drop bear said:


> There is a public order thing affray or something. You get a fine. But that is if the police had to break it up.
> 
> Photon guy wandering into a police station complaining he got punched in the head because of his issues with hand shaking wouldn't get much support.


Keep telling yourself that.  A tourist walks into a police department and reports an assault the police will take notice especially if they want more tourism dollars to keep flowing.


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 19, 2014)

ballen0351 said:


> Keep telling yourself that.  A tourist walks into a police department and reports an assault the police will take notice especially if they want more tourism dollars to keep flowing.


And if he is not a tourist, they tell him to suck it up?


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

Touch Of Death said:


> And if he is not a tourist, they tell him to suck it up?



No but the comment was if photonguy was there he would be a tourist.   I seriously doubt they would just laugh off a local either but I know they wouldn't a tourist.  Tourism dollars are very important


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## Touch Of Death (Jul 19, 2014)

ballen0351 said:


> No but the comment was if photonguy was there he would be a tourist.   I seriously doubt they would just laugh off a local either but I know they wouldn't a tourist.  Tourism dollars are very important


I know a couple people who were laughed off, and, now, they don't like the police, but at least one of those people probably had it coming; so, it is a tough call.
Sean


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

Touch Of Death said:


> I know a couple people who were laughed off, and, now, they don't like the police, but at least one of those people probably had it coming; so, it is a tough call.
> Sean



Then they should have told their boss.  I may laugh at you in private but no call is so petty it's worth getting myself in trouble i value my vacation days and would prefer not to loose then because i didn't do my job


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## Hong Kong Pooey (Jul 19, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> What Im saying is that people shouldn't have to shake hands if they don't want to. If you want to shake hands with somebody who also wants to, than go ahead and do so but somebody shouldn't be required to shake hands with you if they don't want to. So, if somebody puts their hand out to shake hands and you don't want to shake hands you should be able to tell them to please put their hand back.



Personally if I offered to shake hands with somebody and that was their response I'd either mark them down as a douche and move on, or depending on the circumstances I might ask them who they think they are to tell me what to do with my own hand. 

There's already been lots of good suggestions on a more polite response if you don't want to accept a shake when it's offered, but thought I'd just mention that some guys who rely on their hands for a living don't shake hands, like surgeons and concert pianists. 

Maybe you could train to be one of those? Problem solved, everybody's happy.


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## K-man (Jul 19, 2014)

ballen0351 said:


> Keep telling yourself that.  A tourist walks into a police department and reports an assault the police will take notice especially if they want more tourism dollars to keep flowing.


Unfortunately such action would also generate a lot of paperwork. The police would probably ask first if you wanted to have charges laid. If the answer is _yes_, then the paper trail begins. If it was later shown that your actions precipitated the assault it could get interesting in the magistrates court.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 19, 2014)

K-man said:


> Unfortunately such action would also generate a lot of paperwork. The police would probably ask first if you wanted to have charges laid. If the answer is _yes_, then the paper trail begins. If it was later shown that your actions precipitated the assault it could get interesting in the magistrates court.



Yes if the victim wanted further police action but the claims made where you can just knock someone out in Australia and if the victim reported it the police would laugh and do nothing.


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## donald1 (Jul 19, 2014)

Hong Kong Pooey said:


> Personally if I offered to shake hands with somebody and that was their response I'd either mark them down as a douche and move on, or depending on the circumstances I might ask them who they think they are to tell me what to do with my own hand.
> 
> There's already been lots of good suggestions on a more polite response if you don't want to accept a shake when it's offered, but thought I'd just mention that some guys who rely on their hands for a living don't shake hands, like surgeons and concert pianists.
> 
> Maybe you could train to be one of those? Problem solved, everybody's happy.



Agreed,  problem solved just tell them it's nothing personal just don't like shaking hands. Or have germ X 

Everyone is deserves to have there own opinion if you don't like shaking hands nobody should judge or call you an *** but in defense it would be polite to say a small reason to why


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## K-man (Jul 19, 2014)

ballen0351 said:


> Yes if the victim wanted further police action but the claims made where you can just knock someone out in Australia and if the victim reported it the police would laugh and do nothing.


I'm afraid I can't see that happening in most places. Even a pub brawl in the outback, which would otherwise be inconsequential if unreported, would result in at least some degree of investigation if reported to police. 

In Australia if a crime is reported, and even the perpetrator arrested, a brief is prepared and submitted to a senior officer who must decide if he believes there is sufficient evidence to secure a conviction. If not, charges are dropped, often to the consternation and anger of the victim. That way many hours of police time are not wasted preparing cases that will never get a conviction.

If someone was knocked out and maybe injured, I believe there would be no police 'doing nothing'. 
:asian:


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## Dirty Dog (Jul 20, 2014)

donald1 said:


> Agreed, problem solved just tell them it's nothing personal just don't like shaking hands. Or have germ X
> 
> Everyone is deserves to have there own opinion if you don't like shaking hands nobody should judge or call you an *** but in defense it would be polite to say a small reason to why



I don't think anone has implied that not wanting to shake hands makes anyone an ***. It's HOW you decline that determines the size of the asshat being worn.


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## drop bear (Jul 20, 2014)

ballen0351 said:


> Keep telling yourself that.  A tourist walks into a police department and reports an assault the police will take notice especially if they want more tourism dollars to keep flowing.



Yeah there is an investigation every time a tourist gets smacked in the mouth.


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## drop bear (Jul 20, 2014)

K-man said:


> I'm afraid I can't see that happening in most places. Even a pub brawl in the outback, which would otherwise be inconsequential if unreported, would result in at least some degree of investigation if reported to police.
> 
> In Australia if a crime is reported, and even the perpetrator arrested, a brief is prepared and submitted to a senior officer who must decide if he believes there is sufficient evidence to secure a conviction. If not, charges are dropped, often to the consternation and anger of the victim. That way many hours of police time are not wasted preparing cases that will never get a conviction.
> 
> ...



It legitimately is a tiny percentage of assaults that result in a conviction.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 20, 2014)

K-man said:


> I'm afraid I can't see that happening in most places. Even a pub brawl in the outback, which would otherwise be inconsequential if unreported, would result in at least some degree of investigation if reported to police.
> 
> In Australia if a crime is reported, and even the perpetrator arrested, a brief is prepared and submitted to a senior officer who must decide if he believes there is sufficient evidence to secure a conviction. If not, charges are dropped, often to the consternation and anger of the victim. That way many hours of police time are not wasted preparing cases that will never get a conviction.
> 
> ...



That's basically how it works here too.  For example a simple assault.  Normally if it's a bar fight between two people nobody's really hurt other then bloody lip or black eye or whatever we exchange information giving eachother the other persons info and tell them they have a year +1 day to seek criminal charges on eachother of they want.  We would then do a report and that's it.  We can't arrest for a simple assault (we call it 2nd degree assault)  if we didn't witness it ourselves.  If somebody reports it and I decide I need to charge the suspect I'll do an application for charges and take it to a Court Commissioner.   They will review and determine if I have enough information to charge the suspect and if so they will issue a warrant and the suspect can then be arrested.   
Then before it comes to court all cases are reviewed by the States Attorney who decides what goes to trial and what doesn't.   They have the final say on all cases.  The head states Attorney is the highest ranking law enforcement officer in the county.  Much like the Attorney General is the highest law enforcement officer for the federal Govt.   Back to the bar fight example.  If both guys took out charges on each other.   The states attorney would call them both in prior to trial and they would both claim their 5th Amendment rights not to incriminate then self so unless there was another witness the case gets dropped because there is no evidence.


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## ballen0351 (Jul 20, 2014)

drop bear said:


> It legitimately is a tiny percentage of assaults that result in a conviction.


Conviction is totally different then police investigation.   Your claim was the police wouldn't do anything.  Conviction rates have little to do with the police.


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## donnaTKD (Jul 20, 2014)

here the police wouldn't bother with an investigation - they do formal questioning cos they have to but nothing beyond that and i love this system for it 

i just saw on yahoo news that a dad came back from work to fing some bloke raping his kid so he knocked the stuffing out of him and the florida police chief just said "yeah well wouldn't you ?" and that no charges were ever going to brought against the kids dad  

you just gotta love common sense 

3 cheers for common sense


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## Hong Kong Pooey (Jul 20, 2014)

Dirty Dog said:


> I don't think anone has implied that not wanting to shake hands makes anyone an ***. It's HOW you decline that determines the size of the asshat being worn.



Agreed!

To the OP, the main problem with your request is how it would be perceived by the person who's offered the handshake.

Most people would interpret your request to put their hand back as "This guy won't shake MY hand! Who the hell does he think he is?" etc. rather than "Oh, this guy doesn't do handshakes".

It's generally accepted in western society that refusing a handshake is a sign of disrespect or dislike of the individual offering it, unless some kind of explanation is given.


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## jezr74 (Jul 21, 2014)

@PhotonGuy

How do you actually tell someone you don't want to shake their hand?

And\or, has the comments so far changed your approach or thinking on it?


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## donnaTKD (Jul 22, 2014)

think that he may have been "dropped" for showing a complete lack of respect and bad manners 

the one thing that i sometimes do depending on the situation is give my friends a shoulder tap and then if there's someone new there i just give them a curt nod of the head to acknowledge their presence --- it works and as and when business is concluded without any dramas then i shoulder tap them too


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## PhotonGuy (Aug 14, 2014)

Instead of saying, "please put your hand back," when somebody puts their hand out I could say, "I don't shake hands."


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## Dirty Dog (Aug 15, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> Instead of saying, "please put your hand back," when somebody puts their hand out I could say, "I don't shake hands."



People have been telling you that for EIGHT PAGES. It's about time you noticed.
:rofl:


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## donnaTKD (Aug 15, 2014)

^^^ROFLMAO ^^^

some people are just naturally slow learners and therefore miss the obvious things  but at least the penny has now dropped


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## donald1 (Aug 15, 2014)

That's me too sometimes...  And to top it distracted easily making slow learner somewhat worse


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## PhotonGuy (Aug 25, 2014)

donnaTKD said:


> think that he may have been "dropped" for showing a complete lack of respect and bad manners


I wouldn't let them "drop" me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself.


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## drop bear (Aug 25, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> I wouldn't let them "drop" me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself.



You have started a thread about how you can't take care of a hand shake.


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## Badger1777 (Aug 26, 2014)

KydeX said:


> Depending on the situation, refusing to shake hands can be seen as quite insulting. Different areas of the world has different social codes. It is usually a good idea to adhere to local customs wherever you go.



On rare occasions, I have actually refused to shake someone's hand. It has always been because I hold them in contempt for some reason, and I want them to know that without my actually saying it, so instead I will make a point of looking at their hand for long enough for them to see without doubt that I've noticed, and then look them in the eye and wait to see what they say or do next.

Of course there are times when it is not practical or wise to shake hands, such as if one of us has filthy hands, in which case the filthy one will usually say "I wont shake your hand because I'm all oily/whatever", then humourously show them the filthy hand 

Someone mentioned risk of attack. I wouldn't see shaking hands as a threat in that situation, because in shaking hands, you already have hold of one of their hands should they decide to try anything, and if you suspect an imminent attack anyway, but are still clinging to the hope of diffusing the situation peacefully, you can shake while discretely being in a good stance just in case.


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## PhotonGuy (Sep 13, 2014)

donald1 said:


> That sounds a little extreme,  I wouldn't want to have someone knock on my door late at night yet that shot could kill them.  There's a chance they don't want any trouble, maybe they need help want help or to inform of something. They could be a threat but they will most likely not knock.



I wouldn't shoot somebody who rings my doorbell but in some places that can happen, particularly places that have the castle doctrine. That's why its not a good idea to show up at people's doorsteps when the sun is down.


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## jks9199 (Sep 13, 2014)

PhotonGuy said:


> I wouldn't shoot somebody who rings my doorbell but in some places that can happen, particularly places that have the castle doctrine. That's why its not a good idea to show up at people's doorsteps when the sun is down.



No.  If someone, even in a state that either follows or has codified the Castle Doctrine, you cannot shoot someone merely for ringing your doorbell.  If you think that's even close to what the Castle Doctrine means... stop.  Now.  Unload any guns you have nearby, and get far away from them until you are properly educated.  

Or... put an attorney on retainer now.  And start hiding your assets, yesterday.  'Cause even if you somehow evade criminal conviction, the civil attorneys will eat you alive.


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## PhotonGuy (Sep 20, 2014)

I wouldn't shoot somebody for ringing my doorbell but in some places you can be shot if you show up at somebody's door at the wrong time, such as during night. This can particularly happen at bad neighborhoods. They might go to jail but its not going to bring you back so I just think its a good idea to not ring somebody's doorbell when the sun is down so its something I don't do. Aside from that its just polite. Even if I know Im not going to get shot, out of plain courtesy I will not ring somebody's doorbell if the sun is down, unless its an absolute emergency.


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