# Frustrated, angry and a little dejected



## bakerchick (Oct 16, 2010)

Hello! I'm new to MA and currently study Aikido, for about 7 months now. I train mainly at one dojo and drop in a couple of times a month at another dojo. For the last few weeks I have been having mixed feelings about my chosen art. On one hand, I am fascinated, learned a lot and have had some great experiences. On the other hand I often don't look forward to going to class. I am not learning this as quickly as I have other things in my life, but I like the challenge it's good for me. I just feel that my sensei is very aggravated with me and treats me in a demeaning way at times. Is that part of character building? How much humble pie does one have to eat? I'm not an egotistical person, I have the utmost respect for my teacher and senior students however repsect has to be maintained and not be taken for granted IMO. I don't know if I can speak freely to my sensei, we don't have any rapport whatsoever. Perhaps this isn't the right dojo for me. I like training at the other dojo but they are affiliated. Maybe I should look into another art and come back to Aikido some other time. I don't like to quit things, so that makes me feel worse. I also asked myself if I was being to sensitive ( oh boohoo, LOL ), I don't think so. Is what I'm going through normal?


----------



## BloodMoney (Oct 16, 2010)

Well first off, no matter what art, your sensei shouldnt be condescending or impatient with you. If he is acting like that then he clearly isnt happy with his own art, or his own club, and it appears this is filtering down to the students (as it often does). On these grounds alone I would say you should shop around and find another dojo that has a nice atmosphere and patient senseis.

In regards to art I am an ex Aikido practitioner myself. I didnt give years to the art but enough to understand what it was about, and my good friend and training partner is very senior in it, so we drill breakfalls and some simple wrist controls together from time to time. I love the art, I really do, but as you can see I have put "ex" practitioner. _For me_ the art just didnt work, it felt too passive, and I am someone who likes to aggressively attack and not sit back waiting for my opponent. It didnt suit me, I wasnt enjoying it after a while and was getting frustrated, it didnt deliver what I wanted at the time (efficient street self defense) so I left and found something that did (Wing Chun).

Now nearly ten years later and guess what, Chun isnt providing what I need for me right now. Its still fun, I still love it, and I regularly put the hours in still, but I felt like I needed something more physical, more competitive. So I started BJJ.  Between the two I get exactly what I want out of martial arts, and mix it up enough to keep it all interesting. Im lucky to have found a great dojo with great instructors, and honestly, that THE most important factor in my opinion. Their gung fu could be amazing but if their attitude sucks and their personality doesnt suit me then that club is not right for me

Find what works for you, both in terms of art and the people at the club/sensei's. Its worth shopping round (both) to find what makes you happy. Cause honestly, theres no reason to be training something that doesnt make you happy, theres too many good schools and cool arts out there to be playing with


----------



## Ken Morgan (Oct 16, 2010)

Youve got a few concerns going on.

It is not uncommon to feel unmotivated at various times in your MA journey, it happens to everyone. You can stick it out and fight your way through it, or bail.

MA is difficult. People learn things at different rates and respond to different ways of teaching. Someone else will get to point A faster then you, but youll still get there.

We dont connect with everyone we meet. Some boy friends/girls friends work out, and some dont. We have some teachers from school we remember fondly, and some we would love to take an electrical implement to. 

If it is Aikido you dont like anymore, move on. (Your area has some good iaido..), if its just your teacher you dont like, find another dojo where you feel more comfortable.

No its not eating humble pie, that bull **** old school stuff that has no place in the modern world. Humiliating someone does not build character, its bullying or just plain abuse.


----------



## oaktree (Oct 16, 2010)

Hi Baker Chick,



> I just feel that my sensei is very aggravated with me and treats me in a demeaning way at times. Is that part of character building?


 Sometimes teachers make mistakes and though their intentions are good sometimes they say things out of line.
Character building should not be demeaning it should be inspiring and motivating. There is a difference between constructive criticism and abusive insults.



> I don't know if I can speak freely to my sensei, we don't have any rapport whatsoever.


It would be nice to have rapport with people sometimes it is not possible for what ever reason, but if this is on your mind and chest at least for yourself speak to him about it. By standing up for yourself you will have a sense of dignity and self respect. 

I truly think by your words you enjoy the training in the art you should not have to leave the art because a teacher is not good. My advice is to speak to your teacher about it. If he still refuses or keeps making you feel bad then try another school. 

Good luck in your training.


----------



## bakerchick (Oct 16, 2010)

Thank you Ken and BloodMoney for your thoughtful replies. I needed to vent a bit and wanted to get some insight from others more experienced than myself. 

Ken-I've thought about Iaido, figured it would be best to wait until I've been training for a year or so in Aikido before I started so I don't confuse myself.

BloodMoney-I looked into Mizong Kung fu the other day, there is a dojo not too far from my place. I may go to a class or two and see how I like it.

I think I may decrease my Aikido training and look into another art, not ready to give it up yet. 

I'm not sure if my teacher is a bully, just seems to be me he has a problem with, other students like him just fine. He is a great martial artist, there's no doubt about that. Perhaps not the right teacher for me, or I'm not the right student for him


----------



## bakerchick (Oct 16, 2010)

Wise words Oaktree. Points taken and much appreciated.


----------



## BloodMoney (Oct 16, 2010)

Iaido is awesome, would be training it right now if there was a school in my area/whole damn country

Obviously I think Chinese gung fu is awesome, the flowing movements and emphasis on technique can be similar to Aikido ive found, and likewise are well suited to female practitioners.

Aikido is a great art, definitely not telling you stop. It lays an excellent foundation for other arts too in my opinion, so if you do go to another art as I did you will have that "greet what comes" feeling in the background. My friend, a very experienced Aikido practitioner, went on to Chun with me and wow, his movement and footwork was awesome, definite advantage to starting in a new art. Then we both started BJJ together and he knows how to position his weight excellently right off the bat


----------



## oaktree (Oct 16, 2010)

Mizong-Lost track very interesting style. 

If you remember the movie Fearless with Jet Li he played Huo Yuan Jia who studied this art.

And realted to this is a suppose student of Huo named Chen Zhen
whom many famous actors such as Bruce Lee played.


----------



## bakerchick (Oct 16, 2010)

Cool Oaktree.


----------



## WC_lun (Oct 16, 2010)

A teacher should not be condescending or demeaning.  That is a big red flag, in my opinion.  If a person is acting like that, it means they don't respect you.  When there isn't respect between martial artist, even between teacher and student, it creates an atmospere where injuries happen.

Determine what you want from martial arts and find a school that offers that.  Do the same thing with an instructor.  Do not stick with a school that you have issues with the instructor.  It never gets better.

Plateus happen in martial arts.  If you are hitting a plateu then you need to understand that is what it is.  If it is a problem with the school itself, you should know that as well.  one is natural and happens to everyone, the others are a sign that a particular school isn't for you.


----------



## nitflegal (Oct 17, 2010)

WC_lun said:


> A teacher should not be condescending or demeaning.  That is a big red flag, in my opinion.  If a person is acting like that, it means they don't respect you.  When there isn't respect between martial artist, even between teacher and student, it creates an atmospere where injuries happen.


  The one caution I would throw out there is that it would be useful to have examples of what the behavior entailed.  I've certainly studied with teachers who were a personality mismatch for me (was that PC enough?  LOL) and bailed for better teachers.  However, I've also had periods where either I was overly sensitive because I was frustrated or what have you or was inadvertently driving my teacher up the proverbial wall.  for example, when I get frustrated I tend to ask an endless barrage of questions in the hopes that I'll finally get told the missing X-factor that will magically fix it and I suspect there's only so many times I can ask the same question before I drive the teacher absolutely nuts.  Also, it is up to the teacher to set the tone and rules for the dojo, if I find it difficult to fit in those expectations it will lead to some interpersonal conflict.  If you rule those out, then it may well be that he just isn't the right type of teacher for you and I'd recommend leaving sooner rather than later.  If the environment is poor you're not going to learn effectively and a bad sensei/sifu/etc can destroy martial arts for you forever.    Plateaus on the other hand happen to everyone.  As has been typed, you either train through to the other side or you decide martial arts aren't worth he frustration.  Either is fine, if you're not getting anything useful out of MA life's too short to beat your head against it.  It is worth remembering that you will get to the other side of a plateau eventually and most tend to then have a heck of a growth spurt!  Matt


----------



## Jenna (Oct 18, 2010)

bakerchick said:


> Hello! I'm new to MA and currently study Aikido, for about 7 months now. I train mainly at one dojo and drop in a couple of times a month at another dojo. For the last few weeks I have been having mixed feelings about my chosen art. On one hand, I am fascinated, learned a lot and have had some great experiences. On the other hand I often don't look forward to going to class. I am not learning this as quickly as I have other things in my life, but I like the challenge it's good for me. I just feel that my sensei is very aggravated with me and treats me in a demeaning way at times. Is that part of character building? How much humble pie does one have to eat? I'm not an egotistical person, I have the utmost respect for my teacher and senior students however repsect has to be maintained and not be taken for granted IMO. I don't know if I can speak freely to my sensei, we don't have any rapport whatsoever. Perhaps this isn't the right dojo for me. I like training at the other dojo but they are affiliated. Maybe I should look into another art and come back to Aikido some other time. I don't like to quit things, so that makes me feel worse. I also asked myself if I was being to sensitive ( oh boohoo, LOL ), I don't think so. Is what I'm going through normal?


*bakerchick*, I would agree with what has been said already.  I would say that if you feel at all uncomfortable in your dojo then please, seek out your instructor and speak with them about it.  If however, you feel unable to speak with your instructor then that is not a good sign at this point.  Please listen to your own gut feeling.  YOU are their student.  If you are putting in good training effort and they do not make you feel welcome and valued as a student then plainly they do not seek good students.  I would suggest finding another dojo.  Common sense would suggest you try for alternative Aiki dojos where the skills you have acquired will not be wasted.  As you look around, as with everything, trust your own instinct.  If a place of training or a sensei does not look or feel right, then vote with your feet.  Plenty more fish in the sea I think.
Best wishes, 
Jenna x


----------



## Flea (Oct 18, 2010)

MA has a unique culture when it comes to teacher/student relationships, but I think it's also useful to think of it in terms of decent customer service as well.  You're paying this guy for his time and expertise.  Would you let your plumber or accountant talk to you like that?  Would you keep going back to them if they did?  If it were me I wouldn't think of it as quitting, so much as handing him a pink slip and taking my business elsewhere.  Viva free market!


----------



## Xue Sheng (Oct 18, 2010)

bakerchick

Mizongyi

Huo Yuanjia

:hmm:hmmm now that I think about it, not that I am bias or anything :wink1:, but Chinese Martial Arts is the way to go IMO




oaktree said:


> Mizong-Lost track very interesting style.
> 
> If you remember the movie Fearless with Jet Li he played Huo Yuan Jia who studied this art.
> 
> ...


 
And don't forget Donnie Yen and Jet Li they have played Chen Zhen too.


----------

