# Sparring with your significant other.



## Shaolinwind (Jun 26, 2005)

To those of you who study with your wife/husband, do you spar with them, and why or why not?


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## karatekid1975 (Jun 26, 2005)

Yes, we spar each other. Why (other than the fact that we have to in class)? We have fun. I can honestly say that he is not affraid to hit me (there are men at my dojang that don't like to hit women), which is good. I like the conditioning. He gives me a run for my money. He he loads of fun to spar.


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## Gemini (Jun 26, 2005)

My wife and I practice Kendo together and we both love it! It's a little out of the norm when your partner says something like "I just had my nails done and if you break one, you DIE!


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## FearlessFreep (Jun 26, 2005)

My wife is not in TKD yet, but I do spar with my kids (12yo boy and 11 yo girl)


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## bdparsons (Jun 26, 2005)

Bad idea on so many different levels, all having nothing to do with the martial arts. :erg:

Respects,
Bill Parsons
Triangle Kenpo Institute


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## rupton (Jun 26, 2005)

FearlessFreep said:
			
		

> My wife is not in TKD yet, but I do spar with my kids (12yo boy and 11 yo girl)


That's funny my kids and I love sparring around too.  Not only is it good fun and bonding, but it gives them the opportunity to try out their techniques on bigger people


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## jkdhit (Jun 26, 2005)

my girlfriend isnt into martial arts. ive tried so many times to get her into taking various martial arts with me such as tkd, san da, and kickboxing but she's afraid to embarrass herself in front of me because i'm a black belt even though i've told her time and time again that i'd help her and there's lot of new people joining all the time.

 sometimes she wants me to play spar with her to see how fast i am but then we have to stop because i'm moving too fast and it makes her want to go to the bathroom lol


 but i spar with various people at my college. i've even sparred with one professor i had who was in the marines


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## OULobo (Jun 26, 2005)

When I was engaged, my fiance and I trained at the same school. We chose not to work out with eachother at all, because it was hard to take criticism or guidance from eachother, not to mention it was easy to get angry about injuries and damage. I have a couple of friends that are together and train together and they find it a great bonding experience to train together.


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## terryl965 (Jun 26, 2005)

Yes me and my wife sparr against each other it does get heavy at time but for the most part we just have good clean fun and leave it at the dojaang.


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## Shaolinwind (Jun 26, 2005)

bdparsons said:
			
		

> Bad idea on so many different levels, all having nothing to do with the martial arts. :erg:


Total agreement here. Esspecially now since I am still so inexperienced. One good slip up and I can ruin her modeling career.

 Plus she's so much better and faster than me, once she realizes that she can put me in a body cast I'll be getting kicks to the face every time I forget to put the lid down.


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## theletch1 (Jun 26, 2005)

Aikido-ka don't really "spar" but we do have randori and that's pretty close.  As for the question of why Erica and I do randori...it's a blast.  We have a comfort level with one another that allows for more experimentation with the techniques and a desire to push each other as hard as safely possible.  I've truly learned that aikido technique can be very effective for someone smaller against a larger opponent by working with (and being tapped out by) her.


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## Shu2jack (Jun 26, 2005)

My gf and I both study TKD and while we will give each other advice and help each other along in technique, forms, sparring, etc., I don't like to spar her, though when we work on sparring combinations and movements we will go slowly at sparring. We do great otherwise and apprciate each other advice.
I'm just waiting for someone to ask her where she got those bruises and she replys, "My boyfriend" while forgetting to mention that we train together. I'm just glad her father was in TKD and completely understands!


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## rupton (Jun 26, 2005)

Shu2jack said:
			
		

> I'm just waiting for someone to ask her where she got those bruises and she replys, "My boyfriend" while forgetting to mention that we train together. I'm just glad her father was in TKD and completely understands!


Now that's funny.  My wife and I occassionally give each other little play punches and such.  I remember when she bought my heavy bag she told the salesman she was buying it so I could start hitting that instead of her.  She said this of course without any context, I can only imagine the bewilderment/shock/horror on the guys face.


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## searcher (Jun 26, 2005)

My wife has been training with me since 1997 and we sparred quite a bit in the early years(before we started dating).   She became my asst. instructor and then we started dating.  At that time the sparring became more intense between us, since she was being prepared for her BB test.    Now we spar every chance we get and it is great.   She gets to go full-out and I get to work on my defensive skills.   We never allow one to hurt the other or anybody els for that matter.   I love sparring with her because nobody will push her or help her more than I can.   If I don't push her some day she might need to call on her training and if she is not ready it will be MY fault.  I will not allow that to happen.    Coming up through the ranks at our mutual instructor's school was very hard for her.   She became the first female BB in the school's 32 year history.    In her training she had many adult males try to inflict harm on her to keep her from reaching BB, they failed.   After she reached Sho-dan they were even harder on her.   I took it upon myself to train her to be able to deal with these guys.   In that training she reached new levels she would not gone to if I had not helped her.  I gained an understanding that I was the only one that could and would help her.    

So to answer your question plainly.   Yes, I spar with my wife and I would not trade it for the world.


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## Jonathan Randall (Jun 27, 2005)

searcher said:
			
		

> In her training she had many adult males try to inflict harm on her to keep her from reaching BB, they failed. After she reached Sho-dan they were even harder on her. I took it upon myself to train her to be able to deal with these guys. In that training she reached new levels she would not gone to if I had not helped her. I gained an understanding that I was the only one that could and would help her.
> 
> So to answer your question plainly. Yes, I spar with my wife and I would not trade it for the world.


F them! I mean it. If they wanted to torpedoe her advancement, then they are thugs and not true Martial Artists. When I taught, the moment I saw that type of behavior - that student was GONE. Martial arts instruction is not for bullies.

Good for you. If your relationship is sound, then sparring is a bonding experience. If not, then...

I guess the question ultimately depends both upon the spouses relationship AND their personal competitive levels. If either or both cannot allow themselves to lose than sparring is best to be avoided. Take up a non-competitive pastime that you can do together.


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## jkdhit (Jun 27, 2005)

ah thats really cr@ppy.. for myself, i havent seen anything like that happen. ocassionally you get people joking around about something but immediately after, they're helping the person they were joking around with


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## searcher (Jun 27, 2005)

Jonathan Randall said:
			
		

> F them! I mean it. If they wanted to torpedoe her advancement, then they are thugs and not true Martial Artists. When I taught, the moment I saw that type of behavior - that student was GONE. Martial arts instruction is not for bullies.
> 
> Good for you. If your relationship is sound, then sparring is a bonding experience. If not, then...
> 
> I guess the question ultimately depends both upon the spouses relationship AND their personal competitive levels. If either or both cannot allow themselves to lose than sparring is best to be avoided. Take up a non-competitive pastime that you can do together.


I know what you are saying about screw them.    I was teaching at the school, but not the classes she was in.     The ones that really wanted her stopped were a little group of true jerks.   They would blast her and she would hold her ground with them, this only lead to them going even harder.    I always offered to "fix" the problem, but she didn't want me to have any more problems with the head instructor than I already had.   In the long run she knocked three of them out cold and the others have not had a chance since.    Shortly after she received her sho-dan we left to train in other styels and to teach on our own.    Now if we go to that school to spar the going hard is left to them trying it on me.   Fat chance that they will ever get anywhere with me except disappointed.


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## kenpochad (Jun 27, 2005)

my wife trains with me but we haven't sparred yet , i dont have a problem with it we just havent been able to get her gear. but there are a few guys in my class that have control problums, and if they hurt her we might have problums
so that is something i need to work out befor she starts to spar so i dont snap 
on fellow student for hitting my wife to hard


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## Adept (Jun 27, 2005)

I sparred with my fiance once.

 After a week of her truthfully telling people I gave her a split lip, without further clarifying, I resolved never to do that again.


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## Shaolinwind (Jun 28, 2005)

kenpochad said:
			
		

> my wife trains with me but we haven't sparred yet , i dont have a problem with it we just havent been able to get her gear. but there are a few guys in my class that have control problums, and if they hurt her we might have problums
> so that is something i need to work out befor she starts to spar so i dont snap
> on fellow student for hitting my wife to hard


Dude, I would probably still be in TSD were it not for guys with control problems.


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## searcher (Jun 28, 2005)

kenpochad has a good point about spouses or boyfriends losing control when it comes to rheir woman.   It is a very hard thing to get built up to.   It took me a long time to watch or spar with my wife, but my earlier posts show why I choose to spar with her.

As mostly guys answering this post I feel it is our reasponsibility to let people know that lack of control will NOT be tolerated.  And that if the want to go nuts then they need to spar with us instead.   I think you will find that this resolves most issues quickly.


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## Black Bear (Jun 29, 2005)

*obligatory passing-your-girlfriend's-guard joke*

I always used to teach them wsd. Now that I'm more into the jits, it's more sustainable to train with them regularly.


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## Grenadier (Jun 29, 2005)

Chobaja said:
			
		

> To those of you who study with your wife/husband, do you spar with them, and why or why not?


Short answer:

If you can keep your "inside the dojo" and "outside the dojo" lives separate, and both of you can exhibit good control, then by all means, knock yourself out (and not in a literal sense!).  

Otherwise, if you can't keep the inside the dojo vs outside the dojo lives separate, then don't do it.  The happenings within a relationship should not be a distraction to the martial arts classes, and the happenings within a martial arts classes should not be a distraction to the relationship.


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## kenpochad (Jun 30, 2005)

so if you spar with your significant other at home is that  *domestic* *violence*  ha ha


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## searcher (Jun 30, 2005)

kenpochad said:
			
		

> so if you spar with your significant other at home is that *domestic* *violence* ha ha


It depends on the number of law enforcement officers that it takes to break it up.


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## Shaolinwind (Jun 30, 2005)

kenpochad said:
			
		

> so if you spar with your significant other at home is that *domestic* *violence* ha ha


Heh, in some households it's domestic harmony.


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## karatekid1975 (Jun 30, 2005)

kenpochad said:
			
		

> so if you spar with your significant other at home is that  *domestic* *violence*  ha ha



Hehehehehe That's funny  :uhyeah:  Because we do spar at home. Not like we do in class (all out and stuff) but it can be fun  I throw a technique and he counters and throws one back, or the other way around. We practice bo drills on the lawn. To us, it's play fighting. If someone saw us, they would think it was domestic violence. Good thing we live 1/2 mile from the closest person LOL


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## GRIM (Jun 30, 2005)

I started sparring about a mnth before my girlfriend, but she joined up quick. We spar about 3 times a week at the dojo and play fight and the like at home. 

It truely gives me a sense of security because I work weekend nights and she goes out to clubs with friends . I  know she can handle herself because I've seen her move.

 Plus it's a different dynamic to the relationship.


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## Bod (Jul 1, 2005)

My girlfriend doesn't train.

If she did judo I could spar with her, but I refuse to spar women or kids in boxing. Except for Jack who is 15 and hits like a hammer.

I don't feel comfortable hitting full grown men in the face (though I can bring myself to do it), so women or kids?....No.


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## Shaolinwind (Jul 1, 2005)

searcher said:
			
		

> After she reached Sho-dan they were even harder on her. I took it upon myself to train her to be able to deal with these guys. In that training she reached new levels she would not gone to if I had not helped her. I gained an understanding that I was the only one that could and would help her.
> 
> .


Gawd.. What kind of meatheads were you taking class with?  This type of behaviour is about the one thing I can think of that warrants a severe beat down..  I would personally challange anyone who intentionally hurt my wife in class. They would not have the choice to refuse my challenge or to apologize.


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## BaiKaiGuy (Jul 1, 2005)

Huh.  In my kwoon, we don't even let family members work together let alone spar.  We don't want family issues coming to a head on the mat, nor do we weant people taking what happened on the mat home with them.


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## Satelite (Jul 1, 2005)

Is that like a pre-dating thing? :supcool:


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## searcher (Jul 3, 2005)

Chobaja said:
			
		

> Gawd.. What kind of meatheads were you taking class with? This type of behaviour is about the one thing I can think of that warrants a severe beat down.. I would personally challange anyone who intentionally hurt my wife in class. They would not have the choice to refuse my challenge or to apologize.


That particular dojo is a bit different.   They had never had a female stick around long enought to make it to BB.    My wife dealt with most of these guys on her own in a very "beat down" manour.     I told her that I would fix the problem if she wanted me to do it, but she very boldly stated that she wanted to fix it herself.    I keep my eye on them any time that we visit this particular scchool.    I prefer that if my wife wants to spar that she does so with me.   I have a couple of them that are still in my cross-hairs, so to speak.   I have been gearing up to give them a little taste of what they seem to like dishing out.


They have been like this for years and even if they get the crap kicked out of them they will most likely keep on the same way.     It will take more than them getting some broken bones for them to change what they are, but I will have fun trying.


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## Phoenix44 (Jul 5, 2005)

My partner outweighs me by nearly 80 lbs, and out-strengths me by a lot.  When he was inexperienced, I'd spar and grapple with him, because my greater experience was a reasonable match for his superior weight and strength.  As his technique has improved over the years, I've come to the conclusion that it's a better idea for us not to spar or grapple, because one false move could mean a bad injury for me.  Plus, it's not a whole lot of fun for me to grapple someone who can simply lift me off him.

We do practice drills, techniques, weapons, and throws together.


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## jkdhit (Jul 5, 2005)

i normally dont have anyone to spar with when i cant stop by the school for training.. everyone else i know who does take martial arts either doesnt practice it for combat or sparring (demo only) or they're just lazy most of the time like my brother

 no one here happens to live in the nyc area do you?


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## kenpochad (Jul 6, 2005)

lastnight i sparred my wife for the first time.
my instructor told every one at the begining of class that this is chads wife 
and if there is any one that has control problems will spar chad
iam known as a heavy hitter if need to be . But we had alot of fun


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## kenpochad (Jul 6, 2005)

Phoenix44 do you live in Phoeinx AZ?
ifso i wanted to say hi from Mesa AZ


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## Phoenix44 (Jul 18, 2005)

> Phoenix44 do you live in Phoeinx AZ?
> ifso i wanted to say hi from Mesa AZ


 No, I don't live in AZ at all, but greetings to you anyway!


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