# Kind, nice, cultural jokes.



## DennisBreene (Jun 5, 2013)

My family hails from New England and the coast is populated with small quaint towns that are known for their individualism (and sometimes downright contrariness).  A young New York City reporter was out to do a feature story on such towns and was scouring the country side and coast line for an angle.  He finally came upon an elderly gentleman rocking in his Adirondack on the front porch of his seaside home in Maine. The young reporter introduced himself and explained his purpose for intruding.  He asked if the old gent would be amenable to an interview, to which the response was a curt "Ayeh".  Most of the interview followed a similar theme. The reporter asked if the man had lived there all his life and the answer was an equally brief and pointed " not yeyit".  The reporter could see that the interview was rapidly loosing steam and was desperate to salvage something of his journey.  He finally asked if he could speak to the lady of the house; to which the reply was "fraid naught".  So the reporter asked the obvious "why not" and the dam finally broke.  The old Mainer thought for a minute and began to speak.  "She's daid these four yeahs now", he replied.  The reported expressed his condolences and quietly asked how she had passed. And the story unfolded.  "Weell" the Mainer replied. "It was Octoba, and we went out on the boat for lobsta".  It was wicked foggy out that morning and as I said, it was wicked foggy. Ol' Jen, she wanted to turn back but I reckoned we could keep goin a spell and we did. But it was wicked foggy and soon enough we was in the soup.  We couldn't get a bearin and we was adrift in that wicked fog. I mean it was wicked foggy.  We would  a been just  fine but theah was a nasty swell beginning to come up." What happened, asked the reporter as the old man seemed to loose steam. "Well, like I said it was wicked foggy and Ol' Jen was leaning over the side to see what she could see.. and she fell ovah." "Oh my", exclaimed the reporter. "How horrible. What did you do?"  "Well" said the old lobsterman, "I called out fo her, and I must a searched for houas, but it was wicked foggy and twern't no use, she was gone.  So I called the Coast Guard and they stahted to search and finally I was low on fuel and had to put in to port and go home."  The reporter was thoroughly enthralled by this point and finally asked, "Did they ever find her?"  "Ayep" replied the old gentleman. "About 3 days layta, the Constable came by and knocked on the screen porch and said, 'Well Tom, we finally found her, she was bound up in some old net and covered wit lobsta.'  "He asked me what I wanted to do and I thought a mite...Well Jim, I says, keep the lobsta and re-set her"


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## Cirdan (Jun 6, 2013)

Time for some Ole & Lena..

Ole lay dying in his bedroom. 
He began to revive as he smelled the aroma of fresh lefse wafting through the house. Ole managed to gather is strength and crawled out to the kitchen. Just as he reached for a sample of Lena's lefse she slapped his hand and said, 
"No Ole, don't you know dat's for da funeral"

This guy, Peder, goes to the World Cup Soccer Finals. His seat is in the nosebleed section but that's OK - he's at the World Cup. So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy in one of the best seats in the stadium with an empty seat beside him. It looks like an old friend he knew when he went to school back in Norway, named Ole. This is driving Peder nuts, so finally at half time, he goes down, says hello to his old friend, and asks Ole why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
Ole says, "My wife, Lena, and I bought these seats a long time ago. But unfortunately, Lena passed away." 
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Peder says, "but why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?" 
Ole replies, "Well, they're all at the funeral."

Ole had a car accident..
In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.
Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..." 
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and vas driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. I vas hurting, real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'" 
"Now vat the HELL vould YOU say?" 


Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride, heading from Hinckley to Minneapolis. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"


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