# Attacked in my front yard



## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Guys,

Since I have been out of the Marine Corps I have not used Martial Skill unless through competition. Screwing around with the buds does not count.

This evening I had to. I had just gotten off the phone with our good pal zDom, went outside to my car. 

I have this drunkard neighbor that has a record of beating the snot out of his kids, wife, and mother in law. A few weeks ago he stepped on his wife's foot that just had surgery. This guy is a jerk.

Well I had made it to my car and I heard "Hey tough guy". ***A side note - Quote cleaned up for posting purposes*** I just out of instinct turned and dropped into a wide shallow h-stance, dropped the hips in perfect rotation and reverse punched.  I mean this guys right hand knocked my St. L Cardinal ballcap off, which means he intended to hit me in the back of the head. Yikes!

The punch hit him square in the solar plexus and knocked him out cold. I was reaching towards his right wrist to perform a wrist lock but he was on his way to the deck. The guy was bleeding out of his ear, very scary. I quickly pulled the phone out of my pocket and called the police. Luckily I live all of 2 minutes from the police station. They were there before he woke up.

I told them what happened, the cop told me...."Sir, you have an American Flag and Marine Corps standard hanging by your garage. He has a record and you're not in the wrong. Time to take him away."

So he wore shiny bracelets and got to ride in the nifty car.

You know, I absolutely feel bad. The last thing I hate is confrontation, invited or otherwise.

The thing is I love competition, that is one thing that really drives me. I hate fighting, now 3 hours later I still kinda feel like I did something wrong even though I didn't. First time I have had to defend myself, instead of someone else since the early 90's. Who else can identify? Thoughts? Opinions? 

I called and talked to Bill Evans and GM about it, there response was, "Are you hurt? We know you, you don't even go to places that invite nonsense, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry."


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## dubljay (Feb 20, 2007)

Wow Matt, I'm glad to hear you're okay, and sorry to hear you were put into that kind of situation right in your own front yard.  Here's hoping that this little experience with fire will straighten out that scofflaw.


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## Jonathan Randall (Feb 20, 2007)

Wow. 

Glad you're ok. Make sure you press charges and take care in case he tries to retaliate (ambush or armed assault).


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## Kreth (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Well I had made it to my car and I heard "Hey tough guy". ***A side note - Quote cleaned up for posting purposes*** I just out of instinct turned and dropped into a wide shallow h-stance, dropped the hips in perfect rotation and reverse punched.  I mean this guys right hand knocked my St. L Cardinal ballcap off, which means he intended to hit me in the back of the head. Yikes!


Any idea what set him off, or is he just one of those types that looks for someone to smack around when he's been drinking?


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Kreth said:


> Any idea what set him off, or is he just one of those types that looks for someone to smack around when he's been drinking?


 

Honestly, he is just a mean drunk that likes to fight.  The bad thing is that he is always jacked up on vicadin, light beer and vodka.  About a month ago he got thrown out of a Applebees for starting trouble over where the college gal had set him.

Not quite a year ago he talked trash to my dad when he came up to visit. This guy almost bit his sons nose off in his front yard over the summer because his kid had gotten in a car accident.

I certainly pressed charges and told the police I wanted a restraining order.  I told my wife she is not to go anywhere near the front door if he is knocking and to enter and leave the car in the garage when the door is down etc.


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## Kreth (Feb 20, 2007)

Sounds like a real winner...  Glad it worked out ok.


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## Jonathan Randall (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Honestly, he is just a mean drunk that likes to fight. The bad thing is that he is always jacked up on vicadin, light beer and vodka. About a month ago he got thrown out of a Applebees for starting trouble over where the college gal had set him.
> 
> Not quite a year ago he talked trash to my dad when he came up to visit. This guy almost bit his sons nose off in his front yard over the summer because his kid had gotten in a car accident.
> 
> I certainly pressed charges and told the police I wanted a restraining order. I told my wife she is not to go anywhere near the front door if he is knocking and to enter and leave the car in the garage when the door is down etc.


 
Stay safe, my MT friend.


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## Brad Dunne (Feb 20, 2007)

Sorry to hear that you had an altercation, but glad that you were unscathed. I've dealt with jerks like this before. Not on the same level as you just encountered, I was the one putting the shiny bracelets on them. The one thing I hate to tell you is "watch your back". This type of slug will do just about anything if he thinks he needs to get even. His history seems to dictate this. I seriously hope that there will not be a next time, but if it should occur, just be prepared. Idiots like him respond to only 2 things, serious jail time, which he should get, or a real down home, call the neighbors to watch - *** woopin. :whip:  I just hate situations like this, cause there's no easy way to eliminate the problem, especially since he lives next door. Take care..........


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## Carol (Feb 20, 2007)

Good Luck to you Matt


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Feb 20, 2007)

> The punch hit him square in the solar plexus and knocked him out cold. I was reaching towards his right wrist to perform a wrist lock but he was on his way to the deck. The guy was bleeding out of his ear,


 Hi I am just curious on how you knocked him out hitting him in the solar plexus area. Why was he bleeding from the ear. Just like to know what rescue said.


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## shellie (Feb 20, 2007)

Glad you're ok. I'd be extra cautious(along with your wife) once he gets out.


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## Drac (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Honestly, he is just a mean drunk that likes to fight. The bad thing is that he is always jacked up on vicadin, light beer and vodka. About a month ago he got thrown out of a Applebees for starting trouble over where the college gal had set him.
> 
> Not quite a year ago he talked trash to my dad when he came up to visit. This guy almost bit his sons nose off in his front yard over the summer because his kid had gotten in a car accident.
> 
> I certainly pressed charges and told the police I wanted a restraining order. I told my wife she is not to go anywhere near the front door if he is knocking and to enter and leave the car in the garage when the door is down etc.


 
Most intellegent suggestion to your wife...Yes get a TRO ( temp restraining order)..It's a friggin shame they don't do backround checks BEFORE they sell someone a house..


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 20, 2007)

Glad to hear you are OK Matt and that the police took him away.  As far as how you felt afterwards, hell we are adults now.  Leave the love of fighting to the young'uns.

Jeff


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## terryl965 (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt Glad you are fine and do the right thing and press charges on him


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## Brian R. VanCise (Feb 20, 2007)

Press charges, temporary restraining order and take some extra precautions for the future. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





  Thank goodness you are okay!


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## mrhnau (Feb 20, 2007)

Glad you are OK man  Don't feel bad about it. Better him knocked out and in jail than you in the hospital or possibly morgue.

Keep us updated on what happens... hope things go well!


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## MJS (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Guys,
> 
> Since I have been out of the Marine Corps I have not used Martial Skill unless through competition. Screwing around with the buds does not count.
> 
> ...


 
And who said that TMAs don't work.:ultracool   Glad you're ok Matt!  Its a shame that people have to act like that.  I hope everything continues to go well for you!

Mike


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Mattyou're a Marine and have seen combat, I don't need to tell you to keep up to date on this guy's movements in the future. Pressing charges, absolutely. The fact that the guy has a record might help get him maximum sentence. From what you say, it sounds like he made the first hostile physical contact with you; that counts as assault, no? 

How do you get on with your other neighborsOK? It might not hurt to kind do an informal `Neighborhood Watch' project dedicated to this one jerk when he returns from his stay as a guest of the Statepreferably for a good long time...

Glad to hear you were the one who walked away, not him. Don't feel bad about any of it, Matt. This guy is a bullythe lowest form of life there is, in my book. He deserved what happened, and he deserves a lot worseand I sincerely hope he gets it.


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## crushing (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt,  I'm glad you are ok.  I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said by follow MTers about watching your back and such.


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## shesulsa (Feb 20, 2007)

Dang, Matt!  

First of all, I'm glad you're okay and I'm also very glad your training kicked in at the right moment.  Sounds like you have your ducks in a row, so ... keep on keepin' on!

:asian:


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Thanks everyone for the positive feedback.  A quick note: I did tell the cops that I wanted charges pressed, time to see how it goes.  In the yr. and a half I have lived next to the guy I have more or less known him to be a crazy jerk.  

The thing is that I have a feeling it truly is over, altercation wise.  He is a bully sure.  However, there is a retired cop on my block that beat this guy down a few years ago, nothing happened after that.  I know still to be cautious though.

The point in my thinking is, drunken neighbor only bullies and does violent things to those he can get away with it.


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## shesulsa (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Thanks everyone for the positive feedback.  A quick note: I did tell the cops that I wanted charges pressed, time to see how it goes.  In the yr. and a half I have lived next to the guy I have more or less known him to be a crazy jerk.
> 
> The thing is that I have a feeling it truly is over, altercation wise.  He is a bully sure.  However, there is a retired cop on my block that beat this guy down a few years ago, nothing happened after that.  I know still to be cautious though.
> 
> The point in my thinking is, drunken neighbor only bullies and does violent things to those he can get away with it.


Eventually this situation will either explode or he will just go away one day.


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## Kreth (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> The point in my thinking is, drunken neighbor only bullies and does violent things to those he can get away with it.


Keep your eyes open. The problem with these "add beer, instant *******" types is you never know when he might have one too many cocktails and decide that the punk next door just got lucky.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Kreth said:


> Keep your eyes open. The problem with these "add beer, instant *******" types is you never know when he might have one too many cocktails and decide that the punk next door just got lucky.



What Kreth said... 

Let your trained military instincts guide you. Keep this mission active...


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## CoryKS (Feb 20, 2007)

Well done, Matt!  Glad you're okay.  Just wish I could do something about the Clampetts living behind me.


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## IcemanSK (Feb 20, 2007)

I'm glad you're ok, Matt. Given his record of jerkdom, you showed restraint. Necessary force for the situation. I know it may bring up conflicting feelings, but ya did the right thing.


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## Jade Tigress (Feb 20, 2007)

You have no reason to feel any guilt about this at all. In fact, you are lucky you had the training you do or YOU could have been the one laying on the ground and bleeding from the ear. This is a perfect example of using our martial training for self defense. It was not a *fight*. It was SELF DEFENSE, and hopefully this jerk will think twice before trying to launch an attack on another innocent. You done good. :asian:


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## Bigshadow (Feb 20, 2007)

Glad your OK Matt.  You did what was necessary.  People like that sometimes have to get a reality check once in a while.  Unfortunately it is often washed down with more alcohol.


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## MSTCNC (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt,

First off, glad you're ok... and not writing us from the hospital!

Second, glad you put that bozo's button the deck. Bullys like that only understand one thing... defeat! You knocked him down a few pegs with your response... that should end it...

Third, good move upgrading everyones attention to it all for a while... you know how it is... sometimes you just need to keep your head on a swivel!

Finally, don't let this whole thing get to you... he was wrong... you were not. Don't let your provoked actions to an unprovoked attack get you down. It was HIS choice to try and blindside you... you simply pointed out the error in his ways!

Your Brother in the arts,

Andrew


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## Brad Dunne (Feb 20, 2007)

Slightly off subject here, but I can't let this thought go. This jerk has got to much history. A retired cop neighbor "beat him down"? I can understand him not wanting to go back after a cop,..... assualt charges / domestic battery(s),..........Drunk charges,..............and whatever else is on his sheet............My question is - What is this idiot doing out? You just have to scratch your head and wonder just what the hell happened to the judicial system. :idunno:


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Thanks everyone for the positive feedback. A quick note: I did tell the cops that I wanted charges pressed, time to see how it goes. In the yr. and a half I have lived next to the guy I have more or less known him to be a crazy jerk.
> 
> The thing is that I have a feeling it truly is over, altercation wise. He is a bully sure. However, there is a retired cop on my block that beat this guy down a few years ago, nothing happened after that. I know still to be cautious though.
> 
> The point in my thinking is, drunken neighbor only bullies and does violent things to those he can get away with it.


 
You are correct about bullies. It sounds to me like it is possible that this went by too fast for him to catch, which can mean two things in his pea-little brain; that guy couldn't have possibly done anything so fast that I didn't catch it, so I can still take him. Or...dang, I'm hurting and locked up, and never saw what happened; I've been outclassed, and ought to stay away. Let's hope for the latter.

D.


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Guys, I talked about it with pop for a bit this morning.  He said "You did exactly what you were supposed to do, diffuse and call for help."  I know you probably wanted to make sure he got fitted for some traction, but you didn't.  You knocked him out and called the cops, kept a safe distance.  I am proud of you."

The scary thing is, from being in combat oversees and seeing what I have I have a quick trigger for adrenaline when there is "Immenent danger."  While I waited for the cops I couldn't stop thinking the "What if he had attacked my wife Jaime?  Kicked my poodle with the work boots on?"  I just kept reciting the rules of engagement and what constituted immenent danger.


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## Ceicei (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Guys, I talked about it with pop for a bit this morning.  He said "You did exactly what you were supposed to do, diffuse and call for help."  I know you probably wanted to make sure he got fitted for some traction, but you didn't.  You knocked him out and called the cops, kept a safe distance.  I am proud of you."
> 
> The scary thing is, from being in combat oversees and seeing what I have I have a quick trigger for adrenaline when there is "Immenent danger."  While I waited for the cops I couldn't stop thinking the "What if he had attacked my wife Jaime?  Kicked my poodle with the work boots on?"  I just kept reciting the rules of engagement and what constituted immenent danger.



Matt, you did great!  Hopefully, the guy will mark your territory (home and family) as off limits.  I won't hold my breath though with the way he is thinking.  Just wondering, is Jaime ready to handle herself if you're not nearby?

-- Ceicei


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## CoryKS (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> I just kept reciting the rules of engagement and what constituted immenent danger.


 
Damn good thing for him that you know the rules of engagement.  :asian:


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## JBrainard (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> You know, I absolutely feel bad. The last thing I hate is confrontation, invited or otherwise.
> 
> The thing is I love competition, that is one thing that really drives me. I hate fighting, now 3 hours later I still kinda feel like I did something wrong even though I didn't. First time I have had to defend myself, instead of someone else since the early 90's. Who else can identify? Thoughts? Opinions?


 
I have never had to defend myself (luckily) but I think that I would feel the same way. Hurting someone (outside of full contact competition) never feels good, unless you're a sadist. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you did what you had to do. That's life, I guess.


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Ceicei said:


> Matt, you did great! Hopefully, the guy will mark your territory (home and family) as off limits. I won't hold my breath though with the way he is thinking. Just wondering, is Jaime ready to handle herself if you're not nearby?
> 
> -- Ceicei


 

My wife is under the instruction of: Enter the Equinox in the enclosed garage and exit the Equinox in the enclosed garage and dont unlock the door until the door is secure.  She is to ask who is at the door and if neighbor jerk is at the door to call 9-1-1 and tell him to go away.


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Ceicei said:


> Matt, you did great! Hopefully, the guy will mark your territory (home and family) as off limits. I won't hold my breath though with the way he is thinking. Just wondering, is Jaime ready to handle herself if you're not nearby?
> 
> -- Ceicei


 
Well Jaime is understanding of the following: Dont enter or exit the Equinox unless enclosed in the garage, if crazy neighbor comes to the door then she is to tell him to leave and dial 9-1-1.  Also, our front door is to stay locked at all times.  Yell fire in case of danger, that sort of thing.

However, she is now taking interest in "The stuff you, your dad and pals do."  Sorry for the duplicate post.


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## Cruentus (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt,

Glad to hear that your OK, and nice job doing the right thing and defending yourself, but not overstepping the lines of SD.

That said, the thing that sucks the worst about this is that he is your neighbor. The worst thing to have is a feud with a neighbor. Reason is, this might not be over. This could go on and on and on. He could attack you again, wait for when you are not home and do something to you family, pets, property. It could be a constant struggle.

I am sorry to say this, and I am not trying to make you paranoid. But this does happen. And now he will have a reason to perpetuate a conflict, because you kicked his *** (never mind the fact that he is the ******* that attacked you first, because these *******s never see that).

I would consider trying to talk to him, or make some sort of amends (even though you weren't wrong, but that doesn't matter). Kind of test the waters to see if you guys can coexist. This isn't necessarily the right answer, just something to consider and think about. Only you can really know the right answer here because you are closer to the situation then anyone on this forum.

Good luck, man.


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## Kacey (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt, I'm with everyone else - you did exactly what you should have, with appropriate force for the situation.  If you hadn't knocked him out, he'd have kept coming, and you'd have ended up doing more damage - and been much more likely to damage yourself in the process.  I'm glad you're okay.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Brad Dunne said:


> Slightly off subject here, but I can't let this thought go. This jerk has got to much history. A retired cop neighbor "beat him down"? I can understand him not wanting to go back after a cop,..... assualt charges / domestic battery(s),..........Drunk charges,..............and whatever else is on his sheet............My question is - What is this idiot doing out? You just have to scratch your head and wonder just what the hell happened to the judicial system. :idunno:



Yeah, see, this is exactly what I'm wondering also. This guy should be on _parole_ at this point, looking at five to ten if he puts a single toe out of line. But his past doesn't seem to have clipped his wings at all. Why not? Involved in a physical conflict with an LEO? _Come on!!_

Something seems seriously wrong here....


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Cruentus said:


> Matt,
> 
> Glad to hear that your OK, and nice job doing the right thing and defending yourself, but not overstepping the lines of SD.
> 
> ...


 
Believe it or not I thought of this same approach, once he is done with the police.  I did press charges.  He is not afraid to hit women, that is my biggest concern.  I mean if I get hurt then that sucks, if my wife or dog get hurt.....that would be unbearable.

To bad you can't interview your prospective neighbors before putting an offer on the house.


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

exile said:


> Yeah, see, this is exactly what I'm wondering also. This guy should be on _parole_ at this point, looking at five to ten if he puts a single toe out of line. But his past doesn't seem to have clipped his wings at all. Why not? Involved in a physical conflict with an LEO? _Come on!!_
> 
> Something seems seriously wrong here....


 

For some reason the folks in his family or those he wronged in the neighborhood were afraid to press charges on crazy man.  Honestly, I think in his mind he has to be the rooster of the barnyard and everyone will respect him.  Whether genuine or through fear.  I feel sorry for people like this, they have very unfulfilled lives.


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## Cruentus (Feb 20, 2007)

Fear and angry aggression come from the same part of the brain; amygdala. People who are overtly angry aggressive who use intimidation to get their way against innocent people are often very fearful people as well at their core. So, fear can often be a motivator for them.

I am not implying that you should do anything illegal or crazy, but I am just stating this for you to keep in mind and use to your advantage if needed.


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## Bill Lear (Feb 20, 2007)

Brian R. VanCise said:


> Press charges, temporary restraining order and take some extra precautions for the future.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
I second that notion. This guy obviously doesn't really care that much about himself, and his lovely disposition might actually land him in a correctional facility with others that share his nasty habits. Just make sure you're safe and not the statistic that buys him his trip to life on the inside.


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## Bill Lear (Feb 20, 2007)

Cruentus said:


> Fear and angry aggression come from the same part of the brain; amygdala. People who are overtly angry aggressive who use intimidation to get their way against innocent people are often very fearful people as well at their core. So, fear can often be a motivator for them.
> 
> I am not implying that you should do anything illegal or crazy, but I am just stating this for you to keep in mind and use to your advantage if needed.


 
I agree. Don't forget that people who are affraid usually bring weapons to tip the scales in their favor.


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## Tames D (Feb 20, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Believe it or not I thought of this same approach, once he is done with the police. I did press charges. He is not afraid to hit women, that is my biggest concern. I mean if I get hurt then that sucks, if my wife or dog get hurt.....that would be unbearable.
> 
> To bad you can't interview your prospective neighbors before putting an offer on the house.


I think it stinks that you have to live next door to a guy like this. Talk about bringing down the harmony in the neighborhood. I will NEVER complain about my neighbor again. He drinks too much and whenever I go out front he runs over and wants to talk my head off, but a very nice and social guy. So I feel your pain having to live next to your neighbor. I'll never complain again about mine, LOL.


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## jdinca (Feb 20, 2007)

Well done. Let's hope he's learned his lesson. I feel sorry for his family.


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 20, 2007)

I know I am late but I just noticed this post.

Matt I am glad to hear you are alright and you were not wrong in your response and it sounds like you have handled everything just fine.


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## MJS (Feb 20, 2007)

Brad Dunne said:


> Slightly off subject here, but I can't let this thought go. This jerk has got to much history. A retired cop neighbor "beat him down"? I can understand him not wanting to go back after a cop,..... assualt charges / domestic battery(s),..........Drunk charges,..............and whatever else is on his sheet............My question is - What is this idiot doing out? You just have to scratch your head and wonder just what the hell happened to the judicial system. :idunno:


 
I often wonder the same thing.  I've seen the rap sheets of some guys, with 30 arrests.  The charges are either dropped or they're given a suspended sentence.  Some of these charges include drug violations, assault, robbery.  Go figure.

Mike


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## Andy Moynihan (Feb 20, 2007)

Won't let me rep you just now, but had to send my support your way none the less.

The USMC standard hanging by the garage shouldve been this loser's clue.

Good job but stay alert.


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## CoryKS (Feb 20, 2007)

Andy Moynihan said:


> The USMC standard hanging by the garage shouldve been this loser's clue.


 
Well, they don't call Missouri the Show Me State for nothing!  So Matt showed him.  :rofl:


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## donna (Feb 20, 2007)

Glad to hear that you and your wife are OK. Hope he gets what he deserves.


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## Ninjamom (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt, I am Sooooooo glad that you are OK and that the situation ended as it did.  You did exactly the right thing, and all your MT buds are proud of ya.

That said, I have one more thing to add: this may sound really stupid, but THANK GOD that YOU were the neighbor he tried something with!  Things could easily have ended differently if he had tried this with ANYONE else in the area.  If it had been my drunk neighbor messing with me, as small as I am, that could have easily been me lying on the pavement instead of him.

I try to teach my sons that the number one thing that really makes them a man is how they use their strength to protect and defend the women in their lives.  If this guy beats on his wife and kids, then let's just say he is already less of a man, in my book.  You used the training you had, your strength, and your instincts to stand up to someone who isn't afraid to hit people smaller and weaker than himself.  If the only result of all this is that he thinks twice before hitting someone else, then, my friend, you have succeeded in defending a lot more than your own yard!


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## searcher (Feb 20, 2007)

CoryKS said:


> Well, they don't call Missouri the Show Me State for nothing! So Matt showed him. :rofl:


 

You have got to stop.  I can't stop laughing long enough to hardly type.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Andy Moynihan said:


> Won't let me rep you just now, but had to send my support your way none the less.



I'm in the same boat. But Matt has rep coming from me on this as soon as he's cycled off my current rep list.



Andy Moynihan said:


> The USMC standard hanging by the garage shouldve been this loser's clue.
> 
> Good job but stay alert.



My thoughts exactly... except that losers like the guy Matt decked are clueless, so clues are useless to them. My hope is, he'll do some hard time and maybe fall foul of some _really_ scary guy inside, and then neither Matt nor anyone else will have to waste another moment of precious lifetime thinking about him. But yes, in cases like this, keep your powder dry. 

The problem with imbiciles like this guy is that they do _not_ learn from experience.....


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## dragonswordkata (Feb 20, 2007)

I"m glad you are ok. Please do watch your back.

You know what sucks about this. His wife and probably kids will pay for this when he gets out of jail. Friggin bullies. I know the inner child speech about how he probably had an abusive childhood and it's just repeating itself. I do have some sympathy for his pain, but he's supposed to be an adult!   Maybe he forgot; Marriage = love, honor, cherish.
Well, I know counciling to him would probably be futile but I do hope and pray that his wife sees that she CAN leave and she WILL do better on her own, before he gets worse.


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## KenpoGunz (Feb 20, 2007)

Thank you for sharing your experience, and thank you for your service to our country.

I hope everything works out well for you and your family.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

dragonswordkata said:


> I"m glad you are ok. Please do watch your back.
> 
> You know what sucks about this. His wife and probably kids will pay for this when he gets out of jail. Friggin bullies. I know the inner child speech about how he probably had an abusive childhood and it's just repeating itself. I do have some sympathy for his pain, but he's supposed to be an adult!   Maybe he forgot; Marriage = love, honor, cherish.
> Well, I know counciling to him would probably be futile but I do hope and pray that his wife sees that she CAN leave and she WILL do better on her own, before he gets worse.



There's a lot of sense in this. The guy is a nasty creep because he was badly damaged, somewhere along the line, almost certainly. That might be an explanation. But it can't be an _excuse_. There are a lot of people who have been badly damaged in their lives who are perfectly fine, functional, valuable human beings. This guy chooses _not_ to be. 

On the one hand, people who grow up in cruel, brutal circumstances are very likely to be cruel and brutal themselves. But on the other hand, the guy isn't an automaton, mindlessly acting out some script that's been programmed into him as though he were a robot. He can act, and he can also refrain from acting. If Matt were seven feet tall, weighted three hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle, and had twin 10-guage sawed-offs in holsters strapped to his hip, it's very unlikely the guy would have attempted to assault him. So he knows that there are circumstances in which violence is an attractive choice for him, and circumstances where it isn't. Once he knows that, he's completely responsible for everything he does, because when he acts violently, it means he's _decided_ that that situation is one in which it's an attractive choice. He can choose. That makes him responsible...


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## bluemtn (Feb 20, 2007)

What an excellent way to demonstrate what a true warrior is, Matt.  I'm glad that you weren't injured, and he's in jail right now.   Great advice you gave your wife, too.  I'm just sorry to hear that it happened, though.  Did you get the restraining order?



dragonswordkata said:


> Well, I know counciling to him would probably be futile but I do hope and pray that his wife sees that she CAN leave and she WILL do better on her own, before he gets worse.


 
I hope so too.


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## Miles (Feb 20, 2007)

Matt, happy to hear that you (and your neighbor) are okay.  You handled yourself well. As others have noted, you and your wife should keep your radar up when he eventually gets released.

Miles


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## matt.m (Feb 20, 2007)

Well, here is a great turn of events......The wife of "Mr. Drunken Meat hooks" came out in her front yard this evening and plead his case.  The whole "We are sorry that he's an idiot, he's sorry that he's an idiot, etc.

I told her that I was incredibly sorry that she has to go through what she decides to go through but I had asked for assault charges to be pressed and that was it.  His wife thanked me for what I did.  Her exact words were "Maybe he will understand that you can't just hit people because you want to."

I feel bad for a lady who is with a jerk like him.  It just makes me incredibly sad, but she stays with him.

The guys wife is a class act, I just don't understand.


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## Cruentus (Feb 21, 2007)

It is unfortunate when people are trapped in their own torment and relationships, and can't or refuse to see the way out.


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## wade (Feb 21, 2007)

Simper Fi Bro......................:shock:


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## exile (Feb 21, 2007)

You did the right thing, and maybe this is the kick in the teeth the guy needs to get his brain correctly repositioned inside his skull. The problem in the past clearly was, no one was willing to press charges. This may well be the first time the guy has had to face the consequences of his behavior at the right level of punishment. Could be a very valuable thing for him as well, in the end. 

Please do keep us updated on this, Matt... and continue to be cautious and alert...


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## Shaderon (Feb 21, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Well, here is a great turn of events......The wife of "Mr. Drunken Meat hooks" came out in her front yard this evening and plead his case. The whole "We are sorry that he's an idiot, he's sorry that he's an idiot, etc.
> 
> I told her that I was incredibly sorry that she has to go through what she decides to go through but I had asked for assault charges to be pressed and that was it. His wife thanked me for what I did. Her exact words were "Maybe he will understand that you can't just hit people because you want to."
> 
> ...


 
It's hard to understand unless you've been there.  Unfortunately I have.
When you love someone, it doesn't stop just because they are a jerk, you defend them out of a belief that they can change, that give another chance they will learn this time, but after a while these bullies usually have their women believing that they can't do any better, that they are lucky to have them, they also have them scared of the consequences of them leaving, that they will come back and get them and it'll be worse because they were betrayed. The mental stuff usually begins long before the physical stuff.   It's a total brainwash, and unfortunately it works on a woman whose mental defenses are at rock bottom from being repeatedly insulted.

As someone who has been there at the hands of one of these jerks, thank you for doing what you did and pressing charges. People like you are my heroes.  

Sometimes the woman needs to see him doing it to someone else to start a cog ticking.   No amount of reasoning will make her leave, she has to see it for herself and to hear from someone new that he is wrong.   I Do plead with you however to report anything you have heard do hear or witness to the police for the kids sake, someone has to investigate, the kids can't leave, and if it comes down to loosing the kids or leaving her husband.....    Sometimes it can make it worse short term, but in the long term you might save the life of one of them kids, or their mum.

Thank you Matt.


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## matt.m (Feb 21, 2007)

Shaderon said:


> It's hard to understand unless you've been there. Unfortunately I have.
> When you love someone, it doesn't stop just because they are a jerk, you defend them out of a belief that they can change, that give another chance they will learn this time, but after a while these bullies usually have their women believing that they can't do any better, that they are lucky to have them, they also have them scared of the consequences of them leaving, that they will come back and get them and it'll be worse because they were betrayed. The mental stuff usually begins long before the physical stuff. It's a total brainwash, and unfortunately it works on a woman whose mental defenses are at rock bottom from being repeatedly insulted.
> 
> As someone who has been there at the hands of one of these jerks, thank you for doing what you did and pressing charges. People like you are my heroes.
> ...


 

I am half a step ahead of you, I told the cop that came to my house yesterday of what I know that he had done to the wife, 22 and 15 yr. old boys.  I mean geez, in the Corps we used to "Have a talk" with guys that were not being decent human beings.  

Also, last night I got the pepper spray for the missus and put it on he key chain.  Drunken neighbor is still in jail as of this morning.


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## Kreth (Feb 21, 2007)

matt.m said:


> I mean geez, in the Corps we used to "Have a talk" with guys that were not being decent human beings.


Ah, the legendary blanket party. A very effective deterrent. Maybe our justice system should implement it...


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## matt.m (Feb 21, 2007)

Kreth said:


> Ah, the legendary blanket party. A very effective deterrent. Maybe our justice system should implement it...


 

Nah, not that civilized but you got the idea.


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## Brian King (Feb 21, 2007)

Shaderon
Thanks for posting your story and helping our understanding. Perhaps your post will give others that also find themselves in the same situation the needed strength to better their position.

Matt,
Belated congrats on surviving and overcoming an attack. That you are taking the time to reflect and learn from the situation reflects well on you and your training.

Pepper spray on a key chain is a great idea, but you may also want to consider have a canister near the front door (Velcro on the canister and the door frame makes it convenient) that your wife can easily have in hand when answering the door. You might also consider buying an extra canister and taking the wife into the back yard and let her spray it to get the feel of working the canisters. Also a walk thru or around a cloud of spray to get a feeling of what it is like, familiarization before an actual use is highly recommended. By using a cloud and having her walk around it or thru it is much easier to take and control rather than taking a full blast. Have plenty of water on hand and a place to change clothing. Also be aware of drift so that you do not accidentally spray any of your neighbors. 

A bad situation yet one that may have some good come from it. The neighbors wife may gather some strength, the neighbor may have been given a wake up call that he may listen to, and families that face danger together better learn teamwork and to rely on each others strength and Matt it sounds like that is your family. 

Good luck my friend
Brian


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## Tames D (Feb 21, 2007)

Brian said:


> Shaderon
> Thanks for posting your story and helping our understanding. Perhaps your post will give others that also find themselves in the same situation the needed strength to better their position.
> 
> Matt,
> ...


I doubt it. But hopefully he can change. The pepper spray is a good idea but I think I'd feel better knowing there is a Glock 19 velcroed to the door frame when my wife and kids are home without me.


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## matt.m (Feb 21, 2007)

Everyone knows I am a combat vet from my time in the Marines.  I have said 1000 times if only once that "Guns are just a bad idea."  I have 10's of 1000's of firearms training.   I know what it is like to put someone down with one.

I have seen idiots hurt themselves, having a gun is just a bad, bad, bad idea.  Just a personal thought.  By the way, one weekend I went the State championships and won 2nd in pistol and 1st in rifle using the M16 and the 9 mm.  I did this almost 2yrs. after my last USMC qualifications.  

Just not a big fan of gun ownership.  What can go wrong outweighs the benefit of having one, period.

However, I do own 5 canes and a few k-bars.  I also walk with a cane.

No, the wife is supposed to pull the curtain and tell unwanted visitors to go home and keep the phone by her at all times.

Firearms are great if you are unconditionally committed to using them, very few have had to shoot one in anger or defense and the longer you keep the gun off safe the more likely you are to get hurt.  The sequence should be 1. pull out and 2. shoot 3. put away.


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## IcemanSK (Feb 21, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Everyone knows I am a combat vet from my time in the Marines. I have said 1000 times if only once that "Guns are just a bad idea." I have 10's of 1000's of firearms training. I know what it is like to put someone down with one.
> 
> I have seen idiots hurt themselves, having a gun is just a bad, bad, bad idea. Just a personal thought. By the way, one weekend I went the State championships and won 2nd in pistol and 1st in rifle using the M16 and the 9 mm. I did this almost 2yrs. after my last USMC qualifications.
> 
> ...


 
A wise position. IMO


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## CoryKS (Feb 21, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Just not a big fan of gun ownership. What can go wrong outweighs the benefit of having one, period.


 
To say nothing of what happens when things go right.  In Matt's original post, he expressed a feeling of having done something wrong for punching the guy even though the situation was a textbook case of self-defense.  Shooting the guy would probably feel a hell of a lot worse, especially if there had been alternatives.  Sounds like Matt has a good handle on the situation without firearms.


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## IcemanSK (Mar 2, 2007)

How have things been in your neighborhood lately, Matt?


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## Drac (Mar 2, 2007)

matt.m said:


> However, I do own 5 canes and a few k-bars. I also walk with a cane


 
Ahh canes..As Grandmaster Mark Shuey Sr of CaneMasters calls them *"A billyclub with meathook."*


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## matt.m (Mar 3, 2007)

IcemanSK said:


> How have things been in your neighborhood lately, Matt?


 

Thanks for asking.  He got weekend jail for 3 months, probation, and 0 alcohol tolerance.  No violence either, of any kind.  If he gets busted then he gets a long time in the can to think about it.

The man won't even look towards my home.  That is ok with me, I believe that is the best thing.  We have agreed that I will wave hello and vice versa.  That is the only "Kindness" to be shown and he is to mind his own business.

GM and Mr. Evans have been very concerned with helping me with cane flow drills.  Mr. Evans came to my house after upper belt workout for a bit to help with the "Flooring" education.  The wife and I are having him to re-do our kitchen and one bathroom.  

Afterwards he and I went down and worked the "Ya just got knocked down to the ground what next stuff." for another hour.


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## Ceicei (Mar 3, 2007)

Terrific that you got in some extra training!  It's great that your MA show great concern for you.

- Ceicei


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## Brian R. VanCise (Mar 4, 2007)

Glad that thing's are getting better Matt.  Keep training and taking precautions.


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## Drac (Mar 5, 2007)

matt.m said:


> Thanks for asking. He got weekend jail for 3 months, probation, and 0 alcohol tolerance. No violence either, of any kind. If he gets busted then he gets a long time in the can to think about it.


 
Based on everything you said he's going to wind up a sitting for quite a spell in the future..*THEN* he'll see just how tough he isn't when he is turned loose into population..Guys with attitudes get them adjusted *QUICKLY...*



			
				matt.m said:
			
		

> The man won't even look towards my home. That is ok with me, I believe that is the best thing. We have agreed that I will wave hello and vice versa. That is the only "Kindness" to be shown and he is to mind his own business.


 
Sounds like a good way to be...



			
				matt.m said:
			
		

> GM and Mr. Evans have been very concerned with helping me with cane flow drills. Mr. Evans came to my house after upper belt workout for a bit to help with the "Flooring" education. The wife and I are having him to re-do our kitchen and one bathroom. Afterwards he and I went down and worked the "Ya just got knocked down to the ground what next stuff." for another hour.


 
You are *MOST *fortunate to have friends such as these....


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## IcemanSK (Mar 5, 2007)

I'm glad thinga are better for you & that you're getting extra training!


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## The Kidd (Mar 5, 2007)

Keep up the good work!


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## matt.m (Mar 5, 2007)

Drac said:


> Based on everything you said he's going to wind up a sitting for quite a spell in the future..*THEN* he'll see just how tough he isn't when he is turned loose into population..Guys with attitudes get them adjusted *QUICKLY...*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
You know for the most part we at MSK at a nice, considerate, and humble lot.  The upper dans have a saying of "Speak on the side of conservative".  Dad says, "Everyone needs a dose of humble to help them along sometime."

I agree, I mean really.......I am five rows deep on my ribbons and medals earned in the Marines, I also have a decent judo and wrestling career.  However, I always think people do better than I.  

Bill Evans is a fabulous teacher and friend.  He has great rapoire with all and is well received.  However, it is hard to get the guy to talk.  

Scott will tell you, that is just how it goes in MSK.


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## Miles (Mar 5, 2007)

matt.m said:


> You know for the most part we at MSK at a nice, considerate, and humble lot.  The upper dans have a saying of "Speak on the side of conservative".  Dad says, "Everyone needs a dose of humble to help them along sometime."
> 
> I agree, I mean really.......I am five rows deep on my ribbons and medals earned in the Marines, I also have a decent judo and wrestling career.  However, I always think people do better than I.
> 
> ...




Sounds like a great group Matt!  Glad everything worked out well.

Miles


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