# Beowulf - The movie that shouldn't be



## Flying Crane (May 13, 2008)

I am a big fan of the Beowulf poem.  I first read parts of it in grade school, and have read it in full numerous times over the years since.  I even named our two cats Grendel and Beowulf.  

And I've always felt it would make an excellent movie.

So when I first got wind of the Beowulf movie being made, I was kind of excited.  But nagging doubts began to grow the more I found out about it.  Such as the casting of Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mother the Water Hag, with stilletto-heeled feet (yes, that's "feet", not "shoes")...

I didn't even realize until more recently that the whole thing was done in animation.  While characters were modelled on certain actors and actresses, there were no real people in the film.

The more I found out about the film the more I was convinced it would be simply awful.  I vowed to never watch it, as that would be the ultimate betrayal of the epic poem. 

Well, out of boredom and a sick rubbernecking curiosity, we watched it last night.  And all my worst suspicions were fulfilled in spades.  It is a truly gawd-awful film.  The animation made it really weird, the casting and re-writing of key characters such as Grendel's mother was stupid.  The entire story was rewritten to make Grendel the bastard child of Hrothgar and the Water Hag, and the Dragon as the bastard child of Beowulf and the Water Hag.  It was just really really bizarre.  

When the movie was over, I felt like I needed a shower.  And a skin peel.  And an enema.  I just couldn't feel clean again.  

I give my sincerest apology to the Epic Poem and the unknown Bard who first recorded it for later generations.  I am truly sorry that I sunk to such a depth.  I knew it was a betrayal of the deepest sort even before I pressed "play" on my DVD player.   My guts twisted as the film began.  I am unclean.  Please forgive me.


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## exile (May 13, 2008)

Thanks for the warning, Michael. I'm inclined to avoid pretty much anything with Angeline Jolie in it, but my 11-year-old son is crazy about mythology, especially Greek and Norse myths, and if he ever finds out a movie based (very, very, very, very loosely, it sounds like) on _Beowulf_ existed, he would nag us till we got it and watched it... I can now tell him that someone whose opinions I respect has already seen it and considers it to be an act of horrible vandalism committed on one of the foundations of English literature (... means _no_, as Captain Barbosa would say!)


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## OnlyAnEgg (May 13, 2008)

With absolutely no prior knowledge of Beowulf (unlikely), it might have been a good flick.  As it is, Crane, I agree with you completely.  It was cgvomit.


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## tellner (May 13, 2008)

If a naked Angelina Jolie can't save a movie it must be a very bad movie indeed.


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## exile (May 13, 2008)

OnlyAnEgg said:


> With absolutely no prior knowledge of Beowulf (unlikely), it might have been a good flick.  As it is, Crane, I agree with you completely.  *It was cgvomit.*



And that's part of the problem. The availability of sophisticated computer generated images and environments seems to have emboldened filmmakers to try their hand at things which once upon a time they would have stayed away from, except people who were pushing limits in some kind of genuinely pioneering way. But now that everyone's got technical tricks on tap that a few decades ago would have been beyond even Industrial Light and Magic's capabilities, we're going to see the whole of mythology, legend and fantasy plundered for material by people whose idea of Hamlet would be Brad Pitt as the Dane and Angeline Jolie&#8212;dang, there she is again! :lol:&#8212;as Ophelia, with maybe a car chase thrown in. Don't expect it to stop with Beowulf, either... :uhohh:


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## Flying Crane (May 13, 2008)

tellner said:


> If a naked Angelina Jolie can't save a movie it must be a very bad movie indeed.


 
Ya know, that's another part of this wierdness.  They re-wrote the Water Hag into the role of a temptress.  Instead of killing her, Beowulf beds her (implied in the movie), and his bastard son is the Dragon that ravages his kingdom at the end of his life.  She never does die in the movie.

So anyway, she comes walking out of the water and she's naked with this reptilian tale and stiletto feet (puke!).  So they tried to be all risque and whatnot with the movie, but it's animated nudity, and they don't fill in the details of her nudity, no nipples and stuff even tho she is clearly naked.  It's like they wanted to be titillating, yet they didn't have the cahonas to carry thru with it.  I'm not encouraging nudity for the pure sake of nudity, but rather just illustrating where their decisions in making the movie fell short and were just really strange decisions.  Bizarre, all the way around.

By the way, in the movie, Hrothgar names Beowulf as his heir, then commits suicide after Grendel is killed.  So Beowulf becomes king of Hrothgar's people, rather than returning to Geatland and becoming king of his own people.  ****-ed up.

Tolkien was a Beowulf scholar, and there are portions of the Beowulf poem that had very strong influences on Tolkien's stories.  The Dragon that Beowulf battles, had been sleeping for generations in an underground barrow, and was awakened when a thief broke in and stole a CUP from the treasure hoard.  The Dragon was so mizerly that he knew exactly what piece of his vast treasure was taken.  He is enraged, and comes forth to destroy the countryside.  Sounds very very familiar, Bilbo and Smaug and Lake Town...

This is an important part of the story, even just for the historical influence that it had on authors like Tolkien, and it was completely written out of the movie.


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## Xue Sheng (May 13, 2008)

I decided from the trailer not to see it but I was beginning to get curious.

Thanks for the warning 

And now Beowulf for those that may not know it... the book not the abomination that is the film


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## shesulsa (May 13, 2008)

Yeah, I wish I'd read this before I wasted $10 of my good money to buy this piece of ****.  My old man raved about the literature and commented it would be *quite* violent, hence I confiscated one child's portable DVD player and threw the trash in it for watching one insomnial night. That's a couple of hours I'll never have back.

The only possible reasons for making this CGVomit for which some of us have required an enema (no, Flying Crane, you're not alone - that's me in the next stall, sorry) would be showing off someone's mad CG skilz, perhaps a reduced payout to the actors (?) for voiceover work instead of facework, or some California blowhead having had a fit of bad idea and good funding over a coke hill on some ho's boobs in Malibu at 4am. (don't get on me you fellow Kalifornicators - I'm from that cesspool too).


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## Archangel M (May 13, 2008)

Flying Crane said:


> Tolkien was a Beowulf scholar, and there are portions of the Beowulf poem that had very strong influences on Tolkien's stories. The Dragon that Beowulf battles, had been sleeping for generations in an underground barrow, and was awakened when a thief broke in and stole a CUP from the treasure hoard. The Dragon was so mizerly that he knew exactly what piece of his vast treasure was taken. He is enraged, and comes forth to destroy the countryside. Sounds very very familiar, Bilbo and Smaug and Lake Town...


 
And the Golden Hall of Theoden was Herot through and through....


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## thardey (May 13, 2008)

I hadn't read the poem before I saw the movie, and I could tell that something wasn't right about it. 

It was like a modern, shallow, one-dimensional story dedicated to show how much we've changed from those old barbarian slave-abusing, ego-obsessed, testosterone-fueled Neanderthals that was a foundation of our culture.

The only side of the characters that we saw was the obsession with making "a name" for themselves by how many men they'd killed, and how many women they've bedded. The women seemed  _only _to accept their role only as trophies, there was no character to them at all.

So either, people are going to watch this, and pat themselves on the back that we're no longer like these barbarians, and do a great disservice to the history of these amazing people, or they're going to watch it, and hold this version of Beowulf as a hero, and pursue nothing but violence and sex.

When I watched Gladiator, at first I thought it was going to glorify the violence of the arena. But then I saw it as a warning that we _could_ become that way again, if we're not careful. Even though Gladiator totally messed up the storyline of the character's lives, it connected with our culture, and made us think twice. Beowulf has changed from an example of a hero, to an example of how stupid it is to be a hero.


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## fyn5000 (May 13, 2008)

There was another movie based upon Beowulf made a few years ago.  It was not animated.  It was called "Beowulf and Grendel".  Not a bad film and not a great film.  Beowulf was played by Gerard Butler and Grendel was played by Ingvar Sigurdsson.  

tj


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## Bob Hubbard (May 13, 2008)

I thought the point of the movie was the naked animated AJ and the wicked graphics.

Oh well, saves me from spending $5 at LackLuster on it.


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## Tez3 (May 13, 2008)

I watched it on nightshift at silly oclock and it was an awful film. To be honest we'll watch just about anything on nights (my shift has no taste when it comes to films on nights lol), it's like chewing gum for the eyes but it was a truly awful film. How bad does it have to be to make world weary and fed up workers cringe at four in the morning lol! Beowolf bad! If a 'naked' Angelina Jolie can't perk the men up there's no hope for this film.


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## exile (May 13, 2008)

Of all the films on my list of all-time greatests, I can only think of two&#8212;Bergman's _The Hour of the Wolf_ and Visconti's _The Damned_&#8212;that had nudity of any kind in them, and in both movies, that was both brief and part of the horror which both films were expressing. _Citizen Kane_, _Casablanca_, Bergman's _Fanny and Alexander_ and _Wild Strawberries_, Kurasawa' _Dersu Uzala_, _The Maltese Falcon_, the monumental Russian version of _War and Peace_... none of the others on my top 20 list have any nudity in them at all. Angelina Jolie will be an unrecognized name in dusty filmography indexes when Ingrid Bergman's reappearance in Rick's café, her tormented, inexpressibly beautiful face looking down at his ravaged, desolate one, staring into his empty glass of whiskey, is still evergreen.


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## Flying Crane (May 13, 2008)

A pretty good novelization of Beowulf was done by Frank Schaefer, in Whose Song Is Sung.  It's a telling of the story from the point of view of one of his companions, a dwarf who joined his company somewhere in southern Europe.  The book is written in  a sort of Gothic Fantasy style, and is pretty good.  I'd recomment it, to anyone who likes that kind of thing.


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## Fiendlover (May 13, 2008)

I read the poem before I watched the movie and I thought the poem was cool but it, to me, didn't have a point.  It was about a warrior killing a monster, and then another monster, and then a dragon.  ok...  But when the movie came out, it had a point.  In the movie Grendal _was _the bastard son of king Hrothgar and then the dragon was the bstard son of Beowulf.  So now it was all connected, it all made sense. 

now I'm not saying that it was better than the book because the plot and various other things were changed, but I like them both and I don't compare the movie to the poem because it got changed and revised so much that I just can't compare them.


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## Touch Of Death (May 13, 2008)

Flying Crane said:


> I am a big fan of the Beowulf poem. I first read parts of it in grade school, and have read it in full numerous times over the years since. I even named our two cats Grendel and Beowulf.
> 
> And I've always felt it would make an excellent movie.
> 
> ...


On the other hand it could interest a new genration into checking out your pet poem.
Sean


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## Steel Tiger (May 13, 2008)

The degree of ego it takes to take a classic piece of heroic literature and change it mystifies me.  Beowulf as it stands has everything you would think is needed to sell a movie these days - a terrorised land, hideous monsters, a hero (who fights and kills a dragon with a dagger!!).  But some johnny with a certificate from a film school thinks he can do a better story writing job.  This story is over 1000 years old for crying out loud.  It has stood the test of time.  Projects like this should have to be vetted by scholars in the field to protect the integrity of the material.


CG technology should be used to make the impossible come to life not to make the real look bizarre.  All too often are we seeing this technology used in completely spurious ways.  This Beowulf's appearance does not inspire.  Eaters of the Dead, with Antonio Banderas, had a much nicer look and feel for the region.


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## OnlyAnEgg (May 13, 2008)

Steel Tiger said:


> The degree of ego it takes to take a classic piece of heroic literature and change it mystifies me. Beowulf as it stands has everything you would think is needed to sell a movie these days - a terrorised land, hideous monsters, a hero (who fights and kills a dragon with a dagger!!). But some johnny with a certificate from a film school thinks he can do a better story writing job. This story is over 1000 years old for crying out loud. It has stood the test of time. Projects like this should have to be vetted by scholars in the field to protect the integrity of the material.
> 
> 
> CG technology should be used to make the impossible come to life not to make the real look bizarre. All too often are we seeing this technology used in completely spurious ways. This Beowulf's appearance does not inspire. Eaters of the Dead, with Antonio Banderas, had a much nicer look and feel for the region.


 
I dunno...they let Peter Jackson have his way and, even though LotR drew a lot from Beowulf, it's literature, as well.  From a reader's point of view, Jackson slagged the books but good.

Now, Eaters of the Dead was rockin'.


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## Sukerkin (May 13, 2008)

exile said:


> Of all the films on my list of all-time greatests, I can only think of twoBergman's _The Hour of the Wolf_ and Visconti's _The Damned_that had nudity of any kind in them, and in both movies, that was both brief and part of the horror which both films were expressing. _Citizen Kane_, _Casablanca_, Bergman's _Fanny and Alexander_ and _Wild Strawberries_, Kurasawa' _Dersu Uzala_, _The Maltese Falcon_, the monumental Russian version of _War and Peace_... none of the others on my top 20 list have any nudity in them at all. Angelina Jolie will be an unrecognized name in dusty filmography indexes when Ingrid Bergman's reappearance in Rick's café, her tormented, inexpressibly beautiful face looking down at his ravaged, desolate one, staring into his empty glass of whiskey, is still evergreen.


 
I reckon you and I could have quite a splendid vino & flicks night-in, my good friend :lol:.  

I have to confess tho' that I am larely of the 'film is not art' school of thought; at least modern cinema is that way.  Things used to be different before special effects budgets ruled the roost and before actresses could be so easily persuaded to disrobe.  Not that I've got anything against the nude female form; it's just that it's a 'cheap trick' for a film maker if s/he doesn't actually have anything to say.

I also have to confess that tho' she as nutty as a fruit cake, Ms. Jolie is a splendid example of the female form, re-invented for the era in which she lives of course.  The vision of her driving a Jaguar XJ220 (such a beautiful car) in Gone in Sixty Seconds will remain with me a while .  That said, Ingrid Bergman is one of my all time favourites and will, I agree, endure in the memory.

Where was I going before I lost track?  Oh yes, the CGI version of Beowulf.  I had been tempted to buy it (as well as the live-action version) and am glad to have been warned off in no uncertain terms.  Maybe we can persuade Kenneth Branner to do a film version?  That might stay closer to the original story.


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## exile (May 13, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> I reckon you and I could have quite a splendid vino & flicks night-in, my good friend :lol:.



Well, we could at that&#8212;I'll be in the UK for an extended period of time during 2009... I'll bring the beer and popcorn! :lol:



Sukerkin said:


> I have to confess tho' that I am larely of the 'film is not art' school of thought; at least modern cinema is that way.  Things used to be different before special effects budgets ruled the roost and before actresses could be so easily persuaded to disrobe.  Not that I've got anything against the nude female form; it's just that it's a 'cheap trick' for a film maker if s/he doesn't actually have anything to say.
> 
> I also have to confess that tho' she as nutty as a fruit cake, Ms. Jolie is a splendid example of the female form, re-invented for the era in which she lives of course.  The vision of her driving a Jaguar XJ220 (such a beautiful car) in Gone in Sixty Seconds will remain with me a while .  That said, Ingrid Bergman is one of my all time favourites and will, I agree, endure in the memory.
> 
> Where was I going before I lost track?  Oh yes, the CGI version of Beowulf.  I had been tempted to buy it (as well as the live-action version) and am glad to have been warned off in no uncertain terms.  Maybe we can persuade Kenneth Branner to do a film version?  That might stay closer to the original story.



KB would have been my choice as well....


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## Sukerkin (May 14, 2008)

exile said:


> Well, we could at thatI'll be in the UK for an extended period of time during 2009... I'll bring the beer and popcorn! :lol:


 
Huzzar!  I'll make a mental note to add that to the diary.  Hopefully we'll be able to arrange things (assuming that the world hasn't speeded up it's journey to hell in a hand cart ) :tup:.


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## Flying Crane (May 14, 2008)

Touch Of Death said:


> On the other hand it could interest a new genration into checking out your pet poem.
> Sean


 

ah, well, if there's a silver lining somewhere...


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## Flying Crane (May 14, 2008)

Sukerkin said:


> I also have to confess that tho' she as nutty as a fruit cake, Ms. Jolie is a splendid example of the female form, re-invented for the era in which she lives of course.


 
Yes, but in this animated nonsense, the incompleteness of the nude image made her look like an asexual disrobed Barbie doll.  Sure, the Lady Lumps were all in place, but the details were all missing.  It was a really strange choice in making her look that way.  I felt like they wanted to be daring in portraying the nude character, but they lacked the balls to do it properly.  They chickened out.  Just really Bizarro World.


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## thardey (May 14, 2008)

Flying Crane said:


> Yes, but in this animated nonsense, the incompleteness of the nude image made her look like an asexual disrobed Barbie doll.  Sure, the Lady Lumps were all in place, but the details were all missing.  It was a really strange choice in making her look that way.  I felt like they wanted to be daring in portraying the nude character, but they lacked the balls to do it properly.  They chickened out.  Just really Bizarro World.



Did you know that they shot those scenes while she was pregnant? Then CGI'd her into more of a vixen, and less of a "matronly" situation?


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## Flying Crane (May 14, 2008)

thardey said:


> Did you know that they shot those scenes while she was pregnant? Then CGI'd her into more of a vixen, and less of a "matronly" situation?


 
too funny.


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## Tez3 (May 14, 2008)

I've watched a fair few films derived from books, some much loved and enjoyed the films even though the story was only vaguely like the original stories. Beowolf was just a bad film! Ray Winstone's pronounciation of 'monster' was hilarious though :lol:


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