# Things you wish you could say outloud



## Lisa (Mar 12, 2008)

Got these in an email.  Feel free to add to them!

 I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronounce.

I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Ill try being nicer if youll try being more intelligent.

If you have something to say, raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

Dont let your mind wander; its too small to be let out on its own.

You are as pretty as a picture; Id really like to hang you;


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## MA-Caver (Mar 12, 2008)

how about.... 

Where the hell do you people come from? 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Does your mother know you do that?


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## shesulsa (Mar 12, 2008)

If you continue to emit those noxious fumes I'll be forced to douse you with Febreeze.

Why don't you just shut the **** up?

No, I don't think you're a lush, have a fourth bottle of wine.

Eat a damn cheeseburger before you blow away in a stiff wind.

Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?

Touch my daughter and I'll ****ing kill you, I mean it.

Do you think you look pretty and dressed smartly? Because I'd lay odds that all the men in the room are only thinking about doing you.

You *really* work for the school?

If you serve me more broccoli than steak, we're gonna have a problem.


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## Sukerkin (Mar 12, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?


 
:snurkle:


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## shesulsa (Mar 12, 2008)

I know you're lying because your lips are moving.

I wonder how long I'd have to stay in jail if I just slapped her face?

Of course you know more than me because you're younger and fresher - that's why young people are running the world. 

Of course I remember saying that, but I only said it then to shut you up.

Either wipe, wear diapers or wash your skidmarks out before your underwear reaches my hamper.

When you stop sitting on my couch in your greasy, muddy work clothes you can stop bitching about how dirty it is. 
(okay, I _might_ have said this one out loud :uhyeah: )

If you don't want me to fart during sex, then don't fart during sex.

Why yes, I love beer. That's why you always see me ordering wine or hard liquor with dinner instead of Hefferveisen.


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## tellner (Mar 12, 2008)

The next time you open your mouth it had better be to suck start my snowblower.

Sixty knife fights? Man, you're too pretty. Where are your scars? How come you've got all your fingers and both eyes. I'll bet you did stab sixty guys. Were any of them facing you when you zipped them? - _Actually said by my first Silat teacher to a guy who was claiming to be part of the "Guild of Professional Knife Fighters" or some such crap._

I've met a lot of people with your condition. You are maybe the nicest one.

Really? And when men look at you all they can think of is tricks with credit cards. - _From a recent 9 Chickweed Lane_

Officer, you've got a real thing about the whores. Here's ten bucks. Maybe one of them will let you take a close look at it.

Will Rogers never met you.

Christ Almighty. Are you ever going to shut up?

Yep. It's traditional. It's all _gimi _and _giri_. I have a beautiful wife with large breasts. I could be home making love to her instead of being fed B.S. by a bunch of White fake Asians.

You said "First person in with MSRP gets the car." Now you're going to "the guy in the back room" and trying to jerk me around on the price. You lied to me, and you're screwing with me. Goodbye. - _As a matter of fact, I did say that. And the look on the salesman's face was priceless_


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## MBuzzy (Mar 12, 2008)

I really can't believe that you were the fastest sperm....


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## Big Don (Mar 12, 2008)

I'm not a gynecologist, but, I'll take a look


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## BrandiJo (Mar 12, 2008)

*lalala* i cant hear you. 

Yes i see you smiling, you either got laid or got drunk last night, either way i dont want to hear it. (ugh several past coworkers needed to hear this)

Oh your still talking i stopped listening hours ago.


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## MA-Caver (Mar 12, 2008)

MBuzzy said:


> I really can't believe that you were the fastest sperm....


:lfao: amen to that one! 



			
				shesulsa said:
			
		

> 1. Eat a damn cheeseburger before you blow away in a stiff wind.
> 
> 2. Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?


That 1st one can apply to me, though I personally don't think I'm that skinny. 

2nd one... I've heard a version that is similar : I'd smack you but **** splatters! 

Also; I'd tell you your zipper is down if you shut up long enough. 

The next train leaves in 5 minutes, please be under it. 

If I give you a dollar will you go away?


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 13, 2008)

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ***.

God, where were half of THESE sayings last Sunday....


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## KempoGuy06 (Mar 13, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> Why don't you just shut the **** up?



Ive used this one out load before but it is usually more like this... 


*SHUT THE **** UP!!!!!

*B


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## crushing (Mar 13, 2008)

You can call me Cliff, drop over sometime.


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## stone_dragone (Mar 13, 2008)

Often wanted to say to a "leader" in the army..."You should only be followed by an appology!"

How about a game of hide and go **** yourself?


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## CoryKS (Mar 13, 2008)

This was actually said by one of my coworkers to another (who was pregnant):

"I see you're in the stage of pregnancy when you can't do anything with your hair."


Amazingly, he lived.


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## shesulsa (Mar 13, 2008)

CoryKS said:


> This was actually said by one of my coworkers to another (who was pregnant):
> 
> "I see you're in the stage of pregnancy when you can't do anything with your hair."
> 
> ...


That is, indeed, amazing.

ahem ...

(To male) I see you think your dick is bigger than mine, in which case you're mistaken and that's only sad because I don't have one.

Once again your male sense of my intelligence falls so short a midget would ask an ant to help him get it.

Cause a problem with this kid and I will stick my foot so far up your *** people will think I have a lymphatic cyst on my leg.

*What I will want to say when I submit my application and fingerprint receipt to the school district tomorrow:*  Do you realize that "Certified" indicates a person's status and "Certificated" indicates the documented support, hence you would refer to the piece of paper as a "certificate," the date and action such was received as "certification," the documented evidence when submitted to you would be the "certificated" proof which showed I was "certified?"  *I expect a blank stare in return - but that's okay, it's what I've come to expect from the public school system.*


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## Big Don (Mar 13, 2008)

My friend's daughter has a t shirt that says, "If I had balls, they'd be bigger than yours"


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## ktaylor75 (Mar 13, 2008)

I must tell ya...I was reading this thread and laughing at all the different comments/insults when my smoke detector alerted me that my garlic bread was well over-done (burnt to a crisp) in the oven... So much for my snack!

Anyway....

Here's my two favorite...

Go play in traffic.

Take a long walk off a short pier.


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## tellner (Mar 13, 2008)

ktaylor75 said:


> Anyway....
> 
> Here's my two favorite...
> 
> ...



You got it wrong. It's the Duke of Westminster, so the _real_ quote is 

Take a long **** on a short fat Peer


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 13, 2008)

"Are you currently on any medication?...you could certainly USE some....."


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## shesulsa (Mar 13, 2008)

Got Vodka?

**okay, the others I'm coming up with now are too mature for this area of the board**


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## Topeng (Mar 14, 2008)

Of course I'll wait behind you in line while you find that coupon. Oh yes and now your'e gonna write a check too. Kill me please.

Sounds like oral diarrhea to me.

I'll get you a spoon, so you can eat my ***.

Why don't you get your dickbeaters off of my stuff before I f**k you up?

Your procreation rights have been revoked.

See this? This is my 'concerned' face.


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## Carol (Mar 14, 2008)

That's my paycheck?  Double it.  Now.


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## tellner (Mar 14, 2008)

Your parents? Tell them to stick around. I can marry them.

_Hands the person two bucks_ When I get screwed I pay for it.
_alternatively_
Sure, but could you kiss me first?
Kiss you? Why?
Because I like to get kissed before someone ****s me in the ***.


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## crushing (Mar 14, 2008)

No Angelina, I'm happily married.  Why don't you and Ms. Alba go stalk someone else!


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## KempoGuy06 (Mar 14, 2008)

crushing said:


> No Angelina, I'm happily married.  Why don't you and Ms. Alba go stalk someone else!


LOL!!!!!

B


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## zDom (Mar 14, 2008)

Why don't you get your fat *** up off that Wal-Mart ride-a-cart and get the jumbo bag of chocolate bars yourself?


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## Sukerkin (Mar 14, 2008)

Thanks for raising a smile after a hard day, ladies and gents - I don't want to single out anyone as that implies a contest but *Crushing* made me laugh as something I'd genuinely quite like to be able to say .


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## Archangel M (Mar 14, 2008)

Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.


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## MA-Caver (Mar 14, 2008)

Hey! Your intelligence is showing! (meaning the lack of it)


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 14, 2008)

"When you need it and don't have it, you'll sing a different tune".


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## Archangel M (Mar 14, 2008)

&#8220;Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.&#8221; 

&#8220;You didn&#8217;t think we give pretty women tickets? You&#8217;re right, we don&#8217;t. Sign here.


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## terryl965 (Mar 14, 2008)

Here is one of my favorite lines

that was not me but other personality


What do you mean I'm not in shape, round is a shape



Do I act as stupid as I look to you.


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## grydth (Mar 14, 2008)

Two people at work, when asked about some mistakes, asserted that," We blame our mothers for many things."  I replied that I, too, blamed their mothers for many things.

My assistant told me that visiting workmen were disturbing her when she was " trying to work." I told her that I would have to have outside workers over much more often.


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 14, 2008)

"I'm not as dumb as you look".


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## terryl965 (Mar 14, 2008)

You wake up in the morning and roll over from the night before and say do I know you.


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## shesulsa (Mar 14, 2008)

No, you're not the man. If you could make decisions, balance the checkbook, make vacation arrangements, do dishes, laundry, clean the garage, parent the children without me?  THEN you'd be the man.

Look, I know you wanna impress me with your lastability but I'm really kinda bored. Can we go to sleep now?

No I'm not done! How can I be done? When did we start???

You know I think my first time was better than you.

No, I don't think you stayed too long in the tanning booth - but please step away from the mocha-colored house. You're blending in and I can't see you.

Woman if you're going to fry your hair like that you should at least serve it up with ketchup, ranch or something.

COMBOVERS ... DON'T ... WORK!!!!

Hi Mom. Gawd, am I really gonna look like you?


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## Archangel M (Mar 14, 2008)

Since the manbashing quips are flying I guess ill unleash this one.


Who lit the fuse on your tampon?


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 14, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> No, you're not the man. If you could make decisions, balance the checkbook, make vacation arrangements, do dishes, laundry, clean the garage, parent the children without me? THEN you'd be the man.
> 
> Look, I know you wanna impress me with your lastability but I'm really kinda bored. Can we go to sleep now?
> 
> ...


 



Archangel M said:


> Since the manbashing quips are flying I guess ill unleash this one.
> 
> 
> Who lit the fuse on your tampon?


 


Right.

This is the Official Last Time I look into this thread whilst eating and/or drinking


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## zDom (Mar 17, 2008)

If you are going to drive THAT slow, just pull over WALK!

Green means GO!!

WTF? You training for NASCAR? Slow down!!

(ok.. I actually DO say these out loud.. I just wish the other driver could hear me )


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## matt.m (Mar 23, 2008)

You don't have a thyroid problem you have a little debbie problem considering you got a bunch of wrappers laying around.

You aren't walking around with leg braces or cane so quit borrowing grandmas car to go shopping and parking in handicap spots will ya?


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## newGuy12 (Mar 23, 2008)

zDom said:


> Green means GO!!



I can see that you do not go when the light turns green.  Perhaps you would like to have some other shade of green in order to prompt you to MOVE???


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## Twin Fist (Mar 27, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> You know I think my first time was better than you.



That just aint right................


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## tellner (Mar 27, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> Look, I know you wanna impress me with your lastability but I'm really kinda bored. Can we go to sleep now?
> 
> You know I think my first time was better than you.


 
Man, that's ****ing cold.


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 27, 2008)

shesulsa said:


> You know I think my first time was better than you.


 
ShesulsOWNED.


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