# Chuck Norris Humor



## Instructor

Allow me to preface that I am a Chuck Norris fan.  He's a good man and has become a media icon.  I am not entirely sure how he feels about the fun Chuck Norris 'facts' that have gone viral but I LOVE EM!

So this thread...lets see who can put the last and best Chuck Norris 'fact'.  They need not be original but should all be awesome.

I will start:

"Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups he presses the Earth down."


----------



## Dirty Dog

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.

Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.



Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. It's whatever time he says it is.


----------



## Steve

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.


----------



## Instructor

*Chuck Norris ordered a Big 
Mac at Burger King, and got one.*


----------



## Dirty Dog

The boogie man looks under his bed to see if Chuck Norris is there...


----------



## Carol

Pluto was a planet before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it in to submission!


----------



## Instructor

*There is no such thing as 
tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.*


----------



## Dirty Dog

Tornadoes are just Chuck Norris doing several spinning kicks.


Chuck Norris is allowed TWO carryon bags.


----------



## Instructor

Dirty Dog said:


> Chuck Norris is allowed TWO carryon bags.



Great now there is coffee all over my keyboard. 

*Although it is not common 
knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark 
side, and Chuck Norris.*


----------



## rlobrecht

There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist.


They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough.


----------



## Gnarlie

When you Google him, this used to be result 1:

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Gnarlie


----------



## Carol

Chuck Norris can speak Braille!


----------



## arnisador

When Chuck Norris wants a steak, cows volunteer. It's just easier that way.

(I told this in calculus the other day.)


----------



## Carol

The grim reaper once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience


----------



## billc

Darth Vader wears Chuck Norris pajamas...


----------



## jezr74

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the islands.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD


----------



## Kong Soo Do

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.


----------



## ks - learning to fly

Chuck Norris wanted to sleep in last Saturday and the sun went back down...


----------



## arnisador

The Cuban Missile Crisis ended when President Kennedy threatened to use Chuck Norris.


----------



## jks9199

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a king cobra.  After five agonizing days of horrible pain and suffering...  the snake died.


----------



## Kong Soo Do

If Chuck Norris was a country, the chief export would be pain.


----------



## Kong Soo Do

Hand sanitizer kills 99.9% of germs.  Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants.  

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

If at first you don't succeed..you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.


----------



## arnisador

Mary had a little lamb but *Chuck* *Norris* ate it.


----------



## Makalakumu

A long time ago, a woman asked Chuck Norris for a Money Shot, the result was the Milky Way.


----------



## arnisador

*Chuck* *Norris* runs until the treadmill gets tired.


----------



## jks9199

arnisador said:


> *Chuck* *Norris* runs until the treadmill gets tired.



I figured Chuck Norris runs, and the world spins underneath him.


----------



## arnisador

Well, when he does push-ups, he's actually pushing the earth down.


----------



## jezr74

Chuck Norris understands women


Sent using Tapatalk


----------



## arnisador

Chuck Noris can solve a rubik's cube with one roundhouse kick.


----------



## rlobrecht

This one's not really funny, but I thought it was a clever take on the theme.


----------



## arnisador

After Chuck Norris has sex, the whole neighborhood smokes a cigarette.


----------



## Makalakumu

Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm by pointing his finger like a gun and saying, "booyah!"


----------



## arnisador

Sand is created by Chuck Norris shouting at rocks.


----------



## Xue Sheng

Chuck Norris can hear Lightning and see thunder

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice


----------



## arnisador

When a cop pulls Chuck Norris over, the cop tries to talk his way out of it.


----------



## Monkey Turned Wolf

Dirty Dog said:


> Tornadoes are just Chuck Norris doing several spinning kicks.


Tornadoes are Chuck Norris just THINKING about doing a spinning kick.


----------



## Monkey Turned Wolf

Chuck Norris has only had one disciple...Superman.
Did you know Chuck Norris is a famous inventor? He created pain, agony, torture, puppies, and a way to combine them all.
Chuck Norris ran to the end of the world, but wasn't done running so the world became round


----------



## SuperFLY

http://youtu.be/Ib5Me3MTwx8?t=52s

^^


----------



## Mauthos

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!


----------

