# Children and the Bible



## MA-Caver (May 13, 2004)

I loved #25

Subject: Children and the Bible

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the
Bible even a little you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the
old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were
written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected
(i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).


1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of
creating the world so he took the sabbath off.


2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was
called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in
pears.


3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire
during the night.


4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.


5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
like Delilah.


6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.


8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, afterwards, Moses
went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.


9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.


11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.


13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He
fought the Finkelsteins , a race of people who lived in bibical times.

14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.


16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
Jesus in the manager.


17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.


18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others
before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by
sweat alone.


20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get
the tombstone off the entrance.


21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.


22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.


23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marraige.


*25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.*


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## Cruentus (May 13, 2004)

:rofl:


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## theletch1 (May 13, 2004)

#25... Ya got that right, brother. :jedi1:


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## RTKDCMB (Jul 29, 2014)

Number 25 might not be a mistake.


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## tshadowchaser (Jul 29, 2014)

I liked # 16  

BUT
# 25 is so close to the truth


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## donald1 (Jul 29, 2014)

16 here too,  and. 8

Poor kids,  they at least tried


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## crushing (Jul 29, 2014)

LOL.   Reminds me of misheard song lyrics and whomever attempted to put the song titles on the jackets of the bootleg music cassette tapes I picked up in Southwest Asia.


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## Buka (Jul 29, 2014)

Oh, I laughed out loud.  At first I was going to note which ones I liked the best. But there were so many! Kid's thoughts are so cool.


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## Transk53 (Jul 30, 2014)

Brilliant. 20 particularly funny.


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## Brmty2002 (Oct 16, 2017)




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