# Silliest challenge or verbal threat you've heard.



## Old Fat Kenpoka (Oct 30, 2003)

What was the silliest challenge or verbal threat you've heard?

In 1985, I had a job doing telephone technical support for a software company.  One very irate customer from Los Angeles who crashed his data was on the phone with me one morning...

"I ought to get on a plane right now and come up there and kick your ***!"  My smart *** reply:  "Yeah, well you'd better hurry because I have to leave at 4:00 to teach a Karate class!"


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## Shodan (Oct 30, 2003)

I guess I have been spared of these things as an adult......but as a kid, it was always at the bus stop- "My Dad is bigger than your Dad"  or "My brother is bigger than your brother"........like what was that gonna prove?!!  :rofl:


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## MartialArtsGuy (Oct 30, 2003)

When I was in boot camp, my drill instructor told me he was going to kick me in the back of my forehead.


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## ABN (Oct 30, 2003)

My wife and I were at a wedding about a year and a half ago when two drunks started a verbal pissing contest. Finally one stood up pointed vaguely in the direction of himself and the table in front of him and slurred "You don't want a piece of this!" His opponent yelled back "Damn right I don't, I ordered fish!"

andy


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## Thesemindz (Oct 30, 2003)

I worked as a tele-marketer for a short time and I once called an old man who told me, "I hope your bowels rot." I thought that seemed kind of harsh, wishing a bowel rotting on a complete stranger.

-Rob


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## MartialArtsChic (Oct 30, 2003)

Growing up I always got the "I'm gonna kick your ***" thing since they had nothing better to do then try to pick fights.  They'd always run when I would smile and say "Go ahead and see what happens."  I tended to scare a lot of people.


MartialArtsChic


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## OULobo (Oct 31, 2003)

> _Originally posted by MartialArtsGuy _
> *When I was in boot camp, my drill instructor told me he was going to kick me in the back of my forehead.   *



Did he?


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## kkbb (Oct 31, 2003)

The funniest was the threats last night on survivor....


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## loki09789 (Oct 31, 2003)

When someone is being stupid and tossing out verbal challenges, I have said "Hey, my car is bigger than you are buddy!"  If they are really listening they usually stop talking to figure out what I just said.  I like the distracting affect of it

Paul Martin


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## MartialArtsGuy (Oct 31, 2003)

OULobo

No he never did.

He used to get right in our faces and yell that. I wanted to laugh so bad because i would picture this little guy climbing up inside my head and kicking me in the back of my forehead.


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## hardheadjarhead (Oct 31, 2003)

> When I was in boot camp, my drill instructor told me he was going to kick me in the back of my forehead



Whoa...that means he'd have to kick through the back of your head to the front...through the brain.  Or something.

I've never understood the non-verbal challenge where in a guy comes up and pushes his chest into the chest of another guy, arms splayed back with the palms up...often accompanied by "You wanna piece of me?" or something like that.  He ought to add, "How about my testicles?  Wanna knee me there?  Come on!  BRING IT ON!  I'M VULNERABLE...TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!!!"   


Regards,

Steve Scott


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## OULobo (Oct 31, 2003)

> _Originally posted by hardheadjarhead _
> *Whoa...that means he'd have to kick through the back of your head to the front...through the brain.  Or something.
> 
> I've never understood the non-verbal challenge where in a guy comes up and pushes his chest into the chest of another guy, arms splayed back with the palms up...often accompanied by "You wanna piece of me?" or something like that.  He ought to add, "How about my testicles?  Wanna knee me there?  Come on!  BRING IT ON!  I'M VULNERABLE...TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!!!"
> ...



That is my favorite challange of all. All you have to do is head butt them. They give you an unprotected target and you can just say you were bending down to tie you shoe. I've actually used it two times on guys. If they are watching anything, its my hands, and when my head comes in, they think I'm gonna bump chests or something. Primate posturing leads to brain damage.


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## hardheadjarhead (Oct 31, 2003)

Ooooh, ooooh.  

I love headbutts too.  Hence the handle.

SCS


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## someguy (Nov 3, 2003)

> I've never understood the non-verbal challenge where in a guy comes up and pushes his chest into the chest of another guy, arms splayed back with the palms up...often accompanied by "You wanna piece of me?" or something like that. He ought to add, "How about my testicles? Wanna knee me there? Come on! BRING IT ON! I'M VULNERABLE...TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!!!"


Yeah great isnt it.  Person does that.  Me:btg: :btg: :btg: :2xbird:


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## Kroy (Nov 4, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Thesemindz _
> *I worked as a tele-marketer for a short time and I once called an old man who told me, "I hope your bowels rot." I thought that seemed kind of harsh, wishing a bowel rotting on a complete stranger.
> 
> -Rob *



Thats digusting! Ilove it!


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## Cruentus (Nov 4, 2003)

2 things I actually heard someone say in a real fight:

" I'll kick your f**kin' heart out!"

"I'll rip out your eyes and show em to ya!"

:rofl:


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## molson (Nov 4, 2003)

I saw two young guys arguing, when one picked up an apple and threw it at the other. After getting hit with the apple the other guy yelled out " This could lead to nuclear war".  The apple must have hurt.


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## OULobo (Nov 4, 2003)

> _Originally posted by molson _
> *I saw two young guys arguing, when one picked up an apple and threw it at the other. After getting hit with the apple the other guy yelled out " This could lead to nuclear war".  The apple must have hurt. *



That's great! :rofl: He sounds like a future polititian.


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## Josh (Jan 27, 2004)

Yea, today. Some guy asked me, cause we don't like each other

"you wanna fight me"?? I think that's pretty funny.


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## RCastillo (Jan 27, 2004)

That's not Kenpo! "Dennis Conatser"


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## theletch1 (Jan 28, 2004)

> That's not Kenpo! "Dennis Conatser"


 "That's TOO kenpo!" My aikido instructor when I first made the switch.


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## RCastillo (Jan 28, 2004)

> _Originally posted by theletch1 _
> *"That's TOO kenpo!" My aikido instructor when I first made the switch. *



He must be Conatsers cousin!


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## theletch1 (Jan 30, 2004)

> He must be Conatsers cousin


 Very possible..lol.  My sensei knows what kenpo looks like very well.  He has two sons that have been doing kenpo almost as long as he has been training in aikido.


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## jeffkyle (Jan 30, 2004)

The most common one I hear, usually from 1 of 2 complete strangers one of which wanting to fight......"What are you looking at?"

Not very direct as far as verbally hurting the other person, but it seems to get the point across and usually the fight is on.


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## KanoLives (Feb 3, 2004)

After a friend of mine accidentaly bumped into this guys car at a gas station this guy screamed in a deep growling voice

"Do you have a problem?...... cuz I'll rip off your head..., s**t down your neck..., and screw it back on."   :rofl: 

Yea there was three of us there walking in to the store we were only like 14 or 15. We did get a good laugh though.

Oh and didn't Mike Tyson say "I'll eat your children." Now just picture that being said in his voice. :rofl:


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## Zoran (Feb 13, 2004)

When I was a bouncer, I've had quite a few guys ask me to go outside. So I would say "after you", I would open the door for him and close it and walk back inside.

The most common ones I've heard are:

"You don't know who I am", and don't want to.
"Do you want your *** kicked?", ah no, didn't ask, but if I get the urge, you'll be the fist I call.
"I know Karate." sorry never met him, does he come to this bar?
"I'll be back with my friends later." if you had friends, you wouldn't be in a bar alone.
"I have a gun in my car." hope you can run fast.
"I'm a cop, mayor's aid, marine, or prince of fantasia." that's nice, I'm a bouncer.
"Who do you think you are?", Zoran.


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## Black Bear (Feb 14, 2004)

Zoran said:
			
		

> When I was a bouncer, I've had quite a few guys ask me to go outside. So I would say "after you", I would open the door for him and close it and walk back inside.
> 
> The most common ones I've heard are:
> 
> ...


LMAO! :lol: Excellent! Or how about, "Really? I could kill you right now, and I woudn't need a gun to do it."


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## Zoran (Feb 14, 2004)

That just reminded me. One guy told another one of the bouncers I worked with that; "I can kill you with one finger."

The other bouncer said, "So can I, why don't you pull it and find out."


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## takadadojokeith (Feb 14, 2004)

This isn't exactly a threat or challenge, but it's pretty funny. 

When I was in high school one of my buddies was getting into an argument that was on it's way to being a fist fight. Things were getting pretty tense. Then this other guy decides to start talking trash too and my friend says, "Tom, if I want any ***** out of you I'll squeeze your head!"


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## Gary Crawford (Feb 14, 2004)

Old Fat Kenpoka said:
			
		

> What was the silliest challenge or verbal threat you've heard?
> 
> In 1985, I had a job doing telephone technical support for a software company.  One very irate customer from Los Angeles who crashed his data was on the phone with me one morning...
> 
> "I ought to get on a plane right now and come up there and kick your ***!"  My smart *** reply:  "Yeah, well you'd better hurry because I have to leave at 4:00 to teach a Karate class!"


A couple years ago, I was at work in my Dollar Store when I heard a small crash.I turned towards tha sound to see a 12 yr old or so had thrown a bag of marbles that scattered everywhere when it hit the tile floor,his dad turned to me and said "What the hell are you lookin at!!?"( I have always cosidered that statement attempted intimidation or the begining of a threat) I said "Your son destroying MY merchandise!" He told me he would pay for it. I said "fine as long as you do". I kept my eye on him when I heard him say to his wife(purposly so I could hear it) "that guy better sop looking at me or I'm gonna...." I walked up on him and told him "you have a choice, you can go over to the register and pay for what your son did and leave or you can take your chances with me,but let me tell you..win or loose,you will go to jail!" He paid(running his mouth) and left.


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## Gary Crawford (Feb 14, 2004)

A couple years ago,I was at work in my Dollar store when I heard a small crash. I turned towards the sound to discover a fat 12 yr old or so boy had thrown a bag of marbles that scattered eveywhere when it hit the tile floor.His dad turned toward me and said "What the hell do you think your lookin at!!?"(I have always considered that attempted intimidation or the beginning of a threat) I said" Your kid destroying MY merchandise!" He told my in a not so nice tone that he would pay for it. I said "Fine,as long as you do". I kept my eye on him until he told his wife(loud enough that I couldn't help but to hear him) " That guy better stop lookin at me or I'm gonna...." I walked up to him and looked him straight in the eyes and said "You have a choice,you can either go over to the register and pay for the damage and leave or you can take your chances with ME,but let me tell ya,win or loose,you will go to jail!"  He paid and left at the urging of his wife(continuously running his mouth). I never saw him again.His wife still spends plenty of money with me and has since apologized for him.The whole thing was only over a dollar,but jerks like that are priceless!


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## Rich Parsons (Feb 14, 2004)

One evening while working a front door.

Set up:
ME:
Martial ArtistMA)
FriendF)


ME: Excuse me sir, you and your friend are going to have to go inside or go bact to your car. The owner does not like people just standing around out front.

MA: I am not doing anything wrong.
F: Do you know who you are talking too?

ME: O really, I do not know who I am talking too. Please Tell me.

F: My Friend here (MA) just one 1st place in the TKD Sparring State Championships. He is a 3rd Dan. (* Smiles and nods like I have to run away *)

ME: (To MA) Your friend should not run his mouth like that. I now know the highest form you know, that you do not know who to throw an elbow, yet, and that you point spar, and not street fight. You friend will get you into trouble someday. Why not just go home or go inside.

MA: You think you are tough?

ME: No, I do not think so. I asked you nicely, now, I am telling you to leave.

F: You cannot take my friend.

MA: I'll even let you go first.

(* Now I knew as soon as I threw the first punch both would jump in, and say they were defending themselves. Even knowing this, I still could not resist. *)

ME: (To MA) One shot, by me if you are not on the ground then you get your shot.
(To F) And if you get involved you . . .

(* At this time I dropped and did an upper cut to the groin of MA. He dropped to his knees. MA was between me and F. *)

ME: (To F) Take your friend and go home.

They left.


This is one of many I have heard, seen or ben involved in.

Some  :idunno: People


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## Josh (Feb 16, 2004)

LOL!! keepm them coming.

i like that one about the I could kill you with one finger, me too, pull mine.


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## 7starmantis (Feb 17, 2004)

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> One evening while working a front door....


I don't know man, I think you were lucky to not have charges pressed against you. I'm not saying you should have, but I have a friend who this almost exact thing happened to, he played your role and was not only drug through court for the charges pressed agaisnt him, but was also personally names in a sueing match which started between the couple of guys envolved and the place of business. He was soon let go as well. 

I'm glad that didn't happen to you, but I think you were dang lucky if it didn't.

7sm


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## Rich Parsons (Feb 17, 2004)

7starmantis said:
			
		

> I don't know man, I think you were lucky to not have charges pressed against you. I'm not saying you should have, but I have a friend who this almost exact thing happened to, he played your role and was not only drug through court for the charges pressed agaisnt him, but was also personally names in a sueing match which started between the couple of guys envolved and the place of business. He was soon let go as well.
> 
> I'm glad that didn't happen to you, but I think you were dang lucky if it didn't.
> 
> 7sm


Court Systems are a real issue.

You can loose everything you own and everything you might own in the future.

Spending the night in custody of the police is not fun either.

What you did not know, is that they had already started the self hitting of themselves. The hard breathing. The Roll forward onto the balls of their feet. They were working themselves up to a fight.

This was also after I had gone through different points in my life.

Depressed (* I did not care if I got hurt, and I usually did not *)

OK (* I did not hurt any one unless thestarted something. I got hurt. I got hurt bad, and a lot. *)

The Police Are not Responding (* The police would not respond or show up 30 minutes later. After all was done. I also got hurt. *)

The above two I spent a few nights in the hospital.

I Want to Live (* By recognizing the dangers of the situation, if I could feel the tension and it was not quite right yet, I took my chances and rooled the dice. I hurt others before they hurt me. BTW: This is wrong. I was glad I was almost done with school by this time. *)

Besides, when asked, I would put on my most innocent face, and say Occupation Student. Chemical Engineering and Computer Science at the University of Michigan. Then if they read me my rights, I would ask for a lawyer. Many times they would just hold me all night and then let me go. I would not call the police names. I would ask politely to use the bathroom or to get a drink of water. I acted like a nice little boy.

So, to answer your statement, I was lucky. I also had learned to read the situation. The punks were looking for a fight, hence standing out front looking to intimidate someone and swing, to prove their manliness. I do not care how good you are, someone on someday will be able to hit you. I do not like the violence. I like getting beat up even less. At the time the job was the best paying gig their was. I made more then the CO-OP Comp Sci students or the Lab Tech dids. It helped to pay the bills. Not proud, yet I will talk about it. So, I am not ashamed. For you see, I stopped more then I got into. I prevented people from being shot, stabbed, beat, whipped, and run over. 

:asian:


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## Tony (Feb 18, 2004)

Well I remember this guy in a bar who was part of a group of guys who were sort of friends of my friend, said to me "You looking for trouble"? I merely replied "no I'm not" and then he said " I was only joking" and we started chatting but I find this guy a bit unusual! To think that I would want to start fighting with this guy when I had my put my best clothes on! thinking about it now i could have replied " Do you think I would have take 2 hours to pick these clothes, shower, put aftershave one just so that I could come out to fight?"
Then I remember he was talking to my friend and all of a sudden he made the same statement to me ( this was another time in the same place). He then turned to my friend laughing. But he didn't see that I saw he was looking at him joking with my friend about me! If I had had any balls I think I would have challenged him but from a logical view it wouldn't have been a good idea in a large bar/club. The fact that I did not call his bluff by saying something like " yeah ok lets go outside and I'll show you trouble" must have made him think that he could get away with that in turn making him think I was pathetic and a coward but I think it would be totall reasonable for any person who was a Martial Artist who was challenged like this not to take the bait!
I guess this would come under my post "Confidence in Martial arts ability!


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## loki09789 (Feb 18, 2004)

Tony,

Perfect case of brains over brawn here.

"Are you looking for trouble?"

"Yeah, why else would I come here, but to meet my future wife"

Throws them off, re-establishes your intellectual and character dignity and is an attempt at diverting the topic instead of meeting it force on force (verbally).  He may think your odd, or just funny enough/odd enough to avoid belittling, let alone beating.

Worked fairly well through school and in the service (I was 132 lbs, 5"4' of wiry rattiness then - easy pickings for 'runt hunters')

Paul M.


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## theletch1 (Feb 18, 2004)

One of my co-workers laid this one on me last night while I was waiting on my truck to get loaded..."Man, I love ya like a brother, but I'm gonna beat ya like a red headed step-child"


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## Black Bear (Feb 18, 2004)

HAHA I used to say "I'll beat you like a red-headed stepchild!" Before sparring--not in bars.


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## tkdguy1982 (Feb 19, 2004)

I had a job at radio shack & a guy came in w/ a messed up computer right at closing and I told him he had to leave because the computers were closed down, lights were fixing to be off and we were gonna leave.  He got all mad and said he was gonna kick my *** if I didn't help him.  That is probably the dumbest one I have ever heard.


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## Zoran (Feb 19, 2004)

Well this wasn't silly, but it was realy stupid.

I went into one of those little hotdog places and one of the workers behind the counter said, "So you remember me.".

I said, "Ah....no."

Dumb ***, "Don't pretend, I know you remember me."

Me, "Sorry, no I don't."

Dumb ***, "I know you do, you kicked me out of the bar 3 months ago."

Me, "Sigh...(this happens every so often), I still don't remeber, sorry."

Dumb ***, "I know you remeber me, how about I kick your *** (at this point he starts waving a cleaver around)."

Before I continue, this guys wife and young daughter are there sitting at a table. I knew this because two other people who work there told me as I "did" know them at least. During which time, they (the 2 worker) were trying to disuade him of his actions. The wife and child just looked a confused and a little scared.

To continue.
Me, "Listen, first, I don't remember you. Second, I was doing my J-O-B. And third, do you want to do this in front of your family?"

Dumb ***, "I think you are _cuss cuss cuss_ and you _cuss cuss etc._." At this point he comes out from behind the counter via a door. He starts walking towards me with cleaver in hand. He stops before he gets close enough to be a threat. Looks at me, and starts backing away as he's cussing me out.

I call him *dumb* because you should never make threats to people. His motive was to scare me, or make me feel helpless as he probably did when he was kicked out of the bar. The problem is, it didn't work. I didn't run, get mad, or shake in my boots. I just stood my ground.

I call him an ***** because he did this in front of his young daughter and wife. I would call him more, but MT would just filter that word.

I got my food, which he didn't prepare, and left.


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## Black Bear (Feb 20, 2004)

As part of our scenario training, we practice using verbal distractions on one another, racial taunts, etc. in order to desensitize one another. The idea is, if you've been called everything under the sun in the studio, then when it happens on the street, you won't bug out your eyes and go, like, "WHAT???" 

Anyway, I was always really good at that stuff. I could build up a well-fleshed-out scenario in my head in a second. I could turn it way up or way down. I could give a wsd student a little jolt of discomfort or totally terrorize her. 

One classic was once in a simulation where I asked a guy where he was from. He told me, and I said, "So that makes you--what? a nig*er or a sand-nig*er?" He was absolutely stunned that I would say that to him, especially because he was a pretty big guy. So, ah, he froze. 

One of my quickest ones was going up to a (male) trainee and saying, "So I guess your long hair makes you a girl, right?" You could see the gears turning in his head, before I punched it. 

The trainees quickly learn that a bit of distance, plus the hands up in a nonthreatening posture, plus a bit of prior practice with a shield, spear, or stop-hit, gives you all you need to intercept that sucker punch.


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## Thesemindz (Feb 20, 2004)

Let see, silliest threat hmm? 

Well, when I worked as a telemarketer for a while I called an old man once and asked him if he wanted to change his long distance service and he replied with, "Sonny, I hope your bowels rot." I was stunned. How do you wish a bowel rotting on a complete stranger? Now, I know, you all think I had it coming for being a telemarketer, but we're people too you know. Luckily I got out of that business, but not before a coworker was told by an old woman, "If I had a pair of scissors I'd reach through the phone and cut your tongue off." Some people.

I had a coworker threaten to kill me in my sleep. 

One day in Kenpo class we were in a technique line, and we were supposed to begin each attack with a verbal threat of some kind. As the minutes passed the threats became more and more creative because no one wanted to say "You're going down," twenty times. People started commenting on each others hair, clothing, parents, children, cars, music etc. Then it was my turn and as I turned to get attacked, a middle aged man looked me square in the eye and with a nasty look on his face he said, 


"I love you."

Then he threw his right step through punch.

I guess you always hurt the ones you love.

-Rob


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## Tony (Feb 24, 2004)

Just remembered a couple more encounters! 1 while in the 6th form at school this guy tried to make me look bad in front of this girl I had a crush on! "Do you want to go outside?" thats what he said while we were all in a group talking! so I said " you don't really want me to kill you do you?" Silly thing to say but he just laughed at me but didn't take it any further! But with the benefit of hindsight is wished I had said something like " No thanks I don't want a bl%w j*b!"
I'm sure a lot of people have experience some of these idiots who are trying to start a fight say " come back here and say that!"  "what can't you hear me from where I am?"


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## Tony (Mar 2, 2004)

Zoran said:
			
		

> Well this wasn't silly, but it was realy stupid.
> 
> I went into one of those little hotdog places and one of the workers behind the counter said, "So you remember me.".
> 
> ...



Wow thats an interesting story! I remember something similar that happened to me! this idiot was be a loud mouth in front of his girlfriend! I was on my way to the gym minding my own business and he was trying to make himself look good to impress his girlfriend! He was talking about me so i could hear "oh he thinks he's so hard with all this Martial Arts that he does, blah blah blah"! I had never seen him before but he was just a little immature guy who hadn't hit puberty yet! I continued walking because I wanted to get to the gym! I remained calm and didn't rise to it! It just goes to show there are people who are really dumb enough to challenge you when it could so easily be avoided! And some people don't have the strength to walk away from this and will retaliate excessively leaving that person half dead!


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 17, 2004)

This is an interesting thread; would hate to see it diminish for lack of use. 

Silliest challenge? "You think you can take us all on?"

I was bouncing at a Newport Beach restaurant/night-club on the evening of Notre Dames win over USC some 12 to 15-ish years ago (can't remember exactly...crappy time memory). Offensive line with QB comes into the bar; some guys are flashing the customers, another one is asking girls out, then cussing them out when they say no (odd behavior that seems to repeat itself in bars often).

I tell the QB/Team Captain that they have to leave. He hits me with his challenge. Says I, "I'm not even going to _pretend_ to be able to throw the offensive line of a college ball team out of here all by myself. I don't get paid enough. What I will do is call the Newport Beach Police Deaprtment, and let them cart you outta here in cuffs, and place you in a paddy-wagon with reporters all around. Won't that make a great headline tomorrow? Championship ball-team from atholic university arrested on victory night for lewd and lascivious conduct, drunk in public, trespassing, and disturbing the peace?"

They moved to the bar next door, and behaved themselves.


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 17, 2004)

Kembudo-Kai Kempoka said:
			
		

> This is an interesting thread; would hate to see it diminish for lack of use.
> 
> Silliest challenge? "You think you can take us all on?"
> 
> ...


I had a similiar story with the Central Michigan University Offensive Line. I wonder what it is about the offensive line and the QB's to act like this?

Only the team was not in uniform and I did not recognize them and they had come inside in pairs. I ended up throwing the QB out physically for hitting people and swinging at me. Only he was being violent so when he left, and hit the stairs he was not balanced and was screaming all the way down on his butt. They were carpeted for some wierd reason. I then turned to see the line coming after me. Well it was on. I got hit and didged and climbed under tables to get away, went down stairs helped the QB up. The others were fighting wiht anyone upstairs, and I waited for the police to arrive. No headlines, as the police thought it was real funny thay I had bounced the QB and the line had meet up with some country cement and construction boys and got their rear ends handed to them. Parents were called, even though they were over 18, and that was more than enough punishment.

Good story, I wish I had been able to get it down without the violence though.
:asian:


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## Kevin Walker (Jul 10, 2004)

MartialArtsGuy said:
			
		

> When I was in boot camp, my drill instructor told me he was going to kick me in the back of my forehead.


My drill instructor screamed that he would "jump down your throat dick first", which caught our attention.


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## Kevin Walker (Jul 10, 2004)

I said very icily to a thug who threatened to beat me up that: "I would get out of jail before you get out of the hospital", and he walked away.


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## Feisty Mouse (Jul 10, 2004)

Some of these are absolutely hysterical!  (some of them, just weird or dumb*ss people).


Luckily, I haven't been in an altercation like that yet.  Being a woman, I get more of the sexual innuendo, "Hey baby" bulls**t.


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## Phoenix44 (Jul 10, 2004)

Hmmm...people usually just threaten to sue me. ("Go ahead.  Make sure to spell my name right: P-H-O-E-N-I-X.")


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## Digital Decay (Jul 11, 2004)

I've noticed that most people start fights as a type of entertainment.  Thereby, they aren't "totally committed" to what they are starting.  It's almost like they're "play fighting" which is to your advantage.

When I was in high school during my sophomore year, my family got transferred from Ventura County CA to a rural section of North Dakota for two years.  Being that I was from California, I was a good agreed upon target for alot of ignorant midwest children who had never been further than 50 miles from where they were born.

The first few times, I shrugged it off.  But a few were persistant enough to physically stop me from leaving the building a few times.  The first time, the other kid grabbed me and said, "What are you going to do?"  and I said, "If you don't let go, I'm going to keep punching you in the head until the sharp cracking noise turns into a dull squishy thud."  The principal had intervened at that point and he let go and backed away with the stereotypical "You're dead meat!"  Funny thing was, he never said a word to me again of any type or interacted with me in anyway, I just ignored him and he ignored me.

The other incident that's noteworthy was when a friend of a friend told me that he was going to "kick my *** wide open" if I didn't stop using "big words" when I spoke (I kid you not).  So I said, "maybe you will get a few good shots in, but after I knock you out, I'm going to take one of your eyes as a souvenier.  Then for the rest of your life, you'll have to tell a lie about how you lost it just so people won't think you're an ***#*%@."  All he said was, "Dude, that's disgusting!!" and walked away.

That story got around so much that I actually bought a bunch of glass eyes from a place that makes pieces for mannequins, etc. and put a bunch of them in jars on shelves and took a picture of them.  After "accidently" giving pictures to other people, the story got that much bigger until everytime someone from the area would start **** with me, I'd say "That's an interesting shade of green, I don't have that one yet."  Then it would dawn on them what I was referring to, and they'd realize that I was the guy with the eye collection they'd heard about and seen the picture."  It was funny to watch the blood totally drain out of their face as they thought of ways to back out of this macho bulls$^#@ situation they'd started.

The most humorous part was that I was never in a fight the entire time I was in high school.  Not one.  Not even a "messin' around" kind of fight.


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## Kevin Walker (Jul 11, 2004)

Phoenix44 said:
			
		

> Hmmm...people usually just threaten to sue me. ("Go ahead. Make sure to spell my name right: P-H-O-E-N-I-X.")


Feenicks is actually a name?


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## TwistofFat (Jul 11, 2004)

I come from a big family in Pittsburgh (last of 10 kids, 9 boys one girl).  I was 10 riding my bike with my buddy when a car full of late teens tries to run into us on the road (just playing but it was close).  My buddy (small for 10 year old!) filps them the bird...tires lock up and they back over his bike (he dropped it as he ran like hell toward my house).
I calmly picked up my bike (yeah right) and ran like he!!,  but they caught me.  As the driver hit me in the face he kept asking me if I knew his name.  I did not say anything until I saw my brothers, my buddy and ...my Mom coming over the hell like the freaking Rat Patrol.  I said something cool like" yeah, I know your name, dead meat!" just as my bros kicked his a$$ as I looked on.  The worst part was as they took off they ran over my bike as well...but the look on his face was priceless "...dead meat".


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## Gary Crawford (Jul 11, 2004)

LOL!! I like that one!


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## Baoquan (Jul 11, 2004)

Bouncing one night, i walked a gentleman patron to the door (read: chicken winged the @rsehole) for lascivious behaviour, and after we get outside the pub and i let him go, he turns and points at my shirt (with the bar name/logo on it) and says;

"Take that shirt off and lets see how tough you are!!"

I turned to one of my co-workers and said, "Do these shirts give us super-powers?? I'm gonna go back inside and find out if i can see through women's clothes with my X-Ray vision."


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## Chrono (Jul 11, 2004)

Kembudo-Kai Kempoka said:
			
		

> I was bouncing at a Newport Beach restaurant/night-club on the evening of Notre Dames win over USC some 12 to 15-ish years ago (can't remember exactly...crappy time memory).


 Was this Univeristy of South Carolina or Univeristy of Southern California?

 Well, I've always had to laugh at someone who says, "Want a piece of me?"


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## kenpo tiger (Jul 13, 2004)

Rich, That's why it's called an "offensive" line.

Had some woman argue with me that she had seen a parking spot first.  When I refused to move my car, she said "my husband is right over there."  And -- ??

Some of these posts are hilarious.  I must lead a very sheltered life .  KT


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## Enson (Jul 13, 2004)

those are all pretty funny. how about:

*your lucky i'm a christian or i'd bop you one
*i just broke a girl's scout's nose, imagine what i'd do to you
*i auta drive over there and kick your @$$, (me when i worked in montana) okay drive up from Alabama i'm in Montana.
*i'm going to kick your @$$... (me) don't do that it would hurt too much.
i used to be a telemarketer

peace


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## TKD USA (Jul 15, 2004)

TwistofFat said:
			
		

> I come from a big family in Pittsburgh (last of 10 kids, 9 boys one girl). I was 10 riding my bike with my buddy when a car full of late teens tries to run into us on the road (just playing but it was close). My buddy (small for 10 year old!) filps them the bird...tires lock up and they back over his bike (he dropped it as he ran like hell toward my house).
> I calmly picked up my bike (yeah right) and ran like he!!, but they caught me. As the driver hit me in the face he kept asking me if I knew his name. I did not say anything until I saw my brothers, my buddy and ...my Mom coming over the hell like the freaking Rat Patrol. I said something cool like" yeah, I know your name, dead meat!" just as my bros kicked his a$$ as I looked on. The worst part was as they took off they ran over my bike as well...but the look on his face was priceless "...dead meat".


That is so funny I would have been laughing my but off.


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## TKD USA (Jul 15, 2004)

My mistake double post


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## mj-hi-yah (Jul 15, 2004)

When I got my first teaching job I was in a conversation in the faculty room discussing a problem with a student when a kind of cranky older teacher was listening in on the conversation and said to me, "What do you know? I have underwear older than you!!!" :rofl: I could only laugh...


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## Flatlander (Jul 15, 2004)

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> When I got my first teaching job I was in a conversation in the faculty room discussing a problem with a student when a kind of cranky older teacher was listening in on the conversation and said to me, "*What do you know? I have underwear older than you!!!"* :rofl: I could only laugh...


Its a good thing you were able to laugh that off, otherwise you may have stooped to responding, "Yeah, and it's about due for a wash!", or "OOOOHHHH, THAT'S what that smell is!", or something of the like.


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## Brother John (Jul 16, 2004)

MartialArtsGuy said:
			
		

> When I was in boot camp, my drill instructor told me he was going to kick me in the back of my forehead.


 :xtrmshock  :rofl: 
That'd be greusomely interesting to see.
Wonder how you do that...


Your Brother
John


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## Brother John (Jul 16, 2004)

I don't recall which movie it was, or what the situation was in the scene...
but Chuck Norris was squared off with a guy and Chuck warned him:

"If you come at me again, I'm gonna give you so many rights...You'll be beggin for a left."

THAT has to be the silliest I've ever heard.

Your Brother
John


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## Trent (Aug 3, 2004)

Brother John said:
			
		

> :xtrmshock  :rofl:
> That'd be greusomely interesting to see.
> Wonder how you do that...
> 
> ...


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## Corporal Hicks (Aug 9, 2004)

Heres an old one, which a friend once replied with,​​Aggresive teenager: "You starting you f**king t*at"​​Friend's reply: "I dont start mate, I finish!"​​​​​​


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## adouglasmhor (Aug 10, 2004)

From the Comedy series "Chewing The Fat" "I am going to hit your coupon*so hard your kids are going to be running to their maw, crying because a pizza just walked into the house"
*coupon = face


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## foxmc (Aug 13, 2004)

I was playing in a pool hll one time when an obviously drunk couple started dishing out the insults on each other, and the female stated something along the lines of "Well maybe if you were playing a bigger organ..." and what floored me was the man's response. He didn't miss a beat and stated "Well I never knew I was going to be playing in a cathedral!"

 Don't really know what that had to do with martial arts except the bar/pool hall scenario, but ok. LOL


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## bignick (Aug 13, 2004)

Me and a buddy of mine were hanging out in the dorms during finals week...we each had one final left...and a bunch of people that were already done were obvioulsy drunk as can be...and they decided it would be a good idea to fill up a huge garbage can with water and lean it against someone's door ...so when they opened it...water dumped into their room...we saw this and kinda looked at each other...i asked him,  "we gonna take care of this?" so we walked to the end of the hall...and my friend who is huge into weightlifting and strength training..talked to these people while i hauled the garbage can away...i came back and there were about three drunk people that could barely walk that wanted to kick our *** over it...my buddy tips the scales at about 6' and 250 of almost all muscle...i'm about 6'5'' and am a little over 300 pounds...(maybe not all muscle...but thats a different story)...and there they were...three guys maybe a 150 soaking wet...that could barely stand...wanting to kick our butts...we didn't even know what to say...so we just walked away...

right as the guy, that just had the garbage can on his door, came out of his room


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## MisterMike (Aug 20, 2004)

I liked the line in Multiplicity with Michael Keaton:

Talking to his 2 clones: "I'll hit you so hard I'll kill him."


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## 40 GLOCK (Aug 23, 2004)

Student: You're old enough to be my father.

Teacher: Perhaps, whats your mothers name?

Almost fell out of my seat it was to much. :boing2:


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## Hung Fa Moose (Aug 24, 2004)

"Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

"I guess I need to find some sticks and stones then!"


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## Maltair (Sep 12, 2004)

I remember this guy took a parking spot I was waiting for. Didn't bother me, there was another one 4-5 down. Anyway, my girlfriend gets out and starts yelling at the dude, cusing him out and all that. I'm just about over there to settle her down and the guy is already out of his car just looking at her like she was a freak (Turned out she was). He just says "Shut up B$%^&" and starts walking away. She turns to me and screams "Did you hear what he called me?! Are you going to let him talk to me that way?!"
I was never one for physical confrontation, besides that, the guy was twice my size. I just giggled and said "You started it!" Her mouth flops open, the guy stops and turns to me, smiles and starts laughing. She didn't last long with me after that.


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## Darksoul (Sep 12, 2004)

"What are you staring at?"

1. "Something Darwin never classified."
2. "The real question is how fast are you going to run?"

And my favorite answer - "My next victim."

A---)


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## CMack11 (Sep 21, 2004)

I have a couple of good ones I have to share.  I'm very new to the MA world, so all of these stories are from back in my pre-kung fu days and all when I was ~19-22.  Also keep in mind that I'm about 5'10" and 150 soaking wet, hate fighting, and am probably the LEAST intimidating guy you'd ever meet.

At my first job, there was one of these classic bully-types that just had to pick on people.  He was a really big guy, too.  I started hanging out w/ one of his friends, and he never liked new people, so he was always giving me a hard time.  One day we were doing a little verbal sparring, and he says to me, "I'm the kind of guy that'll just kick your a**."  I looked at him deadpan and replied with, "and I'm the kind of guy who will sit outside your house at 3 in the morning with a deer rifle waiting to get a clean shot."  He just looked at me, smiled, nodded, and said, "good to know."  He is now one of my best friends, and we still joke about that story.  

The other one is another classic bully story.  I'm at a bar in downtown Austin, and I accidentally bump into a guy, spilling his beer all over him.  He's another really big guy and is a little drunk and gets VERY ticked.  I apologize over and over, and buy him another beer, but he really wants to kick my ***.  Finally I look him in the eye and said, "what kind of a ****y are you that you have to pick a fight with a guy half your size?  Of course you can kick my a**!  I think just about everbody in the bar knows that you can, so what the H*** are you trying to prove?"  His buddies started laughing and giving him a really hard time about being such a sissy.  It ended up where that guy bought ME a drink and apologized to me, telling me all about the bad day he had at work and how his GF was busting his chops.


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## Silat Student (Sep 22, 2004)

I have been fortunate enough to avoid having too many scraps in my life, so I don't really have too many good stories to tell. I've heard "I'm gonna beat a mud hole in you and walk it dry" from some of my more Southern Relatives. My personal favorite was someone calling me a "stupid cracker". It was kind of perplexing to them when I didn't take offense but thanked them for calling me a cracker. As for the stupid part, well I had 30 absences in one semester and still had higher grades than them in highschool, go figure


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## pakua (Sep 22, 2004)

I love Bill Cosby's one where he said when he was a kid, his Mom or Dad threatened to knock the black off of him!


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## Kunoichi (Sep 25, 2004)

Tonight, on my way home from the town centre me and my friends walked past a drunk woman who's 4-inch heeled stilletto shoes must have been to much for her as she was walking bare foot carrying them in the pouring rain.  As we walked past she started shouting at us "Who you looking at" then warns us "You's better not laugh at me or else... or else... else I'm gonna impale you on my heels, right!" 

Another time (about a week ago) my friend got into an arguement with another girl where the girl called my friend a cow. She replied "How am I a cow? Prove it!"  The girl had no idea what to say about this so stormed off in a huff! Women!


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## bignick (Sep 25, 2004)

"Honestly, there's nothing a little, old man like you could do to an athlete like me."

Quoted from a football player speaking to my judo/jujutsu instructor during a self-defense class he teaches at my university

my instructor asked why he wasn't participating...of course, he found out firsthand...not always the best idea to challenge "little, old men"


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## Silat Student (Sep 25, 2004)

Getting to see little old men take young bucks down a notch is always amusing. Of course when your the young buck it's usually painful :EG:


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## Sin (Sep 25, 2004)

The one I mostly hear is..."I can kick your ***, and I don't even take Karate."  HIgh school kids need to grow up


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## Chrono (Sep 25, 2004)

This is slightly off topic, but the only time I feel that I need to be alert with other people is when I'm at a high school football game. Seriously. I went to an away one last night and I knew some people from the other school and they were dragging me everywhere. After the game she took me to meet one of the football players and he wasn't in a good mood at all (they lost, my high school won). 

 Y'all probably notice a lot of fights happen because of stupid things like rival schools.


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## Gaidheal (Sep 28, 2004)

Corporal Hicks said:
			
		

> Heres an old one, which a friend once replied with,​
> 
> 
> Aggresive teenager: "You starting you f**king t*at"​
> Friend's reply: "I dont start mate, I finish!"​


That's my usual response too ;¬)

Also "You threatening me?" Me: "Nope, I don't make threats, only promises."

John

P.S.  Yes, I used to be a posturing arsehole, now I tend to reserve these for a little verbal humour with well meaning mates, not actual confrontations.


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## Gaidheal (Sep 28, 2004)

Maltair said:
			
		

> I remember this guy took a parking spot I was waiting for. Didn't bother me, there was another one 4-5 down. Anyway, my girlfriend gets out and starts yelling at the dude, cusing him out and all that. I'm just about over there to settle her down and the guy is already out of his car just looking at her like she was a freak (Turned out she was). He just says "Shut up B$%^&" and starts walking away. She turns to me and screams "Did you hear what he called me?! Are you going to let him talk to me that way?!"
> I was never one for physical confrontation, besides that, the guy was twice my size. I just giggled and said "You started it!" Her mouth flops open, the guy stops and turns to me, smiles and starts laughing. She didn't last long with me after that.


Wow!  Maybe she was related to an ex of mine... because I once had basically the identical scenario!!  Freaky.

John


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## ThatWasAKick (Sep 28, 2004)

Oh gosh, these are hilarious.  I think my favorite is still _you'd better hurry because I have to teach a Karate class.  _ROFLOL

Dumbest threat:
In high school a girl calls me and tells me she wants to "kick my a$$" then asks me if I would meet her and her friends in an alley behind a store at midnight.  Yeah, right.  Sure.  I still wonder if they graduated her.

Here's my stupidest response to a threat:
I was in a parking lot at a biker bar (yeah, dumb, but I was 21) when this big, tatted up biker chick tells me she's gonna kick my a$$.  I'm not a hundred pounds dripping wet but half of me is thinking this could be fun (did I say I was young?) and the other half is thinking this is really gonna hurt.
I considered the situation for a second then said, "Where did you get them?"
She yells, "What are you talking about Bi#$%?"
"Your earrings," I replied.  "I love them.  Where did you find them?"
I still can't believe she melted like a kitten and started babbling about her earrings, and I walked away unscathed.


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## Gaidheal (Sep 28, 2004)

Classic example of why psychology beats physiology every time.

Woman was insecure.. you reaffirmed her self-worth and suddenly you are no longer a threat, but an additional 'pillar' for her ego.  Way to go ;¬)

John


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## Chrono (Sep 28, 2004)

ThatWasAKick said:
			
		

> In high school a girl calls me and tells me she wants to "kick my a$$" then asks me if I would meet her and her friends in an alley behind a store at midnight. Yeah, right. Sure. I still wonder if they graduated her.


 So...did you meet her and her friend? Maybe "Kick my ***" could have meant something else?


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## ThatWasAKick (Sep 29, 2004)

Kick? Did I say kick? I meant to say kiss. LOL

Actually, I did meet them. I figured they were going to find me one way or another and better on my turf than theirs, so I invited them to come kick me **** - at my house. (At least a house has a phone you can use to call an ambulance after four girls beat you up, right?)

The ringleader stayed in the car while the other three came inside to tell me how bad I was going to feel. I agreed, then explained to them that at least a couple of them were going to feel pretty bad, too, and yet their "boss" was sitting out in the car being safe while they were inside ready to get whooped on.
What kind of a wimp is she? She's too scared... etc. etc. 

Gawd, I love psychology. By the time I was done talking I had those girls so mad at their ringleader that they stormed out of the house - to go after her.  There is very little intelligence in the pack mentality.
End of threat.

I really think most fights can be avoided by intuition, attitude & psychology.


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## Gaidheal (Sep 29, 2004)

ThatWasAKick said:
			
		

> Gawd, I love psychology. By the time I was done talking I had those girls so mad at their ringleader that they stormed out of the house - to go after her.
> End of threat.


Nice ;¬)  I've done similar and I, too, love psychology.



			
				ThatWasAKick said:
			
		

> I really think most fights can be avoided by intuition, attitude & psychology.


They can.  Of those I have been involved in I have always had the option to avoid it, but have chosen not to (for whatever reason, justified or otherwise).  Some situations inevitably are violent with no 'out' besides retaliation / defence, but these are a tiny fraction for everyday civilians.

John


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## Sarah (Sep 29, 2004)

CMack11 said:
			
		

> "and I'm the kind of guy who will sit outside your house at 3 in the morning with a deer rifle waiting to get a clean shot."


Thats so funny.....the neighbours will be saying....'he seemed like such a quite guy, keeped to himself!!!   LOL


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## CMack11 (Sep 30, 2004)

Thanks.  I figured that was the best way to keep him off balance, and it worked like a charm!  He still looks at me funny when I talk about it.


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## ThatWasAKick (Sep 30, 2004)

Yeah, that totally cracked me up, too.  I had to tell your story at the dojo.


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## Flamebearer (Sep 30, 2004)

Hee, hee!

Having a great time reading this thread!
I like the deer rifle one


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## CMack11 (Sep 30, 2004)

ThatWasAKick said:
			
		

> Yeah, that totally cracked me up, too.  I had to tell your story at the dojo.



So did the dojo like it, too?


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## BrandiJo (Oct 2, 2004)

being a girl i always like the 

you wanna go thing ..umm i have a big mouth(get into fights with guys and girls alike) and so i come up with some smart *** comment like i wouldnt go out with you if my life depended on it but id be happy to have you go at your head (usely followed by a nice head high kick far enuff away to not get it grabed but close enuff to make em think twice ...oh BTW my new instructors are working really hard and getting me to shut my mouth i dont know how many push ups iv done cus things get back to them


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## Jim (Oct 3, 2004)

'What're you lookin at' is a pretty common, yet well used challenge where I come from.


My standard, and favourite, reply is... 'A f****n dead man'.  But then again it does get me into a fight.  Maybe I should work on another reply?


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## Silat Student (Oct 3, 2004)

My favorite reply to that is "I dunno, but it's lookin' back".


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## Samurai (Oct 7, 2004)

Once when I was deliverying pizzas a guy pointed a gun at me and said, "Your pizza or your life".  After thinking about that for .00045 seconds I gave him the pizza and walked off and called the cops.  Ten minutes later he was enjoying his pepperoni in a nice comfy cell.

Thanks,
Jeremy Bays
http://www.WoodlandArchery.com


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## ThatWasAKick (Oct 8, 2004)

Your pizza or your life?  You gotta be kidding!  Crazy!



			
				Silat Student said:
			
		

> My favorite reply to that is "I dunno, but it's lookin' back".


lol Oh yes.  Now I can't wait to have someone ask me that question so I can use this response.  
_<Leaves forum to go stare hard at everyone she meets>_


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## Samurai (Oct 11, 2004)

I know some people that would die for pepperoni.    

Thanks,
Jeremy Bays

Woodland Archery


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## ReturningThunder (Oct 17, 2004)

i always think about an elbow in that situation


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## jesse sutton (Oct 19, 2004)

favourite threat ever received: 

Working in the bar, just threw out two drunks, they turn back around and one says "I'm gonna go back to my car and get a knife, and come back here and slice your neck open and spit on you." So to keep from laughing i said 'have a nice night sir' with a nice smile, which always pisses them off more. 

Best threat ever given:

a guy had just had his friend thrown out, and he was bad mouthing us, and trying to sound tough, so he says 'how about i knock you out' and calmly i lean in and say 'ever try picking your teeth up off the floor with broken fingers...' whilst looking all menacing, so he throws a punch and casually i remove myself from the line of fire, and throw a nifty wrist lock in, and curl his thumb into itself, and while walking him out, i heard his thumb crack a bit. Thats what he gets i guess. I was just happy that in a tense moment i was able to come up with something different and original, instead of just 'i'm gonna kick your ***'


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## clapping_tiger (Oct 22, 2004)

Not to long ago I was talking to two friends outside of a bar and 2 drunken tough guys came out and were trying to pick a fight with 2 guys just up the block. When a fight did not happen these 2 drunks staggered over to us and asked us if we wanted to "knuck, Knuck" and one guy bashed his fists together. We just looked at each other and smiled and kept saying we did not know what knuck knuck was. They more they tried to make it clear by hitting their fists together faster and harder, the more amusing it got. Pretty soon they gave up and left, it was great.

A few years ago I had a guy tell me he was going to pick up my skirt and **** me in the ***. To which I simply stated, "But I'm not wearing a skirt". People around laughed and the guy walked away, probably feeling stupid at realizing that his attempt at seeming tough really made him look quite stupid.


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## Flamebearer (Oct 25, 2004)

My favorite insult-response to a challenge is "Did you know you share ninety percent of your genetic structure with a banana?"


(It's true, by the way, although maybe it's only 70%, can't remember right now.)

And then of course, when the guy tries to figure that one out, you follow up with: "So come on, banana boy, and I'll peel you down to size!":revenge: 

-Flamebearer


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## shesulsa (Oct 25, 2004)

My mom used to say this to me all the time:

 "You'd better give your soul to God because your a** is gonna be mine."

 One day I looked at her, then my rear, then back at her and said, "S**t, you can have it!  God's already got my soul, so I guess I'll just be leaving...."  She laughed so hard she fell on the floor and hurt her shoulder and hip and ankle.  Poor thing.  Had to use that side to help her up, too - just about screamed with pain.  Poor thing.  I still have my a**, btw and I still wish she had taken it.


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## Baytor (Oct 25, 2004)

I used to work security for a certain place that had a (deserved) reputation for a lot of incidents. I have lost track of how many times people threatend to kick my toosh, kill me and rape my wife. There were a couple of times that were pretty funny though. 
There was this couple that was having a domestic dispute. Their behavior indicated to me and my partner that they were drunk. They also refused to leave ect. ect. So they end up in the holding cells in our office. I'm interviewing the female, and my partner is interviewing the guy. The lady starts going off "He's raping my baby over there!" and "You punched him in the butt!" I tell her that her "baby" is fine and she tears into me. "Yeah right...you're a -bad word- child molester!" "You're -she had a filthy mouth- molesting little kids in the middle of the night!" "You come here and hump everybody! You -edited for pg13 rating- pervert!" When I told her that it wasn't very nice for her to say that, she told me, "I'm sorry. I love you." It really took every bit of self control not to laugh uncontrollably during her tirade.


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## still learning (Nov 11, 2004)

Brah?..you like beef or what?....use to be common in Hawaii..until the commercial from burger king. ( where's the beef?).    Aloha


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## Tony (Nov 14, 2004)

Many years ago I was in the park at night with some female friends of mine and some guy that they knew was with them too my bike because one of the girls had it and gave it to him. I asked for my bike back in a courteous manner and just said "come on then" whcih was his primitive way of getting me to fight him. Its quite funny when I think about it because he was in the wrong and he did need to be punished! Well with my limited skills I had at the time I tried to fight him but everything I did was pretty much useless and never touched him. Although his punches were very fast I managed to avoid them. I guess my fear made me more alert but I wa clearly scared and he ended up winning and gloating, saying "your Taekwondo is *****! But it what I was teaching myself wasn't Taekwondo but ok, let him think what he wants!


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## speedbag (Nov 19, 2004)

Years ago, I once had a guy in a YMCA gym Threaten to kick my #ss over using "his" dumbells. I ignored it, but he kept pushing the indignancy of my interruption to his concentration. He knew I kicked and punched a little, but when muscle heads get heated, that testosterone just comes out. 

So I said, "Fight? That's Bullsh#t! You can't even keep a speed bag going..." ( I had seen him use it a little, and I knew he could, but.....) 

So he says, "I can beat your #ss on the speed bag, too". 

So with witnesses, He takes a $100. 00 buck bet he will win.  Off we go, Me, him and 3 witnesses (judges)  to the combative room of the "Y".  He steps up and does his thing. Then I do, and boy was he ticked. This is what he saw: 

 (click a video link below)
http://www.speedbagcentral.com/Demos.html

Oh Gee he lost. And he didn't have the $100 either.
But he agreed to pay, and tried to about a week later.
I turned it down, cause it was a sucker bet, and he apologized for threatening me over a set of dumbells. 

...but I still love that look on his face


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## An Eternal Student (Nov 19, 2004)

Myself, my brother and a few friends, help out with some gigs that our organised out town, just small little local things, mostly for teenagers.
Anyway one time there were these other kids from the town causing hassles and attacking people.So I get togethor all the big guys, including my brother who is about 6'2 and ways about 240lbs, and surround the troublemakers.
We just stand round them for a moment,arms crossed not saying anything.
Then I lean down to the leader and say in a real dead-pan tone of voice "You, my friend over there thinks you have a real cute butt" at which point my brother winks at them.They just broke and ran they were so freaked out.


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## Deuce (Nov 19, 2004)

I remember when I was in high school, there was this fight goin' on. The one guy got his butt kicked and was pretty ticked off about it. He points to the other guy and says "you beat me physically, but I can beat you mentally". It's too bad for that guy it was a fight and not a spelling bee.


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## ShotoSan (Dec 8, 2004)

Ive Heard better...


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## te75uo (Dec 9, 2004)

I was walking home from a bar years ago with a friend when a bum came up and said "Give me some lou or I will shoot you with my .23!"


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## 8253 (Dec 10, 2004)

All of them.


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## mj-hi-yah (Dec 10, 2004)

speedbag said:
			
		

> (click a video link below)
> http://www.speedbagcentral.com/Demos.html
> 
> Oh Gee he lost. And he didn't have the $100 either.
> ...


That's very cool! Awesome how you use the speedbag! Glad you didn't take the bet though...definitely not fair but you sure showed him good! :ultracool


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## arnisador (Nov 17, 2005)

You folks have me beat. I've been challenged by some boneheads in my day, but nothing like this!


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## Icewater (Nov 17, 2005)

speedbag said:
			
		

> Years ago, I once had a guy in a YMCA gym Threaten to kick my #ss over using "his" dumbells. I ignored it, but he kept pushing the indignancy of my interruption to his concentration. He knew I kicked and punched a little, but when muscle heads get heated, that testosterone just comes out.
> 
> So I said, "Fight? That's Bullsh#t! You can't even keep a speed bag going..." ( I had seen him use it a little, and I knew he could, but.....)
> 
> ...


 
Wow.  Thanks for posting that!  I love working a speed bag and have done some of what that guy was doing, but not nearly as smoothly.  We have a bag in our kwoon and I have one at home that I need to set back up.  The music stuff was off the hook.


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## Gin-Gin (Nov 17, 2005)

Deuce said:
			
		

> I remember when I was in high school, there was this fight goin' on. The one guy got his butt kicked and was pretty ticked off about it. He points to the other guy and says "you beat me physically, but I can beat you mentally". It's too bad for that guy it was a fight and not a spelling bee.


:rofl:


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## Bigshadow (Nov 17, 2005)

So far all of them have been silly!


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## Grenadier (Nov 17, 2005)

Silliest?  This one takes the cake:

Radford William Davis and his so-called $10,000 challenge.  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashida_Kim



> $10,000 Challenge
> In an effort to quiet criticism and suppress challenges, Ashida Kim has established rules for a "$10,000 Challenge" for those wishing to test his skill. These rules place significant financial and legal demands on challengers, who are required to pay $10,000 as well as post a $25,000 bond and cover all expenses of the event. Several individuals claim to have come forward to challenge Kim, and presented evidence of the money, yet report that he declined to arrange a fight. Note that the $10,000 appears to refer to the aforementioned fee  nothing in the rules states that the challenger will receive $10,000 on victory as may be inferred.


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## Gin-Gin (Nov 17, 2005)

Grenadier said:
			
		

> Silliest? This one takes the cake:
> 
> Radford William Davis and his so-called $10,000 challenge.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashida_Kim


:roflmao:


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## Flying Crane (Nov 17, 2005)

My wife trained very briefly with this joker while she was in college.  One day he decides to give a lecture on _Effective Use of Language in Deterring a Fight_.  So he uses a real experience of his to make his point.

He had gone to a gas station with his girlfriend to fill up the car.  He made it clear that his girlfriend was blonde, blue-eyed, and beautiful.  So, he claims that some guy starts talking to her.  So this joker decides this is an appropriate time to use effective language.  He goes up to the guy who is talking with his girlfriend, and says "I sure hope you have a good dental plan, because you are gonna need it!!"

And that concluded his lecture on _Effective Use of Language in Deterring a Fight_.  

Real class act, all the way.


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## swiftpete (Nov 17, 2005)

Well I was once trying to get a taxi home from a club. i was by myself as my friends lived in a different direction so had got their taxis already. There was a group of people waiting also, one of them started chatting to me so we started talking the usual drunken stuff, can't really remember what about but seemed friendly enough. Then from nowhere he got serious and asked me "You want to tango, cos i'm the dancemaster?".
I honestly didn't have a clue what he was on about until i saw the group he was with start to whisper to each other there was going to be a fight, circle us and start to get excited. I told him i was just after a taxi and they all left me alone. But it was about the oddest fight request I've had.


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## arnisador (Nov 17, 2005)

Flying Crane said:
			
		

> One day he decides to give a lecture on _Effective Use of Language in Deterring a Fight_.


 
Verbal Judo. Excellent idea. I'm all for it.



> He goes up to the guy who is talking with his girlfriend, and says "I sure hope you have a good dental plan, because you are gonna need it!!"


 
Eh, must be a different substyle of Verbal Judo than the one I'm familiar with.

I don't know how this bonehead has succeeded...but he has books, videos, etc. The world is unfair!

Searching this site will turn up copious previous discussion of this individual.


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## Flying Crane (Nov 17, 2005)

arnisador said:
			
		

> Verbal Judo. Excellent idea. I'm all for it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
How the heck do you know who I am talking about??!!  You are right, he is a VERY high ranking individual in a prominant Japanese system with headquarters in Japan, and he has a large number of videos and such.  I didn't name him or his system in my post (I was trying to be polite), how did you know who I am talking about?  Are you psychic or something?

and yes, this incident has remained a running joke between my wife and myself ever since she told me about it.


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## arnisador (Nov 17, 2005)

When you said "this joker" I thought you were referring to Ashida Kim from the two posts above you rpost! Was that not the case?


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## Flying Crane (Nov 17, 2005)

arnisador said:
			
		

> When you said "this joker" I thought you were referring to Ashida Kim from the two posts above you rpost! Was that not the case?


 
pm.  heh heh.


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## Swordlady (Nov 30, 2005)

Grenadier said:
			
		

> Silliest?  This one takes the cake:
> 
> Radford William Davis and his so-called $10,000 challenge.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashida_Kim



Hahaha...check out Ashida Kim's website for the full details of his "challenge": http://ashidakim.com/10k.html

Also notice that the creator of Wikipedia has been placed on Ashida's "S**t List" - ooooooooooh, you wouldn't want to be put on _that_ list!


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## arnisador (Nov 30, 2005)

Is Kaith on that list yet? I know that Ashida Kim has been mocked here before. E.g.:
http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10006


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## bcbernam777 (Nov 30, 2005)

Thesemindz said:
			
		

> I worked as a tele-marketer for a short time and I once called an old man who told me, "I hope your bowels rot." I thought that seemed kind of harsh, wishing a bowel rotting on a complete stranger.
> 
> -Rob


 
You got off lightly, I had a guy who was pissed off that I was callling, he said "right you little mother%$#$% what the @#$$ are you trying to sell, where the #$%^ is your address I am going to come round and beat the living #$%# out of you you litlle @#$$ wit" I responded by gving him the address and telling him I will be out the fron waiting for him. At which point my supervisor gave me the universal throat slicing sighn, translation "get of the dam phone now"


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## bcbernam777 (Nov 30, 2005)

OULobo said:
			
		

> That is my favorite challange of all. All you have to do is head butt them. They give you an unprotected target and you can just say you were bending down to tie you shoe. I've actually used it two times on guys. If they are watching anything, its my hands, and when my head comes in, they think I'm gonna bump chests or something. Primate posturing leads to brain damage.


 
So much for fighting distance :idunno:


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## bobster_ice (Dec 2, 2005)

i h8 it when people threaten you with somebody...whimps


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