# Top 10 signs you might be a fundamentalist Christian



## Andrew Green (Feb 10, 2007)

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.


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## Monadnock (Feb 10, 2007)

Wow. Did you write those yourself? To bad I could neither muster up a snicker here in the Comedy Cafe, nor find it remotely fundamentalist.

Thanks, Martial Talk Supermod.


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## Andrew Green (Feb 10, 2007)

nope, didn't write them.


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 10, 2007)

Nope, none apply


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## Blotan Hunka (Feb 10, 2007)

Top 15 signs you married a liberal:

15. Pro choice, except when the fetus is a convicted murderer. 

14. In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom." 

13. Her "I'm with the white oppressor of people of color" T-shirt is your first clue. 

12. Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why. 

11. Cheats on your taxes in the government's favor, then sings while making out the check. 

10. Has the ACLU on speed dial. 

9. Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer. 

8. Every time you try to get frisky, she asks why you can't be more like Barney Frank. 

7. Whenever you have to make a tough decision, she mutters "What would Barbra Streisand do?" 

6. She refers to your children as the "non-abortions." 

5. Refers to sex as "being kept down by The Man." 

4. At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!" 

3. Blames the Holocaust on Hitler's abusive parents. 

2. Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!" 

and the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal... 

1. She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 10, 2007)

Andrew Green said:


> 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
> 
> 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
> 
> ...


LMAO!  Great stuff!


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 10, 2007)

Blotan Hunka said:


> Top 15 signs you married a liberal:
> 
> 15. Pro choice, except when the fetus is a convicted murderer.
> 
> ...


 
Nope, none apply


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## JBrainard (Feb 10, 2007)

First joke: I thought it was pretty dead-on.


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## JBrainard (Feb 10, 2007)

Blotan Hunka said:


> Top 15 signs you married a liberal:


 
I was expecting this to be funny, but it's simply... well, wrong.

As opposed to the original joke


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 10, 2007)

I'm trying to figure out what being an atheist has to be with being a modern day liberal.


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## JBrainard (Feb 10, 2007)

SFC JeffJ said:


> I'm trying to figure out what being an atheist has to be with being a modern day liberal.


 
Didn't you hear? You can't be an atheist and a conservative


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 10, 2007)

JBrainard said:


> Didn't you hear? You can't be an atheist and a conservative


Well, luckily I'm neither conservative nor liberal.


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## youngbraveheart (Feb 10, 2007)

Andrew Green said:


> 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
> 
> 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
> 
> ...


 
Hmmmm...NOPE...guess I'm not a "fundamentalist" Christian...I think some people actually believe Christians are like this (list)...(too bad)


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## Obliquity (Feb 11, 2007)

Andrew Green said:


> 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
> 
> 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
> 
> ...


 

I'm thinking this is more like lashing out at persons with a belief system other than your own than it is a joke. Seriously. Where's the comedy in your post?

Can you say bigotry? Intolerance? Or do those labels only apply in one direction?


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## Andrew Green (Feb 11, 2007)

It's a joke, that's all. 

But, fair is fair:

You might be a fundamentalist atheist it...

Although you've memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn't exist, you still think you're God's gift to the ignorant masses.

You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.

You think questions like, "Can God create a rock so big that He cannot lift it?" and, "Can God will Himself out of existence?" are perfect examples of how to disprove God's omnipotence and ultimately how to disprove God. When someone proves to you the false logic behind the questions (i.e. pitting God's omnipotence against itself), you desperately try to defend the questions, but then give up and go to a different Christian site to ask them.

You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.

You call a view held by less than ten percent of the American public "common sense".

You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics.

You claim Creationists don't research on evolution websites before debating against it. Luckily you caught this useful weapon against Christians at the evolution site you learned all about creation doctrine from.

You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.

Engaging the "slippery slope" fallacy, you think you can invalidate the whole bible by discrediting Genesis, since 'the whole bible either stands together or falls apart'. However, when a Creationist tries to invalidate the whole doctrine of naturalistic evolution by exposing the sheer improbability and lack of evidence of abiogenesis, you note this point as 'irrelevant'.

You think that if schools teach the Intelligent Design theory of creation,they should also teach the "stork theory" of where babies come from.

You like to list contradictions to Christians like if you some how pretend that Christians are not aware of them or that they are igorant about their own religion.

Missionaries who give up their personal comfort to aid starving, impoverished and persecuted third-world people are actually "corrupting ancient tribal cultures with western religious dogma", while you sit at home and complain about the price of KFC.

You get angry when Christians tell you you're going to a place that you don't think exists.

You think Christians are narrow-minded for believing in only one religion, but atheists are open-minded for believing in absolutely none.

You think marriage is an obsolete fundy institution &#8212; except for homosexuals.

You can gladly believe any number of conflicting philosophical positions, as long as they're atheistic!

You say things like, "I can't tolerate religion because religion is intolerant. And no type of intolerance should be tolerated."

You find the term 'fundy atheist' meaningless, baffling, illogical and just plain oxymoronic/self-contradictory even though the two terms are not exclusive of each other (except in the minds of fundy atheists, of course).


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## ed-swckf (Feb 11, 2007)

youngbraveheart said:


> Hmmmm...NOPE...guess I'm not a "fundamentalist" Christian...I think some people actually believe Christians are like this (list)...(too bad)


 
I think many "christians" give people reason to believe that which is also too bad!!


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 11, 2007)

ed-swckf said:


> I think many "christians" give people reason to believe that which is also too bad!!


You are right on that.  Luckily they are in the minority.  Unfortunately, they tend to be very loud.


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## stone_dragone (Feb 11, 2007)

I'm not afraid to say I giggled a bit when reading the original post.  

Nor am I afraid to say that I consider myself basically a fundamental Christian.  The problem exists in not the "fundamental" Christians (or the Fundamental Muslims or Fundamental/Orthodox Jews for that matter).  The additional moniker of fundamentalist should merely indicate that they, at the very core of their beliefs, emphasise the "fundamentals" of their chosen religion (love God, love and respect each other, yada yada yada).

The problem arises with _*extreme*_ fundamentalists, just as it does with extreme environmentalists, extreme anti-abortionists or extreme krispy-kreme-ists... whenever a group takes its beliefs to an extreme to such a point that they refuse to: 

listen to other points of view, even if they disagree with them
tolerate others who don't share their view
commit acts clearly outside of their beliefs "in the name of their god"

I read the original post and giggled a little because I saw common presentations of certain beliefs being challenged in a light hearted way.  

Does the list represent me... no.  My freedom in Christ gives me the ability to laugh at well presented jokes, regardless of the subject matter.  

Anything that is important enough to be taken seriously is important enough to make fun of.  The more important, the more one sould be able to laugh at it.  Thats my 2 bits, though.  I gotta get ready for church.


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## Mariachi Joe (Feb 11, 2007)

Blotan Hunka said:


> Top 15 signs you married a liberal:
> 
> 15. Pro choice, except when the fetus is a convicted murderer.
> 
> ...


 

Hahahaha now that's funny:rofl:


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