# Funny fight stories



## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

A few weeks ago our second-in-command (assistant?) coach was running class and before we start randori "reminds" us that, hey, it's practice, we can get away with a little more than if we were in a tournament and to use what we can to our advantage. Nothing dangerous, of course, but we didn't have any more tournaments this semester and it was meant to be a fun practice, a reprieve from our usual grueling routine. 

I go and fight another coach and, during the groundwork, my belt comes off. Instead of pausing I grab it and try to wrap his legs together to give me a distraction to choke him. Sly guy takes my belt from me, gets me on my stomach, and decides to "arrest" me. 

You know the saying "I can fight you with one hand tied behind my back"? No, no you can't. Especially not 2!

Anyone got any funny randori stories from their dojo?


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## Ironbear24 (May 11, 2017)

A dude pulls a pocket knife on me and has a friend with him. I pick up a foldout chair and the dude with the knife says "dude that's cheating!"


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## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> A dude pulls a pocket knife on me and has a friend with him. I pick up a foldout chair and the dude with the knife says "dude that's cheating!"



I need to use that. Not the foldout chair, but the "Dude, that's cheating!" line.


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## Ironbear24 (May 11, 2017)

stingrae said:


> I need to use that. Not the foldout chair, but the "Dude, that's cheating!" line.



That actually de-escalated the fight. All of us started laughing, then an old women came out and threatened to call the cops so we all ran.


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## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> That actually de-escalated the fight. All of us started laughing, then an old women came out and threatened to call the cops so we all ran.



Your life sounds exciting. The closest I ever got to an actual fight was when some preteens (13) wouldn't shut up when my mom and I went to go see Divergent (don't judge). At one point I had my leg crossed and slammed my boot down on the floor in frustration, my mom thought I was going to charge them and threw herself over me like "No!" 

Yeah, that's the closest I've ever gotten to fighting: someone thinking I was going to fight.

Though, I AM in college, that certainly opens up doors to skin my knuckles on some drunk's teeth...


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## Ironbear24 (May 11, 2017)

stingrae said:


> Your life sounds exciting. The closest I ever got to an actual fight was when some preteens (13) wouldn't shut up when my mom and I went to go see Divergent (don't judge). At one point I had my leg crossed and slammed my boot down on the floor in frustration, my mom thought I was going to charge them and threw herself over me like "No!"
> 
> Yeah, that's the closest I've ever gotten to fighting: someone thinking I was going to fight.
> 
> Though, I AM in college, that certainly opens up doors to skin my knuckles on some drunk's teeth...



90 something percent of my fights were all about stupid things, myself included being stupid. 

Not being in many fights is a badge of honor. It means you are smarter.


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## Ironbear24 (May 11, 2017)

Divergent is also a good movie


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## Bill Mattocks (May 11, 2017)

I got in a fight that stopped a Cheap Trick concert in Okinawa in 1983.


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## Steve (May 11, 2017)

I'm a brand new white belt, and a guy (brown belt at the time) named crusher is sparring with me.   Our coach says, "crusher.   Take it easy and show him something."  Crusher pulls guard, sweeps me into mount. And he says, "well.  So, right now, you're losing."


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## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

Bill Mattocks said:


> I got in a fight that stopped a Cheap Trick concert in Okinawa in 1983.



The stuff of legends.


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## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

Steve said:


> I'm a brand new white belt, and a guy (brown belt at the time) named crusher is sparring with me.   Our coach says, "crusher.   Take it easy and show him something."  Crusher pulls guard, sweeps me into mount. And he says, "well.  So, right now, you're losing."



Crusher? Is it an ironic nickname and he's actually really skinny or does the name sum up the guy pretty well?


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## CB Jones (May 11, 2017)

Long time ago when I was on patrol.  I had a a guy I was gonna arrest for DWI   back up into the bottom of a ditch and tell me if I wanted to take him to jail come get him.....really?

Almost too drunk to stand up and you gonna give me the high ground...lol.

Didn't work out to well for him.


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## Steve (May 11, 2017)

stingrae said:


> Crusher? Is it an ironic nickname and he's actually really skinny or does the name sum up the guy pretty well?


No, he's a power lifter.  So, picture pacts like dinner plates and shoulders like bowling balls.  And his thighs are literally as thick as my waist.


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## stingrae (May 11, 2017)

Steve said:


> No, he's a power lifter.  So, picture pacts like dinner plates and shoulders like bowling balls.  And his thighs are literally as thick as my waist.



I'm glad I don't go to your dojo then!


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (May 11, 2017)

Ironbear24 said:


> 90 something percent of my fights were all about stupid things, myself included being stupid.
> 
> Not being in many fights is a badge of honor. It means you are smarter.


i'm agreeing with three parts of this.
1: 90% of your fights were about stupid things.
2: You were being stupid in them.
3: Not being in many fights, especially when you're a capable teen, means you (he) is smarter.

The reason I don't feel like I'm a dick agreeing to this is, 90% of my fights were about stupid things, and I was probably the one being most stupid in them. 
Now that I'm more experienced I try to avoid fights, or at least not antagonize others. I'm smarter too, but it took fighting (heh) through a lot of stubbornness to get there.


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## morlock (May 11, 2017)

I'm 5 feet 8 (well, 5' 7" 3/4, really). The only time I decided to piss off a guy was in high school and he was 6' 4" hehe. Smart move on my part! It escalated a bit and he pushed me. I just shoved his arms away and two teachers passed close by. One said "Hey, no fighting!". That was it. Best ending I could hope for I guess


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## Steve (May 11, 2017)

When I was in the 6th grade, this 8th grader singled me out after school. He cam after me, and I got him in a head lock.  I was hanging on with everything I had.   I knew if I let him go he'd kick my butt.   I knew it because he was saying it.  He's all bent over and just saying, "you let me go and you're dead meat.   I'm going to kick your ***." And so on.  

I held on for, seemed like an hour, but probably only a minute or two.   When my mom moves in, grabs my ear and steers me through the crowd.   I acted like I was upset she came, but truth is, she saved my butt that day. 

School in Texas.  I don't miss it.


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

stingrae said:


> Your life sounds exciting. The closest I ever got to an actual fight was when some preteens (13) wouldn't shut up when my mom and I went to go see Divergent (don't judge). At one point I had my leg crossed and slammed my boot down on the floor in frustration, my mom thought I was going to charge them and threw herself over me like "No!"
> 
> Yeah, that's the closest I've ever gotten to fighting: someone thinking I was going to fight.
> 
> Though, I AM in college, that certainly opens up doors to skin my knuckles on some drunk's teeth...


Don't know if you're joking but if not that's a pretty silly thing to say...you're in college so what? Not everyone gets in fights in college. You should be proud you've never got in a fight. It's not weakness that fact makes you stronger.


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## stingrae (May 12, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Don't know if you're joking but if not that's a pretty silly thing to say...you're in college so what? Not everyone gets in fights in college. You should be proud you've never got in a fight. It's not weakness that fact makes you stronger.



I was joking! It was an inside joke of sorts, someone was worried about me getting back to my place one night and I said "Don't worry, I can always" and the line about skinning my knuckles on a drunk guy's teeth. 

There was quiet in the car for about two seconds before the guy burst out laughing, such a dark thing coming from a little thing like me. I was trying to sound assuring, but from his response I guess I failed.


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## Buka (May 12, 2017)

Bruce Lee died while filming The Game of Death. It was released many years later (truly AWFUL movie) in 78 or so. But we really wanted to see it.

So twenty something of us went to the opening. All Martial Artists, many of whom were cops. I was working in an "overnight arrest unit for juvenile offenders" at the time. Worked the two A.M to ten A.M shift. All of us met there. (big parking lot)The movie started at 11 a.m in Boston's Chinatown district.

We jammed as many of us as we could into the fewest number of cars and drove to Boston. There were enough tickets left, but none together, mostly single or double seats, scattered throughout the theatre.

So we bought tickets and everyone just looked for seats, we were all scattered about. Three of the guys got to sit together right in the middle of the theatre. In front of them were five gang bangers, making a hell of a lot of noise and generally being A- holes. The three guys with us asked them, politely, to quiet down. You can figure how that went. The five gang bangers are now standing and pontificating and threatening and generally being gangsters.

The whole theatre is focused on these goings on. The rest of us are watching, sitting sideways in our seats, pretty much in a sprinter position, ready. Truth be told, our three guys could have probably handled these five gangsters. But the gangsters went over the seats at our three guys. And we _swarmed_. We were climbing over people and running, screaming, diving into them. 

It was a beating of epic proportions. Heck we were even hitting ourselves trying to get these guys. Three were cuffed right here, mostly unconscious. The other two were dragged out by their nostrils. (seriously) The rest of the theatre was cheering and clapping like crazy.

Two of the guys had warrants on them, one had a Saturday Night special in a home made ankle holster, the others were carrying crystal meth and coke. The Boston cops were called and picked them up. It was pretty fricken awesome.

The movie sucked, oh did it suck. On of the worst movies I've seen to this day. Bruce Lee's face superimposed over whoever was playing the part  in the aftermath remake.

 But the experience with the gangbangers.....one of my absolute favorite memories. Kind of makes me swoon. (I know, I'm easy)


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## JR 137 (May 12, 2017)

Buka said:


> Bruce Lee died while filming The Game of Death. It was released many years later (truly AWFUL movie) in 78 or so. But we really wanted to see it.
> 
> So twenty something of us went to the opening. All Martial Artists, many of whom were cops. I was working in an "overnight arrest unit for juvenile offenders" at the time. Worked the two A.M to ten A.M shift. All of us met there. (big parking lot)The movie started at 11 a.m in Boston's Chinatown district.
> 
> ...



Sounds like when Sho 'Nuff and his gang stormed the theater, challenging anyone who thought they could beat "The Master."  Only you guys beat them down.  How would you have fared against Mr. 'Nuff and his gang, I wonder?

But in all seriousness, talk about messing with the wrong crowd.  Do you think they look back at it and laugh too?


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## stingrae (May 12, 2017)

JR 137 said:


> Sounds like when Sho 'Nuff and his gang stormed the theater, challenging anyone who thought they could beat "The Master."  Only you guys beat them down.  How would you have fared against Mr. 'Nuff and his gang, I wonder?
> 
> But in all seriousness, talk about messing with the wrong crowd.  Do you think they look back at it and laugh too?



Probably, after they poke mirrors through the bars to make sure the guards aren't nearby.


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## wingchun100 (May 12, 2017)

Funny fight stories? Yes, I have one...although it was not my fight.

I was in a bar with a friend. It was getting near the end of the night, so we had to look for something else to do. We were hanging out near the front door, discussing our options. Nearby we saw this guy (I'll just call him Brunette Guy, since he had brown hair) trying to hit on this girl. There were a couple other guys standing behind him who were his buddies. (How do I know? Because whenever Brunette Guy thought he said something clever to the young woman, he would look back at them and smile, and they would laugh.)

Then another guy came up on the other side of the woman. I'll call him Blonde Guy (for obvious reasons). He said something to the woman. Brunette Guy asked what Blonde Guy said to her; I guess he thought Blone Guy was trying to ruin his game. Blonde Guy said, "I was just asking if you were being an A-hole to her." The woman said, "He's just looking out for a friend, you know?" Brunette Guy went from 0 to 100 on the anger scale, saying it was f***ed up and out of line for Blonde Guy to say that.

Blonde Guy and some of his friends started to leave. Brunette Guy and friends followed. Right out on the sidewalk, they all broke into a fight. Brunette Guy was lunging from one guy to another, throwing punches and actually knocking 2-3 dudes down. Then he turned toward this one guy who looked to be the youngest member of Blonde Guy's crew; I'm talking he looked 12, like an out of place innocent little kid. (In fact, let's call him "the Kid.")

Well, Brunette Guy moved in with his fist drawn back...and the Kid kicked him right in the shin. Brunette Guy backed off, clutching at his leg and hobbling around. The Kid just stood there.

At this point, the fight was winding down. A couple of Brunette Guy's friends noticed him hobbling around, so they came over to his aid. They asked him what happened, and I will never forget what he said.

He pointed at the Kid and said, "This motherf***er thinks he's playing soccer!!!!"

I was in tears. What a typical thing for a sore loser to say. "He kicked me...he cheated!!!" LMAO


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## stingrae (May 12, 2017)

It's funny how I started this to hear fight stories in the dojo and it spirals into cop stories. Not complaining, I think these are funnier.


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

Buka said:


> Bruce Lee died while filming The Game of Death. It was released many years later (truly AWFUL movie) in 78 or so. But we really wanted to see it.
> 
> So twenty something of us went to the opening. All Martial Artists, many of whom were cops. I was working in an "overnight arrest unit for juvenile offenders" at the time. Worked the two A.M to ten A.M shift. All of us met there. (big parking lot)The movie started at 11 a.m in Boston's Chinatown district.
> 
> ...




Bit off topic but I don't think the movie was that bad. Sure the footage was badly edited but it had a better plot than the majority of lees movies and better acting. Literally I find way of the dragon totally unwatchable apart from the fights. Also the locker room fight was actually very good. I wouldn't call it great but I wouldn't call it terrible either


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

Buka said:


> Bruce Lee died while filming The Game of Death. It was released many years later (truly AWFUL movie) in 78 or so. But we really wanted to see it.
> 
> So twenty something of us went to the opening. All Martial Artists, many of whom were cops. I was working in an "overnight arrest unit for juvenile offenders" at the time. Worked the two A.M to ten A.M shift. All of us met there. (big parking lot)The movie started at 11 a.m in Boston's Chinatown district.
> 
> ...


Also just to add on did you know they actually made a game of death 2


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## CB Jones (May 12, 2017)

We were working a detail walking around an area doing Terry stops and pat downs looking for would be muggers and gang bangers.  We were a plain clothes unit and there were about 7 of us but it was our 1st night of the detail. In our unit there were 2 guys guys I'll refer to as "T" and "J".  T is kinda a big guy J is smaller.

We walk by 3 guys leaned up against a wall smoking weed.  We pull badges and tell them to put their hands on the wall.  Two of them breaks to run and I tackle one.  Couple guys jump in to help me.

Couple other guys tackle the second guy.

And from behind, T mistakes J for one of the suspects and grabs J in a full Nelson picking him up and shoving him into the wall all the while J's feet were kicking in the air while he yelled "same team, same team".

All that time, the 3rd suspect was just standing there watching in awe....lol.

We still laugh at that when we get together.

"Same team, same team"...


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

Here's a funny fight bad quality I know


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## wingchun100 (May 12, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Also just to add on did you know they actually made a game of death 2


 
They also made one called The New Game of Death. They were made with Bruce Lee imitators like the cleverly named Bruce Li and Bruce Le.


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## JR 137 (May 12, 2017)

I've posted this here at MT before, but I think it's appropriate.  Not a fight per se...

A friend and I are having a few beers in a pub.  He's an American Kenpo guy, I was a Kyokushin guy at the time.  We're talking MA stuff, minding our own business.  A guy walks over and tells us karate doesn't work, and we're too old to be doing karate (we're in our early 20s).

My friend who's 5'5 says to the guy "I bet you $10 I can kick that ashtray off your head without touching you."  The guy who's at least 6' tall laughs and agrees.

The guy puts the ashtray on his head.  My buddy goes in into a horse stance, yells out this ridiculous Bruce Lee kiai, and buries a side kick right into his stomach.  All you hear is a loud thud, and the guy hits the floor hard.  My buddy walks over, drops $10 on him and says "I lose," sits back down on the barstool and picks up the conversation right where he left off.  The guy got up and walked back over to his friends who were laughing so hard at him.

The obnoxious kiai really sold it.


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## CB Jones (May 12, 2017)

When my son, Jacob, was 6 or 7, he was competing in 3 person team sparring match with two other kids his age...one of which was his Sensei's son, Bryce.

Right away, my son loses his temper and just goes after the other kid way too hard and continues even after they call break.  The judges stop the fight and meet and discuss the penalty.

My wife sitting on the 1st row of seats calls out to Jacob and told him to settle down and stop getting mad.

Jacob turns, points to Bryce, and loudly proclaims "Bryce told me to get mad!"

Everyone watching plus the judges turn and looked at Bryce, who nonchalantly shrugged and said "He fights better when he is mad.  He becomes Jacob-a-saurus"........


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

wingchun100 said:


> They also made one called The New Game of Death. They were made with Bruce Lee imitators like the cleverly named Bruce Li and Bruce Le.


Yeah there's been loads of rip offs of game of death but the game of death 2 only had like 10 minutes of the Bruce lee character then it was killed off and the characters brother came in as the main star so it wasn't a lot of Bruce lee exploitation though of course Bruce lee gets the main credit


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## wingchun100 (May 12, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Yeah there's been loads of rip offs of game of death but the game of death 2 only had like 10 minutes of the Bruce lee character then it was killed off and the characters brother came in as the main star so it wasn't a lot of Bruce lee exploitation though of course Bruce lee gets the main credit


 
Oh absolutely. They use his name to draw in that first wave of people. Then once those people realize they were suckered, they spread the word.


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## Buka (May 12, 2017)

I hated this other kid, he hated me, worse. I was two years older, but he was tougher. It came to a head one night and we went at it. We're on someone's lawn, rolling around trying to beat the crap out of each other.....suddenly I yell," Dennis, Dennis, wait!" He stops, says what?" I said "smell"

The corner of the lawn we were on was where a big dog used to do his business. There were piles of it everywhere. (BIG dog) We jumped up. It was all over us, on our hands, on our faces, all over every part of our clothes, in our damn HAIR - I mean everywhere. We gagged. Then, looking at each other under the street light, we started to laugh. Couldn't stop laughing, except to say "GROSS!"

Long walk home for each of us. Had to undress in the yard and use the garden hose before going inside, had to use it on our clothes, too. 

Dennis and I have been best friends ever since, for fifty two years now. Pretty much did everything in life together, trained together, travelled together, misbehaved together. One cuts, the other bleeds, that kind of best friends. Having no children of my own, his kids have been in my will from the day they were born, that kind of best friends.

Best fight I ever had.


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## CB Jones (May 12, 2017)

Buka said:


> I hated this other kid, he hated me, worse. I was two years older, but he was tougher. It came to a head one night and we went at it. We're on someone's lawn, rolling around trying to beat the crap out of each other.....suddenly I yell," Dennis, Dennis, wait!" He stops, says what?" I said "smell"
> 
> The corner of the lawn we were on was where a big dog used to do his business. There were piles of it everywhere. (BIG dog) We jumped up. It was all over us, on our hands, on our faces, all over every part of our clothes, in our damn HAIR - I mean everywhere. We gagged. Then, looking at each other under the street light, we started to laugh. Couldn't stop laughing, except to say "GROSS!"
> 
> ...



Crappy way of starting a friendship.


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

wingchun100 said:


> Oh absolutely. They use his name to draw in that first wave of people. Then once those people realize they were suckered, they spread the word.


Tbh I never cared much for Bruce lees movies. The scripts and acting were pretty bad. Lees skill was good and it was entertaining enough but his fights were always to one sided. I mean it's obvious in these films the good guy will win but he never got anywhere near losing. Even the chuck Norris which everyone raves about. Norris landed like 2 or 3 hits the whole fight. To me that kind of fight scenes just boring.
But lee had to much of a big ego to take to much of a beating.

I actually read that in lone wolf mquade the David caradine role was meant to go to Bruce lee and it was going to be marketed as a rematch on film. So lee would've had to lose since his would've been the villain but I doubt he'd have taken that role


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## Paul_D (May 12, 2017)

Funniest experience I had (well it was funny to me at the time) was when someone who was about 180cm tried to intimidate me with his size, but had no actual physical skills to progress once that tactic failed.

I'm only 162cms, and so this bigger guy gets in my face and leans over me.  As I said, he tried to intimidate me with his size. I stepped back, and put up my "fence" at the same time telling him he didn't need to get that close to talk to me.  Keeping my fence up meant he couldnt get in my face again, and as I remained calm and composed the outcome he had intended (me being intimidated and submitting) was not forthcoming.

Normally what I would have expected to follow next would be him moving onto physical violence.  However, as we were stood there "chatting" ;-) I realised that he didn't know what to do next, as he didn't have any physical skills.  I could see the look of confusion on his face, he had never been in this situation before.  Clearly he only ever tried this with much smaller people (like me) and had had a 100% success rate in the past.

Now it wasn't working he didn't know what to do next.  I could almost see the cogs turning as he realised he didn't know what to do.  I found it funny to the point that I started to struggle to keep a straight face as I watched the poor man struggle.

In the end I gave him a way out and the arguement ended.  

I admit, not very funny to anyone else maybe, but to me, at the time, the look on his face was priceless. He could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk and once he came across someone who knew how to deal with his tactics, and who wasn't intimidated, he came unstuck.


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## wingchun100 (May 12, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Tbh I never cared much for Bruce lees movies. The scripts and acting were pretty bad. Lees skill was good and it was entertaining enough but his fights were always to one sided. I mean it's obvious in these films the good guy will win but he never got anywhere near losing. Even the chuck Norris which everyone raves about. Norris landed like 2 or 3 hits the whole fight. To me that kind of fight scenes just boring.
> But lee had to much of a big ego to take to much of a beating.
> 
> I actually read that in lone wolf mquade the David caradine role was meant to go to Bruce lee and it was going to be marketed as a rematch on film. So lee would've had to lose since his would've been the villain but I doubt he'd have taken that role


 
Well, WAY is when the quality started to get at least a little better. Some of the fights in his first two movies were just plain goofy, like the scene in CHINESE CONNECTION/FIST OF FURY where he grabs two guys and then spins around with them. LOL Than again, that movie DID also have a pretty good fight scene with that Russian guy.


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## CB Jones (May 12, 2017)

Paul_D said:


> who was about 180cm





Paul_D said:


> I'm only 162cms



  You non-Americans and your metric system is killing me.

Let me see if I can figure this out....180 cm....base ten something...fuzzy math...carry the 1....voodoo economics.....

He was 8'4" and you are 4'9".....correct?


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## Paul_D (May 12, 2017)

CB Jones said:


> You non-Americans and your metric system is killing me.
> 
> Let me see if I can figure this out....180 cm....base ten something...fuzzy math...carry the 1....voodoo economics.....
> 
> He was 8'4" and you are 4'9".....correct?


For those of you living in Liberia, Myanmar and of course, the U-S-A! U-S-A! H. :- Six foot and five 4


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

wingchun100 said:


> Well, WAY is when the quality started to get at least a little better. Some of the fights in his first two movies were just plain goofy, like the scene in CHINESE CONNECTION/FIST OF FURY where he grabs two guys and then spins around with them. LOL Than again, that movie DID also have a pretty good fight scene with that Russian guy.


Tbh I thought way was his worst movie actual movie wise I.e script and acting wise it's the one I genuinely can't watch plot wise and just skip to the fights when I watch it. I'll say 1 thing the Norris fight and the 2 before with bob wall and Korean were very realistic and didnt have ott stuff at all. Yeah the Russian fight in fist of fury was good and the best of the movie. I've never actually seen big boss. I've seen clips of the fights in it and that movie seems a lot more bloody than his others. 

Enter the dragon was very good but I wish jim Kelly had survived and John Saxon character died since Saxon was garbage as a martial artist and it showed badly and wish lee had fought bolo that would've been cooler. It's a shame we didn't get to see him work with better people to make better movies


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## Buka (May 12, 2017)

Paul_D said:


> Funniest experience I had (well it was funny to me at the time) was when someone who was about 180cm tried to intimidate me with his size, but had no actual physical skills to progress once that tactic failed.
> 
> I'm only 162cms, and so this bigger guy gets in my face and leans over me.  As I said, he tried to intimidate me with his size. I stepped back, and put up my "fence" at the same time telling him he didn't need to get that close to talk to me.  Keeping my fence up meant he couldnt get in my face again, and as I remained calm and composed the outcome he had intended (me being intimidated and submitting) was not forthcoming.
> 
> ...



You know what's great about that story, Paul? Where you said - "_In the end I gave him a way out and the arguement ended._"

People need to learn how to do that. Give a guy a way out, let him save face. Especially when he's with friends. It's such an important, and oft overlooked, aspect of self defense.


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## Paul_D (May 12, 2017)

Buka said:


> You know what's great about that story, Paul? Where you said - "_In the end I gave him a way out and the arguement ended._"
> 
> People need to learn how to do that. Give a guy a way out, let him save face. Especially when he's with friends. It's such an important, and oft overlooked, aspect of self defense.


Credit where credit is due, I learnt that one from Geoff Thompson, either  Dead or Alive: The Definituve Self Protection Handbook, or Watch My Back.  Can't remember which.


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## Headhunter (May 12, 2017)

Okay then I'll share a story I just remembered I was having a boxing match with a guy who I was friends with. It was a proper amateur fight with a crowd, ref etc. and we'd been doing a lot of kickboxing before the fight but we took the boxing match as that's what the promoter wanted. So anyway first round we were fighting and i was so used to kickboxing at the time I simply by instint threw a side kick to his ribs. I got a bollocking off the ref but my friend just laughed and we touched gloves and carried on. Anyway next round were going and out of no where he threw a front kick to the face which knocked me down. He got even more of a bollocking off the ref. I was fine it was a flash knockdown I just got up and laughed as well and was just like touché fair enough. He lost a point though and I won a decision. After the fight me and him were hanging out and the promoter came over and said you bastards keep your feet on the ground next time all in a joking manner. Good times lol


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## kuniggety (May 14, 2017)

I'd say the most amusing thing I've seen in person, I was personally apart of. There was 3 of us white belts getting our blue belts in BJJ (and one purple). We had all already rolled for 90 min straight. There was no lesson... it was us against each of the whites, then blues, and then the couple purples. At that point I was just getting tapped left and right. Then the instructor decides to one by one do the last roll with each of us and make us his little bitches by getting all of us to tap by exerting enough force from knee on belly. I'm a dude so I'll never know what being in labor feels like, but my guess it would be somewhere around a black belt crushing you for three minutes in knee on belly. I'm proud to say I'm the only one that didn't tap before the time ran down. Although I would've endured less pain if I would've just tapped... so does that just make me an idiot?


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## stingrae (May 14, 2017)

kuniggety said:


> I'd say the most amusing thing I've seen in person, I was personally apart of. There was 3 of us white belts getting our blue belts in BJJ (and one purple). We had all already rolled for 90 min straight. There was no lesson... it was us against each of the whites, then blues, and then the couple purples. At that point I was just getting tapped left and right. Then the instructor decides to one by one do the last roll with each of us and make us his little bitches by getting all of us to tap by exerting enough force from knee on belly. I'm a dude so I'll never know what being in labor feels like, but my guess it would be somewhere around a black belt crushing you for three minutes in knee on belly. I'm proud to say I'm the only one that didn't tap before the time ran down. Although I would've endured less pain if I would've just tapped... so does that just make me an idiot?



I've suffered that pain. I was joking around with an instructor before practice and when he went in for an actual throw, I sat down. Bad idea. He pinned me, planted his knee on my belly, held the back of my knee/scruff of my neck and pulled.

He did the same thing when I got behind him and tried to choke him. Caught my wrist, put me in a lock and told me to apologize (I did, let's pretend it wasn't from the "black belt voice" while he was towering over me with a "mistakes were made" look), and started walking me in said lock to the mats to throw me.

I wasn't looking forward to the throw and sat down. He turned around, put his knee on my belly, grabbed the back of my knee and scruff (we weren't in gis so he was holding my sweatshirt hood) and I was folded in half for a good while before he thought I learned my lesson.


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## Gerry Seymour (May 14, 2017)

stingrae said:


> A few weeks ago our second-in-command (assistant?) coach was running class and before we start randori "reminds" us that, hey, it's practice, we can get away with a little more than if we were in a tournament and to use what we can to our advantage. Nothing dangerous, of course, but we didn't have any more tournaments this semester and it was meant to be a fun practice, a reprieve from our usual grueling routine.
> 
> I go and fight another coach and, during the groundwork, my belt comes off. Instead of pausing I grab it and try to wrap his legs together to give me a distraction to choke him. Sly guy takes my belt from me, gets me on my stomach, and decides to "arrest" me.
> 
> ...


My last two students to receive their yellow belts received them as a surprise strangle simulation in the middle of a "new technique I need to show you".


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## Gerry Seymour (May 14, 2017)

Steve said:


> No, he's a power lifter.  So, picture pacts like dinner plates and shoulders like bowling balls.  And his thighs are literally as thick as my waist.


Yeah, I don't think my weak-*** ground game would be of much use against him.


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## Gerry Seymour (May 14, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Don't know if you're joking but if not that's a pretty silly thing to say...you're in college so what? Not everyone gets in fights in college. You should be proud you've never got in a fight. It's not weakness that fact makes you stronger.


Agreed. Most of my friends in college got into fights. I didn't. I'd hear them talking about the party and the fight, and remember a fight broke out there last year, and that's why I didn't go this year.


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## stingrae (May 14, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> My last two students to receive their yellow belts received them as a surprise strangle simulation in the middle of a "new technique I need to show you".



That would be the "something disguised as a new move that needs to be shown" syndrome.

I didn't know that could be a good thing, I've only suffered from that. Got a little too mouthy, needed some humbling. Instructor launched into detail about a throw, made it sound painful. Finished explaining, looked at me: "(Name)."

I made sure to slap hard.


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## Steve (May 14, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> Yeah, I don't think my weak-*** ground game would be of much use against him.


Mine either.  He's a different breed.  Nice guy, but just casually violent.  He's the guy that taught me "knee on face."


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## Gerry Seymour (May 14, 2017)

Steve said:


> Mine either.  He's a different breed.  Nice guy, but just casually violent.  He's the guy that taught me "knee on face."


If your ground game won't handle him, Steve, I don't have a prayer. The best part of my ground game is patience and relaxation. I'm not sure those - absent an array of ground techniques to back them - would be of much use.


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## stingrae (May 14, 2017)

gpseymour said:


> If your ground game won't handle him, Steve, I don't have a prayer. The best part of my ground game is patience and relaxation. I'm not sure those - absent an array of ground techniques to back them - would be of much use.



If you guys can't handle him, I'd be done for.


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## kuniggety (May 14, 2017)

stingrae said:


> I've suffered that pain. I was joking around with an instructor before practice and when he went in for an actual throw, I sat down. Bad idea. He pinned me, planted his knee on my belly, held the back of my knee/scruff of my neck and pulled.
> 
> He did the same thing when I got behind him and tried to choke him. Caught my wrist, put me in a lock and told me to apologize (I did, let's pretend it wasn't from the "black belt voice" while he was towering over me with a "mistakes were made" look), and started walking me in said lock to the mats to throw me.
> 
> I wasn't looking forward to the throw and sat down. He turned around, put his knee on my belly, grabbed the back of my knee and scruff (we weren't in gis so he was holding my sweatshirt hood) and I was folded in half for a good while before he thought I learned my lesson.



I'm a big fan of knee on belly... being a bit on the larger side myself: 6' 1" 200 lbs. The women look like they're in a Lamaze class when I pull it. There's something about black belts though... a 200 lbs guy suddenly feels like he's a 600 lbs gorilla.


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## stingrae (May 14, 2017)

kuniggety said:


> I'm a big fan of knee on belly... being a bit on the larger side myself: 6' 1" 200 lbs. The women look like they're in a Lamaze class when I pull it. There's something about black belts though... a 200 lbs guy suddenly feels like he's a 600 lbs gorilla.



Exactly! I guess the black belt adds 400 lbs. Or maybe that's experience...

And you USE it? You, sir, are cruel.


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## kuniggety (May 14, 2017)

stingrae said:


> Exactly! I guess the black belt adds 400 lbs. Or maybe that's experience...
> 
> And you USE it? You, sir, are cruel.



Hey, they signed up to roll with me. I like knee on belly as there are different ways to ride a person which sets up different submissions or transitions back to side control (where I usually pop into it from) or mount.


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## stingrae (May 14, 2017)

kuniggety said:


> Hey, they signed up to roll with me. I like knee on belly as there are different ways to ride a person which sets up different submissions or transitions back to side control (where I usually pop into it from) or mount.



You don't need to transition to anything from knee on belly. That's a submission all by itself!

Especially when you're trying to smoke less and let slip you had a few before practice. "You still smokin'?" as the knee goes deeper and somehow becomes heavier. Ugh, the stuff of nightmares.


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## kuniggety (May 15, 2017)

stingrae said:


> You don't need to transition to anything from knee on belly. That's a submission all by itself!
> 
> Especially when you're trying to smoke less and let slip you had a few before practice. "You still smokin'?" as the knee goes deeper and somehow becomes heavier. Ugh, the stuff of nightmares.



Sure, but I usually don't intentionally try to tap people smaller than me with it. I know the option is there but I want to train myself as if I can't do it, i.e. It's a person that's either a: not going to tap due to some uncomfortable pressure (and possible bruising afterwards) or b: is just too big and tough to reasonably hurt that way. My favorite submission is to bring the leg up to knee on chest with the knee down in their far armpit and my foot hooking down in the closer armpit. I then will try to either a: one arm armbar the closer arm or get a good deep collar grip before sliding into high mount.


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## Buka (May 15, 2017)

JR 137 said:


> Sounds like when Sho 'Nuff and his gang stormed the theater, challenging anyone who thought they could beat "The Master."  Only you guys beat them down.  How would you have fared against Mr. 'Nuff and his gang, I wonder?
> 
> But in all seriousness, talk about messing with the wrong crowd.  Do you think they look back at it and laugh too?



The Last Dragon - Several years before it opened, when they were having readings for that movie, Billy Blanks had a copy of the second draft of that script. They wanted him to read for Sho-Nuff part.

So....a whole gang of us, his students and mine, went to a local movie theatre run by a friend of mine, and acted out that scene, and a good part of the third act as well. I remember thinking, "Oh, my God, this is so fricken' awful, this will never be a movie". (again, can I call em' or what?)

I really enjoyed the film, it was fun. What was strange when I first saw it in the theatre - I knew every line that was coming.
And if you ever see it again, and look closely, you'll see that William H Macy and Chazz Palminteri also appear in it.


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## hoshin1600 (May 15, 2017)

my little story will never compare to rolling in dog crap....some bars are just to high to reach.
it was my Uechi black belt test.  there were a few of us from my dojo going up. we had to travel to another state to test under a testing board.  my dojo never wore protective equipment other than a GI and and a cup.  but for some reason we were required to wear head gear, gloves,  and a chest protector. we were full grown adults. i felt it was ridiculous but you got to do what the testing board and school owner wants.  they randomly paired people up for the sparring, and by chance i was paired with my dojo buddy Sean. now at home we were used to going at about 70 % power and speed.  so that is how we started.  the Ref/ testing senior was a women mid 40's (nothing against women or anyone in their mid forties, it just makes a better story to have that image) however she had a reputation for being a bit soft in teaching.  so me and Sean start sparring making contact ,,,cuz..... we got the gear on,,, and we are used to going at each other at 70% anyway..  the Ref stops us and says " light contact"  we start again this time Sean really wacks me good so of course i come back at him harder.   Ref stops us again  " i said light contact"  this happend a few more times and each time me and Sean crank it up,, we ended up looking like an epic Wanderlei Silva battle standing there toe to toe trading, rocking full bore thowing everything......................She stops us screaming like a Nun teacher yelling at her class _*" stop it! stop it!  i said light contact ...this is not rockem sockem robots ,,,taking each others heads off* .  *go take you gear off and go sit down" * _  so me and Sean walk off sweating and he says to me ....oh she said light contact?  i thought she kept saying MORE contact.    our teacher was on the side lines laughing his butt off.  so our sparring bout "_the rockem sockem robots" _ was a testing legend retold for many years.


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## Steve (May 15, 2017)

hoshin1600 said:


> my little story will never compare to rolling in dog crap....some bars are just to high to reach.
> it was my Uechi black belt test.  there were a few of us from my dojo going up. we had to travel to another state to test under a testing board.  my dojo never wore protective equipment other than a GI and and a cup.  but for some reason we were required to wear head gear, gloves,  and a chest protector. we were full grown adults. i felt it was ridiculous but you got to do what the testing board and school owner wants.  they randomly paired people up for the sparring, and by chance i was paired with my dojo buddy Sean. now at home we were used to going at about 70 % power and speed.  so that is how we started.  the Ref/ testing senior was a women mid 40's (nothing against women or anyone in their mid forties, it just makes a better story to have that image) however she had a reputation for being a bit soft in teaching.  so me and Sean start sparring making contact ,,,cuz..... we got the gear on,,, and we are used to going at each other at 70% anyway..  the Ref stops us and says " light contact"  we start again this time Sean really wacks me good so of course i come back at him harder.   Ref stops us again  " i said light contact"  this happend a few more times and each time me and Sean crank it up,, we ended up looking like an epic Wanderlei Silva battle standing there toe to toe trading, rocking full bore thowing everything......................She stops us screaming like a Nun teacher yelling at her class _*" stop it! stop it!  i said light contact ...this is not rockem sockem robots ,,,taking each others heads off* .  *go take you gear off and go sit down" * _  so me and Sean walk off sweating and he says to me ....oh she said light contact?  i thought she kept saying MORE contact.    our teacher was on the side lines laughing his butt off.  so our sparring bout "_the rockem sockem robots" _ was a testing legend retold for many years.


Did you get promoted?


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## hoshin1600 (May 15, 2017)

Steve said:


> Did you get promoted?


oh yeah.  my teachers  school had a reputation as being knuckle dragging neanderthal anyways so it was no big surprise there.


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## JR 137 (May 15, 2017)

Buka said:


> The Last Dragon - Several years before it opened, when they were having readings for that movie, Billy Blanks had a copy of the second draft of that script. They wanted him to read for Sho-Nuff part.
> 
> So....a whole gang of us, his students and mine, went to a local movie theatre run by a friend of mine, and acted out that scene, and a good part of the third act as well. I remember thinking, "Oh, my God, this is so fricken' awful, this will never be a movie". (again, can I call em' or what?)
> 
> ...


Billy Blanks, as in Tae Bo Billy Blanks?

I own the movie.  Which part(s) are those guys in?

Edit:  I can't imagine anyone else playing Sho 'Nuff. It was like that part was made for the guy who ended up playing it.  Kind of like OJ Simpson was originally slated to play The Terminator.  They reportedly passed on OJ because no one would believe him as a cold-blooded killer.  I guess things change.


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## Buka (May 16, 2017)

JR 137 said:


> Billy Blanks, as in Tae Bo Billy Blanks?
> 
> I own the movie.  Which part(s) are those guys in?
> 
> Edit:  I can't imagine anyone else playing Sho 'Nuff. It was like that part was made for the guy who ended up playing it.  Kind of like OJ Simpson was originally slated to play The Terminator.  They reportedly passed on OJ because no one would believe him as a cold-blooded killer.  I guess things change.



here you go, bro.

He Was in That? William H. Macy in The Last Dragon

_Arcadian’s thugs like Rock played by Mike Starr (Mobster in Dumb and Dumber) and Hood #2 played by Chazz Palminteri– the limo driving thug who gets his *** kicked by Leroy while trying to kidnap Laura Charles
In one of his first roles William H. Macy plays Laura Charles’ producer JJ who begs her to meet with Eddie Arcadian or else he’s gonna get it. He tells Laura “there is a point. The point of a knife that is pointed at this point on my neck, he’ll slit my throat if you don’t do this for me.”_


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## jobo (May 16, 2017)

nor really funny ha ha, more funny strange and not really a fight, but it made me stop and think

I was in the woods with my niece and little dog and every thing was lovely and laid back, I was playing tag with the girl and the dog was wandering around. Then suddenly there is this man shouting at me. The little dog has gone near hislittle lad who is scared of dogs and he is threatening to kill me and the dog. We had an exchange of view's at about 30 Ft. Which ended with me saying try it and see what happens.

at which point he charges towards me, he is huge, 6 Ft 7 and 250 lbs which is 6" and 50 lbs more than me. His calves are bigger than my thighs. He has his arms turned inwards like the incredible hulk and the veins are popping on his forehead

I stood my ground, I had decided to clothes line him when he got within 6fy of me. He stopped just short of that distance and started bellowing at me at the top of his voice. I laugh at him and gave him a Bruce lee come on.

he didn't know what to do next, he clearly wasn't used to people standing their ground, sp he just stood their with the popping veins and the inward arms. So I got in a conversation with his wife about what she was doing with such an idiot.

slowly his rage subsided and he just stood there looking like a lost little boy. Then he turned and with out a word walked away

it was then I noticed that he had a baby in a sling on his back and if I had knocked him down it would have killed the baby.

all of which left me wondering about what sort of looney starts a fight. Whilst carrying a baby and how close I came to a manslaughter charge


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## Headhunter (May 21, 2017)

Here's one I've just remembered from a very long time back.

It was in a point tournament and I was fighting this guy and I threw a jab which completely missed but he took a dive and through himself to the floor holding his face and acting injured when it was so obvious I didn't touch him. I just looked at the ref like come on really and the ref knew it to and said to him "hey get off your *** he didn't touch you" the guy just stayed down groaning so the ref counted to 5 and when he didnt get up he disqualified him and then ref said "want to lie on the floor without getting punched go do judo" that just made me laugh how the referee acted and was really giving him **** for faking


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## stingrae (May 22, 2017)

jobo said:


> nor really funny ha ha, more funny strange and not really a fight, but it made me stop and think
> 
> I was in the woods with my niece and little dog and every thing was lovely and laid back, I was playing tag with the girl and the dog was wandering around. Then suddenly there is this man shouting at me. The little dog has gone near hislittle lad who is scared of dogs and he is threatening to kill me and the dog. We had an exchange of view's at about 30 Ft. Which ended with me saying try it and see what happens.
> 
> ...



Now I'm imagining a beefed up Eric Bana charging while carrying a kid. Hulk...


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## stingrae (May 22, 2017)

Headhunter said:


> Here's one I've just remembered from a very long time back.
> 
> It was in a point tournament and I was fighting this guy and I threw a jab which completely missed but he took a dive and through himself to the floor holding his face and acting injured when it was so obvious I didn't touch him. I just looked at the ref like come on really and the ref knew it to and said to him "hey get off your *** he didn't touch you" the guy just stayed down groaning so the ref counted to 5 and when he didnt get up he disqualified him and then ref said "want to lie on the floor without getting punched go do judo" that just made me laugh how the referee acted and was really giving him **** for faking



Hope his coach chewed him out. Funny how the ref reacted, sad why he had to say that.

And what's wrong with laying on the floor, huh? Judo's awesome. Tosses and chokes and locks, oh my!


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## jobo (May 26, 2017)

I was sat in a pub having a catch up with a lad id know for a long long time . When a bloke came in selling pens. They were posh pens and he was selling them three for a tenner. Sp I paid up and he left the pub.my mate said," he has only given you two pens" I looked down and there were only two pens on the table. So i  ran out of the pub and caught up with him, grabbed him by the throat and insisted he gave me another pen. Which he did, returning to the pub, there were now three pens on the table. My mate said," I knew you would do that. This pens mine now "and popped it back in his pocket


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## stingrae (May 26, 2017)

jobo said:


> I was sat in a pub having a catch up with a lad id know for a long long time . When a bloke came in selling pens. They were posh pens and he was selling them three for a tenner. Sp I paid up and he left the pub.my mate said," he has only given you two pens" I looked down and there were only two pens on the table. So i  ran out of the pub and caught up with him, grabbed him by the throat and insisted he gave me another pen. Which he did, returning to the pub, there were now three pens on the table. My mate said," I knew you would do that. This pens mine now "and popped it back in his pocket



That's so British I taste scones.


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## Headhunter (Jun 3, 2017)

stingrae said:


> Hope his coach chewed him out. Funny how the ref reacted, sad why he had to say that.
> 
> And what's wrong with laying on the floor, huh? Judo's awesome. Tosses and chokes and locks, oh my!


Nothing when it's judo plenty when it's karate lol


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## jobo (Jun 4, 2017)

still not can actual fight, i was in club frequented by a lot of students, really good music and a life sized darlek. And there is this thick set guy in his 30s all bull neck and biceps, strutting about banging in to the kid's and asking if they wanted to fight him
. A while went by and id not seen him for a bit, when I decided a needed a pee, outside the toilet was a long line of students waiting to use the toilet. What happening here I asked. It's that bloke in the red tshirt said, he holding the toilet door shut
right I said , so I push at the door and he banged it,shut again in my face, so I took a three yard run at it , caught him unexpectedly and the door flew open and trapped his head between the door and a durex machine, where I held it for a minute. He was shouting and threatening to kill me

. I released him and he came charging out with his fist clenched , sees me rather than some 100lb students and changes his mind, gets his coat and leaves. i didn't buy another drink all night, as grateful students kept popping another bud on the table


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## stingrae (Jun 4, 2017)

jobo said:


> still not can actual fight, i was in club frequented by a lot of students, really good music and a life sized darlek. And there is this thick set guy in his 30s all bull neck and biceps, strutting about banging in to the kid's and asking if they wanted to fight him
> . A while went by and id not seen him for a bit, when I decided a needed a pee, outside the toilet was a long line of students waiting to use the toilet. What happening here I asked. It's that bloke in the red tshirt said, he holding the toilet door shut
> right I said , so I push at the door and he banged it,shut again in my face, so I took a three yard run at it , caught him unexpectedly and the door flew open and trapped his head between the door and a durex machine, where I held it for a minute. He was shouting and threatening to kill me
> 
> . I released him and he came charging out with his fist clenched , sees me rather than some 100lb students and changes his mind, gets his coat and leaves. i didn't buy another drink all night, as grateful students kept popping another bud on the table



Again, so British I taste scones.


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