# The Guys' Rules



## Kacey (Feb 14, 2007)

*The Guys' Rules*
*At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down* 
*Finally**, the guys' side of the story.
(** I** must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear**"**the rules**"**
From the female side.* 
*
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note:   these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!* 

*1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem**only** if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a** Problem.* 
* See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, **don't**Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, You probably  are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the**other one**.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did **NOT** need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach,  for example, is a fruit, not **A** color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have **no** idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it**will** be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...r**eally!**

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or**BASKETBALL.* 
*

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  **Round** IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;**
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.*​


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## bydand (Feb 14, 2007)

I like #1 it fits well 

That is a great list, it is so funny because it is about 95% true.


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## Kreth (Feb 14, 2007)

Kacey said:


> *
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
> You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
> We need it up, you need it down.
> You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.*


YES! Don't ***** about us leaving the seat up. You're the one who can't be bothered to look where you're sitting.


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## exile (Feb 14, 2007)

The main thing is, the business about men not being mind readers. I've come to the conclusion that women really _are_ mind readers. But men are not. We don't have that ability, honest!! Women actually have to tell us what they're thinking...

 ... think of it this way: you wouldn't expect someone blind from birth to understand what color is. Well, think of us the same way and you'll be in the right neck of the woods....


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 14, 2007)

Kacey said:


> *But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.*


 
:lfao:


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## SFC JeffJ (Feb 14, 2007)

*1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

*
Now I'd never think or say this....


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## fnorfurfoot (Feb 14, 2007)

So much of that list is dead on.


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## BrandiJo (Feb 14, 2007)

bah the constant battle... upa nd down with the toliet seat... my fiencie and i have cam to a nice solution...close the lid  then we both have to look before we go​


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## CoryKS (Feb 15, 2007)

*You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.*



I use this one one an almost daily basis.


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## Brian R. VanCise (Feb 15, 2007)

Nice 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





.


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## JBrainard (Feb 15, 2007)

Kacey said:


> *1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or**BASKETBALL.*​


 
In my case, replace cars, shotguns, and basketball with MA and it's dead on. My wife knows this and... tollerates it 
As for the rest of the list... :lol:



Kreth said:


> YES! Don't ***** about us leaving the seat up. You're the one who can't be bothered to look where you're sitting.



I've been saying this for years and all I get is the stink eye...


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## The Kidd (Feb 15, 2007)

How many times I have had conversations with my wife about these? To many to count.


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## jdinca (Feb 15, 2007)

What's funny about the list? Seems spot on to me. Maybe it should be in the Study? :wink2:


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## morph4me (Feb 15, 2007)

BrandiJo said:


> bah the constant battle... upa nd down with the toliet seat... my fiencie and i have cam to a nice solution...close the lid  then we both have to look before we go​


 
My wife and came up with a solution too, I got tired of listening to her complaining after a couple of years and I just put it down so I don't have to hear it.:whip1:


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## Infinite (Feb 15, 2007)

My GF pointed out there is a discrepancy's.

1) Only come to us with problems you want solved
2) If we ask and you say nothing we will act like nothing


So basically those two don't work together 

--Infy


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## bushidomartialarts (Feb 15, 2007)

*1.  Women give men the silent treatment in the mistaken belief that we dislike it.*


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## Adept (Feb 15, 2007)

Infinite said:


> My GF pointed out there is a discrepancy's.
> 
> 1) Only come to us with problems you want solved
> 2) If we ask and you say nothing we will act like nothing
> ...



No no, it is:

1 - Only present us with a problem if you want it solved.

2 - If you say nothing is wrong, we act like nothing is wrong.

They work fine. If they tell us what is wrong, we will try to fix it. If they tell us nothing is wrong, then we won't.


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## Infinite (Feb 15, 2007)

Adept said:


> No no, it is:
> 
> 1 - Only present us with a problem if you want it solved.
> 
> ...



Right but if we ask and they tell us and they don't WANT us to fix it we've created our own paradox.

--Infy


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## CoryKS (Feb 15, 2007)

Infinite said:


> Right but if we ask and they tell us and they don't WANT us to fix it we've created our own paradox.
> 
> --Infy


 
Okay, then we implement a new rule:

1.  If we ask you what's wrong and you don't want us to fix it, you answer "nothing".

There, that fixes the paradox.


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## morph4me (Feb 15, 2007)

CoryKS said:


> Okay, then we implement a new rule:
> 
> 1. If we ask you what's wrong and you don't want us to fix it, you answer "nothing".
> 
> There, that fixes the paradox.


 

Requires logic, now you have another paradox :uhyeah:


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