# A small town in Texas...and other fun stuff.



## hardheadjarhead (May 4, 2005)

This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes   
as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she   
regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right   
in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and   
starts screwing it. She screams and drives into town to find   
the local law.   

She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town   
bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first   
thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard   
sitting in the corner pleasuring himself. She runs up to the sheriff   
who's sitting at the bar with his drink.   

"What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town   
and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal... and   
then... I come in here.... and see this old man in the corner   
abusing himself in public!"   

"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect   
him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"   

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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students   
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about   
Jesus by the next Sunday.   

The following week she asked each child in turn what they   
had learned.   

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."   

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."   

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't   
know how to drive it."   

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,   
Johnny?"   

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down   
the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of   
us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you   
learn how to drive?'"   

----------------------------

The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."   

The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."   

The Scot says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have Scotch."   

The Swede says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have aquavit."  

The Japanese says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have sake."   

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."   

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."   

The Greek says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have ouzo."   

The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes." 

----------------------

+----------------- Bizarre Toilet Facts -------------------+   

Sir John Harington invented the toilet for Queen Elizabeth I   
after she banned him from her court for circulating smutty   
stories. So she allowed him to return.   

The most impossible item to flush is a ping-pong ball.   

The idea of separate cubicles for toilets is a relatively   
modern invention; the Romans, for example, sat down together   
in large groups.   

In Victorian times, toilet seats were always made of wood:   
the well-to-do sat on mahogany or walnut, while the poor put   
up with untreated white pine.   

"Psycho" was the first Hollywood film that showed a toilet   
flushing - thereby generating many complaints.   

The town council of Cheltenham Spa once voted to replace the   
words Men and Women on their public toilets with Ladies and   
Gentlemen in order to "attract a better class of person."   

An American jeweler has built the world's most expensive   
toilet, made of gold, diamonds, rubies and emeralds, with a   
mink seat - it costs $175,000.   

Before the invention of toilet paper, people used shells or   
stones, bunches of herbs, or, at best, a bit of sponge   
attached to a stick, which they rinsed with cold water.   

[From "That Book of Perfectly Useless Information"]  

----------------


CLOVIS, N.M. - A student at Marshall Junior High caused a   
school lockdown because he was spotted carrying an object   
wrapped in foil. Armed officers were placed on rooftops and   
nearby streets were closed until the brilliant officers   
determined what was inside the foil. The security alert was   
lifted and red faces were present after the object was   
indentified as a 30-inch burrito, stuffed with steak, guaca-   
mole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos. Eighth-grader Michael   
Morrissey had created the giant burrito for a school   
marketing assignment. He says his classmates have given him   
the nickname "burrito boy."   

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WOONSOCKET, R.I. - According to police, Wayne Glaude   
attempted to solicit sex from an undercover officer, but   
instead of paying in cash he offered a steak. The 22-year-   
old is employed by a meat company and told the incognito   
officer that he had a couple of T-bones sitting at his home   
in exchange for sexual relations. Glaude was arrested, but   
pleaded innocent to the charge of solicitation from a motor   
vehicle. He was released from custody on personal   
recognizance.   

---------------

FARGO, North Dakota - When making an early morning pizza   
delivery, Atif Yasin was quite annoyed when the customer   
offered him some pot for the pizza instead of cash. The   
customer offer Yasin marijuana when no cash could be found.   
After refusing the offer, the customer got mad and delivered   
a smack to the delivery guy. Afterward, Yasin contacted the   
police who arrested the man on suspicion of robbery. He   
told authorities that he was drunk during the incident. 

-----------------

NORWAY - Here's a new one... a 23-year-old woman has been   
convicted of rape for performing oral sex on a 31-year-old   
man while he was sleeping. A Bergen court sentenced her to   
nine months in prison and ordered her to pay NOK 40,000 (USD   
6,385) to the man. It seems that last year, the man fell   
asleep on a sofa and woke up to find a woman giving him oral   
sex. Anyway, the woman finally admitted to the sexual contact but claimed   
that the man was willing and smiling. This is the first case   
of a Norwegian woman being charged with raping a man.   

------

SYDNEY, Australia - The Palacom company has been approved to   
create a cemetery where the deceased will be buried upright.   
According to Palacom director Tony Dupleix, the change to   
vertical burials will have minimal environment impact and   
save substantial space. Dupleix also stated that clients   
will return to the earth with no fuss. A costly casket will   
no longer be necessary for burials, body bags will be used   
to house the dearly departed.


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## dubljay (May 4, 2005)

> The most impossible item to flush is a ping-pong ball.


 
 I wanna know who sat there flushing stuff to prove this...


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## MA-Caver (May 4, 2005)

dubljay said:
			
		

> I wanna know who sat there flushing stuff to prove this...


Somebody with TOO much time on their hands and TOO little imagination to do it with.


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## bignick (May 4, 2005)

> FARGO, North Dakota - When making an early morning pizza
> delivery, Atif Yasin was quite annoyed when the customer
> offered him some pot for the pizza instead of cash. The
> customer offer Yasin marijuana when no cash could be found.
> ...



Ah...there's no place like home...


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## OUMoose (May 4, 2005)

dubljay said:
			
		

> I wanna know who sat there flushing stuff to prove this...


My guess would be some sort of government-funded experimentation, right next to the "cows damage the ozone layer by belching methane" people.


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## kid (May 4, 2005)

i want the burrito.


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