# Confidence and Self Esteem



## rdonovan1 (Aug 17, 2009)

Since this came up in several other threads I thought that I would make this a separate thread relating to the topic of Confidence and Self Esteem and as to what it really is and as to how important it really is both within the martial arts and outside of the martial arts.


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## Franc0 (Aug 17, 2009)

It a circle my friend and it all starts with getting off your *** and training. When you start, you question your abilities to perform and defend yourself. After awhile, your commitment towards training makes you get better and you start to realise your abilities. As your abilities grow, so does your *confidence and self esteem*. When your confidence grows so does your abilities to handle a situation. In the end, your confidence allows you to relax and perform your abilities. Then you realise it takes staying off your *** and training to maintain that ability.

Franco


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## Omar B (Aug 17, 2009)

_To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason&#8212;Purpose&#8212;Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge&#8212;Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve&#8212;Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living.

...No value is higher than self-esteem, but you&#8217;ve invested it in counterfeit securities&#8212;and now your morality has caught you in a trap where you are forced to protect your self-esteem by fighting for the creed of self-destruction. The grim joke is on you: that need of self-esteem, which you&#8217;re unable to explain or to define, belongs to _ _my morality, not yours; it&#8217;s the objective token of my code, it is my proof within your own soul.

...The man of authentic self-confidence is the man who relies on the judgment of his own mind. Such a man is not malleable; he may be mistaken, he may be fooled in a given instance, but he is _ _inflexible in regard to the absolutism of reality, __i.e., in seeking and demanding truth . . .

There is only one source of authentic self-confidence: reason._ 

-Ayn Rand, For The New Intellectual


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## still learning (Aug 17, 2009)

Hello,  Confidence and Self esteem if it could be measure?

We will take 36 confidence and 26  self esteems...?

Is this a good numbers to have?

...sometime we do lose confidence  ...yet gain more self-esteems later on...

...we notice the harder and longe your train....one gains MORE confidences and it builds the Self-esteem!

One cannot buy or sell confidence/self-esteem....it has to been EARN!

PS:

If you believe it can be sold? ....we have 3 left...


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## terryl965 (Aug 17, 2009)

Confidence and self esteem is needed for all aspect of life not just human but all. As one ability grows so will both of these and one may get taken the other will grow. Remember no matter what you are who you are inside no matter what the outside may seem like.


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## Deaf Smith (Aug 17, 2009)

Self esteem does not impress me much. Self RESPECT does.

I don't care about 'feeling good'. There are lots of losers that 'feel good' about themselves.

But self respect, the ability to say 'yes' when you meant yes, and 'no' when you meant no. The ability to draw lines that you will not cross, not stoop to lower levels. Not allowing yourself to be cheapened, never dishonoring yourself, your family, your friends, and yes, your country, now that I hold with. 

Confidence? As long as the confidence is built on reality, yes, its hugely important. Real confidence cannot be faked. Either you have it or you dont. And that comes from achieving difficult task over a period of time. There are no quick methods to build confidence. Good training, guidance, and experience will bring confidence. You crawl before you walk and walk before you run.

Such as pep talks will just make you think you can do, true confidence is knowing you can do! With confidence you don't need pep talks!

Both confidence and self respect are very important in life. I'd even say essential. Without either you will fall by the wayside and will be found wanting.

Deaf


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## BLACK LION (Aug 17, 2009)

They are one in the same... you cannot be confident without self esteem...you cannot have self esteem if you lack confidence...  
It requires you to consistently try and fail and in turn becoming more and more effective at what it is you are doing... it starts when you learn to crawl then walk and so on... it carries on until you die...  there are so many levels of confidence it is impossible to detail all the variables and what not... but if you stop trying to excel and stop failing in the process then your confidence will begin to diminish especially when faced with a task that demands more than you have to offer... 

excuse the rant


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## Nolerama (Aug 25, 2009)

I think genuine confidence and self-esteem come from the realization of capability.

I think you can find that in the MA's. As well as a number of other things one would excel in.

But I'm always against promoting that as part of a MA curriculum. Selling folks confidence before they're functionally capable in the MA's? That's false advertisement. And there's a ton of folks out there who feel capable in the MA's because someone told them they were in a MA studio.


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## jks9199 (Aug 25, 2009)

I'm going to spare us all several pages that, in an act of mercy from the Great Spirit of the Internet, have gone away.

Drop the self help books.  Drop the pseudo-psychology.  Quit blaming others and trying to analyze everything.

Go out, get a life.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 25, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> I'm going to spare us all several pages that, in an act of mercy from the Great Spirit of the Internet, have gone away.
> 
> Drop the self help books. Drop the pseudo-psychology. Quit blaming others and trying to analyze everything.
> 
> Go out, get a life.


 
I'm not blaming anyone, it's other people that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.

If other people want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is their problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against their arrogance and stupidity. 

I may not have much money to do a lot of the things that I would like to do, but I am at least trying to do what I can to meet some nice, honest, and trustworthy people who are capable of believing in both themselves and me. Anyone that does not fit that description is a toxic person and those are the types of people that I choose not to hang around because all they know how to do is to bring a person down instead of being supportive and understanding. 

Those are what Rieva Lesonsky calls in her book which is published by Entrpreneur Press 'Start your own business' as being naysayers because that is all that they know how to do.


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## MJS (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> *I'm not blaming anyone, it's other people that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.
> 
> If other people want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is their problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against their arrogance and stupidity. *
> 
> ...


 
Umm...I'm not blaming anyone as I'm not paranoid.  YOU on the other hand, seem to be blaming people for the way your life is.  How can someone, who's so paranoid, such as yourself, possibly tell others how to be safe?  Again, there's a HUGE difference between being aware and being paranoid.  If you can't figure the difference, I don't know what to tell you.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 26, 2009)

MJS said:


> Umm...I'm not blaming anyone as I'm not paranoid. YOU on the other hand, seem to be blaming people for the way your life is. How can someone, who's so paranoid, such as yourself, possibly tell others how to be safe? Again, there's a HUGE difference between being aware and being paranoid. If you can't figure the difference, I don't know what to tell you.


 
I'm not being paranoid at all. All that I am doing is speaking from education and experience.

I don't know if anyone has ever given any thought as to how presumptuous it is to judge a person when they have never walked a mile in the other person's moccassins.

How can someone say they know what it is like for someone else when they have not studied the same things as someone else or experienced the same things as someone else? The answer is that they can't as no one can know precisely what another person has either studied or experienced because they are not the other person. 

I know that a lot of people will probably disagree with me, but no two people are exactly alike. Each person has their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and opinions which are based largely upon things like how they were brought up, the environment that they live in, what experiences and education they might have had, and of course their basic biological makeup which is largely based upon evolution. 

People may disagree with me and say that is all nothing but fairytale movie stuff, but it is not as all of it is based on concrete scientific and provable fact. People who doubt that stuff are then doubting themselve's as things like instinct control basic biological functions like your heartbeat and your breathing and are the result of millions of years of evolution. It's also where the entire concept of fight or flight comes from and none of it is stuff that a person can really control as it all basically tends to come from the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind also controls a persons emotions and both instinct and emotions can and do largely determine things like what you purchase, what kind of mate you prefer, whether you are happy or sad. Culture also effects your choices as well, but instinct and emotion are the first and foremost determinants as to what you think, feel, and believe about both yourself and about others.


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## Chris Parker (Aug 26, 2009)

I have studied the same things, for a fair bit longer than you have, and I have actually studied them, not just read books and formed misguided opinions. That is where teachers come into it, they can steer you back in the right direction when you start going off track. It would appear that you have not had anyone do that, and you left the track far behind.

The reason we say that you are coming across as paranoid (at least) is that your posts are those of a very paranoid person. That's really all there is to it. 

But to give just a few examples what I mean by "not just reading books and forming misgiuded opinions", psychology, hypnosis, NLP and the like are often described as "soft sciences", sometimes even as philosophies, or theories, as they are not really quantifiable in the way that physics or chemistry are. You are a little off in describing them as "concrete scientific and provable fact". It's very hard to prove what is really going on in a person's mind, and if you approach NLP, or hypnosis with the belief that it is, you won't get very far. Basic biological functions such as breathing, heartbeat etc are not based on instinct, they are controlled by the sympathetic and parasympathetic system. Instinct is more where the flight/fight thing comes in, as well as normal social bonding, the dual ideas of self and species preservation, but not breathing. And they can be honed, and to a degree controlled, or at least trained to give the most benefit. Hell, the entire basis in hypnosis is founded on that concept! So, in essence, you don't believe hypnosis can work, and by extension NLP, as you can't alter the subconscious, but you study these areas in order to improve yourself? No wonder you don't seem to be getting anywhere with them, you don't think they work!

Instinct and emotion are not the determining factors. Beliefs are far more important there. Again, if you really got this stuff, that wouldn't be something I would need to tell you...


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 26, 2009)

Chris Parker said:


> I have studied the same things, for a fair bit longer than you have, and I have actually studied them, not just read books and formed misguided opinions. That is where teachers come into it, they can steer you back in the right direction when you start going off track. It would appear that you have not had anyone do that, and you left the track far behind.
> 
> The reason we say that you are coming across as paranoid (at least) is that your posts are those of a very paranoid person. That's really all there is to it.
> 
> ...


 
You are completely missing the Amygdala. That is the central area of the subconscious mind and that is something that anyone who knows anything about NLP or hypnosis should know about. 

Milton Erickson knew about it and marketers have known about it and as to how it effects people for a long time. That is how marketers came up with the whole concept of subliminal messaging and it is extremely effective. Both Richard Bandler and Milton Erickson have proven that. 

Erickson was an expert at it. He knew all about that stuff more so than you or most people know about it and that is why he was one of the people chosen by Bandler and Grider to study. If you've studied NLP at all especially Bandler's stuff then you will know that Bandler tends to like to talk about Erickson all of the time. 

I don't know if you have ever seen Erickson in action, but I have and he is absolutely awesome. Prior to his death in 1980 he was the world's foremost expert on it. Trying to argue about the validity of his work and his expertise on the subject is kind of like trying to argue with Hatsumi Sensei about Ninjutsu as they both knew what they were talking about and they are more of an expert on their subjects than either you or me.


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## Steve (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I'm not blaming anyone, it's *other people* that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.
> 
> If *other people* want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is *their* problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against *their arrogance and stupidity*.


If you go back and look at most of your posts, you spend a lot of time talking about other people's behavior, what they're thinking, what they're doing and why they're doing it.  The lasting impression I have is that you're not happy with your situation.  Being so busy analyzing everyone else, it's no surprise to me that you have little time to mind your own affairs.  What I would recommend is to spend less time thinking about/writing about *other people* and spend more time thinking about (or better yet, being accountable for) yourself.


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## Tez3 (Aug 26, 2009)

I probably have a Pollyanna attitude to life, I expect the best of people and want everyone to be nice, it doesn't happen of course but it's surprising how often though people are nice! I've found expecting the best of people works better than being cynical and expecting the worst. When, however they turn out to be oxygen thieves I don't waste time and effort on them or getting bitter, I just extract my revenge, if necessary, then get on with life lol!
 Lifes too short to worry about those, that in the end, don't concern you. As long as I'm happy with how I behaved and how I dealt with things I don't see any problem. 
Life's too short to read about living. 
Having a slice of hot chocolate fudge cake with real Cornish ice cream on is far better for your mind and soul than any self help book especially if you have it after a really good MA session, and all thats better still if you share it with friends.


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## Chris Parker (Aug 26, 2009)

The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.

Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here...

And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?


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## Tez3 (Aug 26, 2009)

Chris Parker said:


> The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.
> 
> _Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here..._
> 
> And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?


 
I think this subject is best either studied* properly like Chris here* or left the hell alone. When it comes to physical medicine we don't try to take out our appendix or set a broken leg with the aid of a self help book so why mess around with your mind using a self help book? We can all see where that leads!
I don't see anything wrong with wishing to understand how people 'work' or wanting to understand their motives and raison d'etre but there's a couple of ways you can do this, you can watch and study them a la Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple ( to borrow literary characters) the 'learn through living' school of thought or you can look to the academic side and learn to balance other peoples observations and studies with your own. In both a certain of questioning is required by yourself and a lot of thought. Reading answers out of a book is not the way to go. A rigid mind is not a prerequisite for either of these courses though, an open mind is.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 26, 2009)

Chris Parker said:


> The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.
> 
> Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here...
> 
> And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?


 
I am just wondering as to how much actual contact you have had with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul?

I don't know about you, but I personally get a lot of contact with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul, Richard Bandler, and Dr. Erickson because my mother has PTSD and because my entire family is so screwed up and dysfunctional that it is not even funny.

Before I came over to this site, I was spending quite a lot of time on a psychology forum as well as an NLP forum discussing the ins and outs of both psychology and NLP when time permitted and that is not to mention all of the contact that my family has had with professionals because of the way that my family is and most of them agree with me about what I am saying because they went to school for it and because it is their primary occupation. 

I am still having contact with all of them even now as there is quite a lot that I am still trying to understand regarding things that I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, David D., Dr. Paul, and a whole host of others and that is not to mention all of the contact that I have had over the years with members of both genders and with the business community as well.

One of the things that I am currently working on is objection handling like Ross, Erickson and Bandler are able to do. Part of it is for personal reasons and part of it is for business and professional reasons and it is stuff that I am going to need to know because I am just starting a temporary job with a security company called Akal Security and from what they just told us today at orientation there can and will be a very high probability that I can and will end up in altercations while working at the New Mexico State Fair due to the nature of the job.

Starting next week I will be getting guard card certified going up through level three and I will also be getting a license to serve liquor as well. Both can and will be very helpful to me in my attempts to find full time permanent employment.

I already have my hazmat endorsement on my driver's license and that is good, but it is also a pain in the butt because in order to get the endorsement you have to pass a federal background check by the FBI just to get it as it is required by Federal law and is part of their anti-terrorist efforts and I can't blame them either because a truck full of hazzardous materials like explosives is a prime target for terrorists and thieves alike as it can be used as a weapon of mass destruction and that is why the United States Government tends to take it so seriously.


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## Tez3 (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I am just wondering as to how much actual contact you have had with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul?
> 
> I don't know about you, but I personally get a lot of contact with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul, Richard Bandler, and Dr. Erickson because my mother has PTSD and because my entire family is so screwed up and dysfunctional that it is not even funny.
> 
> ...


 

You really need to take up running or something healthy.
Many people have screwed up families but you have turned it into an obsession with psychology which isn't going to help anyone. There's wanting to understand people and there's obsessing about things. You've got so you can't see the wood for the trees.
Outside America we don't go so much for all the counselling, therapy and analysis that you do. Frankly I think we are the better for it!  

Hazmat is taken seriously by everyone.  Try escorting nuclear weapons convoys up and down the UK, always good for a laugh.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 26, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> You really need to take up running or something healthy.
> Many people have screwed up families but you have turned it into an obsession with psychology which isn't going to help anyone. There's wanting to understand people and there's obsessing about things. You've got so you can't see the wood for the trees.
> Outside America we don't go so much for all the counselling, therapy and analysis that you do. Frankly I think we are the better for it!
> 
> Hazmat is taken seriously by everyone. Try escorting nuclear weapons convoys up and down the UK, always good for a laugh.


 
Starting in 2010 the United States Government is going to be transporting spent nuclear rods to an extremely secure location in either Utah or Nevada and from what I understand the shipments are going to be very well guarded by both law enforcement and the United States Military.

Security is going to be so tight and so strict that any attempt by anyone to interfere with any of the shipments at any stage of the transport that the standing orders will be to shoot to kill on sight by both law enforcement and the military with no questions asked. 

This is something that they are taking extremely seriously and they have made it extremely clear that they will not put up with anything at all for any reason. This is according to the United States Government and they are deadly serious on this issue.

I heard about while watching a documentary show on tv. I'm not sure but I think that I heard about it while watching the tv show called Modern Marvels on the History Channel. It's hard for me to remember exactly as to the exact channel and show that I saw it on as I tend to like watching a wide variety of shows on tv. I guess that you could say that I am guilty as charged when it comes to being a channel surfer.


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## Tez3 (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> Starting in 2010 the United States Government is going to be transporting spent nuclear rods to an extremely secure location in either Utah or Nevada and from what I understand the shipments are going to be very well guarded by both law enforcement and the United States Military.
> 
> Security is going to be so tight and so strict that any attempt by anyone to interfere with any of the shipments at any stage of the transport that the standing orders will be to shoot to kill on sight by both law enforcement and the military with no questions asked.
> 
> ...


 

Ooooh, I've just worked out why they give me a gun!!  :shock:


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## MJS (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I'm not being paranoid at all. All that I am doing is speaking from education and experience.
> 
> I don't know if anyone has ever given any thought as to how presumptuous it is to judge a person when they have never walked a mile in the other person's moccassins.
> 
> ...


 
Dude,  a few bits of advice...

1) Keep drinking the kool aid.  No wait, maybe you should stop. *shrug*

2) You can think what you want, but everyone here, thats replying to your gibberish, is saying the same damn thing.

3) Stop being so paranoid.  The boogyman isn't gonne jump out from behind the bushes, following you everywhere you go.

4) You keep talking about your experiences, as if they're sooooo bad.  Perhaps, you should stop and take a look at the way you act and the things you're doing.  Things, oh, such as what you said in that other thread, about giving someone $950, and then in the next breath, you talk about being scammed.  I can't figure you out dude.  

You may want to use some common sense.  There is nothing mystical about it.  Bad guys, liars, cheaters, crooks, scam artists...nothing new, they've been around for years, and years to come.


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## jks9199 (Aug 26, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I am just wondering as to how much actual contact you have had with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul?
> 
> I don't know about you, but I personally get a lot of contact with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul, Richard Bandler, and Dr. Erickson because my mother has PTSD and because my entire family is so screwed up and dysfunctional that it is not even funny.
> 
> ...


Treatment is NOT the same as education and training.

If you don't understand this -- discuss it with some of those doctors.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> Treatment is NOT the same as education and training.
> 
> If you don't understand this -- discuss it with some of those doctors.


 
I think that you are so right and that is something that I have been trying to get across to my bonehead father for a long time, but for some reason he just does not seem to get it at all. 

I don't know what his problem is but for some reason he seems to think that for example if someone is trying to beat you up or trying to steal your car, then you should just throw something like Valium at them in the hopes that they will stop what they are doing and give up.

That however is not exactly very realistic as we all know that no amount of drugs can or will stop someone from attacking you verbally, emotionally, or physically and even Dr. Paul once said that the only thing that drugs are good for are for biological problems and that they will not do a damn thing for any kind of psychological or stress related problems that a person might have.

My problems are not psychological or biological at all and that has been proven many times in the past by professionals. My problems are more stress related and financial related.

I am not saying at all that I am perfect as I know that I can and do have a very short temper and that I could probably use some anger management classes as well as stress management classes. 

Talking about it however while probably very helpful cannot and will not solve the problem at all when it comes to things like stress and anger and I have already been in the emergency room once last year due to the effects of stress in my life and I certainly do not wish to repeat that at all. 

It was so bad at that time that I was not sure as to what it was. All that I know is that I was at that time experiencing severe chest pains and shortness of breath and that is while I was on the phone talking with my mother and my father. It was so bad that no one really knew what it was and as a result my parents called 911 for me. The paramedics came and checked me out on the spot, but because I did not know what it really was or even as to how serious it really was I agreed to go with them in the ambulance to the hospital where the doctors did a work up on me and found that what I was feeling and experiencing was an anxiety attack like my step-father used to have.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

I don't know if it will make any difference to people here or not nor do I know if anyone will even understand this at all, but my anger issues have nothing at all to do with anyone on this forum and I hope that people will be able to understand and accept that as it is not my intention to create any sort of enemies with anyone here at all.

My anger issues tend to stem out of problems that I have with people that are in my neighborhood, the scams that I have been involved in and people like my bonehead father and even certain members at the church that my mother and her boyfriend introduced me to several years ago.

As I said I know that I am not perfect at all and that like everyone else I can and do have problems of my own and whether people would like to recognize it or not I am working on those problems. When is comes to some of the issues that I have with my father and with some of the people that I have encountered at the church that my mother and her boyfriend introduced me to I am taking that stuff up with people like those who are on the psychology forum as I am constantly trying to understand both myself and others a lot better, but some of it is stuff that they are just not going to understand at all because some of it like the people in my neighborhood and some of the other people that I have come across that are in my opinion pretty stupid and even downright dangerous are security and safety related issues.

One person in particular is a dude that lives up on the third floor of my building and who is constantly throwing out negative comments at me. I try to ignore them by as much as I can and so far I have been successful at it, but I still end up feeling so angry at him that I just want to tear his head off and crap down his neck. 

If I had my way I would be in the dojo training formally as that would most definitely help me to control both my stress and my anger while at the same time helping me to build my confidence and self esteem as at least that way I could at least be able to take out my frustrations and anger on things like the makiwara and the punching bag. 

Kata is also very helpful as well for that as I believe that it would help me to learn how to focus more and to direct my energies in more positive and productive ways and would more than likely also help me to develop better self discipline and self control. 

As far as I am concerned I am in many ways my greatest enemy as I am more often than not constantly blaming myself for things that happen to me and not really giving credit where credit is due and that is something that I have done for a long time.

Hopefully by getting back into the martial arts and by getting more caught up with it all, it will help me to learn as to how to get out of my own way and so that I stop blaming myself for everything that happens to me and so that I stop tripping all over myself. 

Regardless of what happens here on this forum I am still planning on staying in touch with the psychology stuff and even with the game and if I am very lucky maybe I will be able to have a chance to go back to church and start getting the spiritual and emotional training that I need for my own personal and professional growth. 

I don't know if anyone can or will understand this, but I hope sure as heck hope so and I hope that a much better understanding can and will be reached as I would most definitely like to continue talking to people here and hopefully in the process making some new and interesting friends that can and will really understand as to where I am coming from and as to how things can and ofte do tend to effect me.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> Treatment is NOT the same as education and training.
> 
> If you don't understand this -- discuss it with some of those doctors.


 
I don't know what is going to happen with this security job at all, but from what I am told I am going to need every advantage that I can get because according to the company there is a very high likelyhood that while working for the company at the state fair that I will end up in physical altercations with people in which I will have to defend myself using whatever means necessary to end the fight in as little time as possible and hopefully with the minimal amount of damage to either me or the other person. 

Making ends meet financially between now and my first paycheck can and will be a major challenge for me and once the job is over I am going to have to have something else already lined up beforehand if at all possible so that I am addressing my financial issues and taking care of both myself and my life by as much as I possibly can.

It's not going to be easy for me to do because of my work history and because of what employers are considering a lack of either formal education or recent experience outside of truck driving.

Hopefully with the guard card and the liquor license that will help to open up some new and interesting doors for me financially and professionally.

If I can get some of the stress that I am feeling right now reduced and can get some additional training in things like Spanish and computers then hopefully that will help as well with things like my finances and things like that. 

All that I know is that with some of the recent stuff that has been going on in my neighborhood with people wanting things like rides, cigarettes, phone usage and other related things I should probably start charging them for it. 

I don't know about anyone else here, but I certainly don't work for free and that is something that people need to start understanding and respecting as I sure as heck can and do expect to be paid for all work that I perform.


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## Carol (Aug 27, 2009)

But you're now seeing that you have to set more boundaries for yourself, yes?


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> But you're now seeing that you have to set more boundaries for yourself, yes?


 
Exactly. 

I hope that maybe now people can and will be able to see and understand as to what some of frustrations and sources of anger are and as to why I believe that things like the martial arts is a good thing for me and as to why it is so important to me.

I may be out of date with a lot of things, but I sure as heck am not stupid at all. Just extremely angry and frustrated with a lot of things and a lot of people that I have come across.

I can't remember exactly as to who it was that said it, but frustration tend to result when a person is not meeting their goals and expectations that they have set for themselve's and for their lives. 

I think that it might have been Dr. Paul, but don't quote me on that as it may have been someone else that said that. 

I've also heard it said that confusion is often one of the signs of true learning and true growth.


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## Carol (Aug 27, 2009)

May I make a suggestion?


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> May I make a suggestion?


 
Yes, you may.


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## Carol (Aug 27, 2009)

You aren't stupid, I agree.  But I think its harder to see the part of you that is caring and respectful in your longer posts.  In your shorter posts it is more apparent.

Try this. For a little while, focus your thoughts down to one or two sentences per post.  That will help us get to know you, and may help you get to know the rest of us as well.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> You aren't stupid, I agree. But I think its harder to see the part of you that is caring and respectful in your longer posts. In your shorter posts it is more apparent.
> 
> Try this. For a little while, focus your thoughts down to one or two sentences per post. That will help us get to know you, and may help you get to know the rest of us as well.


 
I will do my best to make that happen by as much as possible.

I wonder if anyone here might happen to have some good suggestions as to how I can better manage both my stress levels, my frustrations, and my anger so that it is not quite so apparent to people and so that I am making better first impressions on people.

The only ideas that I really have for it are things like practicing kata and meditation, but perhaps someone else here might have some ideas that might work better for me when it comes to things like that.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> You aren't stupid, I agree. But I think its harder to see the part of you that is caring and respectful in your longer posts. In your shorter posts it is more apparent.
> 
> Try this. For a little while, focus your thoughts down to one or two sentences per post. That will help us get to know you, and may help you get to know the rest of us as well.


 

Thank you for making that suggestion to me. I greatly appreciate it.


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## Tez3 (Aug 27, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I will do my best to make that happen by as much as possible.
> 
> I wonder if anyone here might happen to have some good suggestions as to how I can better manage both my stress levels, my frustrations, and my anger so that it is not quite so apparent to people and so that I am making better first impressions on people.
> 
> The only ideas that I really have for it are things like practicing kata and meditation, but perhaps someone else here might have some ideas that might work better for me when it comes to things like that.


 

A physical activity, it's well known that this lowers stress levels. Running or walking are the first, free, things that come to mind. Go hiking. Get hold of a bicycle, skateboard or anything that grabs your interest. I don't know where you are or how feasible it is but riding horses is fantastic for stress and fitness. Of course martial arts, money may be a problem but perhaps you can work for your lessons, others will be able to tell you the best way to do that as they understand how MA is where you are. It may be cheaper than you think.
We have leisure centres here run by the local councils and they have cheap rates so people who aren't well off can use them, see if there's anything similiar where you are.

Physical activity is essential first off, as I said it lowers stress levels so that you can start thinking about how to deal with problems rather than them all piling up and you getting that panicky feling you can't cope.
Do things one step at a time, make a list and deal with things one at a time. If there's nothing you can do about something, forget it and don't keep fretting at it like a kid pulling a scab of a grazed knee!

Hope this helps start you off.


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## Carol (Aug 27, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I will do my best to make that happen by as much as possible.
> 
> I wonder if anyone here might happen to have some good suggestions as to how I can better manage both my stress levels, my frustrations, and my anger so that it is not quite so apparent to people and so that I am making better first impressions on people.
> 
> ...





I can think of something that may help a lot - plus I think you would enjoy it too, with your overall interest in self-help and helping others.  There is an organization called Toastmasters International.  These are small, non-profit clubs run by volunteers, and designed to be open to people of all backgrounds and income levels.  I am not a member currently (due to a recent move) but I have been involved with the organization on and off for 10 years. 

Members of the clubs learn how to listen, speak, and interact with people.  This is learned through speaking.  They will guide you through how to be an attentive listener, how to write a simple speech, and then how to deliver it to your mates in the club, that will help you along the way. You are just speaking for your fellow members at your club, so it is an environment that is very supportive and educational.  Plus it is usually a lot of fun, and a chance to meet some nice people.

Locations:
http://reports.toastmasters.org/findaclub/

Basic membership info:
http://www.toastmasters.org/MainMenuCategories/WhyJoin.aspx


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## Tez3 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> I can think of something that may help a lot - plus I think you would enjoy it too, with your overall interest in self-help and helping others. There is an organization called Toastmasters International. These are small, non-profit clubs run by volunteers, and designed to be open to people of all backgrounds and income levels. I am not a member currently (due to a recent move) but I have been involved with the organization on and off for 10 years.
> 
> Members of the clubs learn how to listen, speak, and interact with people. This is learned through speaking. They will guide you through how to be an attentive listener, how to write a simple speech, and then how to deliver it to your mates in the club, that will help you along the way. You are just speaking for your fellow members at your club, so it is an environment that is very supportive and educational. Plus it is usually a lot of fun, and a chance to meet some nice people.
> 
> ...


 
I'd never heard of this before, what a brilliant idea!
We were taught how to speak in public, give lectures and briefings when I did my RAF training, it's a very important skill and you gain a lot of confidence by being able to express yourself. 
Nice one Carol!

I've just found out they have a club near me! Seriously thinking I'd like to do this!


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> I'd never heard of this before, what a brilliant idea!
> We were taught how to speak in public, give lectures and briefings when I did my RAF training, it's a very important skill and you gain a lot of confidence by being able to express yourself.
> Nice one Carol!
> 
> I've just found out they have a club near me! Seriously thinking I'd like to do this!


 
I agree that it is a brilliant idea. I've heard of Toastmasters before, but I have never actually taken the time to check to see if they have any clubs in my area at all and that is something that I will have to check into.

I'm not real sure as to how long I will stick around Albuquerque at all because I tend to love both the ocean and the wilderness and around here there really isn't much of either as it is the desert. 

Some people might like the area, but I tend to find it kind of on the boring side. It seems like the biggest thing that a person can reallly do in the desert is to do things like go looking for rattlesnakes in the desert. While I find that somewhat interesting, it is just not as fun to me as it is to go out and meet new and interesting people.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> A physical activity, it's well known that this lowers stress levels. Running or walking are the first, free, things that come to mind. Go hiking. Get hold of a bicycle, skateboard or anything that grabs your interest. I don't know where you are or how feasible it is but riding horses is fantastic for stress and fitness. Of course martial arts, money may be a problem but perhaps you can work for your lessons, others will be able to tell you the best way to do that as they understand how MA is where you are. It may be cheaper than you think.
> We have leisure centres here run by the local councils and they have cheap rates so people who aren't well off can use them, see if there's anything similiar where you are.
> 
> Physical activity is essential first off, as I said it lowers stress levels so that you can start thinking about how to deal with problems rather than them all piling up and you getting that panicky feling you can't cope.
> ...


 
I like what you said about horses and about bicycling. I love horses and I love animals of all sorts. I grew up with cats for the most part, but my first love is dogs, especially German Shepherd's.

I did have a bicycle that I bought last year, but due to my financial situation I had to sell it to a neighbor. Maybe when I can get things to settle down some and I can get some more money coming in I will be able to go and get another bicycle again.

Someday I would like to have a nice house in a nice neighborhood so that I could have things like dogs and it would be kind of nice to have some horses as well.

I'm hoping that maybe one of these days I will be able to settle down and live the American dream of having a nice house, a nice car, a decent job, a beautiful wife, and some kids of my own. That is what I am dreaming about and it is why I am working so hard on everything that I am doing right now.


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## Tez3 (Aug 27, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I like what you said about horses and about bicycling. I love horses and I love animals of all sorts. I grew up with cats for the most part, but my first love is dogs, especially German Shepherd's.
> 
> I did have a bicycle that I bought last year, but due to my financial situation I had to sell it to a neighbor. Maybe when I can get things to settle down some and I can get some more money coming in I will be able to go and get another bicycle again.
> 
> ...


 
And what's wrong with ugly women I ask? Don't they deserve love too! :uhyeah:

I sadly lost my German Shepherd earlier this year,she was 15. I still walk in and expect to see her, it's horrible.

If you can move somewhere better it wuld be good, you could start completely fresh then with all your new ideas to try out! Starting as you mean to carry on. 
The only work I know about in America is stuff my daughter has looked at which is working in racing stables, she was looking at working in Florida over the winter as the New York racing stables bring their horses down for the winter. Any good for you as racing stables nearly always provide accomodation too?


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Carol Kaur said:


> You aren't stupid, I agree. But I think its harder to see the part of you that is caring and respectful in your longer posts. In your shorter posts it is more apparent.
> 
> Try this. For a little while, focus your thoughts down to one or two sentences per post. That will help us get to know you, and may help you get to know the rest of us as well.


 
Are you sure that you don't work for NASA at all? I'm just wondering because I think that you are not only incredibly smart, but that you also have a very keen insight into other people and I think that there are a lot of people both here and in the rest of the world that could stand to learn a thing or two from you about how people tend to think and act.

Perhaps you should consider opening a school where you are teaching people how to read and understand people like you are able to do. I don't know if it will help to make the world a better place or not, but perhaps it could go a long ways into helping to make this forum a better place for all who encounter it and wish to join in on the conversations.

You are right about me being a very caring and respectful person. It is just hard for me to show it because of the way that a lot of people tend to treat me and that is why I am trying to develop better boundaries for myself and it is why I am trying to find new and improved ways of improving both my life and myself.

Chris had a very good point before that he made to me about me developing both my inner game and my overall confidence levels. Reading my books and learning from all the people that I have learned from so far is good and while it does tend to help me to understand both myself and other people it is no substitute for me going out into the world and just beign willing to make mistakes as that is the only real way to learn anything in life.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> And what's wrong with ugly women I ask? Don't they deserve love too! :uhyeah:
> 
> I sadly lost my German Shepherd earlier this year,she was 15. I still walk in and expect to see her, it's horrible.
> 
> ...


 
I've got nothing against what people might call ugly women at all. I believe in treating everyone the same at least until they cross me.

I don't know if I am a little too trusting of people, all that I know is that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time I know that the world is not safe and that there are a lot of people out there that really are so screwed up and out of balance in their lives and while I am not perfect I am at least trying to put more balance in my life while at the same time establishing better boundaries for myself and being much more cautious of who I trust and don't trust.

I don't know if anyone can or will be able to understand this at all, but when it comes to things like life, love, and success in life I am a very determined and ambitious go getter that believes that life is short and that one should always try to look for the positive in life by as much as possible while at the same time remembering to be down to earth and practical about what they want and need in life.


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## MJS (Aug 27, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I don't know if I am a little too trusting of people, all that I know is that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time I know that the world is not safe and that there are a lot of people out there that really are so screwed up and out of balance in their lives and while I am not perfect I am at least trying to put more balance in my life while at the same time establishing better boundaries for myself and being much more cautious of who I trust and don't trust.


 
Well, if you said in another post that you gave $950 to someone you met on myspace, someone you didn't know too well, and were scammed, then yes, I'd say that you are a bit too trusting of people.  



> I don't know if anyone can or will be able to understand this at all, but when it comes to things like life, love, and success in life I am a very determined and ambitious go getter that believes that life is short and that one should always try to look for the positive in life by as much as possible while at the same time remembering to be down to earth and practical about what they want and need in life.


 
And thats fine and dandy, however, don't let the desire to seek the good in someone, cloud your vision of them.  In other words, lets go back to that girl on myspace.  Someone who scams someone else out of money, IMO, doesnt have much good in them.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 27, 2009)

MJS said:


> Well, if you said in another post that you gave $950 to someone you met on myspace, someone you didn't know too well, and were scammed, then yes, I'd say that you are a bit too trusting of people.
> 
> 
> 
> And thats fine and dandy, however, don't let the desire to seek the good in someone, cloud your vision of them. In other words, lets go back to that girl on myspace. Someone who scams someone else out of money, IMO, doesnt have much good in them.


 
I think that you are right and that is why I am trying to be smarter than them and it is why I am trying to stay on top of things by as much as possible as I certainly don't want to get burned again by anyone.

I thought that I was being smart at that time and I thought that the people that I was talking to was being honest with me, but I was wrong and that is why I am trying to study basically anything that will help me to be able to detect when someone is lying to me as well as things that will help me to be more assertive about it, but like everything else it is something that I need to learn how to balance out better.

It is good to be aware, but whether anyone of us wants to admit it or not none of us can know everything that there is to know in life nor can we experience everything either. That however in my book does not mean that we should allow ourselve's to be afraid of the unknown and the uncertain because if we allow ourselve's to be like that then we truly are being paranoid of everything in life and are very likely to miss out on the simple pleasures in life.


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