# martial arts and bullying how to improve your self confidence



## eggg1994 (Dec 9, 2010)

hello everyone let me tell you people starting martial arts how you can defeat a bully and improve your self confidence and self esteem. bullying usually begin's in middle school and there is a wide spectum of bullying all the way from verbal, physical, to cyber. a bully usually is someone with low self esteem and self confidence which they bully others to make themselves feel better. now if your child is being bullied and you don't know what to do then enroll him or her into a martial arts school which those instructors have been continuing their education on how to give kids and teens self confidence and the only way to defeat a bully is with self confidence. now on the physicasl side when a bully is engaging you their are alot of escape's in that martial art that you and your child can learn and you shouldn't have your child punch the bully in the face because their are zero tolarence policies in school now these days. a bully damage's you phycologicaly which will eventuraly lead to suicide. if anyone who is starting martial arts needs more information on bullying i would be glad to anwser your questions on bullying and self confidence.


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## Chris Parker (Dec 9, 2010)

Eggg1994, this has been mentioned in a number of your threads now, so I'm just going to mention it quickly here. 

Many, many, many members here are far, FAR more experienced and knowledgable than you are. Okay? Lecturing us on "how to...." is really not the best way for you to find your place here. Again, I'm going to recommend asking questions, as if you are here to try to inform us, you will probably find that you are being corrected for the most part, which will possibly only serve to discourage you, and that is not the intention here.

Frankly, you are not in a position to be answering anyone's questions.

Now, again, this is not meant to be discouraging, rather I am trying to help you find the right approach here. There is a lot of information, and a lot of experience that can help you gain even greater understanding of your martial arts experience, but you need to stop "telling" us things that we already know.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 9, 2010)

JUST SHUT UP ALREADY you know IM NOT TRYING TO DRAW YALL IM TRYING TO DRAW BEGINNERS SO DON'T YOU EVER MESS WITH ME. YOU KNOW HOW DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BJJ ANYWAY. IM BEING SERIES HERE. YOU KNOW I JUST WANT TO HELP PEOPLE


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## Slipper (Dec 9, 2010)

Eggg, Chris has been nothing but kind to you. I support you and I'm trying to help you, but you owe him an apology.


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## Tez3 (Dec 9, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> JUST SHUT UP ALREADY you know IM NOT TRYING TO DRAW YALL IM TRYING TO DRAW BEGINNERS SO DON'T YOU EVER MESS WITH ME. YOU KNOW HOW DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BJJ ANYWAY. IM BEING SERIES HERE. YOU KNOW I JUST WANT TO HELP PEOPLE


 

Eggg, please don't get frustrated and angry.

There are a lot of people here who are the same rank as your instructor, some people are higher ranked. This means they are instructors and teach people like you and me. You wouldn't try to teach your instructor would you because you know he knows more than you do and it's your job to learn from him.

Look at people here as instructors who can help and teach you to do what you want to do which is help people. They can help you be the best you can.

Just as you get frustrated when people don't understand you, they get frustrated at people telling them what they already know. You would get annoyed if someone told you how to get dressed, how to put your shoes on wouldn't you? they get annoyed because a student is trying to tell them what to do.

We know you are being serious but help us to work out the best way for you to post here, we want you and everyone who posts here to feel welcome. You have some valuable experiences and it would be good if you can share them with us. Could you post up how you first got into martial arts and why, what it was like for you and how you find training? Can you take us through what it is like being you in training? Your experiences would teach us a lot about students like yourself. 

Take a deep breath and tell us about yourself in martial arts please?


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## Omar B (Dec 9, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> JUST SHUT UP ALREADY you know IM NOT TRYING TO DRAW YALL IM TRYING TO DRAW BEGINNERS SO DON'T YOU EVER MESS WITH ME. YOU KNOW HOW DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BJJ ANYWAY. IM BEING SERIES HERE. YOU KNOW I JUST WANT TO HELP PEOPLE



Why don't you calm the hell down there kid?


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## Flying Crane (Dec 9, 2010)

Omar B said:


> Why don't you calm the hell down there kid?


 
Omar, the kid is autistic.  seriously.  go easy.


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## bluewaveschool (Dec 9, 2010)

To make a point about what Chris and Tez have said -

I am the head instructor at my school.  However, I would never try to lecture in general to people on here, because I know that 1 - Many people here have been doing/teaching MUCH longer than the 15 years I've been involved in Tae Kwon Do, and 2 - I can learn a LOT from the people here, both that have a similiar TKD background, and from people that student other arts.  If I go and offend the people here, who have been overwhelmingly helpful with me in figuring out some things, then I don't have the chance to learn from them.  Think about the potential knowledge you are keeping from yourself by your actions.


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## Bob Hubbard (Dec 9, 2010)

Kid, let me give you some advice.

You are on a martial arts web community where a good number of the people you are talking to are instructors, school owners, and even grandmasters. Many of them have been training in the various arts, for longer than I have been alive, and I'm 40. 

If you are going to continue to lash out at our members, you will quickly find your access removed. 

We would prefer not to have to do that. 

However, our rules apply across the board equally. 
Autistic kid or 20th degree grandmaster, if you can not function within the rules, you're gone.

As I stated, we would prefer not to have to do that, but the choice is yours.

I suggest you calm down, lose the caps lock, and relax while posting. It will help us to help you to help others.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 9, 2010)

hey cris im sorry for yelling at you and im sorry everyone for being a jerk. i just want to stop bullies so bad i just want to inflict pain on them with my hatred for them. im really sorry for this. i can learn something from yall. so if yall know anything about bjj i want to know every self defence technique as possible every joint, wrist, and elbow lock as i can


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## MJS (Dec 9, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> hey cris im sorry for yelling at you and im sorry everyone for being a jerk. i just want to stop bullies so bad i just want to inflict pain on them with my hatred for them. im really sorry for this. i can learn something from yall. so if yall know anything about bjj i want to know every self defence technique as possible every joint, wrist, and elbow lock as i can


 
A word of caution on this.  This sounds to me that you want to go out and use your martial arts skills, seeking out bullies, and beating them up.  If this is what you're thinking, then my suggestion would be to avoid this.  This would make you no better than the bullies.  

If someone is attacking you, then yes, use your training, providing you're justified.  Anything else and chances are you'll find yourself in hot water as well.


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## Tez3 (Dec 9, 2010)

There's a big anti bullying campaign that been started here in the UK, several MMA fighters from here have joined up to it and they are getting MMA gyms all over to join in including ours. 
http://www.getspiked.co.uk/spikedko/index.htm

Bullying is nasty and cowardly, it make me angry to see people being bullied. the best thing to do is educate people and make it unacceptable to bully. 


Bob, at 40 you are mere child yet lol! I've realised that if I started motherhood at 17 I could be your mum! :uhyeah:


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## Flying Crane (Dec 9, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> hey cris im sorry for yelling at you and im sorry everyone for being a jerk. i just want to stop bullies so bad i just want to inflict pain on them with my hatred for them. im really sorry for this. i can learn something from yall. so if yall know anything about bjj i want to know every self defence technique as possible every joint, wrist, and elbow lock as i can


 
Hey Eggg,

I understand what you are saying here, and I understand how you feel.

However, in my own opinion, I don't like to hurt anyone, I don't want to inflict pain on anyone, and I don't like to feel hatred for anyone.  Not even for bullies.  Feeling hatred, and wishing to hurt people makes me feel angry, and anger can burn us up on the inside. It's not healthy.

I would like to stop bullies from being bullies, and help them understand that they are hurting other people and get them to stop doing that.  Then nobody needs to get hurt.

It isn't always possible.  But that's how I try to look at it.

What do you think?


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## Slipper (Dec 9, 2010)

To tack onto the theme...

~Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong. Gandhi (if my google is correct)


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## Tez3 (Dec 9, 2010)

I think it's natural to want to lash out at bullies but if you do it means they have won and made you the same as them. they will have got a reaction from you and they feed on that. If there is no reaction there is nothing to feed off.

On my shift at work we are supposed to have 3 people at the moment because of government policy we only have two, my regular shift partner has a disabled wife and as the weather here gets very bad for travelling he's been sent to a post two miles from his house until April. In his place I have another officer who has transferred from down south, it didn't take me long to realise I'm working with a bully. He's okay with people we deal with but is having problems working with a woman who is his senior in the job, he is using all sort of things to try and wind me up and upset me but I keep saying to myself 'you are not my shift partner you are only standing in for a few weeks when you will go to your permanant post'. if I don't react his comments and actions fall on barren ground. As we work 12 hour shifts though it makes for long days and nights but although I am getting stressed I will not react to him, I won't give him that power. My supervisors are trying to get him moved quicker and my other new shift partner a very nice Gurkha moved onto my shift asap.


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## Omar B (Dec 9, 2010)

Flying Crane said:


> Omar, the kid is autistic.  seriously.  go easy.



I know he's autistic, it's still not an excuse.  My uncle is autistic, he's also a successful farmer and businessman who can communicate with people without being rude.  He needs to learn some humility, I'm sure his sensei and parents would not be proud of his conduct here.


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## Tez3 (Dec 9, 2010)

Omar B said:


> I know he's autistic, it's still not an excuse. My uncle is autistic, he's also a successful farmer and businessman who can communicate with people without being rude. He needs to learn some humility, I'm sure his sensei and parents would not be proud of his conduct here.


 
There's varying degrees of autism, some are just mild, others make living a normal life impossible. 

Everyone has to learn humility, he's young and he's starting to learn, he has apologised already so it's a start. We can gently show him the way rather than jump down a young man's throat because he makes a mistake, we all make mistakes. He's not the rudest person we've had on MT by far and he's willing to learn. He has a lot to offer, it's up to us as 'elders' if you like, to see that his time here is productive, he's been reminded of the rules, been rebuked and as I said apologised. That's good enough.


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## Chris Parker (Dec 10, 2010)

Hi eggg1994,

Thank you for your apology, it's accepted without reservation. That said, I'm going to offer a little more advice. I hope you can take this on board in the way it is intended.

To begin with, you are a beginner. You have very little experience, even in your own arts, let alone anything else. That is not a bad thing, in fact it can be great, because it means you have so much that is new and awaiting you, everything can be fresh, and exciting all the time. That helps your enthusiasm, which you certainly have in spades, but try to remember that it also means that there is a long way for you to go before you are able to realistically help people in the way you are hoping to here. And if you really want to help them, the best thing you can do is concentrate on learning, rather than trying to show what you think you know. Occasionally I'll see one of my students try to explain to another some aspect of our art... and, honestly, if they could see themselves looking back in a number of years time, they would be rather embarrassed.

My big advice for you is to stop before you hit "Post Quick Reply", and read the post back to yourself.... but imagine it's one of the young kids you help teach, telling you how things are. I'm sure you wouldn't let them explain things to you that way... but you would let them ask questions, right? You'd also let them tell you about their experiences. That could be a good way to post here for you, as Tez said.

As to the topic of being criticised, that will happen. Any time you put yourself out into public, you will be criticised. Sometimes it'll be good, other times it won't be. But the only way to avoid it is to not say anything in the first place, and I don't think that's the best option. It's better to know that that'll be the result, and to try to listen to what's being said to you, both the good and the bad, and see if you can improve yourself from it. I'll be completely honest here and say sometimes you won't be able to. And that won't be your fault, it'll be because the person who is being unfairly critical is being, well, unfairly critical. So you just move on.

In regard to bullies, the advice is similar. The best thing to do is to be a better person. And that means not "hating" or thinking of violent responces. By all means, physically, verbally, and mentally defend yourself, but don't seek it out, and don't look to engage when you can get away.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 10, 2010)

your right i will ask questions and all of that you know and i don't hate bullies i just don't like them


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## Chris Parker (Dec 10, 2010)

Good to hear! Oh, and I really like your thread/post on your training history, sounds like you have some real talent! Keep it up, and with your enthusiasm and passion, and I have no doubt that you'll be a very good instructor in years to come.


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## Cirdan (Dec 10, 2010)

About anger towards bullies, remember this can be used against you. There is an old saying you should look at people like that with cold eyes.

When you ask about what people here know about BJJ, keep in mind many probaby know your style better than your self even if their profile doesn`t reflect this. People with decades of experience will more often than not have tested many other arts and delved into their history.

I am a beginner and certainly not a very good grappler. However I probably have more hours on the mat with BJJ instructors than you, even if I don`t hold rank.

Keep training. Take a step back at times and the path will be wider for it.


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## Chris Parker (Dec 10, 2010)

Cirdan said:


> About anger towards bullies, remember this can be used against you. There is an old saying you should look at people like that with cold eyes.


 
Absolutely! An old phrase about violence is that when you are slaying a Dragon, take care to not become the Dragon yourself....

In class this week, we were working on escapes from the ground, and involved a shove and rush-tackle, taking you to the ground. Once there, the attacker started just punching down continuously until the defender managed to gain control and reverse the position. The point was to then escape.

However I found a number of the students, once they had a superior position, started to rain down punches themselves! They had gotten to a position where they could escape, and chose to stay in the midst of a violent situation, increasing the chances of them being injured. So, they were taken back, and told that our aim is simple: Get Home Safe. Don't become the Dragon. After that, they started to get it, and were moving with the idea of getting away, rather than anything else.

So while it can be natural to want to hurt a bully, or anyone that hurts you, it's important to move beyond that (as I said, the best thing you can do is to be a better person... after all, that is something that they can't touch!).

Don't become the Dragon.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 10, 2010)

well thank you all and i appreciate what you all have been doing you know bullying has changed to cyber bullying and theres no way to combat that type of bullying. do you know a way that people can combat cyber bullying because you know those types of cases leads to suicide and thats what i don't like about bullying is that popular girl and boy in high school calling someone retarded, stupied, and even gay. you know how that makes me feel it makes me want to stop them myself but i would need the police to do it or i could ask that person who did this to you


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## jks9199 (Dec 10, 2010)

There are lots of ways to fight bullying in cyberspace.  And they're often good computer practice, anyway...

For example -- be careful who you let on your friends lists in various social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace.  If you don't know the person -- or you know them, and don't like them -- don't let them in!  You'd try to avoid a bully in real life, right?  Why let 'em into your on-line life?

Then (and this is harder), remember that it's not "real."  Many years ago, there was a cartoon that showed a dog sitting at a computer; it was captioned "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog."  There's a lot of truth in that:  you don't know who the person on the other side of the screen is.  So don't give them power over you...


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## aedrasteia (Dec 11, 2010)

Chris

your posts are usually good and thought provoking. This one I'd like permission to steal.
When I'm with girls, especially teens who have been humiliated, bullied and ridiculed, usually the aggressors focus on looks, weight, popularity they launch into physical pay-back immediately - so much rage/hurt. OK to steal from you, with attribution?

I'm thinking your words get right to the heart.

thanks A


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## Chris Parker (Dec 12, 2010)

Absolutely you can! I hope it helps them in some way. You don't have to worry about attributing, though, it's more important that they understand what you're telling them.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 22, 2010)

i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.


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## jks9199 (Dec 22, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.


What do you mean when you say "help them?"  Should you jump in like Superman and beat up the bully?  Not likely a good idea.  How about finding a teacher?  Or just telling the bully to stop?  Sound like better plans, right?


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## MJS (Dec 22, 2010)

eggg1994 said:


> i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.


 
I agree with JKS on this.  Personally, I tend to not physically get involved.  In your case, I'd suggest getting a teacher. IMO, better to do that, than try to physically involve yourself.  In a situation outside of school, I'd suggest getting an adult or calling the police.


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## eggg1994 (Dec 22, 2010)

i know i should get the teacher in school or call the police outside of school but bullying can happen in places where theres no authority. i should instead stand up for the person who is being bullied and at the same time tell the bully to stop but either way i will stop the bully myself because he is could be a spoil rotten brat or some arrogant teen or a ruthless aduilt. i know i should tell a teacher or call the police but could i stand up verbally against the bully like say '' what did he or she ever do to you or i will not let you bully him or her either you walk away unharmed or get through me to get to him or her''. you know i shouldn't just get my cellphone out while im trying to subdue the bully or run and leave the victum to the bully while i go get the teacher


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## Slipper (Dec 22, 2010)

Eggg, standing up for others is a good thing to do and I think your heart is in the right place. However, I want to caution you on a couple of things.

In school, your actions would be seen as making a situation worse and could lead to you being in trouble. It would be better to tell a teacher what you saw. Bullying is a hot topic in schools these days. I do think they would take action on what you saw. 

If you witnessed an attack in public, then I think calling 911 would be a good course of action. Of course, I'm sure there are those who will disagree. I think it depends on the situation. I'll defer to the advice of those who have had more experience of street crime than I have. I'm not sure what you are referring to when you say that bullying happens in places where there's no authority? 

I do believe that challenging a bully to either "walk away unharmed" or go through you might end badly. That would be a last resort for me.


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