# Marching Band Humor...



## TheRustyOne (Jan 10, 2004)

I got bored, read that snake model Armed Forces thing and wrote this. Maybe it'll help you understand marching band if you've never been in it.


Colorguard:  Finds snake, teaches it to dance and spin. Snake gets fed up and leaves to be a cheerleader (which is easier than colorguard!)

Drumline: Finds snake, perverts snake, takes band bus on joyride around town during lunch break. Works butt off while rest of band is lazy. Struts like cocky jerk because there was a movie about the drumline.

Woodwinds: Snake can't be heard. Contends with annoying American Pie wisecracks.

Trumpets: Snakes get tunnel vision from the silver and brass running past him.

Trombones: Laughs at the nickname of "boner," since it's been perverted by drumline.

Saxaphones: Snake now sounds like duck. (Applies to oboe, but I'll be damned if an oboe can march!)

Baritones: More perverted. Somewhat worse than drumline.

Tubas: Snake gets cocky, then clocks someone during a difficult manuever because he "couldn't see to his left"

Mellophone: Snake wears one pant leg rolled up to be like UMass.

Drum Major: Snake gets to stand on podium, wear snazzy uniform, carry and toss the mace, and do a funky salute. Would conduct if snakes had arms.

Director: Gets stomach ulcer from section leaders not doing job, assistants wanting more money, and the band sucking.

Chair of Music Department: Laughs as money is sucked from colorguard and given to band. Laughs more when that money is taken and given to Choir.

~~~
UMass comment: I've seen them do this! It's weird...

Tubas: marching tubas are held on the left shoulder and pretty much blind the player.

Saxes: Yes! they sound like ducks!

Drumline: the taking the bus for a joyride happened in high school! They took the bus and went to McDonalds for lunch...

...i've been a marching band geek for six years now...yeah...shut up w/ the "one time at band camp" crap. it's old now!


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## Quick Sand (Jan 10, 2004)

What instrument(s) do you play?


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 10, 2004)

Spun in colorguard this past season, but from 9th-freshman yr. in college (i'm a sophomore), i played clarinet....which i gave to tess...


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## Quick Sand (Jan 10, 2004)

Nice. There was no marching band program where I grew up but I played trumpet in the school concert bands and jazz bands from gr. 5 on up. I'm now studying music at university and I'm taking a beginner clarinet class. It's fun but it uses WAY TOO MANY KEYS. 

he he he, just kidding.


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 10, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Quick Sand _
> *Nice. There was no marching band program where I grew up but I played trumpet in the school concert bands and jazz bands from gr. 5 on up. I'm now studying music at university and I'm taking a beginner clarinet class. It's fun but it uses WAY TOO MANY KEYS.
> 
> he he he, just kidding.  *



Go ahead and make fun of the keys...I played clarinet from 4th grade till freshman year, and i still don't know what all those keys are for...and there's like 2 or 3 different ways to play several notes, like E flat...:roll eyes:

~~~

Clarinet: Gets fed up with keys. Breaks them off, throws them at annoying people. Or uses them for drill markers. (not being able to be heard still applies)

Flutes: --no change--

~~~

I swear, half the marching band in high school ended up clarinets (6 in marching band...not half...the total # of ppl, including guard was 51...5 or 16 in concert band ) and we were still out-numbered by a single freshman trumpet player who played at a conservatory level...


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## RCastillo (Jan 11, 2004)

I was in band, and my daughter is an Assistant Band Director at a H.S. here. She came out of the "Big Red  Raider Band" from Texas Tech University, and I hate Woodwinds.

We'll visit you soon!:boxing: 

Have a nice day.............


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 11, 2004)

> _Originally posted by RCastillo _
> *I was in band, and my daughter is an Assistant Band Director at a H.S. here. She came out of the "Big Red  Raider Band" from Texas Tech University, and I hate Woodwinds.
> 
> We'll visit you soon!:boxing:
> ...




well, i'm not a woodwind anymore, so neener!

c'mon! the ram band'll take you anyday!


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## someguy (Jan 12, 2004)

You can go anywhere in the world and the drum line will still be the same won't they.


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## Cryozombie (Jan 12, 2004)

You can go anywhere in the world and the Band kids are still geeks.

CHOIR RULES!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 12, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Technopunk _
> *You can go anywhere in the world and the Band kids are still geeks.
> 
> CHOIR RULES!
> ...





i agree, we will always be geeks, no matter where we are...

...choir doesn't rule! i'm sure some of the piccolos can hit notes your sopranos can't!


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## RCastillo (Jan 12, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Technopunk _
> *You can go anywhere in the world and the Band kids are still geeks.
> 
> CHOIR RULES!
> ...



You've just moved up on my Do-Do list!

Choir? That's even worse!


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## KenpoTess (Jan 13, 2004)

Ahems... I played Clarinet and Sax for years in the marching band.. also was in the Drum and Bugle Corps, played French horn..  I was totally ecstatic when Rusty gave me her clarinet..(mine was sold by my sister*whom I no longer speak to*.. I hadn't played in ohhhh maybe *looks off into the distance* 27 years ... and I still had it~!! Downloaded a bunch of clarinet music, and am very pleased I never forgot how to play   Me a Geek??  HaaaHaaa~!


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 13, 2004)

> _Originally posted by KenpoTess _
> *Me a Geek??  HaaaHaaa~! *



You? Never! 

Yes, the options were give Tess the clarinet or chuck the dang thing off the roof of the music building and laugh as it shattered on the pavement... that thing has gone through three mouthpeices and a whole lotta crap...

in concert band, i ventured into the realm of bass clarinet...the fingering on clarinets are tight...they're so far apart on bass!


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## TonyM. (Jan 14, 2004)

NO! CHOIRS DON'T RULE!
There's always that one kid that couldn't find the key if it was his **** and he used two hands.


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## someguy (Jan 14, 2004)

Choirs are alright.  After all the musically challanged have to go some where right......j/k...kind of


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## edhead2000 (Jan 16, 2004)

Hilarious list!  Having been in marching band for 5 years, I can totally vouch for all of those!  Oh yeah, I played trumpet, which technically means that I'm God and know everything.......because that's how we trumpet players are.   Ego, what ego?? 


Erin


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 16, 2004)

*gets shiny pin with which to pop ego*


oh yeah! the trumpets are pretty egotistical, eh? darn those who one can overpower the rest of the band with one note *shakes fist*


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## edhead2000 (Jan 16, 2004)

> _Originally posted by TheRustyOne _
> **gets shiny pin with which to pop ego* *



ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love shiny things.  Can I have one?  Pretty please?  oooohhhh, shiny! yay!

It's not our fault we're such good players......hehehe.  But most of us are nice, well, at least I'm nice!

Erin


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## Chronuss (Jan 16, 2004)

> Originally posted by edhead2000
> *at least I'm nice! *




::stands back in fear of lightning.....::  

:redeme:


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## edhead2000 (Jan 16, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *::stands back in fear of lightning.....::
> *



Lightning?  There's no storm outside.......It's perfectly clear and beautiful and frigid. But no lightning.  Although maybe God will strike you down with his wrath if you want lightning.  I'll go ask him. 

Erin


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 16, 2004)

> _Originally posted by edhead2000 _
> *ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love shiny things.  Can I have one?  Pretty please?  oooohhhh, shiny! yay!
> 
> It's not our fault we're such good players......hehehe.  But most of us are nice, well, at least I'm nice!
> ...




...even she's scaring me...


but the shiny is mine! *humphs* yous gots a shiny piny trumpet!
...i just gots a large pole with which to beat people like you....or those pesky tuba players...*shakes fist and rumbles* run me over willya,...


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 16, 2004)

anyone who's been in marching band might have heard this infamous phrase: "Squeeze the marble"


anyone? i know it's feared (and laughed at....a lot) in band camp here. feared because no one wants Doc McCoy describin it!


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## edhead2000 (Jan 16, 2004)

> _Originally posted by TheRustyOne _
> *anyone who's been in marching band might have heard this infamous phrase: "Squeeze the marble" *



This wouldn't be in reference to how to march, would it?


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## edhead2000 (Jan 16, 2004)

> _Originally posted by TheRustyOne _
> * run me over willya,... *



Now, I never ran over people.  If you want to talk about being run over, then talk to the drum line!  Try getting a bass drum right smack in the middle of your back.  Hurts like hell!

Actually, most of my friends were in the colorguard, so I never got beat with a large pole.  Good thing too.  That might hurt.


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 17, 2004)

Yes, I was referencing how to march...


there was a few times i got beat in the ribs by drum sticks because drumline decided to change their drill so they didn't have to haul butt backwards and get from the front hash to almost the back sideline in 20 counts....yeah, so then I ended up passing right behind them...damn bass drum mallets hurt!


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## edhead2000 (Jan 17, 2004)

> _Originally posted by TheRustyOne _
> *Yes, I was referencing how to march... *
> 
> 
> ...


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## TheRustyOne (Jan 27, 2004)

Or just laying there laughing at us work.


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## someguy (Jan 27, 2004)

But they always pull through in the end.


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