# How Funny!!!



## marshallbd (Mar 17, 2004)

Surfing the Web at lunch looking for whatever and found this.....never seen it before....HOW FUNNY IS THAT?.... :asian: 

Become a certified Kung Fu Blackbelt in five easylessons for just $499.00 !! 


"A $1000 Dollar Value" 


Do you want the prestige of becoming a Certified Kung Fu Blackbelt?? Call 
(352) 307-3821. 


Can you handle the respect that comes with the rank of Blackbelt?? 


IF YOU ANSWERED, "YES" TO BOTH OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE ONLY ONE PHONE 
CALL AWAY FROM ACHIEVING THE RANK OF KUNG FU BLACKBELT. CALL (352) 307-3821 !! 


Hi, my name is Sifu Edwards, and I am a 3rd degree Blackbelt Sifu Instructor. 
I have been a martial arts instructor my entire adult life. I am a decorated 
combat Vietnam Veteran and I received a purple heart for wounds received in 
combat. I currently own and operate a professional bodyguard agency for 
wealthy clients outside Orlando, Florida. 


After years of study, I have developed five unique, easy to learn, home study 
lessons. All you need to learn are the following lessons: 


1. Crane (White Belt) 
2. Leopard (Green Belt) 
3. Praying Mantis (Blue Belt) 
4. Dragon (Brown Belt) 
5. Serpent (Black Belt) 


After learning the five lessons you will be awarded: 


1. A FIRST DEGREE BLACKBELT in Kung Fu. 
2. An official BLACKBELT CERTIFICATE with authentic seal with my original 
signature and the original signatures of two other Blackbelts. 
3. A notarized certificate of authenticity. 
4. A copy of my 3rd Degree BLACKBELT SIFU INSTRUCTOR CERTIFICATE, signed by a 
World Champion Grand Master, authorizing me, to certify you. 


Simply complete the course, by learnig all five lessons, and you can become a 
certified first degree Black Belt! 


For more information call (352) 307-3821. We will answer any questions you 
have personally; we also offer Kung Fu uniforms, Blackbelt sashes, dragon 
patches and other martial arts supplies. 


You are only one call away from being a Kung Fu Blackbelt...


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 17, 2004)

Oh. My. God. Why didn't we think of that?  The guy's on the road to millions! (ROF, LOL!!)


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## 8253 (Mar 17, 2004)

that is just brilliant :btg:  :btg:


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## Seig (Mar 18, 2004)

It isn't funny.  Someone will do it, join Martial Talk and then tell us how real they are.  I don't need this......


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## marshallbd (Mar 18, 2004)

Seig said:
			
		

> It isn't funny.  Someone will do it, join Martial Talk and then tell us how real they are.  I don't need this......


Why would someone want a black belt in speed dial?


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 18, 2004)

marshallbd said:
			
		

> Why would someone want a black belt in speed dial?


The Now Generation does not want a hard work.

People want to impress and brag to others.

This is sad


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## theletch1 (Mar 18, 2004)

Seig said:
			
		

> It isn't funny.  Someone will do it, join Martial Talk and then tell us how real they are.  I don't need this......


Ah, but the masses on MT need it.  No one has been fed to the lions in a while here. :uhyeah: 

I know what you're saying, though, Seig.  It is depressing to think that someone who doesn't know any better (or who does and just has the ego to think they can do it) will plop down their money, get ripped off and actually believe that they are a qualified instructor.  That begins the cycle of some one learning from the un-learned and going on to spread their drivel and so on and so on (ad nausium).


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## RCastillo (Mar 18, 2004)

_"Ah, but the masses on MT need it. No one has been fed to the lions in a while here."_

Yes, MT has become the "Roman Colisseum, of sorts. But I think I'll sit this one out ,and enjoy for a change! opcorn:


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## Chicago Green Dragon (Mar 18, 2004)

This is too funny.

I think people would prob be better off taping some kung fu the legend continues episodes and calling it a day.

You know the scarey thing is i bet there are a bunch of people who will actually do this. There is another guy i remember who was offering a kenpo black belt right up front with a dated certificate........ for i think it was a thousand bucks.

This is too funny. I think this guy's been hanging around Mc Donalds drive thru too much..... would you like fries with that black belt or just a shake 
ROTFL

artyon: 


Chicago Green Dragon

 :asian:


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## marshallbd (Mar 18, 2004)

Chicago Green Dragon said:
			
		

> You know the scarey thing is i bet there are a bunch of people who will actually do this. There is another guy i remember who was offering a kenpo black belt right up front with a dated certificate........ for i think it was a thousand bucks.
> 
> :asian:


www.adrianroman.com  There's his website....He also offers a black belt for Red Warrior/Tushka Homa Native American Knife Fighting for $700.  Buy the program and get your Black Belt sent with it and a signed Certificate post dated 1 year from the date of purchase... :asian:   I'll wait and learn the right way when i can...


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 18, 2004)

from the website Marshall offered... Is this not the damndest thing you've ever seen? (highlights are added by moi)

I will send you video tapes  of Yellow Belt thru 1st Degree Black Belt, and written manuals for each belt level. You will receive a complementary workout t-shirt, your Black Belt and of course your 1st degree Black Belt diploma.   I do this for three reason. (1) I'm a full blood Choctaw Indian and I use *my Native honor system???* that you will complete the distance learning program and become the *best possible Black Belt you can be???*. (2) God forbid something happen to me, I would not have wanted you to spend this kind of money and not receive your certification. (3) Most do not live in a city and state where you have access to an instructor or school that teaches a proven sophisticated system Like American Kenpo or Red Warrior (THEN YOU DON'T GET TO TRAIN IN IT!!!). There is so much misinformation available to you thru the internet (LIKE THIS AD). There are so many inferior school out there teaching elementary and embryonic systems. You know who I'm speaking about, there on every street corner and in every neighborhood. If I can just keep just one person from attending those types of school and becoming just another cooker cutter black belt, then I have done the martial arts a service. My Distant Learning Black Belts will be far superior students than the  black belts from your neighborhood school, just  having more sophisticated information. Ed Parker's American Kenpo system is the leading system in the martial arts world. For more research on Ed Parker, access the internet. This  Kenpo Distant Learning Program cost $995 


AND HE'S SAYING YOU'LL BE AN EPAK BLACK BELT...THROUGH THE FRIGGIN MAIL!!!! 

Now I get where the guys come from who say, "I've only had 6 months of TKD, and whooped a certified EPAK black belt just last week".  The guy says he's an 8th Degree Black, EPAK. 

Just kill me now.


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 18, 2004)

That's it.  I've had it. I'm now offering mail-order black belts in Golden Chicken Kung-Fu. But to make it elite, this offer is only good between now and next thursday, and available only to those gullible enough to send me a $50,000.00 cashiers check. Only 5 will be awarded to worthy students, so act now. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

If you order today, I'll include your Golden Chicken Kung-Fu MASTERS Certificate with GCKF Association key-ring for ab-so-lute-ly free!

But you must act now!  Supplies are limited, and going fast.  Just call 1-800-SGM-EKP-ROLLING IN GRAVE.


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## marshallbd (Mar 18, 2004)

Kembudo-Kai Kempoka said:
			
		

> from the website Marshall offered... Is this not the damndest thing you've ever seen? (highlights are added by moi)
> 
> ]


 I only offered this link up for whoever wants to see it.  I do not advocate it! ( I am by no means qualified to even think about doing so!) I am only a very beginning level student and will remain so until a qualified and caring instructor tells me I am ready to be advanced to a new level of material.  Until then I will practice the little I have learned and try and expose myself to as much as I can via Video until I can make it in to a Good school/instructor. :asian:


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 18, 2004)

marshallbd said:
			
		

> I only offered this link up for whoever wants to see it. I do not advocate it! ( I am by no means qualified to even think about doing so!) I am only a very beginning level student and will remain so until a qualified and caring instructor tells me I am ready to be advanced to a new level of material. Until then I will practice the little I have learned and try and expose myself to as much as I can via Video until I can make it in to a Good school/instructor. :asian:


I never thought for a moment you were advocating it, and I apologize profusely and whole-heartedly if it came accross that way. I only mentioned your name in respect for the contribution to the forum...you actually found it, and I have a tough time working Maps on Yahoo.

Salute!

Dr. Dave


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## Chicago Green Dragon (Mar 18, 2004)

Hows this ill bring my sweet and sour soup and moshoe pork combo

then when the student buys our program they can have a complete black belt menu in some dum guy kung fu chicken

ROTFL

hahahahahahaha

Chicago Green Dragon (a.k.a moshoe pork)

 :asian: 



			
				Kembudo-Kai Kempoka said:
			
		

> That's it.  I've had it. I'm now offering mail-order black belts in Golden Chicken Kung-Fu. But to make it elite, this offer is only good between now and next thursday, and available only to those gullible enough to send me a $50,000.00 cashiers check. Only 5 will be awarded to worthy students, so act now. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
> 
> If you order today, I'll include your Golden Chicken Kung-Fu MASTERS Certificate with GCKF Association key-ring for ab-so-lute-ly free!
> 
> But you must act now!  Supplies are limited, and going fast.  Just call 1-800-SGM-EKP-ROLLING IN GRAVE.


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## marshallbd (Mar 18, 2004)

Kembudo-Kai Kempoka said:
			
		

> I never thought for a moment you were advocating it, and I apologize profusely and whole-heartedly if it came accross that way. I only mentioned your name in respect for the contribution to the forum...you actually found it, and I have a tough time working Maps on Yahoo.
> 
> Salute!
> 
> Dr. Dave


Thank you.... :asian:


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## MisterMike (Mar 18, 2004)

Seig said:
			
		

> It isn't funny.  Someone will do it, join Martial Talk and then tell us how real they are.  I don't need this......



You mean I'm not credible????  .....  J/K


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## Rich Parsons (Mar 18, 2004)

Instead of Chicken Kung Fu could it be Kung Fu Chicken? Then you can go get napkins and stuff from KFC  and sell it as part of your kit 

:rofl:

This is in no way an attack on Kung Fu. :asian:


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 19, 2004)

In the spirit of my offer, I have just promoted myself to Supreme World Great Grand-Master (SWGGM) of Imperial Golden Chicken McNugget Kung-Fu (thanks for the Imperial lead, CGD).  Additionally, aliens have downloaded vast amounts of martial wisdom to my head, and promoted me to Nth -degree black belt in Ninja Secret Serpent Kenpo...programs for Mastery can be telepathically downloaded to you, from me, after filling out the attached credit card information. Your certificate will also be telepathically downloaded to you; simply imagine what you think it might look like, and that's what you paid for.

BTW, what do they mean when they tell me I'm a disorganized schizophrenic who has missed too many meds?


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 19, 2004)

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> Instead of Chicken Kung Fu could it be Kung Fu Chicken? Then you can go get napkins and stuff from KFC  and sell it as part of your kit
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> This is in no way an attack on Kung Fu. :asian:


I like it; I like it!


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## marshallbd (Mar 29, 2004)

Chicago Green Dragon said:
			
		

> Hows this ill bring my sweet and sour soup and moshoe pork combo
> 
> then when the student buys our program they can have a complete black belt menu in some dum guy kung fu chicken
> 
> ...


Here's another funny one to look at....

http://www.dojopress.com/catalogbk7.html "Book and Black Belt Certificate included for only $19.95"  How funny is that??? :asian:


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## Kembudo-Kai Kempoka (Mar 29, 2004)

marshallbd said:
			
		

> Here's another funny one to look at....
> 
> http://www.dojopress.com/catalogbk7.html "Book and Black Belt Certificate included for only $19.95" How funny is that??? :asian:


Does "no jitsu" mean, thinly veiled, "no skill"?


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## Taimishu (Apr 3, 2004)

As there are so many false claims out there I have decided to market ths secret Martial Art handed down to me by ancient masters in the Gobi desert.
This a 100% money back offer, if after taking the course outlined in my book and in the interactive CD you are not completely able to Taimimshu I will refund your money.

Do not be fooled by bogus offers, this is completely a genuine offer in the ancient art of Taimishu.
After completing the course in the book , fill in the form at the end and send it to the address shown on the last pagee with the test fee shown below and I will send you a black belt, a cheap photocopy of a certificate I found in a fortune cookie and a handsome plastic badge with the Taimishu crest on it.

The book and CD cost only £59-99 and the test fee is only £19-95.
So why wait you too can be a deadly master of Taimishu and amaze your friends (and get ripped apart onMartialtalk)
Send off today for this amazing offer.


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## marshallbd (Apr 7, 2004)

And yet another one!!!! http://www.safetytechnology.com/brown.htmNo claim to ranking you but some other crazy claims!  Have fun reading it!


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## c2kenpo (Apr 7, 2004)

I actually knew several people that took classes from someone that opened a school because he  "earned his Black Belt" on a course just like that. 
I even as a younger teen walked into the studio and took a class (I was studying TKD at the time) 

I today can only describe the experience as walking into your parents bedroom at the most inopportune moment. (You can figure that out for yourselves.)

Some of you may recognize the name of ........



(pause for effect)


Dragon Kenpo (in the Washington DC area)



A story was done on them and how they opened up and the workings of the system and the home study course that came preshipped with Certificate and rank of Black belt "because no one spends $599.00 (at the time) without making sure they do the work that comes with it."

Needless to say...I am still scarred from the experience (ROTFLMAO  :boing2: )

My tip, if you pay for something that you know requires effort and you get the reward before the effort. Shame only on you. 

Dave


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## marshallbd (Apr 8, 2004)

c2kenpo said:
			
		

> I actually knew several people that took classes from someone that opened a school because he  "earned his Black Belt" on a course just like that.
> I even as a younger teen walked into the studio and took a class (I was studying TKD at the time)
> 
> I today can only describe the experience as walking into your parents bedroom at the most inopportune moment. (You can figure that out for yourselves.)
> ...


Extremely well put....I'm not advocating these sites just putting them out there for humorous effect.... However I dont see anything wrong with Video training IN CONJUNCTION WITH a qualified instructor! :asian:


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## Han_Tsu_Ki (Apr 8, 2004)

I would like to try one of these offers (the cheap ones only) just to see what kind of bull that they are trying to sell.


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## marshallbd (Apr 8, 2004)

Han_Tsu_Ki said:
			
		

> I would like to try one of these offers (the cheap ones only) just to see what kind of bull that they are trying to sell.


Let us know what you get..... :asian:


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## c2kenpo (Apr 8, 2004)

marshallbd said:
			
		

> Extremely well put....I'm not advocating these sites just putting them out there for humorous effect.... However I dont see anything wrong with Video training IN CONJUNCTION WITH a qualified instructor! :asian:



I have a few videos and use the ideas in them to work on flow drills, counterpoint drills, etc. 
However there is a difference between a teaching/learning video for $19.99 and a video that comes with a belt and rank cetificate. One gives you information for you to translate the other give people a bad idea.
Unfortunatly the best way to put it is a quote from one from the board here

"Time will promote you or expose you"

Dave

I have a freind that has one maybe I"ll rip a clip from it and post it for all to see.


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## marshallbd (Apr 9, 2004)

c2kenpo said:
			
		

> I have a freind that has one maybe I"ll rip a clip from it and post it for all to see.


A learning video or a video with an attached belt? :asian:


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## c2kenpo (Apr 9, 2004)

marshallbd said:
			
		

> A learning video or a video with an attached belt? :asian:



One of those vids that comes with a Black Belt he bought it just for fun. Not the learning Ihave tons of those.
I can't remember whos vid it was but cost him about $199 for it. If i can get it should be a blast to watch.

Dave


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## marshallbd (Apr 9, 2004)

c2kenpo said:
			
		

> One of those vids that comes with a Black Belt he bought it just for fun. Not the learning Ihave tons of those.
> I can't remember whos vid it was but cost him about $199 for it. If i can get it should be a blast to watch.
> 
> Dave


It would be fun to see what it contains....


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## Gary5000 (Apr 25, 2004)

Me, I personly HATE it how black belts just get given away.


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## sumdumguy (Apr 26, 2004)

And if it where any big suprise.... he is not on the tree!!! The person he claims to have studied with is, but he has no lineage beyond himself.... HMmmmmmm  well back to the mu shu kung pao chicken... 
 :idunno:


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## marshallbd (Apr 26, 2004)

sumdumguy said:
			
		

> And if it where any big suprise.... he is not on the tree!!! The person he claims to have studied with is, but he has no lineage beyond himself.... HMmmmmmm  well back to the mu shu kung pao chicken...
> :idunno:


Who are you talking about, Mr Roman?


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## marshallbd (Apr 26, 2004)

Here is another one of those goofy websites  http://www.masterssite.com/Rank_Certificates.htm now you to can have an Official recognition of rank, a sokeship, and an OFFICIAL LICENSE TO TEACH!  Crap like that is just sad.....and pisses me off!  People who dont know any better will see certificates like that hanging on some idiots wall and think that person is the real deal.


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