# Worst/Weirdest Martial Arts for self defence?



## smiller2144 (Feb 16, 2015)

Anyone have any Martial arts that would be completely useless in a self defence situation. Please give senario, result and explanation. Should be quite funny.​


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## Shai Hulud (Feb 16, 2015)

As a rule of thumb, almost any martial art can be adapted into a self-defense situation provided you know how to draw applications and make personal tweaks to make it work for you real-time to meet real-life demands. I've personally had the pleasure of meeting a Xingyi Quan practitioner (internal Chinese martial art) who really knew his stuff and could single out individual tactics from his art's several forms and string them all together impromptu. 

I think the issue here's about understanding. Funnily but also tragically, there are a number of people following traditional martial arts, or critics thereof, who don't appreciate the importance of forms/kata's/poomsae's and their textbook/reference-like role in teaching a particular style. Sometimes people treat them like random fight choreographies or haphazard demonstrations of real-life applications. That can lead to funny outcomes, like the Baguazhang practitioner who actually thinks he/she should encircle his/her opponent in a circle during a fight, or the Taichi practitioner who moves like a zombie and hits like a wet towel in a fight.


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## drop bear (Feb 16, 2015)

It is not the style it is the practitioner. All martial arts have validity. And then there is yellow bamboo.


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## drop bear (Feb 16, 2015)




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## Shai Hulud (Feb 16, 2015)

drop bear said:


>


I'll be needing a cognac after watching that.


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 17, 2015)

Shai Hulud said:


> As a rule of thumb, almost any martial art can be adapted into a self-defense situation provided you know how to draw applications and make personal tweaks to make it work for you real-time to meet real-life demands. I've personally had the pleasure of meeting a Xingyi Quan practitioner (internal Chinese martial art) who really knew his stuff and could single out individual tactics from his art's several forms and string them all together impromptu.
> 
> I think the issue here's about understanding. Funnily but also tragically, there are a number of people following traditional martial arts, or critics thereof, who don't appreciate the importance of forms/kata's/poomsae's and their textbook/reference-like role in teaching a particular style. Sometimes people treat them like random fight choreographies or haphazard demonstrations of real-life applications. That can lead to funny outcomes, like the Baguazhang practitioner who actually thinks he/she should encircle his/her opponent in a circle during a fight, or the Taichi practitioner who moves like a zombie and hits like a wet towel in a fight.



I am an CIMA guy and sadly what you are saying about Baguazhang and Taijiquan are true, but find one that knows what he/she is doing and it is an entirely different story. As for Xingyiquan, the various forms should be linked together in random order if necessary. It would rarely go in order of the trained linking forms. I have come across fewer ineffective Xingyi practitioners than Taiji or Bagua, but then I have come across few Xingyi people that Taiji or bagua by comparison.


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## RTKDCMB (Feb 17, 2015)

There's always these guys:


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 17, 2015)

Also this guy


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## tshadowchaser (Feb 17, 2015)

I'm not sure if I would call those two videos funny or sad.  If I had seen the as a youth I might never have studied the arts.
Sorry I have nothing to add to this thread but it is a good thread and interesting


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## Shai Hulud (Feb 17, 2015)

Xue Sheng said:


> I am an CIMA guy and sadly what you are saying about Baguazhang and Taijiquan are true, but find one that knows what he/she is doing and it is an entirely different story. As for Xingyiquan, the various forms should be linked together in random order if necessary. It would rarely go in order of the trained linking forms. I have come across fewer ineffective Xingyi practitioners than Taiji or Bagua, but then I have come across few Xingyi people that Taiji or bagua by comparison.


That Xingyi fellow really seemed to know his stuff. At times I couldn't see his "Santishi" posture anymore but he made it work effectively for him, which I think is a little more important here. I've never taken up CIMA before, but I have a soft spot for Xingyi Quan. I like how minimalist it is and how it can compress all its variations and applications into five simple techniques and work from there. 

You're right though when you say that last bit. This one's the only Xingyi practitioner I've met in comparison to Taiji. Which is a shame, I think it's an art as beautiful and economically graceful as it is direct and brutal. 

I also shamelessly admit that I like to believe that each of the five strikes really do massage the corresponding internal organs as the manuscripts say they do.


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## Flatfish (Feb 17, 2015)

I think this, but, I'm a noob, so I don't judge.
Hamster style:


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## jezr74 (Feb 17, 2015)

The jerk is too busy finishing his act to help the poor woman out.


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## Xue Sheng (Feb 17, 2015)

Shai Hulud said:


> That Xingyi fellow really seemed to know his stuff. At times I couldn't see his "Santishi" posture anymore but he made it work effectively for him, which I think is a little more important here. I've never taken up CIMA before, but I have a soft spot for Xingyi Quan. I like how minimalist it is and how it can compress all its variations and applications into five simple techniques and work from there.
> 
> You're right though when you say that last bit. This one's the only Xingyi practitioner I've met in comparison to Taiji. Which is a shame, I think it's an art as beautiful and economically graceful as it is direct and brutal.
> 
> I also shamelessly admit that I like to believe that each of the five strikes really do massage the corresponding internal organs as the manuscripts say they do.



Whether they truly correspond or not I do not know but each of the 5 elements have multiple applications, strikes, take downs and qinna. There are also 10 or 12 animals, depending on lineage, bashi, depending on lineage and various weapons, again depending on lineage. But, IMO, you could spend your entire life just training and learning to understand the wuixngquan (5 element fists) and it would be a life well spent (as far as MA training goes).


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## Flatfish (Feb 17, 2015)

jezr74 said:


> The jerk is too busy finishing his act to help the poor woman out.





hmmm, looks like somebody got butthurt…..literally


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## smiller2144 (Feb 19, 2015)

How about boxing for fitness? Against anything, come on surely fitness boxing would beat anything!!!
(not)


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## Tez3 (Feb 19, 2015)

smiller2144 said:


> How about boxing for fitness? Against anything, come on surely fitness boxing would beat anything!!!
> (not)




Do you mean 'boxercise'? Something taught by fitness instructors with no martial arts or boxing skills yet they think it can also be used to defend yourself just because you are 'punching'. The classes themselves are fine...as fitness but never as a punching class, most don't teach them how to make a proper fist or not to bend the wrist. I've heard quite a few complaints of sore wrists because they are punching pads badly.

The kids are cute and moving.....


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## smiller2144 (Feb 19, 2015)

Tez3 said:


> Do you mean 'boxercise'? Something taught by fitness instructors with no martial arts or boxing skills yet they think it can also be used to defend yourself just because you are 'punching'. The classes themselves are fine...as fitness but never as a punching class, most don't teach them how to make a proper fist or not to bend the wrist. I've heard quite a few complaints of sore wrists because they are punching pads badly.
> 
> The kids are cute and moving.....


On a serious note, at least it lets you practice very basic punches like jab, cross, hook and upper cuts but you need to do them properly. But a human is not like two handheld pads.


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## Tez3 (Feb 19, 2015)

smiller2144 said:


> On a serious note, at least it lets you practice very basic punches like jab, cross, hook and upper cuts but you need to do them properly. *But a human is not like two handheld pads*.




I find standing someone in the middle of the room and letting everyone punch them sorts that problem out.


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## RowdyAz (Jun 24, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> There's always these guys:


Wow. I don't know how I would describe that. Black belts aswell.


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## kravazon (Jun 24, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> There's always these guys:


 
This is so perfectly on that line between ridiculous and serious I feel like I _must_ be missing some information. Please. Someone help me understand what is happening.


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## Hanzou (Jun 25, 2015)

This one never gets old.


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## tshadowchaser (Jun 25, 2015)

what can I say if not "I see sloppy Aikido and worse Shotokan.


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## Buka (Jun 25, 2015)

I sure wish they made Shotokan guys like that back in my day. Would have saved me a whole bunch of broken ribs.

As for weirdest Martial Art - I have never actually seen anyone doing Monkey Kung Fu. I've only seen it in magazines years ago, so I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about (nothing new there) but if I were to lose a fight to a practioner of that art my friends would make my life miserable.


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## Cirdan (Jun 26, 2015)

I would not reccomend this art.. Grand Celestial Do!

The Undeniable Truth


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## Buka (Jun 26, 2015)

Cirdan said:


> I would not reccomend this art.. Grand Celestial Do!
> 
> The Undeniable Truth



THAT is the most awesome thing I've ever seen in Martial Arts. How could I not have been aware of this before. Thanks for posting that, Cirdan, I needed some sunshine this morning!


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## Flatfish (Jun 26, 2015)

Excellent, i'm going to start working on my pulsory blasts ASAP,


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## RTKDCMB (Jun 26, 2015)

Cirdan said:


> I would not reccomend this art.. Grand Celestial Do!
> 
> The Undeniable Truth


I think somebody suffered too many blows to the head.


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## Tez3 (Jun 26, 2015)

Cirdan said:


> I would not reccomend this art.. Grand Celestial Do!
> 
> The Undeniable Truth


Gosh we are all going to grovel when it's proved to be true aren't we on ..._May 12, 4025 A.D._, we won't be mocking then..oh wait...


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## Cirdan (Jun 26, 2015)

And of course Viking Berzerker Arts, the best art at EVERYTHING. (this is true of course, Hail Odin rarrhh!!)

BERZERKER Viking Fighting Arts Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson


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## Tames D (Jun 26, 2015)

smiller2144 said:


> Anyone have any Martial arts that would be completely useless in a self defence situation. Please give senario, result and explanation. Should be quite funny.​


I would have to say TKD in its current state. There was a time when TKD had a lot of respect as a fighting art. But not so much anymore. It's an entertaining Olympic sport but I wouldn't count on it in a serious street fight. Too many 10 year old black belts to take it seriously.


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## drop bear (Jun 26, 2015)

https://fbcdn-video-c-a.akamaihd.ne..._=1435386256_b27d54cbd4b8195148ee80078b419eab


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## Dirty Dog (Jun 27, 2015)

Tames D said:


> I would have to say TKD in its current state. There was a time when TKD had a lot of respect as a fighting art. But not so much anymore. It's an entertaining Olympic sport but I wouldn't count on it in a serious street fight. Too many 10 year old black belts to take it seriously.



You're painting TKD with a brush that is far too wide. We have zero baby black belts in our program. And we're far from the only school teaching TKD without any interest whatsoever in the Olympic sport.
I teach TKD and rely on it in physical confrontations in the ER all the time. And I do so with TKD "in its current state".


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## Gnarlie (Jun 27, 2015)

Tames D said:


> I would have to say TKD in its current state. There was a time when TKD had a lot of respect as a fighting art. But not so much anymore. It's an entertaining Olympic sport but I wouldn't count on it in a serious street fight. Too many 10 year old black belts to take it seriously.


Not a balanced appraisal.

There are plenty of aspects of Taekwondo that are viable for self defence application.

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. 

Incidentally, we do have poom grades in our group i.e. Provisional first dans under the age of 16. Their poom grade, and the expectations at testing are different to those of an adult dan grade, and they are trained separately. I don't  see this as a bad thing. At the moment, they know the forms and basic punch kick block techniques. Over the next fifteen to twenty years, they will become highly competent as the leaders of our art. It's a form of succession planning. 

The adults in our group certainly have the tools to defend themselves.


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## RTKDCMB (Jun 27, 2015)

Tames D said:


> I would have to say TKD in its current state. There was a time when TKD had a lot of respect as a fighting art. But not so much anymore. It's an entertaining Olympic sport but I wouldn't count on it in a serious street fight. Too many 10 year old black belts to take it seriously.


Maybe you should get out more.


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## RTKDCMB (Jun 27, 2015)

Cirdan said:


> And of course Viking Berzerker Arts, the best art at EVERYTHING. (this is true of course, Hail Odin rarrhh!!)
> 
> BERZERKER Viking Fighting Arts Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson


Any art that has a program called 'Rape the rapist" is something to watch out for.


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## Dirty Dog (Jun 27, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> Any art that has a program called 'Rape the rapist" is something to watch out for.



"Turn about is fair play."
Literally, in this case.


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## Tames D (Jun 27, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> Maybe you should get out more.


My observations are based on my "getting out"  over the past 41 years in Martial Arts.


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## Tames D (Jun 27, 2015)

Yes it could be said I'm painting TKD with a broad brush. But I'm painting with my understanding of what I witnessed and experienced over many years. I'm sure everyone on this board could be accused of the same thing regarding various arts.
If you read the title of the thread, it's obvious that every response is going to be an opinion. And that's my opinion. Right or wrong. Regardless of hurt feelings.


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## Gnarlie (Jun 28, 2015)

Tames D said:


> Yes it could be said I'm painting TKD with a broad brush. But I'm painting with my understanding of what I witnessed and experienced over many years. I'm sure everyone on this board could be accused of the same thing regarding various arts.
> If you read the title of the thread, it's obvious that every response is going to be an opinion. And that's my opinion. Right or wrong. Regardless of hurt feelings.



Wrong, in this case.


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## TimoS (Jun 28, 2015)




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## RowdyAz (Jun 28, 2015)

TimoS said:


>


Brutal. Not much else to say about that.


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## RTKDCMB (Jun 28, 2015)

Tames D said:


> My observations are based on my "getting out"  over the past 41 years in Martial Arts.


My observations of getting out over the past 28 years and doing a TKD style that is nothing like Olympic sparring tells me your observations are limited in scope..


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## Gnarlie (Jun 28, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> My observations of getting out over the past 28 years and doing a TKD style that is nothing like Olympic sparring tells me your observations are limited in scope..



My observations doing a TKD style that is closely related to Olympic sport sparring tells me those observations are limited in scope, too.

Taekwondo is still very much alive and well as a martial art.


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## Gnarlie (Jun 28, 2015)

There are examples of individuals touting ineffective self defence strategy and tactics in every martial art style.  I am not sure I understand the point of this thread, other than to criticise and judge other individuals or to style bash....


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## Tames D (Jun 28, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> My observations of getting out over the past 28 years and doing a TKD style that is nothing like Olympic sparring tells me your observations are limited in scope..


Your experiences are yours. Mine are mine. Perhaps the same can be said of you.


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## Tames D (Jun 28, 2015)

Gnarlie said:


> Wrong, in this case.


You're biased. Can't take that statement seriously.


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## Gnarlie (Jun 29, 2015)

Tames D said:


> You're biased. Can't take that statement seriously.


Not biased. *A practitioner of the art in question*. 

Who is more likely to be able to comment on the true nature of that art? Someone who practices it and has used it effectively in self defence, or someone looking at it from outside?


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## Sapphire (Jul 16, 2015)

Yellow Bamboo has already been said... darn.

I really am of the belief that all arts are good so long as they're taught properly.  Of course, there is a series of karate schools in my city and surrounding areas with a LOT of foolishness taught.  So much so, that they don't attend tournaments anymore because they're more or less a laughing stock.  If I recall correctly, a friend of a classmate in my CMA school knew someone whose knees were ruined because they were taught a very improper square horse stance in this particular karate school.

Then again, it depends on what one is asking for in their martial art.  I would definitely not suggest an art that only teaches you how to beat someone to a pulp.  That's great for its time and place, but not every situation calls for it lol.


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## RTKDCMB (Jul 17, 2015)

Sapphire said:


> If I recall correctly, a friend of a classmate in my CMA school knew someone whose knees were ruined because they were taught a very improper square horse stance in this particular karate school.


What does a 'very improper square horse stance ' look like?


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## ChrisN (Jul 17, 2015)

Shall we lighten the mood again?


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## VT_Vectis (Jul 17, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> What does a 'very improper square horse stance ' look like?



A rhombus?


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## Sapphire (Jul 20, 2015)

RTKDCMB said:


> What does a 'very improper square horse stance ' look like?



I would've written a paragraph about it... but



VT_Vectis said:


> A rhombus?



This is sufficient.  



ChrisN said:


> Shall we lighten the mood again?



One of my absolute favorite movies.


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## ChrisN (Jul 21, 2015)

A good iron frying pan works.


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