# First post: Pre-beginning stages of going to a martial arts school



## kenc.sdq (Sep 11, 2016)

Hello all,

This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.


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## JowGaWolf (Sep 11, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality?


Martial arts doesn't take any pent up aggression away it just helps you to better manage it.  If you have pent up aggression then you'll need to either deal with what is making you angry or learn how to let it go.  Pent up anything is rarely good.


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## mograph (Sep 11, 2016)

We might be able to bash the bag and feel good about it afterward, but our anger will come up again unless we learn why that aggression is coming up in the first place, as JowGaWolf suggests. 

In other words, when something happens to you, why do you react by feeling irritated? Why do you want to get angry? Why does that thing push your buttons? In my experience, I've found that we only get angry when we feel _threatened_ by something. As an example, a friend of mine is quite smart, but he grew up with people calling him "stupid" and shunning him. So, even though he has a successful career and a Masters' degree, he still gets angry if he thinks that someone is even suggesting that he may be "stupid," because that threatens his image of himself as a competent, intelligent person. Childhood training sticks with us.

As for its being part of your personality, psychology types might differ with you. They sees stable personality traits along five axes:

openness to new ideas 

conscientiousness 

extraversion
agreeableness
neuroticism
( Revised NEO Personality Inventory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia )

If your anger really were a stable personality trait, it would come under neuroticism in this model as "hostility," where you would be _generally_ hostile under most circumstances, or, well, hostile all the time. This can be looked at, but would probably require a lot of work, and maybe medication. I don't know. However, if you only become aggressive under _specific_ circumstances (say, if someone threatened your manhood), then this is something that can be worked with more easily, by looking at the situations that set you off, and dealing with the emotions and thoughts that come up as just that: emotions and thoughts ... stuff that might have helped us at one point but might not now. Yes, it's work, but I think it would be manageable.

I'd welcome the opinions of others on the board on this, but if things can set you off, martial arts might _not_ help you in that you might still be easily baited, or goaded into a fight. You want to be calm and cool so you can see things around you with equanimity: neither good nor bad, but simply there. In short, being blinded by anger is bad in martial arts. I don't know if that's where you are, but aggression can get a person into trouble.

(Disclaimer: This is strictly my opinion. I am not a licensed therapist, and my advice is not intended to replace or act as therapy delivered by a licensed practitioner.)


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## jks9199 (Sep 11, 2016)

Can martial arts help with feelings of anger or aggression?

Certainly.  In two ways: first, training can provide an outlet for the physical and emotional energy involved in those feelings.  Second, depending on the style and instructor, you may learn tools to maintain calm and redirect those feelings so that you don't lose control of yourself. 

But it's not a panacea or magic cure, either, for underlying problems.  If you aren't willing to address the underlying problems, they're going to continue to be a problem.  Kind of like if you keep putting air into a tire with a nail in it, but never plug the hole...  Yeah, that tire's going to stay a problem, right?  Sometimes angryness/aggression is a part of who you are -- in which case it's a whole lot harder to change than if it's a response to things going on.  And it can be hard to figure it out if there's a persistent, underlying issue.  Way back in the dark ages of my youth, I was a tad on the angry side -- with a lot less control than I should have had.  Family issues, being a teen, being a teen dealing with family issues... Well, as a solution to my habit at the time of hitting things in anger, my family got a punching bag.  Good so far -- but they got a speed bag, not a heavy bag.  (Ignorance...)  Working a speedbag when you're angry isn't exactly on the list of effective ways to burn energy until you're really good with that bag...  Same thing with martial arts training.  It can easily become an "okay place" to express that energy at the expense of your classmates... and others.  Personally, I suspect that's why we see so many problems with domestic abuse in professional athletes, especially when they retire. So you have to be willing to look at where that energy is coming from, too.  But that's NOT something your sensei is automatically there to do for you!

Yep, sensei is not a therapist, and shouldn't see himself as one.  I'll listen, I'll offer advice (maybe), but I know my limits.  I'm not a life coach, I'm not a therapist.  By profession, I'm a cop.  By avocation, I happen to teach martial arts.  Neither makes me an expert on human emotional development or psychological treatment.  I wish more people, ESPECIALLY instructors, recognized this.


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## Andrew Green (Sep 11, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.



I imagine if aggression is your best bet then something with lots of live training is your best bet.  It's not about taking anger out on a punching bag, I'd say associating those feelings with violent outbursts is probably not the best idea.  But in BJJ for example when you are flattened out hard and can't move aggression isn't going to help, it's going to get you submitted.  You are forced to stay calm and act intelligently and rationally in a highly stressed situation.


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## drop bear (Sep 11, 2016)

Probably that rule of thirds thingy. 

Do it find out.  It is not wasted time.


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## Headhunter (Sep 12, 2016)

Depends on your type of aggression. Everyone associates aggression as a bad thing but in some ways depending on you it can be a good thing. I mean if you go round beating people up because they insult your mother then yeah obviously that's not good but if your aggressive in the form of standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you then that's not a bad thing. Or you could be competitively aggressive where you always want to do your best to win. I mean I can't say I don't know you only you can know that but I thought I'd offer a different perspective as for martial arts sure it can do but sometimes it can also lead to more aggression through frustration. Martial arts are frustrating in a lot of ways. Frustrating to learn, frustrating with dealing with different people and sure dealing with these things can help you learn how to deal with it or it could just make you even angrier and lash out.

From my experience it doesn't simply work like in movies. Angry kid gets in fights angry kids start training 2 weeks later he's a zen master doesn't work that way


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## Jenna (Sep 12, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.



Hey welcome aboard! When you say pent up aggression what is your experiencing of that pent up aggression? I am sure it feel different to every one. And what do you normally do to cope with this when you feel that aggression build up? Martial art has had positive effect or no? Thank you for sharing.. your experience I am sure can also be beneficial to others also  x

Welcome again


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## Tez3 (Sep 12, 2016)

Headhunter said:


> Depends on your type of aggression. Everyone associates aggression as a bad thing but in some ways depending on you it can be a good thing. I mean if you go round beating people up because they insult your mother then yeah obviously that's not good but if your aggressive in the form of standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you then that's not a bad thing. Or you could be competitively aggressive where you always want to do your best to win. I mean I can't say I don't know you only you can know that but I thought I'd offer a different perspective as for martial arts sure it can do but sometimes it can also lead to more aggression through frustration. Martial arts are frustrating in a lot of ways. Frustrating to learn, frustrating with dealing with different people and sure dealing with these things can help you learn how to deal with it or it could just make you even angrier and lash out.
> 
> From my experience it doesn't simply work like in movies. Angry kid gets in fights angry kids start training 2 weeks later he's a zen master doesn't work that way



I agree. I know many very aggressive people who are not angry, that's not how their aggression works. In fact they rarely get angry or enraged and certainly don't go around punching people anymore than most of us do cool. Aggression is often needed to perform certain tasks, it's needed in many sports and again isn't anger. The dictionary definition of aggressiveness certainly says anger etc but also says 'forcefulness', which can be a vey good thing to have.
I think you need to work out what 'aggression' is before looking to see if it's good or bad and if bad how to deal with, martial arts may help but you can't bank on it.


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## KangTsai (Sep 12, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.


It helps you to be more careful. I wouldn't necessarily say that it helps to make you less violent, however it does help you calculate your violence.


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## Deleted member 34973 (Sep 12, 2016)

Control the body, control the mind. I believe it helps.


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## frank raud (Sep 13, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.


I'm confused. You have previous experience in different martial arts. Did they help with releasing pent up aggression? Why do you think swinging sticks will make for a different result?


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## wingchun100 (Sep 13, 2016)

kenc.sdq said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post, after coming across this forum. Info about myself: I am 29 years old and is in the phase of learning Kali. I have taken some training in other form of martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing), but my question is does it take any pent up aggression away from your personality? That is part of my personality and I think learning martial arts would benefit me a lot.


 
I would like to know the source of the pent-up aggression. For me, it comes from years of being bullied but not having the confidence to stand up for myself. Now that I do have that confidence, I can sometimes overreact when faced with a bully because the person that is standing before me becomes an embodiment of everyone who pushed me around over the years.

In my case, there will never be a release of that pent-up aggression because all those chances I had to stand up for myself are gone. There is no getting them back, no matter how many times I hit a punching bag. So for someone like me, I needed (and got) therapy to help me let go of what I could not change.

In any event, I would like to know more about your situation.


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## Midnight-shadow (Oct 1, 2016)

As others have said, it's important to know the reason behind your aggression and what causes it. Only once you know that can you know if Martial Arts will help you, or not.


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