# Confucious Say



## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

Well I dont have Confucious.....but I have quotes:


"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions." 
Woody Allen.


"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." 
Groucho Marx.


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

War do not determine who right, war determine who left.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck

He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." 
Socrates.


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you." 
Mae West. hehehe...sounds good to me


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

Come on Raewyn, keep up!


Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. 
- Robin Williams


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

I eat too much because Im depressed, and Im depressed because I eat too much. Its a vicious circle.............. that took years to perfect!!
_Garfield_


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

*Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. 
Mae West 
*


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

Kill my boss??  Do I dare live out the Amercian Dream??

_Homer Simpson_


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat over estimated his ability!!

_Oscar Wilde_


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. (Bob Hope)

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. (George Burns)


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

Sarah said:
			
		

> *Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
> Mae West
> *


 *Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you happy to see me? 
 Mae West *


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

*I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy Come on, squishy Come on, little squishy* .........*Finding Nemo*HEHEHEHE....Wink Wink!


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

What does retired mean?  Tired yesterday, tired again today....... I guess

_Dennis the Menace_


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## Raewyn (Nov 20, 2004)

He who farts in church sits in own pew.      

_Confucious_


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

*Homer:* Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!"


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

*When I'm bad ....... I'm good, when I'm worse ....... I'm better... oahhh 
  Mae West*


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

Oohhh...I like that one!  :ultracool 





			
				Goldendragon7 said:
			
		

> *When I'm bad ....... I'm good, when I'm worse ....... I'm better... oahhh *
> *Mae West*


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ***, okay?" 
Denis Leary. 


"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." 
Benjamin Franklin.


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

*My right leg is Christmas... My left leg is New Year's... come up and see me between** the Holidays!    ... oahhh 
   Mae West*


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## shesulsa (Nov 20, 2004)

Wise Polish man say ...

 a little Pole goes a long way.

 Wise Polish woman say ...

 not enough Pole go nowhere.


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## MA-Caver (Nov 20, 2004)

... virginity like bubble... one prick all gone...

man who run in front of car get tired


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

*On the way home one night, Mae passed a road sign that said "Dangerous Curves"... she said, ohhhh someone knows I'm coming **!    
  ... ohhhh 
     Mae West*


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

*You know.... I never did like birds, but I did have a Cockatoo!**     ... ohhhh 
     Mae West*


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## Goldendragon7 (Nov 20, 2004)

*To err is human -- but it feels divine!
-- Mae West* 

*It's not the men in my life that counts --  it's the life in my men.
-- Mae West* 

*Why don't you come up and see me sometime,  when I got nothing on but the radio?
-- Mae West* 

*A man in the house is worth two in the  street.
-- Mae West* 

*Too much of a good thing can be  wonderful.
-- Mae West* 

*He who hesitates is last.
-- Mae  West* 

*I used to be Snow White but I drifted.
--  Mae West* 

*"Goodness, what beautiful  diamonds!"
"Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie".
-- Mae  West* 

*It's hard to be funny when you have to be  clean.
-- Mae West* 

*I've been things and done places.
-- Mae  West* 

*When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm  bad, I'm better.
-- Mae West* 

*When a girl goes wrong - men go right after  her.
-- Mae West* 

*So many men, so little time.
-- Mae  West* 

*You're never too old to become younger.
--  Mae West* 

*You ought to get out of those wet clothes and  into a dry martini.
-- Mae West* 

*Those who are easily shocked, should be  shocked more often.
-- Mae West* 

*Anything worth doing is worth doing  slowly.
-- Mae West* 

*I only like two kinds of men: domestic and  foreign.
-- Mae West* 

*Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all  over you.
-- Mae West* 

*I've been in more laps than a napkin.
--  Mae West* 

*He who hesitates is a damned fool.
-- Mae  West* 

*Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -- and  another, in case it doesn't rain.
-- Mae West* 

*Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't  have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
-- Mae West* 

*She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder  of success wrong by wrong.
-- Mae West* 

*I generally avoid temptation unless I can't  resist it.
-- Mae West* 

*Mae: "How tall are you ?"
Man: "Six foot  seven."
Mae: "Well, let's forget about the six foot and talk about the seven  inches".
--Mae West* 

*I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe  me, rich is better.
--Mae West* 

*I always say, keep a diary, and some day  it'll keep you.
--Mae West* 

*It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now  and then. As long as you don't break any.
--Mae West* 

*It's better to be looked over than  overlooked.
--Mae West* 

*You may admire a girl's curves on the first  introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.
--Mae West* 

*I wrote this story myself. It's all about a  girl who lost her reputation, but never missed it.
--Mae West* 

*Marriage is a fine institution - but I'm not  ready for an institution.
--Mae West* 

*It's not what you do ... it's how you do  it.
--Mae West* 

*A hard man is good to find.
--Mae  West* 

*Question: Ever met a man that could make you  happy?
Mae: Several times.
--Mae West* 

*He's so crooked he uses a corkscrew for a  ruler.
--Mae West* 

*I'm the lady who works at Paramount all day,  and Fox all night.
--Mae West* 

*Why don't you come up and have a little ...  scotch and soffa.
--Mae West*


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## jfarnsworth (Nov 20, 2004)

This has been an entertaining thread!


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## Xequat (Nov 20, 2004)

Sarah said:
			
		

> *Homer:* Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!"


I have a Homer toy that says that!


Confucius say it's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

Ellen DeGeners - You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.


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## Rich Parsons (Nov 20, 2004)

"When Fate taps you on the shoulder, you'd best pay attention. Unfortunately, she has that blasted habit of tapping you on the _opposite_ shoulder, so that when you turn around she's actually on your other side, giggling like a schoolgirl. I hate that." - Har'Lea'Quinn


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. (Rodney Dangerfield)

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.   (Rodney Dangerfield)


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## Sarah (Nov 20, 2004)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. (Tom Waits)


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## Satt (Nov 20, 2004)

Don't sweat the petty stuff. Pet the sweaty stuff. -unknown


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## Rynocerous (Nov 21, 2004)

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have crappy time.

Cheers,

Ryan


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## Sarah (Nov 21, 2004)

*Y*ou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say - Chris Rock


*I*f a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty - Chirs Rock
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## Sarah (Nov 21, 2004)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!  - Donkey


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## Sarah (Nov 21, 2004)

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. 

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. 

-- Mae West


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## Raewyn (Nov 21, 2004)

*Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

*


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## Raewyn (Nov 21, 2004)

*Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.

*


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## Xequat (Nov 22, 2004)

From a T-shirt in Europe:

Heaven is : where the Italians are the lovers, the French are the cooks, the English are the police, the Germans are the engineers, and the Swiss run it all.

Hell is : where the English are the cooks, the Germans are the police, the Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers, and the Italians run it all.


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## Sarah (Nov 22, 2004)

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?   - Billy Connolly


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## Flatlander (Nov 22, 2004)

I'd rather have a lobster on my piano than a crab on my organ.  :lookie:


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## Sarah (Nov 22, 2004)

Flatlander said:
			
		

> I'd rather have a lobster on my piano than a crab on my organ. :lookie:


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## chefs (Dec 1, 2004)

Man this is like the model off in 'Zoolander' or the Dance off in 'American Pie 3' except with jokes.  Good work team.  That was all ***** and giggles


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## chefs (Dec 1, 2004)

mudda sic! Thats MAGIC!





			
				Flatlander said:
			
		

> I'd rather have a lobster on my piano than a crab on my organ. :lookie:


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