# Thinking about starting kickboxing, need your help!



## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

Recently I found myself in a couple of situations where it all ended well but after I tought to myself.. damn, I would NOT now how to defend myself. I'm about 5'7 at 165-170 lbs, depending on how active I am. Usually if someone at a bar starts talking ****, I'm their choice 'cause I don't seem that much of a threath. There's a kickboxing gym opening nearby, and I'm seriously thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence. I did some martial arts as a kid, but now I'm just not flexible at all, have shoulder issues.. so I'm overthinking it I guess.. Should I start with training and would I benefit mentally and physically?
Do any of you have experiences where your training has helped you to be more confident in these situations where dudes just pick on you for no reasons?


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## Midnight-shadow (Jun 9, 2018)

When you say "situations" is it just insults being thrown at you or punches as well? If it is just words then I would just ignore them. If they are actually threatening you with violence and it is just in that particular bar, I would go somewhere else. For training, any kind of fight training will help you, as long as you understand the limits of the training. Most kickboxing gyms focus on competition fighting, which is quite different to self-defence. Yes there is a crossover of skills but there are also some key differences. In short, there is a lot more to self-defence than learning how to throw a punch correctly. 

As for your physical condition, unless you plan on kicking people in the head, you don't need to be very flexible. In fact, some of the most effective kicks are to the legs and the knees (which is why kicking someone in the knee is illegal in a lot of competitions). Shoulder issues? Depends what kind of issues you are talking about, this training can help shore up your weaknesses in a fight. 

So yes, training will help you to a certain extent, but you also would do well to learn the non-physical self-defence aspects too, which you may not be taught in a kickboxing gym.


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## drop bear (Jun 9, 2018)

I bounced for 20 years and had thousands of confrontations. it is easier to diffuse a fight if you are doing them the favor by doing so.

It is easier to deal with toxic emotions like being picked on by engaging in a social physical activity.

Kick boxing is an excellent martial art and an exellent method of self defence.And will also hone your confidence and social skills.

Guys like jeff horn and robert whittaker are two world class martial artist that got in to martial arts for precisely the same reasons you are thinking of doing it.

Robert Whittaker's family inspires historic UFC title win
.
Bullies drove boxing champ Horn to edge

As far as starting if you are not all that good at kickboxing.

You are not supposed to be good. That is why you are learning it. You will quite simply suck at it. It will be hard and frustrating and sometimes you wont want to put in the time it takes to get good.

But that is how you become a better you. You just simply stand up and walk through that door.


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## Midnight-shadow (Jun 9, 2018)

drop bear said:


> As far as starting if you are not all that good at kickboxing.
> 
> You are not supposed to be good. That is why you are learning it. You will quite simply suck at it. It will be hard and frustrating and sometimes you wont want to put in the time it takes to get good.
> 
> But that is how you become a better you. You just simply stand up and walk through that door.



https://i.imgur.com/yfTLs8b.jpg?fb


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## jobo (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Recently I found myself in a couple of situations where it all ended well but after I tought to myself.. damn, I would NOT now how to defend myself. I'm about 5'7 at 165-170 lbs, depending on how active I am. Usually if someone at a bar starts talking ****, I'm their choice 'cause I don't seem that much of a threath. There's a kickboxing gym opening nearby, and I'm seriously thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence. I did some martial arts as a kid, but now I'm just not flexible at all, have shoulder issues.. so I'm overthinking it I guess.. Should I start with training and would I benefit mentally and physically?
> Do any of you have experiences where your training has helped you to be more confident in these situations where dudes just pick on you for no reasons?



Yes, and it has a psychological as well as a physical effect, just knowing you can demolish the guy, means you can make an informed decision on if to do so it laugh it off, you no longer feel like a victim as it's your decision, you can also give it back, knowing that if he decides to take it further, you be ok.

Then there's the fact that knowing you can handle yourself alters your body language, so the number of people who decided to pick you as a victim decreases or at least they do it at a safe distance.

And most impirtantly, it increases your self worth, to the point you no longer care what some half wit at a bar says to you, Your a five foOt seven killing machine, what would Bruce Lee do ?


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## JowGaWolf (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> There's a kickboxing gym opening nearby, and I'm seriously* thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence.*


 *thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence.  *This is the worst way to think about self-defense. It's not your fault that your have this perception because I know Martial Arts schools always talking about boosting self-confidence.   If you want to boost your self-confidence then you should take a class designed to do that.  If you want to learn how to protect yourself then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.  If you want to learn how to fight then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.

What many discover in martial arts is that they take a class then get into a situation where they think they can fight and get their buts kicked.  What they also learn is that during this conflict they were still scared and unsure how things may turn out.



vai91 said:


> Do any of you have experiences where your training has helped you to be more confident in these situations where dudes just pick on you for no reasons?


This was most of life experience from 12 - 35.  Confidence didn't play a role in my ability to deal with situations like this.  There were some situations where I thought I was going to be shot in a parking lot.  Handling situations like this are never the same because the person harassing you will always be different. To be honest a lot of non-physical self-defense techniques helped me to stand up to these type of people, but that was always back up by a comfort in knowing that I knew how to handle myself in sparring and that i did it enough to where I wasn't afraid of punches and kicks.  Sparring gave me a comfort of knowing what punches look and feel like.  That's the only confidence that I had.  In terms of facing the person harassing me,  it was never confidence.  My ability to handle these situation were always based on what I knew and understood about conflict.   I was familiar with what I was seeing so I only had to apply what I know, vs apply what I feel about myself.

Here is what it seems you want to know.
Problem: You get harassed a lot
Solution: find a place where you can gain a tool set and  learn how to deal with elements that come with being harassed.  This seems to be your problem more so than self-confidence.  If you weren't being harassed would you still seek self-confidence?


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

drop bear said:


> I bounced for 20 years and had thousands of confrontations. it is easier to diffuse a fight if you are doing them the favor by doing so.
> 
> It is easier to deal with toxic emotions like being picked on by engaging in a social physical activity.
> 
> ...



Thank you so much man! Those are definitely some inspiring words!


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## jobo (Jun 9, 2018)

JowGaWolf said:


> *thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence.  *This is the worst way to think about self-defense. It's not your fault that your have this perception because I know Martial Arts schools always talking about boosting self-confidence.   If you want to boost your self-confidence then you should take a class designed to do that.  If you want to learn how to protect yourself then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.  If you want to learn how to fight then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.
> 
> What many discover in martial arts is that they take a class then get into a situation where they think they can fight and get their buts kicked.  What they also learn is that during this conflict they were still scared and unsure how things may turn out.
> 
> ...



Confidence building classes commonly hve elements of over coming fears and over conning physical barriers, just like taking kick boxing will do. it is intrinsically the same as an outward bounds confidence building course

If it was one of the pretend ma, then you may have a point about over confidence, but if your good a kick boxing your good at fighting for real, as kick boxing is real fighting and you don't have to reply on half hearted sparring to gain validation of your skills

The reverse is also a good question, if he had self confidence would he be getting harassed as much or at all, people pIck victims because they lack self confidence, there's no point insulting someone with high self esteem, they won't care and if they don't care, it's not an insult


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

JowGaWolf said:


> *thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence.  *This is the worst way to think about self-defense. It's not your fault that your have this perception because I know Martial Arts schools always talking about boosting self-confidence.   If you want to boost your self-confidence then you should take a class designed to do that.  If you want to learn how to protect yourself then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.  If you want to learn how to fight then you want to take a class that teaches you how to do this.
> 
> What many discover in martial arts is that they take a class then get into a situation where they think they can fight and get their buts kicked.  What they also learn is that during this conflict they were still scared and unsure how things may turn out.
> 
> ...


 Thanks for your input on this.. I wouldn't say I need confidence in other aspects of life, girls, friends etc.. I just need to know If some **** is about to go down, I can defend myself.


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## jobo (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Thanks for your input on this.. I wouldn't say I need confidence in other aspects of life, girls, friends etc.. I just need to know If some **** is about to go down, I can defend myself.


It's intRibsicaly the same confidence in all aspects of liFe , feeling good really good about yourself, will bleed over in to making you more attractive to girls and caring a lot less if one of them turns you down hard, do things that increase your feeling of SELF worth, then other people will value you at your own estimation of yourself, or the reverse, if you think your rubbish, that's what other people will think as well


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

Midnight-shadow said:


> When you say "situations" is it just insults being thrown at you or punches as well? If it is just words then I would just ignore them. If they are actually threatening you with violence and it is just in that particular bar, I would go somewhere else. For training, any kind of fight training will help you, as long as you understand the limits of the training. Most kickboxing gyms focus on competition fighting, which is quite different to self-defence. Yes there is a crossover of skills but there are also some key differences. In short, there is a lot more to self-defence than learning how to throw a punch correctly.
> 
> As for your physical condition, unless you plan on kicking people in the head, you don't need to be very flexible. In fact, some of the most effective kicks are to the legs and the knees (which is why kicking someone in the knee is illegal in a lot of competitions). Shoulder issues? Depends what kind of issues you are talking about, this training can help shore up your weaknesses in a fight.
> 
> So yes, training will help you to a certain extent, but you also would do well to learn the non-physical self-defence aspects too, which you may not be taught in a kickboxing gym.


Thank you so much! I think some people got me wrong, and it's my mistake 'cause English is not my first language. I'm not a guy with low self-confidence in general, I do well. I just want to be more comfortable knowing I can defend myself. "situations" are mostly verbal insults, and I'm a calm and composed individual who knows how not to add fuel to the fire. There's been some pushing and shoving, and it's not like I froze in fear.. there's usually other people there that stop the whole thing. Once I was walking back to my apartment late at night, and there was a group of 3 guys, two of them started to get in my face and they were drunk or on something else.. but the third guy was obviously normal so he grabbed them and it ended there. But as I'm walking home I'm thinking.. If one of them hit me, what the hell would I do.. I just want to have the comfort of knowing exactly what to do if some low-life decides to put their hands on me.


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

jobo said:


> It's intRibsicaly the same confidence in all aspects of liFe , feeling good really good about yourself, will bleed over in to making you more attractive to girls and caring a lot less if one of them turns you down hard, do things that increase your feeling of SELF worth, then other people will value you at your own estimation of yourself, or the reverse, if you think your rubbish, that's what other people will think as well


I would disagree, I do well with girls and I don't think bad of myself. I just seek comfort of knowing how to fight properly.


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## jobo (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> I would disagree, I do well with girls and I don't think bad of myself. I just seek comfort of knowing how to fight properly.


 Get more confidence and get better girls

Yes kick boxing will do that


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## CrazedChris (Jun 9, 2018)

If you want to take the class because you don't like the feeling of being helpless, then do it.  It might not be what you think it will be.   
Being able to handle yourself is one thing, looking for a situation, or not avoiding it, is another.  
There is also some skill to learn in staying out of that type of situation as well.   Why are you always harassed?  Are you a mouthy kinda guy that attracts negative attention?  Or are you just a jerk magnet?  Martial Arts have helped my son gain some calm, or as he put it, he is more able to hit someone, but has much less urge to do so now.


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

jobo said:


> Get more confidence and get better girls
> 
> Yes kick boxing will do that


   haha thanks man, wise words


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

CrazedChris said:


> If you want to take the class because you don't like the feeling of being helpless, then do it.  It might not be what you think it will be.
> Being able to handle yourself is one thing, looking for a situation, or not avoiding it, is another.
> There is also some skill to learn in staying out of that type of situation as well.   Why are you always harassed?  Are you a mouthy kinda guy that attracts negative attention?  Or are you just a jerk magnet?  Martial Arts have helped my son gain some calm, or as he put it, he is more able to hit someone, but has much less urge to do so now.


  I was never a negative mouthy guy, I'm just a calm dude minding his own business, not agressive, not loud, not trying to do anything bad.No it wasn't always like that, and it's not like it's going on on a daily basis now.. I can handle the verbal aspect of it, and I might be able to handle a streetfight, you never know the person attacking you. But I would feel way more comfortable and grounded if I knew I'm prepared for whatever. Your son seems like a very smart guy, those are some words I will remember.


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## CrazedChris (Jun 9, 2018)

Being prepared is a good reason.  Give it a try, see if you like it.  

If English isn't your first language, where are you from?  

Oh, and welcome to MartialTalk.


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

CrazedChris said:


> Being prepared is a good reason.  Give it a try, see if you like it.
> 
> If English isn't your first language, where are you from?
> 
> Oh, and welcome to MartialTalk.


Thank you very much!
I'm from Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina.


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## marques (Jun 9, 2018)

Yes, I can easily see kickboxing training as part of the solution.

Avoiding walking alone late at night, for example, can also avoid some issues. 

Confidence and prevention avoid many many issues... My experience.


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## JowGaWolf (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Thanks for your input on this.. I wouldn't say I need confidence in other aspects of life, girls, friends etc.. I just need to know If some **** is about to go down, I can defend myself.


Then you want to learn how to fight effectively.  So whatever school you join, you'll need to make sure that they spar often and teach good techniques.  This will cover the physical elements of self-defense.  As you are training to be physically capable to fight at the level you are working towards, then find some good self-defense books and take a valid self-defense class that has good non-physical self-defense methods.

A lot of self-defense actually happens before the the confrontation.  There are 2 reasons people get harassed.  1. They either look like an easy target or 2. They look like the "big dog in the room."   Jealousy is a powerful thing and is often at the root of  some of the harassment that people have to deal with.  Once you know what box you are in, you can do some non-physical things that will help prevent things from getting to the physical fight stage.   During my periods of harassment, I was mostly in the #2 box, not because I was the "big dog in the room." but because I don't bend to the will others easily.  I'm the guy that is happy to break off from a group to eat where I want to eat, even if it means that I'm going to eat alone.   Cliques were never were my thing and I didn't mind being independent of thought and action.  It wasn't that I was trying to show that I'm better than others, it's just that I'm naturally comfortable being with myself and not always having to be part of a group.  

I'm gentle by nature and nice by nature and many people take that as a weakness so from time to time, that put me into box #1.  I have had women tell me that "I'm too nice." and it make it seem like I can't protect my girlfriend.   That nonsense changed when I was in my 30's.  People have a lot of misconceptions about life and what it is supposed to be like.

Now that I'm in my 40's I rarely get harassed and when I do, I can diffuse the anger really quick.  I definitely had a lot practice in doing that.   I train to fight but to be honest at this point, I think it's going to be very unlikely that I'll be in a real street fight again, but I keep up my training just in case I need to fight or run from one.  I think the biggest change for me is when I had my own family.  I'm a very protective person by nature and I think my family brings that in a way that it shows on the outside for the world to see.  There are some things that I don't do anymore because I'm afraid it will put my family in danger.   If it was just me, then I would probably still behave in that way, knowing that if things got to a physical fight that I could do well with that, provided that there are no weapons involved meaning that my attacker had one and I didn't.

Sometimes the crap we get in life is the result of how we travel through / interact with various environments.  The rest is just A-Holes who have nothing better to do then pee on another's parade.


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## vai91 (Jun 9, 2018)

JowGaWolf said:


> Then you want to learn how to fight effectively.  So whatever school you join, you'll need to make sure that they spar often and teach good techniques.  This will cover the physical elements of self-defense.  As you are training to be physically capable to fight at the level you are working towards, then find some good self-defense books and take a valid self-defense class that has good non-physical self-defense methods.
> 
> A lot of self-defense actually happens before the the confrontation.  There are 2 reasons people get harassed.  1. They either look like an easy target or 2. They look like the "big dog in the room."   Jealousy is a powerful thing and is often at the root of  some of the harassment that people have to deal with.  Once you know what box you are in, you can do some non-physical things that will help prevent things from getting to the physical fight stage.   During my periods of harassment, I was mostly in the #2 box, not because I was the "big dog in the room." but because I don't bend to the will others easily.  I'm the guy that is happy to break off from a group to eat where I want to eat, even if it means that I'm going to eat alone.   Cliques were never were my thing and I didn't mind being independent of thought and action.  It wasn't that I was trying to show that I'm better than others, it's just that I'm naturally comfortable being with myself and not always having to be part of a group.
> 
> ...



Wow man, thank you so much. There's so much good advice here. I'm stunned by all the positive answers and people actually sharing their life experiences in order to help me deal with my issues. If only a portion of this kind of acceptance translates into a kickboxing gym, I'll be glad to never miss a training session.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Wow man, thank you so much. There's so much good advice here. I'm stunned by all the positive answers and people actually sharing their life experiences in order to help me deal with my issues. If only a portion of this kind of acceptance translates into a kickboxing gym, I'll be glad to never miss a training session.


Most gyms, youll see this support. Possibly because you have to be humble at the beginning of training, in just about every dojo/gym ive been to, the people are friendly/nice/inviting, and understanding of whatever a new persons limits/abilities are.


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## Midnight-shadow (Jun 9, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> Most gyms, youll see this support. Possibly because you have to be humble at the beginning of training, in just about every dojo/gym ive been to, the people are friendly/nice/inviting, and understanding of whatever a new persons limits/abilities are.



Indeed. People with inflated egos or bad attitudes don't usually last long in Martial Arts training. One of the things I've glad to have learned during my training was learning how to take a hit and not immediately collapse. My instructor is very insistent on us being able to take hits as well as give them out. Hell, in our last training session he had 6 of us in the ring, with 1 person defending against the other 5. The defender wasn't allowed to fight back, and so had to move and block as much as possible to take as little damage as possible. 

Learning how to take a punch and not fall, and learning how to fall correctly are important skills both in the ring and on the street.


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## JowGaWolf (Jun 9, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> Most gyms, youll see this support. Possibly because you have to be humble at the beginning of training, in just about every dojo/gym ive been to, the people are friendly/nice/inviting, and understanding of whatever a new persons limits/abilities are.


For a place where people practice to punch and kick another human, one would think that it would be the other way around.  Granted there are some gyms that are violent and negative, but the majority of them aren't.  Then you go to places who champion only peaceful solutions and civilize behavior and you'll find some of the most hateful and negative behaviors.  The behavior that we see in the U.S, congress and U.S. elections (elections in general regardless of country) would never be tolerated in many martial arts schools and gyms. Even my worst experiences with Martial Arts schools fall short of the crap that goes on in other organizations.


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## JowGaWolf (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Wow man, thank you so much. There's so much good advice here. I'm stunned by all the positive answers and people actually sharing their life experiences in order to help me deal with my issues. If only a portion of this kind of acceptance translates into a kickboxing gym, I'll be glad to never miss a training session.


Hopefully some of the things that have been said in this thread will help you improve things.  When you start training, "train honestly."  By this I mean you are going to be in that gym for about an hour or maybe more, so you might as well give it your best shot with your training. This way your time is well spent and you'll benefit from the training.  When things get though then push through.  The same mentality that it takes to push through doubt and uncertainty will be the same mentality that is you'll use in life, when there is doubt and uncertainty. It's the same skill set, but it's applied to a non martial arts situation.  People are sometimes amazed at how I "push through" at work,  much of that comes from my training and "pushing through" when I feel lazy and don't want to train.


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## Martial D (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> Recently I found myself in a couple of situations where it all ended well but after I tought to myself.. damn, I would NOT now how to defend myself. I'm about 5'7 at 165-170 lbs, depending on how active I am. Usually if someone at a bar starts talking ****, I'm their choice 'cause I don't seem that much of a threath. There's a kickboxing gym opening nearby, and I'm seriously thinking to join in just to learn how to fight properly and boost my self-confidence. I did some martial arts as a kid, but now I'm just not flexible at all, have shoulder issues.. so I'm overthinking it I guess.. Should I start with training and would I benefit mentally and physically?
> Do any of you have experiences where your training has helped you to be more confident in these situations where dudes just pick on you for no reasons?


Many people pick up a martial art to learn to fight. Kickboxing is a fine choice to that end.

The true benefits come in another shape and size though. Just do it, you'll probably be glad you did.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Jun 9, 2018)

vai91 said:


> I would NOT know how to defend myself.


The most important self-defense skill is to protect your head not to be punched. You should start from there first.


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## drop bear (Jun 9, 2018)

jobo said:


> Confidence building classes commonly hve elements of over coming fears and over conning physical barriers, just like taking kick boxing will do. it is intrinsically the same as an outward bounds confidence building course
> 
> If it was one of the pretend ma, then you may have a point about over confidence, but if your good a kick boxing your good at fighting for real, as kick boxing is real fighting and you don't have to reply on half hearted sparring to gain validation of your skills
> 
> The reverse is also a good question, if he had self confidence would he be getting harassed as much or at all, people pIck victims because they lack self confidence, there's no point insulting someone with high self esteem, they won't care and if they don't care, it's not an insult



And if he is too busy training and getting his life on track there should be less drinking with the sort of scumbags who will pick on people.


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