# Soap and You, A Fanbois Guide



## Bob Hubbard (Jun 4, 2003)

I wrote this bit on sci-fi convention survival....figured a few folks here might get a laugh.

====
So, you're gonna brave a con?

You poor bastard.

Many have tried...many have almost died.

In this tongue in cheek (or is that finger in nose?) guide, I will atempt to cover the basics of con survival.

===
Preparation (H?)

The hygeine bag
-Pack toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, dental floss, breathmints, small bottle of shampoo, bar of soap.  Yes soap. You will use this on day 2.

Bring your own pillow, and 1 blanket if sharing a room. Due to the differences in beds and carpet padding, an inflatable air matress or foam bedroll may help your comfort level while sleeping. (You will do this on day 2)

===
Food plans:
While living on pringles is possible, you need a somewhat more balanced diet to maintain optimum energy for the all night henti show.

Here is a con-goers diet plan.
Day 1 ($5-8)
 Breakfast - 1 can ready to drink breakfast.  
 Lunch - 1 can ready-to-serve soup. (Place can in sink of hot water for 20 minutes.  Shake can every 5 minutes.)
 Dinner - Splurge and order a pizza, delivered from a local pizza place.  See phone book. (Split with group)

Day 2 ($5-8)
Same as above.
Dinner - get group together hit McD or Wendys.

You can supliment the above by bringing some fruit, trail mix, granola bars or poptarts.  You can also bring ramen noodles.  If you have a 'hotspot' you can heat water.  If not, place noodles in a large ziplock back.  Add hot water from sink.  Fill sink with hot water, and place sealed ziplock bag in sink.  Wait 15 minutes, drain sink and refill with hot water.  Repeat.  It may take 30-45 min, but your noodles will cook.

Water is free from the sink.  You can also get a gallon of purified drinking water at Walmart for under a buck each.  Bring that, and drink at least 1 gal a day to keep hydrated.  A small 16oz pop bottle makes a good, reusable canteen.

===

The Shower.
This is the magic device, often found near the other mythical item, the 'tub'.  You will use one of these devices to de-stink yourself.  This also has a pleasent side effect of waking you up and reenergizing you for the busy day of making beep-beep noises.  A shower, can be taken in as little as 5 minutes.  I know, you want to get to the dealers room as you might luck out and find a rare photo of Captain Kirks pubic hair, but trust me, its worth taking the time.  Hint- Dealers like clean smelling patrons.  They tend to be more friendly then.

It is important that you use this device at least once per day.
Twice if youre a Klingon....you wont melt, we promise.

===

Costumes.
I'm sorry, 'Uniforms'.  Yes, while you are on your 'away missiojn' you will find that many things normally found on the 'ship' are not accessible. Things like free food, and 'mom'.  This will require you to maintain the integrety of your 'uniform' until such time as 'mom' can fix it for you.

I recomend duct tape...and lots of it.

For the more independent types, a sewing kit, electrical tape, duct tape, glue and other bits are part of a well stocked repair kit.  Pick up a pocket sewing machine (10-20) as it will save your *** many times over.

===

Contact with other 'fans'.
-Dont laugh at the Klingons.
-Dont squeze the 7of9's 'nacelles'.  She may pop.
-Dont play with the ferengies ears.
-dont look up the skirts of the anime fans. 
-Those bumpy fleshy things are breasts, that person they are connected to is (probably) a girl.  They are safe (usually).  Dont drool.
-Lines have a start point and an end point.  You join at the end.  The middle is bad, and jumping in front is possibly damaging.
-If you are the type that 'displaces more water than most', pay careful attention to your surroundings.  The hobbits tend to not like being 'checked into the boards'.
-Take your shower - it helps the polution levels.
-The person on stage has probably not given 'episode 27' as much in depth thought as you.  People with lives tend to not be able to do the deep thinking.  Cut them a little slack.

one other thing - bring money.  Failing to pay your end of the room bill has left many fans stranded in a strange land.  Sometimes, they don't visit the local 'sickbay'.

These tips will help you get the most of your con experience.
If youve been offended by these tips, they probably apply to you.
K'Hest to you and your then.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy.
lather Rince and, Repeat!
 :shock:


----------



## tonbo (Jun 4, 2003)

Bwahahaha!!

Love it!!

Makes me think of the "con" scenes in "Galaxy Quest"... 

:rofl:   :rofl:   :rofl:   :rofl: 

Peace--


----------



## Jill666 (Jun 4, 2003)

Pretty funny stuff- even if you have never ventured into a sci-fi con.

As my hubby is an ex-programmer, I once accompanied him to a cocktail party at a dev con in San Diego. I wore a cocktail dress, put on makeup, and met him there after his seminars after my day at the beach. There were two people there who were possibly women, and a bunch of men who seemed to be very afraid of me. 

There was no shrimp cocktail.


----------



## Zepp (Jun 4, 2003)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Never been to a con yet, but at least now I know how to live through one without resorting to my martial skills.

:rofl:


----------



## Cthulhu (Jun 4, 2003)

Went to an RPG con once.

Once.

Cthulhu


----------

