# a bit sexist but fun



## Taiji fan (May 8, 2003)

Why Men Pee Standing Up

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.

He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee whilst standing up.  "Its a very handy thing" God told them,  "and i was wondering if either one of you would like that."

Well,  Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, give it to me! I'd love to be able to do that.  It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do.  Please, Please! Pleeease! Give it to me."  On and on he went like an excited little boy.

So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam wanted it so badly, he should have it.  So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited.  He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, "Well, heres the other thing and i guess you can have it."

"Whats it called?"  Eve asked.

Brains, said God.


----------



## KenpoDragon (May 15, 2003)

Well in that case tell Eve I want my Rib back!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## deadhand31 (May 15, 2003)

God comes to Adam, and tells him that he's got 2 gifts to give him. 
God tells him "Adam, the first gift I'm giving you is a brain. With it, you will be able to learn things. You will be able to think your way out of troublesome situations." and he gives Adam a brain.

"Next, I'm giving you genitals. With these, you will be able to give Eve and yourself great pleasure. You will also be able to help Eve have babies." and he gave adam his genitals.

"There is a catch, however.... you only have enough blood to run one of them at once."


----------



## KenpoDragon (May 15, 2003)

> _Originally posted by deadhand31 _
> *God comes to Adam, and tells him that he's got 2 gifts to give him.
> God tells him "Adam, the first gift I'm giving you is a brain. With it, you will be able to learn things. You will be able to think your way out of troublesome situations." and he gives Adam a brain.
> 
> ...


Are you saying that guys think with their genitals and not their brains.......hold on Baywatch just came on.....................oh yeah what was I saying???


----------



## Seig (May 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by KenpoDragon _
> *Are you saying that guys think with their genitals and not their brains.......hold on Baywatch just came on.....................oh yeah what was I saying???  *


PLEASE tell me you are not a Hasselhoff fan...
:roflmao:


----------



## KenpoDragon (May 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Seig _
> *PLEASE tell me you are not a Hasselhoff fan...
> :roflmao: *



Are you kidding me??? I love Knightrider!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

You mean to tell me David Hasselhoff is in Baywatch??? How did you know that Seig??? Hmmmmm.....makes me wonder about you


----------



## D.Cobb (May 17, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Seig _
> *PLEASE tell me you are not a Hasselhoff fan...
> :roflmao: *



The thing I dislike most about Hasselhoff, on Babewatch anyway, is that if you know that your character is going to fight every so often with bad guys, wouldn't you go out and get some real fight training? I want to know how this clutz doesn't manage to trip over his own feet when he walks.
Brings to mind some of EP's comments about not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time. 

--Dave


----------



## Randy Strausbaugh (May 19, 2003)

Seeking guidance, a woman decides to consult with the Almighty (beliving it's best to go to the source).

"God," she asks, "why did you make men so big and strong?"
SO YOU WOULD LIKE THEM comes the reply.

"God," she continues, "why did you make them so fierce and aggressive?"
SO YOU WOULD LIKE THEM booms the answer once again.

"But God," she queries, "why did you make them so STUPID?"

SO THEY WOULD LIKE YOU. :roflmao: 

Trying to avoid life's potholes, 
Randy Strausbaugh


----------



## Taiji fan (May 20, 2003)

:rofl: :moon:


----------



## Jill666 (May 20, 2003)

Thanks Randy 

:2xbird:


----------



## Randy Strausbaugh (May 20, 2003)

Anytime,Jill.  I live to serve.

 

Trying to avoid life's potholes,
Randy Strausbaugh


----------



## Seig (May 23, 2003)

> _Originally posted by KenpoDragon _
> *Are you kidding me??? I love Knightrider!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!
> 
> You mean to tell me David Hasselhoff is in Baywatch??? How did you know that Seig??? Hmmmmm.....makes me wonder about you     *


 I can proudly say that I have never watched a single episode of Baywatch.  I knew he was on it because I remember all the damned stupid commercials when the show first launched.


----------



## jfarnsworth (May 25, 2003)

I would just like to have enough time to sit down and watch t.v.


----------



## Taiji fan (May 26, 2003)

sorry about the arrows folks this just came in by email from a mate and I was too lazy to get rid of them...



> >HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN 


> >******************************************* 
> >1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper 
> >according to lights and darks. 
> >2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband 
> >along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
> >3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to 
> >do more sit-ups. 
> >4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long 
> >loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 
> >5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added 
> >vitamins. 
> >6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
> >7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced 
> >with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 
> >8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minut es 
> >until red. 
> >9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body 
> >wash. 
> >10. Complain because your husband had been eating your ginger nut 
> >and jaffa cake body wash. 
> >11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 
> >12. Shave armpits and legs. 
> >13. Turn off shower. 
> >14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with 
> >Tilex. 
> >15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
> >Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
> >16. Check entire body for zits; tweeze unwanted hairs. 
> >17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
> >18. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> >HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN 
> >*************************************** 
> >1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave 
> >them in a pile. 
> >2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake 
> >wiener at her mak ing the 'woo-woo' sound. 
> >3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of 
> >your wiener and scratch your butt. 
> >4. Get in the shower. 
> >5. Wash your face. 
> >6. Wash your armpits. 
> >7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
> >8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they 
> >sound in the shower. 
> >9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
> >10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the 
> >soap. 
> >11. Shampoo your hair. 
> >12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
> >13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 
> >14. Pee. 
> >15. Rinse off and get out of shower. 
> >16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain 
> >was hanging out of tub the whole time. 
> >17. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 
> >18. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.< BR> 19. 
> >Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass 
> >wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 
> >'woo-woo' sound again. 
> >20. Throw wet towel on bed.


----------

