# 25 rules to help women understand men



## Gary Crawford

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up...don't come tell us about it. Put it down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Don't make us guess.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to...expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Some times, we're not thinking about you.

We're never thinking about "the relationship."

Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different -- it's just like every other cat.

Dogs are better than any cats.

Sunday = sports.

Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

Anything you wear is fine. really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail. use it if you have to, but don't expect us to like it.

Your brother is an idiot.

Ask for what you want. subtle hints don't work.

No...we don't know what day it is. Mark anniversaries.

Share the bathroom.

Share the closet.

"Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor.

Nothing says "i love you" like sex in the morning.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.


----------



## Chronuss

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor.


does that hit that nail on the head.  :roflmao:


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up...don't come tell us about it. Put it down.


Fair enough but then the same rule applies to your um...thingy... :lookie:

Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Plan on building a tower or something? Does that apply to underarm and leg hair too? :idunno: 


Don't make us guess. 
Guess what I think about that one? 

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to...expect an answer you don't want to hear.
So what are ya telling me here? I should just lie to ya and charge it? 

Some times, we're not thinking about you.
PHEW _that's a relief!_

We're never thinking about "the relationship."
You must mean "the ultimate relationship" - the one women only can dream about!

Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different -- it's just like every other cat.
:wavey: Yeah bah bye!

Dogs are better than any cats.
Well who says doggies aren't cute? It's not the dog ya see, it's the guy who's acting like a dog!:burp:

Sunday = sports.
If curling's a sport shopping's a sport. Thanks for this one Sport! 

Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
Fun sponge! 

Anything you wear is fine. really.
Yeah ok I'll be packing my closet with muumuus see what ya have to say then... 

You have enough clothes.
Ha gis don't count silly!

You have too many shoes.
It depends, on another thread it said 42% of women throw them at their men! - have to keep me a pile fer that! 

Crying is blackmail. use it if you have to, but don't expect us to like it.
I uh uh uh suddenly feel like bawling!!!!:waah:

Your brother is an idiot.
Only that one time remember I told you when he took apart my banana seat bicycle to make himself a better bike? Otherwise are you forgetting how big and strong and how much better than you he is?!!! 

Ask for what you want. subtle hints don't work.
*I want you*...................................................................................................oops little problem with my keyboard there I was in the middle of something what was it? AHH yes, to stop annoying me!  

No...we don't know what day it is. Mark anniversaries.
Oh yeah let's mark that on in RED looking forward to another Crappy Anniversay gift I mean Happy Anniversary! 

Share the bathroom.
Why??? Just go to any men's room surely it'd be faster there's never a line! 

Share the closet.
Have you not been paying attention? You get one.... it's at the end of the dark hallway and you get to decorate it and cram all your stuff in there!:boing2: 


"Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.
Well now you are just plain confusing me....then why do you want to know why when I say no?:whip: 

A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor.
That *is* the problem...been seeing him! :xtrmshock

Nothing says "i love you" like sex in the morning.
Yeah ok! Now remember though that self love is the highest form of love... :inlove: 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
opcorn:On this one we agree reading those sub titles to you is getting annoying!

Check your oil.
I checked it ....*last year!* 

Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
Well hello! No brainer!!!! The male attention span is way too short for 50!:idunno:


----------



## Chronuss

...hell, you're lucky we can do twenty-five when we've only got ten fingers and ten toes....


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Chronuss said:
			
		

> ...hell, you're lucky we can do twenty-five when we've only got ten fingers and ten toes....


Yes good when the young ones get it!  Your mama done good!


----------



## Chronuss

I've learned when to keep quiet....mama didn't raise no fool.


----------



## Lisa

Chronuss said:
			
		

> I've learned when to keep quiet....mama didn't raise no fool.


Yay!  One guy gets it!  That should be on the 10 rules for men.  Just know when to be quiet! You had a good Mama Chronuss!


----------



## bignick

here's a rule...

we're a lot simpler than you sometimes try to make us out to be...

motive of operation for guys:
1) eat
2) sleep
3) go to bathroom (after 1 & 2)


----------



## KenpoTess

Understand Men?? Why would I want to do such an absurd thing? 
Egad... I have much better things to do with my spare time..


----------



## shesulsa

((((MJ)))) ​ 
 I was gonna reply line by line like you did, but you did so well, I feel like I'd be :deadhorse.

((((Tess))))​ 
 The more I understand men, the more I love my dog.


----------



## mj-hi-yah

bignick said:
			
		

> here's a rule...
> 
> we're a lot simpler than you sometimes try to make us out to be...
> 
> motive of operation for guys:
> 1) eat
> 2) sleep
> 3) go to bathroom (after 1 & 2)


See now this one's paper trained :whip:cool!  

You know I'm just teasing ya right big 6'5" Nick?


----------



## Feisty Mouse

:boing2: Excellent, Tess!


----------



## mj-hi-yah

shesulsa said:
			
		

> I was gonna reply line by line like you did, but you did so well, I feel like I'd be :deadhorse.
> 
> 
> 
> ​


Thanks and I got your back covered sista! ​


----------



## mj-hi-yah

KenpoTess said:
			
		

> Understand Men?? Why would I want to do such an absurd thing?
> Egad... I have much better things to do with my spare time..


LOL :lol: Good Queen I suppose I need a whack :whip: for wasting my time on this one!


----------



## Gary Crawford

Just to be fair,Here is equal comedy-Rules for Men to better understand Women!                  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If you've managed to lift it up, gravity is on your side when it comes to putting it back down.

2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about having sex.

3. "I ate it, didn't I?" is not considered praise.

4. Your responsibility for raising children does NOT end at conception.

5. Get rid of your comb-over. It's not different -- it's just as ridiculous as every other comb over. You're losing your hair -- face it.

6. An order of takeout ribs and a Chris Farley movie is not everybody's idea of a good time.

7. "Yeah yeah, you look fine" is not a compliment.

8. Yes, I DO tell my best friend everything.

9. You have enough ballcaps.

10. You have too many t-shirts.

11. You're too old to wear a goatee.

12. Every actor we find attractive is not gay. You can stop using this one -- we've all heard it.

13. A hug is not always a prelude to sex.

14. When we ask "are you listening," we already know you're not.

15. Your best friend is an idiot.

16. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store.

17. If you can rebuild the carburetor on a '66 Mustang, working the washing machine should be a snap.

18. Yes and no are sometimes acceptable answers -- grunts and blank stares are not.

19. A sore back that prevents you from doing household chores for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

20. Underwear is like a car. After five years, it needs to be replaced with a newer model.

21. A romantic weekend getaway does not involve baiting a hook.

22. Slapping us on the butt and saying "how bout getting me a cold one" is not foreplay.

23. The missionary position is best left to missionaries.

24. Rolling over and mumbling "I've got to get some sleep" does not produce an afterglow.

25. If it was really good for me...you wouldn't have to ask.


----------



## mj-hi-yah

LOL ...Ok now you're talking GAR!


----------



## Gary Crawford

There's two sides to everything,even when we're having fun!


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> There's two sides to everything,even when we're having fun!


Shhh no need to spoil the fun!   hee hee he


----------



## Chronuss

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> 22. Slapping us on the butt and saying "how bout getting me a cold one" is not foreplay.


may not be foreplay...but I've had two jobs now where I've had people slap me on the ***...older women do whatever comes across their minds at the time.  however, there was no transaction of beer involved.  funnier than hell.


----------



## Gary Crawford

Chronuss said:
			
		

> may not be foreplay...but I've had two jobs now where I've had people slap me on the ***...older women do whatever comes across their minds at the time.  however, there was no transaction of beer involved.  funnier than hell.


You poor thing!That's terrible to have those older women sexually harrass you!


----------



## Lisa

Chronuss said:
			
		

> may not be foreplay...but I've had two jobs now where I've had people slap me on the ***...older women do whatever comes across their minds at the time. however, there was no transaction of beer involved. funnier than hell.


ummm... what kind job was it, may I dare ask?


----------



## Gary Crawford

Exotic dancer?


----------



## Lisa

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> Exotic dancer?


Thats what I was thinking except he said no beer was involved so :idunno: I am stumped.


----------



## Gary Crawford

French maid for rich old ladies?


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Ugly baby butt slap practice tester for OB/Gyns? :uhyeah:


----------



## Rich Parsons

Chronuss said:
			
		

> may not be foreplay...but I've had two jobs now where I've had people slap me on the ***...older women do whatever comes across their minds at the time.  however, there was no transaction of beer involved.  funnier than hell.



Chronuss,

It all depends upon their intent huh?  If they are old enough to be your grand mother, and they are serious  then I say watch out


----------



## Gary Crawford

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> Ugly baby butt slap practice tester for OB/Gyns? :uhyeah:


lol!


----------



## Lisa

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> Ugly baby butt slap practice tester for OB/Gyns? :uhyeah:


MJ, 

Sometimes you make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants! 



http://img47.photobucket.com/albums/v143/paledrifter2002/smilies/?action=view&current=woot_jump.gif


----------



## Gary Crawford

Nalia said:
			
		

> MJ,
> 
> Sometimes you make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants!
> 
> 
> 
> http://img47.photobucket.com/albums/v143/paledrifter2002/smilies/?action=view&current=woot_jump.gif


I almost did!Since I'm getting so old,maybe I ought to wear depends when I view this website!


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Nalia said:
			
		

> MJ,
> 
> Sometimes you make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants!





			
				Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> I almost did!  Since I'm getting so old,maybe I ought to wear depends when I view this website!


 RRRRING RRRRING  Hello, incontinence hotline, can you hold please?


----------



## KenpoTess

All I have to say is Chronuss best not be speaking of This Older woman smacking him on the ***~!!!  (that's for demonstration purposes mind you- in class )  *snickers*


He was working at a Bank *will be his reply*


----------



## jfarnsworth

Well all I got's to say about that is; maybe just maybe, he might like a slightly older woman than himself that looks like you slapping him on the ***.    Different strokes for different folks 'ya know. :uhyeah:


----------



## mj-hi-yah

KenpoTess said:
			
		

> All I have to say is Chronuss best not be speaking of This Older woman smacking him on the ***~!!! (that's for demonstration purposes mind you- in class ) *snickers*
> 
> 
> He was working at a Bank *will be his reply*


:cheers: Here's to you Mrs. Robinson!


----------



## Lisa

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> RRRRING RRRRING Hello, incontinence hotline, can you hold please?


Well... that all "Depends" on how long.


----------



## Chronuss

Gary Crawford said:
			
		

> Exotic dancer?


damn...you guys are just mean....you actually have to be in shape for that task...well, wait a minute...I'm in shape...._ROUND_ is a shape...


----------



## Chronuss

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> Ugly baby butt slap practice tester for OB/Gyns? :uhyeah:


...that's just cold. :waah:...I keep saying I'm still a kid, but damn...what friggin' hat did you pull that out of....crikey.


----------



## Chronuss

Rich Parsons said:
			
		

> Chronuss,
> 
> It all depends upon their intent huh? If they are old enough to be your grand mother, and they are serious  then I say watch out


no, they were both late thirty's, forty-ish...it was just unexpected...and just stood there and blinked.


----------



## Chronuss

KenpoTess said:
			
		

> All I have to say is Chronuss best not be speaking of This Older woman smacking him on the ***~!!! (that's for demonstration purposes mind you- in class ) *snickers*
> 
> 
> He was working at a Bank *will be his reply*


yeah...one was at a bank...last year...that job really sucked...however...I use to get into rubber band wars with the manager...very humorous.   and one of the ladies, who was very much married, with two children, made me walk by her desk every day cause of the cologne I wore.


----------



## KenpoTess

Jason.. hahaa.. you make me smile 







MJ.. *snorts* you're baaad~!!


----------



## Chronuss

KenpoTess said:
			
		

> All I have to say is Chronuss best not be speaking of This Older woman smacking him on the ***~!!! (that's for demonstration purposes mind you- in class ) *snickers*


better than being kicked in the *** by Randy...


----------



## KenpoTess

hmmm not sure *how* to take that *smirks*


----------



## Chronuss

oh, blah.


----------



## KenpoTess

and then some ~!


----------



## mj-hi-yah

Chronuss said:
			
		

> ...that's just cold. :waah:...I keep saying I'm still a kid, but damn...what friggin' hat did you pull that out of....crikey.


Noooo  quit your cryin'! :lol: LOL you're not an ugly baby you are just the tester for the slaps, and that was just my guess so hmmm.... I guess not huh? :uhyeah:


----------



## mj-hi-yah

KenpoTess said:
			
		

> MJ.. *snorts* you're baaad~!!


 :rpo:  :lookie: :angel:  They sit on my shoulders, and say things to me, and ya know sometimes, not always, but sometimes, The Big "D" can be very persuasive! :uhyeah:


----------



## Chronuss

mj-hi-yah said:
			
		

> you are just the tester for the slaps, and that was just my guess so hmmm.... :uhyeah:


...don't think I wanna think about any situation where I'm gettin' slapped...well, there was that one ti-.....er...yeah...no situations I wanna think about.


----------



## DavidCC

you've prolly seen this... if men and women were electronics...


----------



## mj-hi-yah

It's still funny! :boing2:


----------



## Chronuss

....I'd rather re-wire my Honda...


----------



## bignick

the "Man" side still seems a little too complicated...


----------



## Chronuss

...yeah, all we needed was the flashing orange light.


----------



## bignick

most likely...although a steady light might be even more realistic...


----------



## shesulsa

...light?


----------



## bignick

shesulsa said:
			
		

> ...light?


just for argument's sake


----------



## shesulsa

Yeah, well, it's dim at best, I think.


----------



## Chronuss

hey...well...er....damn...foiled again.


----------

