# Belt testing your spouse/ relative



## IcemanSK (Sep 27, 2008)

I run a small school & my only sister school is 200+ miles away. My wife is my student & tests under me. I sometimes struggle with all of the difficulties of testing one's own spouse or relative. (eg. Being too hard or not hard enough on them) I cannot usually have another test her. Due to distance/expense.

For those who have trained their spouses &/or other relatives, how have you handled it?


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## astrobiologist (Sep 28, 2008)

I am a 3rd dan in Tang Soo Do.  My girlfriend tested for her high orange belt on Friday (~7th gup for KMA).  One of my black belt students graded my girlfriend during the test, but I still watched and made comments as necessary.  My situation is not the same as yours, but I personally think we'll do fine when she gets to the the higher levels in her study.  To maintain your integrity (avoiding being overly or udnerly critical), just try to remain objective.  Your wife most likely wants you to be disinterested when it comes to your relationship during her testing.  The trial of keeping yourself impartial is a good way to keep your strong character.


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## ArmorOfGod (Sep 28, 2008)

This is a topic my wife brought up recently.  We have a few husband/wife teams that run schools around here (or used to).  My wife has a personal prejuduce towards schools that are run by a wife/husband team when one promoted the other to black belt level.  She says that she unfairly automatically assumes they are shady.  She also admits that it is a personal hangup of hers and it has no basis in fact.
Note: that is her opinion, not mine.
Still, I wonder how many others in the general public have a hangup about that.

AoG


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## stickarts (Sep 28, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> I run a small school & my only sister school is 200+ miles away. My wife is my student & tests under me. I sometimes struggle with all of the difficulties of testing one's own spouse or relative. (eg. Being too hard or not hard enough on them) I cannot usually have another test her. Due to distance/expense.
> 
> For those who have trained their spouses &/or other relatives, how have you handled it?


 
I have done my best to treat her no differently than anyone else and it hasn't been a problem. If there has been any bias, its been that I may have held her back a bit longer than usual but we have discussed this. Its been seen sometimes that spouses move through the ranks quickly but its only helped respect for my spouse that she has waited as long or longer in between ranks than her peers. Its never been a problem, expecially since she has worked so hard at everything and more than earned everything.


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## dragonswordkata (Oct 10, 2008)

I tested my son for his 1st Dan early this year. He had been studying with me for about 5 years. I waited so long, not because he was not ready but so that he could test for his 1st Dan in a different style. I wanted to see how he would do testing under a different teacher and how he would do after he achived his rank. 
He handeled it very maturly and is an asset to that style. I then tested him several months later and he continued to show the vertues we all hope to see in out higher ranks.
I like to believe that most instructors can suspend personal relationships when testing/training students not just for their students best learning enviro but also for the integrity of thier arts. That said, having an outside objective view does double check that we are offering the best honest training we are able to.


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