# True Medical Stories



## mrhnau (May 26, 2007)

True Medical Stories
A man come into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"  The ER physician grabs his
stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress,
and just finishes jerking off her underwear when he
suddenly discovers that there are several cabs lined
up, and it's obvious that he's in the wrong one. 

A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's chest wall.  "Big breaths," instructed the
nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news and I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct.  Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he died from a
"massive internal fart."

I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test.  I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand."  He read the 20/20 line perfectly.  "now
your left." Again, a flawless read.  "Now both," I
requested.  There was silence.  He couldn't even read
the large E on the top line.  I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered.  I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.

A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom
when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here
with me.  This is only a one-seater!"

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was
having trouble with one of his medications.  "Which
one?", asked the doctor "The patch," he replied, "the
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
I've run out of places to put it!"  The doctor had him
quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body!  Now the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long since you have been bedridden?"  After
a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not
for about twenty years...when my husband was still alive."

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?"  "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly.  I can't get used to the
taste," the patient replied.  The nurse asked to see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet plainly
labeled "KY Jelly."


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## jim777 (May 29, 2007)

Some funny stuff there!


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## JBrainard (May 29, 2007)

The KY Jelly one was pretty nasty...:barf:


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## Steel Tiger (May 29, 2007)

Found it tough to read the rest after the, "massive internal fart".  Very funny.


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