# LMAO! Sounds like a place I could work!



## Gemini (Aug 29, 2005)

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. 
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget


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## Sam (Aug 29, 2005)

That Is Too Funny!

Lmao


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## BrandiJo (Aug 29, 2005)

oh thats awesome!


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## Rick Wade (Aug 29, 2005)

I love this stuff 
alot of this stuff applies across the board.

Rick


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## MA-Caver (Aug 29, 2005)

Love it too... 
personal favorite is "cat installed"     go get 'im kitty!!!


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## Sapper6 (Aug 29, 2005)

:rofl: 

too funny :ultracool


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## arnisador (Aug 29, 2005)

That's great!

I know the British officer evaluations have been posted here before...where are they?


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## Gin-Gin (Sep 1, 2005)

:rofl:


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## ed-swckf (Sep 1, 2005)

Thats great, i am gonna have to show that to a couple of pilot friends i have.  I want more!


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## Xequat (Sep 1, 2005)

That's beautiful.  I work at an airport...I'll have to show this one around!


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## KenpoEMT (Sep 2, 2005)

> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.


LMAO!!! 
Good heavens, that was hilarious!


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## Loki (Sep 2, 2005)

Great post. I'm flying Qantas from now on!


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## proud beginner (Sep 2, 2005)

I was close to pee in my pants !

Thanks for this huge laught !

I'll redirect it to friends of mine in the US, who are depressed by... you know what... I think they thank you too !


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## arnisador (Sep 2, 2005)

http://www.panix.com/~ficara/funnies/officers.html

Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are (allegedly) actual excerpts taken from people's "206's".

    * His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

    * I would not breed from this Officer.

    * This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

    * When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

    * He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

    * He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

    * Technically sound, but socially impossible.

    * This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

    * This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

    * When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

    * This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

    * Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

    * She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

    * He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

    * This Officer should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.

    * In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

    * The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

    * Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.

    * Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

    * This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


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## KenpoEMT (Sep 3, 2005)

arnisador said:
			
		

> * This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


:rofl:


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## FearlessFreep (Sep 3, 2005)

FWIW, the maintenance log has been around quite awhile (I remember seeing it in the early 90s when I was in the AF and it was attributed to the AF)

[font=Trebuchet ms, Bookman Old Style, arial]Airplane maintenance crews log humorous responses to pilots' problem reports.[/font]


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