# Confidence in Martial Arts Abilities!



## Tony (Feb 14, 2004)

I was wondering if anyone lacks confidence in their skills as Martial Artists when it comes to potential threats! I know that I try to avoid areas where violent confrontations are common or where it is a probable! I void certain pubs in my home town because of their reputations, although my friends go there on a friday or saturday night!
Even though I have been learning Kung fu for 5 years but the thought of getting into a fight does somewhat scare me! I know that because I practice a Martial art I ought to be more confident ( well thats what one of my friends says) but I will avoid it at all costs! And although I feel ashamed I think I would also have no courage at all if one of my relatives or friends were being attacked!
I don't enter tournaments and we haven't done a lot of sparring! but I enjoy the training! Unfortunately My instructor only runs 2 classes a week! I wish it could be more but the other classes he had to suspend due to lack of interest!
Well all your thoughts would be appreciated!


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## Black Bear (Feb 14, 2004)

Well then I guess the training you're getting at that studio isn't doing very well at preparing you for street violence. If that's important to you, then consider training elsewhere. I have some of my personal views on that in the thread "What martial art to train in" under General Martial Arts Discussions. Other people have posted their views there as well. 

Do continue to do something the same way over and over, and expect to get a different result, is insanity. 

The second issue is wanting to avoid violence, staying away from places where you are at a high risk, etc. Most every reasonable person does that. Beating someone down can be a big hassle. You could get knifed. You could get legal hassles. And hey, if you beat the tar out of someone, and walk away unaffected... what have you gained? 

The first law of self-defense goes, "Violence hurts. Even if you walk away without being hit, you will have bruised knuckles." Literalists will say that that is why you should strike with an open hand. Really, the point is, no one ought to WANT to fight. Not to be in a REAL fight, anyway. 

The second law of self-defense is, "It is better to win than to lose."


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## loki09789 (Feb 14, 2004)

Break down your training into some basic, self defense type of responses - whether they are originally part of the art or not.  Sometimes, it is just a matter of reviewing the white belt/beginner level of material.  Find someone who you trust and have them throw a simulated attack that you are training to respond to.  I  HIGHLY recommend that you do this with NO protective gear of any kind.  Just have the training partner start slowly as they feed you the attack.  Respond with your technique as if it were it were a slow motion movie at first.  As you get more comfortable, or as your training partner sees that you are getting better, increase the speed and power in small increments. 

If you want to take it to the next level, where you could/should really get tagged, have the training partner throw on boxing gloves and body armor/head gear/mouth piece (anything lighter won't disperse the energy enough, so don't use 'sparring gear' designed for sport or point sparring)  Put a mouth piece in and prepare to take some shots.  You will get nailed, if your training partner is making an honest effort to help you prepare for reality.  You will feel some pain, but you will also respond in spite of it, you will also develop some confidence in YOURSELF and your training.  Maybe it isn't the training that you are doubting, but your ability to make it happen.  That can only happen by training as close to reality as you can - short of seeking real fights, which is totally the opposite of self defense principles.  

Also, try the opposite of this 'drill training' by having your padded partner just standing around talking with you and suddenly he jumps you with a predetermined attack (headlock, punch...) and your ONLY objective is to get away.  This way you can develop spontaneous responses and don't get bogged down by 'what you did wrong.'

You will find that faster than you realize you are near full speed/power on both sides.  You will also be developing the automatic neural responses so you respond so fast that there is no time to feel the fear when it goes down.

Your desire to avoid violent/risky situations is HEALTHY, and speaks to your respect for life.  It is not a liability, because you have probably avoided more fights/self defense situations naturally.  I would call that economy of motion, which is a standard concept of martial arts.  

I don't mean to be mean, but it is not the instructor's responsibility to make you confident in your skill, you are responsible for your training and if two days a week and the format isn't feeling like enough, seek/make it happen on your own or at another program.  You are your own first line of defense.  Don't make it someone elses job to 'train'  you.  What and how hard you train is entirely your choice.


Paul M.

Paul M


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## Gary Crawford (Feb 14, 2004)

What Black bear said is right on the money,but it may not be possible for you to train somewhere else for whatever reason.The first possible reason that comes to mind is you have five years invested in what you are doing and maybe there is not another school in your area that teaches the same style.If that is the case,then walking away is tough to do.You said you don't enter tournaments.Why? Is it the same fear?I suggest you start doing that.Sparring against as many different opponents as possible will help your confidense as well as teach you your own art faster than anything else will.Also,visit some schools of other styles to find one that you have a decent understanding with the instructor and the students so they may let you sparr with them.I guess my point is sparring against as much variety as possible will make you a better fighter.


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## 7starmantis (Feb 14, 2004)

Tony said:
			
		

> I was wondering if anyone lacks confidence in their skills as Martial Artists when it comes to potential threats! I know that I try to avoid areas where violent confrontations are common or where it is a probable! I void certain pubs in my home town because of their reputations, although my friends go there on a friday or saturday night!
> Even though I have been learning Kung fu for 5 years but the thought of getting into a fight does somewhat scare me! I know that because I practice a Martial art I ought to be more confident ( well thats what one of my friends says) but I will avoid it at all costs! And although I feel ashamed I think I would also have no courage at all if one of my relatives or friends were being attacked!
> I don't enter tournaments and we haven't done a lot of sparring! but I enjoy the training! Unfortunately My instructor only runs 2 classes a week! I wish it could be more but the other classes he had to suspend due to lack of interest!
> Well all your thoughts would be appreciated!


Feelings like this about getting into a fight are very normal. Everyone has them, anyone who tells you differently is either lying or insane. To go out of your way to avoid situations that may lead to fighting is actually a smart move. It sounds like you may be taking it a bit far, but its never stupid to stay away from situations that may lead to fighting. Practicing any martial art is not neccesarily going to make you feel like fighting, in fact it will make you understand even more what can happen during a fight, making you avoid them even more. In an art like kung fu it takes a very long time to be proficient in fighting. Thats a reasonable fear to have. If your training is absolutely not giving you any confidence in fighting, you may want to look for another instructor. I think if something happened to your family or friends you would have more courage than you think you would.

My advice would be to enter some tournements in sparring or fighting events. To get in and do some is the only cure for not knowing. I think your fear probably stems from a sense of not knowing what its like and what or if you could do to handle yourself. Not so much of a lack of courage, more than likely. Train hard, get some sparring or fighting experience, you will see your confidence increase. 

7sm


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## MJS (Feb 15, 2004)

Black Bear said:
			
		

> Well then I guess the training you're getting at that studio isn't doing very well at preparing you for street violence. If that's important to you, then consider training elsewhere. I have some of my personal views on that in the thread "What martial art to train in" under General Martial Arts Discussions. Other people have posted their views there as well.
> 
> Do continue to do something the same way over and over, and expect to get a different result, is insanity.
> 
> ...



Great post


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## the_kicking_fiend (Feb 15, 2004)

A lot of people will tell you that they never get scared and have fought off dozens of men no problem, never doubting their ability.  Truth is we all doubt sometimes and that sometimes approaches us when we need it most.  As a martial artist, it is not just your body that is trained though, your mind is too and you must overcome any doubt and fear in that one moment.

'Do it trembling if you must, but do it!'

d


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## Tony (Feb 15, 2004)

Black Bear said:
			
		

> Well then I guess the training you're getting at that studio isn't doing very well at preparing you for street violence. If that's important to you, then consider training elsewhere. I have some of my personal views on that in the thread "What martial art to train in" under General Martial Arts Discussions. Other people have posted their views there as well.
> 
> Do continue to do something the same way over and over, and expect to get a different result, is insanity.
> 
> ...



Thanks for your words of wisdom! But the thing is I really enjoy learning Kung Fu! Its interesting because I over came a large milestone to actually beginning training in A Martial Art. I was always too shy and intimidated to enter any class! But somehow I found the courage to start with my current style! I think I owe it to myself to last the course on this! 
And another thing is I think I am scared of entering tournaments although interestingly I have sparred with other people in Kung fu and I have sustained injuries but I just kept on sparring!
Occasionally my instructor will make me take the class for the warmup and its interesting how great it can feel to get everyone doing what I want them to do but its not easy trying to think on the spot! so I guess thats another great aspect to my training!
So I guess the only way I will know if what I have learned works is to wait to be attacked!


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## 7starmantis (Feb 15, 2004)

Tony said:
			
		

> So I guess the only way I will know if what I have learned works is to wait to be attacked!


That doesn't have to be, you can train for it and learn about yourself, and how you will act before your actually attacked.

7sm


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## Black Bear (Feb 15, 2004)

Tony said:
			
		

> But the thing is I really enjoy learning Kung Fu! Its interesting because I over came a large milestone to actually beginning training in A Martial Art. I was always too shy and intimidated to enter any class! But somehow I found the courage to start with my current style! I think I owe it to myself to last the course on this!


That's really up to you. The beautiful thing about life is that everyone is given the same number of hours in a day. You can choose to put them to any use you wish. If your real reason for learning MA is to learn to deal with violence, then don't kid yourself, and don't cheat yourself. If it's for fun, then act accordingly. You can only be accountable to yourself on this. It is hard to leave a school but sometimes it is a wise thing to do. You have to figure out how much time you will put to one thing or another. Will you train long-term at this place? Will you take something else up at the same time? Will you switch over? Will you try out something short-term someplace else just to fill in the gaps? I personally don't care what you do, because I don't know you. But make the right choice. 



			
				Tony said:
			
		

> And another thing is I think I am scared of entering tournaments although interestingly I have sparred with other people in Kung fu and I have sustained injuries but I just kept on sparring!


Good for you Tony. Being able to move forward through pain is an important element of sd training. But do train safely! Some kinds of owies are not worth it, and are better prevented (e.g. mouthguard). 



			
				Tony said:
			
		

> So I guess the only way I will know if what I have learned works is to wait to be attacked!


It doesn't have to be. Preparing yourself for violence is like preparing your family for a house fire. You don't have to set your house on fire to do it. There are many good sd instructors who can give you guidance in "simulation" or "scenario-based training". Unlike sparring, where both "players" are really trying to do the same thing, this kind of training is "asymmetrical". One person role-plays an attacker. The idea is to simulate a real-world assault as realistically as possible, but in a safe, scientific manner. Verbal assault or "woofing", replica weapons, and real street energy is used (shoving, sucker-punches, etc.) The environment is manipulated to give a more well-rounded simulation and to increase the adrenaline pump (lights, music, obstacles, etc.) Sometimes the simulation involves using impact reduction gear such as High Gear or FIST suits. This gives you a better idea of what you really can and can't do in a real assault. You will learn the importance of distancing, body language, verbal defusion, gross-motor movements, groundfighting. You will find out what you can and can't do against a knife, gun, club, etc. when a guy is REALLY trying to hit you with it. 

Participants have a clear idea of what their goal is when they set up the simulation. For instance, they might say, "I wonder if I can handle myself after getting attacked with pepper spray". One will get in touch with some police tactical trainers, find out what to expect from being sprayed, how to select a spray for the scenario, how to safely decontaminate, etc. The scenario will involve really spraying the trainee with pepper spray, and requiring him/her to then carry out self-defense-like tasks (e.g. breaking out of a hold, dropping the attacker, running to a designated "safe" location, and dialing for help). This can be done safely because 
- you have had adequate preparation
- you are working with people you trust well
- the perimeter is secure: you're doing it in a closed location
- you're probably wearing impact reduction gear 

Many traditional martial artists go for years without ever trying this. It is interesting to note that at least one modern "synthetic" system has been created entirely through experiments in simulations. It is called Tactical Confrontation Management Systems and was developed by Tony Blauer (tonyblauer.com). There are probably others, too. He has put a lot of what he learned into tapes and manuals which he sells on his website. 

Facilities that offer this kind of training can do a lot in a short period of time to help you prepare for a violent attack. You might want to consider finding a coach who can help you to get this kind of experience.


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## loki09789 (Feb 15, 2004)

"So I guess the only way I will know if what I have learned works is to wait to be attacked!"

Careful with this view Tony, it puts you in the victim seat and takes away any sense of control or preparation on your part.  

The original idea was that you lacked confidence in your art, but you have clarified that the big milestone is your personal insecurities... and how your personal challenge of starting kung fu helped you break out of that a bit.  GREAT, that is one of those 'intangibles' that martial training will help develop.

But, waiting until you are attacked will not help instill confidence in your training.  You can be reasonably confident if you have trained as realistically as you can within your art FOR THE FIGHT YOU EXPECT TO FACE.  If you are expecting/preparing yourself for self defense, see my above post.  Include some sparring if you like it - some limited self defense benefits, but don't rely on it exclusively.  Take a community policing course or read some tactical info on the internet, BLAUER comes to mind.  You can be reasonably confident if you have sparred/tested your art in sanctioned arenas of sport and competition.  These types of training experiences can be strong indicators of how well you might handle a 'fight' in a self defense situation.

BUT, unless he have been in a fight/self defense situation and really applied that knowledge when it is all on the line, no one KNOWS that he will be 'prepared' for a self defense situation.  We can all have confidence in our training/system and our ability, verging on faith, but to know that, individually, we can do it required direct experience.

I am not suggesting getting into fights, but only that there is a difference between confidence and knowing.

Paul M.


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## markulous (Feb 16, 2004)

loki09789 said:
			
		

> Careful with this view Tony, it puts you in the victim seat and takes away any sense of control or preparation on your part.



I agree.  You don't want to just wait for the guy to attack.  Just because you throw the first blow doesn't mean you started anything.  Realize that fighting is something that happens.  Believe me there probably isn't one guy here who was/is scared when they fight.  It's just the fact that you can make that fear work for you instead of against you.

And I wouldn't let fighting rule you from going to certain places.  If you really didn't want to go there in the first place, ok that is one thing.  But if you really want to go to that pub, I say go for it.  Heck even if you don't want to go I say go for it.  It will teach you how to deal with situations.  But that's just me.  I am probably wrong for having that voice of a tiger in that back of my mind saying it want's to fight.  But again, that's just me.   :supcool:


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## elcajon555 (Feb 16, 2004)

The number one defense is to have no enemies.  So by avoiding situations where that rule can come into conflict is a the smart thing to do.  It is better to avoid something like a fight from happening.  Also I would contend that sparring does not make you a good fighter because sparring with rules and street fighting is two different things with different emotions and motives.  If you want to be good at fighting you need to fight.  Or at the very least have simualtions of actual fights.  I have wonder about this myself I have been training for over 6 years and I wonder how I would do in a fight.  And after training for so long I am sure I have some instinct by this point, as do you.  And if you or your friends and family are in danger I am sure you will have more then enough courage when it comes down between you or them.  When you get into a fight you also have to accept the fact that injury will occur so that when it does happen you are not thrown off your guard.  If someone attacks with a knife you will get stabbed, if they attack you with a bat you will get hit, you just need to reduce the possible damaga.  And even before you are attacked you need to be ready to get hit, stabbed, etc.  If the mind is ready the body will also be.


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## Tony (Feb 18, 2004)

Something else I would like to mention is that when I have successfully managed to talk my way out of physical confrontations, I still feel like a coward for not accepting the challenge. Some time a go I think it might have been a joke, I don't know, this guy a friend of my friend said to me "are you looking for trouble?" to which I replied "no I'm not". As soon as I said that he told me he was only joking and we started chatting! How weird is that? What the hell is wrong with this guy? I guess he thought I was an easy target like I always am despite the 5 years training in Kung Fu! The problem is I can't seem to handle the confrontation at the verbal stage. I try to avoid arguing with anyone and I always back down!
I would like to have thought that if this person had pushed the matter further I would have made sure he would know it was a bad idea and hurt him enough to not want to ever talk to me like that again!
Last night in Kung fu as always there is half an hour left over for sparring and that would mean staying til 9:30 and I made the excuse of sayin to my classmates that I had to get home for dinner! whatever! but I think to myself what good is half an hour, is it worth it? but maybe I should seriously think about doing it and maybe even entering tournaments which does fill me with some anxiety! Because my classes are only twice a week, not everything can be fit in in the time we have. The first class is 1h30 min and then another 30 min for sparring.The second class is only an hour. I think this because my instructor has to pay for the training hall he uses and as its a Leisure centre lots of other people use it too so I guess its always busy!
I would love it if my instructor could open another 2 or 3 classes so I could train 4 or 5 times a week! I still do as much as I can at home but its not the same as I need that guidance and motivation only an instructor can give me!
I have thought about training in another style but the problem is that i already have a lot to remember with what I am learning now, and not such a great idea with a grading coming up too! I know about 10 forms and having to learn different ones form another style would confuse me!


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## bscastro (Feb 18, 2004)

Very interesting views! I'll throw in my two cents.

I think there should be a certain balance between confidence and fear. I've met too many martial artists who maybe did it for two or three years, got their black belt, then thought they were invincible. On the other hand, it doesn't help to be totally afraid of getting into an altercation with NO confidence in your skills because then it won't work. Of course, these feelings are developed through training.

A few years ago, I assessed my own training and how it was preparing me for self-defense. I found that my training was lacking, and so I talked to my instructor about it as well as started cross-training. Besides these things, I started changing my attitudes DURING training.

In any case, I don't think I can stave off EVERY possible attack, but I think my current training is giving me a better chance than in the past or if I had no training at all. 

There's an interesting thought...does your current training do better than no training in helping you prepare for an attack? For example, if training causes you to rush unprepared into a fight, then perhaps no training (where you would just run) would have served you better. Or...if training makes you instinctively do a certain thing and closes you to other options when your "untrained" instinct would have you scratch and claw your way out of a situation in panic and terror...which would be better? On the other hand, if training allows you to have a clearer mind whilst clawing and scratching your way out and when finding an opening, delivering a knee to groin or some other appropriate technique, then it would clearly be serving you well. Of course, this is something each person must reflect on for themselves as I don't think it is a particular style but instead how one trains within that style that is important. 

As a friend said in reference to someone in a particular art being beaten "it wasn't the art that failed him it was his training."

Cheers,
Bryan


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## loki09789 (Feb 18, 2004)

I would say yes that the 1/2 an hour of sparring would be helpful.  First off, it isn't the single half hour session that I am saying is helpful, but the cumullative affect of regular sparring that will help you develop the sponteneity, creativity and grit that form and technical training alone will not.  

Again, I don't think sparring should be the only self defense type training that you use, but from the sounds of it, it is the best you can do right now.

Plus, just like joining the class in the first place, committing to the sparring time will be a huge milestone in your personal development.  It is really gutsy to throw out these insecurities on the internet.  Based on that, I would say you have moral courage.  Celebrate that courage and take it into a safe training environment where you can 'road test' yourself (more than your training) and find out some things about yourself.  I think you will find more positive than negative discoveries, with the right outlook.

Go for it.

Paul M


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## Tony (Feb 18, 2004)

loki09789 said:
			
		

> I would say yes that the 1/2 an hour of sparring would be helpful.  First off, it isn't the single half hour session that I am saying is helpful, but the cumullative affect of regular sparring that will help you develop the sponteneity, creativity and grit that form and technical training alone will not.
> 
> Again, I don't think sparring should be the only self defense type training that you use, but from the sounds of it, it is the best you can do right now.
> 
> ...




Hi Paul 

Thanks for the word of encouragement! Thats made me feel a lot better about myself!


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## tkdguy1982 (Feb 20, 2004)

Honestly I really don't know much about confrontrations, because as a martial artist I don't try to shove my weight around.  That & I don't live in the UK or anywhere close to where pubs are.  But, if I was in a confrontration, I trust my training & my abilities to evade & conquer.


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## Tony (Feb 25, 2004)

loki09789 said:
			
		

> I would say yes that the 1/2 an hour of sparring would be helpful.  First off, it isn't the single half hour session that I am saying is helpful, but the cumullative affect of regular sparring that will help you develop the sponteneity, creativity and grit that form and technical training alone will not.
> 
> Again, I don't think sparring should be the only self defense type training that you use, but from the sounds of it, it is the best you can do right now.
> 
> ...



Hi Paul

Well last night I stayed for the extra half hour of sparring! It was fun and i was doing some semi contact! And it felt good as I was getting used to being hit although I have some bad habits like turning my back when i shouldn't, but I thought I did quite well as I have some good techniques! I managed to evade some good techniques but I think I should do this more and next time I will stay again! I don't know if entering Tournaments are for me! I think the sparring at this point would help desensitise me to the fear of being hit and seeing what works and what doesn't!


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## loki09789 (Feb 25, 2004)

Tony,

Fantastic!  A parallel story here:

I started skating - from zero - about three years ago when my son began playing hockey.  His coach invited any parents who wanted to help to join the them during practices... of course Rick asked if I would and I said yes.

I could stand and glide (mostly when I didn't want to or know why), but stopping and controlled turns... were out of my league of skills.  Little by little I got better.  We would go to general/public skates because my son needed the extra ice time as well.  About two years ago I started itching to try my skills in 'pick up' hockey games ( just like when your a kid playing with friends in the backyard).  As I got better, I joined a summer league, stayed with the team through the winter/spring... I love it.

I think the hardest part for me was the voice in my head before the first pick up game.  I had helped Rick and watched, but when I got out there myself for the first time, I didn't know what to do at all.  There was a voice telling me I was crazy, I was going to suck, look like a fool, everyone was looking at me as if I didn't belong there.... it was horrible.

The BEST/WORST part about martial training is just that experience.  Getting out of the comfort zone, being a 'white belt' all over again.  I wanted a new, fresh challenge and this fell into my lap.  I have been in martial arts for so long, I would be too comfortable with theformat an environment of a 'new school' for it to shock me the way this hockey experience did.  It was great.

Long story short, I can relate - from recent, personal experience - to your doubts and hesitations.  The biggest test of your character is just getting in there, after that it is the learning.  Keep challenging yourself.

Paul M


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## 7starmantis (Feb 25, 2004)

Tony said:
			
		

> Hi Paul
> 
> Well last night I stayed for the extra half hour of sparring! It was fun and i was doing some semi contact! And it felt good as I was getting used to being hit although I have some bad habits like turning my back when i shouldn't, but I thought I did quite well as I have some good techniques! I managed to evade some good techniques but I think I should do this more and next time I will stay again! I don't know if entering Tournaments are for me! I think the sparring at this point would help desensitise me to the fear of being hit and seeing what works and what doesn't!


Thats awesome man! Its good to see someone progressing in their training, I view this as a huge step towards where you want to be! Congradulations.

7sm


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## Tony (Feb 25, 2004)

7starmantis said:
			
		

> Thats awesome man! Its good to see someone progressing in their training, I view this as a huge step towards where you want to be! Congradulations.
> 
> 7sm



Thanks 7* 

I know I won't become a fearless warrior over night but atleast sparring should held overcome my fears of being hit! aswell as discovering which techniques will work for me!


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## Tony (May 21, 2004)

Hi Everyone

Having done more sparring I notice people have different styles and I'm not talking about Martial styles but the tactics they use in sparring, but I guess real fighting is different. Tuesday night I was quite happy because a guy who I sometimes spar with who is usually very aggressive, I managed to knock him back and really held my own but I would like to spar with other people, different people just to get a taste of different ways people fight. I don't think I would like to enter competitions as they don't sound like theyre really my cup of tea. All I want is more experience of actual combat but in a controlled environment. I would really like to spar with more than one person. That would be great practice and of great benefit to everyone in learning how to control more than one person as well as learning how to use the adrenaline that builds up.


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## KenpoTess (Dec 6, 2005)

*reviving*


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## bobster_ice (Dec 7, 2005)

In Tae Kwon Do I feel nervous but that os normal because ive only been doing it for under a year...isnt it?


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## still learning (Dec 7, 2005)

Hello, This experience is normal for all of us. That is why we train to gain confidence and skills in fighting back if we have too.

Always avoid and de-escalate any situtions that may lead to violence, sometimes it cannot be avoided. Things happen and the other persons may get stupid.

Here are two possible ways to gain confidence....get into real fights...? Not a good idea, but it works...hard to beat real experience!

(Two) Do more contact martial arts, such as Judo,kicking boxing,boxing...feeling contact and actully contact will build alot more confidence, My son does high school judo and wrestling and you will see the kids(boys and girls) are not afraid to get into a fight.

This is the physiological part of how our brains work, you can teach someone to swim, but they will need to learn and jump in the water and actully do it-to build confidence.

Most of us will actully never get into a real fight in all our life, keep training -time also builds confidence in one self.

Fight or flee.... a natural human response 

Know about: Killer instinct....no matter size or quanity- will always fight back(dosen't think about oneself)...A true Samurai!!!!

....................just my thoughts............Aloha


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## swiftpete (Dec 8, 2005)

Tony said:
			
		

> Thanks for your words of wisdom! But the thing is I really enjoy learning Kung Fu! Its interesting because I over came a large milestone to actually beginning training in A Martial Art. I was always too shy and intimidated to enter any class! But somehow I found the courage to start with my current style! I think I owe it to myself to last the course on this!
> And another thing is I think I am scared of entering tournaments although interestingly I have sparred with other people in Kung fu and I have sustained injuries but I just kept on sparring!
> Occasionally my instructor will make me take the class for the warmup and its interesting how great it can feel to get everyone doing what I want them to do but its not easy trying to think on the spot! so I guess thats another great aspect to my training!
> So I guess the only way I will know if what I have learned works is to wait to be attacked!


Hey dude, I don't think you should worry about stuff so much, i think it's pretty normal to not want to get into fights if you're not a complete nutter, who likes trouble really? If when you're training, you often find yourself pulling out techniques without even realising what you're going to do, but end up in an advantageous position, then i reckon you'd probably do alright if you got attacked, as obviously some things have become second nature. 
Thankfully that happens to me now and its a pretty good feeling! I know when i got into some trouble a while ago, i was outnumbered but some of my training did come through and i managed to stay fairly relaxed while it was going on. I'm not saying the action looked like it does in the films or anything but i walked away. 
I think you need to do some harder training maybe? We often grapple to submission in my classes, sometimes from knees, sometimes standing and i used to feel a bit nervous if i was up against people who were bigger and stronger than me but nowadays i know my body will take care of itself if you know what i mean so don't worry about it. Not saying thats exactly like being attacked by stranger in street or anything cos its not, but it's still pretty good when some new guy, bigger and desperate to prove himself is going at you full bore and you can defeat him. I think if you don't do it, you should try it!

If i got asked nowadays if i was after trouble i'd still answer no, no matter if the guy was tiny and puny, unless he actually hit me. There's no point fighting unless you have to.
Right well I've rambled on a bit but then i am a bit tired, basically my point is, keep training and have some confidence in yourself, if you walk with confidence, you're less likely to have people start on you anyway. If you've been training hard for yrs you must be at least quite good by now! 
Good luck anyway


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## jdinca (Dec 9, 2005)

Self confidence in your abilities is something that should be reinforced by your instructor but it does have to come from inside you. Nobody wants to get into a fight and, when faced with that prospect, you will probably experience fear. The question is what you do with that emotion. Let it use you, and you're toast. If you use it, focus it, turn it into rage and direct it into your movement, it will make you a much more potent adversary and your opponent will see/feel/get his butt kicked by it. If you can focus your emotions and steal his chi, the battle is mostly over except for the bleeding.

That said, avoiding those situations is exactly what a good martial artist should be able to do. If you are fairly certain that walking into a certain bar is going to result in a fight, then why go there? Self confidence in your abilities should be able to help you keep calm and focused and, as a result, help you defuse a situation or avoid a situation.

Physical confrontation should be a last resort and you should make every attempt to avoid it, except in a life or death situation. In that situation, show no mercy. To quote the Master at my school, "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, kill it". On the flip side, people looking for a fight are missing the point of martial arts.

Your self confidence all depends on your mindset. When you train, you need to be absolutely focused and dead serious. Eventually, it should change the way you feel about yourself and your abilities. If you know deep inside that your goal is to avoid confrontation if at all possible but if it does happen, the other guy made a huge mistake, you will be in a much better position one, to avoid it, and two prevail if you absolutely have to use it.


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## Sin (Dec 10, 2005)

Sometimes people mistake my confidence for cockyness.  But I belive that I can defend myself, maybe not in some fancy kung pow way, but I can defend myself and those i care for, because I know I must.  It is not confindence in your skills you need to have because from training your skills and abilities will just come, but yet you must have confidence in your person.  In your will for survival


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## MA-Caver (Dec 10, 2005)

7starmantis said:
			
		

> That doesn't have to be, you can train for it and learn about yourself, and how you will act before your actually attacked.
> 
> 7sm


 Lots of good stuff here... and lots of stuff to take to a quiet spot and mull over. 
My two cents probably mirrors a lot of what's already been said. Still, I started studying MA because I kept getting my *** whupped whenever I mixed it up with someone. Afterwards I started to win a few. 
Confidence comes from within and that is generally boosted by the fact that you've succeed once or twice before. But even if you've never been in a situation where your training is brought to the forefront, (and I agree with everyone else that you're doing the honorable thing by avoiding it as much as possible... but don't let it cause you to do so because of FEAR), you should still walk out of your school after class feeling very secure with what you've learned for the day. Your instructor probably isn't the best source of your confidence but he could (via your request) give you excercises to help you see where you're really at. You don't tourney and you say you don't do a lot of sparring? Then how do you know you know what you've learned? From within of course. 
It's one of those interpersonal questions that really only YOU can answer because the answer is within you. 
For me, I'm confident that I can hold my own or at least _cause_ some *real* damage should I find myself in another fight. But like you, Tony, I try to avoid confrontation whenever possible, because fighting hurts dammit! And I've got better things to do with my time than to sit-around moaning about this hurt or that hurt. Geez. 

My favorite technique is still the "Bugs Bunny Tech"... where you double talk your way out of it. If that doesn't work I usually wish for any explosive device made by Acme.


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## Rick Wade (Dec 11, 2005)

Tony said:
			
		

> I was wondering if anyone lacks confidence in their skills as Martial Artists when it comes to potential threats! I know that I try to avoid areas where violent confrontations are common or where it is a probable! I void certain pubs in my home town because of their reputations, although my friends go there on a friday or saturday night!


 
confidence has nothing to do with being smart that is just a good decision.



> Even though I have been learning Kung fu for 5 years but the thought of getting into a fight does somewhat scare me! I know that because I practice a Martial art I ought to be more confident ( well thats what one of my friends says) but I will avoid it at all costs! And although I feel ashamed I think I would also have no courage at all if one of my relatives or friends were being attacked!


 
again smart but if you want more confidnce get a person you trust in the dojo (dojang, studio, whatever) and start hitting a little harder ande harder untill you are not afraid of being hit.



> I don't enter tournaments and we haven't done a lot of sparring! but I enjoy the training! Unfortunately My instructor only runs 2 classes a week! I wish it could be more but the other classes he had to suspend due to lack of interest!
> Well all your thoughts would be appreciated!


 
Keep traveling on you Journey and you will find the answersthe answers to real life confitations will not be found in a tournament ring.

V/R

Rick


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## sgtmac_46 (Dec 12, 2005)

Tony said:
			
		

> I was wondering if anyone lacks confidence in their skills as Martial Artists when it comes to potential threats! I know that I try to avoid areas where violent confrontations are common or where it is a probable! I void certain pubs in my home town because of their reputations, although my friends go there on a friday or saturday night!
> Even though I have been learning Kung fu for 5 years but the thought of getting into a fight does somewhat scare me! I know that because I practice a Martial art I ought to be more confident ( well thats what one of my friends says) but I will avoid it at all costs! And although I feel ashamed I think I would also have no courage at all if one of my relatives or friends were being attacked!
> I don't enter tournaments and we haven't done a lot of sparring! but I enjoy the training! Unfortunately My instructor only runs 2 classes a week! I wish it could be more but the other classes he had to suspend due to lack of interest!
> Well all your thoughts would be appreciated!


 If you've never been in a fight, or rarely have, then that stands to reason.

You need to think of violence like a magic trick.  Some people use violence and the threat of violence to great effect, because they know the 'tricks', both physical and psychological.  Whenever you see a magic trick that you don't know how it's done, you're in awe of it.  Violence is the same way, the majority of people are in awe, and fear of it.

The more you understand violence (study it intellectually) and the more you expose yourself to controlled violence (say, in a tournament and realistic full-contact sparring) the less the trick will impress you.  Study violence in all it's forms.  

It's natural for humans to have a phobia of human on human violence.  Fear CAN be controlled and overcome.  But you have to immerse yourself in the study of it.  You'll always have a healthy apprehension, as any human should, but you'll overcome the mind-numbing, paralysing fear.


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## Tony (Jan 7, 2006)

Hi everyone, Happy New Year

I haven't been on the forum for a while and i was reading this old post of mine as it it brings up issues i still face. I have read all your posts and I thankyou for your word of wisdom. I do as much sparring as i can in class and actually enjoy it! I have been doing a lot of it recently and even had some fully on round houses planted on my face only to come back fighting and not cower which i;m proud of.

I just want to tell you about some things i face and a situation i was in: A few months a go it was my mum's birthday and i was left alone in the flat while she went out wiht her friends for the night. We were experiencing some trouble with the neigbours, such as them making  noise and congregating on the landing and talking loudly and making a nuisance of themselves but in fairness this was the young girls who mostly associated with them. My neigbours are probably in their late 30s and have a baby, but they seem to have other children who hang around them.
I was inside trying to have a quiet night watching tv and i believe a friend of the my male neighbour in his 20s maybe or i think his son, i don't know was making a real nuisance. I don't know if they thought  i was out or not but this person, the young guy started to make offensive remarks about me and started banging on the door even opening the letterbox to see if anyone was in! I guess they thought no one was at home.

I put on my tracksuit bottoms as i can move around freely and kick better with them. But i felt scared and i wished I could have just opened the door and asked this person not to be so annoying and if he had persisted i may have threatened him by calling the Police. But I did nothing except tell my mum in the morning. Luckily however we have made peace with our neighbours. For one thing my mum is no pushover and she can get respect but i wish i could react in situations like this but i am physically scared of conflicts! I imagine myself using my training on that person and hurting him badly but that woudl have caused trouble. I have a friend of mien a lot older than me who would never have allowed this to happen as he has a very short temper! He woudl probably have gone out and exchanged words and even resorted to violence if he had desired. And if i told him about this he woudl call me a wimp.

This guy, my friend who i go out with most of the time because my other friend has had a baby so can't come out as much anymore, is very hightly strung and volatile. Having an argument with him is pointless because he goes way over the top even when i'm in the right. This one time i think he thought was funny, he said i'd become a rapist because i didn't have a girlfriend, which i took offense too and he acted as if i was the one who offended him so i backed off and felt ashamed for not standing up for myself better! When he makes a joke about me i'm expected to take it but if i made a joke about him all hell would break lose because he wouldn't like that. When we're out he might shout at me for standing too close to him or for instance he shouted at me because i didn't ask him to buy me a drink: "If you want me to buy you a drink just say, don't say "i'm going to buy myself  a drink, just ask me!' that night i felt very small and i know its easy to say i should find other friends but its hard for me to make friends and i don't have that many to go out with on nights out so i'm kind of stuck unless i can make him respect me.

He has been doing Taekwondo for less years than i have been training in Kung fu but seems to love fighting and has more courage than me. One time he challenged to to spar with him without protective gear in my friends living room because i was showing him how flexible i was. I declined and then he said 'whats wrong with you?' but still i said no and he was ina huff about it for a few minutes. His leg techniques are no good because he has no flexibility and i can kick very well but he has done some boxing and has a lot of agression. I know people in my class and my instructor have said i ahve good techniques but I'm still scared of fighting and scared of agressive people. One time I recall we were in this bar and he made this punch gesture to my face and i nearly reacted but i didn't want to get thrown out! I did give him a very angry look but i guess he was just showing off because he was drunk. I would like to think that if someone laid just one hand on me I would come back on them 10 fold!

He has been warned a lot about his excessive force in class sparring and his Taekwondo training has done nothing to quell his anger issues. But he says he likes a good punch up which is totally the wrong attitiude for anyone studying a martial art. And this guy is preparing for his black belt! Its a joke! because he may become an instructor one day and he doesn't set a very good example. I just hope that i can show him i'm no pushover if he ever tries to get violent with me but then again i'd like to be able to show anyone i'm no pushover!


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## Ric Flair (Jan 7, 2006)

You might have to go full contact in order to lose your nervousness of gettin hit.


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## jdinca (Jan 7, 2006)

From what I just read, you have handled every situation the way you should have. I think you should have confidence in your ability not to stoop to someone else's level and get into a physical confrontation. Suppressing the urge to respond is tough but, that's the point. Responding physically is reserved for when you're assaulted, not to show somebody else how tough you are. Of course I don't know him but your friend doesn't really seem to be a friend. 

Keep up with the sparring. It sounds like it's having a positive effect on your self confidence about taking care of yourself.


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## Adept (Jan 7, 2006)

Tony said:
			
		

> I would like to think that if someone laid just one hand on me I would come back on them 10 fold!



I don't want to rain on your parade, but it sounds to me like you wouldn't. It doesn't sound to me like you have an assertive or confident personality. Which is fine, but is a very serious drawback when talking in terms of self defense, or even just everyday life.

Now, this is just what I'm drawing from your posts here, I could be quite wrong. And again, I don't mean to cause offence, just calling it how I see it.

My advice to you would be stop letting people, this 'friend' of yours in particular, from pushing you around. You don't have to be a jerk, but you don't have to take crap from anybody either. In fact, being assertive and standing up for yourself (without being aggressive) will defuse more potential self defense situations than being passive will. IMHO.


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## Cujo (Jan 8, 2006)

Tony, congrats on your sparring. Keep it up! You never know how you will react to being hit unless you have been hit. It sounds to me as if you are doing things right from a training point, but still need to work on self confidence. Self-confidence is something that can be built up over time, and MUST be built up if you are to succesfully defend yourself in a real situation. Others have already said it but, I would consider some cross training. Learn to fight at differant ranges, angles, on your feet and on the ground. True courage is not the absence of fear, but it is doing what must be done inspite of being afraid.

Pax
Cujo


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## SAVAGE (Jan 8, 2006)

I think doubt in my skill is essential...if we didnt we wouldnt need to continue....yes I am actually afraid the times that I have fought...but that is irellivent to the fact that I will do all in my power to stop the attacker from hurting me!


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