# US Military Oaths of Enlistment: Four Branches



## Bob Hubbard

This ones long....and funny. 

http://www.budoseek.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=735

:rofl:


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## arnisador

When I worked for the Navy then Army I was really surprised by how much interservice rivalry there truly was!


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## Rich Parsons

> _Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz _
> *This ones long....and funny.
> 
> http://www.budoseek.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=735
> 
> :rofl: *



I got an invlaid link Kaith, can you reconnect?


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## arnisador

As an aside, and as may be obvious, I have been doing housecleaning in here and have merged various threads, not always with a notice (if they're old).

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-


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## theletch1

You wanna talk interservice rivalry ask a Marine about Sailors!!  It was always touch and go with us and the Navy but their "boats" made good taxis to get the Marines where we needed to go.  Navy Corpsmen on the other hand were a different matter.  Let some one mess with the unit corpsman and you'd have a whole mess of pissed off jarheads on ya.

As an aside on corpsmen.... check out a listing of Medal of Honor recipients and see how many of them are Navy corpsmen.  If there are any corpsmen on this board.... Thank you.  From an old leatherneck.:asian:


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## Bob Hubbard

Ok, that thread on BudoSeek seems to have been culled.  I'm looking for similar info now.

Heres 1:
===
MILITARY OATHS OF ENLISTMENT 
HAVE FUN!!! 

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US. MARINE CORPS OATH 

I, STATE YOUR NAME, SWEAR TO..UUUUUHHHHHH.. 
HIGH-AND-TIGHT....(GRUNT)....UUUHHHHH.. 
.....CAMMIES......AAAAAHHHHH....... 
AIR FORCE WOMEN...(DROOL)....BIG GUNS.... 
OOHHHHRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! 
SO HELP ME CORPS 

Signature______________________ Date_________________ 


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US. ARMY OATH 

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force. I'm not TOUGH ENOUGH for the MARINES, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT. 
After completion of my Sexual....er....I mean BASIC TRAINING, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000hrs. because of morning PT and leave every day at 1330 to report back to the "COMPANY". I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. 
So help me GOD. 

Signature_____________________ Date______________________ 


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US. NAVY OATH 

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with MARINES without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate", and because I thought, "Hey I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." 
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs ever morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hrs. I vow to hone my Coffee Cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possible illegal whims of my newfound "colleagues." 
So help me Neptune. 

Signature___________________ Date______________________ 


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US. AIRFORCE OATH 
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the MARINES frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take thier job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. 
I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of my "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never being promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. 

So help me God 
Signature_______________________ Date_______________________ 


GO TO


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## Bob Hubbard

Heres another one:
http://stormy-night.org/comedyclub/oaths.html
===
U.S. Military Oaths of Enlistment
A friend of mine sent me these, and I thought they were pretty funny parodies of the real thing, so I'm sharing them with you. Please let me know if you like them!! 

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ARMY AIR FORCE NAVY MARINES

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U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, (state your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage everyday and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. 
I will continue to tell myself I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. 

On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I'm cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. 

I will arrive at work everyday at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $50,000 for college, but will be unable to use any of it because I can't pass the placement exam. So help me God. 



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U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, (state your name), swear to sign 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I am too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear to do no real form of exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. 
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe my self to above that. 

I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm really not in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make everyone aware of that fact. 

After completion of my <snicker> "Basic Training", and receiving a ribbon for it, I will be a lean mean, donut eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. 

I will do no work unless some one is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy all those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never getting promoted (ever) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God. 



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U.S. NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (state your name), in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without having to actually be one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought "Hey, I like to swim....why not." I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter. 
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (what ever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the chief, in which case I will show up at 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. 

I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted down at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new found "colleagues." So help me Neptune. 



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U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (state your name), swear...uhhhhhhhhh...high-and-tight <grunt>...cammies...uhhhhh...complete mission...ugh...beer...woman...OOORAH! So help me Corps. Semper Fi.


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## Bob Hubbard

See also :http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/mil-oath.htm
===
Military Oaths of Enlistment 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emailed to me from another humor list (Ian's Humour List) 
Unfortunately, as of July 1999, Ian's HumourList is no longer on the web. . 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The kids probably won't understand this, but those of us who
have served in the military will recognize this immediately!

Please note that what is being made fun of here is the stereotype,
not the actual people and certainly not the institution. I am proud
to have served in the US Navy (1965-1969).

=====================================================================

US Air Force "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the
United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army
and because the Marines frighten me.

I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by
others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously.  I also
swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our
bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.  I swear to uphold and
defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe
myself to be above that.  I promise to walk around calling everyone
by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and
I find it amusing to annoy the other services.

I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will at
all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.  After completion
of my *snicker* "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean,
donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chairborne Ranger.  I will do no work unless someone is watching me
(and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me,
and will go home early every day.

I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all
those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.

___________________ _______________________
Signature           Date


=====================================================================

US Army "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots
because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps.  I promise to
wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.  I will
continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my
Drill Sergeant told me I am.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test.  After completion of Basic Training, I will attend a
different Army school once every other month and return knowing
less than I did when I left.

On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am
cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart.  I will make my wife
stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter,
better looking Air Force guy.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished.  I will arrive to work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report
back to the "COMPANY."  I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end
up working construction with my friends from high school.  I will
brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but
will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.  So
help me God.

_________________________ ___________________________
Signature                 Date


=====================================================================

US Navy "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I
like to swim... why not?"

I promise to wear clothing what went out of style in 1976 and to have
my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own.

I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during
the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.  I will strive to
use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" when I really mean
"floor, wall, hat, and toilet."  I will take great pride in the fact
that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for
that matter, are completely different from the other services and
make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I
am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around
0930 hrs.  I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop.  I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year.  I realize that, once selected
for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."  So help me
Neptune.

______________________ _______________________________
Signature              Date


=====================================================================

US Marine Corps "Oath of Enlistment"

I, state name here, swear...uhhh...high-and-tight...*grunt*
cammies...ugh...Air Force women...  HOORAH!  So help me Corps.

_______________________ ________________________________
Thumb Print             Date


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## cali_tkdbruin

> _Originally posted by theletch1 _
> *You wanna talk interservice rivalry ask a Marine about Sailors!!  It was always touch and go with us and the Navy but their "boats" made good taxis to get the Marines where we needed to go.  Navy Corpsmen on the other hand were a different matter.  Let some one mess with the unit corpsman and you'd have a whole mess of pissed off jarheads on ya.
> 
> As an aside on corpsmen.... check out a listing of Medal of Honor recipients and see how many of them are Navy corpsmen.  If there are any corpsmen on this board.... Thank you.  From an old leatherneck.:asian: *



Yes, as a former squid, this post brings back fond memories of the rivalry I remember between my beloved "Nav" and the GRUNTS from the Marine Corps. 

Both of these branches of the US military, I might add, are in the Department of the *Navy*. That's the *Department of the Navy*,  thank you. 

And BTW, yes, it's well known in the navy community that even though navy corpsmen (medics) are sailors, they are more importantly truly dedicated to their marine units and the grunts they serve with... :asian:


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## Bob Hubbard

I saw these, had to laugh.  I know the rivelrys are fierce, but, regardless of branch, my hats off to em all.

:asian:


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## arnisador

http://www.e-budo.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22937


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## Cryozombie

> I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.



Its Funny Cuz Its true!


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## hardheadjarhead

> You wanna talk interservice rivalry ask a Marine about Sailors!!



They ain't "sailors", Letch...they's SQUIDS.

I tease, of course.  I really think all of the services are great.  I was extremely proud of the 3rd I.D. and their performance in the war.  My hats off to the Navy and Air Force too.  How can we knock the Air Force when they have something so cool as the "Warthog?"  And then there is the "Spectrie".   Don't forget the MOAB bomb...which I'd love to have for my weapon's collection.

You're right about the Corpsman, Letch.  And the doctors posted to the Marines as surgeons.  I'm named for one who was friends with my Dad in WWII.



Steve


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## Mithios

good stuff !


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## Jmh7331

Ah, the memories.  Thanks guys, I haven't read these in a while.  So true. Go Army


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## TheRustyOne

> _Originally posted by arnisador _
> *http://www.e-budo.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22937 *



Thanks for postin that! I was lookin for it!


Kaith, thanks for puttin them up. I don't have experience with the millitary other than a few ROTC friends and an ex-bf who is in the Army and wore his full uniform (a blue one w/ a white hat...sorry...i am an idiot when it comes it this) when he came over...*rolls eyes*

Maybe I just don't understand...I'll shut up now...


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## Chronuss

...if it's a blue jacket and pants with a white hat...that's Marines, Rusty...oy.


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## TheRustyOne

> _Originally posted by Chronuss _
> *...if it's a blue jacket and pants with a white hat...that's Marines, Rusty...oy. *




Really? He told me Army....ach! I'm confused!


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## Bob Hubbard

Well, sometimes those Surplus places mislabel things.....


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## TheRustyOne

damn right ticked him off when i hugged him and got a teeny weeny bit of glitter on the uniform...


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## Seig

and the Coastie laughed at them all.


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## arnisador

> _Originally posted by TheRustyOne _
> *Thanks for postin that! I was lookin for it!*



You're welcome!


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## theletch1

> _Originally posted by Seig _
> *and the Coastie laughed at them all. *


 How many Coasties does it take to do a burial at sea?  7.  1 to play taps and 6 to stomp the body into the mud.



> damn right ticked him off when i hugged him and got a teeny weeny bit of glitter on the uniform


 That's one of those attention to detail things that Marines have beaten into their heads in boot camp.  Any one who has to sit in the barracks for hours with a pair of cuticle scissors clipping any extra threads from every seam on every uniform item is gonna notice glitter on his dress blues.


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