# Do You Know Me?



## Brian R. VanCise (Oct 10, 2007)

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called  his first
Witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the  stand.  He approached
Her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know  me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.  Williams.  I've known you
Since you were a young boy, and  frankly, you've been a big
Disappointment to me.  You lie, you  cheat on your wife, and you
Manipulate people and talk about them  behind their backs.  You think
You're a big shot when you  haven't the brains to realize you never will
Amount to anything more  than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."
The  lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
The room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've  known Mr. Bradley since he
Was a youngster, too.  He's lazy,  bigoted, and he has a drinking
Problem. He can't build a normal  relationship with anyone and his law
Practice is one of the worst  in the entire state.  Not to mention he
Cheated on his wife  with three different women.  One of them was your
Wife.   Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and,
In a  very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair".


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## MarkBarlow (Oct 10, 2007)

O.K., this isn't a joke but a small Southern town legal story.

I grew up in the small Alabama community where this happened.  One Sunday in the 1960s, a man confronted another man in a church parking lot after the morning service.  The first man was convinced the second was sleeping with his wife (which he was) and after a few minutes of yelling back and forth, the first man pulled a gun and shot the second man dead in front of about 20 witnesses.  Jump ahead to the trial and the defense lawyer really hasn't even bothered trying to dispute that his client killed a man, he just focuses on the fact that the murdered man was foolin' around with this poor man's wife.  In his closing argument, the lawyer starting singing AMAZING GRACE with tears running down his cheeks.  His client was found not guilty on all charges.

Is it any wonder that most of the great American novelists come from the South.  Our reality is weirder than most folks fiction.


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## Brian R. VanCise (Oct 10, 2007)

MarkBarlow said:


> O.K., this isn't a joke but a small Southern town legal story.
> 
> I grew up in the small Alabama community where this happened. One Sunday in the 1960s, a man confronted another man in a church parking lot after the morning service. The first man was convinced the second was sleeping with his wife (which he was) and after a few minutes of yelling back and forth, the first man pulled a gun and shot the second man dead in front of about 20 witnesses. Jump ahead to the trial and the defense lawyer really hasn't even bothered trying to dispute that his client killed a man, he just focuses on the fact that the murdered man was foolin' around with this poor man's wife. In his closing argument, the lawyer starting singing AMAZING GRACE with tears running down his cheeks. His client was found not guilty on all charges.
> 
> Is it any wonder that most of the great American novelists come from the South. Our reality is weirder than most folks fiction.


 

Wow, however it seems that things like this are happening all over the palce and not just in the south!


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## stone_dragone (Oct 10, 2007)

MarkBarlow said:


> O.K., this isn't a joke but a small Southern town legal story.
> 
> I grew up in the small Alabama community where this happened. One Sunday in the 1960s, a man confronted another man in a church parking lot after the morning service. The first man was convinced the second was sleeping with his wife (which he was) and after a few minutes of yelling back and forth, the first man pulled a gun and shot the second man dead in front of about 20 witnesses. Jump ahead to the trial and the defense lawyer really hasn't even bothered trying to dispute that his client killed a man, he just focuses on the fact that the murdered man was foolin' around with this poor man's wife. In his closing argument, the lawyer starting singing AMAZING GRACE with tears running down his cheeks. His client was found not guilty on all charges.
> 
> Is it any wonder that most of the great American novelists come from the South. Our reality is weirder than most folks fiction.


 
My favorite defense...the "Your Honor, he needed killin' " defense.  Beautiful.


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## Cirdan (Oct 11, 2007)

Wow.. as a serial killer all I need to do my stuff legally is to get an unfaithful wife.


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## MarkBarlow (Oct 11, 2007)

Cirdan said:


> Wow.. as a serial killer all I need to do my stuff legally is to get an unfaithful wife.



....and go back in time 40 years and find an all Southern Baptist jury.


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## grydth (Oct 11, 2007)

stone_dragone said:


> My favorite defense...the "Your Honor, he needed killin' " defense.  Beautiful.



This is also known as raising, "the worthless victim defense".

My best moment ever as an Army JAG officer came when I was cross examining an undercover cop I knew was dirty....

Q (by me) : You testified last week in US vs. X, did you not?

A: Yes

Q: You were under oath, weren't you?

A: Yes

Q : Isn't it true, that while tesifying under oath in US vs X, you lied twice?

A: No sir! Just ONCE!


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