# Skipping belts for certain students



## bree7997 (Nov 20, 2018)

Hello everyone! I have a few questions as Tae Kwon Do is new to me. I grew up playing very competitive sports and I do understand that TKD is much different and all about personal growth and the journey and learning a lot along the way. 
My son started TKD one year ago at the age of 5 in kindergarten. He worked his way through the tiny tiger program up until about a month ago when I really pushed to get moved him moved into the older classes because he was losing interest and the TT program was becoming way to easy and he was misbehaving due to boredom. I met with the instructor and really explained how my child may look immature but when he is bored he acts out (he also has adhd). Even though he had two more belts to complete tiny tigers the instructor agreed and moved him up. 
My big question and something making me feel uneasy is that two little boys younger than my son started the tiny tiger program after my son and they have tested out way before him and have skipped several belts. Having grown up in competitive team sports I am having trouble trying to figure out if they think he is not doing well? I am not sure if this is normal. Being completely honest I do not think the kids who have skipped belts look like they deserved to skip belts. I wouldn’t be so confused if I could see something in them that warranted this move. I did question the instructor why they moved up and I got a generic answer of they didn’t realize my sons age. Which can’t be true because he had his birthday party at their studio. So they def knew his age.  I do think they are starting to see he has much more potential than they originally realized now that he is being challenged appropriately. 
I am just starting to question if this is the right school for him...... I am not going to make any quick decisions but Is this all normal? I would love to know why they are being favored so much. Just curious really. 

I appreciate any feedback that is offered. Thank you so much 
Bree


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## Flying Crane (Nov 21, 2018)

Keep in mind that when it comes to oversight of martial arts programs, there is none.  There is no government regulation of teaching martial arts in the US, no qualifications nor licensing.  So the program being taught is completely up to the instructor/business owner.  If the school belongs to a larger organization, there may be some oversight on that level, but it is still not government regulated nor licensed.  This really does mean that a teacher can do whatever he wants. 

Particularly when teaching young kids I suspect there is a huge amount of discretion and judgement that a teacher uses when making decisions about when to move a child up to the next level, whether or not they have completed all promotions and whether or not such details even matter.  I suspect that when dealing with kids younger than 7-8, the real goal is to get them working on some fundamentals, and any belt ranks and promotions they receive along the way become meaningless once they get old enough to join the next class with the older students and get involved in the real training.

I think those early years are really aimed at just getting the kids interested and developing some fundamental coordination so that they can then become capable of actually learning something.  When a teacher determines that the child has accomplished that, then the child is moved into the next group, even if the child never completed all the belts.  Becaus at that level the belts really are meaningless beyond giving the child a sense of accomplishment to keep him interested in training.

Why were the other kids moved up before your son was?  I don’t know.  It might be as simple as their parent talked with the instructor about it before you did.  Did those kids deserve to skip the ranks?  The ranks are meaningless at that level so it does not actually matter.  And the instructor can simply decide to do it.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

Flying Crane said:


> Keep in mind that when it comes to oversight of martial arts programs, there is none.  There is no government regulation of teaching martial arts in the US, no qualifications nor licensing.  So the program being taught is completely up to the instructor/business owner.  If the school belongs to a larger organization, there may be some oversight on that level, but it is still not government regulated nor licensed.  This really does mean that a teacher can do whatever he wants.
> 
> Particularly when teaching young kids I suspect there is a huge amount of discretion and judgement that a teacher uses when making decisions about when to move a child up to the next level, whether or not they have completed all promotions and whether or not such details even matter.  I suspect that when dealing with kids younger than 7-8, the real goal is to get them working on some fundamentals, and any belt ranks and promotions they receive along the way become meaningless once they get old enough to join the next class with the older students and get involved in the real training.
> 
> ...



Well I am definitely thankful the government is not regulating these programs. Lol
Thank you for the information. I am definitely trying to learn all that I can about this process as it is all new to me.  
I am certainly happy with the progress and results with my son so far but I just needed to ask this question for peace of mind. 
I am certainly excited to see what the future holds. If my child remains interested and dedicated I certainly will look at studios that focus more on form and perfecting skills. 
Thank you for helping me understand it all a little better.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Nov 21, 2018)

There is very little that we can state with this amount of information. Not a fault on you, but no one here has seen your kid, or the other kids, and the instructor hasn't been able to state his goals. With that said, a couple pieces of advice. It's probably going to be a bit repetitive from flying crane, so my apologies in advance.
-In reality, the belt doesn't matter. It's a good motivational tool, but beyond that it's not much. As flying crane said, the important thing is fundamentals for kids, and that will occur regardless of the age.
-With the belt being a motivational tool, the instructor may have felt those kids would strive to do better if they felt they were being rewarded for it. At that point, it has nothing to do with their skill, but what may motivate them best.
-You said your son was acting out in class by not being challenged enough. From an instructors standpoint, until that's been addressed, that's not behavior to be rewarded. Letting your kid skip a test, or moving him to a higher skilled/more adult class would just be telling him what he's doing in class now is good. So even if the instructor realized that moving him to a different class might help, it puts the instructor in a difficult situation between rewarding bad behavior and putting him in the appropriate class (if he even realized that was the issue). 
-The comment about the age may have been more about maturity. Even if I were to be at a kids birthday party, or host one, the age wouldn't register, so much as how the kid acts. Again, I have not seen him so I do not know, but if he's 7 and acting like a 5 year old, in my mind I would think he's 5 until someone points it out to me.
-Does it matter how they treat other students? I could care less if an instructor made everyone else black belt supreme masters and not me, if I was still receiving the same instruction, and knew my opinion of how I was progressing. Granted, different for a kid because of the motivation factor, but the other kids progress (or lack of progress, as I'm sure there are other students those kids surpassed as well) isn't your concern. 
-You got what you needed! Your kid is now in the higher level class, he is being challenged appropriately, and he is doing well as a result. As long as that continues, you have nothing to worry about


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## Headhunter (Nov 21, 2018)

Simply it's the instructors call...if he thinks your doesn't deserve to move up then he doesn't move up that's his call. I don't believe an instructor should promote someone simply because they're losing interest and if I was the instructor and you came to me saying you wanted him moved because he's bored and I didn't believe he deserved I'd simply say no.

Now in all honesty why are they being favoured (moved up) simply because they're better than him and the instructor thinks they deserve it. You say you think they're worse but are you qualified to make that call? All parents think they're kids are better than what they are its just a natural thing. At the end of the day the only thing you can do is leave if your not happy


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## Gnarlie (Nov 21, 2018)

Headhunter said:


> Simply it's the instructors call...if he thinks your doesn't deserve to move up then he doesn't move up that's his call. I don't believe an instructor should promote someone simply because they're losing interest and if I was the instructor and you came to me saying you wanted him moved because he's bored and I didn't believe he deserved I'd simply say no.
> 
> Now in all honesty why are they being favoured (moved up) simply because they're better than him and the instructor thinks they deserve it. You say you think they're worse but are you qualified to make that call? All parents think they're kids are better than what they are its just a natural thing. At the end of the day the only thing you can do is leave if your not happy


Bit harsh...I would say there's room for discussion with the instructor, who has a duty to consider the child's progress and best interests. That doesn't necessarily mean moving the child or skipping belts, but clarifying what needs to be learned and developed to both child and parent is part of the successful education of the child.

I would see leaving as being way down at the bottom of the list. 

I do however recommend that the OP avoids comparing their own child's progress to that of others. Every child is different, and the motivating factors required are different in each case.


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## JR 137 (Nov 21, 2018)

My opinion of kids, especially young kids in MA is they really aren’t there to be taught textbook MA techniques. Sure that’s a great goal and people think they should be, but there’s a lot of room for “good enough” in technique. The goal for kids should be getting them to love MA training and laying down a good foundation for when they’re older. No matter what you do, a 5 year old isn’t going to learn the motor movement at a level that kids several years older and/or adults are. You may see some kid online who’s performing stuff sharper than most adults, but that’s really an exception. Keeping that in mind, it ties into what’s previously been said about belts.

Do you have any MA experience specifically? Just looking at technique and nothing else, do you know what constitutes good TKD technique? Do you know exactly what to look for? I don’t mean this in a derogatory way. I’ve played sports all my life and teach physical education. I have no Brazilian Jujitsu (BJJ) experience, but I’ve got extensive wrestling experience. Watching BJJ, I honestly wouldn’t be able to evaluate a BJJ guy’s technical skills and determine if that guy should be promoted or not, even though there are some superficial carryovers to wrestling. I have no idea what a BJJ teacher is truly looking for.

When I was working as a Division 1 athletic trainer (sports medicine), I saw guys get drafted over guys who I thought were better. One day there was a pro scout looking to sign one of our pitchers. We had two field players who were phenomenal and to everyone on the outside, it would seem logical that they’d get drafted first. So I asked the guy why (he was a good guy who I had a decent rapport with). He said he initially came to see those guys due to their stats. One guy who was our career homerun record holder’s swing was awful for the next level. He was too good for the current level, but at the next level he wouldn’t get a hit. Great fielder though. The other guy was quite good, but lost a step from when he had knee surgery and he thought it was obvious that he wouldn’t get it back as it had been long enough. The homerun guy got signed to a very low level minor league team. He played 20 games; zero hits. I guess the expert knew his stuff  It’s all good, as that guy went to law school and opened up his own practice about 20 minutes away. 

You sent your kid there because you saw some level of expertise in their teaching (hopefully you saw them teach first). Allow them to be the experts. That doesn’t mean don’t advocate for your kid; it means they know TKD better than you. Just as coaches rightfully get funny about “why isn’t my kid playing; he’s better than that kid?” MA instructors will get funny about “why isn’t my kid getting promoted; he’s better than that kid?” It’s the same thing.

Speak to them privately and ask what your kid needs to work on to promote. Don’t compare yours to anyone else’s. He’s not competing for playing time, obviously. He’s not going to sit out if he doesn’t promote soon. Would you rather him be given something for the wrong reasons or for the right reasons? Having an almost 6 year old and an 8 year old, I know it’s impossible to have them truly understand why others are promoting and they aren’t. I’m sure he’s frustrated by it if he knows they did and he didn’t. All I can say is tell him how everyone’s different and some people get belts sooner and others get belts slower. Tell him other kids will take longer than him. Tell him he’s doing a great job and keep up the hard work. Take the emphasis off the belt and put it on the process.

If you’re competitive and so is he, keep in mind he’s not competing against anyone but himself. He should be pushing to be better than he currently is, not better than the other kids. Trust me, they’ve all got their own strengths and weaknesses they need to address too.


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## Danny T (Nov 21, 2018)

1.                  Let your child be a child.
2.                  Don’t compare your child to others but to his self.
3.                  Always communicate with the Instructor/s and let them do their job.
4.                  With children belts/rank is more about goals, motivation, attitude, attendance, perseverance and less about skill

It should be fun and developmental for the individual and not so much about who's better or who got moved up before someone else.


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## Martial D (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Hello everyone! I have a few questions as Tae Kwon Do is new to me. I grew up playing very competitive sports and I do understand that TKD is much different and all about personal growth and the journey and learning a lot along the way.
> My son started TKD one year ago at the age of 5 in kindergarten. He worked his way through the tiny tiger program up until about a month ago when I really pushed to get moved him moved into the older classes because he was losing interest and the TT program was becoming way to easy and he was misbehaving due to boredom. I met with the instructor and really explained how my child may look immature but when he is bored he acts out (he also has adhd). Even though he had two more belts to complete tiny tigers the instructor agreed and moved him up.
> My big question and something making me feel uneasy is that two little boys younger than my son started the tiny tiger program after my son and they have tested out way before him and have skipped several belts. Having grown up in competitive team sports I am having trouble trying to figure out if they think he is not doing well? I am not sure if this is normal. Being completely honest I do not think the kids who have skipped belts look like they deserved to skip belts. I wouldn’t be so confused if I could see something in them that warranted this move. I did question the instructor why they moved up and I got a generic answer of they didn’t realize my sons age. Which can’t be true because he had his birthday party at their studio. So they def knew his age.  I do think they are starting to see he has much more potential than they originally realized now that he is being challenged appropriately.
> I am just starting to question if this is the right school for him...... I am not going to make any quick decisions but Is this all normal? I would love to know why they are being favored so much. Just curious really.
> ...


Perhaps these other boys are simply more athleticly gifted than your son? Some of us need to work harder and take more time to get there.

Ultimately it builds character to earn something through years of hard work than to skip though something easily.


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## lklawson (Nov 21, 2018)

Sheesh, the kid's 5.  You're still working at keeping him from eating boogers.  Lighten up.  If he isn't having fun either force him to participate and behave or take him out.

You mentioned like 12 times or something how *YOU* were raised competitively.  Either pass it on and force your kid to be competitive, even if it isn't his personality, or accept that he's not competitive right now.

You're over-thinking it.


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## Martial D (Nov 21, 2018)

lklawson said:


> Sheesh, the kid's 5.  You're still working at keeping him from eating boogers.  Lighten up.  If he isn't having fun either force him to participate and behave or take him out.
> 
> You mentioned like 12 times or something how *YOU* were raised competitively.  Either pass it on and force your kid to be competitive, even if it isn't his personality, or accept that he's not competitive right now.
> 
> You're over-thinking it.


Wait..the kids 5??

I should have read closer. There should be 0 belt advancements of any sort at age 5. Not at any school that isn't a mcdojo.


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## WaterGal (Nov 21, 2018)

You say your son can seem immature and acts out because of his ADHD. To be blunt - were those other kids better behaved in class?

We have a little kids program, too. We technically have 6 belts for it, but depending on age/maturity, they can move up to the regular kids class after as little as 4 belts. The way we set up the curriculum, after 4 belts, they've actually seen & been tested on our entire TKD white belt curriculum - so, if they're mature enough, it's fine for them to move up at that point. But some kids need more time to develop their maturity and be able to handle the longer & more focused regular kids class, so we have them do the remaining belts (where they review material they've seen before) to give them more time. Maybe something like that was what happened with your son.


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## Danny T (Nov 21, 2018)

The 3 best things you can say to your child as he/she goes to practice or perform (in anything):
Before:
“Have Fun.”
“Do your best.”
“I love you.”

Afterward:
“Did you have fun?”
“I’m Proud Of You!”
“I Love You.”


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

Martial D said:


> Wait..the kids 5??
> 
> I should have read closer. There should be 0 belt advancements of any sort at age 5. Not at any school that isn't a mcdojo.


 No he will be 7 in a month.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

JR 137 said:


> My opinion of kids, especially young kids in MA is they really aren’t there to be taught textbook MA techniques. Sure that’s a great goal and people think they should be, but there’s a lot of room for “good enough” in technique. The goal for kids should be getting them to love MA training and laying down a good foundation for when they’re older. No matter what you do, a 5 year old isn’t going to learn the motor movement at a level that kids several years older and/or adults are. You may see some kid online who’s performing stuff sharper than most adults, but that’s really an exception. Keeping that in mind, it ties into what’s previously been said about belts.
> 
> Do you have any MA experience specifically? Just looking at technique and nothing else, do you know what constitutes good TKD technique? Do you know exactly what to look for? I don’t mean this in a derogatory way. I’ve played sports all my life and teach physical education. I have no Brazilian Jujitsu (BJJ) experience, but I’ve got extensive wrestling experience. Watching BJJ, I honestly wouldn’t be able to evaluate a BJJ guy’s technical skills and determine if that guy should be promoted or not, even though there are some superficial carryovers to wrestling. I have no idea what a BJJ teacher is truly looking for.
> 
> ...


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

lklawson said:


> Sheesh, the kid's 5.  You're still working at keeping him from eating boogers.  Lighten up.  If he isn't having fun either force him to participate and behave or take him out.
> 
> You mentioned like 12 times or something how *YOU* were raised competitively.  Either pass it on and force your kid to be competitive, even if it isn't his personality, or accept that he's not competitive right now.
> 
> You're over-thinking it.


No he will be 7 in a month. I got the advice I needed from a poster. I am certainly not going to force anything on my child. I was on here asking about the culture of Tae Kwon Do because this is all new to me. I did not mention 12 times I was in competitive sports. I mentioned it strictly because competitive team sports is run much different and you compete amongst your teammates in the sports I did so I am trying to understand Tae Kwon Do to help my child the best I can on this journey. I think you didn’t quite get the tone of my post.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

This is excellent advice. Thank you so much for your time and respect in responding. I do not have martial experience at all. I have been researching some information and videos online to try and help my son practice at home. While researching information I came upon this site. I definitely intend to speak with the instructors next week to find out what he needs to work on. I do really like the school he attends a lot and his instructors are great. Also he has been making great progress recently and really behaving so that is great. I just want to make sure to focus on what’s most important for him. Thank you again. I’m sure I will have more questions along the way. This is a great site.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

Headhunter said:


> Simply it's the instructors call...if he thinks your doesn't deserve to move up then he doesn't move up that's his call. I don't believe an instructor should promote someone simply because they're losing interest and if I was the instructor and you came to me saying you wanted him moved because he's bored and I didn't believe he deserved I'd simply say no.
> 
> Now in all honesty why are they being favoured (moved up) simply because they're better than him and the instructor thinks they deserve it. You say you think they're worse but are you qualified to make that call? All parents think they're kids are better than what they are its just a natural thing. At the end of the day the only thing you can do is leave if your not happy


Oh I think those other children are very good and I certainly don’t think my kid is some shining star above others. Lol. Thanks for the response.


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## lklawson (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> No he will be 7 in a month.


So he is 6.  Lighten up.


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## lklawson (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> No he will be 7 in a month. I got the advice I needed from a poster. I am certainly not going to force anything on my child. I was on here asking about the culture of Tae Kwon Do because this is all new to me. I did not mention 12 times I was in competitive sports. I mentioned it strictly because competitive team sports is run much different and you compete amongst your teammates in the sports I did so I am trying to understand Tae Kwon Do to help my child the best I can on this journey. I think you didn’t quite get the tone of my post.


He is 6. Lighten up. You mentioned a whole bunch of times how competitive you were. Let the kid be the kid. There is no one taekwondo and there is no one taekwondo culture. Every dojang is unique.

(mobile)


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

lklawson said:


> He is 6. Lighten up. You mentioned a whole bunch of times how competitive you were. Let the kid be the kid. There is no one taekwondo and there is no one taekwondo culture. Every dojang is unique.
> 
> (mobile)


Yes I was a competitive person but me and my child are different people for sure. Thanks for responding. I am on here to learn what I can and help him. It’s exciting to see him so interested in Tae Kwon Do and seeing his progress so I was just trying to get some advice to help him. I am definitely not stressed about any of this.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

lklawson said:


> He is 6. Lighten up. You mentioned a whole bunch of times how competitive you were. Let the kid be the kid. There is no one taekwondo and there is no one taekwondo culture. Every dojang is unique.
> 
> (mobile)


And I see what you are saying that all the cultures are different in different schools and depending on the intestructor. I didn’t realize that


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## lklawson (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Yes I was a competitive person but me and my child are different people for sure. Thanks for responding. I am on here to learn what I can and help him. It’s exciting to see him so interested in Tae Kwon Do and seeing his progress so I was just trying to get some advice to help him. I am definitely not stressed about any of this.


 I'm glad to hear that.

I wasn't joking about the number of different versions of taekwondo. There are at least half a dozen different type of condo associations and federations for the us alone. Within those associations and federations every dojang will have a slightly different personality.

Fortunately taekwondo is also extremely common so if you don't like that dojang there is almost certainly several more within competitively easy distance.

(mobile)


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

JR 137 said:


> My opinion of kids, especially young kids in MA is they really aren’t there to be taught textbook MA techniques. Sure that’s a great goal and people think they should be, but there’s a lot of room for “good enough” in technique. The goal for kids should be getting them to love MA training and laying down a good foundation for when they’re older. No matter what you do, a 5 year old isn’t going to learn the motor movement at a level that kids several years older and/or adults are. You may see some kid online who’s performing stuff sharper than most adults, but that’s really an exception. Keeping that in mind, it ties into what’s previously been said about belts.
> 
> Do you have any MA experience specifically? Just looking at technique and nothing else, do you know what constitutes good TKD technique? Do you know exactly what to look for? I don’t mean this in a derogatory way. I’ve played sports all my life and teach physical education. I have no Brazilian Jujitsu (BJJ) experience, but I’ve got extensive wrestling experience. Watching BJJ, I honestly wouldn’t be able to evaluate a BJJ guy’s technical skills and determine if that guy should be promoted or not, even though there are some superficial carryovers to wrestling. I have no idea what a BJJ teacher is truly looking for.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for this!!! I will definitely be asking what he can work on and I’m so excited to see his enthusiasm for TKD. I certainly don’t have martial arts experience and all I know about it is various videos I have seen on different teaching styles at different schools. I watched some today. There is a lot out there for sure. I truly didn’t realize how each school can be so different. I’m excited to see my son develop his skills. I also see that it’s about the process and each person individually. Thank you so much again for taking time to give me all that information and scenarios that make sense.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Thank you so much for this!!! I will definitely be asking what he can work on and I’m so excited to see his enthusiasm for TKD. I certainly don’t have martial arts experience and all I know about it is various videos I have seen on different teaching styles at different schools. I watched some today. There is a lot out there for sure. I truly didn’t realize how each school can be so different. I’m excited to see my son develop his skills. I also see that it’s about the process and each person individually. Thank you so much again for taking time to give me all that information and scenarios that make sense.


Kids love it when their parents join them in a martial art, and its a great way to bond. Just sayin


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

kempodisciple said:


> Kids love it when their parents join them in a martial art, and its a great way to bond. Just sayin


I was actually thinking about this. After the holidays are over and my work schedule calms down a bit I am definitely going to look into it.


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## bree7997 (Nov 21, 2018)

WaterGal said:


> You say your son can seem immature and acts out because of his ADHD. To be blunt - were those other kids better behaved in class?
> 
> We have a little kids program, too. We technically have 6 belts for it, but depending on age/maturity, they can move up to the regular kids class after as little as 4 belts. The way we set up the curriculum, after 4 belts, they've actually seen & been tested on our entire TKD white belt curriculum - so, if they're mature enough, it's fine for them to move up at that point. But some kids need more time to develop their maturity and be able to handle the longer & more focused regular kids class, so we have them do the remaining belts (where they review material they've seen before) to give them more time. Maybe something like that was what happened with your son.


Looking back on it all. This pretty much sums it all up. I’m sure it was a maturity factor at first and then became a behavior issue due to the lack of challenge for him. He has ADHD but picks things up super super quick. It’s just who he is. Then he gets bored. We are on the right track now and all is good. You all have been so helpful


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## dvcochran (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Well I am definitely thankful the government is not regulating these programs. Lol
> Thank you for the information. I am definitely trying to learn all that I can about this process as it is all new to me.
> I am certainly happy with the progress and results with my son so far but I just needed to ask this question for peace of mind.
> I am certainly excited to see what the future holds. If my child remains interested and dedicated I certainly will look at studios that focus more on form and perfecting skills.
> Thank you for helping me understand it all a little better.


I agree that at such a young age belt promotion is chiefly for maintaining interest and some order of progress. It is tough teaching Martial Arts to any age group but the younger kids are the most challenging by far in my experience. The attention span variable can really be trying, adding to that, it can be contagious. Setting expectations and holding kids to them is probably the most difficult. It is very difficult to navigate, especially when there are different cultures, races, etc... For what it is worth, to be of the most help to your child and the instructor, ask for a curriculum. You do not have to know how to do it but helping keep up with whether your child is on track is a huge help, and lets your kid know you are involved. Greatly help with the expectation factor. Also remember while it is a group event, your child's progress is singular. Don't get too caught up in what the other kids are doing unless it is directly affecting your child. Makes it harder for everyone. 
Does the class use assistant instructor? If so, you may want to consider pulling one aside and asking if they can give you kid some extra attention if he is getting a little bored. Keep in touch and let us know how it is going.


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## drop bear (Nov 21, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Looking back on it all. This pretty much sums it all up. I’m sure it was a maturity factor at first and then became a behavior issue due to the lack of challenge for him. He has ADHD but picks things up super super quick. It’s just who he is. Then he gets bored. We are on the right track now and all is good. You all have been so helpful



If you want to be good at martial arts you have to grind.


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## Headhunter (Nov 22, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Yes I was a competitive person but me and my child are different people for sure. Thanks for responding. I am on here to learn what I can and help him. It’s exciting to see him so interested in Tae Kwon Do and seeing his progress so I was just trying to get some advice to help him. I am definitely not stressed about any of this.


Don't be competing your child against others in class. What your kid does or doesn't do has no bearing on you if he's promoted or wins a competition that's a win for him not for you. I've seen plenty of parents live their competitiveness through the kids and pushed so much they end up hating martial arts. Not saying that's what your doing but just be careful


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## bree7997 (Nov 22, 2018)

drop bear said:


> If you want to be good at martial arts you have to grind.


Pretty typical of most things in life unless you were born with a very special gift and it all just comes naturally without working hard for it.


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## bree7997 (Nov 22, 2018)

Headhunter said:


> Don't be competing your child against others in class. What your kid does or doesn't do has no bearing on you if he's promoted or wins a competition that's a win for him not for you. I've seen plenty of parents live their competitiveness through the kids and pushed so much they end up hating martial arts. Not saying that's what your doing but just be careful


I am most definitely not living through my child. Just wanted to clear that up. I think people have been really jumping so quickly to ASSUME this post is all about this crazy soccer Mom who wants a star player. NOT THE CASE AT ALL!!!! I mean that would not require me asking advice on this site. It’s pretty easy to be a crazy psycho soccer mom. You just act obnoxious and make sure your child is number one by drilling and training your kid 24-7 to be the best. 
I am trying to learn about Tae Kwon Do to help my son who is very interested. My child is not your typical kid. He is extremely ADHD. A very intelligent child but has a lot of issues in school. We are working on a lot of accommodations and I need to help and work with his TKD studio to make sure he is staying interested and challenged. His self esteem could really improve. He thrives when he FEELS successful and that is all based on his own feelings. 
Because so much comes easy to my child he gets bored so quick. Which is why I talked with his instructor recently about keeping him challenged but not too challenged. He also tends to give up if he has to work too hard. 
Once again my original post was geared more toward wondering if I should guide my kid to be more competitive with his peers because in certain sports if you don’t do that they just push you aside. 
I have now learned from everyone’s amazing advice that is not the case in TWD which makes me even more excited for my child because I have a feeling this is going to be a really great thing for him. 
I am here with the intentions to get advice and help my child. Maybe I didn’t communicate that well.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Nov 22, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> I am most definitely not living through my child. Just wanted to clear that up. I think people have been really jumping so quickly to ASSUME this post is all about this crazy soccer Mom who wants a star player. NOT THE CASE AT ALL!!!! I mean that would not require me asking advice on this site. It’s pretty easy to be a crazy psycho soccer mom. You just act obnoxious and make sure your child is number one by drilling and training your kid 24-7 to be the best.
> I am trying to learn about Tae Kwon Do to help my son who is very interested. My child is not your typical kid. He is extremely ADHD. A very intelligent child but has a lot of issues in school. We are working on a lot of accommodations and I need to help and work with his TKD studio to make sure he is staying interested and challenged. His self esteem could really improve. He thrives when he FEELS successful and that is all based on his own feelings.
> Because so much comes easy to my child he gets bored so quick. Which is why I talked with his instructor recently about keeping him challenged but not too challenged. He also tends to give up if he has to work too hard.
> Once again my original post was geared more toward wondering if I should guide my kid to be more competitive with his peers because in certain sports if you don’t do that they just push you aside.
> ...


Nah, you communicated it fine. But weve seen people come on here plenty of times, who start off reasonable, then it becomes apparent theyre the psycho parent, so some have become jaded here IMO. Not getting that vine from you though


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## jobo (Nov 24, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> Hello everyone! I have a few questions as Tae Kwon Do is new to me. I grew up playing very competitive sports and I do understand that TKD is much different and all about personal growth and the journey and learning a lot along the way.
> My son started TKD one year ago at the age of 5 in kindergarten. He worked his way through the tiny tiger program up until about a month ago when I really pushed to get moved him moved into the older classes because he was losing interest and the TT program was becoming way to easy and he was misbehaving due to boredom. I met with the instructor and really explained how my child may look immature but when he is bored he acts out (he also has adhd). Even though he had two more belts to complete tiny tigers the instructor agreed and moved him up.
> My big question and something making me feel uneasy is that two little boys younger than my son started the tiny tiger program after my son and they have tested out way before him and have skipped several belts. Having grown up in competitive team sports I am having trouble trying to figure out if they think he is not doing well? I am not sure if this is normal. Being completely honest I do not think the kids who have skipped belts look like they deserved to skip belts. I wouldn’t be so confused if I could see something in them that warranted this move. I did question the instructor why they moved up and I got a generic answer of they didn’t realize my sons age. Which can’t be true because he had his birthday party at their studio. So they def knew his age.  I do think they are starting to see he has much more potential than they originally realized now that he is being challenged appropriately.
> I am just starting to question if this is the right school for him...... I am not going to make any quick decisions but Is this all normal? I would love to know why they are being favored so much. Just curious really.
> ...


I think if you take a step back, you have answered your own question, you became a" pushy parent" and your kid was promoted, it seems likely that the undiserving kids had parents who were pushy sooner

the kids represent $ to the school, there's nincentiveif to promote them as long as the parent keeps paying and every incentive to do so, if they suggest they might take their $ elsewhere,

I've seen this multiple times with the kids in the " family"e in all sorts of sports and pass times, if your passive and assume th,  school is acting in the best interests of the child rather than concentrating on making a good living, then your child may well be over looked, in the interest of keeping the parents of other children happy,,
go in fighting and teach your child not to accept poor / unfair treatment

i was really proud of my 8 yo when she climbed off her horse, said " don't talk to me in that tone", to the instructor and walked off


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## Buka (Nov 24, 2018)

Danny T said:


> 1.                  Let your child be a child.
> 2.                  Don’t compare your child to others but to his self.
> 3.                  Always communicate with the Instructor/s and let them do their job.
> 4.                  With children belts/rank is more about goals, motivation, attitude, attendance, perseverance and less about skill
> ...





Danny T said:


> The 3 best things you can say to your child as he/she goes to practice or perform (in anything):
> Before:
> “Have Fun.”
> “Do your best.”
> ...



That kind of advice.....if I had kids, that's where I'd want them to train. It's where I'd train, too.


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## Danny T (Nov 25, 2018)

Buka said:


> That kind of advice.....if I had kids, that's where I'd want them to train. It's where I'd train, too.


Wow...Thank you Buka.


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## dvcochran (Nov 25, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> I am most definitely not living through my child. Just wanted to clear that up. I think people have been really jumping so quickly to ASSUME this post is all about this crazy soccer Mom who wants a star player. NOT THE CASE AT ALL!!!! I mean that would not require me asking advice on this site. It’s pretty easy to be a crazy psycho soccer mom. You just act obnoxious and make sure your child is number one by drilling and training your kid 24-7 to be the best.
> I am trying to learn about Tae Kwon Do to help my son who is very interested. My child is not your typical kid. He is extremely ADHD. A very intelligent child but has a lot of issues in school. We are working on a lot of accommodations and I need to help and work with his TKD studio to make sure he is staying interested and challenged. His self esteem could really improve. He thrives when he FEELS successful and that is all based on his own feelings.
> Because so much comes easy to my child he gets bored so quick. Which is why I talked with his instructor recently about keeping him challenged but not too challenged. He also tends to give up if he has to work too hard.
> Once again my original post was geared more toward wondering if I should guide my kid to be more competitive with his peers because in certain sports if you don’t do that they just push you aside.
> ...


Don't hear this the wrong way. Your kids TKD challenges sound very similar to every other your child. Peaks and valleys, boredom, and attention span. Do not put too much of a point on these traits when you see them. If a pattern starts is when I would get concerned. I only remember a handful of kids who never had those same traits at times. Hey, they are kids. Let them be. If the instructor is worth his salt, he will know when to press your kid and work on something if it becoming a bad habit.


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## bree7997 (Nov 26, 2018)

dvcochran said:


> Don't hear this the wrong way. Your kids TKD challenges sound very similar to every other your child. Peaks and valleys, boredom, and attention span. Do not put too much of a point on these traits when you see them. If a pattern starts is when I would get concerned. I only remember a handful of kids who never had those same traits at times. Hey, they are kids. Let them be. If the instructor is worth his salt, he will know when to press your kid and work on something if it becoming a bad habit.


Well I am glad this is normal and all part of the process. Once again I am taking all this advice in and I have learned a lot. I just want to make sure to help him stay on track. Thank you!


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## bree7997 (Nov 26, 2018)

Buka said:


> That kind of advice.....if I had kids, that's where I'd want them to train. It's where I'd train, too.


I agree!! It is definitely what I say to my child!!!! I am always so proud of him. We all have good and bad days but we need someone to believe in us. Thank you!


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## Buka (Nov 26, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> I agree!! It is definitely what I say to my child!!!! I am always so proud of him. We all have good and bad days but we need someone to believe in us. Thank you!



Danny T is a good person to listen to. Life is tough for kids, especially these days.

We should all help them as much as we can.


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## mrt2 (Nov 27, 2018)

bree7997 said:


> I am most definitely not living through my child. Just wanted to clear that up. I think people have been really jumping so quickly to ASSUME this post is all about this crazy soccer Mom who wants a star player. NOT THE CASE AT ALL!!!! I mean that would not require me asking advice on this site. It’s pretty easy to be a crazy psycho soccer mom. You just act obnoxious and make sure your child is number one by drilling and training your kid 24-7 to be the best.
> I am trying to learn about Tae Kwon Do to help my son who is very interested. My child is not your typical kid. He is extremely ADHD. A very intelligent child but has a lot of issues in school. We are working on a lot of accommodations and I need to help and work with his TKD studio to make sure he is staying interested and challenged. *His self esteem could really improve. He thrives when he FEELS successful and that is all based on his own feelings.
> Because so much comes easy to my child he gets bored so quick. Which is why I talked with his instructor recently about keeping him challenged but not too challenged. He also tends to give up if he has to work too hard*.
> Once again my original post was geared more toward wondering if I should guide my kid to be more competitive with his peers because in certain sports if you don’t do that they just push you aside.
> ...


Well, that is the issue with a lot of young kids, maybe more so for yours.  TKD, and Martial Arts in general are all about repetition.  Your child will feel successful, but like all students, at times, the training will be tedious, as you do the same drills over and over.  Basics, forms, sparring drills, free sparring.  Sometimes the training will seem too easy, and your bored 6 year old will not be in a position to put in maximum effort.  Other times, it may be frustrating.


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