# ***  The Best Blonde Joke Of The Year - So Far



## Rich Parsons (Jan 28, 2003)

This could be a repeat, sorry if it is. I did not find anything like in recent scans. This is how I received this e-mail.

***  THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR  *** 

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.  She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back in the house.  A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.  As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.  Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" 

(are you ready? ... this is a beauty ...) 

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"


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## Master of Blades (Jan 28, 2003)

:rofl: Too good man.......Too good


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## Cthulhu (Jan 28, 2003)

Old feller at work told me this one:

A blond walks into her dentist's office with a set of headphones on.  As she seats herself in the chair, the dentist asks her politely to remove the headphones.

"I can't," she says.  "If I take them off, I'll die."

The dentist gives her an odd look and politely says, "But I can't work properly if you're still wearing them.  I'm sure it's alright if you take them off for a little bit."

She shakes her head and adamantly says, "I can't.  If I take them off, I'll die."

Finally, her dentist says, "Look, I'm not a physician, but I've had some medical training.  You can't die just because you take those headphones off.  Please, remove them so I can have a look at you."

Reluctantly, the blond removes the headphones and promptly keels over, dead.

After recovering from his shock, the dentist puts the headphones on, listening curiously.

Through the headphones, he hears:

"Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Breathe out..."

I'm sure I butchered this.

Cthulhu


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## Kirk (Jan 29, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Cthulhu _
> *I'm sure I butchered this.*



It's still funny!


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## Posiview (Jan 29, 2003)

Great; second one very funny!!



> One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. The doctor asked what happened. She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. "They called back.!



I'm a great fan of the jokes that are told after a few beers - the ones that are not funny if thought about but are funny if just accepted! Such as 

"The fella goes upto this dog and says "Have you got the right time, please! and the dog turns around and says "Do you want to buy a cupboard?".

Andy


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## Kirk (Jan 29, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Posiview _
> *Great; second one very funny!!
> 
> 
> ...



Ummm, yeah :shrug:  

Two lemons were takin' a shower, and one says to the other,
"would you please pass the soap" and the other says, "what 
do you think I am, a typewriter?".

:shrug:


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## Robbo (Jan 29, 2003)

Okay, gotta add to this...

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree....

Because it was dead.

Why did the Koala bear fall out of the tree...

Because it was stapled to the monkey.

Ba dum, dum.

That lemon on was good too.


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## jfarnsworth (Jan 29, 2003)

Cool, 
I like it!!!!


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## Abbax8 (Jan 29, 2003)

A blonde driving down the street passes another blonde sitting in a boat on a trailer that is parked in a driveway. The blonde in the boat has a life jacket on and is holding a fishing rod. The blonde in the car starts to scream, "It's dumb blondes like you that give all of us a bad reputation. If I could swim I'd cover over there and slap you."

Told to me by a BLONDE!



                                                          Peace
                                                           Dennis


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## Posiview (Jan 29, 2003)

> . If I could swim I'd cover over there and slap you."



How to mess up the punch line!!

Andy


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## Jill666 (Jan 29, 2003)

Robbo-

LOL I haven't heard a stapled joke in years. Stapled jokes, mother jokes, dead baby jokes, jeez occasionally I miss my childhood.:rofl:


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## Kirk (Jan 29, 2003)

Two blondes were walking on the beach, when one found a 
mirror.   She picks it up, looks at it and says, "who is that?" and
the 2nd one looked at it, smacked her friend and said, "Stupid!
It's me!"


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## Rob_Broad (Jan 29, 2003)

So they have a place to put their ankles during sex.


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## Bob Hubbard (Jan 29, 2003)

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. 
     The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. 
     Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
     The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

--------------

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
      In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
      Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
     The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

--------

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
      Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows... "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
      Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
      The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
      When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.
      Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together....the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

-------------

There's a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58, 58."
---------------


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## Jill666 (Jan 29, 2003)

And I loved the ankle joke. I'll have to retell it tonight... at the right moment.

:boing1: bouncing blonde....


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## Seig (Jan 30, 2003)

How do you drown a blonde?


Put a scratch-n-sniff on the bottom of the pool


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## Abbax8 (Jan 30, 2003)

I don't believe I messed that punch line up. MEA CULPA!

                                                          Peace
                                                             Dennis


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## Rich Parsons (Jan 30, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Abbax8 _
> *I don't believe I messed that punch line up. MEA CULPA!
> 
> Peace
> Dennis *





Are you Blonde????



:rofl: :rofl:


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## Chronuss (Jan 30, 2003)

How do see the sparkle in a blonde's eye...?

Hold the flashlight up to her ear.   




What's the difference between a nymphomaniac, a prostitute, and a blonde?

Nympho: You're done already?

Prostitute: Are you done yet?

Blonde: I think I'll paint the ceilings beige.


Hoo ha!


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## Kirk (Jan 30, 2003)

Two blondes spot each other, each on opposite sides of a very
wide river bank.  One shouts as loud as she can to the other,
"HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?!".  The other blonde rolls
her eyes, cups her hand to the side of her mouth and shouts,
"YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!".


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## Seig (Jan 31, 2003)

How does a blonde turn on a light after sex?
Opens the car door.



What does a blonde say after sex?
Are you all on the same team?



What does a blonde say when told she is pregnant?
Is it mine?


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## Rob_Broad (Jan 31, 2003)

I am still waiting for someone to have a better blonde joke than the large hoop earring one.


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## Rob_Broad (Jan 31, 2003)

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Red Head were waiting in the doctors office and get talking.  They all find out they are there for the same reason they are all pregnant.  The Brunette states "I am having a boy because my husband was on top when we concieved".  The Red Head added,"I am having a girl because I was on top when we concieved">  The Blonde burst out crying as she gasped, "I am having puppies!"


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## Jill666 (Jan 31, 2003)

WE may have a winner- but it's close:boing1:


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## Abbax8 (Jan 31, 2003)

Actually the colors that best describe my hair are brown going to gray to just gone!

                                                                Peace
                                                                   Dennis


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## jfarnsworth (Jan 31, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Rob_Broad _
> *A Blonde, a Brunette and a Red Head were waiting in the doctors office and get talking.  They all find out they are there for the same reason they are all pregnant.  The Brunette states "I am having a boy because my husband was on top when we concieved".  The Red Head added,"I am having a girl because I was on top when we concieved">  The Blonde burst out crying as she gasped, "I am having puppies!" *



OH my lord!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Bob Hubbard (Jan 31, 2003)

Hmmm.....



> This one blonde went to a store and said to the cashier, "May I buy this TV?" The cashier replied, "No, I don't sell to blondes." So the next day she dyed her hair brown and went back to the store.
> 
> "May I buy this TV?" she asked the same cashier that was working the day before. "I told you," he said, "I don't sell to blondes."
> 
> "How did you know I was a blonde?" she asked. He said, "Because that's a microwave."



and



> A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her
> mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I
> don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to
> my mother in Poland!"
> ...


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## Jill666 (Jan 31, 2003)

That's freakin' funny!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Why do blondes like tilt steering? 

More head room.


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## Rob_Broad (Jan 31, 2003)

And the winner is  KAITH!!!!!.  I love his joke, my only reply is how can you tell if two blondes have sex.  She has a bruised belly button.


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## J-kid (Feb 2, 2003)

Heres a good one ,

Whats the diffrence between a blond and a mosquitoe?

A Mosquitoe stops sucking after you hit it.


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## Cliarlaoch (Feb 3, 2003)

> A Blonde, a Brunette and a Red Head were waiting in the doctors office and get talking. They all find out they are there for the same reason they are all pregnant. The Brunette states "I am having a boy because my husband was on top when we concieved". The Red Head added,"I am having a girl because I was on top when we concieved"> The Blonde burst out crying as she gasped, "I am having puppies!"



I don't want to know. I just don't want to know...





......




And yet, like a train wreck, I just keep reading 'em.


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## Jill666 (Feb 3, 2003)

And I DID find a good occasion to retell it last night  

:boing2: :boing2: :boing2:


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