# Cartoon Laws



## Kirk (Jun 18, 2002)

Cartoon Laws
                        ----------------

Cartoon Law I
=============
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made 
aware of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He 
loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look 
down.  At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second 
per second takes over.


Cartoon Law II
==============
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot 
pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their 
momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely.  Sir Isaac 
Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's 
surcease.


Cartoon Law III
===============
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation 
conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the 
specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of 
reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit 
directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-
perfect hole.  The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes 
this reaction.


Cartoon Law IV
==============
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater 
than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the 
ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it 
unbroken. 

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.


Cartoon Law V
=============
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel 
them directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or 
an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, 
usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a 
flagpole.  The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of 
a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in 
flight.


Cartoon Law VI
==============
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a 
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of 
altercation at several places simultaneously.  This effect is 
common as well among bodies that are spinning or being 
throttled.  A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication 
only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve 
the velocity required.


Cartoon Law VII
===============
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble 
tunnel entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at 
least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's 
surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this 
theoretical space.  The painter is flattened against the wall when 
he attempts to follow into the painting.  This is ultimately a 
problem of art, not of science.


Cartoon Law VIII
================
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine 
lives might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, 
splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they 
cannot be destroyed.  After a few moments of blinking self pity, 
they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary:  A cat will assume the shape of its container.


Cartoon Law IX
==============
Everything falls faster than an anvil.


Cartoon Law X
=============
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies 
to the physical world at large.  For that reason, we need the 
relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law XI
=============
If you punch an alligator real hard, it will fly up into the air, and 
come back down as 3 suitcases.

Cartoon Law XII
=============
Owls must wear graduation caps at all times.

Cartoon Law XIII
=============
When sneaking up on someone, it must be accompanied by 
plucking violin strings in a C major scale.



Cartoon Law Amendment A
=======================
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually 
a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with 
great velocity.


Cartoon Law Amendment B
=======================
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously  
nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will.  For 
instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express 
himself without speaking.


Cartoon Law Amendment C
=======================
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.


Cartoon Law Amendment D
=======================
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large 
wavelengths.

Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a 
canine suspended over a large vertical drop.  Its feet will begin to 
fall first, causing its legs to stretch.  As the wave reaches its 
torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch.  As 
the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will 
resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the 
ground.


Cartoon Law Amendment E
=======================
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in 
which cartoon laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the 
universe which postulated that the tensions involved in 
maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from 
nothing.  Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and 
unstable (lit).  Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces 
generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see 
Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are 
able to use said quanta to their advantage.  One may imagine C-
spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of 
dynamite exploding.  A big bang indeed.


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## Quinn-child (Jun 30, 2002)

Absolutely.  As a thirteen year old (almost fourteen), I do still watch these cartoons...mostly Roadrunner vs. Coyote (meep meep!) and the cartoon seems to pretty much manifest all of these rules.  I love 'em!

Oos - :asian: 
Quinn


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## fist of fury (Jun 30, 2002)

I'm 31 and still watch these and other cartoons


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## Deathtrap101 (Jul 24, 2002)

im only 15 but im sure ill be watching these cartoons evan when im on my death bed.


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## Yari (Jul 24, 2002)

[_Originally posted by Kirk _

* This is also true for aikido or MA in general....*




Cartoon Laws
                        ----------------

Cartoon Law I
=============
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made 
aware of its situation.

*Budo: *You are aware that your feet are not connected to the floor anymore, and suddenly your on your way to the floor, and it's not the feet that are going to connect first.


Cartoon Law II
==============
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot 
pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their 
momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely.  Sir Isaac 
Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's 
surcease.

*Budo:* Any person attacking will continue their motion until meeting with the floor.


Cartoon Law III
===============
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation 
conforming to its perimeter.

*Budo:* It surely feels like this many times.........

Cartoon Law IV
==============
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater 
than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the 
ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it 
unbroken. 

*Budo:* The time it takes for you to fall from a throw is greater or equal to the knowledge of the throw. Specially when you have an inexperienced uke.......


Cartoon Law V
=============
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

*Budo:* The principles og gravity and fear together = dobble ouch....

Cartoon Law VI
==============
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

*Budo:* That's what it feels like sparring a real sensei.......

Cartoon Law VII
===============
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble 
tunnel entrances; others cannot.

*Budo:* That's what the sensei is trying to do with you and the floor or wall or pavement or car or .......


Cartoon Law VIII
================
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.


*Budo: *Then all pupils are felines, by the feel of it.

Cartoon Law IX
==============
Everything falls faster than an anvil.

*Budo:* Or as fast as Uke....


Cartoon Law X
=============
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

*Budo: *for ever meeting with the floor, there is an oppsite to the other side....


Cartoon Law XI
=============
If you punch an alligator real hard, it will fly up into the air, and 
come back down as 3 suitcases.

Budo: If you punch a uke then... hmmm. he'll ...hmm.... nahhh, can't find anything.....

Cartoon Law XII
=============
Owls must wear graduation caps at all times.

*Budo:* Sensei have to talk like half japanese, and squint their eyes...

Cartoon Law XIII
=============
When sneaking up on someone, it must be accompanied by 
plucking violin strings in a C major scale.

*Budo:* When running into a fight your mout has to be out of sync. of what your really saying.



Cartoon Law Amendment A
=======================
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

*Budo:* Why do you think we use a bokken (tree sword), Too many pupiles hit there heads in on the ceiling.

Cartoon Law Amendment B
=======================
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

*Budo: *Famous last words... "were did that come from?" (somebody fighting a MA'ist)


Cartoon Law Amendment C
=======================
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

*Budo:* don't have one.....


Cartoon Law Amendment D
=======================
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large 
wavelengths.

*Budo:* Aaaahhh, I know the feeling. A head grab and being thrown.....It took some thime before my feet were aware the my head wasn't were it was supposed to be....

/yari, who has a great relation with the floor. We meet everweek!


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