# can life just be normal for like, 3 weeks?



## Sam (Jul 13, 2006)

I havent been very active lately on MT, which sucks.

My father recently had a heart attack and a stroke (at the same time), and is in a skilled nursing facility. He doesn't have any (apparent) brain damage, but there is something definitely wrong with him. They arent sure if he will lbe able to live on his own again.

I ended up in the hospital myself for a few days, which was a miserable experience. 

I now live with my sister, who lives 10 (ten!) miles from my karate studio. The conditions of living with her are, putting $200 a week aside, going to school, (which my parents won't help me pay for), and... quitting karate.

QUIT KARATE??

She thinks I put karate first, and school and work should come first.
We compromised, and now I can go to karate ONE day a week.

If I was a horse, a decent owner would've shot me by now.

My school has a sister school where I can train if I want, 3.12 miles from my house... I mapquested it. I biked there (and back) this evening to train.

The hardest thing is going to be working enough to put aside $200 a week as well as have left over cash for lessons and tournaments, and any recreational stuff... movies, fast food, etc etc. That, and going to karate at this other studio without getting caught. 

My sister would be furious with me.

I think it was unfair of her asking me to quit karate... and I dont know how I am going to work that much.

I don't know what the point of this post was, I guess to tell everyone where I've been.

Can't life just be boring for 3 weeks?


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## Jonathan Randall (Jul 13, 2006)

I'm sorry to hear about your father's medical problems. Hope he gets well soon!

Hate to say this, Sam, but I'd trade the energy I put into martial arts when I was in college for a more focused COLLEGE experience in a heartbeat. Here's the advice:

Study a specific PROFESSION or a TRADE in school that will give you financial independence. Work hard, graduate as early as possible with a marketable diploma or degree in a field that is highly sought after by employees, get a GREAT paying job, move out on your own and THEN put your efforts into Karate. Get some independence and financial security first. Then you can AFFORD all the private lessons and tournaments you want. The past two years has given you a firm foundation that you can later build upon and the intensity, focus and discipline that got you where you are today in karate can get you out on your own with a nice secure job and bank account. Then you can do WHAT YOU WANT. Right now, you're like a petal blowing in the wind - at the whimsy of family and fate.


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## shesulsa (Jul 13, 2006)

Hey, Sam.  This all sucks.  It's just terrible all this crap has come down on you.  I hope your health is okay.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, try to talk to someone face to face - it may be hard, but it will make all the difference in the world, trust me.

You know, someone mentioned to me that another person they knew thought I would make this stuff up, like it was just too much.  So from one unlucky person to another, keep your chin up.  You CAN make it and life will become easier for you one day.  

Jonathan's advice, though it's SO not what you want to hear, is correct.  You're going to need the college for daily living.  The martial arts will be there later when you have more freedoms. 

PM or email me anytime.


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## MA-Caver (Jul 13, 2006)

Jonathan and Georgia both put in good enough advice that I don't really need to expound upon or add to except that I'm behind it because it's sound advice. 
As I see it your life is no more unluckier than my own at this point. Just different. One of the best things you got for you right now is your youth. All of this crap you've been experiencing is gonna make you stronger for the road that yet lies before you. The hardest thing I think is choosing the right one. The best thing about that is that there's always, *always *a means to switch roads if you find you've gone down the wrong one. 
I'm at that junction right now and am going to have to switch roads. The way I see it, I can always take with me my experiences and my friends with me where-ever I go. Nothing is forever except time and for you ... well, you got more of it than I do. Make the best of it. 

You'll be alright keed. I know you will. 

((((HUGS))))


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## Carol (Jul 13, 2006)

Sam,

The struggle you are experiencing now will not last a few weeks.  If you do not get a proper edcuation now it will haunt you for all of your life...always coming between what you must do to survive, and what you want to do.  Don't squander your future.  A good education pays off over and over and over and over again.


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## Hand Sword (Jul 13, 2006)

Carol Kaur said:
			
		

> Sam,
> 
> The struggle you are experiencing now will not last a few weeks. If you do not get a proper edcuation now it will haunt you for all of your life...always coming between what you must do to survive, and what you want to do. Don't squander your future. A good education pays off over and over and over and over again.


 
AMEN TO THIS!!!


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## Drac (Jul 13, 2006)

shesulsa said:
			
		

> The martial arts will be there later when you have more freedoms


 
Sorry to hear about your Dad, hope he's on the mend..It's NEVER easy being asked to quit or put aside someting you love, I know because I've been there..*shesulsa's* post says it better than I could...


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## HKphooey (Jul 13, 2006)

Sam, sorry to hear about your dad.  

You are way to young to have to have so many worries going through your head.  As much as it pains me to say, karate will always be there...There


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## HKphooey (Jul 13, 2006)

EDIT sorry double post


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## terryl965 (Jul 13, 2006)

Sam soory about your father, you are always on the edge of contriversy! Maybe putting a side Karate for a year or so will help you find the path of life. I know how hard you want it, but  sometimes a path may stray for a bit before the journey of life can continue.
Best of luck
Your friend in life
Terry


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## Swordlady (Jul 13, 2006)

Samantha...something that may help you is figuring out the difference between what you _need_ and what you _want_.  You _need_ a roof over your head, food to eat, and clothes to wear (basic needs).  You also _need_ to learn how to better take care of yourself, so that when you reach adulthood, you will not need to continue relying on others to pay for your basic needs.  And the reality is that it is VERY hard to get a good-paying job without a college diploma or completing some kind of trade school.  Living on your own is VERY expensive, and most minimum wage or low-paying jobs aren't going to be able to pay rent and utilities - or any other extras you _want_.

You _want_ to continue karate.  It is a great thing to have, but it isn't a _neccesity_.  The hard reality is that *we aren't always going to get what we want*.  I _wanted_ to take Aikido for over a year, but the _reality_ was that I was nearly flat-broke and over my head in credit card debt after being unemployed for two straight summers.  I am a college-educated woman with a Master's degree, but I still don't make enough money to do everything I want.  The only reason why I can afford to take Aikido was because I refinanced my house and consolidated my credit card debt.

Adulthood is _tough_, Sam.  If you don't get the necessary help and education you need now, you're going to have a MUCH rougher time when you are on your own.  And believe me, life isn't nearly as much fun when you're struggling at some minimum or low-paying job.  Been there, done that.  I worked as a courier for almost four years after getting my undergrad degree, because I didn't know what I wanted.  I was frustrated for two reasons: One, because I felt like I was wasting myself and my college degree; two, because I wasn't making a lot of money and couldn't really afford to do what _I_ want.  Let me tell you...it REALLY sucks to be underemployed in your mid-20's.  You don't want to go there.

You are an intelligent young woman with a lot of determination.  Perhaps it's time that you channeled that energy into something that will benefit you in the long run - which would help get you want you _really_ want (i.e., karate training, tournaments, recreational activities, etc).


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## Grenadier (Jul 13, 2006)

> I now live with my sister, who lives 10 (ten!) miles from my karate studio. The conditions of living with her are, putting $200 a week aside, going to school, (which my parents won't help me pay for), and... quitting karate.
> 
> QUIT KARATE??
> 
> ...


 
Not a good situation at all.  Yes, it is unfair, and she probably does not understand that the martial arts are more likely to help you than to detract from things.  As much as I agree with you, though, the overriding factor is that it's her house, and her rules.  Good God, just saying that has left a foul aftertaste...  

While there is certainly a black cloud over you, this cloud has many silver linings.  

1) Best wishes to your father.  With today's therapy and methods, though, he has a much better chance of regaining more of his functions that he would not have had even 15 years ago.  Prayers on the way for him.

2) At least your sister is allowing you to pursue your martial arts training.  It's certainly better than no training at all, and in time, could probably be convinced to relent on the "one time a week" part.  Be patient.  

3) If you are a college student, there are many forms of financial aid available.  If your parenmts don't make above a certain combined income, then you can qualify for Pell Grants.  There are also other forms of financial aid, including student loans, that have capped interest rates, and that you do not pay interest until you start repaying the loan (typically 6 months after you graduate).  

Once you finish college, and get a decent job, then you're your own person, plain and simple.  

4) Talk to your sensei.  You may be surprised at this, but many school owners are quite willing to help out a good student who needs a bit of a financial breather.  To them, taking a short-term loss means being able to hold onto longer term gains, which is certainly better.

5) Putting aside 200 bucks a week isn't too bad.  Yes, this means you'll have to cut out a lot of unnecessary items, and it's not going to be fun giving them up, but it can be done.  


Hang in there Sam.  While things aren't going to be pleasant for now, you're going to come out of this a whole heck of a lot stronger.


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## rutherford (Jul 13, 2006)

> *can life just be normal for like, 3 weeks?*



I'm sorry to say that the answer is a resounding "No", in my experience.

And it's unlikely to ever get any easier, unless you make it so.  

I'm also very sorry to hear about the experiences you've been going through recently, Sam.

Follow your Bliss.  Work hard.  And always do the best you can for yourself and others.  Find joy wherever you can, and help it to grow.  

Things may work out, but the only sure thing is that tomorrow will be different.


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## JBrainard (Jul 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> The conditions of living with her are, putting $200 a week aside, going to school, (which my parents won't help me pay for), and... quitting karate.
> 
> QUIT KARATE??
> 
> ...


 
Damn right it's unfair. If the conditions of living with her involve controlling your finances and your recreational activities, I'd find somewhere else to stay!


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## MA-Caver (Jul 13, 2006)

JBrainard said:
			
		

> Damn right it's unfair. If the conditions of living with her involve controlling your finances and your recreational activities, I'd find somewhere else to stay!


Umm, she's not quite 18 yet and thus laws state she's unable to get her OWN place until then. As long as she's with a family member she's okay living out of the "home". 
Just FYI


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## Cryozombie (Jul 13, 2006)

Sam

I'm gonna give you some advice that will run counter to what most people here are telling you.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LET SOMEONE ELSE DICTATE YOUR PASSIONS AND PRIORITIES.

So, you are under 18 and cant stop it yet.

DON'T LET THAT BECOME A PATTERN WHEN YOU CAN.

LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU... YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL BE GONE.​


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## someguy (Jul 13, 2006)

What defines normal... Ok ok I won't say much other than normal is the absolute opposite of the ideal.
Good luck to you any how.  Pulling in $200 doesn't sound fun but independance os a good thing.  I'm sure you will pull through it just fine.  Martial arts are a great thing but don't forget there are many other important things to life.
Good luck is all I can really say


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## Swordlady (Jul 13, 2006)

JBrainard said:
			
		

> Damn right it's unfair. If the conditions of living with her involve controlling your finances and your recreational activities, I'd find somewhere else to stay!



I know that you mean well, but it would help if you got more facts about Sam's current situation before trying to offer her advice.


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## Fluffy (Jul 14, 2006)

You're in my thoughts.


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## rutherford (Jul 14, 2006)

MA-Caver said:
			
		

> Umm, she's not quite 18 yet and thus laws state she's unable to get her OWN place until then. As long as she's with a family member she's okay living out of the "home".
> Just FYI


 
Only short by 3 months.

I was living alone by then, and I know a lot of other people who were as well.  Of course, in my case it was a college dorm.


Sam, is this the sister with whom you had a physical confrontation?


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## Bigshadow (Jul 14, 2006)

Sam, sorry to hear about your father.  I hope everything turns out OK.

As for everything else.    Life is full of choices and decisions.  You must always try to make the BEST decision for yourself and of course live with the consequences.  Some choices have long term effects and often times their effects are not seen until years after the decision has been made.  So be very careful with decisions.  There has been some very good advice given here.

Gain your financial independence first and then you can pursue your dreams.  A quick note from my past, the art I am training in was something I wanted to do when I was a teen, but at that time I did not have the means to gain that training, even though I had the desire and gusto to do it.  As life would have it, as an adult many years from my teens with the means, that dream became a reality.  Karate will be there for you when you are ready.

Remember, success is the point where opportunity meets preparedness.  People often have opportunities around them, just they do not see them because they are not prepared.  Ironic... That is kind of like training...

Good luck, I am sure you will do just fine.


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## JBrainard (Jul 14, 2006)

MA-Caver said:
			
		

> Umm, she's not quite 18 yet and thus laws state she's unable to get her OWN place until then. As long as she's with a family member she's okay living out of the "home".
> Just FYI


 
Ahh... Didn't have that bit o' information. She should heed Technopunk's words, though.


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## evenflow1121 (Jul 14, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I havent been very active lately on MT, which sucks.
> 
> My father recently had a heart attack and a stroke (at the same time), and is in a skilled nursing facility. He doesn't have any (apparent) brain damage, but there is something definitely wrong with him. They arent sure if he will lbe able to live on his own again.
> 
> ...


 
Sam I am, I am really sorry about whats happening in your life right now, and yes going through an experience like that in the hospital can be a terrible experience.  You know it really sucks when things like this happen to dedicated and eager students like you, you see what happens to people like yourself and how many others out there take their training for granted or would definately not bike the 3.1 miles to get to the other school.  

In any event, me being about 10 yrs older than you, I would say, that your sister is CORRECT.  Sounds harsh, but School is definately more important and work, well that is self explanatory.   I had to put off martial arts for 7 years to get my degree (and umm no I am not like Tommy Boy, my degree took 7 years to complete).  And you know what, as much as I love martial arts, I do not regret it.  Now I have all the time in the world to practice. Look, in this world, you need an education and you should pursue some sort of degree after high school, may be not for 7 years =) but definately something.  I know it is not what you want to hear, and I really wish I could tell you other wise, but I would be lying to you if I said that, Sam should definately NOT put your martial arts training above your education.  Good luck Sam, my prayers are with you.


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## Sam (Aug 12, 2006)

I quit on thursday.

My sister should be happy.


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## Jonathan Randall (Aug 12, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I quit on thursday.
> 
> My sister should be happy.


 
Now do _whatever _it responsibly takes to become financially independent of her and anyone else who would dictate to you how to live your life. Then go back to karate - on your terms.

Experience has taught me that you need a comfortably sized bank account and a decent income in order to be able to tell people where to take their advice and ultimatums.

You have my best wishes - I know that you will persevere and come back twice as strong as before.


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## pstarr (Aug 12, 2006)

Sam-

At this point in your life, school is more important than karate.  I know it doesn't FEEL that way but it's true.  And anyway, if you want to excel in karate you're going to need a solid education under your belt.  

For real.

Things like physics, math, psych, biology, and even English will be very important in the future.

If possible, don't completely quit your karate.  Just fit it in where and when you can for now during this difficult and awkward time.  Your family needs you - probably more than they are saying.

Don't give up.  NEVER, ever give up.

But sometimes you just have to rearrange your priorities for a while...


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## Jonathan Randall (Aug 12, 2006)

pstarr said:
			
		

> Sam-
> 
> At this point in your life, school is more important than karate. I know it doesn't FEEL that way but it's true. And anyway, if you want to excel in karate you're going to need a solid education under your belt.
> 
> ...


 
Well said. My Tai Chi instructor, the late Mr. Tri held advanced degrees and taught at the University. My TSD teacher held a master's degree in administration. One of my Kenpo instructor had a doctorate.


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## Kacey (Aug 12, 2006)

Sam -

I going to start by asking a question no one else seems to have asked... what is the $200 for?  Is your sister forcing you to save money (for school or other future expenses), or is she charging for rent and food?  Saving is a great thing, and everyone needs to do it - something I wish I had learned at your age.  If she's charging you rent and/or for food... well... my opinion of that depends on her own financial status.

Why is she going to be happy that you quit your job?  And how's the karate situation coming?  I seem to have missed this thread while I was on vacation, sorry if I'm asking about things others might have covered already.


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## Swordlady (Aug 12, 2006)

Hang in there, my dear.  Remember that this situation with your sister is temporary, and this too shall pass...


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## Jade Tigress (Aug 12, 2006)

Jonathan Randall said:
			
		

> Now do _whatever _it responsibly takes to become financially independent of her and anyone else who would dictate to you how to live your life. Then go back to karate - on your terms.
> 
> Experience has taught me that you need a comfortably sized bank account and a decent income in order to be able to tell people where to take their advice and ultimatums.
> 
> You have my best wishes - I know that you will persevere and come back twice as strong as before.





			
				pstarr said:
			
		

> Sam-
> 
> At this point in your life, school is more important than karate. I know it doesn't FEEL that way but it's true. And anyway, if you want to excel in karate you're going to need a solid education under your belt.
> 
> ...




What they both said Sam. Hang in there. *hugs*


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## Sam (Aug 12, 2006)

Kacey said:
			
		

> Sam -
> 
> I going to start by asking a question no one else seems to have asked... what is the $200 for? Is your sister forcing you to save money (for school or other future expenses), or is she charging for rent and food? Saving is a great thing, and everyone needs to do it - something I wish I had learned at your age. If she's charging you rent and/or for food... well... my opinion of that depends on her own financial status.
> 
> Why is she going to be happy that you quit your job? And how's the karate situation coming? I seem to have missed this thread while I was on vacation, sorry if I'm asking about things others might have covered already.


 
I didnt quit any of my jobs. I quit karate.

she's saving the money for me.


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## shesulsa (Aug 12, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I didnt quit any of my jobs. I quit karate.
> 
> she's saving the money for me.



At least she's saving it for you and not spending it on whatever she feels like.

Sam ... you're reading a lot of stuff here that you don't wanna hear, I know.  It sure sounds like your sister is looking out for your financial well-being.  You just really need to have financial stability in place if you're eventually going to be on your own, Sam.  And trust me ... you do not want to experience the consequences of being an adult and not financially stable.  If you feel humiliated right now, it would be far, far worse.

I've been in a spot where I couldn't train because of finances too.  So you practice what you know, you continue reading and mentally training, you find higher ranking friends from class who will work with you on the side. 

Chin up, face to the wind.  You'll get through this.


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## Kacey (Aug 12, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I didnt quit any of my jobs. I quit karate.
> 
> she's saving the money for me.



Sorry, I misunderstood... saving money is good; it means that when you're old enough, you'll have a cushion to move out on your own with.

Karate will still be there when you have the time and money to participate again, as hard as that is to hear right now.


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## donna (Aug 12, 2006)

shesulsa said:
			
		

> At least she's saving it for you and not spending it on whatever she feels like.
> 
> Sam ... you're reading a lot of stuff here that you don't wanna hear, I know. It sure sounds like your sister is looking out for your financial well-being. You just really need to have financial stability in place if you're eventually going to be on your own, Sam. And trust me ... you do not want to experience the consequences of being an adult and not financially stable. If you feel humiliated right now, it would be far, far worse.
> 
> ...


 
Really good advice, Hang in there Sam. Tough times do make you stronger even though it is really hard at the time. Like Shesulsa said, practice what you know, read what you can and add this to your Karate knowledge.
My best wishes to your Dad, hope he feels better, keep positive for him as this will help him recover too.


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## Sam (Aug 13, 2006)

I un-quit this saturday.

A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.


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## Kacey (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I un-quit this saturday.
> 
> A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.



It's always nice to be appreciated!  Congratulations.


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## MA-Caver (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I un-quit this saturday.
> 
> A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.


Obviously your instructor(s) seem to think you got a hellva lot more potential to explore and grow into for you to quit. You gotten a good deal to be sure... But it says a lot about your instructors to want you to stay bad enough to offer you five months free. They see things in you that you don't. 
Run with it, learn as much as you can during those months (and of course beyond). 

:asian:


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## shesulsa (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I un-quit this saturday.
> 
> A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.



artyon:artyon:


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## Swordlady (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I un-quit this saturday.
> 
> A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.



Oh wow...that is EXCELLENT news, Sam!  Your instructors must really like you a lot to give you five months of free lessons.  I'm glad that *something* is working out for you.


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## Lisa (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> I un-quit this saturday.
> 
> A 7th dan called me and told me I was "not allowed" to quit and they gave me 5 months tuition for free.



Sam that is just...wow....wow.  I am so glad for you.  I would have hated to see you have to lose something that is so important to you.


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## Sam (Aug 13, 2006)

Thank you guys so much.

I always loved it, but I definitely think I will appreciate it more, now that I came so close to losing it.

I am definitely gonna show them that they didnt make a mistake, giving me a scholarship (so to speak)


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## Jonathan Randall (Aug 13, 2006)

Sam said:
			
		

> Thank you guys so much.
> 
> I always loved it, but I definitely think I will appreciate it more, now that I came so close to losing it.
> 
> I am definitely gonna show them that they didnt make a mistake, giving me a scholarship (so to speak)


 
That is SO great, Sam, I'm happy for you!

Now make sure that you obtain the financial stability necessary so that NOBODY can dictate to you how to live and what to do.


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## rutherford (Aug 13, 2006)

That's awesome!

It's well deserved, Sam.

:asian:


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## Brian R. VanCise (Aug 14, 2006)

Congratulations and work hard!

Brian R. VanCise
www.instinctiveresponsetraining.com


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## sandan (Aug 15, 2006)

Good to hear you didn't have to quit.  It is possible to go to school, work and take Martial Arts seriously.  Of there are sacrifices you have to make for each, but it is not impossible.  Glad to hear that Hofer worked something out for you.  Sounds like pretty soon work and Martial Arts will be one in the same. I went away to college for 4 years but came back afterwards and taught, but an education is very important.  Just ask a lot of the instructors who went to school and taught at the same time, like Drew, Nate and even Andrea were in the same boat.  Hope you know who I'm talking about. Just go at whatever you wanna do, and go hard at it.  Hard work always pays off.


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