# Morning Ritual...



## Rynocerous (Dec 9, 2004)

Don't Fart in Bed

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, 
let me know and I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who 
had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage 
was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make 
her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead 
with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out! 
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for 
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts 
and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was 
sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back 
the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into them. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the 
sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes. After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him
what was the matter.

He said, " Honey, you were right." "All these 
years you have warned me and I did not listen to you." 

" What do you mean? " asked his wife. 

" Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, 
and today, it finally happened.

"But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these 
two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Cheers,

Ryan


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## BrandiJo (Dec 9, 2004)

oh very nice but i think i read it somewere befor


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## Zepp (Dec 9, 2004)

:roflmao: That's horrible!  I love it!


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## OUMoose (Dec 10, 2004)

:erg: 

LOL!!


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## mj-hi-yah (Dec 10, 2004)

Rynocerous you had me until he had to go and put it all back!  Ewwww...pray for me dude!:angel:


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## Melissa426 (Dec 10, 2004)

That is an absolutely hilarious joke, but I can top it with a TRUE story.

This was told me to by a doctor friend of mine.

Her office got a frantic call from a man.  She had never seen this person before, but apparently she was his wife's doctor so he called her desperately begging for an appointment. Something about 8 inches long and red was hanging from his rectum.  He could see it and feel it , and he'd noticed it after he'd gone to the bathroom.  He didn't want to touch it with his hands cause he was afraid he pull out something  vital.

My friend had him come in immediately, she is a family doctor and was making preparations to call in a surgeon right way because of this "prolapsing" mass .
The man gets there and my friend examines him right away and sees the red long "mass" from his rectum,  It is a piece of paper!, the kind that fresh bologna comes wrapped in.  She was so surprised, she blurted out "it's bologna paper" and the nurse burst out laughing and had to leave the room. The man turned three shades of red, but was none the less relieved his innards weren't falling out.
My guess is she'll never see him in her office again.  

Peace,
Melissa


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## Deuce (Dec 10, 2004)

Melissa426 said:
			
		

> The man gets there and my friend examines him right away and sees the red long "mass" from his rectum, It is a piece of paper!, the kind that fresh bologna comes wrapped in.
> 
> Peace,
> Melissa


It's interesting how close some people are to cold cut meats. Do you know how it got there? Making a bologna sandwich naked is the only "clean" explanation that crossed my mind.


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## Melissa426 (Dec 10, 2004)

Deuce said:
			
		

> It's interesting how close some people are to cold cut meats. Do you know how it got there? Making a bologna sandwich naked is the only "clean" explanation that crossed my mind.


Yes it was from eating the bologna and not some other activity.  

Melissa


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## mj-hi-yah (Dec 10, 2004)

OH Melissa that made me laugh! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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