# Jasper & the Unbaked Yeast Rolls



## Kacey (Sep 4, 2008)

[FONT=arial,helvetica]Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate this more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself & the person that wrote it is a good writer & made the story even better.                 

 Jasper & the Unbaked Yeast Rolls 
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We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-yr-old child about whom you know nothing & committing to doing your best to be a good parent.   

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.    

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry & I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress...    

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 yrs overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, & a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.    

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the 2 Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.   I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.   I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets & set them in the living room to rise hours. 

Perry & I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.   It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock 1 whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper & my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury doughboy & the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.   I ran to the phone & called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hrs for the rest of the night.   God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white & pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.    

We arose at 7:30 & as we always do 1st thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his 1st leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt, & most of the time when he was walking his front half was going 1 direction & the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.   

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk & pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our backyard, he couldn't stop himself & nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated & he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (2nd call within 12 hrs) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly & that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hrs & to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.[/FONT]

[FONT=arial,helvetica]A[/FONT]fraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry & I loaded him up & took him with us to my sister's house for the 1st Thanksgiving meal of the day.  My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 min drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) & drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and me, we took off.    

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.    

Now he was beginning to let off gas & it smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our 1st Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long & everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. 

Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in, must come out' & Jasper was no exception. Granted, if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.  This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor & the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up & cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands & knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop & left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed, too.    

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home & dropped him off before we left for our 2nd Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.  I am happy to report that as of today (Mon) the dog is back to normal both in size & temperament. He has had a bath & is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear ... I presume. 

I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.  It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'   And how was your day????


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## mook jong man (Sep 5, 2008)

That was so funny  , it was like i was there .


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## Jade Tigress (Sep 5, 2008)

That's hilarious! We used to have 2 Jack Russell Terriers, I could see *Moose* doing that. 

As it is, my new dog Zeus, burps. All the time. He's the first dog I've had that burps. But at least it doesn't come out the other end like our previous dogs did. lol! Dog farts are the worst smelling things in the universe! And it seems the smaller the dog, the worse the smell. heh


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## Lynne (Sep 5, 2008)

Hilarious!

My german shepherd, Merlin, burps all the time, too.  I take it as compliment when he burps after homecooked food 

Merlin's farts aren't amusing at all.  Unfortunately, they don't smell like unbaked yeast rolls.  I wish they did.  I'd probably have more brain cells intact and more paint on the walls.


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## thardey (Sep 5, 2008)

Our mutt, Scout burps after every meal.

Of course, as a thank-you, she makes sure that she come over and does in right in your face, so you can't miss it.


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