# The Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay



## ArmorOfGod (Sep 8, 2006)

Here is the link: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/analog.htm
but here is the text from that page:
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They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. 

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. 

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. 

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. 

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. 

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." 

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. 

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. 
 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


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## ArmorOfGod (Sep 8, 2006)

But then I have to disagree with the title.  A good analogie sticks in your mind and makes the thing described vivid.

With that in mind, I think a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup hitting the pavement set a very stark image in my mind.  Now that is a good analogy.

AoG


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## Aikironin (Sep 8, 2006)

He commanded about as much respect as a stop sign in a parking lot


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## Aikironin (Sep 8, 2006)

My heart skipped like richard simmons on his way to a Ricky Martin Concert


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## FearlessFreep (Sep 8, 2006)

Aikironin said:


> He commanded about as much respect as a stop sign in a parking lot



Hey, don't laugh, I failed my first driving test by missing a stop sign in the parking lot of the DMV....


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## Ceicei (Sep 8, 2006)

FearlessFreep said:


> Hey, don't laugh, I failed my first driving test by missing a stop sign in the parking lot of the DMV....



I laughed!


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## SFC JeffJ (Sep 8, 2006)

Ceicei said:


> I laughed!





> The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.



I really like this one.  Kinda Douglas Adams-esque.

Jeff


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## Swordlady (Sep 8, 2006)

ArmorOfGod said:


> They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
> 
> Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
> 
> ...



:lfao:


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## Andy Moynihan (Sep 9, 2006)

Am I the only one who hears all these in Leslie Nielsen's voice ala "Naked Gun"?


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## Kashi (Sep 14, 2006)

Andy Moynihan said:


> Am I the only one who hears all these in Leslie Nielsen's voice ala "Naked Gun"?


 
that's exactly how i read them, too! in leslie nielsen's voice; that guy is so amazing. hope he lives as long as bob barker.


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