# ironic things you've heard from a martial artist



## angrywhitepajamas (Aug 4, 2010)

what are some of the most ironic or hilarious things you've heard from or about martial artists?

For myself two things top the list;
A visitor to my dojo once told me "thats no way to treat a yon dan" (4rth black belt).
secondly a friend of mine was working as a security guard at a MA gathering as required for gatherings over 100 people, and called to complain that there was "no fights, just lots of meditation and shogi."


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## Whitebelt (Aug 5, 2010)

I bet this one happens a lot; when I'm trying to teach a choke and they eventually get it right they get a strangled and guttural "that's excellent!" from me before some ironically happy tapping out.


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## Ken Morgan (Aug 5, 2010)

A newbie on his first day of iaido class, "Oh I don't need a wooden sword, I brought my own authentic ninja sword."

A newbie on his first day of jodo class, "Oh well why wouldn't you have free sparing with a jo and bokken? it just can't be any good then".


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## Bill Mattocks (Aug 5, 2010)

Whitebelt said:


> I bet this one happens a lot; when I'm trying to teach a choke and they eventually get it right they get a strangled and guttural "that's excellent!" from me before some ironically happy tapping out.



Similar...

As a student, I've been hit mighty hard by a few fellow karateka in dojo, and I never thought my first response to being planted on my butt by a punch or kick would be to jump to my feet and say _"Wow, what a shot, that was great!"_  But it's honest admiration that I feel, even if I'm a trifle embarrassed that I didn't manage to stop it.


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## Carol (Aug 5, 2010)

Same here.  I've even laughed.  "That was awesome!  I can't believe I didn't see that!"


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## Chris Parker (Aug 5, 2010)

Kinda similar.... I've been known, when stepping in to be Uke for a student to learn to apply a technique properly, say things such as "No, that's not right... see how I'm still standing? Try again..."


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## Stac3y (Aug 5, 2010)

When someone (usually a man) lands a pop to my face or head, and says, "Are you okay?" My response is, "Of course. Are YOU?"


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## Aikikitty (Aug 5, 2010)

Me a few years back when a "new" wristlock or technique was applied on me by sensei or advanced student: "WOW!  That was awesome!  Can you do it on me again?  PLEASE??!!"


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## CoryKS (Aug 5, 2010)

Whitebelt said:


> I bet this one happens a lot; when I'm trying to teach a choke and they eventually get it right they get a strangled and guttural "that's excellent!" from me before some ironically happy tapping out.


 
Yup.  Never before have I seen so many guys respond to a groin kick by groaning, dropping to the ground and saying, "Nice shot!"


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## Drac (Aug 6, 2010)

I once attended a week long class put on by teachers from a well known company that makes it living instructing LEO's..One of the teachers started the class by stating that " all martial arts are bullsheet.


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## Xue Sheng (Aug 6, 2010)

Guy holding seminar picks me out of the crowd to do a demo, I was the biggest there so I guess I was what he wanted. He grabs me and (because of Taiji) instinctively I relax. What he is trying fails and he says you cant do that I ask whathe saysyou cant relax or this wont work


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## chrispillertkd (Aug 6, 2010)

Me at a Hapkido seminar. I was working with another student who was trying to put a joint lock on me but wasn't getting it to work. I asked the instructor, a Korean 8th dan who could throw you around with ease, if he could demonstrate what the other student was missing for him.

From my knees on the mat: "See how he's doing it?"

Pax,

Chris


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## jks9199 (Aug 6, 2010)

Well, there was the night that I was working with a student... and he finally gets the kick right -- but missed the target, kicking me square in the chin.  "Good job; next time, let's try to hit the shield..."

Student:  "You're bleeding!"  Me: "OK; still, next time hit the target."

(Actually, ended up getting several stitches.)

(I know... not really ironic.  But neither were some of the others.)


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## zDom (Aug 6, 2010)

Me, in a deadpan tone, to my sparring partner, after receiving a barefisted (he forgot to bring his sparring gear...) full contact shot to the side of the nose, resulting in a deep cut:

"We need to stop now for your safety."


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## Tez3 (Aug 6, 2010)

My instructor when describing a fighter will say sadly, 'he doesn't like being hit in the head.'
 You mean there's people out there who do?


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## terryl965 (Aug 6, 2010)

Well a few years ago maybe even ten or so, one of George Dillman students was ata seminar and he ask me to be his uki while he was going to do his no touch knockout. I guess I looked out of shape and such and he thought I would fall or something but I swear I never felt anything and he was laugh at by alot of people. I am not starting a war just answering the question.


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## Tez3 (Aug 6, 2010)

terryl965 said:


> Well a few years ago maybe even ten or so, one of George Dillman students was ata seminar and he ask me to be his uki while he was going to do his no touch knockout. I guess I looked out of shape and such and he thought I would fall or something but I swear I never felt anything and he was laugh at by alot of people. I am not starting a war just answering the question.


 
Funny you should mention him! I've been at two seminars now where one of his instructors has been teaching, the first one he did a 'no touch' KO, of course it 'worked' as he chose one of his own students but I had to cover my hands over my mouth so the sound of my laughter wasn't heard! He wouldn't use anyone else as uke as it was too dangerous so Terry you could have been risking your life there you know! :uhohh: yeah, right!
The last one he did pressure point KOs, same thing only with a slight touch to the pressure points in the neck, same dramatic falling down, same laughter from me. My other half was watching this time and he couldn't believe it either, we laughed long and loud later I'm afraid!


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## zDom (Aug 6, 2010)

terryl965 said:


> Well a few years ago maybe even ten or so, one of George Dillman students was ata seminar and he ask me to be his uki while he was going to do his no touch knockout. I guess I looked out of shape and such and he thought I would fall or something but I swear I never felt anything and he was laugh at by alot of people. I am not starting a war just answering the question.



You must have had your big toe in the wrong position. From what I hear, that is the counter to no-touch knockouts.


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## Koshiki (Nov 18, 2013)

"You have to block with the edge, not the palm, like this, because, you know, for real life."


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## DennisBreene (Nov 18, 2013)

Me. Saying "thank you" to a Grandmaster at a recent seminar who demonstrated a series of finger lock controls on me for the other participants, while I flopped around the room like a beheaded chicken.  The pain was intense.


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## Dinkydoo (Nov 18, 2013)

You guys really need to check out the "Martial Arts vs Ignorance" thread. 

Apart from that, my experiences have been similar - "No, that's not working properly, torque the wrist more and use my knuckle as a guide. You want to try to take that as far to the.....oh yea, that's working, good!"


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## oftheherd1 (Nov 18, 2013)

Old thread that I seem to have missed, or maybe I didn't think my response was really ironic enough.  In the Hapkido I studied, we have an early technique against wrist grabs, where we grab the elbow of our attacker at a pressure point inside the upper joint.  I never felt I was getting the result I thought I should so I once asked my Grand Master to show me how it was done.  He did.  The pain was excruciating and I headed down.  He let up and I recovered.  He then did it again and said do you see now.  I grunted out a positive reply the and the next two times he did it quick succession.  I never asked that foolish question again.  :rofl:


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## donald1 (Nov 18, 2013)

that reminds me of this one child student,  the head instructor asked him why he was doing a technique the way he was 
And the child responded with is it because your short


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## Kung Fu Wang (Nov 18, 2013)

A newbie on his first day in my class, "I'm not good enough shape to be in your class. I'll get in better shape and come back to your class later." He never did.

A girl asked me if my class could help her from beaten up by her husband. I told her it could. She spend one years in my class and left. Next year, her husband jointed in my class.


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## donald1 (Nov 18, 2013)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> A newbie on his first day in my class, "I'm not good enough shape to be in your class. I'll get in better shape and come back to your class later." He never did.



I hate when that happens new student comes a day or a week or two and quites without even a warning,  that's happened many times at my class our class is very small and in our class I'm the assistant instructor,

I know how you feel,  best of luck with the student training


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