# The Americans With No Abilities Act.  (AWNAA)



## Bob Hubbard (Oct 9, 2009)

Washington, DC - President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act.  AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.  

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'  

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.    

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).    

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.    

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.  

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'    

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.    

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so." Additionally, Senator Durbin advised the new law provides a 26 week extension of unemployment benefits during these trying times of job layoffs saying "Persons of inability, who loose their jobs through no fault of their own, must trust that their government doesn't hold their Inability against them"


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## The Last Legionary (Oct 9, 2009)

The NYS Senate will approve of this message.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 9, 2009)

The Last Legionary said:


> The NYS Senate will approve of this message.


No ****.


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## Xue Sheng (Oct 9, 2009)

The Last Legionary said:


> The NYS Senate will approve of this message.


 
Nah... not vague enough for NY

Besides...people with no abilities in NYS already have jobs in the Senate and Legislature

First they get elected and then they bring all their friends with no ability on board and give them 6 figure jobs


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## celtic_crippler (Oct 9, 2009)

Outstanding! ROFLMAO


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## stone_dragone (Oct 10, 2009)

If this goes through, the president should get the Nobel Prize... wait...nevermind...


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## Flea (Oct 17, 2009)

I think The Onion originally published this one back during the Clinton administration.  It still bears repeating though, and has a nice new relevance with all the stimuli packages.


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## arnisador (Oct 17, 2009)

Flea said:


> I think The Onion originally published this one back during the Clinton administration.



Yes, the Onion from June 1998:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/noabilities.asp


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## Big Don (Oct 18, 2009)

Xue Sheng said:


> Besides...people with no abilities in NYS already have jobs in the Senate and Legislature


Um...


Screw it.



The friggin Governor of NY is BLIND, he started with less abilities than other governors and went downhill fast.

I know it isn't nice, I never claimed to be nice.

besides, you KNOW it is funny in this context.


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## crushing (Oct 18, 2009)

arnisador said:


> Yes, the Onion from June 1998:
> http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/noabilities.asp



I'm not sure if the satire, or the apparent need for Snopes to confirm the satire as a hoax is more hilarious.


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