# One-liners



## Kacey (Jun 13, 2007)

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences..... He thought he was God and I didn't..

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on!


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## Drac (Jun 13, 2007)

Excellent...


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## MartialArtHeart (Jul 2, 2007)

:rofl:


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## Tabris (Aug 27, 2007)

Lol, I love some of those, I'd love to have some of them on some t-shirts. :ultracool


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## theletch1 (Aug 27, 2007)

You can add this one: "Don't steal.  The government hates competition."


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## Drac (Aug 27, 2007)

In God We Trust, EVERYONE else is an NCIC check...The other cops here will get a laugh..


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## ppko (Sep 3, 2007)

I see your problem, your stupid

Dont think twice you didn't get it right the first time you wond get it right the second


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## Gordon Nore (Sep 3, 2007)

My favourite Chuck Norris one-liner: "If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it out of you."


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## MA-Caver (Sep 4, 2007)

I recall seeing at work a (female) customer wearing this t-shirt:
"Begone! Or someone will drop a house on you!"​


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## qi-tah (Sep 4, 2007)

One of my favs i saw once on a bumper sticker: "Millitant agnostic: I don't know and you don't either"


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