# Keeping motivated



## jones (Apr 20, 2009)

I've been going to my school off and on for almost two months now.  I'm actually in my second month of membership.  However, I've probably missed about three weeks of lessons, not necessarily consecutive weeks, but full weeks at a time.  Some of those absences have just been because I was tired, others were just because I felt my wife could have used an extra hand on those days getting dinner out or because the kids were being especially unruly.  I may just be trying to convince myself of that second one because, in the end, I was probably just being lazy. 

I really enjoy my classes.  But when it doesn't start until 7:30pm and I get off of work at 4:00pm, getting out the door can be a real effort after having all that time to laze around.  So how do I keep motivated and keep myself from succumbing to external and internal distractions?


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## Bill Mattocks (Apr 20, 2009)

jones said:


> So how do I keep motivated and keep myself from succumbing to external and internal distractions?



1) Have a goal.  If you don't assign a goal to your martial arts training, if there is not something you want out of it, you probably won't do it.

2) Set a priority.  If brushing your teeth is a priority (let's hope it is), you find time to do it.  If paying your mortgage is a priority, you find the money to pay it.  If martial arts training is a priority, you'll do it.  If it is not, you'll find reasons not to do it.

3) Be honest with yourself.  I stop doing things I enjoy all the time, because even if I enjoy them, I don't want to do them.  No shame.  If you don't want to do it, quit.  Go do something else.

4) Picture yourself as you are, a lump in your chair, only five years older, balder, and fatter.  Or ten.  That's what you have coming to you - or a heart attack.  Does martial arts seem so hard now?

5) Bribe yourself.  Go for six months without missing a single training session, and you reward yourself with X (you pick X).  If you miss even one training session, you don't get X.  And if you lie to yourself, well, you are what you are, and you may as well face it and get it over with.  I understand you can have the word 'loser' tattooed on your forehead backwards so you can read it in the mirror.

My method is to lie to myself.  I say well, I probably won't go tonight, but I'll at least get dressed.  How could that hurt?  Then I say well I'm dressed, I'll just drive over there.  I can always just circle round and come home.  Then I say well I'm here, might as well go in.  I can always claim an injury or illness or phone call and go home.  Then I say well I'm here, I might as well do a couple warm up exercises, what could it hurt.  By that time, I'm well into it and the enjoyment begins, I don't want to leave.

But that's just what works for me.  You have to find what works for you.  Good luck.


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## irishwolf08 (Apr 20, 2009)

One thing I try to do is remember how I feel in the class itself, and that just makes me go. Though I really don't need to much motivation to go there nowadays.
Question yourself exactly why you started, what your goals were, etc. Bill has a nice list laid out that you should use.
Good luck!


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## Combat Hapkido Girl (Apr 20, 2009)

I have been going for about 7 months now and absolutwly love it. I make about 3 and sometimes more classes a week. The feeling I get is incredible! I love it and can't wait until "next time". I hope I don't lose the feeling. lol


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## Lisa (Apr 20, 2009)

When I have practice to go to in the evening I usually at some point in the day think about what I need to do to get ready to go and what things I want to accomplish once I get there.  Having a plan not only for your training but also the down time between work and your training session helps you to stay motivated and avoid the "lazy" feeling after a hard day of work.


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## jks9199 (Apr 20, 2009)

Don't make excuses.

It's that simple.  Not easy... but simple.

Excuses multiply.  You can always start that workout routine "tomorrow."  The "tomorrow" becomes "next week", "next week" becomes "next month", and the indentation in your sofa will swallow you alive.


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## Flea (Apr 20, 2009)

Ditto.

I just started my very first MA about 5 months ago, and it's revolutionized my life on several levels.  I'm more positive and confident.  I've lost weight and I sleep better.  Every class is cathartic for the stress relief; but it's a relief on a spiritual level too.  I couldn't possibly quit now.

For me the biggest help in getting and staying started was simply showing up and establishing a habit by force of willpower.  Now that it's habitual I go regardless.  In any case, I find I just don't feel _right_ when I skip out too often.

I hope that's helpful.  Best to you on your journey.


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## Bruno@MT (Apr 21, 2009)

Probably the most important question you have to ask yourself is: 'Do I really want to learn MA'. If the answer is yes, then you will find opportunities. If the answer is no, you'll find reasons.

In the case of staying home for your wife: she is a grown woman. She can take care of herself and the kids. 

My wife and I have this unspoken agreement that weekend is for family, and weekdays are for working and sports. I support her work and her sports (squash) and she supports my work and MA. If we constantly had to drop things we'd like to do, we wouldn't do much. Of course, If you don't _really _want to go, then you'll take any excuse not to.
In our case, the person staying at home takes care of things so that the other one can enjoy his or her night off.


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## Akira (Apr 21, 2009)

Bruno@MT said:


> In the case of staying home for your wife: she is a grown woman. She can take care of herself and the kids.


 
Still living in the 1950's hey? No I know what you mean Bruno it just sounded funny...

Anyway, despite how painful exercise can be, your brain is the hardest muscle to train. 

What do you usually do between finishing work and training? If you energy levels are low can you fit in a small meal? Can you sleep? Do some housework so you don't have to do it later? Can you go early and help out around the gym?  Play with your kids and get them tired? Just do anything to avoid doing nothing!

It's easy for me to keep motivated because I don't want to get knocked out.  Pretty strong motivation right there.


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## Drac (Apr 21, 2009)

Excuses are easy, training is not....I have been known to leave my job and drive to the dojang and sit in my car just so I would not go home and sack out on the couch and miss clas cause I was too tired...


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## Bruno@MT (Apr 21, 2009)

Akira said:


> Still living in the 1950's hey? No I know what you mean Bruno it just sounded funny...



Haha yeah I should've phrased it a bit differently perhaps 
Yes I meant that there is no reason to think that it is beyond the capabilities of a man/woman to 'hold the fort' for 1 or 2 evenings per week.

My grandmother took care of an entire family during WW2 when my grandfather was POW in a German camp. Compared to that, taking care of 2 kids for a couple of hours per week, along with a bit of ironing, cooking or cleaning is not that big an ordeal that I don't trust my wife to come out unscathed. And likewise: when my wife is off playing squash or has to work overtime, I manage not to let the kids or the laundry kill me


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## bluekey88 (Apr 21, 2009)

I'm going to concur with the majority here.  If you really want to do this...then just go.  Definitely set some goals and pick some motivators (BIll's advice was spot on).  

For me, I made MA calss a priority by looking at it not as an extra (which it reall is) but as a necessity.  I struggle a bit with depression, I generally don't like traditional exercise (so I struggel with weight), I struggle with stress.  MA class addresses all of that stuff...so I looked at it for a long time as adjunct therapy.  Now it is as much a part of my weekly routine as work.  But that took some time, dedication and self-discipline to get there.

Finally, if you decide gthis si waht you want to do and you get yourself on a scheule and then somethign happens and you miss some.  don't beat yourself up.  Don't looka t this as failure...just rethink your scheudle and get yourself back to class.  

Peace,
Erik


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## Stac3y (Apr 21, 2009)

Bruno@MT said:


> Haha yeah I should've phrased it a bit differently perhaps
> Yes I meant that there is no reason to think that it is beyond the capabilities of a man/woman to 'hold the fort' for 1 or 2 evenings per week. <snip>
> 
> ...taking care of 2 kids for a couple of hours per week, along with a bit of ironing, cooking or cleaning is not that big an ordeal that I don't trust my wife to come out unscathed. And likewise: when my wife is off playing squash or has to work overtime, I manage not to let the kids or the laundry kill me


 
Yeah, but there can still be some guilt. My husband is a teacher, so he's with kids all day. Then I leave him with our kids to go to class one night a week by myself (the other night they go with me) and all day tournaments about once a month. There are times he is less than thrilled about that. Even though I know it's not unreasonable for me to take that much time for myself, I still have loads of mommy guilt.  So I make myself feel better about it by making a crock pot dinner on the morning of each karate night so that I will have lifted some of the work off his shoulders (and it facilitates my getting to class on time, too.)

As for motivation to go to class, I (like someone else above; sorry I can't remember who) try to remember that in-class feeling to get over the tiredness hump. I also am very motivated by the tournaments I go to--I work hard to avoid looking like an idiot at those.


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## jones (Apr 21, 2009)

I payed particular attention to my frame of mind after I wrote my original post for the rest of the evening leading up to class.  It got me thinking about every time I missed class, I really didn't (read couldn't) enjoy myself or what I was doing.  It was like that time that I wasn't going to class was just being wasted.  Maybe once or twice did anything productive get done.  Once I got it in my head that I was going to class and went, everything felt like it fell into it's natural order.

I like what someone suggested earlier about getting things knocked out between work and class, tire out the kids, housework, dinner, etc.  That should keep me off my butt and help me feel like I'm not just dumping everything on my wife.  This is the first kind of extra activity that I've done in years that doesn't involve the whole family so it's a bit of an odd feeling having time to myself, for myself.


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## seasoned (Apr 21, 2009)

If you have a wife and kids, get them involved. Exercise and good eating habits are a very good role model for them. I did it years ago, and the end result is a family of black belts, and some of the best times ever. If your single, you definitely need to get off your butt. If the above isn't motivation enough, then you are a lost cause.


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## Thems Fighting Words (Apr 21, 2009)

Don't make excuses, instead accept whether you really want to commit martial arts as a priority or not, then move on from there.


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## Daniel Sullivan (Apr 22, 2009)

jones said:


> I've been going to my school off and on for almost two months now. I'm actually in my second month of membership. However, I've probably missed about three weeks of lessons, not necessarily consecutive weeks, but full weeks at a time. Some of those absences have just been because I was tired, others were just because I felt my wife could have used an extra hand on those days getting dinner out or because the kids were being especially unruly. I may just be trying to convince myself of that second one because, in the end, I was probably just being lazy.
> 
> I really enjoy my classes. But when it doesn't start until 7:30pm and I get off of work at 4:00pm, getting out the door can be a real effort after having all that time to laze around. So how do I keep motivated and keep myself from succumbing to external and internal distractions?


Already lots of good advice on staying motivated.  Just remember that each day is a new day.  If you have been lax in your attendence, today is always the day to make a change.

Daniel


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## Bill Mattocks (Apr 22, 2009)

jones said:


> This is the first kind of extra activity that I've done in years that doesn't involve the whole family so it's a bit of an odd feeling having time to myself, for myself.



You might think of it that way, or you might think of the effort you are putting in that could provide benefit to your family.  First, by being more able to defend yourself (the outward-facing goal of most martial arts training), you are better able to defend them.  Second, by being in better physical condition (a side-effect of MA training), you may live longer and healthier and be better able to provide for them.

Would you be selfish if you went to night school and got specialized eduction so you could get a better job and provide more money for your family?  No!  Same for MA.  You're benefiting your family as well as yourself.


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## Hudson69 (Apr 22, 2009)

First I have to say "Family first" if your wife needs you because she had a rough day then class should take a back seat and kids need to see their Dad.  If you can get them involved then that would be best but even if you are just a beginner you should have some techniques to practice, stay motivated by doing what you can at home when getting to the dojo is just not going to happen.  Sometimes being alone and working on something can give you a boost as well.


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## Aiki Lee (Apr 22, 2009)

Ask yourself if you could defend your family if "X" occurred. Just imagine a situation where violence continues to escalate and more attackers show up. That kind fo thinking should motivate you to keep going to class; it does for me.

"Tomorrow's battle is won during today's practice." - samurai maxim


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## KELLYG (Apr 22, 2009)

From one of your posts it sounds like you don't take much me time.   Think of it this way, aren't you more relaxed de-stressed after a good work out.   I would think that wife and kids would appreciate a more relaxed dad/husband.  Try to make some friends in class it will make it more enjoyable.  Once you have some buddies in class then all it will take is for one of them to say see ya Wednesday after a Monday's class to get ya going.


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