# how to deal with fear in a street fight



## nathan100

Hi guys, hoping to find to some help here on an issue that is mentally messing me up.  

Firstly I would like to stress that I'm not a trouble maker and do not go around looking for trouble either.

Recently I got involved in a street fight and to say the least, I lost.  I didn't lose cause I was floored, knocked out etc, but because I simply didn't know what the hell to do.  When I was being hit I couldn't move forward to strike I was simply FROZEN.  My emotions at the time went into negativity and instead of attacking and progressing forward I was allowing myself to be defeated.  
Also just before the fight kicked off, my legs went jelly and I was scared beyond belief, despite not knowing who my attacker actually would be.

My question is to you guys is what is wrong with me and why did that happen?  Im mentally beating myself up because I didn't do anything, please advise appropriately.


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## seasoned

The closest you will come to a self defense situation without actually being in one, is your training. The way you train will determine your mental preparedness for the real deal. 
Without knowing your training back ground it is difficult to determine where you may be lacking, but realism is key. In training, your mind has to be convinced that your fighting for your life and not just playing. In a controlled environment you need to be blocking techniques that are meant to hit you and in turn you should be doing the same.


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## jks9199

What you experienced is perfectly normal.  

If you pissed yourself or crapped your pants, that's normal, too, and nothing to be ashamed of.

We basically have some hardwired responses built into us, and when we're scared ********, we fall into our lizard brain responses.  Our lizard brain says there's three things we can do when we're threatened:  freeze, flight, or fight.  When we're exposed to a situation, like being the victim of personal violence, our first instinctive reaction is often to freeze:  stand still, and hope the scary thing doesn't notice us and goes away.  While we're frozen, our brain is playing a massive game of catch-up, and trying to figure out what to do.  Instinctively, we might reach the conclusion that the scary thing isn't going to go away, it's time to outrun it.  Or that it's time to fight the ogre.  You can generally recognize a freeze by a nice, warm, floaty feeling... You see what's happening, may find it quite fascinating... and will get around to dealing with it.  Of course... in reality, this is happening in fractions of a second.

So...  How do you break a freeze?  Do ANYTHING.  Yell.  Scream.  Punch.  Kick. Anything.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is doing something.  You can also condition some responses to ambush situations so that your lizard brain reaches into its programming, and goes "hey, here's something for this situation!" and dumps into that script.  (That's about 1, MAYBE 2 moves.)

(By the way...  A saying that my teacher has used for many years is that, under pressure, a master may remember 3 techniques.)

How do you prevent a freeze?  Training.  But it has to be the right training.  You have to use operant conditioning to program instant responses.  You have to use realistic scenario-based training, conducted properly, to show your mind & body that it really can handle this sort of thing.  With the right sort of training and practice, suddenly, these sorts of things become kinda cool...  chances to play.  (The only drawback is that, once you've really taught your body that you can handle adrenal stress... it takes more and more to get that thrill going.  It may lead you to doing some really crazy things to feel that thrill again...)


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## SuitableScroll

Act confidently. Refuse to submit. Inflict pain on the opponent. Turn fear into bravado. The fear and adrenaline rush you experience in a confrontation give you an unmatched surge of energy and bravado. When you learn to harness fear rather than be overwhelmed by it, you can use it to good advantage.


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## elder999

Run.

Seriously-that thing you call "fear" is mostly chemicals preparing your body to fight, or to run. 

1st choice-run. Especially in your case, apparently-I mean, sure, fighting is an option for some of us, but you wouldn't believe how fast you can run when you're adrenalized......

Run away, run off the adrenaline. Get away. No more fear. Fear dealt with.


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## Happy-Papi

Dear nathan100,

I hope that this can be of some help...

Another thing to consider learning is "how to prevent from turning yellow while being intimidated". Martial arts schools teach fighting techniques but almost all of them don't give their students the experience of really being intimidated, bullied, bashed, electrocuted (some does this  ), etc. to the point of break down or heart attack unlike in the Armed Forces. Naturally martial arts schools can't do this to their students or they will lose them and may face legal charges. 

Fear and intimidation can break people up even without throwing a punch. Even when the person have good MA skills but has no full control of his fear while being intimidated can turn yellow. I've seen people who have cried, pissed, vomited and fainted when they were being intimidated and when the punches were flying, even though these people can be considered non-softies, they couldn't use their fancy fighting techniques because their knees turned jello.

If you had some military training, you will experience being intimidated/bullied by drill officers and will be pushed to the limits but as the training progress, you will notice that even if the officers slaps your face or shouts at your ear you will not be that scared anymore and you will notice that you now can hear their commands with perfect clarity even when you are running, climbing or even under more heavy stress situations. The reason for this is that you have promoted yourself from maggot rank to tiger rank.

Many organized thugs also use similar tactics to scare their prey. They will surround and bark at their prey so hard to the point that they break and can easily be manipulated. 

Even from some organized MA competition, fighters use the "stare down" technique to break their opponents before a fight. 

Street fighters are often good at this because they have experienced and learned the law of the street jungle. They may not be good fighters but they know how control fear and know how to best intimidate their opponents for their benefit. Bar security guards are good with this too. 

One good example is my son. His upbringing was somewhat military like especially during his younger years. When he does something stupid I don't hit him but barks at him like a drill sergeant while he stands chin up, chest out and he drops and do push ups, squat trusts or make him run around. I don't do this now because he has grown up but my wife said that sometimes I still sound like a drill sergeant giving commands, hahaha! Our martial arts practice is full contact and sometimes we even slap/punch each others faces or a kick on the nut so he is not new to pain.
As he grew older, I noticed that he can't easily be intimidated during street fights even when he is being barked at. He stays very silent but very focused and enters what I call stalking mode and will just take their barking but when he gets pushed, he twists them and make their faces polish concrete. My son even told me that this helped him a lot to stay focused and cool headed and usually because of his training his opponent tucked tail and detached even before the fight. He knows how to intimidate his opponents by staying silent but pushes in plus giving them the tiger stare and showing that he means business and wont back down. I've seen him once doing this to a punk while we were having an afternoon walk (the punk thought that I was a teenager and not a dad because I am short, lol). The punk picked him randomly and wanted a fight but tucked tail. The punk kid couldn't control his fear that he had to support himself on his bicycle just to stand straight because his knees turned jello and I had to order my son to stop intimidating the kid or he may collapse because of fear. If the fight became real, the punk kid will will not be able to fight properly even though he is older, taller and bigger than my son because he turned yellow. The punk's mistake was that he knows how to intimidate but didn't do his homework on how to keep in control when being intimidated. Winning a fight is not always won by who has the best fighting technique but sometimes it is won by fear control and intimidation. 

Remember that this is just a fraction of the game and you still have to have a good MA or fighting skills to be truly effective in real combat or fights. Learn how to control your fear and train more harder. Do lots of sparring and if you can, enter the military or asks your close friends to try to practice intimidating you just like on a street fight. Tell them to push you around, grab your collar, call you names, etc. and try to make it as real looking as possible. This may sound corny but with lots of practice, this may help you control your fear. 
Next time make them jello okay


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## granfire

well, you did not LOSE lose....you got your tail kicked. But you are here to tell us about it. 
Silver lining, right!

Not sure, what is your training back ground? 
I mean, have you gotten clocked good in practice? 

elder probably had the best idea, Nike Jitsu.....black shoe.

I leave it to the guys who have been in a situation like that to tell you what can work or not. 
But generally speaking in a situation like this it becomes less about cognitive actions but rather ingrained techniques. 
That was something an instructor stretched at a clinic one time: don't just practice techniques, practice counter attacks as well. You know, like those moves in forms you have done a million times over, so much so that you have to actively try not to string them together because they became automated?

I spend a lot of time playing 'what if' scenarios out in my head. What would I do if I was in such and such situation. 
Keep your fingers crossed that I remain ignorant though, I don't mind...but for some lesser incidents it seemed to work for me not to lose my head but to do what needs to be done.


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## sanne

Some of the things against freezing are already mentioned.
Also check out breathing. Systema is very into this. Having the control over your own breath and keep on breathing under stress, will also avoid the freezing.
I usually teach a lot of stress drills. I use various stuff; spinning (dizzyness) and defend, stroboscope (disorientation) and defend, use kettlebell and defend. The more different situations you have trained, the better it is.
Also make you defences as simple as possible, gross moter skills. Take many hours in investigating simple and effective defences. Write them down and create your own curriculum. Train your curriculum as it's yours (Bruce Lee was right about that!).

Some reading about dealing with fear: http://www.mikadomartialarts.nl/en/reality-based-various/facing-violence-miller-r-book-1071.html
Rory Miller has alot of information about dealing with fear.

Ohjah. Have fun during training and don't tense up. You will be much more tensed on the streets... aka freezed


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## ks - learning to fly

nathan100 said:


> Also just before the fight kicked off, my legs went jelly and I was scared beyond belief, despite not knowing who my attacker actually would be.
> 
> My question is to you guys is what is wrong with me and why did that happen?  Im mentally beating myself up because I didn't do anything, please advise appropriately.



Hey Friend   first, NOTHING is wrong with you!!  Second, I am almost hesitant to respond, because although I have been the recipient of a similar butt-kicking, it hasn't happened again...I was jumped nearly 10 years ago in Detroit and was also scared beyond belief - not only for your reasons but as I was not training yet, had literally no clue what to do - even if I wasn't frozen. As others have mentioned - the flight or fight mode is very common and as my Instructor says, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is run...there's no shame in it..I would also like to add that I too - for MONTHS - let that incident mess with my mind - thoughts like "I'm not a trouble-maker, what did I do, what did I do to deserve that, I didn't start with them - why did he (they) start with me??"  ...what I know now is I should have left the blame with the guy that jumped me and proceeded to fracture 3 of my ribs, break my nose, blacken both my eyes, and leave visible kick marks from my shoulder down to my knee....what happened isn't and never was my fault...Sometimes, it isn't the situation you're in - it's how you react to the situation..after my assailant took off and I was able to find my glasses, and I sat there struggling to stand up - it struck me that sometimes - standing up is the most courageous thing you can do..  AND, essentially - that's what you're doing now...taking steps to air your fear and concerns to a community that will understand and withhold judgement because they care and have possibly traveled a similar road..that's courageous! The best advice I can give you is to try and let go of the negativity from that night (I know it's hard!) and use your training to reverse the fear that's left behind...When I found TKD, it was a turning point for me because it showed me that not only could I defend myself, but also that I could have the courage to walk away and hold my head high..

I hope this message is taken in the spirit in which it's intended because I know I haven't addressed some of the issues you were probably thinking of...but I hope you will remember this - if nothing else - You are NOT alone!!  You ARE a survivor!!!!!   Think on that and keep your head up!


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## Aiki Lee

There is no shame in admiting fear.

My advice would be to search out training that has a stress inducing element to it. Search out reality based self-defense programs with a emphasis on creating the proper atmosphere. This kind of training teaches you to become more accustomed to anxiety so that you remain in control even when feeling fear. I believe you will almost always be afraid in these kinds of situations but you must train yourself not to panic or freeze and the only way to do that is to replicate the feeling and intensity during training.


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## Transk53

jks9199 said:


> What you experienced is perfectly normal.
> 
> If you pissed yourself or crapped your pants, that's normal, too, and nothing to be ashamed of.
> 
> We basically have some hardwired responses built into us, and when we're scared ********, we fall into our lizard brain responses.  Our lizard brain says there's three things we can do when we're threatened:  freeze, flight, or fight.  When we're exposed to a situation, like being the victim of personal violence, our first instinctive reaction is often to freeze:  stand still, and hope the scary thing doesn't notice us and goes away.  While we're frozen, our brain is playing a massive game of catch-up, and trying to figure out what to do.  Instinctively, we might reach the conclusion that the scary thing isn't going to go away, it's time to outrun it.  Or that it's time to fight the ogre.  You can generally recognize a freeze by a nice, warm, floaty feeling... You see what's happening, may find it quite fascinating... and will get around to dealing with it.  Of course... in reality, this is happening in fractions of a second.
> 
> So...  How do you break a freeze?  Do ANYTHING.  Yell.  Scream.  Punch.  Kick. Anything.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is doing something.  You can also condition some responses to ambush situations so that your lizard brain reaches into its programming, and goes "hey, here's something for this situation!" and dumps into that script.  (That's about 1, MAYBE 2 moves.)
> 
> (By the way...  A saying that my teacher has used for many years is that, under pressure, a master may remember 3 techniques.)
> 
> How do you prevent a freeze?  Training.  But it has to be the right training.  You have to use operant conditioning to program instant responses.  You have to use realistic scenario-based training, conducted properly, to show your mind & body that it really can handle this sort of thing.  With the right sort of training and practice, suddenly, these sorts of things become kinda cool...  chances to play.  (The only drawback is that, once you've really taught your body that you can handle adrenal stress... it takes more and more to get that thrill going.  It may lead you to doing some really crazy things to feel that thrill again...)



Agree with jks9199, Nathan100. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Being a severely bullied youngster up until 15/16ish, the one aspect of what was happening to myself on a personal level, had nothing to do with my skill set. I realised that the rules of the street, do encompass any type of martial art or other fighting art, it is all mental. Put it this way, while working at a club a few years back, a kick boxer decided that he was soooo hard, and wanted to prove it. picked on a punter and you guessed it, a quick and ungainly kick to the nether region put this kick boxer down. In this instance, the kiddie legged it. With what you are posting, a few seconds is all you need to step back and let your system compose itself. On the street you target what is avaliable. The only rule is that there is no rule. The maxim is put them down hard or enough to retreat. One other thing, never show that you are a practioner of the arts. A coloured belt won't stop a piece of 2 by 4 kind of thing. All imho of course.


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## oftheherd1

granfire said:


> well, you did not LOSE lose....you got your tail kicked. But you are here to tell us about it.
> Silver lining, right!
> 
> Not sure, what is your training back ground?
> I mean, have you gotten clocked good in practice?
> 
> elder probably had the best idea, Nike Jitsu.....black shoe.
> 
> I leave it to the guys who have been in a situation like that to tell you what can work or not.
> But generally speaking in a situation like this it becomes less about cognitive actions but rather ingrained techniques.
> That was something an instructor stretched at a clinic one time: don't just practice techniques, practice counter attacks as well. You know, like those moves in forms you have done a million times over, so much so that you have to actively try not to string them together because they became automated?
> 
> *I spend a lot of time playing 'what if' scenarios out in my head. What would I do if I was in such and such situation.
> Keep your fingers crossed that I remain ignorant though, I don't mind...but for some lesser incidents it seemed to work for me not to lose my head but to do what needs to be done*.



A better tactic than most people think.  Always notice what is going on around you and consider, if something went south, what would be your best response.  Sometimes make up scenarios and work through them.  To include how you might disengage before it goes south.

Everything else above is good advice too.  There is no one magic bullet.


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## Balrog

As has been mentioned, the issue here is sudden stress and how to overcome it and make it work for you.  

The second best way to start overcoming it is simply by taking a deep breath.  That deep inhale gives you an oxygen push and helps your brain to continue to function.

The best way to overcome it, of course, is to control your environment and don't get into that kind of a situation in the first place.


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## Brian R. VanCise

Train!!!  Literally start training in a school that teaches Self Defense and work very hard at it.  That will probably take care of this should it ever happen again that you are attacked!  Lots of training in scenarios, etc.  Plus keep training, never stop!


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## Stickgrappler

Hello:

*bows deeply*

To add to the great advice posted so far, I posted something to my site that Tony Blauer wrote up:

http://www.stickgrappler.net/2013/02/tony-blauer-ten-commandments-of-street.html

The relevant part is this:



> *4 &#8209;Thou Shalt Not Fear Fear.
> *
> More dangerous than your opponent is your mind. If it doesn&#8217;t support you you&#8217;re ¾ beaten before you&#8217;ve started. There are really only two types of fear: biological and psychological.
> 
> Fear (biological) has been generally described as the &#8220;fight or flight&#8221; syndrome for most of our modern history.  This definition does not serve us once the physical confrontation is under way and is really not pertinent to your success.  Though the adrenaline surge created by your survival signals is a component of success, it is the mind that ultimately determines the action you will take.
> 
> *Psychological fear*, on the other hand, is an emotional state. Therefore it can be controlled and used to create action.  However, due to the lack of good information on fear management, _fear_, as we feel it, usually creates emotional inertia: your body&#8217;s inability to move. Inertia or panic is created by psychological fear when the mind visualizes failure and pain. Understanding this process is necessary to conquer fear.
> 
> We use three _acronyms_, to help us remember that psychological fear is only in our mind.  They are:
> 
> *Psychological **F.E.A.R.*
> 
> 
> 
> *F*alse *E*vidence *A*ppearing *R*eal
> (External stimuli that distracts us; physical evidence: weapons, multiple opponents, etc.)
> *F*alse *E*xpectations *A*ppearing *R*eal
> (Internal stimuli that distracts us; how we visualize, images of pain and failure.)
> *F*ailure *E*xpected *A*ction *R*equired
> (A trigger to DO SOMETHING!)
> 
> Cus D&#8217;Amato, a famous boxing coach, said, &#8220;_The difference between the hero and the coward is what they do with their fear.&#8221;_ The next time you feel it &#8209; fight it. Challenge your fear. Attack your fear. Do not fear fear. We all feel it. *Fight your fear first then fight your physical foe*. This is one of the true ways _of _growth.



What people call Fear with the jelly legs and freezing is Biological Fear - the body dealing with an Adrenaline Dump. As others have noted, if you train realistically, you will have an idea of what to expect should you get into another situation on the Street. Realistically should include shoving, IYF trash talking/verbal abuse, etc. 

To add to jks9199's 3 F's, I've seen it as this:  Fight, Flight, Freeze, Posture, or Submit - the five possible responses to an attack.  Check out Animal's site (Marc MacYoung):  http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/freeze-response.htm

But perhaps consider Awareness and Avoidance. I personally don't want to have to test my skills. There are so many unknown variables on the Street. Learn to be Aware of what street predators look for in potential victims, learn to avoid pre-contact by the 3 S's (avoid Stupid people in Stupid places doing Stupid things) or if contact is imminent, perhaps some verbal de-escalation.

HTH.

Very truly yours in the MA and SD,

~sg


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## Zenjael

Fear is something funny in martial arts, and there are a lot of different fears.

Many are afraid of those who are intimidating; people with reputation, or a size or body-type which seems unovercomable. It's kind of like when I see people sparring for the first time and they test each other out- to themselves. On the outside it looks like a staring contest.

Yet whether you attack, or defend, when you touch gloves, or get attacked, if you do nothing, you will get hurt, it is only when you attack that you have a degree of chance to control the outcome. I figure if someone pulls a knife, expect to get cut, but plan not to. Same for fighting, plan to get hit, but try your best not to be.

I'm only five foot 5, most guys are to a degree larger than me. You have to remember half of fighting is psychological, and that runs across people and even species. Look at how cats can chase bears up a tree. i'll tell you what I tell everyone else- overcome your fears by facing adversity in relation to yourself, and swallow your fear. 

If scared of heights, that means climbing the highest thing you can, safely, with control in your hands, and facing that fear. 

Likewise, in fighting, what are you scared of? Injury? you need to face that fear by getting hit, by seeking out people bigger and better than yourself.

I still get scared a lot when I step in a ring. But I would never let anything hold me back when I touch gloves, whether on the street, or in a practice setting. And I say this having had the unfortunate involvement in two muggings and an attempted robbery.

It's alright to get scared, but not if it holds you back. Eat it, and use it as fuel to F those people up who are trying to hurt you.

The more subtle, and more scary fear to me, is when you can do damage, but are so scared of hurting others, especially in practice it gets your A$$ handed to you when it actually counts.


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## jks9199

What are you trying to say with this rambling post, Zenjael?


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## Zero

Zenjael said:


> The more subtle, and more scary fear to me, is when you can do damage, but are so scared of hurting others, especially in practice.



Yeah, yeah, I know.  This is why I had to stop competing or even doing MA, I am just too scared of my own abilities and of hurting others (in fact, whenever I put on my gi (you know, the all black one with the skull on the back) and look in the mirror I get scared, I am just too deadly now days).


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## Zero

To make it worse, I can't even shadow box now, I am just too fast and can't find any shadows that will risk facing up to me.


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## Zero

I hit a shadow so hard the other day, the damn thing turned white.


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## Instructor

This has been beat to death at this point and most of the posts are correct.  It's such a compelling subject though that I couldn't resist responding to it.  Even if I just cover the same ground again.

I've been practicing martial arts for 23 years now.  I've been in maybe two actual real world engagements since learning it.  One was absolutely life and death with a weapon involved.

No amount of training makes fear go away.  Both times I was terrified!  All I can say is just keep breathing, in and out, in and out.   It's okay to run away.  On my last and most dangerous encounter I couldn&#8217;t run away because I had my two small children with me.  I had no choice but to fight.  I was scared for myself and scared even more so for my kids.

I think the thing that helped me most was the feeling that okay I have to fight and I could die but that's okay.  The only thing that matters is my kids.  At that moment much of the fear burned off because I accepted the possibility of death and dismissed it as not really a big deal, not compared to my kids.

Try to buy yourself some time. Keep moving.  Most engagements are pretty brief, they feel like an eternity but I bet most are less than two minutes long.

The adrenalin is really going wreck refined motor skills.  You have greater strength but less fine motor.  Protect your core and your head.  If you have to catch something nasty it's better to get in an arm.

Don&#8217;t try a bunch of fancy moves.  Breath in, breath out, chin down, hands up, and keep your balance.  Don't be afraid to grab the nearest chair and use it as a shield.  Make your moves count, you might only get one or two.

Also I suggest getting a friend in your class to grab you once in awhile and drag you around the room, push you into things, say terrible things to you.  Rough you up and make life hard for you.  Essentially desensitize you to some of the things that trigger terror.  With my students' I occasionally step it up to near real world and make them afraid.  You can see the fear response.  A couple of times I've had to ask them not to hurt me and to remind them that I am merely teaching them.  I tell them that I am going to play act like a bully, mugger, rapist, bar drunk, etc.  Then we role play it out.  I shout at them and do what I think that evil person might do.  Then after words we talk about what happened and how it might have gone differently.  We are all still friendly after words and it gives them confidence for when these nasty little incidences crop up in the real world, that they have seen this before and they know what to do.


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## WingChunIan

nathan100 said:


> Hi guys, hoping to find to some help here on an issue that is mentally messing me up.
> 
> Firstly I would like to stress that I'm not a trouble maker and do not go around looking for trouble either.
> 
> Recently I got involved in a street fight and to say the least, I lost.  I didn't lose cause I was floored, knocked out etc, but because I simply didn't know what the hell to do.  When I was being hit I couldn't move forward to strike I was simply FROZEN.  My emotions at the time went into negativity and instead of attacking and progressing forward I was allowing myself to be defeated.
> Also just before the fight kicked off, my legs went jelly and I was scared beyond belief, despite not knowing who my attacker actually would be.
> 
> My question is to you guys is what is wrong with me and why did that happen?  Im mentally beating myself up because I didn't do anything, please advise appropriately.



Nathan,
What you experienced is natural and is one of the prime reasons why many martial artists even highly regarded ones often find their skills disappear when faced with a street confrontation. My advice to you based upon what has worked for me is as follows.

learn to hit hard, very hard! hit bags, hit pads and hit sparring partners. Develop real confidence that you have the power to do damage.
spar / practice defence scenarios hard. Train with a real threat of being knocked out / hurt. Develop confidence that you can deal with random attacks thrown with real intent and also realise that you are harder to put down than you think.
Is there anything else that you have fear of? heights, spiders etc it doesn't have to be a phobia just something that gets your pulse going. If there is use exposure to it to trigger an adrenalin dump (if you don't have any general fears, try a theme park or parachute jump, track time with a pro racer etc) try to remember the feelings. If appropriate try practicing a couple of basic responses whilst the feelings are fresh, if not try to anchor the feelings by giving yourself a signal eg pinching your ear and repeat the whole thing a few times. When you are training scenarios give yourself the signal to try and replicate the feelings
Use visualisation to see yourself winning street encounters. For this to work the visualisation has to be realistic and you should try to recapture some of those feelings of shaking legs, sinking stomach etc.
Hope it helps


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## GaryR

Freezing - typical adrenal response, it can be trained out.  Here is an article I wrote that touches on the topic:

http://www.martialartsplanet.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115680


G


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