# So your meeting a woman on a first date.



## Chrisinmd (Dec 23, 2020)

So your meeting a woman on a first date.  You have never meant them before in person.  Lets say you were matched online and traded a few messages before meeting for this first date.

Your meeting at a reastruant / coffee place or bar.  You want to set in a booth.  Do you set next to the woman or across from her?  I heard a dating advice expert suggest you always set beside the woman.  He said setting across from someone is a confrontational position and the table creates a barrier between the both of you.   He suggested setting next to the woman is better so its easier to make physical contact with the woman and their is no physical barrier between the both of you.

So in your dating experience have you set across or next to the woman on a first date?  Which do you think makes more sense and would lead to a better date?


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## Dirty Dog (Dec 23, 2020)

Across. What you're describing would be a bit creepy on a first date, ESPECIALLY when it's the first time you even meet. I sit across from Sue even now. Because I can look her in the eye while we talk. And I can hold her hand easily despite the table. If I can't, it's because she doesn't want me to, and I better figure out what I did wrong really quick.


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## Buka (Dec 23, 2020)

Yes, sitting beside her on a first date is a creep move and then some.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Dec 23, 2020)

Absolutely across. That'll just freak her out and result in a quick end to the date.


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## Chrisinmd (Dec 23, 2020)

Monkey Turned Wolf said:


> Absolutely across. That'll just freak her out and result in a quick end to the date.



That was what I thought as well.  It would be uncomfortable and freak her out.

Anyway this guy on this youtube video suggests it for a first date.   Its a bit long but starting at the 2 min mark until 3 minute mark is where he says you should be beside her on the first date.  How To Have A Successful First Date | CRP - YouTube

Is this guy just some A hole who treats women like crap or he seems to think this is the way "alpha" men act on a first date?


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## isshinryuronin (Dec 24, 2020)

OK, I'll share my secret techniques with you guys...

When set at a table, I agree across is the right move.  But a booth, especially a large curved one - that provides *options* for both parties.  The lady sits at the end of the booth and there's no space to seat yourself next to her, that could be a sign that should be noted.

However, if she slides in enough for you to park yourself next to her, I'd go for it, taking it as an invitation and a very good sign.  She can always slide a little further down if uncomfortable to adjust the _maai_ (engagement distance).  As the evening progresses, you can experiment with closing the distance a little and gauge her reaction.  If she ends up four feet away, don't bother with dessert.

The distance she allows tells a lot about her perception of you without wasting words or time.  I would never get her boxed in, though.  Threatening, controlling, and inconsiderate. She should be able to adjust to her comfort level.

Anyway, I worked exactly this way on a first date (we talked on the phone a couple of times prior), and by the time we got thru half the meal, our legs were touching side by side.  So much info exchanged, simply from this dance of _maai_.  So, I'd recommend going for the booth.

By the way, how'd that date work out?  We just had our 25th wedding anniversary.


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## dvcochran (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> That was what I thought as well.  It would be uncomfortable and freak her out.
> 
> Anyway this guy on this youtube video suggests it for a first date.   Its a bit long but starting at the 2 min mark until 3 minute mark is where he says you should be beside her on the first date.  How To Have A Successful First Date | CRP - YouTube
> 
> Is this guy just some A hole who treats women like crap or he seems to think this is the way "alpha" men act on a first date?


Fully agree with the other posts.

I would also add putting too much stock into one guys "dating advice" on youtube is a very bad idea. General rules apply I think but this can also be a very regional thing.
I know it is clichet but be yourself; who else would you want your date to meet? And what better way to learn if you need to make changes in yourself?

It has been a Long time since I dated (other than my wife) but I liked setting at a small table with chairs. Always seemed a bit more personal and intimate to me.


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## Tez3 (Dec 24, 2020)

Oh good grief. 

Don't choose a booth.
Don't sit next to your date.
Don't listen to men telling you what a woman wants or likes.
Don't post up asking for advice and certainly don't comment on the date.


ASK A WOMAN YOU TRUST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Honestly, this is not the place to plot out how to handle a date, it's creepy.


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## dvcochran (Dec 24, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Oh good grief.
> 
> Don't choose a booth.
> Don't sit next to your date.
> ...


If I could have tagged agree and funny twice I would have.


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## Tez3 (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> That was what I thought as well.  It would be uncomfortable and freak her out.
> 
> Anyway this guy on this youtube video suggests it for a first date.   Its a bit long but starting at the 2 min mark until 3 minute mark is where he says you should be beside her on the first date.  How To Have A Successful First Date | CRP - YouTube
> 
> Is this guy just some A hole who treats women like crap or he seems to think this is the way "alpha" men act on a first date?




Absolutely horrible video. Horrible man.


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## jobo (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> So your meeting a woman on a first date.  You have never meant them before in person.  Lets say you were matched online and traded a few messages before meeting for this first date.
> 
> Your meeting at a reastruant / coffee place or bar.  You want to set in a booth.  Do you set next to the woman or across from her?  I heard a dating advice expert suggest you always set beside the woman.  He said setting across from someone is a confrontational position and the table creates a barrier between the both of you.   He suggested setting next to the woman is better so its easier to make physical contact with the woman and their is no physical barrier between the both of you.
> 
> So in your dating experience have you set across or next to the woman on a first date?  Which do you think makes more sense and would lead to a better date?


your over analysing,( or rather the giy your takibg advice from is,), , youve not met before,it is an interview, interviews should nt,be confrontational, people are are generaly more comfy  with stangers in front of them, 
showing pictures on phone, is a good transition from one to the other, as is its so noisy i cant hear you,

if this appears to make them uncomfortable,  put your coat on and go home, your wasteing your time


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## isshinryuronin (Dec 24, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Don't listen to men telling you what a woman wants or likes.



Dear Tez,

My wife is constantly telling me what I want.  What should I do?

Thanks,
               Lost in Las Vegas


100% true story:  For the past month my wife has been constantly telling me I should get a new recliner.  Every time I tell her I LIKE my old beat up one.  The new one is being delivered today.


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## Chrisinmd (Dec 24, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Oh good grief.
> 
> Don't choose a booth.
> Don't sit next to your date.
> ...



This is the general discussion forum on this site so you can discuss anything.  Not just boxing or BJJ!

And I have been on many dates before.  Some ended great and some not so great. I wasan't asking for personal dating advice.  I was just curious about the concept of where you set should on a date and everyone else experiences


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## Chrisinmd (Dec 24, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Absolutely horrible video. Horrible man.



So your saying this is not a good idea to implement this guys suggestions word for word?  Dam I was looking forward to giving it a try!  I figure the date would either last about 30 seconds when I piss her off by setting next to her and putting my hands all over her or end up as a awesome one night stand! lol


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## jobo (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> So your saying this is not a good idea to implement this guys suggestions word for word?  Dam I was looking forward to giving it a try!  I figure the date would either last about 30 seconds when I piss her off by setting next to her and putting my hands all over her or end up as a awesome one night stand! lol


yes that is almost certainly the two most likely outcomes,  what % chance of each is impossible to know, but seem as a fair number of first night sexual encounters take place is far from zero.

i remmber as a teen, askibg an older colleague, advice on a young lady who was comming to stay, he said go for it first night, if it comes off you have a week to enjoy it, if it doesnt your not wastibg all week to come up frustrated after 7 days,

he was infact correct, best week of my life, so far


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## Tez3 (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> This is the general discussion forum on this site so you can discuss anything.  Not just boxing or BJJ!
> 
> And I have been on many dates before.  Some ended great and some not so great. I wasan't asking for personal dating advice.  I was just curious about the concept of where you set should on a date and everyone else experiences




You missed the point mate. You don't post that on any type of site, keep it private. Why? Because it makes you look like a right numpty.

Of course you've been on lots of dates.


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## Tez3 (Dec 24, 2020)

isshinryuronin said:


> Dear Tez,
> 
> My wife is constantly telling me what I want.  What should I do?
> 
> ...




You are right of course, and of course your wife is right.


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## Tez3 (Dec 24, 2020)

It looks like having a shag is the sole point of some people's date. ' well I bought you dinner, you owe me sex'. Ugh. That's the mindset of boys (who don't actually know what good sex is) funnily enough some prefer men.


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## jobo (Dec 24, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> It looks like having a shag is the sole point of some people's date. ' well I bought you dinner, you owe me sex'. Ugh. That's the mindset of boys (who don't actually know what good sex is) funnily enough some prefer men.


your right of course, some blokes do consider a dinner mean sex, but then there are girl that wont do sex unless they are bought dinner  ( there a very good reason why romantic dingers are a thing)and other that will for a bag of snacks,

its largely nonsence, women generaly are as keen on sex as blokes, perhaps more choosy about which bloke, but thats why alcohol was invented,


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## Gerry Seymour (Dec 24, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> So your meeting a woman on a first date.  You have never meant them before in person.  Lets say you were matched online and traded a few messages before meeting for this first date.
> 
> Your meeting at a reastruant / coffee place or bar.  You want to set in a booth.  Do you set next to the woman or across from her?  I heard a dating advice expert suggest you always set beside the woman.  He said setting across from someone is a confrontational position and the table creates a barrier between the both of you.   He suggested setting next to the woman is better so its easier to make physical contact with the woman and their is no physical barrier between the both of you.
> 
> So in your dating experience have you set across or next to the woman on a first date?  Which do you think makes more sense and would lead to a better date?


I think sitting right next to someone you just met is pretty awkward, and would seem creepy in a booth (where there's a whole empty side). At a table, where "beside" is around a corner (or a curve), it's probably acceptably intimate. At a booth, across makes it easier to talk and look at each other.


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## dvcochran (Dec 24, 2020)

dvcochran said:


> If I could have tagged agree and funny twice I would have.


Well I just saw the I have the words 'could' and would backwards'. Oops.


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## Tez3 (Dec 25, 2020)

jobo said:


> your right of course, some blokes do consider a dinner mean sex, but then there are girl that wont do sex unless they are bought dinner  ( there a very good reason why romantic dingers are a thing)and other that will for a bag of snacks,
> 
> its largely nonsence, women generaly are as keen on sex as blokes, perhaps more choosy about which bloke, but thats why alcohol was invented,



And that says it all...........


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## isshinryuronin (Dec 25, 2020)

Males have their truth, females have theirs (perhaps part of the Grand Design).  Each acts in accordance with their beliefs, whether based in yin or yang.  But I think these actions must be based on one understanding the other.  Yin must accept and consider there is Yang, and visa versa.  Then, though different, they can work together in harmony.

An attack will not be successful without considering and understanding the defense, and a defense won't work without considering and understanding lines of attack.  As martial artists, we study and practice this concept.  Male/female relationships IMO are similar in this respect.


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## Tez3 (Dec 25, 2020)

isshinryuronin said:


> Males have their truth, females have theirs (perhaps part of the Grand Design).  Each acts in accordance with their beliefs, whether based in yin or yang.  But I think these actions must be based on one understanding the other.  Yin must accept and consider there is Yang, and visa versa.  Then, though different, they can work together in harmony.
> 
> An attack will not be successful without considering and understanding the defense, and a defense won't work without considering and understanding lines of attack.  As martial artists, we study and practice this concept.  Male/female relationships IMO are similar in this respect.



Relationships between men and women should not be regarded in any way as attacking or a fight. 
I suggest you look up the Jewish concept of Bashert and best way to develop a relationship with a partner.


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## jobo (Dec 25, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Relationships between men and women should not be regarded in any way as attacking or a fight.
> I suggest you look up the Jewish concept of Bashert and best way to develop a relationship with a partner.


i belive you are correct, the problem is that in order to have a relationship to nourish, you first have to have a relationship, and in the modon world sexual attraction has much better chance than compatability/ compasion and any number of other things that help a relationship, of getting you a partner.

no the relationship should not ve viewed as a attack defence, it can however be a game of stratagy, to both present yourself in the best light and to out manouver other intrested males, i suspect the revesre is also true to a large extent, the human mattibg ritual is not much different, but more complex perhaps that our mamal cousins .

if you havent got the good looks to have womens forming an orderly queue in the disco, then you need to revert to phycology and strategy , to give yourself a chance

its no coincidence, i would sugest, that of the women who have called time on our relationship as they have met some one they prefere more, that this is never a guy thats less physicaly atractive than i am. NEVER

as a rule of thumb, they return 3 months later, saying the guy was an #### and can they start again? just being really nice to them doesnt seem to count for much


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## isshinryuronin (Dec 25, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> Relationships between men and women should not be regarded in any way as attacking or a fight.


I was not inferring any such thing.  Sorry you took it in that light.  I was just using MA terms  (since this _is_ an MA forum) to get across the idea that both sides of the coin should understand each other. 

I purposely wrote "in this respect" to limit the statement's meaning to the topic being referred to - men and women understanding each other's viewpoints.  Perhaps I should have kept it in the same paragraph, but it was just an analogy. I thought this was clear from the rest of the post's context.

It seems that I have ironically violated the very principal I was writing about, and did not properly consider the "other side's" misinterpretation of my post and their sensitivity to my using MA terms to describe *the need for both parties to consider and understand each other. *(I'm pretty sure, Tez3, that you do agree with this main idea) I thought that this theme was prevalent enough in my post that it would not be taken the wrong way.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Dec 25, 2020)

isshinryuronin said:


> using MA terms to describe *the need for both parties to consider and understand each other. *


I always like to use men and women relationship to describe MA strategy/principle.

- You should always attack first. If a Taiji guy always follows the Taiji principle, "If you don't move, I won't move." He will never be able to have his 1st date.
- You have to give before you can take.
- It's better to lose by trying then to win by not trying.
- Try to lead the fight. Don't let your opponent to lead the fight.
- Fighting is like to date a girl. You need a plan.
- You need cross training. There exist no single girl who is pretty, rich, good in cooking, and ... 
- Your posture training should be like to hug a girl.
- ...


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## Tez3 (Dec 25, 2020)

You guys are in a hole, stop digging.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Dec 25, 2020)

Chrisinmd said:


> So in your dating experience have you set across or next to the woman on a first date?  Which do you think makes more sense and would lead to a better date?


Sit across the table. Look at the girl through her eyes for 10 minutes and say, "I wish I can look at you like this for the rest of my life."

You can't do this when you sit next to her.


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## Tez3 (Dec 26, 2020)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> Sit across the table. Look at the girl through her eyes for 10 minutes and say, "I wish I can look at you like this for the rest of my life."
> 
> You can't do this when you sit next to her.




That'll work if you want her to throw up or you like stupid girls.


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## dvcochran (Dec 26, 2020)

Tez3 said:


> That'll work if you want her to throw up or you like stupid girls.


Meh, sounds like a serious case of puppy love to me.


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## Kung Fu Wang (Dec 26, 2020)

dvcochran said:


> Meh, sounds like a serious case of puppy love to me.


It's very lucky to have true love in your life time.

If a girl tells you that she hasn't washed her hands for 2 days after you hold her hand, you should stop looking. That girl should be your wife.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Dec 26, 2020)

Kung Fu Wang said:


> It's very lucky to have true love in your life time.
> 
> If a girl tells you that she hasn't washed her hands for 2 days after you hold her hand, you should stop looking. That girl should be your wife.


You should probably stay away from that girls. Bad hygiene practices, particularly with covid.


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