# 100 reasons to vote for Bush...



## Tkang_TKD (Sep 14, 2004)

Preface: I'm posting this here because it is more funny than being an actual topic of debate. Enjoy 

1. Going into war requires caution. Who better to be cautious than a proven coward who deserted when it was his time to go? 


2. Because deficits mean more pools for foreign bankers. And, people have to clean those pools. 

3. Because people need more time with their families. How better to get that time than with a good lay-off. 

4. Ten thousand fewer dollars a year average mean less taxes for the average person. 

5. Because if we don't have our travel papers checked and get strip-searched, the terrorists will come in and take away those freedoms. 

6. Because nobody CARES about habeous corpus. 

7. Who better to know how terrorists think than two people who have done extensive business with them. 

8. Because the Chinese need ANOTHER spy plane...less dented up this time, thank you... 

9. Because there are a few children who HAVEN'T yet been left behind. 

10. Because he should win at least ONE election, eh?... 

11. Because Osama really WAS irrelevent. 

12. Because the buck stops...over there...by Clinton... 

13. It's one thing for the Kurds to capture Saddam and put him into a hole and call the U.S. military; 
but, it takes a real man to take credit for his capture... 

14. Because we no longer care about Taiwan. 

15. Because speaking English is no longer necessary to be president. 

16. Because he stands by his statements for at least eighteen hours before his handlers tell us what he REALLY meant to say... 

17. Because he holds at least one press conference a year with prescreened questions. 

18. Because he keeps those with opposing opinions away from his campaign rallys, thereby giving them more time for other things... 

19. Because deserting during a war isn't as bad as volunteering, serving one tour of duty, 
signing up for a second tour of the most dangerous duty, then getting out after three purple hearts. 

20. Because Cheney and Rush told you to... 

21. Because, with a grandfather that dealt with the Nazis, a father that sold weapons to terrorists and a VP 
who dealt with Saddam, Bush not only knows about terrorism, he has most of their home phone numbers... 

22. Because, sometimes you just need an ignorant religious zealot to run things... 

23. Because he gave Texas its first deficit. If he can remember what he did, he just won't do that with our economy...any more... 

24. Who better to reform our prison system than someone who's been arrested three times? 

25. With a DUI and three DUIs for his VP, he has shown he can operate heavy machinary under the influence. 
Think of how competent he will be sober... 

26. He doesn't trash veterans. His friends trash veterans... 

27. He's the first president who has taken the initiative to have torture legalized... 

28. He won't leave even if he's voted out of office. Elect him or he'll cause a scene... 

29. The first lady has already killed once. Watch out, democrats in congress! 

30. Vote for bush because, if you don't, he'll allow other terrorist attacks... 

31. There are a million fewer jobs than when he entered office. This job shortage will keep us from using 
super-intelligent apes to do the work that we cannot get to which would result in them rebelling and 
blowing up the Statue of Liberty and making Charleton Heston cry 

32. There are so many more reporters he hasnt given spiffy nicknames to 

33. Drunken daughters can be seen on Girls Gone Wild #8. Its much more exciting when their father is actively president. 

34. Has the decency not to speak to a committee without Cheney nearby to tell them to f*ck themselves 

35. Sometimes, you need the perspective of an ex-cheerleader 

36. Because only Bush has the courage to stage the daring rescue of Jessica Lynch 

37. He was grounded for not taking a drug test, so we can be sure that he wont steal a plane and run away during the night 

38. Any person who can get the city of Arlington to condemn the land of private citizens and buy him a stadium 
has got to be amazingly persuasive 

39. He has full confidence in the voting machineseven the ones that he knows nothing about 

40. If we get tired of him, we can just throw him a pretzel or put him on one of those two wheeled nerd mobiles 

41. You look at an aircraft carrier and you see and aircraft carrier. He sees an aircraft carrier and he sees a photo-op 

42. If you dont vote for Bush, Ann Coulter will come to your home and beat you to death with her penis 

43. With four more years, we might actually get to see him testify under oathJUST KIDDING! 

44. Because large corporations are still at the mercy of survivors lawsuits whenever their negligence kills us 

45. Because, after failing at every business venture he has ever tried, hes almost got it right 

46. Because hes an OIL MAN and he knows how to talk those OPEC guys into charging us an astronomical sum, 
then charging slightly less than that 

47. Because he was for a patients bill of rights as governor of Texas. Thats why he threatened to veto the bill, 
then let it become law without his signature 

48. Because, if he doesnt pull American troops out of Korea, how can North Korea overrun the South? 

49. Because his mother is a male impersonator and so is his father 

50. Because our children need to understand that, in America, any multi-millionaire, no matter how corrupt 
and incompetent, can grow up to steal the presidency 

51. Because he bravely defended the Gulf Coast from the Vietnamese during the war. 

52. Because he does a great impersonation of women who have been condemned to death. Almost as good 
as D'Amattos impersonation of Judge Ito 

53. Because Christianity needs his help. God cant do it all on his own 

54. If we vote bush out, the NRA will have to find another office in Washington, D.C 

55. The same goes for the KKK 

56. You saw him in that flight suithe WAS happy to see you! 

57. Because, if we vote him out of office, hed have to interrupt a vacation to get his things out of the White House 

58. Because Haliburton has been growing in his bedroom moaning Feed me 

59. Because, if hes not president anymore, Cheney will quit hanging out with him 

60. Because we need a president who will bravely fly secretly into Iraq, stay at the airport for a few hours, then run away 

61. Because, if you dont disqualify over a million people from getting overtime, the terrorists win 

62. Because who else can answer a prescreened, benign question with a well-rehearsed, but poorly-executed humorous response? 

63. Because Powell wont work for someone smarter than he is 

64. Because two out of eight retired four-star generals agree that Bush is the man for the job. 

65. Because women carrying signs saying Get Rid of Your Bush are a lot sexier than women carrying signs saying Get Rid of Your Kerry 

66. Because, if you dont, hell drop the dog AGAIN 

67. Because hes a regular guy and he knows what it is like to struggle day after day to convince other people to buy him a baseball stadium 

68. Because his father didnt completely wipe out the Kurds 

69. Because the Blame Clinton tactic will still be effective for two more years 

70. Because his Let My Contributors Steer the Submarine initiative has already proven effective against Japanese fishermen. 

71. With all the resignations in Bushs administration, itd be a shame if he were to have to leave as well 

72. If Bush goes away, well have to get a National Security Advisor whose name DOESNT sound like that of an Asian porn star 

73. Bush knows what it is like to suffer from hunger, having presided over a state with a huge number of impoverished children 

74. Bush would be the only two-term president to have actually swallowed the umbrella in his mai tai 

75. Because we dont want gays to be promiscuous and we dont want them to be monogamous 

76. Because hearing him speak reminds one of Eliza Dolittleand who didnt like My Fair Lady? 

77. Because being allowed to invest ones own social security money will provide our retirees with the same returns 
that our IRAs did when invested the same way 

78. Because billionaires need to eat too 

79. Because our teachers need to be held accountableso do our studentsfor that matter, so does everyone but Bush actually 

80. Because he believes that marriage should be only between a man and a woman of the exact same race 

81. Because drilling in Alaska will provide America with that one percent of oil that we need to break away from OPEC 

82. Because the average person had it too easy under Clinton 

83. Because the term Tax cut causes a Pavlovian response in neocons 

84. Because he's not as stupid as he looks...no one could be... 

85. Because the rest of the world was on the verge of thinking that they were just as good as we are... 

86. Because this time, he could actually WIN Florida 

87. Because the twins need Secret Service agents to hold their hair back while they vomit curbside 

88. Because, if we dont elected GW, Scalia is just going to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and APPOINT him president 

89. As long as Bush is president, Bill Mahar stays off commercial television and gets to swear as much as he wants. 

90. Because we truly werent getting enough arsenic in our water 

91. Stop looters? Sorryhe thought that they asked him to Stop at Hooters 

92. Because, in the next term, he might actually manage to organize an election in at least one of the two democracies hes created. 

93. Because he has given the world a single unifying dreamof his gruesome demise 

94. Without President Bush, Ricky Martin will have to go back to selling his body at truck stops 

95. Because we really dont want to know if there is a dangerous amount of asbestos in the air 

96. Because somebody competent would just put Jay Leno out of a job 

97. Because four years is just enough time for Neil Bush to eliminate all witnesses to his shady and unsavory practices. 
This will involve nuking a large portion of Asia 

98. We know that he wont run away because every other country hates him 

99. Fool him once, shame on him. Fool him twice.. 

100. Hes into recycling. Hes already recycled many of Saddams killers into his police force


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## Feisty Mouse (Sep 15, 2004)

:roflmao: Although some of them are so close to home, I did wince.


Thanks!


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## Raewyn (Sep 15, 2004)




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## bignick (Sep 15, 2004)

haha...this is getting printed and posted somewhere...just need to decide...


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## Tkang_TKD (Sep 15, 2004)

bignick said:
			
		

> haha...this is getting printed and posted somewhere...just need to decide...


I pulled it off www.bartcop.com.  It's a left leaning political humor site. You might want to check it out


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## Chronuss (Sep 15, 2004)

Tkang_TKD said:
			
		

> It's a left leaning political humor site.


that's a slight understatement.


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## Tkang_TKD (Sep 15, 2004)

Chronuss said:
			
		

> that's a slight understatement.


Ok, So Ole Bart is a bit extreme....Desparate times call for desparate measures


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## jukado1 (Sep 16, 2004)

And the number one reason to vote for George W. Bush,  JOHN KERRY !!


sorry !  Could not help myself.


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## Tkang_TKD (Sep 16, 2004)

jukado1 said:
			
		

> And the number one reason to vote for George W. Bush, JOHN KERRY !!
> 
> 
> sorry ! Could not help myself.


LOL!  You got me on that one


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