# For you 1911 fans out there



## KenpoTex (Jun 2, 2004)

Saw this posted on another site, thought it was pretty good

The Gospel According To John (Moses Browning)
John Moses Browning was perhaps the finest firearms designer, ever.  His designs continue to work and to serve almost 100 years after they were created.  There is an ongoing controversy about the reliability and safety of current 1911s vs. other pistols and I think this about sums the situation up.  As translated from the original ancient manuscripts by Fr. Frog.


1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good.  And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith.  For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.

 2 And shouldst thou muck with it  and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.

 3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911.  The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase.  For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights , which are an abomination unto the Lord.  For they doth break and loose their zero when thou dost need true aim.  And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle. a

6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

 8 And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did function.

 9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cocketh and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

 10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and did proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken.  Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men.  And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation b by the followers of John.


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a  Several old manuscripts add the following text. "And they [also rendered as "these men"] didst chamber it for cartridges who's calibers startith with numbers less than the Holy Number 4.  And lo the Lord did cause great grief amongst these men when their enemies who were struck in battle with these lesser numbers dids't not fall but did continue to cause great harm."

b or Hell

© copyright 2003 by John C. Schaefer


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## OULobo (Jun 2, 2004)

Amen.

When I was gearing up to by a .45 my buds were all pushing me to the Glocks or the H&Ks, and my Pops was all about a suped up Kimber. I liked them all, but when it all came down to it, I just got the standard Springfield Mil-Spec 1911, as close as I could get to the original Colt design. I don't know why but I like the sturdy and simple make, call it nostagia.


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## Taimishu (Jun 2, 2004)

M1911 L1A1 .45ACP
Amen brothers.

David


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## dearnis.com (Jun 5, 2004)




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## Trent (Jul 22, 2004)

Heh, heh; thanks for sharing.


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## michaeledward (Jul 22, 2004)

You know ... I am so glad that I have *NO IDEA* what the hell you guys are talking about ... even with that introductory paragraph.

Well, boys .... have fun!

Mike


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## Stick Dummy (Jul 23, 2004)

Damn Trolls - Go AWAY and picket the fur shops..................


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## michaeledward (Jul 23, 2004)

Stick Dummy said:
			
		

> Damn Trolls - Go AWAY and picket the fur shops..................


<<chuckle>>

I might be a "Damn Troll', although I am not sure. 

But, even if I were, how would picketing a fur shop contribute? Do you use this 1911 to shoot furry animals? And, even if you did, as an avid sportsman (see my avatar), I absolutely support your right to shoot cute, little furry animals. I believe well-managed hunting is essential for the ecosystem.

Have a nice day.  Mike


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## KenpoTess (Jul 23, 2004)

*MOD NOTE

 Please Keep to the Topic of the thread.  If you don't Understand the Topic, ask questions Politely of your fellow posters.  

If you have no interest in the topic,  Either create one you wish to discuss or head onto another area of the board.

Thank you,

~Tess
-MT. S. Mod-
*


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## dearnis.com (Jul 23, 2004)

The 1911 is mostly designed for not so cute animals....  but I did once shoot a nutria rat with an Officer's model.   

(Hope that didn't push the limits Tess....)


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## KenpoTex (Jul 23, 2004)

To anyone who wonders what this was about:

If you don't understand, I can't explain it.  


			
				dearnis.com said:
			
		

> The 1911 is mostly designed for not so cute animals....


LOL (primarily the "two-legged" variety)



			
				dearnis.com said:
			
		

> but I did once shoot a nutria rat with an Officer's model.


  they work great on rattlesnakes too.


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## Seig (Jul 23, 2004)

I killed a deer last year with mine.


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