# Where would you take a girl out on a first date?



## alphacat (Nov 24, 2009)

The story goes like this.
We both got to know each other in some forum.

Now we aren&#8217;t talkative persons, I'm more quiet and routine, and she's more free and outgoing.

So I just don&#8217;t know where I could take her out.
Usually she goes with her friends to some pub, but I'm really not into crowded places.

I'd love to hear any suggestions.
Thanks fellas.


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## terryl965 (Nov 24, 2009)

Take her to the school you train at for some one on one time, beside getting to toss her around is just awesome for a first date.


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## Bill Mattocks (Nov 24, 2009)

I take my cue from Max Headroom's classic interview with Tina Turner:



> Max~ "Whaddya mean you won't go out on a date with me?"
> Tina Turner~ "Where would you take me on a date?"
> Max~ "To the moon and back, *****!!"


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## Rich Parsons (Nov 24, 2009)

alphacat said:


> The story goes like this.
> We both got to know each other in some forum.
> 
> Now we arent talkative persons, I'm more quiet and routine, and she's more free and outgoing.
> ...


 

AlphaCat,

Dating is about getting to know each other. So do something fun that you like to do and she might like to do. 

You also could go to a dinner where it would be quieter and you two could talk. Movies are not real good first dates unless you both want to see the same movie and you plan to go somewhere after so you can both talk about it. 

Do you guys roller blade or play putt-putt gold or ..., ?


Good Luck


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## seasoned (Nov 24, 2009)

No pub for the first date. Dinner is always a winner, then something fun where you can both be kids again and laugh and have fun.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Nov 24, 2009)

Eeeeeeee!!! This is so exciting! A first date is absolutely the most exciting and fun thing for a woman. It's all downhill after that.

Your first date says a lot about your intentions. Taking her for putt putt golf or some other daytime activity implies that you want a friend and activity partner AND MAYBE a romantic partner. It is also much more casual, and unless you've verbally stated that you are interested in her as a woman, she might simply interpret this as a "friend date". Asking her for dinner sends a more pointed message, with your romantic intentions clearly stated.

Dinner at a nice restaurant never fails. Tell her she looks pretty, dress well yourself, open doors for her (including the car door), pull her chair out for her, and encourage her to order dessert. You will appear gentlemanly, and that goes a LONG way toward impressing a woman.

Good luck!


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## David43515 (Nov 24, 2009)

Someplace quiet for a nice dinner is always a winner. although since you met here on a martial arts forum, the post that mentioned training a little together sounded like it might be fun too if done early in the day. But ONLY if you both have lots of time to clean up afterwards. A girl that enjoys MA is a real treasure, but she still probably doesn`t want to get all sweaty on a first date.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Nov 24, 2009)

David43515 said:


> A girl that enjoys MA is a real treasure, but she still probably doesn`t want to get all sweaty on a first date.


 
Wanna bet?

Oh wait, that's the *third* date.


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## Omar B (Nov 24, 2009)

First dates are great.  You want to do something that makes you two talk to each other, no movies, plays or anything of the sort where you spend all evening shutting up and looking off at something else.

Every city has a cool funky neighborhood.  In NY we have the West Village, in Miami there's South Beach.  There's always somewhere where the cool people and the weird people hang out.  Go have a light dinner down there then walk and people watch.  There's nothing that breaks the ice like checking out cool stuff or pointing out "what the hell is that dude wearing."

Take the pressure off yourself being cool and charming, just be you, have the surroundings do that.  Have diner one place, have desert in another, walk in between, stop, window shop, check stuff out, crack secret jokes between each other about the natives.

Personally, I prefer to stay away from the dinner date till the second.  First dates are always better as coffee or lunch dates in my opinion.


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## Ken Morgan (Nov 24, 2009)

Omar&#8217;s got some good advice there.

One of the pieces of advice I got at 18 was that woman want to go out, date and have sex more than guys do. And over the years it has all proven to be true!

Understand she will be as nervous as you are. You both need to relax and chat about the world around you, past stories, life and throw in lots and lots of humour! Do not, except in a very general brief way, and only if pushed, chat about past relationships!

Go to a light, casual easy place for a lunch, go for a walk, maybe a small gallery, a few hours, nothing serious. If it goes well, if it get later, you can always stop for a coffee and chat some more. Then maybe plan for something else for date number two.

Remember it&#8217;s a get to know each other date, you&#8217;re not marrying her&#8230;&#8230;yet&#8230;


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## Omar B (Nov 24, 2009)

Thanks Ken.  Though I usually don't go for galleries for a first date.  Why?  Because you don't know the person's perspective when it comes to art, what if you take someone who's into romanticism into an impressionistic or abstract gallery?  It might color you in weird light, the chick might think, "what the hell kinda weird crap is this guy into?"

Be confident, be funny, keep it moving.  It's not an interview so you and her should stay off of heavy topics.  If she persists in asking relationship/career questions, turn it away with humor.  Remember, don't be stilted in how you act or converse, think of her as a bud of yours, only you don't throw in the four letter words.  Don't be afraid to bust on her once in a while, like you do with your buds, it shows you are not intimidated or challenged by a pretty girl.


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## SensibleManiac (Nov 24, 2009)

Definitely find something you can DO together, like play pool, or go bowling.

Remember to make fun of her if she can't bowl, and if she's better than you then especially make fun of her.


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## Bruno@MT (Nov 25, 2009)

Someplace where you can still talk to each other would be nice.
In my case, my wife and I spent a weekend together in Euro disney. We were part of a group of friends, but we spent most of our time together. I wouldn't qualify that as a date, since we just happened to be part of the same group. The week after, we decided to meet up in the city and go to the Irish pub. She loves Ireland and Irish pubs, and it gave us a chance to talk all night. That was really our first 'date'.

Going places where you pretty much have to shut up like the movies is a bad idea, at least for the very first date, since you want to get to know each other. Art galleries or things that you really are passionate about might be a bad idea, because if she is not into it the same way you are, she will be bored.

I advise against diner dates too. Taking a girl out to diner forces her to consider it as a romantic date. Doing something less formal relaxes the atmosphere and allows you to get to know each other and gradually build up to the 'I like being with you' message. And I agree with Jenny: be a gentleman. Come to think of it, that part never ends 

Time for a confession though: I haven't had many first dates, and the first one that actually lead up to a relationship was the one with the woman that became my wife.  so while this worked for me, it is by no means experience that is based on lots of dating experience.


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## teekin (Nov 25, 2009)

Since you met on a forum you must have an idea of what she likes to do. Can you plan an activity that has something to do with that? Or something out of the blue? A hot air balloon ride? A light lunch and carriage ride or walk through formal gardens? An afternoon football game or evening ice hockey game? Better yet the Symphony, "Ode to Joy"  will be playing everywhere very very shortly. 
 More important than where you take her is how you act. The "Huh, and what do *You* bring to the Table" ( hmmmmm, why, oh why does that sound familiar Omar?) additude" pretty much dooms any date to Epic Failure. Pay attention to her, as if she was the most interesting person you have ever met, the only person in the room. Be a GentleMan! Be chivalrous, be sweet, be kind, be confident. If she looks nice tell her so, and tell her what you like ( the way the dress hugs the curves, her eyes, her long sexy legs, sultry lips  ec.) Be courteous and polite to everyone you come in contact with. Open doors, offer your arm, look at her when she speaks and when you speak.  Act like it's just the two of you, all alone in your own world with no one else watching, try to have fun, make her laugh out loud and play like when she was a little girl. 
 Oh and when it's time to say goodnight let her decide the next step. Paying for dinner isn't payment for anything *else*. Nothing says "arsehole" like the insinuation that dinner is payment for services rendered. (see Epic Failure)

Relax and go with the flow. Know she is at least as nervous as you. You are both in the exact same boat, both doing your best with what you have right now. Be gentle and kind to her, be gentle and kind to yourself. OK
lori


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## alphacat (Nov 25, 2009)

Wow, I really appreciate your great advices.

I really should be a gentleman during the date but at the same time act like I'm going with a buddy of mine.
I think I'll just ask her what she likes and find something related, perhaps i could make where we go sort of a surprise after knowing what she's into.


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## Sukerkin (Nov 25, 2009)

Some good insights ladies and gentlemen; my compliments.

Being an old fashioned chap ("No! You!? Really?!" exclaims everyone ) I have to throw my hat in the ring for the dinner 'option' as a first date. The whole point of a first date is to see if there is 'anything' there between two people and that, by default, requires interaction.

The biggest mistake that can be made, as has been hinted by others, is to fall off that narrow line between coming on too strong and seeming too casual. It's a dinner date, not a contract but neither is it something of no consequence :lol:. 

In the "Things to be Avoided" list, that is closely followed by trying to be something you're not in order to make a good impression. "To thine own self be true" is a very important thing in relationships and putting up a pretence is a very good way to doom anything that follows on.

Of course, if it is not a normal circumstance to be in 'polite company', by all means pay special attention to being courteous and attentive rather than 'slobbing out'. For all the 'nice guys finish last' mythology, I have yet to meet a woman who does not take it as a positive trait that a man can show civility. But don't fret overmuch. The ladies here will correct me if I hold an erroneous view but it is my experience women respond to a man being well mannered and confident, attentive without being subservient or 'fussy'.


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## Jenna (Nov 25, 2009)

Sukerkin said:


> women respond to a man being well mannered and confident, attentive without being subservient or 'fussy'.


Ooh you have that just so! Agree 100% .. are you taken? haha..
*
@alphacat* have you not asked her where she would like to go?  You have only said that she usually goes to the pub with mates?? If she is open to suggestions then be sure you at least _have _a suggestion that will be a good compromise between what you and she both like.. If she has asked you to the pub with her mates then that is not really a date.. If it were me, I should like you to decide where we would go and organise everything + taxi so I only have to worry bout important things how low is too low haha.. Hey good luck.. like Suke says, be CONFIDENT! You are a very worthwhile and lovely person and you do not be forgetting that nuh-uh!! Jenna x


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## teekin (Nov 25, 2009)

Now Mark, we all know that you, of all men, would have the perfect Dove Grey morning suit for a trip to the Symphony, 2 box seats accross from the woodwind section, reservations at a quiet corner table an old Monastery/Private Club and dancing afterward. The perfect Gentleman.
lori


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## Chris Parker (Nov 25, 2009)

Well, the origin of the term Gentleman is Genteel Man, and as such a true Gentleman is well versed not only in the more refined aspects of society, manners, social conventions and finery, but is also a man of action, being willing and able to step up in need with the use of, amongst other things, a sword. If I was Sukerin, I would take Grendel308's comment as a huge compliment!

Oh, and on the original topic, a very dear friend of mine once told me that she believed all first dates should involve the eating of something particularly messy and ungraceful, such as spaghetti bolognese. Her idea was that it cut straight throughany false attempts to "put on airs", as it is impossible to be suave with tomato-soaked noodles slurping their way into your mouth! So I think her main advise was simple, whatever you do, relax and enjoy yourselves! As many others have said, the company is what makes the date, not the location or activity. Oh, and be confident!


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## Aikikitty (Nov 25, 2009)

There is a lot of great advice here. 

I have to laugh a little because my first date with my husband was him teaching me archery in a manure pile. It came about because I knew he was interested in me and he mentioned archery. I've always wanted to try it so he offered to teach me. The manure pile was next to my sister's house (landscapers) and it was just like dirt with no smell and it didn't hurt the arrows when I missed the target. We had a great time because we were able to talk. But not every girl would say with pride her first date was archery in a manure pile! You know this girl better than we do. A meal at a cafe or restaurant is a great idea, but if she's up for something fun or unusual...

edit: Oh, and I agree 100% about being a gentleman!

Robyn :asian:


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## CoryKS (Nov 25, 2009)

The Opal Dragon said:


> There is a lot of great advice here.
> 
> I have to laugh a little because my first date with my husband was him teaching me archery in a manure pile. It came about because I knew he was interested in me and he mentioned archery. I've always wanted to try it so he offered to teach me. The manure pile was next to my sister's house (landscapers) and it was just like dirt with no smell and it didn't hurt the arrows when I missed the target. We had a great time because we were able to talk. But not every girl would say with pride her first date was archery in a manure pile! You know this girl better than we do. A meal at a cafe or restaurant is a great idea, but if she's up for something fun or unusual...
> 
> ...


 
"Hey, what are you guys doing over there?"

"Oh, just shooting the ****."   :rofl:


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## Omar B (Nov 25, 2009)

I would stay away from the event dates.  Someone mentioned a hot air balloon and some other stuff of that ilk.  Save that for a girlfriend or wife.  A date is to get to know someone to see if they are worth spending time with, it's not about dropping insane amounts of money on a virtual stranger while setting up expectations that ever time out with you will be like some rap video.

I'll give you the details on a date with my college girlfriend.  Firstly I had her meet me at my house.  Because that sets up a situation where after when you invite her in again she would have already been there so there's no apprehension, she knows you are a clean, neat person.  She's been in the door, checked out your kitchen, snooped around a bit while you looked for your socks.

Then we walked to a local Mexican place where a friend and his 2 brothers work.  Because to be yourself you should have the date in familiar surroundings.  It should be as if you would have gone to the place and done that anyways, it's a privillage to come along with you.  You would have went there for dinner and watch the soccer game anyways.  In fact, weirdly enough, my buds showed up while we were there, but they got another table.

Next we walked to a park, while on the way checking out a used book store.  Those are good because every book on the shelf is a conversation, from how much you love something to how much you hate it, to jiving her about her love for silly romance novels.  I got myself something and got her something that I had read and she showed interest in.

We went to an old clothes store to check out the funky tie dye, bell bottoms and such.  Then upon arrival to the park we found a spot in the middle of the action by the fountain.  There were break dancers, singers, all kinds of weird street performers doing there thing as well as people!  Adults, kids, weirdos, people with dogs, all great topics to talk about.

Then we went back to my place and watched that evening's episode of Seinfeld.  And she was my girlfriend for 4 years, even lived together.  The moral is, be yourself, do what you do.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Nov 25, 2009)

I think that Omar's approach is a valid one, but I would prefer a man to pick me up at my home and take me out. He doesn't need to drop a lot of money on me, but a first date should demonstrate that the man values me. He can show this by being gentlemanly, and having me meet him at his house is not in line with that, in my opinion. This is not a comment on you, Omar...it is simply a description of how a man's actions would be perceived by *me*.

I'm with you, Jenna...it's not fair that Sukerkin is already taken. Boo hoo!


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## Sukerkin (Nov 25, 2009)

The sentiment expressed in *Omar*'s last sentence is the essence of it all at the end of the day; most particularly if it is hoped for a relationship to flower.

As an aside, my blushing thanks for some of the very kindly spoken words above.  It is reassuring to hear that I have not been overly blundering or mistaken in my intent and actions when it comes to what are delicately referred to as affairs of the heart.  I must confess though that I am far from perfect ... just ask my missus .


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## xJOHNx (Nov 25, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> Eeeeeeee!!! This is so exciting! A first date is absolutely the most exciting and fun thing for a woman. It's all downhill after that.


Not only for women. 

For myself: nothing works better than go out together to something fun. A casual restaurant and then talk the night away on the swings or at a bench in the park.
And a single flower to begin the evening with, breaks the ice.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Nov 25, 2009)

xJOHNx said:


> Not only for women.
> 
> For myself: nothing works better than go out together to something fun. A casual restaurant and then talk the night away on the swings or at a bench in the park.
> *And a single flower to begin the evening with, breaks the ice*.


 
Very nice! You've got game.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Nov 25, 2009)

Sukerkin said:


> As an aside, my blushing thanks for some of the very kindly spoken words above. It is reassuring to hear that I have not been overly blundering or mistaken in my intent and actions when it comes to what are delicately referred to as affairs of the heart. I must confess though that I am far from perfect ... just ask my missus .


 
If you're a gentleman, it can make up for a lot of shortcomings in other areas.


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## Omar B (Nov 25, 2009)

Sukerkin said:


> The sentiment expressed in *Omar*'s last sentence is the essence of it all at the end of the day; most particularly if it is hoped for a relationship to flower.
> 
> As an aside, my blushing thanks for some of the very kindly spoken words above.  It is reassuring to hear that I have not been overly blundering or mistaken in my intent and actions when it comes to what are delicately referred to as affairs of the heart.  I must confess though that I am far from perfect ... just ask my missus .



That's what I always say man, you gotta be you.  Not an enhanced you, or a highly stylized you.  But the you she would see after 6 months together so there are no surprises.  Only less four letter words.

On dates I prefer to do what I do and she's accompaniment.  If we go out on a Wednesday, she better realize my Wednesday also includes a stop at the comic shop and sushi afterward, then finding somewhere to hang out and read for a while.  

Jenny -  I hear what you are saying.  But I think dating in a big city with good mass transit dates usually don't involve a car.  Only time I really use my car is going out of town, or if I've got the family with me.  First date I usually try to keep close to my place and she meets me, second date is the other way around.  Third date, the most telling one is where you do something special, pick her up, take her out, that whole deal.


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## Jenna (Nov 25, 2009)

I should hope yous guys are all so sensitive and eager to please IRL and not just paying lipservice on this here forum!! If so, your partners are lucky girlies and then that is why you are lovingly claimed  Sincere kudos to you all, it is so nice to hear [and to know] guys who are not "lads" full of bravado and but men who are instead genuinely interested in their girls.. To get it started only takes a genuine interest in what is _beyond _the superficial.. to make it last takes a little accommodation.. same on both sides  Like I should know, sitting here on my lonesome haha.. My love and wishes to you all and to best of luck to alphacat.. how soon is the date I wonder?

Jx


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## SensibleManiac (Nov 25, 2009)

alphacat said:


> Wow, I really appreciate your great advices.
> 
> I really should be a gentleman during the date but at the same time act like I'm going with a buddy of mine.
> I think I'll just ask her what she likes and find something related, perhaps i could make where we go sort of a surprise after knowing what she's into.



I am generalizing, but early on, women love it when you decide where to go and keep an element of surprise.


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## xJOHNx (Nov 26, 2009)

Jenna said:


> I should hope yous guys are all so sensitive and eager to please IRL and not just paying lipservice on this here forum!! If so, your partners are lucky girlies and then that is why you are lovingly claimed  Sincere kudos to you all, it is so nice to hear [and to know] guys who are not "lads" full of bravado and but men who are instead genuinely interested in their girls.. To get it started only takes a genuine interest in what is _beyond _the superficial.. to make it last takes a little accommodation.. same on both sides  Like I should know, sitting here on my lonesome haha.. My love and wishes to you all and to best of luck to alphacat.. how soon is the date I wonder?
> 
> Jx


Just spinning the music you request!

@Jenny: I don't have game, makes me sounds like a playerpimp. 
I just like spending time with girls that are worth it..


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## girlbug2 (Nov 26, 2009)

Hmm, some very compelling points from Omar about being yourself and not setting up false expectations for the future. I think it's important that you know a little bit about a person before you do that important _date_ date. If it's a "blind date" situation, then IMO that's not the time for a first date, but rather something like the "let's hang out first and get to know one another" scenario like he describes in the above post. Then, when it's established that the both of you have genuine interest, go on the real first date, perhaps to somewhere nice for dinner. A lady does want to feel wooed, if only a little, and a nice dinner date shows her that she is important to him. 

So, if you already have had some previous time spent together in a casual setting, it is time for the big First Real Date.

Note, gentlemen: the principle of your lady wanting to be wooed every now and then never really stops! You don't have to spend a lot, just take her by surprise and do somethiung romantic every now and then.


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## Omar B (Nov 26, 2009)

Exactly Girlbug.  That's why I never support the whole "first date" thing.  I like to meet someone for lunch or coffee.  It's low pressure, last as long as you want it and there are no real expectations.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 1, 2009)

Omar B said:


> Jenny - I hear what you are saying. But I think dating in a big city with good mass transit dates usually don't involve a car. Only time I really use my car is going out of town, or if I've got the family with me. First date I usually try to keep close to my place and she meets me, second date is the other way around. Third date, the most telling one is where you do something special, pick her up, take her out, that whole deal.


 
Point taken, Omar!  I've always lived in cities and towns where mass transit wasn't the norm, so I'm spoiled.


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## KELLYG (Dec 1, 2009)

*alphacat*






Well did ya'll go out or what???


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 1, 2009)

xJOHNx said:


> @Jenny: I don't have game, makes me sounds like a playerpimp.
> I just like spending time with girls that are worth it..


 
I meant that in the most respectful way possible, truly! If a man gave me a flower on my first date I would melt into a rainbow puddle on the floor.


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## TKDHomeSchooler (Dec 1, 2009)

Give one of those dinner/movie places a shot.  I took my Wife to Crescent City Cafe on our first date, the 2nd was a billiards hall (CJ's in Lakewood area of Dallas) and it worked out, as long as you like Cajun food and pool that is.


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## xJOHNx (Dec 1, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> I meant that in the most respectful way possible, truly! If a man gave me a flower on my first date I would melt into a rainbow puddle on the floor.



Thanks, I misunderstood. My apologies. 
The thing is, when you give the flower
you shouldn't have the look on your face that you are giving it to get into her knickers.. It's my way of overcoming shyness on a first date


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## crushing (Dec 1, 2009)

Hmmmm.  After reading the suggestions and the responses, I guess I'll have to rethink sharing a pitcher of PBR at the strip club .


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## Ken Morgan (Dec 1, 2009)

crushing said:


> Hmmmm. After reading the suggestions and the responses, I guess I'll have to rethink sharing a pitcher of PBR at the strip club .


 
its actually OK, as long as you make her pay for it.....


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## bluekey88 (Dec 2, 2009)

I duuno...PBr might xcome across as pretentious.  I prefer something like Iron City. 

On a more serious note, this has been a very insightful read.  Good stuff.  Here's hyoping the date went well.

Peace,
Erik


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 2, 2009)

xJOHNx said:


> Thanks, I misunderstood. My apologies.
> The thing is, when you give the flower
> you shouldn't have the look on your face that you are giving it to get into her knickers.. It's my way of overcoming shyness on a first date


 
If I agree to a date with a man then I *want* him to try to get into my knickers. Doesn't mean he will succeed, it just means that I expect a creditable attempt will be made. Otherwise my miniscule self esteem will suffer.


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## Bruno@MT (Dec 3, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> If I agree to a date with a man then I *want* him to try to get into my knickers. Doesn't mean he will succeed, it just means that I expect a creditable attempt will be made. Otherwise my miniscule self esteem will suffer.



Of course.

So we have to try, but in a tasteful way, without actually 'trying'... right? More like creating circumstances that might lead to it, with you determining how much you want to make us jump through hoops and pretending you really have no idea that that's what we are trying to do, just to make it more confusing and putting us on the wrong foot as much as possible 

Is that about it? (why do I have the feeling that the answer will be: 'maybe, sometimes, but not always )


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 3, 2009)

Bruno@MT said:


> Of course.
> 
> So we have to try, but in a tasteful way, without actually 'trying'... right? More like creating circumstances that might lead to it, with you determining how much you want to make us jump through hoops and pretending you really have no idea that that's what we are trying to do, just to make it more confusing and putting us on the wrong foot as much as possible
> 
> Is that about it? (why do I have the feeling that the answer will be: 'maybe, sometimes, but not always )


 
You hit the nail on the head. 

If there is one piece of advice I would offer to all men, everywhere, it would be "Never ask to kiss a woman. Just do it."


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## Bruno@MT (Dec 3, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> If there is one piece of advice I would offer to all men, everywhere, it would be "Never ask to kiss a woman. Just do it."



I agree. Asking or talking about it only makes things awkward.
Though... the trick is knowing -when- to kiss. Too soon or at the wrong moment, and you'll embarass yourself. Waiting too long and the moment is gone. And of course, very little cues to go by. It's not easy for the typical male, this romance stuff. It took me long enough to figure it out.

Somehow I got married though. I must have done something right.

Sometime ago my told me that when I was wooing her and taking her out, she'd already decided we would be a couple. It just took me some time to get up to speed. While I was nervously trying to figure out how to proceed, I was being led, like a mouse in a maze. To her it was 6 weeks of fun, for me 6 weeks of dread and joy. Joy at the fact that she was still going out with me, dread that it would all go pear shaped at the last moment. 6 weeks may seem long time to build up to the first kiss, but we didn't really know much about each other so we went out several weekends in a row (on the most ridiculous pretexts), getting to know each other


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## Bruno@MT (Dec 3, 2009)

I just saw these earlier today. The scary thing is that there are actually guys like this. I mean I may not -understand- women, but at least I know enough by now to avoid the more deadly mistakes.

[yt]_F2md4uGmMU[/yt]

[yt]wgnZbdnHMYQ[/yt]


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 4, 2009)

Hah, Bruno, those were AWESOME! I remember the first year I was married, my husband (now ex-husband) gave me a book about poverty in Central Africa for Christmas. I was under-whelmed, to say the least.


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## d1jinx (Dec 4, 2009)

take her to the Porn Palace Mega Plex.  if she's game....:uhyeah:


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## Bruno@MT (Dec 5, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> Hah, Bruno, those were AWESOME! I remember the first year I was married, my husband (now ex-husband) gave me a book about poverty in Central Africa for Christmas. I was under-whelmed, to say the least.



Wow. I'd comment on that, but words are failing me. I don't think words exist for this situation.

Granted, the giving of gifts is perceived differently between men and women, but this situation does not compute.

For men, the value is mostly in the gift itself. For women, (in my experience) the gift is also in the consideration you put into it + the difficulty of obtaining it. This is also why my wife likes getting flower(s) now and again. Not because of the flowers themselves (she could've bought them herself) but because it shows her that I thought about giving her something + I had to go out of my way and get them + I show that I want to make her happy.

So looking at your gift example
1) it has no intrinsic value.
2) unless you had a very specific tie to the book's topic (which I gues you didn't) no thinking went into that gift.
3) it was not difficult to acquire

The only rationalization I can think of is
1) he wanted to point out that he thinks christmas is a commercialized waste of money and that you should be aware that there are others who have nothing and that they could use the money you'd waste. I could understand that point, but
1.1) In that case, he should have broached that subject beforehand (my wife and I discussed most issues before we even moved in together to see if we had a future together) and not been pedantic about it.
1.2) Even if that was his opinion, if yours wasn't then he could still have spent a trivial amount of money, just because it was obviously important to you.
1.3) All of the above points to the fact that he either wanted to get rid of you or did not consider your feelings important, both of which defies the point of getting married.
2) He was a clueless dumbass (no offense).

Sorry.  I tend to overanalyze.


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## Jenny_in_Chico (Dec 5, 2009)

LOL!

He wasn't completely clueless. I had done biological research in Central Africa, and the poverty there had profoundly changed my perception of the world. So it wasn't a thoughtless gift. It was just a completely unromantic gift. Women want gifts that send the message "I love you, I think you're sexy and amazing, I would be a dead man without you." So even though we may want a better vacuum cleaner, we don't want it from our husbands on our anniversary or birthday or Christmas. We want jewelry, perfume, beautiful items of clothing that we would feel guilty or shy about buying ourselves, or a puppy. The puppy gift never fails.

I have to admit I was just as bad about gift buying when I first married. I bought gifts that I wanted him to have, rather than what he would have chosen for himself. But now I've learned, and I take myself out of the equation when I'm shopping. Now I think "Electronics, computers, sparring gear, guns..." So the next man I have will be a very lucky man.


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## Ken Morgan (Dec 5, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> But now I've learned, and I take myself out of the equation when I'm shopping. Now I think "Electronics, computers, sparring gear, guns..." So the next man I have will be a very lucky man.


 
Whoa....Hmmmm....a five day commute, one way...hmmmm......3500km from Toronto to LA.....hmmm......


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