# Is there an ideal age to get married?



## Ronin74 (Jun 19, 2009)

I've been wondering this for the past few weeks now. One of my closest friends just recently got engaged, and he's in his late-twenties. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it's  never been something I seriously considered. Is there an ideal age for getting married, or is this one of those things that "just happen" (if it happens at all)?


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## Bruno@MT (Jun 19, 2009)

I think I was 25 when I got married.
My wife and I were living together for 3 years before we decided to get married. I didn't actually propose to her. It was one of those things that just happened. We were looking to buy a house, at which point you need to have -some- paperwork in place. We could have had a legal partnership drawn up, but marriage is another option.

I had to go to the US for my job, and she would come along so that we could have a long trip in the southwest afterwards. A friend of ours mentioned the idea of getting married in Vegas. We didn't like the idea of a Vegas wedding (it is so cliche) but the idea of getting married in the US stuck and we talked about it when said friend left. So we decided to get married in the US and started taking care of the practicalities. As I said, it just happened. We talked about it and planned for it. I didn't propose until the night before the ceremony, and my wife didn't want an engagement ring.

We married in South Lake Tahoe. It was just us, the reverend, an assistant, and the photographer. It was a private outside ceremony in a flower garden, and we didn't tell anyone we were getting married beforehand. It was a perfect day.
We really want to go back there to start another long road trip in the US. The wedding chapel does not exist anymore (or at least not under their name) but last I checked, rev. Warren Kessler is still performing ceremonies.


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## David43515 (Jun 19, 2009)

I don`t think there`s any certain age that`s right. But I`m curious why you`ve never given it much thought. Is it because you haven`t considered it to be a priority? Or  just because you haven`t met a woman you could see yourself being with for the rest of your life? 

      As an old married man I would caution anyone from getting married just because they think they`ve reached an age where everyone else seems to be doing it. But I`d also ask you what could be more important? And if you`re not meeting the kind of women you`d want to be with forever, why is that? What kind are you meeting? And if you don`t want a future with them, why are you seeing them?

I don`t mean to come off condisendingly. I just really am curious, and I think marrriage to the right person brings out all the best you could ever hope to be.


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## David43515 (Jun 19, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> I've been wondering this for the past few weeks now. One of my closest friends just recently got engaged, and he's in his late-twenties. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it's never been something I seriously considered. Is there an ideal age for getting married, or is this one of those things that "just happen" (if it happens at all)?


 
Very few things in life "just happen". We either decide to make good things happen, and we work for them. Or we take our hands off the steering wheel and hope for the best. That`s how bad things "just happen". Every choice has it`s consequences, good or bad.


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## Ronin74 (Jun 19, 2009)

David43515 said:


> I don`t think there`s any certain age that`s right. But I`m curious why you`ve never given it much thought. Is it because you haven`t considered it to be a priority? Or just because you haven`t met a woman you could see yourself being with for the rest of your life?
> 
> As an old married man I would caution anyone from getting married just because they think they`ve reached an age where everyone else seems to be doing it. But I`d also ask you what could be more important? And if you`re not meeting the kind of women you`d want to be with forever, why is that? What kind are you meeting? And if you don`t want a future with them, why are you seeing them?
> 
> I don`t mean to come off condisendingly. I just really am curious, and I think marrriage to the right person brings out all the best you could ever hope to be.


No worries, no offense taken here.

To be honest, I'm not sure what the best answer is regarding my situation. I've gone from having boyhood crushes, to once falling for a girl who was my best friend at the time, to whatever sort of predicaments I've been in with women in the past few years. I'd have to say that I don't think I've met a woman I could spend the rest of my life with- or perhaps I should say opening up my life to. As far as the kind of women I've been meeting, let's just say that I'm either being too picky or playing it safe... lol, j/k. A red flag is a red flag, and so I'd have to say that I haven't met someone I really feel comfortable with. It's not to say that I'm perfect, but finding out six months into a relationship that there were a lot of lies was enough to get me out the door.

Would I want a future with a woman? YES, but it's not a priority. In fact, amongst a lot of my peers, it's strangely low on my list of priorities. I couldn't tell you exactly why that it, but I'm sure it's a combination of different past experiences. I CAN say, however that I do believe what you say in that being with the right person can bring out the best in someone. My friend who is engaged seems like he's reached another level in how he carries himself. Another friend who's managed a long-lasting relationship with his girlfriend seems to carry himself in a similar way as well. I honestly don't doubt that it can bring out the best in a person, but I guess you could say that a big part of me wants to attempt that on my own efforts. I think on some level, I probably give off that vibe as well.

In odd twist, I find it interesting that my friend seems to have found his "one" while having probably been in fewer relationships than most of the guys I know.

On sidenote, now I have all thse thoughts racing through my mind regarding why I'm single... lol.


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## Ronin74 (Jun 19, 2009)

David43515 said:


> Very few things in life "just happen". We either decide to make good things happen, and we work for them. Or we take our hands off the steering wheel and hope for the best. That`s how bad things "just happen". Every choice has it`s consequences, good or bad.


I would have to concur. Like in martial arts, we've all worked hard to get where we are. However, as far as relationships go, I don't know how to apply that and make it work... lol.


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## Jade Tigress (Jun 19, 2009)

The older the better IMO. 

I started dating my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. We were immediately exclusive. We married when I was 23, big wedding, the whole shebang. Two kids and a long haul later, I have regrets. I went straight from home to being married.

I was totally in love..well, I _thought_ I was. Looking back, I married for the wrong reasons and I was not mature enough to see it at the time, nor for many years later. 

If I were single today and in love, I would marry. I'm not against marriage, I love marriage, and any marriage will have it's ups and downs. However, you best make sure you know who you are and who your betrothed is. 

I have friends whose son married last month. He's 18 years old and so is his bride. All I can do is shake my head.

I also agree with David. Don't get married just because you think you're reaching an age where you *should* be married. When you meet the right person, you'll know. But you can't know if it's the right person until you've lived enough to know yourself.


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## stickarts (Jun 19, 2009)

I don't think that there is a correct age although I do think it's important to be careful about marrying too young before much of life has been experienced. Also, I think it is important to give it proper time to truely get to know someone. I have seen young, sudden marriages work, however, I think the odds of it working are against them. Regardless, marriage, to work, is a huge committment for both sides.


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## Andy Moynihan (Jun 19, 2009)

Trick question.


It implies that marriage is automatically "right" for everyone.


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## jks9199 (Jun 19, 2009)

It's not the right age.  It's the right combination of maturity, people, and circumstances.

Marriage, civil or religious, shouldn't be something you do "because we got engaged" or to prove that you aren't cheating (I know of cases of both... and, not surprisingly, the marriage didn't last) -- or to "prove" a relationship is serious or that you're adult/mature.

And it's not something that's right for everyone or every relationship -- or mandatory for a successful/good life, either.


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## terryl965 (Jun 19, 2009)

The right age is when both parties agree


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## Jenna (Jun 19, 2009)

27


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## Chris Parker (Jun 19, 2009)

Better hurry, there J. 

I was feeling in a rather flippant mood, and was going to answer something a bit wrong, but thought better of it. In reality, I swing back and forth on this topic quite a bit. I don't feel that it is a particular individual age, rather an age of a particular individual. My sister got married when she was 19, I am (somewhat) older than that now, being the big brother and having over 10 years go by since then, and am in no position to start to think about that at all. But she and her husband are going as strong as ever (6 kids! We joke about getting them separate beds for Christmas...).

As for me, well, they say once bitten twice shy, and my history is filled with teethmarks. Never quite to the aisle, but close enough. And I am incredibly grateful that each of the girls in question did not end up as my wife (for some good reasons, for others as well). They weren't ready, nor was I. I don't think I am now, either. And I certainly couldn't have my current life if I was married, and that is something I am very  grateful for (as, I hope, are a few others...)


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Jun 19, 2009)

Not so much an ideal age but making sure the right things are in order.

Try living with someone for a while to at least see if you are compatible.
Once the dating game is over a whole new ball game opens up.

Try to finish school. It is hard going to school when married even harder when you have kids.

Take care of your debts,stablize yourself,save,good job without these things its going to make married life real hard because in married life fights over money are real common.

Maturity. You got to have it to a certain level. You are not just dealing with your own life you are dealing with the life of your spouse and if you have kids so when making choices put them into the equaltion.

All the jokes about married life are true you just have to stay married long enough to see it.

I married at 21 my circumstances were somewhat hurried due to it being international so not as much time for dating and waiting in fact because of my choice my father disowned me. 
So think deeply about your choice it will have an impact on many.


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## Stac3y (Jun 19, 2009)

I was 23 the first time, and 31 the second time. I vote for 31. :wink1:


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## Bruno@MT (Jun 19, 2009)

JadecloudAlchemist said:


> Not so much an ideal age but making sure the right things are in order.
> 
> Try living with someone for a while to at least see if you are compatible.
> Once the dating game is over a whole new ball game opens up.
> ...



Quoted for truth.

Living together for a while is a valuable experience. It is then that you notice each others annoying habits. Also, do NOT marry as long as you are convinced that your partner is perfect. Because you are not being realistic and you will be disappointed. My wife is not perfect, and neither am I.

The question you have to ask yourself: can I live with my non perfect partner for the rest of my life? And to dispell another myth: people don't change fundamentally, so don't assume they will.

another thing to talk about up front: do you want to have children? And does your partner feel the same way? If my wife had said she didn't want to have kids, ever, I would not have married her.

and finally: you should marry if you feel it is the right time for you, and not because you have reached a certain age.


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## girlbug2 (Jun 19, 2009)

I'd say there's an ideal maturity level to get married at. And that naturally it's going to be different for everybody because we all mature at different rates in life.

A litmus test for men: 


1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?

2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?

For the ladies:

1. Have you gotten over the myth of changing him? (If for some reason he doesn't pick up his laundry off the floor, put the toilet seat down or_ ever_ volunteer to do housework, could you live *peacefully* with that for the rest of your life?)

Not trying to be sexist, but those kinds of issues crop up more than you'd believe and can erode a perfectly good marriage.


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## Bruno@MT (Jun 19, 2009)

girlbug2 said:


> I'd say there's an ideal maturity level to get married at. And that naturally it's going to be different for everybody because we all mature at different rates in life.
> 
> A litmus test for men:
> 
> ...



Good points. And to dispell another myth: having kids will NOT 'make everything better'. On the contrary. If your relationship was already a bumpy one, then having a kid will only make it worse. And if you did not both want to have a kid for the right reasons, it will be much, much worse.


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Jun 19, 2009)

> 1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?


 
I am just starting to learn that. Before dirty clothes went everywhere.



> 2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?


 
Ya and listening to her day at work. However I may be listening but the whole time I am thinking when is dinner going to be made.


> 1. Have you gotten over the myth of changing him? (If for some reason he doesn't pick up his laundry off the floor, put the toilet seat down or_ ever_ volunteer to do housework, could you live *peacefully* with that for the rest of your life?)


 
I got a story. Sometimes I go to use the bathroom at night now I am all for flushing the toliet but I don't want to wake my wife up with the flushing. It is these hard decisions that I never know what the right answer is. I know now after being told to flush the toliet. Oh and those trick questions like which friend do you think is attractive and why? I finally figured out trash by the door means I have to take it out or there are little hints I am suppose to do something.


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## Aikikitty (Jun 19, 2009)

I'm getting married this October, a few weeks before I turn 28.    There is no ideal age though.  A lot of my friends have gotten married before me and some even have kids already! :xtrmshock  It was hard sometimes watching other people get married and wondering if I'd end up an "old maid", but it's definitely worth while waiting and playing it safe for the "right one" to come along. 

Robyn


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## girlbug2 (Jun 19, 2009)

JadecloudAlchemist said:


> I am just starting to learn that. Before dirty clothes went everywhere.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
LOL you pass the test, you are proper husband material!


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## chrispillertkd (Jun 19, 2009)

I was 30 when my wife and I got married. We had known each other for several years before getting engaged. In retrospect I can only say that my one regret is not asking her to marry me sooner. Just think of all the extra time I could've spent with her as my wife!

I don't know if there is an ideal age per se to get married but I do think I view earlier marriages much more favorably now that I am married than I did before. Same thing for shorter engagements. Heck, my wife and I kept moving our date forward.

Pax,

Chris


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## CoryKS (Jun 19, 2009)

If you ever catch yourself thinking, "You know, I really hate sex and money," you're just about there.


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## kailat (Jun 19, 2009)

This topic is so me.. LOL  i can't help but reply and give my .2 cents worth.

  I was 20yrs old when I got married the first time to my now ex wife, she was 19.   We had a son and was married for about 11yrs.  Our marriage was so rocky from the very beginning.  I believe we married for all the wrong reasons.  We were great friends and were "soooo in love"  hahaha well i was immature, not ready for what all marriage had to offer me.  we divorced a little over 4 yrs ago.  IT was a bad break up and of course anytime a child is involved it gets ugly.  Well recently the guy she and i got divorced over that she left for, they finally have called it quits. So the grass was not greener on the other side for her as I kept telling her.  But honestly I can not thank her enough for giving me my life and freedom back.  I've enjoyed the single life for the past few years.  I don't miss being married at all. LOL..

 For some it's the best thing they've ever experienced.. For me it was just a learning experience...
 Im now dating my old high schoool sweetheart and she is going thru her divorce right now.  Her soon to be ex husband still lives w/ her and although this sounds strange, it actually works out. Because just recently after my ex wife and her BF has broken up she needed a place to stay and so i allowed her to move in w/ me and "our son" .. so it all works out.. We are both friends even thru all we've put each other thru the past 13yrs or so. It's really odd though because we go out on dates and actually give each other our privacy when needed.. LOL it's such a strange happening I can't even explain it.. LOL.. I hope she finds someone to give her the happiness she deserves..

 As for my GF and I were both in agreeance that neither of us will ever get married ever ever again.. were planning on dating and just seeing where things go w/ us.. we have such a strong love w/ each other that we never knew existed.  were both in our mid /late 30's and if we ever cross the bridge again we''ll be very seasoned in the field of marriage... so there is no right age.. but the greatest age is the age U get divorced...LOL  thats my opinion..


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## Omar B (Jun 19, 2009)

My wife and I were both 27 at the time.  It took me a while, I've been in long term relationships before that seemed to be heading that way but little things hung it up.  I'm a clean freak and everything must be just so, I read a lot, I don't talk for hours on end even, I spend hours every day with my guitar or working out.  Those are not things many people can handle.  

Let me tell you, I was with a girl for 4 years who was in every way great except she was not the clean freak I was, that one thing bugged me till it broke us up.  I can't stand a single dish in the sink (I've been known to randomly clean my friends houses when I'm over to hang out, or I've cleaned my friend's bar during business hours while his bartenders are working) or a thing left out on my bathroom counter or clothes draped over the chair in the bedroom (they can be on the chair, but folded.  It broke us up, that, her not being as obsessive and my need to wake up to vacuum and mop.  Let me tell you, when I was in college working at the Italian restaurant part time, they loved the heck outta me.


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## chrispillertkd (Jun 19, 2009)

CoryKS said:


> If you ever catch yourself thinking, "You know, I really hate sex and money," you're just about there.


 
Dude you are sooooo doing it wrong LOL!

Pax,

Chris


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## Stac3y (Jun 19, 2009)

Omar B said:


> (I've been known to randomly clean my friends houses when I'm over to hang out


 
Will you be my friend? :wink2:


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## Bill Mattocks (Jun 19, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> I've been wondering this for the past few weeks now. One of my closest friends just recently got engaged, and he's in his late-twenties. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it's  never been something I seriously considered. Is there an ideal age for getting married, or is this one of those things that "just happen" (if it happens at all)?



I do not think there is an ideal age.  I think it is different for everyone.

I married the first time at age 28 (divorced less than 2 years later).  Married for the second and last time at age 40.  I would warn anyone against getting married because they think perhaps they're of an age when they ought to be getting married.

My marriage is the most satisfying and wonderful thing I've ever experienced.  When the best time is to get married, I have no idea, but if you do get married, I hope you find as wonderful woman as my wife is.


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## Rich Parsons (Jun 19, 2009)

Jade Tigress said:


> The older the better IMO.
> 
> I started dating my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. We were immediately exclusive. We married when I was 23, big wedding, the whole shebang. Two kids and a long haul later, I have regrets. I went straight from home to being married.
> 
> ...


 

JT,

Thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot to state what you have stated here. 

In Psychology Today they have a new term in use called "Starter Marriage". It is predominately used for women as they enter into their first marriage not 100% satisfied and knowing they want to change in the future. They are doing it so that their parents do not think bad of them for living with a man. They are doing it so that they do not have be an "OLD MAID". They do it as they think it would be cheaper to be married and to split the costs while they save and look for the future. 

I think this is bad when it has a name, and there are enough for the psychs to start collecting data. 

That being said, many people have gotten married and staid married, but even more have gotten divorced. It is easy to get a divorce now. No Fault states make it 60 days for no kids if all is agreed too, and 6 months with kids if all is agreed too. So, if not hang ups then it is realtively easy to get one. 

I know I was mature and was able to pay my bills and able to handle life aaround me as I had been living on my own for a while. 

I was naive in the costs of living with someone, as I had never lived with a women before. (* Mom's don't count  *)


There should be no rush.

There should be no time frame. (* Friend had one woman pushing him to run away and alope, found out as they did not she broke it up ran off and got married to some new guy she just met. Her Visa had run out and she did not want to go back to the country of her birth. *) 

There should be no must do's or pressure from other people.


It should be what both of you want not jsut what one of you want. If one person is totally afraid and agrees to not loose the other, it can be very bad. It can survive with lots of work as any marriage will require, but will people be willing to put in the work if they were the one not sure?


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## LuckyKBoxer (Jun 19, 2009)

I do not think there is a cookie cutter age to put in here..
I would recommend that before two people get married they spend a substantial amount of time understand what their own goals and priorities are, what their possible partners goals and priorities are, and if those goals and priorities match up.
It seems like more often then not the vast majority of problems I hear about that end marriages are problems that were apparant from the getgo. The people just chose to either ignore them or never look for them to begin with.
Money is not necessary to be happily married
Age limits are not necessary to be happily married
the understanding on what one can and can not live with, and what one wants to work towards is necessary for a solid basis for marriage though in my opinion.


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## Bill Mattocks (Jun 19, 2009)

From "The Devil's Dictionary," by Ambrose Bierce:

*MARRIAGE*, _n._ The state or condition of a community consisting of a  master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.


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## Omar B (Jun 19, 2009)

Stac3y said:


> Will you be my friend? :wink2:



Only if you cook well and have Megadeth on the stereo.


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## morph4me (Jun 19, 2009)

My head says the best time to get married is late 20's early 30's, because usually you're identity is well established by that time. I married a little earlier than that, but my wife is my soul mate and completes me, we've been married for 32 years this year, so I don't know that age is really all that importan. When you know who you are, and you find the right partner, things click and you'll know it.


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## Bill Mattocks (Jun 19, 2009)

I know two things about being married.

The first is that as a husband, it is your job to listen, not to fix problems.

The second is that if you don't have a long enough attention span to sit through a movie, marriage is going to be a bit of a problem.


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## Ronin74 (Jun 19, 2009)

LOL... I did NOT expect this thread to get past a page-and-a-half, but I'm glad to have read the responses. I guess in short, the quick answer is no, there isn't an ideal ae to be married. It definitely helps to hear that from those with experience. One of my friends was stating that the ideal age passed for us, but I don't think I could agree with his statement. I'm closer to thinking that it differs from one person to the next, but given that I've never been anywhere near the walk down the aisle, it's tough to be sure.


Andy Moynihan said:


> Trick question.
> 
> It implies that marriage is automatically "right" for everyone.


Now this was something that's been in the back of my mind since my friend first made his announcment. I'm not saying that I don't believe in the institute of marriage, but I've had this lingering thought that it wasn't for me.



girlbug2 said:


> A litmus test for men:
> 
> 1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?


Hey, let's not get radical here! LOL... j/k. Actually, I'm good about taking care of my laundry, and when I was in relationships even helping her with her's.



girlbug2 said:


> 2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?


This is kind of a toughie. I'm not the regular drinking type- I pretty much limit that to celebrations with close friends. And usually after work, I like to relax on my own. More often than not, my tough days didn't allow for me to have anyone to come home to, so I'm more or less acclimated to keeping to myself.



Bill Mattocks said:


> I know two things about being married.
> 
> The first is that as a husband, it is your job to listen, not to fix problems.


Alas Bill, you've brought one of my faults to light: I tend to be a problem-solver. I will listen quite clearly, but I tend to replay things in my head while filtering out the emotions, and once I figure out the problem, I start to work on the solution. I know that can be a bad thing.


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## Bill Mattocks (Jun 19, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> Alas Bill, you've brought one of my faults to light: I tend to be a problem-solver. I will listen quite clearly, but I tend to replay things in my head while filtering out the emotions, and once I figure out the problem, I start to work on the solution. I know that can be a bad thing.



I think all men do this to some extent.  Women tell us a problem they're having, and because we care, we want to fix it.  It took me many years to finally twig (yes, I'm a slow learner) that they generally don't want a solution, they want someone to listen and care.  It's not about the problem, it's about being there, paying attention, and empathizing.  It doesn't come naturally to us.


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## Ronin74 (Jun 20, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> I think all men do this to some extent. Women tell us a problem they're having, and because we care, we want to fix it. It took me many years to finally twig (yes, I'm a slow learner) that they generally don't want a solution, they want someone to listen and care. *It's not about the problem, it's about being there, paying attention, and empathizing. It doesn't come naturally to us.*


For me, I'd have to say it's more of a "quiet competitive streak" I have that won't let me walk away from a problem that a significant other may find burdensome. I've been told it's about the listening and empathizing. You're even making sure it's written in plain English for me to read, and yet I can't seem to turn off that solve-problem-switch.

Ironically, my boss from my last job hired me as her right-hand-man because I would find the resolutions for the problems at work, without getting tied up in the emotional aspects of the situations at hand. I should probably also mention here that- because so many of the people I worked with were females- she made sure I was more or less _trained_ to not get caught up with any flirtations... lol.


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## Stac3y (Jun 22, 2009)

Omar B said:


> Only if you cook well and have Megadeth on the stereo.


 
Rats! My husband is the cook in the family.


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## Omar B (Jun 22, 2009)

Stac3y said:


> Rats! My husband is the cook in the family.



No deal!  Maybe I should be talking to him.  :hmm:


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## rosworms (Jun 28, 2009)

there is no 'right age' and setting one for yourself just ends in hurt.
crying in your bedroom on your 25th birthday because you don't have your own little family yet is not good. i know because i'm guilty of it.


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## Tez3 (Jun 28, 2009)

My mother told me never marry someone you couldn't share a toothbrush with.
If you forget all about getting 'The One' and concentrate on living your life to the full, experiencing everything you want to 'The One' will turn up when you least expect it and because you will have done everything you wanted to and have become a well rounded and wiser person there is a far better chance you will make the relationship work.


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## blindsage (Jun 29, 2009)

I think getting married at the 'right' time is a reflection on your level of maturity and life skills, and those of your prospective spouse.  My wife and I are a bit different from most.  I'm not the cleanest guy, but my wife makes a much bigger mess that I do, and I'm much more likely to clean up after myself.  But we're both getting better at it because we want to have a cleaner house and we communicate what we want and work on it together.   

I think communication is the number one necessity and goal, if you can't do it well, and don't have a passing familiarity with all it's aspects, then you're unlikely to do well in marriage (or most relationships).  I problem solve for my wife all the time, often because she asks me to.  But we have built a relationship where this is possible.  I make an effort (and always have) to be a good listener and to empathize with what my wife is saying.  But I also try to give her advice at times when I feel it is appropriate, to help resolve things she is upset or complaining about.  I think all relationships need to have opportunity for venting and empathizing, but also need to have ample room for problem solving together (even if it's for an issue that only affects one party).  Sometimes I need my wife to help me problem solve, and sometimes I just need her to just listen while I *****.  It's all about finding a balance, and remembering that _your way isn't the only or necessarily the right way_.


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## DayStar (Jul 4, 2009)

Jade Tigress said:


> But you can't know if it's the right person until you've lived enough to know yourself.


I totally agreed with that! :boing1:


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## MA-Caver (Jul 4, 2009)

rosworms said:


> there is no 'right age' and setting one for yourself just ends in hurt.
> crying in your bedroom on your 25th birthday because you don't have your own little family yet is not good. i know because i'm guilty of it.


I know a gal who soon after her 25th was bawling on my shoulder because she hadn't married yet. 
I asked her what century she was in, because it seemed she considered herself an old maid... to add insult to injury she was chosen to be maid of honor for her *younger* sister's wedding. 
Try as I might I told her that just like me the right one will come along when her time is ready... that didn't help and soon we lost touch with each other... a few month later I heard she met a guy and within a WEEK they married. 
Well she is still married to the guy 10 years later and have several children. She's very happy last I talked to her (on FB) so... who knows. 

I really believe in those long engagements and believe that a couple should really get to know one another pretty well (not TOTALLY) and have seen both the good and the bad sides of each other to say to themselves... yeah, I can live with that for the rest of my life. 

Advice I heard given to a friend that he passed on to me was... take the WORST thing you cannot stand about your gf (or bf) and ask yourself if you can live with it 365/24/7 for the rest of your life ... if you say yes then marry that person. :idunno: Personally, one can SAY yeah I can live with that but after a while (read: years)  it might get pretty damned old. 
I've seen couples divorce because of it. 

To me how well a couple communicates and how fearless they are about communicating with each other is a good yard-stick. Even if you're going to say something that will NOT make your prospective partner happy... you still tell them anyway and ride the storm out. Ditto for something they tell you... how well you express your anger, sorrow, disappointment, etc. to your mate will be a good yard-stick. 
Communication has been and always will be a two way street. If you got that... your chances of a good marriage will be much higher. 

(guess we'll see how much water all that will hold when I say "I do" myself someday ... stay tuned ... :uhyeah: )

Oh and to keep with the thread... age is like race... it doesn't matter.


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## LoneRider (Jul 5, 2009)

> My mother told me never marry someone you couldn't share a toothbrush with.
> If you forget all about getting 'The One' and concentrate on living your life to the full, experiencing everything you want to 'The One' will turn up when you least expect it and because you will have done everything you wanted to and have become a well rounded and wiser person there is a far better chance you will make the relationship work.


 
Tez3, thanks. 

 And to the OP, thanks again. I'd been contemplating this problem myself.

 I'm 25 years old right now, and predicatibly some of my older relatives (usually my female ones, my aunts are particularly bad about this) are pestering me about 'finding a wife and settling down' (I'm Filipino-American by ethnicity, it must be a Filipino thing to pressure people when they're past 25 about settling down). I'm forever saying I'll do that when I'm ready because I sure as hell am not right now. I'm not even sure I'm ready for a serious girlfriend yet honestly. I date when I find the time, but there's still a lot I'd like to do while I'm single so I just enjoy being single.

 I was honestly a bit worried that there was something wrong with me, that most of my friends seem to be marrying left and right. I must thank the OP and contributors who've brought a lot of wisdom into this post because *I* was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me because I'm still single at 25. 

 So I plan to just enjoy my bachelor life with the faith that they'll be someone along for me eventually...


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