# eHarmony: Anyone Ever Use It?



## LoneRider (Aug 29, 2009)

I was talking over my dating flops with some good friends of mine and one of them came away with maybe I should post a profile on eHarmony or similar dating site so I can find exactly what I look for in a woman. Has anyone had any experience with using these online dating services?


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## CuongNhuka (Aug 29, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I was talking over my dating flops with some good friends of mine and one of them came away with maybe I should post a profile on eHarmony or similar dating site so I can find exactly what I look for in a woman. Has anyone had any experience with using these online dating services?


 
Personnaly, I wouldn't, but I'm not going to say anything if you do. 

However, I've heard things about craigslist.


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## Ken Morgan (Aug 29, 2009)

I know of people who have used similar sites with some good and bad luck.

I think as long as its not going to cost you a ton of cash and your privacy is protected, what do you have to lose?

Ya gotta fish, where the fish are.


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## MA-Caver (Aug 29, 2009)

Ken Morgan said:


> I know of people who have used similar sites with some good and bad luck.
> 
> I think as long as its not going to cost you a ton of cash and your privacy is protected, what do you have to lose?
> 
> Ya gotta fish, where the fish are.


I've known a few people myself who have had success with on-line dating/meeting sites... some are happily married... my own brother has met his woman via Yahoo. I signed up for a few myself (including E-harmony) but haven't had success... I can't afford the E-harmony sites and their drawback is that you don't CHOOSE your match... they choose for you... they're supposed to be accurate but who knows? Don't be naive to trust their commercials okay... 

Irony of it all (for me anyway) is that I met my present love in person a while back... it just took this long for us to realize that we are a pretty good match... and no dating site did it for us. 

So yeah, fish where the fish are of course but keep your options open and get out of the house enough to meet people in person.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 30, 2009)

I've trie eharmony before as well as several other dating websites, but with very little luck.

I've tried Love-town.com and I've tried MySpace as well as Match.com. All that I've come across with Love-town and MySpace were scams and because of all that I am really starting to think that I am probably going to end up alone and like Mr. Miyagi.

I don't know about anyone else, but I personally think being single sucks big time. That's just my personal opinion.


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## Tez3 (Aug 30, 2009)

My shift partner went on one called 'plentymorefish', I don't know if it's just a UK one or not. Anyway we kept finding him asleep and grumpy because he was so tired, well no wonder, he had a string of women to keep happy lol! After a little while he settled down with one and I think he will be leaving the job soon as she's bought him a pub to manage where she lives, he also gets to drive around in her BMW ZX4 sports car, is on holiday in the Canaries as I write ( oh I hate him) and gets given presents galore...£40 aftershave anyone!
You men could always look for British women lol!


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## grydth (Aug 30, 2009)

I met my wife on match.com.

Came across the site by accident when I was checking out the weather channel for how to dress my two young daughters (then 7 and 4) the next day.... it was a link, as I recall. 

As too many folks can tell you, when your ex walks out one doesn't feel too hot about the prospects of dating - but what the heck, the kids were asleep, nobody would ever know..... the site let you put in a profile, with the option of letting match.com find who's best for you. Given the 'success' of my last try on my own, I let them do it...... they found a woman who was a single mom that they claimed was a 100% match with me. They were right. We've been together for 6 years, married for 3. Can't imagine anyone could be better for either one of us.

I'd never have met her on my own, and I found the chance to talk on line far superior to trying to decide whether to hand out a phone number in a 20 minute first meeting.

Figuring (as she put it) if it could work for me, it could work for anyone my assistant at work tried one of these sites when her marriage went south..... she is now happily married to a great guy.


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## Ken Morgan (Aug 30, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> My shift partner went on one called 'plentymorefish', I don't know if it's just a UK one or not.


 
Ive known a few women who have tried plentyoffish. To them its a pick up place, just to get laid. I think the one had a different guy at least every week, but thats what she wanted. Im sure there would be people on there looking for more in a relationship, but I dont know.


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## Tez3 (Aug 30, 2009)

Ken Morgan said:


> Ive known a few women who have tried plentyoffish. To them its a pick up place, just to get laid. I think the one had a different guy at least every week, but thats what she wanted. Im sure there would be people on there looking for more in a relationship, but I dont know.


 
My shift partner had just broken up with his missus and was very down, I think the women he met made him feel he still had 'it', I think it was a bit of a shock to him when he found a serious relationship. I think though there's sections on the site so you can met people for either 'friendship' or proper relationships.


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## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

Thanks for all the feedback you guys have given me. I've decided to post my profile on e-Harmony yet keeping my options open. I've just gotta stay hopeful.


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## Tez3 (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> Thanks for all the feedback you guys have given me. I've decided to post my profile on e-Harmony yet keeping my options open. I've just gotta stay hopeful.


 

The trick is to look for friendships I think and let what ever else happens happen. Nothing puts potential partners off like the scent of desparation, just take it quite casually, you may not find a partner for a while but make friends and have a good time.


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## Carol (Aug 30, 2009)

I liked eHarmony.  I met a few nice guys on there, including one I dated for a little while.  Something they don't tell you though - the faster you respond to the selections that you receive (even if its responding to say you aren't interested), the faster you will get new matches from the computer.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 30, 2009)

I don't know if it is just me or not but from what I have seen of the entire dating world people just are not interested unless you are wealthy like Bill Gates and look like a movie star.

That's just my observation anyhow and that is why I am trying to fix my life up by as much as I can and as to why I am studying what I can as I am trying to compensate for what I don't have in those departments.

I might be the only one who believes this, but I personally think that personality is and should be more important than either looks or money as both looks and money are temporary. 

I tend to think that personlity is the most important thing when it comes to the dating scene because once the looks and the money are gone all you will really have left is your overall personality as well as your morals and ethics and in my opinion that along with romance and how to really feel about someone is and will be the deciding factor into what kind of relationship that you have with a member of the opposite sex and as to what the quality of that relationship is going to be like.

That's just my personal opinion.


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## Clint Franklin (Aug 30, 2009)

Tez3 and rdonovan1 have good points - it's really important in a long-term relationship to build bonds that go beyond the ephemeral things. Imagine when you're older coming to the realization that you and your partner have "lost" that connection that kept you together.

I tried eHarmony about five years back. Don't know how things are run now, but the match-making portion of it seemed a bit... well, dubious. Things I marked as "very important" being the polar opposite on the match's profile, etc. But, things may be better now, and my area may have been a factor (I live in a very rural area - to put it lightly).

Right now though, I'm content with being on my own. Personally, I think that people have a hard time connecting with someone who is uncomfortable with themselves (in the sense that they feel they "have to" be with someone). So, be patient, be vigilant, and - when the time is right - you'll probably find someone with whom you will be happy (and vice versa, with any luck).


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## Tez3 (Aug 30, 2009)

One quite nice thing to do is become a penpal with a military person, it may or may not lead to a relationship so I wouldn't go into it looking for love for sure but it certainly cheers them up when they are on ops to receive letters. At any rate it's a fun and worthwhile thing to do.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 30, 2009)

I wonder why it is that whenever people try to meet members of the opposite sex and to establish a relationship with them they are often left feeling like they are either trying to compete for a job or going to war.

I've never figured it out, but that is how I often end up feeling as I myself can just never seem to meet any real quality women either online or offline.

eHarmormny's overall idea of compatibility matching is good, but what I don't like about is that you can't actually talk to the person and ask more free form questions like you can either via e-mail or in person. 

I don't know but it just seems like meeting people today that have a decent personlity along with good morals and values is a lot like trying to be a dentist to a Cobra.

I'm not saying that to be mean, but from what I have seen a lot of people out in the world seem to run on things like fear and greed and trying to overcome any of that seems almost impossible because if you don't look or act certain way then they can and will cut you down and try to make you feel as though you are the worst person on this earth.

The only reason that I can think of as to why people tend to do that outside of fear and greed is ego and while I have not been able to prove it as of yet I am strongly thinking that many of the ideas that we get relating to love, romance, and sex basically comes from the media and the way we tend to view one another in society due to the way that we were taught and due to peer pressure as well.

These are just what I think might be some of the causes, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am asking myself as to what I can change about myself so that I am not only more successfull financially, but in all areas of my life.


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## Cryozombie (Aug 30, 2009)

I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.

FWIW, I met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match.


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## Tez3 (Aug 30, 2009)

Cryozombie said:


> I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.
> 
> FWIW, I_ met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match_.


 
That sounds civilised and more like 'real' life. I think there's too much pressure sometimes on dates, much better to get to know each other, go out for a drink, a meal or do something together that you enjoy and let the relationship develop rather than sit eyeing each other and ticking boxes!


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## Tames D (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> Thanks for all the feedback you guys have given me. I've decided to post my profile on e-Harmony yet keeping my options open. I've just gotta stay hopeful.


 
I wish you the best and I know you'll find your match. When you do, will you be changing your user name?


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## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

> I wish you the best and I know you'll find your match. When you do, will you be changing your user name?



Perhaps I'll keep it as a reminder of my days as a relative free spirit. I don't know yet.


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## jks9199 (Aug 30, 2009)

rdonovan1 said:


> I wonder why it is that whenever people try to meet members of the opposite sex and to establish a relationship with them they are often left feeling like they are either trying to compete for a job or going to war.


Because that's how you're going about it.  Try looking for someone you simply would enjoy spending time with, whether they were male or female.

And being someone that people would want to spend time with.


> I've never figured it out, but that is how I often end up feeling as I myself can just never seem to meet any real quality women either online or offline.


Stop treating it as some game or some hunt, and simply do things that interest you with other people.  By definition, they'll be interested in the same thing... and you just might be amazed at what happens if you're simply yourself.

Without giving someone you don't hardly know nearly a thousand bucks.


> I'm not saying that to be mean, but from what I have seen a lot of people out in the world seem to run on things like fear and greed and trying to overcome any of that seems almost impossible because if you don't look or act certain way then they can and will cut you down and try to make you feel as though you are the worst person on this earth.
> 
> The only reason that I can think of as to why people tend to do that outside of fear and greed is ego and while I have not been able to prove it as of yet I am strongly thinking that many of the ideas that we get relating to love, romance, and sex basically comes from the media and the way we tend to view one another in society due to the way that we were taught and due to peer pressure as well.
> 
> These are just what I think might be some of the causes, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am asking myself as to what I can change about myself so that I am not only more successfull financially, but in all areas of my life.



Once again, I'll note that there is EXACTLY one thing in common with all of the complaints you're making.  When you change that... you'll probably find the rest changes too.

For what it's worth...  My wife and I actually met online.  Neither of us were looking for romance that way; we simply were participating in message boards that interested us.  One thing led to another, we met in real life, and a few years later got married.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 31, 2009)

Cryozombie said:


> I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.
> 
> FWIW, I met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match.


 
I know what you mean about eHarmony. I was once matched with one girl that was supposed to have been from the L.A. area and in her profile she was complaining as to how men only saw her as 'sex on legs' and that is how she quoted it. 

I thought that she might actually be down to earth and would talk to me, but instead of her talking to me she closed things out halfway through the question and answer process. 

My former sister in law said that she tried it as well, and that she never really met anyone on there that was really worth anything. One guy that she supposedly talked to supposedly went on and on about his possesions and that according to her was about it.

I've also had a friend that thought that he was a regular Casanova and he supposedly was pretty good or at least according to him when it came to picking up women, but he said that when he lived in the L.A. area he had a hard time getting any of the girls there to give him even the time of day because they were so stuck on themselve's. 

He is not the only one that has noticed that as some of the seduction and attraction experts that have lived in that area said they noticed the same thing and I personally have noticed it myself as well both online and offline.

I'm not putting down any of the ladies that are on this forum at all so I hope that they will understand that nothing I say is personal to any of them at all. One thing that I and a lot of other guys have noticed is that the better looking a woman is the more often she tends to act like a snob.

From what I have studied both from the seduction and attraction experts and from my own reading as well as what I have experienced personally as well many women like that tend to develop defense strategies because more often than not they are often hit on by guys that they really don't want much to do with. There is a name for it, but I can't say it in public here because it would be considered offensive, but from what I have studied relating to men and women both genders tend to have developed different ways of how they approach the whole dating, mating, and relating game.

I use that word because it is a game in that both men and women both want basically the same things, but have different strategies for getting there. 

While men basically tend to think about sex all of the time, women on the other hand tend to think more about romance and from what I have learned about the whole dating, mating and relationship game women more often than not do not get the romance that they desperately seek from men and that is why romance novels are so popular with women.


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## rdonovan1 (Aug 31, 2009)

Cryozombie said:


> I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.
> 
> FWIW, I met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match.


 
Is that OKCupid website any good? I am just curious because I have never heard of them before or tried them before.


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## rdonovan1 (Sep 3, 2009)

As part of my membership with eHarmony I received a free book from the founder of eHarmony and in the book that he wrote he stated that no matter how good you think your people and interpersonal skills are there is always room for improvement and I personally believe that to be true and that is why I am constantly trying to improve not only my overall interpersonal skills, but also my understanding of both myself and others while at the same time constantly working on trying to improve my overall technical skills as well.


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## JadecloudAlchemist (Sep 3, 2009)

I am married so I don't need eHarmony. However I know of two people who used it they were friends before they used eHarmony and eHarmony said they were a matched everyone laughed.

I have heard that eHarmony does not cater to certain groups which I think Chemistry.com did a Male homosexual commercial proving the point that eHarmony only caters to a select few: 



 





 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd79Dd3_qBM&feature=related

The days of personal ads in newspapers are almost gone:


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## Tez3 (Sep 4, 2009)

I was listening to my favourite radio station Classic FM ( you can get it on the internet if you aren't in the UK, it has a fantastic amount of classical music) and it seems they have a dating bit, so I was looking around and a lot of the newpapers and various interest magazines etc also do a dating thing. This may be a way to find someone who shares the same interests, they also seem more genuine and may attract less 'fanciful' shall we say lol, suitors.


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## Joab (Sep 4, 2009)

No, I met my wife through Singles Christian Network, it was by far the best I tried. You do have to be a Christian to use it. I found lavalife to be a waste of time and money, a lot of decption by members there, really stupid as your going to meet the person face to face eventually.


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## The Last Legionary (Sep 7, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I was talking over my dating flops with some good friends of mine and one of them came away with maybe I should post a profile on eHarmony or similar dating site so I can find exactly what I look for in a woman. Has anyone had any experience with using these online dating services?



eHarmoney might be legit.  Friendfinder, Adult FF, and their connected sites are mostly men, with many fake accounts for women, run by proxy, with stock photos to add 'reality'.  I think I saw several porn stars on there, under various names as well.  Hey, when you're bored and looking for company you surf.   

For those less inclined to serious and more interested in 1 night stands, try http://www.onlinebootycall.com.  No idea if it works.


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## LoneRider (Sep 7, 2009)

My OK Cupid profile seems to be doing alright. And once I get stabilized wherever I'm due to be stationed next I'll start up my eHarmony profile...


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## Flea (Sep 7, 2009)

Way to be!

Personally I've never tried any of those sites, but I'll offer my support to you.  You sound like a great guy and you deserve to be happy.  Best of wishes.


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## LoneRider (Sep 7, 2009)

Thanks. And the depressive fit that set this thing and my dating pool thread seems to be going away on its own...


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## girlbug2 (Sep 7, 2009)

Ken Morgan said:


> Dont even think about a relationship until you make some female friends.


 

That's actually quite profound advice.  I can't think of anybody in a successful relationship who wasn't able to be friends first. As a matter of fact, when I ponder this, I realize that the most mature and long lasting relationships are the ones between people who know how to treat the opposite sex as well as their own, and who have friends of both sexes.

Another point to remember is to observe how people treat their parents, particularly the parent of the opposite sex. It's such common sense really--any man that cannot be respectful and good to his mother will not treat his girlfriend or wife well, once the "honeymoon" stage is over at least. Same goes with a woman and her dad. You can gague your future mate's behavior by observing them with their family, no? And...you can evaluate how _you_ rate as a future boyfriend/husband.

So... increase your chances of success in a relationship by learning to be a good friend first, and preferably with a few people, not just one. And if you have issues with mom, deal with those before you foist them on your lady friend.


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## Bob Hubbard (Sep 8, 2009)

I met my wife online. I've met numerous friends online. I've met 3 ex gf's online (one from old BBS days).  YMMV.


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## Brian R. VanCise (Sep 8, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> I met my wife online. I've met numerous friends online. I've met 3 ex gf's online (one from old BBS days).  YMMV.



I know of one happily married couple that met online. (married 7 years)


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## Jade Tigress (Sep 8, 2009)

*ATTENTION ALL USERS

This thread has been completely hijacked with off topic and rude posts. Those posts have been split and the thread locked from further replies. 

Please continue the discussion on the OP and keep the conversation polite and respectful.

Thank you,
Pamela Piszczek
MT Super Moderator*


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## jks9199 (Sep 8, 2009)

My wife and I met online.  We got to know each other on AOL's message boards... and eventually met in real life.  We've been married for almost three years -- and our infant son is currently fussing on my lap.


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## ArmorOfGod (Sep 9, 2009)

Ken Morgan said:


> Ive known a few women who have tried plentyoffish. To them its a pick up place, just to get laid. I think the one had a different guy at least every week, but thats what she wanted. Im sure there would be people on there looking for more in a relationship, but I dont know.


 

I worked for 9 years at 2 different manufacturing plants.  The guys there used plentyoffish to cheat on their wives.  Apparently, men and women use that site more for adultery than trying to find a date.  Sad.

AoG


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## Tez3 (Sep 9, 2009)

ArmorOfGod said:


> I worked for 9 years at 2 different manufacturing plants. The guys there used plentyoffish to cheat on their wives. Apparently, men and women use that site more for adultery than trying to find a date. Sad.
> 
> AoG


 
It's funny though and poetic justice when the cheating wives and husbands find they've been chatting their own partners up!


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## LoneRider (Sep 18, 2009)

Actually I've got a date tonight with a girl I've talked up on OKCupid. Wish me luck?


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## Bob Hubbard (Sep 18, 2009)

luck


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## Ken Morgan (Sep 18, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> Actually I've got a date tonight with a girl I've talked up on OKCupid. Wish me luck?


 
Cool!! Best of luck!! Call if you're going to be out late....We don't want to worry!


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## Flea (Sep 18, 2009)

Whoo!!!  Knock 'em dead.  In a _good_ way, of course.  :wink1:


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## LoneRider (Sep 18, 2009)

Just going out to some nice local coffee shop I found by accident when I needed to use the restroom. I thought the decor was nice and the live entertainment was great so I figured it'd be a perfect place to bring a first date.


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## Flea (Sep 18, 2009)

We expect a full report when you come back, you scamp.   :ladysman:


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## LoneRider (Sep 19, 2009)

My date's a veterinary intern and she got called in for a late surgery last night. So we had to reschedule for next weekend. Hopefully my first date in a while will be next weekend. She's the one who called and apologized and I said it's no issue I understand medical and veterinary types have hectic schedules.


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## Chris Parker (Sep 20, 2009)

Cool, man. I wish you happiness, adventure, and the pleasure of new people in your life, whether they become friends, companions, or more.


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## LoneRider (Sep 24, 2009)

Thank you my friend. My date rescheduled for tomorrow night so let's hope we have time to finally meet. I'm excited and nervous at the same time but I'm looking forward to it.


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## Flea (Sep 25, 2009)

artyon:


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