# Hey guys,



## ShoobieStomper (Jan 14, 2009)

I just recently got into a fight with my uncle. He's an alcoholic, and he was staying at my house. He was walking all over my mom, and my brother and I. This went on for 5 months, until I couldn't take it anymore. To be honest, I hurt him! I'm no fighter, that's why I hesitated for so long.

Anyway, my question is, what kind of martial arts should I take to resolve a situation without hurting someone, so I guess some sort of self defense class.

I'm 18, just in case you need to know...

Thanks!


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## arnisador (Jan 14, 2009)

Aikido could be a good bet for you. But contacting social services might be better in a case like this. Good luck.


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## tellner (Jan 14, 2009)

Ditto what arnisador said. At your stage of the game self defense would be about *dis*inhibiting you towards violence so that you will not hesitate. If it comes to a physical confrontation you have to have size, skill or surprise to control a violent person without hurting him. We call it "fighting with contempt". Fighting "with respect" means you think he's dangerous and try to take him down as quickly as possible. 

In any case, this isn't a job for wrasslin' or puggin'. Arnisador is exactly right. This is a job for social services. More to the point if a grown man is attacking women and children you need the police involved. You need a paper trail with reports and repeated complaints. That way if things get bad the police will listen to you a little more seriously. If a restraining or protective order is needed it will make the judge sit up and take notice. And if, gods forbid, you have to defend yourself again it makes the claim of self defense a lot stronger.

I'm serious about this last part. If there's a crime you need to report it. Otherwise when it hits the fan you might end up on the wrong end of the Law.

Good luck, and G-d bless.


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## Zyaga (Jan 14, 2009)

arnisador said:


> Aikido could be a good bet for you. But contacting social services might be better in a case like this. Good luck.



Definitely agree.

This sounds like a situation you should not be handling alone.

In any case, Aikido is probably a good idea of what you're looking for. That is, if they have any Aikido dojo's near you.


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## ShoobieStomper (Jan 14, 2009)

Hey thanks for the replies, but as for the police... they've already intervened!
I was just asking in case something like this were to happen again, like at school or anywhere!


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## arnisador (Jan 14, 2009)

I'm glad to hear that the police are involved! Definitely, listen to their advice. What sort of martial arts/self-defense options are available near you?


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## tellner (Jan 14, 2009)

Remember, get the detective's card. Get case numbers for all reports. 

Aikido will not help you much without a fair number of years' flight time. And at the earlier stages self defense training will be 180 degrees opposed to Aikido training. (*) The fact that you successfully dealt with him once is a good sign. Self defense against a man with a history of violence against family members? That's serious stuff.

(*) Please, folks, don't say anything about police departments, the Tokyo Riot Police, Ueshiba etc. and how useful Aikido was for them. This guy is not an already-trained guy who spends 40 hours a week dealing with bad guys. And he doesn't have Ueshiba's skill. Aiki is great stuff. But it's not going to help him in the short to medium term.


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## jks9199 (Jan 14, 2009)

ShoobieStomper said:


> Hey thanks for the replies, but as for the police... they've already intervened!
> I was just asking in case something like this were to happen again, like at school or anywhere!


I suspect that the police offered you and your family some referrals to various services.  I can't encourage you strongly enough to use them.

In terms of what martial art might have given you tools to handle the situation with less force -- aikido leaps to mind, as does judo and some styles of jujitsu.  More importantly, you'll want to discuss your training goals with the instructor.  If they won't or can't tell you how they'll help you address both the need for controlled response AND for self-control... keep looking.


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## Zyaga (Jan 15, 2009)

tellner said:


> Remember, get the detective's card. Get case numbers for all reports.
> 
> Aikido will not help you much without a fair number of years' flight time. And at the earlier stages self defense training will be 180 degrees opposed to Aikido training. (*) The fact that you successfully dealt with him once is a good sign. Self defense against a man with a history of violence against family members? That's serious stuff.
> 
> (*) Please, folks, don't say anything about police departments, the Tokyo Riot Police, Ueshiba etc. and how useful Aikido was for them. This guy is not an already-trained guy who spends 40 hours a week dealing with bad guys. And he doesn't have Ueshiba's skill. Aiki is great stuff. But it's not going to help him in the short to medium term.



I agree. Aikido is a great art to study, but it's not an art that is going to get you up and going, so to speak, very fast. Maybe looking up what is close to you that you *could* attend and then list those out here for us? That way we could tell you a little bit about each?


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## jarrod (Jan 15, 2009)

aikido is a valuable art to be sure, but jujitsu usually has a shorter learning curve & will teach you to control someone just as well.  but then i'm a jujitsu guy.

jf


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## CoryKS (Jan 15, 2009)

IMO, the ability to stop an attacker without hurting him is a bonus.  The first priority should be making sure that YOU are not hurt.  Find something that will get you up to speed quickly in that regard, and then you have the luxury of seeking ways to prevent injury to the assailant, if you choose.


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## Aefibird (Jan 15, 2009)

If you want to learn martial arts to protect yourself then you need to know what styles/classes are available in your local area. It's all very well me recommending you take Jujitsu or Karate or whatever, but if your nearest class in that style is 100 miles away then it's no good.

Having said that, from your post it sounds like you would be advised to take ANY style, as any competent martial arts training will help you to become more confident and give you skills needed to be able to defuse a potential situation as well as making you aware of any specific threat before it reaches boiling point.

Regarding your particular situation, I know from personal experience that it is hard to deal with an alcoholic and violent family member, but you need to make sure that you/your family put your safety as priority and try to accept as much help and assistance from social services & the police as possible.

I'd also strongly urge you to try and speak to someone you can trust in confidence about your situation, whether that's a teacher (or former teacher if you're not at school), a friend (or one of their parents), a church minister, sports coach or whoever. Even if you don't tell them specifics of what is happening in your family, you need to have someone that you can speak to because keeping it to yourself isn't a good thing.

Good luck.


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## mecam79 (Jan 15, 2009)

I agree with getting the police involved. In situation number one however stating you are looking for self defence classes in case this happens again or in another situation ther have been alot of posts directing you towards Akido. I dont feel this is exactly right. We all fight differently and have different needs. Personaly I cross train in many different arts. Currently I am taking American Kenpo, Jiu Jitsu, and escrima. My suggestion would be to check out lots of different schools in your area and choose the best fit for you as anyone who know the martial arts knows what works for one does not work for all. Find something you are comfortable with.


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## ShoobieStomper (Jan 15, 2009)

Here's 2 links with all of the places that deal with martial arts around here...

http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&u...&oi=local_group&resnum=1&ct=more-results&cd=1
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&u...&oi=local_group&resnum=1&ct=more-results&cd=1


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## arnisador (Jan 15, 2009)

You have lots of options! Aikido is a good one but as suggested it's a slower route. Muay Thai and Judo also stand out. I don't know any of the schools though and the instructor makes a huge difference!


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## tellner (Jan 16, 2009)

I don't know any of the schools or instructors personally, but let's consider what you might want right now. You want something that will give you high-percentage skills in a relatively short time. Getting some strength, endurance, aerobic and anaerobic fitness is very helpful. 

You need to be comfortable dealing with aggression and you need to be able to access your own capacity for aggression and violence when appropriate. 

You need to be able to hit and take a hit, to work in close more than far away; people who really want to jack you up will not stand at a polite distance and play knuckle tag. They'll get up close to beat you to death or stomp you. 

Being competent on the ground is also good, especially if your uncle is bigger than you. Size makes a difference in grappling. If you don't have it you need more skill.

You're spoiled for choice, and there are probably schools that didn't make it into the Google search.

Once again, I don't know any of the schools or teachers. This is just an educated guess. 

Stuff that takes years of precise training to achieve mastery is nice. Your needs are more basic and more immediate. Honor, respect, tradition, beautiful form, spiritual development and healthy competition are all good things. They won't give you what you have to have in the short to medium term.

I'd recommend looking at the places that teach Thai boxing just to start with. You'll get in fantastic shape. You'll have simple tools that can hit terribly hard. You will definitely be able to access aggression and a fighting mindset. And you can develop some real solid skills pretty darned quickly.

A lot of the places in your area like Triton, Adams and Jensen that teach Muay Thai also teach other stuff that will be very useful like BJJ and Submission wrestling. You could do worse than to start by checking them out.

I have a personal soft spot for Kali and Silat, partially because they will get you familiar with simple useful weapons. If you need them you need to know how to use them. I don't know enough about your situation to give advice on that score. But there is always the chance that the person you have to deal with will use one himself. Familiarity from the inside will let you deal with that calmly and without panicking. That could save your life even if it just means that you don't take that fatal quarter second to start running or slam the door in his face.


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## ShoobieStomper (Jan 17, 2009)

I have a few friends that are taking Muay Thai, so I think I'm gonna check into it...


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## arnisador (Jan 17, 2009)

Great conditioning and aggressiveness. Effective techniques but without eye-gouging etc. Good choice! But this is the back-up plan--dialing 911 still has to be Plan _A_.

Good luck, and we're glad to have another martial artists amongst us!


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## GBlues (Jan 18, 2009)

I would like to make this suggestion also, when you go to these schools to check them out. Explain to the instructor what it is that you need from him. You know explain your situation and what's going on, what's happened, so that he knows how he may have to curtail your training to really give you what it is that you need now. The other stuff you can get later, but like tellner said you need some immediate things now in the short and medium range terms. No instructor in my mind is going to be able to help you if he doesn't know the situation. HE may have skills that  he can teach you for taking an opponent down without hurting them, that may be very practical for you, or it may not be. Or he may say, " Look don't even worry about that. Best case scenario you get better at fighting, kick your uncles butt, and make sure that everyone is safe. You, mom, and your siblings if it comes to a physical confrontation are more important than uncle nasty." YOu know what I mean. In my experience most martial arts instructors will be all to glad to help you better prepare for, "if it happens again". Not only physically, mentally, and emotionally. They will also help you to know exactly when you need to call 911 and begin taking the necassary steps to protect you and your loved ones. Listen to what the other posters here have said, cause they are giving you very good advise. Take it to heart, and be careful.:asian:


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## ShoobieStomper (Jan 19, 2009)

Will do, I was planning on telling the instructor what's going on, because like I said, I don't want to fight people, but if it comes down to it, I'd like to walk away unharmed...


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## JBrainard (Jan 19, 2009)

mecam79 said:


> ...My suggestion would be to check out lots of different schools in your area and choose the best fit for you as anyone who know the martial arts knows what works for one does not work for all. Find something you are comfortable with.


 
My sentiments exactly. Aikido is a wonderful art, but it may or may not be the right art for you. Talk to teachers, try classes, as many as you can. After a while you'll know what art you want to stick with.
Best of luck.


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