# Abbott And Costello's Computer Conversation



## Andrew Green (Apr 5, 2005)

*ABBOTT AND COSTELLO'S COMPUTER CONVERSATION 

You      have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY      understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who      sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... 

If Bud      Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on      first?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A      COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT... 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I      help you? 

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and      I'm thinking about buying a computer. 

ABBOTT: Mac? 

COSTELLO:      No, the name's Lou. 

ABBOTT: Your computer? 

COSTELLO: I don't      own a computer. I want to buy one. 

ABBOTT: Mac? 

COSTELLO: I      told you, my name's Lou. 

ABBOTT: What about Windows?      

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? 

ABBOTT: Do you      want a computer with Windows? 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I      see when I look at the windows? 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper. 

COSTELLO:      Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 

ABBOTT:      Software for Windows? 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need      something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.      What do you have? 

ABBOTT: Office. 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my      office. Can you recommend anything? 

ABBOTT: I just did.      

COSTELLO: You just did what? 

ABBOTT: Recommend something.      

COSTELLO: You recommended something? 

ABBOTT: Yes.      

COSTELLO: For my office? 

ABBOTT: Yes. 

COSTELLO: OK,      what did you recommend for my office? 

ABBOTT: Office.      

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office      with Windows. 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,      let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.      What do I need? 

ABBOTT: Word. 

COSTELLO: What word?      

ABBOTT: Word in Office. 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is      office. 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. 

COSTELLO:      Which word in office for windows? 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you      click the blue "W". 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if      you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch      movies on the Internet? 

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.      

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of      your business. Just tell me what I need! 

ABBOTT: Real One.      

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and      4. Can I watch them? 

ABBOTT: Of course. 

COSTELLO: Great!      With what? 

ABBOTT: Real One. 

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my      computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? 

ABBOTT: You      click the blue "1". 

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?      

ABBOTT: The blue "1". 

COSTELLO: Is that different from the      blue w? 

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.      

COSTELLO: What word? 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.      

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!      

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.      

COSTELLO: It is? 

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't      many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out      there. 

COSTELLO: And that word is real one? 

ABBOTT: Real One      has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.      

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial      bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? 

ABBOTT:      Money. 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? 

ABBOTT:      Money. 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? 

ABBOTT: It      comes bundled with your computer. 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my      computer? 

ABBOTT: Money. 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my      computer? 

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. 

COSTELLO: I get a      bundle of money with my computer? How much? 

ABBOTT: One copy.      

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOTT: Microsoft      gave us a license to copy Money. 

COSTELLO: They can give you a      license to copy money? 



ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN      IT!



(A few days later...) 

ABBOTT: Super Duper      computer store. Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer      off? 

ABBOTT: Click on "START".  *


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## Sarah (Apr 5, 2005)

LOL..Thats fantastic!!


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## Bester (Apr 5, 2005)

I think I had that conversation.....


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## Bammx2 (Apr 6, 2005)

Oh yes!!!!!:rofl:


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## Fightback2 (Apr 6, 2005)

That's priceless!!!!!!:roflmao:


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## Nanalo74 (Apr 6, 2005)

Classic dude! Classic!


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## arnisador (Apr 6, 2005)

Lol!


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## OUMoose (Apr 6, 2005)

Reminds me of trying to talk to my mother about her PC...


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## Chronuss (Apr 6, 2005)

...I've had to help people like this...


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## Andrew Green (Apr 6, 2005)

Chronuss said:
			
		

> ...I've had to help people like this...


 There are a lot of people like that....


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## Chronuss (Apr 7, 2005)

Andrew Green said:
			
		

> There are a lot of people like that....


you ain't lyin'...I work with most of'em...OY!


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## Silat Student (Apr 7, 2005)

Sounds like they just took a conversation from an AOL call center and substituted names. A friend of mine useta work at one and you wouldn't believe the stories that come out of there.


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## Andrew Green (Apr 7, 2005)

Given AOL's "reputation" that anyone who has even a basic computer knowledge knows about that's no surprise.  Anyone that knows better wouldn't be calling a AOL call center


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