# Boot to the Head Pt 1



## Bob Hubbard (Aug 20, 2003)

Last Will and Temperment of Boot to the Head
Click here for Last Will and Temperment in MP3 Format 
http://beagleweb.com/personal/The_Frantics-Last-Will-and-Temperment.mp3

(Courtesy of Ron O'Rourke . . . thanks!) 


Lawyer: As the executor of Mr. Muldune's Estate I have been empowered to read his last will and temperment. 

Ed (alcoholic brother): Well get on with it, the bars open soon. 

Jenny (sister): Oh poor dear Arthur... wehhhh. 

Hank (Jenny's wife / wimp): Oh there, there Jenny. 

Ralstin (Know-it-all nephew): God how predictibly boring. 

Mrs. Mulroy: I never worked for a kinder man. 

Lawyer: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the readings. 

Ed: Hehehheh. 

Lawyer (reading): I Arthur B. Muldune, being of sound mind a body... 

Ed: That's a laugh... heheheh. 

Lawyer: ... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my overly emotional sister, Jenny. 

Jenny: wehhhhhh!!!!! 

Hank: Jenny dear, he's talking about us. 

Jenny: Oh. 

Lawyer: ... who grubbed their entire life, grubbed for everything I've got, then cried crocidile tears when I needed sympathy, to Jenny I leave a Boot to the Head. 

Jenny: A what? [Boom] Ow! 

Hank: Jenny, are you okay? 

Lawyer: And another boot to her wimpy husband Hank. [Boom] Ow! 

Ed: Heh heh. 

Jenny: This is an outrage. 

Lawyer: Ah but still, you are my sister, you have both admired my Royles Royce, and since I no longer need it... 

Jenny: Oh dear Arthur, he's too kind! 

Lawyer: ... I bequeath another boot the head. 

Jenny: What? [Boom] Ow! 

Ed: Heheheheheh. 

Lawyer: And one more for the wimp. 

Hank: [Boom] Ow! 

Lawyer: Next, to my alcoholic brother... 

Ed: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head. 

Lawyer: To dear Ed who's never worked a day in his life... 

Ed: I'm covering up my head! 

Lawyer: I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey. 

Ed: Really? 

Lawyer: And a boot to the head. 

Ed: [Boom] Oh! 

Lawyer: And another for Jenny and the wimp. 

Jenny: [Boom] Oh! 

Hank: [Boom] Ow! 

Lawyer: Next, to my know-it-all nephew Ralstin... 

Ralstin: This is so predictable. 

Lawyer: I leave a boot to the head. 

Ralstin: [Boom] Uuh... I knew it. 

Lawyer: ... and one for Jenny and the wimp. 

Jenny: Ow! 

Hank: Oh! 

Lawyer: This takes care of family obligations... and now to Mrs. Mulroy... 

Mrs. Mulroy: I don't want nothing. 

Lawyer: ... who took care of me faithfully these many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea ... 

Mrs. Mulroy: Oh, I didn't mind. 

Lawyer: ... to Mrs. Mulroy I bequeath... a boot to the head. 

Mrs. Mulroy: [Boom] Oouhh! 

Lawyer: And one more for Jenny and the wimp. 

Jenny: [Boom] Ahh! 

Wimp: [Boom] Ohh! 

Lawyer: And so to my cat mittens, I leave my entire vast... Boot to the head! 

Mittens: [Boom] Meoooeeewwwoooeerroooww! 

Lawyer: And finally, to my Lawyer who has helped me on this will, I leave no a boot to the head, but a rabid tasmanian devil to be placed in his trousers.... ohh,... hah, ha, ha... and I leave my entire vast estate of 10 million dollars to the people of Calgery so they can afford to move somewhere decent! 

Hank: Is that it? 

Ralstin: Is that all? 

Ed: That's disgraceful! 

Lawyer: There's one last thing for everyone. 

Ed: Cover your heads everybody. 

Lawyer: I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream. 

Ed: Ice cream? 

Ralstin: Ice cream? 

Hank: Ice cream? 

Ralstin: That's all? 

Lawyer: That's all. 

Mrs. Mulroy: Well, what flavor is it? 

Lawyer: Boot the head! 

[Boom] Oh! [Boom] Ah! [Boom] Uh! [Boom] Ow! [Boom] Ahh! [Boom] Ugg! [Boom] Oww!


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## theletch1 (Aug 20, 2003)

HAHAHA Man, I needed that chuckle so bad!!! Thanks that's hilarious.


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