# Secret Self Defense Weapons of Britain



## tellner (Feb 17, 2007)

...or "Rock, Scissors, Paper, Mushy Peas, Hammer"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/6369773.stm



> Hot mushy peas foil hammer robber
> 
> *An armed man was foiled in his attempt to rob a Bolton chip shop when the owner's partner threw a hot bowl of mushy peas at him, a court has heard.*  Kieran Naylor, 21, of Monks Lane, Breightmet, hit the owner of the Breightmet Lucky Supper Bar with a hammer in September 2006.
> Bolton Crown Court heard how he slipped on the peas that landed on the floor.
> ...


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## Shaderon (Feb 20, 2007)

Yea for Bolton's mushy peas!!!   :goop:


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## MJS (Feb 20, 2007)

I say good for the shop owner!!  Its nice to see people fight back, rather than be a victim.  On the other hand however, we often hear people say that its better to hand over whatever the bad guy wants, and you won't get hurt.  But, there is nothing to say that after you had over the money, that you still won't end up getting shot, stabbed or in this case, hit with a hammer.

Mike


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

tellner said:


> ...or "Rock, Scissors, Paper, Mushy Peas, Hammer"
> 
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/6369773.stm
> 
> [/SIZE]



And to think that some people complain about British cookingwe have clear evidence here that it's a lifesaver!


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## Cruentus (Feb 20, 2007)

lol Who needs firearms for self-defense, when 60 year olds can take a few hits to the head with a hammer before they drop their peas on the bad guy...


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## charyuop (Feb 20, 2007)

That's what I would put in the news:

2 60 year old people were target of a robbery. The thief was armed with a hammer. The couple was so scared that couldn't keep control, but that saved their lives. The thief slipped on their pees fallin on the floor....


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## Steel Tiger (Feb 20, 2007)

I'd much rather use mushy peas as a weapon than eat them that's for sure!


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## Kreth (Feb 20, 2007)

I bet they could've done some real damage with bangers and mash.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Kreth said:


> I bet they could've done some real damage with bangers and mash.



They don't call them bangers for nothing, you can bet! And `mash'? After they's used the `bangers' on you? What could be more obvious?!!


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## Steel Tiger (Feb 20, 2007)

exile said:


> They don't call them bangers for nothing, you can bet! And `mash'? After they's used the `bangers' on you? What could be more obvious?!!


 

Truly though the greatest secret weapon in Britain today is the fearsome, and knida stinky, pickled egg.


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## exile (Feb 20, 2007)

Steel Tiger said:


> Truly though the greatest secret weapon in Britain today is the fearsome, and knida stinky, pickled egg.



Yes, so I've heard... although, while it's unquestionably a weapon (and a fearsome one!), I don't see how it could be kept.... uh, _secret_... for very long....


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## Steel Tiger (Feb 20, 2007)

You would think that the secret could not last, but the British have followed a cunning scheme of obfuscation for many years.  To hide the deadliness they actually eat the eggs on occasion.  Of course of all those who have felt the full force of a fully operational pickled egg none have lived to tell the tale.


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## Shaderon (Feb 22, 2007)

People EAT them eggs?   You gotta be kidding me!  they look disgusting!   

Just having them in a jar on the counter is weapon enough.  :barf:


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## tellner (Feb 22, 2007)

Now that I've let the secret out I fully expect  a visit from ninja dressed like Manchester supporters to break into my house armed with mushy peas, Iron Bru, and deadly cold greasy toast shuriken.

The real reason the British conquered half the world was to find decent food. Mystery Meat Vindaloo is a joke the Indians played on them. The really funny part is that the Brits haven't caught onto it yet.


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## Shaderon (Feb 23, 2007)

Hey we've caught on to it, we know Vindaloo is a place name, we just changed the recipe from dog to rat and smile secretly at the people laughing at us.   We're Mancunians remember, we'll eat anything!   Just visit our "Greek" chippies for proof.  *Don's black pajamas and a Balaclava as fancy dress, grabs a bowl of mushy peas and some cold toast*  You know guns are illegal in Britain?   well who needs em!


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## exile (Feb 23, 2007)

But wait...

... I have to speak up about one honorable exception to all the slanging going on about British cooking. I've spent more than my share of time in British real ale pubs... actually I've spent more than any random group of three people's fair share of time in British pubs, thinking back on it objectively... and I have had some terrific meals in those places. About the best duck I've ever had anywhere was in a terrific Real Ale pub in a lovely country village called Cavendish in Suffolk (this was a memorable evening not only because of the duck, but because my son, just a shade over two at the time, sank wearily into his chair when we were seated and announced in ringing tones, `I NEED A BEER!'&#8212;something he'd heard me say enought time during that particular visit that it seemed worth repeating I suppose... I wasn't dead keen on the looks I got from some of the patrons next to us)... my experience has been that the food in British pubs, the ones that serve Real Ale anyway, is consistently good, well prepared and of clearly excellent quality ingredients, and way less expensive that what you find in toney restaurants. A lot of pubs have in fact shifted their emphasis from the drinking aspect of an evening out to the meals themselves... clearly there's a good market for that in a lot of places in the UK. 

My first act on landing at Heathrow is usually to seek out a copy of the CAMRA Good Beer guide for that year, which also now offers short but usually quite accurate assessments of the food on offer. I've never yet found myself short of a good place to both drink _and_ eat by going on their recommendations. And not one of the places I've ever been in has mushy peas or pickled eggs on the menu&#8212;I know about them because, long ago when I lived in Victoria,  I had a friend from the Midlands who warned me about them and a few other things. So you can stay out of the `hot weapons' zones, if you do some planning... :wink1:


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## tellner (Feb 23, 2007)

Exile, you are right about British beer. Many years ago I started at the Princess Anne, went to the Sun and can't remember which pubs were next on the crawl, so the beer must have been good  Now I live in the Great Pacific North Wet and can be as much of a beer snob as any Pom!


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## exile (Feb 23, 2007)

tellner said:


> Exile, you are right about British beer. Many years ago I started at the Princess Anne, went to the Sun and can't remember which pubs were next on the crawl, so the beer must have been good  Now I live in the Great Pacific North Wet and can be as much of a beer snob as any Pom!



I have to say, I've had bitter style beers in brewpubs in Oregon and Washington (as wel as British Columbiathe late lamented Spinnakers in Victoria in particular) that were still better than any Real Ales I've encountered in the UK, and I've sampled most of the great craft beers there on cask (or on gravity, in rare cases when I got luckier than I've any right be be)Adnam's, Youngs, Fullers, Morland's... but the depth and power of some of the PNW beers is indescribable... you `had to be there'. 

Actually, we're lucky: we have a brewpub, Barley's, in Columbus, whose owner/brewmaster apprenticed to a couple of British regional breweries for several years before coming back to the US and opening his own pub, and his stuff is possibly the best I've every hadcertain specific brews, anywayvery, _very_ hoppy, but with such good malt balance that you don't feel blown away by the hop edge, which can sometime happen, even to me, a lifelong hop fanatic, when drinking some of the (excellent) hop-encrusted beers from e.g. Stone Brewing Co. I love Ruination Ale, but every so often, it's just a little too much. The Centennial IPA at Barley's is just as hoppy but the malt component balances it without neutralizing it... _so_ good...

...um, OK, I'll shut up now... be back in a second, just going to get a beer ...


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## Tez3 (Mar 5, 2007)

The deep fried Mars bar from Scotland has to be near the top of lethal weapons! Oh and pickled gherkins.


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## Steel Tiger (Mar 5, 2007)

Now a deep fried Mars Bar is pretty odd but it is pretty tough to go past a beationg with a black pudding followed by a dessert walloping with a spotted dick.


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## Tez3 (Mar 11, 2007)

Steel Tiger said:


> Now a deep fried Mars Bar is pretty odd but it is pretty tough to go past a beationg with a black pudding followed by a dessert walloping with a spotted dick.


 
Haggis?


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## Steel Tiger (Mar 11, 2007)

Tez3 said:


> Haggis?


 
I'm sure that the haggis is not so much a secret weapon as some sort of bio-engineered creature designed for the inevitable driving of the Sassernach (English) from bonny Scotland.


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## tellner (Mar 13, 2007)

All kidding about the haggis aside, it clearly demonstrates the adage the people who are really poor don't have anything, so they cook everything.

I think it was Ben Jonson who said that oats were a grain fed to horses in England and people in Scotland. Can't remember who replied that that was why England was noted for the strength of its horses and Scotland for the strength of its men.


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## Tez3 (Mar 14, 2007)

******s! Now I know the language barrier is going to kick in here lol! yes people really eat them over here!
Here in Yorkshire we also have Yorkshire pudding - served as a first course on it's own covered with gravy. That harks back to the bad old days when meat was scarce so people filled up with the pudding.
On Scotland there's stovies, mealie puddings, oatcakes and tablet. (Mince beef and potatoes mixed together very nice, white pudding aand oatcakes-oats again and a fudge like sweet) all delicious.
And don't forget tripe, jellied eels and cockles!


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## Tez3 (Mar 14, 2007)

Tez3 said:


> ******s! Now I know the language barrier is going to kick in here lol! yes people really eat them over here!
> Here in Yorkshire we also have Yorkshire pudding - served as a first course on it's own covered with gravy. That harks back to the bad old days when meat was scarce so people filled up with the pudding.
> On Scotland there's stovies, mealie puddings, oatcakes and tablet. (Mince beef and potatoes mixed together very nice, white pudding aand oatcakes-oats again and a fudge like sweet) all delicious.
> And don't forget tripe, jellied eels and cockles!


 
LOL it won't print out!! and it's a genuine food. I will spell it out!
Foxtrot Alpha Golf Golf Oscar Tango Sierra!http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/database/******swithoniongrav_3899.shtml


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## tellner (Mar 14, 2007)

Link no work 

What's wrong with good old-fashioned food like Spotted Dick, Toad in the Hole, or Bubble and Squeak?

And when I say "Toad in the Hole" we're not referring to the Sacred Act of the Marital Lily Pad!


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## Tez3 (Mar 14, 2007)

tellner said:


> Link no work
> 
> What's wrong with good old-fashioned food like Spotted Dick, Toad in the Hole, or Bubble and Squeak?
> 
> And when I say "Toad in the Hole" we're not referring to the Sacred Act of the Marital Lily Pad!


 
I loved Spotted Dick and toad in the hole but not bubble and squeak. Steak and Kidney pudding too and treacle tart. 

I think the word that can't be printed on MT is stopping the link working so try googleing it and going for the wikipedia link under food! It is a very traditional dish


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