# TX Law VS NY Lawyer



## celtic_crippler (Oct 12, 2009)

*A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX ... He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.*

*The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'*

*'What for?' says the lawyer...*

*The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'*

*Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'*

*'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'*

*The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'*

*'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..*

*Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'*

*'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.*
*
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'*


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 12, 2009)

As a NYer looking forward to moving to TX soon, I heartedly approve of this joke.  LOL


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## Matthew McMullen (Oct 12, 2009)

LOL that was a good one some lawyers just think they are above everyone it doesn't matter what state they live in.


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## grydth (Oct 12, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> As a NYer looking forward to moving to TX soon, I heartedly approve of this joke.  LOL



Yeah, well remember to either drive slowly or wear body armor in that state.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 12, 2009)

drive slowly?  in Texas?   :rofl:


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## grydth (Oct 12, 2009)

Sorry,what was I thinking?  I got a little giddy thinking about the punitive damages potential in the original fact pattern and just zoned out for a second.....still feelin' the tingles, though.....


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## David43515 (Oct 12, 2009)

What`s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?









There may be skid marks in front of the snake.












That`s the thing about lawyer jokes. Lawyers don`t think they`re funny, and no one else thinks they`re jokes.


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## Gordon Nore (Oct 12, 2009)

Here's one...

What's the difference between lawyers and pigs?












Pigs don't act like lawyers when they get drunk.

Sorry.:uhoh:


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## Andy Moynihan (Oct 12, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> As a NYer looking forward to moving to TX soon, I heartedly approve of this joke. LOL


 
As a M******* looking forward to moving to TX, I heartily concur.


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## Andy Moynihan (Oct 12, 2009)

grydth said:


> Yeah, well remember to either drive slowly or wear body armor in that state.


 

I always do that ANYWAY. :idunno:


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 12, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> As a NYer looking forward to moving to TX soon...



You'll be soooooorrrrry.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 12, 2009)

I'm currently cold, and having a hard time warming up.  It's 42' outside.  It'll warm up here around June 2010. Austin is currently 70'  I like that much more.  Sorry n warm is better than sorry n cold.   Worst case, I'll go hang out at Hippy Hollow.  ROFL!


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 12, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> I'm currently cold, and having a hard time warming up.  It's 42' outside.  It'll warm up here around June 2010. Austin is currently 70'  I like that much more.  Sorry n warm is better than sorry n cold.   Worst case, I'll go hang out at Hippy Hollow.  ROFL!



When you realize just how badly Texas sucks, you can remember I told you so.  Just trying to help out.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 12, 2009)

It's better than NY, right now, thats good enough for me.


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## Stac3y (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> When you realize just how badly Texas sucks, you can remember I told you so. Just trying to help out.


 
Does NOT! At least Austin doesn't. Dunno about the rest of the state.


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## Dirty Dog (Oct 13, 2009)

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?


One is a scum sucking bottom feeder. And the other one is a fish.


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## celtic_crippler (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> When you realize just how badly Texas sucks, you can remember I told you so. Just trying to help out.


 
As opposed to what? Michigan or North Carolina? I've lived in NC and TX so by process of elimination that must mean... Michigan? I doubt that... I must say I'm a doubter. I've seen "Roger & Me" and I know....LOL


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 13, 2009)

celtic_crippler said:


> As opposed to what? Michigan or North Carolina? I've lived in NC and TX so by process of elimination that must mean... Michigan? I doubt that... I must say I'm a doubter. I've seen "Roger & Me" and I know....LOL



I've lived all over, and worked in every state of the US except Florida, Idaho, Montana and the Dakotas.  All had something to recommend them, something that I found quite nice about them.  Texas, not so much.  I liked the River Walk in Austin.  Otherwise...


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## theletch1 (Oct 13, 2009)

Depends on your personality, I guess.  I was stationed in San Angelo for a tech school during my days in the Corps for about 4 months and really enjoyed it.  Of course, I've always loved wide open spaces with very few humans in sight so it fit me well.  I've spent time in NY as well (visiting) and didn't like it at all.  I think Bob will do well in Texas.  He's just far enough "out there" to both fit in and have fun yanking chains. 

Oh, yeah...
What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?







A good start.


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 13, 2009)

theletch1 said:


> Depends on your personality, I guess.  I was stationed in San Angelo for a tech school during my days in the Corps for about 4 months and really enjoyed it.



Yeah, I did some time at Fort Hood during my time in the Corps, but really.  I mean really.  Fort Hood.  Bleah.

And now I recall the River Walk was in San Antonio instead of Austin.  My bad.


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## theletch1 (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Yeah, I did some time at Fort Hood during my time in the Corps, but really. I mean really. Fort Hood. Bleah.
> 
> And now I recall the River Walk was in San Antonio instead of Austin. My bad.


Never did anything bad enough to get sent to Hood.  I was at Goodfellow between DLI at the Presidio in Monterey and my first PCS to LeJeune.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Yeah, I did some time at Fort Hood during my time in the Corps, but really.  I mean really.  Fort Hood.  Bleah.
> 
> And now I recall the River Walk was in San Antonio instead of Austin.  My bad.


River walk is nice, I saw part of it last year.  Hippy Hollow is in Austin. Who can argue with a nude beach in the state capital? LOL



A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"


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## theletch1 (Oct 13, 2009)

Bob, your outdoor photography skills would be freakin' amazing in the west Texas desert.  There's tons of stuff out there that you'd never see with a quick glance that someone with a camera actually looking could spot... and the sunsets/rises in the desert are beautiful.


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## Andy Moynihan (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> When you realize just how badly Texas sucks, you can remember I told you so. Just trying to help out.


 
Sucks acording to whose needs/wants?

I went down in May and found it perfect.

Just about the most 2nd Amendment friendly state in the country which is mandatory for me.

No winter which is mandatory.

I can actually LIVE on one income down there which is mandatory.

By the end of 2 more years I'll have enough saved to buy a foreclosed home outright(which is mandatory) in a NICE part of TX, and then once I own that I OWN the land it's on(which is mandatory). Up here? Those 2 trees in my front yard? Only just over 10 feet from my front window? Those aren't "mine" they're the town's. Piss on THAT idea.

Idiots, racists and religious nuts? Well guess what, we have too many up HERE too.

All other things? Anything not mandatory is forbdden.


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## celtic_crippler (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> I've lived all over, and worked in every state of the US except Florida, Idaho, Montana and the Dakotas. All had something to recommend them, something that I found quite nice about them. Texas, not so much. I liked the River Walk in Austin. Otherwise...


 
Florida is awesome. Idaho, Montana, and the Dakotas suck... unless you hate trees and love waist-high snow 9 months out of the year. If I never see another snow flake it'll be too soon! 

Ever set up a NDA in the middle of a blizzard when it's so cold the moisture in your nose freezes? ....fun stuff...NOT!


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## dancingalone (Oct 13, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> When you realize just how badly Texas sucks, you can remember I told you so.  Just trying to help out.



Getting a lot of transplants from California, New York, PA, and Michigan these days to Texas.  Fine with me, everyone is welcome.  But please don't bring your old state's laws with you!


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## Andy Moynihan (Oct 13, 2009)

dancingalone said:


> Getting a lot of transplants from California, New York, PA, and Michigan these days to Texas. Fine with me, everyone is welcome. But please don't bring your old state's laws with you!


 
If I liked my old state's laws, I would stay in my old state.


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## Bob Hubbard (Oct 13, 2009)

Ditto.  NY IS a lawyer joke. LOL


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 13, 2009)

dancingalone said:


> Getting a lot of transplants from California, New York, PA, and Michigan these days to Texas.  Fine with me, everyone is welcome.  But please don't bring your old state's laws with you!



When Californians came to Colorado, they ruined the place.  However, Texas cannot be ruined, so I guess you're safe there.


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## Bill Mattocks (Oct 13, 2009)

Andy Moynihan said:


> Sucks acording to whose needs/wants?
> 
> I went down in May and found it perfect.
> 
> ...



Okey-dokey.  Growing up in Colorado, I had my fill of Texas and Texans.  But hey, I guess if they stay in their own state, that's probably fine.


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## Aikicomp (Oct 14, 2009)

Funny, That's the same thing the cop said to me when I pulled a Jersey slide through a stop sign and said "I slowed down", to which he replied " If I was to hit you with my nightstick would you want me to slow down or stop"

"Thanks officer, point taken"

Michael


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## Stac3y (Oct 14, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> I've lived all over, and worked in every state of the US except Florida, Idaho, Montana and the Dakotas. All had something to recommend them, something that I found quite nice about them. Texas, not so much. I liked the River Walk in Austin. Otherwise...


 
The River Walk is in San Antonio. Austin is much nicer, IMO.


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## dancingalone (Oct 14, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> When Californians came to Colorado, they ruined the place.  However, Texas cannot be ruined, so I guess you're safe there.



We would have it no other way.  Texas ain't for everyone and that's more than fine.


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