# Guys who "fight" to defend  girl vs Guy who genuinely concerned is  for beloved females' safety



## 7BallZ (Nov 25, 2015)

A topic I found at AllExpert 

Self Defense: Guys who "fight" to defend a girl vs Guy who genuinely is concerned for beloved females' safety-Is there a BIG DIFFERENCE?

Are too many young guys often looking for an excuse to fight someone when a girl is being harassed? 

If someone was truly concerned about their sister being raped, would they have reacted before a stranger touched her?

Was the Mexican mentioned in the link really truly trying to protect the sister while the jock was simply trying to act all huff and tough to showoff before actually punching the bald man?


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## Bill Mattocks (Nov 25, 2015)

That thing is a complete mess.  I would not even try to deconstruct that nonsense.  Teenage monkey-dancing for no particular reason.


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## lklawson (Nov 25, 2015)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Teenage monkey-dancing for no particular reason.


I wouldn't go that far.  Male Dominance Ritual exists for a reason.  It may seem like a dumb reason, particularly in a Modern Social context, but it's there for a darn good reason.

Think of it as atavistic behavior.  

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk


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## Koshiki (Nov 28, 2015)

Several times over the years my wife has had guys generously offer to "fight her husband/boyfriend" for her. Neither of us is entirely certain how beating the crap out of someone's significant other is supposed to endear that person to you. I mean, if another lady beat up my wife, I wouldn't exactly be enamored of her...

That said, no one has ever made her the offer when I was actually around, so I suppose it's one of those "promises you don't intend to keep" things, where it's the thought that counts...

It's not a solely teenage thing either. She'll be thirty in a few months.


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## Bill Mattocks (Nov 28, 2015)

Zack Cart said:


> Several times over the years my wife has had guys generously offer to "fight her husband/boyfriend" for her. Neither of us is entirely certain how beating the crap out of someone's significant other is supposed to endear that person to you. I mean, if another lady beat up my wife, I wouldn't exactly be enamored of her...
> 
> That said, no one has ever made her the offer when I was actually around, so I suppose it's one of those "promises you don't intend to keep" things, where it's the thought that counts...
> 
> It's not a solely teenage thing either. She'll be thirty in a few months.


 
No disrespect intended, but any age under 40 is essentially still a teenager where maturity counts. I'm not sure anyone's brains grow in until they're 45 or so.


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## Steve (Nov 28, 2015)

Bill Mattocks said:


> No disrespect intended, but any age under 40 is essentially still a teenager where maturity counts. I'm not sure anyone's brains grow in until they're 45 or so.


 I think the right answer is any age that is 5 or more years younger than you happen to be at the time is immature.


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## Tames D (Nov 28, 2015)

Bill Mattocks said:


> No disrespect intended, but any age under 40 is essentially still a teenager where maturity counts. I'm not sure anyone's brains grow in until they're 45 or so.


Are you serious?? Really??


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## geezer (Nov 28, 2015)

Bill Mattocks said:


> No disrespect intended, but any age under 40 is essentially still a teenager where maturity counts. I'm not sure anyone's brains grow in until they're 45 or so.



Thats my experience too. Also works if you substitute the word "belly" for "brains".


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## drop bear (Nov 29, 2015)

OK. So if random scumbag feels up your missus what do you do?

I mean yeah it is great to be forewarned and can get her out of the way if you could. But a random groping is going to be kind of hard to predict.


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## Koshiki (Nov 29, 2015)

drop bear said:


> OK. So if random scumbag feels up your missus what do you do?
> 
> I mean yeah it is great to be forewarned and can get her out of the way if you could. But a random groping is going to be kind of hard to predict.



Last time that happened she ranked their wrist and he went off to dance with someone else. She has frequently mocked the very idea of getting in a full blown fight over something like that. I just asked her, "how would you feel about it if I beat up a random scumbag who randomly groped you?"

Her response was a sneer and, "That's just kind of... dumb. And a really disproportionate level of force. I'd just think you were dumb. I would much prefer if you said something horrible to the guy. A verbal beat-down, I'd be like, 'go you!' As much as I don't want someone to grab my butt, I don't want you to hurt some guy and end up in legal trouble. Besides, I know you, you have an acid tongue and your verbal beatdowns will leave him hurting longer than breaking his arm would..." (She kept ranting after that...)


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## Tez3 (Nov 29, 2015)

Are women such fragile creatures that we need 'protecting'? If groped, the woman likes to sort it in her own way, usually with a sharp tongue and a wounding comment, if they feel violence is needed I'm sure they can do it themselves. They can also report it to the police, to touch unasked for is assault, a grope is sexual assault. Leave it to the lady to decide on the course of action taken, her body after all.
This 'if your missus is groped what do you do' makes it sound like the woman is your property and you have to protect it, not thank you the woman will do well protecting herself, after all she does it a lot more than you imagine.


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## ballen0351 (Nov 29, 2015)

drop bear said:


> OK. So if random scumbag feels up your missus what do you do?
> 
> I mean yeah it is great to be forewarned and can get her out of the way if you could. But a random groping is going to be kind of hard to predict.


let my wife deal with it.  She will let me know if she needs me.


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## donald1 (Nov 29, 2015)

Tez3 said:


> Are women such fragile creatures that we need 'protecting'



Anyone with experience can defend their self. Though there will always be atleast one macho tough badass manly man that says "never fear the hero is here!"


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## Tez3 (Nov 29, 2015)

donald1 said:


> Anyone with experience can defend their self. Though there will always be atleast one macho tough badass manly man that says "never fear the hero is here!"




Sadly women are more used to sexual harassment and even groping than most men realise, so we have a range of tactics to deal with it, violence usually being the last result. It starts at school in teenage years and goes on for many years.


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## ballen0351 (Nov 29, 2015)

Tez3 said:


> Sadly women are more used to sexual harassment and even groping than most men realise, so we have a range of tactics to deal with it, violence usually being the last result. It starts at school in teenage years and goes on for many years.


I'm always kinda surprised at what people think is appropriate to say to female officers when we are on calls together.  My main partner is a woman and she's very attractive.  People say some of the dumbest things to her they would never say to a guy


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## Sapphire (Nov 29, 2015)

I just figure that this kind of thing won't happen if you're not at dirty bars and stupid dance clubs and other foolish places where this kind of thing would take place.  Go to decent restaurants, don't go to parties where everyone plans on getting sloshed, and otherwise be clean people.  I've been with my fiancée for 4 years before proposing and we've only once had any significant issue with someone disrespecting her body, and it has been since dealt with and honestly I barely remember the who/what/where/when of it all anyways.  Besides, she's a nurse.  Creepy old man patients grope her all the time and she can't do a thing about it besides give him a nickname for her coworkers to call him.


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## drop bear (Nov 29, 2015)

Sapphire said:


> I just figure that this kind of thing won't happen if you're not at dirty bars and stupid dance clubs and other foolish places where this kind of thing would take place.  Go to decent restaurants, don't go to parties where everyone plans on getting sloshed, and otherwise be clean people.  I've been with my fiancée for 4 years before proposing and we've only once had any significant issue with someone disrespecting her body, and it has been since dealt with and honestly I barely remember the who/what/where/when of it all anyways.  Besides, she's a nurse.  Creepy old man patients grope her all the time and she can't do a thing about it besides give him a nickname for her coworkers to call him.



This one smells like the guy was a serial creep. Hence why defender no 1 had such an extreem reaction. He probably has got to a girl previously.

So that could have happened anywhere.


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## Tames D (Nov 30, 2015)

Tez3 said:


> Sadly women are more used to sexual harassment and even groping than most men realise, so we have a range of tactics to deal with it, violence usually being the last result. It starts at school in teenage years and goes on for many years.


Just out of curiosity, how often have you been groped? Are you saying this happens all the time? Not in my world.


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## Tames D (Nov 30, 2015)

drop bear said:


> OK. So if random scumbag feels up your missus what do you do?
> 
> I mean yeah it is great to be forewarned and can get her out of the way if you could. But a random groping is going to be kind of hard to predict.


Well, first of all you have to be over 40 years old to even have the maturity to deal with this. At least that's what I'm told


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## drop bear (Nov 30, 2015)

Tames D said:


> Well, first of all you have to be over 40 years old to even have the maturity to deal with this. At least that's what I'm told



I am 41 and getting less mature as I go.


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## Tez3 (Nov 30, 2015)

ballen0351 said:


> I'm always kinda surprised at what people think is appropriate to say to female officers when we are on calls together.  My main partner is a woman and she's very attractive.  People say some of the dumbest things to her they would never say to a guy



'I love a woman in uniform' is probably the comment that most female police officers hear and probably the least offensive! I've had the one about putting a woman in uniform and she turns in a Nazi and lots of inappropriate comments do come from drunks and often from men who wouldn't say it to one of their female acquaintances otherwise but an awful lot of them came from sober men who really should know better.



Sapphire said:


> *I just figure that this kind of thing won't happen if you're not at dirty bars and stupid* *dance clubs and other foolish places where this kind of thing would take place*.  Go to decent restaurants, don't go to parties where everyone plans on getting sloshed, and otherwise be clean people.  I've been with my fiancée for 4 years before proposing and we've only once had any significant issue with someone disrespecting her body, and it has been since dealt with and honestly I barely remember the who/what/where/when of it all anyways.  Besides, she's a nurse.  Creepy old man patients grope her all the time and she can't do a thing about it besides give him a nickname for her coworkers to call him.




Then I'm afraid you figure it wrong and you are saying that it's women's fault that they get these comments.
The workplace is the most common place for inappropriate touching and comments, these can lead to bigger incidents. Transport networks such as the Tube here in the UK and buses, the man who sits that bit closer to you than is necessary, whose hand wanders towards your backside or boobs by 'accident' or who rubs himself against you while you are standing. Then there's the chap who likes to pat a woman's bum as she's walking past, this can be the boss/someone higher up the chain who is 'just being friendly', it could be the customer in a restaurant, yes the decent ones, patting the waitresses bum. It can be a work colleague who 'massages' your shoulders because he thinks you look tired, it could be the chap in the shop who holds you hand as he hand over his money/your purchases, works both ways. it can be workmen whistling and catcalling from building sites as a girl walks past. It can be a work colleague telling a filthy joke in front of a woman just to embarrass her, and goodness knows how many sexist jokes there are that get told to make women feel uncomfortable. There's the comment that if a woman is looking 'grumpy' 'well she must be on her period'.  I could go on for pages more but won't but I hope you get the general idea.
*All these people are 'clean' and sober. *


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## Tez3 (Nov 30, 2015)

Catcalls, whistles, groping: the everyday picture of sexual harassment

Sexual harassment ‘part of daily life’ for young girls – study

The Girl Guiding survey I can vouch for as I'm part of the organisation.

The problem is that this type of behaviour isn't hidden but it is ignored, most people ( and I say people not just men) don't see it or dismiss it as just one of the things you have to put up with but often it's happening right in front of you and you can't see it. You may pride yourself in thinking that you don't behave like that but unless you help stamp it out when others do it will carry on. You may think a 'harmless' pat on the bum isn't groping and if it happened to a man he'll be chuffed to bits but it's still an unasked for touch he may not want.


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## crazydiamond (Nov 30, 2015)

drop bear said:


> I am 41 and getting less mature as I go.



Me too...I was born a grumpy old man. Currently enjoying a troubled and immature adolescence at 50.


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## Tez3 (Nov 30, 2015)

I do realise that violence is an issue that affects not just women and there are big problems with young males and violence but because we are an all female organisation we campaign against violence to females. this isn't just where you are or where you live but a worldwide campaign because we are also a worldwide organisation that has been going for over a hundred years in many countries so if you can help please do.


About the campaign


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## pgsmith (Nov 30, 2015)

Only time I've ever actually done something about it was on the spur of the moment. Saw a kid (20 something?) in a fairly crowded store reach out and cop a feel of a young lady of the same approximate age that was walking by him in front of me. She turned and protested and he laughed with his buddy. So, when I walked past him, I did the same thing to him. He got angry and yelled at me for grabbing his back side. I told him I would apologize for doing it to him if he would apologize for doing it to the young lady (who was watching after hearing him yelling). I was expecting the usual young male posturing from him and his friend, but instead I got a thoughtful look and he apologized to the woman he groped and assured her that he would not do that again. So, I apologized for inappropriate contact, and went on my way. That's when my wife thanked me for intervening, then slugged me for causing a scene and almost causing a fight.


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## Tez3 (Dec 1, 2015)

pgsmith said:


> Only time I've ever actually done something about it was on the spur of the moment. Saw a kid (20 something?) in a fairly crowded store reach out and cop a feel of a young lady of the same approximate age that was walking by him in front of me. She turned and protested and he laughed with his buddy. So, when I walked past him, I did the same thing to him. He got angry and yelled at me for grabbing his back side. I told him I would apologize for doing it to him if he would apologize for doing it to the young lady (who was watching after hearing him yelling). I was expecting the usual young male posturing from him and his friend, but instead I got a thoughtful look and he apologized to the woman he groped and assured her that he would not do that again. So, I apologized for inappropriate contact, and went on my way. That's when my wife thanked me for intervening, then slugged me for causing a scene and almost causing a fight.



I would like to thank you as well!.
It's that sort of 'casual' harassment that so many females have to put up with, it's  accepted that it's okay to do that sort of thing right up until someone like yourself points out that it's obviously not okay.


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## Tony Dismukes (Dec 1, 2015)

Tames D said:


> Just out of curiosity, how often have you been groped? Are you saying this happens all the time? Not in my world.


Are you female?

I very rarely see groping occurring, but I'm male. Based on listening to and reading accounts from women, this sort of thing (along with catcalls and other forms of sexual harassment) seem to be pretty common features of the female experience.



Sapphire said:


> I just figure that this kind of thing won't happen if you're not at dirty bars and stupid dance clubs and other foolish places where this kind of thing would take place.  Go to decent restaurants, don't go to parties where everyone plans on getting sloshed, and otherwise be clean people.  I've been with my fiancée for 4 years before proposing and we've only once had any significant issue with someone disrespecting her body, and it has been since dealt with and honestly I barely remember the who/what/where/when of it all anyways.  Besides, she's a nurse.  Creepy old man patients grope her all the time and she can't do a thing about it besides give him a nickname for her coworkers to call him.



Based on many, many accounts from different women, I'm thinking you are mistaken on this one. Heck - the last two sentences of your comment undermines the first part. If your fiancée is getting groped all the time at work, then she isn't exactly protected by not going to "dirty bars and stupid dance clubs." (For that matter, societal attitudes that allow her to be groped at work without recourse are the same thing that lead guys to grope unwilling women at bars and dance clubs.)


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## Tames D (Dec 2, 2015)

Tony Dismukes said:


> Are you female?
> 
> I very rarely see groping occurring, but I'm male. Based on listening to and reading accounts from women, this sort of thing (along with catcalls and other forms of sexual harassment) seem to be pretty common features of the female experience.
> 
> ...


No I'm not a female. But I do have a lot of females in my life, and their not getting groped.


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