# Parental Problem



## Muaythai^.^ (Mar 7, 2009)

I have found a gym that is reasonably close, 25 minutes. One problem my mom says it is to far away for me to go there to train even 2 times a week! Her Argument:
-the distance (total bs)
-having to sit outside for a hour (bring a book XD)
-Waste of gas
My Argument:
-something I really really want to get in to
-its only 25 minutes
-i want to do this and get better and compete later on
So my question is how do i convince her?


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## Gordon Nore (Mar 7, 2009)

Take the bus.


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## jks9199 (Mar 7, 2009)

Who's going to pay for you to train?  Who's going to be responsible for getting you there?  If you're relying on mommy -- maybe it's time to get a job, and line up your own resources.  Otherwise, she ends up with the deciding vote.

You might also investigate public transit options, as well as seeing if there's someone close by that you can carpool with.

Let me also take your points:



> It's only 25 minutes.


Each way.  That's 50 minutes.  Probably more like an hour, and I don't know what traffic is like in your area at the hours in question.


> -having to sit outside for a hour (bring a book XD)


You're awfully casual with 2 hours of your mother's time, even if it's only twice a week.  Maybe she's got some other obligations for that time... like cooking your dinner?  (Maybe you could help with that sometimes, too?)


> -Waste of gas


Her money, her gas -- guess who determines if it's a waste.


> -something I really really want to get in to
> -i want to do this and get better and compete later on


OK.  Kind of self serving, and it begs the question of how many other things you've "really wanted to get into" that you mom's footed the bill for.  And how long they lasted.

If it's something you "really want to get into" -- work to pay for it and find a way to provide your own transportation.  After all, who's going to pay your entry fees and drive you to the competitions?

If you can't guess -- you're coming across in this post as being kind of immature.  You really want to do this?  Show your mom that you're serious by finding solutions to her complaints, not simply whining.


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## grydth (Mar 7, 2009)

Muaythai^.^ said:


> I have found a gym that is reasonably close, 25 minutes. One problem my mom says it is to far away for me to go there to train even 2 times a week! Her Argument:
> -the distance (total bs)
> -having to sit outside for a hour (bring a book XD)
> -Waste of gas
> ...



Work with her, not against her. 

I am a father of two girls in karate. It takes up a lot of my time, money, and has greatly reduced my personal training time. I know why I make the sacrifice - now show your mother why she should.

So give me a reason for the sacrifice. Telling a parent "total BS" is always a loser. So is "really really want to"....... What you need to do is show her what benefits, what good you will get out of it. Things like strength, focus, power, purpose, good friends, ability to defend yourself....When parents see what good you can get out of it - and take time to respectfully explain it to her - your obstacle can become your friend/financier/corner man.

Don't make fun of a parent's worry. Up here with our Winter, 25 minutes is plenty of time to freeze to death and a long commute can = a dead or missing child. We take things like that seriously.... show her a safe way to do this.

Take her to the gym, let her read this forum, show her the stuff that interested you in the art. You will find most often you have your greatest fan right there.

Oh, and stay respectful to your parents. As I remind my kids, the thinnest martial arts book you can buy is,  "Kids Who Have Ever Whupped Their Dads"......... mostly blank inside.

Good luck.


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## arnisador (Mar 7, 2009)

grydth said:


> Work with her, not against her.



Yup. Strategy, strategy, strategy.

Is the underlying concern something like your safety, or time for HW, or...?


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## Muaythai^.^ (Mar 8, 2009)

OK btw for the people who said dont rely on mommy, im 14 i dont have a car and theres no bus near me and my mom wouldnt let me take the bus even if it was close.


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## Franc0 (Mar 8, 2009)

Ask mom if you bust *** around the house doing _extra chores_, and promise to improve your grades at school, then maybe you can earn these classes as an incentive. Give it a try, it worked for me about 35 yrs ago when I 1st started. 

Franco


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## Bob Hubbard (Mar 8, 2009)

Note:
*Access to MartialTalk is restricted to 16 and older. If you are- not- 16 or  older, you may not register for our site. Those members found to be under 16  will have their accounts terminated.*


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## jks9199 (Mar 8, 2009)

In many states, with parental permission, you can get a work permit at 14.

(Doesn't change the fact that you lied to sign up here...  Not a winning start.)


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## TehEl1te (Mar 16, 2009)

Hey lil man. It's cool to see your enthusiasm about it... I'm only 21 so it wasn't that long ago when I was 14. I can relate. Keep in mind bud that your mom may have things she needs to do, yeah maybe its not a waste of gas and its not all that far... not everyone has the luxury of having a MT gym right outside their door so a 30 min drive or so isn't too bad. But maybe she can't fit that into her schedule. You're lookin at a 30 min drive down, an hour lesson, maybe more, and then a 30 min drive back. That is twice a week. so 4 or 5 hours a week your mom would be taking time out of her day to take you to MT. Not that it is out of the question, but I remember when i was  14... I had a new interest every week hahaha.... One week I'd want to play hockey, the next I'd want to play video games, etc... If it is something you really want bro, and it takes commitment and dedication... you have to show your mother that you really want it... don't just say you do, you have to show her... make it worth her time and money, help her around the house, do good in school! Lieing about your age and complaining about why you think she should take you isn't going to help. Instead, you should talk to her, see if you can work something out... maybe start out going only once a week because it sure is gonna take dedication bro. Another option is to maybe find a friend who would go with you that way your mom wouldnt have to drive every time or could go one way or something along those lines. Good luck bud, see you in a few years!


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## Ronin74 (Mar 17, 2009)

I'm with the majority on this one. As a 14 y/o, I'd follow Franco's advice:


> Ask mom if you bust *** around the house doing _extra chores_, and promise to improve your grades at school, then maybe you can earn these classes as an incentive. Give it a try, it worked for me about 35 yrs ago when I 1st started.
> 
> Franco


I had to wait until I could legally work (age 16) before I could train. My parents understood how important it was for me, because I was able to clearly explain the benefits that would come with training. Yet, money wasn't easy to come by. So as much as we all believed it would be a good thing, I had to wait until I could foot the bill on my training.

What it comes down to is this: if you really want to train, you'll do what it takes to make it happen- sell lemonade on the corner, mow lawns, etc. If you'e not willing to do that, then maybe you're really not ready to pay the price of training.


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## Jarrod G. (Mar 17, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> If you'e not willing to do that, then maybe you're really not ready to pay the price of training.


 
couldn't have said it better myself.  Taining in a martial art has a price to pay all on it's own, apart from financial.  If you are not willing to sacrifice for the financial price, then the mental and physical price will be much too great for you.  

Make sure that it is something you really want before you start.


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## Omar B (Mar 17, 2009)

Dude, you've got to understand the investment in time and money your mother would have to put in for your new passion.  Yes you are the one working out but sweat equity does not equal the large chunk of her earnings on gear, fees, gas and time.

If it's really worth it to you then you should be finding a way to at least pay your way through classes.  Heck, I got a job in a supermarket on the weekends so I could pay for my karate classes and I walked (then took the bus after we moved) to get to class, and I was 13 at the time.  I worked off the books and cleaned in the meat department and i still get the shivers thinking how gross that job was, but it was worth it when I showered off and went to my class.

We tend to get tied up in ourselves as teens, but imagine what the cost is for the people around you.


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## MA-Caver (Mar 17, 2009)

Bob Hubbard said:


> Note:
> *Access to MartialTalk is restricted to 16 and older. If you are- not- 16 or older, you may not register for our site. Those members found to be under 16 will have their accounts terminated.*


Is this kid still on here or have you already terminated his account? 



Muaythai^.^ said:


> OK btw for the people who said dont rely on mommy, im 14 i dont have a car and theres no bus near me and my mom wouldnt let me take the bus even if it was close.



Respect your parents *before* you expect them to respect you. They love you sure, but understand and appreciate that they know more than you do and do desire what you want but are wise enough to see the end of the matter. Understand that they know exactly where they are financially and all of that... there are bills, savings and debts that you may not know about. 
Work around the house without an agreement, keep asking for chores. Show responsibility (not on the adult level but doing tasks readily, your school work, etc. ) and talk with them about it after a while... it may soften their hearts. Find out what they expect from you and explain to them what you expect from this training you want so badly... i.e. how will it help you in the future. 
Find alternates. 

Be patient. 

Take NO for an answer... it's not going to be the only one they have... just for right now.


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## Ronin74 (Mar 18, 2009)

Adding to the point that Jarrod, Omar and myself had reiterated, another "price" I think is very important to mention is the bumps and bruises we've all taken at one time or another. Now there may be a fine line between an injury that requires medical attention, and one that doesn't. When it does require medical attention, guess who's going to pay that bill? And if it's something as minor as a bruise or bloody nose, running to the parents will probably result in "I told you so" and possibly a hiatus in one's training.


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## shesulsa (Mar 18, 2009)

MA-Caver said:


> Is this kid still on here or have you already terminated his account?



If you look at the title under the user's name it says, "Account suspended."  We try to act in good faith and suspend underage users for as long as it takes to reach their 16th birthday and then reinstate the account when that time arrives.

If the title still reads "Account suspended," then that day has not arrived.


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## MA-Caver (Mar 18, 2009)

shesulsa said:


> If you look at the title under the user's name it says, "Account suspended."  We try to act in good faith and suspend underage users for as long as it takes to reach their 16th birthday and then reinstate the account when that time arrives.
> 
> If the title still reads "Account suspended," then that day has not arrived.


So we were (after Bob's post/declaration) pretty much talking to ourselves...


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## shesulsa (Mar 18, 2009)

MA-Caver said:


> So we were (after Bob's post/declaration) pretty much talking to ourselves...


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## MA-Caver (Mar 18, 2009)

shesulsa said:


>


You admins were just sitting back and loving it weren't cha?


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## shesulsa (Mar 18, 2009)

MA-Caver said:


> You admins were just sitting back and loving it weren't cha?



So. How 'bout them Blazers? :lookie:


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## MA-Caver (Mar 18, 2009)

Nuff said.


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## Omar B (Mar 18, 2009)

Ronin74 said:


> Adding to the point that Jarrod, Omar and myself had reiterated, another "price" I think is very important to mention is the bumps and bruises we've all taken at one time or another. Now there may be a fine line between an injury that requires medical attention, and one that doesn't. When it does require medical attention, guess who's going to pay that bill? And if it's something as minor as a bruise or bloody nose, running to the parents will probably result in "I told you so" and possibly a hiatus in one's training.



I'm glad you brought that up man.  Injuries are pretty common and parents know that no matter how caring and loving your instructor is you can still get seriously hurt.  My sensei's wife was a nurse so that was not a big problem.  She also taught at the dojo and had a full kit in the office.

Odd enough, I'm dating a nurse now ... well nursing student, but she will be fully accredited in the fall.  Then I can go back to breaking stuff whenever I please!


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## jks9199 (Mar 19, 2009)

It is possible that the young man in question has continued to read the thread, albeit as a guest, and not a registered user.

He'll be welcome back when he's 16, as well.


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## Gamble (Jun 28, 2009)

I would strongly look at what you have taken up in the past. If you haven't taken up much in the past then say to her this is something you have looked into at great detail and you are really keen on it, thus learning to self respect yourself and others which is the foundation of any disciplined martial arts. I started muay thai at 16, and i'm not looking back. I love it, as a sport and as a discipline. It keeps my body conditioned and keeps me from getting random outbursts of violence/aggression.


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## Bruno@MT (Jun 29, 2009)

On the off chance that the OP is still reading this: I am a parent. From what I read, it would cost your mom at least 2,5 (2 times 25 min + 1 hour + changing) hours of her evening to let you do this.

Don't be so casual in discarding 2,5 hours of their time.
That amount of time is anything but trivial to schedule in on a weekly basis for a parent who also needs to keep the household running, work on the house, go shopping for groceries, possibly take care of brothers and sisters who would need a babysit, etc etc.

I have 2 kids and going to MA class twice per week is already something non trivial. And the only reason why I can do it at all is that it starts at half past 8 in the evening, when my youngest kids are already in their beds and my wife has returned from work (she works later hours than I do so I take care of the kids in the evening). If you want her to give up that 2,5 hours, then you had better do something that will make up for that lost time. Treat your parents with respect and don't dismiss them as if you are the only person in the world that matters.


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