# They just walk away



## IcemanSK (Jun 4, 2008)

I have a family where I have 7 of their 10 children in class. They've been with me since day one of my school. They've been loyal students & fun to be around. I've gotten along with the parents quite well. They are home-schooled.

In March, they were a part of a community play which my wife & I gladly attended. The mom said, "we're taking April off to catch up on school. We'll be back in May." I told mom that I didn't want them to take off too long because it's hard to get in the habit of coming back. She said, "oh, we'll be back. All the kids want to be black belts." Well, May came & went & they didn't show. I've called & left voice mails as well as emails with no response. Without them I have 11 students.

The oldest kids (13, 15, & 16) brought a really energy to class. As my only teens, their absence is hard for most of my students. I really miss them also. Honestly, it is them I miss & not the income.

Any thoughts on what I should do? I have an emotional investment in this program & my students (as you may be able to tell). This is hard for me. When I switched locations I lost a lot of students. Loosing this one family is harder than all the others I've lost in the transition.


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## terryl965 (Jun 5, 2008)

Iceman thye are growing paains every schoo; owner go though this every couple of years, all we can do is try to reason and then understand they never have a great reason and also they have no remorse for there action to us.


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## Tez3 (Jun 5, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel, for the past year Ive had a 7 year old girl who is slightly brain damaged from birth, she was about four years behind in her speech and understanding of it but was a bright cheerful little girl who actually worked hard and gained her orange belt a lot easier than some of the others. The problem was her grandfather, he would take notes while I was teaching, check what I was teaching in a book he'd got from the library and was very hard on her. Last week he told one of the other mothers she was wrong for not making her son practice at home, it seems he made his grand daughter practice for two hours each on Saturdays and Sundays, (our class lessons are only an hour each for the children) the mother replied that her son was only seven, enjoyed martial arts very much and she wasn't going to make him practice. He got into a huff and asked me so to be honest I replied in much the same vein and also I said that because he didn't know karate he was teaching things I had to correct in class which wasn't nice for his grand daughter. Several months ago we'd had a disagreement over front stance which he said he was sure I was teaching wrongly as he said the back foot had to be directly behind the front, I said of course you'd fall over if you did that and I know of no style which does that. The stance may be long or short but always with feet shoulder width apart. He disagreed and said the CMAs do it. Maybe but we do TSD.
Well the upshot is that he emailed my chief instructor to say she wasn't coming back and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted. She enjoyed the classes so much and even her grandfather said how well she got on with the other children who treated her as one of them as opposed to school where she was left out due to her not being able to connect with the other children. She was a joy to teach and was even getting a bit cheeky to me ( in a nice way) before she left which I was delighted with, I'm really going to miss her though not the grandfather.
I've heard that she's going to another martial arts school and I admit I worry about her but my instructor says we can't and have to let her go but it's hard isn't it?


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## Jade Tigress (Jun 5, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> I have a family where I have 7 of their 10 children in class. They've been with me since day one of my school. They've been loyal students & fun to be around. I've gotten along with the parents quite well. They are home-schooled.
> 
> In March, they were a part of a community play which my wife & I gladly attended. The mom said, "we're taking April off to catch up on school. We'll be back in May." I told mom that I didn't want them to take off too long because it's hard to get in the habit of coming back. She said, "oh, we'll be back. All the kids want to be black belts." Well, May came & went & they didn't show. I've called & left voice mails as well as emails with no response. Without them I have 11 students.
> 
> ...



Try sending them a *you're missed* card.


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## Tez3 (Jun 5, 2008)

A miss you card sounds good, can you pop in and see them at all? There may be a problem with money, times seem to be pinching a lot of us at the moment and a lot of people are too proud to say they have less money.


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## Grenadier (Jun 5, 2008)

This is actually not unusual.  Even those folks who we consider amongst our best students, will sometimes say "I need to take a short break."  

Unfortunately, that "short break" ends up becoming a permanent vacation, all too often.  

Sometimes, you can pull them back by sending them notices, or even having other people around you who run into them regularly, have a quick, friendly chat with them.  

Other times, they're not going to come back, no matter how dedicated they were in the past.  It only takes a single unfortunate incident to grind some people's progress to a complete halt, and these occurrences can easily come from places outside of the dojo.  

I've lost fantastic students who easily had the potential to become national champions.  They've had amazing levels of talent, and were great influences on the other in the dojo.  The reasons?  

One left because the family was moving.  

One left because the parent fell ill, and couldn't afford to keep up with payments.  This was especially a horrible blow, since this student was the kind of student everyone wishes they could have.  This student could motivate others, simply by example, and had a wonderful personality that could knock your socks off.  Really.  

One left because his grandfather, who paid his tuition, very sourly and reluctantly told him that he could continue after his current contract expired, but that he would be causing him a great inconvenience.  Another tooth grinding situation, since this kid was one month away from testing for shodan.  

One left because he believed that he had learned everything he could from us once he hit shodan.  Of course, everyone is entitled to opinions...  


The bottom line is this: Try your darndest to bring them back in, whether it means sending post cards, having some friendly folks check up on them, etc., even cut them some slack, and let them come back and train with no strings attached.  However, there are going to be times, when despite your best efforts, you're not going to bring them back in, and you'll have to end up swallowing that bitter pill.  

A dojo will always be the equivalent of a leaking container of water.  In order for you to have enough water in that container to drink, you're going to have to constantly refill the container, since the leak will never be fully plugged.  If you don't constantly refill the container, elements of your dojo will die of thirst, plain and simple.


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## MA-Caver (Jun 5, 2008)

The students may leave the teacher... but the teacher will never leave the students. :asian:


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## IcemanSK (Jun 5, 2008)

Tez3 said:


> *Well the upshot is that he emailed my chief instructor to say she wasn't coming back and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted.*


 
My issue is that I can't even get THAT response from them. If I knew for sure they weren't coming back (even if it was because they didn't like my cologne) at least I'd know. I like the idea of a "we miss you" card. I'll try that.


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## karate-dragon (Jun 5, 2008)

The best advice I ever got from my instructor when I opened my own school, was to remember it's a business and people will leave for all different reasons, so never take it personally. It's hard when you have a small school though and you become more invested in each student. I try a more personal approach and call - either just to say, hey no pressure, just want to see if you are ok and if I can do anything, to open the conversation. Or if you have a "reason" to call, a change in the schedule, etc. to again open the door for a conversation. Don't panic though, I have had people say they needed a month off and did come back (and some that didn't because once you break the habit...). Good Luck!


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## Brian R. VanCise (Jun 5, 2008)

*This happens and it is really hard*.  When some thing like this happens I always reevaluate why I teach.  That is to explore, develop and maintain both my skill sets and my students.  When someone leaves that you enjoy teaching you need to kick it up a notch so to speak.  Focus on who you have coming to learn and make them the absolute best they can be while also exploring and developing your own skill sets.  Is it tough?  Absolutely!  However if you teach for any length of time this will happen again and probably again.  Such is life!  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Now usually when this has happend to me they eventually have come back to train.  Then they are usually blown away because their skill set is a little behind and well the group has moved it up a notch. (I have had instructors come back after a year and all of a sudden they are in the middle of the pack in regards to their skills) So they either have a whole new reason to be there  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 or in the end they realize that hey this is to much.   Either way as a teacher it sounds them out and alows you to reevaluate if they will be good future students.  Plus your current students the ones who stayed realize what happens as well and they get to see a massive growth in their skill sets. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




In the end we do our best to explore, develop and maintain our skill sets and those that train with us.  If ten people are there great, if one is there great as they will get all my attentioin and if no one comes to class well that is great too because then we can focus directly on ourselves.  Train and teach because you love it!


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## kidswarrior (Jun 5, 2008)

I'm impressed with all the replies. Lots of wisdom represented on the thread, and I've learned some things.

All I can say Iceman, is yeah! It's agonizing to invest your heart and soul in students--for some of us especially kids--and then lose them, for whatever reason (and we often probably never know the real reason). Starting over/changing locations is also particularly tough, since some of your best and brightest don't seem to make the transition.

The only thing I can really add to what others have said is, I've tried to stop counting the numbers and just enjoy whoever is there any given day. Today's the only day I have anyway, so I try not to dwell on those from the past who are gone, or stress over how I might get more in the future. Not to say it's wrong to strategize on building the program, I just try not to let it eat me up. 

Anyway, keep up the good work. Teaching is hard.


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## terryl965 (Jun 5, 2008)

Iceman just as a side note, we cannot worry about change what we must do is worry about the one's hat are still with us and make sure we teach and give them our full attention and make sure we do our best that they learn what we have to offer. Wondering and worriny about people that have left for various reason without a phone call or return e-mail is a major waste of time for you right now, Focus on the future and worry less abiut the past.


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## IcemanSK (Jun 5, 2008)

I appreciate every piece of advice & every word of encouragement. It means a lot to me.

I'm really guessing here (I don't really know) but I doubt money is the issue, here. For a single student, I charge less than half what any other school in town charges. For a family of 3 or more, I charge about what most school's charge for a single student per month. The not knowing why is the part that gets me. 

A great deal of my students who didn't follow me went with the community center's karate program. (Including a KKW BB!) The price there is $10 for 12 weeks! I can't blame folks wanting to save a dollar...especially when they don't have much. I do take comfort in the students who followed me who have said, "we like the way & what you teach, better."


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## kidswarrior (Jun 5, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> *I do take comfort in the students who followed me who have said, "we like the way & what you teach, better."*


Hey *I-M*, enlarge this, print it out, and have it framed to go in a special place that you'll see several times a day. It just doesn't get better than this, my friend. :asian: :ultracool


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## Kacey (Jun 5, 2008)

I got much the same talk from my sahbum when I started teaching - students come and students go, and it's very hard to deal with it when students who have been with you for a period of time leave.  When students leave, it hurts.  After 16+ years as an instructor, it's never gotten easier... but every so often one of the students who left comes back, or I run into one somewhere who tells me I made a difference in his/her life... and then it's not as bad.

There's a quote that shows up on a lot of teacher materials (shirts, bags, mugs, etc.).  It's overused.  It's hokey.  The verbiage is aimed adults teaching children... nonetheless, the sentiment holds true for teachers of all types:



> A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.



Whether your students are children, teens, or adults - you make their world better.  In the long run, that's all that really matters.


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## PEP-REP (Jun 6, 2008)

There are alot of very good responses in this thread.

Have you called the parents and asked them to come in for a meeting? Of course with any attendance program you should send send "mis you " post cards and not just for a special situation, but in addition to your normal actions of your attendance program send a personal letter to them. Express your concern for their family and how your worried about them being ok. It is obvious that you care for their well being more than your worried about the money . I am not sure how big of a town you live in but if it is a smaller town you can attempt to "bump" into them at the store or bank and have a nice chat with them ..

On another side note... I have been running Martial Arts schools for nearly 20 years and the biggest lesson I have learned is students must be students when they move to the "friends" catagory you are setting yourself up for problems.. This is so hard because as instructors we become engaged in our students lives and truely try to improve them. However when push comes to shove they are paying customers of your business and you need to always remember that. This doesn't mean you should care any less but you must always keep your personal feeling and your personal life out of the school.

Good luck with having them return to class with a family that large I am sure they have a million issues that happen to them!


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## IcemanSK (Jun 6, 2008)

PEP-REP said:


> There are alot of very good responses in this thread.
> 
> Have you called the parents and asked them to come in for a meeting? Of course with any attendance program you should send send "mis you " post cards and not just for a special situation, but in addition to your normal actions of your attendance program send a personal letter to them. Express your concern for their family and how your worried about them being ok. It is obvious that you care for their well being more than your worried about the money . I am not sure how big of a town you live in but if it is a smaller town you can attempt to "bump" into them at the store or bank and have a nice chat with them ..
> 
> ...


 

I appreciate your thoughts on my situation. I agree with you on the "students vs. friends" part. I learned that from a boxing trainer who used to say, "I can't train em if they're not here. But there are a whole group that are here that want me to train them."

The town we live in has 200,000 people in it. I wouldn't normally run into them, sadly. If I saw them "accidentally" it would be suspicious. They screen all their calls & don't return my calls. (This happened before they left as well.) As I said, if I knew for sure they weren't coming back or why they were gone, I wouldn't think twice about them not being there. But hearing them say, "we'll be back" & then not returning phone calls is nerve-wracking & hurtful.


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## PEP-REP (Jun 6, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> I appreciate your thoughts on my situation. I agree with you on the "students vs. friends" part. I learned that from a boxing trainer who used to say, "I can't train em if they're not here. But there are a whole group that are here that want me to train them."
> 
> The town we live in has 200,000 people in it. I wouldn't normally run into them, sadly. If I saw them "accidentally" it would be suspicious. They screen all their calls & don't return my calls. (This happened before they left as well.) As I said, if I knew for sure they weren't coming back or why they were gone, I wouldn't think twice about them not being there. But hearing them say, "we'll be back" & then not returning phone calls is nerve-wracking & hurtful.


 
I have a few items post cards and letters that I would be more than happy to send you if you would like that you could use to send to them. you can just PM me your email addy and I can get them out for ya.. 

a town of 200K would be tough to have the bump in  lol sadly it seems as they have left for their reasons and at this point you need to treat them how you would any other student not attending... I know how you feel and it is one of the bad parts of running a school... 

let me know if you would like some of the attendance stuff I use..

Glenn


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## IcemanSK (Jun 10, 2008)

Just to update you on what I've done over the weekend. I emailed this family (and other families in our school) photos of our last test in March. I also emailed this family pictures of their kids at this test. After 4 days, I've not gotten no response from them. I did however, get a foward email (that seems to be sent to the mom's whole address book) about nothing important. So, they are around, just not willing to contact me directly.

Since they don't answer the phone or return messages, nor do they reply to emails, there's nothing else I can really do. As much as going to their house sounds like a good idea at first, it seems a bit like stalking to me. As my wife put it, "a bit like showing up on the doorstep of that girl that doesn't want to date you."

So, I'm gonna let it go & stop holding my breath for them to show up. I need that for my sanity. Thanks for your help!


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## MA-Caver (Jun 10, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> So, I'm gonna let it go & stop holding my breath for them to show up. I need that for my sanity. Thanks for your help!


It takes strength to let go sometimes. Kudos to you for making this decision. Hopefully in time you'll see it was probably the best thing (for you) to do. :asian:


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## girlbug2 (Jun 10, 2008)

Iceman I would stop worrying about them. You have done everything on your end to let them know that they have been missed. The ball is in their court and if they want to they know how to contact you.

My sensei used to worry a lot about people who left suddenly. Sometimes in his after-training talks he would tell us about students who left and what their reasons were. One particularly talented kid was almost a prodigy he was that good, went up through belt ranks quickly and was almost a brown belt in four months; he decided to quit one day because (according to his mom) karate was so easy for him that he was bored with it!(the lesson: talented people often fail to achieve in life because they don't appreciate the things that come too easily to them).

Other families have pulled their kids out of karate for financial reasons, or because of personality conflicts between the kids or even between the parents (which IMO is the lamest possible excuse). Sometimes it is because the kids get discouraged by how hard it is and their parents don't insist that they give it all they've got to reach their goals (becoming more and more epidemic). Sometimes it's the parents who think their kids should be advancing faster and they go looking for another school that will allow their kids to advance guaranteed with each belt test (sensei's response to that: I'm not a prostitute).

Notice that none of the above reasons are within the control of you, the teacher! (and you're obviously not a prostitute)

So my advice is to print out a copy of the Serenity Prayer and post it where you will be constantly reminded that some things must be given up to God. 

Blessings to you


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## PEP-REP (Jun 10, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> Just to update you on what I've done over the weekend. I emailed this family (and other families in our school) photos of our last test in March. I also emailed this family pictures of their kids at this test. After 4 days, I've not gotten no response from them. I did however, get a foward email (that seems to be sent to the mom's whole address book) about nothing important. So, they are around, just not willing to contact me directly.
> 
> Since they don't answer the phone or return messages, nor do they reply to emails, there's nothing else I can really do. As much as going to their house sounds like a good idea at first, it seems a bit like stalking to me. As my wife put it, "a bit like showing up on the doorstep of that girl that doesn't want to date you."
> 
> So, I'm gonna let it go & stop holding my breath for them to show up. I need that for my sanity. Thanks for your help!


 
Do you have an attendance policy? meaning what do you do with students who stop coming? do you have a set procedure that you follow with every student? If you don't now might be the time to develop one. It can make something good for your school come out of this tough situation.

Just a thought

Glenn


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## IcemanSK (Jun 10, 2008)

PEP-REP said:


> Do you have an attendance policy? meaning what do you do with students who stop coming? do you have a set procedure that you follow with every student? If you don't now might be the time to develop one. It can make something good for your school come out of this tough situation.
> 
> Just a thought
> 
> Glenn


 
Thanks Glen. Since I only have 14 students, it's a fairly simple policy. When they miss, if they don't call & let me know why, they get a phone call.


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## IcemanSK (Jun 10, 2008)

girlbug2 said:


> Iceman I would stop worrying about them. You have done everything on your end to let them know that they have been missed. The ball is in their court and if they want to they know how to contact you.
> 
> My sensei used to worry a lot about people who left suddenly. Sometimes in his after-training talks he would tell us about students who left and what their reasons were. One particularly talented kid was almost a prodigy he was that good, went up through belt ranks quickly and was almost a brown belt in four months; he decided to quit one day because (according to his mom) karate was so easy for him that he was bored with it!(the lesson: talented people often fail to achieve in life because they don't appreciate the things that come too easily to them).
> 
> ...


 
Excellent idea! 

I've ruled out financial reasons, due to the cost of my program & the fact that the parents know I'll work with them. (This family can afford nearly any school in town. The last I heard from them the "love my class & all wanted to be BB's": so I rule out displeasure with me or the program.

Ok, ok, Serenity Prayer. I don't know the reason. They are not here. This I can not change


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## PEP-REP (Jun 10, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> Thanks Glen. Since I only have 14 students, it's a fairly simple policy. When they miss, if they don't call & let me know why, they get a phone call.


 
I see, I understand now a bit better how you were so close to this family. Is it your intention to grow your school? Do you want to make it your primary job? If so even with a small number of students you should develop a policy for everything your gonna do. 

When I decided to make martial arts my only job, I had only about 30 students and I taught for a college. We developed a policy for what we would do for evey situation that could occur in the school. Now that we have have grown to 9 locations and 1000s of students we still use the same guidelines we first setup when we had a small student base. 

Good Luck and It appears you have come to terms with this which is best for you and your students that want to be there!! Congrats! and good luck

Glenn


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## newGuy12 (Jun 10, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> The oldest kids (13, 15, & 16) brought a really energy to class. As my only teens, their absence is hard for most of my students. I really miss them also. Honestly, it is them I miss & not the income.



Oh, that sucks!  I feel for you!  That is very bad, to loose the teenagers like that!  

I cannot judge too harshly, because I left my school -- I just could not practice any more.  I cannot explain this -- I just could not do it.  I was beat.

Now, I quote this here --



Kacey said:


> Whether your students are children, teens, or adults - you make their world better. In the long run, that's all that really matters.



Now, my original Teachers are not available to me now.  One is dead, and one now is far away.  I cannot just move to be with my old Teacher, because I have an established life now, and TKD is simply one part of it, not so big as it once was.

I can say this, though -- those two Men showed me how I could be powerful -- move powerfully.  This is something that I could never have imagined if it were not for them!  I will never forget them, ever!  

Once again, that is just bad, to loose the young (but not TOO young) students -- the ones that are not childish, but yet are not adult either, because in my mind, those are the BEST!  

One can only hope that one sibling will STRIKE the other one, in some kind of impromptu freesparring, and then they will say to each other -- we have to go to the Dojang now!    You can never tell.


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## Laurentkd (Aug 8, 2008)

whoops!! I forgot we don't get many posts in this section and didn't realize this thread was so old!!
So did you ever hear back from them?





Lots of good points here.
Just wanted to add myself to the number here that has lost students and really been hurt by it.  I had a little guy who started when he was maybe 8, he was shy and quiet and his mom set him up for some private lessons with me.  By 15 this young man turned into the most disciplined, respectful, and physically talented kid I have ever met. He and I were always really close (everyone teased that he was my little protégé) and his parents were wonderfully supportive.  And then he started high school, got interested in debate (and girls) and before you know it he just stopped showing up.  Not a phone call or a conversation or anything!  I even called to invite him to my 4th Dan test, but didn't hear a thing from him.  I was really down about it for quite awhile, but my instructor told me that if you teach martial arts these types of things are going to happen. He said the only "solution" was to not care about anyone, don't get attached to them, just take their money, teach class without emotion and then you won't care if they quit.  Of course, he and I both know that this type of attitude is impossible when you really love teaching and what he really was trying to tell me is there is NO SOLUTION.  This is part of the life of a martial art instructor.  And it sucks. Good thing we are all so tough huh!  Good luck with your students Ice, but just remember it will always be a part of your life. 

on a side note: I think miss you cards in the mail mean a lot.  Plus, I am willing to bet the kid actually sees it and maybe the kid can get excited again (versus a phone message or email that only mom and dad gets).  Another thing that I have never tried is an "exit survey".  Maybe you would find out a little more about their leaving, or at least know if they were happy with the different aspects of your classes.

Good luck with the students you still have-- those are the ones that need your focus now.


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## IcemanSK (Aug 8, 2008)

Laurentkd said:


> whoops!! I forgot we don't get many posts in this section and didn't realize this thread was so old!!
> So did you ever hear back from them?
> 
> 
> ...


 

Thanks Lauren!

Nope, I never heard from them again. I called, & emailed, but they never responded. As much as I want to go knock on the door, I'm not gonna beg. I stopped being co-dependant a long time ago.


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## Steve (Aug 8, 2008)

I realize that this may not be a popular perspective, but personally, I think it's a fine line you guys are treading between concern and harrassment.  You have entered into a business arrangement with these folks.  There may be a cordial, personal aspect to the relationship, sure.  At its root, however, it is a business relationship.  This talk about "pulling them back" and blatant emotional tactics in the form of "You're Missed" cards, or "sending friendly people by to check on them" are completely inappropriate, in my opinion.

The reality, as I see it, is that it's none of your business why they left, and you shouldn't take it personally.  Life happens and there are a billion different possible reasons why those kids haven't come back to your school.  But beyond perhaps a courtesy phone call, I would spend little time worrying about it.  In my mind, the chances of those kids coming back are much more likely if you don't harrass the parents by sending "friendly people by" to check in on them or sending them notes.  Honestly, many of those tactics sound startlingly similar to the tactics used by churches.

I think that if your business includes children to any significant degree, you should get used to a great deal of attrition.  Kids are all over the place in their interests, and they should be.  Forcing children to commit too early denies them the opportunity to discover all of the possibilities that exist.


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## Touch Of Death (Aug 8, 2008)

IcemanSK said:


> I have a family where I have 7 of their 10 children in class. They've been with me since day one of my school. They've been loyal students & fun to be around. I've gotten along with the parents quite well. They are home-schooled.
> 
> In March, they were a part of a community play which my wife & I gladly attended. The mom said, "we're taking April off to catch up on school. We'll be back in May." I told mom that I didn't want them to take off too long because it's hard to get in the habit of coming back. She said, "oh, we'll be back. All the kids want to be black belts." Well, May came & went & they didn't show. I've called & left voice mails as well as emails with no response. Without them I have 11 students.
> 
> ...


There done. You were right from the get go.
Sean


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## Steve (Aug 8, 2008)

Laurentkd said:


> whoops!! I forgot we don't get many posts in this section and didn't realize this thread was so old!!
> So did you ever hear back from them?
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't necessarily agree with the "teaching without emotion and not getting attached.  I can't understand why no one can see a middle ground, where you teach the kids as kids, accepting that they're fickle and flighty.  They're kids.  Nurture them for what they are, teach them what you can and enjoy the time you have.  

I would also be wary of exit surveys or anything like that.  I would think that leaving the door open, making it clear that the children are always welcome back, and leaving it to the parents to decide is the best thing.  

My kids and I studied at a school before training where I'm at now.  We needed to take 2 months off for summer, and had every intention of returning.  Tactics such as the ones described in this thread made me very glad we had left and I have never regretted not going back as a result.


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## Laurentkd (Aug 9, 2008)

stevebjj said:


> > I wouldn't necessarily agree with the "teaching without emotion and not getting attached. I can't understand why no one can see a middle ground, where you teach the kids as kids, accepting that they're fickle and flighty. They're kids. Nurture them for what they are, teach them what you can and enjoy the time you have.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Steve (Aug 9, 2008)

Laurentkd said:


> I think your experience (if I read it correctly) supports sending some sort of follow up to students.  You wanted to take 2 months off and you never returned, even though you had every intention too.  Maybe (just maybe) a little nudge would have been enough to get you back in.  I am not saying it would work for you, but if a student is already "gone" what is the harm in just a little note saying we are still thinking about you?  It could really effect their life.


Sorry I wasn't clear.  I was going to take 2 months off, and then the instructor basically creeped my wife out by doing many of the things you guys are suggesting.  Had he sent "friendly people by" I think she would have called the police.   Ultimately it was a great thing because it prompted me to find a school and martial arts style that suits me much better.  It worked out for the best.

There was an article written a while back by a shotokan karate black belt and school owner, with which I am in complete agreement on this very subject.  If you have a few minutes, I think it's a terrific read.  It's called "How to Quit A Karate School" and while it writes as advice to a student it also has a lot of interesting advice for the school owner, as well.


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## jks9199 (Aug 10, 2008)

stevebjj said:


> Sorry I wasn't clear.  I was going to take 2 months off, and then the instructor basically creeped my wife out by doing many of the things you guys are suggesting.  Had he sent "friendly people by" I think she would have called the police.   Ultimately it was a great thing because it prompted me to find a school and martial arts style that suits me much better.  It worked out for the best.
> 
> There was an article written a while back by a shotokan karate black belt and school owner, with which I am in complete agreement on this very subject.  If you have a few minutes, I think it's a terrific read.  It's called "How to Quit A Karate School" and while it writes as advice to a student it also has a lot of interesting advice for the school owner, as well.


There's a line that's not very fine, but it's easy to cross, especially for a commercial school with bills to pay.  One, maybe two calls/contacts, to see why someone hasn't been around and *invite* them back is OK.  Maybe even 3, if one is a simple form letter/email kind of like the "you haven't posted in a while" messages that MT sends out.  But the calls should be pretty direct or focused, not rambling and not under some sort of guise.  And if it's a "I'm not interested" type of thing -- take no for no, and no followups.

I could also see a school sending a "back to school" type flier out once or twice a year, inviting former students from the last year or two back...

With regard to the article... I agree in general.  You'll note my advice above is really about re-engaging people who drifted away or feel lost -- and hinges on taking no as no.  If they just don't want to come back -- that's it.  But, in some situations, I think it is courteous to let the instructors know what you're doing.  You don't have to make a drama of it; a simple "Hey, I've got some other stuff going on, and won't be back to the class/club for a while" is plenty.  And forestalls that drift-away contact.


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## Kwanjang (Oct 13, 2008)

We do seem to give our heart to those who will follow and when they leave they take a piece of our heart With them.

Others have, I think, given some sound advice. Sometimes the season is just over, and we have to concentrate on the ones who have stayed.

I like what MA-Caver said, "The student may leave the teacher...but the teacher never leaves the student."

All things happen for a reason. Maybe if the spirit moves them-they will come back to train with you!

My heart empathizes with you on this one!


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## AJPerry (Nov 8, 2008)

It sounds like you have a really close bond with the family.

I'd suggest dropping in on them for a face to face chat and just to catch up.  Cards can be good but they can also seem detached, I have gotten cards from gyms and other organisations when I have taken a break and it's not personal enough.

If your friends, just drop in and see how they are doing.  If you think money may be an issue offer a reduced rate or free lessons for the older kids as long as they help out in your classes and maybe some other tasks around the school.

We lost a kid last month just before getting to black belt because she wanted more time to play tennis.  It's heart breaking to see them come so far and then just walk away.

I hope it works out for you.

All the best


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## kidswarrior (Nov 9, 2008)

AJPerry said:


> We lost a kid last month just before getting to black belt because she wanted more time to play tennis.  It's heart breaking to see them come so far and then just walk away.


Aaarrgh!!!! I know the feeling, and I hate it.


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