# Mommie dearest downstairs



## Flea (Sep 9, 2010)

It seems like there's one in every neighborhood.

I just moved into my new place, and the honeymoon is over.  Last weekend I was out back behind the building, and heard a woman bellow "when I tell you to do something, you _*DO IT NOW!!!*_"  followed by a slap and a child's terrified cry.  I was a good 40 yards away and it sounded like they were right in front of me.  I adopted a wait and see approach - not that it's ever okay, but we all have moments of weakness.  

No additional physical abuse that I've heard, but this afternoon I heard her yelling pretty viciously.  So I guess it's a trend.  Right now I'm vacillating between calling CPS now or waiting for another strike and calling the police directly.  I know that initiating this process is a serious thing, but I don't want to have passivity on my conscience. I made that mistake once before.  

I know it's not just me, because one day I overheard her being served with a restraining order.:barf:   I don't know her name or anything about her, and I really don't want to.  I'd appreciate some advice if anyone can offer any.


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## Bob Hubbard (Sep 9, 2010)

Call CPS, let them sort it out.  That's what my gut says given what you wrote.


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## Flea (Sep 9, 2010)

After re-reading this, it occurred to me that a better place for this might be in the LEO forum.  Mods are welcome to put this wherever they see fit.


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## Flea (Sep 9, 2010)

Bob Hubbard said:


> Call CPS, let them sort it out.  That's what my gut says given what you wrote.



Bob, you may be right.  If she has a restraining order she's on the official radar anyway.


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## Touch Of Death (Sep 9, 2010)

Bob Hubbard said:


> Call CPS, let them sort it out. That's what my gut says given what you wrote.


I say cay call the cops. CPS does a whole lotta nothin'.
Sean


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## girlbug2 (Sep 9, 2010)

My unprofessional opinion, take it for what it's worth:

Flea I believe your heard is in the right place. Did you witness anything or are you just going by what you heard? 

Because you say you heard a slap and a child's terrified cry. But do you know for certain the difference in sound between a slap and a spank (possibly a spank on a bare behind)? Spanking is legal, although many people disagree with it. Slapping is not legal. 

As for the lady yelling, it's a judgement call. I'd say if every parent who ever yelled at their child were reported to CPS or the police, there would not be one of us left unreported.


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## Carol (Sep 9, 2010)

Do you know for certain that she was served with a restraining order?    

Plenty of people can be served for reasons that are rather benign.  One of my prior landlords hired constables to serve official orders if rent was late, for example.


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## Flea (Sep 9, 2010)

Excellent points all.

Carol, to answer your question first, I'm not sure I heard the words "restraining order."  What I saw was a police cruiser in the parking lot, and the officer telling her "don't call him, no emails, no texts, you can't contact him in any way."  (And lest anyone think I have nothing better to do than smoosh my ear against the wall, the officer pounded hard enough on her door that I thought it was mine and opened it to the conversation below.  I wasn't eavesdropping.)

Girlbug, no, I didn't see it visually.  But it really sounded like skin on skin, not a blow against clothing.  And it was loud enough to be heard clearly quite a ways off.  

I hate this.  The last time I came up against this situation it was glaringly clear but I decided to "wait and see" until nothing could be done.  I don't know that I'll ever forgive myself.  If I seem to be overreacting it's out of a guilty conscience.  I'm not sure I should even have brought this up - sorry if it's out of place here on MT.


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## Bruno@MT (Sep 10, 2010)

You think you have reasons to act. Based on what I read so far, that is not an unreasonable assumption. I understand that it might be a wrong impression. But as you say: do you want to come to the conclusion later on that you should have done something?

I don't know how things work in the US, but if child services is informed, they'll at least check it out. If nothing is seriously amiss, nothing happens. If something is indeed wrong, then you will have done the right thing. They will not automatically charge in with a SWAT team to remove the kid.

But even if nothing is done now, at least there will be an incidence record. So if things happen later on, they will have a history to look at. Go with your gut.


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## Flea (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks for the perspectives everyone.

After a night's sleep I've come to a couple of conclusions.  The first is that my previous experience has no bearing on the current situation, if indeed there is one.  The second is that this thread is outside the MA purview of this forum.  As such, I'd appreciate it if the mods would close or delete it.  Anyone else who wants to comment is free to send me a private email.

Thanks again everyone!


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## teekin (Sep 10, 2010)

Flea, caring for another human being, especailly a child is NEVER! out of place.


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## Balrog (Sep 10, 2010)

Flea said:


> It seems like there's one in every neighborhood.
> 
> I just moved into my new place, and the honeymoon is over.  Last weekend I was out back behind the building, and heard a woman bellow "when I tell you to do something, you _*DO IT NOW!!!*_"  followed by a slap and a child's terrified cry.  I was a good 40 yards away and it sounded like they were right in front of me.  I adopted a wait and see approach - not that it's ever okay, but we all have moments of weakness.
> 
> No additional physical abuse that I've heard, but this afternoon I heard her yelling pretty viciously.  So I guess it's a trend.  Right now I'm vacillating between calling CPS now or waiting for another strike and calling the police directly.  I know that initiating this process is a serious thing, but I don't want to have passivity on my conscience. I made that mistake once before.


You'd call CPS over a single pop?  My advice - mind your own business.

If you see her beating the snot out of the kid, that's one thing.  But I think people who call the cops on parents when the parents administer a pop for discipline should be horsewhipped through the streets.


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## jks9199 (Sep 10, 2010)

Flea said:


> Thanks for the perspectives everyone.
> 
> After a night's sleep I've come to a couple of conclusions.  The first is that my previous experience has no bearing on the current situation, if indeed there is one.  The second is that this thread is outside the MA purview of this forum.  As such, I'd appreciate it if the mods would close or delete it.  Anyone else who wants to comment is free to send me a private email.
> 
> Thanks again everyone!


Let me address publicly, since we do get the occasional request to delete threads or posts.  Our general policy is not to delete or close threads unless they become problems and/or violate the site rules.  While MT is a martial arts forum, a brief perusal of the various subforums here will make it quite clear that there is plenty of room for a lot of different discussions and topics here outside the strictly martial.

This discussion has a lot of promise to be quite educational, and to be beneficial to many members.  And, honestly, has a direct martial arts bearing in my own opinion: does a martial artist simply stand by when they believe some form of abuse is taking place?  What action should they take?


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## Flea (Sep 11, 2010)

I respect that.

If this is to be an ongoing conversation, it might be a better fit in the General MA discussion forum.  Just a suggestion.


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