# Diary of a Snow Shoveler



## Jade Tigress (Dec 23, 2006)

[FONT=&quot]Diary of a Snow Shoveler[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 8 - 6:00 PM[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It started to snow. The first snow   of the season and the wife and I took[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]our cocktails and sat for hours by   the window watching the huge soft[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]flakes drift down from heaven. It   looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]romantic we felt like newlyweds   again. I love snow![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 9[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We woke to a beautiful blanket of   crystal white snow covering every inch[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]of the landscape. What a fantastic   sight! Can there be a more lovely[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]place in the whole world? Moving   here was the best idea I've ever had![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Shoveled for the first time in years   and felt like a boy again. I did[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]both our driveway and the sidewalks.   This afternoon the snowplow came[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]along and covered up the sidewalks   and closed in the driveway, so I got[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]to shovel again. What a perfect   life![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 12[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The sun has melted all our lovely   snow. Such a disappointment! My[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]neighbor tells me not to worry-   we'll definitely have a white Christmas.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]No snow on Christmas would be   awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the end of winter, that I'll never   want to see snow again. I don't think[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that's possible. Bob is such a nice   man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 14[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last   night. The temperature dropped to -20.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The cold makes everything sparkle   so. The wind took my breath away, but[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I warmed up by shoveling the   driveway and sidewalks. This is the life![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The snowplow came back this   afternoon and buried everything again. I[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]didn't realize I would have to do   quite this much shoveling, but I'll[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]certainly get back in shape this   way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 15[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]20 inches forecast. Sold my van and   bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]tires for the wife's car and 2 extra   shovels. Stocked the freezer. The[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]wife wants a wood stove in case the   electricity goes out. I think that's[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]silly. We aren't in  Alaska , after all.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 16[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ice storm this morning. Fell on my   *** on the ice in the driveway[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]putting down salt. Hurt like hell.   The wife laughed for an hour, which I[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]think was very cruel.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 17[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Still way below freezing. Roads are   too icy to go anywhere. Electricity[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]was off for 5 hours. I had to pile   the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]to do but stare at the wife and try   not to irritate her. Guess I[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]should've bought a wood stove, but   won't admit it to her. God I hate it[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]when she's right. I can't believe   I'm freezing to death in my own living room.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 20[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Electricity's back on, but had   another 14 inches of the damn stuff last[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]night. More shoveling! Took all day.   The damn snowplow came by twice.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Tried to find a neighbor kid to   shovel, but they said they're too busy[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]playing hockey. I think they're   lying. Called the only hardware store[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]around to see about buying a snow   blower and they're out. Might have[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]another shipment in March. I think   they're lying. Bob says I have to[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]shovel or the city will have it done   and bill me. I think he's lying.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 22[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Bob was right about a white   Christmas because 13 more inches of the[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]white **** fell today, and it's so   cold, it probably won't melt till[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]August. Took me 45 minutes to get   all dressed up to go out to shovel and[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]then I had to piss. By the time I   got undressed, pissed and dressed[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]again. I was too tired to shovel.   Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]his truck for the rest of the   winter, but he says he's too busy. I think[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the ******* is lying.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 23[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Only 2 inches of snow today. And it   warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]to decorate the front of the house   this morning. What is she, nuts?!![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why didn't she tell me to do that a   month ago? She says she did but I[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]think she's lying.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 24[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]6 inches - Snow packed so hard by   snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I was having a heart attack. If I   ever catch the son of a ***** who[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]drives that snow plow, I'll drag him   through the snow by his balls and[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]beat him to death with my broken   shovel. I know he hides around the[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]corner and waits for me to finish   shoveling and then he comes down the[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]street at a 100 miles an hour and   throws snow all over where I've just[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]been! Tonight the wife wanted me to   sing Christmas carols with her and[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]open our presents, but I was too   busy watching for the damn snowplow.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 25[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Merry ****ing Christmas! 20 more   inches of the damn slop tonight -[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Snowed in. The idea of shoveling   makes my blood boil. God, I hate the[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]snow! Then the snowplow driver came   by asking for a donation and I hit[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]him over the head with my shovel.   The wife says I have a bad attitude. I[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]think she's a fricking idiot. If I   have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]one more time, I'm going to stuff   her into the microwave.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 26[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Still snowed in. Why the hell did I   ever move here? It was all HER idea.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She's really getting on my nerves.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 27[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Temperature dropped to -30 and the   pipes froze; plumber came after 14[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]hours of waiting for him, he only   charged me $1,400 to replace all my[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]pipes.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 28[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed   in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 29[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]10 more inches. Bob says I have to   shovel the roof or it could cave in.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]That's the silliest thing I ever   heard. How dumb does he think I am?[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 30[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Roof caved in. I beat up the snow   plow driver, and now he is suing me[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]for a million dollars, not only the   beating I gave him, but also for[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]trying to shove the broken snow   shovel up his ***. The wife went home to[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]her mother. Nine more inches   predicted.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]December 31[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I set fire to what's left of the   house. No more shoveling.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]January 8[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Feel so good. I just love those   little white pills they keep giving me.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why am I tied to the bed?[/FONT]


----------



## Arizona Angel (Dec 23, 2006)

Lol, thank goodness the sun comes out to melt it away here in AZ!


----------



## Kacey (Dec 23, 2006)

Yeah, same here - half of what fell is already melted - a good reasons for shoveling early; the stuff that's left is full of water and very heavy.


----------



## Bob Hubbard (Dec 23, 2006)

Buffalo, a few years back, LOL!


----------



## fnorfurfoot (Dec 23, 2006)

Read that last year and loved it.  Thanks for showing it to me again.


----------

