# The Newcomer's Guide to Martial Arts Talk



## Sam (Mar 21, 2005)

The Newcomer's Guide to Martial Arts Talk
(from http://judoinfo.com/humor13.htm )

What they say
What they mean

Judo is better than karate
I only practice Judo

Judo prepares you for the street
I've never used Judo on the street

Chinese martial arts are the best!
I practice a Chinese martial art

High kicks are stupid
I can't do high kicks

Tournaments are extremely important
I'm good at fighting and I win trophies

The martial arts are about building character
You'll never be any good, but keep coming anyway

Korean martial arts are the best
I practice a Korean martial art

Board breaking techniques are not important
I couldn't break out of a paper bag

I don't believe in colored belts
I learned in the backyard and nobody ever promoted me

The martial arts are about building better people
Like me

Grappling arts are the best
I practice a grappling art

Sophisticated arts like Tai Chi and Aikido are far superior
Fighting frightens me

He's a good martial arts teacher
He's in my organization

He's a lousy martial arts teacher
I don't know anything about him

My style is the best
I don't know anything about any other styles

Promotions are not important
There's a grading coming up and it's important

Throwing techniques are less important than grappling
I can't throw anyone and I'm tired of trying

I'm an innovative, modern Western martial arts teacher, doing my own non-classical thing
I'm more interested in teaching than learning, and Asians ignore me because they know how ignorant I am

Martial arts politics are the necessary result of official recognition by respectable associations to protect the public
I'm an officer in a large organization

I hate martial arts politics
None of the large organizations recognize me or have the slightest interest in my existence

In this system, we adapt the technique to fit the person
Do it the way I said to

Competitions are a waste of time
I've never won any competitions

Forms or kata are the highest expression of the inner essence of the martial arts
I read that somewhere -- and I've had enough of tournaments

Kata or forms are useless
Bruce Lee said forms are useless

One style is not better than another -- it's the individual that counts
Please don't go to another school

Practice makes perfect
Please sign up again

He doesn't deserve his rank
I didn't get promoted as fast as him

Size and strength are not important
I'm bigger and stronger than average

Science and leverage will always win out over brute force
I'm bigger and stronger than average

The purpose of the martial arts is spiritual development and liberation from the ego
I'm so humble and wise, it's terrific


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## KenpoTex (Mar 21, 2005)

:rofl: Those are pretty good.  (and I've heard people say quite a few of them)


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