# DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER in BUFFALO



## Bob Hubbard (Dec 8, 2011)

*DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER in BUFFALO*



December 8: 
6:00  PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I  took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge  soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses  Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! 

December 9: 
We  woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch  of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely  place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did  both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came  along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got  to shovel again. What a perfect life! 

December 12: 
The  sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor  tells me not to worry, we'll d definitely have a white Christmas. No  snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by  the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think  that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor. 

December 14: 
Snow,  lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold  makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed  up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The  snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't  realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly  get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. 

December 15: 
20  inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires  for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife  wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's  silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. 

December 16: 
Ice  storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in the driveway putting  down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think  was very cruel. 

December 17: 
Still  way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was  off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to  do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've  bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's  right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. 

December 20: 
Electricity's  back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More  shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a  neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I  think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about  buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in  March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will  have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. 

December 22: 
Bob  was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white  **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I  had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I  was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck  for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the  ******* is lying. 

December 23: 
Only  2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate  the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't  she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's  damn well lying. 

December 24: 
6".  Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was  having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives  that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he  hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he  comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over  where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas  carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the  freakin' snowplow. 

December 25: 
Merry  Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in.  The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the  snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the  head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's  an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm  going to kill her. 

December 26: 
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. 

December 27: 
Temperature dropped to -10 and the pipes froze. 

December 28: 
Warmed up to above -5. Still snowed in. THE ***** is driving me crazy!!! 

December 29: 
10  more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave-in.  That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? 

December 30: 
Roof  caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for  the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted. 

December 31: 
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling! 

January 8: 
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?


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