# A Message From The Rural Midwest



## Jade Tigress (Feb 1, 2007)

A MESSAGE FROM THE RURAL MIDWEST... 

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourist Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state: 

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week in the gym. 

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it...not just to keep up with the neighbors. 

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it as soon as we put her in the crock pot. 

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our  women will get your butt whipped ... by our women. 

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for -- bait. 

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport. 

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. 

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice! 

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year. 

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute? 

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstate 29, 35 & 55 go north & south. Pick one and use it accordingly. 

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church. 

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept? 

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish. 

19. That Highway Patrol Officer  who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is "Sir" ... no matter how old he is. 

Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have corn to plant.


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## bydand (Feb 1, 2007)

Love it.  More truth than fiction to that list!


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## Flying Crane (Feb 1, 2007)

Having grown up in Wisconsin, gone to college in Minnesota, and lived in San Francisco for the past 13 years, I can relate to both sides of the jokes.  Truth is funnier than fiction.


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## matt.m (Feb 1, 2007)

Being from Southeast Missouri I find this funny and true.


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## JasonASmith (Feb 1, 2007)

Excellent!
I'm not from the Midwest, but I agree with the tone of the post whole-heartedly, especially the part about the pulling up of the pants!


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## crushing (Feb 1, 2007)

Jade Tigress said:


> A MESSAGE FROM THE RURAL MIDWEST...
> 
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. *Carp*, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.


 

Anyone here eat carp?  I've went carp shooting before.  We took a pontoon boat out at night with a lamp mounted out the front to look into the water and using a bow and arrow (the arrow had a string tied to it which went back onto a spool connected to the bow) we would shoot carp.  Didn't feed the carp to people though, but the rose bushes sure liked 'em.


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## The Kidd (Feb 1, 2007)

Alot of those are very true in Texas


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## Laurentkd (Feb 2, 2007)

I was born an' raised in missourah (the real pronunciation)

VERY funny!


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## DavidCC (Feb 2, 2007)

I was born and raised in Nebraska and we are not nearly as HICK as that list makes us out 

http://www.kfab.com/cc-common/mlib/611/01/611_1168983959.mp3


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## bydand (Feb 2, 2007)

DavidCC said:


> I was born and raised in Nebraska and we are not nearly as HICK as that list makes us out
> 
> http://www.kfab.com/cc-common/mlib/611/01/611_1168983959.mp3



Well, good golly gush dern, you're right!    Where did you ever find that?


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## DavidCC (Feb 5, 2007)

bydand said:


> Well, good golly gush dern, you're right!  Where did you ever find that?


 
a local talk tadio guy made that...


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## searcher (Feb 5, 2007)

Man, that sounds just like my neighborhood.   And soem of those sound like me.........................OK, maybe all of them


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