# You know your church is a Redneck church when...



## Kirk (Jan 30, 2003)

A Texan looked up at the top of a tall building and discovered a 
man ready to jump! "Stop," he yelled, "remember you're 
someone who has value!"

The man yelled back, "I just lost everything of value in the Stock 
market!"

"But remember you're important to your wife," yelled the 
Texan. "She divorced me, the b!tch."

"Your children! Remember your children," yelled the Texan. They 
never call," said the man.

"Then your parents. Remember your parents," yelled the 
Texan. "Dead as doornails," said the man.

"Then 'Remember the Alamo,'" yelled the Texan. "What's the 
Alamo?" inquired the man.

The Texan replied: "Jump, you Yankee son of a b!tch!"


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## Kirk (Mar 28, 2003)

You know "Your" church is a Redneck church when:

#1 The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 

#2 People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish
were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 

#3 When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask "Bubba" to help take up the
offering," five guys and two women stand up. 

#4 Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 

#5 A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4- wheel-drive truck
because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." 

#6 The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." 

#7 Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion. 

#8 In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
church directory. 

#9 Baptism is referred to as "branding." 

#10 There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. 

#11 Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. 

#12 High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. 

#13 People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy. 

#14 The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. 

#15 The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from)
Billy Bob's Barbecue. 

#16 The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy


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## Cliarlaoch (Mar 28, 2003)

You know, I lived in Texas, I've worn the cowboy boots, and I AM a bloody hick, so... yeah, it's all true. Funny stuff, Kirk.


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## Jill666 (Mar 28, 2003)

The closest I ever got to cowboy was buying a pair o' roach-stompers when I was in New Mexico last summer (and I wear them frequently- fully weatherproofed). But it's still freakin' funny :rofl:


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