# Evil Tai Chi



## Kirk (May 15, 2002)

Highest Supreme No Can Defend Boxing
This has appeared in rec.martial-arts:

Greeting, fellow martial artist.  Please allow me introducing myself.

I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!

Allow me relate you this story young man who visit my kwoon.  
He come my kwoon wear  Brazil jiujitsu t-shirt and he say his 
name Gichoke.  He asking me I teaching grappling  technique.  I 
say no, young Blowchunk, I teaching taichi chuan.  He getting 
mad and say  my name Gichoke not Blowchunk, then he 
disrespectful taichi chuan.  He say taichi for  old
man like me, then say his Brazil jiujitsu technique beat my technique. 

I say young  Fudgepoke, you make me laughing, MWAHAHAHA!!!!  
So he again getting mad and say my name  Gichoke not 
Fudgepoke and challenge me to fighting.  I say you silly little high 
school  boy, go back rolling around on floor with other boy.  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  My evil-style  taichi chuan is most best combat 
system, if proper technique no can defend!  Only  practicing chi 
powers making TRUE MARTIAL ARTIST and you young Sheeppoke 
are weak in  ways of chi!  But silly little boy insist so we go into 
my training room.  He ask where  mat for floor because my kwoon
floor hard wood.  I say no mat for evil-style taichi  young Gijoke! 
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  Now he getting afraid but he too stupid to 
leave.  So I say you attacking me now, young Gispunk!  And he 
try to shoot under my arms and taking  me to floor, but I using 
internal strength technique from evil-style taichi and  
bitchslapping Gichunk into wall!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  Many time he 
attacking and many time I  bitchslapping silly boy.  But silly boy 
still attacking so I change to deadly dimmak technique.  Only 
using one finger striking and only touching Gichoad now, but 
every time  he attacking and every time he falling to floor
scream in pain and silly boy crying  about hard wooden floor! 
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  So now I using deadly pressure-point chinna  
grappling technique and flipping silly boy into air and landing on 
hard floor.  I say  now I demonstrating more weakness Brazil 
jiujitsu system.  I say now I demonstrating  Chinese animal style 
kung fu, and my style is dog-style kung fu.  So I blow whistle and  
my attack dog Fang coming into kwoon!  Fang attacking young 
Gichimp and Fang biting  silly boys arms and face.  I say Brazil 
jiujitsu not complete martial art, can no defend  against dog!  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  But stupid boy saying **** you, so I kicking silly 
boy in  head while he wrestling Fang.  So I say see young Gipoke 
Brazil jiujitsu technique no  can defend multiple attackers!  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  After silly boy bleeding long time I tell Fang go 
away.  So I asking young Gipuke you believing in chi powers 
now?  He say no, so  I say I now using ancient Chinese secret art 
of feng-shui against him.  Stupid boy  asking what is feng-shui?  
So I say feng-shui most ancient art of manipulate chi power by 
rearrange furniture.  Very powerful system, can no defend!  So 
silly boy laughing  and say you will defeat me using interior 
decoration? 

Then he disrespectful feng-shui  so I demonstrating.  I kicking 
coffee table into silly boys knee, then I move chair  behind silly 
boy, then kicking Gijoke against chair.  Silly boys head is flying 
into  desk corner and cracking head open.  So I say see silly boy 
this furniture position much  worse for your chi!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  
But STILL stupid boy no give up, so now I using  most deadly 
technique of no touching chi power KONG JING!!!!  So I saying 
you call your  name Gichoke so now I showing you CHI CHOKE!  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  So I standing across kwoon  from silly boy but I 
using kong jing power and choking stupid young Gispunk.   

After silly boy waking up I asking now you believing chi powers? 
Gichunk get down on  hands and knees and begging forgiveness, 
asking please me teaching him secrets of  evil-style taichi.  He 
finally learning that Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend  
against chi powers!!!  So I saying young Gipunk, you are weak in 
ways of chi but you  have demonstrating much willpower in our 
combat.  So I teaching you evil-style taichi!!!   EMBRACE DARK 
SIDE OF CHI, AND WE CAN RULING WORLD TOGETHER AS FATHER 
AND SON!!!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  So Gispunk becoming Dr Yang Sze 
first American student and giving up silly Brazil jiujitsu!   

But I no am teaching Gichoad true secret of evil-style taichi!  
When silly boy knocked  out from hitting desk, I using ancient 
Chinese secret.  No Dr. Yang not using Calgon!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  
I using hypnosis on silly boy so when I doing phoney kong jing 
technique  silly boy thinking he choking!  Now I renaming Gichoke 
as new name Chijoke, and he  serving Dr. Yang as personal 
slave!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  I teaching Chijoke fen shou  technique, 
making silly boy to cleaning my toilet with bare hands!  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  And  in return I teaching Chijoke phoney taichi 
techniques I learn from David Carradine video tapes and exercise 
I saying is chi kung really from Richard Simmons "Sweating To  
The Oldies" videos!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  And Chijoke paying $200 
dollar every month for  phoney taichi, and if silly boy asking about 
technique not effective I say take twenty  year to master.  And if 
young Chijoke doubt power then he remembering back to him 
choking with kong jing power!!!  Silly boy mind very weak easy to
manipulate!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!

So you maybe asking why I doing terrible mean things to young Chijoke?

Because I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!!  
MWAHAHAHA!!!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!


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## Bob Hubbard (May 15, 2002)

:erg: :idunno: :stoplurk:


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## Rob_Broad (May 15, 2002)

What ever he had make mine a double in a small glass no ice.


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## fist of fury (May 16, 2002)

Well we know this can't be true since BJJ is undefeatable


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## tonbo (May 16, 2002)

Is Evil Tai Chi good against a person armed with a bowl of raspberries?  

What about a pointed stick?

Looks like Dr. Yang Sze forgot to take his lithium again.....

:erg: 

Peace--


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## Richard S. (May 16, 2002)

that is quite possibly the most bizarre thing i have EVER read  please do it again sometime...........


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## Seig (May 16, 2002)

If you spent any time on RMA and rememebr that troll Sheep Poke(GiChoke) then this was hilarious.


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## theneuhauser (May 26, 2002)

feng shui is highest style of kung fu

most unbeatable 

thanks- i laughed my butt off


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## tshadowchaser (May 27, 2002)

Nice to see something posted that is in good humor.
great story.


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## tonbo (May 28, 2002)

Yeah, Feng Shui is pretty deadly.  Someday, I hope to master that style.  Then, I shall slowly begin my quest for world domination.....or the perfect fruit smoothie, whichever comes first..... 

The other art that my wife and I thought we would confuse people with is Shodo (Japanese calligraphy).  You can gain rank in Shodo, based on your skill, etc, just like any other martial art (yes, I know calligraphy isn't martial per se, but it has it's applications in concentration, etc.) (and yes, you *can* get a Black Belt in Shodo!!).  

I always thought that would be cool.  "Yes, I'm a Black Belt in the deadly art of Shodo.  Ever heard of it?"  (said with a barely hidden smile as the poor listener then tries to make up an answer)......

Peace--


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## J-kid (Sep 15, 2002)

weird yet funny?@!#@#%#@#%$^@#


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## Roland (Sep 15, 2002)

This guy needs to write for the movies

Feng - Shui, lol!

:rofl:


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## AvPKenpo (Sep 16, 2002)

That had to be one of the most bizarre writings I have read to date.  Thanks for sharing.

Michael


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## hubris (Sep 30, 2002)

Geeze, this is great! Can you send that kid over to my house to clean the toilets and rearrange my furniture. Can he use a vacuum cleaner? How is he with hardwood floors? (I mean, in terms of sanding and waxing them, not in terms of falling on them.) Evil Tai Chi has a tremedous potential to develop home cleaners - a growing industry. If you work with enough pupils, Dr. Evil Tai Chi, you can get a Merry Maids franchise in no time and make some serious money.

Regards,

Mrs. Hubris Nimby


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## kenposcum (Oct 18, 2002)

That was awesome.
Now I know what my instructor has done to me.
Thank you, Dr. Yang!
:asian:


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## hubris (Oct 18, 2002)

Every time I read kirk's post I burst out laughing.


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## Kirk (Oct 18, 2002)

*beaming with pride*


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## hubris (Oct 18, 2002)

I especially like the "not effective against dog/multiple attackers."


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