# Stupid things people ask about what you do



## Thesemindz (Mar 5, 2009)

So in another thread (http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73740) Ronin74 asked what stupid things people ask you when they find out you do martial arts.

This got me thinking. What stupid things do people ask you when they find out what you do for a living?

For instance, I deliver pizza. Guess what I hear everywhere I go when I'm wearing my uniform or when people find out what I do.

"Got any free pizza for me?"

No. Idiot. I do not have any free pizza for you. I hate you.

I used to work for FedEx. Guess what I heard there.

"Is it ticking?"

No. ***. It isn't ticking. It's not a bomb. It's probably a box full of porn that you had delivered to your office instead of your home so your wife wouldn't find out.

My wife is a cosmetologist. Guess what every client says.

"Just do whatever you want. Don't you love it when people tell you that?"

No. They don't love that. Because you don't actually want what they want to do, otherwise you'd have their haircut already.

So my question is, what do people say to you?

See, I've come to realize that we aren't funny, and we aren't unique. We all make the exact same joke to the exact same guy, and he's heard it a million times before. 

It actually makes you think twice before asking the guy behind the counter at Wendy's if he's ever met Dave Thomas.

No. He has not. 

Dave's dead.


-Rob


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## jarrod (Mar 5, 2009)

you know i have to ask you if you have any free pizza for me.  

so...got any?

jf


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## Ronin74 (Mar 5, 2009)

I don't know if I'd say the question was stupid, but my first job at 16 was a summer gig working for the grounds & maintenance crew of our local school district. One of the schools was situated near a main road, and being the hot day that it was, a lot of us were in t-***** and tanktops. I happened to have a second shirt, which I has been wearing earlier, wrapped around my head like a head rag. And so here we all were with rakes, shovels, picks and backhoes, getting rid of the weeds and trash discarded on the side of the school.

That same day, after I got home from work, my godbrother calls me and asks, ""Did you get into some kind of trouble? Is everything okay?"

Apparently, my godbrother's older brother drove by that main road and saw me working and assumed that I was doing community service because I looked like a delinquent at the time.

It was a good laugh.


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## Hagakure (Mar 5, 2009)

jarrod said:


> you know i have to ask you if you have any free pizza for me.
> 
> so...got any?
> 
> jf


 


I work for a large telecommunications company in the UK, and have had the "Can I have free broadband?", and also "My line's not working can you come round and fix it?".

Same scenario. No I can't give you free broadband, and, I'm a technical analyst, I have no idea what the matter with your copper cabling is. Go see a cabling engineer.


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## MBuzzy (Mar 5, 2009)

I'm in the Air Force - so....."Do you fly airplanes?" "Are you a pilot?" "Can I have a ride?"



No.  I don't like pilots, they are jerks.  Only like 3% of the Air Force are actually pilots.  You know what the rest of us do?  Work hard to make sure that the pilots can still take off.


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## CoryKS (Mar 5, 2009)

The most annoying thing for me is when people find out I'm a programmer and they want me to find out a) why their computer is slow; b) why it pops a bunch of spam windows; or c) their explorer is being redirected to some site in Russia.

Invariably, there's something in their URL history that I really didn't want to know about.


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## Hagakure (Mar 5, 2009)

CoryKS said:


> The most annoying thing for me is when people find out I'm a programmer and they want me to find out a) why their computer is slow; b) why it pops a bunch of spam windows; or c) their explorer is being redirected to some site in Russia.
> 
> Invariably, there's something in their URL history that I really didn't want to know about.


 
Do you get people, friends, family, whoever phoning/asking you to come round and fix their machine? Man, I do. I'm one of the odd IT types that likes to leave tech alone when I get home. Sure I "use" it, but I don't code or go on techy forums, so when I get asked to do that stuff, once in a while is fine, but all the time gets like being back at work again.


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## astrobiologist (Mar 5, 2009)

Once people figure out what astrobiology is, they'll ask "so are astrobiologists looking for little green men?"

No.  Though people-like organisms from beyond Earth would truly be astonishing and intriguing, we are not looking for "little green men" (well, not many of us).  It is highly unlikely that if life has originated and evolved somewhere else in the universe that said life would be anything even remotely close to human.

So, I do not expect that we will ever find Marvin the Martian somewhere out there...


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## shesulsa (Mar 5, 2009)

When I worked security, it was, "Any terrorists around?"

Nope, no terrorists around.

"They don't come around here, huh?"

No, I'm just that good, now go buy your fireworks and shut the blank up.

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When guys find out I have a black belt, they ALWAYS say, "I guess you could theoretically kick my ***, huh?"

Theoretically yes. Or I could just shoot you.

"Why would you do that?"

Same reason I would kick your ***.

"Why would that be?"

I dunno, you started it.

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Here's one I've never understood:  When pulled over, I had my ID, registration and proof of insurance ready for the officer when he approached the car.  He asked for them and I promptly handed him the stack.  He took them and looked at me, bewildered and asked, "Do you get pulled over often?"

:lookie:

Is there anyone who doesn't know what you're supposed to give a police officer during a traffic stop?

:idunno:


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## CoryKS (Mar 5, 2009)

Hagakure said:


> Do you get people, friends, family, whoever phoning/asking you to come round and fix their machine? Man, I do. I'm one of the odd IT types that likes to leave tech alone when I get home. Sure I "use" it, but I don't code or go on techy forums, so when I get asked to do that stuff, once in a while is fine, but all the time gets like being back at work again.


 
Yup.  All the time.


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## Nolerama (Mar 5, 2009)

I used to work as a freelance writer and people would always want me to take their picture and write about them.

Now, I work in marketing and promotions and everyone wants me to "put the word out." Well, that kind of work costs money, pal. A LOT of money. What's in it for me? (I work as a bouncer on the weekends and the owners of said bar always want me to promote them, complete with graphics, ad design, and official press releases.)

As a bouncer, I get a LOT of:

"If I show you my ______, can I get in for free?" - No. They're lopsided anyway.
"I know the owner." - I don't care. I know him too, and he hates you.
"I come here all the time. I should get in for free." - Thanks for paying last month's electrical bill.
"What, you don't want to card me?" -No. Because Cougars are definitely over 21.
"This girl is HAWT!" -No. That's the booze talking and I'm pretty sure she's a dude.


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## elder999 (Mar 5, 2009)

_You don't glow in the dark, do you_

*Why yes, I'm a black light.* :lfao:


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## teekin (Mar 5, 2009)

MBuzzy said:


> I'm in the Air Force - so....."Do you fly airplanes?" "Are you a pilot?" "Can I have a ride?"
> 
> 
> 
> No. * I don't like pilots, they are jerks.*  Only like 3% of the Air Force are actually pilots.  You know what the rest of us do?  Work hard to make sure that the pilots can still take off.



One of the biggest,  most useless Asshats I've ever met was an Airforce pilot. If this idiot couldn't fly a Flybywire plane I have no idea of what he'd do. I normally don't like barfights but did enjoy watching some Airborne boys walk it to him and a few of his freinds. Buzzy dude, let em take off but do they really need to land?
lori


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## jarrod (Mar 5, 2009)

navy pilots are better anyway.  

jf


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## crushing (Mar 5, 2009)

CoryKS said:


> The most annoying thing for me is when people find out I'm a programmer and they want me to find out a) why their computer is slow; b) why it pops a bunch of spam windows; or c) their explorer is being redirected to some site in Russia.
> 
> *Invariably, there's something in their URL history that I really didn't want to know about.*


 
I get the same thing.

After removing a bunch of malware I found some very interesting stuff in the recycle bin of a PC that I'm working on now for someone.

When my job description expanded to included telecom administration, I decided to keep that quiet so I'm not asked over to run cables and drops and put in 110 blocks and set up their voicemail for 'em.


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## Empty Hands (Mar 5, 2009)

"So you must be pretty smart, huh?"

How the hell am I supposed to answer that?


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## jarrod (Mar 5, 2009)

Empty Hands said:


> How the hell am I supposed to answer that?




monkey.  then tell them you don't want to put them through the mental gymnastics required to arrive at that answer.

jf


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## elder999 (Mar 5, 2009)

Empty Hands said:


> "So you must be pretty smart, huh?"
> 
> How the hell am I supposed to answer that?


 
The way I _always_ do:


*YES.* :lfao:


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## Frostbite (Mar 5, 2009)

Hagakure said:


> Do you get people, friends, family, whoever phoning/asking you to come round and fix their machine? Man, I do. I'm one of the odd IT types that likes to leave tech alone when I get home. Sure I "use" it, but I don't code or go on techy forums, so when I get asked to do that stuff, once in a while is fine, but all the time gets like being back at work again.




This is when I point out to them it's a job, not a hobby.

Some of my favorite questions are:

"Why is my computer slow?"
Its parents were siblings.  I'm sure you can relate.

"Darren and I are having trouble loading the same website."
So you two are going to the same porn sites now?

"Is there any way to make our Internet faster?"
Yes but you're too cheap to spend the money.

"My computer crashed."
Was there an error message?
"Yes."
What did it say?
"I don't know.  I didn't pay attention."
Oh, then I know exactly what the problem is.

The thing that really annoys the crap out of me though is the names people create for me.  Anyone who calls me "the computer guru" is immediately on my s-list.  I once had someone refer to me as "the computer nerd" and thought it was a compliment.  I'd create a name for them too but "moron who wouldn't know how to use a computer if it wasn't for their porn addiction" just doesn't roll off the tongue.


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## Tez3 (Mar 5, 2009)

Oh you work with the forces? My brothers in the army, do you know him?


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## jks9199 (Mar 5, 2009)

"Have you ever shot anyone?"
Nope... wanna be the first?

"I didn't do it!"
Really?  How do you know?

"There here for you, Fred/Billy Bob/Jane/whoever"
Nope -- actually, I'm here for YOU.  

"So, I got pulled over and the cop was an *******..."
"You cops are all biased/dirty/whatever..."
Really?  Are there no *******s/crooks in your profession?

"So, I got this ticket... what should I do?"
Pay it or go to court.

"So, my _friend_ got arrested; what should I do?"
Tell your _friend _to get legal advice from a lawyer.


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## Tez3 (Mar 5, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> "Have you ever shot anyone?"
> Nope... wanna be the first?
> 
> "I didn't do it!"
> ...


 

"Who, me?"
Well there isn't anyone else here is there!


"Can't you go out and catch real criminals?"
Nah, thought we'd just harrass the first innocent person we see tonight.


"I pay my taxes that pays your wages"
Well bully for you sir


"I know the chief constable"
Not ours you don't, he's in Essex, we're in N Yorkshire

"I know my rights!"
That's nice for you.

I think we may be a tad more sarcastic than you lol!


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## Drac (Mar 5, 2009)

jks9199 said:


> "Have you ever shot anyone?"
> Nope... wanna be the first?
> 
> "I didn't do it!"
> ...


 
Dammed, beat me again..What he said...


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## Archangel M (Mar 5, 2009)

Drac said:


> Dammed, beat me again..What he said...



Things are the same all over..


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## MBuzzy (Mar 5, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> Oh you work with the forces? My brothers in the army, do you know him?



OH YEAH - same thing in the U.S.....I get that all the time!


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## MBuzzy (Mar 5, 2009)

Grendel308 said:


> One of the biggest,  most useless Asshats I've ever met was an Airforce pilot. If this idiot couldn't fly a Flybywire plane I have no idea of what he'd do. I normally don't like barfights but did enjoy watching some Airborne boys walk it to him and a few of his freinds. Buzzy dude, let em take off but do they really need to land?
> lori



Sigh....that would be nice, but we kind of need them.  Unfortunately, without pilots, the rest of us don't have a job.  It would just be nice to keep them in cages and roll them out when we need them to go shoot at something.


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## Andy Moynihan (Mar 5, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> "I pay my taxes that pays your wages"
> Well bully for you sir


 

See now this is where I'd have my fun and make like I was all suddenly angry and go "So YOU'RE the prick that denied my pay raise!"


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## Ronin74 (Mar 5, 2009)

Nolerama said:


> As a bouncer, I get a LOT of:
> 
> "If I show you my ______, can I get in for free?" - No. They're lopsided anyway.
> "I know the owner." - I don't care. I know him too, and he hates you.
> ...


 
Too funny.

I work at a cafe on a fairly busy main street, and if customers see me outside of work, it seems to be the local weirdos that ask me questions.  Seriously, I'm not sure if we get asked these questions as a conversation starter, or because people want something for free, but in either case, it's like their social skills are in serious need of etiquette lessons.


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## arnisador (Mar 5, 2009)

As a mathematician, I get "You must be great at doing your taxes!" a lot, as do we all. Ummm...accounting is in the business school, two buildings down, behind the law school.


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## jks9199 (Mar 6, 2009)

Andy Moynihan said:


> See now this is where I'd have my fun and make like I was all suddenly angry and go "So YOU'RE the prick that denied my pay raise!"


I used to know a guy who had calculated the amount the typical tax payer contributed towards his pay... and carried the change to make a "refund."

Of course, I'm amazed at how many of the folks who "pay my salary" don't even live in my jurisdiction!


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## Carol (Mar 6, 2009)

_"Hey my computer is doing xxxx, could ya come take a look and see if you can fix it?"_

OK, I'll take a look, but if you know someone that is in IT, they might be a better person to ask.
_

"Aren't you in IT?" _

No, I'm in telecom.


_"What's the difference"_

I get to call IT when I don't feel like fixing my own machine.   


_"I guess I don't understand just what it is that you actually do."_

No one does...except my managers and other people in similar roles.  Makes it harder to talk about work at the dinner table...which isn't necessarily a bad thing.


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## Xue Sheng (Mar 6, 2009)

Hagakure said:


> Do you get people, friends, family, whoever phoning/asking you to come round and fix their machine?


 
Yes I do

And I too am not a big fan of things IT outside of work... in fact after many years of this I am not a big fan of things IT inside of work either.

But to the topic of the post

I have been asked

"What's worng with my computer" of course I have not seen it yet nor am I anywhere near it and they really can't give me much info other than it doesn't work like it use to.

"Why won't my computer turn on?" Answer because you are turing the monitor off and on and are not actually turning the PC on at all.

"Why won't my internet work?" Oh I don't know could be that you unplugged your hub to plug in you cell phone charger

There are many many more but at this stage I am trying not to remember them.

There was a guy at work I did have to explain to that even though the security policy did not mention screen savers that it was not a real good idea to have his screen saver scrolling his password... but that is another story


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## JBrainard (Mar 6, 2009)

I'm an electronic technician.

"So you work with computers then, right?"

Yes, I _use_ computers, but nothing I design, repair, or build has anything to do with computers.

"You know electronics? Can you fix my TV/sterio/etc?"

If smoke came out of it when it broke then _maybe_. I really need the schematic for it in order to fix it.

"What's a schematic?"

Never mind, don't ask me to fix stuff.


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## Cryozombie (Mar 7, 2009)

You know what I get?  The typical:

"So you can fix my pc right?"

and I say 

"Yes I can.  No I won't."


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## Cryozombie (Mar 7, 2009)

JBrainard said:


> I'm an electronic technician.
> 
> "You know electronics? Can you fix my TV/sterio/etc?"


 
Can you fix my PVR?  LOL!  (Acvtually I already have it in pieces and figured out whats wrong but I need a part, hehe, who needs you, JBrainard?  )


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## seasoned (Mar 7, 2009)

I meet people and right away they want me to show them something. Well when I was a newbie I would accommodate them. Quick fix coming from my inexperience at the time. Well needless to say, but I will, they would come back and say hey that move didnt work for me. In time when asked, I would add just a little body contact and guess what, they very rarely ever asked a second time. J Now, that I am older I much prefer that people didnt know, because it just makes life so much easier, and also friends are harder to come by.


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## Big Don (Mar 7, 2009)

seasoned said:


> I meet people and right away they want me to show them something. Well when I was a newbie I would accommodate them.


About 15 years ago I took TKD for a few months. After my first class I met up with some friends at the bar. Doug asked if I learned anything, I had, the Back Fist. So, I said yes, he said "show me" and I knocked him off his bar stool.


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