# Another parent seeking advice



## KFSNJS (Apr 4, 2019)

I'm sure you guys get a lot of these so my apologies.

My 10 year old son  has expressed some intrest in martial arts over the past year or so. To be honest we are a bit hesitant because while we know martial arts can be really beneficial we have no clue where to start. This is complicated by the fact that he's a bit of a hot head ( but has not picked any fights we are aware of), has exercise induced asthma, and his attention span can be a bit wavering. He's also a bit on the small side, which I feel contributes to his being a hot head at times.

If we do pursue trying to get him involved, would like to keep it more defensive in nature, but again are pretty lost on where to start.

Any thoughts are appreciated.


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## Monkey Turned Wolf (Apr 4, 2019)

Most children's programs are focused more around teaching discipline and getting good habits then the actual fighting aspects. Depending on the school, it could help with his hotheadedness, his asthma and his attention span (although the instructors likely aren't trained/didn't go to school to learn how to help these things, a lot of them have through experience, and the structure of martial arts). I would check out a couple schools near you, have a frank discussion with the instructors about your concerns (and definitely mention the asthma), and watch a few of the children's classes, until you find a place that you're comfortable with.


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## CB Jones (Apr 4, 2019)

First...my background....my son was a hot head, with a short attention span and one of the smallest in his class.

I dont know about the asthma....so you will have to consult your doctor on that.

Karate and competition really helped my son with his temper.  Taught him how to control it and handle stress and pressure (often times the triggers for his temper.

And it really helped teach him to focus.

And dont worry about the size.  As the smallest in his division he found ways to overcome that and I think that also did wonders for his self confidence and taught him that size doesnt always matter.

I would say go for it....worse case scenario is he doesnt like it and quits.

And I wouldn't worry about focusing on defense.....for us it was competition that he ended up loving.


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## CB Jones (Apr 4, 2019)

Just wondering what area do you live in?  If you dont mind sharing that.


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## JR 137 (Apr 4, 2019)

Everything kempodisciple said. To add...

You just described about 90% of the kids in MA. Forget styles of MA, and choose a school instead. Kids’ MA isn’t really about self defense, even though they’ll tell you that and perhaps use the whole “bullyproof” advertising campaign. The physical aspect is about teaching kids the basics and them getting a great foundation in the art for when they’re older.

Kids will get help with the discipline, respect and self respect as a side effect of the exercise and the structure and culture of the school. Some places instill that more than others. Some kids clique better with certain teachers, just like some adults do better with some adults over others.

The difference between MA and organized sports is MA doesn’t have starters and substitutes. No one gets cut from the team. No one sits the bench. Everyone’s on their own level and pace. A good teacher will teach to the individual and will have different and realistic expectations for each kid.

Make a list of every school in the area that teaches kids. Cross off the ones you can’t afford and the ones that conflict with your schedule. Visit the rest. Pick the right teacher, not the best style. There’s no such thing as the best style, especially for a 10 year old.

Just my opinion. Others may disagree.


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## Bruce7 (Apr 5, 2019)

JR 137 said:


> Everything kempodisciple said. To add...
> 
> You just described about 90% of the kids in MA. Forget styles of MA, and choose a school instead. Kids’ MA isn’t really about self defense, even though they’ll tell you that and perhaps use the whole “bullyproof” advertising campaign. The physical aspect is about teaching kids the basics and them getting a great foundation in the art for when they’re older.
> 
> ...



I agree 100% with JR 137. Most school are gear towards kids. My grandson is 11 and my granddaughter is 9 and they both love Martial Arts. I don't thing you can go wrong having your child try Martial Arts.

Read the post *I may have a little Aikidoka on my hands ,*it is on point and very heart warming.


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## KenpoMaster805 (Apr 5, 2019)

They are all correct dont hesitate to enroll your 10 year old kid to MA eventually he will learn how to be disciplined and be respectful and have modesty intergrity selft control courtesy etc and he will learn to do basic of karate and then he will learn the technique which is fun then he will learn the katas

I know his a 10 year old right now but as soon as he progress over years he will do good and yiur worries will go away


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## Gerry Seymour (Apr 5, 2019)

To add another bit to the pile: I've suffered with exercise-induced asthma. I went undiagnosed for 20+ years. Once I knew what it was, I focused more on the breathing exercises in my martial arts training, and it nearly vanished. I still have some of the symptoms, but they are quite mild and I no longer need an inhaler. So, exercise that has a breath control component (and many martial arts get into this in some way in the adult classes, but not many in the kids' classes) may be of benefit.


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## JR 137 (Apr 5, 2019)

KenpoMaster805 said:


> I know his a 10 year old right now but as soon as he progress over years he will do good and yiur worries will go away



This is actually a very good point. People expect that the respect, discipline, et al from MA training will come almost overnight. Complete nonsense. It takes time.

People also expect that those things will happen solely by being in MA. Even more nonsensical. The kid will be there for 45 minutes to an hour at a time 3 days a week, give or take a day. What about the rest of the time? MA helps, but it’s genuinely a supplemental thing. It’s got to start at home. If it’s not coming from the parents, it’s not going to amount to much at all. Maybe when they grow up and are smart enough to see the errors of their ways and the mistakes of their family. Parents are too quick to blame everyone but themselves. In school it’s always the teacher’s fault and/or the classmates; in sports the coach and/or teammates; et al. 

Being a school teacher, there’s only two indisputable truths I’ve learned, and I see them time and time again:
1. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 
2. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. 

For the kids who are an absolute mess, the parents are two. Some are better at disguising it than others. And no matter how much I say it, how I teach it, and how much fun I make it, if the kid doesn’t want to do the work, they’re not going to do it. And if the parents aren’t going to put the effort in and not let up, it’s not going to get done.

Same for learning respect, discipline, and all the other buzzwords the dojos use to sell the parents.


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## Gerry Seymour (Apr 5, 2019)

JR 137 said:


> This is actually a very good point. People expect that the respect, discipline, et al from MA training will come almost overnight. Complete nonsense. It takes time.
> 
> People also expect that those things will happen solely by being in MA. Even more nonsensical. The kid will be there for 45 minutes to an hour at a time 3 days a week, give or take a day. What about the rest of the time? MA helps, but it’s genuinely a supplemental thing. It’s got to start at home. If it’s not coming from the parents, it’s not going to amount to much at all. Maybe when they grow up and are smart enough to see the errors of their ways and the mistakes of their family. Parents are too quick to blame everyone but themselves. In school it’s always the teacher’s fault and/or the classmates; in sports the coach and/or teammates; et al.
> 
> ...


And I’ll add that If you want the child to learn and earn some discipline at a MA school, you have to both select for that, and support the instructor in their approach to teaching it.


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## KFSNJS (Apr 5, 2019)

Thanks for the replies. I've learned a long time ago that nothing happens overnight. When I was my sons age( many moons ago ) it was competitive archery( JOAD) that taught me focus, and that took a lot of time and patience but I was fairly succesfull.


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## JR 137 (Apr 8, 2019)

KFSNJS said:


> Thanks for the replies. I've learned a long time ago that nothing happens overnight. When I was my sons age( many moons ago ) it was competitive archery( JOAD) that taught me focus, and that took a lot of time and patience but I was fairly succesfull.


Nothing worthwhile is going to happen overnight.


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## jobo (Apr 13, 2019)

JR 137 said:


> Nothing worthwhile is going to happen overnight.


some of the most worth while things that have happened to me have happen over night !


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## Gerry Seymour (Apr 13, 2019)

jobo said:


> some of the most worth while things that have happened to me have happen over night !


Man, I wanted to click "funny" and "agree" at the same time on that one.


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## JR 137 (Apr 13, 2019)

jobo said:


> some of the most worth while things that have happened to me have happen over night !


You know, when you’re right, you’re right.


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## dvcochran (Apr 13, 2019)

jobo said:


> some of the most worth while things that have happened to me have happen over night !


You mean just a few seconds during the night don't you?


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