# Am I Just Hopelessly Naive?



## bushidomartialarts (Jul 12, 2007)

Either I'm hopelessly naive or I have a friend who's had a very strange life.

A good buddy of mine recently had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend.  It came at a bad time, as he was thinking of breaking it off.  They end up having an emotional time about it, and wind up patching things up.

So the other day, he and I are chatting and it comes up that _she was lying about the pregnancy_.  Apparently, she's seen him getting distant and had made the whole thing up, to the point of faking a pregnancy test, to keep him.

And here's the messed up part.  *He's still staying with her*.  Says no big deal, women do that sort of thing all the time.  

Am I just insane or naive?  This seems totally nuts to me.


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## Ping898 (Jul 12, 2007)

What I don't understand is how does it occur to someone to do something like that in the first place?....I have to admit it would never enter my realm of thought...and personally I hate it when women do garbage like that cause it screws it up for the rest of us who don't play those games and don't want to....
In the end though, I imagine whatever was driving them apart will pop back up...kind of like how a couple on the verge of divorce, has a kid hoping to save the marriage and it doesn't work...


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## bluemtn (Jul 12, 2007)

That's really odd, and please do tell him that not all women are like that.  It's not just a woman thing to fake pregnancy to keep their significant other with them.  To me, that's cold and underhanded!  If I ever did that to my boyfriend, I'd expect him to break up with me once he found out the truth!  

If you're hopelessly naive, then so am I and many other people out there...


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## CoryKS (Jul 12, 2007)

No, you're not insane or naive.  But your friend might be.  

I had similar experience back in my early twenties.  Though we were protected, I considered the possibility that it might be true because, as we all know, no method is 100% effective.

Turned out she wanted to gauge my reaction to a possible pregnancy because she wanted to make sure I wasn't the kind of guy who would leave a girl after getting her pregnant.  What she found out was that I'm not... but that I _am_ the kind of guy who leaves a girl who plays bs mind games.


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## Flying Crane (Jul 12, 2007)

bushidomartialarts said:


> Am I just insane or naive?


 
No, HE is insane, and SHE is evil.


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## Ceicei (Jul 12, 2007)

If one cannot be honest and upfront with a significant other, then I see very little hope for that relationship.

If she was worried he was leaving (becoming distant), she should have asked him directly.  Trying to play with emotions by using mind games is not the way to go and destroys trust.  Once lost, trust can be difficult to earn back.  Better to be honest and get the direct answers (even though that may hurt) would be better off than all the conjecture and trying to "test" each other.  This type of game does more harm than good, despite her excuse for her behavior.

- Ceicei


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## crushing (Jul 12, 2007)

You are neither insane, nor naive.  Her deception wasn't one of those, "Yeah, your favorite shirt looks fine on you" type of 'white' lies.  This would be a huge violation of trust to me.  If she can rationalize this deception, and especially if he nonchallantly accepts being deceived what other lies may he be subject to in down the road?


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## MA-Caver (Jul 12, 2007)

CoryKS said:


> No, you're not insane or naive.  But your friend might be.
> 
> I had similar experience back in my early twenties.  Though we were protected, I considered the possibility that it might be true because, as we all know, no method is 100% effective.
> 
> Turned out she wanted to gauge my reaction to a possible pregnancy because she wanted to make sure I wasn't the kind of guy who would leave a girl after getting her pregnant.  What she found out was that I'm not... but that I _am_ the kind of guy who leaves a girl who plays bs mind games.


I've too have had similar experiences. But in this case her best friend came up and told me she was pregnant and that she didn't want to see me that she'll "take care of it." What THAT means I was never sure. Only one of three options can go with that statement; abortion, adoption, or keeping it. If she kept or adopted the kid out then somewhere I've a daughter or a son that's roughly in their early 20's. That is what really blows my mind too. 
But girls that play mind games are no better than the guys that play mind games as well. 
Like Ping said, it screws it up for those of us who are sincere. 

Bushido, your friend should break it off and find another. She'll find another sucker to prey on.


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## bushidomartialarts (Jul 12, 2007)

Okay, then.  That's what I figured.  If I had a woman in my life who'd lie about something like that, she'd be out on her ear.

I wonder if my buddy will listen....


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## Karatedrifter7 (Jul 12, 2007)

Well not knowing the these people personaly, I could only venture a guess.
They are both  playing games somewhat. I once had a friend who was thinking of breaking off a relationship and his girlfriend and she kept saying" "Ill kill myself!
He felt guilty, for a time but he did end it.
I'll tell you one thing if it was me I'd slip out the back jack," 
I dont even want to see the movie "Knocked Up" Its stupid.


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## bushidomartialarts (Jul 12, 2007)

Karatedrifter7 said:


> I once had a friend who was thinking of breaking off a relationship and his girlfriend and she kept saying" "Ill kill myself!


 
An ex of mine pulled that on me.  I still broke up with her.

Bumped into her at the store a few weeks later.  She said she wanted to get coffee.  I called her a welcher.

For some reason, she changed her mind about the coffee.


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## Carol (Jul 12, 2007)

bushidomartialarts said:


> *He's still staying with her*.  Says no big deal, women do that sort of thing all the time.
> 
> Am I just insane or naive?  This seems totally nuts to me.



No women don't do that sort of thing all the time, and personally I find such a pandemic view of women to be quite ignorant.

Perhaps if your friend had more respect for women then he'd be able to attract a better class of mate.  

Until then, he is...quite literally...sleeping in the bed he made.


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## zDom (Jul 12, 2007)

Flying Crane said:


> No, HE is insane, and SHE is evil.



I second this opinion.

I submit that she may also be insane in addition to being evil.


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## Senjojutsu (Jul 12, 2007)

Well talking about celebrities, what about Tom Brady getting shocked by ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan's public announcement that she was expecting his child.

Could it have been conception during break-up sex, maybe?
:angel:

Of course,  most of us don't get our ex's youre the daddy  announcement while we are having a romantic Paris fling with a supermodel - e.g., Gisele Bundchen.

Life isn't always fair, eh?


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## morph4me (Jul 12, 2007)

While I agree with everthing that has been said so far, I'd just like to point out that just because we all agree with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't insane or naive.:uhyeah:


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## BrandiJo (Jul 12, 2007)

Your friend is really dumb and hes dating an evil person. No girl i know would do that and i certainly never would.


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## Rich Parsons (Jul 12, 2007)

Ping898 said:


> What I don't understand is how does it occur to someone to do something like that in the first place?....I have to admit it would never enter my realm of thought...and personally I hate it when women do garbage like that cause it screws it up for the rest of us who don't play those games and don't want to....
> In the end though, I imagine whatever was driving them apart will pop back up...kind of like how a couple on the verge of divorce, has a kid hoping to save the marriage and it doesn't work...



Ping et al,

The sad thing is I have had this happen to some friends when I was in my twenties and now that I have some other friends who are in their twenties they have had the same discussion or "issue" with their girlfriends. 

One just told him she was Pregnant. (* He is an obsessive worrier and was worried about her *). She could not understand when he asked if she had seen a doctor or if she had taken a test? She replied no. He stated how do you know? She replied that she talked to her Sister and Mother who both had kids. She could not understand his desire or corcern that she was pregnant. He wanted to marry her but she was hesitant.  She wanted him to get upset about the pregnancy and for him to get mad so she could break up with him for being a jerk about the pregnancy scare. He supported her and wanted to get the test and was concerned about her. When he found out that she was not telling the truth to make him react, he decided that is she wanted to break up that bad he would. She could call him the bad guy.


Some women just use sex and or a child or pregnancy as a tool to either get rid of or to keep someone. 

(* Note: Some men are just jerks and that is a totally different thread. I recognize that as well. *) 



So to answer the first post, you are niave if you have never heard of this. But you are not niave to think why the hell is he staying?  ** Of course this is my opinion on the subject. **


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## Drac (Jul 12, 2007)

This goes on *A LOT* more than you know about..I have known men that fallen for that scam got married and are now *MISERABLE..*If she'll lie to you about that, what else will she lie about????


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## Yeti (Jul 12, 2007)

CoryKS said:


> No, you're not insane or naive.  But your friend might be.


Um...ya, that about sums it up.


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## Jade Tigress (Jul 13, 2007)

Flying Crane said:


> No, HE is insane, and SHE is evil.



My thoughts exactly.


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## Jdokan (Jul 13, 2007)

I have a friend who got preganant three times to "save" a relationship.....each ending in divorce.....pretty damn stupid.......
Personally,,,I would walk away...

Another Horror story : My girlfriend worked with a girl that lied about her father's death...the office sent all kinds of flowers...the mother called the office asking why....you can imagine how that played out....nut cases....
You hear it on the news: "they seemed like a very nice person".....


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## Drac (Jul 13, 2007)

Jdokan said:


> Another Horror story : My girlfriend worked with a girl that lied about her father's death...the office sent all kinds of flowers...the mother called the office asking why....you can imagine how that played out....nut cases....
> You hear it on the news: "they seemed like a very nice person".....


 
Someone lied about the death of a parent??? Man that *IS *messed up, or shouyld I say *SHE* is messed up...


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## Tez3 (Jul 13, 2007)

Well not only is she stupid for telling him she was pregnant when not, she is doubly stupid for telling him was a scam! You think having conned him once she'd have kept quiet about it!

And to reiterate not all women do this but enough do that those of us who don't get tarred with the same brush. How do I convince someone I don't play games when he's had other women do it to him? If I protest he says well you would say that! so thanks to all those women out there like your friend's girlfriend who screw it up for the rest of us! (says she bitterly)


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## Jdokan (Jul 13, 2007)

Tez3 said:


> Well not only is she stupid for telling him she was pregnant when not, she is doubly stupid for telling him was a scam! You think having conned him once she'd have kept quiet about it!
> 
> And to reiterate not all women do this but enough do that those of us who don't get tarred with the same brush. How do I convince someone I don't play games when he's had other women do it to him? If I protest he says well you would say that! so thanks to all those women out there like your friend's girlfriend who screw it up for the rest of us! (says she bitterly)


The only way to recognize the rotten apple is to bite into a few...eventually you learn...


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## shesulsa (Jul 13, 2007)

Wow, wow and triple wow.

You need to grab some buddies, haul this guy away for a brewskie (or iced tea or whatever y'all drink) and have a heart-to-heart with this naive friend of yours before he ruins his life ... and potentially that of a yet-to-arrive third party.


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## zDom (Jul 13, 2007)

There was this time many years ago I finally "hooked up" with a girl I had thought was a hottie for a long time.

A week later, she broke out the "I think I'm pregnant" thing on me because, I assume, she wanted me to be her boyfriend.

I recognized it for the ploy it was but went with it &#8212; after all, I DID think she was a hottie and was flattered she resorted to that tactic 

Of course, she was both evil and insane. But it was fun while it lasted. Kind of. Sorta. Ok, the sex was good at that's about it


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## Obliquity (Jul 13, 2007)

Why was he having sex with someone to whom he was not married?


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## BrandiJo (Jul 14, 2007)

Obliquity said:


> Why was he having sex with someone to whom he was not married?




It happens ... it may not be the "best" choice but people are going to be doing it married or not.


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