# Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft



## jeffkyle (Nov 17, 2003)

>Remember the old classic Abbott & Costello repartee Who's on first? An
>updated 21st century version for you!
>
>Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft
>
>The phone rings...
>
>ABBOTT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
>
>COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm
thinking
>of buying a computer.
>
>ABBOTT: Mac?
>
>COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
>
>ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
>COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
>ABBOTT: Mac?
>
>COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
>
>ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
>COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
>
>ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
>COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
>
>ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
>COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
>ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
>
>COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
>proposals,
>track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
>
>ABBOTT: Office.
>
>COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
>ABBOTT: I just did.
>
>COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
>ABBOTT: Recommended something.
>
>COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
>ABBOTT: Yes.
>
>COSTELLO: For my office?
>
>ABBOTT: Yes.
>
>COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
>
>ABBOTT: Office.
>
>COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
>
>ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
>
>COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say
>I'm
>sitting
>at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
>
>ABBOTT: Word.
>
>COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But
>what
>program do I load?
>
>ABBOTT: Word.
>
>COSTELLO: What word?
>
>ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
>
>COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
>ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
>COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
>
>ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
>
>COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
>answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to

>watch a
>movie over the Internet?
>
>ABBOTT: Real One.
>
>COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
your
>business. But what do I need to watch it?
>
>ABBOTT: Real One.
>
>COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three
and
>four. Can I watch reel four?
>
>ABBOTT: Of course.
>
>COSTELLO: Great! With what?
>
>ABBOTT: Real One.
>
>COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
>What do I do?
>
>ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
>
>COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
>
>ABBOTT: The blue 1.
>
>COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
>
>ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word.
>
>COSTELLO: What word?
>
>ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
>COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
>
>ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
>
>COSTELLO: It is?
>
>ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
>pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
>
>COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
>
>ABBOTT: No. Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part

>of
>Office.
>
>COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I
>also
>need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
>help
>me track my money?
>
>ABBOTT: Money.
>
>COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
>ABBOTT: Money.
>
>COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
>ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
>
>COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
>
>ABBOTT: Money.
>
>COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
>
>ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
>
>COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?
How
>much money do I get?
>
>ABBOTT: Just one copy.
>
>COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
>
>ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
>
>COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
>
>ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
>
>COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll
still
>need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
>
>ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
>
>COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
>
>ABBOTT: Money.
>
>COSTELLO: You sell money?
>
>ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
>
>COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do
you
>have any software for, you know, accounting?
>
>ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
>
>COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
>
>ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
>
>COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
>
>ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
>
>COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
>
>ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
>
>COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business.
You
>know--accounting? You do it with money.
>
>ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
>
>COSTELLO: More money?
>
>ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
>
>COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
>moment.
>I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word?  Crash. And if my
>computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
>
>ABBOTT: GoBack.
>
>COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need
something
>to restore my data. What do you recommend?
>
>ABBOTT: GoBack.
>
>COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
>
>ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
>
>COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
>back. What do I need to write a proposal?
>
>ABBOTT: Word.
>
>COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
>
>ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
>
>COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
>
>ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me?


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## Mithios (Nov 17, 2003)

LOL


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## theletch1 (Nov 28, 2003)

I love the old Abbott and Costello stuff.  Very funny without being vulgar.  This updated version is one that really hits home with the kids.  Great job.


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