# Am I Dealing With a Reduced Dating Pool?



## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

Sorry to flood this board with now three posts on affairs of the heart but since coming home from Iraq they've been pushed to the forefront of my mind. 

Perhaps also the fact that I'm entering a new career in the US Army after four years in the US Navy is also causing a bit of consternation for me emotionally (even though it was a desired career change I still have my apprehensions). 

The three main traits I look for in a woman are thus and not in any particular order (all three of them are equally important and must be met):



_Attractiveness: _I don't want to be a jerk but this is an important trait. If I can't look at her it's impossible to date her. Now she doesn't have to be super-hot. Goodness no. I tend to prefer cute; girl next door type of brunettes in the looks department.
_Personality:_Kindness and compassion are huge turn-ons for me. And being a dog person is yet another turn on (as I have a dog myself).
_Intelligence: _I like someone I can have an intelligent conversation on almost anything with.
I'm Filipino by descent (born and raised in the US) and the sort of women I prefer tend to be Caucasians. It doesn't seem that too many of them like Asian men though. 

Some ask why don't I date Filipino women. I hate to be blunt but they remind me too much of my relatives to elicit desire out of me. 

I believe the root of that issue is the one serious fight me and my father have had in an otherwise great father/son relationship. When I was a teenager and in my early 20s (I'm 26 now) Dad tried to insist I date a Filipino woman and I violently refused. It lead to more than a few fierce arguments and thus my longstanding refusal to date 'my own kind' as someone once put it. 

I just wonder if my preference for Caucasian women means I'm contending with an inherently smaller dating pool?


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> _Attractiveness: _I don't want to be a jerk but this is an important trait. If I can't look at her it's impossible to date her.



That's your only problem.  But fortunately, it cures itself.  You get to spend your life alone, or find someone as shallow as yourself and both end up hating each other in a few short years.


----------



## Sukerkin (Aug 30, 2009)

Well, from what you say, it would seem that you are somewhat limiting yourself in terms of the breadth of the general population you are willing to consider.

Of course, all of us do that to some extent or other.  For a long time, I only ever seemed to date tall, well endowed, brunette's with at least one degree to their name.  That's a pretty select group (I would estimate about half a percent of the population (at the time when I was your age )).  

However, after twenty odd years of this, I surprisingly settled down with a short blond (admittedly she has a degree but it's in photography so that doesn't really count ).

My point being that things change with time.  The 'filters' we apply gradually drop away and in the end partnerships are built on what people are like rather than what they look like.  Of course, there is the overwhelming evidence that we marry our mothers to consider as well - my missus is alarmingly similar to my mother in far too many ways .


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

> That's your only problem. But fortunately, it cures itself. You get to spend your life alone, or find someone as shallow as yourself and both end up hating each other in a few short years.



I'm sorry but it's the truth. If she's hideously overweight with bad hygene I can't find that attractive. Are you implying I shouldn't worry about looks at all?


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I'm sorry but it's the truth.



Don't be sorry.  If that's your criteria, that's your criteria.  My statement is that your criteria makes you shallow and dooms you to bad relationships, but you'll find that out on your own, much later.



> If she's hideously overweight with bad hygene I can't find that attractive.



Overweight is not 'hideous', nor is it synonymous with 'bad hygiene', but again, that's part of your internal issues.  You'll have to sort that out for yourself.



> Are you implying I shouldn't worry about looks at all?



I'm not implying, I'm stating it outright, I'm very clear about it.  You'll find I seldom mince words.


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

Notice that I also value personality and intellect too. Not just looks. But all three components are important to me. 

Is it a crime that I don't like overweight or plump women? I'm sorry but I find being overweight or obese not attractive.


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> Is it a crime that I don't like overweight or plump women? I'm sorry but I find being overweight or obese not attractive.



It's not a crime, and you're entitled to your opinion.  I have no problem with that.

I am merely making a couple statements.  

The first is that your criteria makes you a shallow person.

The second is that although you are perfectly entitled to order your life as you see fit, in my experience, you're doomed to unhappiness because of your criteria.  My opinion only.

I hope that if you do find someone who meets your standards appearance-wise, you meet hers as well.  And if you should grow a paunch or start to lose your hair, I hope she doesn't dump you for being ugly.  I mean, she does have that right, yes?


----------



## David43515 (Aug 30, 2009)

IT`s no crime to not be attracted to one type or another. But you do limit yourself by saying that you`ll only date caucasians because as you yourslf said, the number of them that date asian men is only a small part of the whole.

I dated latin girls, caucasians, asians, arabs, blacks (my mother nearly died, so did hers, which was interesting to hear about.) and everyone else if I liked the girl`s looks and personality. However I was up front about the fact I wouldn`t marry outside my religion. I always liked tall girls with long legs and nice wracks.....and wound up falling very deeply in love with a amazing girl who is short and flat chested even by Japanese standards. We`ve been married for 4 1/2years now.

All I think any of us are saying is that it wouldn`t hurt to keep your options open. You never know when you`ll meet the girl who`s the exception to the rule, the one who`s not your type but you can`t stop thinking about her. Whether she`s Fillapina, Japanese, a Swedish blonde, or a whoever....you`ll find your tastes change the more girls you date. If you just try to relax and get to know the women around you you`ll be suprised at how cool they can be. And when you least expect it, one of them may realise what a great guy you are and snap you up. (Little know fact: you chase women until _they_ catch _you_.)


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

David. Thanks. But for me Filipino women remind me too much of my relatives to be desireable mates. Sorry. It'd be like asking an aunt out for date which I couldn't do.

I don't know; I have my preferences and type. I know what attracts me and what doesn't attract me. Why do some see me as wrong for having preferences?


----------



## Tames D (Aug 30, 2009)

My prediction is, that when all is said and done, you will fall in love and marry a slightly overweight Filipino woman, who really doesn't like dogs too much. Just the way things seem to work out.


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 30, 2009)

I refuse to even consider it. First off Filipino women are not my type _at all. _I've said it time and again they remind me too much of my relatives to elicit desireability in me. Second off I am repulsed by obesity.


----------



## David43515 (Aug 30, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> David. Thanks. But for me Filipino women remind me too much of my relatives to be desireable mates. Sorry. It'd be like asking an aunt out for date which I couldn't do.
> 
> I don't know; I have my preferences and type. I know what attracts me and what doesn't attract me. Why do some see me as wrong for having preferences?


 
I think you`re reading too much into it. EVERYBODY has preferences. You`re attracted to who you`re attracted to. I think what people are saying is don`t let just one of your three criteria override the other two, at least not to extremes. We`re afraid that you`re missing out on somebody wonderful because you`re not giving them a chance.

But I can see your point, one of the things I love about my wife is that she`s physically nothing like my mom. (But now that I read what Sukerkin wrote, I recognize so many similar personality traits it`s scary. They get along great without even sharing a common language besides _estrogenese.)_

Besides, like I said before. The right girl has a way of showing up when you`re NOT looking for her. relax and let things take thier course. Get out, be social, but be relaxed, and someone you meet as a friend will end up being the love of your life. never fails


----------



## jks9199 (Aug 30, 2009)

Here's the thing.

I'm almost willing to defend you on the "she must be attractive" thing...  with a qualifier that you don't seem to be adding.  The women you date must be attractive TO YOU.  

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
     And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
     As any she belied with false compare.

-William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130.

Where you lose it is when you say all but say "they must be Caucasian."  And, on top of that, they must fit a relatively narrow "girl next door" vibe.

I'm beginning to feel like a freakin' broken record.  Look for a person you can be friends with...  Stop worrying about types, or "finding someone."  Just be yourself, do things you enjoy in situations that involve other people... and be open to what might come.


----------



## Sukerkin (Aug 31, 2009)

One factor that hasn't been touched on yet is age.  I'm inferring you're in your early-to-mid-twenties from what you've said in  your posts?  Forgive me if I'm way off on that.

Trust us old coots when we say that what you think and feel on these matters will change as you get older.  I swear this to be true; nearly all of us having very much been a slave to our hormones in our younger days and only being interested in 'beautiful' girls.

The 'physical attractiveness' side of things will reduce in importance and the 'personality' trait will become parmount.  That is because when you're going to try to spend your life with someone, as oppossed to shorter term relationships, how they look is a very small part of the equation.  What they are like as a person is the deal maker.  

'Intelligence' is a harder one to call.  I can say that a relationship can survive a big disparity in IQ and education because that is the case in mine.  It doesn't matter to me a jot that my missus cannot cogently argue on matters of history, economics, art, matematics et al.  But for some other people there is a need for intellectual parity for the sake of stimulating conversation in the home.


----------



## zDom (Aug 31, 2009)

Why is that those of us (I'm in the same boat, Lone) that don't find obesity attractive are branded as shallow?


A preference for a well-toned body in a mate and a depth of character are not mutually exclusive and I resent those who claim they are.

But to answer your original post, Lone: the most specific you are about what you will accept as a potential mate, the smaller the dating pool.

And you are being fairly specific ...


----------



## Blindside (Aug 31, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I just wonder if my preference for Caucasian women means I'm contending with an inherently smaller dating pool?



I suspect the non-PC answer is Yes, you are dealing with a smaller dating pool.  Unless things have dramatically changed from 15 years ago, the huge majority of mixed asian/caucasian couples are a white male and an asian female, with the percentage being something like 10:1 or so compared to the reverse.  (Thats based off of about 8 years of schooling at the University of Washington that runs about a 25 % asian population on campus.)  That said, there are plenty of caucasian women out there who get the yellow fever.


----------



## Ken Morgan (Aug 31, 2009)

Sukerkin said:


> One factor that hasn't been touched on yet is age. I'm inferring you're in your early-to-mid-twenties from what you've said in your posts? Forgive me if I'm way off on that.
> 
> Trust us old coots when we say that what you think and feel on these matters will change as you get older. I swear this to be true; nearly all of us having very much been a slave to our hormones in our younger days and only being interested in 'beautiful' girls.
> 
> ...


 

Oh and dont forget poor eye sight, when we or they cant really see what the other one looks like, the size of the acceptable ones goes way up!!


----------



## Phoenix44 (Aug 31, 2009)

I think you should focus less on what you're "attracted to," and more on putting yourself in situations where you're likely to meet someone in whom you may be interested.

For example: If you join a gym, pool, or running club, you're likely to meet women with an athletic build.  If you take a course in low fat cooking, you'll probably run into women who are conscious of nutrition.  If you move to Utah, you'll probably meet a lot of Caucasian women...OK, just kidding there, but you get my point.


----------



## Omar B (Aug 31, 2009)

You know what you like, that's great.  After all, achieving a goal starts with identifying it, I don't think what you said is shallow or any of that crap, you like your women a certain way.  Now it's to figure out how to go about it.  Phoenix suggested some good places, start there.


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 31, 2009)

zDom said:


> Why is that those of us (I'm in the same boat, Lone) that don't find obesity attractive are branded as shallow?



Why is the shallow end of the pool labeled 'shallow'?  Because it's not the deep end.  So let's say that the term 'shallow' is a descriptor, it does not have to have a rude or insulting meaning.  It just is what it is.

Now, as to why a person is shallow if they place physical attractiveness higher on the list of 'must haves' in a mate than personality, intelligence, or other properties such as a similar sense of humor, political or religious values, etc; it is because of all of these, physical appearance is absolutely going to change in time.  It is transitory, even for those who 'age well' and are 'well-preserved'.  Eventually, it is gone.

If I am buying a tomato, I am very interested in what it tastes like today, but not so much in what it tastes like a year from now.  Appearance makes a big difference, and it makes sense to use it to make a judgment.  If I am buying a car, a shiny paint job might be nice, but it has nothing to do with how well the car runs.  It's a poor indicator of how good the car is.  Relationships are (supposedly) for the long-term.  Appearance is a poor indicator of how well people are suited for each other.

Does that make sense?



> A preference for a well-toned body in a mate and a depth of character are not mutually exclusive and I resent those who claim they are.



I have never claimed that they were mutually exclusive.  There are many people with deep and wonderful character who are also quite attractive, no doubt about it.

What I said was that placing physical attractiveness as the first criteria on a list of attributes one seeks in a mate is shallow.  If that offends you, then it offends you; I won't retract it.

 I've never heard of two people who dislike each other staying together because they each think the other is hot.  Have you?

And let's revisit a point I made earlier.  If you marry because you find a person attractive, is it OK to divorce if they stop being attractive?  What if they find you no longer attractive, should they kick you to the curb?  Let's say you grow a paunch in your middle age, or start to lose your hair, or get in an accident (God forbid) and are not as 'attractive' as you once were?  OK for your mate to toss your stuff out in the street because you're ugly now?

Imagine someday being asked by your kids _"Daddy, why did you and mommy get divorced?"_ And you reply, _"Well, you see, son, mommy was no longer a MILF, so I had to toss her out.  Sorry you grew up without a mommy in your life, but if she ain't hot, I'm not going to have her in my house."_

I reiterate - physical beauty is a poor basis for forming a relationship, and people who do so are not only shallow, they're doomed to have very poor relationships, IMHO.


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 31, 2009)

Recall that my list was not in any particular order. I stated very explicitly that the three traits I look for in a woman: Attractiveness; Personality; and Intellect are all placed on the SAME LEVEL OF IMPORTANCE in my original post.


----------



## Omar B (Aug 31, 2009)

I get ya man.  After all, nobody ever looked at a chick across the room and said "check out the personality on that one."  Physical beauty (however you may interpret it) is important, we don't hit on those we find undesirable, we hit on what we find attractive and see if they fit in the rest of the criteria (intelligence, humor, atheism).


----------



## thecrow (Aug 31, 2009)

i once thought as you do, and you no what i was alone, that is what that kind of thinking produces, i can see the ethnic part of it as there are some women i am just not attracted too, i can't help it, it's not the looks i'm not sure what it is but i know how i feel, when i stopped going by looks, i found my finance, and i am attracted to her a great deal, in the past i mite not have given her a chance, but i was a ******* in the past,(mainly cause i got my heart broken, but i was) get to know women be friends with them and stop worrying about looks, i bet one of your friends becomes your wife and you will be attracted to her because you love her, that is the funny thing about love. goodluck


----------



## thecrow (Aug 31, 2009)

oh and lay off the ugly women and over weight women this and that, please, it's starting to piss me off and some women could be reading and get there feelings hurt, besides who"s says your a 10, here is food for thought, maybe some women see you as you see overweight women, or what you would call ugly women. just a thought


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 31, 2009)

I never said I was a '10'. I just don't find plus sizes attractive. Am I wrong because of that? Now I can speak to one and be friendly with one but I'm not about to ask for her number or what she's up to Saturday night.


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 31, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I never said I was a '10'.



Imagine finding the woman of your dreams, and she finds you perfect - except you're not attractive enough to her.  What a shame, eh?



> I just don't find plus sizes attractive. Am I wrong because of that? Now I can speak to one and be friendly with one but I'm not about to ask for her number or what she's up to Saturday night.



Interesting.  No one has said you're _'wrong'_ for believing what you believe.  The most I've said is that you're unlikely to find long-term happiness due to it.

No one has called you a loser, a low-life, scum of the earth, or a bad person.  But *you* keep bringing it up - why?

I suspect maybe *you* think you're wrong because of that.  Just food for thought.

If you actually think your values are the ones you ought to have, then good for you.  But I suspect in that case you've answered your own question - yes, you're dealing with a reduced dating pool, of your own making, and there you go.


----------



## LoneRider (Aug 31, 2009)

I simply said wrong for lack of better term. It seems I get criticized because of what I prefer in a woman.


----------



## Clint Franklin (Aug 31, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> It seems I get criticized because of what I prefer in a woman.



I think the point everyone is trying to get across is that you are placing an artificial wall between yourself and what you are after. I know that the criteria with which you judge a woman are firm for you, but you might consider what is most important to you, rather than everything that is important to you.

Try this exercise:

Make a list of everything you want in a partner. Get specific, including (for attractiveness) facial looks, body shape, hair color, breast size, that sort of thing. Then add in the personality traits (e.g. religious/political opinions, determination) and intellectual traits (wit, wisdom, potential) you look for. Put them into one big list. Then, start ordering them from #1 (most important) to #20 (least important). If your list is bigger than that, then discard any other options at your leisure.

Take your list, commit it to memory, and look for people who fit those criteria. After a certain time, if you still haven't found someone, take the least important item in your list off. Keep whittling through the list until you start finding dates more often.

This way, I think you'll learn more about yourself. You might eventually find that those things that you took off your list that you held so important are more trivial than you would have liked to believe. And - who knows - you might end up finding someone you wouldn't have considered dating before, and realize that she's perfect for you.


----------



## Xue Sheng (Aug 31, 2009)

I found a woman (Caucasian) and settled for what I thought was best...... 8 years of unhappiness later we divorced.

I then decided I would look for the woman of my dreams.... and guess what... I found her (Caucasian)....5 years of hell later I decided it wasn't worth it.

3 years later the right one walked in when I wasn&#8217;t looking..... and she is to me rather beautiful and petite&#8230;.. and not Caucasian... 5 years and counting and still happy.

None of this matters by the way because what is right for me is not necessarily right for someone else and what you think is beautiful another person may not. It is a matter of personal preference

Patience young Skywalker, it will all workout just fine


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Aug 31, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> I simply said wrong for lack of better term. It seems I get criticized because of what I prefer in a woman.



Simple exercise.  Imagine you're blind.  Now tell me how much it matters what a woman looks like that you cannot see.  That's how important looks are.  You close your eyes, you cannot tell what anyone looks like.

And I'm not criticizing you.  I'm suggesting that you are correct when you way you are dealing with a reduced dating pool, and you created that pool, so don't be surprised.


----------



## thecrow (Aug 31, 2009)

alright, now you are coming a cross as a guy looking for sex first thing my wife said, and that is what women see, so what are you looking for a woman or sex? you can be honest with us because i think there are all guys in this thread and if not you have probably blown it with any woman who reads this thread.
so what is it, sex or relationship?


----------



## Ken Morgan (Aug 31, 2009)

There has to be a physical attractiveness between *two* people for a lover relationship to start. You can be friends only and then months or years later you realize that you find the person attractive to you. Then the lover relationship can kick in.

Look for what you want to look for. Youre unique, just like everyone else, you have your own standards, your own likes and dislikes. Its your life, do what you have to, to bring happiness into your life.

As for sex? Dont kid yourself, women want to date and have sex in a worse way then any guy.


----------



## Omar B (Aug 31, 2009)

You gotta find yourself a nice French girl.


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 1, 2009)

When I met my wife, it was love at first sight for both of us. And I think she is very beautiful. Should I have felt wrong about that? Should I have felt guilt that I fell in love with a woman I think is beautiful?

Now, I agree that one shouldn't discard a partner because he/she is not a fashion model or cheerleader. Otoh if there are traits that you really cannot live with, that doesn't make you necessarily shallow. For example, dating a chain smoker would put me off. Or an alcoholic.

However, it is true that the most important thing to be able to live together is if you are on the same page on the things that matter. Before I started living together with my then-girlfriend-now-wife, I made sure we were on the same page about having kids, how to raise them, and about what we expect from life and how we deal with finances etc.

A disagreement about the color of the curtains is not a dealbreaker, but kids or no kids is as fundamental as it gets, and if you're not on the same page, one of you is going to be miserable in the long run.

Being able to depend on one another and knowing that you can trust the other person to take care of things and that you are both working towards the same goal... That is what makes relationships last.


----------



## Cryozombie (Sep 1, 2009)

I used to think there was some magic secret to meeting women, and I just didnt "get it". I felt like there was no one, no place, no how...

My roommate on the other hand considered himself king pimp, who knew all these dating secrets and was trying to get me to learn them, and follow his program, and get me to hang with his "wingmen" and I kept refusing, thinking it was all very silly...

And then somthing bizzare happened, and I realized the "secret" wasn't really... and we go out and girls talk to me, and I talk to them, and open dialog, and he gets ignored... to the point where I make it my goal to bring girls over so he can meet them, and he won't because they seem more interested in me... and I gotta tell ya... He's thin, with a better fashion sense than me, and he definatley makes more money... Im always broke, a little on the heavy end, and its unusual for me to wear anything but black jeans and a black t shirt... 

And, while I can't explain what I do exactly, I'll tell you, it's NOT about going and approching and hitting on women, as much as it is about being relaxed, confident, easygoing, and looking like I am having fun... people will come talk to me when I do that. There's more too, of course, but if you can get that part working for you you get 75% of the battle done.

Granted, I met the girl Im seeing now Online, but that was because she approched me, (My profile is extermely tounge-in-cheek and it works for some reason) I tried to set her up with my friends, and we wound up hitting it off instead...


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 1, 2009)

Cryozombie said:


> I used to think there was some magic secret to meeting women, and I just didnt "get it". I felt like there was no one, no place, no how...
> 
> And then somthing bizzare happened, and I realized the "secret" wasn't really... and we go out and girls talk to me, and I talk to them, and open dialog,



That's it. I was unlucky for a long time, until I finally figured out -myself-.
That part was hard. Once I was there, however, I realized that there are no big secrets. Sure, there are some things that help make a date go right, but that is icing on the cake. Figuring out it was me who was holding me back (and how / why) was the major part.

I can really remember the moment I figured it out. It was kinda like one of those 3D images that you can look at for a long time without seeing anything. And then suddenly, something clicks and you are looking at the statue of liberty.

Once I understood myself, my life sorted itself out.


----------



## Sukerkin (Sep 1, 2009)

I am happy to hear that other men had the same experience that I did i.e. that I finally 'clicked' with the right woman for me when I wasn't looking! Indeed, she asked me (via a friend as is often the way) if I wanted to take our relationship a step along the road from the friendship it had been for a decade.

Being yourself is the key, rather than being a glammed up version of yourself on the 'hunt'. Indeed, I have often said of myself that I have never chatted a woman up in my life - I talked to them, yes, because I was sitting next to them, or danced with them or whatever but never with the intent of getting them to sleep with me. The result of that attitude is that I only recall asking a lass out once in my life (and she said no :lol: ) but got invited quite a bit.

I think women can sense that air of a man 'on the pull' and many of them do not care for it. Similarly, I think they can tell if they are being sized up against a 'check list' (any of our lady members care to confirm or deny this?).

Anyhow, wandering off beam here, my apologies (it's my dinner hour so I'm typing and thinking fast ).


----------



## MrGalt (Sep 1, 2009)

Everybody's working with a reduced dating pool.  The first thing you did was cut the human population in half by being heterosexual.  There's your largest reduction out of the way, and you didn't even choose it for yourself.  Next, you want a white woman, which is another large chunk of the population gone.  You want her to be "fit" by YOUR definition of fit, which includes a low body fat percentage.  My definition of "fit" is "able to hike up Mount Fuji with me without passing out because she starves herself half to death," but that's me.  Whatever.  You want a woman to be kind and compassionate, which is very stereotypical, possibly not entirely true, and something you're going to get a reasonable facsimile of from almost any woman.  You want intelligence though, and that's another thing you'll have to define for yourself and whether you're looking for HIGH intelligence or just OPTIMUM intelligence for you, which if you're like most men would be close to, but slightly below your own.  You also want a certain level of beauty.  You say you don't want a supermodel, you want a girl-next-door type, but I suspect that what you're really doing is just saying that the supermodel type isn't what floats your boat.  If it were up to you, girl-next-door types would be the supermodels.  That's a pretty small set you're left with.

Now, here are the criteria that also exist that you didn't articulate:
The woman must be within a certain age range.  If she's 15 nobody's going to be okay with that, and if she's 50 I'm betting you're not going to be okay with it.  I'm guessing you're looking for a woman in the 19-30 year old age range if I remember your age correctly from the OP.  She has to be into Filipino guys, or oblivious to race entirely.  You're more likely to find the latter than the former, but it's not that far-fetched.  She also has to be pretty physically close to you.  Your ideal woman might live in North Dakota while you live in Washington and she might as well not exist at all.

With all these criteria in place, especially if you're not going to be in a HUGE urban area or a setting (like the military, luckily) which bottlenecks people into your criteria (fitness and age standards), you're going to be pretty lucky to find such a woman at all.

That's my discouragement for you.  My encouragement goes like this:  Try Anyway.  You don't owe it to anybody to settle or accept unhappiness or dissatisfaction with your life just because your standards are exacting.  I hope everybody on this thread is wrong and you're back next week with scans of your wedding invitations.   Good luck.


----------



## LoneRider (Sep 1, 2009)

> alright, now you are coming a cross as a guy looking for sex first thing my wife said, and that is what women see, so what are you looking for a woman or sex? you can be honest with us because i think there are all guys in this thread and if not you have probably blown it with any woman who reads this thread.
> so what is it, sex or relationship?


I would say relationship. I can't go for one night stands when it comes to sex. I just can't. Or even having a casual hook up buddy or something. No way. 

I agree with Ken Morgan: it starts with physical attraction first and it progresses from there. I just happen to be into Caucasian brunettes that are both kind and intelligent. Am I bad because of that? Just because I find fat unattractive or unappealing? 

And if I'm already seriously involved with someone looks will start to matter less because I'll find something else that keeps me around because I know looks aren't permanent. 



> The woman must be within a certain age range. If she's 15 nobody's going to be okay with that, and if she's 50 I'm betting you're not going to be okay with it. I'm guessing you're looking for a woman in the 19-30 year old age range if I remember your age correctly from the OP. She has to be into Filipino guys, or oblivious to race entirely. You're more likely to find the latter than the former, but it's not that far-fetched. She also has to be pretty physically close to you. Your ideal woman might live in North Dakota while you live in Washington and she might as well not exist at all.


Actually in the age range I'd say between 23-30 but close enough. 

I'm going to try. It gets discouraging at times but I don't wanna settle for some fat chick because she's the only date I can find. Call me shallow but I won't recant the fact that I find overweight females to be unattractive.

The blindness exercise only works so far. I can hear if her voice is part of the ethnicity I refuse to date, I can feel the fat on her body if I touch her in any way and discover if she is overweight. 

She can have all the personality and intellect in the world but if she's overweight I won't approach her. Simple as that. And yes I know I am dealing with a reduced pool of dates here but I will stick to my guns.


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Sep 1, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> And yes I know I am dealing with a reduced pool of dates here but I will stick to my guns.



Then I fail to understand what your complaint is.  You know what your choices result in, and you're right.  You're willing to accept that.  So why are you posting?


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 1, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> The blindness exercise only works so far. I can hear if her voice is part of the ethnicity I refuse to date, I can feel the fat on her body if I touch her in any way and discover if she is overweight.



Look I can sort of understand the fact that you want an attractive partner. I simply chose the one that I fell truly and deeply in love with, and I happened to find her good looking. I did not start to look for goodlooking women and then chose someone. Let your heart do the selection process.

Anyway, what I don't get: why does the ethnicity thing bother you?
If you were blind and you couldn't even see your wife, what would the color of her skin matter? It can't be the looks, since you're not seeing them.
Skin color imo is the one trait that is completely irrelevant if you are blind.

Actually, I think it is irrelevant even with eyesight.


----------



## LoneRider (Sep 1, 2009)

Why does ethnicity matter? Well first I'm not a fan of Filipino women. They remind me too much of my relatives to be desireable (this was actually the only serious fight me and my father have had in my 26 years of living is my refusal to date Filipino women.) He used to press me to date 'a good Filipina' when I was a teenager and I couldn't stand it. To date a Filipina woman now would be yielding my will to his!


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 1, 2009)

LoneRider said:


> To date a Filipina woman now would be yielding my will to his!



Personally I think pride and spite are wrong motivators to base life's decisions on. If you are looking for a partner with your mind and based on criteria, then be prepared never to find love. Love is a matter of the heart, not of the mind or the ego.


----------



## celtic_crippler (Sep 1, 2009)

Women are great...all of 'em!!


----------



## blindsage (Sep 1, 2009)

Are you looking for love and a long term relationship or are you looking for a movie cliche?

There's nothing wrong with being with a woman you find particularly attractive, what more experienced people are telling you is to stop worrying about it. If you only talk to women that are particularly attractive to you physically at first then you _are_ putting a priority on physical attractiveness, that's just a fact. You seem to be ok with this, and that's great, but if you are looking for a long term, healthy, sustainable relationship that's the ***-backwards way to find it. If you want that kind of relationship then the priority _has_ to be on finding someone who has the relationship skills to pull it off and a personality that works with yours, anything else is the really hard route. _This_ is what the more experienced people are trying to relay to you. This doesn't mean you can't, or won't, or shouldn't be with a woman you are physically attracted to, it means you need to shift your focus and priority.

As for you and the white woman/filipino women/your dad issue, you seriously just need to get over it. It's not 'yielding' your will to his if you do it because you want to. If my friend offers me a Coke and I say I don't want one and he insists over and over again I keep saying I'm not in the mood, but 3 hours later I really feel like a Coke, am I a dumbass for drinking one because I might appear to be 'yielding my will to his', or am I a dumbass for not drinking one when I really want to? And the whole reminding you of family is ridiculous, I've know a lot of filipina's over the years and I find it stupid and offensive that you would imply that they're basically all the same. Maybe I shouldn't have married my wife because she's white and I'm white and well darn it she's just like all the other white women in the world and I don't want a white women because that's like marrying family. Patently ridiculous.


----------



## Jenny_in_Chico (Sep 1, 2009)

It looks as if I'm the first woman to post a reply in here. Very exciting.

First of all, I can't fault the OP for not finding overweight women attractive. In my younger years I spent a lot of unhappy moments wondering why men were so shallow. Then I realized that attraction cannot be forced, and that everyone has a particular suite of characteristics that they use for mate choice. Those characteristics can be based on looks, personality, or a combination of both. Once I admitted to myself that I found only certain types of men attractive, I could no longer judge men for not finding ME attractive. I am attracted to assertive, confident, alpha-male types, and I made the mistake of marrying a submissive male because I thought he was a good man who would never leave me. I tried to force attraction that wasn't there, and it was a miserable failure. 

So the OP doesn't like fat chicks...BFD. Doesn't make him shallow, it just makes him like ALMOST EVERY OTHER MAN. He doesn't want to date Filipinas because they elicit his incest reaction...I really can't fault him there. There exists a huge scientific literature on human mate choice, and it is pretty clear that men and women want to mate with people that are similar, but not identical, to their relatives. In the OP's case, his mental pool of "relatives" seems to include all Filipinas...they all trigger that "keep away" reaction. Doesn't mean he's racist, doesn't mean he secretly hates himself or his family.

To the OP: I think the most useful advice has been offered already...keep an open mind, be confident, and eventually a woman will spark your interest. To your surprise, that woman may be plumper than you envisioned, or have blonde or red hair, but she may possess a personality trait that over-rides your other preferences. Some preferences can't be over-ridden (such as my preference for alpha males), but others can (I prefer bald/shaved heads, but will date a man with hair). Whether the issue is mate choice or some other, it is the wise person who knows what is negotiable and what isn't.

Jenny


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 1, 2009)

Jenny_in_Chico said:


> To the OP: I think the most useful advice has been offered already...keep an open mind, be confident, and eventually a woman will spark your interest. To your surprise, that woman may be plumper than you envisioned, or have blonde or red hair, but she may possess a personality trait that over-rides your other preferences.



So true. I am a sucker for natural redheads with green eyes, freckles, and sporty. Yet I fell like a brick for my wife, who is dark eyed with black hair.



Jenny_in_Chico said:


> Some preferences can't be over-ridden (such as my preference for alpha males), but others can (I prefer bald/shaved heads, but will date a man with hair). Whether the issue is mate choice or some other, it is the wise person who knows what is negotiable and what isn't.
> Jenny



Aye. Once you have found someone who you think you love, that is when you determine if there are irreconcilable differences or not.


----------



## LoneRider (Sep 1, 2009)

> So the OP doesn't like fat chicks...BFD. Doesn't make him shallow, it just makes him like ALMOST EVERY OTHER MAN. He doesn't want to date Filipinas because they elicit his incest reaction...I really can't fault him there. There exists a huge scientific literature on human mate choice, and it is pretty clear that men and women want to mate with people that are similar, but not identical, to their relatives. In the OP's case, his mental pool of "relatives" seems to include all Filipinas...they all trigger that "keep away" reaction. Doesn't mean he's racist, doesn't mean he secretly hates himself or his family.



Thanks for that Jenny. I'm glad someone sees nothing wrong with the fact that I don't like Filipinas as potential dates or girlfriends.



> To your surprise, that woman may be plumper than you envisioned, or have blonde or red hair, but she may possess a personality trait that over-rides your other preferences.



Personality traits can work to overcome almost any other physical trait but plumpness is a HUGE turnoff. I have tried to compromise on this but I do not find fat to be attractive. A woman can have all the personality in the world and be very smart but if she's fat I shall not approach her.


----------



## Sukerkin (Sep 1, 2009)

That aversion too may change, my friend. 

Again I speak from experience - my missus is fat and has been for as long as I've known her (which is knocking on for 15 years). 

For pretty much all that time I have thought she was one of the best natured women I'd ever met, regardless of her 'size'. But she was involved with a friend of mine, so I didn't really have to address her weight as a relationship factor - I do recall mind you having a conversation with another friend on whether it mattered or not (I said "no", he said "yes"). When the chap she was with dumped her (ironically enough , for a small Asian lass) I thought he was daft - but his loss was my gain (after a couple of years) .

Nothing is ever fixed in this game. The parameters always change.  So I went from relationships with tall, busty, trim, brunettes to a short, plump, blond.  I didn't 'settle' for her, I *chose* her.  Life is full of surprises .

In the end, we can advise and espouse our experiences but none of us are you.  Only you can pick your path.  May it lead where you wish and not leave too many cracks in your heart along the way.


----------



## Tez3 (Sep 1, 2009)

thecrow said:


> alright, now you are coming a cross as a guy looking for sex first thing my wife said, and that is what women see, so what are you looking for a woman or sex? you can be honest with us because i think there are all guys in this thread and if not you have probably blown it with any woman who reads this thread.
> so what is it, sex or relationship?


 
Crow, you are priceless!

and for the record I'm female lol (sorry you weren't the first Jenny)


----------



## zDom (Sep 1, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Why is the shallow end of the pool labeled 'shallow'?  Because it's not the deep end.  So let's say that the term 'shallow' is a descriptor, it does not have to have a rude or insulting meaning.  It just is what it is.
> 
> Now, as to why a person is shallow if they place physical attractiveness higher on the list of 'must haves' in a mate than personality, intelligence, or other properties such as a similar sense of humor, political or religious values, etc; it is because of all of these, physical appearance is absolutely going to change in time.  It is transitory, even for those who 'age well' and are 'well-preserved'.  Eventually, it is gone.
> 
> ...



I suggest you take a reading comprehension course so you can respond to what is written, not what you THINK was written.

Slow down and take a deep breath before making another attempt: obviously this is an emotionally charged subject for you, Bill.

Shallow is clearly pejorative when used in this context. I find your patronizing definition and "explanation" considerably more insulting than being called "shallow," however 





Bill Mattocks said:


> I have never claimed that they were mutually exclusive.  There are many people with deep and wonderful character who are also quite attractive, no doubt about it.
> 
> What I said was that placing physical attractiveness as the first criteria on a list of attributes one seeks in a mate is shallow.  If that offends you, then it offends you; I won't retract it.




First of all, I was addressing the OP, although I can see how you responded as you are clearly one of those feel justified in declaring someone shallow based solely on an aversion to obesity.

What I said, exactly, was (bolds added to assist you)

"*A preference for* a well-toned body in a mate and a depth of character are not mutually exclusive and I resent those who claim they are."

There are plenty of people who like hot bodies who also, believe it or not, and LIKE it or not, have considerable depth of character. I fancy myself to be among them.



Bill Mattocks said:


> I've never heard of two people who dislike each other staying together because they each think the other is hot.  Have you?



Er ... yes, actually I HAVE. But I would agree that it isn't healthy 




Bill Mattocks said:


> And let's revisit a point I made earlier.  If you marry because you find a person attractive, is it OK to divorce if they stop being attractive?  What if they find you no longer attractive, should they kick you to the curb?  Let's say you grow a paunch in your middle age, or start to lose your hair, or get in an accident (God forbid) and are not as 'attractive' as you once were?  OK for your mate to toss your stuff out in the street because you're ugly now?
> 
> Imagine someday being asked by your kids _"Daddy, why did you and mommy get divorced?"_ And you reply, _"Well, you see, son, mommy was no longer a MILF, so I had to toss her out.  Sorry you grew up without a mommy in your life, but if she ain't hot, I'm not going to have her in my house."_
> 
> I reiterate - physical beauty is a poor basis for forming a relationship, and people who do so are not only shallow, they're doomed to have very poor relationships, IMHO.




Just because something is on the list, doesn't mean it necessarily is higher on the list  as the OP has clarified.

But if someone is hardwired to find obesity unattractive, that has nothing to do with the content of their character any more than a preference for blue eyes or dark skin. And those who maintain it does: are shallow 

I won't go point by point through the rest of your rant, but in closing: beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. If someone is attractive to me now, they will continue to be even as we age. Wrinkles don't change that.

And you keep interchanging beauty and weight as if they are one and the same to those who prefer people who are not obese. I have seen beautiful women that I believe would be even more attractive if they would get in shape and women who are in great shape who are still not attractive to me,


----------



## Cryozombie (Sep 1, 2009)

Tez3 said:


> Crow, you are priceless!
> 
> and for the record I'm female lol



Yeah, but we dont think of you that way Tez.

Hehe.


----------



## Bill Mattocks (Sep 1, 2009)

zDom said:


> I suggest you take a reading comprehension course so you can respond to what is written, not what you THINK was written.



Thanks, have done.  Probably a lot more than most.



> Slow down and take a deep breath before making another attempt: obviously this is an emotionally charged subject for you, Bill.



Not really.  The OP asked questions, which he has mainly answered himself.  I stated that the reason he was facing a reduced dating pool was due to his own choices, which he has agreed with and now states as his own original ideas.  Now he whines that everyone thinks he's a bad person, when no one has called him that.  I stated his choices make him shallow, and they do.



> Shallow is clearly pejorative when used in this context. I find your patronizing definition and "explanation" considerably more insulting than being called "shallow," however



And I need reading comprehension courses?



> First of all, I was addressing the OP, although I can see how you responded as you are clearly one of those feel justified in declaring someone shallow based solely on an aversion to obesity.



Oh, I do feel so justified.  If someone has an aversion to obesity, that is a personal choice, and entirely their own to make.  It doesn't make them a bad person, but it does make them shallow.



> What I said, exactly, was (bolds added to assist you)
> 
> "*A preference for* a well-toned body in a mate and a depth of character are not mutually exclusive and I resent those who claim they are."



And as I stated, I never said that they did.  Again, reading skills come into play here.  I've never said any such thing, nor has anyone in this thread.  What I have said is now well-documented.  You can twist my words as you wish, but it doesn't change what I've said.



> There are plenty of people who like hot bodies who also, believe it or not, and LIKE it or not, have considerable depth of character. I fancy myself to be among them.



You twist words again. There is a distinct difference between liking a 'hot body' and making that property a top criteria for dating.  You fancy incorrectly.



> Er ... yes, actually I HAVE. But I would agree that it isn't healthy



Good to see that we can agree on something.



> Just because something is on the list, doesn't mean it necessarily is higher on the list  as the OP has clarified.



He has stated he will not date an obese person or one he feels is unattractive.  That's a clear and unambiguous statement.  I said it makes him shallow. It does.  End of story.



> But if someone is hardwired to find obesity unattractive, that has nothing to do with the content of their character any more than a preference for blue eyes or dark skin. And those who maintain it does: are shallow



You can redefine terms as you wish, but you'd be incorrect.  Shallow is another term for superficial.  People who are superficial are attracted to properties that have nothing to do with character, personality, intelligence, wit, or a variety of other attributes people possess that makes them a good (or bad) match for others.

And no one is 'hardwired' to prefer any given size.  It is learned behavior, and purely cultural.  At various times in our own history, voluptuous women and men of girth have been considered attractive and even desirous.  That they are not now is simply due to the current zeitgeist. 

I will posit that if we lived in times when women of size were considered 'hot', choosing to date only heavy women (for their hotness) would be as shallow as rejecting them is now.



> I won't go point by point through the rest of your rant, but in closing: beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. If someone is attractive to me now, they will continue to be even as we age. Wrinkles don't change that.



I have no way of knowing what you or anyone else will consider attractive in the future.  I do believe that as people age, they knock off the cheap crap and some begin to use their brains where their testicles used to roam freely.



> And you keep interchanging beauty and weight as if they are one and the same to those who prefer people who are not obese. I have seen beautiful women that I believe would be even more attractive if they would get in shape and women who are in great shape who are still not attractive to me,



I have answered both statements by the OP with regard to size and attractiveness.  I have not stated that they are one and the same.  Again with the word-twisting.

In any case, I'm not ranting.  I have a great capacity to rant if the cause be just, but this isn't.  I'm mildly amused.


----------



## Sukerkin (Sep 1, 2009)

An important point in the above is that societal norms for what is 'attractive' (TM) change greatly over time. Thus, we are all judging something from a scale that moves almost as we speak .

Media has a lot to answer for in terms of what is judged attractive or desireable - usually driving things in the way of skinny-clothes-rail in the past couple of decades.  Not a great shape for a woman in my opinion but who am I to say?


----------



## Ken Morgan (Sep 1, 2009)

Cryozombie said:


> Yeah, but we dont think of you that way Tez.
> 
> Hehe.


 
I thought TEZ was a guy for the longest time! Often its really hard to tell by the written word on a forum...

Lonerider, date whom ever you want to date. No one else has to live your life but you, so to Hell with everyone else&#8217;s opinions. To enjoy life, you need to simply do what you want to do.


----------



## Carol (Sep 1, 2009)

Its no concern of us who he dates. But given in two previous posts he stated that he had no luck so far with ladies and consumed with a fear that he'd meet an untimely fate in the service without having ever known love - I think all folks here are trying to say is that if that fear really is as deep and as consuming as he is emoting it to be - then perhaps it would be wise to rethink the restrictions one is putting on oneself. 

Ultimately it is LoneRider that has to take action (or not), and then live with the consequences/results of his (in)actions, whether that result is more alone time, the girl of his dreams, or something in between.


----------



## Tez3 (Sep 2, 2009)

I'm now trying to decide if I've been insulted or not here ROFLMAO.

It comes from working with men almost exclusively I think since I was 18, thing is though at work I always wear a skirt and shows instead of trousers (I know that word makes Americans laugh lol) and boots, I even wear black stockings (they come in handy if you want to strangle someone or you need a fan belt in the car). I get less aggression that way.
and on that note I'm off to work. See you in 12 hours!


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 2, 2009)

Ken Morgan said:


> Lonerider, date whom ever you want to date. No one else has to live your life but you, so to Hell with everyone elses opinions. To enjoy life, you need to simply do what you want to do.




That is true, but if he didn't want to know our opinions, he shouldn't have asked for them.


----------



## Bruno@MT (Sep 2, 2009)

Sukerkin said:


> An important point in the above is that societal norms for what is 'attractive' (TM) change greatly over time. Thus, we are all judging something from a scale that moves almost as we speak .



An interesting thing is that physical attraction can be triggered by non physical things.

Take these 2 examples:









Apart from the obvious (to me ) fact that these women look drop dead gorgeous in black, what attracts me to them is that in their respective roles, they play mentally strong women with an independent streak who can take care of themselves.

If I'd confuse that attraction for just the physical one, I could end up thinking that I had to find a woman who -looks- like them, and possibly never find true love. Instead, I know that their (movie) traits are what I desire for long term commitment.

My wife does not look like these 2 ladies, but she has those character traits, which means that we can live together for the long term (married 7 years now). I believe in a marriage between equals, so I expect her to be able to take care of herself and not be a damsel in distress as soon as anything happens. And the looks fade anyway. If Kate Beckinsale had 2 pregnancies and worked long days in a responsible desk job, she wouldn't look like pic 1 anymore.


----------



## Ken Morgan (Sep 2, 2009)

Bruno@MT said:


> That is true, but if he didn't want to know our opinions, he shouldn't have asked for them.


 
Agreed and I don't know why he did it in the first place.


----------



## Xue Sheng (Sep 2, 2009)

This will likely get me into more trouble than it is worth but here goes.

Just as a notewhat any of us think about this is pretty much pointless since attraction is based on personal preference and that would then mean LoneRiders personal preference not mine or anyone elses and none of us have to live by what LoneRiders personal preferences are either. All we have to do is except responsibility for our actions (and or questions asked or statements made) and live with them.. that of course would include LoneRider.


----------



## Sukerkin (Sep 2, 2009)

I can't see why stating that should get you into trouble, *Xue*.  It's plainly a succinct annunciation of a truism of that aspect of all our lives.


----------



## zDom (Sep 3, 2009)

Bill Mattocks said:


> Oh, I do feel so justified.  If someone has an aversion to obesity, that is a personal choice, and entirely their own to make.  It doesn't make them a bad person, but it does make them shallow.



An aversion to obesity isn't a choice. Nature vs. nuture is an argument for another thread, but I don't think either Lone or I _decided_ to find obese women unattractive. I envy those who find them attractive as in the U.S they certainly have a larger dating pool.

FWIW, I also have an aversion to women who are TOO SKINNY (i.e., the runway model look). Consequently, the number of women I find attractive is probably even smaller that Lone.

But here is the important part: having a clear idea of what I find attractive and carefully considering that when deciding to date or not date someone is NOT "shallow" no matter how many times you say it is. It is *responsible* and *kind*. Why lead someone on when I know I will not be happy with them in the long term?

Someone who ONLY looks at physical attractiveness without considering the many other factors that make someone suitable or not for them may very well be shallow and/or superficial. (But I would not presume to make that judgment based on that one bit of information ...)

For me, whether or not a gal is attractive or not is only one of many considerations.

You can repeat _*ad nauseum*_ that because I consider physical beauty a significant factor, that I am shallow and believe it with all your heart &#8212; but you are wrong. I have significant depth of character and am introspective enough to weigh my preferences and consider how they may affect future happiness.

You, on the other hand Bill, are judging my character based on ONE trait: aversion to obesity. Sounds pretty shallow to me. Doesn't make you a bad person, however: just shallow and judgmental.

FWIW, I didn't think I was twisting your words at all. Pardon me if I unintentionlly did so.

I *agree* "There is a distinct difference between liking a 'hot body' and making that property a top criteria for dating."

Again, it isn't a top priority for me: just one of many important considerations.

As for the OP, as long as he realizes that being picky means he may end up waiting longer before finding someone he likes, I *support* his decision. Much better than being in an unhappy relationship.

I hope Lone has the depth of character to realize that there are many other traits to consider in making a choice for future happiness (of both him and his mate) and doesn't make his choice *solely* on looks.

Then again, if he truly is as shallow as you think, the other considerations probably wouldn't matter enough to bother him anyway


----------



## LoneRider (Sep 3, 2009)

As I stated at the very first post attractiveness, intellect, and personality all factor equally into whether I will be attracted to someone and for future happiness. 

I've known plenty of individuals who have intellect and personality but because of obesity I refused to date them. I have enough depth of character to recognize that trait but obesity of these individuals was just unattractive and unappealing. I couldn't date them. 

I realize I'm probably due in for a long wait because of my standards but I'd rather not make myself unhappy by 'settling' just because of loneliness.  

I don't say looks are primary importance. I recognize there are other important traits but if I can't look at her the initial attraction cannot take place. Looks will fade with importance in future relationships as time goes on but as far as initial phase of attraction they do matter.


----------



## blindsage (Sep 3, 2009)

So, why are you here asking this question?  A lot of people have responded but you don't seem to have taken anything from any of the critical responses, but seem to take solace from the strictly supportive ones.  Did you really have a question, or did you come here to get reinforced in what you already believe?

I said it before, and I repeat it here for you.  If you say you find all three of those elements you mentioned of _equal _importance, but looks trump everytime on intial attraction, you are stating an oxymoron.  You DO put looks ahead of the other two factors, period.  And what most people are stating on here, including I believe zDom, is that you need to set a PRIORITY on the other things, even while physical attractiveness remains a factor.  If you aren't attracted to larger women, ok fine, but YOU are the one who has made it a big deal on here either way, others are just reacting to what you have said.  YOU are the one who keeps coming back to how you just aren't attracted to certain people, and physical attraction matters.  Then you claim it's of equal importance to the other factors.  But YOU are not demonstrating this in your posts.  If it's of equal, not higher, importance to the other factors then your posts might reflect that, as it is, they don't.


----------



## KELLYG (Sep 3, 2009)

I do not understand why the op is complaining about his reduction in the dating pool.  He, himself and no one else is the one responsible.  I think as was stated by others that if you confine yourself to such a small section of potential dates you are going to be setting home, dateless a lot.  I also feel as other posters have said before, in trying to help the op, were telling him to broaden his horizons.  

A quote from from the Stones says it perfectly:

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need


----------



## Xue Sheng (Sep 3, 2009)

Wait I&#8217;m Caucasian (rather Germanic looking actually), but I am by far much more comfortable around East Asians than I am Caucasians. 

I tend to like tea over coffee. 

I choose to train Chinese Martial Arts over western boxing

I am not a big fan of pop music

I don&#8217;t like McDonald&#8217;s food

I don&#8217;t like tiny little cars

I do like apples better than bananas

I have my own definition of what is attractive to me that likely does not jive with everyone else

I don&#8217;t like fruit loops

I am not a big fan of modern art

I like Baroque composers over modern composers

I can&#8217;t stand Shrimp Cocktail

I play the Didgeridoo

I don't like trombone music

So therefore I imagine one could now call me shallow based on anyone of those&#8230;it would be absolutely meaningless but they can call me shallow if they so choose.

And likely this could get me in trouble here too.


----------



## Xue Sheng (Sep 3, 2009)

As to the reduced dating poolthere is noting reduced about it. It is only reduced due to the standards that the OP places upon it and possibly geographic location. So my only other advice is except and deal with your standards and quit complaining about it and quit defending your standards if in fact you are comfortable with said standards.


----------



## JadecloudAlchemist (Sep 3, 2009)

This is good advice:





 


> If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
> Never make a pretty woman your wife
> So from my personal point of view
> Get an ugly girl to marry you
> ...


----------

