# The CAT user's Manual (a bit techie)



## Shaderon (May 14, 2007)

*THE CAT USER'S MANUAL 
*

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
*CAT* vs. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Telepurronics
Manufactured by *MOM CAT*​

*System Design SpecifiCATions:*


User Friendly
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Audio Output
Auto Search Routines for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Instant Transition (2 nanoseconds) Between Standby






and Full Power Mode
​*Production Details:*After basic *KIT* construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of on site *ROM* programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since *MOM CAT* uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units.
​*Transportation:* A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a *CAT* unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and/or serious injury to the end user.
​*Installation Procedures:* Upon receiving the *CAT* unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indi*CAT*ive of the *MOM CAT* production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.
Bring the *CAT* to operation in an environment temperature at 70°F (±3° tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let the *CAT* unit autoexit. Initialize the self learning program Katfind® by displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, display the output bin.
If the user already has a *CAT* unit successfully installed, it may be possible to transfer *BASIC* routines to the new *CAT*. For the first day or two, the *CAT* will stay in self learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the *CAT* will autoswitch to sleep mode. This is normal. The *MMU* system will store the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the *CAT* will be interacting with the operating environment.
The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. *CAT* units are operational in all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the *CAT* system will produce a slight hum. This is normal.
A new *CAT* should not exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let the *CAT* unit autoexit the site. The advantages are longer unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate *CAT* units may lead to unplanned *BATCH* iteration. Contact with untested *CAT*s may lead to virus infection. If allowed to exit, fatal errors may happen. If you decide to let your *CAT* out, it should have a *READ_ME.TXT* file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site.
Your *CAT* should have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their *CAT*'s a secret password as well. You can also get the *CAT*'s attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged. 
*AppliCATions:* At present, there are few productivity appli*CAT*ions for *CAT*.
*MOUSE* is a killer app. This is pre-installed.
Most owners use their system for game playing. *CAT*s play best when they are new. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some *CAT* games are:
*CACHE* The *CAT* will *CACHE* a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the object must be smaller. *JUMP* Move the data string through the air. The *CAT* unit will reach new heights of operation. *MIRROR* Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may *ESC*ape. Reboot the system by calling its name. *CHASE* Played between two *CAT* units or a *CAT* and a K9 unit. Units take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it. *DANCE and SING* Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output. *Maintenance: CAT*s will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
*CAT*s are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzene-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.
A *CAT* unit should be taken once a year to a *VET* for a system checkup.
Do not attempt to open a *CAT*. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits unusual smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a *VET*.
You may examine the *CAT* system to determine if it has a male or female *SCSI* port. If the port is male, then the *CAT* unit may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The *VET* can remove this component. *CAT*s with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The *VET* can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems should run *UNIX*.
*Warning Notices: CAT* systems are normally user friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a *CAT* may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Never attempt a first strike on a *CAT* system. Its *CPU* clock rate made to mil specs and thus classified, but *JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES* notes that a unit was seen by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 MHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin connectors have an average seek rate of 3 nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user.
Children should not poke anything into the *CAT*'s I/O ports. *CAT* may *BYTE*.
In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.
Do not operate the *CAT* above water. This may lead to end-user damage.
Carry the *CAT* firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail."
If you properly care for your *CAT*, it will give you years of loyal service. Many users get a second unit, to enjoy the ability to run complex simulation games.
*User Groups: CAT* users can find other users and *FAQ* on the Usenet Newsgroup: rec.pets.cats.
*Lifetime Warranty: *The *CAT* unit is guaranteed against *CAT*astrophic failure. Nine coupons are included.
*Documented Problems: *The Ctrl key on most *CAT* units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.
Do not install a *BIRD* unit at a site which has an operational *CAT* unit. These tend to disappear.
*System Features:*


 *Models:* Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest





footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch, and





19 inch sizes.
 *Interface:* Touch sensitive interface for maximum user 





friendliness.
 *Memory:* Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
 *Expected Lifetime:* 15 years (although 20 years is common).
 *Weight:* 10 to 16 lbs... without optional cables.
 *Speed:* 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting 





 supertwist technology.
 *Color Graphics:* Either paper white, monochrome 





(black/white), 64 gray shades, or maximum of 16 million 





colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point 





pixels.
 *Sound Chip:* 16 octaves, digital *MIDI* output (MI/OU).
 *Power Consumption:* 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms





per second.)
 *Operating Range:* -22° to +105°F
 *Vibration:* 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance





points.
*Contacting CAT Technical Support:* Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap.​


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## Drac (May 14, 2007)

Excellent!!!!!!


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## MA-Caver (May 14, 2007)

Dang that's all greek to me... I'd just put food and water into their respective bowls and a box of kitty litter (replace as needed) and be done with it. Damn cat can take care of itself.


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

I LOVE it!!

I put this up at work:


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## Shaderon (May 15, 2007)

Great picture Carol, I love that!


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## Carol (May 15, 2007)

Shaderon said:


> Great picture Carol, I love that!



I'm a support engineer in real life...its very fitting. :lol:


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## MA-Caver (May 15, 2007)

Carol Kaur said:


> I LOVE it!!
> 
> I put this up at work:


Yeah the cat says... (first pic) 

but what he's really doing is... (1 or all of the remaining 4 pics  )


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