what the hell...I'm too nice???

[lenatoi]

Hey, No offense, but have you considered cleaning your mouth out? If you cuss up a storm on a first date, good luck getting another. A foul mouth deffinatly makes me feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, if the kind of girl you want is one that cusses freely, offend away.
I've never been on a seconnd date with a muck mouth.(leaves a bad tast in mine.)

 

[beau_safken]

Hey, No offense, but have you considered cleaning your mouth out? If you cuss up a storm on a first date, good luck getting another. A foul mouth deffinatly makes me feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, if the kind of girl you want is one that cusses freely, offend away.
I've never been on a seconnd date with a muck mouth.(leaves a bad tast in mine.)

Oro? When did I say I cursed a lot?

 

[lenatoi]

Sorry, just gathered that from your posts.

 

[Ceicei]

Oro? When did I say I cursed a lot?

Well, I thought about making a post of that yesterday too, because your posts did have quite a bit. I had wondered if you talked the same way. It is a big turn off for some females.... I didn't have time to make the post yesterday, but I see Lenatoi beat me to it.

- Ceicei

 

[beau_safken]

Hmm guess its just relative. Grow up in the hills and you don't really think about that kinda stuff. Naaa I don't curse a lot on dates or whenever, but I might have a less than pleasent tongue when im irritated. It's all good, not like I care. Sides, woman that can't put up with a F bomb here and there really needs to liven up some.

 

[Cruentus]

Undoubtedly.

I was waiting for that one! lol

 

[Cruentus]

Hmm guess its just relative. Grow up in the hills and you don't really think about that kinda stuff. Naaa I don't curse a lot on dates or whenever, but I might have a less than pleasent tongue when im irritated. It's all good, not like I care. Sides, woman that can't put up with a F bomb here and there really needs to liven up some.

I kinda disagree (possibly) with some of the other posters on the cursing thing.

Don't clean up your language just for the sake of dating someone. Let me explain.

You SHOULD clean up your language in as much as you feel you need to for bettering yourself.

I'll use myself as an example, because I can have a potty mouth (which never impeded my dating, btw).

You'll want to be sure you have control over your language because that is a benefit to you. In other words, I don't want to be teaching a seminar, at a business meeting, or in front of kids and accidently "slip up." That is unexceptable. I also have self-respect, so I don't want to come off as this blow hard cursing up a storm. I believe in chivalry always and politeness in certain environments, like at a nice resteraunt or at church for example.

However, I am not morally averse to cursing. Other then for the sake of being socially polite, I don't believe that cursing is immoral. I am a linguistic descriptavest rather then a perscriptavest, meaning that I understand that language evolves and what is proper or improper or gramatically correct or not will enevitably change overtime. Therefore, what is offensive now may be replaced by something else in 100 years. So, in the moral sense, I see no reason not to use profanity.

So, I don't VALUE not-cursing, therefore if I was dating someone I wouldn't want to present that as a value. I wouldn't want to be percieved as a rude jerk, so I would behave in a courtly fashion, as I would recommend to anyone. But I wouldn't be trying to censor myself for the sake of impressing someone either.

Mainly, I guess what I am trying to say, is be yourself. If you curse sometimes (within reason; we're not talking yelling F-bombs in daycare centers), you don't want to present yourself as if you would never do such a thing because that would not only be misleading, but you probably don't want to be with someone who can't handle cursing.

People will often want to give you advice that involves you changing yourself for the sake of getting some girl to like you, and they don't even realize that is what they are doing. "Well, she doesn't like cursing so make sure you watch your language around her" or "she really likes coldplay so you should go out and buy a coldplay CD for the car ride" or "go read a book on antiquing because that is a hobby of hers." Movies present this kind of thing as "cute." It isn't...it's casterating, and it is a quick way to emasculate yourself, thus setting you up to be the "friend." Next thing you know, your listening to "coldplay" on the way to go out antiquing, and really watching those curse words while she tells you all about some other dude in her writing class that she really wants to date. You'll end that "date" lying awake in bed that night, slowly going insane while trying to interpret her "goodbye hug," and meanwhile she'll be in her bathtub with her vibrating shower messager dreaming about Ricardo from Composition 101 reading to her in his alurring accent.

And that could be the best case scenario. It could be worse... you waste months of both yours and her time and energy because she thinks you are really clean cut and really like going to her church, for example, when you really aren't the neighborhood leave it to beaver, you think penacostal evengelical types are weird, and this all becomes evident 6 months later. Next thing you know, your the ******* who "changed," when really, your the ******* who mislead by trying to be something your not to begin with. It's all bad ****, my friend, and you don't want to find yourself in a mess like either case. I've been in similar situations myself, and I have seen worse happened all too often.

Bottom, line: you should always be changing...but only to better yourself as a person. Don't get caught into the trap of trying to change yourself for the sake of anyone else, or you'll just be unhappy.

 

[MA-Caver]

Well on the cursing thing... I too can have a potty mouth (as you put it) and can send sailors back to their ships with their heads hung in shame of inadequacy once they hear me talking. But... another thing is that my father taught me to be a gentleman... especially around the ladies.
Also like George Carlin says... "Language always gives you away, language helps people define your character"... now if you want to go around sounding like Tony Montana (Pacino's Scarface) then go ahead... but I doubt that girls will respect you or have a second date.
Knowing when it's okay and when it's not is a key element to getting along with people. It's not being false-faces or hypocritical it's being respectful and intelligent.
I know a lot of deeply religious people... they know I swear but they also know that I'm going to curb that language because they find it distasteful... that I respect their choices not to hear or use that language. Thus they respect me to keep an intelligent conversation going, instead of dumbing it down.
Why do you think that this forum itself has profanity filters on it? That we can type the words **** and **** but it won't show up except as a line of **** ... it's respect.
Want to to get a girl's respect try NOT cussing around them and showing the level of intelligence and education that usually is associated with people who do not use foul language to articulate themselves.

Just my two bits and opinion.

 

[Hand Sword]

Definitely good advice. Watch the language, at least until she starts cursing like a sailor first!

 

[FearlessFreep]

Well, this thread seems to have gone a bit astray from the original question...

One quick point from the original. If after a first date a woman says "you have so many goals...", etc..it sounds like you are talking too much about yourself. It may be natural to be nervous on a first date and get a bit chatty and want to talk about what's important to you but when you are talking to someone, epecialy a lady for the first time, I think they want to know that you are interested in them and what they think and feel. It's imporatnt to let them now a little about who you are, but more important to let them know you are interested in who they are...talk less...listen more

As to cursing.

I don't curse, somehwat for religious reasons but more practically because a) if I were to curse it would be because my attitude was in a place where I really don't want it to be, so when I find myself in a state of mind where I would want to, I realize I need to change my state of mind and b) usually cursing to me seems like a cop-out because you can't articulate anything meaningful so you try to use the forcefullness of the curse word as a cover for lack of being able to put together something meaningful to say (or the laziness of not trying). In short, it's a substitute for thinking

Also, while I'm a martial artist and a musician and failry anti-corporate in mentality, as a software developer I find myself in many corporate environments and cursing in professional/corporate environments is considered unprofessional and in *most* areas of life, it will hold you back ecause of the way it represents youto others

It amuses me sometimes that young people considering being able to curse as a sign of getting older, or being accepted as an adult, whereas most adults consider cursing as a sign of youthful immaturity

 

[beau_safken]

Ok I think I need to address this cursing thing.

I don't curse to look older. I don't curse to cover up a lack of vocabulary or articulate myself in a less than intelligent way. I curse because I have always cursed..thats pretty much about it. I grew up in the hills with no woman..just guys. Never cared about much other than riding dirtbikes, shooting, blowing stuff up and fishing. That's just who I am. I speak my mind at all times, much to the dismay of my folks at times.

Honestly, IF I have to adjust myself to meet a situation of my choosing like a date...whoever is there better be able to put up with it or not care. I made adjustments in the past for woman and it lead me to having anxiety attacks and mental issues...and thats no joke. Constraining myself to the point of literally wanting to lash out and injure was what it came down to. I made a decision to not change no matter what. I am who I am, if you don't like it get the hell off my train.

As for the talking and revealing too much part, I conceed that onefor sure. Learning to shut up is a skill I am still attempting to learn.

 

[Kensai]

rule # 1: shut up
rule # 2: shut up
rule # 3: shut the ***** up, you ********* ******

seriously, let her talk more. things like 'you're so funny', 'you're too nice', 'you have a lot of plans' are all code for 'he didn't let me talk'.

women love to talk about themselves. if you must talk, talk about her.

for everything you say about yourself (and this includes "i'll have the veal and a beer"), ask her two questions and respond to the answers with follow-up questions.

i don't want to come off like i think i'm casanova or professor tom, but that change produced a 180 degree turnaround in my dating success before i got married.

once you get in a relationship, then you can start ignoring her. :rofl:

Ain't that the truth.

 

[Flatlander]

Learning to shut up is a skill I am still attempting to learn.

You and everyone else with an eye for enhancing their communication skills. This is a lifelong endeavour that takes years, maybe decades to develop.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Honestly, IF I have to adjust myself to meet a situation of my choosing like a date...whoever is there better be able to put up with it or not care.

hear, hear. too many people put on their company manners while on dates only for things to get rough when you start acting like who you really are.

back when i was dating, i had three rules for first dates.

rule one: shut up
rule two: tell at least one extremely tacky joke. if she got offended, she wouldn't have liked me or my friends so better to find out now and not waste another three evenings and couple hundred bucks.
rule three: order chicken, break the bones and suck out the marrow. i've always eaten like a damn barbarian. see second half of rule two, above.

this meant i had a lot fewer second dates, and a lot fewer obnoxious two-month relationships with people i shouldn't have gotten with in the first place.

 

[beau_safken]

hear, hear. too many people put on their company manners while on dates only for things to get rough when you start acting like who you really are.

back when i was dating, i had three rules for first dates.

rule one: shut up
rule two: tell at least one extremely tacky joke. if she got offended, she wouldn't have liked me or my friends so better to find out now and not waste another three evenings and couple hundred bucks.
rule three: order chicken, break the bones and suck out the marrow. i've always eaten like a damn barbarian. see second half of rule two, above.

this meant i had a lot fewer second dates, and a lot fewer obnoxious two-month relationships with people i shouldn't have gotten with in the first place.

Damn good rules. I like it. A lot...Mine would be the bloody steak and sopping up the blood and juice with a nice piece of bread.... Ahh sooo good.

 

[Blindside]

Damn good rules. I like it. A lot...Mine would be the bloody steak and sopping up the blood and juice with a nice piece of bread.... Ahh sooo good.

I could see where that could cause problems in San Fran! I dated a vegan for a bit, cute little hippychick, but cooking and eating out were MAJOR issues.

 

[beau_safken]

Vegen's are just a class all to themselves. One of those tried to turn me Vegen and all I could say was "If I see tofu walking around and I can shoot it...Let me know." Pretty much ran away after that explosion of complaining and swearing. The lack of aminos and animal proteins make those people all nuerotic and crazy anyway.

 

[doc5504]

dont feel bad all of the girls ive dated in cali dont last because they say im not sure of my self well sorry im a devorced man been cheated one ect and im a marine so im tryin to be as sure as i can be with my self just sometimes it hard arount im kinda old school most chicks dont like that they want there eggs all in one basket and not get to know people first u know that not they way to play and that why we got all these things wrong with marrage and stuff now day

 

[kid]

So how are the dates coming along? You will eventually get a keeper. Women put out a pharamone scent or sense that only they can pick up. Get one to like you and they will be hovering around you like gnats. You can do a lot with that. I keep some women around just for that. LoL, I am just playing. seriously though it works.


Mark

 

[beau_safken]

I'm giving it a break for a bit to focus my efforts on setting up an investment vehicle. I need to address my own issues before I can take on the burden of others. I'll say this that its tough..really tough but I have a quote for that one. "A minute's success pays the failure of years."