Things you wish you could say outloud

[Lisa]

Got these in an email. Feel free to add to them!

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent.

If you have something to say, raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

Don’t let your mind wander; it’s too small to be let out on its own.

You are as pretty as a picture; I’d really like to hang you;

 

[MA-Caver]

how about....

Where the hell do you people come from?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Does your mother know you do that?

 

[shesulsa]

If you continue to emit those noxious fumes I'll be forced to douse you with Febreeze.

Why don't you just shut the **** up?

No, I don't think you're a lush, have a fourth bottle of wine.

Eat a damn cheeseburger before you blow away in a stiff wind.

Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?

Touch my daughter and I'll ****ing kill you, I mean it.

Do you think you look pretty and dressed smartly? Because I'd lay odds that all the men in the room are only thinking about doing you.

You *really* work for the school?

If you serve me more broccoli than steak, we're gonna have a problem.

 

[Sukerkin]

Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?

:snurkle:

 

[shesulsa]

I know you're lying because your lips are moving.

I wonder how long I'd have to stay in jail if I just slapped her face?

Of course you know more than me because you're younger and fresher - that's why young people are running the world.

Of course I remember saying that, but I only said it then to shut you up.

Either wipe, wear diapers or wash your skidmarks out before your underwear reaches my hamper.

When you stop sitting on my couch in your greasy, muddy work clothes you can stop bitching about how dirty it is.
(okay, I might have said this one out loud :uhyeah: )

If you don't want me to fart during sex, then don't fart during sex.

Why yes, I love beer. That's why you always see me ordering wine or hard liquor with dinner instead of Hefferveisen.

 

[tellner]

The next time you open your mouth it had better be to suck start my snowblower.

Sixty knife fights? Man, you're too pretty. Where are your scars? How come you've got all your fingers and both eyes. I'll bet you did stab sixty guys. Were any of them facing you when you zipped them? - Actually said by my first Silat teacher to a guy who was claiming to be part of the "Guild of Professional Knife Fighters" or some such crap.

I've met a lot of people with your condition. You are maybe the nicest one.

Really? And when men look at you all they can think of is tricks with credit cards. - From a recent 9 Chickweed Lane

Officer, you've got a real thing about the whores. Here's ten bucks. Maybe one of them will let you take a close look at it.

Will Rogers never met you.

Christ Almighty. Are you ever going to shut up?

Yep. It's traditional. It's all gimi and giri. I have a beautiful wife with large breasts. I could be home making love to her instead of being fed B.S. by a bunch of White fake Asians.

You said "First person in with MSRP gets the car." Now you're going to "the guy in the back room" and trying to jerk me around on the price. You lied to me, and you're screwing with me. Goodbye. - As a matter of fact, I did say that. And the look on the salesman's face was priceless

 

[MBuzzy]

I really can't believe that you were the fastest sperm....

 

[Big Don]

I'm not a gynecologist, but, I'll take a look

 

[BrandiJo]

*lalala* i cant hear you.

Yes i see you smiling, you either got laid or got drunk last night, either way i dont want to hear it. (ugh several past coworkers needed to hear this)

Oh your still talking i stopped listening hours ago.

 

[MA-Caver]

I really can't believe that you were the fastest sperm....

:lfao: amen to that one!

1. Eat a damn cheeseburger before you blow away in a stiff wind.

2. Can I smack you now, or should I wait until you're done spewing your stupid crap?

That 1st one can apply to me, though I personally don't think I'm that skinny.

2nd one... I've heard a version that is similar : I'd smack you but **** splatters!

Also; I'd tell you your zipper is down if you shut up long enough.

The next train leaves in 5 minutes, please be under it.

If I give you a dollar will you go away?

 

[Andy Moynihan]

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ***.

God, where were half of THESE sayings last Sunday....

 

[KempoGuy06]

Why don't you just shut the **** up?

Ive used this one out load before but it is usually more like this...


SHUT THE **** UP!!!!!

B

 

[crushing]

You can call me Cliff, drop over sometime.

 

[stone_dragone]

Often wanted to say to a "leader" in the army..."You should only be followed by an appology!"

How about a game of hide and go **** yourself?

 

[CoryKS]

This was actually said by one of my coworkers to another (who was pregnant):

"I see you're in the stage of pregnancy when you can't do anything with your hair."


Amazingly, he lived.

 

[shesulsa]

This was actually said by one of my coworkers to another (who was pregnant):

"I see you're in the stage of pregnancy when you can't do anything with your hair."


Amazingly, he lived.

That is, indeed, amazing.

ahem ...

(To male) I see you think your dick is bigger than mine, in which case you're mistaken and that's only sad because I don't have one.

Once again your male sense of my intelligence falls so short a midget would ask an ant to help him get it.

Cause a problem with this kid and I will stick my foot so far up your *** people will think I have a lymphatic cyst on my leg.

*What I will want to say when I submit my application and fingerprint receipt to the school district tomorrow:* Do you realize that "Certified" indicates a person's status and "Certificated" indicates the documented support, hence you would refer to the piece of paper as a "certificate," the date and action such was received as "certification," the documented evidence when submitted to you would be the "certificated" proof which showed I was "certified?" *I expect a blank stare in return - but that's okay, it's what I've come to expect from the public school system.*

 

[Big Don]

My friend's daughter has a t shirt that says, "If I had balls, they'd be bigger than yours"

 

[ktaylor75]

I must tell ya...I was reading this thread and laughing at all the different comments/insults when my smoke detector alerted me that my garlic bread was well over-done (burnt to a crisp) in the oven... So much for my snack!

Anyway....

Here's my two favorite...

Go play in traffic.

Take a long walk off a short pier.

 

[tellner]

Anyway....

Here's my two favorite...

Go play in traffic.

Take a long walk off a short pier.

You got it wrong. It's the Duke of Westminster, so the real quote is

Take a long **** on a short fat Peer

 

[Andy Moynihan]

"Are you currently on any medication?...you could certainly USE some....."