The Purina Diet

[Ping898]

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was buying it.
I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

 

[Kacey]

:lfao: :roflmao:

 

[terryl965]

That was the greatest story ever.

 

[theletch1]

Reminds me of the joke about two old men sitting on the porch watching a dog sit in the driveway licking himself. One old man looks at the other, chuckles and says "I wish I could do that." to which the second man responds "That dog would bite you!":ultracool

 

[ArmorOfGod]

Keep in mind that Wal-Mart attracts idiots, so she probably was one of those.
Many of you have read my rants about how much I hate Wal-Mart, so I will not get started.
Still, how many times do you go there and people are just standing in the middle of the aisles staring at the roof while their buggy is sideways in the middle of the aisle? I guess that makes me an idiot as well for going there, but I go there for my cat and dog food. I get everything else at other stores and avoid Wal-mart like the plague.
Dear God, I hate Wal-Mart.

AoG

 

[ArmorOfGod]

To add to this, I worked at Wal-Mart back in 1993-1995, during college.
Sometimes I would work the register during busy times. One time, this lady came through with a whole bunch of random stuff and realized she did not have enough money with her. I asked her what she wanted to take off of her purchase and she picked up one of the rods with a reflector at the end of it (for your driveway) and said "Take this off--what is this anyway?" Yes, she had no idea what it was but was buying it.

I dealt with shoplifters constantly, drunk women (no men, strangely), bogus checks, and daily threats. Combine that with the fact that I was minimum wage and had unaffordable health benefits tacked onto my below poverty wage and that motivated me to find a job in a different field.

Still, the worst by far was management. Don't get me started on those people.

AoG

 

[Touch Of Death]

The truth is, more dog food is purchased than there are dogs; so, people really do live on the stuff.
Sean

 

[pstarr]

:boing1:

 

[exile]

Ping... I'm gonna ask this on the distinctly off-chance that this is a true story you're telling, all of it, not some high-fever hallucination you got from food poisoning----tainted dog chow, maybe... :wink1:

...so, never minding the tall guy, what did she do when you answered her question about why you were in hospital????

 

[Jonathan Randall]

:uhyeah:

 

[Ping898]

Ping... I'm gonna ask this on the distinctly off-chance that this is a true story you're telling, all of it, not some high-fever hallucination you got from food poisoning----tainted dog chow, maybe... :wink1:

...so, never minding the tall guy, what did she do when you answered her question about why you were in hospital????

No no no....not a true story....just a joke told as one ....If I was to eat dog food I would at least treat myself to the good stuff and get Science Diet

 

[morph4me]

No no no....not a true story....just a joke told as one ....If I was to eat dog food I would at least treat myself to the good stuff and get Science Diet

Of course, who better to splurge on then yourself?

 

[exile]

No no no....not a true story....just a joke told as one ....If I was to eat dog food I would at least treat myself to the good stuff and get Science Diet

I find that Eukaneuba has a subtle smokey flavor with blackcurrent notes and and undertone of old wallpaper glue that gives it a bit of an edge over Science Diet

 

[morph4me]

I find that Eukaneuba has a subtle smokey flavor with blackcurrent notes and and undertone of old wallpaper glue that gives it a bit of an edge over Science Diet

True, but Science Diet is better for you nutritionally.

 

[MA-Caver]

I find that Eukaneuba has a subtle smokey flavor with blackcurrent notes and and undertone of old wallpaper glue that gives it a bit of an edge over Science Diet

Heck I always thought that the canned stuff would be good than the dry... 'cepting of course maybe Gravy Train!

But Mel Gibson ate some in "The Road Warrior"... but I'll bet it was a can of stew with a dog food label on it. ...

Me? Well seriously? I-uh...probably have to be damned hungry to scarf down some dog chow... any-type.

 

[exile]

True, but Science Diet is better for you nutritionally.

Just remember what they say, though---you're not here for a long time, you're here for a good time! :ultracool

 

[morph4me]

Just remember what they say, though---you're not here for a long time, you're here for a good time! :ultracool

Hmmm! Then maybe a steady diet of Science Diet with an occacional bowl of Eukenabu, and Gravy Train, even some Alpo once in a while.

 

[exile]

Hmmm! Then maybe a steady diet of Science Diet with an occacional bowl of Eukenabu, and Gravy Train, even some Alpo once in a while.

Exactly---you only live once, eh? I think MA-Caver's got the right idea on this---throw caution to the wind!

Weird as it seems, though, lately my cats' low-ash high-cost CD dry food has been looking pretty good to me...

 

[Ping898]

Just remember what they say, though---you're not here for a long time, you're here for a good time! :ultracool

True, but the point of the Purina diet is to loose weight ...It I am here for a good time, I would like some southern country fried chicken with mashed potatos and corn bread!

 

[Kacey]

True, but Science Diet is better for you nutritionally.

Science Diet is crap nutritionally, except for the special diets... Innova, now, that's good, quality, complete food!