"The Family"

[Hand Sword]

Hello,

Earlier today, a couple of events happened to me that caused me to have a feeling of sadness, and felt the need to write about it and see if anyone else felt this way.

As with some other systems, mine had a great amount of infighting and led to a "broken family". Each one flying a new patch, having a lot of negative words etc.. I had happened to run into a couple of former "family members" earler yesterday. One was a high ranker, that had a great effect on us younger lads, back in the day (early '80's). He was very open and influential back then, always taking the time to interact with us, in the school and on personal time, for which I will always be thankful for. Anyway, I saw him and quickly went over to re-introduce myself, having been many years since we had last interacted. He knew who I was, and talked about this and that. We got onto the topic of "the family" and the business from back then. As the conversation went on, I got a feeling of sadness coming from him, on how it went down, and on his eventual departure. I saw the eyes widen with a smile when his questions about certain individuals were answered, with, at the same time, maybe a feeling, like a dad that wasn't around for those formative years, and had a regret.

Later on, I ran into, lets say, someone who was like an "older brother" from back then. It was a great meeting, he also had remembered me. However, with him it was more like "I can't beleive you guys stayed", "our innovations were better", "we do it the way it should be done" blah, blah! Toward the end of our conversation though, there was a break from his current thoughts, with a look back. He did speak, with some fondness of certain events, and expressed how he missed those "good ol' days!".

Thinking about theese meetings later on, I realised that for those brief meetings, we went back to our original roles, the dad, older brother, and younger son. It felt great, but, also a little weird. It wasn't completely the same, there was a little distance there, where there had never been before. There was still "the love" there, but there was a sense of uneasiness. To me, they and the rest will always be who they were back then. When we were all there, on those brutal saummer evenings, just a big fan, no A.C., the windows open, and a class going on. All the jokes, and seriousness too.

Can anyone from then or earlier identify with this? At least a little? Have we lost more ultimately than what each separate branch of the family tree has gained, through the years?

 

[bushidomartialarts]

I find it a lot like the schisms in religion throughout history.

Tonight, kids are dying in Iraq because (ultimately) one guy calls the same god 'Allah' and another calls him 'Jahweh'. Worse, before that three sects were at each other throats even though they called god by the same name.

Truth is truth is truth, regardless of how it's taught or how it was discovered. In religion, people can't see past their egos and insist that their version of the truth is the only true version.

I see the same in martial arts. There are only so many truths in combat, and we're all learning them. But then people get their egos, opportunism and petty politics in the way and then you get the broken families you're talking about.

 

[bydand]

Truth is truth is truth, regardless of how it's taught or how it was discovered. In religion, people can't see past their egos and insist that their version of the truth is the only true version.

I see the same in martial arts. There are only so many truths in combat, and we're all learning them. But then people get their egos, opportunism and petty politics in the way and then you get the broken families you're talking about.

Very well said Jason! After reading some of your posts, you sound like someone that would be a pleasure to train with. I hope your students know that, and don't just think that ALL MA instructors are like the one thay have now.



Scott G.

 

[terryl965]

Gee reading this post makes me want to go back 20+ years to the days of training hard and sleepiong in cars to get to the next event. I must say I remember how everybody stood by each other and how we all trained without the politics involved, those where the days.
Terry

 

[Touch Of Death]

Gee reading this post makes me want to go back 20+ years to the days of training hard and sleepiong in cars to get to the next event. I must say I remember how everybody stood by each other and how we all trained without the politics involved, those where the days.
Terry

I come from one of those broken families myself. I even work with guys that I used to train with. On the flip side, I am glad I am not exposed to some of the attitudes I used to accept as normal. When I hear my friend at work talk about Kenpo as being the end all be all of human existence, I see an unwillingness to accept that there is more to learn.
Sean

 

[bushidomartialarts]

has anybody else noticed that there seems to be more of that in kenpo circles than in some of the other arts?

why do you suppose that is? does it have to do with the violent and aggressive nature of our art? or with how it was formed or by whom? or is it mostly because Master Parker died without naming a successor and we're all feeling the fallout of machinations for the throne?

whatever the reason, i'm glad that most of the individual practitioners seem to just want to train and improve in the art and leave the politics to the big guys.

 

[MJS]

has anybody else noticed that there seems to be more of that in kenpo circles than in some of the other arts?

Yes, there is alot of it in Kenpo. I'm sure that when Master Parker was alive, there was still some bickering, but I wouldn't think it was nearly as bad as it is now. Personally, I'd rather see the people who complain so much, put that effort into their own training, making themselves better, and keeping the art alive, rather than always have a screaming match over who is doing what right and wrong.

Mike

 

[Flying Crane]

has anybody else noticed that there seems to be more of that in kenpo circles than in some of the other arts?

whatever the reason, i'm glad that most of the individual practitioners seem to just want to train and improve in the art and leave the politics to the big guys.

I have certainly seen this among the kenpo people, but also I have definitely seen it in Wing Chun and also seems to be prevalent among BJJ people. Of course I have also met people who train these other arts who are very humble about their art and skill, and very open to learning from others outside their art. I'm not trying to point a finger at specific arts, but rather just point out that it goes on all over the place. I think it is really the mindset of the individual, rather than the art.

Rather than leave the politics to the "big guys", why not cut the "big guys" out altogether and eliminate the cancer?

 

[Hand Sword]

I agree about the "big guys" and their "big B.S!" It even caused me, briefly, to question whether or not I should go over and talk to them. I mean, was it o.k. to do so? weren't they the enemy? That's also what I meant by the uneasiness that was present during the conversations. It seems that the politics filters down through the chain, and it shouldn't! I'm glad I had the meetings, and would gladly do it again. It brought me back to a happy place for a time. Their problems should be kept among themselves. It has nothing to do with the students. If any of you ever have a similar situation, and feel those thoughts, ignore them! Go and talk to your former family members!

 

[BlueDragon1981]

This is all to familiar to me. The system I am in has had its turmoil....which in turn gives others fuel for discrediting the art. Recently this has happened to the system I train in. Personally I try to stay out of all the politics and just learn the art. Problem is now the once great group of martial artists is now further divided. This is going to give the school even more bad critics but in all reality it is a good system. I have seen this in other schools too...it is never ending and a lot of the time it is chalked up to something that should not have a place in Martial Arts....Arrogance, Greed, and Lack of Respect for the skill of others.

It is not the same anymore....but I try not to ruin the relationships that have been made throughout this time. Its part of my life but it is not going to define how I think about these people.

 

[Hand Sword]

I agree completely! The people are who they are to you, and will always have their place in the old memeories. I will always extend my hand to them, no matter what patch is worn!

 

[still learning]

Hello, This happen to us early this year. We had six schools (branches).

Today it is just four on our Island. The other two left because of illing feelings and ego's. What lead up to the separation is too long to mention here...there were many parts to this break up.

Some of us are still friends. Many of the students suffer because of this. All had to follow there teachers.

In way as time goes by...it seems like a blessing..? Things are smoother between the four schools on this Island.

You do miss the gatherings and sharing of knowledge. We all use to go to each other branches to train.

Sometimes it is for the best....to break away. Today when you look around....there is so many schools/systems because they move on...Aloha

 

[Hand Sword]

It is sad that your students are suffering because of following their teachers. I hope as more time passes, the animosity of the higher ups that caused the schools to break up doesn't trickle down to the students.

I've seen this go on for many years, and yes, business wise, things could go smoother, from both points of view. However, I still feel, looking at it from a students view, that there is still something lost, maybe more important than the money earned. I saw this on my instructor's face, many years ago, when he handed me a photo of another one of the original students, who had parted ways. He said that he had no use for it anymore, but, I saw the hurt in his eyes, and in his face. When I asked if he met him outside would they still have that old friendship, he said he didn't know, honestly. The breakup was a bad falling out. I have to admit, this makes me feel sad. As I said I startred to grow up when everyone was there, and I remember the "energy" of the classes.