Teaching Your Own Kids

[dancingalone]

My son is 3. My wife and I joke around how whose student he will be as we are both teachers of martial arts, albeit in different systems. You know what? When the time comes for him to learn some elements of the martial arts, I suspect we will pick someone other than ourselves to instruct him.

I do not want the dojo to be a place of play for him. I want him to learn in a serious fashion as I did or as his mother did. I do not want to go easy on him as a parent/teacher, nor do I want him to feel that I am extra-hard on him because of our blood-ties.

Perhaps I will ask one of my own students if he is willing to take on the responsibility. Your thoughts?

 

[ATC]

I am sure you will add your insight and input when you see fit. Even if someone else trains them you will alway be the ones that shape that training. I know I do.

 

[dortiz]

My son is 9.

I started the process with horse stances and how to punch and basic kicks at 4-5.
After that it was in to a school. At first, one I trained at but for me it was distracting for us both. He did much better and accepted someone else barking at him then me and at the same time it taught him respect, which came home. Now at 9 he is also in to a second art, TKD first and now HKD.
Here now I spend a lot of time coaching and correcting and yes throwing punches at his head so he will put up his darn arms ; )

Dave O.

 

[IcemanSK]

I don't have kids, but I can speak to it from the perspective of the young person. My uncle is a professional guitar player & has taught guitar since his teen years. When I was 11, I wanted to take guitar lessons. He said, "Great! I'll have my friend teach you." As a kid, I was hurt by it a bit. But I realized that he had a different patience level with me & I had different expectations of the relationship than he did. Having his friend teach me worked out much better than it would have had he taught me.

I think teaching one's child, spouse, sibling, or any other "significant other" put's pressure on the relationship that may make it difficult to fully enjoy the student/teacher bond. There are plenty of folks who do it & can do it well, but it's not easy.

I'd suggest that, if it's at all possible, have someone else teach them.

My $.02

 

[granfire]

While I have taught classes with my son in it, my instructor almost always pulled us apart and had me work with other kids. I suppose I am more strict with him than with the other kids though I'd like to think I am in general firm but fair.

but when my husband suggested we'd homeschool I put my foot down, that would not have ended well.

 

[Gorilla]

"FOR ME" I don't like the Idea of coaching my own kids. They get my perspective 24/7. I wan't them to get another perspective. Having said that I am very picky who coaches my kids. It is very important that you trust and agree with those who coach your children.

 

[DMcHenry]

I taught my kids and am very glad I did. I know others, including one of my instructors, who felt exactly oppisite and had someone else teach his son. It can be different for each individual.

I did teach my wife for years, but she even told me that she doesn't like me bossing her around She suports me 100%, but doesn't train herself. That's one area that does seem to be better kept separate.

 

[terryl965]

Well I have been training my three since they could walk, now with that being said I also have them train with several other instructors that I have choosen. You see they need to know thing from others as well. I do believe I am the best instructor for them but they can certainly learn from other great one as well. Keep your options open.

 

[Dinkus Mayhem]

My instructor's daughters are both in Tae Kwon Do, as well as her sister, niece, nephew and mother. She doesn't not appear to treat them differently than any other student who learns from her.

Her expectations are the same it seems, though I can safely assume that she does spend a little extra time with them outside of class time if needed...an obvious benefit of living with ones instructor.

The level of respect in the dojang that they show her is the same as any other student, which to say is a great deal of respect, and there has never been a sign of them taking advantage of their relationship (slacking, goofing off, etc).

From the perspective of a student, I find this to be a great strength in for our dojang. We have a lot of families who participate (both parents and kids) and I personally look at them as a model for my own family (both my daughter and I learn TKD), they act not only as respected mentors of TKD but also are excellent role models for how to be good and trustworthy individuals.

Based on my perspective from watching my own instructor and her family, it seems that teaching your own child can have great rewards and can help to ensure a good relationship in the future.....assuming you are a good instructor for your other students and would treat your own child the same in class.

That is just my $.02, hope it helps in some way.

 

[dancingalone]

For those of you that have children old enough to take some hard sparring, perhaps 16 or 17, how much contact do you initiate? It's not uncommon for me to give my students an occasional bruise - this is one of the aspects to training my own son that I may have trouble with. As an instructor, I believe it's my duty to give my students an occasional harsh reminder for them to improve. Just not sure if I can follow through with my bouncing, baby boy.

 

[granfire]

For those of you that have children old enough to take some hard sparring, perhaps 16 or 17, how much contact do you initiate? It's not uncommon for me to give my students an occasional bruise - this is one of the aspects to training my own son that I may have trouble with. As an instructor, I believe it's my duty to give my students an occasional harsh reminder for them to improve. Just not sure if I can follow through with my bouncing, baby boy.

If it's your own kid, you are better off letting another instructor do the dirty deed. It does not look good when your kid comes to school with a shiner and tells the teacher 'Mom/Dad kicked me/punched me' :lol:

We only do light to medium contact anyhow, but just horsing around I do expore kiddo's weak points (usually ending up with a good tickle, does he ever hate that!')

But that goes btw for spouses sparring as well, heck, even if the wife is the MA person in the family, Husband is under suspicion when bruises show.

 

[DMcHenry]

That reminds me that once I was at a HapKiDo seminar working with my daughter - and we were training with Pic pens as weapons (instead of dan bongs). We each had small bruises all up and down our arms and other pressure points like around the neck. I did remind her that she just needed to make sure if someone saw those at school, just don't say "oh, my daddy did that". I'd hve some 'xplainin' to do...

 

[ATC]

For those of you that have children old enough to take some hard sparring, perhaps 16 or 17, how much contact do you initiate? It's not uncommon for me to give my students an occasional bruise - this is one of the aspects to training my own son that I may have trouble with. As an instructor, I believe it's my duty to give my students an occasional harsh reminder for them to improve. Just not sure if I can follow through with my bouncing, baby boy.

Well my kids are 11 and 12, and I cannot spar with them at all yet. However I do go over setup techniques and counters all the time and when they just don't seem to get what I am doing or I see they are afraid to take the setup hit from an opponent to use the counter that I showed them, then I will blast from time to time. To let them know they can either stand there and get blasted or do what I said. Sometimes it takes that to make them see or understand.

 

[Stac3y]

If it's your own kid, you are better off letting another instructor do the dirty deed. It does not look good when your kid comes to school with a shiner and tells the teacher 'Mom/Dad kicked me/punched me' :lol:

We only do light to medium contact anyhow, but just horsing around I do expore kiddo's weak points (usually ending up with a good tickle, does he ever hate that!')

But that goes btw for spouses sparring as well, heck, even if the wife is the MA person in the family, Husband is under suspicion when bruises show.

This reminds me of when my husband was taking karate (only for one session, alas!) and we would spar in the park. People would stop to watch in horror, "OMG! That man is beating up that woman!" but after a moment or two, it would change to "OMG! That woman is beating up that man!" Of course, we weren't sparring hard enough to really hurt each other, but bruises happen.

 

[Stac3y]

Well my kids are 11 and 12, and I cannot spar with them at all yet. However I do go over setup techniques and counters all the time and when they just don't seem to get what I am doing or I see they are afraid to take the setup hit from an opponent to use the counter that I showed them, then I will blast from time to time. To let them know they can either stand there and get blasted or do what I said. Sometimes it takes that to make them see or understand.

I've tried sparring with my kids (they're 11 and 9) in the past, but I just won't do it any more. Even when my strikes or kicks are the equivalent of a tap on the shoulder, getting hit by Mom is just uncool. And when they launch themselves at me full force and I evade the attack, causing them to fall down, they get really upset. Too much emotion is invested in it. I also know a couple (he's a black belt, she's a brown belt) who train together, but don't spar each other--once again, there's too much emotional investment, and they were getting mad at each other as a result.

 

[dortiz]

Oh, if only my wife would get on the mat......




I would kiss her : )


Dave O.