SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE:
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
They can't stand criticism.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST
What's the difference between a
northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
What are you you doing to me talking like that in the middle of the day? 
Damn...my concentration is all shot to hell now. I'm gonna need to go cool off for a bit. 
Hey, I used to be an Engineer! :lol:
