Selling me stuff I don't want

[jks9199]

I've been known to make up random sentences as responses to annoying questions. Nothing like having a salesperson thinking you're whacko to get them running from you."

"Space Aliens just don't like peanut butter"

"Why doesn't my auto mechanic sell spinach?"

"Did you know I can count to 1000 in twelve languages? Let me show you. OK. First one is English. One, two, three, four, five, six..."

"I'm under the Atlantic Ocean right now in a secret bubble!"

"Why aren't forests purple? Green is boring."

I've been known to do similar things... Especially when it's clear they're just reading from a script and don't have a clue, and have either paused at the wrong point or misread something. If I'm not in the mood to play... I listen long enough to find out it's a sales call (the Do Not Call Registry doesn't stop political calls, certain fund raisers, and calls from places you do business with, like a bank or credit card company), and I say "No thank you, goodbye" and hang up.

One that pisses me off significantly is when I get donation solicitations for various police "supporter" programs. I don't do donations in response to calls like that in the first place; with very, very few exceptions, too little of the money raised goes to the actual purpose. But when I've never heard of the association or group in question -- and I'm a cop supposedly being served by them! -- They don't get a dime.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I picked this smiley quickly. I thought it said ROFL. Then I looked at it. What does it mean?

Read the "Fine" Manual.

 

[Sukerkin]

We don't tend to get the door to door ones so much as the telephone ones which is puzzling as I'm ex directory! The call centres are nearly always in India and the callers obviously have to read from a checklist which makes it hard for them to answer back when I'm in a whimsical mood and start 'chatting' to them! I even had one hang up on me lol! I sometimes ask them to hold on for a minute while I turn the cooker off and then I leave the phone by the radio for ages, I come back every so often just to check and say I'll be back in a minute. if someone wants to speak to the 'bill payer' I tell them we don't pay bills we just move on to another supplier!

This seems to be an embryonic classic-Engish reponse, as my missus used to do very similar things. My favourite was when we got a nuisance sales call from the third mobile phone company that night. We were watching "Time Team" and 'Shel said in a cheery tone, "No, we're not interested but talk to Tony Robinson, he might be" and put the phone by the tele :lol:.

In common with many, I hate being rude to these people as they are not to blame entirely for their intrusion on my peace but I was getting to my wits end a few years ago when I was getting calls almost every hour. My responses got less and less politely toned and altho' I never got to the 'ranting' stage, I did have to steel myself to override my social programming and be direct - otherwise I'd've been on the phone half the night.

Registering with the TPS has worked wonders and the beauty of it is that I only have to update my address on the Net and it moves with me so I'll never be bothered by this sort of thing again. It took about a month to fully kick in but it was so great to be able, after saying "I'm not interested" three times in a row, to let the person on the other end know that if they persist or I hear from them again then they will be hearing from the TPS.

To all British members who are still having trouble with telesales pests, try it out, it really does work:

http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/

 

[Sukerkin]

Read the "Fine" Manual.

Well done, Bob, I wondering how I was going to explain that one without incurring the wrath of the swear filter .

 

[bydand]

Best, or worst, depending on which side of the door you were on for me were as follows. Door-to-door: A certain religious group that shows up with a stack of book and papers showed up one morning. Typical response from me "not interested" but they insisted and because I had nothing better to do for a few minutes, I went along with the spiel until they started handing me these nice hardcover books one at a time. I keep holding them and they are getting to the "this book is free but we usually get a $12 donation to cover costs" for each book I am holding. After they do the whole list, I ask, "Donation only?" Yes sir they say, Without missing a beat I reply, "sorry don't feel like making a donation today, thanks for the free books though" and shut the door. Went and sit down and they kept peeking through the window for 10 minutes until they figured out I wasn't going to answer the door again, no matter how many times they knocked. NEVER had another stop again.

Phone: A recent Gubernatorial candidate's office called right at supper time. They went on how he was the family oriented candidate, I asked if he was so family driven, why did he have his people call at the traditional supper time and cause me to spend that time on the phone with them and not with my family? Told them that he went from top 2 choices to the bottom because of the call.

Best door-to-door witnessed was one evening at my neighbors house. I pulled up into my yard and he yelled over to see if I could give him a hand for a minute. As soon as I get there, a couple of well known missionaries walks up and asks if we could spare a few minutes. Without even thinking the neighbor turns around and with his best lisp and hip thrust replys "Well me and Sweety were just about to sacrifice a goat to the Dark Lord to sanctify out unholy union together, you can join us if you want." I never seen two guys about run down the driveway before. Then I realize I just got home from hunting and still had my hunting knife on my belt, and we were getting his 5 year-old Daughters pet goat out of it's pen to load into a trailer to take to the vets place. I still laugh when I remember the horrified look on their faces. :lfao:

 

[jks9199]

I've done variants on the "goat lord sacrifice", like telling them I'm "Zoroastrian Reformed, and we only do human sacrifices every other full moon... which is coming up this month. Would you mind coming back, say... Wednesday evening?"

And I have fun with solicitors that show up at the door. In fact, my wife will call me down if I'm home. It's best when I happen to be wearing some sort of work-related t-shirt (like the LEO Memorial t-shirt I'm wearing at the moment) or even a work t-shirt... See, all the jurisdictions around here require each individual going door to door selling crap to get a license. Very, very few do. Typically, as I start asking about that, they start to get the idea that just maybe I'm the wrong house to be at...

Now... it's off topic, but I've got to say one thing about the Mormon missionaries. (Even though I think it's silly for these kids to call themselves "Elder"...) I stopped a couple of young ladies one evening for speeding. They were polite, and apologetic, but very much too fast, so they got a ticket. A couple of days later, I got a thank you card & apology from the driver!

 

[grydth]

Many years ago, just after the David Berkowitz "Son of Sam" rampage, I was out walking my black lab when I ran into several elderly ladies. One coyly remarked that Berkowitz had claimed his black lab had ordered him to commit the murders.

I told them black labs were the gentlest, most wonderful dogs in the world - and then still with a straight face - let them know that the worst my dog ever ordered me to do was shoplift every now and then. Should have seen the looks as I strolled away...

 

[Gordon Nore]

I picked this smiley quickly. I thought it said ROFL. Then I looked at it. What does it mean?

Bob Hubbard et al.,

I finally got around to looking up RTFM on UrbanDictionary.com, and I feel like a...
:deadhorse
...I couldn't find a picture of a jackass, so used the dead horsey instead.

 

[grydth]

No offense taken, Gordon.... I'll just (ig)NORE that post!

:ultracool

 

[Gordon Nore]

No offense taken, Gordon.... I'll just (ig)NORE that post!

:ultracool

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