Practicing while sick/injured

[Flea]

I'm prone to bouts of depression, as I've mentioned elsewhere. Fortunately the emotional component of that is managed pretty well with pharmaceuticals, but when I crash I still get the rest of the symptoms - I can't focus at all, I get physically slow and clumsy, and lightheaded.

After one or two embarrassing days, I made a firm decision not to go to class when I'm down. It simply doesn't work - since I can't focus, I can't keep up with the social conversation at all, much less the teaching. Today I really pissed someone off by hurting him - he told me more than once to back off, and I simply didn't get it. He lost his temper and I don't blame him at all. (It wasn't an injury, it was simply pain that wasn't fun.) In the conversation after class everyone engaged in a great discussion on the place of spirituality in MA while I stared stupidly.

If I'd realized my state of mind I wouldn't have gone today, but it crept up on me after I got there. I didn't want to be rude by leaving, and I kept hoping the practice would perk me up. :wah: It's a shame, because that's when I need the practice most.

So ... not everyone has this particular cross to bear, but I'd be interested to know how others with major health issues handle practice on an ongoing basis. How do you decide when to show up or stay home, and how do you accommodate yourself when you're having trouble in the dojo? Unfortunately I don't feel that I can be open with my class about this particular issue ... even though I'm sure it's pretty clear. So aside from the obvious, what else can anyone suggest?

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I try to go to the dojo and inform the sensei that due to an injury, I'll be observing and taking notes. I get a lot out of watching, and I can try to put it to use when I feel better. I did miss last Thursday. I feel guilty about it, but there was no way I could go. Life goes on.

 

[Carol]

Unfortunately I don't feel that I can be open with my class about this particular issue ... even though I'm sure it's pretty clear. So aside from the obvious, what else can anyone suggest?

If you find you have to say something, you don't have to tell the whole story. "I'm way too drained today" or "I have absolutely no mental energy left today" can get the point across without getting in to the whys and hows.

Depression sucks for anyone...and exhaustion can lead to a temporary state of depression, even in folks that don't have depressive disorders. For me, I have an uber-stressful job that I can usually handle well (if I couldn't I wouldn't have stayed in my industry...lol) But I won't deny that there are some days that just totally push me in to a bad place. So...on days I can't train I try to assess how I am really feeling. If I am physically exhausted...I lay low and take it easy.

If I am just mentally drained, I stay home and do weight training. Lifts, swinging my kettle bells, going for a walk up steps/hills with my weight vest on (an alternative could be loading up a backpack with books and going up and down hills or flights of steps). For me, nothing blasts a bad mental fog/funk like lifting something heavy.

 

[grydth]

Flea, I am a strong believer in recovery and rehab through the martial arts. (It got me through a divorce). Along with I bet everyone else on the Forum, I'm pulling for you to succeed here.

But... hurting another student and angry disagreements on the mat are serious concerns. One can sense you feel very badly about this.

I hope you will speak with your instructor and any mentors you have among the senior people there. On some days, you should take Bill's excellent suggestion and watch the class. Sometimes, calm and from a safe distance, I learned things I might not have. Plus you maintain a connection with the class.

Perhaps work out a "safe" code word with sensei, which would enable you to leave quickly but not appear rude. There may be other days where you'd benefit from forms or bag work, but should avoid sparring... half a class is better than none.

There are some days for all of us where we should not be in the dojo. Accept that every one of us has these and see if you can put that day to another beneficial use.

Stay with the class! You deserve to succeed.

 

[jks9199]

I'd encourage you to go to class. Warn your classmates; as was said, you don't need to go at length, just "Hey, I'm out of it today, let's go slow/keep an eye on me..." Or even just work solo drills, and explain that you're not up to working with a partner today.

And work on developing class as a "safe zone" where you leave outside stuff outside. Let it become a break from the other stuff, and associate class with a putting a positive attitude on -- even if you have to fight to do so. (I'm assuming that the meds are mostly taking care of things; I'm not trying to make light of clinical depression here.)

 

[Marginal]

I get migraines frequently. When I feel one coming on, I have a real hard time focusing and keeping my temper in check. Not a great combination, so I stay home when one is on.

I try to balance it out by working out on my own more outside of class when I can't go. It's the action more than the location that's important.

 

[jks9199]

I get migraines frequently. When I feel one coming on, I have a real hard time focusing and keeping my temper in check. Not a great combination, so I stay home when one is on.

I try to balance it out by working out on my own more outside of class when I can't go. It's the action more than the location that's important.

That's an important point.

As a general rule, I strongly encourage students not to miss class. If they're not up to working out for some reason, they can still watch and observe. You never know what you'll miss if you're not there... and I used to be absolutely certain that the class I missed would be the one that I NEEDED, and my teacher would never teach it again.

But there are times not to be there, even to watch. Contagious illnesses, for example, leap to mind. Migraines can be incredibly debilitating, as can other illnesses. If you're going to be so out of it, so out of sorts, that you can't function -- then it's a night not to be there.

But I've found that, over time, class has become a time when I can drop the problems of the day, drop the crappy mood or whatever, and just focus on my training. For a little while, things are simple. Move/don't move. Hit/don't get hit. Even when things aren't coming together and I'm getting frustrated -- it's a concrete thing I can deal with. Now, as an instructor, if I'm in a crappy enough mood... Well, the class sweats until I'm in a better mood! :EG:

One thing I don't do is take anger/frustration/annoyance/crappy-moodiness onto the training floor for sparring or partner work. That's a recipe for disaster...

 

[Flea]

Thanks for the feedback, all.

One thing I don't do is take anger/frustration/annoyance/crappy-moodiness onto the training floor for sparring or partner work. That's a recipe for disaster...

Please understand I wasn't being malicious at all. I was simply so out of focus that I didn't internalize my surroundings, including what my partner said to me three times in a row. We were doing stick work and he asked me not to hit him twice in the same spot, and I just didn't hear him. Finally he got snippy and I realized that I'd been oblivious. I offered him the stick to trade roles since I obviously had screwed up royally, and he declined it. We moved on from there and that was that.

I think the next time I have a crash during class I will sit out. If anyone asks, I can just *sniffle* come down with an instant allergy attack or something. It may be better than the alternative of making an **** of myself again like that.

I've given a lot of air time to my mental quirks on this forum ... you guys must all think I'm a total basket case by now. :erg: I'll try to tone it down from now on.

 

[Carol]

I've given a lot of air time to my mental quirks on this forum ... you guys must all think I'm a total basket case by now. :erg: I'll try to tone it down from now on.

Don't you dare tone it down. There have been plenty of people that have come and gone with a "doth protest too much" whine. Your posts are definitely not one of them.

You aren't someone making excuses, or trying to get out of your obligations, or whining why you weren't promoted quick enough o complaining that you're not being worshiped as the Mega Gawd Of All Things Karadee. You're a person that loves their training and wants to work through the occasional roadblocks that get in the way.

We get a benefit from it too. Those of us that can help (if we can help) can get a satisfaction of extending a hand to a student that is trying like heck to keep going.

Its also a chance for us to learn. When working with someone (as a fellow student or as an instructor) that has a physical illness or disability, their issues are often obvious. But when working with someone that has a psychiatric illness, the issues aren't always obvious, and what the student needs isn't always obvious. The only way we can know is by talking, and we can't learn anything if the affected person doesn't speak up. So by all means, keep speaking up!

Your issues aren't any different than someone that has been damaged by meningitis or cerebral palsy. Part of your brain doesn't work the way it should, and its bad enough to interfere with your life, including how your body works. And like most other disorders, it isn't your fault that it happened but it is your responsibility to fight through it the best you can.

You are a warrior, and we won't let you fail. :asian:

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

If you feel you will endanger others and yourself then perhaps it is not ideal to go to class. But this does not mean you can not train.
Look to other outlets such as jogging,lifting weights,hitting a heavy bag,Yoga,mediation. You can also try private lessons or work on your kata or solo form You can also try the internal arts which can help you relax more and channel your energy in a positve way.

Many ways to train find what you like and adapt it to your training.

 

[Lisa]

Your problem is complex and does not have an easy answer. In your original post you stated that it crept up on you during class and couldn't keep up with the social aspect, etc. but you also stated that you didn't want to be rude by leaving which to me sounds like you have a grasp of what is going on and do have to ability to stop what is happening.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your teacher but he does have a right to know ALL your health issues and depression is a health issue. You need to be upfront with him. Tell him what the signs are when you are in this state of mind and let him help you watch out for them. This way he can have the opportunity to simply suggest that he work with you one on one which will prevent any embarrassment to you and prevent any undue pain to others. If he is a good instructor, having you leave if you wish to do so in this situation will not be rude in his eyes but will make him realize how responsible you are when it comes to his other students and yourself.

I hope what I am saying helps in some way, and I wish you good training.

 

[Flea]

Thank you Lisa, and your point is solid.

I have very mixed feelings about coming out of that particular closet; in one of my first classes somebody mentioned a kid he grew up with who was just weird. Somebody echoed the weird aspect, and the instructor said "No, more like bipolar ... schizophrenia." He had exactly the same tone and facial expression one might use in discussing carjackings ... botulism ... the KKK. That, and there's one student who keeps making snotty jokes about roughing up patients in mental hospitals. So on this one niche issue, which happens to be a major part of my life, I do feel that I'm in a hostile climate. I think it's a realistic fear that if my "dirty little secret" came to light, they would disinvite me back. Us crazy folk are dangerous after all. In most situations I would take the opportunity of educating them kindly, but I really need this class and I don't want to lose it.

I can't always predict when the clouds will roll in, but in the past I have stepped out during class when they did. So maybe my compromise will be to be more willing to sit out the rest of class if I have to, and work on a more authentic assessment of when I should. Usually I'm very good at that. We all have moments when we miss important cues though, and I'll stop beating myself up over it.

That's what my classmates are for. :uhyeah:

 

[Lisa]

Thank you Lisa, and your point is solid.

I have very mixed feelings about coming out of that particular closet; in one of my first classes somebody mentioned a kid he grew up with who was just weird. Somebody echoed the weird aspect, and the instructor said "No, more like bipolar ... schizophrenia." He had exactly the same tone and facial expression one might use in discussing carjackings ... botulism ... the KKK. That, and there's one student who keeps making snotty jokes about roughing up patients in mental hospitals. So on this one niche issue, which happens to be a major part of my life, I do feel that I'm in a hostile climate. I think it's a realistic fear that if my "dirty little secret" came to light, they would disinvite me back. Us crazy folk are dangerous after all. In most situations I would take the opportunity of educating them kindly, but I really need this class and I don't want to lose it.

I can't always predict when the clouds will roll in, but in the past I have stepped out during class when they did. So maybe my compromise will be to be more willing to sit out the rest of class if I have to, and work on a more authentic assessment of when I should. Usually I'm very good at that. We all have moments when we miss important cues though, and I'll stop beating myself up over it.

That's what my classmates are for. :uhyeah:

Your classmates and teacher sound like an ignorant bunch of people and I have to say, if it were me, I would leave and find another school. I find their attitude and outlook on the mentally challenged and ill repulsive to say the least and I know I wouldn't want to train under a teacher that not only didn't squash such conversation but actually perpetuated it by making similar comments.

Your martial arts training is really good for you. Getting your adrenalin pumping is really important, it helps with depression but working out in an environment that you describe can be detrimental to you. Do you have other options?

 

[Flea]

I might. I found another Systema teacher in my city, so maybe I should put out a feeler. I've never seen any ads for his school so I don't even know if he's actually teaching, he's just listed on the Toronto website. I'd much rather stick with Systema than branch out to another form right now.

In the meantime, I had just paid for another 3 months and I'm not squandering that money. I've been here for 5 months already and had a wonderful time for the most part. I can stick it out for a couple more.

 

[Lisa]

I might. I found another Systema teacher in my city, so maybe I should put out a feeler. I've never seen any ads for his school so I don't even know if he's actually teaching, he's just listed on the Toronto website. I'd much rather stick with Systema than branch out to another form right now.

In the meantime, I had just paid for another 3 months and I'm not squandering that money. I've been here for 5 months already and had a wonderful time for the most part. I can stick it out for a couple more.

In the mean time, check out the other teacher and see if you might mesh with him. If he is teaching classes check them out. Most schools will let you try out for a week or so before signing up. That way when your three months are up at the other place you have a new place to study immediately and there will be no breaks in your training. Good luck to you and remember that your health both mentally and physically are equally important. You need to do what is best for you and be in an environment that can help you heal/deal with both equally. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Flea]

Last night by a fluke I was the only one who showed up, and the assistant was in charge for the night. I was distracted and he was feeling a bit lazy, so we spent most of the 2 hours talking. I finally got tired of all the dirty little secret crap and laid it all out. I'm nuts, I'm gay, I'm a kum-bay-yah liberal. Deal with it.

What a surprise! His father is bipolar, and we wound up swapping funny war stories about manic episodes and medications. Even my one token psychotic break could never compete with his childhood. :xtrmshock But we laughed, really hard. One has to laugh at this stuff, it's a survival skill.

Will he pass this along to the main instructor? He probably should, on general principle. I didn't make any requests either way. I suspect he won't. He assured me that I'm among supportive friends, even if I don't know them very well, and that it's a safe space to open up. He also said that he has boundless respect for me to walk in as the only woman, week after week, and bust my ****. I am, he said, a true survivor. Tough as nails.

I feel a lot better having let most of that go. We'll see what happens next. I'm looking forward to Tuesday.

 

[teekin]

Last night by a fluke I was the only one who showed up, and the assistant was in charge for the night. I was distracted and he was feeling a bit lazy, so we spent most of the 2 hours talking. I finally got tired of all the dirty little secret crap and laid it all out. I'm nuts, I'm gay, I'm a kum-bay-yah liberal. Deal with it.

What a surprise! His father is bipolar, and we wound up swapping funny war stories about manic episodes and medications. Even my one token psychotic break could never compete with his childhood. :xtrmshock But we laughed, really hard. One has to laugh at this stuff, it's a survival skill.

Will he pass this along to the main instructor? He probably should, on general principle. I didn't make any requests either way. I suspect he won't. He assured me that I'm among supportive friends, even if I don't know them very well, and that it's a safe space to open up. He also said that he has boundless respect for me to walk in as the only woman, week after week, and bust my ****. I am, he said, a true survivor. Tough as nails.

I feel a lot better having let most of that go. We'll see what happens next. I'm looking forward to Tuesday.

Flea, most people are kinda nuts in their own special way. You are a survivor, tough as a coffin nail, and can still laugh. I'm very glad you let this go and have a safe place to go now. Big cheer from me!!!!!! As for being gay, your just smarter and have more will power than me. I'm still horribly addicted to men, pathetic, I know. I need to go to a lockdown rehab.
lori

 

[Flea]

As for being gay, your just smarter and have more will power than me.

Heh ... .willpower don't enter into it. My city had a marathon today, and I watched the parade go by for over an hour. Why? Strong bouncing women in shorts, that's why!!

:highfive:


Seriously though, I really appreciate the support. I've been burned enough that I won't totally believe that I'm copacetic until the main instructor comes back to town and I'm not ejected after a couple weeks. But I do feel a lot better. In the meantime, I'll just kick back for the next marathon. :ultracool

 

[IcemanSK]

It sounds like you've done some good stuff for yourself here. Keep it up!:ultracool

 

[Live True]

Well done Flea! I hope tonight goes well!