please help with english paper

[TallAdam85]

Hi there my name is Adam I am a freshman in college and having a bit of a hard time with my English classes maybe someone can read this and fix the mistakes and then post. if so I thank you alot
Adam
Cause and effect Paper.

Most
People in the United States over the age of eight teen has at least one credit card in there wallet. Now everyone can remember the first credit card. Mine was a Sears Card. At first most people think "Wow what a great deal I can get anything I want and just pay a little every month. After a week or so goes by you start going out to stores and looking at what hits your eye. Some more time passes by and the next time you find something that you have always wanted. So you buy it on the credit card. A few days later you go outside to the mail box and you see that you have 3 more new credit cards. So you think great, now I can spend a little more cause I only have to pay a little at a time. Then like a storm in the mail a month later you have 4 bills that are a lot of money, and a house full of junk. So take it from me use your mind when you by something on a credit card.


hope you can help it is do wed

 

[rmcrobertson]

Adam:

Assuming that you mean what you say (sorry....it's the Internet, Jake), there are several things you want to do.

First off, make office hours with your teacher or professor. Make them regularly; you're trying to thrash through some difficult things that aren't going to get fixed right away, and you need their help. Don't let pride, or worry about your writing stand in the way---talk to them. Often. Remember that you're in the class to learn how to do this stuff...just like a karate class. And just like a karate class, your unconscious will get in your way, if you let it.

You should also look at various websites, grouped under the heading, "OWL:" Purdue University, which'll probably come up first on your browser, runs a very good one. But also check and see if your own school runs a Writing Lab, or has on-line support.

You can't do better for an English book than Strunk and White's, "The Elements of Style," which is old but still the king. If you're not in an English class now, maybe try Robert Scholes and Nancy Comley, "The Practice of Writing," for freshman comp.

As for the sample you gave, here's the main thing I see (if it helps, I actually am an English prof...don't tell anybody, but I've been doing this since '81, yadayada, and teach writing at present)---you're writing too generally. Rather than talk about teens and credit cards in general, explain--and really describe--your own actual experience. Avoid words like, "everyone:" give names. Give actual numbers (not of your card, but of dollars). Be as specific as possible, and write from your own actual experience, not everybody's.

The, "like a storm in the mail," stuff is good--keep that up, and actually do more of that.

Above all, follow good rules for martial arts practice:
1. Don't get discouraged--this stuff takes a while.
2. Practice, practice, practice: keep a journal; and read A LOT.
3. Ask for help...believe it or don't, any good professor or teacher LOVES a student who nags them, and shows that they really want to learn.

Good luck; hope this helps, and keep posting if I can help.

 

[Ceicei]

Well, I recommend rewriting and expanding your paragraph further. If that is something you don't want to do right now and only ask for suggestions, then I have made a few grammar/syntax/spelling modifications to your paragraph. It is highlighted in red. Blue is moving a part of the phrase. You can look at it to get an idea of my suggestions, then perhaps look to your paper again and think about what you are trying to convey. My suggestions are not perfect though. I would rather that you try understanding where your errors are and how to fix them. It is easy to develop a reliance upon others for help rather than on your own.

I strongly recommend you to consider a writing lab (if there is one). The writing lab will give you ideas of your weaknesses and strengths and help you improve your writing skills.

- Ceicei

Most people in the United States over the age of eighteen have at least one credit card in their wallet. Many can remember their first credit card. Mine was a Sears Card. At first, most people think, "Wow, what a great deal! I can get anything I want and just pay a little every month. After a week or so goes by, you start going out to stores and looking at what hits your eye. Some more time passes by, you find something that you have always wanted, so you buy it on the credit card. A few days later, you go outside to your mail box and you see you receive 3 more new credit cards. So you think, "Great, now I can spend a little more money because I only have to pay a little at a time." Then like a storm a month later, in the mail, you have 4 bills showing you owe a lot of money and end up with a house full of junk. So take it from me, use your mind and decide what you really need and can afford when you buy something on a credit card.

 

[TallAdam85]

right thanks for all the help my main problem is grammer and spelling

 

[rmcrobertson]

There are things that will help. But there are no shortcuts to this, any more than there are to martial arts knowledge.

Incidentally, grammar and spealling aren't the main issues in writing well. Having something to say, and supporting what you say, are.

 

[TallAdam85]

Ceicei

thanks
i owe u one (here is the final copy)

Most people in the United States over the age of eighteen have at least one credit card in their wallet. Many can remember their first credit card. Mine was a Sears Card. At first, most people think, "Wow, what a great deal! I can get anything I want and just pay a little every month. For me I was working at the mall, and on my brakes I would go to stores and see what was on sale. The other bad thing was it was Christmas Time so everything was on sale. With in 4 days I had 4 pairs of cargo pants because they where such a good deal. After a week or so goes by, you start going out to stores and looking at what hits your eye. Some more time passes by, you find something that you have always wanted, so you buy it on the credit card. A few days later, you go outside to your mail box and you see you received 3 more new credit cards. So you think, "Great, now I can spend a little more money because I only have to pay a little at a time." Then like a storm a month later, in the mail, you have 4 bills showing you owe a lot of money and end up with a house full of junk. So take it from me, use your mind and decide what you really need and can afford when you buy something on a credit card.

 

[Ceicei]

You still need some more commas and syntax work with your modified paragraph....

I really do not like to end up "writing your paper". If I do that, it becomes my paper instead. Do you see where more commas would be needed? BTW, brakes is actually breaks. Leave out the For me and with in is spelled within. Where is were.

Hint: Usually with English, numbers are spelled out.

- Ceicei

 

[TallAdam85]

yes i do thanks for the help

any ways i am going to fix it up and turn it in at 10:00 am so thanks for the help

 

[Ray]

I'll take a stab at the opening:

Most people in the United States don't receive enough credit for their eighteen year old wallets. Everyone, except those who are examples of why marijuana shouldn't be legalized (see the "should marijuana be legalized?" thread), can remember their first credit card. I bought my wallet at JC Pennys with a Sears Credit card.

At first most people think, "So this is what it's like outside the womb."