New here - Have a small issue

[Headhunter]

I agree. It shouldn't "This is what needs to be done. Go do it."

I’ve always totally disagreed with the statement “you shouldn’t hit women” no that’s rubbish it should be “you Shouldn’t hit ANYONE” man or woman you shouldn’t be hitting anyone outside a gym setting but in a gym setting I have no issue hitting anyone man or woman because it’s their choice to be there They want to spar and they’re trying to hit me. Obviously I’m not going to go 100% but I wouldn’t go 100 on men or women because that’s stupid and causes injuries.

 

[ShortBridge]

I felt that way once upon a time. In life, I still do, but as Headhunter pointed out, I've also gotten to the point that it's really not okay to do harm to anyway, except in circumstances where it is necessary. That qualification is complicated enough without parsing traditional values and gender.

In training, I've seen some fearsome females who have developed some amazing skill. As an instructor, I love to pair up visitors and beginner/intermediate students with them, because it makes them better and helps them realize how powerful they are and because it's good training for the student.

I'm going to trust that your instructor is not putting them in danger with you and I can tell based on your question that you don't want to do harm to them, so just train. Control is WAY HARDER than brute force. Don't disrespect them by going easy on them, but whether your sparring partner is a man or woman, be respectful and train control.

 

[Buka]

@Andrew, if you're still around, welcome to Martial Talk.

One of the things you might be able to do in your situation, at least until it changes....

When you spar with a woman - go all defense. Use footwork, blocking, slipping, ducking, parrying, anything and everything you know about defense. It's not going to be easy, especially with the better women fighters, but it will accomplish several things....you won't have to hit a woman - and you shouldn't be sparring full power anyway, I think you already know that.

And it will really sharpen your defensive skills and your ability to judge what's coming by observing body language and stance.

 

[drop bear]

Bluntly, that's a sexist attitude. Get over it.Or get used to them kicking your butt. Were this to happen in my school, I'd make it a point to pair you with female students until you got over this attitude. Start by recognizing that you're not "assaulting" anyone. You're sparring.

Would you have done the same thing to a woman who has issues due to suffering domestic abuse?

 

[Dirty Dog]

Would you have done the same thing to a woman who has issues due to suffering domestic abuse?

I love your habit of twisting things and changing what they're about. It's so you.
The OP never said anything about being afraid of hitting women. He said he felt it was morally wrong.
But feel free to head off down whatever tangent you like.

 

[JowGaWolf]

He said he felt it was morally wrong.

This is what I was talking about earlier when I said that "You probably should have started out with this." The OP stated that he and his mother suffered physical abuse when he was a kid.. The real issue isn't that he felt morally wrong about. The issue is that the experience of the abuse that he and his mother had when he was a kid has shaped his perspective about hitting women. To me it sounds like he was trying to work on he trauma that he got and was looking for a way to gain a different perspective about it.

Instead of getting a different perspective about, he received this "Bluntly, that's a sexist attitude. Get over it" I can only go on what the OP posted, but if I had mental and emotional wounds from my dad beating me and my mom as a kid, then the last thing I would want to hear from anyone is "That's a sexist attitude." I'm pretty sure that's the same way he thinks about his dad and more. Which is why he left by saying "Thanks for nothing."

If he had to deal with seeing his mother look like this as a kid because his father used to beat him. The last thing I'm going to do is say his attitude is sexist about not wanting to hit a woman. A kid seeing a their mom look like this on a regular because the dad beats both of them, is bound to have some mental and emotional scars to work through as an adult. I don't know how long the OP and his mothered suffered, but a year of looking like this when the beatings come, would definitely have a negative effect over time.

I think I would be more surprised if a kid who saw his mom look like this, doesn't group up to be super sensitive about hitting women. I don't know the OP or how bad the abuse was. So I'm only going on the info that was given.

 

[JowGaWolf]

The OP never said anything about being afraid of hitting women. He said he felt it was morally wrong.

If that moral perspective is based on having experiencing physical abuse in the house, then his perspective should be understandable.

 

[Brian King]

Hi everyone,

I just took up Taekwondo and we are beginning to spar, problem is im being matched up with women.

Now don't take me wrong, these women are good, really good, and would absolutely wreck me in a fight, but I cannot bring myself to hit them back with my full strength.

I'm still learning, my technique is way off still and my balance is far from perfect, but every time I get matched up with a woman opponent I freeze up.

Does this happen to other people?

No you've misunderstood completely.

I'm not "going easy" on anyone, man or woman, I have a moral issue with physically assaulting women because my dad used to beat me and my mum when I was a kid.

These women don't need anyone going easy on them, they train just as hard as we do, that doesn't make it any easier throwing a hook into them.

Welcome to the forum Andrew1310

First, Welcome to the forum (although it looks like you might have left already- if not, stick around)

Second, No child should have to witness domestic abuse between parents. I’m sorry that you went thru that. Understand that the trauma has helped to make you who you are today – both the negative and the positive aspects of your personality.

To address the subject of the OP as I am sure someone sometime will search, and this thread will pop up on their radar even if Andrew1310 never reads this reply.

The inability to hit another person is natural. Militaries around our globe have had to spend a great deal on research and training trying to up the score of the number of soldiers that actually aim at and fire at he enemy (another human being) Colonel Grossman has a great book covering some of this (On Killing) that I can recommend highly.

Hitting is of course mostly different from shooting and stabbing in the reluctance is not only the reluctance of violence but there is also often a duality of fear involved. For many new to the martial arts - The fear of hurting someone and the fear of not hurting someone is not uncommon. The what if I hit them and hurt them greater than I had meant to and the equal fear of what if I hit them and do not hurt them as greatly as expected. Our empathy stops one strike and our ego the other.

Many martial arts and martial artists train to overcome this inherent restraint by inducing (righteous) anger. Other martial arts introduce sports and protective equipment to offer the picture of safe contact.
Some martial arts train their adapts to overcome this restraint by making the response an automatic nervous system response that reacts without thought to stimuli. A select few martial arts (Systema) train to overcome this restraint by slowly building up the contact and always with the perspective of helping and healing.

Here are a few drills and exercises that an instructor can introduce that will help the student who is reluctant to ‘hit’ and the student reluctant to be hit. They are also awesome drills for students who enjoy hitting and those that enjoy being hit.

Start with push-ups (press ups) because – well push-ups, that and good slow push ups help to strengthen the wrist and connective tissues that help with striking without self-injury. Then pair up and one student lays on the ground and the other ‘fist walks’ on top of that students body by doing moderately slow push-ups changing the position after each push up (without knees touching the floor) Place the fists slowly and on purpose looking for the support needed to do a good push up. After ten or so switch positions. It is important to be both the giver and the receiver. A variation is to stand one student against a wall (facing the wall or facing away from the wall) and the other student starts with a traditional plank with their fists near the standing students’ feet. Then one fist at a time place them on the standing student’s body, after each fist placement do a push up then walk the other fist up the body until both students are now standing. Both are beginner drills, but many will find them challenging. Lots of lessons for both practitioners going on. Learning where to place fists, learning how to place fists, learning how to add strength and movement to the placing of the fists. They are learning to get comfortable with contact with out so much of the fear that contact can inspire. They are also learning that their bodies and psyche can take and give contact, and no one was injured and that in fact they will feel more integrated and happy after such drills. There are many variations that gradually add movement and difficulty to practice.

Another practice is to have paired up students start with pushing drills. Both are usually standing but variations add to the learning. One student starts by simply placing their fist onto the other student’s body first one then another then another. Simply placing the fist, no pushing…yet. Both are learning where fists fit on a body and where they do not. They should take their time with this paying attention to distancing and keeping good fists and form. Do not forget contact to the face – this is important. Eventually after both have placed fists, this then changes to place the fist then push the other. For those interested in Aiki or internal type of work focus can be on capturing (or evading) the other center and pushing from that point. Again, patience will be rewarded. Push the front of the body, the back, the side, the face and head, push from kneeling vs a standing and from a standing vs a kneeling, etc. Again, both partners should be learning at the same time albeit different lessons.

The next progression of this is to have one student slowly walk towards (and thru if not stopped) their training partner. The walking partners job is to walk thru their partner while observing their partners body posture (and when they decide to stop the ‘attack learning to read others) the partner standing and ‘receiving the attack’ will reach out with their fist, place it on the walking students body and by giving just a tiny bit (absorbing- watch the elbow) stops the attack. It takes good placement and connection. It is OK to touch the face but make sure to observe both partners reactions to this. Then after a bit of this – when absorbing the attack with the fist still ‘on’ the others body push out slowly and steady pushing the walking student either straight back or off on a vector of choice.

A game of competition and sensitivity is to have both partners face each other and place one or both fists on each other’s body. The rule is that you cannot push unless you have control of the others internal center. Either can push if they have control of the other.

The difference between a push and a strike is when the force is applied. By getting used to healthy contact soon striking ability is obtained in a healthy and beneficial manner. Once pushes are comfortable, they can easily be altered into light strikes then heavy effective strikes.

If an instructor is not willing to try a few of these out just arrive a few minutes early or stay a few minutes late, grab a fellow student and get a few minutes work in. It will be worth it.

A fantastic read on strikes is Vladimir Vasiliev and Scott Merdiths book on strikes.
https://www.amazon.com/STRIKES-Soul-Meets-Vladimir-Vasiliev-ebook/dp/B071L6SJKY

Warmest regards
Brian King

 

[Steve]

Hey, to the OP, might not hurt to talk to someone who is trained about this. Therapy can be really helpful.

 

[Bruce7]

Andrew 1310 was new. He had an important issue, he was having trouble dealing with. He was wanting some support. So we told him get over it.
If we are not nice to new people, we will only talk to the same old people.


,

 

[Headhunter]

Andrew 1310 was new. He had an important issue, he was having trouble dealing with. He was wanting some support. So we told him get over it.
If we are not nice to new people, we will only talk to the same old people.


,

It’s what I was always told and it never hurt me. Once when I was about 22 my gym had 13 year olds in the class I didn’t really fancy hitting children. Said this to my instructor his response was “well either you don’t spar or you get over yourself and Use control and deal with it” my response “fair enough “ I got over it...he was right. My issue was dealt with in less than a minute