New Element Discovered!

[Flatlander]

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

The 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can
be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but, instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact Governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of the moron promotion leads
scientists to believe Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

 

[Rich Parsons]

I have seen this around my work place and other work palces for years. It is usually called Administratium though.


I still like it though

 

[Jonathan Randall]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

[arnisador]

I have seen this around my work place and other work palces for years. It is usually called Administratium though.

Yeah, that's how I first saw it. Funny in any event!

 

[Sam]

I saw somethin similar to this, only it was about women.

EDIT

Here it is, with man too.

Man - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for Arsehole)
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 70. May vary from 50-150 kg.
: Highly reactive at 150 or higher. (avoid at all costs)
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length,
though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve
Occurance : Found following duel element Wo, often in high
concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties :
1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
(Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of
the Wo commom ore.
6) Tarnishes easily. Needs constant polishing and attention
7) Crusty exterior but may be soft underneath.
8) Naturally found in the crude state but may be purified
9) Simple in structure.
10)Often found in the gaseous state.
11)Spontaneous polarity changes relative to surrounding specimens.

Chemical properties :
1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is
possible.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existant to Pre-interaction effects
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red.
5) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
6) Great affinity for fatty substances.
7) May react violently under pressure.
8) Low boiling point, high melting point.
9) Attraction to large quantities of iron.
10)Poorly bonds with other substances.
11)Pure substances are rarely found except when covalently bonded.

Storage : Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate,
25-35 for favorable reaction style.

Uses : Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night,
general repairs, free dinners for Wo...

Tests :
1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted
specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
2) Appearance greatly improves when placed in a sports car.
3) Easily titrates to yellow under stress.
4) Never true blue.


Caution : Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with
reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable
under correct conditions.


Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Woman
Symbol : WO
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 59, but known to vary 50-88.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurance : Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slighlty lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties

1) Surface usually covered with sticks painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given special treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
7) Undergoes inpredicatable spontaneous dehydrolyses (weeps).

Chemical Properties :
1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many of the Precious
Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses : Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests : Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better
specimen.

Caution : 1) Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands. Use extreme care when handling.

2) Illegal to possess more than one.