MURPHY'S MILITARY LAWS
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke
3. Friendly fire ain't.
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
17. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
18a. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets . . . printed at different scales.
18b. All battles are fought uphill;
18c. All battles are fought in the rain.
19. Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare.
Heinz Guderian
20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
21. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
22. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
George Patton
23. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
24. Tracer works both ways.
25. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
26. War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact.
Attributed to Napoleon
27. Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.
Karl von Clausewitz
28. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.
29. Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.
Douglas MacArthur
30. Tactics is for amateurs; professionals study logistics.
31. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far.
32. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
33. No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the enemy.
Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
34. Only numbers can annihilate.
Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
35a. Always know when it's time to get out of Dodge.
35b. Always know how to get out of Dodge.
36. Your equipment was made by he lowest bidder.
37. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference.
38. Always honour a threat.
39. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.
40. Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.
Charles Edward Montague
41. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history.
42. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.
43. A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.
Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre)
44. Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander.
Jerry Pournelle
45. All warfare is based on deception.
Sun Tzu (The Art of War)
46. A little caution outflanks a large cavalry. Otto von Bismark
47. No combat ready squad ever passed inspection. No inspection ready squad ever passed combat.
48. Five second grenade fuses burn down in three seconds.
49. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
50. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
51. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.
52. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
53. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine.
54. When in doubt empty the magazine.
55. Snow is not neutral. Frunze Military Academy Maxim
56. The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire.
57. Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.
General Walter Bedell Smith
58. War is the unfolding of miscalculations.
Barbara Tuchman
59. Perfect is the enemy of good enough.
Soviet Admiral Gorshkov
60. He who wants do defend everything defends nothing.
Frederick the Great
61. If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict.
62. Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl.
63. Never draw fire. It irritates everyone around you.
64. A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
65a. If at first you don't succeed, call for artillery.
65b. When that doesn't work, call for an air strike.
66a. Mine fields are not neutral. They attack both armies.
66b. The Claymore you set now points at you.
67a. The effective radius of a hand grenade is always greater than the distance you can jump.
67b. The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater then the average grunt can throw it.
68a. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
68b. The mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to prove they armed all the rounds.
68c. To ensure this, the mortar team carrys extra pins.
69. There is no such thing as a convenient foxhole.
70. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
71. More aircraft are incapacited by a shortage of spare parts than by enemy action.
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke
3. Friendly fire ain't.
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
17. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
18a. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets . . . printed at different scales.
18b. All battles are fought uphill;
18c. All battles are fought in the rain.
19. Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare.
Heinz Guderian
20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
21. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
22. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
George Patton
23. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
24. Tracer works both ways.
25. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
26. War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact.
Attributed to Napoleon
27. Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.
Karl von Clausewitz
28. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.
29. Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.
Douglas MacArthur
30. Tactics is for amateurs; professionals study logistics.
31. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far.
32. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
33. No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the enemy.
Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
34. Only numbers can annihilate.
Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
35a. Always know when it's time to get out of Dodge.
35b. Always know how to get out of Dodge.
36. Your equipment was made by he lowest bidder.
37. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference.
38. Always honour a threat.
39. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.
40. Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.
Charles Edward Montague
41. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history.
42. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.
43. A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.
Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre)
44. Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander.
Jerry Pournelle
45. All warfare is based on deception.
Sun Tzu (The Art of War)
46. A little caution outflanks a large cavalry. Otto von Bismark
47. No combat ready squad ever passed inspection. No inspection ready squad ever passed combat.
48. Five second grenade fuses burn down in three seconds.
49. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
50. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
51. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.
52. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
53. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine.
54. When in doubt empty the magazine.
55. Snow is not neutral. Frunze Military Academy Maxim
56. The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire.
57. Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.
General Walter Bedell Smith
58. War is the unfolding of miscalculations.
Barbara Tuchman
59. Perfect is the enemy of good enough.
Soviet Admiral Gorshkov
60. He who wants do defend everything defends nothing.
Frederick the Great
61. If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict.
62. Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl.
63. Never draw fire. It irritates everyone around you.
64. A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
65a. If at first you don't succeed, call for artillery.
65b. When that doesn't work, call for an air strike.
66a. Mine fields are not neutral. They attack both armies.
66b. The Claymore you set now points at you.
67a. The effective radius of a hand grenade is always greater than the distance you can jump.
67b. The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater then the average grunt can throw it.
68a. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
68b. The mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to prove they armed all the rounds.
68c. To ensure this, the mortar team carrys extra pins.
69. There is no such thing as a convenient foxhole.
70. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
71. More aircraft are incapacited by a shortage of spare parts than by enemy action.
