Monkey-Love

[DngrRuss]

A zoo gets a new gorila, Maisey, for their great apes display.

Maisey proves to be extremely popular and she attracts many visitors to the zoo just to see her.

After awhile, Maisey starts to exhibit some surly behavior. A short time later, her behavior becomes more and more aggressive, until she gets to the point that she cannot be displayed to the public anymore. The crowds dwindle and the zoo is now in a bit of a financial state.

The zoo manager call in a vetranarian who specializes in gorillas. A qucik examination reveals tat Maisey is simply in "season". Her particular breed of gorilla gets more and more aggressive while they are in season if they do not mate.

The manager contacts all the surrounding zoos to see if they have a male gorilla to mate with Maisey, but noone has an appropriate male. The manager is at his wits end and sits outside her cage, pondering what he is going to do. While he watches Miasey rage in her cage, he notices that her behavior dramatically changes when the redneck groundskeeper, Cletus, cleans near the cage. As Cletus approaches, Maisey stops the bleating and insane hammering of her fists, and just stares at him. It seems that she even smiles and winks at him as he goes by, then rages again as he is out of her sight.

The manager, seeing that he has no choice, decieds to make Cletus an offer. He calls Cletus into his office and sits him down. "Cletus," he says, "you know our new gorilla, Maisey?"

"Yup," drawled Cletus.

"Well, as you have no doubt noticed, she's acting... a little strange."

"Yup, she sure is actin' all crazy."

"Cletus, I am just going to lay my cards on the table for you. She's in season, I can't find another gorilla, she sems to like you, so... will you...will you mate with Maisey for $500?"

Cletus sits and thinks a moment, then says, "If I'm going to do this, I've got a three conditions."

"Name them."

"First, I don't care how drunk I get, I ain't gonna kiss no gorilla."

"Of course not, I wouldn't expect you to kiss her."

"Second, I got a reputation to uphold. So nobody can know about this."

"Of course, noone will know except you, me, and Maisey."

"And third, you gotta give me at least a week to come up with that $500."

 

[arnisador]

LOL! I live in the middle of nowhere, and I think I've met Cletus!

 

[MA-Caver]

Good one.

A gorilla joke I know of:
At a not so popular zoo their star gorilla attraction died. Not having time or money at the moment to get another one they quietly skin the gorilla's corpse and make a costume out of it. They get a groundskeeper to don the suit with instructions that it will only be temporary til the zoo raises enough money to buy another one, it was also hinted that they might have to cut corners here and there to make it happen. The groundskeeper got the hint and reluctantly took the position.
Each day he don the gorilla suit and acted out in front of patrons throughout the day. Soon he was becoming the most popular attraction because he was so animated during his performance. More and more people showed up just to see him and the zoo started to pull out of the red. His employer praised him and told him that he was doing well. Bolstered by confidence he really put his heart into his daily performance. Rolling around, beating his chest, throwing American Tourister luggage around the place, and other things. His favorite activity was swining on the tire.
One day he was feeling good and was putting on an especially good show. He got on the swinging tire and went full out. He was basking in the cheers of the children who came to see him as he swung higher and higher... not noticing the rope was beginning to break.
Then *SNAP* the rope broke on the highest part of his swing and he fairly flew over his fence and landed next door ... the lion's den. Dazed he shook his head and took in his predicament. He spied several large lions on the far side of their paddock and they were waking up. He edged backwards til he came up against the back wall. Three of the largest male lions were now standing and looking him over... they slowly padded over towards him.
The groundskeeper began to panic... should he keep up his charade and hope that someone will rescue "the gorilla"? Or should he blow his cover at the risk of losing his job and ruining the zoo's repuation.
Closer the lions approached. Snarling and licking their chops. The groundskeeper was frantic but knew enough not to make any sudden movements to trigger the lion's attack... he looked up. The school kids were all gathered around the perimeter of the fence and cheering "yay the lions' going to eat the gorilla! Yay!"
The biggest lion was just a few feet away, the groundskeeper looked into the animal's eyes and saw... NO! Can't die like this. He stood upright and frantically began to try and tear the head of the costume off, but it was stuck! He shouted "HELP HELP! I'm really a man in a gorilla suit! HELP Please! Someone call the zoo-keeper!"
The lion pounced on the terrified man, knocking him down on his back and stood on his body glaring down at him. The lion opened it's terrible jaws pressing it's nose against his and the groundskeeper was shocked to hear a whispered angry voice;



Shut up you moron or you'll get us all fired!

 

[DngrRuss]

ouch

 

[Gin-Gin]

"And third, you gotta give me at least a week to come up with that $500."

*Groan* Let's hope Cletus isn't from Texas! :lol:

Shut up you moron or you'll get us all fired!

Another good one.

 

[MA-Caver]

Yet another gorilla joke....

A couple visited the African Rainforest via backpacking/camping for their annual vacation. Late one night the wife was stolen from her tent and a massive search was launched, she wasn't found until two years later when she wandered out of the forest with torn and ragged clothes but none less worse for wear, she was however seemingly in a state of catonic shock.
Brought back to the states her husband called upon every well known psychatratist, therapist and anyone else who might be able to help her, but to no avail. She was able to function minimally at best but refused to speak. Her husband at wits end was contemplatng divorce though he loved her very much.
Her long time best friend came over one day to visit and to try and break the spell. After an hour of trying to start conversation she took her friend's hand and asked:
"Dear, we are all so worried about you. We were so happy that you came back from that awful jungle and away from that huge gorilla. Tom loves you but he's going to leave you. You got to say something, please. What is it dear? What happened out there that was so terrible. What's troubling you? Was it that gorilla?"
The woman nodded ever so slightly and encouraged her friend gently prodded her on..."go on dear, I won't tell anyone."
After a long silence the catonic woman blinked and a single tear coursed down her face... in a small voice she replied....



. He doesn't call, he doesn't write..

 

[shesulsa]

. He doesn't call, he doesn't write..

:lol2::roflmao::rofl: