In the previous post, I mentioned briefly that I amaze myself with new developments every day. Here is one recent example.
I met my ex-wife at a bank parking lot when it was time for my son to go home to her. She had her ex-con boyfriend with her. I tried asking my ex about something to do with our son's school work. (Keep in mind I had originally emailed/texted/called to say, "Please send his book bag with him from now on." Even when I called, I got voicemail, and my call was not returned.) When he came over, he did NOT have his book bag with him, so I was trying to address the issue. I said, "Why didn't his book bag come with him?" She said, "It's at the house." I said, "Okay, but...that doesn't answer my question. Didn't you get the messages I left about wanting it to come with him?" At this point, the ex-con chimed in, "Dude, let it go. She said it was at the house." I said, "I was asking her, not you."
He got out of the car and ran around, charging at me. I backed up a couple steps, getting into fighting stance. My hands were up (open, not in fists), and I said, "You need to stay away from me. Don't get ANY closer!" And to my surprise, this thug (who has probably 6 inches in height and 30-50 pounds on me) actually stopped in his tracks.
So...why is this something so amazing? Well, you would have to know my life to get the full impact of it. Needless to say, if this had happened as little as 2-3 years ago, I would have ran for my car, but I didn't. I stood my ground. Why? Because I was not in the wrong. I was merely trying to communicate with my ex about our son...OUR son, not his, and he had no place chiming in to interview with how I raise him. Maybe he thinks he does simply because he is dating my ex, but guess what? If he broke up with her tomorrow, he wouldn't give a flying F what happens with our son. So he needs to learn to butt out.
The only thing that angered me about the whole event was that my son witnessed it, and then I had to let him go home with that jerk. There was nothing I could do about it. I tried calling CPS, but they didn't care because he was in the car when it happened and therefore out of the way of any physical harm. I asked, "Don't you think that kind of stuff causes him PSYCHOLOGICAL harm?" Apparently, social services law doesn't care about that 'round these parts.
The next time my son came over, I asked him how he felt about what he saw. He said, "I was scared that he was going to punch you." I said, "I know, and I am sorry you had to see that, but do you know what I was doing? Do you know why I didn't run to my car?" He said no, so I explained, "It's because I was trying to talk to your mother about something to do with YOU, about something related to your school work, to help you out in areas where you are struggling. He had no business butting in. I stood my ground for YOU, buddy, because when it comes to you, your brother, or your sisters, NO ONE is going to intimidate me."
It has been such a long time coming. Those of you who have had enough self-esteem/self-confidence for all your lives cannot grasp what a relief it is. I mean, it is one thing to go through all the evaluations I have, to get a diagnosis, to get on medication, to feel better, and to THINK your self-confidence is higher, but you really don't know until it gets tested somehow. And you can't plan for moments like that.
I am so glad that I passed my test. It made me realize: "Shoot, if I didn't scamper away like a frightened rabbit from an ogre like that, then what need do I have to be scared of ANYONE?"
