Looking for advice...

[Simon Curran]

Bro, try homeopathic resque remedy,(I forgort how it's spelled) It helps in the moments of acute, strong emotions.

Thanks, never heard of that, but I will try to keep a look out.

 

[Marginal]

Thanks for your words, but that really isn't the case, she is maybe a little too trusting of people sometimes, as opposed to being a direct trouble causer.

Somewhat cheesy advice, but if you don't want to have to worry about dealing with bar fights, look for alternatives to clubbing/bar hopping etc.

 

[Simon Curran]

Somewhat cheesy advice, but if you don't want to have to worry about dealing with bar fights, look for alternatives to clubbing/bar hopping etc.

That is of course always an option, but I would prefer not to have other less desirables dictate to me where I can and can't go.
That said, I do agree that alcohol is often a course of problems, but we shouldn't really allow our lives to be directed by the miscreants of the world.

 

[Simon Curran]

It has been brought to my attention that my second post in this thread is in violation of the rules of this site.

My sincerest apologies to anyone who might have taken offence, and if a member of the administration team could edit the content of the post it would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance
Simon

 

[chinto01]

I agree with some of the other posts that say only you know if you went to far. At least you recognize it. I think that being in a bar is a hard situation with a number of variables even if you are sober, nevermind if you have had a couple of drinks. Adreneline is a hard thing to manage when you are in the situation. I would recommend discussing this with your instructor to get his thoughts.

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Simon I think the fact that you care to learn control is commendable. :asian: You obviously care about your girlfriend and seeing her violated like that must have made you feel very angry - it's understandable, but I agree with MaCaver that fighting angry is never a good idea. It can cause you to waste your own energy and make impulsive decisions, and what if your girlfriend and the bouncers had not stopped you? Is it worth going to jail over? Kenpojujitsu3's advice was great, and very constructive.
In teaching children to control their impulses one of the things that we do is to give them some tools to help diffuse their anger. In the simplest form we teach then to recognize the triggers (when the angry feelings start), and they are then taught to openly verbalize the feeling/feelings to warn others of a possible negative action or retaliation. For instance, shouting something like, "I'm so angry I want to hit you for that!" Alerts others and the conscious self to the building feelings, and then we teach them to count out loud at first to ten with a good deep breath after each count, and by the end if they are still angry they are to repeat the counting until they feel more in control. Now this would not necessarily be practical for you as an adult to do this for a few reasons, but you could begin to pay attention to the triggers, and if the situation does not call for immediate action take the mental break and deep breathe before reacting. There's always the line from the old Honeymooner's show that you can try. Anyone remember this? "Pins and needles, needles and pins a happy man is a man that grins!" Alice says that through clenched teeth when angry at Ralph. There's also the line from Seinfeld, "SERENITY NOW!" Or, find any saying that suits you and repeat it over and over to yourself combined with the breathing until you feel calm. I also know a few people who study Zen and learn inner discipline through sitting zazen - which is a meditation posture. They tell me it really brings you a sense of calm, and a new perspective on life. Maybe you could check that out. Good luck!


MJ :asian:

 

[Adept]

Simon, I have the exact same problem. It takes a lot to get me fired up, but once I am I often extend the limits of what I believe to be acceptable measures. For example, if I have to defend myself in a bar, I'll just do what is necessary for me to get out of there. But if someone attacks either my fiance or one of my mates, I go from just trying to get everyone out to really trying to hurt the other guy.

What I do, is watch myself for the signs of losing control. Usually I clench my jaw and my fists when I begin to get angry, so when I catch myself doing this I try to consciously calm down. It helps me to avoid entering dangerous situations when my emotions are running too high.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

What I do, is watch myself for the signs of losing control. Usually I clench my jaw and my fists when I begin to get angry, so when I catch myself doing this I try to consciously calm down. It helps me to avoid entering dangerous situations when my emotions are running too high.

That's excellent.

 

[Simon Curran]

Ladies and gents,

Thanks very much for all of your advice and comments, I am hoping not to put myself into a similar situation again, and have discussed this with my girlfriend, but all of the comments made here are appreciated.:asian:

Once again, thanks.
Simon

 

[bluenosekenpo]

Ladies and gents,


The next part, I believe was justified, only later did it turn ugly.
I stepped in between him and my girlfriend, shoved him over a bench and dragged him back up to give him a lecture about gentlemanly conduct over for a lady.
However he took a wild swing after my head, which I kind of step-bobbed underneath and popped up grabbing him in a sleeper hold.
From this point onward I lost it, and this is the particular problem I am refering to.
I know that I should have sent him on his way, but I didn't due to my reasonable self having left the building, instead I proceeded to choke him out, and was still doing so until my girlfriend told me to stop and the bouncers arrived.

Simon

i honestly can't say that at this point you've done anything wrong. were you trying to kill him? doesn't sound like it. did he have friends with him? using him as a barrier makes perfect sense. would he have escallated the fight to the point that someone would have been hurt? who knows, probably.

choking a person out, for compliance, to me is preferable to kicking out knee caps and ripping out throats. yes manage your temper, yes, explain to your girlfriend that her actions may have fatal repercussions if they pull you in, yes examine your motives and grow.

reading your story though, i'd say you showed pretty good restraint. don't beat yourself up over it. regards.