Hey guys, thanks a lot for the responses it's much appreciated.
My instructor does provide guidance when we spar with each other (keep the knee up, etc etc) but still, I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. It is one big game of tag (at this point we're only tapping to the shoulders and torso until we get the headgear on) but I can't seem to get in there to do it even though I am very very quick on my feet.
It's not about being "quick on your feet." It's about building experience, automatically recognizing cues for attack and defense, and automatically executing them. Frankly you are suffering, dually, from two things. First, you don't yet have the "programmed" responses. Second, you are behind in the OODA loop. Both of these can be helped with patience, practice, and experience.
Not that it's relevant but I'm a female and when I spar with my male classmates they go a bit easy on me, which doesn't help to push me!
This may or may not be true. Some guys do go easier on the ladies. Some ladies simply believe that they're being treated disproportionately. I was working Cutlass and Boarding Ax with one young lady who was convinced I was pulling my strikes. I wasn't. I was not hammering them as powerfully as I could, but I didn't need to. I was letting the weapon do the work. No sense tiring myself out needlessly.
The same thing may be happening to you.
The problem, again, is that you are inexperienced. You may not have enough contextual experience to correctly judge whether or not they're "going easy" on you. It could be that you are working with people who are using their experience to judge how much it is proper to use against someone with your level of training and experience. Frankly, when I'm teaching, I don't go as hard on 12 year old girls with no training experience as I do with healthy, strong, 27 year old men with years of wrestling experience.
What I'm saying is that I tailor training (within limits) to a student's physical capabilities and experience level. It's pretty common for most instructors to do so.
On the other hand, maybe your sparring partners think you're cute and are trying to get a date. I don't know and all I have are my personal experiences and what you're telling me.
Honestly, if you think your sparring partners are going too easy on you, tell them to step it up a bit. Ask your Sabum if they're going to light or if it's OK for you to push a bit harder.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk