LOL you pass the test, you are proper husband material!
Is there an ideal age to get married?
- Thread starter Ronin74
- Start date
LOL you pass the test, you are proper husband material!
chrispillertkd
Senior Master
I was 30 when my wife and I got married. We had known each other for several years before getting engaged. In retrospect I can only say that my one regret is not asking her to marry me sooner. Just think of all the extra time I could've spent with her as my wife!
I don't know if there is an ideal age per se to get married but I do think I view earlier marriages much more favorably now that I am married than I did before. Same thing for shorter engagements. Heck, my wife and I kept moving our date forward.
Pax,
Chris
I don't know if there is an ideal age per se to get married but I do think I view earlier marriages much more favorably now that I am married than I did before. Same thing for shorter engagements. Heck, my wife and I kept moving our date forward.
Pax,
Chris
kailat
Green Belt
This topic is so me.. LOL i can't help but reply and give my .2 cents worth.
I was 20yrs old when I got married the first time to my now ex wife, she was 19. We had a son and was married for about 11yrs. Our marriage was so rocky from the very beginning. I believe we married for all the wrong reasons. We were great friends and were "soooo in love" hahaha well i was immature, not ready for what all marriage had to offer me. we divorced a little over 4 yrs ago. IT was a bad break up and of course anytime a child is involved it gets ugly. Well recently the guy she and i got divorced over that she left for, they finally have called it quits. So the grass was not greener on the other side for her as I kept telling her. But honestly I can not thank her enough for giving me my life and freedom back. I've enjoyed the single life for the past few years. I don't miss being married at all. LOL..
For some it's the best thing they've ever experienced.. For me it was just a learning experience...
Im now dating my old high schoool sweetheart and she is going thru her divorce right now. Her soon to be ex husband still lives w/ her and although this sounds strange, it actually works out. Because just recently after my ex wife and her BF has broken up she needed a place to stay and so i allowed her to move in w/ me and "our son" .. so it all works out.. We are both friends even thru all we've put each other thru the past 13yrs or so. It's really odd though because we go out on dates and actually give each other our privacy when needed.. LOL it's such a strange happening I can't even explain it.. LOL.. I hope she finds someone to give her the happiness she deserves..
As for my GF and I were both in agreeance that neither of us will ever get married ever ever again.. were planning on dating and just seeing where things go w/ us.. we have such a strong love w/ each other that we never knew existed. were both in our mid /late 30's and if we ever cross the bridge again we''ll be very seasoned in the field of marriage... so there is no right age.. but the greatest age is the age U get divorced...LOL thats my opinion..
I was 20yrs old when I got married the first time to my now ex wife, she was 19. We had a son and was married for about 11yrs. Our marriage was so rocky from the very beginning. I believe we married for all the wrong reasons. We were great friends and were "soooo in love" hahaha well i was immature, not ready for what all marriage had to offer me. we divorced a little over 4 yrs ago. IT was a bad break up and of course anytime a child is involved it gets ugly. Well recently the guy she and i got divorced over that she left for, they finally have called it quits. So the grass was not greener on the other side for her as I kept telling her. But honestly I can not thank her enough for giving me my life and freedom back. I've enjoyed the single life for the past few years. I don't miss being married at all. LOL..
For some it's the best thing they've ever experienced.. For me it was just a learning experience...
Im now dating my old high schoool sweetheart and she is going thru her divorce right now. Her soon to be ex husband still lives w/ her and although this sounds strange, it actually works out. Because just recently after my ex wife and her BF has broken up she needed a place to stay and so i allowed her to move in w/ me and "our son" .. so it all works out.. We are both friends even thru all we've put each other thru the past 13yrs or so. It's really odd though because we go out on dates and actually give each other our privacy when needed.. LOL it's such a strange happening I can't even explain it.. LOL.. I hope she finds someone to give her the happiness she deserves..
As for my GF and I were both in agreeance that neither of us will ever get married ever ever again.. were planning on dating and just seeing where things go w/ us.. we have such a strong love w/ each other that we never knew existed. were both in our mid /late 30's and if we ever cross the bridge again we''ll be very seasoned in the field of marriage... so there is no right age.. but the greatest age is the age U get divorced...LOL thats my opinion..
Omar B
Senior Master
My wife and I were both 27 at the time. It took me a while, I've been in long term relationships before that seemed to be heading that way but little things hung it up. I'm a clean freak and everything must be just so, I read a lot, I don't talk for hours on end even, I spend hours every day with my guitar or working out. Those are not things many people can handle.
Let me tell you, I was with a girl for 4 years who was in every way great except she was not the clean freak I was, that one thing bugged me till it broke us up. I can't stand a single dish in the sink (I've been known to randomly clean my friends houses when I'm over to hang out, or I've cleaned my friend's bar during business hours while his bartenders are working) or a thing left out on my bathroom counter or clothes draped over the chair in the bedroom (they can be on the chair, but folded. It broke us up, that, her not being as obsessive and my need to wake up to vacuum and mop. Let me tell you, when I was in college working at the Italian restaurant part time, they loved the heck outta me.
Let me tell you, I was with a girl for 4 years who was in every way great except she was not the clean freak I was, that one thing bugged me till it broke us up. I can't stand a single dish in the sink (I've been known to randomly clean my friends houses when I'm over to hang out, or I've cleaned my friend's bar during business hours while his bartenders are working) or a thing left out on my bathroom counter or clothes draped over the chair in the bedroom (they can be on the chair, but folded. It broke us up, that, her not being as obsessive and my need to wake up to vacuum and mop. Let me tell you, when I was in college working at the Italian restaurant part time, they loved the heck outta me.
chrispillertkd
Senior Master
Will you be my friend? :wink2:
I do not think there is an ideal age. I think it is different for everyone.
I married the first time at age 28 (divorced less than 2 years later). Married for the second and last time at age 40. I would warn anyone against getting married because they think perhaps they're of an age when they ought to be getting married.
My marriage is the most satisfying and wonderful thing I've ever experienced. When the best time is to get married, I have no idea, but if you do get married, I hope you find as wonderful woman as my wife is.
JT,
Thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot to state what you have stated here.
In Psychology Today they have a new term in use called "Starter Marriage". It is predominately used for women as they enter into their first marriage not 100% satisfied and knowing they want to change in the future. They are doing it so that their parents do not think bad of them for living with a man. They are doing it so that they do not have be an "OLD MAID". They do it as they think it would be cheaper to be married and to split the costs while they save and look for the future.
I think this is bad when it has a name, and there are enough for the psychs to start collecting data.
That being said, many people have gotten married and staid married, but even more have gotten divorced. It is easy to get a divorce now. No Fault states make it 60 days for no kids if all is agreed too, and 6 months with kids if all is agreed too. So, if not hang ups then it is realtively easy to get one.
I know I was mature and was able to pay my bills and able to handle life aaround me as I had been living on my own for a while.
I was naive in the costs of living with someone, as I had never lived with a women before. (* Mom's don't count
*)There should be no rush.
There should be no time frame. (* Friend had one woman pushing him to run away and alope, found out as they did not she broke it up ran off and got married to some new guy she just met. Her Visa had run out and she did not want to go back to the country of her birth. *)
There should be no must do's or pressure from other people.
It should be what both of you want not jsut what one of you want. If one person is totally afraid and agrees to not loose the other, it can be very bad. It can survive with lots of work as any marriage will require, but will people be willing to put in the work if they were the one not sure?
LuckyKBoxer
Master Black Belt
I do not think there is a cookie cutter age to put in here..
I would recommend that before two people get married they spend a substantial amount of time understand what their own goals and priorities are, what their possible partners goals and priorities are, and if those goals and priorities match up.
It seems like more often then not the vast majority of problems I hear about that end marriages are problems that were apparant from the getgo. The people just chose to either ignore them or never look for them to begin with.
Money is not necessary to be happily married
Age limits are not necessary to be happily married
the understanding on what one can and can not live with, and what one wants to work towards is necessary for a solid basis for marriage though in my opinion.
I would recommend that before two people get married they spend a substantial amount of time understand what their own goals and priorities are, what their possible partners goals and priorities are, and if those goals and priorities match up.
It seems like more often then not the vast majority of problems I hear about that end marriages are problems that were apparant from the getgo. The people just chose to either ignore them or never look for them to begin with.
Money is not necessary to be happily married
Age limits are not necessary to be happily married
the understanding on what one can and can not live with, and what one wants to work towards is necessary for a solid basis for marriage though in my opinion.
From "The Devil's Dictionary," by Ambrose Bierce:
MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
Omar B
Senior Master
Only if you cook well and have Megadeth on the stereo.
My head says the best time to get married is late 20's early 30's, because usually you're identity is well established by that time. I married a little earlier than that, but my wife is my soul mate and completes me, we've been married for 32 years this year, so I don't know that age is really all that importan. When you know who you are, and you find the right partner, things click and you'll know it.
I know two things about being married.
The first is that as a husband, it is your job to listen, not to fix problems.
The second is that if you don't have a long enough attention span to sit through a movie, marriage is going to be a bit of a problem.
The first is that as a husband, it is your job to listen, not to fix problems.
The second is that if you don't have a long enough attention span to sit through a movie, marriage is going to be a bit of a problem.
OP
OP
Ronin74
Brown Belt
LOL... I did NOT expect this thread to get past a page-and-a-half, but I'm glad to have read the responses. I guess in short, the quick answer is no, there isn't an ideal ae to be married. It definitely helps to hear that from those with experience. One of my friends was stating that the ideal age passed for us, but I don't think I could agree with his statement. I'm closer to thinking that it differs from one person to the next, but given that I've never been anywhere near the walk down the aisle, it's tough to be sure.
Now this was something that's been in the back of my mind since my friend first made his announcment. I'm not saying that I don't believe in the institute of marriage, but I've had this lingering thought that it wasn't for me.
Hey, let's not get radical here! LOL... j/k. Actually, I'm good about taking care of my laundry, and when I was in relationships even helping her with her's.
This is kind of a toughie. I'm not the regular drinking type- I pretty much limit that to celebrations with close friends. And usually after work, I like to relax on my own. More often than not, my tough days didn't allow for me to have anyone to come home to, so I'm more or less acclimated to keeping to myself.
Alas Bill, you've brought one of my faults to light: I tend to be a problem-solver. I will listen quite clearly, but I tend to replay things in my head while filtering out the emotions, and once I figure out the problem, I start to work on the solution. I know that can be a bad thing.
I think all men do this to some extent. Women tell us a problem they're having, and because we care, we want to fix it. It took me many years to finally twig (yes, I'm a slow learner) that they generally don't want a solution, they want someone to listen and care. It's not about the problem, it's about being there, paying attention, and empathizing. It doesn't come naturally to us.
OP
OP
Ronin74
Brown Belt
For me, I'd have to say it's more of a "quiet competitive streak" I have that won't let me walk away from a problem that a significant other may find burdensome. I've been told it's about the listening and empathizing. You're even making sure it's written in plain English for me to read, and yet I can't seem to turn off that solve-problem-switch.
Ironically, my boss from my last job hired me as her right-hand-man because I would find the resolutions for the problems at work, without getting tied up in the emotional aspects of the situations at hand. I should probably also mention here that- because so many of the people I worked with were females- she made sure I was more or less trained to not get caught up with any flirtations... lol.
Rats! My husband is the cook in the family.
Omar B
Senior Master
No deal! Maybe I should be talking to him. :hmm:
