Introducing the "School of the Winded Tiger"

[Bob Hubbard]

Introducing the "School of the Winded Tiger"
I am Grand Darth Rustaz, your guide on this journey through the wonders of the Winded Tiger Style of Kungate.

Kungate (kung-ate) is an ancient Japanese system of self defense that was transported by Murian priests to China where it was taught to a group of simple farmers. Being designed as the ultimate in a simple defense system, it is considered by experts to be the true root of all arts.

Winded Tiger style has been passed down for over 20,000 years, always to the 3rd son of the 2rd son of the current master, except for when there are only 2.

I myself am one of only a few Kungate masters in the world, and the only one alive outside of Asia, with the possible exception of Mrs. O'Learys kindergarden class.

Our style is a simple one. As indicated, it was designed to be easily learned by uneducated farmers.

I will briefly describe our white belt techniques.

The first thing taught is our salute. Taking your left hand, you place it over your groin. The right hand is then extended, palm down. Slowly you make a fist, and excend the thumb from your hand. Rotating your arm clockwise, you then procede to bend your hand back towards yourself while repeating the ancient Murian mantra for power "owtagofsiam".

Defensive technique number one - Break like the Wind.
This is a defense against a superior foe.
Standing in the kungate ready position (both hands over your groin) you first step back with your right foot 12 inches. This movement must be exact. We recommend placing a ruler by your feet prior to the confrontation beginning to help you.
Rotate your foot 180 degrees and shift your weight there.
Now rotate both your other foot and body to match it.
At this point you should be pointed in the opposite direction of your foe.
Now, run like hell.


Meditate on this students, and you too will someday, after passing the ancient test of writnchek hold the exhausted rank of Darth.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Kungate ranks

- Grand Darth : Master of Masters, Seer of Seers, the highest rank. For over 20,000 years, the title has always been passed down from the dying current master. Always to the 3rd son of the 2rd son of the current master, except for when there are only 2.

- Mauster : Title awared to one who may issue rank in Kungate, having mastered all of it's principles. This is rarely awarded as the principles change like a game of Fizzbin. One only attains the title of Mauster after decades of hard work, though it is possible to be granted the title if you beat the Grand Darth in a game of Fizzbin.

- Mestre : Title awarded to one who has learned all of the Kungate techniques, but has not perfected them yet. Normally a process of many many years and intense study, a select few have found ways to speed the process by writing really large checks to the Grand Darths favorite charity, himself.

- Novato : Title for all underbelts. Kungate does not use a belting system as is commonly used in other arts. All students are tested monthly on the entire system. Each test is $5, except on Thursdays when they are $5, unless your name begins with a vowel, in which case they are $5. If you pass the test you are issued one of the sacred beads, which look almost but not quite like a soda can pull tab, painted gold.

 

[Gemini]

My father had told me of this when I was small, but I always thought it was only a myth. My real name (and coinsidentally, my aol s/n) is "Slumping Dragon" which I was told has been passed down in my family for a mellenia. (or since the beginning of aol. I always get those two confused). Do you think this is truly a possibility? Could I really be a descendant of the originators of this grand art?

 

[bdparsons]

Bob,

I stopped reading about 3/4 of the way through your first post. Cute up to that point.

Reminder of one of the General Rules on this, your forum:

· Keep the language civil. No profanity.

One of the stipulations under the description for The Comedy Cafe is to keep it clean.

If your gonna have rules, abide by them would ya?

Bill Parsons
Triangle Kenpo Institute

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Bob,

I stopped reading about 3/4 of the way through your first post. Cute up to that point.

Reminder of one of the General Rules on this, your forum:

· Keep the language civil. No profanity.

One of the stipulations under the description for The Comedy Cafe is to keep it clean.

If your gonna have rules, abide by them would ya?

Bill Parsons
Triangle Kenpo Institute

Point taken, and corrected. Thanks!

 

[evenflow1121]

Do you offer video testing?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Of a sort, but again, Kungate is much different than other arts.

Our video test consists of watching the entire Leslie Neilson Police Squad series, and Naked Gun movies. If you can make it the entire way through without laughing, giggling or falling asleep, you pass.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

My father had told me of this when I was small, but I always thought it was only a myth. My real name (and coinsidentally, my aol s/n) is "Slumping Dragon" which I was told has been passed down in my family for a mellenia. (or since the beginning of aol. I always get those two confused). Do you think this is truly a possibility? Could I really be a descendant of the originators of this grand art?

Ahh, a decendant of the Dragon Clan. Welcome. The Dragon style of Kungate was considered a lost part of our history until very recently when an ancient scroll was unearthed during a garage sale at one of the styles great grandsons in the town of MoonGlow in the nation of Britannica. It is entirely possibly you are a direct decendant of the styles originator. Legend has it he was the originator of the Kirk technique, which rumor has it involves calling a guy named Scotty whenever he was caught with his pants down...which was supposedly often. Many have claimed decent, but we have yet to find one bearing the mark of the originator, which is a cowlick hanging over an eyebrow. We searched high and low for many minutes before giving up on the difficult search.

 

[arnisador]

Didn't Tim Hartman originate this style?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Tims contribution to the art will never be forgotten. Kungate is rich in tradition, 2 of which are the traditional wiping the floors with Bob that happens at any camp he (Bob) goes to, as well as the now traditional 'Heres Bob, feel free to hit him with a stick' that has opened many an event.

 

[TigerWoman]

Well, Grand Darth Rustaz, I trust you have two sons to hand this Kungate down to!!!??? It would be soooo unfortunate for it to become extinct. But even then, it may come to that if your sons know "white belt defensive technique numero uno" and escape! Maybe that is why there are so few of you Darths around. Beside, it is already around...I think my oldest one already knows that maneuver! TW

 

[arnisador]

as well as the now traditional 'Heres Bob, feel free to hit him with a stick' that has opened many an event.

It's not Modern Arnis if Kaith isn't hit with a stick!

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I will now release another of the ancient wisdoms, the ultimate test of ability.

Fizzbin

Here are the rules to Fizzbin:

* Each player gets 6 cards except the player on the dealer's right, who gets 7.

* The second card is turned up, except on Tuesday.

* Two Jacks is 1/2 a Fizzbin.

* Three Jacks equal a Slark, which means you're disqualified.

* Another Jack is good, otherwise you'd need a King and a duce except at night when you'd need a Queen & a 4.

* If you didn't get 3 Jacks, if you got a King, you would get another card except when it's dark when you'd have to give it back.

* The odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astronomical.

* The last card is called a Kronk.


Y'all got that?

 

[arnisador]

Wait, when do you take a drink?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Well, Grand Darth Rustaz, I trust you have two sons to hand this Kungate down to!!!??? It would be soooo unfortunate for it to become extinct. But even then, it may come to that if your sons know "white belt defensive technique numero uno" and escape! Maybe that is why there are so few of you Darths around. Beside, it is already around...I think my oldest one already knows that maneuver! TW

Kungate will be handed down to the eldest of my second wifes sons, unless my first wife objects in which case the oldest of my last wifes children will pick the heir, unless it's a Monday. On Mondays, it will be decided by the youngest of my wifes.

Unless I never get married, in which case.....I better hope it's Tuesday.

 

[Gemini]

So just to make sure I have this right...

Because I am the second son, (the first son is coincidentally named scotty) the style would be passed down to my third son, except that it is my first son that has the cowlick hanging over his eyebrow. In addition because I have a son from my first marriage, it would stand to reason that in fact, it will be my second son (who is really my third son) who inherits the style. This is so obvious now! How could I have missed it.

Just to be on the safe side, I did move my family to New York to learn "the salute". After 14 years there (as a contractor, no less), I believe I am capable of performing the "salute" to perfection.

BTW I have since retreated out to the catskills and am in the process of pitching interest to make the long awaited sequel to "Dirty Dancing"

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Yup, you're on your way to true Kungate mastery.
Except on Tuesdays.

 

[Rich Parsons]

Moonglow in the nation of Britannica :0 :lol:

Fizzban :rofl:


Thank you

 

[Rich Parsons]

Moonglow in the nation of Britannica :lol:

Fizzban :rofl:


Thank you

 

[TimoS]

For some reason I was reminded of this art (moido) when reading about this fancy style

moido being a close finnish equivalent of "see ya" in english