I hate spoiled kids with spoiled parents.

Hmmm...I am about to become unpopular here.

I have known children like this and parents. Some, I am sure would consider my children annoying at times.

However, you giving the child a dirty look and saying "don't poke me" and referring to him here as a "god-damned little rugrat" makes me wonder which one of you really has the "spoiled" problem.

Can't blame a kid for being a kid, can't blame the kid for not being an adult, because he isn't one. You, on the other hand, are. Although I don't like the mother's response, yours leaves a bad taste in my mouth as well. Children learn from what they see and experience. If an adult is giving them dirty looks and speaking to them in a tone that is "unfriendly" they are going to learn to do the same to others.

I think I would have more sympathy for your situation if you had addressed the mother in a manner that you would want to be spoken to and then, if she continued down the "mean" road, I could see your anger as being justified.

No, you're not "unpopular", you're giving your input.:)

The point of addressing the parent first has been brought up several times and it actually is a point i would tend to agree with, having thought it through.

But in future, what is more likely to happen is I'm just gonna get up, find a waiter and ask to be reseated, or when the waiter first seats me I'll just ask not to be seated near children and not even give that door a chance to open, that's all.
 
My latest mother-defending-the-cubs blow-up (about two months ago) was over even less of an issue, but regarding the same general principle.

Someone complained directly to my son about his behavior in a public place. The person who was correcting my son saw me standing right there at the time, meaning either 1) I didn't see that my son doing something wrong, or 2) I saw it but had no problem with his actions.

I took the person aside to address how he handled the issue, and that with me right there, he should have addressed me and let me deal with my son. Personally, if I *had not* been present, and some other adult had seen my son misbehaving, I would have been grateful for someone standing up to tell him (calmly) to cut out whatever, and bring me word afterwards. However, in this case, the person went straight to addressing why my 10-yr-old autistic son (who plays with his hair so much he has worn a bald spot into his scalp) should not be wearing a cap inside. Grrr!

Correcting other people's children is an emotional landmine looking for a place to blow up. There is almost no *right* way to do it, that will guarantee no one will ever take offense. Too many people see their children's behavior as a direct reflection on themselves, so you are actually criticising them, rather than being viewed as helping the child. In general, I would suggest getting the parents involved whenever possible. Then, if you see the same response, at least you will know where the kid got the behavior issues.


Maybe I am different, but when I run across a child that does not track or is tracking too much on one thing, I kind of recognize that things are not what they may seem. And I act accordingly usually a simple smile and or saying hi.

As to children being a representation of the parents, it is but it is not. Children make mistakes and they learn from mistakes to become socialized. Some have other problems that might make it more difficult to socialize and or learn.
 
On the other hand ...

When my oldest was a child, the outside-the-home experience for him was an excruciating one - bombarded with sights and sounds and vibrations and all sorts of things that overloaded his sensory circuit board. I dragged him screaming through the store consoling him, reassuring him, trying to refocus his attention to map the synapses he was missing. I refused to leave him at home with sitter or dad - that got him nowhere.

You wouldn't believe the comments I received ... or, perhaps you would.

For me, teaching my autistic child that he can adapt to his surroundings and mapping those synapses was FAR more important than the glares, verbal admonishments, unwanted advice.

I got some business cards from the Autism Society of America which on one side gave an 800 number and website for the local chapter of the ASA and on the other side an explanation that I was teaching my child to behave in public, blah blah blah. Most of the time I received apologies, others darn near physical attacks - normal kids just shouldn't have to look upon such tragedy in their young years. Poor widdle thangs.

My youngest borders on precociousness and dared to race Hot Wheels across the waiting room floor at the doctor's office. One run was enough for me and, as I rose to intercept my son and cars meeting, to have a woman suggest I ask for Ritalin while we were there ... before I even had the chance to speak to my son about the behavior. This was, I dare say, uncalled for. I *almost* suggested she ask for some Prozac to manage her intolerance for normalcy. My child is, after all, a child.

I've also been with multiple children and multiple adults and sometimes those situations aren't well-coordinated and children unruly - it can be quite the task to divide one's attention between six kids, six adults, a menu, the waitress and all the water glasses, cutlery and table-top signs and condiments and still maintain order and good behavior.

I won't, however, pretend there aren't parents who just don't care ... and unless someone is completely out of line with my children I won't show an unappreciative face towards the stranger. It is how we teach our children to behave - they push boundaries, we reinforce them. They poke a stranger in the back, we admonish them and make the child apologize to the stranger.

Sorry your dinner was ruined, Andy. Sorry some parents are afraid to be parents.

:asian:


If the parent(s) are talking to the child and trying to get the child to do something, I see this as the parents trying to accomplish a task. It might not be working but there is a showing of attempt.

As to pushing boundaries children do this all the time. I still do it. I hope to grow up some day, but my comment here do not take away from your point that is very valid.

I raced hot wheels across the doctors' office. I did it in the waiting room. I played "Trucks" with the smaller tonka toys as well. It is part of being a boy.

I read an article about should boys and girls be taught differently, and separately. I do not have enough data on the subject but I support the differently comments as what one may say to a boy might not work with a girl and the same in reverse. They react differently to colors and sounds and situations.

If your child did not play with Hot Wheels I would be more concerned in my opinion. But take my opinion for what it is worth. (* less than your time is worht to read it in print ;) *)
 
Rich, first of all, I don't appreciate you calling me a kid. Secondly, I had something in my eye...



:uhyeah:

Jeff,

Sorry, I had my fat thumb in your eye. I guess that is what made the leakage occur. ;) :D
 
No, you're not "unpopular", you're giving your input.:)

The point of addressing the parent first has been brought up several times and it actually is a point i would tend to agree with, having thought it through.

But in future, what is more likely to happen is I'm just gonna get up, find a waiter and ask to be reseated, or when the waiter first seats me I'll just ask not to be seated near children and not even give that door a chance to open, that's all.

Bold is mine.

As much as I agree that this could possibly be the best situation, it saddens me to see you feel that this is what needs to be done. I am a strong believer in it taking a village to raise a child. I think every good standing citizen has something to teach a child. If this child's parent is raising him to believe that he should be able to do whatever he wants just because he is a child, then showing him the opposite in a firm but kind manner could go a long way in forming who he will be as the "future of America."

Remember, he could be deciding your future some day ;)
 
Remember, he could be deciding your future some day ;)

Lord help us all. I have worked in day care and seen some children that i would honestly be scared to meet when they are adults. thankfully my *new* job has only 2 of these children :)
 
I really think the best action would be to either speak to the mom politely, ask the waitress politely to speak to the parent and shift your seat so that the child couldn't poke you.

But seriously - how many times do we tell each other that success = failure +1? Some children need re-exposure and training. You know ... just like dogs. :uhyeah:
 
Bold is mine.

As much as I agree that this could possibly be the best situation, it saddens me to see you feel that this is what needs to be done. I am a strong believer in it taking a village to raise a child.

What can I say? It takes a certain personality and a certain patience to deal with someone else's kids. I ain't it.

Remember, he could be deciding your future some day ;)

Gods willing I'll be dead by then. Sorry--My genetics have put me on the road to a potential early grave as it is, I don't need any help from people's unparented kids pushing me in.
 
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