THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
My tire was thinping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire ... I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
================================
Hear your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it. She moved in with me.
================================
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
=====================================
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
=====================================
How could two people as beautiful as you ...
... have such an ugly baby?
=====================================
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ...
... I've changed my mind.
=================================
I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
=================================
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ...
That you're not here to spoil it all for me.
====================================
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
====================================
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)
===================================
Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!
=============================
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
===============================
We have been friends for a very long time.
Let's say we stop.
===============================
I'm so miserable without you ...
... it's almost like you're here.
===============================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father is?
===============================
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
==============================
So your daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side - it's really good pay!
My tire was thinping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire ... I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
================================
Hear your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it. She moved in with me.
================================
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
=====================================
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
=====================================
How could two people as beautiful as you ...
... have such an ugly baby?
=====================================
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ...
... I've changed my mind.
=================================
I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
=================================
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ...
That you're not here to spoil it all for me.
====================================
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
====================================
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)
===================================
Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!
=============================
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
===============================
We have been friends for a very long time.
Let's say we stop.
===============================
I'm so miserable without you ...
... it's almost like you're here.
===============================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father is?
===============================
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
==============================
So your daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side - it's really good pay!
