Grandmaster Frank DeMaria convicted
- Thread starter Bill Mattocks
- Start date
Regardless of the article. My thoughts is that we often elevate martial art leaders higher than what is healthy and by doing so we forget that they are human too and with flaws. On the flip side, not saying that this is the case with Fran Demaria, but "victims" can be flawed too. While I have not been accused of sexual abuse. I have had people young and old lie about me and claim to be the victim.
Now in regards to article, If he did the crime then he should do the time. Big win for a working justice system. If he didn't do the crime then we really need to fix our justice system because we seem to have accumulated quite a number of innocent people in our jails and prisons.
This was the first Rule that I was told when I first started working with children. Always have another multiple people around when working with kids. After more than 20 years I still follow this rule. It may seem extreme to some, but it beats having a child lie about you because they are mad at you, then to go through all of the legal stuff and damaged reputation. It definitely wouldn't be the first time that someone has gone jail or prison because someone lied (talking in terms of my safety and not Frank De Maria).
The thing with contact sports is that hands may unintentionally make contact on certain areas. Miss trying to pin an arm against a body and depending on who you work with it may be breast or chest. Grappling increased the risk of some of this contact. Some may recognize it as what it is, a missed pin while others may see it as inappropriate touching. So it's just always good to have other people around
OMG.. That picture didn't give me the reaction that you were probably looking for. It literally looks like one guy grabbing another man's nipples and the other going for the groin. lol. But like I stated before. Perception is everything
Directional Harmony
White Belt
I find this especially despicable. Girls and women should find empowerment and control through martial arts. A sensei has a special responsibility to never cross that line with female students (children especially, but even grown women). It's sad that sex offenders find their way into martial arts schools. They should be safe spaces that teach confidence and control over one's own body.
A couple years ago, when I trained in the park, a girl pinched my butts and left. Sexual assault can go both ways.
Should I report that girl to be a sex offender?
Directional Harmony
White Belt
Of course it can go both ways, but girls and women are victims of sexual abuse far more than men. Not to mention that the GM who is the topic of this thread was sexually abusing girls, not boys. But yes, if you want it explicitly stated, women should not sexually abuse boys or men either.
Do you assume that men enjoy to be abused by women?
I just don't agree that all men are guilty, and all women are innocent.
The safety of women is very much at the centre of all the media in the UK at the moment following the arrest of a Metropolitan police officer in suspicion of the kidnapping and murder of a woman walking home in London. There will be no more information released now on the case as it is sub judice so no details until the trial.
However, women and young girls are recounting their experiences of sexual or physical harassment and there is so much of it happening everyday. There is not one woman that hasn't been affected by various threats.
Woman are told not to dress in certain ways, not to walk alone, not to go out at night, not to draw attention to themselves. Women who have to walk alone at night are afraid, they clutch their keys in one hand, their mobile phone on speed dial to the police in the other, they change their route, stop in a shop, walk faster all because they are afraid. Day and night there's kerb crawlers, wolf whistles, crude comments from men they don't know, in crowded public transport there's hands touching their pubic area, stroking their backsides, squeezing their breasts. There's 'upskirting', There's sexual comments at work, if they complain they are told it's 'banter' or to get a sense of humour because boys will be boys. There's the man who tells a complete stranger to smile as she looks pretty when she smiles, do you know how creepy that is? How scary in fact. There's so much more, I could be here for hours.
This has nothing to do with the trite 'not all men are guilty, not all women are innocent' rubbish. That misses the point totally. It dismisses yet again women's concerns about safety, 'oh men have worries about violence against them too' the majority of that violence comes from other men, all men don't have to worry about violence the way ALL women do.
However, women and young girls are recounting their experiences of sexual or physical harassment and there is so much of it happening everyday. There is not one woman that hasn't been affected by various threats.
Woman are told not to dress in certain ways, not to walk alone, not to go out at night, not to draw attention to themselves. Women who have to walk alone at night are afraid, they clutch their keys in one hand, their mobile phone on speed dial to the police in the other, they change their route, stop in a shop, walk faster all because they are afraid. Day and night there's kerb crawlers, wolf whistles, crude comments from men they don't know, in crowded public transport there's hands touching their pubic area, stroking their backsides, squeezing their breasts. There's 'upskirting', There's sexual comments at work, if they complain they are told it's 'banter' or to get a sense of humour because boys will be boys. There's the man who tells a complete stranger to smile as she looks pretty when she smiles, do you know how creepy that is? How scary in fact. There's so much more, I could be here for hours.
This has nothing to do with the trite 'not all men are guilty, not all women are innocent' rubbish. That misses the point totally. It dismisses yet again women's concerns about safety, 'oh men have worries about violence against them too' the majority of that violence comes from other men, all men don't have to worry about violence the way ALL women do.
drop bear
Sr. Grandmaster
Yeah. The best thing we can do is separate violence in terms of gender. That way I don't have to empathise with problems i can't relate to.
As I said the subject of women's safety is at the front of people's minds at the moment here, it didn't help when the Met police were shown being violent to women who were at a vigil on Saturday for the murdered woman. A poster here brought up the subject of violence against women, as in the OP the conviction was for crimes against females so yes the focus is on women at this point.
I've copied this from a friend of mine Rosi who is now in politics. She was addressing someone who said men also have violence aimed at them.
"From being teenagers, girls very often have less freedom than boys do, and that continues as adults. We're conditioned by society to feel unsafe doing things that men take for granted. (Even as a former professional fighter, I still feel this).
Yes, men are at risk of violence too. That's absolutely a problem - but it's a different problem. If the only time you talk about the problem of violence against men is when someone is talking about violence against women, that says something about your level of concern.
No, the vast majority of men do not abduct and rape strangers. And plenty of you wouldn't dream of hurting a woman. But perhaps think about the rape or domestic violence jokes you don't call out, or the friend who sexually harasses women when he gets drunk (but he's your mate and isn't *really* doing any harm), or the martial arts coach you don't want to believe is abusing his girlfriend so you look the other way.Ironically, women are far *more* at risk when everyone stays at home. Over 30 women have been killed by men already this year. The reason you haven't heard of most of them is because most were killed by partners or family members, often in their own homes. It's so common it rarely makes the news. "
Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
I believe it is second in line here after BLM and racism, unless of course you are Asian ...then apparently racism and abuse appears to be ok... Which is why I worry about my wife a lot these days
It is an important topic to discuss and the discussion should continue. But take note this thread is 9 years old
Flying Crane
Sr. Grandmaster
Again, a false dichotomy.
drop bear
Sr. Grandmaster
Women definitely need to do something to look after themselves.
Because?
why can't women walk down a street in daytime without being catcalled, kerb crawled or have a man try to pick her up?
why can't a woman walk down a well lit pavement at night without being kidnapped and killed?
I doubt many men quite understand the fear, frustration and sheer anger of women at the moment after the death of the young woman.
the government is bringing in a new Bill covering sentencing for crimes, mentions of increased sentences for damaging statues and demonatrating. NOT ONE WORD ABOUT PROTECTING WOMEN. No increased sentences for domestic violence, no guidelines to help get rape cases to court, nothing for women at all.
This last week started with International Women's Day and ended with Mother's Day, the week in between was pants.
And nothing has changed.
isshinryuronin
Senior Master
I think there are two dynamics at work here in regards to violence against women. First, there are the psychos who enjoy murder, pain and control, and get a sick sexual high off it. In this category the victim's gender may not be as important. Many vulnerable young men and boys are at risk here as well. Vulnerable, weaker targets are the main issue, so females and young males both are potential targets.
The second dynamic is the male sexual aggression inherent in most of the higher species. While the female often gives some signals, it is usually the male that pursues and takes action. Humanoids have been around for a million years, but I suspect consensual dating and foreplay is a fairly recent invention (maybe 20,000 years? less?) coming with what we call civilization and the accompanying rules of accepted conduct needed in dense settled populations to insure mutual benefit.
These rules must be learned by example and be respected. Unfortunately, many men are not exposed to good examples and/or do not respect the rules. Respect of rules must be enforced, and male role models must set a good example. To me it seems today's society is lax in both of these. Respect looks like it's becoming a lost art and family structure is also becoming a relic. (gangs often serve as a substitute family - a good dojo can be a better one)
Those I described in the first dynamic must be found and culled out. Those in the second category may have a chance at redemption if identified early enough. And if not this generation, maybe our society can get some common sense and teach respect and foster strong family units by the next generation.
In the meantime, we all have to do what we can to make it as hard as possible to not BE victims thru education, situational awareness and MA. For those who can not do this, it is upon us who CAN to step in with word or deed to aid when possible. The great "Bushi" Matsumura Soken listed such responsibilities in his 7 Virtues of Bu, one of the earliest known writings of Okinawan MA.
drop bear
Sr. Grandmaster
Exactly. It is something you need to get on to and fix. Take these people to task for their unacceptable behaviour.
You should not let people kidnap and kill people. That kind of thing is pretty unacceptable.
I certainly don't catcall or harass or kidnap or kill women because I don't think that sort of behaviour is acceptable.
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I
Women have been calling out unacceptable behaviour forever. They report violence and sexual abuse but they are questioned, 'what were you wearing, why were you out at night, were you drinking alcohol. Woman are still not being believed. Catcalling on the street is unacceptable, but men think it's their right to do it, their right to put their hands in a woman because 'why would she dress 'sexy' if she didn't want it '? Attitudes need to change.
This behaviour will not stop until other men call the abuse out, until they stop those men making lewd comments, until they stop the locker room talk,until they stop other men catcalling , until they talk to their sons about respect. Many men are shocked when women tell them what it's like but don't understand what they can do to stop it, their response is 'not all men'. No it's not all men but all men can actively look to stamping out unacceptable behaviours.
drop bear
Sr. Grandmaster
You discount men as victims of violence. So that they don't receive the recognition and support they need.
But also place an expectation on those same victims to fix your problems.
Why would that convince someone to help you out?
Why wouldn't you try to foster a sense of common cause rather than blaming men for lack of action?
I mean you couldn't get a more universally condemned act than kidnap an murder. You get support because that could happen to everyone. But instead you create this division.
It is basically turning a yes in to a no.
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Sigh. I don't discount men as victims of crime, in my working life I've seen enough. Your whataboutism is strong here. 'women face harrassment, sexual abuse, sexual comments and touching everyday' and you cry 'what about men'. Abuse of women was brought up by a poster in light of the OP and the assault of women hence I am talking about women.
As a matter of fact the kidnap and murder of a woman isn't universally condemned, I've seen comments on social media saying it was her own fault as she shouldn't have been out at night on her own, why was she walking, she must have been looking to be picked up by a man. Yes really.
If you don't know why we are asking men to call out other men's wrong actions then there's nothing to discuss with you, carry on with your whataboutism.
