Got any good Halloween Jokes.........

[KenpoTess]

Bobbing Apples: What happens when you
jog without a bra.

Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full Moon: What
your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for Halloween.

Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."

Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.

Mummy: The person who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton: Any supermodel.
Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.
Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."
Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee

 

[Cliarlaoch]

Hi all,

To get this, you have to understand a little something about Kingston. During the 1800s, this little 'ol burg was the major shipping port in Canada and the Northeast of the US, because of its strategic location on the St. Laurence River. All sorts of things got shipped in and out... including bodies. This was because Kingston also is the sight of the largest number of unmarked and mass burial sites in Ontario, if not all of Canada. There had been many plagues and commotions in the area, since it was a port town, and as the former capital and a prison town, it was to be expected that there were a LOT OF FREAKING BODIES here. There was even a gravedigger group called the Ressurectionists that operated out of Kingston.

Why the bodies? Well, because med students at the time needed a cadaver to operate on in order to graduate. So, of course, they took to graverobbing, or to paying others like the Resurrectionists to do it for them. Kingstonians were not pleased, of course, and there were many police raids to try and nab the bodies and their shippers before they left the docks.

All right, enough background.

There was a man living in Kingston called John Henderson (I think that's his last name). His friends called him Long John on account of his height. One night, as he was travelling back to Kingston from the nearby village of Bath, he decided to stop in at a tavern along the way to refresh himself (no jokes about typical Canadian behaviour, here! ). As he got out of his carriage, he noticed another carriage pulling up. Two men got out of the carriage, leaving a third man behind. They went into the tavern, while the third man continued to sit very still in the back of the carriage.

Long John was worried something might be wrong, and decided to check out the carriage. He knocked on the window of the cab, and the man did not move. He opened the door, and noticed immediatly (the smell and other things) that the "man" was in fact a recently buried corpse dressed up in a suit and clothes so as to fool anybody taking a quick glance.

Long John had had more than enough of the grave-robbing in Kingston, and decided to pay these fellows back. So, he removed the body, placed it in his own carriage, and dressed up in the dead man's clothes, before seating himself where the body had been in the robbers' carriage. The two men returned to the carriage, and started driving away.

He listened in on their conversation, and discovered that they were Queen's University Med students, who had just dug up their first cadaver. Not surprisingly, they were rather worked up about this, and had bought a bottle of whiskey to help calm themselves. Taking a swig, one man passed it to his partner-in-crime, who took a swig himself. After several passes of the bottle, one of the men, a joker if ever there lived one, decided to offer the cadaver something to drink, holding the bottle out to the body in mockery.

Long John, not one to turn down a good bottle of Canadian whiskey, promptly took the proferred item and took a swig, and then handed it right back to the shocked med student.

Both men jumped right out of the cab, and ran off in different directions into the forests around Kingston, leaving a laughing John Henderson. The men were caught by the Kingston police two days later, telling stories about a body that came "back to life."

There's more where that came from, although they're more ghost stories than humourous.