Favourite quotes

[mmartist]

I've searched for a similar topic but I didn't found, so excuse me if one exists.
I just want to post some random quotes. They may be fun, moral or philosophical. And I expect you to do the same If someone feels offended by something, please let me know and I will remove the quote immediately. So here are some:

FOR SALE:
Parachute. Used once.
Never opened. Slightly Stained.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime
between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white
and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.
-- Windsor-Heights Herald "Police Blotter", Jan 28, 1987

MAN:
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he
is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief
occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species,
which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest
the whole habitable earth and Canada.
-- A. Bierce

Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a
Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per per gallon,
and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
-- Robert Cringely, InfoWorld