Everything Happens For A Purpose

[Cirdan]

Things happen and what matters is how you deal with them, there is not some mystical phropecy to be fulfilled for everything.
Now shut up and train.

 

[Dirty Dog]

Most of you have already looked at my name and dismissed this post because, in the past, most of my posts have included a lot of whining and complaining.
For this, I do not blame you!

Some short background:
I studied Tang Soo Do for a few years and then quit because I wanted to try something else. I quit for a month. When I came back I was not permitted to test for my next rank, even though I had ample time to show that I still kept up on my training the entire time I was out.

I quit, because I felt betrayed and insulted. I wrote about it here and on Facebook. I receive many, MANY negative comments about it.

I just am now getting back to normal....I was in the hospital for quite some time while experiencing a near death experience. During that time, lying in that hospital bed alone, a lot of things went thru my head. One of them, being that I sat around and wasted precious time from my life, complaining about a belt color and a test.

And on a side note, wanna hear something ironic? I was denied the test in December and quit because the next time I would have been eligible to test again would have been March. I was in the hospital in March, so I would not have been able to test anyway. Coincidence? Perhaps.

But that is not why I am here. And if you are still reading this, you either loved to hate me, or understand when a man admits he is wrong. I took something that I loved doing, and turned it into some sort of contest with myself and other students. What matter is it of the color of the belt around your waist, if you have the ego that brings it down?

I see that now.

So my former master called me after he heard about my incident and invited me back. I was extremely surprised by his generosity. So I went back yesterday for the first time and everyone was ok with me. I remembered nearly everything and I had fun. At the end of the night, the master's son shook my hand and said to me, "I am glad your back....now get every godamn negative thing about our school off of the internet". And walked away. I walked over to him again and said to him, "I insulted you, didn't I?" To which he replied, "Yes. You spoke bad about my school. What you said isn't what martial arts is about."

He is absolutely correct! I am 39 years old, and this kid is about 20 or so, but he sure has his head in the right place. I felt, and feel, HORRIBLE about this! I insulted someone that taught me so much!

I started talking to my friend that I kept in contact with the entire time I was not there. He said everyone there knew about my comments. And although a lot of them weren't directed at my school in general, and more towards martial arts in general, they were still thoughtless, rude comments that I had no place saying.

But I now know that the entire school is probably insulted. They are just a great group of people that aren't going to say anything. The head master, who is in another school, knows about it as well, and I am sure he is even more pissed off than anyone else. And rightfully so.

I sent some PMs to some of the students, and the junior master in my school, apologizing and explaining to them that I do not deserve forgiveness or to be allowed back. And that is the truth. I think that it is better that I do not show my face there anymore. Why should I make anyone feel some sort of way, just because I let jealously and my ego get in the way? My friend thinks that I am over-playing this, and every one is happy that I am back and has put the issue behind them, but I cannot help but think about this every time I look at one of them. And that is how it will always be.

All of them read my PMs. None of them responded.......

The last thing I ever wanted to do, is insult these people. The people that took time out of their life to try to better mine thru martial arts. And I am an adult! I know that sometimes you make mistakes and that you have to live with them. This is not "fairy tale land", it doesn't always have a happy ending. But I am going to hang my neck out here and see what this population thinks.

Should I save the school from my ignorant, not worthy presence and not go back?
Or should I hope everyone puts it behind them and try to move on?

Sheeeeshhhh...
In your earlier incarnation, the message you received here was "shut up and train". Now, you're back at your original school and they're welcoming in you back. And you're second guessing them, which, since it implies that you don't believe their welcome is sincere, could be Yet Another Insult...

I don't think I'm likely to be the only one to notice that you are, basically, doing the same thing you did here before. So the answer is going to be the same...


Shut up and train, for crying out loud.

 

[Stargazer]

Kaygee, maybe your school isn't the best you can find for you. Training is personal and emotional. If it doesn't feel right, don't feel bad for seeking better at any point. Perhaps see how it goes. No school or its students should make you feel bad about yourself. I mean, there are plenty of places with positive people and ideologies. And a lot without, yet people train at those too, right?

 

[Seizan]

Hi.

I don’t know you, or anything about the “forum past” of which you speak, but I respectfully submit that you just may be asking the wrong people about what a group of students (that apparently none here have met) might be thinking. Many here have a lifetime of experience and have shared some pretty insightful advice and suggestions, but in the end, only you know the group in question well enough.

You seem to like the school enough to want to make this work out, and seek resolution and closure of the incident. So...

Advice freely given may be as freely ignored, so here’s my ignore-able bit: Ask your teacher to give you a few minutes at the end of a training session, and address the group. Express your apology and your willingness to make whatever amends possible and practical. Follow this by asking that if anyone has any problem or feels personally uncomfortable working with you after your faux pas, to please take it up with you quietly and privately over a cup of tea (or coffee, whatever).

You've made it obvious that your concern now regards their feelings, not yours. Listen to everything said without interruption or self-justification, and be flexible in your understanding. By letting them express themselves freely, you help to restore the harmony of the group.

Afterward, put the situation up on the shelf; show a good working attitude and your enthusiasm to get on with training. Don’t wear your heart out on your sleeve; it’ll just get squashed...

And I’ll bet you thought of all that, maybe did it already.

If anyone in the school was really irked to the point where working with you amounted to no more than “putting up” with you, I think it would have been expressed by now, either in words or action. At any rate, from what I read so far, it seems no one is getting ready to tar and feather you, so the soft approach might be best.

 

[GaryR]

I don't know what you've written in the past on the matter, but it seems as though you are being to hard on yourself.

Not being allowed to test after leaving for a month sounds to me like the instructor was being very petty. Just add this story to the list of reasons I don't like rank worn at all. It sounds as if there was an ego problem on both sides here. Assuming your internet complaining didn't go outside of the facts I don't think you really need to beg forgiveness. Facts are facts, if the facts embarrass them to the point they want them removed, they did in fact do something wrong.

People can forgive and move on. But, if you don't feel right about training there, don't. You may give it some time and see if you can feel right again, and don't be so negative you eliminate that possibility.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Most of you have already looked at my name and dismissed this post because, in the past, most of my posts have included a lot of whining and complaining.
For this, I do not blame you!

Some short background:
I studied Tang Soo Do for a few years and then quit because I wanted to try something else. I quit for a month. When I came back I was not permitted to test for my next rank, even though I had ample time to show that I still kept up on my training the entire time I was out.

I quit, because I felt betrayed and insulted. I wrote about it here and on Facebook. I receive many, MANY negative comments about it.

I just am now getting back to normal....I was in the hospital for quite some time while experiencing a near death experience. During that time, lying in that hospital bed alone, a lot of things went thru my head. One of them, being that I sat around and wasted precious time from my life, complaining about a belt color and a test.

And on a side note, wanna hear something ironic? I was denied the test in December and quit because the next time I would have been eligible to test again would have been March. I was in the hospital in March, so I would not have been able to test anyway. Coincidence? Perhaps.

But that is not why I am here. And if you are still reading this, you either loved to hate me, or understand when a man admits he is wrong. I took something that I loved doing, and turned it into some sort of contest with myself and other students. What matter is it of the color of the belt around your waist, if you have the ego that brings it down?

I see that now.

So my former master called me after he heard about my incident and invited me back. I was extremely surprised by his generosity. So I went back yesterday for the first time and everyone was ok with me. I remembered nearly everything and I had fun. At the end of the night, the master's son shook my hand and said to me, "I am glad your back....now get every godamn negative thing about our school off of the internet". And walked away. I walked over to him again and said to him, "I insulted you, didn't I?" To which he replied, "Yes. You spoke bad about my school. What you said isn't what martial arts is about."

He is absolutely correct! I am 39 years old, and this kid is about 20 or so, but he sure has his head in the right place. I felt, and feel, HORRIBLE about this! I insulted someone that taught me so much!

I started talking to my friend that I kept in contact with the entire time I was not there. He said everyone there knew about my comments. And although a lot of them weren't directed at my school in general, and more towards martial arts in general, they were still thoughtless, rude comments that I had no place saying.

But I now know that the entire school is probably insulted. They are just a great group of people that aren't going to say anything. The head master, who is in another school, knows about it as well, and I am sure he is even more pissed off than anyone else. And rightfully so.

I sent some PMs to some of the students, and the junior master in my school, apologizing and explaining to them that I do not deserve forgiveness or to be allowed back. And that is the truth. I think that it is better that I do not show my face there anymore. Why should I make anyone feel some sort of way, just because I let jealously and my ego get in the way? My friend thinks that I am over-playing this, and every one is happy that I am back and has put the issue behind them, but I cannot help but think about this every time I look at one of them. And that is how it will always be.

All of them read my PMs. None of them responded.......

The last thing I ever wanted to do, is insult these people. The people that took time out of their life to try to better mine thru martial arts. And I am an adult! I know that sometimes you make mistakes and that you have to live with them. This is not "fairy tale land", it doesn't always have a happy ending. But I am going to hang my neck out here and see what this population thinks.

Should I save the school from my ignorant, not worthy presence and not go back?
Or should I hope everyone puts it behind them and try to move on?

Dude, go back to the damn school. You have admitted you were wrong and are a better person for it. You took responsibility. Don't victimize yourself by denying your self the rewards of doing so. I will let you in on a little secret; Rank is worthless outside the doors of the school; so, you either value the material and teaching or you do not. Black belts are just white belts that didn't quit. Remember that. The other martial artists will get over it. You wouldn't be the first to be mad about testing. It is their job to deal with your crap. LOL
Sean

 

[aaradia]

Hi.

: Ask your teacher to give you a few minutes at the end of a training session, and address the group. Express your apology and your willingness to make whatever amends possible and practical. Follow this by asking that if anyone has any problem or feels personally uncomfortable working with you after your faux pas, to please take it up with you quietly and privately over a cup of tea (or coffee, whatever).
...

.

Respectfully, I disagree with taking up valuable class time for his personal issue. Any discussions with students should not take up class time. And people who chose to not be involved in issues like this should not feel compelled to stay, which might happen if addressed in a class situation like this. I would be very irritated if the class time I value so much was taken up with some interpersonal issue like this- VERY irritated indeed.

I also like MA because I just go and train and do not have to deal with interpersonal issues and politics. I just want to go and train. I would not like being dragged into stuff like this in the manner you suggest.

He can go up to people individually AFTER class time, when people can more easily choose to not be involved.