Cat Haikus: For the cat lovers here.

[hardheadjarhead]

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.



So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.



There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.



Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.



Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.



Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.



Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.



The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.



My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?



Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.



My affection is
conditional. Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.



Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.



I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.



So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."



Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.



Regards,



Steve

 

[shesulsa]

Howling friends outside
They are getting their freak on
Yeah? I can't sleep either.



Water bowl empty.
Litter box is now your bed -
You forgot to flush.



Scent lies everywhere
The couch, rug, gis, chairs, laundry -
Everything is mine.

 

[MA-Caver]

Tasty birds at feeder outside my window.
They flock mocking me as they feed.
Damn you human.

I love stupid dogs. Walk past patio door of
tall glass. Sit, preening waiting to
collect another nose print.

Catnip, my high. Buried in silly toy.
Compelled to play with it hearing laughter
Damn you human.

Crinkle. That noise! Crinkle.
Tossed ball of plastic wrapped paper.
Your empty cigarette pack, my toy.

My tail, your cub. Pulls it again.
My claws, your cub, their blood.
You shout, I'm now outside. Exactly my plan.

(ok ok not true haikus but hey... :idunno: )

 

[Swordlady]

To write a haiku
Five syllables, first and third
Seven in second

Psst, wake up human
Whether you like it or not
I feel like playing

What do you call this
"Chef's Surprise, Kitty's Delight"
No thanks, think I'll pass.

 

[Swordlady]

Why are you saying,
"Here kitty, kitty, kitty"
Don't you know my name?

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

cat plays in the street
truck driver going too fast
good with dipping sauce

 

[hardheadjarhead]

Awesome job, you all.
Please keep the Haikus coming.
Your talent is clear.



Regards,


Steve

 

[shesulsa]

Claws need sharpening.
Good! Here is a scratching post.
Oh - was that your leg?


I'll have some tuna,
Medium well - not kibble.
I won't eat that crap.


Why are you shouting?
Because I peed in your bag?
YOU cut my NUTS off!

 

[Makalakumu]

We have found your gi
It will now smell like our pee
Hope uki enjoys

Soy Sauce Watsabi
You ruin nice tasty fish
gollum gollchhhh...hairball

 

[Makalakumu]

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.



So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.



There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.



Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.



Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.



Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.



Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.



The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.



My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?



Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.



My affection is
conditional. Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.



Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.



I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.



So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."



Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.



Regards,



Steve

Steve, did you write these? My wife wanted to show these to her friends and wanted to give the writer credit.

 

[Makalakumu]

I am in the bath
Scratching and hissing, I see
your gi is no match



The water is filled
With five pounds of bladed death
My tongue is fine, jerk!



In the night I see
you sleeping. Comfortable, warm,
I'll sleep on your head.

 

[Makalakumu]

Naked man fixes sink.
Two hanging cat toys, tempting...
Pounce! Unconsciousness.

 

[Karushi]

I chew on wires
You spray me with the bottle
Soon will be revenge

When you are not home
I will tear up the couches
you will clean it up

You think you are smart
I sleep all of the day while
all you do is work

 

[RBaddorf]

I forget exactly, but a card I got for my wife a few years ago (from the cat) for mother's day was something like:


Nice lady pets me
Cleans the poop from my litter box
I call her Mommy

 

[shesulsa]

Something's wiggling ...
Right there under the covers ...
Now stalking my prey ...

Hunkering down now ...
It jumps and quivers, teasing ...
Still, now ... wait ... wait ... wait ... and ... POUNCE!!

Ghastly noise! Too loud!!
Must leave the area now!
Human is screaming ...

From my dark bunker
I see human writhe in pain.
Love the smell of blood.

Human is stupid.
Clutching his crotch. Why would he
Keep mice in his pants?

 

[The Kai]

Warm sunlight, eyes pull shut
Shadows grow, nightfall comes
afew more hours we can play

(if you think that sucked, you should hear me play piano)

 

[Gin-Gin]

Asleep on my couch
Dreaming of catnip and toys
Do not dare wake me!

Yes, you may pet me
But only on my terms; and
Behind the ears please

Whoever forgets
To fill my bowl shall pay with
Their best clothes and shoes