Bully Apologizes after 20 years

[Instructor]

Bully s Powerful Apology to Student He Tormented 20 Years Later

A man who was bullied in junior high received an unexpected apology – 20 years after the fact – when one of his tormentors recently reached out via Facebook to make amends.
ChadMichael Morrisette, a 34-year-old brand consultant and visual designer in West Hollywood, grew up in small-town Alaska. “The entire football team bullied me,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “It wasn’t one guy, it was six or seven guys who would follow me in the hallways, harassing me, insulting me, threatening my life.”

I sure would like to see this kind of thing happen more often. I dealt with bullies all through my school years and I sometimes wonder what kind of people they grew up to be.

 

[granfire]

Pretty amazing.
Sadly, a lot of the bullied kids don't make it.
Here, an 8th grader recently took her life because she could not stand it any longer. When you look at pictures of her, you can see the sadness in her eyes, even as she smiled.

 

[Steve]

I've said many times that bullies and the people who are bullied are really the same kids in slightly different circumstances. Most bullies are good kids who lack some very basic social skills, who are insecure, and who are likely also victims of bullying.

The most successful bullying programs help both the victim and the bully.

 

[Transk53]

I do like to read about stories like this. I think it takes some balls for a bully stand up and admit they were wrong, even if it takes twenty years, and as long as the apology has substance. I am certainly not a social expert, and this is just my opinion, but I can't help that the school hallway abuse that in the 70's would have been construed as just kids being a little mouthy, has been magnified in the modern day world. Not a bad thing, but social media and whatnot, what Granfire posted tragically seems more common. Seems really draconian now, but the cane worked on bullies then.

 

[Steve]

I do like to read about stories like this. I think it takes some balls for a bully stand up and admit they were wrong, even if it takes twenty years, and as long as the apology has substance. I am certainly not a social expert, and this is just my opinion, but I can't help that the school hallway abuse that in the 70's would have been construed as just kids being a little mouthy, has been magnified in the modern day world. Not a bad thing, but social media and whatnot, what Granfire posted tragically seems more common. Seems really draconian now, but the cane worked on bullies then.

The difference now is that kids get no reprieve. The pervasive nature of social media mean that you can't go home and relax with people you trust. Kids who are cyber bullied are being bullied day and night.

 

[sfs982000]

I like how the bully acknowledge that the kid he bullied was a bigger man for accepting his apology and forgiving him.
I would love to see harsher punishment handed down to those who cyber-bully.

 

[donald1]

Personally id like to see more kids be assertive and not passive. If the "bully" gets hurt the blame is on themselves and should not be passed on to the person defending their selfs (maybe even others too)

 

[Transk53]

The difference now is that kids get no reprieve. The pervasive nature of social media mean that you can't go home and relax with people you trust. Kids who are cyber bullied are being bullied day and night.

Yes, it makes the blood boil.

 

[granfire]

I think all this zero tolerance crap has given bullies the upper hand.
The punishment is really a slap on the wrist, while the victim gets in trouble for fighting back (my kid had standing permission to fight back, and still I had to take it to the school when one kid took it to FB. Never heard anything back, but the principal seemed to take care of the problem)

On the other hand, it's a matter of stereotype from days back: Certain groups had the backing of the teachers, and couldn't do no wrong....Teacher backed bullying....
And some of the teachers had their own little game....
The best way is still an open line of communication kid-parent.

 

[tshadowchaser]

It was nice to see someone apologize even if was many years later.
I wonder if the youth of today stayed away from social media and used the computer to study and research that things would be better. A different topic I know but social media seems to have increased bullying and it's results many times over

 

[Transk53]

It was nice to see someone apologize even if was many years later.
I wonder if the youth of today stayed away from social media and used the computer to study and research that things would be better. A different topic I know but social media seems to have increased bullying and it's results many times over

Which also took its time to recognize that fact. As Steve said, it is 24/7 and just needs a text to instigate a regime against someone. The worse and obvious thing being that no one can escape or hide from it. It used to be that the family home was a refuge, now more of a prison. The ISP's and Cellular operators have to do more, rather than rely on school services to highlight and try to deal with it. Of course, out of school there would little to do due to regulations and parental ignorance. I imagine the popular answer is still "stand up for yourself and punch him in the mouth" Not everybody is capable of doing that.

 

[oftheherd1]

I've said many times that bullies and the people who are bullied are really the same kids in slightly different circumstances. Most bullies are good kids who lack some very basic social skills, who are insecure, and who are likely also victims of bullying.

The most successful bullying programs help both the victim and the bully.

I would agree wholeheartedly with your second statement.

But I have to take exception to the first. Regardless of the stimulus that produces the symptom of bullying, bullying is by definition a bad thing. The person, kid or adult, who does it is not being a good kid or adult. They may have been good kids at some point, but when they become bullies they no longer are. They may learn to stop bullying and become good kids again. But bullies aren't good kids. That may seem to be nitpicking a point, but to the bullied, it isn't a fine distinction.

Because of that, I don't see how you can say the bullies and the bullied, are really the same, just in different circumstances. It is those different circumstances that I think makes the be far apart.

But I am willing to be convinced differently if you can explain it so I can.

As to the OP, that is a really good story. Thanks for the link.

 

[oftheherd1]

I think all this zero tolerance crap has given bullies the upper hand.
The punishment is really a slap on the wrist, while the victim gets in trouble for fighting back (my kid had standing permission to fight back, and still I had to take it to the school when one kid took it to FB. Never heard anything back, but the principal seemed to take care of the problem)

On the other hand, it's a matter of stereotype from days back: Certain groups had the backing of the teachers, and couldn't do no wrong....Teacher backed bullying....
And some of the teachers had their own little game....
The best way is still an open line of communication kid-parent.

I hear you granfire. The problem in today's world is how to protect them from the system that wants the kid who defends himself to also get in trouble for doing so?

I get angry at the so called zero tolerance. I consider it a cope out by the teachers and administrators. They can follow a rule without having to make any decisions of right or wrong on the part of the kids. No teaching about life for the kids there! But honestly, in today's litigious society, I don't think we give teachers the tools and backing they need either.

 

[Steve]

I would agree wholeheartedly with your second statement.

But I have to take exception to the first. Regardless of the stimulus that produces the symptom of bullying, bullying is by definition a bad thing. The person, kid or adult, who does it is not being a good kid or adult. They may have been good kids at some point, but when they become bullies they no longer are. They may learn to stop bullying and become good kids again. But bullies aren't good kids. That may seem to be nitpicking a point, but to the bullied, it isn't a fine distinction.

Because of that, I don't see how you can say the bullies and the bullied, are really the same, just in different circumstances. It is those different circumstances that I think makes the be far apart.

But I am willing to be convinced differently if you can explain it so I can.

As to the OP, that is a really good story. Thanks for the link.

Please don't misunderstand. Bullying is bad. I'm suggesting that many bullies are also victims of bullying. And that often the behavior is one of survival. It's a response (inappropriate and destructive) to not being a victim. There are some kids who are just sadistic and cruel. Most are just trying to survive without the right skills.


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[Instructor]

I am just curious what you guys think about the root causes of bully behavior?

 

[Transk53]

I am just curious what you guys think about the root causes of bully behavior?

Can of worms.

 

[pgsmith]

I am just curious what you guys think about the root causes of bully behavior?

It has always been my opinion, as someone that was both a bully and bullied back in my grade school days, that bullying behavior is inherent in nature. Humans are evolved from troop animals, and we are still troop animals at heart. We, as a species, have an overriding desire to belong to something, and for groups and cliques to form because that is the nature of the creatures that went into our making.

It is a simple matter to observe any troop or flocking animal in nature and see how they bully those that are different because it lowers the survival chances of those outside the troop norm. As (supposedly) thinking beings, we have the ability to overcome these base instincts. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that bullies are not properly taught how to control themselves during their earlier years. It is this lack of self-control that causes the bully to pick on the different, just because they're different. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way condoning that behavior, just giving an opinion on the question asked.

It is also my opinion that today's zero tolerance policies in our schools are not teaching people how to deal with bullying from either side. It is the same as having abstinence as sex education, and then wondering why teen pregnancy and STD rates go up.

 

[oftheherd1]

It has always been my opinion, as someone that was both a bully and bullied back in my grade school days, that bullying behavior is inherent in nature. Humans are evolved from troop animals, and we are still troop animals at heart. We, as a species, have an overriding desire to belong to something, and for groups and cliques to form because that is the nature of the creatures that went into our making.

It is a simple matter to observe any troop or flocking animal in nature and see how they bully those that are different because it lowers the survival chances of those outside the troop norm. As (supposedly) thinking beings, we have the ability to overcome these base instincts. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that bullies are not properly taught how to control themselves during their earlier years. It is this lack of self-control that causes the bully to pick on the different, just because they're different. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way condoning that behavior, just giving an opinion on the question asked.

It is also my opinion that today's zero tolerance policies in our schools are not teaching people how to deal with bullying from either side. It is the same as having abstinence as sex education, and then wondering why teen pregnancy and STD rates go up.

Please don't misunderstand. Bullying is bad. I'm suggesting that many bullies are also victims of bullying. And that often the behavior is one of survival. It's a response (inappropriate and destructive) to not being a victim. There are some kids who are just sadistic and cruel. Most are just trying to survive without the right skills.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think Steve and pgsmith are both in the right ball park. There seems to be a facet of life, where passing on one's own genes is sort of a prime directive. That may be expressed in a number of ways: flowers try to be more attractive to those who will then collect their pollen over another plant or have a more attractive odor, animals may try to have the most seductive appearance or dance or smell. Or, they may seek to assert their strength, and therefore presumably their right, to pass on their genes over other male (or female) animals.

Sometimes that is expressed in a desire/right to get the best food. Mind you, I don't mean that all bullies are sexual deviates, but I think that perhaps that same drive to survive and pass on genes, which often gets expressed as a need for dominance, may, if misdirected, see itself expressed in bullying.

Of course, I think there are many causes and ways to show that. Sometimes a feeling of being dominated by another group may cause a person to seek a group in which to dominate. And that dominance may be outside accepted norms, because more appropriate behavior hasn't been learned, or has been abandoned.

There seems to be acceptance that one who has been bullied, is more likely to bully, just as one who has been sexually abused (bullied?) may do so themselves.

I am curious what other's answers may be to Instructor's question.

 

[Transk53]

One thing that highlights a fundamental problem with group esq situations. Females. It is in the playground (from my own personal experience), it is around pubs and clubs. The amount of bullying that gets instigated by females is one aspect of the problem that does not seem to be highlighted very much. I remember at one school I was at, there was a right nasty sack of **** that reveled in starting incidents with the boys. At the extreme end, but even at the lower end, females egg and egg on the boys. On the bus home the other night, the usual British yoofs subjecting everybody else to the usual bad behavior, but also trying to get one of the males to punch another kid just because they could. Thankfully nothing happened as the kid got off the bus without being followed, no doubt felt compelled too. Mind you, when I stated I know who my father is, that shut her up.

 

[Buka]

I am just curious what you guys think about the root causes of bully behavior?

Bad parenting. Or no parenting.