Meatyonion
White Belt
- Joined
- May 22, 2023
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 1
So a little background: I trained Judo for about 10 years and stopped about 13 years ago (am 30 now) at brown belt. Did some muay thai and boxingm then some years just gym training, so had a long break from grappling (wrestled and did some randori once in a while just for fun). So basically after a long break from grappling I decided to try jiujitsu about a year ago. All this, since I can remember I had always anxiety towards going to practice. When I was judo training it was mainly before competition, so much, that I often skipped comp, because of the fear of losing (rationally I know that only through losses you can truly develop - nonetheless, the fear was there and stayed, no matter how much I rationalised it). Fast forward till now, since I begun bjj training this anxiety has become even worse. Every training day all I can think of is that I will have to go to training and it gives me a nausea. Once I force myself there and once the class is over, I feel completely relieved and glad that I went. Until the next training day, when all starts over. I have noticed that anxiety is worse, when I think about having to roll/spar. Drilling is very cool and no nerves wasted there. And don't get me wrong, my judo background helps me tremendously, even being a white belt, I give a hard time to blue belts and even tapped a brown belt once. It's not like I'm a walkover. Far from that. I am well conditioned physically but the thought about rolling keeps me anxious and even sad. So when I think about the year I have endured in bjj I don't feel that I have felt as I should have - happy and rewarded. And it is not the sport - I reallt love bjj, it is very intellectual and technical and I would love to get better at it, but it is hard, when I sometimes even have to skip class because of the anxiety (most of the time I force myself to go, but sometimes I would find a good excuse to subtitute it with some form of other training, which doesn't comprise of sparring).
Not to mention competing - I see people, who started with me, competing, getting better, forming bonds and drilling and sparring all the time, all the while I come in once in a while to class and try to get better practicing bjj 2x/week...
Sorry if I regurgitated it too long and not very literary, but my main question is - have anyone experienced these same issues before and if yes, then how did you manage it, if it was possible to manage at all.
I have tried to dig deep to understand what is the cause of the anxiety, I have figured out that I probably don't want to lose, I feel like I will be embarassed if I lose to someone. I have tapped a few times during the year, and it wasn't as bad as I imagined, but the thought of rolling and putting yourself on the line is giving me still anxiety. Very weird, very irrational, but very real. Like on the intellectual level, I understand, that I came to the school to learn and there will always be someone better than me, but something is really out of balance, when I really have to face the class.
So these feelings overall have caused me to consider quitting (actually wanted to quit half a year ago, but every month I pay the monthly fee convincing myuself, that this will be the last month, since I don't want to be a quitter as well. But all in all, sport should make you happy, not overall sad because of the anxiety.
So I wouldn't want to give up on a seemingly amazing journey if there is something(s), that could be done.
I really appreciate all of you, who invest your time in reading through this long text and giving any advice, that has worked for you or your close ones.
Not to mention competing - I see people, who started with me, competing, getting better, forming bonds and drilling and sparring all the time, all the while I come in once in a while to class and try to get better practicing bjj 2x/week...
Sorry if I regurgitated it too long and not very literary, but my main question is - have anyone experienced these same issues before and if yes, then how did you manage it, if it was possible to manage at all.
I have tried to dig deep to understand what is the cause of the anxiety, I have figured out that I probably don't want to lose, I feel like I will be embarassed if I lose to someone. I have tapped a few times during the year, and it wasn't as bad as I imagined, but the thought of rolling and putting yourself on the line is giving me still anxiety. Very weird, very irrational, but very real. Like on the intellectual level, I understand, that I came to the school to learn and there will always be someone better than me, but something is really out of balance, when I really have to face the class.
So these feelings overall have caused me to consider quitting (actually wanted to quit half a year ago, but every month I pay the monthly fee convincing myuself, that this will be the last month, since I don't want to be a quitter as well. But all in all, sport should make you happy, not overall sad because of the anxiety.
So I wouldn't want to give up on a seemingly amazing journey if there is something(s), that could be done.
I really appreciate all of you, who invest your time in reading through this long text and giving any advice, that has worked for you or your close ones.
