Yep.....
Addressing Someone's Lack of Hygiene
- Thread starter Lynne
- Start date
Yep.....
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- Mar 18, 2005
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There are plenty of ways of getting that stench out of a gi / dobok.
A half dose of chlorine based bleach in the washing machine can help eliminate many of the deep down odors.
Also, washing soda (sodium carbonate) can be useful, since it generates oxygen-based bleach instead of chlorine. Less destructive to the fabric than chlorine bleach. Let the uniform soak for a couple of hours.
Adding baking soda (sodium BIcarbonate) can also rip out some of the odors.
A half dose of chlorine based bleach in the washing machine can help eliminate many of the deep down odors.
Also, washing soda (sodium carbonate) can be useful, since it generates oxygen-based bleach instead of chlorine. Less destructive to the fabric than chlorine bleach. Let the uniform soak for a couple of hours.
Adding baking soda (sodium BIcarbonate) can also rip out some of the odors.
OP
Lynne
Master of Arts
- Thread Starter
- #43
I like those traditional rules! At orange belt, 8th gup, we get an ATA manual and it clearly states that our doboks are to be ironed. Not everyone with the heavier doboks abide by that. The lighter weight doboks can be folded in such a manner that they keep a nice crease and are without wrinkles. I just bought my daughter a new dobok and it's a heavier weight one, canvas. It has to be drip-dryed and if it weren't ironed, oh gee. However, I have seen black belts wearing wrinkled doboks. Not a good example and I wonder how they get away with it. I can see a point in the future where I will have to buy two-three doboks a piece for my daughter and myself since they have to drip-dry. The other alternative is to wear a nasty dobok - no thanks.
As far as tolerating the horrible smell, people found it easier to try to avoid the guy I think. But you can't do that when you are partnered up in class for wrist grips, etc. Plus he smelled bad enough it wafted around. When we lined up for class, I could smell him when he was 5 people down from me. I think people are too nice and that's the problem. I'm not putting up with it again.
OP
Lynne
Master of Arts
- Thread Starter
- #44
If he comes back to the school and still stinks, I will pass on these suggestions. I might even offer to wash his dobok for him providing he puts it in a sealed plastic bag (otherwise it will stink up the car and my husband will kill me
if I don't asphyxiate first. )
You shouldn't have too..No one wants to be the "bad guy" and tell this person THE TRUTH but its gotta be done or EVERYONE suffers...
Laurentkd
Master Black Belt
I have a quick question....
how old is the offender?
You keep refering to him as a kid, and sometimes these problems aren't the kid's fault (they haven't been taught right or maybe have parents that aren't around all the time). If he drives he should be able to take care of himself, if not maybe talking to the parent might be a good approach (even if he is older and you see a parent it might be a good idea, especially if you really suspect a medical issue). I also liked the idea of offering to wash it for him (VERY kind of you!!). If a kid smells this bad it really makes me wonder about the home situation, he really might need some additional help...
how old is the offender?
You keep refering to him as a kid, and sometimes these problems aren't the kid's fault (they haven't been taught right or maybe have parents that aren't around all the time). If he drives he should be able to take care of himself, if not maybe talking to the parent might be a good approach (even if he is older and you see a parent it might be a good idea, especially if you really suspect a medical issue). I also liked the idea of offering to wash it for him (VERY kind of you!!). If a kid smells this bad it really makes me wonder about the home situation, he really might need some additional help...
OP
Lynne
Master of Arts
- Thread Starter
- #48
He's about 17. I suspect a mental disability as he has gotten basic moves mixed up eventhough he's been taking classes over a year. I made friends with him and I enjoyed the way his eyes would light up if he showed me a move he had learned or demonstrated how to do something (since he's a higher belt than I). I know it made him feel good about himself. But there are some darker issues that have surfaced regarding himself and he may have been expelled. Or Master R may have given him a chance because of the disability and told him to not return until the dobok has been taken care of. I would suspect he's not going to be allowed to come back though.
I think other people might at this board might have suspected there was a deeper issue. If you did, you were right.
So, if a student's dobok goes beyond BO and into the realm of filth/gagging-type stench, something could be deeply wrong. There might be anger issues going on that could be a danger to your instructors/students; there could be abuse going on in the home or any combination of things. There is something wrong if a person is not washing their dobok, just throwing it into a bag and letting it sour week-after-week, progressing into over a year.
Tread very cautiously..The simple act of asking him about his home life might cause him to go berserk..I wish there was someone here with a backround in diagnosis of mental issues, as a cop if I see something wrong or suspect something is wrong with the home I can contact child services and let them know..That is something you and your instructor have to discuss..Please keep us informed..
OP
Lynne
Master of Arts
- Thread Starter
- #50
He has anger issues and, I think, has the tendency to be a violent individual. I will tell you why. A female instructor was helping him with his form; she's a real sweetie, very patient, about 18. My daughter overheard him call the instructor a **** (derogatory name for female genitalia) under his breath and he continued to curse her. Meanwhile, my daughter said he looked like he was going to hit someone. My daughter said this has happened more than once, where he has gotten mad at the instructors. She'd reported an incident where he'd fondled one of the other women during grappling but didn't think anything came of it so I think she was reluctant to report this latest incident. (I think something was said to him because he disappeared for a month.) Meanwhile, everyone is growing more and more resentful of this kid because of his attitude toward the instructors. The instructors had no idea this was going on (the cursing under his breath). There had been incidents in class where he said he wasn't going to do this or that, too.
I saw him become angry with another student recently. We were sparring and he got hit in the shin. He took it personally. Uh oh. Red flag. Big red flag. He limped away from his sparring partner and sat down at the wall. He was gritting his teeth and shouted, "He hit me in the shin! I'm not going back in." He was angry, really angry. He looked like he wanted to tear into someone. The instructor was very calm and said, "Hey, we all get hit in the shins sometimes when we block. It hurts." He said, "I don't care! He hurt me."
When I gagged that famous night, my daughter informed the senior female instructor about the cursing of the younger female instructor. To be honest with you, up until that moment, she was going to try and handle the dobok problem very passively by having a student say, "Hey you worked hard tonight. I can tell by your dobok smell. Man, don't forget to wash it." (That's why I said I will not put up with this sort of thing again. That would have never worked. Or the kid would have gotten angry and done who knows what. He might have taken it very personally. All hell could break loose over something like that I now realize. I will be careful in the future if I think the person is a nutcase. I would then address Master R directly and not the person.)
The senior instructor called him into her office before class. He started to get angry with her but she told him he would hear her out and then he could defend himself. He admitted to cursing under his breath and that he had an anger problem and that's one reason he was taking martial arts, to learn control.
There are a few inapproriate sexual things he did, too, during a grappling exercise. Plus he kicked one girl in the crotch during one-on-one kicking (no contact - a drill for white and yellow belts to learn speed, endurance, and control). He was kicking instead of sparring because he didn't have his equipment. Anyone who doesn't have their sparring equipment yet or left it at home does the one-on-one kicking. Everyone knows it's no contact. Shoot, he kicked me three times in one round when I was a white belt.
He definitely seems to have a problem with females or is taking out anger on females because he thinks he can. He disrespects the male instructors by refusing to do what they ask at times.
I don't feel sorry for him anymore. I think he's a liability.
There're are plenty of red flags here. I guarantee that if I were the instructor, there'd be no second chance after inappropriate sexual behavior; there's just too much liability there, even ignoring the base problem of it happening at all. The anger issues just add to it...
Sounds like he should have been dismissed from the class a lot earlier. Martial arts instruction is not appropriate for everyone, and instructors are not generally trained to handle some sorts of problems. A small handful have the appropriate training to look into it further and maybe help the kid, but it takes special training and education. Probably an MSW or doctoral degrees.
OP
Lynne
Master of Arts
- Thread Starter
- #53
I don't know why he wasn't expelled earlier for the sexual thing (a woman had him in a headlock and he ground his face and head into her breasts and ran his hand up the inside of her thigh). I think that's very obvious, no mistaking a thing like that (unless I'm the crazy one). When we went into the locker room, she said, "I can't believe what X did." That same night, he had kicked my daughter during one-on-one kicking and an assistant instructor came over and punched his arm hard and said, "Don't you hit her again!" So, I'm seeing that they (instructors) knew there were some problems. Many of them are kids (teens) and probably didn't know how to handle such a situation.
I know the senior female instructor spoke with the woman who was fondled after my daughter reported it. I don't know where it went from there. I can't believe it wouldn't be reported to the owner but maybe that's what happened. It could be that the kid was spoken to by the senior female instructor and just didn't return for a month, out of humiliation.
I would be very surprised if Master R knew about the situation and didn't expel the kid immediately. My understanding is that he puts the student population first. I think something squirrly happened and he didn't hear about it. He doesn't put up with any junk in class when he's on the floor. It's very disciplined. Lean on a wall and the whole class has to do 60 squat thrusts, that sort of thing. And we are big on etiquette, bowing to classmates and instructors whether they are in uniform or not, yes sir, yes m'am, etc.
You are right on, jks; someone trained in these kinds of issues needs to deal with the boy. It's one thing to help people grow, to help them become disciplined individuals and gain self-confidence, quite another to be a mental health counselor/physician. And a martial arts teacher shouldn't have to deal with the mental issues.
I really don't know if the boy has been expelled though. If he shows up, I will know that Master R wasn't informed about the latest. (Unless there are extenuating circumstances. But what could be more important than safety of the other students and the instructors?)
It would be better for the school if the kid were not there. I don't believe he's cut out for martial arts. I think he's using martial arts to express aggression. He hasn't grasped the philosophy of Moo Duk Kwan (peaceful conflict resolution, living an honorable life, defending yourself and others). I'm not a social worker nor psychologist, but a picture is forming that's pretty clear.
I'm glad I didn't approach him directly about the dobok issue. I was so mad, fed up, that I almost did but then I began gagging.
If there is a next time, I will not approach the individual directly. I see that 1 + 1 = 2. Abnormal behavior often equals a personality disorder. Never washing a dobok, smelling that bad is abnormal.
Exactly...
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