T
Tkang_TKD
Guest
Preface: I'm posting this here because it is more funny than being an actual topic of debate. Enjoy 
1. Going into war requires caution. Who better to be cautious than a proven coward who deserted when it was his time to go?
2. Because deficits mean more pools for foreign bankers. And, people have to clean those pools.
3. Because people need more time with their families. How better to get that time than with a good lay-off.
4. Ten thousand fewer dollars a year average mean less taxes for the average person.
5. Because if we don't have our travel papers checked and get strip-searched, the terrorists will come in and take away those freedoms.
6. Because nobody CARES about habeous corpus.
7. Who better to know how terrorists think than two people who have done extensive business with them.
8. Because the Chinese need ANOTHER spy plane...less dented up this time, thank you...
9. Because there are a few children who HAVEN'T yet been left behind.
10. Because he should win at least ONE election, eh?...
11. Because Osama really WAS irrelevent.
12. Because the buck stops...over there...by Clinton...
13. It's one thing for the Kurds to capture Saddam and put him into a hole and call the U.S. military;
but, it takes a real man to take credit for his capture...
14. Because we no longer care about Taiwan.
15. Because speaking English is no longer necessary to be president.
16. Because he stands by his statements for at least eighteen hours before his handlers tell us what he REALLY meant to say...
17. Because he holds at least one press conference a year with prescreened questions.
18. Because he keeps those with opposing opinions away from his campaign rallys, thereby giving them more time for other things...
19. Because deserting during a war isn't as bad as volunteering, serving one tour of duty,
signing up for a second tour of the most dangerous duty, then getting out after three purple hearts.
20. Because Cheney and Rush told you to...
21. Because, with a grandfather that dealt with the Nazis, a father that sold weapons to terrorists and a VP
who dealt with Saddam, Bush not only knows about terrorism, he has most of their home phone numbers...
22. Because, sometimes you just need an ignorant religious zealot to run things...
23. Because he gave Texas its first deficit. If he can remember what he did, he just won't do that with our economy...any more...
24. Who better to reform our prison system than someone who's been arrested three times?
25. With a DUI and three DUIs for his VP, he has shown he can operate heavy machinary under the influence.
Think of how competent he will be sober...
26. He doesn't trash veterans. His friends trash veterans...
27. He's the first president who has taken the initiative to have torture legalized...
28. He won't leave even if he's voted out of office. Elect him or he'll cause a scene...
29. The first lady has already killed once. Watch out, democrats in congress!
30. Vote for bush because, if you don't, he'll allow other terrorist attacks...
31. There are a million fewer jobs than when he entered office. This job shortage will keep us from using
super-intelligent apes to do the work that we cannot get to which would result in them rebelling and
blowing up the Statue of Liberty and making Charleton Heston cryÂ…
32. There are so many more reporters he hasnÂ’t given spiffy nicknames toÂ…
33. Drunken daughters can be seen on Girls Gone Wild #8. ItÂ’s much more exciting when their father is actively president.
34. Has the decency not to speak to a committee without Cheney nearby to tell them to “f*ck themselves”…
35. Sometimes, you need the perspective of an ex-cheerleaderÂ…
36. Because only Bush has the courage to stage the daring rescue of Jessica LynchÂ…
37. He was grounded for not taking a drug test, so we can be sure that he wonÂ’t steal a plane and run away during the nightÂ…
38. Any person who can get the city of Arlington to condemn the land of private citizens and buy him a stadium
has got to be amazingly persuasiveÂ…
39. He has full confidence in the voting machinesÂ…even the ones that he knows nothing aboutÂ…
40. If we get tired of him, we can just throw him a pretzel or put him on one of those two wheeled nerd mobilesÂ…
41. You look at an aircraft carrier and you see and aircraft carrier. He sees an aircraft carrier and he sees a photo-opÂ…
42. If you donÂ’t vote for Bush, Ann Coulter will come to your home and beat you to death with her penisÂ…
43. With four more years, we might actually get to see him testify under oathÂ…JUST KIDDING!
44. Because large corporations are still at the mercy of survivorsÂ’ lawsuits whenever their negligence kills usÂ…
45. Because, after failing at every business venture he has ever tried, heÂ’s almost got it rightÂ…
46. Because heÂ’s an OIL MAN and he knows how to talk those OPEC guys into charging us an astronomical sum,
then charging slightly less than thatÂ…
47. Because he was for a patientÂ’s bill of rights as governor of Texas. ThatÂ’s why he threatened to veto the bill,
then let it become law without his signatureÂ…
48. Because, if he doesnÂ’t pull American troops out of Korea, how can North Korea overrun the South?
49. Because his mother is a male impersonator and so is his fatherÂ…
50. Because our children need to understand that, in America, any multi-millionaire, no matter how corrupt
and incompetent, can grow up to steal the presidencyÂ…
51. Because he bravely defended the Gulf Coast from the Vietnamese during the war.
52. Because he does a great impersonation of women who have been condemned to death. Almost as good
as D'AmattoÂ’s impersonation of Judge ItoÂ…
53. Because Christianity needs his help. God canÂ’t do it all on his ownÂ…
54. If we vote bush out, the NRA will have to find another office in Washington, D.CÂ…
55. The same goes for the KKKÂ…
56. You saw him in that flight suitÂ…he WAS happy to see you!
57. Because, if we vote him out of office, heÂ’d have to interrupt a vacation to get his things out of the White HouseÂ…
58. Because Haliburton has been growing in his bedroom moaning “Feed me”…
59. Because, if heÂ’s not president anymore, Cheney will quit hanging out with himÂ…
60. Because we need a president who will bravely fly secretly into Iraq, stay at the airport for a few hours, then run awayÂ…
61. Because, if you donÂ’t disqualify over a million people from getting overtime, the terrorists winÂ…
62. Because who else can answer a prescreened, benign question with a well-rehearsed, but poorly-executed humorous response?
63. Because Powell wonÂ’t work for someone smarter than he isÂ…
64. Because two out of eight retired four-star generals agree that Bush is the man for the job.
65. Because women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Bush” are a lot sexier than women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Kerry”…
66. Because, if you donÂ’t, heÂ’ll drop the dog AGAINÂ…
67. Because heÂ’s a regular guy and he knows what it is like to struggle day after day to convince other people to buy him a baseball stadiumÂ…
68. Because his father didnÂ’t completely wipe out the KurdsÂ…
69. Because the “Blame Clinton” tactic will still be effective for two more years…
70. Because his “Let My Contributors Steer the Submarine” initiative has already proven effective against Japanese fishermen.
71. With all the resignations in BushÂ’s administration, itÂ’d be a shame if he were to have to leave as wellÂ…
72. If Bush goes away, weÂ’ll have to get a National Security Advisor whose name DOESNÂ’T sound like that of an Asian porn starÂ…
73. Bush knows what it is like to suffer from hunger, having presided over a state with a huge number of impoverished childrenÂ…
74. Bush would be the only two-term president to have actually swallowed the umbrella in his mai taiÂ…
75. Because we donÂ’t want gays to be promiscuous and we donÂ’t want them to be monogamousÂ…
76. Because hearing him speak reminds one of Eliza Dolittle…and who didn’t like “My Fair Lady”?
77. Because being allowed to invest oneÂ’s own social security money will provide our retirees with the same returns
that our IRAs did when invested the same wayÂ…
78. Because billionaires need to eat tooÂ…
79. Because our teachers need to be held accountableÂ…so do our studentsÂ…for that matter, so does everyone but Bush actuallyÂ…
80. Because he believes that marriage should be only between a man and a woman of the exact same raceÂ…
81. Because drilling in Alaska will provide America with that one percent of oil that we need to break away from OPECÂ…
82. Because the average person had it too easy under ClintonÂ…
83. Because the term “Tax cut” causes a Pavlovian response in neocons…
84. Because he's not as stupid as he looks...no one could be...
85. Because the rest of the world was on the verge of thinking that they were just as good as we are...
86. Because this time, he could actually WIN FloridaÂ…
87. Because the twins need Secret Service agents to hold their hair back while they vomit curbsideÂ…
88. Because, if we donÂ’t elected GW, Scalia is just going to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and APPOINT him presidentÂ…
89. As long as Bush is president, Bill Mahar stays off commercial television and gets to swear as much as he wants.
90. Because we truly werenÂ’t getting enough arsenic in our waterÂ…
91. Stop looters? Sorry…he thought that they asked him to “Stop at Hooters”…
92. Because, in the next term, he might actually manage to organize an election in at least one of the two “democracies” he’s created.
93. Because he has given the world a single unifying dreamÂ…of his gruesome demiseÂ…
94. Without President Bush, Ricky Martin will have to go back to selling his body at truck stopsÂ…
95. Because we really donÂ’t want to know if there is a dangerous amount of asbestos in the airÂ…
96. Because somebody competent would just put Jay Leno out of a jobÂ…
97. Because four years is just enough time for Neil Bush to eliminate all witnesses to his shady and unsavory practices.
This will involve nuking a large portion of AsiaÂ…
98. We know that he wonÂ’t run away because every other country hates himÂ…
99. Fool him once, shame on him. Fool him twiceÂ…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…..
100. HeÂ’s into recycling. HeÂ’s already recycled many of SaddamÂ’s killers into his police forceÂ…
1. Going into war requires caution. Who better to be cautious than a proven coward who deserted when it was his time to go?
2. Because deficits mean more pools for foreign bankers. And, people have to clean those pools.
3. Because people need more time with their families. How better to get that time than with a good lay-off.
4. Ten thousand fewer dollars a year average mean less taxes for the average person.
5. Because if we don't have our travel papers checked and get strip-searched, the terrorists will come in and take away those freedoms.
6. Because nobody CARES about habeous corpus.
7. Who better to know how terrorists think than two people who have done extensive business with them.
8. Because the Chinese need ANOTHER spy plane...less dented up this time, thank you...
9. Because there are a few children who HAVEN'T yet been left behind.
10. Because he should win at least ONE election, eh?...
11. Because Osama really WAS irrelevent.
12. Because the buck stops...over there...by Clinton...
13. It's one thing for the Kurds to capture Saddam and put him into a hole and call the U.S. military;
but, it takes a real man to take credit for his capture...
14. Because we no longer care about Taiwan.
15. Because speaking English is no longer necessary to be president.
16. Because he stands by his statements for at least eighteen hours before his handlers tell us what he REALLY meant to say...
17. Because he holds at least one press conference a year with prescreened questions.
18. Because he keeps those with opposing opinions away from his campaign rallys, thereby giving them more time for other things...
19. Because deserting during a war isn't as bad as volunteering, serving one tour of duty,
signing up for a second tour of the most dangerous duty, then getting out after three purple hearts.
20. Because Cheney and Rush told you to...
21. Because, with a grandfather that dealt with the Nazis, a father that sold weapons to terrorists and a VP
who dealt with Saddam, Bush not only knows about terrorism, he has most of their home phone numbers...
22. Because, sometimes you just need an ignorant religious zealot to run things...
23. Because he gave Texas its first deficit. If he can remember what he did, he just won't do that with our economy...any more...
24. Who better to reform our prison system than someone who's been arrested three times?
25. With a DUI and three DUIs for his VP, he has shown he can operate heavy machinary under the influence.
Think of how competent he will be sober...
26. He doesn't trash veterans. His friends trash veterans...
27. He's the first president who has taken the initiative to have torture legalized...
28. He won't leave even if he's voted out of office. Elect him or he'll cause a scene...
29. The first lady has already killed once. Watch out, democrats in congress!
30. Vote for bush because, if you don't, he'll allow other terrorist attacks...
31. There are a million fewer jobs than when he entered office. This job shortage will keep us from using
super-intelligent apes to do the work that we cannot get to which would result in them rebelling and
blowing up the Statue of Liberty and making Charleton Heston cryÂ…
32. There are so many more reporters he hasnÂ’t given spiffy nicknames toÂ…
33. Drunken daughters can be seen on Girls Gone Wild #8. ItÂ’s much more exciting when their father is actively president.
34. Has the decency not to speak to a committee without Cheney nearby to tell them to “f*ck themselves”…
35. Sometimes, you need the perspective of an ex-cheerleaderÂ…
36. Because only Bush has the courage to stage the daring rescue of Jessica LynchÂ…
37. He was grounded for not taking a drug test, so we can be sure that he wonÂ’t steal a plane and run away during the nightÂ…
38. Any person who can get the city of Arlington to condemn the land of private citizens and buy him a stadium
has got to be amazingly persuasiveÂ…
39. He has full confidence in the voting machinesÂ…even the ones that he knows nothing aboutÂ…
40. If we get tired of him, we can just throw him a pretzel or put him on one of those two wheeled nerd mobilesÂ…
41. You look at an aircraft carrier and you see and aircraft carrier. He sees an aircraft carrier and he sees a photo-opÂ…
42. If you donÂ’t vote for Bush, Ann Coulter will come to your home and beat you to death with her penisÂ…
43. With four more years, we might actually get to see him testify under oathÂ…JUST KIDDING!
44. Because large corporations are still at the mercy of survivorsÂ’ lawsuits whenever their negligence kills usÂ…
45. Because, after failing at every business venture he has ever tried, heÂ’s almost got it rightÂ…
46. Because heÂ’s an OIL MAN and he knows how to talk those OPEC guys into charging us an astronomical sum,
then charging slightly less than thatÂ…
47. Because he was for a patientÂ’s bill of rights as governor of Texas. ThatÂ’s why he threatened to veto the bill,
then let it become law without his signatureÂ…
48. Because, if he doesnÂ’t pull American troops out of Korea, how can North Korea overrun the South?
49. Because his mother is a male impersonator and so is his fatherÂ…
50. Because our children need to understand that, in America, any multi-millionaire, no matter how corrupt
and incompetent, can grow up to steal the presidencyÂ…
51. Because he bravely defended the Gulf Coast from the Vietnamese during the war.
52. Because he does a great impersonation of women who have been condemned to death. Almost as good
as D'AmattoÂ’s impersonation of Judge ItoÂ…
53. Because Christianity needs his help. God canÂ’t do it all on his ownÂ…
54. If we vote bush out, the NRA will have to find another office in Washington, D.CÂ…
55. The same goes for the KKKÂ…
56. You saw him in that flight suitÂ…he WAS happy to see you!
57. Because, if we vote him out of office, heÂ’d have to interrupt a vacation to get his things out of the White HouseÂ…
58. Because Haliburton has been growing in his bedroom moaning “Feed me”…
59. Because, if heÂ’s not president anymore, Cheney will quit hanging out with himÂ…
60. Because we need a president who will bravely fly secretly into Iraq, stay at the airport for a few hours, then run awayÂ…
61. Because, if you donÂ’t disqualify over a million people from getting overtime, the terrorists winÂ…
62. Because who else can answer a prescreened, benign question with a well-rehearsed, but poorly-executed humorous response?
63. Because Powell wonÂ’t work for someone smarter than he isÂ…
64. Because two out of eight retired four-star generals agree that Bush is the man for the job.
65. Because women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Bush” are a lot sexier than women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Kerry”…
66. Because, if you donÂ’t, heÂ’ll drop the dog AGAINÂ…
67. Because heÂ’s a regular guy and he knows what it is like to struggle day after day to convince other people to buy him a baseball stadiumÂ…
68. Because his father didnÂ’t completely wipe out the KurdsÂ…
69. Because the “Blame Clinton” tactic will still be effective for two more years…
70. Because his “Let My Contributors Steer the Submarine” initiative has already proven effective against Japanese fishermen.
71. With all the resignations in BushÂ’s administration, itÂ’d be a shame if he were to have to leave as wellÂ…
72. If Bush goes away, weÂ’ll have to get a National Security Advisor whose name DOESNÂ’T sound like that of an Asian porn starÂ…
73. Bush knows what it is like to suffer from hunger, having presided over a state with a huge number of impoverished childrenÂ…
74. Bush would be the only two-term president to have actually swallowed the umbrella in his mai taiÂ…
75. Because we donÂ’t want gays to be promiscuous and we donÂ’t want them to be monogamousÂ…
76. Because hearing him speak reminds one of Eliza Dolittle…and who didn’t like “My Fair Lady”?
77. Because being allowed to invest oneÂ’s own social security money will provide our retirees with the same returns
that our IRAs did when invested the same wayÂ…
78. Because billionaires need to eat tooÂ…
79. Because our teachers need to be held accountableÂ…so do our studentsÂ…for that matter, so does everyone but Bush actuallyÂ…
80. Because he believes that marriage should be only between a man and a woman of the exact same raceÂ…
81. Because drilling in Alaska will provide America with that one percent of oil that we need to break away from OPECÂ…
82. Because the average person had it too easy under ClintonÂ…
83. Because the term “Tax cut” causes a Pavlovian response in neocons…
84. Because he's not as stupid as he looks...no one could be...
85. Because the rest of the world was on the verge of thinking that they were just as good as we are...
86. Because this time, he could actually WIN FloridaÂ…
87. Because the twins need Secret Service agents to hold their hair back while they vomit curbsideÂ…
88. Because, if we donÂ’t elected GW, Scalia is just going to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and APPOINT him presidentÂ…
89. As long as Bush is president, Bill Mahar stays off commercial television and gets to swear as much as he wants.
90. Because we truly werenÂ’t getting enough arsenic in our waterÂ…
91. Stop looters? Sorry…he thought that they asked him to “Stop at Hooters”…
92. Because, in the next term, he might actually manage to organize an election in at least one of the two “democracies” he’s created.
93. Because he has given the world a single unifying dreamÂ…of his gruesome demiseÂ…
94. Without President Bush, Ricky Martin will have to go back to selling his body at truck stopsÂ…
95. Because we really donÂ’t want to know if there is a dangerous amount of asbestos in the airÂ…
96. Because somebody competent would just put Jay Leno out of a jobÂ…
97. Because four years is just enough time for Neil Bush to eliminate all witnesses to his shady and unsavory practices.
This will involve nuking a large portion of AsiaÂ…
98. We know that he wonÂ’t run away because every other country hates himÂ…
99. Fool him once, shame on him. Fool him twiceÂ…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…..
100. HeÂ’s into recycling. HeÂ’s already recycled many of SaddamÂ’s killers into his police forceÂ…
